I want you to know something sir: you are seen and heard by me and I don’t even know who this other person is. You speak about experiences in a way that nobody else does as though you have lived my experience and that has made such a huge difference to me to feeling seen and understood and I appreciate you greatly. It sounds like the way that some people are just super ambitious and unethical and steal content or piggyback onto other peoples content just makes it possible for those who are lusting after a large audiences to be able to boost them selves. You do matter. It’s definitely easier to feel like you’ve been overshadowed and forgotten about and I’m sorry. Please know that you have not been and I’m sorry that the Internet is how it is. And business shouldn’t be how business has become
Thank you for the kindness and empathy. I appreciate the comment. Also thank you for letting me know you deeply resonate with the content. Glad it is of benefit for you.
I don’t know why I feel so proud of you but these past 7 videos I’ve watched in this series have showed me how much impact you can have when you are truly vulnerable and true to self. I’ve had the feeling while watching so many of your videos these past weeks that you were in fact talking from a self experienced place while keeping a distance from it. We truly never stop growing and exploring who we are even when it can seem like someone has it all figured out. I think there’s a beauty in that. You can only change what you are truly aware of, I find comfort in that and it helps me accept my mistakes and flaws. You have given me such a great hope that I can one day get to a better place when it comes to my trauma, anxious attachment and codependency by being aware. What you have shared with us, different techniques and being vulnerable about your own journey have made all the difference for me and many others I’m sure. You’re an absolute amazing person and real life angel. Thank you ❤️
I appreciate the kind feedback. I think it's important to keep the conversation going on learning about being true to self. Thank you for seeing value in my work. Glad it is of benefit.
Alan, your work is nuanced and profound. Yours has been a singular voice. You helped transform my life. I still return to your videos from years past for insights and cheerleading. Thank you! 🤗
Aw, Alan.. I’m not typically a hugger but I feel inclined to give you one if I could! At least virtually. You ARE unique and have a very distinct brand. I’m saying that as a listener/watcher/follower for the last two years, and a business person. Anytime you create something successful, others will imitate you because you’ve created a new corner of the market. That’s normal and to be expected. It also help elevate YOU as your market segment will also grow with more awareness and more eyes on YOUR content (which is so obviously higher quality! It takes three minutes max to figure that out). What’s not acceptable is the lady ripping your stuff! Even paraphrasing- NO, not okay. Not okay for other therapists or coaches to join your group to study up on packaging and delivery. You’re absolutely correct to explore setting boundaries around WHO can participate in the group YOU are leading. Those are unfortunate realities of business and yes, I hear you that it’s exhausting because you’re directly positioned to not only make a business decision, but a decision that aligns with your values. And when your own attachment wound is tickled, you’re faced with the challenge of setting boundaries in a space we all wish you didn’t have to because you don’t deserve to be taken advantage of. It’s so uncomfortable, I know! But setting those boundaries requires making *gasp* judgments. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IS APPROPRIATE! You must protect the heart of you and the integrity of your work, which requires being mindful of how you invest your energy. Regulated, targeted energy breeds quality and quality work is what impacts others. If you don’t do that, you choose to dilute it and then it’s tainted for not only you, but for those who truly benefit from your content. I know you already know all of this, but we need to hear it from someone else sometimes to get out of our own heads. It is OKAY to make judgments when you’re deciding the appropriate boundaries for your work. YOU ARE valuable, educated, talented, articulate, hard working, considerate and brave. And yeah, those things make your content superior. YES, you have a higher quality product than other people - the market speaks! You’re killing it! Protect that heart! We’ve got you!
“Emotional connections matter. Curiosity for each other’s inner world heals attachment trauma.” This is a beautiful mission, Alan. Thank you. You are certainly creating this truth in the world.
My companion dog died in September. It was devastating. I wailed and wept for hours. My attachment trauma was activated. I understand and see you, dear one.
Thank you Alan for everything you do. I am healing from my past traumas and I learn so much from you. There is no one here that can help me understand the person that I am now as much as you do. I truly appreciate you!
I appreciate the feedback. Glad to hear my work is helpful. I want to also invite you to join us in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you Alan. I need a one on one grief counseling. I only realized that I have been severely emotionally abused by my parents and I also do not have a relationship with my mom and my siblings (my dad has passed away 4 years ago). I did not have the time to grieve because I did not know all about this until I started watching your videos. Like you, I have accepted the fact that I will never have a relationship with my own family. I have given up trying. My life can turn upside down but will never ask for help nor seek comfort from them. I feel alone but it is what it is. @@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
There are two lines that I remember very distinctly from your early videos. The recurring thought about being "seen, heard, and understood" as a central need for a child, and the one where you described playing Lego on the floor and recalling that nobody would sit and play Lego with you. When my son asks me to participate in play or watch him do something, I do my best to make it happen. I sit and play Lego with him. Thank you for helping me see the deep importance of that presence. That's how you're special.
I appreciate the thoughtful, kind comment. Glad this spoke to you. Thank you for valuing my work. It's so important that we keep this conversation going. Family relationships is a recurring topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. Learn more about the Community: www.alanrobarge.com/community
your project about losing a pet seems so valuable. My cat was my primary attachment figure until 2020 when she died. Maybe that was unhealthy, but I don't care. For those of us with attachment trauma, pets are maybe even more special. I look forward to your insights. :-) I have always been drawn to your videos because you are so authentic. Thank you so much for your work.
Okay. Video over. Touché. In an early video, you said you did not like the idea of a “true self.” I cannot remember your exact explanation, but that really struck me as a wise thought, and has stuck with me. I think you said something like we’re always changing and that’s part of why there’s no “true self.” But what came to mind for me was the idea that there really is no “before” the attachment injury. When I popped out of that womb my mother was, like, six months away from a uterine cancer diagnosis and a hysterectomy, and that was probably one of my earliest experiences of parental abandonment and so-I mean, I just never had a chance. And so I was thinking maybe it’s really more that there’s a healed self, or a healing self, or a healthy self. And that came to mind when you mentioned in this video towards the end you were sort of a bit scornful of the idea of “being completely healed,” and that there’s no completion, there’s no end to the healing process, there’s no point at which you’re done with healing. And I think that’s related to the idea that there’s no such thing as a true self, and I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I just want to express my appreciation and gratitude for every idea that you’ve ever presented in all of these videos. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🌈🦄
You are so damn special I can’t even stand it. I am 58, have always dealt with not being seen or heard by my mother- who is still alive, her rejection is still destructive. Your honesty has made a difference. It makes me feel connected and understand that these wounds are real, lifelong and really suck. I am a kindred spirit and appreciate your vulnerability. You are so important. You have touched my heart in such a special way. Thank you for being so real and sharing this important information. This is from a mom of 6 grown kids. I was able to raise them with the love and empathy I was never afforded. My struggles with attachment continue to be so real and you have lightened my load.
Thanks for the comment. If you appreciate this content then you may also like to take part of our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Your videos on attachment trauma are far and above the BEST I have watched on RUclips. Your honestly about trauma and how perfectly you explain the situations have helped me immensely. I feel less lonely, since I see in you a kindred spirit. Thank you for your openness and honesty and valuable information, you are seen and heard and I appreciate you.
Thank you for the kind words! Glad this content offers benefit for you. Appreciate you valuing my work. And thank you for seeing me. Attachment trauma is hard and can be confusing trying to sort out alone. It's important to keep talking about it and why the Improve Your Relationships Community was created. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan, you have made such a significant impact on my life. You were able to reach me in a way no one else has. I’ve watched your YT videos countless times, especially, in times when I was struggling hard. I felt, seen, heard, and understood even though it was you on the screen. I joined your online community and participate as I have time. You are unique and special. Your content is needed and healing. I am truly grateful for you. You’re the therapist I’ve always wanted and haven’t been able to find. I see so many parallels between you and I. I love your vulnerability. You are an inspiration. ❤️
This is the most raw and vulnerable thing I've ever seen, and it helps me SO much. If YOU are still growing and still sometimes catching yourself projecting the attachment wound, then I can give myself permission to still be growing after thousands of hours of therapy and doing all the f*cking homework assignments, journaling, role plays, active imagination, dream analysis, etc., ad nauseum. Ha! Recently I got one of the biggest shifts toward greater consciousness in years and it was after watching my third video of yours, the one on attachment wound and codependency. I shared it with the two people closest to me who are also on this journey of healing their attachment wounds. Thank you so much. Thank you so, so much.
