I think Phil's ideal game would be one in which the player has infinite health, need only shoot in the general direction of enemies to kill them instantly, and which always has an arrow pointing him down the next linear corridor. The game would also cater to his sense of "humor" by having Adam Sandler as a partner who constantly makes stupid jokes and noises for his amusement. But knowing Phil he'd probably still find something to complain about.
"Bullet time is worthless when against seven enemies." THAT'S WHAT IT WAS MADE FOR! SHOOTDODGE AND SHOOT AS MANY IN THE HEAD AS YOU CAN BEFORE YOU HIT THE FLOOR!
Phil doesn't realize but once you get killed and have the chance to shoot back. the cross hair magnetizes to the person who shot you. yet he forces the cross hair away from the killer to shoot other enemies. It's a level of dumb that perplexes me.
Here is a drinking game. Take one shot every time; Phil whines about dying. Phil claims an enemy spawned on him. Someone in the comments says "then" instead of "than". Someone in the comments says "of" in place of "have". Welcome to hell.
Cao Cao 12:48 this is now my review of this game! I love it. "instant death, instant death... INSTANT------DEATH!" Sure Phil. Like some salt to go with that Death? 36:10 agreed 51:32 "The Phil I knew in 2010" is no different to the current. He was probably just whining about things some fans happened to agree with. Also, no. This game wasn't that buggy, DSP just was super unlucky.
Cao Cao Well, thanks a lot man, I died of alcohol poisoning! WTF, life didn't explain I would die for drinking too much vodka, THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO! Being dead sucks, Satan's forcing me to watch DSP's let's plays to the point of liking them. I think they got a partnership going.
Ok, the first part was actually pretty funny. Especially "Don't worry Paris Hilton". A rare mild smile bringing joke from DSP. 14:15 You may notice him perfectly aiming between her eyes with incredible precision before "Not even coming close to hitting her".
At 14:15 he shot through the person in front of her by mistake. I also like ripping on him for being braindead but he definitely didn't "aim between her eyes", he hasn't been going for headshots all playthrough so that isn't possible anyhow
Phil acknowledges guy. Phil acknowledges guy with a fully automatic drum-fed rifle. Phil jumps directly into the line of fire of the gun. Phil recognizes situation is "Instant Death." Phil correctly adapts to scenario with using his cover and peeking out, shoots wrong person first. Adapts. Phil correctly adapts to scenario with not peeking out and first shooting the bad guys trying to flank him. Still does not understand that using cover against the guy with the fully automatic drum-fed rifle is the best option, rather than trying to mow him down with two semi-automatic pistols. That's like...99% of all FPS games, 3rd or otherwise. TAKE COVER WHEN THE GUY IS SHOOTING YOU. Stop trying to block bullets with your jaw.
15:00 - most people, upon seeing the well-armored guy with the LMG and two flankers, would stay in cover and take out targets as they come to him, switching cover when the LMG guy is on cooldown. DSP? "JOHN WOOOOOOOOOOOOO*riddled with bullets*" He must have gotten lots of pity painkillers from all the deaths. Did anyone actually do a body count or should we just assume it's in the thousands?
I love how Phil constantly says that Last Stand is a terrible game mechanic. What he didn't think of was that without it, there would be more "instant death" situations that he also bitches about.
Why does he even play? He seems to hate every second of it like it was a chore. I played through this game a couple of times and I didn't mind dying and having to repeat a section because the shooting is so fun, and also it gives you the chance to try a different approach. However this guy seems he wants to be done as soon as possible to go do something fun.
Because he gets payed for doing awful videos. He doesn't play because he enjoys it. He is always getting angry over every game he plays. He hates it, but he is getting easy cash. The moment everyone stops supporting him, is the moment he will stop playing games
At 29:30 I think what happened is that DSP went into last stand while falling off the boat and got the guy who shot him last, which saved him. When you fall of the boat you die. I think those 2 collapse on each other that made him alive while dead, like... Your alive but no HP. As seen when his under the boat with no HUD, which is gone on death.
