Sexuality and Disability: Forging Identity in a World that Leaves You Out | Gaelynn Lea | TEDxYale
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- Опубликовано: 17 янв 2017
- Gaelynn Lea felt left out of mainstream dating and beauty culture due to her physical disability. In her talk, she recounts the epiphany that empowered her to pursue life, love, and a musical career on her own terms.
Gaelynn Lea is a musician from Duluth, MN. She has been playing violin for over twenty years. First classically trained, she began learning traditional Celtic and American fiddle tunes at the age of 18. During her college years Gaelynn started sitting in with various folk/rock musicians and developed an improvisational style all her own. Eventually she also began singing and dabbling in songwriting. Gaelynn has played alongside many notable Minnesota musicians over the years, including Alan Sparhawk, Charlie Parr, and Billy McLaughlin. Gaelynn Lea has been actively performing throughout Northern Minnesota and Wisconsin since 2006, contributing to a number of musical projects in the Twin Ports. Currently her most active collaboration is The Murder of Crows, an atmospheric alternative duo with Alan Sparhawk. Together they recorded an EP titled “Imperfecta” in 2012. Their original song “When We Were Young” was featured on the Sundance Channel’s acclaimed drama “Rectify” in June 2014.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I first saw her on npr's tiny desk concert, that was such an amazing performance!
Yeah she is a great musician. If anyone hasn't heard her play you should check out her NPR concert. She is very talented
Jack Aitken hello fucking troll!
Just because I'm of Scandinavian descent doesn't mean I am a troll Bob.
But since you said it " Under the bridge down town, Is where I saw Gaelynn. I could not run fast enough"
Jack Aitken I'm not calling you a troll because you are Scandinavian. I had no idea that you were. I'm calling you a troll because you are insulting a talented person because of their disability.. you piece of shit.
Try and cover up your slander all you like Bob, I know that was intended as Scandinavian hate. How long must the strong Scandi people take the oppression of despots like you Loblaw. How long must we suffer under the strident grunts of a stunted Gaelynn Goblin! No longer I say!
Loved your speech. My best friend in high school was three feet tall. She had osteogenesis imperfecta, just as yourself. It wasn't until after her passing that I learned of her attraction to me, thus, I realized just how much I was in love with her. Too late. My heart is still broken over her and time lost. Thank you so much for your insights and sharing.
😢so sad when we are blinded.
😢, hope you found peace man!
LK Harding Aww, so sad but at the same time a beautiful story about love.
Thank you for taking the time to share this story from your life. Allowing ourselves to be honest & sharing our experiences, especially when doing so leaves us exposed & fragile, is how we learn our most valuable life lessons from one another. Nothing that is superficial and elicits no emotion has ever benefited anyone in any meaningful way. But it’s sometimes hard, and it sometimes re-opens wounds that we would rather not expose to others. Reminding people that time doesn’t always leave room for second chances, or first chances that we missed having because we didn’t know then, what we know now, is such an important gesture. You were able to reach back into a painful loss in order to possibly save someone else the same heartache. It takes a special person to do that. I hope that you’ve found love, and I hope that having missed a chance as profoundly regretful as you’ve described here has only added to your life by way of reminding you to take chances, even if they scare you, because you might not have that chance again. It sounds like you’re one of those people who deserves more beauty in life than they ask for. XO
😥 So sad.
As a music teacher that teaches students with disabilities, I am so inspired and happy that her music teacher took her under her wing. Music heals.
as a person with a disability struggling to become an adult in this world This is extremely important issue to me and something dear to my heart... thank you
May Allah bless you, bro
A truly amazing and beautiful woman!
This little lass is one of my favourite human beings - her incredible ability to communicate, concisely, and with total integrity is a sad rarity in this mad world - she is an amazingly talented musician but equally a superbly gifted orator who tackles delicate subjects with awesome grace, dignity and her own personal injection of humour - we, " able bodied " ( whatever that means ? ) people, can learn so much from her insightfulness - Gaelynn, you are a total inspiration x
The first thought I had when I saw her was: here is a human who was raised by amazing parents.
@@sallybrite1530 They are amazing.
