It’s just so unfair for the stepmother, she takes on so much responsibility and she’ll always be an outsider. The ex wife has all the power and a lifetime of memories together.
Doesn't have to be. My man has 15 years of toxic memories with his ex...he stayed for the kids and he finally feels comfortable to reclaim his life and happiness. We've been off and on for 2 years. He suffers from ptsd and his childhood was crap so he put up with a lot just to keep the family together, but he has finally had enough on his own terms. She will just have to get used to it. She has full custody and he visits once a month. She is taken care if financially and I don't mind because I have my own. Kids are 13 13 14. Only 5 more years and they can decide where they wish to be and they are old enough to understand the situation better. It's probably way more difficult if it's smaller children, then you need more involvement and the kids require more care.
So so so glad I found you through cat and nat!!! There are days you feel unbelievably alone in the stepmom world and it's nice to know someone else struggles too!!!
Jamie Scrimgeour I have a unique situation as my husband was married years ago and also ended up with an unplanned (completely incredible and adorable) baby with a girlfriend. So I have 2 moms and quite a bit of animosity from the one to deal with. But I wouldn't trade my 3 amazing step kids and husband for it!!
That first question you answered just seemed a little unfair, more or less, you told her to suck it up and be a good step mom with a “changed mindset” I find mindset so important but this is financial strain she’s asking you about. I would have at least appreciated you offered SOME kind of helpful suggestion. Maybe the husband could say to the ex wife, “hey I’ve got the back to school supplies and clothes covered this year, can you cover the sports costs and uniforms for X activity?” It’s a starting point. No guarantee.that it would work, but it’s okay to try and ask for balance even if it doesn’t work. Maybe the mom doesn’t realize how much of a taker she is being and would have happily obliged.
I felt this way as well. In my situation. The ex is already remarried and into a family with money. They get to go do all these great things and create all these memories while we are struggling..
As a mediator and certified conflict coach, I would recommend having both parents go to mediation to develop an action plan with details, expectations etc. At the end of the day, what is needed is for a neutral to be there to help them communicate and clear the air, the rest will be easier to settle. Good luck everyone!
Professional mediation is the ideal in a non-ideal sitch. Problem is some people choose to wear a mask and will ‘act’ totally submissive during coaching session then completely disregard what was agreed upon once back in the real world. Some people never change because they don’t think they need to.
I think celebrating holidays not on the actual day is something that only occurs to people who have dealt with divorce. My partner and I's parents are both divorced (so SS has TEN grandparents). It's a lot easier for our families to be more flexible about spending time than our son's mom's family.
This channel is helping me with acceptance and a freedom to not to have to own the consequences of the decisions my step kid's biological parents make. If a hard lesson has to be learned who am I to interfere with a little growth no matter who the receiver is. Best teacher is life and we can't dodge it. If the step kid is on a road to self destruction and the parents are laying out the welcome wagon for it I will be all to happy to be the passive spectator of the shit show having already learned my lessons.
Me too! So surprised I actually disagree with her on this because I do like the tough love she gives us SM’s sometimes. I don’t think this is a SM attitude issue. DAD needs to divide financial responsibilities to stand up for his wife and family. Especially if they have ours babies that need financial attention too.
Yeah, I agree with yall too, because as soon as she said all that stuff about to just think about it differently, my eyes got so big as if I heard her wrong. 😂 Like UMMM no chick, if I were them, I would dig back out the child support court documents, & show it to/remind her, of EXACTLY everything that she's supposed to be using the money for, & then if she STILL chooses to not buy the necessary items, then I would buy them & save ALL the receipts, & then have them deduct it all from upcoming child support payments (as in like get credits for it). That's the only way people will learn to stop taking advantage, & we've had to do the same thing with the crazy BM in my situation too! 💁💁💁😂🙃
Hi, I've only just discovered you but I wanted to ask, how does the Mom react or find your content or page? Has it not caused conflict between you and her?
I’ve often wondered this too. These videos are very matter of fact and just straight up how this /our lives are. So I could imagine it might step on toes for the “other” side.
We have just met my husband child after 8 years. We meet the whole family in the park as she has 5 others and I have 3 2 from my previous relationship and we have 1 together. We were so happy that we got contact with the child who is 11btw but just from a stepmom point of view I was completely fine and the ex is amazing with us but when I saw my husband bonding with her I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed and emotional felt weird I dont have any problem with the child it was more that it hit me that I was now going to have my husband shared alsomy older kids call him dad and i was worried about making them feel that their not being pushed out is this a normal feeling and how do I deal with this please
K have a question for you: I'm a single dad of a 9 year old, I do what I can to meet my kids need s doing my best to raise my son to be the best person I know he can be even though they're some days that r very hard.i also share joint custody with his mom. I'm currently looking to meet someone ( a possible dating relationship...That may lead to marriage) but when I bring up I'm a single dad I get appreciation for being in my kids life. But if I say I'm interested in dating most women have said No thanks. Because they've seen the negatives of being involved with dating a single dad. However, this makes me feel very saddens making me feel very unvalued, unworthy, unwanted, very alone . Ive dated off n on but it didn't last because of my life as a single dad Some days aren't always fun or easy days. But I try not to let those bad days get me down. my question to you how can I break this cycle of stigmatism where can I look to find the right person for my life??? Because it seems to me that single moms have more ability to get a relationship than what single Dad s in our society. I think part of my issue here is I do what I can to not create or gaslighting Drama to the best of my ability for my kid's benefit. But I also think that women are seeing this position as weak timid etc. My X can be a difficult person n I do want to be in my kids life to be a positive role model as much as I can. So how can I explain this situation to potentially relationship partner without her connecting to these struggle s or burdens that some people are calling them. Have been told that...if his Mom wasn't directly in the picture, if ur kids were now adults, or if I didn't have any kids. Then I'd date U
Such a good question! I know you asked it 10 months ago but how is it going now Greg? We just recorded our next podcast/video on this subject "Dating With Children" and touch on some of these questions. From one dad to another, you are awesome for putting your child first and raising him the best you can! Keep it up and happy fathers day tomorrow! Shoot me a message on here or on Instagram @Blended_Life if you ever need to chat!
