This is super hard for me to post, but I hope it helps someone out there. The person who abused me in this story is someone I don’t even know anymore, and I decided that I would share it, but still conceal their identity. Thank you for your love and support! You’re not alone!!! I love you all 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
EDucating Shanny I've noticed something I'd like to mention. Whenever you're talking about something that's difficult for you to talk about for whatever reason, you tend not to look at the camera too much. This is not a hate comment I'm not intending to be mean it's just an observation. Although, I know I feel more connected when I'm speaking with someone about something difficult and I look in their eyes, it may make you feel more connected with us if you looked into the camera a bit more? However if you feel more comfortable looking away that's fine it's just something I wanted to share. You do you honey I will love you and support you either way. Thank you for sharing it with us sweetie. I hope it helped you get things off your chest so you can move on better. Remember we're always here to listen. You are beautiful, you are worth it and so am I ❤
Hi Shanny I’m Cecilia. I know exactly how you feel. I was sexually abused by someone close in my family for over 6 months when I was 14 through the time I was 15 and I ended up having a child from it. I was drinking all the time and smoking weed and I starved myself then binged and purged (in hopes of making myself less attractive got him because I’m of thicker stature)after it happened. He threatened to expose my usage and that my parents wouldn’t believe me about what was going on and would believe him instead. He was a master manipulator. He told me my parents would disown me if they knew about “us” (it disgusted me when he said that) When I found out I had a child inside of me all of it stopped (drugs and drinking included and I tried to stop the ED) and I decided he wasn’t going to have power over me anymore. When the man got put in prison finally a few months ago I thought that it was finally over but I still have memories some up out of no where. The worst memory I’ve had lately was when I was walking down the hallway at school and I saw things no person should have to deal with or see. I’m trying to better myself for my son so when I see him again he can see that even though the situation happened the way it did i love him and I’m not letting the bastard who abused me win. I’m almost 17 now. I was almost 16 when I had my son. He’ll be 1 May the 3rd and I’ll me 17 on May 17th. I chose to give him to a family to raise him in ways I never would be able to. The parents send me pictures of him and he’s a beautiful being. I believe in you Shanny. You’re a strong woman and you can overcome this. Don’t let those haunting memories hold you back from doing what you love most. Keep going on strong. You’re beautiful and you seem like a very compassionate person. I look forward to watching your videos everyday. I love you. If you or anyone else reading this ever needs to talk you can message me anytime on instagram @ghoulishfreak
I realized I was sexually abused some time back only within the past couple years. My therapist at the time told me i was lying because "theres no such thing as an off switch in your brain" and "if it did happen, its in the past. Lets talk about the now". I have bpd and i think this is one kf the reasons why. I stopped seeing him after that appointment
I had a really traumatic event happen a few months ago. My abuser and his wife (who's a family member) asked me to come over to talk. I assumed he was going to finally own up to what he did to me for years. But instead, they held me in their house and wouldn't let me leave. I had to scream for my 19 year old daughter who was waiting outside in the car. I was thrown back into those situations of fear as a teenager. I'm still not over it. I feel violated. And the part that really hurts, is the person who's married to my abuser and is a family member, let it happen! I am so angry. I'm 42 years old. I didn't tell anyone about my abuser until I was 30. When I told, I finally felt a sense of relief. But after that happened a few months ago, I feel like they took the power from me. I don't know how to explain it. It hurts alot..
Thank you so much. Sometimes I feel so alone because dealing with repressed memories of sexual abuse is so different than when someone knows its happened. I remembered one of them last year for the first time but there's still a few that I haven't. It shook my entire world. Its so hard. I felt crazy all through my teenage years because I didn't know anything had happened to me and I didn't understand why I 'couldn't' be normal and have sex like other people. One of the things thats the most difficult is that because i was so young when the trauma happened, I have no idea how to be healthy. The ptsd has come up in so many different ways and im still learning that certain traits of mine that ive had my whole life are really just symptoms of ptsd from the trauma. Now thats its coming up I can see it more clearly but its still so hard and lonely to go through. I get flashbacks just by people touching me or when someone is vulnerable around me because I feel violated. Im sick of being scared. Im sick of feeling violated by normal everyday things. And I don't even know how to express the depth of the emotional turmoil it causes. Thank you for sharing. It really does help me feel understood and seen.
I'm so proud of you for sharing this..... the exact same thing happened to me when I was a kid(and other things) and I felt so alone and disgusting for so long, but you posting this helped me realized it wasn't my fault. I had to go to court because of it and It was HELL. To this day I still feel disgusting, alone, scared and like I'm a dirty person. But watching your videos help me cope.. thank you Shanny.. I love you!
You are such an inspiration! Talking openly about your struggles and the progress you've made is so important. I'm sure you have helped sooooo many people and that's amazing.
You are already so strong, Shanny!! You inspire me to keep going, even when I've had a set-back.. I haven't self-harmed in 23 days, and you're part of the reason why. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story and struggles with us. ❤️
Shanny trust me I know what you are going through cause I went through everything you did and trust me you are strong speaking up about it is really strong of you I'm not good at talking obviously you always have been my role model I just turned 16 years old and you gave me hope to recover your videos gave me the strength to talk to my parents about it and I want to thank you thank you sooooooo much for everything I hope you doing well
Shanny, I've never struggled with the things that you have, but I want you to know how strong I think you are. It cannot be easy putting all this out there, but I think you are so brave. Stay strong. It gets better.
