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I Lost Friends Being TOO Frugal
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- Опубликовано: 3 ноя 2019
- It's easy to get caught up being too frugal. When you goal is to become financially independent or quit a job you hate, you cant very quickly get out of hand. But you must also keep a well balanced life rather than shrink into a miserly life where you spend as little as you can in order to hoard as much money as you can. I talk about my experience with this as I have certainly stepped over the line a few times and what you can do to prevent this in the future.
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buying food at the theaters is such a rip off.
dark light correct
Yeah... just don't buy any.
@@BeatTheBush Take snacks from Dollar Tree or a baggie full of nuts, raisins and seeds from home and a water bottle.
Nah, I got something better. Buying food at the new Atlanta Braves stadium is a rip-off. How is a bottle of Dasani $7, y'all?
I need answers........💅
@@patriciafisher3108 Yea but the reason why it's high is becauss they make no money from the ticket sales.
When friends and colleagues say I’m frugal, I just tell them I’m just frugal with myself but generous with others which is true. That usually shuts them up 😂
I love losing friends if they think I'm too frugal.
*Bruh, if you're gonna judge me by how much I spend, you don't deserve to be in my life.*
I would support it, me and my friends like to (not always) bring our own drinks (bottled water or lemon tea) to watch a movie at the theater, wear $1.5 flip flops, $4 t shirt
No one wants to be in ur cheap life bruh.
@cherrytung - exactly.
When I worked with clients, they didn’t ask about their bank account on their death bed. It was about their family and spending time with loved ones.
Theres a balance to enjoy life while saving up assets as opposed to reaching the finish line quicker with nobody to celebrate with.
I’ve been watching you for the last year and a half and have to say I see a lot of growth in your videos. You seem to be able to balance frugality and sensibility a lot more nowadays. There seems to be a lot more wisdom behind your thoughts and I appreciate the direction you’ve gone in. Keep up the good work.
Thanks! This video will never go viral but it had to be done.
I never expect my friends to pay $200 ,I'm happy with a cup of tea or coffee ,we often go to the lake and we bring the flask of tea or coffee and they will bring cake or biscuits or a pie they made themselves 🎉🎉🎉🎉
“Stealth Frugal” - I love this concept!
=D
My favorite phrase ever - "I'm stealth frugal" lolololol
Great way of putting it!
MJ, stealth is key! :)
I’ve lost friends because I wouldn’t lend them money to pay for gambling debts.
Amiga A 1200, Guess what, they were not your friends. Not lending money to them revealed that.
I think even if you lend them money, they will be lost anyway. You lost them when they decided to ask you.
@@BeatTheBush same think happen to me ,, I didn't lend a friend money to gamble ,,,,, I good thing is ,he never asked me again hehehehehe
I never give the impression that I have money to lend even though I've been financially independent for years.
I guess u are from a small town? Glad i left the shitty small town i grew up in. More than half of my friends in gambling debts and they always avsked for help.
I made the mistake of being too frugal when I was younger. It can make for a very lonely life, especially in the autumn of your years.
See! Someone knows what I'm talking about. =D
Stuart,this is what I was going to write. I was fugal when younger as well and now that I am older...I wish that I would have spent a bit more and not watched every penny. It's nice to retire early and have money to spend on travel and whatever.....however, one can't rely on having a long life, a partner or even the health to enjoy that money.
I am frugal but not extremely frugal. I also have friends who are frugal and introvert like me. We eat at home and just chat to catch up. They were able to help me when I was sick and when I needed some form of help. Yes, we need to be financially independent. But no human is an island. Someone has to be there when you are sick or need something to attend to that you can't physically be able to attend to or to bury you.
Well at least you still got money and can do whatever you want and most importantly still in control of your life and not leeching somebody else or other people leeching you. If it ever gets boring for me or money doesn't buy my wants or needs anymore then that's what my 700 dollar glock 21 with 2 dollar hollow point bullets to my head is for, so money still solves my problem in the end.
hey for some people, being frugal young is a matter of life and death. I know being born in abject poverty, it help mold me not to be a spendthrift like the majority of society because some of knows how miserable it is to be poor. It's a give and take in some aspects friend.
One time I was eating lunch with my friend. We ate at a place that he wants to eat at because I'm not that picky and rather have the company than the food. He notice that I never suggested a restaurant any more. I told him that I do eat at different restaurants just not with him. He asked me why I never invite him to restaurants that I want to eat at. I told him that I did but he always try to weasel to his preferably choice so I don't want to play that game. I said that I rather eat alone and order to go for food that I like and not deal with his manipulative crap. Lesson here is do what you want and don't let others control you as much possible. You can't control your friends but you can make take control of your life.
Awww... so sad he finally found out. Some friends only want to give the illusion of giving a choice? Lol.
@@BeatTheBush Yep
I’ve had friends try and ask me for money, I say no right away. I’ve lost a couple of “friends” that way. They ask me why not, and I just tell them I don’t have any extra money to lend out. If you have money to buy that BMW then you don’t need to come ask me for my hard earned money.
Wrd2 bro
I have realised materialistic lifestyle brings more sadness and house becomes a mess..
You can most certainly be a minimalist back at home.
Truth #1: Life is suffering. Truth #2: Causes of suffering is desire. Truth # 3: There is an ending to suffering (other than reaching realization and enlightenment) Truth # 4: The end of suffering is to end desire for materialism, right path to FIRE, right path to living simply, right path to kindness and compassion. If one is able to see life (the mind) as all an illusion then that helps too. :-)
Is biblical. Money will not make you happy.
@@louisnguyen2865 nah, most suffering is truly ended by changing your mindset to be more optimistic and desire for what is in your reach while finding a way to enjoy what you have.
I subscribe to Dr. Suess' philosophy; "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".