How did he survive to be an adult? I just imagine him as a 5 year old running out in the street getting hit by are car and being like "WTF HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT CAR WAS THERE? I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT!"
imagine real life situations with phil: Phil crashes into the back of someone in his car(if he ever leaves his house): I COULDNT DO ANYTHING MY CAR JUST DROVE BY ITSELF, FUCKING STUPID
DSP tries it: execution: 'how was i supposed to know the executioner would spawn at my own execution? thats fair! reality sucks. god designed it wrong.'
***** I never said they don't make quality content. Overrated =/= bad. Rockstar games are great, they're just not OHMAHGAWD GOTY SO PERFECT GIVE IT 1000000 AWARDS like everyone says they are.
Christmas Bedpan, no one thinks this is you. As soon as I hear that voice DSP DSP DSP. If you don't believe just think that no one else is this bad at games
Oh wow, this is the first time I've ever seen Phil call 'Bug' and it's actually true. Though "Game-breaking" is a little strong. I mean, it didn't break anything really. It was just a failed barrier.
I hope R* have seen this and the creators of this game (particularly Dan & Sam Houser) laughed their asses off. Because as we all know, every game Phil plays turns to shit in a New York Minute.
I completed this game on the hardest difficulty and there were tough times in that setting but seeing DSP struggle on this difficulty makes me lose faith in humanity.
lol i'd love to see phil try and play any of max payne 1, especially the dream sequences or the boss fight against the guy in the hotel at the beginning.
He had to keep calling it that since the videos, at first, were called Bald Marky Mark in Slow Mo since Rockstar Games was pretty hard on Copyrighting these videos. I'm not sure if he had to call it that in the video itself though
"what the fuck do i do? clear a whole room on my own?" Well y'know the main mechanic of the Max Payne games is the ability to use slow motion right? riiiiight?????
27:00 "I can't shoot him from here.. I have to go out into the open which is.. you know, makes me lose cover, which makes me vulnerable.." YES! YES DSP, YOU'RE LEARNING! *proceeds to completely forget that stroke of genius, dies out in the open, then blames Rockstar* -_-
"This is stoopid dude, I keep shooting them in their armor covered chests and they don't die! What am I supposed to do, shot them in the exposed face by abusing bullet time? This game sucks man."
I figured it out: he thinks he is playing COD. Seriously, look how he pauses for a bit with only 5% health left then runs into gunfire, it's like he is mentally incapable of understanding the health bar and is acting like he has fully regenerating health. He is obviously missing pills and not at all acting like his health is a finite resource. Fuck, COD's rebounding health and Halo's shield has ruined some people!
It's insane how much he hates the last chance system. It's the crutch that he's relying on in every situation to get him through the game, but he's so stupid he blames it for his failures anyway. If it wasn't in the game he would still be on level one today. Ironically I agree with him though that it shouldn't be in the game, it's a nube crutch, along with the auto-aim system he's using, that makes the game too easy.
I think Soda Drinker Pro would be an appropriate game for DSP. It has just the perfect level of challenge for him without being so hard that it's "bullshit".
Out of all the "This Is How You DON'T Play" videos I've seen so far, this one was probably the most painful to watch. "Instant death, instant death, instant death" I can't imagine how annoying it must've been for the people watching the original playthrough. :P
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
1)Near death
2)Gets second chance
3)Aims at the guy
4)Shoots when the gun is *faced away* from the enemy
5)Dies
6)Blames the game
Typical DSP
"I have no idea what's happening!" sums up Phil's life
I'm not even gonna question your pfp...
I think Phil's ideal game would be one in which the player has infinite health, need only shoot in the general direction of enemies to kill them instantly, and which always has an arrow pointing him down the next linear corridor. The game would also cater to his sense of "humor" by having Adam Sandler as a partner who constantly makes stupid jokes and noises for his amusement.
