I've been able to stay platonic friends with exactly one ex, but we were friends for a few years before we started dating and it ended on decent terms (we both fell out of love and were basically friends toward the end anyway) so there wasn't any reason for either of us to lose that connection. I don't feel anything romantic for him and he has a wonderful girlfriend now. Definitely not impossible, but I don't think it would have worked if both of us weren't on the same page. We would have let the friendship go if his girlfriend wasn't comfortable with it, but she's a lovely person and doesn't seem to mind.
No. Why would you even want to? They're your EX for a reason. The only exceptions are if you have children together and/or there's no longer any attraction from either person. It's extremely rare and there's not really a point to being friends with an ex. FriendLY... but not friends. Why? We all have enough friends and we broke up for reasons.
When I was an FA- I was the queen of staying friends with exes. As a secure, It doesn't make sense to me and have no attachments to any of my exes. I ended them all and communicated it and they were all avoidants and very understanding. Even let go of a 12 year trauma bond friend-ex with a DA, and some days i can't even believe it lol
I love this. I think I'm finally getting more secure as well as I have been slowly letting go my friends who were past lovers. It's funny because it's all happened over the past couple of years where I'll have a friends date to catch up, get some closure, then never talk to them again. One was likely a FA and the other anxious leaning. All it took was a lie from one and boundary crossing from another and I was out. It's like all the reasons we didn't work came flooding back 20 years later.
The way you communicate that it is not wrong or right whether people want to be friends with their ex or not is so important and so valuable. It's interesting because you wouldn't expect it from a channel that is talking about categories of people, but this is the nuance people are lacking all over youtube. We need this nuance so desperately, we are not binary we are quantum.
FA here. I suddenly ended an 8- year relationship last year, after it came to light that she was having an affair. We were deeply connected, and for me, staying friends(at least at this point) is still a no-go. Every time I would see her, it would bring up all the feelings that I still have for her, and make it harder to keep working through the loss and healing from it. Been 9 months, but it's still tough.
Such a polarizing topic. Why are so many people so dogmatic prescribing what "should be" what's a "red flag" and so sure what it "means" to be friends after a breakup? If you dont want to date someone who's friends with an ex, then you're probably just not compatible, and don't date them. If a friendship between two people is nourishing and there is still love but the romantic relationship didn't and can't work because of incompatibility, then allow them to be nourished and live thier lives as they choose. People should just chill out and quit telling others how to live.
My ex FA has stayed friends with all of his ex's except me. He is very comfortable with friendship. I told him in the very beginning that I would never be his friend, and I meant it. The only ex I have ever remained friends with was my ex husband. We had children. An ex is an ex for a reason, IMO. That's just me. My ex FA wanted to transition to "friendship" with me, and date his new love. No way! Radio silence forever!!
I am FA and I can’t bare to be friends with my ex. I feel that they would hinder my progress and to be honest, it takes me so much time to let someone in that if they hurt me, I can’t quite find it in me to learn how to trust them
Sammmme! Especially if they are the one to break up with me. You are dead to me. I know that's cold but it's the only way I can manage my feelings and like you I would not be able to move on.
@@hshfyugaewfjkKS me too. I totally feel this, and imho, if they are the one to break up with us, and still want to "be friends", it's just a narcissistic tendency to hold us on a leash (just for enlarging their ego, wow, I'm so on top, that my ex still loves me) When I realized this truth, I don't see any reasons to stay in contact with them, no matter what attachment style they have.
@@Poison_Orchid I don't think you can paint with a broad brush while invoking narcissism - one of the most over-used diagnosis' from under qualified people - while calling it a Truth.
For me, it will depend on how we broke up. If it was friendly and we both agreed, sure, I can talk to them once in a while. But whenit was a disaster, no way that I would talk to that person again since that will trigger the emotions left after that breakup
I don't see how anyone could be "friends" with a FA Ex. They ruined the relationship of what could have been something very special. I am in Day 55 of No Contact with my FA and if she never reaches out again, I would be just fine with that. Sorry, no friend zone here.
Thank you! I'm glad you find the topic interesting. Understanding how different attachment styles react in different situations can really help in navigating relationships! 😊
I am SA/FA. I am never friends with ex's. They can remain shallowly connected to me through social media, but I never maintain a friendship with them. I am cold towards my ex's. I don't really care about my ex's, and when I do care, I keep them waaaaay at a distance because the relationship is OVER.