Definitely some hard limits to that in practice though...
When my kid went to university they spent the first semester hanging out with a group of old H school acquaintances that constantly was wanting to go out. My kid likes one on one when socializing and was constantly roped in to go out with them and finding the group dynamic very stressful as well as blowing her budget. She has a hard time saying no and wants to be accepted. I told her to use me as the excuse why she had to buckle down a refuse to go out. That way she didn’t feel like she was turning them down. It worked. She was able to leave the group and began to hang out individually with people who were more focused on studying and would invite them to do free or cheap activities. These activities didn’t attract hangers on so she has stayed happier, lowered her stress and kept her on budget so she could enjoy socializing and still make her trad IRA contributions. She grew up in our frugal household and though the allure to spend profligately by constantly getting expensive coffee and going out had sucked her in she found that the people that put style over substance lead boring lives of consumerism and just can’t enjoy the simple pleasure of a good conversation over the school cafeteria lunch or making your own popcorn and watching an internet movie together. Good relationships shouldn’t need excess money or costly gifts.
in a friendship, if the focus of conversation is constantly centered around frugality or if a person refuses to do something due to finances (overly tight with spending), that person becomes someone not worth spending time with -
agree but in his context he's rich and penny pinching which makes it worse
Yes, that is the view the other party will have if you are too frugal.
People often take advantage of you if you constantly treat them .. IAM frugal but when I go out I do share and make sure I enjoy myself. But some people have no shame on their game. I'm done
My friends and I are frugal. We eat at home and just chat the time away. Frugal people need to be friends with like-minded people. If it is my birthday, I can treat my friends to a cheaper option and vice versa. Being frugal doesn't mean being a hermit. And being friendly doesn't mean you need to buy friends dinner all the time. I also give gifts but practical ones or not so expensive gifts. Because of this, I have weeded out bad people who are just fair-weather friends. The friends I have now are just one from high school, one from college, and 5 from workplaces. They were there for me when I got sick and did not judge me for being frugal.
Yeah the focus shouldn't be centered on frugality. I agree with that.
If "friends" can't handle you at your poorest, they don't deserve you at your richest.
If you lost a set of friends because you brought your own drink/food into the theater, that says more about them, then it does about you. What kind of person drops a friend because they're frugal? My friends with the most money, I'm talking multimillionaires, are extremely frugal, and they don't care what others think about their spending habits! I think you are an inspiration for a lot of people, please don't change because others can't or won't accept you for who you are. You are a blessing!💕
FRUGAL is one thing
CHEAP is another
Yup!
Exactly. I like to find sales and regularly eat cheap food staples like oatmeal, beans, rice, potatoes, etc. because it's SO cheap, but it doesn't mean that I don't like to buy any of the gourmet foods and pricey fruits sometimes like mamey, real gorgonzola, lucuma powder, macadamia nuts, avocado, pine nuts, jack and dragon fruit, import store finds & particulars, dungeness & king crab, lingonberry sauce, imported sardines, goat milk/yogurt/kefir, delicate sauces and dressings, etc. here and there. I usually have either a really bland/cheap or a really pricey taste in foods depending on what I want to be cheap about, but not as much of a flavor palate for foods that are somewhere inbetween though because being an inbetweener eater (regularly) will put unnecessary weight on me. It depends on what it is.
Some things you can get for cheap like the rice & potato food staples, and some things are splurges. Also, don't have any children if you want to have more of your money (or your spouses shared money, depending on your personal situation) to yourself, otherwise you have to budget it between each other and you get less of it for yourself (i.e. you'll have to eat more oatmeal, beans & rice that is NOT by your own choice).
Nope! Frugal is just a fancy word for cheap.
I am cheap and I won it.
@@Big-guy1981, idk man, cheap won't buy necessary, while frugal do buy necessary
@@Big-guy1981 I feel like frugal is smarter than cheap. Like being frugal is only buying enough clothes for a week or something and washing regularly instead of having a whole closet full like a lot of people do. Cheap is refusing to spend more than $5-$10 on a shirt, even if it's gonna come apart after a wash or 2.
Typical FIRE Phases
Phase 1: Find out about FIRE and doing crazy research about the 4% rule, index funds, and retirement accounts.
Phase 2: Go super saving mode while only eating rice and beans. Only thinking about how to save on living expenses.
Phase 3: Learning how to balance your spending and saving habits.
Phase 4: Realizing your finances are on autopilot and it's impossible to mess up financially now.
Phase 5: Finding a fulfilling purpose instead of retiring.
FIRE allows you to RELAX and find that purpose.
Hoping to short out phase 2 because if you go on rice and beans, I probably means you are not going out to socialize.
I’m actually going to utilize this lol I’m on Phase 2 and I’m actually really struggling. Hoping to ease into Phase 3 and start enjoying myself.
Just like Dave Ramsey says, Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else!!
Live like a poor man and have a future
That's always been pretty ambiguous to me. You could live in a cardboard box being homeless purposely in order to save all your salary. That fits that description.
Poverty is really a state of mind.
@@donnaleeclubb119 Poverty is a state of mind brought on by being poor. You can't "silver lining" your way out of having nothing.
@@balthorpayne That is true. Some people have what you consider nothing, but in the United States most people do not have absolutely nothing, especially if they are prepared to work, even if it is a menial job, to get a room to live in or government housing of some sort. When I see people who are financially struggling and considered poor, many of them also have a "poverty mindset". For instance what place they do have is filthy, full of junk. I was raised very frugal, maybe some would have considered us poor, but my mom always said it doesn't cost money to be clean. I live in a very poor town in south Texas and I see it every single day. These people have children and even old housing that several families live in and trash is EVERYWHERE in their yard. Because of their circumstance, they have given up and have a poverty mindset. The ones that do not are generally older. I went into two separate houses recently of older ladies. One was a government house and the other just an older two bed room home. These two older ladies cherished everything. Both homes and yards were spotless. They took pride in what little they had. THAT is what I am talking about. Both of these women, though poor, did not have a poverty mindset.
