Watching this..the only thing I can think about are women like myself. Women who are stepmoms and unable to have their own children (but so desperately want them). Struggles with infertility, miscarriage, etc. all while caring for another’s children..aka the hardest job in the world (even without the painful journey of infertility). How bad it hurts your heart to know you’ve given everything you have to love those children, and THEN to hear that dreaded, gut wrenching phrase, “you don’t understand because you aren’t a real mom.” That dagger to the heart when you’d give anything to be a “real mom.” This just hurts my heart.
I actually dealt with this for 7 years before becoming a "real mom" through IVF. It's an incredibly hard job, but I love that I was still being the best step mom I could for my kids. I knew in the back of my mind that if I was never going to be able to give birth to a child, that I at least wanted a great relationship with the children that God allowed me to help raise. I'm thankful, also, to 2 wonderful women who allowed me to be as active as I wanted in their children's lives. If it weren't for their kind nature, it would have been a very different story for all of us. Blended families are tough, so it's comforting to see other people who are willing to share their experiences. :)
I love the openness you share. You birth kids will always be closer to you and vice versa. You will be criticized no matter what, when you're a step parent.
Thank you for this! My kids now have this “step mom” (I’m trying to get ok with saying that label) in this lady my ex married after they cheated together while we were still married. It adds a whole other level to pain when I have to release my babies over to their dads house for their visits. I’m trying to understand the stepmom role as much as I can for the sake of my babies. I appreciate your perspective thinking of us moms as well. I wish more stepmothers did that.
I find it important, to also have boundaries when dealing with the Ex, trying to interfere in what goes on in your home that involves your step children, as long as they are safe, well taken care of...has anyone ever had to deal with this issue before?
Thank God my husband ex she minds her own business like I told her once she got her rules we got ours we don’t tell her anything and she needs to do the same unless is something bad or for my son safety
You can't do anything, she is the childs mother and has every right to do that, you on the other hand are nothing to this child, zero, nada.. Hope you got the picture now after 2 years..
Great points! You are completely right and the love is completely different. Girl, they act crazy at times and so do we .. lol ! Honestly, any step parent / parent that is willing to try with the raising of children deserves some empathy and gratitude, but unfortunately some people are not mature enough for it even after 20 years- these X spouses carry hate, bitterness, and jealousy which gets passed on to the children, their spouses, and the grandchildren. Any hate is hate. And as a community- we need more education on step families to stop the cycles of hate that hurts the unity of families- period. I don’t think your post is wrong, it’s honest and done in a respectful manner. We step moms shouldn’t feel guilty for it. ❤️
You're right. I love my step son very much but the love that i had for my daughters (i miscarriaged both) was drastically different. Theres was more of a bond because "I carried them." It's definitely different but you can love children regardless.
Love the idea of empathy at all times when dealing with the bio-mom. I would be so sad to have another woman hugging and kissing my little guy... and helping him with all of his firsts! Such a good point to keep in mind to understand their point of view.
Do you think it’s a good idea to have a baby as a stepmom of 3? I didn’t want children before I met my partner. Now, that I am in the process of taking in a stepmother role, I am really thinking about having my own.
This was a great video and I commend you for risking getting heat for being honest and real about your stance on the subject now that you’ve become a Mom yourself. I just watched a video from another youtuber where she was practically rolling her eyes about “biomoms” being drama and purposely trying to be difficult. As if biological moms aren’t allowed to be “mama bears” and have the utmost concern for essentially a stranger trying to possibly take on their role. I fully encourage coparenting and blended families, communication and stepparent boundaries. And it’s refreshing to see you be honest that you see things differently and empathize with the biological mom more now that you understand how she feels because you yourself are a mom. Very cool of you! :)
Ciera M it depends on the circumstances. You shouldn’t assume all bio Moms are saints. Some genuinely are controlling, dominating bullies and that can be just as damaging to marriages including remarriages as it was to their failed one. The sheer act of giving birth does not equate to making you Mother Theresa anymore than marrying a man with kids makes you Mary Poppins. Not all Stepmoms try and take on a “role”. For some of us, it was forced on us when the bio Mom was so toxic even a court agreed that the children should not be with their bio Mom. Show a little empathy.
It was my sister who said to me when she was pregnant with her second child, "you have to understand that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT" and honestly it's the best step mum advice I've ever had
ya it would so bother me if I had a kid, and some other woman had to have access to my child because dad needed access to the kid...I don't think I could do it...glad I haven't gotten myself into that situation...like I'd just want 100% custody I feel...
Watching this..the only thing I can think about are women like myself. Women who are stepmoms and unable to have their own children (but so desperately want them). Struggles with infertility, miscarriage, etc. all while caring for another’s children..aka the hardest job in the world (even without the painful journey of infertility). How bad it hurts your heart to know you’ve given everything you have to love those children, and THEN to hear that dreaded, gut wrenching phrase, “you don’t understand because you aren’t a real mom.” That dagger to the heart when you’d give anything to be a “real mom.”
