It makes you realize why we see so many attacks on abortion and birth control. These cults make women believe even just being on BC causes miscarriages and abortions and it's THEIR FAULT that their babies are dying. It's not so much of a leap to see how women like this then go on to hate abortion and birth control and scream at other women for "murdering your babies"
Yes. And everyone in the church blaming HER for a miscarriage is vile. She didn't do anything wrong, and her being a cheerleader is SO shamed :( I don't have any great love for Michele, but she seems to have been a once normal person made into a receptacle for their insanity :(
Miscarriage can be so traumatizing. When I saw that part, it made me wonder if PTSD from the miscarriage is part of the reason she wouldn’t stop having babies.
Just hearing the line “until your body decides to stop” about having babies just makes me think about my mother’s cousin. She was a deep believer in the “as many babies as God wants” and it literally killed her. She had something like 8 live births, 1 still birth, and at least 5 miscarriages (probably more) and her heart gave out at 38. She literally died and left behind her 8 kids ages 3-18 because she refused to stop trying. It makes me so angry, even if I couldn’t agree with her on just about anything. It wrecked her family for years to come and still has profound ripple effects. my family were/are the “black sheep” even though my parents were still religious (just not the “right kind” since they are super progressive) and I was so lucky not to grow up in that. Though I grew up in a very religious area so I still got religious trauma to work through.
This is so sad. It is what happens when being pregnant and having lots of children is put on a higher pedestal than the life of the woman who has to carry and care for all those children.
@@DimaRakesah Yeah, she was fundamentally bigoted but I honestly feel like she was sold a lie that having that many babies was God's will and she could survive any of it with God's help. In reality, she couldn't. Her frame was naturally small and I think she had disordered eating. Having any children on a frame like that could be difficult but having so so many just....made her heart give out. She is one of the reasons I have major issues with religion. Religion told her that her purpose was to put her body on the line over and over again for God.
@@ThePunkHobbit And it’s going to happen to even more with all the red states passing such restrictive anti-choice laws that doctors won’t even treat women having a MISCARRIAGE because the stupid laws state that as long as there’s a fetal heartbeat the woman must stay pregnant No Matter What! We’re already hearing horror stories about women being severely injured or losing their fertility or even undergoing hysterectomies because of severe infection, and it’s only a matter of time before women start DYING because of these laws! But will the Rethuglican Religious Reich care? Don’t bet on it!
It's awesome to see you get riled up because I know that expressing anger has been a big challenge for you after repressing it for so long, so I imagine that in many ways, getting riled up is a form of healing. ❤
@@scarlettredding Being "kind" is shackles on your self worth. I'm not advocating screaming like a Karen (lol) , but even the Bible says , " be ANGRY, but sin not." Raising your voice, being emphatic is acceptable. Be free sis.
@@scarlettreddingI feel like if you fail a lot, then that means you’re trying and practicing and that’s good. You gotta practice in order to get somewhere. 💜💜💜
Not me laughing at “because you’re a little worm and God…barely saved you and you should be grateful because you’re so disgusting”. Just the sarcastic delivery was really funny 😂
It's also so true that that's how these churches portray the relationship with God. They redefine words like "love" and "forgiveness" so they can still use the words, because the words sound good, but what they MEAN when they say them are "control" when they say "love" and "psychological abuse with threats of other types of abuse (or literal hell) if you slip up again" when they say "forgiveness". And they have so many dog-whistle terms. Like "respect yourself" (said to girls) in evangelical doesn't mean you deserve basic respect as a human being and should stand up for yourself, it means "you're an object, designed to be a man's posession, and don't deserve respect, agency or basic bodily autonomy, so cover up and respect someone else's property".
Was totally wondering what Elly would think the whole time I was watching it! So glad to see the reaction video! Grateful to them for reacting at all - I can't fathom how triggering this series would be
Thank you for giving us fundie survivors a voice. My dad worshiped James Dobson and anything/anyone that came out of Bob Jones. I grew up with a different flavor of Christian fundamentalism, but it was the same dish. I was drafted into the “Lord’s Army”.
I watched this documentary and it was worth It in spite of the triggers. IBLP needs to be exposed like this so it can be stopped. And the Duggar parents just make me sick. Their kids were publicly abused, as well as privately. If there is a hell, Jim Bob and Michelle should burn extra-hot in it. Terrible child-abusers, both of them. It's no surprise that they raised a child molester and ruined their daughters' lives.
The fact that their close friend is sitting in prison for CP speaks volumes. They took Josh to this man to confess. They left Josh alone with this man. This was learning behavior. I'm sure he was taught how to hide it better.
@@ThatGirlJD I think it also speaks to how pervasive the abuse is within these groups. Sure, the Duggars probably had no idea that friend was a ped, but peds keeps popping up in the IBLP and they just sweep it under the rug instead of addressing the problem. Even the head of the IBLP (and his brother who was in a position of power until his abuse pushed him out) has multiple abuse allegations filed against him, all with the same stories. People even openly knew that Gothard had "a type" but they just looked the other way. It goes to show how cults like this set up power structures and shield their authority figures at the expense of the people they prey on.
@@DimaRakesah of course, the only reason religion exists is to control others. Its just ALL cult nonsense mixed with some snippets of true and distorted historical happenings.
Don't worry about that happening. All religions are going to unite into a one world religion under the Antichrist. It will be something that most of the world will love.
I love that you got onto Michelle when she was talking about dating, and then immediately walked it back. I think it's so hard to capture the nuance of the victim/oppressor dynamic in that it is possible to have compassion for people while still holding them accountable.
Stay safe if you choose to watch the rest of it. It gets really intense and the warnings about CSA, CSAM, SA, DV, and religious ab*se are very real. I really appreciated watching with Mickey Atkins' stream and the reminders to take breaks and ground and take care of myself.
I've seen this with my dad and stepmother recently and it was so interesting to watch even though I wasn't entirely interested in the Duggars, but this docuseries really hooked me up to know more about them. I even saw Jen from Fundie Fridays in the interviews, and I sub to her! My dad and siblings have found out since that they grew up in this cult themselves, and dad says as traumatizing it can be, it's very beneficial to learn the truth about your past.
I'm so glad to see your reaction! I watched a few other people react and it made me think of you. Warning, though, it gets incredibly heavy and you should heed the trigger warnings. It will be doing exactly what you want as far as opening the conversation in later episodes. Please stay safe.
This weekend I brought up the Duggars and stuff to my mom and then she opened up to me about her past, being heavily influenced by Gothard followers before and after the time she homeschooled me. These people made her feel guilty and condemned all the time and I believe she was traumatized. I just really hope I can get her to work through these memories and be healed. It takes baby steps to escape.
Just finished this documentary yesterday and it left me feeling very heavy and sad. I hope you are taking plenty of breaks and taking care of your mental health as you watch! ❤️
Thank you so much for using compassion instead of the word empathy. People abuse the word empathy so much and it's so nice to hear someone use the word compassion correctly
I feel like sexism is still ingrained in regular society to a degree where you think, dang, how did I miss that this whole time when it was staring me right in the face? I'm sure it's less heavy sexism than in a Christian Nationalist group like IBLP or Mormonism, but it's still there. Like, I didn't realize the sexism on the Big Bang Theory or the problematic aspects of the film, American Beauty, until someone very clearly pointed it out. But def. less intense than in these patriarchal cults.
For the 3 decades that I have been a nurse, I worked with the understanding that I was not as valuable as others in the medical profession. Even though I worked hard for my college degree and excelled in my field, I did not deserve the kind of money an engineer makes. COVID was interesting. All of the sudden women working was REALLY important. And all of the sudden, nurses talking about how much they got paid was happening everywhere. It’s interesting that in “red” states where Christianity is the primary social force, nurses get paid MUCH less and have a lot less protection than in “blue” states. Same for teachers. Sigh….
@@2degucitas very true in my town. But add to that all the years we watched the machinist union slowly run Boeing out of town, and you get a bunch of professional women who truly believed nothing can change. That is, until this year Because this year, the bold, brave nurses at our Ascension hospitals voted to Unionize AND recently voted to strike I am not sure what that will mean for my hospital. But I know one thing for sure; Between a nurses Union, and the vote last August to NOT change our abolition laws (GOP wants it less than 22wks which is our current law) the times they are FINALLY a changing!
That line about husbands "washing their wives with the water of the word" or whatever always gets my goat! Like we women can't figure the Bible out on our own! Thank you for sharing this.
Ellie, you're awesome for sharing this! And you didn't come off as preachy at all when you pointed out the underlying problem with saying "IBLP isn't Christianity." You were speaking truth from your own life experience. As someone who spent the first 30 years of their life in a very liberal Christian denomination, I grappled for years with the fact that there are so many examples of Christianity being used for oppression, control, and persecution on both micro and macro scales. It was like being in a family with a super problematic history and super toxic family members that we were inexplicably cool with. There's this "shadow side" to Christianity that almost no practicing Christians, regardless of denomination, seem comfortable exploring. And this discomfort with looking at it leads to groups like the IBLP being able to flourish.
