(Mostly) All Red Dwarf Space Corps Directives and Health & Safety Protocols
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- Опубликовано: 30 янв 2025
- A compilation of every* Space Corps Directive/Protocol/Health & Safety rule on Red Dwarf, plus some Rimmer Directives thrown in!
Obviously just the ones we see on-screen.. there are a whole lot more elsewhere!
*Unfortunately clips from the Promised Land are unable to be included, but have listed these below:
Extreme caution should be taken on the naturist deck when peeling carrots.
Derelict ships have to be made safe before the senior officer ventures on-board.
Any unnecessary ship should dispose of itself by flying straight into the nearest sun.
No ship may be decommissioned that contains living crew members who are listed on the manifest.
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I think my favourite part of these jokes is how the directive Rimmer quotes is always quite close in number to the actual one he wants to quote, yet contains ENTIRELY different things. Why are the rules about prisoners of war right next to the rules about parking for the delegation?
"add it to the list"
It would make more sense if Rimmer just got the numbers arranged wrong.
Right? Also, comparing some from different scenes, we get 596 about the crew's files being for the captain's eyes only sitting between 595 and 597, which are both about quarantine.
Bureaucracy is rubbish is what.
Thats what makes it funny
That "No chance you metal b-stard" 'Rimmer directive' always makes me laugh. 😂
Definitely my favourite too!
I love that all Rimmer's endless space corps directive quoting in later series stems back to Kryten's one foolish decision to give him a copy of the manual
Exactly. Kryten has no-one to blame but himself.
That's what happens when you try to educate captain bollocks
It's impressive that space corps directives always 'clearly state'.
I would love: "Space corps directive 31415 ambiguously suggests".
What about SCD 161804?
What's even funnier is, when you realise there was a chain of events that lead to directives like 1742. To be implemented.
What about 34124 or 68250
No officer with false teeth should engage in oral sex in zero gravity.
How many times did this have to be done to update the rulebook. Same with the dislike of ginger toupee's
@@jackhemsworth7515 The question is how many times it was done after they made it as a directive.
best quote "are you sure you want to go to red alert it does mean changing the bulb"
Mine has always been 'SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'
ends an argument real quick.
"34124: No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity" XD
The operative word being "attempt".
I had that T-shirt 😎👍
Can you imagine being asked in a job interview to explain why you had to leave your last job 😅
@@ThailandOutsider aye, and with a dishonourable discharge on your record too!
@@thekitchencounterauthor I pray that that's not a euphemism 😐🤣
*Space Corps Directive 003:* "By joining Star Corps each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty and adequate toilet facilities."
(Presumably the name of the service changed after this directive was established without the directive being updated.)
Edit:
*Space Corps Directive 349:* "Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension rights"
The directives I've quoted above come from the _Red Dwarf Log No. 1996_
5:23 - I like this one best.
Thank you, very much for compiling this.
☮
Me too.
The one after for me 🤣
I want more Rimmer Directives.
Me too. Although “No chance you metal bastard” is surprisingly useful in day to day life
Thanks for this video! It was so hilarious and perhaps we be reminded of space Corp directive 554
Space Corps Directive 554.. ah, yes. Crew members who engage in sumo wrestling should dispose of their jock straps in the nearest black hole
@@spacedoutgame an adequate rule sirs but I don’t see how it can help us in our current predicament
5:30 I swear to God after he says this kryten and rimmer's actors are trying so hard not to laugh
"I have no intention of catching the hologrammatic equivalent of foaming dog fever."
Arnold Rimmer, 1992
Unfortunately, by the time he had said that it was waaaay too late.
Space corp directive 8128: during football season crew members will be placed by what team they support.
Here we are in mortal danger and you want to put Lister somewhere else for supporting Liverpool.
Rimmer: Kryten, you're forgetting about Space Corp Directive 1742.
Kryten: 1742? No member of the Corp should report for duty in a ginger toupee.
Yeah, what the hell prompted that one?
@@TerryTheNewsGirl I think it might be related to clowns.
RIMMER: Kryten what about 7214?
KRYTEN: 7214? 'To preserve morale during long-haul missions, all-male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts.' Is that really necessary? I mean here we are in mortal danger and you want to be a cross-dresser?
I love that running gag. 😂 ❤
I bet Lister has sniffed that bicycle saddle
Ah, but he likely wasn't an _officer_ at the time, just enlisted.
