Buckle up ur seatbelt kids, shit is about to hit the fan ALSO WHOOPS: I think in the post-episode talk, I accidentally said Ch 23 is going to be released two weeks from now, instead of Ch 22. *Chapter 22* (the next chapter) will come out two weeks from now, NOT chapter 23. Sorry for any confusion lol Link to written version: archiveofourown.org/works/45445291?view_full_work=true (Currently updated with today’s chapter!) Link to next episode: ruclips.net/video/SGpPEq5azvc/видео.html Link to previous episode: ruclips.net/video/jPtpPBqxmg4/видео.html Link to full playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLKMzqZUiHWUjzZj0jfJym1CTORp4rdEDD
I haven't commented until this far I believe, but the utterly gritty description of that scene when James is finally discovered, made me feel genuine horror- and the buildup to that scene beforehand gave me an unsurmountable amount of dread already knowing what was coming, and that's honestly the first piece of any sort of horror media that's ever been able to do that for me in a long time. It's probably a little odd to say how much I enjoyed this chapter, most out of any of the others so far in your rewrite, but the way you conveyed that so well with what resources you have had me absorbed throughout even if my stomach was absolutely lurching out of my throat! 😁😁 I'm not sure if I can convey my passion all through one comment or two, but I love how much you expand on the lore and how the characters seem more genuine so I'm _really_ invested after I found your steven universe content a couple of years ago I've jumped on ship ever since but you're swag- take your time with releasing the next batch of chapters :) everybody needs time and patience, so don't worry about rushing them all out and I hope you have a good day/evening! (edit) already regretting writing all of this because I feel super cringe but I rlly love your content
Jeez, That Moon scream caught me so off guard in the best way possible. I like to try practicing Voice Acting in my free time, and there's no way in hell i'm pulling that off, well i might be able to, but it's so gonna upset my neighbours. Also, please tell me you drank like 5 litres of water after that, your throat must have really not liked you very much.
The Bonnie boi is near. "Smell of Roadkill" Oh no. RABBIT SUITS?! JAMES NO! VANESSA!! YOU ARE ONE! DEAD! WOMAN!!! GET HER ASS MOON!! Monty. RUN! Wait, they never Scraped Bonnie?.....Does that mean Jeremy does have a heart or just doing that so he won't have to waste resources? Also, take your time Kiwi! Your doing great and you don't need to rush shit!
NOOOOO JAMES!!!!!!!!!! God I was hoping it wasn’t true at parts and services with the small white boxes…. Horrible… just horrible…. Also Monty my boy, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!
GOODNESS that was a emotional rollercoaster :'] there'll be spoilers ahead beware ye the bits of lore near the end is very inchresting, and i also loved the voice acting here! that scream from Moon was visceral and so was everybody else's during that *very disturbing moment* with each of their realizations, poor Gregory.. At least Freddy is there with him, though he's not doing very good as well after seeing it too, the dread of that scene was really well done and even if i knew what was surely going to be there, there was still some denial up until the breaking point Bonnie sounds absolutely disheveled goodness, and from him peeking over Vanessa in the cover image the poor guy's insomnia has probably worsened in that state don't worry if the next chapters take some time to come out! you're already doing so much incredible work and we all really appreciate it
Why do I imagine that when moon catches Vanessa, him or Gregory will start their conversation by “calmly” saying: *2 8 B L O O D P U D D L E S ! ! ! ! !*
I really enjoy how your rewritten series expanded upon each of the animatronics personality, to the point of me not disliking any of them. But oh my gosh I love how you handled Afton. And by that I mean him not appearing at all(hopefully) but only being mentioned briefly. Which was way better approach, because it allowed Vanessa to become a main antagonist(sort of). Whats also great about your characterization of Vanessa, is how she gets corrupted by Afton in a way that isn’t directly done by him, but rather, by his research. What shows this best is her claim of putting his notes to „good use”, which in term means that she isn't reluctant to kill a person to fulfill her goals. So even if she say she's not like him, she surely isn't any better then him. Either that or she was driven to murder by her family's tragedies. Your doing really good work and I can't wait to see more. But take your time if you need to🙏
Just saying before I watch it, I REALLY don’t like that title and thumbnail. OH MY LORD- MOON’S SCREAM-kiwi, your throats gotta be hurting after that! Now about what happened- Big spoilers below btw I’m still trying to process what just happened, and my thoughts are a jumbled mess right now so bare with me lol Even though I was already half expecting James to be dead, the build up of suspense and dread made it more horrifying than I could have EVER imagined. (btw, the ringing sound in the “frozen” part was a great addition, it really conveyed how shell shocked Gregory was, like he was taken out of the scene as he just watched everyone’s reactions.) With that being said, this feels really wrong to say, but this might be my favorite chapter yet. The reveal that Bonnie wasn’t actually completely scrapped is crazy on its own, but moon going ballistic really sold it for me. Seeing probably the most reserved character in the rewrite absolutely SNAP at Vanessa felt SO satisfying. Ok, I’ve already written an essay at this point, so I better stop before I end up writing a whole dang documentary on this chapter alone lol. Anyway, you are an INCREDIBLE writer, and your dedication to this rewrite, and the SUF one is truly admirable…. ….I am SO not ready for what the next chapter holds. Also, I know I’m not the first to say this, but your well-being is WAY more important than this, so please, if you need a break, or need to spend longer on a chapter, no one is going to stop you except for your frightening amount of commitment to this.
