Yes I had to do that with my ex no contact after years of abuse I could not take it anymore. It was very toxic relationship I'm so happy to be through it
My narcissistic ex's games drove me crazy, I caught on eventually and I began to mirror them. It became a very toxic power struggle. I felt heart palpitations, high blood preassure and began to question whether I was the narcissist in this relationship. My mind was consumed with shame, guilt and confusion. Going no contact was complete bliss.
The funny thing is we can be just as toxic as them but not be the perpetrator. They constantly try to trigger us to get a reaction just so they can manifest that we are indeed, the bad guys, and they are the innocent victims. They can hold our toxic reactions against us. We become who we really aren't. Whether you fight them, ignore them, or even attempt to communicate effectively like a therapist says we should. None of it works and it drives us absolutely insane and they know this.
I used to say, I wasted my whole life with three different types of narcissistic men, And it actually still plays into my life because I have three children and I came from a very to family but I am so great fall to have my sanity. Wow it’s like I just woke up.!!! from a life of being drama bonded much love to you all❤
@@gailgamble6558 the selfintrospection and doubt and analyzing yourself is a good indicator your not take responsibility for your emotions. no one MAKES u feel things. when your person or sitiation is X u feel Y things may cause or catalyze emotions but they are products of your unniqe expierence and perception.
@@gailgamble6558 That's their most cruel trick -- convincing you to wonder about yourself. This is the way my therapist explained it to me -- If you wonder if you're a narcissist, then you are definitely not. A true narcissist would never think that they are or wonder if they are.
So true my husband physically abused me and next day he was like get over it b all smiley and funny let's have sex.. I was like what is wrong with you 😢??!??
100% my friend! So much so, my ex used to say that if somehow he was on a plane that fell down and no one else made it, he knew he would survive. Talk about delusion! 😂
Narcs love BPDs because the Bliner has so much empathy to give because of the fear of abandonment. Obviously the Narc will greatly abuse all of it. They spar spar and spar…until the BPD splits. When they split there will be no empathy left and the Narc will face injuries they wouldn’t have seen coming. A BPD can DESTROY a narc with a John Wick type of focus.
@@DerKnusperhaseThe person who chose that narcissist has to take accountability and responsibility for the choice that they made because they didn't have to choose that man or woman they got gaslighted or future faked into the relationship.😂
I have been married to my narcissistic husband for 8 years and I had an ectopic pregnancy and had to be in the hospital for 4 or 5 days to take care of it because it was life threatening. My husband was more worried about his job than the emergency I was facing. I’m making my way out of this toxic no love relationship asap 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Dire medical conditions will open your eyes. Do get out, because it gets worse and worse. Kudos to you for putting a finger on the toxicity before the children. ❤
This just triggered the memory of me being pregnant and suffering from a severely infected gallbladder, I was passing out not eating at the end of my pregnancy then when our baby was 4 months old I got the call to get it removed. My ex raged at me for having to take time off work to help with our 2 girls and our baby. I developed pneumonia days after surgery and had to care for 3 kids while healing from being burned on my insides due to the surgeon accidentally cutting an artery during surgery. Looking back on it I feel sick I stayed for so long.
Our society is unfortunately set up to create this sickness. You can read The Theory of the Leisure Class by Thorstein Veblen, which describes how we got here. Many sources have studied American culture and have said that it isn't healthy.
I didn't think I could ever rid myself of him but I did. All the crying, anxiety and depression I experienced, I finally had enough. I needed much support and I watched alot of videos on narcissism. It saved me. I've been no contact for a long time and it feels amazing. Know your worth, keep your dignity and finally realize that you're the better one. You can do this. It's painful at times but I promise you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. ❤
@@conickasparks3746 I came to the conclusion recently that those 20 years with him were absolutely wasted, and that it's OK to acknowledge it. It doesn't mean 20 years of my life were wasted. Just the relationship with him was a total waste. I didn't need to learn some higher lesson about how terrible a person can be. I didn't need to grow through surviving abuse. I think it's terrible to tell a person that they need to look for the lesson or learn from the experience. Nonsense. Sometimes, terrible things happen to people who didn't ask for it. So I just picked up and moved on.
Zombying is an example of the narcissist loving you the most when you have one foot out the door. So you think it’s dead, but then they sense you are about to leave and they fear losing control, so they pour on the charm again.
that explains why the narc is genuinely caring toward that one friend. She is always on the go unpredictable. She is not going to stick around if he is acting up so he has to wait for her to make the time she will not stay if he starts being negative. Hmm they are trainable if you get them raped around your finger you must never show full emotion to them keep them guessing. Never date be serious cause you know one foot must stay out the door. Likely only to work if your attractive have others that admire trying to get close with you. they need to be in competing mode for you to be charming and never love them back that flips the charm off turning them to hate to resent you
Even when he doesn’t live in the same home and has a new supply he can still sense I’m pulling away and guess who starts to text me and try to relish a “friendship”
Ma'am..narcissistic abuse in my life left me fighting for my life and sanity.. he and his attorney drug out my divorce for 5 years ..he paid off a judge he paid off MY attorney ..I was gang stalked..he took my entire family away ..he took everything I loved to do.. he broke the locks on the doors and I had no money so he could come in when I was gone and steal anything he wanted..he started a smear campaign YEARS before so everyone would believe him in HIS hometown..the family was notorious rich narcs who people hated but he gave everyone money so they would stay around. And paid to harm me and leave me to die. People when you say "narcissistic abuse "? And you had a bad night with a bread crumbing narc? I think..you have to be kidding me. I survived! I am better than ever and those people are losing THEIR MINDS! Do not keep thinking about revenge or evil.. You WILL reap what you sow. These "professionals" don't have a clue what real narcissistic abuse is... these and the judicial system are so corrupt and have no clue what narcissistic abuse is. Sorry not sorry!
Absolutely incredible that it has taken them so long! My biggest explanation is that managers in the health industry and professors in psychology departments were narcissists themselves.
They are definitely children of the devil. The trauma with them is deadly. Thanks be to God to hear the cry of the afflicted and delivers you from the hands of the oppressors 🙌🏾
Yep you're spot on. They carry the Jezabel spirit. I've found 3 brilliant talks by 3 different pastors explaining the Narcissism and the Jezabel spirit!! In my last relationship that I was being abused by a covert Narcissist and I was suicidal twice!! I also had a relapse of adrenal fatigue from the prolonged stress of the abuse! 😳 I gave my life to Christ and the boyfriend lost the plot because I didn't consult him first. 🥴 It all became really clear I was being Narcissistically abused and so being born again essentially saved my life twice!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼 2 mths no contact now and healing! In the words of HG Tudor "Get out stay out!" 🙌🏼
I'm so happy for you! I wouldn't have survived this far if it weren't for Jesus. Are you able to share the 3 sermons if they're online? It would really help me greatly :)
Some laugh on the outside but covert narcissists often don’t - pay attention to their micro expressions and their eyes My father doesn’t openly laugh when he causes distress (my brother does) but his eyes become joyful and there’s the softest hint of a smile on his face
I always told my ex husband that he was just chipping away at me like an Ice pick. I didn’t realize what was going on. I just felt my soul was being crushed.
@@HealthyVibes2023I know you probably know this now but never ASK a narcissist for anything. You just do it. Normal rules, normal politeness, consideration do not apply to abnormal relationships!
I always said “there you go with your ice pick again”. Just chipping away! 15 years of HELL!! I’m out now and can’t wait to file for divorce! GOD delivered me from that trash fire!! Now I have to protect my 3 children!! ❤
Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go hand in hand with narcissism. Especially, somatic narcissism. Narcissists believe EVERYTHING they need is external, including self-worth, self-esteem, validation, etc. Those things are what make up our inner world and we are supposed to develop and cultivate them within/on our own. Narcissists DEPEND on people to supply those things for them. Because we cannot (nor, are we supposed to) supply every want/need of a partner, narcissists are always on the lookout for "better supply". They will always gravitate toward anyone they feel can meet the needs/wants their spouse isn't (and can't). Narcissists are unstable and they cannot soothe themselves. They cannot meet their own needs and their needs/wants are constantly changing. Narcissists are black holes. They are human abyss' of unmet needs/wants. Even if you gave them everything, they'd still want MORE... All while giving NOTHING in return. Narcissists are also pathologically bored. They do not experience boredom the way normal adults do. They're like children. Once they become bored, they tend to throw their toys (people) in a corner to collect dust. Then, they search for new ones... Untilllll, they realize that their newest toy isn't as fun. Or, it doesn't function as well as the old toy did. Then, they'll go digging in the corner to find that old toy (the reason their relationships tend to be off and on). People are objects meant to keep them occupied and entertained. The newer the toy, the better/more exciting it is. However, EVERYONE will inevitably lose their shine with the narcissist. You must accept their reality and realize that it's NOT ABOUT YOU and it never was. This is also the point when it becomes crucial to sit your ego on the curb. Your ego will want to fight to be seen. Your ego will want to fight to prove you're enough. Your ego will feel it's "worthy" of the narcissist and fight to "keep" them... But, again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Most narcissists are extremely irresponsible. Many of them marry to secure stability. Or, to have someone they can count on to help with bills to free up their resources. It also ensures they'll have somewhere safe to land when they fall - because they always f*** up... Do yourself a favor and pull that rug of security out from under them and save YOURSELF. Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They do not respect the union of marriage. It'll always be a one-sided arrangement with you being the giver that's making their life easier and them being the taker that's making your life harder. We deserve the same love, attention, support and understanding that we give our spouses. You will never get it from someone suffering with NPD. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose.
As the tech maintenance guy on our team, I was once tempted to spy on my girl's phone. So glad I didn't. We're tight and have been together 41 yrs now and the trust we have in each other has been earned.
I assume what you mean by cheating is sexually cheating or something similar what about emotionally or verbally cheating like going to another lady talking about the marriage between me and him and he goes to somebody else instead of discussing it with me it really made me so angry and still does.
When the narcissist I have left, thank god; used to give me the silent treatment I would give it back only I would outlast him. When he felt the need to talk to me, I just kept being silent sometimes for weeks. I loved the silence, in the end I didn't even care to hear his voice at all.
I’m late but I was here to say that too. After a while the silence was golden. But I never let him know it was a relief. He wouldn’t LEAVE either. But he finally did a month ago and with a big big bang but so worth it.