Thank you for the meaningful comment and thank you for the kind words. Glad the videos are helpful for you. If you like the videos then you may also like taking part in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
What a video, man, what a video... The way you spoke to your inner child finally showed me the truth. I don't even have words to describe this. Finally the right approach, I feel it's what was always needed...
I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts. Glad it delivers benefit. Also this topic comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If this video is helpful then you may also like the Community. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan, YOU MATTER. I was never seen in my family, like you and I walk the journey of attachment trauma with you. Thank you for sharing a bit of your world with me. You are successful. Maybe the words don't come from parents, maybe your popularity is not as great as another, but you have touched me and that matters to me. I am sure there are others. I love the doll story. He matters too. Stay strong and keep the messages coming!
Alan, I am so sorry for why you're so good at this work. You remind me of the wounded healer archetype. Thank you for showing your wound to your audience and I hope you can proceed with your work in a way that doesn't harm you. Attachment trauma is such a bitch isn't it? And for the record, I can't stand mainstream pop-psychology. There's been so many times I'm triggered out of my mind, not knowing what's happening to me, sobbing and hopelessly googling "how to not be codependent" only to be met with generic 10-step listicles. Like geez thanks, I've tried yoga and journaling. Your videos and the non-linear way you put words to a non-linear process has helped me regulate my nervous system SO many times. You are so good at articulating complex emotional concepts and I appreciate how you don't dumb them down. I would love to help you. I'm not formally trained in anything besides nursing, but I'm creative, detail-oriented, and passionate about what you do. Just let me know if you want to talk further to see if we'd be a good match.
You helped me through a terrible time and trigger in life a few years ago, your voice, stories, and elaboration others didn’t offer. You were seen and so appreciated! And then like you, some people need a break once they get past issues, so we don’t live in it all the time. But what you put out there was very impactful and I thank you ♥️
Thanks for the supportive comment and kind words. Also thanks for valuing my work. Trauma reenactment can get threaded into anything. Which is why it comes up in conversations in the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. If you like the videos then you may also like the Community. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma I have a nassists issue in my family and I decided to leave it ve away from them as they create too much drama. I had myself checked out seems I'm ok, but yeah it's very hard when you see other families getting along so well and people like us have to suffer. Anyway yeah I like your manner and like I said I hope you keep the channel going. You deserve a lot more followers
I love your deep, complex responses to trauma related questions, it’s the main reason I listen to you. You acknowledge that so much of looking into the self is layered where a lot of other content is simplified to be more easily digestible, still skimming on the surface, true transformation comes from real digging. I believe you’ve created a message in your videos that acknowledges what it truely means to self enquire. Everyone who watches your channel can see how much time and energy you place into each video and the passion that comes through when you’re retelling your story. You have made me reflect and face parts of myself in a whole new way because you are willing to go to places within yourself and take the message and give it to us. I think you’re a true pioneer, you know your stuff. Thank you for being so vulnerable in these latest videos too, seeing a new side to you that’s clinical as well as being human is very refreshing. You’re amazing and so seen by this community! Sending hugs and appreciating you for all the hard inner work as well as outer work you’re doing. Keep being your authentic as fuck self. 💚
Thank you for seeing me and I appreciate the comment. If you'd like to learn how to support the continuation of this content consider checking out the course or community. To learn more about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships: www.alanrobarge.com/community To learn more about the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses, take the quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Alan, THANK YOU for making this video. I have been watching your videos off and on for months now. Your 170 videos have given me invaluable help and it was perhaps the "impersonal" (talking about with out "talking about") quality of them that allowed me to apply your message to my own unique life circumstances. But this video has given me that personal quality. It feels like I'm relating to a friend. And this friend is opening himself up and being real and vulnerable so that I see it's ok to be real and vulnerable too. I know what you shared is none of my business, but I do appreciate that you showed yourself to me. I SEE YOU. And I thank you for revealing yourself to me. It's hard isn't it? Putting yourself out there to be seen. It's what I have so desired my whole life, and yet what I have worked so hard not to do. I wanted to be seen because I was not seen. Because I was not seen I learned that to hide myself kept me from the pain of not being seen. But hiding myself doesn't keep me from the pain. It's so hard to put myself out there. But I'm trying. Just today I told my husband something. I shared part of myself I would have normally hidden because of my fear it would make him angry and I needed to control his reactions. (and we know where these fears come from) Of course he did not react with anger. There was no reason to. He doesn't feel my shame at having needs and being human. I do that to myself. He's not my father. I don't blame my father for not being there in a way I needed. But I do mourn the lack of relationship we could have had and should have had. I see other daughters and their special relationships with their fathers and I am happy for them, but I don't know what it's like. I have to accept that I never had that. BUT I can have something good. The past won't change, but my present and future can be good. I can only guess at the person you reference who was wildly successful with you content. I will reference someone that it may be without using her name. This person was so popular that she introduced me to the whole concept of shame. I don't know if I would ever have found this path to healing without her. Then I went on to learn about codependency. Then I began the watching the videos of 3 people who were offering videos on this subject. You were one of them. Your videos are the one I can relate to best. Recently I became one of your new members on your website. I find I simply do not have the time to invest in the community. I'm sorry. I know this is a goal for you. To create community. I gladly pay the subscription price however to have the video library and other content at my disposal. I hope knowing this helps you in some way. I wish you the very best in your projects and endeavors. I can only speak for myself, but I do speak so you can hear my voice and I hope it helps you define the path you take. I understand the reason you made the videos. You may not have received what you wanted, but good has come from them. Thank you. They have helped me. They have helped others too. Please keep producing content. If you don't, if you take another path, I respect that. It really sucks that some have stolen your content. I can only hope that others have found healing through that. But your content coming from you, the authentic you, is very very special. Don't doubt this. These other people who are "borrowing" content or copying your path - it's wonderful for them. But they will only be as successful as they can be vulnerable. They aren't you. There's only one Alan Robarge and I thank God for you.
you are special. I found you on RUclips yesterday. I have watched 6 of the 7 videos in this series. I have moved to my computer to view the rest of video 7, and wanted to let you know that you have made a difference in my understanding of some of my mental health issues. I am 69 years old and have been in and out of therapy for over 35 years. Thank you for your work on insidious attachment trauma. I feel that I have come out of a cloudy day and the sun is shining.
Thank you for the kind words and thank you for sharing this series helped bring some sunshine. Glad my work brings benefit. If the videos are helpful then you may also like taking part in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Glad my work brings benefit. Thank you for acknowledging my effort. I appreciate the kind words. If you haven't already heard about it, since you like the videos, you may also like jumping into the conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you for the lovely comment. I appreciate the kind words. This is at the heart of the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We re-member our broken pieces. I welcome you joining us. Learn more about the Community: www.alanrobarge.com/community
This is so authentic and has me thinking about what’s next for me in my healing. I’ve been watching healing videos since my father passed and sometimes I feel the need to turn off the videos. I have resorted to reading books and sharing myself, good or happy days, with safe friends. And you are right about corporate hence I became a full time entrepreneur for the past half a decade and very happy for it and have also made 6-fig in the 2nd fiscal year, a team of people, and it is just the beginning. Side note: upon sharing the good news about my entrepreneurship journey with my family, they opted to help, and when I allowed them to do so, they called it a hobby.
this is such a mature and important video for us addicted to videos with attachment trauma. information is for the brain, positive experience in relationship is healing the heart, the seat of experience. new experience is meaning transformation. i am loved, accepted, useful, fun, needed, talented and value and need others. these are where the rubber meets the road. head learning is limited. we must push into new healthy relating and facing our fears and looking for joy in community.
