Before I realised I had ADHD, I always couldn't get my head around why one day I could do anything! I could knock out a RUclips video in 15 minutes. Then another day (or week...) I can't finish editing a 5 minute video which is 75% finished.
Our minds work so much alike. You actually helped me confirm for myself that I have ADHD, when your channel was first starting out. I constantly lose the thread while I'm making big points. You're a total delight. My whole life is designed for me to basically keep my flame low because keeping it high in this economy, especially as a musician who got absolutely shafted by landlords and realtors, is damn near impossible. I can't find the time for my interests, and then when I do, I want to do something else. I thrive in an environment of freedom put to subtle structure - there's too much structure required now just to exist.
I feel this so much. I'm sure we are all just descendants of nomadic ancestors. Plus there is less and less physically engaging labor that you can do that earn enough to pay bills. It's even worse for ADHD'ERS. Because most well paid job and studies requires sitting all day on distracting devices like Computers. Probably why so many people are affected now vs before you might have ADHD but it wasn't as extremely debilitating to function in society except for the very very intense cases. There are just less and less outlets or time to have outlets out of the constraints. Even musicians before it required you to be present travel there was lots of work. Now it requires powerful computer and lot of sitting to record/edit/manage social media/film/game music& composition is mostly computer work where you need to know lots of theory and software usage. 🤔
I agree so hard. I’ve had well paying jobs where I struggled to do the “objectively easy” tedious, focus demanding task all day and I hated my life. Could barely get myself up in the morning. My flame was almost never bright, even when I was off. I had zero energy. I now have a lower paying job, but one that I enjoy. I don’t stop moving or switching tasks all day and I’m praised for it instead of shamed. In this job, it’s like I’m built for it and everyone else is slow and sluggish in comparison. I burn very bright. When I get home, after moving constantly for 8-10 hours without a break or lunch (my choice), I usually have more energy to burn off with loud music and exercise. If I work that day, I do nothing when I get home. But on my days off, I have the energy but struggle to commit it to bettering my life too much. I pretty much stopped taking my meds because I live off of the excitement and the meds temper it too much. All this to say, I’ve really come to enjoy this way of living: always burning bright and then the flame going out in the evenings. I don’t shame myself for it anymore. I really like this analogy!
This is exactly what I have been trying to come to terms with, and didn’t even know it! Such a good way to explain it. Those high burning moments are what make us feel alive! I’ve had many of those moments, but always thought the abrupt burn out was just me failing again. I so feel like I’ve been a sputtering flame trying to maintain a marriage, and reg life, after all the exciting things were finished. Wedding, house, etc… I’m so miserable in maintenance phase.
Yes! What I've been doing this semester at Uni is purposely NOT doing all my homework at on sitting. Instead I've been breaking the work into a number of days. This way there isn't an extreme peak followed by days of lows. Now it's a series of small peaks over days. But honestly, it was hard to stop doing the homework all at once.
I get what you are saying! I low those bright burns where my inspiration just runs wild! However, the challenge is that the low can cause severe anxiety if not managed correctly, so you have to be careful with those.
Exactly, all this describes my whole life. And yes, the depressed flame is the worst. I enjoy living the highs.. and somehow I use the lows for relax / chill time. I just go with the flow. One very important thing with the intensely burning flame is that once it's burned out, your business is stuck. So to build the skill to re-ignite the flame is more important than the skill to sustain it. You can't do the latter, but you can do the former - and that was "enlightning", pun intended, for me, a few years back. It's about to find a new angle to look at what you did before and spark a new emotional burst about how great it can become when you now do XYZ
Yeah, I think for people with normal dopamine regulation, steady feels great. For us, it’s depressing. We don’t have the dopamine to feel good in that state. So instead of oscillating between a furious raging flame and a wax-less wick, it’s more about finding a more moderate up and down so you don’t have to deal with so much devastating burnout. But a steady flame just isn’t how our brain works.
This is too fitting, I'm exhausting myself during the week, burning bright with work and hobbies, and the weekend is where I should be doing the hobbies burning, but I'm just existing. This doesn't feel sustainable.