But knowing Phil he'd probably still find something to complain about.
He'd somehow die despite the infinite health.
And still miss despite the generous auto aim.
***** Welcome to the World of DSP. Where he gives no fucks about fun and simply wishes to make money out sheer greed and desperation.
Son of Tiamat The enemies also need to have no sense of sight or hearing for all the rigged stealth missions
It also needs to be online only
*so he can blame it on Lag*
I thought Max suffered most at the hands of Nicole Horn. DSP is worst antagonist.
The game bugs out because phil's doing things with it that not even the developers could have foreseen.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOMG
that just makes this even funnier
He wasn't supposed to jump into the canal, lol.
Max Payne, Min Skill
Masstransit2 That rhyme 👌 ROASTED so hard my phone is on fire.
Max gout
"Bullet time is worthless when against seven enemies."
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS MADE FOR! SHOOTDODGE AND SHOOT AS MANY IN THE HEAD AS YOU CAN BEFORE YOU HIT THE FLOOR!
"Dear DSP,
you're a fucking scrub.
Sincerely,
Rockstar"
P.S.
All you had to do was follow the damn train, DSP!
"Every game developer in existence"
A good letter however I noticed a misspelling in the signature. It's spelled "Everyone".
wait you wear a scrub when you work at a hospital or some clinic. Did DSP finally get a job?
Argonisgema I would not wear him if I was a worker at one of those places. He'd be bugged.
Phil doesn't realize but once you get killed and have the chance to shoot back. the cross hair magnetizes to the person who shot you. yet he forces the cross hair away from the killer to shoot other enemies. It's a level of dumb that perplexes me.
Oh, well, i've used it as a free slo-mo to kill an enemy next to the one i'm supposed to kill, then kill the culprit.
Phil went full-on AVGN at 35:55.
My eyes are at max pain
*slow clap* *slightly faster clap* *fast clap* *light speed clap* * ludicrous speed clap*
Sir we jumped to plaid
"back when i wasn't doing a lot of hardcore gaming"
Here is a drinking game. Take one shot every time;
Phil whines about dying.
Phil claims an enemy spawned on him.
Someone in the comments says "then" instead of "than".
Someone in the comments says "of" in place of "have".
Welcome to hell.
Cao Cao 12:48 this is now my review of this game! I love it.
"instant death, instant death... INSTANT------DEATH!" Sure Phil. Like some salt to go with that Death?
36:10 agreed
51:32 "The Phil I knew in 2010" is no different to the current. He was probably just whining about things some fans happened to agree with. Also, no. This game wasn't that buggy, DSP just was super unlucky.
Cao Cao Dude. Are you trying to send people to the hospital?
Cao Cao Well, thanks a lot man, I died of alcohol poisoning!
WTF, life didn't explain I would die for drinking too much vodka, THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO!
Being dead sucks, Satan's forcing me to watch DSP's let's plays to the point of liking them. I think they got a partnership going.
Cao Cao You forgot him saying the game is bugged and also calling the game stupid
I ran out of alcohol halfway through
[Moves reticle directly over hostages face and pulls the trigger]
14:19 "Dude, I didn't come close to hitting her!"
Nothing he could dew! The game is so stupud!
Ok, the first part was actually pretty funny. Especially "Don't worry Paris Hilton". A rare mild smile bringing joke from DSP.
14:15 You may notice him perfectly aiming between her eyes with incredible precision before "Not even coming close to hitting her".
At 14:15 he shot through the person in front of her by mistake. I also like ripping on him for being braindead but he definitely didn't "aim between her eyes", he hasn't been going for headshots all playthrough so that isn't possible anyhow
0:45:50 It's made for idiots? Then you should be enjoying this game, Phil.
I'm such a crybaby when things don't go my way when playing games. My brain stops functioning and i will spew out any insults possible.
Calling DSP a CoD player is an insult to horrible CoD players everywhere... they are pros compared to DSP XD.