I just found you as an offering from RUclips yesterday and listened to five of your earlier videos, and today listened through these most recent seven. Your words are life to my soul and I am grateful you have put your voice out to be found. Thank you for your hours of study, effort, and commitment to healing and helping others heal. You are eloquent, thoughtful and intelligent in your communication. Thank you for sharing all that you have. I will share your videos with my friends, and will check out your community and plan to listen my way through all of your content. You are one of the most special people I have ever beheld. Thank you for helping me understand myself. I wish you peace, love, and that sacred sadness that burns and drives us deeper still. From a mama who see you, you are valued and loved. Heather
I really appreciate you connecting with the content and for the kind, supportive words. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts. Glad it is of benefit. It would be great to have you in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. Also thank you for helping me spread the word. Here's the link to the Community: www.alanrobarge.com/community
42:11 This smells like *plagiarism!!* British Poet William Blake lived 300 years ago... "He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy He who kisses the joy as it flies Lives in eternity's sunrise" ....How fitting for a video on plagiarism. Love your content Alan
You’ve made me rethink people having a pet as their primary attachment figure. Human connections take a lot of energy. With a pet there’s no compromise, because the pet has no ego to protect, they’re not mental but more instinctual. This dear pet has left you free to focus on healing yourself, and to help so many others. I don’t believe she or he will ever leave you. I believe that her spirit will still watch over you and perhaps even help you find another beautiful pet. 💖🐶 I send you hope that you will find all the help you need for your mission. 🌸You have touched my heart.
"Unique, voice among the many, in this choir" -Lyrics from "Disillusionment", a song by the band "A Perfect Circle" This resonates, Alan Roberge. I have been with you for a long while, and your absence was conspicuous to me. You're clearly further down this "healing path" than I, and these videos have clearly illustrated that. I always resonated with your videos, and in a female dominated market ( both content provider and audience) it was/is good to have a man, as a man, guiding me to places I fear(ed), and most men aren't "needing" to go; into the pain. Every voice is necessary, "unique voice.." This is not brand new, but as this came up again, my thoughts/feelings are in the present, so I very much respect that this message, regarding "your girl", and her and your respective states may not match, but please know I feel you. My girl passed at 10+, and I remember, crying and angry as i write this in 2022, burying her on a friend's small farm, where we went and I threw a ball (really anything) everyday (she was a Lab) at 3:30'ish during a thunderstorm, exhausted from wheelbarrowing. Man, I was crying and cussing (did suppress some screams for sure..too bad) the whole time. RIPlay. I knew, intellectually, that this had to do with my projection(s) on her, later to understand that this was called connection. Holy shit. Master's Degree, my own therapy, mindfulness, and Buddhist teaching on impermanence allowed, as you said, a lot of intellectual distraction, spiritual bypassing. But still I grieve. This is the first time that I've been without a dog. It's been hard. I've learned how to better "see" the dog that I'm blessed to care for. I keep a leash in the car for the one who chooses me. I miss the connection, and I "loved" her (tricky word), and cry remembering some amazing antics- good times rememered but it's not crushing anymore, just grief. I cannot, at this point discern with real confidence the reasons for my feelings; is it the untended infant? The 2-year old me, this 50 year-old man, or my mother's/father's inherited trauma who feels this grief? but I know to allow it (but, of course consciously and unconsciously interfere, somatically and cognitively) to the best of my ability at present., to let We are a grief-deprived culture, but it is so. I resp I respect your honesty and choices (HO!), and wish you and she that which you need for comfort. Peace.
You are so special and unique!! I don't think you can see yourself that way we do.... you're golden to me because no one hits it head on the way you do. 🎯
Thank you for this very long (but not too long) video, Alan. Personally, I was feeling discouraged & sad today: *This again? When will I be done with the pain, or at least learn to live with it comfortably?* I came to your page, as I’ve decided to rewatch/relisten to all your videos, starting at the beginning. Have already relistened to the one on *happiness*. Holy smokes, I got so much that I needed from listening to you today. I needed this. Thank you for your bravery & vulnerability. The real kind & not the performative transparency we’re used to seeing on social media: The humble brags & the things fully healed & how they fully did it. I was looking for some instant relief earlier & looked up the Beatitudes, thinking *Is this pain what that’s all about?*. You reminded me of the Beatitudes with what you said about carrying sadness. I think it’s the wound itself that makes us feel that who & how we are is a way station on the way to Fabulous Ville. Our lives aren’t real if they’re not Insta aspirational. However, honestly facing our sadness is real, as you said. And beautiful. (not to put too positive a spin on sadness, but the deepest beauty & joy are there, that’s life!) This is radical stuff & it all feels true & I’ll take my time absorbing. Empathy to you on your pre-grief process with your beloved furry friend. My cat is my #1 too. Someone said to me the other day: *Some people think animals are inferior to humans. But animals can enter & fit into our emotional worlds, and humans can’t do that.* I could not get near the topic of trauma until I heard your voice: the warmth, intelligence, lightheartedness. I felt like it was finally safe to explore. Thank you for all you are & offer, Alan. I heard Thich Nhat Hanh say, in a talk, that when he wrote, he wrote with his whole life. You clearly do your work with your whole life. For anyone reading this note: I highly recommend joining the IYR community, if you haven’t already. I joined a year & a half ago. I’m not fully healed yet 😸I’m healing. I think of IYR as healing headquarters. Huge KUDOS & 👏👏👏, Alan 👀🦄🥳💗💌
Thank you for this lovely comment. I appreciate the kind words. I think about how there's probably nothing more honest than sadness. And of course with good boundaries. Glad this video was helpful.
Dude your stuff is powerful and has influenced me in a deep and meaningful way!! Keep being you and sharing your truth. I think you are a totally authentic person that has so much give and I relate to you in such a deep way that has shown me who I can be more me!!
I appreciate the kind feedback, thank you. Glad this content is helpful and inspiring. If you like this content then you may also be interested being part of the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more by taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
The last few moments of your video brought tears to my eyes Alan. I am a huge fan of your work and have been a member of your wonderful community which I would recommend to anyone seriously looking at healing their unintegrated attachment trauma in a way that I don't think any other online therapists even get close to.
Thank you for the kind words and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad you are part of the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. To learn more about the Community, click the following link: www.alanrobarge.com/community
To me you are a special content creator. I have always appreciated your authenticity and honesty and obvious work you put into your videos. And your generosity to put out like that. You have helped at least me and i always am so happy when you upload because your content is different and i thank you for every single video.
Alan, I can't thank you enough for some very important insight you have given me through your videos. Your authenticity is a breath of fresh of air...no one has arrived! Life is a teacher until the day we die, and those who stop growing (and self-reflecting) will wind up living in a fish bowl. My freedom from past pain was realized when I considered what it was that I needed from certain individuals and why them (validation, approval, etc.). Once I realized that I no longer "needed" them, they no longer had power over me (my emotions/self-worth) and I was released. The truth will always set you free, sadly for many, the lie is more beautiful than the truth. No one will ever determine my value and my worth...it is God given!!!!!!!!! I can't remember who I heard this from (it could have been you, Alan), "When you intricately understand how antagonistic your parents were to your healthy sense of self, you become more motivated to engage in the self-help process of RECTIFYING THEIR DAMAGE. The more you identify THEIR DAMAGE, the more you know what to fix."
You are unique; you helped me this January grieve my last relationship: your words made me strong; I saw you and I repeated watching your videos when I need moments to be understood. Thank you, Alan.
I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for the feedback that this content is helpful for you. Thanks for valuing my efforts. I'm reminded of how many of us go through challenging times when relationships end. It can be helpful learning about grieving with others. I'm wondering if you heard about the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. Grieving our losses is a recurring topic in our conversations. I invite you to join us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan, your videos and content have been nourishment for my soul today. I laughed and cried with you, and I hungrily consumed all 7 videos of this series in one sitting. I see you and hear you. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Thank you for showing up and not showing up and showing up exactly the way you do. Your perspective helped me piece together the struggles I have had with relationships, my family, and social media. It also helped me process my frustration and grief with trying to create (and being unsuccessful with) my own business and brand and online platform so far. I also lost my dog, she passed away in Dec 2019, and I am still grieving her. She was my muse and my healing catalyst. And as I listen to your experience, I wonder if she was also my primary attachment 💔 My heart aches, and also feels full. Hugs to you 💖
Wow! I appreciate your self reflection, honesty, and self awareness above all else. How long this stuff takes or how many times, I have no idea. Personally, the inner child dialogue hasn't really worked for me.. but silently sitting with my painful raw emotions has helped. As far as I have seen in this world, no healer is "healed"... all are a work in progress. I have come across the unhealed healer in ACIM. The healer who thinks they can do it all on their own is taking on too much personal burden .. the real healer is the higher power. I have to call on that one within me..