It says on her youtube channel that she is a public speaker, so she has probably worked really hard to become that articulate as well is clearly being very clever.
When I meet someone like this in real life it's like striking gold.
Amen!
able bodied means your body is not physically disabled
Gaelynn is a CERTIFIED BADASS!
Best motivational speaker I've heard in a looooong time. Nothing fake here.
She's so good at articulating her point, I wish I was half as good at that.
you are truly a creative genius and a gift to this earth
Yes!!
she make such beautiful music
I'm not disabled, but my mother is. My mother has a mild case of cerebral palsy and it's really nice to see that things like this are finally coming out into the light. It's very motivational for her, which makes me very happy.
I thought she was talking about her personal experience - but then I realized it was about mine. What a teacher !!
Thank you. I am a disabled queer AFAB person and I loved your speech. ❤
She's a brilliant musician and composer, and a hugely beautiful, articulate woman. Everything she said here is right on.
Gaelynn, should you ever find this comment...I just saw your Warming House concert tonight (I said hi to you way towards the end as I was leaving), and had to come home and have a Gaelynn RUclips song binge (not the first time, I'll admit), and then I found this TED talk.
You. Are. Phenomenal. Fullstop.
This is SO wise and true and empowered and empowerING. And while it's all for sure true for people with disabilities, I also related deeply as a person of size; my weight has rendered me stripped of sexuality and labeled ugly, disgusting, sub-human and unlovable since as far back as I can remember. But I love what you say here, and I actually hadn't considered thinking of invisiblity as a positive carte blanche to live outside the cultural norms, but now I'm like...hell yeah! That makes so much sense! As does your statement that all standards are really completely random and self-imposed and baseless. If WE don't conform to them, so what? There's nothing to lose by not conforming, and only some self-esteem to gain.
Anyway, I'm so impressed by you, your music, your adventurousness. Thank you for sharing your talents so copiously with the world.
Every young girl and boy should listen to this exceptional speech. With loving, understanding and supportive parents you can raise a better, healthier society. Not everyone is so lucky but programs like these can enlighten someone's point of view and expand one's prospective, mind and heart.
Just awesome! Thank you!!!!!
"If you already live in the gap, just live big." I love this! The whole talk is so inspiring, and I loved her examples of beauty constrictions she shed. There's always something we haven't thought of that we're doing subconsciously to conform.
What most people outside of fulfilling relationships don't understand is that companionship is 70% of the equation
You are a great person. I went through what you went through. My best friend after 7 years of best friends, we became boyfriends for 2 years and decided to get married. There were people that they disagree with our relationship especially his family but we kept strong. Today we been married for 31 years 2 kids 3 granddaughter. I'm in a wheelchair. I have polio. God bless and wish you the best. Loved and Subbed.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
She is so intelligent and self aware. I could never talk in front of people like this. Her Ted Talk was really well spoken.
When you speak from your heart anything is possible.
Nice pic and smile
I don't ever comment on social media, because there is a lot of judgement on social media. This is an amazing thing. I want to thank Gaelynn in this comment section for her very healthy and helpful perspective. It really helped me today. This makes me happy. I too use the phrase if men don't have to why do I. I never wear make up because it distorts the natural beauty, but I was required to for a big college choir event. The men didn't have to, but the women did because the lights wash out the face. So I did, but this year, I decided I would say right away, I am not going to wear make up. If men don't have to, I don't have to. It wasn't a requirement anymore this year, but I appreciate the way she talks about human dignity and respect and love. You don't often hear that. Thank you Gaelynn.
Wow. This woman has an incredible depth of wisdom...and charisma and beauty! I too saw her NPR tiny desk concert performance and loved it. It's amazing how fraught our culture is with fears and insecurities caused by wanting/needing to "fit in." This, rather than just living our lives with courage, authenticity and joy! Gaelynn, you've totally inspired me. Including the road trip you and your husband are on. Rock on sister!
Talking about stuff no one has the guts to talk about!