I really enjoyed this video, I’ve been stealth frugal for many years now, you must have a strategy and have reasons beyond just “saving money”, my wife and 2 boys don’t even realize we are frugal.
With the wife you have to practice painting the picture (salesman tactic). Constantly remind her what life will be like when you can retire early, while most others will have to work forever.
We watch documentaries of third world countries and I’ve taken the family on field trips to skid row, in relative terms we still have a very high standard of living. I emphasize on being smart with money, you have traded your life and energy for money so value it, appreciate it.
Lastly, we do all the normal activities like everyone else, the big difference is how often. We go to the movies and even buy popcorn/drinks, but only a couple times a year, only if we think it’s worth it and we decide as a family “ok that one is worthy”.
We have been to Disneyland 2 times and LEGO land 2 times, we did a birthday trip to each park for both of my kids. We ate breakfast before arriving and dinner after leaving park, in the park I handed each of my sons around $50, so instead of asking me “can we buy that” they have to make the judgement themselves.
It's funny how it seems like you are stealthily trying ton convert them. Or maybe just teach them without them knowing. lol.
I once tried to reconnect with an old friend by inviting him to a $20 play. He said it was too expensive and said 'no'. That was 10 years ago. I haven't talked to him since.
That's a great example of them being too frugal. Maybe they didn't want to see the play rather than it being $20?
Meanwhile I think $20 for a play is reasonable. Plays in NYC is way above $200 for decent seats. If you want to be frugal in NYC with going to plays you can pay about $50 to get nose bleed seats. Which I have done. But the seats are not good at all. You cant hear everything and you cant see the expression on actors' faces. Maybe that person wasn't interested in the play? No one I know is interested in going to plays. Not sure why.
People = Hell. I stopped dealing with people outside work and family years ago. Mental health has improved, slaving away over faux social validation has stopped, no longer need sleeping aides, at a healthy weight now compared to being 3rd world skinny, net worth has gone up tremendously over the last 5 years. Im NEVER looking back. Mid 30s , happiest time of my life
I learned from one of my mentors that spending money in the right places is ok. It's better to buy quality products that last a long time and make you happy then skimp out and buy something that doesnt fully serve its purpose to you. Treat yourself, dont cheat yourself. We only live once and you cant get this time back.
This! I've been following Marie Kondo, because I love her look on organization. It's helped me as a very disorganized person a lot, without being overwhelming. And I've applied her idea of keeping only stuff that sparks joy, to my spending habits as well. Despite the fact that I feel like I've splurged a lot with Christmas ( I really do enjoy giving thoughtful gifts) and buying a few convenience items. I still have 1k extra in the bank vs having only a couple hundred left before my next paycheck. I don't have much compared to others but I feel pretty content.
If they judge me then they're not my friends and they aren't your true friends either. Be yourself so your true friends can reveal themselves. I cut all my fake friends out because they're into spending money while I'm into saving like you said, people judge. I don't hang with judgers, open minded only.
If your true self is to never spend any money on anything then I think this attitude may not work.
@@BeatTheBush what do you mean? I guess everyone should have a "fun/vice/entertainment" budget. I consider friendships part of that budget but the thing is, friendships are more costly than many other things which is why I'd rather do the more affordable thing that gives me just as much pleasure. The happiness:cost ratio is the most important factor and i consider other activities to be more affordable than friendships with a similar rate of pleasure.
No one is free of judgment including ourselves. If we can judge others how they spend too much, they can judge us too. It is just fair. And there is a cost associated with building relationship with people and living in general. None of us are lone islands. If we are, that is pretty lonely, isn't it? I think it's okay to be frugal with yourself but don't be uber cheap with people who are good to you, generous with you, and who are your real friends.
If I lost friends over my money habits then they were not 'friends' to begin with. Sometimes you have to let the negative people just go away, and in the end it's better that way.
I'm watching this video on my lunch right now while my coworkers go out to eat, because I brought my lunch. They eat out everyday. Such a waste of money.
Everyday is a waste. But please hear me out about going out once a week.
@@BeatTheBush I will heed your advice. 🌸
My husband I go out once a week after Church.
It's I think beneficial to your career to once and a while to join your coworkers. It's to build some camaraderie.
*Yes your frugality is one of the main things that attracted me to your channel a few years ago,*
I've been very frugal since I can Remember, But when It comes to friends and family most of them know how i am cause I've been this way my whole life, but I pick and choose my non-frugal moments effectively & efficiently when with people, and have ways to appear less parsimonious with my resources than i actually am.
I learned a word today. Thanks!
Nice one!
@@amill1563 No problem💪😀
Me my wife and 3 kids hit up Dollar tree on the way to the movies
It's great if everyone likes going there.
Mostly on Tuesdays when all movies are 5 bucks each
Of course you have 3 fucking kids it be expensive as fuck hope you buy popcorn because movie theatres make no money at all when you buy a ticket
Going to get candy & snacks at Dollar Tree before the movie is half the fun!!! :-D
Of course. Three kids and two adults is expensive as it is.
If they stop being friends with you because of your frugality, they were never your friend
That's me. I'm always checking tags to save money. It irritates people around me . But hey it will pay off later
When shopping? How about just don't check and go shopping by yourself later.
As a retail worker, I love people who actually check tags. I don't care if people want to save money, but I hate when they can't be bothered to even look at the prices and then flip out when it's a lot of money, but they have half the store on the counter.