Hello Alan, I just descovered you videos. I’ve learned so much from you and I feel you. I paused the video at 26:23 to tell you: You are special. Some people just don’t have the eyes (the ability) to see that. I say this to you and to me at the same time. I stopped to take for granted my qualities and abilities and to appreciate myself for what I bring to the table in a relationship. Now, I am practicing letting go people that are not good for me and that don’t invest in me.
I was listening to you while preparing food. I had tears in my eyes few times: I think it was 50/50 split between cutting onions and feelings woken up by your openness and this radical care about yourself. I will remember this image of holding a doll (it would be bear in my case) and saying "we are not special but we will go through this together". Heart braking and warming at the same time!... Thank you and I'm looking forward to learn more from your videos (I discovered your channel just recently - lot of interesting things to watch!)
I'm so sorry this happened to you. This must've been enormously triggering. It's amazing that you can be this vulnerable to help so many people. I am a counselor in family constellation systems, and I'm constantly doing my own work. I have learned and benefitted so much from your videos which helps to inform my own healing process and also informs the work I do with my clients. I have referred them directly to your videos if they are applicable to their journey so I want you to know that. I've also discussed your work and referred your work to other therapists who've found it helpful in their work. I value your work so much. Thank you for what you're doing in the world and who you are. We'd be happy to see you if you ever wanted to visit our part of the world!
Oh man, you’re such a beautiful person! I’ve been binging on your videos for a couple of weeks now. I know these comments can not make up for the abandonment and disappointment you’ve experienced but what a gift you’ve given to all of us sharing your journey and being so honest, giving us language to our traumas and the whys etc. You’ve been a very generous wounded healer ❤️ I pray God continues to bring healing your way and prospers your business with the right people and investments your way!
I have/had attachment trauma to my mother too. I'm in my mid-sixties now. Her personality is such that she is not able to, or was ever able to, give me emotional support as she never had that in her childhood. It has caused me tremendous grief and your videos have very much helped me with this. Thank you for your honesty, I really appreciate it. I'm so glad you have your beautiful dog. I don't think it is possible to reduce the grief you'll feel when she dies. It's the price of huge love for her. You are very much valued by so many of us who are comforted and helped by your videos ... it enables us to have hope and move forward.
Wow. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable in your delivery. Getting ripped off is a real kick in the teeth! Grrrrrr. I'm so sorry to hear about your doggo companion nearing the end of life. That is sad. I hasn't really considered that we need a person of attachment, or creature, and it has given me food for thought. I have a lovely cat who chose us a year or so ago , and who brings much softness and joy to our home. He is a healing presence. I think he is who I am attached to! Thank you, and much love. I'd like to see someone try and rip- off this video!! Ha! Best wishes from Britain xx
Love you, Alan! You helped me so much in a time in my life when I was trying to work through feelings of betrayal and the reality of creating a new life. I appreciate you always! Cynthia
Hi Alan. Wow, the amount of courage it took for you to dig so deep into yourself, to face what has been brought into your conscious world and to be so frank to us seemingly anonymous and faceless audience is phenomenal. Coming up against data-mining must be extremely frustrating and a hard reality to accept but please know the genuine content that you have created because of your unique personal experience and understanding has been of incredible significance to me, and that’s irreplaceable.
Ohhh, first of all, thank you so much, again, for sharing this with us, Alan. I was listening every part of this video with so much attention. And I'm so, SO glad that I found your channel, but, I've said this before, and I'm gonna say it again, I really, really, really feel what you are saying... I really do... Every single word. Your way of feeling and thinking resonates with me deeply! It's so liberating! In 2020 I learned and became aware that is completely fine to be sad, thanks to you... for the first time I was telling myself "But, Ilina, it's completely fine for you to be sad. Be sad, without resistance. Dive into your sadness and stay there...till you have some new feeling... than *feel* that feeling too. Be with it." I have had experience with a therapists, and they helped me, when I was younger, somehow in someway...but... In general I'm (was) always very disappointed. I don't know what's going on with this *new (c)age* positivity! It's so toxic and it's spreading all over the world, even among psychologist and psychiatrist! Today I started to talk with a therapist (psychologist) for the first time after a long pause, and when I opened about my sadness, he was acting very sceptical and strange, and cut down the conversation with the new age ambitious *bullshit* talk. I felt so alone. Again, the same. Over and over again. And at the end of the day, I'm going back to your videos and I feel seen. I do believe that sharing and talking is the cure. Facing the pain and sharing with the people who can really feel you is wonderful and healing... And yes... Now I know that sadness is a part of my honesty and rawness, and it's so precious to be vulnerable... Vulnerable and stable at the same time :) 🙏 The ending of this video is beyond beautiful... I will listen this many times. P.s. Excuses for my grammar mistakes. Not my native language, but you gonna understand me, I know. Ти благодарам неизмерно, Алан. 🙏 Thank you endlessly, Alan. 🙏
you are so special. you are so comforting when I was deep in pain recently and none of the other you tube channels that I listen to, too, hit the nail on the head like you do Alan! you were the most comforting and I was able to fall asleep that night.
Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate the comment. Thank you for valuing my effort to create this content. Glad it brings you benefit. Also if you haven't already heard about it, since the videos are helpful, you may also like getting in on the conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Like so many of us, we are meant to finally let go of the feelings and beliefs of our family of origin. We have our OWN wisdom, gifts and message that we have to bring out. Sending you and your dog love. I have been preparing too for several years with my girl. I know it will be hard and it is just that.
Thank you so much for your raw honesty and expressing things as they are without shame. This is a huge service to me and to so many of us struggling with this hidden issue - an attachment wound, feeling lost, unseen, unrecognised. Your dog a primary attachment. My horse was mine, and now gone. I am adjusting, finding new people, learning to love abd accept others however they appear, a stronger spiritual attachment, learning to parent myself better. There is so much help available if I stay open and accepting of myself. It is so interesting this "symptom" of doing things alone. I would love to help. Maybe even just by sending this message of support.
I just came to know your content for about a year now, which is not very long. I relate to almost all the feelings and emotions you talk about here. Even though it might sound dramatic, I have to tell you that coming across your channel saved my life. I was in a bottomless black hole with no hope or purpose, and your honesty and way of explaining feelings in a raw way was what got me out. I looked for everything and anything online, videos, blogs, podcasts, something that could help and even those "more successful" people didn't help me at all. Your voice, unique way of knowing things and honesty is what makes you so special. And the fact that, like you said, you don't sugar coat things actually is healing. I am glad you want to keep on making content because it is a gift you just can't keep to yourself :) I am not a business person either, but will definitely look for ways to help you keep this light on. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
I appreciate the kind feedback and encouragement. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts. Glad it offers benefit for you. The content on this channel evolves out of the conversations we have in the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I truly enjoy listening to your voice Alan. Everything you say resonates with me. I haven't felt this kind of jealousy also. I think now we are realising our own mortality, we feel like we need to quickly show the world all of the beauty within. Jealousy floors me me. I almost feel like I'm about to pass out. I've behaved in ways socially, I would never have behaved before. I go blind. The jealousy for me, always comes down to wanting to be seen and held up higher than the rest. Ego maybe. I believe we are born with the natural need to stand out from the rest, but we have to remember, there is a place for everyone. Your voice resonates with me.. YOU are my people.. Some people are addicted to bright and shiny, I am addicted to authenticity. You are authentic xx
Thank you for the kind words. And thank you for valuing my effort. I hear you, it can be a challenging emotion. Many of us can relate. Glad the videos speak to you. Since you like the videos, you may also want to get in on the conversations on this topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us: www.alanrobarge.om/community
I’ve listened again and all your contributions are simply the best by far - as a retired academic I do have some experience in assessing communication skills and your insights and fluency are more than outstanding. Please continue to help us caught in the same grieving by letting us know of any research or inspirations you come across in future. I realise you couldn’t go on producing yr wonderful videos forever but you might do one or two if you feel moved . I hope you find the practical help you ask for but I’m sure that yr skill in therapy will provide you with a good livelihood. I would like to think that you will find Mr Right but I fear that the trauma wounds and fears run too deep for people like us, so we must accept that we are destined to loneliness. And appreciate its small benefits …
Thank you so much for sharing! I watched them all!! Yes, having a sincere relationship with my parents is pretty hard. I think they do the best they can, and I have learned the hard way to accept that. Also, now that I am an adult, I am my mother and father, my nurturer and my advisor, my encourager and my teacher. I appreciate what they were able to do well, and understand what they were not willing to do that I wanted. I made man mistakes as well as a parent and I have attempted to learn to accept that I am not perfect. I like the term perfectly imperfect, twisting the want with the unwanted, helping me to accept what I have lost and gained. Your videos have helped me so much, as well as other therapists on RUclips teaching about trauma healing. We need to continue the work of healing every day for the rest of our lives. It is not over at epiphany.
