The Secret Skill of Detachment
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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I love this guy, where has he been all my life? Oh yeah, he was growing up.
I love this comment
That make sense
I love this so much, let us all grow up together
Finally someone has answered the whole "where have you been all my life" dilemma 😂😂😂
He is horrible, he repeats like parrots articles from second rate magazines.
As master Yoda once said "train yourself to let go of everything you're afraid to lose".
Desire is not not the problem, the problem is attachment to your desires.
*lets go of everything
has nothing*
@@pedrosso0 That's it! You've found it! Stay right there...and see what happens!
@@pedrosso0 The point is to realize that while having stuff certainly feels good and can make life nice, you don't have to depend on it, and having nothing isn't terrible either.
Tougher than it sounds, I'm 28, and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it. But I have learned to silence my fears by being mindful of the fact that the source of fear of loss is attachment to what you have.
@@ragingsaviorkami9862 but are you seeing a therapist? cuz the point is that dialectically speaking we want something, it would be nice and make us feel good to have that something, but also that we don’t need it to be happy. attachment to the idea “i need it to be happy” is the problem cuz when it doesn’t work out we do all sorts of things from internalize, projecting, blaming, etc and its a negative way to see the results. teaching people to detach from desire really does work and its in plain english with the sandwich example. do you want it? yes. does happiness depend on our wants? sometimes…but should we let it affect our lives and make us miserable? absolutely not. 😊 its a wonderful balance of being content and understanding the blessings you have while striving to be better or have better which is equally okay as being content without.
That advice was supposed to be bad and made Anakin realize the Jedi cannot help him
I have a job interview tomorrow so this was what I needed to hear before I go to sleep.
Good luck, you got this. 💪
Good luck 👍🏻
Good luck!
Good luck!!
Good luck!! 🍀🤞
Yes, makes a lot of sense. It goes in line with the advice I've been given - "Focus on doing your best. Don't get attached to the outcomes."
So I’m on the right path by detaching from my boyfriend! It’s annoying having all these emotions from feeling neglected but I’m probably not actually being neglected I just need to stop caring so much about him
Lmao I feel the same way. Tryna find a way to detach but idk how to
it's good to practice detachment in relationships but if you really feel neglected and your partner is not meeting your needs, it's better to communicate with him as suppressing emotions just leads to them surfacing later on in unhealthy ways.
By breaking free from a relationship that was not meeting your needs, you're actually taking care of yourself. Your BF did not neglect you - you neglected yourself by staying with someone who was unable to meet your needs. You're taking back your power by not expecting anything from him anymore. Aknowledge the feeling that this breakup is a beautiful act of self love and healing. You don't need to heal from the breakup: the breakup in itself is empowering you while healing your self esteem/self love wounds.
You're learning how to take care of yourself and getting ready to eventualy meet someone else who's more aligned with you.
Hope this helps 🤍🦋♾️
Not to sound rude or be presumptuous, but have you talked to him about these needs, explicitly and in a calm conversation? Our partners are not mind readers and never will be. Our partners deserve to hear how we feel and deserve to have that knowledge freely, it's part of the partnership.
But if you've discussed this explicitly with him and nothing is changing, that is a different story.
communication is key. if you are neglecting each other, it sounds like you have to start talking about what you guys want in your lives. Don't confuse detachment with neglect. Respect each other by being clear and direct with your expectations and feelings toward each other
so it all boils down to the abundance mindset whether in dating or any other aspect in your life
Abundance mindset when you have no options is lying to yourself. And as we know, lying is bad. Hence, don't do abundance mindset when you dont have options. 5head 🫡
This is how I always think until I'm on survival mode.
There is so much you can only do with all the circumstances life throwing at you.
this is why we need everyone need to have the Physiological needs like Food, Water, Shelter, and Sleep.
hard to be mentally stable when you are starving. hard to reject that sandwich when starving.
Don't starve (2013)
It also makes you quite durable against life’s ups and downs.
"I WANT to have detachment"... Oh no...
