A bit ago, you mentioned fresh flowers, and I looked around my disaster of a house and said out loud "this house doesn't deserve fresh flowers" and burst into tears. 😬 But after a good cry I ordered grocery delivery with fresh flowers and binged your podcast and got my kitchen/dining room under control before they arrived. ❤️ Thank you!
I loved this piece of art at a studio but when they said we can do layaways....My response was "my house is not art worthy". That just sort of blurted out of my mouth..... But it is how I felt. However I have since begun making my house art worthy. Decluttering and keeping up with those areas that have been decluttered and cleaned. Now I am feeling my house is becoming more art worthy. 😊
I cried at work today while talking to my doctor in my car, in the parking lot, and on my lunch break. After raising three daughters as a single mom with bipolar and ADHD, and then caring for my elderly parents in my home for over 10 years (they just turned 90), all the while being a full-time teacher, I think I can't do it anymore. I'm broken down. Used up. Done. And this was just what I needed to hear. I NEED to not be busy or have chores to do. It's still hard because I live alone, so who will take care of things other than me? Your video is a good starting point. Thanks, Cas. I hope you live a contented life as you grow on your journey.
I started to do it some time ago, my way is a nice tea in fine porcelain teacup in the afternoon. Going to bed ealier. Going to classical concerts and opera (I never knew that I love such art). Going to exhibitions and art galeries. Less shopping, less tv, less empty small talks. More books, nature, bike rides and walks. As you said you don't have to spend a lot of money, just find your way to fill yourself with what you love. Good luck everyone!
Yes! I tried to listen to a book on audible, but it had a man's voice instead of Cass 😢. Cass has a cheerful, motivating, full of love, even if it's tough love- type of voice and I've learned I need this in my life! Lol
There is nothing better than taking a cup of coffee and your Bible and sitting outside, reading, contemplating, and meditating as the sun comes up. It really does set your day. This podcast is one of your best. Blessings.
What blows my mind about hearing you talk is that to me, and I’m sure many, you are uber successful ,like “ had your own fri kin’ show” on Main stream TV successful,” but you are so real and humble and deal with all the same daily sh- we all do. And, you aren’t afraid to say so and take openly and deeply about it.
You have a very calming voice when you talk about things like this. I used to follow the Slob Sisters and their Basic Week Plan had a free day every week. Dinner was leftovers and it was paper plate night. I like your idea of sort of a spa day. I also sort of use my laundry as a lazy day. Everything is sorted and I start a load. In between switching the loads and folding things, I just veg out and watch movies or a series of TV shows. Or maybe I read a book. My late husband would always plan play days of just get in the car and go. I would say, "Give me an hour to deal with the dishes and laundry." But he would say he would leave without me. So, I would grab my stuff and run to the car. Now, I'm glad I did because I have those memories. He passed about 6 years ago and I wish I could do those things again. I also need to make a date with myself to eat dinner at the kichen table with fine china and treat myself. Thank you so much for this video. I need to watch it more than once when I'm just existing but not living.
A mentor of mine once challenged me to take myself on dates after a difficult breakup. I took myself to coffee, lunch and movies. I went to museums and art exhibits. I still get overwhelmed sometimes, but try to do something nice for myself everyday, as well as for someone else ❤
A few years before my divorce I started to make sure I had a hot shower every night and use a nice piece of soap. Hot showers are the equivalent to a bath for me and save water (I have rainwater tanks). I also gave myself a 4 day schedule to wash my hair so I never have to worry about oily hair. Basic I know but it was a case of taking control of something when my life had always been controlled by the ex’s complaints about whatever I did.
When I quit my job to raise my child......it was so upsetting when my husband would ask "what did you do today"? I gelt like I wasn't good enough unless I got a ton of things done or had a really shitty day. I finally told him that I did not appreciate the interrogation when he got home from work (I was the major earner and have Always worked) so now he does not do that and I ask him how his day was, not what did you get done today.
Amen! When socializing with people, I often ask, "What keeps you busy?" This prevents asking what you do [as in a job]. Volunteer time can truly be time-consuming and rewarding.
Cass, I aligned with EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. of this video. I cannot tell you how freeing, empowering and motivating this was. I've been one of your silent subscribers for a long time but I had to comment on this video and let you know how helpful this was for me. I can't even say publicly the impact you have made on my life. Thank you for all you do!
Good on you! The first time I had 3.5 days to myself after having kids was when my eldest was 6yo. It hit me almost immediately that I was just a slave to running the family. I thoroughly enjoyed my time doing hobbies. I was in a horror marriage but made a point of starting to be kind to myself in my mind. Now I’m divorced and have done a lot of healing, my main priority is to be kind to myself by building up my confidence and eventually letting my personality shine without fear. I started to research how to do things better for me i.e. not the ex’s way, (hence finding Cass and Dana), and learning about decorating and renovating my home as the ex would complain if I did anything. As a crafty girl, I always wanted to have a decorated home and not live in the hoarder’s world. Now I’ve done several things to my home, I spontaneously build a piece of furniture and decorate. In the last 2wks I’ve started my tidying habits from my teen years, feeling calmer and taking control of my life. It’s awesome.