I was FA and I’m cordial with my exes but they’re not friends. The past is in the past to me and I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t share that same view. The more secure I become, the more that standard is solidified.
Yes I am friends with most men I've dated. Not the anxiously attached exes though. Mainly the secure, DA/FA exes. They're the ones who never cross boundaries nor do I cross theirs. I feel as adults we are perfectly capable of remaining friends and I have a hard time understanding why people are so against it. Just because they feel that way doesn't mean it's right nor do I think asking your partner to not be friends with an ex is okay. There are obviously extenuating circumstances, but if it was a clean breakup and we ended up with an amazing friendship then I can't think of a reason why you wouldn't want to unless there's feelings or resentment. I feel the same with men I date. Be friends with who you want.
I can only say my ex from when I was 20 years old a friend who I can easily reach out to anytime without any fear. We don’t see each other being on different continents now but always welcome. However I was friends with another ex to my absolute demise as he still gave me the impression we may get back together in the future. I only ended up broken and resentful not moving on for many years. But in that time I did do a lot of work on myself so not completely wasted 😊
There's something strangely troubling about the philosophy in these comments about someone's "being dead to them." On one hand, being friends with a former lover is very problematic and courting trouble. At some level, most partners will feel uncomfortable about it, and rightly so. On the other hand, how can people pretend someone doesn't exist, someone they once shared their life with? (Barring abuse, infidelity, broken trust, etc.) It does not compute. Someone you're kissing, showering with terms of endearment, talking about growing old with, and in a year's time they're dead, or the devil, how does that work? There's something terribly inconsistent about this picture. There is no right answer, because what's happened is entropy that can't be reversed, and we always carry the consequences of that. Maybe in a perfect world, there'd be just one relationship for life.
I completely agree. I find it so strange when people say those things. The only person those words came out of my mouth were with an abusive ex. Other than that, I love and appreciate my exes and past relationships. I do stay connected with a few and it's platonic. I also find it very attractive dating a man who stays friends/acquaintances with their exes. I'm more concerned about the ones who say awful things about everyone they dated.
@@LeeChrissy I think it is a sort of avoidance strategy, to bury reality. And yes, saying terrible things about a former lover is a bad sign, especially the fashionable one these days, they're a narcissist.
I'm a secure but my FA ex is "dead to me" due to breach of trust. I don't feel secure/safe to keep her in my radar so I need to cut her off completely. In my mind, we are two separate entity now. She's not my responsibility and vice versa. I acknowledge we had a past together and it will still be part of me. But for our present and future, she completely out of picture and will never exist in my life, even social media. For me it's self preservation, I don't feel safe with her because I can't trust her.
I have some exes I won’t ever unblock or reconnect with then I have a couple that I cut off but after a year or two I decided to be friends with them again but my feelings are completely gone so the friendship is easy for me they usually want to get back together but I’m never interested because once I give you a chance and things don’t work out I strongly believe it wasn’t meant to work out and it’s no need to try again
My FA girlfriend is still friends with some of her exes and it seems shady, even if it’s not. This is a red flag for people in dating, many guys who stay friends are trying to get another shot.
I’m with you. Anyone I have an LTR with will not be friends with an ex. Now, if she had children with the ex, totally different story, and all they should ever talk about are the children. I know how dudes think and they still want to have sex with her. If you were to speak with the exes and asked them if they would have sex with her, the would say yes. Sorry, friends don’t have sex with each other. My ex wife wanted to stay friends with people on Facebook that she had sex with. One of the reasons for the demise of our marriage. And can’t wait to hear people say, “Your self esteem is low. You don’t trust people.” Read the previous statement I made, and also, it was a boundary of mine.
It's honestly not shady and good that you don't get in between her friendships. Most of my male friends are exes, but I literally have zero feelings for them nor could they sway me to think otherwise. Even if they do low-key want her, so what? She's in a relationship with you, not them.
@@LeeChrissy nah, you have to keep that in check. I don’t monitor her phone but she knows meeting one on one is not allowed if she wants to keep an exclusive relationship with me. It’s a matter of appearances and respect as well. If she wants to hang out with her exes she can get demoted to nonexclusive.