Detachment is an act of differenciating between your wants and your needs
"My happiness does not depend on eating a sandwich" is how i should live my life
Wait till you try a smoked salmon avocado cream sandwich topped with alfalfa drizzled in alive oil with perfectly grilled bread with just a hint of garlic butter 🥲
I feel way too detached. I have wants, but none of them really control me. I also find it very easy to completely disregard problems that the normal person would be really upset about. Leads to a bunch of other issues in life tho
Lol same. Its hard to perservere and achieve anything because when things get hard, it becomes: "hmmm do I really want need to achieve this thing...?" *shrugs and decides I dont really need it*
@@deiopedis that really a bad thing tho? Like I’m curious. Has that way of thinking ever actually have a negative effect? Cuz if you feel like you don’t need something then is it really a problem?
@@johny_playz7059 it has caught up with me when I need resources that I did not work harder to gather. I have a pretty cushy job and livable, comfortable salary but if I, for example, I wanted to start dating, I would need more time and money which I dont have but then again, I probably dont have the desire to either so eh.
Basically, not having strong feelings of desire gets you pretty much stuck in the same spot in life.
That seems to be dissociation and depersonalization, a symptom of ptsd
Same, can’t presevere with anything because of that
This is great advice, but sometimes it's hard to tell whether you really shouldn't eat the sandwich or it's just your insecurity telling you that eating something you like is bad. You're detached, you know you don't _need_ the sandwich, but you still can't tell whether it's actually a bad idea to eat it or not.
ive been having the same kind of indecisiveness and then having to look towards new values rather than just taste. But I think that just comes with being detached. Even just perceiving our desires and not mindlessly giving into them helps take a step towards detachment, even if we still end up giving into the desire.
Seems to me like this is just another layer of attachment. I think the though process goes something like this. I'm above my desires so I won't eat this sandwich. Well shit now I shouldn't ever eat a sandwich because I'm above that and don't need it to be happy. But what if I'm just attached to being deattached so maybe I should eat the sandwich just to prove that I don't need to eat the sandwich.
Idk the answer but I think it's just our ego being a slippery snake and trying to trick us into thinking we should do stuff. I reckon that if you consciously think about whether or not to eat the sandwich then all is well. I can live with eating a sandwich when society tells me not to and I can also live with not eating sandwich when I really want to. It's just a sandwich but the important thing is that I chose to eat or not eat the sandwich. Maybe the choice doesn't really matter, it's just a sandwich after all.
you have to explore your feelings in order to understand and know yourself better
Gotta spend time with yourself and learn which impulses are desires, and which are insecurities
If I had to guess it’s probably a balance. For me self control is hard so being able to not do something from a simple desire is incredibly difficult. Stoping the urge means I can now choose to either indulge or pass up. This means I can actually reason out the logically best action from evidence and experience instead of lizard brain taking over all the time. Maybe some days you should restrain and others you should relax depending on countless factors. Then I would have balance, and from what I see in life just about everything requires balance.
i love the way its looped, the first sentence end up being the conclusion of the whole short
That's some undesirable sandwich right there - I'm totally above needing that one.
I totally gave in to a far, far superior sandwich today😅
just bread and lettuce, i was gagged
Based sandwich for folic acid deficiency, great for female and general health
@@thewhiterabbitrepresentativethat's less detachment and more rationalisation to deal with cognitive dissonance.
For example, telling yourself "Oh, I didn't need that anyway" just as you had been wanting something intensely but couldn't get it.
@@noag887 Actually if you look closely there are things above the lettuce that look like cheese and ham. And as the lettuce seems to be at the center, there's bound to be other stuff underneath as well.
Sage wisdom. The real trick is detaching from that which has been a significant source of lack in your life. Same exact advice, much more difficult to execute on.
@@ryanbarker3978 was just pondering a similar thought, inability to detach as a survival adaptation from early trauma or lack as you say, makes this some levels more difficult, but it's still wonderful advice as usual from the Dr. I realise, when I've practiced this, via CBT or in small ways, it does work and he's spot on. Love this guy 🙏🏼
Can you go on a bit more about this? What greater significance is there from detaching from the things you are most scared to lose/scared to not have versus other things?
Also, what things would be a healthy example of detaching from what you lack most?
These are genuine questions. I am not trying to start a comments section fight.
Yeah this is a great point. It's so hard to detach from what you lack because you feel like that's what you need the most
@@Ty-no8hhI wouldn't say it's a greater significance, but just as important. When you don't have something you need, you usually fight very hard to get it. If you can't wrestle with the fact that you'll be ok without it, you can become very resentful, and spend your whole life fighting for something you've never even had.
