23:09 You can tell a selfish person because they call themselves a giver. True love is not a credit/debit balance which must be repaid. This point is powerful. It's the end points that really resonate with your circumstances
22:00 If normal separation is experienced as injury, it leads to one controlling party. Extreme possessiveness and control ruins the entire relationship
18:46 In the experience of these two doctors, they have observed that passivity tends to lead to anger. You're not a bad person. It appears to just be a normal reaction to an abusive boundary crosser
Boundaries Myths - 1. I'm being selfish - There is a difference between being selfish and being self centered. 2.I'm being disobedient - We are accountable to God not others 3.If I set limits, I'm going to lose love - Fear of being abandoned, yet living without boundaries, usually means we aren't really connected to others. 4.If I set boundaries, I will hurt others - Boundaries are defensive tools, not offensive weapons - our intention is important 5. Boundaries mean I am angry - Actually, boundaries help us to be less angry. 6. When others set boundaries, it injures me - Relationships consist of a balance of togetherness and separateness, in that order. 7.But they have done so much for me - Love is a free gift without a price tag or IOU. 8. Boundaries are permanent - Boundaries are always open to change by the boundary setter
18:32 Codependent relationships usually do not have much love. (I'm pretty sure what he means is when one person crosses the boundary and keeps on demanding much more than is reasonable from another person who grudgingly gives in to these unreasonable demands)
Three cautions: 1. These concepts are very helpful for understanding emotional, psychological, and relational dynamics, but the speakers often are using scripture out of context and imposing scriptures on their own relational observations in ways that are not in line with the intent of those scriptures. 2.Also, this is a very Western-centric individualistic understanding of self and relationships. The concept has validity in every culture, but the applications will change greatly from culture to culture, as other cultures have a very different perspective on “self“ and how self interrelates with the “selves“ of others. 3. Much of what cloud and Townsend assert in these lectures is antithetical to the scriptural concept of “submission“. For example in first Peter we are told to submit to government authority, even when it is unjust. We submit to a spouse, even when a spouse is unrighteous or ungodly. And we submit to a master or employer, even when the master or employer is abusive and takes advantage of us. Obviously, it is scriptural to not submit to others, when their demands are in contradiction to God’s commands. But quite obviously scripture teaches there are times when we need to submit, even though our freedom will be limited in some way. In that sense, even though they insist everything they are saying is biblical, one actually needs to evaluate carefully what the Scriptures actually teach.
23:09
You can tell a selfish person because they call themselves a giver.
True love is not a credit/debit balance which must be repaid.
This point is powerful. It's the end points that really resonate with your circumstances
20:48
When they do normal things I *experience* that as injury. Actually "they are doing that for them, not against me".
Saved my life ! Thank You !
22:00
If normal separation is experienced as injury, it leads to one controlling party. Extreme possessiveness and control ruins the entire relationship
18:46
In the experience of these two doctors, they have observed that passivity tends to lead to anger.
You're not a bad person. It appears to just be a normal reaction to an abusive boundary crosser
Boundaries Myths -
1. I'm being selfish - There is a difference between being selfish and being self centered.
2.I'm being disobedient - We are accountable to God not others
3.If I set limits, I'm going to lose love - Fear of being abandoned, yet living without boundaries, usually means we aren't really connected to others.
4.If I set boundaries, I will hurt others - Boundaries are defensive tools, not offensive weapons - our intention is important
5. Boundaries mean I am angry - Actually, boundaries help us to be less angry.
6. When others set boundaries, it injures me - Relationships consist of a balance of togetherness and separateness, in that order.
7.But they have done so much for me - Love is a free gift without a price tag or IOU.
8. Boundaries are permanent - Boundaries are always open to change by the boundary setter
15:54
The most well boundaried people actually don't experience lot of anger
10:53
Those with boundaries have love and they refuse abuse. They just reject abuse
9:21
If someone only loves you because of what you do for them, that's not a good relationship
18:32
Codependent relationships usually do not have much love. (I'm pretty sure what he means is when one person crosses the boundary and keeps on demanding much more than is reasonable from another person who grudgingly gives in to these unreasonable demands)
11:43
Do you blame the drunk or the pavement? If a drunk blames the pavement, he is refusing to take responsibility for his own actions.
15:03
Pain and injury are two different things
Waw what heary breaking truth!
13:25
Boundaries are not offensive. They are *defensive.* If someone bangs their head on the wall, it's their fault. Don't go over boundaries
19:48
Proverbs 31. The capable wife. She left the house. She was free. That is the way Jehovah wants it to be
Timestamps for a very special person ;-)
Click the blue time buttons
6:15
Humans may claim that when you disobey them you disobey God.
It’s all great, except his examples are most about bad parents.
Three cautions:
1. These concepts are very helpful for understanding emotional, psychological, and relational dynamics, but the speakers often are using scripture out of context and imposing scriptures on their own relational observations in ways that are not in line with the intent of those scriptures.
2.Also, this is a very Western-centric individualistic understanding of self and relationships. The concept has validity in every culture, but the applications will change greatly from culture to culture, as other cultures have a very different perspective on “self“ and how self interrelates with the “selves“ of others.
3. Much of what cloud and Townsend assert in these lectures is antithetical to the scriptural concept of “submission“. For example in first Peter we are told to submit to government authority, even when it is unjust. We submit to a spouse, even when a spouse is unrighteous or ungodly. And we submit to a master or employer, even when the master or employer is abusive and takes advantage of us. Obviously, it is scriptural to not submit to others, when their demands are in contradiction to God’s commands. But quite obviously scripture teaches there are times when we need to submit, even though our freedom will be limited in some way. In that sense, even though they insist everything they are saying is biblical, one actually needs to evaluate carefully what the Scriptures actually teach.
It's okay to submit to authorities if it doesn't disobey God. Justice is important but mercy is greater than justice. God always first.
If the authors accent wasn’t so hail belly like Bob or Joe I’d listen to him. 🙄😏