You just haven’t met the right person. That is so messed up if they like you they like you with the package and all. I wouldn’t mind dating a guy I really like even if he has a difficult ex. We’ll make it work together. You’ll see what I mean by you will meet someone that really likes you and is willing to make it work despite the difficulties. Good luck.
I am on the other side of this. And as hard as it is for you, it's even harder for the woman. I have never been married, no kids, I've met a great man who married a monster and has a child with her. I can tell you that it would be more likely for you to date someone else who has been through the same things. Divorced with children. It's something I just can't get past at this point, on my end. And it's my ego that I can't get past. I've tried really hard. I can't stand the fact that he has done these things with someone else and I will never have a part in that. I'm 35 and at this point I won't bring a child into this horrible world. I do think I would be able to do it if we shared a child. But like I said that isn't an option at this point. So in short, find someone with the same things going on. I think it works better that way. It's really not fair. I just wish other people were as cautious as I am getting into relationships. Would save alot of time, pain, and money if people were more stringent on who they have children with. 💔
I adore you but I massively disagree with your answer to the first one .. x I think the first couple should put there foot down and stop doing everything for the mother xx not everything is about the kids
It’s just so unfair for the stepmother, she takes on so much responsibility and she’ll always be an outsider. The ex wife has all the power and a lifetime of memories together.
Doesn't have to be. My man has 15 years of toxic memories with his ex...he stayed for the kids and he finally feels comfortable to reclaim his life and happiness.
We've been off and on for 2 years.
He suffers from ptsd and his childhood was crap so he put up with a lot just to keep the family together, but he has finally had enough on his own terms.
She will just have to get used to it.
She has full custody and he visits once a month. She is taken care if financially and I don't mind because I have my own.
Kids are 13 13 14. Only 5 more years and they can decide where they wish to be and they are old enough to understand the situation better.
It's probably way more difficult if it's smaller children, then you need more involvement and the kids require more care.
So so so glad I found you through cat and nat!!! There are days you feel unbelievably alone in the stepmom world and it's nice to know someone else struggles too!!!
I'm so glad you did too!!!
Jamie Scrimgeour I have a unique situation as my husband was married years ago and also ended up with an unplanned (completely incredible and adorable) baby with a girlfriend. So I have 2 moms and quite a bit of animosity from the one to deal with. But I wouldn't trade my 3 amazing step kids and husband for it!!
That first question you answered just seemed a little unfair, more or less, you told her to suck it up and be a good step mom with a “changed mindset” I find mindset so important but this is financial strain she’s asking you about. I would have at least appreciated you offered SOME kind of helpful suggestion. Maybe the husband could say to the ex wife, “hey I’ve got the back to school supplies and clothes covered this year, can you cover the sports costs and uniforms for X activity?” It’s a starting point. No guarantee.that it would work, but it’s okay to try and ask for balance even if it doesn’t work. Maybe the mom doesn’t realize how much of a taker she is being and would have happily obliged.
I felt this way as well. In my situation. The ex is already remarried and into a family with money. They get to go do all these great things and create all these memories while we are struggling..
Can we get a house tour? I cannot stop staring in the background how beautiful ur house is!!
JL123 Lol. That’s a very invasive request.
Adidas Love uhhh people give house tours all the time. Calm ur tits
As a mediator and certified conflict coach, I would recommend having both parents go to mediation to develop an action plan with details, expectations etc. At the end of the day, what is needed is for a neutral to be there to help them communicate and clear the air, the rest will be easier to settle. Good luck everyone!
Professional mediation is the ideal in a non-ideal sitch. Problem is some people choose to wear a mask and will ‘act’ totally submissive during coaching session then completely disregard what was agreed upon once back in the real world. Some people never change because they don’t think they need to.
I think celebrating holidays not on the actual day is something that only occurs to people who have dealt with divorce. My partner and I's parents are both divorced (so SS has TEN grandparents). It's a lot easier for our families to be more flexible about spending time than our son's mom's family.