Glad to see that you're back Ellie! I need to watch the entire docuseries (I caught Mickey Atkins livestream of the last two episodes this weekend), but I was highly curious how you'd react to Shiny Happy People! I hope you're taking care of yourself too!! ❤
As if anyone would say "we trained our children to do horrible awful things" even if they did. As if anyone would say "we are totally abusive, gaslighting, controlling cultists" As if anyone would say "we raised our kids to be misogynist, homophobic, arrogant and closed off"
Control is actually the word that I thought of with the “turn out right” comments. I remember my mom wishing she could home school, and I was/am so grateful that we didn’t have the money to allow for it.
I blame the Duggars’ approach of solving serious problems by the power of prayer and stalk the reason Josh remained a monster hiding in plain sight and managed to get away with his horrible actions for so long because the adults who got involved only prayed for him and gave him astern talking to. No threats of turning him into the police. No making him apologize to his victims (which included his own sisters). Nothing. Just “pray to God for forgiveness and don’t do it again.” Josh didn’t learn what he did was wrong. He learned that he could get away with it because he was never going to be punished if he hid his actions and the police would never get involved because his parents would never call them due to them think praying is the answer to everything.
Thank you for sharing your viewing of this. I watched the while thing 2 times. It gets rough at times. I love seeing Jen on there. All the survivors and their stories were something. They were so brave.
Loved your reaction & commentary, really hope you continue to do so for the rest of the episodes! As an ex-fundie as well it hit hard for my sister and I but we're so glad this exists. We weren't directly in IBLP but adjacent - people my parents looked up to were in it and they were influenced HEAVILY by it. When I was in high school we finally got pulled into watchin the basic seminar and I remember thinking, wow so much of this is even more extreme than we are, and I thought we were a lot. Even through deconstruction these past 10 years I never even thought to consider myself in a cult and hearing everyone on the documentary refer to it as such was a really big smack in the face. It makes so much sense but it's so much to absorb knowing that we escaped a cult and somehow survived. We weren't preyed upon but it's terrifying to know just how ripe we were for it had it happened.
Just wanted to give you a warning that episodes 3 and 4 are very heavy, so you may want to take breaks for you mental wellbeing. I say this as someone who didn't grow up that way. It was rough.
@@believestthouthis7 the kids who suffered abuse didn't get a choice in the matter, so some of us want to do the bare minimum of showing up to hear when the survivors do speak out.
@@jennahart84 If it's "horrifying" then it sounds too wicked to watch. Like a horror movie. Even this video has a content warning so I'm not watching it. Psalm 101:3-4 KJV 3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me. 4 A froward heart shall depart from me: I will not know a wicked person.
I'm so happy that you did this reaction! I'm was hoping you would if it felt safe to do so. I look forward to watching it in a little while. My C-PTSD is finally not triggered after being triggered for three days straight in relation to this amazing documentary, and I need that break.
I always knew from day one that there was something up with the Duggars. When 14 Children and Pregnant Again first came out, when I was in my teens, I watched it and I thought to myself, there's something going on behind the scenes. I bet there's some kind of weird, abusive child rearing practices they must do that they're not talking about. Years from now it's all going to come out. I can't believe how right I was. And I remember when the second special came out, when they were building the house. (That they would've never been able to afford without TLC.) I remember how uncomfortable that mountain man - looking carpenter looked whenever he interacted with the interior designer from New York, that TLC hired. Even without knowing anything about the IBLP, it was so obvious to me how sexist they must be, just from the looks on those two people's faces when they talked to each other. You could see that taking any kind of direction from a woman just made him so uncomfortable, almost to the point of seething rage. It was so weird and uncomfortable to watch. Does anyone else remember that show and noticed that when they watched it?
@@mesquitegirl2013 Was that carpenter guy, the one Josh was living with at the time, where they thought they could straiten him out by making him dig a pond all day?
Yes, I remember that exact moment. Do you also remember Jim Bob rolling his eyes at Michelle? It seems like there were alot of red flags in those early documentaries. 😢
thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Elly. the final episode in particular did zoom out a little bit more to fundamentalism more broadly, but there were some connections I made (like Gothard's desire to influence politics being quite similar to Jerry Falwell's agenda, though Gothard is far more fringe in a lot of ways) that I wish had been explored further. I really hope there's a follow-up and/or a second season because there's SO much here to explore.
I sat down and watched all four episodes back to back. It was so good to see so many things in one place being connected together, and I agree with you that my heart wanted them to pull out further, but perhaps they didn't sign on for enough episodes for all that lol. I feel a disconnect between how my family sees my childhood and how I experienced it, and I'm hoping that some of them will be open to watching this, even if it's triggering or they don't agree with everything said. This was my childhood, this is how I understood the world as I developed, and it took me risking everything to see anything different. Seeing the Duggars on tv was a confusing experience in real time, and the reflections in this doc are invaluable.
I also hate it when people are like “well they aren’t real Christian’s.” Lol yes they are. And they would say exactly that about YOU. The only time I agree that someone isn’t “really Christian” is a Mormon. But I also don’t think “not Christian” is not a negative. What did you think about Paul and Morgan’s meltdown? 🙄
Mormons and also Jehovah’s Witnesses, I’d say. Both of them butcher the mythology so much they’re barely even Christians anymore. Plus “Jehovah” is a nonsense word. YHWH or Yahweh, people.
That is such a true statement to all these Christians saying that this isn't Christianity. You realize we were all taught to say EXACTLY the same thing about your version of Christianity right?!
It absolves them from holding these other Christians accountable. "Oh they are not real Christians, therefor I can just wipe my hands of these problems" NO you should take responsibility and CALL THEM OUT!
Almost like a lengthy text transcribed over centuries from various oral traditions and translated several times is open to wildly different interpretations
I find learning about other high demand organizations and others' experiences in those organizations is helping me process my trauma of my own fundamentalist Christian abusive family. I'm finally realizing maybe I'm not so alone. Thank you for the work you do!
Thank you for the reaction vid. I'm making the rounds of my youtube creators and their take on the show, and I knew you'd need to be at the top of my list. I've been following IBLP since 'Tip-of-the-iceberg-Duggar' was making the wrong sorts of headlines. I heard about the documentary because Jen finally got to give a teaser and I knew I needed to see it. Like reading nutrition facts, it was worse then I expected which I didn't think was possible. Spoiler alert: nobody wins.
Thank you for your work and for doing these videos! They have really supported me on my own continuation of my healing path even thought my fundie experiences were decades ago.
I knew about the restraining order before Shiny Happy People aired and then to hear Jim Holt say in the documentary that he grew up around domestic violence was sad, so the cycle continued.
Yeah hearing about this documentary keeps getting that song stuck in my head, specifically the “Shiny Happy Monsters” version from their Sesame Street appearance
It was interesting to me that in all their media appearances prior to getting the TLC show, the kids were always dressed the same. They all wore matching clothing that looked identical - like the obsession with dressing twins the same on steroids or something. But after the show started, that ended. I wonder if the producers were like "that's too weird." Or if it was just too much effort to coordinate on the daily and they had only ever done it when they knew they were going to be on display in the first place.
It might have to do with the fact that the family was struggling financially before the show. Maybe they got the outfits in bulk or purchased from the same bargain bin store with limited options. They certainly must have been handing down clothing from older to younger siblings, too, so maybe keeping the outfits similar was an attempt to make it easier to shuffle clothing around between the siblings.
@@CherryFairy02 Apparently they still dress identically when they go to big events, so it definitely strikes me as an intentional choice. Besides, my family wasn't well off financially when I was a kid. Most of my clothing came from secondhand stores or charity garage sales put on by churches. Finding anything that matched in those places is virtually impossible. Their matching clothes all look homemade as well. They look a lot like the homemade clothes my grandmother would give us. And Grandma liked to make matching clothes for me and Mom.
@@SadisticSenpai61 Good point. It probably is intentional, then. I imagine TLC wanted the family members to dress differently so it would be visually easier for the viewer to keep track of who is who.
So excited to hear your thoughts on the documentary and so happy to hear from you! I'd love to hear your other thoughts on the documentary even if you don't record your specific on the spot reactions, but no worries if you feel it's too much trouble. I'll say I personally felt the documentary got more into other aspects of Fundie BS in later episodes, which I super appreciated. It's so interesting how so many of has could have slightly different stories, but it's all played in the same key.
Friends, just know there are huge potential triggers in the doc. As it continues it goes into more detail about Josh and his crimes, so if you aren't ok with that topic be careful.
This. I’m annoyed that the documentary didn’t place the trigger warnings before the specific sections, there are other parts of the documentary I wanted to see but never knew when the CP sections were coming up or over.