I hate that this happened to you, but am so proud of you for not giving up. You spread healing with sharing your pain with us. It takes a very strong person to be able to do that and I have the utmost respect and appreciation for you.for the selfless way you sacrifice your privacy (in a way) to help others. I pray this video reaches anyone who would be the better for hearing your message. It's inspiring how you help spread the truth about recovery, it is so crucial for success to understand that relapse is an (unfortunate) important part. With my own healing process I've found this out the hard way and I'm happy to say you helped give me some of the pieces to putting that puzzle together. That vicious cycle is so relatable. But you helped me feel less ashamed of when I do fall prey to it,helping me to accept the setback as a step instead of a failure thus fueling the problem. Honestly changed my life for the better. Recovery sucks, but you manage to make it a little more tolerable. Wishing you nothing but the brightest love, and luck on your speech (I'd be there in a heartbeat if I wasn't so far away. I'm sure you will be wonderful, your presence will be beneficial regardless of the speeches success. 🤗. Your energy is contagious. 😄
That was such a great point about you being stronger and your mind being ready to take on the next hurdle in your recover. Thank you so much for sharing this, Shanny 💜 You blow me away with your strength and perseverance. You got this and we got you. 💪
I am so glad you shared this! YOU are powerful and strong! Keep sharing- the more you do, the more in control of yourself and your life you are! ❤️❤️❤️
I'm sorry this is something you have to fight through, but I am SO impressed by how you're handling it. I hope - someday - that you no longer binge and purge to comfort yourself, but the way you're talking about this is a huge contrast to you're attitude in the past. Keep staying strong and choosing happiness!
Thank you for creating content so often, Shanny! You've been helping me so much with my ED. And thank you for the trigger warning for your younger and more sensitive viewers like me!
This is such an important video!! Letting it out and then letting it go are both super important as well as super hard. This video really does prove how far you’ve come. You’re so strong. I think it takes even more mental effort to stop the binge purge cycle once you’ve started it which makes me so proud of you!!
Thank you for sharing this personal story! I've also had a repressed memory of being sexually assaulted when I was six years old, and it came back up so randomly, I don't know what triggered it. After it came back, I couldn't tell if it was real or not at first because I had forgotten it for so long, but then I was sure it must be a real memory, because I also remembered that day after I got home (the assault happened whilst I was at school) when my mum kept asking me what was wrong because I was being really quiet, I couldn't walk properly and was crying on the toilet because I was in pain, but I didn't want to tell her what had happened, because even though at the time I was too young to really understand what the person was doing to me, I felt ashamed and thought it was my fault. Although it happened a long time ago, because I had never processed the memory properly it was like grieving all over again when it came back, so I understand how hard it can be when these kind of memories come back! It's validating to know that others have also had repressed memories and I'm not just imagining it! Love you Shanny!! Stay strong!
Shanny i am so sorry that you have been through this but you are brave to share this experience so openly. And please dont beat . yourself up for relapsing, its all just part of the journey.You are so strong and you just keep growing stronger by the day. Im so proud of you for how far you have come and all that you have done to get to the place you are at now. Im really thankful that you exist to share your story because it honestly comforts me alot. Love you so much shanny xx
Thank you for sharing your story. I'd be lieing if I said that it didn't trigger any bad abuse memories of mind, it did. But I know I'm strong enough to not let it get to me. When they come up I also get those physical feelings back, makes me literally sick. PTSD is a off thing, how one small little thing can trigger a memory and bring you back to that moment... very extraordinary but also very debilitating. You're going to help so many people by sharing this video. :) you're such a strong person Shanny, you inspired me to make my own YT channel talking about stuff like this, mental health and advice video's. I want to help and support people as my future career but I'm not mentally prepared myself to do so yet, so I'm doing it another way :)
You are so very strong. Your words, your story, will help. We love you. We are here for you. We are a strong community! And leave it to Shanny to add a rap and a dose of humor... you make me smile always. Sending you lots of love ❤️ so proud of you!
I'm sorry for all you have gone through. You are such a sweet and kind person. No one should have to deal with these things. I'll be praying for both you and Danny. 💔
I am so sorry this happened to you, honeybee! We love you. I understand being disappointed in yourself for binging/purging. I don't really binge v much anymore, i just purge (i just did it today and i hate myself for it rn). It will be okay, WE well be okay. love you
Hadley Larson 💕💕💕 we all have off days in our recovery so please, you shoulsnt hate yourself for something that happened love (stupidly more easily said than done) but slip ups happen and just keep the peace with yourself💕
You're so strong S. I was assaulted by my stepdad end of 2016. It was brutal and lasted hours. It's shit while you're remembering the experience and going through the shock but it gets much better. When you're ready you should contact a support group
I repressed 3 years of abuse. I was 8-11 and didn’t remember it until I was 17. It was an immediate family member so having those terrible things come back to me after years of being close to that person was devastating.
I'm so proud of you, not only for facing these memories but for not letting them be the excuse for a new relapse. That is a huge step in your recovery! You are doing great.
I really really look up to you shanny. you have really helped and continue to help so many people. you are truly beautiful inside and out. keep doing what you are doing:))
Keep a diary, Shanny. And, in part of the diary, on one half of the page, write down bad memories and feelings, and on the other side of the page, write good memories and feelings, and compare how many bad memories versus how many good memories, and you'll see your strengths, and how to get through whatever weaknesses you notice, and you'll see how you have progressed as a person, and how your life progressed for the better, and you'll also be able to use it to motivate us, mentor us, and comfort us, and it could also be of help to you, because, once you have the bad memory on paper, maybe your brain will be able to completely forget it, cause it would then be documented, and that's a way of moving on.
The last few months I have been swallowed up in a repressed memory of sexual assault from over 15 years ago. Thank you for sharing this my burden truly feels lighter after watching this. Love you Shanny.
I’m proud of you for so many reasons!! You are such a good example of what honest recovery looks like & you practice what you preach. I am so so proud to call you friend. One mess up doesn’t mean you’re ruined and I’m so thankful you have told me that and that you also live that. I’m sorry I’ve been MIA - life has gotten me. But I’m here for you always, you know that. I’m proud of you for pushing through what is hard & dealing with those emotions. You are getting stronger every second and I’m so very proud of you. Love you boo ❤️
You are so strong and amazing. I have was sexually abused as a child and a adult and just recently started to get therapy for it. I suffer from an eating disorder. I have been suffering from an eating disorder since for as long as I can remember. I still act on my eating disorder. My insurance doesn’t cover for me to get help so I’m trying to recover on my own. Your awesome. Love you girl
when you feel like crap that recovery isn’t going exactly how you wished it would, please remember this qoute by Kati Morton (an amazing therapist here on youtube); recovery is a process, not perfection ❤️
Thank you for sharing this video. I appreciate the raw honesty. My best friend from college told me earlier this week that she thinks I was sexually abused as a kid. I have no recollection of this happening but the more she points out the more I could see it being a possibility. She is a survivor herself so she notices things more too. Anyways, she mentioned this and she’s taking about it with me and I am trying to find a counselor but now it’s all I think about. I feel different now and I don’t even know if anything happened but I can’t see myself quite the same now and idk what to do about that.