I love this! I used to be spontaneously crafty and now I just feel like a slave to my family and I put off all my own joy to clean up after them and keep things running. I'm so very tired of living this way and I'm honestly miserable. I hope I can learn to relax or recharge without the guilt
Sending you a big hug. It took me until the kids left home to start to look after me. One thing I was told by a midwife was that I was the centre of the wheel and to look after me too. I couldn’t do that in that marriage. No one appreciated what I did for them. The only way to carve out time is to do it and if the house is a bit more of a mess, so be it. I once heard if they see you looking after you too, they see a good role model. I suppose that’s true in theory. I did get my ex to cook dinner once a week (heat up fish and chips, but I’m allergic) and that was all he’d do for them. I hope you can make a change and find that spark inside again. My ex wanted me to work and look after the kids (there were a lot of teacher’s strikes during that time). I said no because it would only bring in about $5 p/w after child care and when asked what I’d do with the kids on strike days, he said to find a stay at home Mum to look after them. I said, “What? Do you expect one mother to look after a whole class?” The other reason is the emotional hell I was put through affected me physically with tight muscles and constant headaches. I hated seeing all the other mothers around having it all, their brain in tact, glowing, working and looking happy. My ex told me to get a hobby when our first kid was 6mths old as he didn’t want to spend time with me. I was 21. Then when I got a hobby he hated me doing it. I couldn’t win. The fact I was a great quilter didn’t go down well with him. When I started teaching it, people wanted to do what I did and made me feel alive for the first time. I ended up writing some books as I wanted to be remembered for something. I’m so glad my time has come in my early 50s.
I ALWAYS feel guilty if I sit down any time of the day before 8:00 PM…like if people knew, they’d think I’m lazy. Even on Sundays. 😢 I’m 59, no kids at home, but my brain even tries to tell me my husband probably thinks I’m lazy. So I rarely do sit down and relax during the day. Cas is RIGHT…busy is no badge of honor. I’m going to put that on my mirror to remind me every day ❤.
This topic was so relatable even after the fact that I have been Retired for 13 years, after a 35 year working career, I still feel that I MUST accomplish 'Something' every day. Also note I am a Single person and NOT accountable to anyone else. I still feel somewhat guilty if I haven't 'Done' something each and every day. I am also working on this. My favourite thing in life is the gift of Reading. I am trying to give myself 'Permission' to read all day if that is what I want to do. I hope that you can find your balance. Best Wishes.
Wow Cas, this one really hit home - thanks! I have been introduced to this concept in the past and even “dated myself” and am actually great about taking care of certain things like going to the salon on a regular basis to keep my nails nice, etc. BUT the “guilt” about not “doing” what I “should” be doing is real and basing my worth on those things really struck a chord. I retired in December 2022 after a 37-year career as an engineer and took our extended family on an 18-day European vacation over Christmas; when we got back home, a fire sprinkler pipe had frozen and broken and our entire rambler (3200 sq ft) was flooded and the water (from our well) was still running. We JUST moved back in in early March 2024 and now I am staring literally at 700+ boxes that need to be unpacked, decluttered, and organized, some things need to go into pieces of furniture that I have not yet replaced, so yeah, it’s a little overwhelming. Not looking for sympathy, just baselining why this video really spoke to me - every day I have that “but I really have to do SOMETHING” to be worthwhile and even when I do something, it doesn’t feel like enough… so this was a great reminder that it’s okay to take some time for me and that I NEED to take time for me. And your other Clutterbug videos have been super helpful as I try to put my house back together and declutter as I go (that was my plan anyway after I retired - I’m just doing it in a much different fashion than I imagined 😂) - I’ve been following you since your HGTV days! Good luck in your Soft Living (is that what you called it?) journey! ❤
Careful with the birdseeds. My friend’s feeder attracts mice and rats under the feeder where the birds spill. This is real. When I saw it it made me wonder when they would all get together and sew her a dress.
I’m watching this while making my 3rd cup of coffee during my kids nap time to be more “productive” 😂 Also ADHD here and a night owl!! I feel so seen ❤😂 Love your videos!
Wow amazing honesty and I’m thankful for you saying these things. Our lives are never constant, they are always evolving and changing. It may not seem like it at times but when you look back you see how things have changed. Time to be busy, time to be quiet and calm, time to be crazy with your 23 year old getting leukemia and going through that with him and then right into a storm with your 90 year old mother who needs more care. Ups and downs in life so when we get a slow down and things have calmed down we feel guilty for not being in the chaos. Your video is so timely for me. Thank you. I’m going to enjoy sitting on the couch and doing not much for now until it changes again.
There was a time when I would have a day off and spend all day pretending that I was going to get up and get things done. Then the end of the day would come and I would have achieved nothing, and feel terrible. I hadn't even relaxed, because I kept thinking I was about to start doing things. Now, if I don't feel like doing anything, I say that I'm just going to have a nice relaxing day doing nothing, or whatever I like. On those days, I DO actually relax, AND bonus - since the pressure is off, I actually get a few things done too!
Ladies, make sure you are connecting with yourself (dates!) and your partner too, because life has no guarantees. As part of that, make time for health check-ups for yourself and family. -writing from a fog of adhd and grief
Everything in our world tells us we Must earn fun or free time- that's how schools make sure students do their work- the fun/recess is the reward for completing work. - it's how our workplaces get us to get work done- work= earning time off. It's difficult to turn off that voice.
When I was in grade school we always had recess. Now the kids have no recess at all. Something is so wrong with our educational systems today. No one wanted to miss recess. Whether or not it was a carrot to keep us working I don’t know, but There’s no reward (at all) given to students today. Recess was a nice little break for teachers to regroup as well. That system worked.
I’ve always lived with a bully and was so stressed my spirit lived in the back half of my body and the complaints and bullying filled the front half. I did the hug yourself as a little kid meditation and it released the front half of my body and I had a silver football of fireworks in the belly for a week. (I’m a visual person). Now I live in my whole body so I love lying on the couch watching TV and breathing through my whole body. Six years in and I’m still feeling like living in the front half too is novel. I promise I’m sane but this is a true story! When I have a major breakthrough in therapy I may get these visual feelings (as I call them). They stay with me for a while and aren’t dangerous and I’m not crazy or hearing voices or anything like that, it’s just my body processing the therapy and I don’t gloss over it. I also don’t do anything stronger than nearly 2tsp of instant coffee or milk chocolate. I love not having a bully around me, it’s still strange so I dance in my empty spaces to celebrate.