This is perhaps one of the best talks I have ever heard. Just awesome to see somebody overcome the biggest fears all humans struggle with
When I was 19, I chanced to fall deeply in love with a sweet yet intellectually-challenged woman who was absolutely amazing. Met Jamie in a group home she lived at when I was helping another resident with a CB antenna project (this was back in the early '80's). She was always inquisitive and had an infectious smile that could melt your heart. When I found out she was 27, I was floored because I thought she was closer to my age. She was not really intellectually backward, she was just a slow learner. We enjoyed each other for 9 months and had lots of fun together.
Some people accused me of taking advantage of Jamie because of her disability. I told them they were so wrong. I loved and cared for her greatly. Unfortunately, she died or I might have married her. I was absolutely devastated! She was so awesome.
I never got the chance to love anyone like her again. And it was not because I was not interested. People like her are usually carefully protected because of the assumption or fear that they will be abused. I can understand that. So I was never allowed to get emotionally close to anyone like her again. I still miss her!
I'm sorry for your loss I hope you're doing well
I'm out here! Are you anywhere near 58 years old?😉
I am a mentally disabled man...Any takers?
Thank you, Gaelynn, for affirming the experience of the (dis)abled. Once we see that we are outside of the mainstream, we can embrace the freedom!
ahahaha
Are you by chance a skizophrenic hermaphrodite with access to (one too) many mirrors? If so good on you.
She brings hope to a sick sad world. Absolutely gorgeous woman
I'm friends with a young girl who also has osteogenesis imperfecta, and who's also brilliant and unstoppable. Seeing the trails you've blazed will make her so happy and ambitious for her future :) Thanks for being awesome.
I am glad your friend has you in their life.
I'm so upset that country that I live in doesn't share the same.. loyalty to disabled people. I mean, not even loyalty. Loyalty - is about person who you consider different, but despite this, you still accept him as equal. What I speak of - is people's ability to adore one's mind, not body. To BE equal, not PRETEND equal.
I'm ashamed, that lots of disabled people in my country are facing struggle they can't handle.
--
My father is a disabled person: he got his vertebral trauma in an awful car crash (I was in that car too), so I literally know how it feels to be abandoned by almost everyone. Sometimes I think, that my mother's such a strong person, which I could never become.
Having a family to support makes one's life easier. However, I know lots of people, whose families turned away from them, like they never existed.
--
I've tasked some of my students with a science project last week. They were up to redistribute virtual budget money for social uses. One of them _literally_ told that "we're up to cut down on subsidies we make to disabled people. They are like litter". I stared at him with my jaw shaking, and then I mumbled "Okay, Max. You did well. Next one, please". That was the only thing I managed to do with myself.
--
20 minutes after I was standing otside the building, smoking, and trying to hold my tears. I've never felt such a horrible pain before.
--
So now I watch this video, where a disabled girls talks about her struggle, about her life, and there is a huge amount of people listenihng to her. She has voice, she has her right to speak. That cuts me deeper than I thought it could, because I can't do anything here to make such people feel better; because society, which I am a part of, is subliminally eugenic.
I don't know why I did write all this, but I just wanted you to know.
Egor you have a clear understanding and insight into your and others constricts. By living your life as an example you reach people who truly feel lost and exhausted. You never know who is watching and taking notes. Keep on the path. Blessings to you And yours.
This is a courageous comment. One person like you, Egor, can enrich the lives of those that you touch, just with your acceptance.
You may want to do big things for others, but even the little things can make a big difference to the individual.
Just saying Hello to the person in the wheelchair, as well as the person pushing it, is a start.
Brains, beauty, authenticity and freedom! We should all be so lucky to truly understand this!!!
Your husband did well, Gaelynn. So did you! I love you both. God Bless!
Closed Captioning is the only thing that could make this better; I think a lot of people would appreciate that
they added CC
My first impulse was to say " for a little person, you make big sense" Then I though that might be an insult. I'm 4ft 11 in so it's not that much of an insult really, if you took it as such. Then I thought " I'm so lonely and have no friends" Then I started to cry. Then I thought, what have I done to change my lack? I know I haven't tried as much as you have, but I'm trying now to reach distant family and I'm showing my art on Facebook, that's a start. Then I realised it's all about perspective, ones own. Then I felt ashamed of myself. I'm old but I can be nice, paint, care and understand, same as most people. You've made me realise it's not enough to want, I must reach out, grab and hold preciously yet gently opportunities, friendship, and nurture it. God bless you and your family.