Your flame needs to burn bright enough to keep a pool of melted wax, or not be lit at all. When yhe flame is lit but you have no pooling wax it is then that it is most hard. I prefer to burn so bright the whole candle melts or have a break and let the whole candle cool off, but that half lit state is hard.
I want my flame to burn with just enough wax (structure) to keep me balanced but with a wick that alternates from candle, to sparkler. I've realised this is why I've been drawn to theatre with my career as it allows for this. Before diagnosis, I would put myself down for not choosing a direct path, and feel crap for not being able to answer the question of 'where do you see yourself in 'so many' years... I've now embraced that I am happy where I am now and don't have a target, but I'm seeing where I end up, riding the wave and just looking forward to the unknown. I no longer see 'wanting to do a bit of everything' as a weakness. I'm not an expert at one thing (something else I would fault byself on), but I am a Jack of all trades. I can work, and thoroughly enjoy, in many departments. So if there is one goal for myself, it's to develop further the skills I do have. The ability to switch roles and be useful when needed and to always work where I am constantly learning something new. I just wish I had realised this sooner, instead of thinking I was a failure for not focusing on one thing, when that is not how my brain works. And I'm starting to fucking love it. ❤️ Sorry, that was way longer of a post than intended... Again 😅
It's impossible for me to go slow and staedy - like it is required for a "normal" 9 to 5 job. I work in extreme outbursts and crash afterwards. My biggest problem is: I don't know when these erruptions of hyperfokus-energie will happen. But people want me to tell them when I am "planning" to do the thing. I can't. I have to wait and then ride the wave. But it is horrible to be seen as unreliable, it makes me sick that people think that I don't care. Because that's not true.
I'll be honest here, I don't think non ADHD folks will understand you, but I do, I really do. It hit close home, I have some thinking to do. Thanks!
Before I realised I had ADHD, I always couldn't get my head around why one day I could do anything! I could knock out a RUclips video in 15 minutes.
Then another day (or week...) I can't finish editing a 5 minute video which is 75% finished.
Our minds work so much alike. You actually helped me confirm for myself that I have ADHD, when your channel was first starting out. I constantly lose the thread while I'm making big points. You're a total delight. My whole life is designed for me to basically keep my flame low because keeping it high in this economy, especially as a musician who got absolutely shafted by landlords and realtors, is damn near impossible. I can't find the time for my interests, and then when I do, I want to do something else. I thrive in an environment of freedom put to subtle structure - there's too much structure required now just to exist.
I feel this so much. I'm sure we are all just descendants of nomadic ancestors. Plus there is less and less physically engaging labor that you can do that earn enough to pay bills. It's even worse for ADHD'ERS. Because most well paid job and studies requires sitting all day on distracting devices like Computers. Probably why so many people are affected now vs before you might have ADHD but it wasn't as extremely debilitating to function in society except for the very very intense cases. There are just less and less outlets or time to have outlets out of the constraints. Even musicians before it required you to be present travel there was lots of work. Now it requires powerful computer and lot of sitting to record/edit/manage social media/film/game music& composition is mostly computer work where you need to know lots of theory and software usage. 🤔
I agree so hard. I’ve had well paying jobs where I struggled to do the “objectively easy” tedious, focus demanding task all day and I hated my life. Could barely get myself up in the morning. My flame was almost never bright, even when I was off. I had zero energy.
I now have a lower paying job, but one that I enjoy. I don’t stop moving or switching tasks all day and I’m praised for it instead of shamed. In this job, it’s like I’m built for it and everyone else is slow and sluggish in comparison. I burn very bright. When I get home, after moving constantly for 8-10 hours without a break or lunch (my choice), I usually have more energy to burn off with loud music and exercise.
If I work that day, I do nothing when I get home. But on my days off, I have the energy but struggle to commit it to bettering my life too much.
I pretty much stopped taking my meds because I live off of the excitement and the meds temper it too much.
All this to say, I’ve really come to enjoy this way of living: always burning bright and then the flame going out in the evenings. I don’t shame myself for it anymore. I really like this analogy!