True words, but very difficult to give oneself permission. I have always had anxiety in addition to ADD and still struggle, even in retirement to practice self-care. I wish you well on your new quest. ❤
I enjoy each day. It's a priority for me. Some things I do: Eat food I love, watch my favorite shows, take a hot shower, pray, love my home, care for my family, go for a walk, reach out to a friend, be kind to people, rest on my bed, eat chocolate, make a yummy dinner, read in a comfy spot, wear pretty p.js, talk & laugh with my hubby & kids, climb into bed & watch you tube :)
I've been struggling to figure out what fun is for me now. I don't have fun. I have things I enjoy, but that isn't the same. It didn't even occur to me until a friend (who has lots of fun hobbies) asked me and I had no answer. Working on that! Thanks Cass ❤
Single mom through adoption and now an empty nester. I’m alone alllllllll the time. Doing things wo my daughter just saddens me. Unless I HAVE to be at work, I’m on my bed allllllll the time. By life is passing and I don’t care.
You have really good ideas for balancing your life. I would add saying "recharging" instead of resting. Words have power; and you can recharge before you tackle a task without guilt.
Years ago I moved into a new home that had a spa air tub. I would never let myself get into the tub until the house was clean. I got in that tub two times, TWO before it was sold.
Fun, relaxation, sleep and time to just be in the moment are the things that fuel me to get the other stuff done. If I stop making time for those 4 things I end up causing my health challenges to flare up and become unmanageable. Which then triggers a whole spiral down into being bed bound again. Blessings, Dot
You must be seeing my feed. Suddenly I’m seeing all of these things about soft living! I think that may be what I’ve been doing for the past few months. I’ve cut way back on going out with my friends. A large group of us gravitated towards one another during the pandemic and it led to outdoor activities together and it was wonderful and then as the world opened up again we started going to plays and movies and dinner and hikes and tai chi and all of these wonderful activities together and then I just got to the point it was all too much and I’ve been backing way back …I still adore my friends. We walk the greenway every week at least once together…there could be three people or seven or eight…and it’s always great conversation… but I love my alone time and I’m the only one who can insure that I have it. And bonus, I, getting some past due yard chores done and lots of decluttering and organizing done and I’m feeling oh so content! Thanks for your views on soft living. I’m heading out to Colonial Willing for a few days and I think instead of looking up friends who live in the area I’ll just have a long we end date wi5 myself! Thanks Cas!
What a special treat to have hummingbirds. I dont get hummingbirds here in Australia. To me they are so magical and otherworldly that they might as well be fairies. Instead my visitors are the big, loud comedians of the birdworld cockatoos and kookaburras. But i love them.
It makes such a difference. I made pork chops for dinner and served our chocolate pudding in fancy glass sundae cups. Everyone sat back and chatted while enjoying their dinner ❤
I love when you share about your struggles- I can relate so much! One thing my pastor always says is when he’s prayed with someone on their deathbed they never say “I should’ve worked more or worked longer, harder…” If at the end of your life & you look back, what do you want to say about how you lived your life? ❤
I started taking power naps at lunch for 20mim and again at the end of the day..aa a sort of transition between career work and home work. (I work from home).😊
This was a beautiful podcast! Something I definitely needed to hear! I’m going to go on a a date with myself this upcoming week! Can’t wait to try it out!
The 4th commandment is REST…literally the father in heaven and says I set aside a day for you to rest…modern Christianity ruins sabbath…so take a moment, rest the moment the sun goes down in Friday STOP!!!! Just stop…and give yourself permission to rest… 4 years in and I would not give up my biblical sabbath for a million dollars…
Im not qualified to comment really....iv had tons of therapist but although i have some shame at my chaos....its not my priority.i dont wear make up or care how i look.its boring being unwell....i like to learn how to improve but art poetry radio and family etc...matter more.who wants just "had a clean house" on their grave stone?
When I allow God to be my CEO, He wants me to rest and refresh. If I overwork and dog my body, it makes God sad. He made my body, so I need to treat it well, to bring glory to the God Who created me.
I completely disavow a busy chaotic life. I refuse to participate in all the things society says we should be doing. I loving brining the “luxury” to the normal things of life like adding lemon to water, it’s just living life. Glad you’re feeling like doing more of those things
Invite the guy from "Seve sunny kind journey", he is in his Slow Living journey. I am in the middle, love to take time for me but fear of loosing control of my home and life again. Some times I am "the maid", other times "the princess" and I am trying to get rid of the "volunteer". Trying hard to have a balance, because I am also the "employee" and the "supervisor".
Days when I think my life is too much, I think of what it was like for women during war years. I have NEVER had stress like that. It puts my busyness in perspective.
Should is a word that needs to be deleted…it indicates blame and shame, to anyone in which it’s being directed - including ourselves! Using could or would instead gives a suggestion only, to which one (including self) can say thanks or no thanks and move forward instead of feeling pushed back or down. Learned this in marriage counseling in year 4 and I do not use this word anymore and we’re going on 30 years! My husband throws it out more than I like, however, I know how to change it in my head 😊
So easy to feel that you have to do 10,000 things or work 10,000 hours to be able to rest for 5 seconds without feeling guilt! That feel that rest is only allowed when there is nothing on the ToDo list! Like you, trying to get better at taking breaks and mini-treats.
I do something i call self care Sunday. I combine things like a face mask and a long shower with grocery pick up and fruit/veggie prep for the week so i eat healthy and have time to relax some during weeknights. Then the rest of sunday is whatever i want.
You know maybe we need to use the container concept and associate it with areas in our life. Like family is a container...how much time do we allot to it, work and hours in a day. Fun, relaxation. Exercise all based on what WE consider a priority or desire. For example, I want to go hiking or spend more time doing fun adventures, but instead, I go nowhere because I keep believing I can't because I need to clean, declutter or unpack. I want to get to the point that I just have to do 5 minute pickups abd one household chore a day.