This channel is helping me with acceptance and a freedom to not to have to own the consequences of the decisions my step kid's biological parents make. If a hard lesson has to be learned who am I to interfere with a little growth no matter who the receiver is. Best teacher is life and we can't dodge it. If the step kid is on a road to self destruction and the parents are laying out the welcome wagon for it I will be all to happy to be the passive spectator of the shit show having already learned my lessons.
Totally disagree w question 1!!! That enabling.
I agree! I had that issue for a while and I did the opposite 🙃
Me too! So surprised I actually disagree with her on this because I do like the tough love she gives us SM’s sometimes. I don’t think this is a SM attitude issue. DAD needs to divide financial responsibilities to stand up for his wife and family. Especially if they have ours babies that need financial attention too.
Yeah, I agree with yall too, because as soon as she said all that stuff about to just think about it differently, my eyes got so big as if I heard her wrong. 😂 Like UMMM no chick, if I were them, I would dig back out the child support court documents, & show it to/remind her, of EXACTLY everything that she's supposed to be using the money for, & then if she STILL chooses to not buy the necessary items, then I would buy them & save ALL the receipts, & then have them deduct it all from upcoming child support payments (as in like get credits for it). That's the only way people will learn to stop taking advantage, & we've had to do the same thing with the crazy BM in my situation too! 💁💁💁😂🙃
@@JanelleReneeWells ooh woow I love this
Great video. If I were a BM, I wouldn't want to be besties with the new wife, I get it. Oh the extended family. Sigh.
This is exact issue we have in our household with my step boys!
Hi, I've only just discovered you but I wanted to ask, how does the Mom react or find your content or page? Has it not caused conflict between you and her?
I’ve often wondered this too. These videos are very matter of fact and just straight up how this /our lives are. So I could imagine it might step on toes for the “other” side.
We have just met my husband child after 8 years. We meet the whole family in the park as she has 5 others and I have 3 2 from my previous relationship and we have 1 together. We were so happy that we got contact with the child who is 11btw but just from a stepmom point of view I was completely fine and the ex is amazing with us but when I saw my husband bonding with her I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed and emotional felt weird I dont have any problem with the child it was more that it hit me that I was now going to have my husband shared alsomy older kids call him dad and i was worried about making them feel that their not being pushed out is this a normal feeling and how do I deal with this please
K have a question for you: I'm a single dad of a 9 year old, I do what I can to meet my kids need s doing my best to raise my son to be the best person I know he can be even though they're some days that r very hard.i also share joint custody with his mom. I'm currently looking to meet someone ( a possible dating relationship...That may lead to marriage) but when I bring up I'm a single dad I get appreciation for being in my kids life. But if I say I'm interested in dating most women have said No thanks. Because they've seen the negatives of being involved with dating a single dad. However, this makes me feel very saddens making me feel very unvalued, unworthy, unwanted, very alone . Ive dated off n on but it didn't last because of my life as a single dad Some days aren't always fun or easy days. But I try not to let those bad days get me down. my question to you how can I break this cycle of stigmatism where can I look to find the right person for my life??? Because it seems to me that single moms have more ability to get a relationship than what single Dad s in our society.
I think part of my issue here is I do what I can to not create or gaslighting Drama to the best of my ability for my kid's benefit. But I also think that women are seeing this position as weak timid etc. My X can be a difficult person n I do want to be in my kids life to be a positive role model as much as I can. So how can I explain this situation to potentially relationship partner without her connecting to these struggle s or burdens that some people are calling them. Have been told that...if his Mom wasn't directly in the picture, if ur kids were now adults, or if I didn't have any kids. Then I'd date U
Such a good question! I know you asked it 10 months ago but how is it going now Greg? We just recorded our next podcast/video on this subject "Dating With Children" and touch on some of these questions. From one dad to another, you are awesome for putting your child first and raising him the best you can! Keep it up and happy fathers day tomorrow! Shoot me a message on here or on Instagram @Blended_Life if you ever need to chat!
You just haven’t met the right person. That is so messed up if they like you they like you with the package and all. I wouldn’t mind dating a guy I really like even if he has a difficult ex. We’ll make it work together. You’ll see what I mean by you will meet someone that really likes you and is willing to make it work despite the difficulties. Good luck.
I am on the other side of this. And as hard as it is for you, it's even harder for the woman. I have never been married, no kids, I've met a great man who married a monster and has a child with her. I can tell you that it would be more likely for you to date someone else who has been through the same things. Divorced with children. It's something I just can't get past at this point, on my end. And it's my ego that I can't get past. I've tried really hard. I can't stand the fact that he has done these things with someone else and I will never have a part in that. I'm 35 and at this point I won't bring a child into this horrible world. I do think I would be able to do it if we shared a child. But like I said that isn't an option at this point. So in short, find someone with the same things going on. I think it works better that way. It's really not fair. I just wish other people were as cautious as I am getting into relationships. Would save alot of time, pain, and money if people were more stringent on who they have children with. 💔
@@Danijean85 I can respect ur opinion. Thanks
@@gregshanor669 I wish you the best.
I adore you but I massively disagree with your answer to the first one .. x I think the first couple should put there foot down and stop doing everything for the mother xx not everything is about the kids
Disagree with you on the 1st answer