That’s it! I have officially fallen in love with the series! Can’t wait for the rest! I’m even convincing people to watch this because of what happened this episode! I can’t even express in words (or numbers) how much I loved this episode! Whenever this is done, I will print this into a book. I have to.
I've been binging your rewrite for the past week and omg, I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! LIKE, HOW DO I EVEN START!!! This is so much better than the buggy mess Steel Wool made. The story actually feels terrifying, it feels like their are actual stakes at risk. The animatronics sentience is actually explained well and it makes sense. AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING THEM JOIN THE GREGORY PROTECTION SQUAD, I FELT SO BAD WATCHING THEM BE DESTROYED IN THE ORIGINAL GAME I WANTED THEM TO BE GOOD! The animatronics traumas are written so well and so cleverly. Chicas taste mechanic is a really clever way of explaining her eating disorder. I just want to give all the animatronics a big hug, they've been through too much already. I love how you've written Gregory as well. I feel so much more connected to him than in the original game. His motivation for going to the pizzaplex makes sense. Actually showing him being hurt really just adds to the horror and severity of this entire situation. I just want to pick him up and tell him that its gonna be okay. The poor baby needs protection and a crap ton of therapy. You've also improved Vanessa as a character dramatically. Shes such a terrifying and horrible person, using the animatronics traumas against them. She actually terrifies me. Oh and also fuck Jeremy. Me and all of my homies hate Jeremy. I have some odd question in regards to the animatronics. Do they also need to be powered up like they are in the game? And how often if they do use a charging station like their game counterparts? For moon and sun, even though Moon is the one in control right now, is Sun able to see whats going on through moons eyes or is he seeing nothing at all? And this might go into spoiler territory, but how would sun be reacting to this rn? In a nutshell, this series is so much better than the game, and I hope to see more of the story. Please dont rush yourself to complete the series, you are free to take as much time as you need.❤
Answers! :D 1 - The animatronics don’t have to be powered up as often as they are in the game, since I found that mechanic annoying. They can survive about three days without charging - so charging is nothing they would have to worry about during the night where this rewrite takes place 2 - Sun is exhausted right now, and is going in and out of consciousness. He’s not really fully aware of what’s going on, it’s kind of more like brief flashes of a crazy nightmare to him right now. And yeah, when he wakes up, he is not going to take any of this very well. I’m really glad that you’re enjoying the rewrite so far, I’ve been working really hard at it and it’s nice to see that people are appreciating what I’ve done :)
This was very interesting chapter and i also wonder you would do the rewrite Verison of fnaf sb ruin dlc where we get to cassie and the ruined da/eclipse and more when that comes out
I probably won’t end up doing the DLC, simply because the rewrite’s story will be completely over by the end of it’s last chapter. In this universe, I have a completely different set of lore going on with Vanessa, Jeremy, Victor, James, Gregory being a real person instead of a robot child, no Michael spirit, and all of that. So “Cassie” literally doesn’t exist in the Rewrite’s universe, and my story is not built for a DLC. If I attempted to add the DLC, it would probably just be really sloppy and tacked on at the last minute, so I don’t think it would be worth tearing up the ending of the rewrite just to add in a few more random chapters with no connection to the original story lol I’m obviously hopeful that the DLC will be good, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to fit naturally into my own story :)
Hey Kiwi, lore question: does Agony (as in the stuff that keeps certain people alive in canon) exist in the rewrite? I'm trying to figure out what exists so I can speculate about Project Security.