I’ve been married to mine for almost 50 years and until 5 years ago I didn’t even know what a narcissist was until God lead me to these types of videos and opened my eyes to what was happening. I remember once a long time ago he stopped talking to me for several weeks just bc I disagreed with him in front of his relatives about baseball of all things! So I’ve always been the type of person who can’t stand conflict and of course, I kept begging him every day for almost 2 weeks to tell me why he was angry. Finally, he told me, but barely spoke to me for a few more weeks and then one day said get in the car we’re gonna go somewhere. He wouldn’t tell me where we were ended up going out to eat somewhere And he started talking to me more that day but we had no contact. I should say no touch contact or sex contact for almost 2 1/2 years and then one night he came to me as I was in the bedroom with my TV and he was in the living room with his And said you wanna have sex but I didn’t know until about five years ago now I let him have it. Don’t let him get away with anything he does because he’ll see something one day about how much we have an account and watch spending and then I’ll see him buying beer All the time you buy beer if we don’t have that much in the in the account and he says we have more than what we actually said he did before this just happened. He got pissed too bad!! And before you asked me why I don’t leave. I have a lot of illnesses and I’m sure some of probably calls from him, but I’m on so much medication and since we both retired the last six years he makes the most money all my money I have from Social Security to pay for my car except for about 200 of it.
@@April-rb6nx I'm sorry for the road you have had to travel April, I wish that there wasn't anyone with narcissistic personality disorder I didn't know about it until I ended up having to go to a woman's shelter and that was just recently, keep watching Dr. Ramani truly helped me. Take good care of you April.
They lie about everything. They will be extra nice at times because they are hiding things behind your back. Run for your life and stay no contact . Its exhausting smh.
The Narcissist I dated when I was too young to know what to do at 19 would go out with other women and then he would confess to me and he would just laugh and laugh and laugh as soon as I was able to graduate from college I threw everything in the car and drove to another state and got a job. Of course he followed and stopped me for about well from 22 when I broke up with the idiot finally until I was 28 and I had a conniption fit and told him off and told him I never wanted to see from him or hear from him ever again and it worked for 20 years until my mother died and then he crashed her funeral and he followed the family into the funeral and was walking around asking me sweet do you want this do you want that Anaheim Stadium in 20 years and was shocked to see him there and just had my mother's funeral everybody in the family was looking at him like who are you and why are you here. He was trying to get my phone number finally my male cousin got between me and him and told him to leave
I love that Dr. Ramani is educating the public about narcissism. Especially since modern culture not only promotes it but is actively normalizing it. For example the whole, “ I’m sorry you feel that way,” apology being initiated in movies and shows....
And by psychologists.... personal experience. At the time that's what I thought I had to say to go Gray rock. I now know, she was not a good fit for me...
Some factions in society enable the narcs/enablers/flying monkeys. They expect the victims to put up and shut up. This is wrong! Excuses are made for the narc. This doesn't work for me, at all!
same here i was told there are better people out there than me and she is not forcing me to be in a realtionship with her she said she is not interested in me as a person and that she can do better. It's there loss they never deserved you anyway no narcs deserve good people or happiness screw them all.
They don’t see you as a person. Literally you are an actor in their play. They hate that you have feelings, dreams, desires. Everything is surface level
I learnt not to ask for anything (not even take out the garbage or to do anything around the house) just do it myself. Now, I say if I have to do it myself I will be by myself. You are making me stronger..please just go..
Wrote a list of the chores and place it where he sits to eat. As you do some of the chores, check mark it with a RED pen, so it stands out;) some of them get competitive and start playing that game!
They're all cheaters! I "circled back" many times. After 14yrs, i had enough. Such a waste of time. Nobody should be made to feel like you're on ice, or the back burner. 💔
I fell off from my bike, I almost got a broken bones but instead of helping me he took the bike first and said the bike is broken.. I remember the face that has no emotions at all
I slipped on ice and broke my knee and he told me I did it on purpose. I had to get surgery and he told me I was faking it and just wanted to lay in bed. He Narcs are delusional
I fell off my bike after I was hit from behind by my husband, broke my arm, busted my knee and he didn't want to take me to the hospital. Big argument to get him to take me to the doctor after I threatened to call an ambulance. He dropped me off and left me there then ignored me for two weeks while I couldn't even move. My friends brought me food. He is a nightmare. That was the beginning. It got worse. I finally left for good. He is still texting - trying to blame, goad, gaslight, be the victim etc. I went no contact. He is a manipulative child and I am done.
I discarded the narc after dating for 5.5 months, my intuition kicked in, something was very wrong, I did not even know narcissistic people existed, thank you for enlightening me. I am a senior, and the narc was very good at his antics because he had at least 30 years of practicing. You are terrific. Thank you for your info.
Yes, same here! I didn't know it exists! I was wondering whether I am wrong...Now I am studying narcissistic behaviour. Everything she says, matches with my ex...
He not only violated my trust and betrayed me, he took away my innocence and our kids innocence, I will look at people differently now and I will never trust anybody, it's not nice being like this, 30 years with him and he's robbed me of being a trusting, happy content person.
Same story here. Found out about the lying/cheating after he gave me an incurable STI (29-year marriage). Me and the kids can't deal with his crap anymore.
For people who lost their happy self after narcissistic abuse and feel somehow stuck: a therapist is imperative. Try to find a trauma therapist who can help you heal the narc programming. You need to be deprogrammed. It’s not you, but you can relocate your happy self and even grow into becoming an even better, stronger person along with finding back your happy self. It might help to try to remember this is a single evil individual, it’s not you and not everyone else. Try to individuate/disengage from that single person and find back yourself.
I am si sorry to hear that. I've lost 25 years, but we have no kids. Was unsure how I felt about that until I seen videos explaining this trauma/abuse. Now I just have to get rid of this 'what if..' mentality. The answer is I now know and must CT accordingly. Because of these outlets, I don't feel as alone as I thought I was, and either should you. I understand bit I also believe in me, and you. Let's do what needs to be done.🧡🙏🏼
@@annjohnson8437I'm so sorry. I caught my narc having an emotional affair on me. I want him to get an STD test and he told me No! I was going to give in to having sex with him but I've decided not to. Who knows where he's been. He says he goes to the racetrack on his days off . . . but he is a LIAR!!
Be careful of how nice the narcissist can be. The man I’m divorcing now is probably the most polite, most appropriate, most civilized person I’ve ever met. He controlled me by convincing me that I chose his way of doings things myself.
Dad is nice in public, and cruel to me, in private. A Jekyll-Hyde character! If he does anything nice, he resents doing it. He acts entitled to waste my time and not tell me why he was late and doesn't apologize. As if it's his right(it isn't) I am 60, I don't have to be controlled by that idiot! I don't live with him(thankfully). When I complain, he is sarcastic, dismissive, demeaning, sarcastic, and talks down to me, as if he is in charge(he is not!). He thinks that because he has a beard, he looks like Jesus. Dad acts the opposite for the most part. And blames me for his abusing me. Telling me I have no right or reason to complain. Not true. He is a control freak! I am Catholic, but not trying to be sacreligious, he is! By likening himself to Jesus. Surreal!
They know what they're doing is wrong because they lie to cover up what they said or did and/or accuse you of being the one that did what they did. It's so insane.
Yes, I definitely know how that feels… 7.5 weeks silent treatment, I lost a stone in weight, the atmosphere was terrible… the pleasure the ex narc husband got out of that was sickening, defo something wrong with people that can do that to someone they’re supposed to love.
Silent treatment use it to rediscover yourself because you have probably lost yourself in all these neglection. You are great person. Repeat it to yourself. Look at yourself in mirror and selfcare self-love. I did that to heal my pain.
Agree with that one. I was my husband's bank account, chauffeur, sympathiser and mother. He was a parasite. Once I figured this out, I was out the door. Now he is reeling around. He can't buy that cool stuff anymore because he is a loser and doesn't have a job and I am GONE.
Yes that damn cortisol overload Ex used to say he was able to send me in psych ward These f can give you : immunodepressive disorders Tumors Fibromyalgia CPSTD and STDs for sure
@yolondagoode9656 I feel you! We can't fix them. We can only work on ourselves. Try to get out in nature, and ground for at least 15 minutes a day. Hopefully it's warm by you so you can take your shoes off, and connect to the earth.
Shes describing all aspects of my situationship for the past 8 years with a narc. Hes been actively looking for a new supply because hes too greedy to pay his own way. Cant wait until hes gone. In the meantime.....i have plenty of rooms to keep my distance from him.
Thanks for educating people. I can't believe how classic my narcissist was he even circled back 8 years later via a mutual friends Facebook messenger. In no way was I getting sucked into that Vortex again! It took a long time to get him out of my head, no way in hell was he getting back in. I'm quite sure he wasn't able to find anyone else willing to put up with his bulshit and the thought of him dying alone and lonely is okay with me
I met a narc with a black belt in jujitsu who told me I was the abuser after he assaulted me so I turned his manipulative texts over to his boss and they fired him 🔥
I was just going to ask about this! How everyone sees the "good" side of the narc but when you are alone it is a totally different story. Totally igores me at a party, but says I didn't ignore you i was talking to other people (our daughters wedding as an example) you automatically think they are embarrassed to be around you. Thank goodness it all hit me what was really going on...too much time went by but im still a happy person I was born to be! I didn't leave but learned how to cope. Our ages, health have a lot to do with it but my way of coping has helped me i ignore him, i walk away if he yells...i just don't let him get to me anymore...i knew at 5 years of marriage i should have left...now after this long (over 50 years) i just dont care 😊
My spouse ultimately will say something like “we should just get divorced” when I try to bring up bigger issues in our marriage. This video is very helpful to understand why he says that - domination. Thank you Lisa and Dr. Ramani.
Next time he says that you should call his bluff. Say something like, "You know, maybe you're right. Why keep having these same arguments over and over again when we never seem to resolve any of our issues? It's high time I face facts and seek legal counsel to see where we should go from here".
Mine would say that all the time till one day after him saying it I sat down on couch got out my phone and started looking up divorce lawyers...needless to say he hasn't said it since...
"You want a divorce?!?" Kept hearing that for a while until I finally said YES!! Then she said "OMG, I really F'd up, give me one more chance!!". She got way too many "one more chances". Going on 5 years since we split, She's come around again trying to love bomb me and get me back but she can't hide her true nature. I can't be completely rid of her, we have a child.
Once you have determined who you are dealing with, keep them permanently at a distance. If they are a colleague at work, don't interact with them anymore than is necessary to do the job. Period. Their type will always look for an opportunity. Don't give it to them.
For those of you that are struggling please know that you can do this and stay away from them. Seriously, I had divine intervention. I prayed alot and asked God to help me and become stronger. Being with the Narc was making me physically and emotionally ill. I wrote a pro and con list of what this jerk said and did to me. The cons overuled the pros. Remember that he was wearing a mask so anything he did or said was nice, it was all a facade!!! I had to get my self esteem and integrity back. Once you do that and know that you don't deserve such treatment, you are on your way. Please don't ruin or waste your lives on something that wasn't real!!! Get away!! Hugs and ❤
My ex husband was 'Mr Wonderful' to the outer world. As we were wrangling about the details of our divorce, I was able to tell him, you are no longer Mr Wonderful to me. I was luckily able to recognize his narcissism so I could stand strong in the face of his divorce manipulations.