I watched the first two episodes on Friday, and the last two on Saturday. The IBLP reminds me of Scientology with Jesus. I was raised Presbyterian, then went to the Reform Church, and the First Baptist church of Downey. Everything was okay until Southern Baptists started coming to church and complained about everything. They slowly changed the philosophy of the church. Our pastor had a mental breakdown, and needed to take a six months sabbatical. Shortly after he returned he retired. He told my parents, the church turned into a narrow mind church of hate. I stopped going after people told me to drop out of the Laramie Project, told me I was possessed by the Demon ADHD, after I told my Sunday School class. This is among other things. I am no longer religious. I am very happy.
So glad to see you discussing this Ellie!! The world needs your voice 💕 take care while watching, its very triggering even for folks with no history if abuse.
Thank you for sharing your opinion/take on this docu-series! The insider view is refreshing and honest, and is much different from the other RUclipsrs and their "expert" (outsider) opinions. Your transparency is very much appreciated! I appreciate that you shared the names of people whose opinions and expertise pass your insiders test.
I watched first three eps the other night. So many feelings and reactions. I'm realizing these assholes were my dad's heroes while I was growing up. He def read the pearls and iblp literature even though we weren't a full part. I definitely had nightmares the night after I watched but my wonderful wife had thought ahead and anticipated my reaction I'm grateful for her and grateful to be able to have shared triggered and experiences with so many of you
I got the sense that most of the people from IBLP who were interviewed had fully deconstructed but I also got the sense that Bobye Holt, Jim Holt, Jill Dillard, and Derrick Dillard still had really conservative beliefs, even if they hated Jim Bob Duggar. I don't know all the facts on each individual, but I am curious.
@@laurenconrad1799 both Bobye and an adult son filed a restraining order against Jim. I have a feeling their very long marriage was not all shiny and happy.
@@elizabethwillis885 I’m definitely getting that sense. It was certainly an interesting choice to interview Jim Holt. I mean, I’m glad he stood up to Jim Bob, but also, yeah.
The reason they have children in the first place is really disturbing to me. I’m sure there are some fundie parents who genuinly love their children and think they’re keeping them safe and giving them the best, but the fact that the majority of this people have kids (a lot of them) to colonize, conquest, convert the world and basically having a brainwashed army is deeply awful. Just having kids because it’s a “milestone” or to “save a marriage” or because societial misogyny and view of people who were born female or “they will be what I couldn’t accomplished” are ugly and spread reason people have children but this is on another level
@@sarahlongstaff5101 must be difficult, I hope you’re doing ok, and you know that you’re valuable and worthy of love no matter what you believe and what you do ❤️
It's really great to see you back, Elly. I was wondering if you would post a reaction. I haven't seen it yet but heard it gets really heavy, so pls take care of yourself. Thanks as always for your insight.
It is truly a testament to your character that, despite the best efforts of your parents, you did grow up to be an exceptional and good adult. I respect empathy and compassion more than any other trait a person can have, and it was both moving and inspirational to see you showing empathy to people you have every right to hate.
i havent watched your video yet but I'm so excited that i have to comment. I was REALLY hoping you'd made a video about this. this documentary was emotionally life changing for me. and I really wanted a friend to talk to about it. and i can't wait to hear how you experience it. because it was so so so so impactful for me.
One of the most disturbing aspects of the show was when it was explained how the older kids were expected to team up to essentially raise their younger siblings.
My family are Buddhists and my sister helped take care of me when I was younger but that was more out of necessity as our parents were divorced and dad worked quite a bit to provide for us. In Asian cultures, older siblings are expected to help take care of the younger ones but not act like a parent. Older siblings look out for the younger ones and teach things when necessary. Discipline and providing for the family a parent’s job.
My mom and I watched this. We knew two Quiverfull families and one private school (I was being bullied in public school and we decided to check it out) that some of my church friends went to and I'm pretty sure they were teaching ATI. Needless to say, I decided to try high school cause that place weirded me out.
I attended a private Christian school for two years also because of being bullied and it was a really really weird experience for me. I was told that I couldn’t bring in Mulan for my class to watch because of the praying to the ancestors scene but a girl in my class was allowed to show us Anastasia, the science fair was extremely bizarre as we were required to use Bible verses (good luck trying to find verses if you did something on electromagnetism or laundry soap), the so called “school musicals” we were supposed to put on twice a year barely had anyone in the seventh or eight grade in it and three out of the four I was forced to be a part of had me in a choir singing extremely boring songs and just standing there doing literally nothing in between songs, Harry Potter was said to be promoting witchcraft, and I was constantly afraid of telling anyone that my grandma wasn’t a Christian because I knew they’d tell me that she was going to Hell just because of her religion even though she was a very good and kind person who never hurt anyone. I actually had to go on some field trip to some big gathering of fundamentalist kids and schools where people prayed with you until you literally spoke in tongues. I felt nothing after doing this and it was so awkward having four adults and six kids surrounding me and praying for my soul until I would speak in tongues. I eventually just started making random noises that sounded like some foreign language which I got away with because we were told that it could be any language ever and nobody would know what you just said unless they spoke the language too. Even worse was I was literally the only student in my school district to go to that school and I had to ride the bus to the Catholic high school and change buses there and the one bus driver just left me stranded there about three times one of which was literally during winter while it was snowing outside. I was not very happy about that as I stood there by myself for forty minutes freezing. The “sex education” was also a joke as all it was was an anti-abortion video saying abortion was murder and a sin yet didn’t explain what an abortion was or how the woman got pregnant in the first place. So I had to use Ask Jeeves (anyone remember that search engine?) to see what exactly the word abortion meant and my family were not happy that I did that but the video and school had just expected us to know what sex and abortion were.
I also wish they would have talked about it in a less specific way. I hope they make many many many episodes. I want to see one about food control and forced starvation of women in order to stay thin. I think that's one area that's not talked about at all. If you film more, I'll watch! I feel much less alone. Almost as good as having a friend watching it with me. Warning tho. The other episodes get INTENSE. The first was less triggering for me. The next ones are heavy heavy heavy in abuse and suffering. So, I would understand if you wanted to watch it privately. Maybe you'd feel better doing a reaction a few days or maybe even longer after watching it. Just yourself some time to take breaks and cool down. But, if you can't, I understand. It gets even more intense, if you can even imagine it. I needed a lot of support and have been really emotional since watching it and having some of my life experiences validated in such a public way. I wish I could have seen this when I was young. It would have helped me fight the gaslighting that is used on people who try to leave. Good luck. I hope the rest aren't too hard to watch. Take breaks if you need them. And, if you can't do more videos, that's FINE!!!!!! Your well being is #1.
shiny happy people is such a good name. i remember myself, a secular, smoking, drinking, sex having teenager watching 19 kids and counting and often feeling a sense of jealousy. they just looked so happy all the time and seemed so content in their faith. i didn’t envy their restrictive lifestyle but was so jealous of this portrayal of happiness. when i realised it was all lies and cover ups for abuse, it broke my heart. not only were these girls horrifically abused, but the lies about their happiness were pedalled to the world by TLC. it’s sickening really.
Thank you so much for this video! ❤This is so important to talk about, and it can be difficult learning to understand these high control groups and how harmful they can be.
Dear Lia, I’ve been watching you for some time, as well as watching Fundie Fridays and other RUclips channels dealing with the fallout traumas of being raised in strict and rigid homeschooling. I love your heart. I came here to listen and learn. As a former home school mom and state credentialed teacher, I want to educate current Christian homeschoolers about the pitfalls you and others describe. Somehow, I saw what you describe early on but didn’t buy into it. We went to a Bill Gothard Seminar in 1977 but thought he was far too rigid to follow. Our home was a fun place open to neighborhood children but I wasn’t preachy at them, just loved them. We put our two children in public school in ninth grade, although I would’ve preferred sixth grade but my husband was concerned about teasing and bullying so I waited. Homeschoolers frowned on our decision to put them in public school but we never looked back. Sure, it was an adjustment but they grew so much! Although far from perfect, we enjoy very close relationships with both our adult children; now 38 and 40, for which we’re very grateful. One of the things that helped me as their mom and teacher was my child development training in college and the importance of encouraging individuation. This allows one’s yes to be yes and the No to be No within a reasonable framework. It begins very early. I’m in the process of creating presentations to give to the homeschool audience and appreciate all I’m learning from your honest expression of your experiences. Most of all, I want you to know I hear you and validate your experiences. I’m also deeply sorry for the damage you’ve suffered and continue to process. ❤
I was so excited to see your video. I agree to open it up to fundies in general as I was not directly in IBLP but conservative Christianity I was apart of did share a lot of similarities and crazy rules, etc. I just loved it though I felt like it was so important and I think even if they don’t shift out like you posed, documentaries like this helped me realize my own situation. ♥️ all the love to you!
The "train them to do good" bothered me too but I focused on a different aspect. Never in all my childs 14 years have I considered myself his trainer. (I know this stems from the biblical language to "train up your child.." etc. But) it's such a gross sentiment to me, I take so much joy in watching my child grow into themselves and become who they're going to be.. the idea of molding or shaping that purposefully to be something/someone else is criminal. All it does is teach them to hide themselves, to mask and suppress.. It makes my heart ache for baby me.