OH WAIT ALSO - Not sure if you’ll actually see this, but I’m going to put this here anyway: In the “answers to lingering questions” part of your Lore-tracking document, you said that Monty had been the one to rip up Bonnie. Actually, Monty was only created AFTER Bonnie was scrapped. Monty DID destroy “Bonnie Bowl” in his own frustration of everyone’s rejection, but Bonnie himself was gone before Monty was brought to life at all, so Monty never actually laid hands on Bonnie directly. In fact, they’ve never met before chapter 21. (I believe I mentioned the order of events before in Monty’s POV chapter, but you may have just missed that part, and I totally understand because these chapters are 14 days apart from each other lol) I don’t want this to come off as condescending or anything, I was just letting you know that small correction so Monty’s past isn’t misunderstood :)
@@kiwiqueen138 Oh, thanks! Yeah, I had just missed that, the impression I'd gotten was "Bonnie was decommissioned but his parts were still around, then once Monty was awakened he found Bonnie's remains and trashed them in a tantrum." Thanks for the clarification Also, I love that you're keeping up with my lore doc :)
Oh my God the reveal no you have got to be kidding me no no no you cannot do this to me I know that once the boxes were found that James was dead I knew it I knew it deep down in my heart that that boy was dead but I was hoping that you would pull the wool from my eyes and reveal that he was alive This is horrible I'm crying I feel so bad for Moon He's he's he's suffering this is horrible I oh my God I'm crying you are so good at this and it hurt me
In my rewrite for security breach glam rock chica is yellow,mimic is burn trap and his mimic 1 program is glitch trap(mimic is a endoskeleton(idk what type endoskeleton) that was made by Edwin to mimic things from the tales of the pizza plex),Vanny is tape girl,glam rock Bonnie is the only one who isn’t corrupted by the mimic 1 program which was in the story teller(again the storyteller is from the tales of the pizzaplex),all the glam rock animatronics but except for glam rock Bonnie wasn’t corrupted,since glam rock Bonnie isn’t corrupted by the mimic 1 program unfortunately Bonnie curious got that better of him and goes to gator golf and gets him killed by monty(it was Monty doing neither vanny nor mimic 1 controlled Monty to kill Bonnie)
Buckle up ur seatbelt kids, shit is about to hit the fan
ALSO WHOOPS: I think in the post-episode talk, I accidentally said Ch 23 is going to be released two weeks from now, instead of Ch 22. *Chapter 22* (the next chapter) will come out two weeks from now, NOT chapter 23. Sorry for any confusion lol
Link to written version: archiveofourown.org/works/45445291?view_full_work=true (Currently updated with today’s chapter!)
Link to next episode: ruclips.net/video/SGpPEq5azvc/видео.html
Link to previous episode: ruclips.net/video/jPtpPBqxmg4/видео.html
Link to full playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLKMzqZUiHWUjzZj0jfJym1CTORp4rdEDD
It just keeps getting better and better
Not usually do you get a self-taught VA who can SCREAM scream! This one was insane!
25:05 I've been so poisoned by Canon FNAF that when I heard that line, my first thought was "God damn it, not Burntrap again"
I haven't commented until this far I believe, but the utterly gritty description of that scene when James is finally discovered, made me feel genuine horror- and the buildup to that scene beforehand gave me an unsurmountable amount of dread already knowing what was coming, and that's honestly the first piece of any sort of horror media that's ever been able to do that for me in a long time.
It's probably a little odd to say how much I enjoyed this chapter, most out of any of the others so far in your rewrite, but the way you conveyed that so well with what resources you have had me absorbed throughout even if my stomach was absolutely lurching out of my throat! 😁😁
I'm not sure if I can convey my passion all through one comment or two, but I love how much you expand on the lore and how the characters seem more genuine so I'm _really_ invested
after I found your steven universe content a couple of years ago I've jumped on ship ever since
but you're swag- take your time with releasing the next batch of chapters :) everybody needs time and patience, so don't worry about rushing them all out and I hope you have a good day/evening!