So true on the fact that they have Abandonment in their pocket. whenever things would go wrong with my boyfriend, I tried to talk things out or resolve,he would say.. " If you can't stay go." " If it's that hard for you , leave". He said this for 8 times. On the 8th time I was like " If I wanted to go, I would have already left. I want to work this out that s why I'm staying." Nope, took me for granted and asked me to leave again after a fight that he started. I left . It's been 02 weeks. Got whatever I could and left. Don't regret the tiniest bit. Then he hoovered over via txts and said " I never thought you would leave, I always say stupid shit when I'm angry". Narcs are crazy you guys. Take care and RUN if you can
My husband has ghosted me while we lived in the same house, and recently he told me that I had been chosen. It didn’t mean to me what he had hoped because I know what he is. I’m on to you Babe! I know you’re looking at everything.
I fell and broke my leg, as I was lying on the floor and asked my husband to help me off the floor. He stood in the kitchen and told me to stop over reacting and get up. I had to crawl to the couch while he watched me in pain. My mother died and my narc had all excuses why he couldn't be there to support me. He didn't like my friend so he didn't want to come over, then he didn't want to spend the night because my house is in a busy street and he couldn't sleep. My friend passed away instead of consoling me he complained that I was not giving him attention then he told me that my friend left him by himself 17yrs ago.
Definitely a narc. everything is about them. i was with a narc at a time a close family member was ill and i was caring for them. the narc wanted to know everything that was going on from a distance. at a private family time i was to call him every evening and report. as if it were normal interest and support from them but it wasn't. then when i needed them emotionally of course he was busy, no calls then.
I have been gaslighted so much that I believed I was the crazy one for last 7 years. And the way he trapped me financially is too much. I am trying hard to come out of it. I am out 80% but the last 20% is tough. cutting all ties with someone who you are bounded for more than 7 years is really tough. The going back and forth all the time on my belief system is exhausting.
It is very difficult when you love someone. I hate myself for constantly allowing him back into my energy knowing full well he will never change. But I pray I am out for good now.
I’m going through it too & we’ve been separated for 4 years. We have a child together and I keep letting him control my emotions because when it’s good, it’s really good. I know he constantly lies since we only see each other a few days a week. It’s a vicious cycle. He’s destroyed my self esteem. I think I’m finally done though.
When I think of all the ugly things my Nex said and did to me and my daughters, I am so grateful I was lucky enough to finally get out!! Surviving and Thriving!
@queenmo5073 they were young and I was working making very little he finally hung himself when he got arrested and I got an order of protection, that was the last time he was in my house, 23 years now!
I’m glad my ex and I are over. He treated me so badly smh. Now that I’m out of it I see how bad it was. I’m still hurt and sad I miss the good times but not enough to go back to that mistreatment. It’s definitely been a struggle between the head and heart.
You’re not alone… my x gf did this to me. One thing that helped me was. You have to remember the good times weren’t really real. You loved a false version of them. I realized that I had to let Go cuz the one I thought I loved wasn’t even real. That’s what hurt the most. But once you get that drilled in your head you will grieve that you lived a lie but then you heal. Sorry you’re going through that. ❤️
I have been married to my narcissistic husband for 20 years and have in last 7 years have faced mental health issues and several life threatening and shortening health issues so he bailed. My husband was more worried about his job than the emergencies I was facing. I’m making my way out of this toxic no love relationship ASAP.
Well my narcissist husband started the SILENT treatment and he didn’t know that I was RAISED by a NARCISSIST stepfather, well it’s going on over ten years and guess what I’m WINNING 🏆, my stepfather wouldn’t talk to you and ignored you and you would ask yourself what did I do , nothing they just like controlling you and as a child you learn to ignore them, I’m good with the silent treatment because I don’t like talking anyway, when I get ready to leave the house I just leave and did I mention that I go on vacations alone 😂which I throughly enjoy and I keep my BAGS packed and when the urge to go I go I’m sick and tired of him trying to control me. The buck stops HERE 😂😂
@@mojadah10 only because he wants to kill me and my oldest daughter , he tried to burn 🔥 his ex girlfriend and her boyfriend up with the gas bomb 💣 and the lady pointed him out and they took him to jail, he was under house arrest for a year and they never did anything to him, and I didn’t know this until after we had been married for a while and I have been trying to figure away out without him hurting us , I’m done elderly abuse and domestic violence so he’s on record for his actions, there was a time I was afraid 😱 for me but because I trust God to keep me safe and I tell everyone what he’s doing domestic violence teaches you to speak 🗣 up and about your situation and to make sure your neighbors know and of course he hates for people to know that he is EVIL 👿, we have to pray 🙏🏼 for all people that are going through this mess
the narc in my life shows up every few months for 14 yrs. bombardes me with compliments and desperate need to reconnect. nothing new. love having the strength to not respond:) thank you❤
I’ve just unmasked my narc friend. I revealed his web of lies, deceit, gaslighting and manipulation in a text to him. All of a sudden he’s gone eerily quiet. The barrage of toxicity I get daily from him have suddenly come to a halt. He didn’t see this one coming…
Yes Dr Ramani - it's mainly taught. Hadn't a clue that the children were being intentionally exposed to all of these tactics by the narcissistic parent and did so knowing that he was dimming our delightful souls. He died as he lived - alone, a coward, a lifeless individual surrounded by his demons. We pray for understanding and healing.
After then10th discard he is benching me again. I lost 10 yrs more after the last discard in 2014. I have just blocked him every where this time. I'm 61 now, and can't lose another second of my life on him. Thank you ladies for bringing so much clarity to my situation
God sent this message to me today for a reason. The spouse that I am separated from literally offered to print my tax documents and I was fantasizing a reunion. This was the nicest interaction I’ve had with him in a long time lol. I am so grateful for your message!
I wish I could have learned this sooner.. I was chirsthian, and I got married to a narcissist guy from church ,and my life it's been so difficult because in church, they don't talk about these topics ,they tell how to see and treat ppl nice so it's hard to identify narcissistic ppl from the very beginning..
Just pieced together the twisted puzzle of my last 20 years of life with what I now know is a narcissist. I recently caught him in some seriously stacked up lies and questioning all of these years now. This narc has been busted and exposed and it making it sooo hard to part ways and I’m exhausted of being the ‘bigger person’ 😒
In the beginning of our marriage I didn't understand that I was getting bread crumbs. I went out of my way to valentines gift. When he got home he thanked me for the gift and told me that valentines day is overated. I was so disappointed but just settled for what I got. I made due Now he is calling me a narcissist
Oh my gosh! That “being chosen” really hits hard. I think you’re describing me. I’ve been struggling in questioning myself why I continue to try to work on a 30+ year marriage that has been marked with numerous long-term affairs and a couple of short term hook ups. I really need to do a deep dive into whether it’s this being chosen since now he says he’s realizes the error of his ways and I’m the only one he ever really wanted. He also uses the “ I never left you for them when I easily could have because you’re the one for me” mind game. Thanks for these deep dives into relationships with narcissists. I am learning so much and I share with my young adult daughters.
mine said the same...never stopped cheating...even spoke to his lovers on his death bed and before he died..not to me. I was just a means to an end. I made money for him in his business.The nurses in the hospital even tried to convince me that he was single.
7 years, I was with this nark. It was my birthday, a big one I thought it was bizarre that he didn't even mention anything a month prior what are we going to do like he always did in the past. He totally forgot my birthday on purpose until I was so angry which he knew I would get angry and that I would break up with him, and it's exactly what he wanted and that's what I did so he could Take no responsibility. And a week later went to his new supply, it was heartbreaking. But I've learned so much through you, Doctor thank you.❤❤❤❤
Me I’m guilty of taking the narc back after 10 years, but my ex is a psychopath and I didn’t realize I was scared and he didn’t have a conscious. Now 25 years of dealing with him, I’m so done. And I love you both Lisa and Dr Ramani! Thank you for helping me understand! 25 years of this bullcrap game (and my family are narcissists cut them all off). You 2 give me so much knowledge thank you!❤
About a month ago, I tried to help a mutual friend. Dad didn't bother to reach out to me. I don't know how my friend did. I didn't give her his phone number. He would have called me, blaming me, incorrectly for giving out his number without permission, despite the fact that I hadn't. That wouldn't have mattered to him: the truth. He gets off on control and being right. Maybe not hearing from him(nil to no contact) was a blessing. I put his number back on "block". For my emotional and other protection.
✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽 I have experienced this in my past marriage (I stayed 17yrs with silence abuse with my last marriage. This last relationship showed me I was heading into the same patterns. But I couldn’t say nothing to that person they call me a narcissist as an abusive tactics. Even though deep down I know what a narcissist do. Thank God with his infinite power and wisdom he help freed me. It took my mom and sis to finally stay with me to see what I was going through. They cheated with a 2years secret relationship and a child came into a play. This is All facts… thank God for him and professional therapists who are skill to see this tactics
"Limerence" might be the key to people staying in abusive relationships with narcissists, like the dog who caught the car it was chasing. Once in, all the energy goes into proving that it was real and worth the price. Consider that when getting the hots for unavailable people. It is how to throw yourself away after "winning" the struggle by marrying someone emotionally unavailable (e.g. a narcissist). Get out and stay out! Just knowing the word "limerence" is a great help.
This is so very helpful. I did minimize myself inso many ways.Not physically but emotionally for sure. I stayed with him through relapse/recovery, hip surgery x twice. His last relapse was steroid use, gym adoration, porn social media. I must say I finally wised up & watched for abt 4 months I discarded 1-1-24 with a blaze of glory & began my journey to my next act @ 73. I educate myself everyday TY for this content. In this world there are many survivors of these people.👍🏻💪🏻
What I love about Dr. Ramani compared to other experts on the topic is that she speaks to include all types of narcissists instead of just focusing on intimate love relationships. Narcissists come in many forms and can hit you from many angles.
I was accused of financial abuse by a partner who wanted to stay home. So I offered to let them handle all the money instead. They refused bc they said they already did everything around here. Also was accused of the silent treatment when I stepped away from hostile conversations.