@@believestthouthis7 I didn't say I let my kid run naked through the woods, I said I don't think of them or treat them like subhuman dogs to be trained. Your black and white thinking won't work here, I live in n color.
@@magnoliaskogen So people can "train" for a sport, "train" for a job, take "basic training" in the military... Training which would provide knowledge, skill and discipline, etc, but a parent shouldn't train a child in any shape or fashion? You both realize that people send their children to public schools and day cares and other people are training their children for them, right? If you don't train children, someone or something else will for you. A lot of children these days are simply trained by their peers and things like TV, movies and video games... They are trained by the world.
My family are Buddhists and in Asian cultures, children are taught lessons by their parents and it is done with respect and not as if you’re trying to win some game. You do good things because then karma will return the favor to you and give you good things in return. You be good and act good because it’s the right thing to do and not because you’re being told someone is always watching you from up above and you can’t see them unless you die and go to Heaven. Children are given some freedom to do some exploring of the world around them and given the chance to learn about things first hand. My dad allowed my sister and me to explore Christianity and going to church without any protesting and I respect him for that because he let us choose what we believe in and not force us to share his own personal beliefs. This is the main problem with Evangelical parents and teachings. They try to force people to believe in only what they tell them and instill an unnecessary fear of going to Hell just because they disagree with what they are told.
No pressure at all to post a reaction to the next ones, but I just wanted to say how healing and important this video was for me and I imagine many other viewers as well. Hearing your thoughts feels like sitting down with a friend who understands all the craziness and trauma of being raised this way.
The producers are trying to get Amazon to give them more seasons/episodes, I hope they do and that they use it to connect the IBLP/Duggar stories to the broader Christian fundamentalism, purity culture etc issues that you mentioned.
I'm so glad you did this reaction video. I appreciate your views and opinions, and I'm so happy I got to see your take on the topics in this documentary. I would also love it if you did videos on the other episodes as well. Thank you!
Thank you for your reaction. For me, when the woman (sorry IDK her name RN!) said the meek children shocked or worried her, hit me super hard. My cult leader malignant narcissist dad was responsible for making me "meek" to the extent where people would forget I was in the same car with them in JW field service. Uggh. I don't remember the "breaking", and it was before blanket training. I don't know of JWs that did that per se, but I was fully broke.
Hey! You're back! I missed you! Yeah, the similarities shocked me too. I was not prepared for how much of this I had heard 'taught' to me growing up. I thought I was so far removed.....nope. Thinking about your point regarding the need to zoom out and realize how much bigger this picture is. I'm curious what you want to happen by that/what you think is going to happen with this documentary out and not shining a light on the wider abuse in the culture? As I think about this, I realize that I am afraid that the wider evangelical community is going to double down, camouflage even more and perpetuate worse abuse under tighter controls because they see the threat. Or will they feel threatened, start reacting and make mistakes? (We can hope.) This makes me want to tell my story, because stories are how we all find each other and hold space for one another's truth.
Please continue to remind everyone that politics is power. The election winners make the laws, the punishments, and shape the judiciary. We must unite at the ballot box to keep our government secular. Thanks again!
oh Elly, I've been missing your videos, and thinking about you, sending you my love! can't wait to watch this new one!. . .. okay, now that I've watched it, I feel an uneasy creepy-ness/ sense of disease. I'm going to go back to cleaning my car - a way to move energy and let my thoughts and feelings unravel/ settle...
Aww, I really wish I had someone in my real life to talk about this series to, but at least these online communities exist❤ I agree with Ellie that the context for all these issues are larger than this spotlight suggests during most of the runtime but it is really sad to see the results of these extreme examples of people living out a life that at one time I idealized as THEE way to live the best “Christian” life…and it’s horrifying. I can just be grateful that I took the painful lonely journey out of that mindset.
So glad to hear from you on this! I binged it in one night--couldn't stop watching. I didn't grow up fundie but remain fascinated by it and the role of Christian nationalism today. I always love your thoughtful commentary!
I love your content but I can sit through this one because it makes me sad. I will give you the view and let the ads play in my laptop, tho. Thank you so much for sharing tour perspective and showing so much of your life and your pain. You're the strongest person, and you're an inspiration. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Watching your reactions to this amazing docu-series is like looking in a mirror and I agree with you so much. I also felt very strongly about wishing that they could step back from the focus on IBLP and really expose the fact that there are so many adjacent parts of fundie Christianity that harm people in exactly the same ways. They get there a little bit but I desperately want the same sort of exposé on Vision Forum, Focus on the Family, and the more "fringe" parts.
I just watched Shiny Happy People and I thought of you, wondered what you'd think of it if you watched it. And poof! LIke magic, you release this :D Am I magic and everything I think of becomes a reality?!!? Jokes aside - lovely to see you Elly :)
I especially appreciated everything you had to say about them needing to zoom out on the issue more, these aren't ideals that are limited to this particular sect of fundamentalism, and indeed the basics for these ideals are found within very mainstream evangelical strains, or tradcaths, etc. I also appreciated that you called the documentary out for letting this idea that we can discount IBLP as 'not real christianity' go unchecked, that was a major flaw of the docuseries in my mind
I was also so happy to see Jen! And as soon as the umbrella of authority was mentioned, I thought of you because your channel is where I learned about that concept. I agree with you wholeheartedly that it's a little frustrating to see them stop at IBLP and even say "it's not real Christianity" when it very much is, and there are much bigger issues than just this sect. However, what they did include definitely needed to be said.
Loved your take on this stuff! Always interesting to hear from more survivors on this. On a slightly unrelated note, have you considered going on the channel/podcast Cults to Consciousness? I think it would be a great platform for you!
The part with Michelle talking about asking forgiveness for her miscarriage broke my heart. Like she couldn’t even grieve without being ashamed,
It makes you realize why we see so many attacks on abortion and birth control. These cults make women believe even just being on BC causes miscarriages and abortions and it's THEIR FAULT that their babies are dying. It's not so much of a leap to see how women like this then go on to hate abortion and birth control and scream at other women for "murdering your babies"
Yes. And everyone in the church blaming HER for a miscarriage is vile. She didn't do anything wrong, and her being a cheerleader is SO shamed :(
I don't have any great love for Michele, but she seems to have been a once normal person made into a receptacle for their insanity :(
I bet she was shamed for it.
Miscarriage can be so traumatizing. When I saw that part, it made me wonder if PTSD from the miscarriage is part of the reason she wouldn’t stop having babies.
I think the intention behind the way the story is told is to shame by association ALL women who use birth control.
Just hearing the line “until your body decides to stop” about having babies just makes me think about my mother’s cousin. She was a deep believer in the “as many babies as God wants” and it literally killed her. She had something like 8 live births, 1 still birth, and at least 5 miscarriages (probably more) and her heart gave out at 38. She literally died and left behind her 8 kids ages 3-18 because she refused to stop trying. It makes me so angry, even if I couldn’t agree with her on just about anything. It wrecked her family for years to come and still has profound ripple effects. my family were/are the “black sheep” even though my parents were still religious (just not the “right kind” since they are super progressive) and I was so lucky not to grow up in that. Though I grew up in a very religious area so I still got religious trauma to work through.
This is so sad. It is what happens when being pregnant and having lots of children is put on a higher pedestal than the life of the woman who has to carry and care for all those children.
@@DimaRakesah Yeah, she was fundamentally bigoted but I honestly feel like she was sold a lie that having that many babies was God's will and she could survive any of it with God's help. In reality, she couldn't. Her frame was naturally small and I think she had disordered eating. Having any children on a frame like that could be difficult but having so so many just....made her heart give out. She is one of the reasons I have major issues with religion. Religion told her that her purpose was to put her body on the line over and over again for God.
That's how my godmother died as well. And she was 36. And she left behind 6 kids.
I am so sorry that happened. I have a horrible feeling that this happens to more people than we realize.
@@ThePunkHobbit And it’s going to happen to even more with all the red states passing such restrictive anti-choice laws that doctors won’t even treat women having a MISCARRIAGE because the stupid laws state that as long as there’s a fetal heartbeat the woman must stay pregnant No Matter What! We’re already hearing horror stories about women being severely injured or losing their fertility or even undergoing hysterectomies because of severe infection, and it’s only a matter of time before women start DYING because of these laws! But will the Rethuglican Religious Reich care? Don’t bet on it!
It's awesome to see you get riled up because I know that expressing anger has been a big challenge for you after repressing it for so long, so I imagine that in many ways, getting riled up is a form of healing. ❤
Thank you for this comment. I am working through this too while trying to remain kind but I fail a lot 💜
I was thinking the same exact thing and you Put it so well❤️
@@scarlettredding Being "kind" is shackles on your self worth. I'm not advocating screaming like a Karen (lol) , but even the Bible says , " be ANGRY, but sin not." Raising your voice, being emphatic is acceptable. Be free sis.