Dear Shanny, I'm so sorry to hear that you've relapsed again. I wanted to share something with you that I think will help prevent you from another slip up. I had this idea, that you can tape a little motivational message on the underside of the lid of the toilet. Perhaps a warning, whatever you think would get through to you when you are in that mindset, after you've binged. I think that it would be another barrier for you have to push through the next time you have a moment of weakness. You could even make a video about making them and putting them up. I don't know, just a thought. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
You are alive, you did survive, don’t cave or be a slave to the memory or the pain.Let it go, don’t stash it deep inside and hide, Be free from guilt and shame for crimes you did not commit. You are alive and I thank you for that. ❤️
Shanny, I had something similar happen to me this weekend too. I haven’t really opened up much about what happened to me to my husband , but this last weekend we were talking about our baby (because I’m almost halfway through my pregnancy) and the subject came up. Anyways the last thing I said about it was “and I’m gonna make sure they know that it’s not their fault either “ and I started crying. My husband told me that it wasn’t my fault and it was the best thing to hear. I’m sorry you had a lapse but you’ll get through it ❤️ and to you or anyone else that needs to hear this , what happened to you was not your fault ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Shanny, you are so brave. I know it’s gotta be crazy hard to talk about this kind of stuff and admit to purging but I love how you keep a smile on your face and how you’re able to maintain a nice, goofy attitude about it. You’re putting smiles on so many peoples’ faces and I hope you realize that. Just now, I was about to cut myself, then I saw you uploaded.. so I watched your video instead This comment is such a mess but I just wanted to say thank you for inspiring me and many others to stay positive through all this
This made me cry... Dear Shanny. You are SO inspiring, brave and strong. I admire you more than words can describe. Just... thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for being YOU! I'm SO proud of you, and I love you SO much
This made m cry. In a good way I guess? You're so strong and I'm so glad you share these things because you're helping me. Ive been followung you since i was 13/14. I'm 16 now and was going to go court for abuse but ya know trauma and all its too hard. Stay strong shanny💕 don't let them win.
something my mom said to me years ago when i was going through a really hard time was "you are stronger than you feel, braver than you believe, and smarter than you think". i want you to keep than in mind. also, will your talk on saturday be recorded? i cant attend but id love to see it. sending love from vermont
I have repressed memories of sexual abuse I endured from childhood and I promise you it gets better. You are so much stronger than you even know. 💪❤ Keep on pushing through it.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I always had a feeling I was sexually abused, I must have repressed it along with 90% of my memories, I had/have nearly all the symptoms and I had a few weird dreams before the one I'm about to mention. About a year and a half ago I had this dream that I was with this man, but I couldn't make out his face, but I KNEW he sexually abused me. I was so afraid, so I woke myself up before I could make out his face. I was relieved. Unsurprisingly, about a week or so later I began starving myself and got into that awful binge and restrict cycle after a few months. One day I laid in bed and thought about that dream and the situation again and tried to remember anything from my childhood about it which only led me to disassociate harder than ever. My vision was static and I felt like I was floating. I've been trying to recover from the restricting and binging, but knowing that repressed memories come up when you're stronger makes me so hesitant because I don't want to remember a lot from my childhood including sexual abuse, so it's been difficult. Hearing your experience helped a lot though. It's given me hope that if my memories ever do fully come back up I'll be able to deal with the feelings of shame, disgust, and emptiness better. Thank you once again.
Yesterday, I had anxiety laying down for a nap. I almost couldn't breathe from the anxiety. Out of the anxiety came a remembering of the time I astral projected bouncing bobbing up against the ceiling. Then, I made the connection that I was being assaulted. The room is recognizable. The perpetrator is like cut out and almost digitally removed like with software! I'm comforted by your reaction because I am just in a funk. It makes a lot of sense as to the choice of men i have made. I feel safe with people sexually abusive and dominating because mom was a narcissistic creature from beneath. Dad would always try to grab hug me. It wasn't ever a nurturing respectful nuzzle but a hug by force. I also was tickled until I cried. But i never knew I was assaulted. I know I was abused in other ways but thought it only FELT like sexual trauma. I didn't know there was actually sexual trauma
Shanny I first want to start off by saying that I love you and I support you. Also even if we relapse we will push forward and take it day by day❤ I am so glad that you are sharing this with everyone. You are going to help alot of people. Like you already have. This is going to help those who have experience this feel not alone. Shanny I am so proud of you I know this is hard for you. ❤ We are all going to keep getting through the bumps in life ❤ if anyone needs to talk my Facebook is Becca Garvin❤ I love you Shanny and Shanny fannies ❤ I know that we all struggle with our own fights in life.But I know we can push through the hard times and grow absolutely stronger❤❤
I used to think I had a really active imagination when I was a kid, but I’ve been in a major depressive episode for a couple years, and I have found myself dissociating a lot in that time. As I was trying to find out why I was constantly dissociating, I kind of put it together that I have either replaced memories of abuse with dreams, or I dissociated during the abuse and imagined something else while it was happening. Since I’ve had that revelation, a lot of those memories have been coming back. It is really hard to deal with them.