@@nekokitty90 I've seen that many times as well. We must be more aware of our finances
@@BeatTheBush . I must check all tags or I'll regret it later. They say you're one of your average friends. Overspending is in my circle and a big problem. I'm making the necessary changes to better myself and more aware in and out spending. Thanks to you and a few others on RUclips. 😆
Very relatable, I’ve dated some guys that wasn’t compatible over my couponing I do. They think couponing is crazy. I just always want the best deal and price I don’t like just buying something and paying full price. For some reason some fellas find this stuff embarrassing. I’m not even an extreme couponer that hoards supplies I just work out good deals or ask for coupon discounts at check out in most cases I get what I want for just asking politely. Guess it makes them feel awkward or like they feel poor😹
Sativa Verte, There are guys out there that will value your ways.
I think that is perfect acceptable for one. It's even welcomed. Using a coupon does seem 'cheap' huh?
Keep looking! My husband thought my frugal ways were awesome when you were dating. We are frugal together. I am definitely more frugal than he is but he likes it.
You are a dream woman.
I thoroughly enjoyed this video about the socializing dangers of extreme frugality. Unfortunately, a stroke has caused the entire (formerly dominant) side of my body to become effectively useless to me. And now, having stepped out of the work force for 25 years (at the request of my husband who has since abandoned me) to care for his home and raise our kids, my Social Security income is 30% below the lowest US "Poverty Level guideline." Despite how extremely austerely I have tried to live since my stroke 3 years ago, I and my 5 cats will become homeless on Thanksgiving -- three weeks from today. 😟
I really like the idea of being “stealth frugal”. You should copyright that!
I give myself a specific amount every month for socializing. This allows me to rotate outings with different friends every month. They ALL know I'm on the frugal side, but they don't "feel it" when I'm out with them, because I'm not making too big a sacrifice, and we can enjoy our time together. It's a win-win for everyone!
Needing Less, Very wise. I like your name. ( :
You are ahead of me then. =D
@@patriciafisher3108 - Thank you!
@@BeatTheBush :-)
Thanks for making this video I can totally relate. I feel I never really had friends where I can hang out with because I don't want to spend the money. I remember a few months ago I hang out with some new people at a restaurant they spend like $15 on a meal and left half of it to waste. They pay their meal and left half the meal like no big deal. I just don't see myself going out and spending money on food and stuff, so I learned to be happy alone. I find that it's hard to find frugal people and most people go out and spend money like no big deal when I'm cringing. I'm also tired of keeping up with the joneses. A lot of people show off their new iPhones and nice car when they're financing it and can't keep up with payment.
This video was perfect timing.... I’ve been saving a ton of money for the past year and a half working in Bay Area tech. I’m getting a promotion soon and making more money than I would’ve imagined. I sat down to reflect on my finances and see how much I really want to save and what makes sense. All my decisions have been “what’s cheapest” or “this dish is cheaper” - sometimes I pull the trigger and get what I want but honestly yeah I’m starting to find what is a lifestyle I can be happy with and have a balance between saving a lot and enjoying experiences. I bought a ski pass and ski gear this year since this although costly activity is expensive it brings me so much enjoyment and fulfillment.
Really appreciate this video - it resonated with me and gave me more purpose and clarity with some struggles I’ve had.
I’m sure you can relate given your background but I always think if I save $1M what next? 2,5,10 million? Does it end? In a high paying field is seriously think the goalpost always moves and you’ll get there - you have to be happy and enjoy the journey along the way. ($200 a night is definitely not okay for regular but makes sense once in a while)
Thanks for the video dude, just the other day I was thinking about an earlier comment you made in an Extreme Cheapskates video that it's important to still live your life even while you're saving. I've been working really hard to save money so I can retire early, but recently I fell in love with surfing, which can be a surprisingly expensive hobby. I decided that I don't want to run the risk of looking back regretting never having tried it while I was young enough to enjoy it fully and make a ton of progress. Doesn't mean I can't shop for used boards and avoid dumb purchases on equipment though :D
Sweetheart
They wasn't your real friends if they could not respect your lifestyle, so long as it wasn't harming you or other people
=D I read somewhere the average number of real friends people have these days is 1.5. This has dropped significantly in past years from something higher. I think the view of people must conform to me rather than be more open is part of the reason. That and social media.
@@BeatTheBush First of all, I just want to know who is the .5/half friend ?? Where did the other half go? 😂😂😂😂
But you are exactly right. A lot of folks are on that and it leaves little room to openness because even though our society is assumingly Progressive ; we have a significant number of people in society with regressive viewpoints or judgments on key issues. Social media is the driving force in creating a culture where its breeds the "I am better than you/I am on top. Come follow me" mindset. An evolution on the old saying, "Too many chiefs, and not enough Indians."
Would you want to be friends with someone that only thinks about money and how to save it? It takes away from ever living in the moment and enjoying things. It’s one thing to be budget conscience and another to be so cheap that you can’t imagine being generous, even to your loved ones. It’s like Mr. Krabs from spongebob
Having friends is too time consuming and expensive for me.
Sounds miserable.
it's what you value. seems like you value your money more than relationships. when youre in your death bed, youre going to be thinking about the relationships (family, friends) and hopefully not about your networth or bank account.
There's something I learned that you just make yourself much more approachable. With this I can talk and connect to people without the burden of maintaining relationship like friends. And as a frugal person, my friends stay away from me. And they don't have much time and busy making money with in their work just to waste money and work for it again. That is something I wouldn't understand.
@@davidSYcho It is really worse than that. Someone else will inherit your hard work of pinching pennies. LOL. They get the money you sacrificed for.