I agree! Same here
@@scarlettreddingI feel like if you fail a lot, then that means you’re trying and practicing and that’s good. You gotta practice in order to get somewhere. 💜💜💜
Not me laughing at “because you’re a little worm and God…barely saved you and you should be grateful because you’re so disgusting”. Just the sarcastic delivery was really funny 😂
It's also so true that that's how these churches portray the relationship with God. They redefine words like "love" and "forgiveness" so they can still use the words, because the words sound good, but what they MEAN when they say them are "control" when they say "love" and "psychological abuse with threats of other types of abuse (or literal hell) if you slip up again" when they say "forgiveness". And they have so many dog-whistle terms. Like "respect yourself" (said to girls) in evangelical doesn't mean you deserve basic respect as a human being and should stand up for yourself, it means "you're an object, designed to be a man's posession, and don't deserve respect, agency or basic bodily autonomy, so cover up and respect someone else's property".
Your opinion is one of the opinions I wanted to hear
^^ This!
Heck yeah! I JUMPED at the chance to hear what she had to say even if I have already watched and SO need to see the rest of her reactions
Yep same. Thanks for your honest & wise voice Ellie. Much love to you
I thought the same thing!
Was totally wondering what Elly would think the whole time I was watching it! So glad to see the reaction video! Grateful to them for reacting at all - I can't fathom how triggering this series would be
Thank you for giving us fundie survivors a voice. My dad worshiped James Dobson and anything/anyone that came out of Bob Jones. I grew up with a different flavor of Christian fundamentalism, but it was the same dish. I was drafted into the “Lord’s Army”.
🎉 High Five Fellow Focus on the Family and Bob Jones flavored ex Fundie!
Oh man, Dobson has a stranglehold on my parents. 😐
This was the same Christian fundamentalism I was raised in! Yes, the Lord’s Army - 😳🤮. Makes me cringe now.
I feel like the Gothard->Dobson pipeline was a more palatable detour for a lot of 80s fundamentalist evangelicals.
I've deserted the culture war.
I literally had the same reaction as Ellie when Jen from Fundie Fridays showed up in the documentary 😅
I watched this documentary and it was worth It in spite of the triggers. IBLP needs to be exposed like this so it can be stopped. And the Duggar parents just make me sick. Their kids were publicly abused, as well as privately. If there is a hell, Jim Bob and Michelle should burn extra-hot in it. Terrible child-abusers, both of them. It's no surprise that they raised a child molester and ruined their daughters' lives.
The fact that their close friend is sitting in prison for CP speaks volumes. They took Josh to this man to confess. They left Josh alone with this man. This was learning behavior. I'm sure he was taught how to hide it better.
@@ThatGirlJD I think it also speaks to how pervasive the abuse is within these groups. Sure, the Duggars probably had no idea that friend was a ped, but peds keeps popping up in the IBLP and they just sweep it under the rug instead of addressing the problem. Even the head of the IBLP (and his brother who was in a position of power until his abuse pushed him out) has multiple abuse allegations filed against him, all with the same stories. People even openly knew that Gothard had "a type" but they just looked the other way. It goes to show how cults like this set up power structures and shield their authority figures at the expense of the people they prey on.
@@DimaRakesah of course, the only reason religion exists is to control others.
Its just ALL cult nonsense mixed with some snippets of true and distorted historical happenings.
My fiancé and me watched 2 episodes and I kept having to stop and yell about things.
You go girl. Haha ❤
i just started watching Handmaiden's Tale and I don't want to live in a nation ruled by evangical republican tyranny.
Don't worry about that happening. All religions are going to unite into a one world religion under the Antichrist. It will be something that most of the world will love.
I love that you got onto Michelle when she was talking about dating, and then immediately walked it back. I think it's so hard to capture the nuance of the victim/oppressor dynamic in that it is possible to have compassion for people while still holding them accountable.
Stay safe if you choose to watch the rest of it. It gets really intense and the warnings about CSA, CSAM, SA, DV, and religious ab*se are very real. I really appreciated watching with Mickey Atkins' stream and the reminders to take breaks and ground and take care of myself.
I've seen this with my dad and stepmother recently and it was so interesting to watch even though I wasn't entirely interested in the Duggars, but this docuseries really hooked me up to know more about them. I even saw Jen from Fundie Fridays in the interviews, and I sub to her!
My dad and siblings have found out since that they grew up in this cult themselves, and dad says as traumatizing it can be, it's very beneficial to learn the truth about your past.
You’re back!! I really missed your content, Elly! I hope you’re doing well!
I'm so glad to see your reaction! I watched a few other people react and it made me think of you. Warning, though, it gets incredibly heavy and you should heed the trigger warnings. It will be doing exactly what you want as far as opening the conversation in later episodes. Please stay safe.
This weekend I brought up the Duggars and stuff to my mom and then she opened up to me about her past, being heavily influenced by Gothard followers before and after the time she homeschooled me. These people made her feel guilty and condemned all the time and I believe she was traumatized. I just really hope I can get her to work through these memories and be healed. It takes baby steps to escape.
Love to your mom 💪
💔
Hopefully your mom will watch this because it will help her to identify and heal.
Just finished this documentary yesterday and it left me feeling very heavy and sad. I hope you are taking plenty of breaks and taking care of your mental health as you watch! ❤️
Even if you despised fundies your whole life as I have, the documentary is a gut punch. It’s so much worse than I could have imagined.
happy pride, elly! this docuseries was fantastic. can't wait for all your thoughts
Thank you so much for using compassion instead of the word empathy. People abuse the word empathy so much and it's so nice to hear someone use the word compassion correctly
I feel like sexism is still ingrained in regular society to a degree where you think, dang, how did I miss that this whole time when it was staring me right in the face? I'm sure it's less heavy sexism than in a Christian Nationalist group like IBLP or Mormonism, but it's still there. Like, I didn't realize the sexism on the Big Bang Theory or the problematic aspects of the film, American Beauty, until someone very clearly pointed it out. But def. less intense than in these patriarchal cults.
American Beauty is a hard peek into the sickness in all the characters. It's a hot mess of hidden America.
For the 3 decades that I have been a nurse, I worked with the understanding that I was not as valuable as others in the medical profession. Even though I worked hard for my college degree and excelled in my field, I did not deserve the kind of money an engineer makes.
COVID was interesting. All of the sudden women working was REALLY important. And all of the sudden, nurses talking about how much they got paid was happening everywhere.
It’s interesting that in “red” states where Christianity is the primary social force, nurses get paid MUCH less and have a lot less protection than in “blue” states.
Same for teachers.
Sigh….
@@PurpleIrishSweater It's traditional for "gop" fans to view unions as "socialist".
@@2degucitas very true in my town. But add to that all the years we watched the machinist union slowly run Boeing out of town, and you get a bunch of professional women who truly believed nothing can change.
That is, until this year
Because this year, the bold, brave nurses at our Ascension hospitals voted to Unionize
AND recently voted to strike
I am not sure what that will mean for my hospital.
But I know one thing for sure;
Between a nurses Union, and the vote last August to NOT change our abolition laws (GOP wants it less than 22wks which is our current law) the times they are FINALLY a changing!
@@PurpleIrishSweater I'm sure you meant abortion (darn autocorrect). I suspect Covid had much to do with unionizing. More power to them.
That line about husbands "washing their wives with the water of the word" or whatever always gets my goat! Like we women can't figure the Bible out on our own! Thank you for sharing this.
Ellie, you're awesome for sharing this! And you didn't come off as preachy at all when you pointed out the underlying problem with saying "IBLP isn't Christianity." You were speaking truth from your own life experience. As someone who spent the first 30 years of their life in a very liberal Christian denomination, I grappled for years with the fact that there are so many examples of Christianity being used for oppression, control, and persecution on both micro and macro scales. It was like being in a family with a super problematic history and super toxic family members that we were inexplicably cool with. There's this "shadow side" to Christianity that almost no practicing Christians, regardless of denomination, seem comfortable exploring. And this discomfort with looking at it leads to groups like the IBLP being able to flourish.
I love how authentic you are and your channel is. I simply appreciate you
Glad to see that you're back Ellie!
I need to watch the entire docuseries (I caught Mickey Atkins livestream of the last two episodes this weekend), but I was highly curious how you'd react to Shiny Happy People!
I hope you're taking care of yourself too!! ❤
As if anyone would say "we trained our children to do horrible awful things" even if they did.
As if anyone would say "we are totally abusive, gaslighting, controlling cultists"
As if anyone would say "we raised our kids to be misogynist, homophobic, arrogant and closed off"
Control is actually the word that I thought of with the “turn out right” comments. I remember my mom wishing she could home school, and I was/am so grateful that we didn’t have the money to allow for it.