Something similar happened to me when I was 14, and the repressed memories came back when I was 16. Luckily I was able to get away from the person that did it, and I think that's what helped me recover most (although I'm still not fully recovered). If anyone else is going through anything like this you just have to remember that time is the best healer for this kind of stuff and everything will get so much better 😙
I love you shanny!!!!! you're such a strong and amazing person!!!! I honestly don't know where I would be if I hadn't of found your channel! 😭💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Hey shanny.... does Danny help u almost with ur eating disorder? When I'm with my boyfriend just being with him or eating with him and him telling me that he loves every day makes it easier.... btw u r one of my most respected people and i love u and ur vidoes so much and i pray for u every day ❤❤❤❤❤
Shanny your the best person ever ilysm!❤️ I was on ur live on instagram I’m going to try and be on all of them and show u some love!❤️ (and guys she sings great songs!😂)
Being strong enough to handle it doesn't mean your unaffected by it, it just means that you have the strength to come out the other side of it and get stronger from it.
I know this is like the complete opposite of repressed memories but what do you do when you get constant flashbacks of abuse? It's been maybe 3 years since this particular person stopped abusing me and as much as i feel sometimes mentally that I'm over it i constantly have flashbacks of it and they won't stop no matter what i do
Don’t know how you’re doing today, but look up EMDR therapy. There may be RUclips videos to help you process this traumatic memory so it’s not mentally and visually assaulting you all the time. Speaking from experience, EMDR has been life changing for me. I have CPTSD from childhood sexual abuse and started having repressed memories come back to me after my second child was born. I’m 30 now. This was about 15 years ago the last time I remember being sexually abused. I was in high school at the time, and I tried to tell people what was going on... and thought I had, but apparently I dissociated even trying to tell what happened to me. So, I was mad at my parents for apparently no support from them, when they didn’t know the full depths of what occurred. But also, my parents aren’t very emotionally attuned to their kids or each other (from my observations), so that complicated matters, as I never really felt emotionally safe with them.
Here are my thoughts/feelings I’m amazed that you can just move past it. I’m hurt by the word wallow. And for me a 23 year old with DID I haven’t moved past them. It’s been 16 years since the events started. And three years since remembering it. It’s hard. It’s something I’m not going to get past. It’ll get easier. But I will never get past this.
Wow Shanny I'm really sorry that happened to you but I'm really REALLY proud of you for opening up about it and letting it go. Wow. You are incredible! You continue to inspire me everyday. I love you sooooo much! #BigFluffySweaterHugs #BFSH
You are just an amazing woman! I’m so impressed by how opened and honest you are about everything! I’m also so happy that RUclips make it possible for me to follow you all the way from Sweden! 🦄♥️😉 (and yeah the stupid swede get that it’s not RUclips who make it possible 😂🙈😉) much love 💕
hey shanny, i love you and your videos theyre really helpful and i hope you realise how many people youre helping, if you could do a video on orthorexia i would find that really helpful as one of my best friends is currently dealing with it and i cant help because ive never had it myself, I love you shanny and thank you for inspiring me and so many other people every day xxx
Hi shanny. You are absolutely incredible. I would absolutely love to speak with you more. There is stuff I would not like to write publicly but I feel that maybe speaking with u may give me some insight on how to move on. Is there an email I can send u a letter too?
HA I didn’t become stronger when I remembered my rape at 16 that happened at a family party when I was 6. I was with friends and we were talking about the worst thing that happened to us, at first I thought it was my aunt dying when I was 13. Then I blurted out “when I was 6 I was raped at a famil party” and my memory started coming back. Suicidal, cutting, medications, therapy. It was shit and for the past 10 years I’ve lived of SSI and have androphobia....also PTSD, depression, social anxiety, panic disorder, GAD and uhhhhh...that’s it. I don’t think that’s strong. I think that’s a victim and weak and...pathetic. I had a flashback about 12 days ago and now I’m going to see a therapist for it...the memory made me throw up.
thanks for this video shanny, it helped me a lot, i just watched i'm sorry i've been so busy lately and i haven't watch a lot of videos, i promise i will! (by the way im w_a_t_a_s_s_h_i on ig
Hi im sorry if this comes across as weird but in the video you hinted that you have talked about your abuse before in detail, i was wondering if you know the title of the video? I find your honesty really helpful and refreshing
This is super hard for me to post, but I hope it helps someone out there. The person who abused me in this story is someone I don’t even know anymore, and I decided that I would share it, but still conceal their identity. Thank you for your love and support! You’re not alone!!! I love you all 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
EDucating Shanny I love when you start the videos just staring it’s hilarious💜💖
I have a bmi of 15.6 but I don't have an eating disorder...
Thank you for sharing... Of it help YOU, please know that you've helped me so much on the year or so I've been watching you on RUclips.
Congratulations! You have survived through 100% of your bad days!
EDucating Shanny I've noticed something I'd like to mention. Whenever you're talking about something that's difficult for you to talk about for whatever reason, you tend not to look at the camera too much. This is not a hate comment I'm not intending to be mean it's just an observation. Although, I know I feel more connected when I'm speaking with someone about something difficult and I look in their eyes, it may make you feel more connected with us if you looked into the camera a bit more? However if you feel more comfortable looking away that's fine it's just something I wanted to share. You do you honey I will love you and support you either way. Thank you for sharing it with us sweetie. I hope it helped you get things off your chest so you can move on better. Remember we're always here to listen. You are beautiful, you are worth it and so am I ❤
Hi Shanny I’m Cecilia.
I know exactly how you feel. I was sexually abused by someone close in my family for over 6 months when I was 14 through the time I was 15 and I ended up having a child from it. I was drinking all the time and smoking weed and I starved myself then binged and purged (in hopes of making myself less attractive got him because I’m of thicker stature)after it happened. He threatened to expose my usage and that my parents wouldn’t believe me about what was going on and would believe him instead. He was a master manipulator. He told me my parents would disown me if they knew about “us” (it disgusted me when he said that) When I found out I had a child inside of me all of it stopped (drugs and drinking included and I tried to stop the ED) and I decided he wasn’t going to have power over me anymore. When the man got put in prison finally a few months ago I thought that it was finally over but I still have memories some up out of no where. The worst memory I’ve had lately was when I was walking down the hallway at school and I saw things no person should have to deal with or see. I’m trying to better myself for my son so when I see him again he can see that even though the situation happened the way it did i love him and I’m not letting the bastard who abused me win. I’m almost 17 now. I was almost 16 when I had my son. He’ll be 1 May the 3rd and I’ll me 17 on May 17th. I chose to give him to a family to raise him in ways I never would be able to. The parents send me pictures of him and he’s a beautiful being. I believe in you Shanny. You’re a strong woman and you can overcome this. Don’t let those haunting memories hold you back from doing what you love most.