Lister may be cheeky, but he isn’t THAT perverted.
@@travissmith2848 Brilliant
5:28 - The funniest Space Corps directive.
Oneof my favorite dhows. Have all on dvd. Go to red alert. Are you sure it means changing the bulb.
Thanks for this, interesting channel also. Subbed.
Welcome aboard! Plenty to come 😁
Needs the most recent one:
"According to Space Corp Directive (insert number) shut up Kryten..."
I've been a dwarfer since the beginning, episode 1"THE END" I should know these directives off by heart.. But I still love rimmers versions of the red dwarf directives👍😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Welcome to my world old man... I've been there since the very end also.
I wonder how many directives there are? Also, what happened that caused the existence of some of these more specific ones, like the Ginger Toupee
Between that and sniffing the gym saddle seat, almost seems like a personal attack on someone!
I've seen all of these except for the one wth the female hologram telling Rimmer his files will be erased and his hard drive destroyed by nuclear fission. That must be one of the years that hasn't aired in the US yet.
That's from the 2009 special 'Back To Earth'.. to be honest, it's not their best..
S10-12 are genuinely great though!
@@spacedoutgameI kinda liked that one, a little tongue in cheek, but references one of my favourite films
@@spacedoutgameIt's basically a Red Dwarf version of Blade Runner.
I quite liked it.
5:22 The one space corps directive I memorised. 🤣
Smegging awesome...
if at 4:04 kryten doesnt have a lady pleaser, how come in earlier episode he produces for Lister a double polaroid?
I think the “double Polaroid” in question might have originally his groinal attachment (that thing was pretty long).
you forgot kryton shutup! When they're in the critic machine
4.27 , I guess after being stuck in that room for 5 Days those 3 guys forget that the virus that got them sent there in the 1st place was Holo-virus in other word a virus/disease for Holograms ,so how would they have it to start with when those 3 guy are not Holograms?
Saw this show when I was n junior high & it was funny like the movie SPACEBALLS
i wish grant and naylor would team up again rd was so much better when they were both writing
The numbers alone make me laugh. Constant, constant numbers.
196156 is my favourite. 😂
Could somebody call the hall porter? There appears to be a frog in my bidet
Gotta try and understand them all lol
I thought this was ONLY Space Corp Directives...?
Rimmer should know ALL Space Corps Directives as he wants promotion...
The book seems a bit small if the amount of space corp directives are in the 100000s.
It's bigger on the inside
...
😆😆😆I love this show
We get 595, 596, and 597. Totally unrelated.
I'm wondering what directives 0 and 1 are
Lister: Are we forgetting general order 0?
Kryten: I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one sir.
L: Don't be a smeghead.
K: A masterly summation of the entire JMC Space Corp directive manual if I may say so sir. But since it isn't in any of the official documentation, I'm afraid it isn't of any assistance presently.
Was that big suze playing the female hologram
It was! Believe Back To Earth was filmed shortly before she married into the royal family!
Where can I find a copy of that book of Space Corp directives?
Miss the gang
I'm not sure you should count anything to do with Queeg, Given what Queeg actually was (spoilers)
Holly pranking the crew to get them to stop complaining.
Jape of the century
What episode is the scene from, at timestamp 6.24, please
Did they lose the rights to space court directive? Why is it protocol?
No wearing ginger toupees when reporting for duty.
2:25 🤣
What is Space Corp Directive 595?
Which episode is this!? 6:30
That’ll be Back To Earth! So.. I guess technically S9E1?
2:20
The one at 4:00 kind of predicted the future 😅
I know this is comedy, but put that aside for a second. My question is: Why do some of these rules exist in the first place? Sniffing the saddle in the women's gym? The Chinese delegates only allowed one car? WTF? These things are hardly a health and safety hazard are they?
I could just do with a sugar puff sandwich.
Space corp directive 381286. Kryten shut up.
It's Space CORE. Not Corps.
‘Corps’ is pronounced ‘Core’ 🙂 Give it a Google!
@@spacedoutgame Thanks 👍 I learned something today. ☺️
@@bazahaza No worries! Next lesson: The ridiculous way we pronounce “Lieutenant” in British English!
@@spacedoutgame Loo Ten Ant. That's how I pronounce it. Or am I being a Smeg head 🤔🤣
@@bazahaza Leff-ten-ant