I don’t have friends cause everyone seems so lame 😒
I love your tips on how to be frugal. My mom owned a dry clean shop and she used to tell me that the people that use her service should not use it to begin with. First off, they're not well off or rich or anything. Second, they spend the money (which they don't have a lot of) to dry clean their outfit. They can buy clothes that do not require dry clean. They can also wash, dry, and iron things like shirts, pants, and skirts. She used to tell me: "A dollar saved is a dollar earned".
Thanks for talking about this! I don't think enough people talk about what you can lose by being too frugal. Being extremely frugal (for me at least) is not something sustainable for me - I can't do it for months on end. Much more manageable to give yourself space like you said, and not sacrifice so much!
=D Make a burn the money fund. Set aside some amount to just waste socializing.
This also happened to me. I reconnected with an old friend from college. He had a high paying job and was very successful 10 years+ after graduation. Whenever we got together, he would order expensive food and drink and talk about his amazing lifestyle. He wasn't bragging. This was just his life. He didn't approve of my frugal life and commented on my clothes and my non-iPhone phone. In the end, he stopped contacting me. We grew apart financially!
I think it really depends on the person. I had a friend that was unemployed for many years and we had to do cheap things but I was fine with it since it's cheaper anyway, ha ha.
I appreciate the self reflection in this video. Like another commenter said, I see a lot of growth. Keep it up!
I completely agree with this video, i became obsessed with frugality and it caused a 2-year relationship to end. Frugality is important but don't take it too far.
I hope to warn others on this FIRE path. =D =D Before they make any mistakes.
Had a friend all same age (she's married) make a comment to another friends (lets say John) room. We had permission to roam the house and went to John's room before a road trip . She saw her bed sheets -- cartoons / worn out + twin bed. She kind of chuckled and said "it's like he never grew up" (in the super blunt + joking way she is). Reflecting in that moment on my stealth frugalness. I have Pokemon bed sheets still from the 2nd grade + twin bed. That was the moment I realized I was just too frugal in my late 20s. We all had tech jobs so money isn't an issue. My mindset... debatable. My belongings weren't growing with me. Self + room reflected. All my stuff now is pretty much a reflection of who I am + the people / relationships I want to attract. I'm happy.
Yes! There's things I've bought just because I'm 60 and never bought my own silverware or dinnerware. I fixed that. Just re decorated my whole living room, new couch, chair and 5 lamps under $2500. It's a balance but ultimately your environment is so important! As is feeling like a grown up.
@@jlina Amazing - love the interior effort + the value savings is the big cherry. Cheers to balance + building our current / future self environment.
The thing about being Frugal correctly is that you should not be doing anything to influence negatively the experience of others especially if you are not the organizer of the event. In the case of the movie, you may have embarass your friends or threaten the whole group getting expelled. If your friend's plan to dine at a 50$ + restaurant, you can ask to meetup at the next spot which is usually a cafe or bar. You can nurse a drink there for a fraction of dinner but still enjoy the social time.
Sounds about right. But I think if you miss on the dining all the time, then you will find yourself not get invited to it after a few times.
I agree with all you said!! There is a healthy balance to everything which is key to living a good life-including FIRE. Be frugal with yourself for a time and not wasteful to meet your own goals but don’t become a miserly Scrooge with others!! Remember - In the end, money that is NEVER used for yourself OR others is essentially worthless. Saving and sacrificing now for later is good to a point but becomes a problem when everything is focused on money, and money becomes the end goal rather than a means to one’s goal! Money doesn’t buy happiness and that works both ways!
I appreciate the content of your video. Keep frugality to yourself.
My relatives is embarrassed by me. Because I bring my own food to theatres. I don't eat out in restaurants and when I do. I looked at the menu and check the prices.
I’m feeling this same anxiety. I save so much that I know I’m missing out on other things. Dates, travel, socializing.. I have this plan to retire by 35-40. Maybe that’s when the fun really begins. How do I quantify happiness so I know what the right decision is?
I like to say that I am a good steward of my money. I am a religious person. God will never leave me stranded. While being frugal, I am also a cheerful giver. I go to Church and give in the offering. I join book clubs (which I love to read) and that sometimes consists of making a dish and/or buying food at a restaurant we are meeting at. I belong to three book clubs. I buy appetizers for the table sometimes. I live in America and when I see a soldier or know there is a Veteran eating, I pay for their meal. I have paid for a table of six before and I've paid for a couple of police officers too. The freedom of being frugal let's YOU decide where to spend extra money, where you want to shine and feel good. I am a little different than most posters here, I think. I love my job. I don't want to retire. I happen to think working is good for you. It gives you purpose and that is important. If you hate your job and work so much you cannot enjoy your life, than you have the wrong job. My husband and I work, are not stressed and have ample free time to enjoy our small home and a few activities. I need nothing else to be happy and content.
Yes you are right Francis your viewers are frugal. That is what got us watching you.
I feel like your vision of friends is so different from my vision of friends
Most are in the attitude of I am who I am and if they don't like me then I will find better friends show accept me for who I am type.
I've also experienced and realized this. I've adapted it, so in my personal, everyday life I am very tight and disciplined with everything (diet, exercise, no alcohol, being frugal, studying, thinking and working I'm super hardcore about), but when I'm out socially with others I try to fit in, and not embarrass them or myself.
lol I've never in my life went to the movies without sneaking snacks in.
Those folks were just hating and aint shit if they don't wanna spend time with you because of how you spend your money or care about your future.
The only exception is freshly made popcorn. Otherwise sneak food in.
@@akin242002 It depends. Not all movie theater popcorn was created equal.
lmao
I think it is more about going with the flow rather than this specific example. You know what I mean?
Hating on its becayse movie theatres dont make a fucking dime when you buy your damn movie ticket
I know!!! When he said that I thought that everyone I know sneaks in food. LOL. To be truthful, I hate going to the movies. I would rather download in my own home. It is much more comfortable to do so.