@@professorlayabout4878 well if that works for you guys, great. The guys I get into relationships and I don't have that rule, probably because they know I would end it. My friends are like family to me and I would never put my partner before them if it was something unreasonable like I can't even meet for dinner or have phone conversations. My ex had an ex that he would go over for dinner and hang with her kids if she was going out on a date with her boyfriend. I thought that was great. I think it's strange when people get close to someone and completely lose any type of relationship because they didn't work out romantically.
I'm still friends with 2 of my exes, we were friends before having a relationship, they were there in hard times and still are and I did the same. We don't see each other or hang out often, but we are there for importan things, we talk on the phone or message ...and the same happens for my closest friendships ,that are long distance friendships...but I'm so used to be alone that I go out on my own and do all the things on my own 😅😅😅
FA here. When I broken up with him, told him I need to heal, I need to be alone (had a "FA crash") and he suggested to be friends... I said no cause I didn't wanted to hold him on the edge since I knoe he loves me... But now I don't know, I lost my friend, I miss him, I am just at the begining of the process of healing and Idk what to do... how much time should I give him before asking to be friends? What if I want to heal to come back to him one day? Won't that friendship ruin this possibility? So many questions....
I’m FA and usually had ex’s or flings as friends after I’m healed (not when dating tho) we feel like bff and I love them as friends unless they end up wanting more and back off im always gonna be there and care cause our bond is real
My ex husband is my best friend and we are currently roommates, co-parenting our son. I have no attraction for him and don’t ever want to have a romantic relationship with him again and we both are dating other people.
yea and my ex is my best friend and we don't have a kid and we weren't married but there is also 0 attraction + we have dated others since. Couldn't be less interested in experiencing that romantic relationship again, that's why we are broken up after all.
I’d be careful with “best friend”, it can be hard to date someone who already has a best friend who’s an ex, doesn’t seem like there’s room for a new partner.
@@SS-in1ts that will depend situation to situation. I have a woman in my networking group who lives with her ex husband and teenage kids. They are good friends and both seriously date other people that they bring around. It makes sense for them financially unless they take it to another level with their partners. As long as all parties are comfortable with it, there's no issue. I stay pretty close with a few of my exes, but we tend to tone down the friendship a bit and talk less if we are dating others that are uncomfortable with it. If it's a dynamic that one person isn't comfortable and the other person isn't willing to do anything to change that, then it's likely not the right relationship for you. Personally, I wouldn't date anyone who lived with their ex and I would be completely understanding if someone didn't want to date me if the roles were reversed. I couldn't imagine a scenario where I would ever live with an ex though. My exes/friends still love and care about me and the door is always open on their end, and I don't want to ever worry about that with someone I date. I have an ex who despises his kid's mother, yet he slept with her while he was dating someone else. Things happen and while I trust myself, I don't trust other parties. So instead of worrying about it, I just wouldn't date them. Very simple.
My FA ex of 2 years... has only just started feeling MORE comfortable talking to me. He's never broken contact completely since break up, longest period of NC has been about 3 months. But also REFUSES to meet (even as friends). But he will be extremely flirty. And like your other videos suggest- he likes my boundaries (since he can't vocalize any on his side at all....). If he's doing something consistently I don't like- I let him know and it halfway registers. But he is getting better. Still very heavily FA due to HIM teasing meeting up... and then he never follows through. But he does remember things I tell him, when he's not deactivating he's very friendly/chatty for almost the whole day. But then does end up disappearing (I THINK due to stress/not knowing what he wants because it gets "too deep" )
These comments realllly make me question the discreetness of these categories y'all. Also, for people who aren't straight, communities are much smaller and ties with biological family might be scant, so its very very common for people (generally, not by attachment style) to remain friends and sometimes even chosen family with exes. Obviously not like a strict rule but this whole thing of "I don't want to see you talking to anyone of the opposite gender" just .. doesn't come into it in the same way. Not saying jealousy isn't a thing but when you are part of a very small community it's sort of like living in a small town, hard to avoid ppl entirely. Just a thought
It's insecure and possessive. We're adults, not in high school. We have free will to speak with and stay friends with who we choose. If someone told me they were uncomfortable with me being friends with an ex I'd ask what exactly makes them uncomfortable. If you're afraid I'm going to cheat then you don't trust me so let's end it now. If you're afraid that the other person still has feelings, as long as no boundaries are crossed and inappropriate conversations are happening then again, so what? It all comes to trust and if I'm being questioned when I've got nothing but good intentions and always remain faithful then I don't want to be with a person like that anyway.