@jamie... Have you come across a lady by the name of Sarah McGlory? I recently found her channel. She talks about adaptive cleaning system of having different levels of expectations of what you can get done. She suggests 3 levels: Low energy/intensity for when you can only get necessary/basic tasks done because you are feeling the worst. Average energy/intensity for when you are feeling like doing the basics plus a little bit extra High intensity/energy is the 3rd level when you do basics plus average plus the tasks that are really hard for you to do... Sarah explains it better than me on her channel "Sarah mcglory home" (look for "adaptive cleaning system" ). I think it could be helpful as I have a list of health challenges including Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and bipolar spectrum disorder and am recovering from being bed bound. Blessings from South Eastern Australia, Dot
5 years ago, i thought i was having a beart attack...i wasn't, but i was so stressed my boss made me schedule a massage. I've been going every two weeks since. Once a month, i get a facial and mani pedi every 6-8weeks.
I am here telling you that if you don't take time for yourself Your Body Will Floor You ❣️ My body has Floored me with Chronic pain and that is not full of joy but no guilt either. The trouble is that it gets so hard on you and your family.
I am not someone who feels that they have to be busy, but i often feel guilty if i haven't written or painted for a while. I'm someone who is easily overwhelmed by too much to do, as it takes away the space I need to be creative. I need a LOT of downtime. I have to be ruthless about it. I just wanted to pop in to say that , Cass, you have been a lifesaver for me this past month. I am in considerable pain all the time, with two operations coming up this summer, can omly walk a few steps, and, just turning on your videos has been so soothing and comforting for me. I hope you know how much joy you bring to people. ❤ You have kept my spirits up! Thank you. 😊
I used to be a night owl, but when I started changing my nightly habits, going to sleep much earlier, Everything changed, with my mindset and how I felt. Good Advice Sis
I've been living with MS for 40yrs, and guilt overcomes me. There are so many things I WANT to do but then I CAN'T. ITS TRULY FRUSTRATING!! Thank you for addressing this area of life. ❤❤❤
I am so different to you because I get most done in a morning before I get my husband up. We are retired and I am my husbands carer.we have our main meal at noon. After that I find it difficult to get things done.
My sister had a small basal cell spot on her nose. She was to slather a medicated cream on it and it finally went away. No scalpels. Be a good role model for others and go to your dermatologist for options. It sometimes grows deep, not visible on the surface. Put vanity aside. Wear a patch of honor that you were worth taking care of your health. Because you are worth it!! Rant over.
I have large windows that face my back yard. I sit and watch the birds at the feeders and the deer in the woods. I love it. It is very calming and happy for me. I sit on the patio when the weather is nice.
Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you ....been struggling this morning and so much of what you said has really hit home w me, and I'm only a third through your video - thank you Cas for being you! 🙏🏼❤🤗
Declutter. But also give yourself (ourselves) grace. A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. Clean, but also live. Take breaks, enjoy life. Lets go back to flip phones ❤❤ Cass you are th best. Thank you for sharing. And also, i loooove your hair this way. You are Beautiful ❤❤
A bit ago, you mentioned fresh flowers, and I looked around my disaster of a house and said out loud "this house doesn't deserve fresh flowers" and burst into tears. 😬 But after a good cry I ordered grocery delivery with fresh flowers and binged your podcast and got my kitchen/dining room under control before they arrived. ❤️ Thank you!
I loved this piece of art at a studio but when they said we can do layaways....My response was "my house is not art worthy". That just sort of blurted out of my mouth..... But it is how I felt. However I have since begun making my house art worthy. Decluttering and keeping up with those areas that have been decluttered and cleaned. Now I am feeling my house is becoming more art worthy. 😊
😭
I cried at work today while talking to my doctor in my car, in the parking lot, and on my lunch break. After raising three daughters as a single mom with bipolar and ADHD, and then caring for my elderly parents in my home for over 10 years (they just turned 90), all the while being a full-time teacher, I think I can't do it anymore. I'm broken down. Used up. Done. And this was just what I needed to hear. I NEED to not be busy or have chores to do. It's still hard because I live alone, so who will take care of things other than me? Your video is a good starting point. Thanks, Cas. I hope you live a contented life as you grow on your journey.
always OK to take enough time needed everyday to refresh yourself as needed. Sorry you overdid it
Big hug for you
Take care of you please x
You've blessed many people with your actions whether they know it or not it seems...hope you get to rejuvinate yourself now!💖
I started to do it some time ago, my way is a nice tea in fine porcelain teacup in the afternoon. Going to bed ealier. Going to classical concerts and opera (I never knew that I love such art). Going to exhibitions and art galeries. Less shopping, less tv, less empty small talks. More books, nature, bike rides and walks. As you said you don't have to spend a lot of money, just find your way to fill yourself with what you love. Good luck everyone!
I’ve bought myself some lovely cups too. Thoroughly enjoy them.
I love listening to your podcasts!! Your voice is so soothing!!!
YES!!!! ❤
Yes! I tried to listen to a book on audible, but it had a man's voice instead of Cass 😢. Cass has a cheerful, motivating, full of love, even if it's tough love- type of voice and I've learned I need this in my life! Lol
Her voice is angelic ❤
There is nothing better than taking a cup of coffee and your Bible and sitting outside, reading, contemplating, and meditating as the sun comes up. It really does set your day. This podcast is one of your best. Blessings.
Ugh...This sounds soo good. I just started getting back into scripture in the morning. 🙏🏾
🎉 I will start doing this. Thanks so much for the reminder! God bless you!
I agree... that's a wonderful way to start the day and put life into the right perspective!
We just joined a new church that offers small groups teaching. Morning scripture and quiet time even if 10 minutes only. Love Cass Just found her ❤
What blows my mind about hearing you talk is that to me, and I’m sure many, you are uber successful ,like “ had your own fri kin’ show” on Main stream TV successful,” but you are so real and humble and deal with all the same daily sh- we all do. And, you aren’t afraid to say so and take openly and deeply about it.