23:20
"Is that gas ever gonna run out? Finally!"
*Get's shot in the face*
I lol'd
DSP shootout logic: Stand in out in the open plugging at one guy, and only one guy, then whining when the other 5 kill him.
"This game is made for idiots" He just insulted himself.
Even a headless chicken has better decision-making skills.
0:40:48 Oh my god this part is legendary
Phil acknowledges guy.
Phil acknowledges guy with a fully automatic drum-fed rifle.
Phil jumps directly into the line of fire of the gun.
Phil recognizes situation is "Instant Death."
Phil correctly adapts to scenario with using his cover and peeking out, shoots wrong person first. Adapts.
Phil correctly adapts to scenario with not peeking out and first shooting the bad guys trying to flank him.
Still does not understand that using cover against the guy with the fully automatic drum-fed rifle is the best option, rather than trying to mow him down with two semi-automatic pistols.
That's like...99% of all FPS games, 3rd or otherwise. TAKE COVER WHEN THE GUY IS SHOOTING YOU. Stop trying to block bullets with your jaw.
15:00 - most people, upon seeing the well-armored guy with the LMG and two flankers, would stay in cover and take out targets as they come to him, switching cover when the LMG guy is on cooldown.
DSP? "JOHN WOOOOOOOOOOOOO*riddled with bullets*"
He must have gotten lots of pity painkillers from all the deaths. Did anyone actually do a body count or should we just assume it's in the thousands?
I love how Phil constantly says that Last Stand is a terrible game mechanic. What he didn't think of was that without it, there would be more "instant death" situations that he also bitches about.
I love how he does that punch worthy laugh, to mask his 5 year old temper tantrum which is brewing beneath
Why does he even play? He seems to hate every second of it like it was a chore. I played through this game a couple of times and I didn't mind dying and having to repeat a section because the shooting is so fun, and also it gives you the chance to try a different approach. However this guy seems he wants to be done as soon as possible to go do something fun.
Because he gets payed for doing awful videos.
He doesn't play because he enjoys it. He is always getting angry over every game he plays.
He hates it, but he is getting easy cash.
The moment everyone stops supporting him, is the moment he will stop playing games
CabooseAzul
So I guess people support him because they hate him and want to see him suffer, I can't see no other reason to do so.
MastermindX They enjoy seeing me act like a crybaby even though im nearly 32 years old and have the mentality of a 13 year old.
At 29:30 I think what happened is that DSP went into last stand while falling off the boat and got the guy who shot him last, which saved him. When you fall of the boat you die. I think those 2 collapse on each other that made him alive while dead, like... Your alive but no HP. As seen when his under the boat with no HUD, which is gone on death.
The first video I watched of his was MGS3 and I honestly thought he was a tenager by the sound of his voice
So did I, I then watched another video, and he was a grown ass man with a beard and a fucking cowboy hat. I was confused.
Long Hair and Glasses LMAOOOO
looooool
Long Hair and Glasses
ass man
more ass than man
Long Hair and Glasses Watched the FIFA12 video and thought the exact same thing.
30:00
Ahh for once he has a valid complaint about a bug
I don't understand how he ever finished this game.
How did he survive to be an adult? I just imagine him as a 5 year old running out in the street getting hit by are car and being like "WTF HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT CAR WAS THERE? I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT!"
THE CAR LITERALLY MATERIALIZED OUT OF THIN AIR
These videos of DSP playing a game badly with an overlay of his own comments calling him out are all time classics.
Max Payne 3 requires at least a mediocre level of competency, so of course Phil isn't going to have much fun with it.
Its funny or somewhat ironic that this guy has become a joke among the gaming community.
With all that he say and do its only to be expected.
Who plays game at 1:30 am
Beastking800 I do... ~_~ I played minecraft until 6:30 AM last night.
Then went to sleep??
Beastking800 Yeah, I also was a bit buzz from drinking. XD
5:13 Highlight of DSP playing Max Payne
"Fuck cover, fuck using painkillers, WHY AM I DYING?! INSTANT DEATH!"