This just hurts my heart.
I actually dealt with this for 7 years before becoming a "real mom" through IVF. It's an incredibly hard job, but I love that I was still being the best step mom I could for my kids. I knew in the back of my mind that if I was never going to be able to give birth to a child, that I at least wanted a great relationship with the children that God allowed me to help raise. I'm thankful, also, to 2 wonderful women who allowed me to be as active as I wanted in their children's lives. If it weren't for their kind nature, it would have been a very different story for all of us. Blended families are tough, so it's comforting to see other people who are willing to share their experiences. :)
You aren’t alone Aarnold. There are lots of women with very very very sad life stories. Myself included.
Sticker Lady I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you!
I love the openness you share. You birth kids will always be closer to you and vice versa. You will be criticized no matter what, when you're a step parent.
People don't give enough credit to step parents.
Thank you for this! My kids now have this “step mom” (I’m trying to get ok with saying that label) in this lady my ex married after they cheated together while we were still married. It adds a whole other level to pain when I have to release my babies over to their dads house for their visits. I’m trying to understand the stepmom role as much as I can for the sake of my babies. I appreciate your perspective thinking of us moms as well. I wish more stepmothers did that.
I find it important, to also have boundaries when dealing with the Ex, trying to interfere in what goes on in your home that involves your step children, as long as they are safe, well taken care of...has anyone ever had to deal with this issue before?
Thank God my husband ex she minds her own business like I told her once she got her rules we got ours we don’t tell her anything and she needs to do the same unless is something bad or for my son safety
You can't do anything, she is the childs mother and has every right to do that, you on the other hand are nothing to this child, zero, nada.. Hope you got the picture now after 2 years..
Great points! You are completely right and the love is completely different. Girl, they act crazy at times and so do we .. lol ! Honestly, any step parent / parent that is willing to try with the raising of children deserves some empathy and gratitude, but unfortunately some people are not mature enough for it even after 20 years- these X spouses carry hate, bitterness, and jealousy which gets passed on to the children, their spouses, and the grandchildren. Any hate is hate. And as a community- we need more education on step families to stop the cycles of hate that hurts the unity of families- period. I don’t think your post is wrong, it’s honest and done in a respectful manner. We step moms shouldn’t feel guilty for it. ❤️
You're right. I love my step son very much but the love that i had for my daughters (i miscarriaged both) was drastically different. Theres was more of a bond because "I carried them." It's definitely different but you can love children regardless.
Love the idea of empathy at all times when dealing with the bio-mom. I would be so sad to have another woman hugging and kissing my little guy... and helping him with all of his firsts! Such a good point to keep in mind to understand their point of view.
Totally! Thanks for commenting Elizabeth!
I wish all step moms were like you 😔 I major respect you.
Thank you for your honestly. My fear is to be an step mom.
Do you think it’s a good idea to have a baby as a stepmom of 3? I didn’t want children before I met my partner. Now, that I am in the process of taking in a stepmother role, I am really thinking about having my own.
This was a great video and I commend you for risking getting heat for being honest and real about your stance on the subject now that you’ve become a Mom yourself. I just watched a video from another youtuber where she was practically rolling her eyes about “biomoms” being drama and purposely trying to be difficult. As if biological moms aren’t allowed to be “mama bears” and have the utmost concern for essentially a stranger trying to possibly take on their role. I fully encourage coparenting and blended families, communication and stepparent boundaries. And it’s refreshing to see you be honest that you see things differently and empathize with the biological mom more now that you understand how she feels because you yourself are a mom. Very cool of you! :)
Ciera M it depends on the circumstances. You shouldn’t assume all bio Moms are saints. Some genuinely are controlling, dominating bullies and that can be just as damaging to marriages including remarriages as it was to their failed one. The sheer act of giving birth does not equate to making you Mother Theresa anymore than marrying a man with kids makes you Mary Poppins. Not all Stepmoms try and take on a “role”. For some of us, it was forced on us when the bio Mom was so toxic even a court agreed that the children should not be with their bio Mom. Show a little empathy.
Wow this 6-9thing is very very very clever and so openminded! Great tip!
step mothers need more respect than some may get o bet sum have to put up with a lot of shit
It was my sister who said to me when she was pregnant with her second child, "you have to understand that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT" and honestly it's the best step mum advice I've ever had
ya it would so bother me if I had a kid, and some other woman had to have access to my child because dad needed access to the kid...I don't think I could do it...glad I haven't gotten myself into that situation...like I'd just want 100% custody I feel...
This is some great stuff!!! I can so relate to all this !!! 💕
Thanks for making this video
Whats that behind you
stepchildren often betray you
I agree ☝️ 💯 with you i have 1 step son and I love him but the love I have for my own kids is totally different