Lovely video! After I was first married with a myriad house to-dos, my husband said, "Stop 'shoulding' all over yourself."
Love this
You have a very calming voice when you talk about things like this. I used to follow the Slob Sisters and their Basic Week Plan had a free day every week. Dinner was leftovers and it was paper plate night. I like your idea of sort of a spa day. I also sort of use my laundry as a lazy day. Everything is sorted and I start a load. In between switching the loads and folding things, I just veg out and watch movies or a series of TV shows. Or maybe I read a book.
My late husband would always plan play days of just get in the car and go. I would say, "Give me an hour to deal with the dishes and laundry." But he would say he would leave without me. So, I would grab my stuff and run to the car. Now, I'm glad I did because I have those memories. He passed about 6 years ago and I wish I could do those things again.
I also need to make a date with myself to eat dinner at the kichen table with fine china and treat myself. Thank you so much for this video. I need to watch it more than once when I'm just existing but not living.
I'm sorry for your loss but glad you have those memories to keep.
Pam & Peggy were the best! I went to two Slob sister conferences in Washington State. Sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how lonely that must be ❤
A mentor of mine once challenged me to take myself on dates after a difficult breakup. I took myself to coffee, lunch and movies. I went to museums and art exhibits. I still get overwhelmed sometimes, but try to do something nice for myself everyday, as well as for someone else ❤
A few years before my divorce I started to make sure I had a hot shower every night and use a nice piece of soap. Hot showers are the equivalent to a bath for me and save water (I have rainwater tanks). I also gave myself a 4 day schedule to wash my hair so I never have to worry about oily hair. Basic I know but it was a case of taking control of something when my life had always been controlled by the ex’s complaints about whatever I did.
Every time you say “about”, my Canadian heart smiles.
When I quit my job to raise my child......it was so upsetting when my husband would ask "what did you do today"? I gelt like I wasn't good enough unless I got a ton of things done or had a really shitty day. I finally told him that I did not appreciate the interrogation when he got home from work (I was the major earner and have Always worked) so now he does not do that and I ask him how his day was, not what did you get done today.
Question: "What did you do today?" Answer: "I quit my job to raise our child. I raised our child today."
Amen! When socializing with people, I often ask, "What keeps you busy?" This prevents asking what you do [as in a job]. Volunteer time can truly be time-consuming and rewarding.
When I stopped shoulding myself, it turned into no longer shoulding other people, too.
Cass, I aligned with EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. of this video. I cannot tell you how freeing, empowering and motivating this was. I've been one of your silent subscribers for a long time but I had to comment on this video and let you know how helpful this was for me. I can't even say publicly the impact you have made on my life. Thank you for all you do!
My husband always says let’s not shoulda, coulda, woulda! So true and as someone who is eradicating cancer, I know you must eliminate stress!
Just like our clothes, we also need breathing room.
Nice reference to her other video!! 👕👖👗
Good on you! The first time I had 3.5 days to myself after having kids was when my eldest was 6yo. It hit me almost immediately that I was just a slave to running the family. I thoroughly enjoyed my time doing hobbies. I was in a horror marriage but made a point of starting to be kind to myself in my mind. Now I’m divorced and have done a lot of healing, my main priority is to be kind to myself by building up my confidence and eventually letting my personality shine without fear.
I started to research how to do things better for me i.e. not the ex’s way, (hence finding Cass and Dana), and learning about decorating and renovating my home as the ex would complain if I did anything. As a crafty girl, I always wanted to have a decorated home and not live in the hoarder’s world. Now I’ve done several things to my home, I spontaneously build a piece of furniture and decorate. In the last 2wks I’ve started my tidying habits from my teen years, feeling calmer and taking control of my life. It’s awesome.
I love this! I used to be spontaneously crafty and now I just feel like a slave to my family and I put off all my own joy to clean up after them and keep things running. I'm so very tired of living this way and I'm honestly miserable. I hope I can learn to relax or recharge without the guilt
Sending you a big hug. It took me until the kids left home to start to look after me. One thing I was told by a midwife was that I was the centre of the wheel and to look after me too. I couldn’t do that in that marriage. No one appreciated what I did for them. The only way to carve out time is to do it and if the house is a bit more of a mess, so be it. I once heard if they see you looking after you too, they see a good role model. I suppose that’s true in theory.
I did get my ex to cook dinner once a week (heat up fish and chips, but I’m allergic) and that was all he’d do for them. I hope you can make a change and find that spark inside again. My ex wanted me to work and look after the kids (there were a lot of teacher’s strikes during that time). I said no because it would only bring in about $5 p/w after child care and when asked what I’d do with the kids on strike days, he said to find a stay at home Mum to look after them. I said, “What? Do you expect one mother to look after a whole class?” The other reason is the emotional hell I was put through affected me physically with tight muscles and constant headaches. I hated seeing all the other mothers around having it all, their brain in tact, glowing, working and looking happy.
My ex told me to get a hobby when our first kid was 6mths old as he didn’t want to spend time with me. I was 21. Then when I got a hobby he hated me doing it. I couldn’t win. The fact I was a great quilter didn’t go down well with him. When I started teaching it, people wanted to do what I did and made me feel alive for the first time. I ended up writing some books as I wanted to be remembered for something. I’m so glad my time has come in my early 50s.
I ALWAYS feel guilty if I sit down any time of the day before 8:00 PM…like if people knew, they’d think I’m lazy. Even on Sundays. 😢 I’m 59, no kids at home, but my brain even tries to tell me my husband probably thinks I’m lazy. So I rarely do sit down and relax during the day. Cas is RIGHT…busy is no badge of honor. I’m going to put that on my mirror to remind me every day ❤.