This describes my FA 'friend' in my situationship. But I, as a healing AP who was betrayed in my marriage (not with him), can't get myself to be ok with him talking to his other women friends. Suggestions?
One thing I've learned through my healing with PDS is think about what your ideal relationship looks like and tell him. If it's not what he wants or the direction he wants to go then leave. I'm a FA and stayed in a situationship for far too long with a DA and my anxiety was off the charts because I never spoke up about what I wanted until I was too deep in only to realize we wanted different things. What gets me thru these conversations is that I would rather lose them by being honest about my needs than stay with them only fulfilling theirs.
@@Calicokitty2 no problem and good luck! I personally hate situationships. They typically only fill one person's needs. I had my first one a few years ago and promised myself I wouldn't end up in another, only to do it again. Lol Now I'm 100% certain it's not for me and that's what I told the last person. It actually makes me mad when men/women assume we want this too or they don't care. Either way, keeping your own wants and needs at the forefront is key. I literally don't care who I lose being honest to people anymore.
I can't tell if my ex is FA or DA tbh, but in any case, guy is married w 3 kids and still doesn't think he's in a relationship of any kind and thinks "platonic friends" have sex together. ☠️ The chaos one person can cause lol.
Good riddance to a relationship with that person, whatever attachment style he is. And that is not a friend of any kind. He was likely cheating with people during your relationship just like he's cheating on his partner or trying to.
@thepersonaldevelopmentschool Thais would you mind giving us an insight on what insecure attachment styles are more or less introvert/extrovert and how to differentiate attachment style from personality or is there a connection between. Thank you!
Really NOBODY is supposed to try being friends with their ex regardless of attachment style, and if your partner is, then that's a red flag. Also, I don't agree with her assessment of FAs at all. Once the relationship is over for FAs, it's over, and they'll be dead to us. The only reason to still be friends/friendly with an ex is if you have kids together, or if there's absolutely no attraction there any longer from either side. Extremely rare.
@@milesgs exactly. We all have enough friends and they're an ex for a reason. These are the videos where I know she's just looking for people to join her school and is preying on vulnerable women. Men never try being "just friends" with an ex. 🤣 When they do, they know they're simping and still holding out hope they'll get back together. It's never healthy to be friends with exes unless there's children involved and trying to insinuate otherwise is gaslighting and setting people up for failure. I only watched this video bc of the title bc I KNEW it was gonna be some bullshit. At least in the DA one she said "No" That should be the answer for every style though.
I'm a FA and 100% agree with Thais. I've remained friends with most of my exes over the years...I'm talking exes from over 20 years ago and not just social media acquaintances but we talk on the phone for hours a week sometimes. I don't see what's red flagish about it. I'm not attracted to them, we just know and are comfortable with each other. It wasn't until recently that I stopped talking to a couple of them, but my best friends are males that I've dated and while we might chill on talking so much while in relationships out of respect for our partners, we pick right up where we left off later on. We're comfortable and like family. I don't mind my partner being friends with exes either. If we didn't trust each other why would we be together?
@@LeeChrissy you are a walking red flag. Any girl who says "all of my best friends are men" isn't to be trusted and your relationships will never last. Good luck with that. 🤷🏽♂️
Do you think someone with a fearful avoidant attachment style can be "just friends" with their ex? Have you had any personal experience with this?
I've been able to stay platonic friends with exactly one ex, but we were friends for a few years before we started dating and it ended on decent terms (we both fell out of love and were basically friends toward the end anyway) so there wasn't any reason for either of us to lose that connection. I don't feel anything romantic for him and he has a wonderful girlfriend now. Definitely not impossible, but I don't think it would have worked if both of us weren't on the same page. We would have let the friendship go if his girlfriend wasn't comfortable with it, but she's a lovely person and doesn't seem to mind.
No. Why would you even want to? They're your EX for a reason. The only exceptions are if you have children together and/or there's no longer any attraction from either person. It's extremely rare and there's not really a point to being friends with an ex. FriendLY... but not friends. Why? We all have enough friends and we broke up for reasons.