Keep going on strong. You’re beautiful and you seem like a very compassionate person. I look forward to watching your videos everyday. I love you. If you or anyone else reading this ever needs to talk you can message me anytime on instagram @ghoulishfreak
Wow very sorry to what happened to you.
:(
You are STRONG to give your son to a family who is ready for a child. ❤
You did the right thing!!!
I realized I was sexually abused some time back only within the past couple years. My therapist at the time told me i was lying because "theres no such thing as an off switch in your brain" and "if it did happen, its in the past. Lets talk about the now".
I have bpd and i think this is one kf the reasons why. I stopped seeing him after that appointment
Good for you sweetie.
I had a really traumatic event happen a few months ago. My abuser and his wife (who's a family member) asked me to come over to talk. I assumed he was going to finally own up to what he did to me for years. But instead, they held me in their house and wouldn't let me leave. I had to scream for my 19 year old daughter who was waiting outside in the car. I was thrown back into those situations of fear as a teenager. I'm still not over it. I feel violated. And the part that really hurts, is the person who's married to my abuser and is a family member, let it happen! I am so angry. I'm 42 years old. I didn't tell anyone about my abuser until I was 30. When I told, I finally felt a sense of relief. But after that happened a few months ago, I feel like they took the power from me. I don't know how to explain it. It hurts alot..
They are trash.
How can I recover repressed memories? I have a strong suspicion I was sexually abused but I don't know for sure
Thank you so much. Sometimes I feel so alone because dealing with repressed memories of sexual abuse is so different than when someone knows its happened. I remembered one of them last year for the first time but there's still a few that I haven't. It shook my entire world. Its so hard. I felt crazy all through my teenage years because I didn't know anything had happened to me and I didn't understand why I 'couldn't' be normal and have sex like other people. One of the things thats the most difficult is that because i was so young when the trauma happened, I have no idea how to be healthy. The ptsd has come up in so many different ways and im still learning that certain traits of mine that ive had my whole life are really just symptoms of ptsd from the trauma. Now thats its coming up I can see it more clearly but its still so hard and lonely to go through. I get flashbacks just by people touching me or when someone is vulnerable around me because I feel violated. Im sick of being scared. Im sick of feeling violated by normal everyday things. And I don't even know how to express the depth of the emotional turmoil it causes. Thank you for sharing. It really does help me feel understood and seen.
Danny is so smart for thinking of that. That makes a lot of sense because you are getting so much stronger. Love you!!
I'm so proud of you for sharing this..... the exact same thing happened to me when I was a kid(and other things) and I felt so alone and disgusting for so long, but you posting this helped me realized it wasn't my fault. I had to go to court because of it and It was HELL. To this day I still feel disgusting, alone, scared and like I'm a dirty person. But watching your videos help me cope.. thank you Shanny.. I love you!
You are such an inspiration! Talking openly about your struggles and the progress you've made is so important. I'm sure you have helped sooooo many people and that's amazing.
You are already so strong, Shanny!! You inspire me to keep going, even when I've had a set-back.. I haven't self-harmed in 23 days, and you're part of the reason why. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story and struggles with us. ❤️
Janna congrats!!!
Shanny trust me I know what you are going through cause I went through everything you did and trust me you are strong speaking up about it is really strong of you I'm not good at talking obviously you always have been my role model I just turned 16 years old and you gave me hope to recover your videos gave me the strength to talk to my parents about it and I want to thank you thank you sooooooo much for everything I hope you doing well
im so proud of you 💜 we are here for you, u r not alone!
Shanny, I've never struggled with the things that you have, but I want you to know how strong I think you are. It cannot be easy putting all this out there, but I think you are so brave. Stay strong. It gets better.
you made me cry, thank you for being such a beautiful and strong person and trying to share that strength with us. you can do this.
Girl you are so strong, so many people numb their feelings with drugs or alcohol but you are strong enough to feel them out I admire that so much
I hate that this happened to you, but am so proud of you for not giving up. You spread healing with sharing your pain with us. It takes a very strong person to be able to do that and I have the utmost respect and appreciation for you.for the selfless way you sacrifice your privacy (in a way) to help others. I pray this video reaches anyone who would be the better for hearing your message. It's inspiring how you help spread the truth about recovery, it is so crucial for success to understand that relapse is an (unfortunate) important part. With my own healing process I've found this out the hard way and I'm happy to say you helped give me some of the pieces to putting that puzzle together. That vicious cycle is so relatable. But you helped me feel less ashamed of when I do fall prey to it,helping me to accept the setback as a step instead of a failure thus fueling the problem. Honestly changed my life for the better.
Recovery sucks, but you manage to make it a little more tolerable.
Wishing you nothing but the brightest love, and luck on your speech (I'd be there in a heartbeat if I wasn't so far away. I'm sure you will be wonderful, your presence will be beneficial regardless of the speeches success.
🤗. Your energy is contagious. 😄
That was such a great point about you being stronger and your mind being ready to take on the next hurdle in your recover. Thank you so much for sharing this, Shanny 💜 You blow me away with your strength and perseverance. You got this and we got you. 💪
I am so glad you shared this! YOU are powerful and strong! Keep sharing- the more you do, the more in control of yourself and your life you are! ❤️❤️❤️
You are so brave! You are worthy, strong, beautiful & deserve a happy beautiful life x heal & release sweets!
I'm sorry this is something you have to fight through, but I am SO impressed by how you're handling it. I hope - someday - that you no longer binge and purge to comfort yourself, but the way you're talking about this is a huge contrast to you're attitude in the past. Keep staying strong and choosing happiness!