(edit) already regretting writing all of this because I feel super cringe but I rlly love your content
Jeez, That Moon scream caught me so off guard in the best way possible.
I like to try practicing Voice Acting in my free time, and there's no way in hell i'm pulling that off, well i might be able to, but it's so gonna upset my neighbours.
Also, please tell me you drank like 5 litres of water after that, your throat must have really not liked you very much.
The Bonnie boi is near.
"Smell of Roadkill" Oh no.
RABBIT SUITS?!
JAMES NO! VANESSA!! YOU ARE ONE! DEAD! WOMAN!!!
GET HER ASS MOON!!
Monty. RUN!
Wait, they never Scraped Bonnie?.....Does that mean Jeremy does have a heart or just doing that so he won't have to waste resources?
Also, take your time Kiwi! Your doing great and you don't need to rush shit!
NOOOOO JAMES!!!!!!!!!! God I was hoping it wasn’t true at parts and services with the small white boxes…. Horrible… just horrible…. Also Monty my boy, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!
My poor baby Gregory.. 😭😭😭
GOODNESS that was a emotional rollercoaster :']
there'll be spoilers ahead beware ye
the bits of lore near the end is very inchresting, and i also loved the voice acting here! that scream from Moon was visceral and so was everybody else's during that *very disturbing moment* with each of their realizations, poor Gregory.. At least Freddy is there with him, though he's not doing very good as well after seeing it too, the dread of that scene was really well done and even if i knew what was surely going to be there, there was still some denial up until the breaking point
Bonnie sounds absolutely disheveled goodness, and from him peeking over Vanessa in the cover image the poor guy's insomnia has probably worsened in that state
don't worry if the next chapters take some time to come out! you're already doing so much incredible work and we all really appreciate it
Why do I imagine that when moon catches Vanessa, him or Gregory will start their conversation by “calmly” saying:
*2 8 B L O O D P U D D L E S ! ! ! ! !*
You didn't wanna leave him a CHANCE, didn't you?!
AND YOU JUST TOOK HIM APART
*AGAIN AND AGAIN AND A G A I N*
NO MERCY
I think I spent like 30 minutes just replaying Moons scream, hot damn!
OH MY GOLY GOSH.
OH MY GOLY. GOSH.
Yea Vanessa i really don’t think moon cares if he should or shouldn’t have seen that
HES GONNA KILL HER 😦
@@astrumcat64.mp4 i Hope he does
@@astrumcat64.mp4
If he doesn't do it I will
I really enjoy how your rewritten series expanded upon each of the animatronics personality, to the point of me not disliking any of them. But oh my gosh I love how you handled Afton. And by that I mean him not appearing at all(hopefully) but only being mentioned briefly. Which was way better approach, because it allowed Vanessa to become a main antagonist(sort of). Whats also great about your characterization of Vanessa, is how she gets corrupted by Afton in a way that isn’t directly done by him, but rather, by his research. What shows this best is her claim of putting his notes to „good use”, which in term means that she isn't reluctant to kill a person to fulfill her goals. So even if she say she's not like him, she surely isn't any better then him. Either that or she was driven to murder by her family's tragedies.
Your doing really good work and I can't wait to see more. But take your time if you need to🙏
Holy fucking shit that escalated fast
Steel Wool should take a page out of your book and actually give a damn about what they're doing
Just saying before I watch it, I REALLY don’t like that title and thumbnail.
OH MY LORD- MOON’S
SCREAM-kiwi, your throats gotta be hurting after that!
Now about what happened-
Big spoilers below btw
I’m still trying to process what just happened, and my thoughts are a jumbled mess right now so bare with me lol
Even though I was already half expecting James to be dead, the build up of suspense and dread made it more horrifying than I could have EVER imagined.
(btw, the ringing sound in the “frozen” part was a great addition, it really conveyed how shell shocked Gregory was, like he was taken out of the scene as he just watched everyone’s reactions.)
With that being said, this feels really wrong to say, but this might be my favorite chapter yet.