Yes, I completely feel this. It’s 8 pm and I just sat down
At the halfpoint of listening so far and every.single.word. is relatable. Thank you Cas!
CAS, I love Your fun personality videos, but this soothing voice FEELS really good to my soul!
This topic was so relatable even after the fact that I have been Retired for 13 years, after a 35 year working career, I still feel that I MUST accomplish 'Something' every day. Also note I am a Single person and NOT accountable to anyone else. I still feel somewhat guilty if I haven't 'Done' something each and every day. I am also working on this. My favourite thing in life is the gift of Reading. I am trying to give myself 'Permission' to read all day if that is what I want to do. I hope that you can find your balance. Best Wishes.
Haha, my father thought a To Do list is what got one into heaven from a single line in the Bible
Wow Cas, this one really hit home - thanks! I have been introduced to this concept in the past and even “dated myself” and am actually great about taking care of certain things like going to the salon on a regular basis to keep my nails nice, etc. BUT the “guilt” about not “doing” what I “should” be doing is real and basing my worth on those things really struck a chord. I retired in December 2022 after a 37-year career as an engineer and took our extended family on an 18-day European vacation over Christmas; when we got back home, a fire sprinkler pipe had frozen and broken and our entire rambler (3200 sq ft) was flooded and the water (from our well) was still running. We JUST moved back in in early March 2024 and now I am staring literally at 700+ boxes that need to be unpacked, decluttered, and organized, some things need to go into pieces of furniture that I have not yet replaced, so yeah, it’s a little overwhelming. Not looking for sympathy, just baselining why this video really spoke to me - every day I have that “but I really have to do SOMETHING” to be worthwhile and even when I do something, it doesn’t feel like enough… so this was a great reminder that it’s okay to take some time for me and that I NEED to take time for me. And your other Clutterbug videos have been super helpful as I try to put my house back together and declutter as I go (that was my plan anyway after I retired - I’m just doing it in a much different fashion than I imagined 😂) - I’ve been following you since your HGTV days! Good luck in your Soft Living (is that what you called it?) journey! ❤
Careful with the birdseeds. My friend’s feeder attracts mice and rats under the feeder where the birds spill. This is real. When I saw it it made me wonder when they would all get together and sew her a dress.
I feel like all of this is just things I do for my kids so basically just be your own mama ❤🎉
"Should" is such a loaded word. I avoid it as much as I can. Thanks for removing the guilt! 😊
as the Albert Ellis institute said, “stop shoulding on yourself” :^)
I’m watching this while making my 3rd cup of coffee during my kids nap time to be more “productive” 😂 Also ADHD here and a night owl!! I feel so seen ❤😂 Love your videos!
Wow amazing honesty and I’m thankful for you saying these things. Our lives are never constant, they are always evolving and changing. It may not seem like it at times but when you look back you see how things have changed. Time to be busy, time to be quiet and calm, time to be crazy with your 23 year old getting leukemia and going through that with him and then right into a storm with your 90 year old mother who needs more care. Ups and downs in life so when we get a slow down and things have calmed down we feel guilty for not being in the chaos. Your video is so timely for me. Thank you. I’m going to enjoy sitting on the couch and doing not much for now until it changes again.
There was a time when I would have a day off and spend all day pretending that I was going to get up and get things done. Then the end of the day would come and I would have achieved nothing, and feel terrible. I hadn't even relaxed, because I kept thinking I was about to start doing things. Now, if I don't feel like doing anything, I say that I'm just going to have a nice relaxing day doing nothing, or whatever I like. On those days, I DO actually relax, AND bonus - since the pressure is off, I actually get a few things done too!
4:25 What would a life look like prioritizing comfort and relaxation? France 🇫🇷 it would look like France 😊
At 78 yrs old, I have ALWAYS felt I had to “accomplish” a lot. Think it is my way of gaining self worth…anyone agree? Love❤your podcast Cass❣️ 11:51
Cas, a therapist once told me about this very thing, " you are a human being, not a human doing" I love it!
It was also a Ziggy cartoon and an episode of the Simpsons.
Ladies, make sure you are connecting with yourself (dates!) and your partner too, because life has no guarantees. As part of that, make time for health check-ups for yourself and family.
-writing from a fog of adhd and grief
I have a hard time being alone. Something to work on.
Same
Everything in our world tells us we Must earn fun or free time- that's how schools make sure students do their work- the fun/recess is the reward for completing work. - it's how our workplaces get us to get work done- work= earning time off. It's difficult to turn off that voice.
Our school district scheduled lunch time and playtime recess every day, not a reward.
When I was in grade school we always had recess. Now the kids have no recess at all. Something is so wrong with our educational systems today. No one wanted to miss recess. Whether or not it was a carrot to keep us working I don’t know, but There’s no reward (at all) given to students today. Recess was a nice little break for teachers to regroup as well.
That system worked.
I’ve always lived with a bully and was so stressed my spirit lived in the back half of my body and the complaints and bullying filled the front half. I did the hug yourself as a little kid meditation and it released the front half of my body and I had a silver football of fireworks in the belly for a week. (I’m a visual person). Now I live in my whole body so I love lying on the couch watching TV and breathing through my whole body. Six years in and I’m still feeling like living in the front half too is novel. I promise I’m sane but this is a true story! When I have a major breakthrough in therapy I may get these visual feelings (as I call them). They stay with me for a while and aren’t dangerous and I’m not crazy or hearing voices or anything like that, it’s just my body processing the therapy and I don’t gloss over it. I also don’t do anything stronger than nearly 2tsp of instant coffee or milk chocolate. I love not having a bully around me, it’s still strange so I dance in my empty spaces to celebrate.