Thank you for creating content so often, Shanny! You've been helping me so much with my ED. And thank you for the trigger warning for your younger and more sensitive viewers like me!
I am so happy and proud of you for sharing this with us!!! It is a big step towards recovery and recovering from this past traumatic events
Wow, that was a wise and profound statement by Danny. Your mind will only show you what you are strong enough to handle. He's a really good guy!
This is such an important video!! Letting it out and then letting it go are both super important as well as super hard. This video really does prove how far you’ve come. You’re so strong. I think it takes even more mental effort to stop the binge purge cycle once you’ve started it which makes me so proud of you!!
Thank you for sharing this personal story! I've also had a repressed memory of being sexually assaulted when I was six years old, and it came back up so randomly, I don't know what triggered it. After it came back, I couldn't tell if it was real or not at first because I had forgotten it for so long, but then I was sure it must be a real memory, because I also remembered that day after I got home (the assault happened whilst I was at school) when my mum kept asking me what was wrong because I was being really quiet, I couldn't walk properly and was crying on the toilet because I was in pain, but I didn't want to tell her what had happened, because even though at the time I was too young to really understand what the person was doing to me, I felt ashamed and thought it was my fault. Although it happened a long time ago, because I had never processed the memory properly it was like grieving all over again when it came back, so I understand how hard it can be when these kind of memories come back! It's validating to know that others have also had repressed memories and I'm not just imagining it! Love you Shanny!! Stay strong!
Shanny i am so sorry that you have been through this but you are brave to share this experience so openly. And please dont beat . yourself up for relapsing, its all just part of the journey.You are so strong and you just keep growing stronger by the day. Im so proud of you for how far you have come and all that you have done to get to the place you are at now. Im really thankful that you exist to share your story because it honestly comforts me alot. Love you so much shanny xx
Thank you for sharing your story.
I'd be lieing if I said that it didn't trigger any bad abuse memories of mind, it did. But I know I'm strong enough to not let it get to me.
When they come up I also get those physical feelings back, makes me literally sick. PTSD is a off thing, how one small little thing can trigger a memory and bring you back to that moment... very extraordinary but also very debilitating.
You're going to help so many people by sharing this video. :) you're such a strong person Shanny, you inspired me to make my own YT channel talking about stuff like this, mental health and advice video's. I want to help and support people as my future career but I'm not mentally prepared myself to do so yet, so I'm doing it another way :)
You are so very strong. Your words, your story, will help. We love you. We are here for you. We are a strong community! And leave it to Shanny to add a rap and a dose of humor... you make me smile always. Sending you lots of love ❤️ so proud of you!
Oh wow , so many things as a young boy I dismissed that were indeed sexual trauma and this just showed me something so deep thank you for this
I'm sorry for all you have gone through. You are such a sweet and kind person. No one should have to deal with these things. I'll be praying for both you and Danny. 💔
Thank you for sharing this and explaining how the memories coming back is a good thing... it is an opportunity to heal.
I am so sorry this happened to you, honeybee! We love you. I understand being disappointed in yourself for binging/purging. I don't really binge v much anymore, i just purge (i just did it today and i hate myself for it rn). It will be okay, WE well be okay. love you
Hadley Larson 💕💕💕 we all have off days in our recovery so please, you shoulsnt hate yourself for something that happened love (stupidly more easily said than done) but slip ups happen and just keep the peace with yourself💕
Sending you lots of Love Shanny!!!! You are a beautiful soul. Love you girl 💗
You're so strong S. I was assaulted by my stepdad end of 2016. It was brutal and lasted hours. It's shit while you're remembering the experience and going through the shock but it gets much better. When you're ready you should contact a support group
I repressed 3 years of abuse. I was 8-11 and didn’t remember it until I was 17. It was an immediate family member so having those terrible things come back to me after years of being close to that person was devastating.
I'm so proud of you, not only for facing these memories but for not letting them be the excuse for a new relapse. That is a huge step in your recovery! You are doing great.
I really really look up to you shanny. you have really helped and continue to help so many people. you are truly beautiful inside and out. keep doing what you are doing:))
I started another depressive episode the other day and I needed a shanny video ILYSM shanny thank you for just being here
Keep a diary, Shanny. And, in part of the diary, on one half of the page, write down bad memories and feelings, and on the other side of the page, write good memories and feelings, and compare how many bad memories versus how many good memories, and you'll see your strengths, and how to get through whatever weaknesses you notice, and you'll see how you have progressed as a person, and how your life progressed for the better, and you'll also be able to use it to motivate us, mentor us, and comfort us, and it could also be of help to you, because, once you have the bad memory on paper, maybe your brain will be able to completely forget it, cause it would then be documented, and that's a way of moving on.
Jason Gates that's a great idea!! I want to try that :)
I love you and I'm so proud of you Shanny, you are so strong and worth it! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
The last few months I have been swallowed up in a repressed memory of sexual assault from over 15 years ago. Thank you for sharing this my burden truly feels lighter after watching this. Love you Shanny.
I’m proud of you for so many reasons!! You are such a good example of what honest recovery looks like & you practice what you preach. I am so so proud to call you friend. One mess up doesn’t mean you’re ruined and I’m so thankful you have told me that and that you also live that. I’m sorry I’ve been MIA - life has gotten me. But I’m here for you always, you know that. I’m proud of you for pushing through what is hard & dealing with those emotions. You are getting stronger every second and I’m so very proud of you. Love you boo ❤️
You are so strong and amazing. I have was sexually abused as a child and a adult and just recently started to get therapy for it. I suffer from an eating disorder. I have been suffering from an eating disorder since for as long as I can remember. I still act on my eating disorder. My insurance doesn’t cover for me to get help so I’m trying to recover on my own. Your awesome. Love you girl
when you feel like crap that recovery isn’t going exactly how you wished it would, please remember this qoute by Kati Morton (an amazing therapist here on youtube); recovery is a process, not perfection ❤️
I'm so proud of you for being able to share your stories and finally talk about these things. 💜😊
This is so important, thank you for posting, you are strong and we're all so proud of you
Thank you for sharing this video. I appreciate the raw honesty. My best friend from college told me earlier this week that she thinks I was sexually abused as a kid. I have no recollection of this happening but the more she points out the more I could see it being a possibility. She is a survivor herself so she notices things more too. Anyways, she mentioned this and she’s taking about it with me and I am trying to find a counselor but now it’s all I think about. I feel different now and I don’t even know if anything happened but I can’t see myself quite the same now and idk what to do about that.