Did you ever watch the movie “The Break-up”, where Jennifer Aniston’s character says to Vince Vaughn’s character, “it’s not that I want you to do the dishes. It’s that I want you to WANT to do the dishes!”😂
A very fascinating video, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldn't just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring her back
I know what you mean....I was in love with an Englishman for 12 years and he just used me......got me a ring ...told me he loved me and then just changed and said he did not want to get married.....and hinted that he was bisexual....I can't stop thinking about him either...it is HELL.....I have gone no contact....but I know that he is sadistic and cruel but puts on another face for his neighbors......it takes time to get over narcissists.....they have no empathy for us.
I’ve POSSIBLY got 3 narcs in my circle of friends and family….they’re totally unaware of self….well except when they want what they want. Theyre masters at contradicting. Extreme hypocrisy. Blame me for EXACTLY what THEYRE doing, then when I point that out, AGAIN IM blamed, they’re saying I’m flipping it. “You’re the master flipper” my husband says. Mirroring me, taking things IVE said, and later they’re saying it when they’d literally never said it on their own before. Like children copy-cat!
I could never understand how after an hour plus, sometimes 2+ hours my narcissistic mother would be hammering away at me as a young girl of 13,14, 15 years old and on, for hours telling me how messed up I was until I’d b in tears just apologizing over and over so I could get back in her good graces. I never knew WTH I was even apologizing for!!! You’d start thinking u were the crazy one. I couldn’t follow what she said as she went in circles over and over. She passed away two years ago and I’m finally getting some validation. It wasn’t me like she said it was. It was Her!!!
I went from stage 3a ovarian cancer to stage 4 metastatic ovarian cancer because I started chemo later than I should have waiting on my self centered narc mother to come be with me while having my port placed. She just couldn’t be bothered. Her hair & nails weren’t done… and she needed to lose weight. I hadn’t seen her in 25 years because she was too busy with her own life and little to no interest in her only child. These people suck.
37:11 yes my wife canceled my doctors appointment behind my back once because she determined on her own I wasn’t sick. Later on she told me she was mad at me for being sick. So I get what dr. Ramani says when she talks about your sickness being an inconvenience to the narcissist.
I think saying I love you with no commitment or investment in them is more fun as it plays the game back at them where they think they've got you but in fact you're sedating them. The real fun is when you leave them cold
I have to disagree, because it's not a game. There is no winning when dealing with a narc, because this is our lives here. You cannot undo the damage that was done. We can heal and grow, but this all takes times
2 weeks of dating, immediately recognized the love bombing and mirroring. The moment he used a panic attack against me, I cut him so suddenly...didnt talk to him again. Still messaged me saying "oh ill just say that i totallyyy am jorrible and feel horrible...so yeah sorry and wish you well" hated the fact I literally did a 180 and he didnt hear from me...the second I tried to talk about what happened cuz he was "oh so apologetic" he whined that he gets it, and he alrwady feels horrible and im to blame that i wanted to talk and end it like grown ups because he "obviously just needs to cool down from how terrible i made him feel" I told him he fell on the wrong person, and I forgave him only to not ever think about him, he wont ever be a part of my life nor do I need his whiny texts to waste my time, and blocked him lol. He didint feel guilty, he just needed his energy supply and to not actually take responsibility. I loved the fact that he couldnt say one thing without me telling him that we both know its bs. Im busy and it ended good day. I told him about my "insecurities" to test him, because im an open advicate for ptsd. Grew up with narc parents. He expected that Ill dump him first thing in the morning and hes MAD that I just refuse to even hint that I care. He thought ill be needy and vulnerable...he forgot one thing cuz that obviously didnt matter...I studied psychology and spesifically narcissistic behavioral disorders 😂
The "you can't make me do this " behavior of narcisist is so true, even if it's in their own best interest. For example, I have to try and convince my gf without a job to do job interviews 🤦♂️
I thought my narcissistic ex never paid attention to anything about me in the 5 years we were together. After I left him and we started trying to be “friends” 3 years later, he told me so many intimate and small details about myself. It blew my mind! They learn you and use it to manipulate you to benefit them. Then when your special moments come around they act like they don’t know what you like. It’s a horrific and traumatizing cycle.
I really feel for the people that spent years with a narc!!! Took me 3 months to figure out what was going on, and i ran like hell!!! An experience i dont wish on anyone, but im glad it was 3 months instead of 3 years!!
We do minimize when it comes to our health. My narcissistic step dad tortured me and I'm INFJ so extra sensitive, by the age of 19 I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure I guess due to being sad all the time and trying to ignore it. When I told my parents about the diagnosis my step dad said I made it up for attention and I truly talked myself into believing it. Fast forward to now and I just turned 39 and I'm doing pineal meditations multiple times a day to keep my heart beating. The meanness will kill you. Please pray for me. ❤
Your step dad sounds like a real tool. Him lying about your own medical diagnosis to your own parents is crazy af. What, like your doctors made it up? And whats it to do with him? I hope your parents are involved in your medical care tho, not just there for being told. And that you can distance off toxic people for good health.
The only times he was nice to me was when i was ill. You know what? Every month once i was ill. He never came to take care, no. But he send nice words. Crazy how breadcrums i allowed. Never again.
Financial aspect totally happened to me! I was always good with finances, and he was horrible, but he acted very emasculated when I had to fix it a number of times, and I would take over and then I would wind up letting him take care of it again when I finally left, he made such a mess of the finances. There was definitely abuse there and there was supposed to be money for my kids for college, and none of that happened. I’m lucky I got out just in time.! I had my own house before I met him so the house that we had I totally put the down payment. He didn’t even have one penny when he sold his house, because his finances were always in such a mess.! Ladies always have your own account make it separate and don’t make the mistake I did! He couldn’t even say that I’m better at finances, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. How crazy is that?
![Stromae, Pomme - “Ma Meilleure Ennemie” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Visualizer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1F3OGIFnW1k/mqdefault.jpg)
My Grandma used to call them "Street Angels and house devils" such a good description .😢
Your grandma understood them to a T
Jezebel spirit
Your grandfather was so right I lived with someone like that for 40 years , what a nightmare
Sorry I meant to say grandmother , but I bet was a wise man also he married your grandmother you were blessed
Yes I had to do that with my ex no contact after years of abuse I could not take it anymore. It was very toxic relationship I'm so happy to be through it
My narcissistic ex's games drove me crazy, I caught on eventually and I began to mirror them. It became a very toxic power struggle. I felt heart palpitations, high blood preassure and began to question whether I was the narcissist in this relationship. My mind was consumed with shame, guilt and confusion.
Going no contact was complete bliss.
The funny thing is we can be just as toxic as them but not be the perpetrator. They constantly try to trigger us to get a reaction just so they can manifest that we are indeed, the bad guys, and they are the innocent victims. They can hold our toxic reactions against us. We become who we really aren't. Whether you fight them, ignore them, or even attempt to communicate effectively like a therapist says we should. None of it works and it drives us absolutely insane and they know this.
I used to say, I wasted my whole life with three different types of narcissistic men, And it actually still plays into my life because I have three children and I came from a very to family but I am so great fall to have my sanity. Wow it’s like I just woke up.!!! from a life of being drama bonded much love to you all❤
Sometimes my marc husband makes me feel like I'm the narc and I start self doubting myself. 😢
@@gailgamble6558 the selfintrospection and doubt and analyzing yourself is a good indicator your not
take responsibility for your emotions. no one MAKES u feel things.
when your person or sitiation is X
u feel Y
things may cause or catalyze emotions but they are products of your unniqe expierence and perception.
@@gailgamble6558 That's their most cruel trick -- convincing you to wonder about yourself. This is the way my therapist explained it to me -- If you wonder if you're a narcissist, then you are definitely not. A true narcissist would never think that they are or wonder if they are.
Your not allowed to have feelings, or be hurt, in pain from an injury. They have no boundaries!
They have no moral compass. And I don't just mean no moral compass in being faithful in a relationship I mean no moral compass all the way around.
So true my husband physically abused me and next day he was like get over it b all smiley and funny let's have sex.. I was like what is wrong with you 😢??!??
@MM-ql5ji I hope you don't have to live with that any more. You deserve better.
:(
Agree Julia.
Narcissist don't worry about consequences because they think they're to smart to get caught
100% my friend! So much so, my ex used to say that if somehow he was on a plane that fell down and no one else made it, he knew he would survive. Talk about delusion! 😂
Narcs love BPDs because the Bliner has so much empathy to give because of the fear of abandonment. Obviously the Narc will greatly abuse all of it. They spar spar and spar…until the BPD splits. When they split there will be no empathy left and the Narc will face injuries they wouldn’t have seen coming. A BPD can DESTROY a narc with a John Wick type of focus.
*too smart
They are wrong! They are not above the law!
@@TropicalRedFloweris not everybodysaying that everybody is a narcist?
I just left a psychopath, gaslighting Narcissist a few weeks ago and will never look back ❤✝️
is not everybody talk like this about theyre ex? did not all philosophs say: you are with these people together that are like u?
Good for you hope you found better praise God.
@@DerKnusperhaseThe person who chose that narcissist has to take accountability and responsibility for the choice that they made because they didn't have to choose that man or woman they got gaslighted or future faked into the relationship.😂
God bless you and keep you ❤ 🙏
@@ciaraskeleton Your better off
I have been married to my narcissistic husband for 8 years and I had an ectopic pregnancy and had to be in the hospital for 4 or 5 days to take care of it because it was life threatening. My husband was more worried about his job than the emergency I was facing. I’m making my way out of this toxic no love relationship asap 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Dire medical conditions will open your eyes. Do get out, because it gets worse and worse. Kudos to you for putting a finger on the toxicity before the children. ❤
Be blessed I am praying for you.
They can’t be bothered to help anyone. It’s beneath them
Good for you, you deserve better!
This just triggered the memory of me being pregnant and suffering from a severely infected gallbladder, I was passing out not eating at the end of my pregnancy then when our baby was 4 months old I got the call to get it removed. My ex raged at me for having to take time off work to help with our 2 girls and our baby. I developed pneumonia days after surgery and had to care for 3 kids while healing from being burned on my insides due to the surgeon accidentally cutting an artery during surgery. Looking back on it I feel sick I stayed for so long.
He kept telling me..."you can't beat me". Well, idk we were playing a game. Once I realized we were, I did win. I left and never looked back!
❤❤❤
Mine told me I was the enemy.
He'd say to me he wants to fight
He'd say stand up and fight me. He is 6ft 90kg man and I was 5'5 62kg woman with a baby on her hip 😥
They always try to one up you in weird ways
@@fesalatijannati5677 sick much? 😱🙄😭
The more i watch these videos the more i realise there are alot of unwell people in society.😢
I feel the same!!!
They belong in hell. Psychopathic gaslighting demon narcissists. I almost died👹👹
Evil sick people
Which is quite scary 😱
Our society is unfortunately set up to create this sickness.