Thank you for the connection , love and wisdom you have given us over the years Allan. I hope that some day your mother is open to understanding you and seeing you for who you are allowing you to heal. Sending hugs and much love ❤❤
Alan, Thank you so much for your vulnerability, compassion, insight and kindness. I have been looking into attachment theory for the past 2 years to try and better understand myself and others. I just recently stumbled onto your channel and have been entranced. I have been struggling for the past 11 months quite significantly, going through a dark night of the soul, if you will. I was able to feel seen by your content in a way I don't think I have ever been seen by anyone and we don't even know each other lol. I feel like I've had major break throughs in a matter of days watching your videos, as opposed to the accumulation of content I've consumed over the past 2 years. Just wanted to thank you for helping me feel human in this world by finally feeling connected. I see you.💗
I really appreciate the comment. Thank you for the kind words and thank you for the reflections. Glad to hear this content is beneficial for you. We can never talk enough about relationships. If you aren't already aware, I want to share about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If this content is helpful then you may also want to get in on the conversations in the Community. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan I’m a hugger and I’m sending you a virtual hug. You are the best teacher I known.Such a big heart and so open to being vulnerable .So happy that I’m part of your community IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Best investment ever for my self healing . May you find the healing you seek, may you find guidance for the next level . May you write the next chapter of your book. This felt to me as the introduction for a great book worthy of being read by the world.Will hold space for your grieving .
I just think you are so incredibly special Alan. I love what Susan Cook Greuter proposed in her ego development theory..."A characteristic of maturity is discovering that not knowing is the highest form of knowing. Embracing of the fundamental uncertainty about knowing shows a greater and greater capacity to see through our human yearning for meaning and wholeness...can often experience great existential tension as there is now really no ground to stand on, no single reality to observe from multiple perspectives. Instead, there are multiple realities created by humans in different cultures and languages. All theories are seen for what they are: ego’s attempts to create order, certainty, and predictability. While there can be tremendous suffering associated with seeing through the games our minds play, the pain can be appreciated and indeed embraced as a portal to deeper connection and fuller being.
Continued blessings to you Alan 🙏🏾🌺 You helped me understand attachment trauma 5 years ago and I’d have not even known about it. So, thank you so much for all your deep inner work. It’s so valuable as are you dear one 🙏🏾🌺
Thank you for the kindness and thanks for valuing my work. Glad to hear this content has been helpful for you. So important to keep talking about attachment trauma. Help me spread the word.
Thank for this honesty. I’m GLAD you have a doll. To add to my former comment, I feel your feelings and I can only imagine you feeling grief and anger over this. Your unique voice is still unique! I can see how this would be so triggering. Being complicated is good because this process IS COMPLEX AND LAYERED. I can understand what happened causing jealousy. I can understand your child 👦 feeling a deeper level of I don’t matter. This might be a ridiculous question, but I wondered if you often cry from the place of the child and cry his devastated tears over and over ? To me, true catharsis by which I mean something very specific, is the most healing thing, and done precisely often THE ONLY THING that causes that frozen energy to melt and go into the flow state. In that state I Believe the energy which could not be felt by the child is being felt now, and in that packet of energy, as it unfreezes and moves and flows is the knowing, the information, the insight, and the self, returning to you, that couldn’t happen then. And for me, nothing is more profound and healing. It is like the whole landscape lights up and you feel WHY things happened this way. And the validation of that child’s profound grief, or grief mixed with intense rage. Either way the feelings hold the key. The description of what a Primal is by Arthur Janov, ( and I certainly don’t relate to that as a therapy by itself !) is very accurate, and for me very helpful. I found it 30 years ago and Is I gave me great insight into the difference between feeling that causes temporary relief versus feeling that causes profound and permanent resolution of that particular piece. Thanks again for your incredible honesty.
I just came across your channel because I was looking for answers to my trauma. You make so much sense to me and I appreciate your honesty and courage. I made up my mind and will seek help too! Great work Alan
Alan, you are a beautiful human being. Your light shines so brightly. I have already introduced other people to your channel, and they benefited from it as well. I know it’s not easy to be as open as you have. What you said is so relatable. I hope it will yield positive results for you. All you can do is put out the signal and hope the right people respond. That in itself seems healing regardless of the outcome. Thank you. So much love for you.
This is very deep work. It doesn't sound weird. Attachment trauma is certainly the gift that keeps on giving. This format is helpful because it's so real. You make us feel seen with our similar struggles. I agree with you about social media. I think I know who you're talking about. It's all about her marketing team. I always go back to your videos because they're so informative. You are seen and heard. Thank you for being so vulnerable. I think you're special. I know you'll find that team to take your work and get it "seen".
Thank you. Glad this content speaks to you. I know we also mentioned this in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more about the Community: www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thank you Alan. This has been a tremendously helpful series of talks for me. It is good to know that I am not the only gay man out there who has tried and tried to establish a relationship with his mother; that the trauma in the family is too much to allow that to happen; and that I am now able to let that go, and to let her go too, as she approaches the last part of her life, with a love and understanding that isn't dependent on me getting my unmet needs fulfilled.
I'm so glad i found this series of videos. In addition to my own work, it gave me a lot of clarity about how to help my girlfriend when her elderly dog goes. Thank you.
I think that you are part of the collective pattern of zeitgeist that is "ahead of the curve." Thanks for your honesty and thoughtful content. I speak as a mental health professional and a performance artist with an ambivalent attitude toward RUclips...and also as a person with attachment wounds. I think you rock. I'd love to have an actual conversation with you.
...also, the best friend I ever had was a pit bull named Banjo. She held me up for 14 years. The grief around losing her helped me grow tremendously. Love to you and yours.
Alan Robarge you are such an incredible human being! Your videos are the most vulnerable and beautiful I have ever seen. You are so sweet, funny, honest, sincere, vulnerable, and I love your personality. Your videos are my favorite videos of any videos I have ever seen on social media. Please don’t stop sharing your amazing gift of empathy, compassion and vulnerability. You exude, love and care, understanding and sincerity. Thank you so much for sharing these gifts with me and helping me learn how to even start healing the attachment trauma. I appreciate you so much and I am so grateful for you!!!
I really appreciate the kind and supportive words. Thank you for valuing my work. Glad to hear it offers you benefit. Since you like the videos, I want to share about, and you may have already heard about it... you may also be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Many of the topics come up in Community conversations. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/commmunity
No matter what anyone does, you're honestly just the best. You changed my life. You're so special and gifted and whenever there's an opportunity to help you achieve your destiny, I will be there.
I appreciate the kind and encouraging words. Thank you for valuing my work. Glad it is helpful for you. If you like the videos and you would like to become a sustaining supporter then you may be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. The conversations are deep, rich and insightful. You may like chiming in. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
you were the only person i watched who talked about attachment wounds. i told my therapist about you. i hope that you find more ways to share. i'm glad that you are taking care of yourself.
Wow Alan in the last 4 years of my life I have listened too 2 people who have literally saved me and my sanity. You and Doctor Ramani she is my other Angel . She like you has lived it, It’s the gift of giving You will receive in other ways with out expecting. As Tara brach would say you have to learn to let go. Peace and love my brother ❤ Keep giving you are saving so many people
Finally got a chance to listen to this latest series in entirety today. I believe I resonate so much with your videos and approach more than others creating similar content BECAUSE you are more layered and complex, even if there is value in being simple and linear. That quality is precisely what distinguishes you from others from my perspective. The nuance of your descriptions and analogies, the infinite depth and complexity of the feelings involved, it makes sense that it be mirrored with equal analysis. You navigate this jungle very consciously, sensitively, and with an air of humility and humour which is something YOU bring to it with exactly who you are. People who haven't been able to articulate exactly what these experiences are, can do so with more clarity because of your ability to see, reveal, and communicate. You say you're getting back into poetry, but I would argue that your work always has been. Every video you've made. I can't express how life altering your content has been for me personally and those around me as I share your videos directly with others, or indirectly as I apply myself more consciously (or choose to not apply myself!) in my own relationships. You sharing your struggles with your work and having that come full circle with attachment wounds is incredible and something I would love to hear more about as you explore more. How attachment trauma both fuels and zaps ambition, and the interaction of attachment trauma and work in general. Even a 2 minute tangent you went on about the workplace dynamic being a setting that lends itself to trauma activation felt like a profound concept to me. I'm looking forward to your grief documentation process ... which feels like a grim and inappropriate thing to say that I'm looking forward to, but I hope you know what I mean.
