HOW THE INFJ ACCEPTS BEING THE VILLAIN IN SOMEONE ELSE’S STORY
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- Опубликовано: 29 июн 2024
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: As an INFJ, accepting the role of villain in someone else's story can be challenging. While it may be difficult, embracing this perception can lead to personal growth. It's okay if others think we're stupid, boring, or weird. However, what truly affects us is being seen as a bad person or treating others unfairly. It's important to acknowledge our imperfections and moments of selfishness, recognizing that they are part of being human.
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I used to struggle with this until my ENFP brother said you can’t be everyone’s hero, even the hero is the villain’s villain. Since then I feel so freed from those sick people and their followers.
@@user-ew6yu5yh6z my brother is ENTP and he giving me the same kind of opinions ! 😁
That's helping me right now. Thank you for sharing.
“The hero, is the Villian’s villain”… I am writing that down on a sticky note. Please tell your brother thank you for me…also that sounds like such a typical ENTP thing to say lol.😂
Great advice 👏 Worth remembering for all types, not just INFJs
That's awesome!
I love the kind and caring person I am. When I discover that I am being treated badly, I focus...
If they deserve a door-slam, I will do it - sometimes silently. I never hurt them - because that goes against my core, empathic self. But leaving that painful relationship behind feels so freeing. There is a grieving that happens, but the lack of stress and worry is a relief!
Amen sista❣️
A villain is better than Swiss cheese, seriously ifnj's see things others don't and it intimidates those who have things to hide 😎
Swiss villain is ok too, hold the cheese
100% cause villains don't cause prostate cancer.
I am ok being the villain as long as my conscience is clear. Being scapegoated in my family and demonized by a narcissist has helped me embrace the villian role more readily.
Is that different from accepting you're a bad guy or a villian in order to clean your conscience.....?
@@trig.destiny2640 yes...in other words, if I am only the 'villian' because others believe lies about me, or are afraid of the truth, then I'm ok being the 'villian.' I am not defined by others' wrong perceptions.
Yup, I had a hard time integrating my shadow and trickster aspects of my persona. These days cunning and manipulative people are freaking everywhere. In that vein, I try to limit time with others, they are just plotting for attention or resources anyway.
I dunno, but I think infj’s are easily scapegoated especially in groups where there is a ringleader who reverts into a bully. We stand up for underdogs to our own detriment. Rather than drive a wedge we tend to understand that underdogs can stand up for themselves, but by then we stepped our savior complex into it. Groups want us to keep the balance, until they don’t….
@@rootsiebee I was briefly part of a narcissistic abuse recovery group...majority were either INFJs or INFPs. Many were also scapegoats in their families (myself included).
Some people will always be threatened by the insight
100%
They can't handle the truth.
I'm a 41 year old INFJ Black Man from Texas and I have just come to accept that the truth can make you a villain so it is what it, even when I got passed "my just tell people who they are phase" and became hella chill, still the villain.
I almost feel that everyone has a different idea about who i am. I play that chameleon role so well sometimes i forget who i am, if i was ever a clear and definite "i am" in the first place.
I accept their opinions on me, as they will accept my opinions on them. I'll be the villain in their story, because they're the demons in mine.
Yes!! I like this, it’s so true! I’m in the scenario right now. I’m fine with them hating me because I DONT support the alphabet community because Jesus said if the world hates me they will hate you too!
Just went through this. LOL. My friend backtabbed me and started talking behind my back with a guy I'd dated shortly. I decided I didn't want this dishonesty anymore so had a talk with her. I apologized for something that I did wrong, and her reaction was sooo intense. And of course, I internalized it. I felt miserable. I could not grasp how someone like me, someone who strives to do good and be kind, could be perceived as such a bad person. After I managed my inner critic and my emotions, I realized, that she was actually projecting. She went behind my back because she thought I could not be trusted. She was looking to find reasons to support her suspicion that I was two-faced (all because of my horoscope LOL). It's so ironic now because she ended up being the two-faced one. Pretending to be my friend while talking behind my back about all of our conversations. Also, we work together and she is being paranoid now and asks my colleagues if I'm talking about her. So my lesson from this is not to take everything so personally. Sometimes people are just immature and cannot deal with their own shit. They can project their negative thoughts, emotions, and insecurities on you as a defense mechanism. The situation is so ridiculous now. And the thing that I apologized for was really nothing but became a huge drama.