This is one of my favorite tihydp of dsp,He dies in this game every second and im loving every minute of it and i cant stop laughing.
imagine real life situations with phil:
Phil crashes into the back of someone in his car(if he ever leaves his house): I COULDNT DO ANYTHING MY CAR JUST DROVE BY ITSELF, FUCKING STUPID
jaime gonzalez"Wasn't doing anything and I still got hit! WTF!!!"
There's actually a video about that, it's called "A day in the life of DSP" or something like that, it's pretty funny, check it out.
More like Max Dead 3.
Max Pain
He is so bad lmao. I loved MP3 and nerded the 1k GS out of it, such an amazing game.
too bad this idiot listed it as a disappointing game of the year 2012 cause the max payne games have always been repetitive and a grind
@@Retr0Danny25 can you give Phil a haiku about this
DSP tries it: execution:
'how was i supposed to know the executioner would spawn at my own execution? thats fair! reality sucks. god designed it wrong.'
He's always saying how bad Rockstar is, when they never make bad games.Their games are always very well made.
But they are a bit overrated.
Danny Nguyen How are games that everyone enjoys considered overrated?
Yozakura9153 Well, they are considered to be some almighty godsend games that are pretty good, but not the masterpieces people say they are.
Yozakura9153 If ANYTHING is popular or mainstream, it's automatically bad and overrated. Such is the law of the Internet.
***** I never said they don't make quality content. Overrated =/= bad. Rockstar games are great, they're just not OHMAHGAWD GOTY SO PERFECT GIVE IT 1000000 AWARDS like everyone says they are.
I love how DSP censors out nudity with images that turn him on
21:40, "Dis is STOOOPID!".
Cracks me up the way he says it.
Game: "Adjust your Brightness"
Phil: "Fuck you."
Off to a good start..
35:55 hilarious salt.
2:55 lmfao at his laugh then, sounded like he was choking.
This will never not be funny. One of the greatest TIHYDPs.
my gawd this is peak phil
Christmas Bedpan, no one thinks this is you. As soon as I hear that voice DSP DSP DSP. If you don't believe just think that no one else is this bad at games
37:39
i like how it sounded like he was gonna start listing reasons on why that level was bad but only says "it was bugged".
Out of all of the TIHYDP videos this one is the most painful to watch.
Oh wow, this is the first time I've ever seen Phil call 'Bug' and it's actually true.
Though "Game-breaking" is a little strong. I mean, it didn't break anything really. It was just a failed barrier.
His channel would be awesome if it was called, diabetes-diying salty grandpa.
If this guy can't fucking play an easy TPS, I wonder....how the fuck did he manage to live through 30 years on this planet!?
Dear rockstar,
*What tha FUCK did you do?!*
"Is it my fault? No, it's the games!"
And that just sums up my time spent here.
I hope R* have seen this and the creators of this game (particularly Dan & Sam Houser) laughed their asses off. Because as we all know, every game Phil plays turns to shit in a New York Minute.
40:48 wtf XDDDDD
"This game is horrible because I ran into a game bug and I treat it like it was a thing most people run into"
He's got 99 messages and 0 friends. lol.
"Oh good, a cutscene without subtitles." Then shut up. Problem solved.
I completed this game on the hardest difficulty and there were tough times in that setting but seeing DSP struggle on this difficulty makes me lose faith in humanity.
Love how this is done, in the way Evil AJ did the "How you DON"T play MGS" videos!?!?! :D Love this
DSP doesn't comprehend the concept of cover.
Neither do i but i still finished the game on hardcore
Lewishague10 So wait, there's even more wrong with him?
Dear lawd...
***** And that's kind of a punch to the face for us idiots.
lol i'd love to see phil try and play any of max payne 1, especially the dream sequences or the boss fight against the guy in the hotel at the beginning.