I blame the Duggars’ approach of solving serious problems by the power of prayer and stalk the reason Josh remained a monster hiding in plain sight and managed to get away with his horrible actions for so long because the adults who got involved only prayed for him and gave him astern talking to. No threats of turning him into the police. No making him apologize to his victims (which included his own sisters). Nothing. Just “pray to God for forgiveness and don’t do it again.” Josh didn’t learn what he did was wrong. He learned that he could get away with it because he was never going to be punished if he hid his actions and the police would never get involved because his parents would never call them due to them think praying is the answer to everything.
Thank you for sharing your viewing of this.
I watched the while thing 2 times. It gets rough at times. I love seeing Jen on there. All the survivors and their stories were something. They were so brave.
Loved your reaction & commentary, really hope you continue to do so for the rest of the episodes! As an ex-fundie as well it hit hard for my sister and I but we're so glad this exists. We weren't directly in IBLP but adjacent - people my parents looked up to were in it and they were influenced HEAVILY by it. When I was in high school we finally got pulled into watchin the basic seminar and I remember thinking, wow so much of this is even more extreme than we are, and I thought we were a lot. Even through deconstruction these past 10 years I never even thought to consider myself in a cult and hearing everyone on the documentary refer to it as such was a really big smack in the face. It makes so much sense but it's so much to absorb knowing that we escaped a cult and somehow survived. We weren't preyed upon but it's terrifying to know just how ripe we were for it had it happened.
Just wanted to give you a warning that episodes 3 and 4 are very heavy, so you may want to take breaks for you mental wellbeing. I say this as someone who didn't grow up that way. It was rough.
i agree. those ones were much tougher on me. incredibly intense
Same. The details of the CSAM were stunning and horrifying
How about just not subject yourself to it in the first place?
@@believestthouthis7 the kids who suffered abuse didn't get a choice in the matter, so some of us want to do the bare minimum of showing up to hear when the survivors do speak out.
@@jennahart84
If it's "horrifying" then it sounds too wicked to watch. Like a horror movie. Even this video has a content warning so I'm not watching it.
Psalm 101:3-4 KJV
3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
4 A froward heart shall depart from me: I will not know a wicked person.
I couldn’t wait to hear from you about this, thanks for making this vid Elly❤
I'm so happy that you did this reaction! I'm was hoping you would if it felt safe to do so. I look forward to watching it in a little while. My C-PTSD is finally not triggered after being triggered for three days straight in relation to this amazing documentary, and I need that break.
When I was watching this, I kept thinking "they should've gotten Ellie for this" lol
Same! I was like... they are missing Ellie!
Maybe Season 2?
I always knew from day one that there was something up with the Duggars. When 14 Children and Pregnant Again first came out, when I was in my teens, I watched it and I thought to myself, there's something going on behind the scenes. I bet there's some kind of weird, abusive child rearing practices they must do that they're not talking about. Years from now it's all going to come out. I can't believe how right I was. And I remember when the second special came out, when they were building the house. (That they would've never been able to afford without TLC.) I remember how uncomfortable that mountain man - looking carpenter looked whenever he interacted with the interior designer from New York, that TLC hired. Even without knowing anything about the IBLP, it was so obvious to me how sexist they must be, just from the looks on those two people's faces when they talked to each other. You could see that taking any kind of direction from a woman just made him so uncomfortable, almost to the point of seething rage. It was so weird and uncomfortable to watch. Does anyone else remember that show and noticed that when they watched it?
Yeah, I think that was during the height of the Josh stuff and they brought him home because they didn’t want to have to answer where he was and why
@@mesquitegirl2013 Was that carpenter guy, the one Josh was living with at the time, where they thought they could straiten him out by making him dig a pond all day?
Yes, I remember that exact moment. Do you also remember Jim Bob rolling his eyes at Michelle? It seems like there were alot of red flags in those early documentaries. 😢
@@makeupandtheology1821 I noticed the way she always looks at him instead of straight ahead at the camera. I thought that was weird.
@@Melissa0774 yea
thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Elly. the final episode in particular did zoom out a little bit more to fundamentalism more broadly, but there were some connections I made (like Gothard's desire to influence politics being quite similar to Jerry Falwell's agenda, though Gothard is far more fringe in a lot of ways) that I wish had been explored further. I really hope there's a follow-up and/or a second season because there's SO much here to explore.
I sat down and watched all four episodes back to back. It was so good to see so many things in one place being connected together, and I agree with you that my heart wanted them to pull out further, but perhaps they didn't sign on for enough episodes for all that lol. I feel a disconnect between how my family sees my childhood and how I experienced it, and I'm hoping that some of them will be open to watching this, even if it's triggering or they don't agree with everything said. This was my childhood, this is how I understood the world as I developed, and it took me risking everything to see anything different. Seeing the Duggars on tv was a confusing experience in real time, and the reflections in this doc are invaluable.
I also hate it when people are like “well they aren’t real Christian’s.” Lol yes they are. And they would say exactly that about YOU. The only time I agree that someone isn’t “really Christian” is a Mormon. But I also don’t think “not Christian” is not a negative.
What did you think about Paul and Morgan’s meltdown? 🙄
Mormons and also Jehovah’s Witnesses, I’d say. Both of them butcher the mythology so much they’re barely even Christians anymore. Plus “Jehovah” is a nonsense word. YHWH or Yahweh, people.
Yep, it's the No True Scotsman fallacy (right?)
That is such a true statement to all these Christians saying that this isn't Christianity. You realize we were all taught to say EXACTLY the same thing about your version of Christianity right?!
It absolves them from holding these other Christians accountable. "Oh they are not real Christians, therefor I can just wipe my hands of these problems" NO you should take responsibility and CALL THEM OUT!
Almost like a lengthy text transcribed over centuries from various oral traditions and translated several times is open to wildly different interpretations
I loved your reaction. I grew up in a Conservative Southern Baptist Home. I was subjected to Dobson’s Teachings and abuse.
I find learning about other high demand organizations and others' experiences in those organizations is helping me process my trauma of my own fundamentalist Christian abusive family. I'm finally realizing maybe I'm not so alone.
Thank you for the work you do!
Your joy at seeing Jen gave me joy!
Thank you for the reaction vid. I'm making the rounds of my youtube creators and their take on the show, and I knew you'd need to be at the top of my list. I've been following IBLP since 'Tip-of-the-iceberg-Duggar' was making the wrong sorts of headlines. I heard about the documentary because Jen finally got to give a teaser and I knew I needed to see it. Like reading nutrition facts, it was worse then I expected which I didn't think was possible. Spoiler alert: nobody wins.
I just finished it and have been pacing ever since. I’m so comforted by the fact that you’ve posted.
Thank you for your work and for doing these videos! They have really supported me on my own continuation of my healing path even thought my fundie experiences were decades ago.
Meanwhile Jim Holt now has a 10 year restraining order for what his did his wife and some of his children
I was watching this video thinking, Jim Holt isn’t exactly a good guy. I’m glad he stood up to Jim Bob Duggar, but still…
I knew about the restraining order before Shiny Happy People aired and then to hear Jim Holt say in the documentary that he grew up around domestic violence was sad, so the cycle continued.
I had no idea. It's a shame they didn't put that in the documentary at all. That seems like important context.
@@hobocode they were told and chose to not add a disclaimer.
@@marionmoulton5847 that is shocking. wow. really disappointed to hear that.
I did the SAME thing when I finally saw JEN!! ❤❤❤ thanks for making this video
Shiny Happy People is a music video by the band REM. It was a quote of Chinese propaganda. Worth checking out. :)
Yeah hearing about this documentary keeps getting that song stuck in my head, specifically the “Shiny Happy Monsters” version from their Sesame Street appearance
Great song.
Ah! Just made this comment
@@Quaila One of my favorite Sesame Street episodes. Michael Stipe IS a muppet.
So I’m not the only one expecting the song to just randomly start playing during the documentary!
It was interesting to me that in all their media appearances prior to getting the TLC show, the kids were always dressed the same. They all wore matching clothing that looked identical - like the obsession with dressing twins the same on steroids or something. But after the show started, that ended. I wonder if the producers were like "that's too weird." Or if it was just too much effort to coordinate on the daily and they had only ever done it when they knew they were going to be on display in the first place.
It might have to do with the fact that the family was struggling financially before the show. Maybe they got the outfits in bulk or purchased from the same bargain bin store with limited options. They certainly must have been handing down clothing from older to younger siblings, too, so maybe keeping the outfits similar was an attempt to make it easier to shuffle clothing around between the siblings.
@@CherryFairy02 Apparently they still dress identically when they go to big events, so it definitely strikes me as an intentional choice.
Besides, my family wasn't well off financially when I was a kid. Most of my clothing came from secondhand stores or charity garage sales put on by churches. Finding anything that matched in those places is virtually impossible.
Their matching clothes all look homemade as well. They look a lot like the homemade clothes my grandmother would give us. And Grandma liked to make matching clothes for me and Mom.
@@SadisticSenpai61 Good point. It probably is intentional, then. I imagine TLC wanted the family members to dress differently so it would be visually easier for the viewer to keep track of who is who.