I love how raw and real your videos are. Somehow you always manage to express things in a way that makes me feel much less alone. ❤
Spot on. Exactly what I felt. We’re not alone.
Diagnosed Monday and meds first day today, thanks largely to real stuff like this.
This is exactly what I have been trying to come to terms with, and didn’t even know it! Such a good way to explain it. Those high burning moments are what make us feel alive! I’ve had many of those moments, but always thought the abrupt burn out was just me failing again. I so feel like I’ve been a sputtering flame trying to maintain a marriage, and reg life, after all the exciting things were finished. Wedding, house, etc… I’m so miserable in maintenance phase.
Yes! What I've been doing this semester at Uni is purposely NOT doing all my homework at on sitting. Instead I've been breaking the work into a number of days. This way there isn't an extreme peak followed by days of lows. Now it's a series of small peaks over days. But honestly, it was hard to stop doing the homework all at once.
Love this channel. Please don't stop!
I get what you are saying! I low those bright burns where my inspiration just runs wild! However, the challenge is that the low can cause severe anxiety if not managed correctly, so you have to be careful with those.
Exactly, all this describes my whole life. And yes, the depressed flame is the worst. I enjoy living the highs.. and somehow I use the lows for relax / chill time. I just go with the flow. One very important thing with the intensely burning flame is that once it's burned out, your business is stuck. So to build the skill to re-ignite the flame is more important than the skill to sustain it. You can't do the latter, but you can do the former - and that was "enlightning", pun intended, for me, a few years back. It's about to find a new angle to look at what you did before and spark a new emotional burst about how great it can become when you now do XYZ
Yeah, I think for people with normal dopamine regulation, steady feels great. For us, it’s depressing. We don’t have the dopamine to feel good in that state. So instead of oscillating between a furious raging flame and a wax-less wick, it’s more about finding a more moderate up and down so you don’t have to deal with so much devastating burnout. But a steady flame just isn’t how our brain works.
Learn to stop before all of the wax is depleted and rest up.
This is too fitting, I'm exhausting myself during the week, burning bright with work and hobbies, and the weekend is where I should be doing the hobbies burning, but I'm just existing. This doesn't feel sustainable.
Your flame needs to burn bright enough to keep a pool of melted wax, or not be lit at all. When yhe flame is lit but you have no pooling wax it is then that it is most hard.
I prefer to burn so bright the whole candle melts or have a break and let the whole candle cool off, but that half lit state is hard.
Totally agree, what a brilliant metaphor! Thanks ❤
I want my flame to burn with just enough wax (structure) to keep me balanced but with a wick that alternates from candle, to sparkler. I've realised this is why I've been drawn to theatre with my career as it allows for this. Before diagnosis, I would put myself down for not choosing a direct path, and feel crap for not being able to answer the question of 'where do you see yourself in 'so many' years... I've now embraced that I am happy where I am now and don't have a target, but I'm seeing where I end up, riding the wave and just looking forward to the unknown. I no longer see 'wanting to do a bit of everything' as a weakness. I'm not an expert at one thing (something else I would fault byself on), but I am a Jack of all trades. I can work, and thoroughly enjoy, in many departments. So if there is one goal for myself, it's to develop further the skills I do have. The ability to switch roles and be useful when needed and to always work where I am constantly learning something new. I just wish I had realised this sooner, instead of thinking I was a failure for not focusing on one thing, when that is not how my brain works. And I'm starting to fucking love it. ❤️
Sorry, that was way longer of a post than intended... Again 😅
It's impossible for me to go slow and staedy - like it is required for a "normal" 9 to 5 job. I work in extreme outbursts and crash afterwards. My biggest problem is: I don't know when these erruptions of hyperfokus-energie will happen. But people want me to tell them when I am "planning" to do the thing. I can't. I have to wait and then ride the wave. But it is horrible to be seen as unreliable, it makes me sick that people think that I don't care. Because that's not true.
Good question, I really don't know the answer.
Agree 💯
Every time I try to cool down the pace it ends up very badly for everyone, me included
But every time I don’t, it’s bad only for me 😂
Sputtering, might be a word of interest here.
You're so cute!!