"Acting as-if" is a great way to practice (and analyze) a new skill and/or habit you want in yourself. You try the clothes on and see if they might fit.
Each and every one of your video describes me to my core - it's a bit scary
Honestly having a deep spiritual life will help overcome any self worth issues. ❤
Absolutely true 👍🏻
Yet spirituality can be also trap. Remember, even Satan is spiritual and New Age is just "modern" occultism, thus big trap. Only Jesus is the way. Everything else is trap.
It's funny - I (INFJ) remember when my therapist insisted that I do *not* *have* *feelings.* I, in turn, insisted that, not only do I have emotions, I also process emotions all the time (sometimes too much as well). The truth that I told her was that *I* *only* *show* *my* *emotions* *when* *I* *trust* *people.*
A few months later, I fired that councilor - she was definitely not attuned to me.
In my case my family has turned me into their scapegoat; No matter how much I tried to form bridges, they would knock me down. What can you expect from a Narcissistic family. No more. Door slam!
I was giving my everything and keep my mouth shut for one of my friend, and our long term friendship. Somehow in the end my friend decided that I'm a bad person and she ended our friendship. I was in shock because I was trying my best to being good to her.
Thx! I didn't want to be an enemy. I wanted to be their friend here. Their love of money has created the problems between us, I guess.🤔🤷
Yes! My parents are wealthy and my dad was a major employer in my Province. For the first 3rd of my life people who didn't like me (hated me) were nice to me because of my parents affluence. They secretly resented my fortunate but couldn't stand to miss a minute of it.
In hind sight, I was surrounded by sycophants and snakes.
Being kicked out of church by pastor's envy was a good thing- my being the bad guy exposed his true nature as a wolf in sheep's clothing, prompting others to leave the church before being harmed.
You cannot control what others think about you. There is no such thing as being better than other people. As an infj- having a spiritual and scientific grounding in human behavior- and most importantly, grace- forgiving yourself and others and adopting an attitude of forgiveness is key to your liberation from the rat race and manipulation
Today I chose myself without explanation, instead of helping my dad, and it felt great being "the villain" 😅 and yes, I used to have a problem with this. I laughed at your example about feeling ok with people thinking one looks silly, but not feeling ok being a villain - this used to be so true for me.
Knowing that someone I live with under the same roof thinks of me as a villain is so difficult for me. But I have no choice if I want to prioritise my mental peace. I now actively give more attention to other areas of my life so as to not keep thinking about this.
Hey, we all make mistakes... We can't control others... People are not smart...
I just stopped to care how others perceive me...
All we need to be truthful, even if it hurts...
Maybe is just self-discipline...
I believe we learn this as children , my mother stating she noticed it in me as a baby.Judgemental observation as children , read people easily upon meeting the. Within the first few seconds ,see right through them when lying. Read people's intentions easily , other people are not that smart no matter how many years of collage.
@@Yoshino760
Well, my mother has some narcissistic tendencies because of my grandiose narcissist father.
I was introverted for a long time.
now I'm adapting and choosing what to be to adapt to circumstances.
Getting older gave me a wide database to put every new person in a box with already written characteristics.
But I need 15-30 minutes of talking and get them to their boundaries.
When I get their secrets I can play along.
Not afraid of anyone, not complying with kings and princesses.
just don't give a shit who they are.
@@mariojanaf5474 You sound like a friend I once had pity she moved away. Yes boundaries are important , I trust my innate intuition far more than I would something an institution would install or program as a trade off. The cultish manner of which society operates is unfolding now , we can only hope and pray for something better
Definitely struggle with this. In therapy trying to comfortably set and enforce boundaries without all the guilt
Thankful that your epic life includes helping others Wenzes
The Joker is the final evolution of the scapegoat INFJ male
I just took the test a couple of weeks ago, and I got intj this time. I have struggled with this, but I think I'm okay with it now. I can't convey how I became ok with it exactly, but I think it's because it hurt too much to carry that burden for people who didn't want to see me for me, or care about how they made me feel when I knew I cared and considered their feelings, before my own sometimes, probably too much. I decided that I couldn't afford to be bothered by it anymore. Try not to take others' behavior or perception of you personally. I know it's easier said than done, but that's really the switch.