Please do one for secure
@@EinDahl I love that. You all sound very mature and secure. ❤
When I was an FA- I was the queen of staying friends with exes. As a secure, It doesn't make sense to me and have no attachments to any of my exes. I ended them all and communicated it and they were all avoidants and very understanding. Even let go of a 12 year trauma bond friend-ex with a DA, and some days i can't even believe it lol
I love this. I think I'm finally getting more secure as well as I have been slowly letting go my friends who were past lovers. It's funny because it's all happened over the past couple of years where I'll have a friends date to catch up, get some closure, then never talk to them again. One was likely a FA and the other anxious leaning. All it took was a lie from one and boundary crossing from another and I was out. It's like all the reasons we didn't work came flooding back 20 years later.
@@LeeChrissy ❤
I’m FA. I’m friendly to my exes. They are my exes, they will never be my friends.
Ouch.
Same😂
The way you communicate that it is not wrong or right whether people want to be friends with their ex or not is so important and so valuable. It's interesting because you wouldn't expect it from a channel that is talking about categories of people, but this is the nuance people are lacking all over youtube. We need this nuance so desperately, we are not binary we are quantum.
FA here. I suddenly ended an 8- year relationship last year, after it came to light that she was having an affair. We were deeply connected, and for me, staying friends(at least at this point) is still a no-go. Every time I would see her, it would bring up all the feelings that I still have for her, and make it harder to keep working through the loss and healing from it. Been 9 months, but it's still tough.
Such a polarizing topic. Why are so many people so dogmatic prescribing what "should be" what's a "red flag" and so sure what it "means" to be friends after a breakup? If you dont want to date someone who's friends with an ex, then you're probably just not compatible, and don't date them. If a friendship between two people is nourishing and there is still love but the romantic relationship didn't and can't work because of incompatibility, then allow them to be nourished and live thier lives as they choose. People should just chill out and quit telling others how to live.
My ex FA has stayed friends with all of his ex's except me. He is very comfortable with friendship. I told him in the very beginning that I would never be his friend, and I meant it. The only ex I have ever remained friends with was my ex husband. We had children. An ex is an ex for a reason, IMO. That's just me. My ex FA wanted to transition to "friendship" with me, and date his new love. No way! Radio silence forever!!
Power to you
This exactly to a T what was said between me and my boyfriend he shut down after that conversation and was never the same towards me 😢
I am FA and I can’t bare to be friends with my ex. I feel that they would hinder my progress and to be honest, it takes me so much time to let someone in that if they hurt me, I can’t quite find it in me to learn how to trust them
Sammmme! Especially if they are the one to break up with me. You are dead to me. I know that's cold but it's the only way I can manage my feelings and like you I would not be able to move on.
@@hshfyugaewfjkKS me too. I totally feel this, and imho, if they are the one to break up with us, and still want to "be friends", it's just a narcissistic tendency to hold us on a leash (just for enlarging their ego, wow, I'm so on top, that my ex still loves me) When I realized this truth, I don't see any reasons to stay in contact with them, no matter what attachment style they have.
@@Poison_Orchid I don't think you can paint with a broad brush while invoking narcissism - one of the most over-used diagnosis' from under qualified people - while calling it a Truth.
For me, it will depend on how we broke up. If it was friendly and we both agreed, sure, I can talk to them once in a while. But whenit was a disaster, no way that I would talk to that person again since that will trigger the emotions left after that breakup
I don't see how anyone could be "friends" with a FA Ex. They ruined the relationship of what could have been something very special. I am in Day 55 of No Contact with my FA and if she never reaches out again, I would be just fine with that. Sorry, no friend zone here.
This is an interesting topic! It is nice to know the differences regarding how each attachment style responds to this!
Thank you! I'm glad you find the topic interesting. Understanding how different attachment styles react in different situations can really help in navigating relationships! 😊
I am SA/FA. I am never friends with ex's. They can remain shallowly connected to me through social media, but I never maintain a friendship with them. I am cold towards my ex's. I don't really care about my ex's, and when I do care, I keep them waaaaay at a distance because the relationship is OVER.
I was FA and I’m cordial with my exes but they’re not friends. The past is in the past to me and I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t share that same view. The more secure I become, the more that standard is solidified.