Young but wise. Important to consider friendship. People will think I'm crazy but I don't budget. I do watch what I spend, and I keep track of all the money that comes in and what goes out. I do have a restaurant category which I've cut down greatly. I also have a restaurant / social category. That's pretty much what you're talking about. Socializing with friends going out.
Nice! I think some people that just find out about FIRE may be tempted to minimize this restaurant/social category and I think that will be a huge mistake.
Success takes sacrifice and it seems that the most successful have sacrificed the most. I have very few friends now. Mostly because I don't have the time for them. The relationships I have now are family, social acquaintances and business relationships. Rarely so I go out unless it's to treat the family and myself or business related meals. Don't lose focus by forgetting your goals and the reasons why you're being frugal. Sure, it's nice to have those kinds of relationships but it doesn't serve your purpose in some cases. Like with some plants, you should selectively prune those branches to maximize growth.
I had a friend one time who golfed every opportunity he had and work brand names to give the appearance of affluence but worked under the table jobs to pay for it all. This left him broke and with no status at all. He was single, living with his parents, no vehicle and no prospects. We were childhood friends and the more I hung around with him the more he invaded my space and consumed my valuable time. I made the choice to not see that friend much anymore, read "at all", and focus on my own goals. Which paid off large in dividends. Choose your relationships carefully because they may not serve you.
That's a great story. Sometimes being too frugal will lose friends. But what you are saying here is to choose your friends carefully instead.
Thank you for making this video. This is an important perspective.
For me, spending some money in fun ways is therapeutic. I get to appreciate having an ice cream cone, a new shirt or a fresh manicure. Being too frugal makes me feel like I'm living without a "purpose," such as when I was in my early 20's when my income went towards rent, food, utilities, tuition, and barely having enough to pay the minimum on my credit card for that month. I became depressed and I didn't understand _why_ until I realized that it was because I was financially exhausted. Yes, it was important to pay off my debts but once it took a toll on my wellness, I had to recalculate. It's like I was only existing to (1) work and (2) pay bills and that's _not_ living. I'm incredibly grateful for having paid all of my debts/tuition and now have that money for myself instead of monthly bills.
Nice! Yeah, I feel many frugal people push it too far without realizing it makes them unhappy in indirect ways. This is not ideal when they can just relax slightly and still save a lot.
I like hearing some frugal tips for saving, but I really like it when you talk about the ways you make money. For example opening bank accounts that give you money for having the account, or cash back cards or the grocery store rewards video.
Oh ... churn vids. I'm enjoying dividends on some of my investments. Zero work there buy monthly income. =D
This is the best out of the situation. I rather lose friends spending less than gain friends spending more. Especially if those friends dont bring any value to the relationship!
Friends are not what they used to be these days with social media.
LOL My mother use to sneak in food at the movie theatres as far back as the 1970's. As soon as the lights went down out came the snacks. My friend and I eat before going to the movies so we have no reason to go to the snack bar.
I'm okay with it but now, I don't even watch that many movies.
Excellent video and I absolutely agree with what you have said. The ideal way to retire is to maintain the same level of living to the average working person. Enjoy life and occassionally enjoy the finer things in life too. Finding a good balance is the key. Spend on the things you treasure most. I am about to retire (or could have many years ago) but my biggest fear is boredem, once again, that too is a balancing act.
If you spend too typical then you will never retire early. So it's kinda like pretending to be a normal spender but you're really frugal when no one is looking.
i have lost a lot of friends in the past couple of years. it has taught me that the friendships truly worth having and taking care of are the ones you have with people who support you in your efforts to meet your goals, even if that means just hanging out at home, going for a walk, shooting hoops at the park, or running errands together. all my close friends know i am broke (not like i can hide it), and even though i have less close friends than i used to because of the situation that put me here, i value my friendships with the ones who stuck with me so much more. i think if a person can't hang out with someone because they aren't bougie, they have a serious character flaw, or at the very least, a lack of an imagination.
Got rid of friends that always need a ride,wont share cost of rental they are using too,never offer toll, gas,always expect you to pay.
It's good to have an roughly equal exchange. Sometimes, people cant pay even if they want to.
Great point about moderating your frugality. One indulgence per week is healthy. If you are interested in FIRE so that you can ditch a hated job, don't go full miser, get a better job. Or better yet start a business and make it your ideal job. IMHO 9-5 for 45yrs with a 5% savings is too much one direction, but 12hr days for 7yrs and 75% savings is too far the other direction. My balance is 6hr days, for 20yrs @~40% savings. Still hitting FI in my 40s (a few short yrs from today), but I got to enjoy my 30s, and thoroughly enjoying life today.
Some expensive things are that way for a reason, because they are great. However if great is your normal you won't appreciate it, and you will constantly pay a premium. Make good (at the best price possible) your normal, and sprinkle in regular but infrequent doses of great to maximize happiness. On the other end, you will find that the price difference between horrible and good is tiny, much smaller than between good and great, so satisfaction per dollar is worse when you choose the lowest quality items.
Sounds about right to me! 75% savings eh??? I probably pushed further than that myself.
I suppose you summarized maximum bang for the buck based on your own preference.
I just felt that. Keeping it real my friend. Thank you so much for this.
Nice words of wisdom to share this stealth frugal idea. I didn’t realize people would go to this extreme. I think it come down to being frugal based on how much one makes and their cost of living in the area one lives. I assume people may have taken this frugality or some of the great ideas you share too far based on a higher income amount ($100k plus) where some of these people may live in area where many do not make the kind of amount. Your ideas are great and one needs to consider their cost of living. Certain areas of California standard of living may be much higher than another people’s cost of living.
beatthebush - "there's a price to pay for most friends"
Me: No thanks.