The reveal that Bonnie wasn’t actually completely scrapped is crazy on its own, but moon going ballistic really sold it for me.
Seeing probably the most reserved character in the rewrite absolutely SNAP at Vanessa felt SO satisfying.
Ok, I’ve already written an essay at this point, so I better stop before I end up writing a whole dang documentary on this chapter alone lol.
Anyway, you are an INCREDIBLE writer, and your dedication to this rewrite, and the SUF one is truly admirable….
….I am SO not ready for what the next chapter holds.
Also, I know I’m not the first to say this, but your well-being is WAY more important than this, so please, if you need a break, or need to spend longer on a chapter, no one is going to stop you except for your frightening amount of commitment to this.
Where's that one pokemon meme image where it says "I was prepared for trouble but not for this" because that's how I feel right now
That’s it! I have officially fallen in love with the series! Can’t wait for the rest! I’m even convincing people to watch this because of what happened this episode! I can’t even express in words (or numbers) how much I loved this episode! Whenever this is done, I will print this into a book. I have to.
I’m waiting for this to become a series or a full fledged game
I've been binging your rewrite for the past week and omg, I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! LIKE, HOW DO I EVEN START!!!
This is so much better than the buggy mess Steel Wool made. The story actually feels terrifying, it feels like their are actual stakes at risk. The animatronics sentience is actually explained well and it makes sense. AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING THEM JOIN THE GREGORY PROTECTION SQUAD, I FELT SO BAD WATCHING THEM BE DESTROYED IN THE ORIGINAL GAME I WANTED THEM TO BE GOOD!
The animatronics traumas are written so well and so cleverly. Chicas taste mechanic is a really clever way of explaining her eating disorder. I just want to give all the animatronics a big hug, they've been through too much already.
I love how you've written Gregory as well. I feel so much more connected to him than in the original game. His motivation for going to the pizzaplex makes sense. Actually showing him being hurt really just adds to the horror and severity of this entire situation. I just want to pick him up and tell him that its gonna be okay. The poor baby needs protection and a crap ton of therapy.
You've also improved Vanessa as a character dramatically. Shes such a terrifying and horrible person, using the animatronics traumas against them. She actually terrifies me.
Oh and also fuck Jeremy. Me and all of my homies hate Jeremy.
I have some odd question in regards to the animatronics. Do they also need to be powered up like they are in the game? And how often if they do use a charging station like their game counterparts?
For moon and sun, even though Moon is the one in control right now, is Sun able to see whats going on through moons eyes or is he seeing nothing at all? And this might go into spoiler territory, but how would sun be reacting to this rn?
In a nutshell, this series is so much better than the game, and I hope to see more of the story. Please dont rush yourself to complete the series, you are free to take as much time as you need.❤
Answers! :D
1 - The animatronics don’t have to be powered up as often as they are in the game, since I found that mechanic annoying. They can survive about three days without charging - so charging is nothing they would have to worry about during the night where this rewrite takes place
2 - Sun is exhausted right now, and is going in and out of consciousness. He’s not really fully aware of what’s going on, it’s kind of more like brief flashes of a crazy nightmare to him right now. And yeah, when he wakes up, he is not going to take any of this very well.
I’m really glad that you’re enjoying the rewrite so far, I’ve been working really hard at it and it’s nice to see that people are appreciating what I’ve done :)
This was very interesting chapter and i also wonder you would do the rewrite Verison of fnaf sb ruin dlc where we get to cassie and the ruined da/eclipse and more when that comes out
I probably won’t end up doing the DLC, simply because the rewrite’s story will be completely over by the end of it’s last chapter. In this universe, I have a completely different set of lore going on with Vanessa, Jeremy, Victor, James, Gregory being a real person instead of a robot child, no Michael spirit, and all of that. So “Cassie” literally doesn’t exist in the Rewrite’s universe, and my story is not built for a DLC. If I attempted to add the DLC, it would probably just be really sloppy and tacked on at the last minute, so I don’t think it would be worth tearing up the ending of the rewrite just to add in a few more random chapters with no connection to the original story lol
I’m obviously hopeful that the DLC will be good, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to fit naturally into my own story :)
I have been watching your videos for like 4 years now and you just get better and better
Hey Kiwi, lore question: does Agony (as in the stuff that keeps certain people alive in canon) exist in the rewrite? I'm trying to figure out what exists so I can speculate about Project Security.