Yes I am friends with most men I've dated. Not the anxiously attached exes though. Mainly the secure, DA/FA exes. They're the ones who never cross boundaries nor do I cross theirs. I feel as adults we are perfectly capable of remaining friends and I have a hard time understanding why people are so against it. Just because they feel that way doesn't mean it's right nor do I think asking your partner to not be friends with an ex is okay. There are obviously extenuating circumstances, but if it was a clean breakup and we ended up with an amazing friendship then I can't think of a reason why you wouldn't want to unless there's feelings or resentment. I feel the same with men I date. Be friends with who you want.
I can only say my ex from when I was 20 years old a friend who I can easily reach out to anytime without any fear. We don’t see each other being on different continents now but always welcome. However I was friends with another ex to my absolute demise as he still gave me the impression we may get back together in the future. I only ended up broken and resentful not moving on for many years. But in that time I did do a lot of work on myself so not completely wasted 😊
Nope! I’m a FA and we cannot unless we do the inner work it’s a crutch.
Thanks for sharing your experience! The inner work to healing is definitely important 💜
There's something strangely troubling about the philosophy in these comments about someone's "being dead to them." On one hand, being friends with a former lover is very problematic and courting trouble. At some level, most partners will feel uncomfortable about it, and rightly so. On the other hand, how can people pretend someone doesn't exist, someone they once shared their life with? (Barring abuse, infidelity, broken trust, etc.) It does not compute. Someone you're kissing, showering with terms of endearment, talking about growing old with, and in a year's time they're dead, or the devil, how does that work? There's something terribly inconsistent about this picture.
There is no right answer, because what's happened is entropy that can't be reversed, and we always carry the consequences of that. Maybe in a perfect world, there'd be just one relationship for life.
I completely agree. I find it so strange when people say those things. The only person those words came out of my mouth were with an abusive ex. Other than that, I love and appreciate my exes and past relationships. I do stay connected with a few and it's platonic. I also find it very attractive dating a man who stays friends/acquaintances with their exes. I'm more concerned about the ones who say awful things about everyone they dated.
@@LeeChrissy I think it is a sort of avoidance strategy, to bury reality. And yes, saying terrible things about a former lover is a bad sign, especially the fashionable one these days, they're a narcissist.
I'm a secure but my FA ex is "dead to me" due to breach of trust. I don't feel secure/safe to keep her in my radar so I need to cut her off completely.
In my mind, we are two separate entity now. She's not my responsibility and vice versa. I acknowledge we had a past together and it will still be part of me. But for our present and future, she completely out of picture and will never exist in my life, even social media. For me it's self preservation, I don't feel safe with her because I can't trust her.
I have some exes I won’t ever unblock or reconnect with then I have a couple that I cut off but after a year or two I decided to be friends with them again but my feelings are completely gone so the friendship is easy for me they usually want to get back together but I’m never interested because once I give you a chance and things don’t work out I strongly believe it wasn’t meant to work out and it’s no need to try again
My FA girlfriend is still friends with some of her exes and it seems shady, even if it’s not. This is a red flag for people in dating, many guys who stay friends are trying to get another shot.
People that remain friends with exes have unfinished business with the exes.
I’m with you. Anyone I have an LTR with will not be friends with an ex. Now, if she had children with the ex, totally different story, and all they should ever talk about are the children. I know how dudes think and they still want to have sex with her. If you were to speak with the exes and asked them if they would have sex with her, the would say yes. Sorry, friends don’t have sex with each other.
My ex wife wanted to stay friends with people on Facebook that she had sex with. One of the reasons for the demise of our marriage. And can’t wait to hear people say, “Your self esteem is low. You don’t trust people.” Read the previous statement I made, and also, it was a boundary of mine.
It's honestly not shady and good that you don't get in between her friendships. Most of my male friends are exes, but I literally have zero feelings for them nor could they sway me to think otherwise. Even if they do low-key want her, so what? She's in a relationship with you, not them.
@@LeeChrissy nah, you have to keep that in check. I don’t monitor her phone but she knows meeting one on one is not allowed if she wants to keep an exclusive relationship with me. It’s a matter of appearances and respect as well. If she wants to hang out with her exes she can get demoted to nonexclusive.