Meanwhile the things you do have become less of a priority.
I think the goal is to be honest about the things you want vs the things you need, and then be honest about how important those things are to you and how much time/energy you can afford to give.
For me personally, I've had to deal with a lack of love/protection from a parent. I've been dying to have it my whole life. But I've learned to be honest that I may never get it, and I have survived this long without it, so I can be ok moving forward. I don't pretend like it doesn't effect me, I just acknowledge it as the truth and keep moving the best I can.
I really want being on schedule so you're saying I don't need to be on schedule?
What is the difference between detachment and dissociation?
Thank you. Other people accepting or rejecting me shouldn't affect my happiness.
It becomes hard if no one accepts or loving you. Humans need to socialize.
“In all things, have no preferences.”
It's similar to the phrase, "Look at the bright side,..." and the simple principle we apply to our daily lives by stopping and thinking about things for a second or a minute.
Honestly, it kinda gets under my skin when people say that. I understand that having a positive mindset is important and can be life-changing (so I hear) but sometimes there isn't a bright side. Sometimes things are random and sometimes things just suck and "look on the bright side" very quickly can morph into Toxic Positivity which, personally, I feel like more of a failure when the toxic positivity *doesn't* work for me, more than just the regular feeling like I failed at Life and Being An Adult than before I attempted to force positivity I did not feel.
I hope any of that makes any sense.
I'm not trying to argue, either -- I am attempting to have an actual conversation and not a comments section fight.
Nice outlook on life, i'd like to improve on this aspect of detachment. Not getting too overly attached to specific beliefs or ideas :)
Thanks Sirr. I’m going through this exact thing right now.
Why do we keep chasing or grasping? What does it mean to sit quietly with no sense of lack? Why must there be a constant becoming? Why do we spend so much of the eternal now mentally in a time that doesn't exist? The past and future may be illusory and there may only be now. Why take a detour off to tomorrow at the expense of now? Do we even know what magnificence is now? It might be when we find the eternal now that empires have risen and fallen instantly here, now. The most mundane thing suddenly is not in the now. Where is the hope (or fear) in now? Please don't descend into belief, find out!
How do I focus on now without destroying tomorrow?
@@Ty-no8hh Tomorrow is never, there is only now. Stay here where all time is unfolding. Watch our actions and reactions in the now without judgement and tomorrow and yesterday never come. To break the conditioning of time is rare because so many things in our world continually condition us to be time-bound. Condition us to be anxious if we are still. Try it, silently sit and observe the sense of lack arise. Can one sit silently without a movement in any direction of thought? What happens is our conditioning will make us nervous about 'wasting time' or 'not being productive' or the uncomfortable feeling we call boredom. It's like we never learned to become quiet human beings internally. As we are the world is.
@@playerone3018 But if tomorrow didn't exist, I wouldn't go to work today and if every day I choose not to go to work, I would lose my job and end up homeless.
A large portion of having a good Now is by being financially stable but nobody would sell their bodies to a corporation if they actually had a choice.
so I can still want people to like me but I don't have to identify as a people pleaser or be dependant on my desire to be fulfilled
Gotta love when people show how principles from the Bhagavad Gita are completely relevant today. Nice
It's about acknowledging reality
Good stuff. These videos and health channels are really nice thing to do for others. Thank you for your hard work
Ill keep this in mind; came at a perfect time
It still upsets me hearing so many people bash the idea that we can literally control how we think and what we try and focus on which literally makes us happier. And when i tell them, you can change what you think they just brush it off.
You can't even change what _they_ think.
@@pooroldnostradamus well at least THATS true.
Thank you for creating and sharing!
Thanks Doc!
I’ve watched so much Dr. K videos I’m starting to do that hand wave thing
I am currently working on this with my therapist and I am proof this way of CBT works, even my doc says that CBTI has been the best proven way to improve your sleep and it sticks
“My happiness does not depend on eating the sandwich” No but in a hangry moment it sure helps regulate me back to being able to remember that fact!
I don't have a want to a job right now but if I did, I would've felt really bad if I told myself "I'm not entitled to any job", saying that I don't have the right to a job
Now whether or not this is how I feel about jobs specifically or wants in general is another thing
Here is, I think, the nuance: we are not entitled to a specific job/position amongst others. So, if we don't get the very job we have applied for and want very badly, it doesn't matter. We have to keep faith in the process and trust the fact that life IS full of opportunities and another good job will for sure appear for us down the road.