Yes, the concept of agony is applied in the rewrite :)
@@kiwiqueen138 Alright, alright :)
OH WAIT ALSO - Not sure if you’ll actually see this, but I’m going to put this here anyway:
In the “answers to lingering questions” part of your Lore-tracking document, you said that Monty had been the one to rip up Bonnie. Actually, Monty was only created AFTER Bonnie was scrapped. Monty DID destroy “Bonnie Bowl” in his own frustration of everyone’s rejection, but Bonnie himself was gone before Monty was brought to life at all, so Monty never actually laid hands on Bonnie directly. In fact, they’ve never met before chapter 21. (I believe I mentioned the order of events before in Monty’s POV chapter, but you may have just missed that part, and I totally understand because these chapters are 14 days apart from each other lol)
I don’t want this to come off as condescending or anything, I was just letting you know that small correction so Monty’s past isn’t misunderstood :)
@@kiwiqueen138 Oh, thanks! Yeah, I had just missed that, the impression I'd gotten was "Bonnie was decommissioned but his parts were still around, then once Monty was awakened he found Bonnie's remains and trashed them in a tantrum." Thanks for the clarification
Also, I love that you're keeping up with my lore doc :)
Headcanon Voice For Jeremy: Marc Evan Jackson ( Bradford Buzzard and Kim Kil Wahn )
Ngl had to do a double take on the thumbnail of this
You know what I bet you can make more money from this by making a Patreon and the rewards being early written versions of unVA chapters.😊
Wow, i feel actually terror and agony... GREAT JOB 👍🏻
Pov you can watch this with both earbuds without a fear of being held at (input giga Chad photo here)
GREGORY IN THE THUMBNAIL AND THE TITLE???? FEAR.
update: WHAT THE FUCK KIWI YOU MADLAD THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD
@@astrumcat64.mp4 i laughed and found it funny whilst also questioning why the fuck i laughed at that
This is good, I like it.
𝒲𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓁
I love the reveal that Freddy is afraid of advanced to darkness.
That's the only way you can like mention it it's advanced darkness
Oh my God the reveal no you have got to be kidding me no no no you cannot do this to me
I know that once the boxes were found that James was dead I knew it I knew it deep down in my heart that that boy was dead but
I was hoping that you would pull the wool from my eyes and reveal that he was alive
This is horrible I'm crying I feel so bad for Moon He's he's he's suffering this is horrible I oh my God I'm crying you are so good at this and it hurt me
Pre-watch note: I *really* don’t like that title.
Mid-watch note: I WAS RIGHT
After-watch note: Something-something take as long as you need
Well vanessa you were right about one thing
Your not like william afton......
YOUR WORSE.....FAR WORSE
This is late but I would like to disagree
Have you played the old games
nice fanfic! : ]
Yes!
Yes
HOLY SHIT
In my rewrite for security breach glam rock chica is yellow,mimic is burn trap and his mimic 1 program is glitch trap(mimic is a endoskeleton(idk what type endoskeleton) that was made by Edwin to mimic things from the tales of the pizza plex),Vanny is tape girl,glam rock Bonnie is the only one who isn’t corrupted by the mimic 1 program which was in the story teller(again the storyteller is from the tales of the pizzaplex),all the glam rock animatronics but except for glam rock Bonnie wasn’t corrupted,since glam rock Bonnie isn’t corrupted by the mimic 1 program unfortunately Bonnie curious got that better of him and goes to gator golf and gets him killed by monty(it was Monty doing neither vanny nor mimic 1 controlled Monty to kill Bonnie)
OH MY GOSH
Yo my girl where's the second part to Ninjago
Supporting
Wait, what was the loudest scream you've done for this? Was it Gregory running from Chica?
No, we have not made it to the loudest scream yet, but you’ll know it when you hear it :)
@@kiwiqueen138 OH GOOD GRAVY
How is sun going to react to this?
Not good
Yay
I missed this video ohmygod
Iknewitiknewiyiknewit
THOSE EMAILS WHAT
Its bonnie i knew it