Heres to when I used to care. Knowing the truth is my own little cosmic joke. I examine myself thoroughly and honestly. And after I score a green light I'm off to the land of I don't care what you think
Awesome video! Thank you!! Much needed!!!!
@4:12 I think the secret is that if you're an empath version you'll always care cause that's the nature but if you can switch to sigma or the ability to be both only then you won't care and be free of the judgement
I love this video ❤
It's a truth or dare dynamic with a sprinkle "I'm Thanos Grandfather or Grandmothers if you're a female INFJ"😂... I'm grateful for you Wenzes❤!!!
Always thank you & love your guidance ❤🙏🙏
I know I’m probably the villain in someone’s story by suddenly going cold at times. Tbh it is the most kind thing that I could probably do. It goes against my fibre to be pointing out another person’s issues to them or anyone else, especially when I know that’s unlikely to do much good. I would just remove myself from the situation because I still feel somehow responsible for the feelings of everyone. ElI don’t get ugly and just disassociate and ignore. But if a person keeps pushing with all the negativity, over and over again even when being repeatedly ignored and not letting me mind my own business away from them, then I will hit back which will affect them. This doesn’t involve yelling or those means, I could tell a person off clearly which would affect them, hence I don’t want to be driven to that.
I would say I don’t offer my inputs a lot of times, keeping things to myself because I want to relate on an eye level and not from like a “know it all” perspective or when it will do more harm than good so most people don’t know how much we can see and ignore. But I do offer suggestions to someone if it may help them and is appropriate to offer.
WEIRD !!! Always the weird one.
Being a good person is my is my #1 JOB !!
In my entire life, despite criticism, opinions on me that were taken out of context, and even at times when I was an unhealthy person and falling short. I have never doubted my integrity, goodness, or self-worth. I help everyone as much as I possibly can. Nobody has the ability to make me feel like a bad person, except myself. My personality is unbreakable in this sense.
'Life is but a poor actor who struts and frets upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot. Indicating little more than sound and fury.'
Shakespeare
That is the majority of people to me
Don't worry about 'Them' focus on yourself. The results are amazing
I haven't been good at being the villian... but getting better at detection and choosing to dismiss them, before either of us becomes one. Door slams once occurred without me having articulated or understanding why-- except that something was so wrong, I couldn't handle it anymore. It was never a mistake! I'm getting used to not caring what people who already Misunderstood or undermined me think. Even well-intentioned-- but unaware-- people can Drain me. I'm beginning to enjoy the benefits of saving my energy for better things and people. It smarts cutting people off, but it is Much easier than carrying burdens we don't deserve-- unless we accept them.
So the person that doesn't like me- she won't look me in the eye. This is the single most insanely annoying, frustrating, and rude thing anyone could ever do to me . I cannot stand to be around her and i cannot be my true self when she is in the room.
Well there’s a difference between likable villain and then the one everyone hates.
Fantastically expressed!🔥🔥🔥
U been talking to my therapist? Caused I actually told him, if they wanna make me the villain then Ill play the villain. I often wonder, how do you know?! Then I remember you are a damn expert infj.
"In the world of trying to be special being called "weird" is one of the greatest compliments possible" - MsDislike (circa 2024).
Always grayrock manipulators.
I was once told by a person five years older than me that I scared the younger ones that were in their late 20’s to early 30’s I did have questions as to why they seemed to kind of avoid me. It really stung to hear that I scared them because, I didn’t think they were afraid of me at all, just maybe shy and the idea of scaring people was extremely hurtful. After analyzing the entire and odd situation, I felt they were afraid of being discarded by the very older person who told me that…. Intuitively, I just knew I did not hold any power whatsoever over the younger ones like the older one did. They never offered examples or helpful ways to be more approachable…. 🤓🤔
So, in effect it was a triangular way of ostracizing me. The input I got from people up the chain (not the one who said I scared the younger ones) was that I set a great example and all my efforts were appreciated. I never let on what I was told, and had to play my cards close until I found other employment…. This situation has also come up in family gatherings that are extended over weeks worth of gatherings, that I intimidate the younger ones. Thing is, is I really don’t think I do, I think it is the older ones who want to shun me for my truthfulness? Yes, I shut that door too.