You can read The Theory of the Leisure Class by Thorstein Veblen, which describes how we got here.
Many sources have studied American culture and have said that it isn't healthy.
Lord, 🙏🏾please give me the courage and the grace to walk away from what’s slowly killing me. Thank you Dr. Ramani! ❤
You can do this. It took me 20 years. Please don’t let it steal so many years of your life.
I didn't think I could ever rid myself of him but I did. All the crying, anxiety and depression I experienced, I finally had enough. I needed much support and I watched alot of videos on narcissism. It saved me. I've been no contact for a long time and it feels amazing. Know your worth, keep your dignity and finally realize that you're the better one. You can do this. It's painful at times but I promise you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. ❤
@ilspeth99 it was 24years for me so sorry
@@conickasparks3746 I came to the conclusion recently that those 20 years with him were absolutely wasted, and that it's OK to acknowledge it. It doesn't mean 20 years of my life were wasted. Just the relationship with him was a total waste. I didn't need to learn some higher lesson about how terrible a person can be. I didn't need to grow through surviving abuse. I think it's terrible to tell a person that they need to look for the lesson or learn from the experience. Nonsense. Sometimes, terrible things happen to people who didn't ask for it. So I just picked up and moved on.
God please help me too! God be with you!
Zombying is an example of the narcissist loving you the most when you have one foot out the door. So you think it’s dead, but then they sense you are about to leave and they fear losing control, so they pour on the charm again.
Wow. Never heard this term Sounds pretty familiar 😢
that explains why the narc is genuinely caring toward that one friend. She is always on the go unpredictable. She is not going to stick around if he is acting up so he has to wait for her to make the time she will not stay if he starts being negative.
Hmm they are trainable if you get them raped around your finger you must never show full emotion to them keep them guessing. Never date be serious cause you know one foot must stay out the door. Likely only to work if your attractive have others that admire trying to get close with you. they need to be in competing mode for you to be charming and never love them back that flips the charm off turning them to hate to resent you
Yes!!
@@bunnyboo6295all that work for what it’s a hamster wheel they never change what a miserable life to live because that’s not authentic
Even when he doesn’t live in the same home and has a new supply he can still sense I’m pulling away and guess who starts to text me and try to relish a “friendship”
My covert narc ex husband called me 2yrs after the divorce, no contact, & asked, “When are you coming home?” I said, “I moved on, goodbye!”
You should have laugh 😂
Why did you pick up the phone?
The feeling of craziness 😢
Ma'am..narcissistic abuse in my life left me fighting for my life and sanity.. he and his attorney drug out my divorce for 5 years ..he paid off a judge he paid off MY attorney ..I was gang stalked..he took my entire family away ..he took everything I loved to do.. he broke the locks on the doors and I had no money so he could come in when I was gone and steal anything he wanted..he started a smear campaign YEARS before so everyone would believe him in HIS hometown..the family was notorious rich narcs who people hated but he gave everyone money so they would stay around. And paid to harm me and leave me to die. People when you say "narcissistic abuse "? And you had a bad night with a bread crumbing narc? I think..you have to be kidding me. I survived! I am better than ever and those people are losing THEIR MINDS! Do not keep thinking about revenge or evil.. You WILL reap what you sow. These "professionals" don't have a clue what real narcissistic abuse is... these and the judicial system are so corrupt and have no clue what narcissistic abuse is. Sorry not sorry!
@@MyBeachHousesorry you had to go through this. I hope the best for you 😢🫶🏾
I'm just glad the mental health industry is FINALLY catching up to all this.
Absolutely incredible that it has taken them so long! My biggest explanation is that managers in the health industry and professors in psychology departments were narcissists themselves.
They get fooled by the narcs too, so dont hold your breath.
@@dimitrabouzalas3090😮
These narcs are demons I'm convinced, their type of behavior can't be human, the mind games is just sinister.
They are definitely children of the devil. The trauma with them is deadly. Thanks be to God to hear the cry of the afflicted and delivers you from the hands of the oppressors 🙌🏾
Absolutely!! 💯 demonic
Yep you're spot on. They carry the Jezabel spirit. I've found 3 brilliant talks by 3 different pastors explaining the Narcissism and the Jezabel spirit!! In my last relationship that I was being abused by a covert Narcissist and I was suicidal twice!! I also had a relapse of adrenal fatigue from the prolonged stress of the abuse! 😳 I gave my life to Christ and the boyfriend lost the plot because I didn't consult him first. 🥴 It all became really clear I was being Narcissistically abused and so being born again essentially saved my life twice!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼 2 mths no contact now and healing! In the words of HG Tudor "Get out stay out!" 🙌🏼
I'm so happy for you! I wouldn't have survived this far if it weren't for Jesus.
Are you able to share the 3 sermons if they're online? It would really help me greatly :)
I agree. We don't wrestle against flesh and blood
I think they feed on craziness.
When they make you crazy, seems like they laugh on the inside.
Been there.
It’s partly a control thing, partly a sadism thing ie it’s just fun to watch you suffer
My nex laughed outside
That's so true. They hate anything to be stable and normal, and wanna destroy peace!
They laugh on the outside.
Some laugh on the outside but covert narcissists often don’t - pay attention to their micro expressions and their eyes
My father doesn’t openly laugh when he causes distress (my brother does) but his eyes become joyful and there’s the softest hint of a smile on his face
I always told my ex husband that he was just chipping away at me like an Ice pick. I didn’t realize what was going on. I just felt my soul was being crushed.
That's what I tell my husband, I just asked for a divorce 2 months ago and it has been complete hell
@@HealthyVibes2023. I never told my ex I just went ahead and done it divorced after 31 yrs … Aug 2023 .
@@HealthyVibes2023bad idea to share your thoughts and plans with them. Sorry
@@HealthyVibes2023I know you probably know this now but never ASK a narcissist for anything. You just do it. Normal rules, normal politeness, consideration do not apply to abnormal relationships!
I always said “there you go with your ice pick again”. Just chipping away! 15 years of HELL!! I’m out now and can’t wait to file for divorce! GOD delivered me from that trash fire!! Now I have to protect my 3 children!! ❤
Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go hand in hand with narcissism. Especially, somatic narcissism. Narcissists believe EVERYTHING they need is external, including self-worth, self-esteem, validation, etc. Those things are what make up our inner world and we are supposed to develop and cultivate them within/on our own. Narcissists DEPEND on people to supply those things for them. Because we cannot (nor, are we supposed to) supply every want/need of a partner, narcissists are always on the lookout for "better supply". They will always gravitate toward anyone they feel can meet the needs/wants their spouse isn't (and can't). Narcissists are unstable and they cannot soothe themselves. They cannot meet their own needs and their needs/wants are constantly changing. Narcissists are black holes.
They are human abyss' of unmet needs/wants. Even if you gave them everything, they'd still want MORE... All while giving NOTHING in return. Narcissists are also pathologically bored. They do not experience boredom the way normal adults do. They're like children. Once they become bored, they tend to throw their toys (people) in a corner to collect dust. Then, they search for new ones... Untilllll, they realize that their newest toy isn't as fun. Or, it doesn't function as well as the old toy did. Then, they'll go digging in the corner to find that old toy (the reason their relationships tend to be off and on). People are objects meant to keep them occupied and entertained. The newer the toy, the better/more exciting it is. However, EVERYONE will inevitably lose their shine with the narcissist. You must accept their reality and realize that it's NOT ABOUT YOU and it never was.
This is also the point when it becomes crucial to sit your ego on the curb. Your ego will want to fight to be seen. Your ego will want to fight to prove you're enough. Your ego will feel it's "worthy" of the narcissist and fight to "keep" them... But, again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Most narcissists are extremely irresponsible. Many of them marry to secure stability. Or, to have someone they can count on to help with bills to free up their resources. It also ensures they'll have somewhere safe to land when they fall - because they always f*** up... Do yourself a favor and pull that rug of security out from under them and save YOURSELF. Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They do not respect the union of marriage. It'll always be a one-sided arrangement with you being the giver that's making their life easier and them being the taker that's making your life harder. We deserve the same love, attention, support and understanding that we give our spouses. You will never get it from someone suffering with NPD.
Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose.
As the tech maintenance guy on our team, I was once tempted to spy on my girl's phone. So glad I didn't. We're tight and have been together 41 yrs now and the trust we have in each other has been earned.
I assume what you mean by cheating is sexually cheating or something similar what about emotionally or verbally cheating like going to another lady talking about the marriage between me and him and he goes to somebody else instead of discussing it with me it really made me so angry and still does.
When the narcissist I have left, thank god; used to give me the silent treatment I would give it back only I would outlast him. When he felt the need to talk to me, I just kept being silent sometimes for weeks. I loved the silence, in the end I didn't even care to hear his voice at all.
Amen sister. Mine had blue eyes. How about yours?
I’m late but I was here to say that too. After a while the silence was golden. But I never let him know it was a relief. He wouldn’t LEAVE either. But he finally did a month ago and with a big big bang but so worth it.
Late response but silence is the key.
I’ve been married to mine for almost 50 years and until 5 years ago I didn’t even know what a narcissist was until God lead me to these types of videos and opened my eyes to what was happening. I remember once a long time ago he stopped talking to me for several weeks just bc I disagreed with him in front of his relatives about baseball of all things! So I’ve always been the type of person who can’t stand conflict and of course, I kept begging him every day for almost 2 weeks to tell me why he was angry. Finally, he told me, but barely spoke to me for a few more weeks and then one day said get in the car we’re gonna go somewhere. He wouldn’t tell me where we were ended up going out to eat somewhere And he started talking to me more that day but we had no contact. I should say no touch contact or sex contact for almost 2 1/2 years and then one night he came to me as I was in the bedroom with my TV and he was in the living room with his And said you wanna have sex but I didn’t know until about five years ago now I let him have it. Don’t let him get away with anything he does because he’ll see something one day about how much we have an account and watch spending and then I’ll see him buying beer All the time you buy beer if we don’t have that much in the in the account and he says we have more than what we actually said he did before this just happened. He got pissed too bad!! And before you asked me why I don’t leave. I have a lot of illnesses and I’m sure some of probably calls from him, but I’m on so much medication and since we both retired the last six years he makes the most money all my money I have from Social Security to pay for my car except for about 200 of it.
@@April-rb6nx I'm sorry for the road you have had to travel April, I wish that there wasn't anyone with narcissistic personality disorder I didn't know about it until I ended up having to go to a woman's shelter and that was just recently, keep watching Dr. Ramani truly helped me. Take good care of you April.
They lie about everything. They will be extra nice at times because they are hiding things behind your back. Run for your life and stay no contact . Its exhausting smh.