So excited to hear your thoughts on the documentary and so happy to hear from you! I'd love to hear your other thoughts on the documentary even if you don't record your specific on the spot reactions, but no worries if you feel it's too much trouble.
I'll say I personally felt the documentary got more into other aspects of Fundie BS in later episodes, which I super appreciated. It's so interesting how so many of has could have slightly different stories, but it's all played in the same key.
We've missed you! I just finished watching the doc last night. Very happy you chimed in about this
Friends, just know there are huge potential triggers in the doc. As it continues it goes into more detail about Josh and his crimes, so if you aren't ok with that topic be careful.
This. I’m annoyed that the documentary didn’t place the trigger warnings before the specific sections, there are other parts of the documentary I wanted to see but never knew when the CP sections were coming up or over.
I watched the first two episodes on Friday, and the last two on Saturday. The IBLP reminds me of Scientology with Jesus.
I was raised Presbyterian, then went to the Reform Church, and the First Baptist church of Downey. Everything was okay until Southern Baptists started coming to church and complained about everything. They slowly changed the philosophy of the church. Our pastor had a mental breakdown, and needed to take a six months sabbatical. Shortly after he returned he retired. He told my parents, the church turned into a narrow mind church of hate.
I stopped going after people told me to drop out of the Laramie Project, told me I was possessed by the Demon ADHD, after I told my Sunday School class. This is among other things. I am no longer religious. I am very happy.
So glad to see you discussing this Ellie!! The world needs your voice 💕 take care while watching, its very triggering even for folks with no history if abuse.
Thank you for sharing your opinion/take on this docu-series! The insider view is refreshing and honest, and is much different from the other RUclipsrs and their "expert" (outsider) opinions. Your transparency is very much appreciated! I appreciate that you shared the names of people whose opinions and expertise pass your insiders test.
I watched first three eps the other night. So many feelings and reactions. I'm realizing these assholes were my dad's heroes while I was growing up. He def read the pearls and iblp literature even though we weren't a full part. I definitely had nightmares the night after I watched but my wonderful wife had thought ahead and anticipated my reaction
I'm grateful for her and grateful to be able to have shared triggered and experiences with so many of you
I had you in mind when watching this! So many things came up on it that I learned from your channel!
Bobye and Jim Holt are currently in the middle of a divorce. When they recorded their interview, they weren’t divorcing yet.
I got the sense that most of the people from IBLP who were interviewed had fully deconstructed but I also got the sense that Bobye Holt, Jim Holt, Jill Dillard, and Derrick Dillard still had really conservative beliefs, even if they hated Jim Bob Duggar. I don't know all the facts on each individual, but I am curious.
@@laurenconrad1799 both Bobye and an adult son filed a restraining order against Jim. I have a feeling their very long marriage was not all shiny and happy.
@@elizabethwillis885 I’m definitely getting that sense. It was certainly an interesting choice to interview Jim Holt. I mean, I’m glad he stood up to Jim Bob, but also, yeah.
The reason they have children in the first place is really disturbing to me. I’m sure there are some fundie parents who genuinly love their children and think they’re keeping them safe and giving them the best, but the fact that the majority of this people have kids (a lot of them) to colonize, conquest, convert the world and basically having a brainwashed army is deeply awful. Just having kids because it’s a “milestone” or to “save a marriage” or because societial misogyny and view of people who were born female or “they will be what I couldn’t accomplished” are ugly and spread reason people have children but this is on another level
My parents’ religion (Swedenborgian) is the same. And if a kid leaves the church, the parent “failed.”
@@sarahlongstaff5101 must be difficult, I hope you’re doing ok, and you know that you’re valuable and worthy of love no matter what you believe and what you do ❤️
It's really great to see you back, Elly. I was wondering if you would post a reaction. I haven't seen it yet but heard it gets really heavy, so pls take care of yourself. Thanks as always for your insight.
It is truly a testament to your character that, despite the best efforts of your parents, you did grow up to be an exceptional and good adult. I respect empathy and compassion more than any other trait a person can have, and it was both moving and inspirational to see you showing empathy to people you have every right to hate.
i havent watched your video yet but I'm so excited that i have to comment. I was REALLY hoping you'd made a video about this. this documentary was emotionally life changing for me. and I really wanted a friend to talk to about it. and i can't wait to hear how you experience it. because it was so so so so impactful for me.
One of the most disturbing aspects of the show was when it was explained how the older kids were expected to team up to essentially raise their younger siblings.
Yup. 🙋♀️ I was.
My family are Buddhists and my sister helped take care of me when I was younger but that was more out of necessity as our parents were divorced and dad worked quite a bit to provide for us. In Asian cultures, older siblings are expected to help take care of the younger ones but not act like a parent. Older siblings look out for the younger ones and teach things when necessary. Discipline and providing for the family a parent’s job.
I was hoping you'd do a reaction! I was so excited to see Jen, too!🎉❤🥰
I was hoping you'd check in for this! Hope all is well with you!
My mom and I watched this. We knew two Quiverfull families and one private school (I was being bullied in public school and we decided to check it out) that some of my church friends went to and I'm pretty sure they were teaching ATI. Needless to say, I decided to try high school cause that place weirded me out.
I attended a private Christian school for two years also because of being bullied and it was a really really weird experience for me. I was told that I couldn’t bring in Mulan for my class to watch because of the praying to the ancestors scene but a girl in my class was allowed to show us Anastasia, the science fair was extremely bizarre as we were required to use Bible verses (good luck trying to find verses if you did something on electromagnetism or laundry soap), the so called “school musicals” we were supposed to put on twice a year barely had anyone in the seventh or eight grade in it and three out of the four I was forced to be a part of had me in a choir singing extremely boring songs and just standing there doing literally nothing in between songs, Harry Potter was said to be promoting witchcraft, and I was constantly afraid of telling anyone that my grandma wasn’t a Christian because I knew they’d tell me that she was going to Hell just because of her religion even though she was a very good and kind person who never hurt anyone. I actually had to go on some field trip to some big gathering of fundamentalist kids and schools where people prayed with you until you literally spoke in tongues. I felt nothing after doing this and it was so awkward having four adults and six kids surrounding me and praying for my soul until I would speak in tongues. I eventually just started making random noises that sounded like some foreign language which I got away with because we were told that it could be any language ever and nobody would know what you just said unless they spoke the language too. Even worse was I was literally the only student in my school district to go to that school and I had to ride the bus to the Catholic high school and change buses there and the one bus driver just left me stranded there about three times one of which was literally during winter while it was snowing outside. I was not very happy about that as I stood there by myself for forty minutes freezing. The “sex education” was also a joke as all it was was an anti-abortion video saying abortion was murder and a sin yet didn’t explain what an abortion was or how the woman got pregnant in the first place. So I had to use Ask Jeeves (anyone remember that search engine?) to see what exactly the word abortion meant and my family were not happy that I did that but the video and school had just expected us to know what sex and abortion were.
I had been on the fence about wanting to watch these documentaries, but now I definitely will, thanks for getting me over the hump.
I also wish they would have talked about it in a less specific way. I hope they make many many many episodes. I want to see one about food control and forced starvation of women in order to stay thin. I think that's one area that's not talked about at all. If you film more, I'll watch! I feel much less alone. Almost as good as having a friend watching it with me. Warning tho. The other episodes get INTENSE. The first was less triggering for me. The next ones are heavy heavy heavy in abuse and suffering. So, I would understand if you wanted to watch it privately. Maybe you'd feel better doing a reaction a few days or maybe even longer after watching it. Just yourself some time to take breaks and cool down. But, if you can't, I understand. It gets even more intense, if you can even imagine it. I needed a lot of support and have been really emotional since watching it and having some of my life experiences validated in such a public way. I wish I could have seen this when I was young. It would have helped me fight the gaslighting that is used on people who try to leave. Good luck. I hope the rest aren't too hard to watch. Take breaks if you need them. And, if you can't do more videos, that's FINE!!!!!! Your well being is #1.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and opinions. I don't think it was easy for you.
shiny happy people is such a good name. i remember myself, a secular, smoking, drinking, sex having teenager watching 19 kids and counting and often feeling a sense of jealousy. they just looked so happy all the time and seemed so content in their faith. i didn’t envy their restrictive lifestyle but was so jealous of this portrayal of happiness. when i realised it was all lies and cover ups for abuse, it broke my heart. not only were these girls horrifically abused, but the lies about their happiness were pedalled to the world by TLC. it’s sickening really.
I really like watching your reactions. Glad you're covering each episode as a separate video. Thanks
Thank you so much for this video! ❤This is so important to talk about, and it can be difficult learning to understand these high control groups and how harmful they can be.
Dear Lia,
I’ve been watching you for some time, as well as watching Fundie Fridays and other RUclips channels dealing with the fallout traumas of being raised in strict and rigid homeschooling. I love your heart.