@@professorlayabout4878 well if that works for you guys, great. The guys I get into relationships and I don't have that rule, probably because they know I would end it. My friends are like family to me and I would never put my partner before them if it was something unreasonable like I can't even meet for dinner or have phone conversations. My ex had an ex that he would go over for dinner and hang with her kids if she was going out on a date with her boyfriend. I thought that was great. I think it's strange when people get close to someone and completely lose any type of relationship because they didn't work out romantically.
I am on very good terms with 1 ex but we share a child together. Usually I prefer to leave the past in the past.
I'm still friends with 2 of my exes, we were friends before having a relationship, they were there in hard times and still are and I did the same. We don't see each other or hang out often, but we are there for importan things, we talk on the phone or message ...and the same happens for my closest friendships ,that are long distance friendships...but I'm so used to be alone that I go out on my own and do all the things on my own 😅😅😅
My LDR avoidant girlfriend has a baby daddy and they get along very well, I think too well but she insists she's in love with me not him.
FA here. When I broken up with him, told him I need to heal, I need to be alone (had a "FA crash") and he suggested to be friends... I said no cause I didn't wanted to hold him on the edge since I knoe he loves me... But now I don't know, I lost my friend, I miss him, I am just at the begining of the process of healing and Idk what to do... how much time should I give him before asking to be friends? What if I want to heal to come back to him one day? Won't that friendship ruin this possibility? So many questions....
I’m FA and usually had ex’s or flings as friends after I’m healed (not when dating tho) we feel like bff and I love them as friends unless they end up wanting more and back off im always gonna be there and care cause our bond is real
My ex husband is my best friend and we are currently roommates, co-parenting our son. I have no attraction for him and don’t ever want to have a romantic relationship with him again and we both are dating other people.
yea and my ex is my best friend and we don't have a kid and we weren't married but there is also 0 attraction + we have dated others since. Couldn't be less interested in experiencing that romantic relationship again, that's why we are broken up after all.
I love that. ❤
I’d be careful with “best friend”, it can be hard to date someone who already has a best friend who’s an ex, doesn’t seem like there’s room for a new partner.
@@SS-in1ts that will depend situation to situation. I have a woman in my networking group who lives with her ex husband and teenage kids. They are good friends and both seriously date other people that they bring around. It makes sense for them financially unless they take it to another level with their partners. As long as all parties are comfortable with it, there's no issue.
I stay pretty close with a few of my exes, but we tend to tone down the friendship a bit and talk less if we are dating others that are uncomfortable with it. If it's a dynamic that one person isn't comfortable and the other person isn't willing to do anything to change that, then it's likely not the right relationship for you.
Personally, I wouldn't date anyone who lived with their ex and I would be completely understanding if someone didn't want to date me if the roles were reversed. I couldn't imagine a scenario where I would ever live with an ex though. My exes/friends still love and care about me and the door is always open on their end, and I don't want to ever worry about that with someone I date. I have an ex who despises his kid's mother, yet he slept with her while he was dating someone else. Things happen and while I trust myself, I don't trust other parties. So instead of worrying about it, I just wouldn't date them. Very simple.
Not if you truly fall in love with them. The more conscious and healed I am, the less I can hold back romantic feelings.
Absolutely not. If we break up, in my mind you’re in the grave.
He stayed at his exes place without telling me. I feel so hurt and disrespected.
My FA ex of 2 years... has only just started feeling MORE comfortable talking to me. He's never broken contact completely since break up, longest period of NC has been about 3 months. But also REFUSES to meet (even as friends). But he will be extremely flirty. And like your other videos suggest- he likes my boundaries (since he can't vocalize any on his side at all....). If he's doing something consistently I don't like- I let him know and it halfway registers. But he is getting better. Still very heavily FA due to HIM teasing meeting up... and then he never follows through. But he does remember things I tell him, when he's not deactivating he's very friendly/chatty for almost the whole day. But then does end up disappearing (I THINK due to stress/not knowing what he wants because it gets "too deep" )
Or he’s seeing someone else.