I have to find out the hard way😢
I had to find out the hard way.That's what it was supposed to say😮
The Narcissist I dated when I was too young to know what to do at 19 would go out with other women and then he would confess to me and he would just laugh and laugh and laugh as soon as I was able to graduate from college I threw everything in the car and drove to another state and got a job. Of course he followed and stopped me for about well from 22 when I broke up with the idiot finally until I was 28 and I had a conniption fit and told him off and told him I never wanted to see from him or hear from him ever again and it worked for 20 years until my mother died and then he crashed her funeral and he followed the family into the funeral and was walking around asking me sweet do you want this do you want that Anaheim Stadium in 20 years and was shocked to see him there and just had my mother's funeral everybody in the family was looking at him like who are you and why are you here. He was trying to get my phone number finally my male cousin got between me and him and told him to leave
This is in the realm of sadism.
If it doesn't bother them when they see you suffering i believe thats sadism.
Agree 100%. The satisfied smirk on their face when they see they’ve wounded you is so evil.
@@NickyLindolls Then they wonder why you dropped off the face 0f the Earth. 30 years of no contact later they are still experts on your life though.
It’s so devilish
Like they enjoy it too much to say it's not a feeling!
I love that Dr. Ramani is educating the public about narcissism. Especially since modern culture not only promotes it but is actively normalizing it. For example the whole, “ I’m sorry you feel that way,” apology being initiated in movies and shows....
And by psychologists.... personal experience. At the time that's what I thought I had to say to go Gray rock. I now know, she was not a good fit for me...
I hate when the narcissist tell everyone else and themselves that you are the narcissist‼️😢
Some factions in society enable the narcs/enablers/flying monkeys. They expect the victims to put up and shut up. This is wrong! Excuses are made for the narc. This doesn't work for me, at all!
there are millions of videos about narcistic persons. because everybody is blaming anybody to be a troll / narcist.
@@GabrielleP310My brother kept calling me a narcissist - I was baffled until I realised he was the narcissist - and was projecting!
Mine actually said, “I’m not interested in you,…as a person.” Brutal. But my discard was the best gift he ever gave me.
Wow ouch 😫 The discard came as a blessing, is how I see it💚 ☀
same here i was told there are better people out there than me and she is not forcing me to be in a realtionship with her she said she is not interested in me as a person and that she can do better. It's there loss they never deserved you anyway no narcs deserve good people or happiness screw them all.
😢
They don’t see you as a person. Literally you are an actor in their play. They hate that you have feelings, dreams, desires. Everything is surface level
I complained to my narc dad about how he treated me wrongly, he said "Tough shit'. The jerk!
23:45 they lie about things they don’t need to lie about. The dumbest stuff sometimes
YES!!!
Sounds like my mother
Right?! I had an ex lie about being at her grandpa's viewing. Found out he didn't even die and that she was a SHOE without the S
Everyday, and I’m one that don’t CARE 🤷🏽♀️ I don’t ask and don’t respond simple
I used to “almost” joke that mine, had he ever picked up a dime off the ground and I asked what he found, he’d tell me “a penny”.
Before this I was glowing. I’ve never met a real life narcissist to this extent. This guy ripped out my glowing energy and devoured it
Narcissists seek out the brightest shining stars to devour.
Same
❤️🙏🏻
@@777ALCHEMY blessings I feel you 😞❤️I did the same the best I could even though we're better now no matter what happens no more turning back
Same here but The Lord Restores !
I learnt not to ask for anything (not even take out the garbage or to do anything around the house) just do it myself. Now, I say if I have to do it myself I will be by myself. You are making me stronger..please just go..
Wrote a list of the chores and place it where he sits to eat. As you do some of the chores, check mark it with a RED pen, so it stands out;) some of them get competitive and start playing that game!
Yes me 2
They do it in such a way so u don't ask them to do it again
Detached from everything in the house so they can be free anytime
They're all cheaters!
I "circled back" many times. After 14yrs, i had enough.
Such a waste of time.
Nobody should be made to feel like you're on ice, or the back burner. 💔
My ex narc used to walkabout putting people on the back burner, an expression I had forgot just when you think you've heard it all 😂😂
Intimat Partner Secondary Sourse Shelf Variety. See HG Tudor...he is funny af and teaches this well.
Try 35 years- I’m finally free
I fell off from my bike, I almost got a broken bones but instead of helping me he took the bike first and said the bike is broken.. I remember the face that has no emotions at all
Omg 😯🙏🏾
I slipped on ice and broke my knee and he told me I did it on purpose. I had to get surgery and he told me I was faking it and just wanted to lay in bed. He Narcs are delusional
I fell off my bike after I was hit from behind by my husband, broke my arm, busted my knee and he didn't want to take me to the hospital. Big argument to get him to take me to the doctor after I threatened to call an ambulance. He dropped me off and left me there then ignored me for two weeks while I couldn't even move. My friends brought me food. He is a nightmare. That was the beginning. It got worse. I finally left for good. He is still texting - trying to blame, goad, gaslight, be the victim etc. I went no contact. He is a manipulative child and I am done.
That's not love.
❤
I discarded the narc after dating for 5.5 months, my intuition kicked in, something was very wrong, I did not even know narcissistic people existed, thank you for enlightening me. I am a senior, and the narc was very good at his antics because he had at least 30 years of practicing.
You are terrific.
Thank you for your info.
So proud of you‼️❤️‼️❤️
My narc dad groomed me for his abuse, and when I complained, he told me that I am the one with the problem, not him. The jerk!
My institution also but I don't know there hidden secret
Yes, same here! I didn't know it exists! I was wondering whether I am wrong...Now I am studying narcissistic behaviour. Everything she says, matches with my ex...
He not only violated my trust and betrayed me, he took away my innocence and our kids innocence, I will look at people differently now and I will never trust anybody, it's not nice being like this, 30 years with him and he's robbed me of being a trusting, happy content person.
Same story here. Found out about the lying/cheating after he gave me an incurable STI (29-year marriage). Me and the kids can't deal with his crap anymore.
For people who lost their happy self after narcissistic abuse and feel somehow stuck: a therapist is imperative. Try to find a trauma therapist who can help you heal the narc programming. You need to be deprogrammed. It’s not you, but you can relocate your happy self and even grow into becoming an even better, stronger person along with finding back your happy self.
It might help to try to remember this is a single evil individual, it’s not you and not everyone else. Try to individuate/disengage from that single person and find back yourself.
I am si sorry to hear that. I've lost 25 years, but we have no kids. Was unsure how I felt about that until I seen videos explaining this trauma/abuse.
Now I just have to get rid of this 'what if..' mentality. The answer is I now know and must CT accordingly. Because of these outlets, I don't feel as alone as I thought I was, and either should you. I understand bit I also believe in me, and you. Let's do what needs to be done.🧡🙏🏼
@@annjohnson8437I'm so sorry. I caught my narc having an emotional affair on me. I want him to get an STD test and he told me No! I was going to give in to having sex with him but I've decided not to. Who knows where he's been. He says he goes to the racetrack on his days off . . . but he is a LIAR!!
@jadegreen1554
🥰 Your message is very reassuring and gives HOPE to us who are broken. Thank YOU and I wish you the best!! 😘😇🫂
Be careful of how nice the narcissist can be. The man I’m divorcing now is probably the most polite, most appropriate, most civilized person I’ve ever met.
He controlled me by convincing me that I chose his way of doings things myself.
Dad is nice in public, and cruel to me, in private. A Jekyll-Hyde character! If he does anything nice, he resents doing it. He acts entitled to waste my time and not tell me why he was late and doesn't apologize. As if it's his right(it isn't) I am 60, I don't have to be controlled by that idiot! I don't live with him(thankfully). When I complain, he is sarcastic, dismissive, demeaning, sarcastic, and talks down to me, as if he is in charge(he is not!). He thinks that because he has a beard, he looks like Jesus. Dad acts the opposite for the most part. And blames me for his abusing me. Telling me I have no right or reason to complain. Not true. He is a control freak! I am Catholic, but not trying to be sacreligious, he is! By likening himself to Jesus. Surreal!
They know what they're doing is wrong because they lie to cover up what they said or did and/or accuse you of being the one that did what they did. It's so insane.
Amen!! Same
Three months of the silent treatment and I didn’t feel like a real person. I wasn’t even sure that I existed.
On the same boat here
Yes, I definitely know how that feels… 7.5 weeks silent treatment, I lost a stone in weight, the atmosphere was terrible… the pleasure the ex narc husband got out of that was sickening, defo something wrong with people that can do that to someone they’re supposed to love.
Silent treatment use it to rediscover yourself because you have probably lost yourself in all these neglection. You are great person. Repeat it to yourself. Look at yourself in mirror and selfcare self-love. I did that to heal my pain.
They actually tie their stability to yours so when the mind games start failing they start losing stability
Agree with that one. I was my husband's bank account, chauffeur, sympathiser and mother. He was a parasite. Once I figured this out, I was out the door. Now he is reeling around. He can't buy that cool stuff anymore because he is a loser and doesn't have a job and I am GONE.
I'm so tired of being built up only to be thrown down. He told me how special I am, then told me there's nothing special about me.
Stress will kill you!
Yes that damn cortisol overload
Ex used to say he was able to send me in psych ward
These f can give you : immunodepressive disorders
Tumors
Fibromyalgia
CPSTD
and STDs for sure
Yes,I've had a stroke & heart attack and been in relationship for 15 years,he has shown very little concern
The stress has worn me down
@yolondagoode9656 I feel you! We can't fix them. We can only work on ourselves. Try to get out in nature, and ground for at least 15 minutes a day. Hopefully it's warm by you so you can take your shoes off, and connect to the earth.
@@meaculpa22 CPTSD!
What the heck he told you he can put you in the psych ward and you stayed after?
Shes describing all aspects of my situationship for the past 8 years with a narc.
Hes been actively looking for a new supply because hes too greedy to pay his own way. Cant wait until hes gone. In the meantime.....i have plenty of rooms to keep my distance from him.
Thanks for educating people. I can't believe how classic my narcissist was he even circled back 8 years later via a mutual friends Facebook messenger. In no way was I getting sucked into that Vortex again! It took a long time to get him out of my head, no way in hell was he getting back in. I'm quite sure he wasn't able to find anyone else willing to put up with his bulshit and the thought of him dying alone and lonely is okay with me
Hi. I want to know how you overcame this? I am currently going through this and I'm doing my best to move on.
I met a narc with a black belt in jujitsu who told me I was the abuser after he assaulted me so I turned his manipulative texts over to his boss and they fired him 🔥
Every time he assaulted me he calls it restraint me for my safety!@ can you believe that? Wow!
I was hooked in for 14 yrs having children made it harder to leave.