Ah alan - every single word. What an undeniable blessing you are in an existence of endless self denial (in its various forms) Your wisdom and truth speak to a much higher place and that unwavering element could never be plagiarised. Thankyou for knowing.
I really appreciate what you do Alan and and I wanna thank you for all the wisdom and knowledge you've shared. I also wanna mention how insightful and inspiring you are and using personal examples in your videos has really helped me, thanks so much and take care ❤️.
I appreciate the kindness. Glad to hear my work brings you benefit. Thank you for seeing my effort. It has taken me years of study and healing process. Also, if you haven't already heard about it, you may like taking part in the deep and insightful conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Oh wow Alan! I have finally got round to listening to your latest series. As a long-term member of the Improve Your Relationship community, your work has been imperative to my healing. I would not be where I am without you. Your work is extremely important, the way you have set everything up, your worksheets, videos, community, the way you make it so accessible to people. You have a truly unique and generous soul and I will forever be grateful to you for that. You are seen and heard by your tribe! It sucks that someone is coming in and pilfering your work and passing it off as their own. I think unfortunately, there are those who are really good at business, but not necessarily at the content, the authenticity. We can see your authenticity and that means a lot. Also unfortunately I think there are a lot of sharks out there who will take advantage. On a practical note, I was wondering about Lee Harris as someone who might be able to offer some guidance for your platform. He doesn't work with attachment wounds, but is a healer. He lives in the US, but is from the UK. Check him out and see what you think. He might be someone you could connect with, not as a partner in business but for insights?. I really hope you find someone to align with for your work. I totally get why it would be good to be working with someone. Your pet work also sounds very needed too. Much love and a big hug to you. (Clare U) x
Alan you are genuinely generous in giving sound advice. I feel and see your message. Thank you. I am sorry to hear about your best friend and anticipation of loss. You have valuable videos at the end of each video ask you viewers to pay what they want or according to the value they received. Tell your audience the truth that this video is not free to please pay what ever you think is fair. (Give payment address) Some will pay less and some much more. See if that can help. Consider the culture and values of our civilization. The culture is narcissistic even in families. Intimate relationships are almost impossible because of financial insecurity. It’s complicated and most people are in the same boat. It’s not easy to be human with emotions. You have valuable knowledge.
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I want you to know something sir: you are seen and heard by me and I don’t even know who this other person is. You speak about experiences in a way that nobody else does as though you have lived my experience and that has made such a huge difference to me to feeling seen and understood and I appreciate you greatly. It sounds like the way that some people are just super ambitious and unethical and steal content or piggyback onto other peoples content just makes it possible for those who are lusting after a large audiences to be able to boost them selves. You do matter. It’s definitely easier to feel like you’ve been overshadowed and forgotten about and I’m sorry. Please know that you have not been and I’m sorry that the Internet is how it is. And business shouldn’t be how business has become
Exactly how I feel!! 💯💯
Thank you for the kindness and empathy. I appreciate the comment. Also thank you for letting me know you deeply resonate with the content. Glad it is of benefit for you.
Love this post .
I don’t know why I feel so proud of you but these past 7 videos I’ve watched in this series have showed me how much impact you can have when you are truly vulnerable and true to self. I’ve had the feeling while watching so many of your videos these past weeks that you were in fact talking from a self experienced place while keeping a distance from it. We truly never stop growing and exploring who we are even when it can seem like someone has it all figured out. I think there’s a beauty in that. You can only change what you are truly aware of, I find comfort in that and it helps me accept my mistakes and flaws. You have given me such a great hope that I can one day get to a better place when it comes to my trauma, anxious attachment and codependency by being aware. What you have shared with us, different techniques and being vulnerable about your own journey have made all the difference for me and many others I’m sure. You’re an absolute amazing person and real life angel. Thank you ❤️
I appreciate the kind feedback. I think it's important to keep the conversation going on learning about being true to self. Thank you for seeing value in my work. Glad it is of benefit.
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma yes I agree 100%. I’m going to join your program soon. I want to support you in every way I can :)
A few years ago, your videos helped me through the darkest time of my life. I was drowning and you saved me. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing the videos were helpful for you. That sounds like a painful time. Empathy to you.
Thank you for your vulnerability. God bless you. It's a life time process. Thank you for all you do.
Alan, your work is nuanced and profound. Yours has been a singular voice. You helped transform my life. I still return to your videos from years past for insights and cheerleading.
Thank you! 🤗
Alan, I still cry for my dog who died in 2008. There is no shame. She loved me sooo much in exact ways I needed to be loved.
Aw, Alan.. I’m not typically a hugger but I feel inclined to give you one if I could! At least virtually.
You ARE unique and have a very distinct brand. I’m saying that as a listener/watcher/follower for the last two years, and a business person.
Anytime you create something successful, others will imitate you because you’ve created a new corner of the market. That’s normal and to be expected. It also help elevate YOU as your market segment will also grow with more awareness and more eyes on YOUR content (which is so obviously higher quality! It takes three minutes max to figure that out).
What’s not acceptable is the lady ripping your stuff! Even paraphrasing- NO, not okay. Not okay for other therapists or coaches to join your group to study up on packaging and delivery. You’re absolutely correct to explore setting boundaries around WHO can participate in the group YOU are leading.
Those are unfortunate realities of business and yes, I hear you that it’s exhausting because you’re directly positioned to not only make a business decision, but a decision that aligns with your values.
And when your own attachment wound is tickled, you’re faced with the challenge of setting boundaries in a space we all wish you didn’t have to because you don’t deserve to be taken advantage of.
It’s so uncomfortable, I know! But setting those boundaries requires making *gasp* judgments. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IS APPROPRIATE!
You must protect the heart of you and the integrity of your work, which requires being mindful of how you invest your energy. Regulated, targeted energy breeds quality and quality work is what impacts others. If you don’t do that, you choose to dilute it and then it’s tainted for not only you, but for those who truly benefit from your content.
I know you already know all of this, but we need to hear it from someone else sometimes to get out of our own heads.
It is OKAY to make judgments when you’re deciding the appropriate boundaries for your work. YOU ARE valuable, educated, talented, articulate, hard working, considerate and brave. And yeah, those things make your content superior. YES, you have a higher quality product than other people - the market speaks! You’re killing it!
Protect that heart! We’ve got you!
I appreciate this supportive and encouraging comment. Thank you for all the positivity and for valuing my work.
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma ☺️☺️☺️
“Emotional connections matter. Curiosity for each other’s inner world heals attachment trauma.” This is a beautiful mission, Alan. Thank you. You are certainly creating this truth in the world.
My companion dog died in September. It was devastating. I wailed and wept for hours. My attachment trauma was activated. I understand and see you, dear one.
I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks for the empathy and understanding. I think it's so important to learn how to work through this together.
Thank you Alan for everything you do. I am healing from my past traumas and I learn so much from you. There is no one here that can help me understand the person that I am now as much as you do. I truly appreciate you!
I appreciate the feedback. Glad to hear my work is helpful.
I want to also invite you to join us in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you Alan. I need a one on one grief counseling. I only realized that I have been severely emotionally abused by my parents and I also do not have a relationship with my mom and my siblings (my dad has passed away 4 years ago). I did not have the time to grieve because I did not know all about this until I started watching your videos.
Like you, I have accepted the fact that I will never have a relationship with my own family. I have given up trying. My life can turn upside down but will never ask for help nor seek comfort from them. I feel alone but it is what it is. @@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
@@AlanRobargeHealingTraumaHi Alan. How can I have a one on one coaching with you? Thank you. I appreciate you.