Those dream sequences were a payne
If he repeats Bald Marky Marky in Slow mo a couple more times maybe someone will find it clever and funny.
He had to keep calling it that since the videos, at first, were called Bald Marky Mark in Slow Mo since Rockstar Games was pretty hard on Copyrighting these videos. I'm not sure if he had to call it that in the video itself though
48:33 JOJO!
"what the fuck do i do? clear a whole room on my own?"
Well y'know the main mechanic of the Max Payne games is the ability to use slow motion right? riiiiight?????
20:13 No Way does someone have that bad of an aim😂
His laugh is so awful that I'm beginning to remember it in my childhood nightmares.
I SWEAR IT DIDN'T USED TO BE THERE.
> DSP
> Mono Audio
Yeah, that checks out.
27:00 "I can't shoot him from here.. I have to go out into the open which is.. you know, makes me lose cover, which makes me vulnerable.." YES! YES DSP, YOU'RE LEARNING!
*proceeds to completely forget that stroke of genius, dies out in the open, then blames Rockstar*
-_-
"This is stoopid dude, I keep shooting them in their armor covered chests and they don't die! What am I supposed to do, shot them in the exposed face by abusing bullet time? This game sucks man."
27:18 "He killed me instantly"
HE SHOT YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE.
It's just a good thing that Phil isn't a renowned game tester or we'd have 30 different versions of COD
The amount of times he runs out of ammo during last man standing because he wasn't aiming at anything is astounding.
MP3 10 year anniversary. I expected this to be longer tbh but not a bad tihydp.
35:49 Max Payne suffered heart attack and died
I figured it out: he thinks he is playing COD.
Seriously, look how he pauses for a bit with only 5% health left then runs into gunfire, it's like he is mentally incapable of understanding the health bar and is acting like he has fully regenerating health. He is obviously missing pills and not at all acting like his health is a finite resource.
Fuck, COD's rebounding health and Halo's shield has ruined some people!
+Treblaine It's not as bad as the Bayonetta incident, that's for sure.
around @30:38 i think the guys got there shooting lessons from phil.
You know, all the time Phil spent complaining about the glitch, he could've just gotten back to the part in the level he was on.
I wanna see Phil play the original Ghost Recon, or better yet, the original Max Payne.
It's insane how much he hates the last chance system. It's the crutch that he's relying on in every situation to get him through the game, but he's so stupid he blames it for his failures anyway. If it wasn't in the game he would still be on level one today. Ironically I agree with him though that it shouldn't be in the game, it's a nube crutch, along with the auto-aim system he's using, that makes the game too easy.
He uses no mechanics in the game that are designed to help you beat the enemies.
That thumbnail is the best ever!
I rather watch the "This is how you DON'T play (insert game here)" than watch phils playthroughs. This is great.
"Adjust your brightness....fuck you!" Lol I laughed so fucking hard for some reason. Phil in a nutshell.
40:09 OK, that was pretty funny tho
I think Soda Drinker Pro would be an appropriate game for DSP. It has just the perfect level of challenge for him without being so hard that it's "bullshit".
its a miracle he even got past level 2, completing the game, even more so
He can't even max payne
Out of all the "This Is How You DON'T Play" videos I've seen so far, this one was probably the most painful to watch. "Instant death, instant death, instant death" I can't imagine how annoying it must've been for the people watching the original playthrough. :P
''Ha, stupid smoke, you can't Hurt me'' 10 seconds later... DEAD
Oh, the irony
I guess Phil has no idea what "cover-shooter" means..He could've died SO MUCH LESS if he just would've taken cover.
WTF is wrong with this guy, he plays like he's had a few fingers recently chopped off.
his end credits commentary was actually really funny XD "who the fuck is this!!! mr bongo!!???"
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA "What do I do?" *GAINT RED FUCKING SIGN THAT SAYS FUEL SHUT OFF*
priceless
You have to love DSP. Running right in between two guys with automatic rifles and then bitching about dying? Priceless.