This is gut wrenching. Waste of time energy and so much damage😢
Breadcrumbs and gaslighting- truth! And they aren’t worth fighting or tears
I was just going to ask about this! How everyone sees the "good" side of the narc but when you are alone it is a totally different story. Totally igores me at a party, but says I didn't ignore you i was talking to other people (our daughters wedding as an example) you automatically think they are embarrassed to be around you. Thank goodness it all hit me what was really going on...too much time went by but im still a happy person I was born to be! I didn't leave but learned how to cope. Our ages, health have a lot to do with it but my way of coping has helped me i ignore him, i walk away if he yells...i just don't let him get to me anymore...i knew at 5 years of marriage i should have left...now after this long (over 50 years) i just dont care 😊
This is where I am. 45 years in too many financial issues. I can't leave.
i know your pain.
iʻm at 41 years 9 childten 27 grandchildren. Iʻm the expendable one.
This is so true.. 23 years with a narcissistic husband.. over 2 years out. Never again.
My spouse ultimately will say something like “we should just get divorced” when I try to bring up bigger issues in our marriage. This video is very helpful to understand why he says that - domination. Thank you Lisa and Dr. Ramani.
Next time he says that you should call his bluff. Say something like, "You know, maybe you're right. Why keep having these same arguments over and over again when we never seem to resolve any of our issues? It's high time I face facts and seek legal counsel to see where we should go from here".
Mine would say that all the time till one day after him saying it I sat down on couch got out my phone and started looking up divorce lawyers...needless to say he hasn't said it since...
"You want a divorce?!?" Kept hearing that for a while until I finally said YES!! Then she said "OMG, I really F'd up, give me one more chance!!". She got way too many "one more chances". Going on 5 years since we split, She's come around again trying to love bomb me and get me back but she can't hide her true nature. I can't be completely rid of her, we have a child.
Once you have determined who you are dealing with, keep them permanently at a distance. If they are a colleague at work, don't interact with them anymore than is necessary to do the job. Period. Their type will always look for an opportunity. Don't give it to them.
not possible when you share custody 50-50 :(
For those of you that are struggling please know that you can do this and stay away from them. Seriously, I had divine intervention. I prayed alot and asked God to help me and become stronger. Being with the Narc was making me physically and emotionally ill. I wrote a pro and con list of what this jerk said and did to me. The cons overuled the pros. Remember that he was wearing a mask so anything he did or said was nice, it was all a facade!!! I had to get my self esteem and integrity back. Once you do that and know that you don't deserve such treatment, you are on your way. Please don't ruin or waste your lives on something that wasn't real!!! Get away!! Hugs and ❤
Thank you
My ex husband was 'Mr Wonderful' to the outer world. As we were wrangling about the details of our divorce, I was able to tell him, you are no longer Mr Wonderful to me. I was luckily able to recognize his narcissism so I could stand strong in the face of his divorce manipulations.
So true on the fact that they have Abandonment in their pocket. whenever things would go wrong with my boyfriend, I tried to talk things out or resolve,he would say.. " If you can't stay go." " If it's that hard for you , leave". He said this for 8 times. On the 8th time I was like " If I wanted to go, I would have already left. I want to work this out that s why I'm staying." Nope, took me for granted and asked me to leave again after a fight that he started. I left . It's been 02 weeks. Got whatever I could and left. Don't regret the tiniest bit. Then he hoovered over via txts and said " I never thought you would leave, I always say stupid shit when I'm angry". Narcs are crazy you guys. Take care and RUN if you can
I regret the day I said I love you. I'm pretty sure he laughed when I said it 😢
My husband has ghosted me while we lived in the same house, and recently he told me that I had been chosen. It didn’t mean to me what he had hoped because I know what he is. I’m on to you Babe! I know you’re looking at everything.
Spot on! They know exactly what they are doing. Unfortunately they are highly disturbed, best to avoid them at all costs!
The narcissists in my life never cease to shock me. When I have to be around them, I continuously walk around with a shock look on my face.
I fell and broke my leg, as I was lying on the floor and asked my husband to help me off the floor. He stood in the kitchen and told me to stop over reacting and get up. I had to crawl to the couch while he watched me in pain.
My mother died and my narc had all excuses why he couldn't be there to support me. He didn't like my friend so he didn't want to come over, then he didn't want to spend the night because my house is in a busy street and he couldn't sleep. My friend passed away instead of consoling me he complained that I was not giving him attention then he told me that my friend left him by himself 17yrs ago.
Definitely a narc. everything is about them. i was with a narc at a time a close family member was ill and i was caring for them. the narc wanted to know everything that was going on from a distance. at a private family time i was to call him every evening and report. as if it were normal interest and support from them but it wasn't. then when i needed them emotionally of course he was busy, no calls then.
Their sick people, I had open heart surgery she left me at the hospital and went to work..
I have been gaslighted so much that I believed I was the crazy one for last 7 years. And the way he trapped me financially is too much. I am trying hard to come out of it. I am out 80% but the last 20% is tough. cutting all ties with someone who you are bounded for more than 7 years is really tough. The going back and forth all the time on my belief system is exhausting.
It is very difficult when you love someone. I hate myself for constantly allowing him back into my energy knowing full well he will never change. But I pray I am out for good now.
I’m going through it too & we’ve been separated for 4 years. We have a child together and I keep letting him control my emotions because when it’s good, it’s really good. I know he constantly lies since we only see each other a few days a week. It’s a vicious cycle. He’s destroyed my self esteem. I think I’m finally done though.
When I think of all the ugly things my Nex said and did to me and my daughters, I am so grateful I was lucky enough to finally get out!! Surviving and Thriving!
How old were your daughters? Did you co parent if not how did you escape @wandaritter5704
@queenmo5073 they were young and I was working making very little he finally hung himself when he got arrested and I got an order of protection, that was the last time he was in my house, 23 years now!
I’m glad my ex and I are over. He treated me so badly smh. Now that I’m out of it I see how bad it was. I’m still hurt and sad I miss the good times but not enough to go back to that mistreatment. It’s definitely been a struggle between the head and heart.
You’re not alone… my x gf did this to me. One thing that helped me was. You have to remember the good times weren’t really real. You loved a false version of them. I realized that I had to let Go cuz the one I thought I loved wasn’t even real. That’s what hurt the most. But once you get that drilled in your head you will grieve that you lived a lie but then you heal. Sorry you’re going through that. ❤️
I have been married to my narcissistic husband for 20 years and have in last 7 years have faced mental health issues and several life threatening and shortening health issues so he bailed. My husband was more worried about his job than the emergencies I was facing. I’m making my way out of this toxic no love relationship ASAP.
Finally someone explains it so well! The oppositional defiance and then you feel you have to become manipulative it’s nuts
“A butterfly under glass.” WOW!😢
Bird in a guilded cage…the trophy
Yes that totally got me.
Well my narcissist husband started the SILENT treatment and he didn’t know that I was RAISED by a NARCISSIST stepfather, well it’s going on over ten years and guess what I’m WINNING 🏆, my stepfather wouldn’t talk to you and ignored you and you would ask yourself what did I do , nothing they just like controlling you and as a child you learn to ignore them, I’m good with the silent treatment because I don’t like talking anyway, when I get ready to leave the house I just leave and did I mention that I go on vacations alone 😂which I throughly enjoy and I keep my BAGS packed and when the urge to go I go I’m sick and tired of him trying to control me. The buck stops HERE 😂😂
@@FaithFilled. be the light 💡 in your CANDLE 🕯 let it shine ✨ Amen 🙏🏼
You’re still with him?
@@mojadah10 only because he wants to kill me and my oldest daughter , he tried to burn 🔥 his ex girlfriend and her boyfriend up with the gas bomb 💣 and the lady pointed him out and they took him to jail, he was under house arrest for a year and they never did anything to him, and I didn’t know this until after we had been married for a while and I have been trying to figure away out without him hurting us , I’m done elderly abuse and domestic violence so he’s on record for his actions, there was a time I was afraid 😱 for me but because I trust God to keep me safe and I tell everyone what he’s doing domestic violence teaches you to speak 🗣 up and about your situation and to make sure your neighbors know and of course he hates for people to know that he is EVIL 👿, we have to pray 🙏🏼 for all people that are going through this mess
Good for you! Stay strong love!! ❤️
@@earlineblack8276i’m sorry to say this but he is winning as long as you are with him. you need to get out. now.
the narc in my life shows up every few months for 14 yrs.
bombardes me with compliments and desperate need to reconnect. nothing new. love having the strength to not respond:) thank you❤
Mine doesn’t love bomb but is more civil. Mine will never give me kudos.
I’ve just unmasked my narc friend. I revealed his web of lies, deceit, gaslighting and manipulation in a text to him. All of a sudden he’s gone eerily quiet. The barrage of toxicity I get daily from him have suddenly come to a halt. He didn’t see this one coming…
Yes Dr Ramani - it's mainly taught. Hadn't a clue that the children were being intentionally exposed to all of these tactics by the narcissistic parent and did so knowing that he was dimming our delightful souls. He died as he lived - alone, a coward, a lifeless individual surrounded by his demons. We pray for understanding and healing.
After then10th discard he is benching me again. I lost 10 yrs more after the last discard in 2014. I have just blocked him every where this time. I'm 61 now, and can't lose another second of my life on him. Thank you ladies for bringing so much clarity to my situation
God sent this message to me today for a reason. The spouse that I am separated from literally offered to print my tax documents and I was fantasizing a reunion. This was the nicest interaction I’ve had with him in a long time lol. I am so grateful for your message!
I wish I could have learned this sooner.. I was chirsthian, and I got married to a narcissist guy from church ,and my life it's been so difficult because in church, they don't talk about these topics ,they tell how to see and treat ppl nice so it's hard to identify narcissistic ppl from the very beginning..
Just pieced together the twisted puzzle of my last 20 years of life with what I now know is a narcissist. I recently caught him in some seriously stacked up lies and questioning all of these years now. This narc has been busted and exposed and it making it sooo hard to part ways and I’m exhausted of being the ‘bigger person’ 😒
In the beginning of our marriage I didn't understand that I was getting bread crumbs. I went out of my way to valentines gift. When he got home he thanked me for the gift and told me that valentines day is overated. I was so disappointed but just settled for what I got. I made due
Now he is calling me a narcissist
Oh my gosh! That “being chosen” really hits hard. I think you’re describing me. I’ve been struggling in questioning myself why I continue to try to work on a 30+ year marriage that has been marked with numerous long-term affairs and a couple of short term hook ups. I really need to do a deep dive into whether it’s this being chosen since now he says he’s realizes the error of his ways and I’m the only one he ever really wanted. He also uses the “ I never left you for them when I easily could have because you’re the one for me” mind game.