The price isn't to pay them... it's 'to pay for the stuff YOU consume when hanging out with them.
@@BeatTheBush yea i get it but it's much cheaper to just eat at home and watch some videos and get the same amount of joy at a much cheaper price, & with less effort.
@@freedomdividendnews5042 You can do that with friends. I eat at home with my friends or eat at their homes. We just chat and catch up while eating since that is the reason for the friendship. Watching something can be done alone but keeping good friends who are also frugal like me means making time for them. My friends were able to help me in the past when I got sick or needed some form of help. I don't have fair-weather friends; just fair-weather acquaintances.
I prefer stay at home rather than wasting money with "others" that can't understand my way of living
I love my friends, I really do BUT about 6 years ago I had to stop the mindless spending. We all owned homes yet every weekend we’d spend around $150 each week on so-so restaurants. I was like, “why can’t we just chill at each other’s homes...the French do that big time?” Oh the backlash. One of my friend goes window shopping and has all of these designer clothes and bags but she also almost declared bankruptcy. (Her boyfriend saved her) My thing is if people really are your friends they should understand when you’re trying to save money and if they can’t well you may need to get some other friends.
Edit: I think that’s why you see so many people in their 30s and 40s move away from their old friends. It’s really hard to be around people who pretend they have money. Deep debt isn’t fun and people who willfully pretend that money grows on trees are ALSO dangerous.
Edit 2: I rarely go out to restaurants but when I do I don’t have to be cheap. I’ll order whatever I want because I know I can afford it. It’s a treat.
Edit3: I loved this video.
Nothing bad in having no friends and having financial freedom though. You have to understand life is a zero sum game, another one's gain is another one's lost and that includes friendships or social circles. You have to factor in the net benefits of this specific 'friend' at a given time if that sums up to negative or zero or if it is formerly positive then turned to zero or below with no chance of going positive in the future then its better to drop that certain 'friend'.
I really liked this video ! This week only, my colleagues want to go out for lunch on friday, there's an event I want to attend with my bf on saturday night, and friends I haven't seen in a while want to have brunch on sunday ! Being someone frugal that rarely eats out I felt overwhelmed at first, but I know attending these social things will very much strenghten relationships I care about. Even if it's out of my comfort zone to spend so much, especially three days in a row, I can afford it and think I'll get a lot of good from these experiences and lasting social connections ❤️
So did this video convince you to do it anyway? If it did, I am glad it reached some people. Not doing that every weekend but I just think one should have a set socializing fund where you do not so frugal stuff.
BeatTheBush Yes ! It helped counteract my inner frugal voice that said "wow you're gonna spend, maybe refuse one of the activities?" although I really want to do all of them with the different people that I like . I'll go to all of them and I'll just be a little more careful about my spending in the next month, it's really all about balance. Thanks for the great video and your reply !
You can get very nice looking high quality clothing at thrift stores!
Just go in there with something in mind.
I bought button up shirts for work (jcrew and vineyard vines) for $10 a piece.
You can buy all the thrift store clothes you want because people mostly wont be able to tell.
@@BeatTheBush unless you get the stuff with holes and stains hahaha ;p
@@joe_zupko I recommend using a brand of spot treatment for clothing called Method. Their stain remover seriously works miracles and is awesome for thrifting if you find something in otherwise good condition, but with a stain. Or just for keeping your own clothes nice looking for longer.
I am too a conservative person in term of spending money but I do set aside a day or two hanging out and spend some money with my friends and family to celebrate our lives together. Sometimes we share foods, going to hiking instead of expensive restaurants, or sharing a coupon together. living in Socal is expensive, but you can be super creative in terms of hanging out spots, there are so many free things around. It’s a balance that our friendships approach and it is actually working. I have a set of friends for almost a decade and I’m very lucky and thankful about it.
having wife and child is the biggest expenses 🤣🤣🤣
There is a difference between being cheap and frugal. (Frugal: Has 20k and needs a new car badly. Decides to buy a 10k car and save the rest.) (Cheap: Has 20k and needs a new car badly. Refuses to buy a car even tho hes constantly breaking down on the side of the road and going into repair shops.) You know you're going too far with your frugality if you start embarrassing or hurting yourself and others around you.
I'm the friend that BTB lost. I went over his house and we watched TV and he charged me for the electricity that was used for watching TV. He also charged me when I used his restroom for me flushing and washing my hands. He asked me if I used his hand soap (which I did) but I lied because I knew he was going to charge me for that too.
Dam, that is extreme!
Woooooooooow
Lmaooo!! This is hilarious
Also eating out I tend to be against it and cook at home which I don’t go out to drink and eat out unless it’s holiday/birthday. A lot of people go out to eat so I miss out on the interactions, but in the end I make my ends meet and can help my aging family financially
Sometimes, it's great to meet new friends outside so that ends up being a restaurant no? I suppose you trade some interaction and make that go towards family, your priority.
Frugality equals a cheapskate. Don't be a loser. Live life and enjoy. Sharing is caring. Yes, I am a millionaire but I am not cheap.
Reminds me of that ramit book. He said you can be frugal on most expenses but spend luxurious on your passionate hobby.
Definitely.
Ive had so called friends, called me cheap, stinchy, etc. Those were not really my friends, bad acquaintance at best. Friends that were calling me cheap had no money themselves so they couldn't manage money.
I am frugal because I HAVE to be. I lost a significant amount of income about three years ago. So yes, I live miserly. I still have friends. And they understand what I can and cannot spend money on. But at the same time I do splurge every now and then like when I get money as gifts for my birthday or Christmas. I will spend it on something I would not normally get for myself. I am introvert, so having a lot of friends was never my thing. I have a small circle and I like it that way! Besides I am in my mature years I will just say.