Thank you for creating and sharing.
I don't have this issue because I've always liked the villain. The villain is always who i cheer. So if I'm the villain, I'm a damn good one
What a communicator..
I’ve noticed XSFJs will often see me as a villain. Typically the SFJs who have been hurt or
taken advantage of. No amount of explanation helps. I’ve found at first they think: “She is so selfish and she thinks she’s smart but she’s obviously kind of dumb. And she lies!”
This will all be false. But if I ignore it and keep being kind, but hold boundaries, they will eventually decide, “Huh. She does seem kind sometimes. But she does everything backwards and wrong. It doesn’t even help anyone. But her intentions are good. I don’t know why she is so stubborn and won’t take my advice. If she would just do things exactly like me t would be better. Just pride I guess.”
And if I continue being patient,
“Somehow what she does works. She actually has an insight there. I didn’t see that. She’s still kind of backwards, but I guess it’s can see her point sometimes.”
Yep, don't like to be seen as a bad person no matter what it seems.
When I worked in communications, I had a "wake up" radio program. It was about 2 hours long. I would spin music (in this was in the days of record players) and make comments in between. (A sort of disc jockey thing, and BTW, a super sort of "public" job for an intovert!". 🎹🙂! ) Even if half the city was listening (which may or may have not been true) I literally couldn't see my audience.
But my "villain " thing was often when a person recognized me and thought that, because of my job, I just "had" to be conceited, proud and "thinking I was better than everyone else." It shocked me at first , because rational people in my business know that if they act proud and stuck up they're going to lose listeners! Although I did have some positive feedback, there were actually people who got angry at me!
I realize that that kind of "villain" accusation was something completely out of my control. What I did was to try to treat people with good common sense manners, concentrate on what I was doing, and direct my conversation outwards towards others. That helped a lot. I'm not even sure I know to this day what a lot motivation for anger was, but I found it was good to do my work, treat people well - I and try not to make myself responsible for their thinking of whether or not I am a villain.
@@lindateuling7862 I need to take your advice because sometimes I just say ahh screw it on my RUclips channel and force people to see me as a bad guy and just get it over with even though I don't think I am a bad guy when all said and done.
I'm a bit different. I started to really delve into others opinions of me and look for and absorb those that can transform my service and remain impenetrable to the delibrately hearting ones. It's true that people look for advantages or want to position themselves higher just by throwing demeaning words. In that case I boost my self worth by thinking my values to others.
I love your videos ❤
Cute thumbnail aha
Namaste Priestess. You always know what to say. You're reading me like a Book. Stop that! You're one of the best ones on YT. Gosh, you are so Cute! Hari Om
Being sigma cancels my infj disadvantages
what does being sigma means anyway?
I agreee
I love the fact that evil people think I'm their villain. They are only projecting their own sins on us. Take comfort in that. My guide is the Bible where you will find many stories about scapegoats who were falsely accused and punished for telling the truth. The truth will always come out sooner or later; it is up to each individual whether they wish to recognize the truth, or not. For far too many the truth is too uncomfortable because they live in their delusions in order to make excuses for their sinful lifestyles.
I've worked my majority on their turf. Know your place. Don't explain nor complain. I may see/sense things in people. They think I see everything...but I'm really hit and miss. Besides, I really don't care about these things, have no bad intentions as I'm still goodwill hunting. Safe.
💯
Sure when we finally speak up for ourselves or the benefit of Others then we are the bad guy again.
Hey what i have learned from those labels they try to stick on us continuesly is that at some point it just doesnt matter anymore what anyone says that is disrespectful.
And thank you we have been practicing on detachment due to severe ongoing turmoil and outer judgement based on whatever their mind has labeled the mysterybehsbiour we seem to portray.
I do love the mind and yes it has its valid Use . But the ingrained patterns in labeling everything even when they dont know us that is kind of weird behaviour.
Ah well we all got something to work on or practice and that is ok. We all work at our own speed.