Thanks for these deep dives into relationships with narcissists. I am learning so much and I share with my young adult daughters.
mine said the same...never stopped cheating...even spoke to his lovers on his death bed and before he died..not to me.
I was just a means to an end. I made money for him in his business.The nurses in the hospital even tried to convince me that he was single.
@@belindaschafer1593 I am so sorry he did that to you. Sending you hopes for healing.
Took me 1 year but I thought I was wrong its end 2 years im in good process
7 years, I was with this nark. It was my birthday, a big one I thought it was bizarre that he didn't even mention anything a month prior what are we going to do like he always did in the past. He totally forgot my birthday on purpose until I was so angry which he knew I would get angry and that I would break up with him, and it's exactly what he wanted and that's what I did so he could Take no responsibility. And a week later went to his new supply, it was heartbreaking. But I've learned so much through you, Doctor thank you.❤❤❤❤
Me I’m guilty of taking the narc back after 10 years, but my ex is a psychopath and I didn’t realize I was scared and he didn’t have a conscious. Now 25 years of dealing with him, I’m so done. And I love you both Lisa and Dr Ramani! Thank you for helping me understand! 25 years of this bullcrap game (and my family are narcissists cut them all off). You 2 give me so much knowledge thank you!❤
About a month ago, I tried to help a mutual friend. Dad didn't bother to reach out to me. I don't know how my friend did. I didn't give her his phone number. He would have called me, blaming me, incorrectly for giving out his number without permission, despite the fact that I hadn't. That wouldn't have mattered to him: the truth. He gets off on control and being right. Maybe not hearing from him(nil to no contact) was a blessing. I put his number back on "block". For my emotional and other protection.
When my sister calls and asks me if I should be taking anti depressants and or diet pills. I told her not to concern herself.
Dr Ramini helped so much to get the courage and leave my narcissistic and abusive marriage 🙏🏻🌹✨🙏🏻
It felt like i was halloucinating. It wasnt just that i couldnt tell what was real, but NOTHING felt real. It was a nightmare except i wasnt asleep.
✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽 I have experienced this in my past marriage (I stayed 17yrs with silence abuse with my last marriage. This last relationship showed me I was heading into the same patterns. But I couldn’t say nothing to that person they call me a narcissist as an abusive tactics. Even though deep down I know what a narcissist do. Thank God with his infinite power and wisdom he help freed me. It took my mom and sis to finally stay with me to see what I was going through. They cheated with a 2years secret relationship and a child came into a play. This is All facts… thank God for him and professional therapists who are skill to see this tactics
All ways to control and bring you down and ultimately bring you down …steal your soul
"Limerence" might be the key to people staying in abusive relationships with narcissists, like the dog who caught the car it was chasing. Once in, all the energy goes into proving that it was real and worth the price. Consider that when getting the hots for unavailable people. It is how to throw yourself away after "winning" the struggle by marrying someone emotionally unavailable (e.g. a narcissist). Get out and stay out! Just knowing the word "limerence" is a great help.
I asked why he treats me differently. His response was "Because I'm not afraid of you"😮
This is so very helpful. I did minimize myself inso many ways.Not physically but emotionally for sure.
I stayed with him through relapse/recovery, hip surgery x twice.
His last relapse was steroid use, gym adoration, porn social media.
I must say I finally wised up & watched for abt 4 months
I discarded 1-1-24 with a blaze of glory & began my journey to my next act @ 73.
I educate myself everyday TY for this content. In this world there are many survivors of these people.👍🏻💪🏻
What I love about Dr. Ramani compared to other experts on the topic is that she speaks to include all types of narcissists instead of just focusing on intimate love relationships. Narcissists come in many forms and can hit you from many angles.
I was accused of financial abuse by a partner who wanted to stay home. So I offered to let them handle all the money instead. They refused bc they said they already did everything around here.
Also was accused of the silent treatment when I stepped away from hostile conversations.
Did you ever watch the movie “The Break-up”, where Jennifer Aniston’s character says to Vince Vaughn’s character, “it’s not that I want you to do the dishes. It’s that I want you to WANT to do the dishes!”😂
😂
A very fascinating video, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldn't just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counsellor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do I reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white, and she is a great spiritual counsellor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
I know what you mean....I was in love with an Englishman for 12 years and he just used me......got me a ring ...told me he loved me and then just changed and said he did not want to get married.....and hinted that he was bisexual....I can't stop thinking about him either...it is HELL.....I have gone no contact....but I know that he is sadistic and cruel but puts on another face for his neighbors......it takes time to get over narcissists.....they have no empathy for us.
I’ve POSSIBLY got 3 narcs in my circle of friends and family….they’re totally unaware of self….well except when they want what they want. Theyre masters at contradicting. Extreme hypocrisy. Blame me for EXACTLY what THEYRE doing, then when I point that out, AGAIN IM blamed, they’re saying I’m flipping it. “You’re the master flipper” my husband says. Mirroring me, taking things IVE said, and later they’re saying it when they’d literally never said it on their own before. Like children copy-cat!
100% my husband of 17 1/2 yrs. He’s getting served divorce papers any day now.
🎉🎉🎉CONGRATULATIONS ❤
Exactly same here!!!❤
I could never understand how after an hour plus, sometimes 2+ hours my narcissistic mother would be hammering away at me as a young girl of 13,14, 15 years old and on, for hours telling me how messed up I was until I’d b in tears just apologizing over and over so I could get back in her good graces. I never knew WTH I was even apologizing for!!! You’d start thinking u were the crazy one. I couldn’t follow what she said as she went in circles over and over. She passed away two years ago and I’m finally getting some validation. It wasn’t me like she said it was. It was Her!!!
I went from stage 3a ovarian cancer to stage 4 metastatic ovarian cancer because I started chemo later than I should have waiting on my self centered narc mother to come be with me while having my port placed. She just couldn’t be bothered. Her hair & nails weren’t done… and she needed to lose weight. I hadn’t seen her in 25 years because she was too busy with her own life and little to no interest in her only child. These people suck.
I pray that the Lord heals and blesses you in abundance. GOD IS LOVE ❤🎉
37:11 yes my wife canceled my doctors appointment behind my back once because she determined on her own I wasn’t sick. Later on she told me she was mad at me for being sick. So I get what dr. Ramani says when she talks about your sickness being an inconvenience to the narcissist.
The sad thing is because my mother and family did this I accepted from friends.
That really is the sad part. Especially when the family conditions others to treat you like this all the while conditioning YOU to take it. 🚩🚩🚩
Thank you Lisa and Dr Ramani! This was a masterclass on narcissistic relationships! Very helpful! ❤
They know. Because when they go too far they make excuses.
I think saying I love you with no commitment or investment in them is more fun as it plays the game back at them where they think they've got you but in fact you're sedating them. The real fun is when you leave them cold
That's kind of cruel. Are you sure you're not a narc?
I have to disagree, because it's not a game. There is no winning when dealing with a narc, because this is our lives here. You cannot undo the damage that was done. We can heal and grow, but this all takes times
Mine asked himself, " Why do I love you? Bec you're the mother of my children." I thought, that is it?
Same.
2 weeks of dating, immediately recognized the love bombing and mirroring. The moment he used a panic attack against me, I cut him so suddenly...didnt talk to him again. Still messaged me saying "oh ill just say that i totallyyy am jorrible and feel horrible...so yeah sorry and wish you well" hated the fact I literally did a 180 and he didnt hear from me...the second I tried to talk about what happened cuz he was "oh so apologetic" he whined that he gets it, and he alrwady feels horrible and im to blame that i wanted to talk and end it like grown ups because he "obviously just needs to cool down from how terrible i made him feel"
I told him he fell on the wrong person, and I forgave him only to not ever think about him, he wont ever be a part of my life nor do I need his whiny texts to waste my time, and blocked him lol.
He didint feel guilty, he just needed his energy supply and to not actually take responsibility. I loved the fact that he couldnt say one thing without me telling him that we both know its bs. Im busy and it ended good day. I told him about my "insecurities" to test him, because im an open advicate for ptsd. Grew up with narc parents. He expected that Ill dump him first thing in the morning and hes MAD that I just refuse to even hint that I care. He thought ill be needy and vulnerable...he forgot one thing cuz that obviously didnt matter...I studied psychology and spesifically narcissistic behavioral disorders 😂
The "you can't make me do this " behavior of narcisist is so true, even if it's in their own best interest. For example, I have to try and convince my gf without a job to do job interviews 🤦♂️
I thought my narcissistic ex never paid attention to anything about me in the 5 years we were together. After I left him and we started trying to be “friends” 3 years later, he told me so many intimate and small details about myself. It blew my mind! They learn you and use it to manipulate you to benefit them. Then when your special moments come around they act like they don’t know what you like. It’s a horrific and traumatizing cycle.
I really feel for the people that spent years with a narc!!! Took me 3 months to figure out what was going on, and i ran like hell!!! An experience i dont wish on anyone, but im glad it was 3 months instead of 3 years!!
Right 4 months for me
@lalasworld7870 the dating scene is a circus....can't believe I was desperate and naive!!
50 yrs...finally free and happy ... 6 yrs now.
I had the same situation 3 months and change 😅
We do minimize when it comes to our health. My narcissistic step dad tortured me and I'm INFJ so extra sensitive, by the age of 19 I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure I guess due to being sad all the time and trying to ignore it. When I told my parents about the diagnosis my step dad said I made it up for attention and I truly talked myself into believing it. Fast forward to now and I just turned 39 and I'm doing pineal meditations multiple times a day to keep my heart beating. The meanness will kill you. Please pray for me. ❤
Your step dad sounds like a real tool. Him lying about your own medical diagnosis to your own parents is crazy af. What, like your doctors made it up? And whats it to do with him? I hope your parents are involved in your medical care tho, not just there for being told. And that you can distance off toxic people for good health.
The only times he was nice to me was when i was ill. You know what? Every month once i was ill. He never came to take care, no. But he send nice words. Crazy how breadcrums i allowed. Never again.
I love Dr Ramani. I have been a fan for yrs. She is such a great teacher.❤
Financial aspect totally happened to me! I was always good with finances, and he was horrible, but he acted very emasculated when I had to fix it a number of times, and I would take over and then I would wind up letting him take care of it again when I finally left, he made such a mess of the finances. There was definitely abuse there and there was supposed to be money for my kids for college, and none of that happened. I’m lucky I got out just in time.! I had my own house before I met him so the house that we had I totally put the down payment. He didn’t even have one penny when he sold his house, because his finances were always in such a mess.! Ladies always have your own account make it separate and don’t make the mistake I did! He couldn’t even say that I’m better at finances, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. How crazy is that?