True words, but very difficult to give oneself permission. I have always had anxiety in addition to ADD and still struggle, even in retirement to practice self-care. I wish you well on your new quest. ❤
I enjoy each day. It's a priority for me. Some things I do: Eat food I love, watch my favorite shows, take a hot shower, pray, love my home, care for my family, go for a walk, reach out to a friend, be kind to people, rest on my bed, eat chocolate, make a yummy dinner, read in a comfy spot, wear pretty p.js, talk & laugh with my hubby & kids, climb into bed & watch you tube :)
GOALS ❤
@@carriehebbelinck8188 xoxo
@@carriehebbelinck8188 xoxo
I've been struggling to figure out what fun is for me now. I don't have fun. I have things I enjoy, but that isn't the same. It didn't even occur to me until a friend (who has lots of fun hobbies) asked me and I had no answer. Working on that! Thanks Cass ❤
Single mom through adoption and now an empty nester. I’m alone alllllllll the time. Doing things wo my daughter just saddens me. Unless I HAVE to be at work, I’m on my bed allllllll the time. By life is passing and I don’t care.
You have really good ideas for balancing your life. I would add saying "recharging" instead of resting. Words have power; and you can recharge before you tackle a task without guilt.
Years ago I moved into a new home that had a spa air tub. I would never let myself get into the tub until the house was clean. I got in that tub two times, TWO before it was sold.
Oh no! That's actually really relatable! Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Fun, relaxation, sleep and time to just be in the moment are the things that fuel me to get the other stuff done. If I stop making time for those 4 things I end up causing my health challenges to flare up and become unmanageable. Which then triggers a whole spiral down into being bed bound again.
Blessings, Dot
Ugh I wish I could relax. I have a newborn. So exhausting.
You must be seeing my feed. Suddenly I’m seeing all of these things about soft living! I think that may be what I’ve been doing for the past few months. I’ve cut way back on going out with my friends. A large group of us gravitated towards one another during the pandemic and it led to outdoor activities together and it was wonderful and then as the world opened up again we started going to plays and movies and dinner and hikes and tai chi and all of these wonderful activities together and then I just got to the point it was all too much and I’ve been backing way back …I still adore my friends. We walk the greenway every week at least once together…there could be three people or seven or eight…and it’s always great conversation… but I love my alone time and I’m the only one who can insure that I have it. And bonus, I, getting some past due yard chores done and lots of decluttering and organizing done and I’m feeling oh so content!
Thanks for your views on soft living. I’m heading out to Colonial Willing for a few days and I think instead of looking up friends who live in the area I’ll just have a long we end date wi5 myself! Thanks Cas!
Yes get bird feeders🥰. I have one right outside my kitchen window and a hummingbird feeder at the corner of my side porch. I really love these 🥰💜
What a special treat to have hummingbirds. I dont get hummingbirds here in Australia. To me they are so magical and otherworldly that they might as well be fairies. Instead my visitors are the big, loud comedians of the birdworld cockatoos and kookaburras. But i love them.
Cas, Great video. I love going to a park & being quiet or listening to relaxing music & watching nature. 😊
It makes such a difference. I made pork chops for dinner and served our chocolate pudding in fancy glass sundae cups. Everyone sat back and chatted while enjoying their dinner ❤
Sunday afternoons are prioritized for me to have a nice long nap every week after.
I love when you share about your struggles- I can relate so much! One thing my pastor always says is when he’s prayed with someone on their deathbed they never say “I should’ve worked more or worked longer, harder…” If at the end of your life & you look back, what do you want to say about how you lived your life? ❤
THIS SHOULD BE THE PINNED COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 📌📌
I started taking power naps at lunch for 20mim and again at the end of the day..aa a sort of transition between career work and home work. (I work from home).😊
This has been a big struggle for me
Such a great video! ❤️🙏 I need to practice this. Tonight I’m doing a face mask 💪
This was a beautiful podcast! Something I definitely needed to hear! I’m going to go on a a date with myself this upcoming week! Can’t wait to try it out!
NO SERIOUSLY, CAS, GET OUT OF MY HEAD...It's like you have been spying on my thoughts exactly!! 😳
The 4th commandment is REST…literally the father in heaven and says I set aside a day for you to rest…modern Christianity ruins sabbath…so take a moment, rest the moment the sun goes down in Friday STOP!!!! Just stop…and give yourself permission to rest…
4 years in and I would not give up my biblical sabbath for a million dollars…
Im not qualified to comment really....iv had tons of therapist but although i have some shame at my chaos....its not my priority.i dont wear make up or care how i look.its boring being unwell....i like to learn how to improve but art poetry radio and family etc...matter more.who wants just "had a clean house" on their grave stone?
Nice, Daily Connoisseur talks about this. Scheduling relaxation & little luxuries, quite lovely.
When I allow God to be my CEO, He wants me to rest and refresh. If I overwork and dog my body, it makes God sad. He made my body, so I need to treat it well, to bring glory to the God Who created me.
I love you so much! You are changing my life! Thank you for sharing yourself and your gifts with the world!
Nope! Not me! I decided I take weekends off every weekend!!!! If I get something productive accomplished, it's just extra!!! 😊😊😊
So true I feel guilty being lazy.
Just don’t wear satin pjs in silk sheets! My bff did that and was so slippery she slid out of bed and broke her pinkie!😅
I have ALWAYS believed the same thing...I only get to rest and relax AFTER I accomplish certain things.
Great video. I just learned this lesson last week. Should is the word could with a whole bunch of shame in it.
I completely disavow a busy chaotic life. I refuse to participate in all the things society says we should be doing. I loving brining the “luxury” to the normal things of life like adding lemon to water, it’s just living life. Glad you’re feeling like doing more of those things
The episode of the Simpsons when Marge goes to Rancho Relaxo 🛀🍫🍰🍷📖
Invite the guy from "Seve sunny kind journey", he is in his Slow Living journey. I am in the middle, love to take time for me but fear of loosing control of my home and life again. Some times I am "the maid", other times "the princess" and I am trying to get rid of the "volunteer". Trying hard to have a balance, because I am also the "employee" and the "supervisor".