That is ok also but it is known that when you keep disrespecting others at some point the evident will occur. What would they do themselves by ongoing turmoil which are based on antropomorfic brainpatterns. I dont say any criticism is per definition false. But there is a whoooooooole lot they dont understand about us. And no we can not be easily categorised either.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
We seem to unvoluntarly trigger loadssssss of judgement and i say: enough is enough!
May God guide us all on our way and light our way when it seems dark.
🙏
💙
People are idiots.
I would most like to take you for a coffee🙂
I dont even have to view this content...
to say: "No problem."
(Edit: that said - easy acceptance concerning this arrived with 'Maturity' - - - "No problem"
👉🎯
"holding on to who you are is nothing more than pretending" what the hell are you on ?? Wenzes, sometimes I wonder if you're an INTJ
Like Jesus
Since INFJs are 1 percent of the total population of earth 99 percent of the population of earth see us as villains.
Probably not 99%, but there is a significant percentage of people.
😂😂😂
No, I'm.not
And no I don't accept being the bad guy just because everyone else around me are. Speak for yourself.
Encourage or participate in threats, bullying, harassment, rape, intoxications, social isolations, unjust subjugation, theft, cheating, gaslighting, humiliation, or abuse of any kind and you'll have to accept being the villain behind bars, and anyone else you get involved. Even businesses end up having to pay the toll.
7:04 INFJs are too prideful to apologize. And that's a dangerous train of thought. Imagine if it was your own brother going to jail because he was too self absorbed to have common decency. We all live in the same world. And we all have to abide by the same rules of realty.
7:23 You're not good by proving anything to yourself. That's called denial. Your only as good as your willingness to get past your own sense of self for the sake of equality.
8:41 INFJs don't have to be relatable and shouldn't pretend to be. One big problem I notice every one of them has is pretending I'm just like them and then getting upset when I have to remind them what works for them doesn't work for me, just because they know they can't keep playing house with me. Good people don't judge unless you project your insecurities onto everyone else. That's what actually makes everyone else uncomfortable. Because that only says more about your own character, not the person you'd inevitably be warning to stay away.
(PS Don't expect NT or SF types to go along with anything unrealistic on a consistent basis. They'll only do so for everyone else's sake as a short term strategy to get along with people.)
9:30 INFJs can only read ST and NF types, who ironically just so happen to be the most common types. NT and SF types are on a whole other spectrum. And I'd like to share you my notes on why there's such a drastic disconnect. the differences in perception shocked me, almost into a state of panic by how terrible people are at communicating the emotional side of perceptions. You can feel free to do whatever you want with them.
(PS don't ever randomly tell NT or SF types anything around the lines of "I know what your trying to do" unless you plan on actually talking things out. It seems like a bad ST and NF based habit that just confuses NT and SF types and makes them question your intentions.)
I think the Dunning-Kruger effect is something that should also be brought up. Bad people think they're good and good people entertain they're bad [ST/NF example]; dumb people think they're smart and smart people know they're dumb [SF/NT example]; etc... The only way to know for certain is through shadow work, which also requires having to fight one's own understanding of both themselves, people, and the world around them.
I’m quite sorry W but I been watching your videos for a while now.
I’m INFJ but I truly don’t see myself as a unique and special character.
All people have unique qualities and traits. I think that any personality doesn’t like to be villains of anyone stories. You don’t have to be INFJ to not to like it. Sorry W but you are getting lately so self absorbed in your uniqueness. Please get out of your head before you might become completely unpleasant individual, be careful of it!
I am happy to see real (!) INFJs not falling for this "INFJ-SIGMA-EGO-BOOSTING"-marketing BS :) Love you guys - entp
@@Cheeriu hi ENTP! I’m INFJ by 6 different tests, but so what ?. Yes, a lot of things are accurate about thought processes but I truly don’t see myself as so so unique and special. I don’t understand why is so many videos and channels on YT for INFJ’s, while there are apparently the rarest personalities? People here are getting into their head about their uniqueness and in my opinion,are getting unpleasant individuals who are so self absorbed. I don’t mean to be mean but that’s how sounds to me. But sending my 👋 to ENTP from Australia 🇦🇺!
💛