These comments realllly make me question the discreetness of these categories y'all. Also, for people who aren't straight, communities are much smaller and ties with biological family might be scant, so its very very common for people (generally, not by attachment style) to remain friends and sometimes even chosen family with exes. Obviously not like a strict rule but this whole thing of "I don't want to see you talking to anyone of the opposite gender" just .. doesn't come into it in the same way. Not saying jealousy isn't a thing but when you are part of a very small community it's sort of like living in a small town, hard to avoid ppl entirely. Just a thought
It's insecure and possessive. We're adults, not in high school. We have free will to speak with and stay friends with who we choose. If someone told me they were uncomfortable with me being friends with an ex I'd ask what exactly makes them uncomfortable. If you're afraid I'm going to cheat then you don't trust me so let's end it now. If you're afraid that the other person still has feelings, as long as no boundaries are crossed and inappropriate conversations are happening then again, so what? It all comes to trust and if I'm being questioned when I've got nothing but good intentions and always remain faithful then I don't want to be with a person like that anyway.
This describes my FA 'friend' in my situationship. But I, as a healing AP who was betrayed in my marriage (not with him), can't get myself to be ok with him talking to his other women friends. Suggestions?
One thing I've learned through my healing with PDS is think about what your ideal relationship looks like and tell him. If it's not what he wants or the direction he wants to go then leave. I'm a FA and stayed in a situationship for far too long with a DA and my anxiety was off the charts because I never spoke up about what I wanted until I was too deep in only to realize we wanted different things. What gets me thru these conversations is that I would rather lose them by being honest about my needs than stay with them only fulfilling theirs.
@@LeeChrissy Thank you. This is very helpful.
@@Calicokitty2 no problem and good luck! I personally hate situationships. They typically only fill one person's needs. I had my first one a few years ago and promised myself I wouldn't end up in another, only to do it again. Lol Now I'm 100% certain it's not for me and that's what I told the last person. It actually makes me mad when men/women assume we want this too or they don't care. Either way, keeping your own wants and needs at the forefront is key. I literally don't care who I lose being honest to people anymore.
I can't tell if my ex is FA or DA tbh, but in any case, guy is married w 3 kids and still doesn't think he's in a relationship of any kind and thinks "platonic friends" have sex together. ☠️ The chaos one person can cause lol.
Lol then he needs to look up the definition of platonic. 😂
Good riddance to a relationship with that person, whatever attachment style he is. And that is not a friend of any kind. He was likely cheating with people during your relationship just like he's cheating on his partner or trying to.
Yes. We can
Nah, no thanks. My dog is the only friend I need. Woof !
@thepersonaldevelopmentschool Thais would you mind giving us an insight on what insecure attachment styles are more or less introvert/extrovert and how to differentiate attachment style from personality or is there a connection between. Thank you!
Really NOBODY is supposed to try being friends with their ex regardless of attachment style, and if your partner is, then that's a red flag. Also, I don't agree with her assessment of FAs at all. Once the relationship is over for FAs, it's over, and they'll be dead to us. The only reason to still be friends/friendly with an ex is if you have kids together, or if there's absolutely no attraction there any longer from either side. Extremely rare.
Same for me !!! And even if there’s no attraction I cut you off because why I will keep contact with someone that I end up with ? Actually no sense
@@milesgs exactly. We all have enough friends and they're an ex for a reason. These are the videos where I know she's just looking for people to join her school and is preying on vulnerable women. Men never try being "just friends" with an ex. 🤣 When they do, they know they're simping and still holding out hope they'll get back together. It's never healthy to be friends with exes unless there's children involved and trying to insinuate otherwise is gaslighting and setting people up for failure. I only watched this video bc of the title bc I KNEW it was gonna be some bullshit. At least in the DA one she said "No" That should be the answer for every style though.
@@tenderlungs2065exactly I’m completely agree with you
I'm a FA and 100% agree with Thais. I've remained friends with most of my exes over the years...I'm talking exes from over 20 years ago and not just social media acquaintances but we talk on the phone for hours a week sometimes. I don't see what's red flagish about it. I'm not attracted to them, we just know and are comfortable with each other. It wasn't until recently that I stopped talking to a couple of them, but my best friends are males that I've dated and while we might chill on talking so much while in relationships out of respect for our partners, we pick right up where we left off later on. We're comfortable and like family. I don't mind my partner being friends with exes either. If we didn't trust each other why would we be together?
@@LeeChrissy you are a walking red flag. Any girl who says "all of my best friends are men" isn't to be trusted and your relationships will never last. Good luck with that. 🤷🏽♂️