There are two lines that I remember very distinctly from your early videos. The recurring thought about being "seen, heard, and understood" as a central need for a child, and the one where you described playing Lego on the floor and recalling that nobody would sit and play Lego with you.
When my son asks me to participate in play or watch him do something, I do my best to make it happen. I sit and play Lego with him. Thank you for helping me see the deep importance of that presence. That's how you're special.
I appreciate the thoughtful, kind comment. Glad this spoke to you. Thank you for valuing my work. It's so important that we keep this conversation going.
Family relationships is a recurring topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. Learn more about the Community: www.alanrobarge.com/community
your project about losing a pet seems so valuable. My cat was my primary attachment figure until 2020 when she died. Maybe that was unhealthy, but I don't care. For those of us with attachment trauma, pets are maybe even more special. I look forward to your insights. :-) I have always been drawn to your videos because you are so authentic. Thank you so much for your work.
The connection with our pets is deep. I appreciate the kind feedback. Thanks for valuing my efforts and glad it offers benefit.
Okay. Video over. Touché. In an early video, you said you did not like the idea of a “true self.” I cannot remember your exact explanation, but that really struck me as a wise thought, and has stuck with me. I think you said something like we’re always changing and that’s part of why there’s no “true self.” But what came to mind for me was the idea that there really is no “before” the attachment injury. When I popped out of that womb my mother was, like, six months away from a uterine cancer diagnosis and a hysterectomy, and that was probably one of my earliest experiences of parental abandonment and so-I mean, I just never had a chance. And so I was thinking maybe it’s really more that there’s a healed self, or a healing self, or a healthy self. And that came to mind when you mentioned in this video towards the end you were sort of a bit scornful of the idea of “being completely healed,” and that there’s no completion, there’s no end to the healing process, there’s no point at which you’re done with healing. And I think that’s related to the idea that there’s no such thing as a true self, and I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I just want to express my appreciation and gratitude for every idea that you’ve ever presented in all of these videos.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🌈🦄
You are so damn special I can’t even stand it. I am 58, have always dealt with not being seen or heard by my mother- who is still alive, her rejection is still destructive. Your honesty has made a difference. It makes me feel connected and understand that these wounds are real, lifelong and really suck. I am a kindred spirit and appreciate your vulnerability. You are so important. You have touched my heart in such a special way. Thank you for being so real and sharing this important information. This is from a mom of 6 grown kids. I was able to raise them with the love and empathy I was never afforded. My struggles with attachment continue to be so real and you have lightened my load.
I appreciate your vulnerability
We need more of this online
Thanks for the comment.
If you appreciate this content then you may also like to take part of our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Your videos on attachment trauma are far and above the BEST I have watched on RUclips. Your honestly about trauma and how perfectly you explain the situations have helped me immensely. I feel less lonely, since I see in you a kindred spirit. Thank you for your openness and honesty and valuable information, you are seen and heard and I appreciate you.
Thank you for the kind words! Glad this content offers benefit for you. Appreciate you valuing my work. And thank you for seeing me.
Attachment trauma is hard and can be confusing trying to sort out alone. It's important to keep talking about it and why the Improve Your Relationships Community was created. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan, you have made such a significant impact on my life. You were able to reach me in a way no one else has. I’ve watched your YT videos countless times, especially, in times when I was struggling hard. I felt, seen, heard, and understood even though it was you on the screen. I joined your online community and participate as I have time. You are unique and special. Your content is needed and healing. I am truly grateful for you. You’re the therapist I’ve always wanted and haven’t been able to find. I see so many parallels between you and I. I love your vulnerability. You are an inspiration. ❤️
This is the most raw and vulnerable thing I've ever seen, and it helps me SO much. If YOU are still growing and still sometimes catching yourself projecting the attachment wound, then I can give myself permission to still be growing after thousands of hours of therapy and doing all the f*cking homework assignments, journaling, role plays, active imagination, dream analysis, etc., ad nauseum. Ha! Recently I got one of the biggest shifts toward greater consciousness in years and it was after watching my third video of yours, the one on attachment wound and codependency. I shared it with the two people closest to me who are also on this journey of healing their attachment wounds. Thank you so much. Thank you so, so much.
Thank you for the meaningful comment and thank you for the kind words. Glad the videos are helpful for you.
If you like the videos then you may also like taking part in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
I see you. Your authenticity and vulnerability inspires me.
What a video, man, what a video... The way you spoke to your inner child finally showed me the truth. I don't even have words to describe this. Finally the right approach, I feel it's what was always needed...
I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts. Glad it delivers benefit.
Also this topic comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If this video is helpful then you may also like the Community. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan, YOU MATTER. I was never seen in my family, like you and I walk the journey of attachment trauma with you. Thank you for sharing a bit of your world with me. You are successful. Maybe the words don't come from parents, maybe your popularity is not as great as another, but you have touched me and that matters to me. I am sure there are others. I love the doll story. He matters too. Stay strong and keep the messages coming!
Alan, I am so sorry for why you're so good at this work. You remind me of the wounded healer archetype. Thank you for showing your wound to your audience and I hope you can proceed with your work in a way that doesn't harm you.
Attachment trauma is such a bitch isn't it? And for the record, I can't stand mainstream pop-psychology. There's been so many times I'm triggered out of my mind, not knowing what's happening to me, sobbing and hopelessly googling "how to not be codependent" only to be met with generic 10-step listicles. Like geez thanks, I've tried yoga and journaling.
Your videos and the non-linear way you put words to a non-linear process has helped me regulate my nervous system SO many times. You are so good at articulating complex emotional concepts and I appreciate how you don't dumb them down.
I would love to help you. I'm not formally trained in anything besides nursing, but I'm creative, detail-oriented, and passionate about what you do. Just let me know if you want to talk further to see if we'd be a good match.
You helped me through a terrible time and trigger in life a few years ago, your voice, stories, and elaboration others didn’t offer. You were seen and so appreciated! And then like you, some people need a break once they get past issues, so we don’t live in it all the time. But what you put out there was very impactful and I thank you ♥️
I just found your videos, your freaking fantastic. Real and down to earth. Your mum should be proud. I hope you keep going.
Thanks for the supportive comment and kind words. Also thanks for valuing my work.
Trauma reenactment can get threaded into anything. Which is why it comes up in conversations in the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. If you like the videos then you may also like the Community. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma I have a nassists issue in my family and I decided to leave it ve away from them as they create too much drama. I had myself checked out seems I'm ok, but yeah it's very hard when you see other families getting along so well and people like us have to suffer. Anyway yeah I like your manner and like I said I hope you keep the channel going. You deserve a lot more followers
Forgiveness of self and others will set you free 🙏🏾🙏🏾
I love your deep, complex responses to trauma related questions, it’s the main reason I listen to you. You acknowledge that so much of looking into the self is layered where a lot of other content is simplified to be more easily digestible, still skimming on the surface, true transformation comes from real digging. I believe you’ve created a message in your videos that acknowledges what it truely means to self enquire. Everyone who watches your channel can see how much time and energy you place into each video and the passion that comes through when you’re retelling your story. You have made me reflect and face parts of myself in a whole new way because you are willing to go to places within yourself and take the message and give it to us. I think you’re a true pioneer, you know your stuff. Thank you for being so vulnerable in these latest videos too, seeing a new side to you that’s clinical as well as being human is very refreshing. You’re amazing and so seen by this community! Sending hugs and appreciating you for all the hard inner work as well as outer work you’re doing. Keep being your authentic as fuck self. 💚
Holy molly. The level of honesty in this video is incredible.
I hope you find what you need and get more help for the business.
Thank you for seeing me and I appreciate the comment.
If you'd like to learn how to support the continuation of this content consider checking out the course or community.
To learn more about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships: www.alanrobarge.com/community
To learn more about the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses, take the quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Alan, THANK YOU for making this video. I have been watching your videos off and on for months now. Your 170 videos have given me invaluable help and it was perhaps the "impersonal" (talking about with out "talking about") quality of them that allowed me to apply your message to my own unique life circumstances. But this video has given me that personal quality. It feels like I'm relating to a friend. And this friend is opening himself up and being real and vulnerable so that I see it's ok to be real and vulnerable too. I know what you shared is none of my business, but I do appreciate that you showed yourself to me.
I SEE YOU. And I thank you for revealing yourself to me.