This is very different than 'I don't deserve / have the right to have a job', which is a false assumption that comes from a low self esteem, a feeling of guilt and/or a scarcity mindset.
Hope this helps 😊
why does it feel bad in saying you dont have a right to a job? does it also feel bad to say you dont have a right to a lamborghini?
@@weirdo911aw Well, a Lamborghini is a luxury good that nobody needs, while having a paid job is actually the only way for the vast majority of humans to survive in this world. Sorry but your question doesn't make sense.
Any way you could provide this full stream? Thank you for your content.
See this while shoving cookies in my mouth 😅😂
"I don't need to eat this sandwich"...
*Dies of starvation*
it takes 2 weeks of not eating (depends on how fat you are) to actually die of starvation
I have been trying to apply this attitude in life but I am both quite peaceful but also a bit behind in life, might make good use of a private consultation to figure out how to properly apply detachment in my daily life... In fact I'm so detached that I'm practically unproductive
the detachment applies only to the results of your pursuit and not the pursuit itself. not everyone wins, nevertheless one must find happiness in the pursuit of that better life. the runner who likes to run will run further than the runner who likes the destination
i see HealthyGamerGG, and my scrolling stops instantly
There's no God people like him is real blessing ❤😊
Showing to my boyfriend ❤️ I have been trying to tell him this but you explained it so much better than I could!
It's not healthy to be completely detached. Ambition and drive can die.
Read the book “Reframe Your Brain” by Scott Adams
The question is there’s a reason your choosing not to eat the sandwich either a diet which is also attachment.
I believe in life we have to be attached to something it is just levels of how attached your are.
To sit a meditate all day to remain in a state of detachment is attachment to an idea.
Do I just repeat to myself the things or how does that work?
Because just saying things to myself won’t make me actually believe them right?
I swear to God I was just thinking about this. RUclips’s algorithm scares me.
Super true. But with a sound mind I think you should be able to discern when it’s healthy to eat the sandwich and just like enjoy enjoy enjoy man. But remember that you’ll be ok with it or without the sandwich- it’s just your choice.
Why ain't any of my therapists like this man
You haven’t found the right therapist then 😄 It took a shamefully long time to find mine, I’m the one to talk 😅
Krishna talks about it greatly in Bhagvad Gita.
Yeah, except I had to become so good at detachment that I don't feel anything anymore.
I don't know if this really helps me, I feel too detached from my life
sadhu sadhu🙏
Glad my line “What matters more/ than how it is/ is how it seems/ to us/ to be” is Neuro scientifically validated
How the hell does one read that
Do you mind to elaborate it further? :D
I think they meant "perception *is* your reality. At least, that's how I took it.
But if you detach yourself from your wants wouldn't you enjoy those activities less? As in, if you care less about those things or the outcome then naturally you enjoy less the positive outcome.
What about both? Like, you know this job will definitely be amazing and change your life but, you also know there are other jobs out there..?
How do you detach from finding out your hero is not such a good person after all?
This is from which video. Please link it in the comments
Huh.. he's describing abstinence from sandwich 😂not detachment from sandwich
Sandwich: you see he'll still gobble me up anyways.... 🤣🤣
Oh go on, give in to that sandwich...before they make it illegal.😂😂😂
Corn sandwiches are the best lol.
The thing is if you go into a job interview, you could think....
If I do not do well and get this job I am sure to be hard on myself and worry about when the next job interview will come.
It depends on what the interviewer says if they give you really positive feedback and you do not get it, it may still make you feel good and have motivation to keep trying.
But yes there are more jobs and maybe that job would be a missed opportunity and a better one would come along.
But you are bad are interviews, mess everyone up and cannot do anything but mumble say everything wrong then you need to go home and cry into your tub of ice cream or box of chocolates and think how in the world you'll ever get a job.
I have an idea??
Start your own business.