Days when I think my life is too much, I think of what it was like for women during war years. I have NEVER had stress like that. It puts my busyness in perspective.
Unmet needs -- tim fletcher does a good series on re-parenting yourself (yt)
Is anyone else here, wondering what FUN might look like for them?
The concept of “soft living” is new. Interesting podcast! ❤
If you’re going to call me out like this, did you have to do it in front of so many people 😂
When I retired, I decided no activities requiring a commitment to be somewhere at a certain time
Should is a word that needs to be deleted…it indicates blame and shame, to anyone in which it’s being directed - including ourselves!
Using could or would instead gives a suggestion only, to which one (including self) can say thanks or no thanks and move forward instead of feeling pushed back or down.
Learned this in marriage counseling in year 4 and I do not use this word anymore and we’re going on 30 years! My husband throws it out more than I like, however, I know how to change it in my head 😊
So easy to feel that you have to do 10,000 things or work 10,000 hours to be able to rest for 5 seconds without feeling guilt! That feel that rest is only allowed when there is nothing on the ToDo list! Like you, trying to get better at taking breaks and mini-treats.
Cas, you are so pretty and so smart and your honesty really resonates with me!💖
This is a problem, I suspect, more for women. Thank you for shining a light on this issue!
I do something i call self care Sunday. I combine things like a face mask and a long shower with grocery pick up and fruit/veggie prep for the week so i eat healthy and have time to relax some during weeknights. Then the rest of sunday is whatever i want.
❤😊😊 I love you Cass, thanks for your help 💓 and for being my friend 🧡
Last time I devoted a day to relax? is scheduled for every Tuesday and Sunday
You know maybe we need to use the container concept and associate it with areas in our life. Like family is a container...how much time do we allot to it, work and hours in a day. Fun, relaxation. Exercise all based on what WE consider a priority or desire.
For example, I want to go hiking or spend more time doing fun adventures, but instead, I go nowhere because I keep believing I can't because I need to clean, declutter or unpack. I want to get to the point that I just have to do 5 minute pickups abd one household chore a day.
I have fibromyalgia. On days I can’t get out of bed and clean I cry so much for hours.
@jamie...
Have you come across a lady by the name of Sarah McGlory? I recently found her channel. She talks about adaptive cleaning system of having different levels of expectations of what you can get done. She suggests 3 levels:
Low energy/intensity for when you can only get necessary/basic tasks done because you are feeling the worst.
Average energy/intensity for when you are feeling like doing the basics plus a little bit extra
High intensity/energy is the 3rd level when you do basics plus average plus the tasks that are really hard for you to do...
Sarah explains it better than me on her channel "Sarah mcglory home" (look for "adaptive cleaning system" ).
I think it could be helpful as I have a list of health challenges including Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and bipolar spectrum disorder and am recovering from being bed bound.
Blessings from South Eastern Australia, Dot
Epsom salts bath with candles and meditation music
5 years ago, i thought i was having a beart attack...i wasn't, but i was so stressed my boss made me schedule a massage. I've been going every two weeks since. Once a month, i get a facial and mani pedi every 6-8weeks.
I am here telling you that if you don't take time for yourself Your Body Will Floor You ❣️ My body has Floored me with Chronic pain and that is not full of joy but no guilt either. The trouble is that it gets so hard on you and your family.
They either learn to pitch in sooner or they have to pitch in later when you're down!!
I am not someone who feels that they have to be busy, but i often feel guilty if i haven't written or painted for a while. I'm someone who is easily overwhelmed by too much to do, as it takes away the space I need to be creative. I need a LOT of downtime. I have to be ruthless about it. I just wanted to pop in to say that , Cass, you have been a lifesaver for me this past month. I am in considerable pain all the time, with two operations coming up this summer, can omly walk a few steps, and, just turning on your videos has been so soothing and comforting for me. I hope you know how much joy you bring to people. ❤ You have kept my spirits up! Thank you. 😊
I used to be a night owl, but when I started changing my nightly habits, going to sleep much earlier, Everything changed, with my mindset and how I felt. Good Advice Sis
I've been living with MS for 40yrs, and guilt overcomes me. There are so many things I WANT to do but then I CAN'T. ITS TRULY FRUSTRATING!! Thank you for addressing this area of life. ❤❤❤
💛
They call it Romancing The Ordinary 🎉🍹🍾😊 🦋🦗🐞🐝
I am so different to you because I get most done in a morning before I get my husband up. We are retired and I am my husbands carer.we have our main meal at noon. After that I find it difficult to get things done.
Your hair is so cute in this updo!
Stop and smell the roses.
Thank you Cas, such a lovely video! 😊 Beautiful advice to implement more slow living! Just the best tips to hear!!
Are we twins? Or are you reading my mind?
My sister had a small basal cell spot on her nose. She was to slather a medicated cream on it and it finally went away. No scalpels. Be a good role model for others and go to your dermatologist for options. It sometimes grows deep, not visible on the surface. Put vanity aside. Wear a patch of honor that you were worth taking care of your health. Because you are worth it!! Rant over.
I have large windows that face my back yard. I sit and watch the birds at the feeders and the deer in the woods. I love it. It is very calming and happy for me. I sit on the patio when the weather is nice.
I would go to the mall & browse bookstore before my movie started. The best times.
Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you ....been struggling this morning and so much of what you said has really hit home w me, and I'm only a third through your video - thank you Cas for being you! 🙏🏼❤🤗
Declutter. But also give yourself (ourselves) grace. A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. Clean, but also live. Take breaks, enjoy life. Lets go back to flip phones ❤❤ Cass you are th best. Thank you for sharing. And also, i loooove your hair this way. You are Beautiful ❤❤
God bless you richly