I thank RUclips for introducing me to this wonderful lady. She is a force of nature. Blessed with a musical talent and with an ability to give us all a message. Her musical art is genuine and excellent. Love her!
Wow, just wow! Thanks, Gaelynn...a fantastic talk that I'll be showing to students in Cultural Anthropology in a few weeks at your alma mater, University of Minnesota Duluth, when we discuss sexuality. (Nice to see anthropology major Leah Nelson in one of your images, too!) Best wishes for your dreams to just keep flying wider and as high as you want to take them!
Thank you, I needed to hear this. Now, at 57 years old I need to figure out how to live this way.
Nice pic and smile I'm near your age I have a disability too long time .pending on your disability if it physical you just deal with it
Her message is so fantastic, she speaks so well, I'm very moved, thank you for being who you are Gaelynn
You are a wise young woman to realize your own beauty and enjoy your freedom. Everyone deserves to feel lovable.
Well put! Hope your day is good for you.
What an extraordinary woman with such a powerful message of love and acceptance.
what a beautiful message
Agreed! Beautiful message in every way. 🌹
Tim and Eric? You got good taste
👏👏👏 a true sage and heroine! There is no programme for the theatre of life. We have to learn from each other. That means we need those with experience willing to teach those who have not yet discovered. We need pupils with open minds, eager to listen and learn. Thank you Gaelynn! I certainly learnt new and unusual information today which will help me understand my fellow human beings better. God bless you and your husband!
Egor Kobelev whose comment is here and which includes his deep story, and Gaelynn Lea, I cheer you on and may your voices ring out to be heard more and more with each passing day. May OUR hearts change and grow something like Doctor Seuss envisioned with the Grinch, to no longer be several sizes too small. My father experienced polio as an infant which caused half his body to have underdeveloped muscles the rest of his life, yet he tackled Life like Gaelynn does, and his heart was several sizes larger than most people's, as were his family's of origin --whose belief in his precious potential made self-doubt unTHINKable. Others in his town ridiculed him, but he paid no attention to their worthless lacks of esteem. Until I watched this video of Gaelynn speaking about this type of courage she has, I never fully recognized this Strength and heroism in him. He got a good job, married, had six kids, paid off a mortgage in much shorter order than 95% of people, and saved his income like an ant or someone out of an Aesop's fable... ...he was amazing in many more ways than these -- and Gaelynn teaches us what really IS amazing about this spirit of fearlessness and positiveness among family members. God keep you, Gaelynn, and your wonderful husband and family. We love you. Thank you for giving to us from your spirit.
Wow. Came here from tiny desk. Everything this woman does, floors me. 👏
Nice pic and 😃
I've shared this on my Facebook page. I hope others gain from it as much as I did.
Thank you for your existence. I am consoled.
Thank you Gaelynn. This is so beautiful and I really REALLY appreciate everything you have said here. The part about the media and that unrealistic ideal of beauty being connected to consumerism. WOW! I have never heard it quite like that. As a woman I have my own insecurities and have learned how to love myself because of and in spite of them. This really means a lot to me. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you
Gaelynn , it’s such a gift to have found you today . You’re one strong Chick ❤️ We can only aspire to raise our children to be as brilliantly motivated in life . Thank you for sharing with everyone on RUclips . You kick 🍑! Today was a Great Day to “ Gaelynn binge” . Your musical poetry has fixed my heart . You are so appreciated. Please thank you parents for us 😘😇
Nice pic and smile
My new hero. Was first impressed by your music, but Gaelynn, you are an incredible person who could not have given a better speech. I'm sending this to everyone I know. Thank you for sharing all of your insights and wisdom -- this world is blessed by you!
Simply put:
Gaelynn Lea inspires me by blessing humanity as an über-talented artist, foremost.