Dear Shanny,
I'm so sorry to hear that you've relapsed again. I wanted to share something with you that I think will help prevent you from another slip up. I had this idea, that you can tape a little motivational message on the underside of the lid of the toilet. Perhaps a warning, whatever you think would get through to you when you are in that mindset, after you've binged. I think that it would be another barrier for you have to push through the next time you have a moment of weakness. You could even make a video about making them and putting them up. I don't know, just a thought. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Tabitha Crouse That is such a great idea! 😄
Awesome idea!!!!!
I just loved your idea 💜💜💜 please shanny do it
You are brave for sharing 💜 hugs you are strong! Love you!
You are alive, you did survive, don’t cave or be a slave to the memory or the pain.Let it go, don’t stash it deep inside and hide, Be free from guilt and shame for crimes you did not commit. You are alive and I thank you for that. ❤️
Danny is smart. You are lucky to have one another. ❤
Shanny, I had something similar happen to me this weekend too. I haven’t really opened up much about what happened to me to my husband , but this last weekend we were talking about our baby (because I’m almost halfway through my pregnancy) and the subject came up. Anyways the last thing I said about it was “and I’m gonna make sure they know that it’s not their fault either “ and I started crying. My husband told me that it wasn’t my fault and it was the best thing to hear. I’m sorry you had a lapse but you’ll get through it ❤️ and to you or anyone else that needs to hear this , what happened to you was not your fault ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Shanny, you are so brave. I know it’s gotta be crazy hard to talk about this kind of stuff and admit to purging but I love how you keep a smile on your face and how you’re able to maintain a nice, goofy attitude about it. You’re putting smiles on so many peoples’ faces and I hope you realize that.
Just now, I was about to cut myself, then I saw you uploaded.. so I watched your video instead
This comment is such a mess but I just wanted to say thank you for inspiring me and many others to stay positive through all this
This made me cry... Dear Shanny. You are SO inspiring, brave and strong. I admire you more than words can describe. Just... thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for being YOU! I'm SO proud of you, and I love you SO much
Extremely proud of you for posting this video knowing that it was a hard subject to talk about💜💜
Hey Shanny. I’m so glad you post videos like this. They help a lot.
ILY...stay strong!...hugs
This made m cry. In a good way I guess? You're so strong and I'm so glad you share these things because you're helping me. Ive been followung you since i was 13/14. I'm 16 now and was going to go court for abuse but ya know trauma and all its too hard. Stay strong shanny💕 don't let them win.
This video really means a lot to me.
something my mom said to me years ago when i was going through a really hard time was "you are stronger than you feel, braver than you believe, and smarter than you think". i want you to keep than in mind. also, will your talk on saturday be recorded? i cant attend but id love to see it. sending love from vermont
I have repressed memories of sexual abuse I endured from childhood and I promise you it gets better. You are so much stronger than you even know. 💪❤ Keep on pushing through it.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I always had a feeling I was sexually abused, I must have repressed it along with 90% of my memories, I had/have nearly all the symptoms and I had a few weird dreams before the one I'm about to mention. About a year and a half ago I had this dream that I was with this man, but I couldn't make out his face, but I KNEW he sexually abused me. I was so afraid, so I woke myself up before I could make out his face. I was relieved. Unsurprisingly, about a week or so later I began starving myself and got into that awful binge and restrict cycle after a few months. One day I laid in bed and thought about that dream and the situation again and tried to remember anything from my childhood about it which only led me to disassociate harder than ever. My vision was static and I felt like I was floating. I've been trying to recover from the restricting and binging, but knowing that repressed memories come up when you're stronger makes me so hesitant because I don't want to remember a lot from my childhood including sexual abuse, so it's been difficult. Hearing your experience helped a lot though. It's given me hope that if my memories ever do fully come back up I'll be able to deal with the feelings of shame, disgust, and emptiness better. Thank you once again.
Yesterday, I had anxiety laying down for a nap. I almost couldn't breathe from the anxiety. Out of the anxiety came a remembering of the time I astral projected bouncing bobbing up against the ceiling. Then, I made the connection that I was being assaulted. The room is recognizable. The perpetrator is like cut out and almost digitally removed like with software! I'm comforted by your reaction because I am just in a funk. It makes a lot of sense as to the choice of men i have made. I feel safe with people sexually abusive and dominating because mom was a narcissistic creature from beneath. Dad would always try to grab hug me. It wasn't ever a nurturing respectful nuzzle but a hug by force. I also was tickled until I cried. But i never knew I was assaulted. I know I was abused in other ways but thought it only FELT like sexual trauma. I didn't know there was actually sexual trauma
Shanny I first want to start off by saying that I love you and I support you. Also even if we relapse we will push forward and take it day by day❤ I am so glad that you are sharing this with everyone. You are going to help alot of people. Like you already have. This is going to help those who have experience this feel not alone. Shanny I am so proud of you I know this is hard for you. ❤ We are all going to keep getting through the bumps in life ❤ if anyone needs to talk my Facebook is Becca Garvin❤ I love you Shanny and Shanny fannies ❤ I know that we all struggle with our own fights in life.But I know we can push through the hard times and grow absolutely stronger❤❤
Oh shanny I love you!!!! I love you I love you, you are just incredible! This video has helped me so much, thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I used to think I had a really active imagination when I was a kid, but I’ve been in a major depressive episode for a couple years, and I have found myself dissociating a lot in that time. As I was trying to find out why I was constantly dissociating, I kind of put it together that I have either replaced memories of abuse with dreams, or I dissociated during the abuse and imagined something else while it was happening. Since I’ve had that revelation, a lot of those memories have been coming back. It is really hard to deal with them.