I came here to listen and learn. As a former home school mom and state credentialed teacher, I want to educate current Christian homeschoolers about the pitfalls you and others describe.
Somehow, I saw what you describe early on but didn’t buy into it. We went to a Bill Gothard Seminar in 1977 but thought he was far too rigid to follow. Our home was a fun place open to neighborhood children but I wasn’t preachy at them, just loved them. We put our two children in public school in ninth grade, although I would’ve preferred sixth grade but my husband was concerned about teasing and bullying so I waited.
Homeschoolers frowned on our decision to put them in public school but we never looked back. Sure, it was an adjustment but they grew so much!
Although far from perfect, we enjoy very close relationships with both our adult children; now 38 and 40, for which we’re very grateful.
One of the things that helped me as their mom and teacher was my child development training in college and the importance of encouraging individuation. This allows one’s yes to be yes and the No to be No within a reasonable framework. It begins very early.
I’m in the process of creating presentations to give to the homeschool audience and appreciate all I’m learning from your honest expression of your experiences. Most of all, I want you to know I hear you and validate your experiences. I’m also deeply sorry for the damage you’ve suffered and continue to process. ❤
I love that your teacher years were informed by college education and a healthy understanding of child individuation.
I was so excited to see your video. I agree to open it up to fundies in general as I was not directly in IBLP but conservative Christianity I was apart of did share a lot of similarities and crazy rules, etc. I just loved it though I felt like it was so important and I think even if they don’t shift out like you posed, documentaries like this helped me realize my own situation. ♥️ all the love to you!
Half way through and you are responding EXACTLY like I did!
The "train them to do good" bothered me too but I focused on a different aspect. Never in all my childs 14 years have I considered myself his trainer. (I know this stems from the biblical language to "train up your child.." etc. But) it's such a gross sentiment to me, I take so much joy in watching my child grow into themselves and become who they're going to be.. the idea of molding or shaping that purposefully to be something/someone else is criminal.
All it does is teach them to hide themselves, to mask and suppress..
It makes my heart ache for baby me.
So in your view parents aren't responsible for raising or teaching their own children? That seems to be how society views things.
@@believestthouthis7 I didn't say I let my kid run naked through the woods, I said I don't think of them or treat them like subhuman dogs to be trained. Your black and white thinking won't work here, I live in n color.
Strong agree with your comment! I noticed the "training" language, which is language of domination
@@magnoliaskogen
So people can "train" for a sport, "train" for a job, take "basic training" in the military... Training which would provide knowledge, skill and discipline, etc, but a parent shouldn't train a child in any shape or fashion? You both realize that people send their children to public schools and day cares and other people are training their children for them, right? If you don't train children, someone or something else will for you. A lot of children these days are simply trained by their peers and things like TV, movies and video games... They are trained by the world.
My family are Buddhists and in Asian cultures, children are taught lessons by their parents and it is done with respect and not as if you’re trying to win some game. You do good things because then karma will return the favor to you and give you good things in return. You be good and act good because it’s the right thing to do and not because you’re being told someone is always watching you from up above and you can’t see them unless you die and go to Heaven. Children are given some freedom to do some exploring of the world around them and given the chance to learn about things first hand. My dad allowed my sister and me to explore Christianity and going to church without any protesting and I respect him for that because he let us choose what we believe in and not force us to share his own personal beliefs. This is the main problem with Evangelical parents and teachings. They try to force people to believe in only what they tell them and instill an unnecessary fear of going to Hell just because they disagree with what they are told.
Thanks for talking about this, I was hoping to hear your take!
No pressure at all to post a reaction to the next ones, but I just wanted to say how healing and important this video was for me and I imagine many other viewers as well. Hearing your thoughts feels like sitting down with a friend who understands all the craziness and trauma of being raised this way.
I was waiting for your reaction video on this doc! I would love to hear what you think of the other episodes too. Hope you're doing well!
The producers are trying to get Amazon to give them more seasons/episodes, I hope they do and that they use it to connect the IBLP/Duggar stories to the broader Christian fundamentalism, purity culture etc issues that you mentioned.
so happy to see you in my subscription box :) take care of yourself!!
I'm so glad you did this reaction video. I appreciate your views and opinions, and I'm so happy I got to see your take on the topics in this documentary. I would also love it if you did videos on the other episodes as well. Thank you!
Thank you for your reaction. For me, when the woman (sorry IDK her name RN!) said the meek children shocked or worried her, hit me super hard.
My cult leader malignant narcissist dad was responsible for making me "meek" to the extent where people would forget I was in the same car with them in JW field service. Uggh.
I don't remember the "breaking", and it was before blanket training. I don't know of JWs that did that per se, but I was fully broke.
@@nharber9837 🤗 Thanks. I've been seeing a good therapist for a while.
The fact I got a “here’s how to repent” ad on this video hurts me so much oh my god
Hey! You're back! I missed you!
Yeah, the similarities shocked me too. I was not prepared for how much of this I had heard 'taught' to me growing up. I thought I was so far removed.....nope.
Thinking about your point regarding the need to zoom out and realize how much bigger this picture is. I'm curious what you want to happen by that/what you think is going to happen with this documentary out and not shining a light on the wider abuse in the culture? As I think about this, I realize that I am afraid that the wider evangelical community is going to double down, camouflage even more and perpetuate worse abuse under tighter controls because they see the threat. Or will they feel threatened, start reacting and make mistakes? (We can hope.) This makes me want to tell my story, because stories are how we all find each other and hold space for one another's truth.
I loved seeing your reaction and I would love to see more!!!
Omg I was WAITING for your take 🍿
Thank you for sharing. ❤ I needed many breaks. I'll be re-watching so I can take notes and start writing again.
Aw I was just thinking about how I've missed your videos! Excited to hear your take on this. Hope you are well ☺️
Thank you very much for all your videos! For being YOU. For sharing your stories and your reactions. I enjoy them a LOT.
Please continue to remind everyone that politics is power. The election winners make the laws, the punishments, and shape the judiciary. We must unite at the ballot box to keep our government secular. Thanks again!
oh Elly, I've been missing your videos, and thinking about you, sending you my love! can't wait to watch this new one!. . .. okay, now that I've watched it, I feel an uneasy creepy-ness/ sense of disease. I'm going to go back to cleaning my car - a way to move energy and let my thoughts and feelings unravel/ settle...
So good to see you posting again, even if it's such a heavy topic. I really enjoyed your perspective on this.
Thanks for taking the time to share this with us
Aww, I really wish I had someone in my real life to talk about this series to, but at least these online communities exist❤ I agree with Ellie that the context for all these issues are larger than this spotlight suggests during most of the runtime but it is really sad to see the results of these extreme examples of people living out a life that at one time I idealized as THEE way to live the best “Christian” life…and it’s horrifying. I can just be grateful that I took the painful lonely journey out of that mindset.
You are so good commentator Ellie 😊 I would love to watch the whole show together with you (and my pup) and get all the insides.
So glad to hear from you on this! I binged it in one night--couldn't stop watching. I didn't grow up fundie but remain fascinated by it and the role of Christian nationalism today. I always love your thoughtful commentary!
Watched it twice. The Joshua Movement" scares me. They are playing long game.
Same
I love your content but I can sit through this one because it makes me sad. I will give you the view and let the ads play in my laptop, tho. Thank you so much for sharing tour perspective and showing so much of your life and your pain. You're the strongest person, and you're an inspiration. Thank you!
I’m so happy to see your face again!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Watching your reactions to this amazing docu-series is like looking in a mirror and I agree with you so much. I also felt very strongly about wishing that they could step back from the focus on IBLP and really expose the fact that there are so many adjacent parts of fundie Christianity that harm people in exactly the same ways. They get there a little bit but I desperately want the same sort of exposé on Vision Forum, Focus on the Family, and the more "fringe" parts.
I just watched Shiny Happy People and I thought of you, wondered what you'd think of it if you watched it. And poof! LIke magic, you release this :D Am I magic and everything I think of becomes a reality?!!? Jokes aside - lovely to see you Elly :)
I especially appreciated everything you had to say about them needing to zoom out on the issue more, these aren't ideals that are limited to this particular sect of fundamentalism, and indeed the basics for these ideals are found within very mainstream evangelical strains, or tradcaths, etc. I also appreciated that you called the documentary out for letting this idea that we can discount IBLP as 'not real christianity' go unchecked, that was a major flaw of the docuseries in my mind
I was also so happy to see Jen! And as soon as the umbrella of authority was mentioned, I thought of you because your channel is where I learned about that concept. I agree with you wholeheartedly that it's a little frustrating to see them stop at IBLP and even say "it's not real Christianity" when it very much is, and there are much bigger issues than just this sect. However, what they did include definitely needed to be said.
This is the only reaction video worth watching. I appreciate your analysis.
Loved your take on this stuff! Always interesting to hear from more survivors on this. On a slightly unrelated note, have you considered going on the channel/podcast Cults to Consciousness? I think it would be a great platform for you!