Yet she also 'happens-to-have' a "disability" via our collective contemporary social standards; however, it seems vividly obvious that the biggest "disability group" today is: people who are too fearful to simply feel free to 'BE' AN AUTHENTIC VERSION OF THEMSELVES (AT ALL TIMES). "# Life"...it is vividly apparent that it is too damned short...simply because it is an absolutely precious gift worth savoring...regardless of any so-called 'mainstream' cultural or societal standards.
Being invisible is better than being scrutinized. A truth well spoken!
You continue to be such a forceful voice for women of all experience and journey. As a pier-musician, I am humbled by the purity of your talent. Thank you for speaking out so bravely.
Gaelynn you are way more than most of the rest of us! Love & Peace x
She is beautiful and nobody will get her down and everything people say that is rude and can effect her feelings we are here for her!!!
Gaelynn, your observations resonate in a clear, profound way. Thank you so much for your authenticity, your bravery in navigating a superficial world, for bearing your heart in this presentation, and in your music. Thank you for your insights, your love and support for others. You are one of the most beautiful and genuine human beings I've ever encountered. Thank you so much. Believe it or not, you've helped me in my journey. I'm at a loss for words.. this post doesn't capture the breadth of what I feel. Just thank you.
This is the best Ted talk that I've ever heard. It should have way more views than it does.
Thank you TEDx Talks for putting this up, and for the presenter for putting this stuff out there. This needs to be seen by a lot of people out there.
I love your perspective, attitude and how articulate you are. You are a very special soul with a great message to share. Your comfort in your own skin and your spirit and presence shine. I enjoyed hearing you on The Moth and then I've loved listening to your music! The passion you play with brings me to tears. Thank you for sharing your gifts! You are beautiful in all the ways.
Terrific perspective and presentation. I'm off to get that haircut ! Thanks for pointing out the freedom Gaelyn.
What an inspiration. I really needed this.
Thank You ❤
Gaelynn Lea is such a genius. I found out about her a couple days ago after seeing her Tiny Desk concert and have already learned so much from her.
She's amazing!
GO GAELYNN!!!! AWESOME SPEECH!!! This was such a wonderful, inspiring, thoughtful and thoroughly moving speech! Oh, and your father is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT about boys! I've long said the same thing! So happy for you!
I love this woman, first her music then finding this. 🙏🏻
I could listen to her speak all day. Such a great public speaker and so freaking smart!
What a truly remarkable human being.
Great talk and great artist. She spoke so well and I learned a lot from this. If you haven't seen the Tiny Desk Concert with her you are missing out. She is absolutely brilliant.
Just found this particular Tedtalk today, and this was so empowering. Thank you.
Thank you Gaelynn. I needed to hear all of that.
Her philosophy on life is so very true. She has a wonderful beautiful soul and I love her music too.
This is amazing. I love her music, and her insight and articulation is on another level. This legitimately helped me with some of my issues in my life. Thank you Gaelynn. ❤️❤️
I'm only about 12 minutes in - but this is my absolute favorite Ted Talk ever. Gaelynn: you are a treasure!!
dayum this is so deep i love her
She has the most healthy and balanced view of life. Good on her! I truly wish more people would live their lives as she is. I think there would be more happiness globally.
There is much wisdom in her words
What a completely whole, wonderful, and wise woman!
Thank you so much, Gaelynn. I will carry this with me for a long time. It really hit a nerve with me. Thanks for living your dreams. :)
Listening to her is truly an experience not only as musician but as a human being♡
I I think you said out loud with a lot of us that are different don't believe about ourselves, and you are absolutely right. The hardest thing to believe when you are not the standard is that you are beautiful, and worthy of love. I struggle with this a lot as I am a plus size woman and tall on top of that. I've been told that I'm too fat to have short hair, I've been out right rejected on blind dates. All these things add up and you can have a choice either get a chip on your shoulder and never date anyone or forge ahead and realize that you are worth something.
This was so good! I appreciate this reminder....to really live with freedom. I noticed I don't really have a lot of friends or family around, except for my dogs. It seems by doing that I get permission to be free and authentically me.
-If I want to practice yoga outside at night I do it. -People ask me if I'm okay.... because apparently there is some sort of "yoga police" that says you have to do yoga in the heat of the day. And if you don't something is "wrong" with you.