Something similar happened to me when I was 14, and the repressed memories came back when I was 16. Luckily I was able to get away from the person that did it, and I think that's what helped me recover most (although I'm still not fully recovered). If anyone else is going through anything like this you just have to remember that time is the best healer for this kind of stuff and everything will get so much better 😙
Thank you for posting this shanny.
I love you shanny!!!!! you're such a strong and amazing person!!!! I honestly don't know where I would be if I hadn't of found your channel! 😭💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
I’m so sorry Shanny :( I wish there was something we as subscribers could do for you
You’re so smart I appreciate your intelligence & courage.
Hey shanny.... does Danny help u almost with ur eating disorder? When I'm with my boyfriend just being with him or eating with him and him telling me that he loves every day makes it easier.... btw u r one of my most respected people and i love u and ur vidoes so much and i pray for u every day ❤❤❤❤❤
Just a strong human bean ❤️ ILY.
Shanny your the best person ever ilysm!❤️ I was on ur live on instagram I’m going to try and be on all of them and show u some love!❤️ (and guys she sings great songs!😂)
Being strong enough to handle it doesn't mean your unaffected by it, it just means that you have the strength to come out the other side of it and get stronger from it.
You are so brave for sharing this xxx ❤️❤️❤️
Shanny i love you and thank you for sharing this you are so brave ♡ i will always support you
(At first, loooking so sad and empty) then, (HI SHANNY HI!) You got me...keep fighting Shanny. We love you
Thank you for this sharing..it is really helpfull..I wish you the best life
My boyfriend is currently going through PTSD memories and flashbacks. And nightmares. He’s trying to be okay and work through this.
Sorry you went through that 😢
I know this is like the complete opposite of repressed memories but what do you do when you get constant flashbacks of abuse? It's been maybe 3 years since this particular person stopped abusing me and as much as i feel sometimes mentally that I'm over it i constantly have flashbacks of it and they won't stop no matter what i do
Don’t know how you’re doing today, but look up EMDR therapy. There may be RUclips videos to help you process this traumatic memory so it’s not mentally and visually assaulting you all the time.
Speaking from experience, EMDR has been life changing for me. I have CPTSD from childhood sexual abuse and started having repressed memories come back to me after my second child was born. I’m 30 now. This was about 15 years ago the last time I remember being sexually abused. I was in high school at the time, and I tried to tell people what was going on... and thought I had, but apparently I dissociated even trying to tell what happened to me. So, I was mad at my parents for apparently no support from them, when they didn’t know the full depths of what occurred.
But also, my parents aren’t very emotionally attuned to their kids or each other (from my observations), so that complicated matters, as I never really felt emotionally safe with them.
Here are my thoughts/feelings I’m amazed that you can just move past it. I’m hurt by the word wallow. And for me a 23 year old with DID I haven’t moved past them. It’s been 16 years since the events started. And three years since remembering it. It’s hard. It’s something I’m not going to get past. It’ll get easier. But I will never get past this.
Wow Shanny I'm really sorry that happened to you but I'm really REALLY proud of you for opening up about it and letting it go. Wow. You are incredible! You continue to inspire me everyday. I love you sooooo much! #BigFluffySweaterHugs #BFSH
You are just an amazing woman! I’m so impressed by how opened and honest you are about everything! I’m also so happy that RUclips make it possible for me to follow you all the way from Sweden! 🦄♥️😉 (and yeah the stupid swede get that it’s not RUclips who make it possible 😂🙈😉) much love 💕
hey shanny, i love you and your videos theyre really helpful and i hope you realise how many people youre helping, if you could do a video on orthorexia i would find that really helpful as one of my best friends is currently dealing with it and i cant help because ive never had it myself, I love you shanny and thank you for inspiring me and so many other people every day xxx
What the heck is going on with the lighting?
I’ve had a, repressed memories too I know it’s a sock on the come back so I’m sorryhugs
I love you so much sweetie. I'm so sorry about the relapse. Please take care.
If anybody needs to talk to me dm me on Instagram at livvie_xo15 I love you all so much and you too Shanny ❤💛💚💙💜
Hi shanny. You are absolutely incredible. I would absolutely love to speak with you more. There is stuff I would not like to write publicly but I feel that maybe speaking with u may give me some insight on how to move on. Is there an email I can send u a letter too?
Shanty looks so young!👰🏼
Hey, you’re the strongest youtuber I know! Everything will be okay :) ♥️
No idea why but notification bell was off :o but hello sweet about to watch now ❤
HA I didn’t become stronger when I remembered my rape at 16 that happened at a family party when I was 6. I was with friends and we were talking about the worst thing that happened to us, at first I thought it was my aunt dying when I was 13. Then I blurted out “when I was 6 I was raped at a famil party” and my memory started coming back. Suicidal, cutting, medications, therapy. It was shit and for the past 10 years I’ve lived of SSI and have androphobia....also PTSD, depression, social anxiety, panic disorder, GAD and uhhhhh...that’s it. I don’t think that’s strong. I think that’s a victim and weak and...pathetic.
I had a flashback about 12 days ago and now I’m going to see a therapist for it...the memory made me throw up.
Love u so much stay strong u Can do it💜💜
Thank you for sharing. I love you, Shannycakes.
I've relasped alot too lately. Thanks for this video I used to think I was weird but I can definally relate to what you are saying and understand it.
thanks for this video shanny, it helped me a lot, i just watched i'm sorry i've been so busy lately and i haven't watch a lot of videos, i promise i will! (by the way im w_a_t_a_s_s_h_i on ig
Hi im sorry if this comes across as weird but in the video you hinted that you have talked about your abuse before in detail, i was wondering if you know the title of the video? I find your honesty really helpful and refreshing
Link his Channel!!!