I think since we are all forced to work a job to survive, we are entitled to a job lol. I agree with the rest of what he's saying to a degree. 😂
My happiness depends on the sandwich 🥪
Sandwich gang
Just don’t take the glutenous goodness granted and you’ll be happy for life 😄
Brehh i thought you meant detaching from people hahaha its so rare for me to feel attached to anyone
You and me, we need to learn how to attach to things instead 😄
But it stresses me right tf out😂, like bois we almost there group suicide😂
outcome independence
Latly i can control myself perfectly when using the phone and i eat what is healthy most of the time but sometimes i do have a little amount of fast food too and i dont know how im suddenly able to do this things im 16 so any ideas?
I had problems with schedule prior to this and really wanted and needed to be on schedule but i haven't tried i new one from when i became like this
CBT doesn't work for a lot of people though. Tried for years.
That’s why there are lots of therapy types. CBT is popular because it helps a lot with anxiety and depression, the two mental health conditions pervasive in the modern world. Quite a lot of the mental health professionals use a combination of all these proven therapies in their practice.
What if you’re in an unhealthy environment?
can i get a video on this?
It’s an excerpt from a members only stream, only the paid members can watch the full thing (not sure if it requires a membership to his RUclips channel or some other platform of his.)
@@kewoshk ohh just an exerpt. I mean like a video covering the topic more. Ill look it up later to see if he has a video on the topic.
This shouldn't be members only. Imo. Sahaj Marg practioner and Vedic student... why put this behind a pay wall?
"I need to do my homework, but I'll do it later" like this?
More like “I need to do this homework but my life and happiness does not depend on it. If I happen to miss this one, the world will not come apart and take away the people I love.”
@kewoshk even when it is the last week before my thesis deadline and I really want that phd in this other field for which I need good points for my thesis in the field I have come to dislike over the past year? I'm already stuck doing this in the summer because I missed the june deadline due to postponement
@@aykoch that sounds like a professional problem, which sadly I'm not very well equipped to answer 😅 I can only wish you the best of luck 👍
perfect timing for this to be recommended i could kiss u rn
I want to play the game but I won't let the game play me 🗿
Does the same apply to doughnuts?!😂🍩
Frame of mind*
-Welcome😊
Appreciate you fame.
My happiness depends on eating a sandwich though
Basically stoicism
CBT draws a lot from the stoic philosophy
Real
*squints at the cheese and lettuce sandwich* yeah I'd say no to that too.
And you lost me with CBT and it's bull💩. Only people it works for us neurotypicals and only if they have decent circumstances around them.
Was anyone else really dissapointed in that sandwich?
he says alot the is wrong but he also says alot that is right.
To be fair, that sandwich doesn’t look very tasty.
My happiness wouldn't depend on eating the sandwich either, if the sandwich looked like that. Is that literally just bread and lettuce? the shit is goin on here
❤
I disagree... My happiness absolutely depends on the things that I want. I can live my life without them, but I will never be happy. Not truly happy.
why do people always use this type of perspective? don’t forget you don’t need to stop yourself from eating a sandwich to be happy... just make sure u eat lol
Eating a sandwich will not make ne happy its complicated truth for me 😂
I shall cognitively reframe everything and thus become happiest man in life. Also I like boobs. And that is meaning of my life from now on. Take that Sartre.
F!@# that. I need that sandwich 🥪
What a sad sandwich she just ate😂
I love CBT!
I hate CBT.
Is this gaslighting myself
So I want to call a female coworker out for being a liar about being sorry about doing something that I think she did because she was mad at me but I don't have to do that. OK well I'll keep that in mind and Fook it up or not lol. But then again she kind of hurt my feelings. But then again if I talk about it I might not do it in a meek way because I'm kind of mad so that will likely be difficult to do. The meek shall inherit the earth is something I was raised as a Catholic to believe. Inheriting a turd might be okay with other people and I know that when you read my name it seems like I would be okay with it lol but I enjoy healthy blood pressure and I swear that is the truth. I should wear a suit in public then they will start/shart to ask me out even though maybe it's still more often females don't ask men and wait to be asked out. Or I ask them but if I'm going to be wearing that kind of clothing and STILL get told no I'll get more bothered than usual and that would be Wack. Or true I'll just cognitively reframe and it'll be merely wackito as Spaniards would put it lol.
What does this even mean? Your sentence structure is very difficult to follow.
@@pedrosso0 I don't know how to be clearer. Forsooth! Mayhap if I didn't get a D minus in my last semester of high school english I twould be easier to understand lol my bad.
@@pedrosso0 It's possible I donut want to air out ALL of my dirty laundry on the internet.