-But because I don't really have any friends or family, or care about the opinions of me...I get to do what I want. And it feels great.
--So even while I have an understanding for this freedom and enjoy it greatly....I like the idea of taking that freedom to another level.
Love her. Amazing eloquent speaker. I was mesmerized by her genuinity, and depth of thoughts/messages. Thank you for being you.
You are inspiring both personally and musically. Thank you for your thoughtful words!
It makes so much sense. Thank you. This amazing woman is an authentic point of aspiration!
Nice pic your stunning
I needed to hear this tonight.. amazing!!
Such a profound talk, thank U for your inspiration & sharing of being *AUTHENTIC* -in a world where society would rather everyone fit into a mold, U R living outside the box & proving that “one” does NOT have to live in a mold, that one can truly break the mold & live the life they *choose* to live, outside of & regardless of what ‘society’ thinks --BRAVO, young lady...BRAVO!!!
Wow.. one of the best TED Talks on the subject. Thank you for your incite and wonderfully clear explanation... and of course your very candid personality and honesty.
A total inspiration! Thank you Gaelynn Lea!
Thank you, Thank you ,Thank you. You are someone that can lift people up. I don't understand, why you say disabled, you are so well, empowered. We need more people that can look at who they are, just be you. My life has be made better by yours, Gaelynn, tell mom and dad thanks for not, well holding you back. Don't think they can anyway. Keep helping, with your ability. We need you so much!
I love your confidence, frankness and the inspiration you shared in your talk. We all deserve everything that life has to offer.
Nice pic and smile
You are gorgeous and a wonderful inspriation.🤗😘👍🎶🕊
Inspirational. Thanks and good on you, Gaelynn.
Wow, just wow. So much wisdom and insight. Enormous respect for anyone who can beat back and overcome the distorted expectations of our materialistic society ...
I found her via NPR's music room and have been a fan ever since!!
Just finished watching the whole video, sooooo wise!! Live authentically with love, because why not?
Nice pic and 😃
I LOVE & ADORE THIS GORGEOUS HUMAN BEING!! I'VE BECOME A HUGE FAN OF GAE GAELYNN LEE & AMAZING HUSBAND PAUL. MANY HUGS FROM MY FAMILY & I IN CANADA❤💙
The talk is very interesting and honest. I have also a "very visible" disability and came to the same conclusion, that is that I am more free i.e. not pressured by social norms. As you also mentioned this goes beyond physical beauty in areas such as standard of living, working career, traveling and so on. Sometimes it makes me laugh if I think about the things other people care about. It is kind of paradox that you feel this powerful freedom despite your disability. I also love your analysis on the beauty industry. I think even if we instinctively evaluate beauty we are able to learn / discover the beauty in others and by far is there more at the horizon than physical beauty - beautiful ideas, thoughts, talks, art, values, actions, strength, ... In some sense relationships are also pressured by society but even if you eliminate those pressures there is still the need for meaningful and deep emotional human connections. So despite this great freedom it seems almost impossible for me to be free from physical and especially deep emotional desires and I doubt that you can have those emotional connections with friends. Sure, there are deep friendships which are equally valuable but these two things are different at least is this my expectation. It might be false but I also feel that women often, even in these days, search for a physical & economic protector of which the latter, one is not capable of. Therefore, it might be more difficult for a disabled man to find someone but this is only a guess without any evidence. I hope at some point I can overcome my, I would say, real remaining but deep struggle by connecting to someone bilaterally. Thank you for your words and your strong message, very inspiring.
Every day is a lesson. By listening to your speech I have learned something today that will change the way I think about myself and the way that I think about others. Thanks
One thing I realized in my life is that "Beautiful things come from suffering if you let it"
Such beautiful and strong words. Thank you, Mrs. Gaelynn Lea.
Oh my Goodness. I love her. She's amazing
One of the most interesting TED talks I've heard in a long time. Good job!
I came across this lady on RUclips just a couple a weeks ago and the more I discover about her the more Impressed I become. It seems she is now writing a book, and I’m sure it won’t disappoint.
I saw 1st saw Gaelynn on npr. She's awesome.
Beautifully put - thank you, Gaelynn