It’s okay not to be a social butterfly, if you are not comfortable with group outings. But, do make regular meet up with a friend from your circle. I do this each week, myself so I don't get lonely in my current circumstances. It also helps that I attend church and get to know people there. And I find other ways to give than in monetary ways. Everyone can find a balance that works for them.
But real friends will stick by you through good times and bad, thick and thin
It sounds great but not many people have lifetime friends.
This is the difference between 'frugal' and 'cheap'. Frugal is about wisdom and optimizing your money. Cheap is about "beating" the system i.e. saving money for the sake of itself like a competition. I have no problem being frugal, but I would never pack a lunch when my friends go out to dinner. I actually find that level of cheapness as rude.
You mean go out with friends instead of bringing a lunch. But I think you if they go out several times a week, that might be too many times.
There is a balance with living when you are young versus saving for the future. Your youth does not come back, and I heard several accounts now of FIRE folks who wish they had not ruined their younger years or decades, when they could have had some fun but passed on it. You can't catch up on everything when you are old, even if you are FIRE.
This is a harsh reality.
I'm definitely trying to balance frugality, although I still feel bad when I binge spend with friends! haha
I’m in Australia, movies are so expensive here. I buy bulk tickets to save money. And lots of people here bring their own snacks. With my friends, I’m more generous with my time than with my money. Eg. Babysit their kids, make them freezer meals or help them with their yard or help them organise their homes and I’m always there to give someone a lift.
On fire! Nice!
Nothing wrong with not allowing someone to rip you off. Paying 2x 5x 10x then what's it's worth or normally retails.
I think there must be a balance.
At the beginning we need to stick to the budget and most of the time pass on going out to spend money. But when we are in a better situation, once in a while, we can spend some money while having fun. With this I don't mean to blow up the money, but plan for it and have a little bit of fun with good and real friends who understand your frugal life style.
Thanks for sharing!
❤🙏
Thanks!
My ideal movie night includes a trip to the grocery store to load up on snacks. Fortunately the cinema and Kroger's are next door to each other xD In all seriousness, I have lost a few friends due to frugal living. I have zero regrets! FOMO is such a nasty, modern way of keeping up with the Joneses. I spread my finances thin by buying concert tickets biweekly to spend "fun" nights out with friends. I also had friends who celebrated their birthday for an entire month. I ended up spending more on them than I would have on my actual birthday! I do believe that you meet and keep relationships that accept you for your entirety and those are the ones worth keeping :)
Full month birthday people is a bit imposing I think.
BTB to a house guest using the restroom "Yo, use no more than three squares of toilet tissue; and if it's brown, flush it down, if itrs yellow, let it mellow". 😂
Lol, in case you are not joking, I actually give no limitations on using the bathroom.
I live in a rural area. We are lucky to have a smaller, older movie theater about 25 minutes away. We go maybe 3 times a year, always to a matinee, and we make SURE to purchase concessions there. Why buy the severely overproced junk food? Because that's where movie theater makes the bulk of their money, not in ticket sales. We buy them to support the theater and help keep it open, because we enjoy having it nearby. There is another HUGE, much newer mulitplex about 45 minutes away which is much more expensive for both tickets and food, and that is where we'd have to go if the other place closed.
Personally, I go less than that but I always want to see the biggest screen. Real IMAX just a few weeks ago.
You give really good advice. I enjoy listening to you.
My friends always bring in food and drinks. Those people where just looking at an excuse to get rid of you. That’s the tech bro lifestyle.
Looks like from all the comments that you are overthinking this. You have and are doing a great thing here. You should have zero regrets from anything you said or did in the past. You have not made anyone do anything, only showing by example.
Ooo "being like a sleath frugal person". I like that a lot.
I lost friends by being frugal too. I don’t miss them. I married a frugal man. We are happy being frugal together.
There are the big spenders, which have a job, have grants or take out loans- live life to the "fullest", and the broke college student- minimum wage job/no job, won't spend money EVER type. As a college student, I've been both, but within the past year, I've been the latter. It has affected my social life a lot. When you can spend money without giving it a second thought, people are more likely to invite you to places, whether it be on trips or get-togethers, events, nights out. After I shifted my spending habits to living as if im broke (because I am), penny-pinching, counting every dollar, telling people I can't afford things or I would rather bring my own food, tag along but not buy anything, people stopped liking my vibe. I've also noticed I mention money way too much if I'm out at a dinner with friends and ill say "oh that's too much! I need something less than that" "I don't feel like a $15 plate of pasta is worth it, I can do that at home for $3", people just stare at me as if I'm crazy, and just look back down into their menu. Last week my close friends and I went to a club and we realized they were charging $22 cover, and while they all went inside, I didn't want to pay that and ended up going to another club with one of my frugal friends and had a blast, however, to everyone else- it does look bad. It's hard to find that balance
That does sound limiting and worrisome. If you go on expensive night outs every weekend, it can easily ruin your budget or even get you into debt. I'm not even sure if once in a while of expensive nights will keep you in the loop in that case. I.e. you should up once every 3 times people do an expensive night.
Weigh the discomfort of appearing cheap with others against the discomfort of spending money you may not feel you can or should spend. The discomfort with friends is brief, while kicking yourself for blowing a couple of hundred on a night out can go on for weeks or months. Ask yourself if the money you are spending is bringing you commiserate pleasure. Is it going to be worth it, or are you spending it to avoid looking like a cheapskate. Value is the question. If you get a chance to do something very special, then it might be fine. If it's just another night out with booze and food, you may want to pass, or have friends over to your house instead.
Don't be frugal with your friends and family. Buy them nice gifts and spend for drinks or whatever when you go out together. I spend more on them than they do on me. Just be real frugal with the rest of the world that only wants your money.