It's hard isn't it? Putting yourself out there to be seen. It's what I have so desired my whole life, and yet what I have worked so hard not to do. I wanted to be seen because I was not seen. Because I was not seen I learned that to hide myself kept me from the pain of not being seen. But hiding myself doesn't keep me from the pain. It's so hard to put myself out there. But I'm trying. Just today I told my husband something. I shared part of myself I would have normally hidden because of my fear it would make him angry and I needed to control his reactions. (and we know where these fears come from) Of course he did not react with anger. There was no reason to. He doesn't feel my shame at having needs and being human. I do that to myself. He's not my father. I don't blame my father for not being there in a way I needed. But I do mourn the lack of relationship we could have had and should have had.
I see other daughters and their special relationships with their fathers and I am happy for them, but I don't know what it's like. I have to accept that I never had that. BUT I can have something good. The past won't change, but my present and future can be good.
I can only guess at the person you reference who was wildly successful with you content. I will reference someone that it may be without using her name. This person was so popular that she introduced me to the whole concept of shame. I don't know if I would ever have found this path to healing without her. Then I went on to learn about codependency. Then I began the watching the videos of 3 people who were offering videos on this subject. You were one of them. Your videos are the one I can relate to best.
Recently I became one of your new members on your website. I find I simply do not have the time to invest in the community. I'm sorry. I know this is a goal for you. To create community. I gladly pay the subscription price however to have the video library and other content at my disposal. I hope knowing this helps you in some way.
I wish you the very best in your projects and endeavors. I can only speak for myself, but I do speak so you can hear my voice and I hope it helps you define the path you take. I understand the reason you made the videos. You may not have received what you wanted, but good has come from them. Thank you. They have helped me. They have helped others too.
Please keep producing content. If you don't, if you take another path, I respect that. It really sucks that some have stolen your content. I can only hope that others have found healing through that. But your content coming from you, the authentic you, is very very special. Don't doubt this. These other people who are "borrowing" content or copying your path - it's wonderful for them. But they will only be as successful as they can be vulnerable. They aren't you. There's only one Alan Robarge and I thank God for you.
you are special. I found you on RUclips yesterday. I have watched 6 of the 7 videos in this series. I have moved to my computer to view the rest of video 7, and wanted to let you know that you have made a difference in my understanding of some of my mental health issues. I am 69 years old and have been in and out of therapy for over 35 years. Thank you for your work on insidious attachment trauma. I feel that I have come out of a cloudy day and the sun is shining.
Thank you for the kind words and thank you for sharing this series helped bring some sunshine. Glad my work brings benefit.
If the videos are helpful then you may also like taking part in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
You're amazing. Even if you never made another video again, you would have still made a big difference in the lives of many. Thank you!
Glad my work brings benefit. Thank you for acknowledging my effort. I appreciate the kind words.
If you haven't already heard about it, since you like the videos, you may also like jumping into the conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Amen! I see you, and appreciate you. Love the symbol of the beautiful stained glass heart - profound beauty from shattered and broken pieces.
Thank you for the lovely comment. I appreciate the kind words.
This is at the heart of the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We re-member our broken pieces. I welcome you joining us. Learn more about the Community: www.alanrobarge.com/community
This is so authentic and has me thinking about what’s next for me in my healing. I’ve been watching healing videos since my father passed and sometimes I feel the need to turn off the videos. I have resorted to reading books and sharing myself, good or happy days, with safe friends.
And you are right about corporate hence I became a full time entrepreneur for the past half a decade and very happy for it and have also made 6-fig in the 2nd fiscal year, a team of people, and it is just the beginning. Side note: upon sharing the good news about my entrepreneurship journey with my family, they opted to help, and when I allowed them to do so, they called it a hobby.
this is such a mature and important video for us addicted to videos with attachment trauma. information is for the brain, positive experience in relationship is healing the heart, the seat of experience. new experience is meaning transformation. i am loved, accepted, useful, fun, needed, talented and value and need others. these are where the rubber meets the road. head learning is limited. we must push into new healthy relating and facing our fears and looking for joy in community.
I just found you as an offering from RUclips yesterday and listened to five of your earlier videos, and today listened through these most recent seven. Your words are life to my soul and I am grateful you have put your voice out to be found. Thank you for your hours of study, effort, and commitment to healing and helping others heal. You are eloquent, thoughtful and intelligent in your communication. Thank you for sharing all that you have. I will share your videos with my friends, and will check out your community and plan to listen my way through all of your content. You are one of the most special people I have ever beheld. Thank you for helping me understand myself. I wish you peace, love, and that sacred sadness that burns and drives us deeper still. From a mama who see you, you are valued and loved. Heather
I really appreciate you connecting with the content and for the kind, supportive words. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts. Glad it is of benefit. It would be great to have you in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. Also thank you for helping me spread the word. Here's the link to the Community: www.alanrobarge.com/community
42:11 This smells like *plagiarism!!* British Poet William Blake lived 300 years ago... "He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy
He who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sunrise"
....How fitting for a video on plagiarism. Love your content Alan
You’ve made me rethink people having a pet as their primary attachment figure. Human connections take a lot of energy. With a pet there’s no compromise, because the pet has no ego to protect, they’re not mental but more instinctual. This dear pet has left you free to focus on healing yourself, and to help so many others. I don’t believe she or he will ever leave you. I believe that her spirit will still watch over you and perhaps even help you find another beautiful pet. 💖🐶
I send you hope that you will find all the help you need for your mission. 🌸You have touched my heart.
"Unique, voice among the many, in this choir"
-Lyrics from "Disillusionment", a song by the band "A Perfect Circle"
This resonates, Alan Roberge. I have been with you for a long while, and your absence was conspicuous to me.
You're clearly further down this "healing path" than I, and these videos have clearly illustrated that. I always resonated with your videos, and in a female dominated market ( both content provider and audience) it was/is good to have a man, as a man, guiding me to places I fear(ed), and most men aren't "needing" to go; into the pain. Every voice is necessary, "unique voice.."
This is not brand new, but as this came up again, my thoughts/feelings are in the present, so I very much respect that this message, regarding "your girl", and her and your respective states may not match, but please know I feel you.
My girl passed at 10+, and I remember, crying and angry as i write this in 2022, burying her on a friend's small farm, where we went and I threw a ball (really anything) everyday (she was a Lab) at 3:30'ish during a thunderstorm, exhausted from wheelbarrowing. Man, I was crying and cussing (did suppress some screams for sure..too bad) the whole time. RIPlay.
I knew, intellectually, that this had to do with my projection(s) on her, later to understand that this was called connection. Holy shit.
Master's Degree, my own therapy, mindfulness, and Buddhist teaching on impermanence allowed, as you said, a lot of intellectual distraction, spiritual bypassing. But still I grieve.
This is the first time that I've been without a dog. It's been hard. I've learned how to better "see" the dog that I'm blessed to care for. I keep a leash in the car for the one who chooses me. I miss the connection, and I "loved" her (tricky word), and cry remembering some amazing antics- good times rememered but it's not crushing anymore, just grief. I cannot, at this point discern with real confidence the reasons for my feelings; is it the untended infant? The 2-year old me, this 50 year-old man, or my mother's/father's inherited trauma who feels this grief? but I know to allow it (but, of course consciously and unconsciously interfere, somatically and cognitively) to the best of my ability at present., to let
We are a grief-deprived culture, but it is so.
I resp
I respect your honesty and choices (HO!), and wish you and she that which you need for comfort.
Peace.
You are so special and unique!! I don't think you can see yourself that way we do.... you're golden to me because no one hits it head on the way you do. 🎯
That's so nice. Thanks for the kind words and for valuing my work.
Thank you for this very long (but not too long) video, Alan.
Personally, I was feeling discouraged & sad today: *This again? When will I be done with the pain, or at least learn to live with it comfortably?*
I came to your page, as I’ve decided to rewatch/relisten to all your videos, starting at the beginning. Have already relistened to the one on *happiness*.
Holy smokes, I got so much that I needed from listening to you today. I needed this.
Thank you for your bravery & vulnerability. The real kind & not the performative transparency we’re used to seeing on social media: The humble brags & the things fully healed & how they fully did it.
I was looking for some instant relief earlier & looked up the Beatitudes, thinking *Is this pain what that’s all about?*. You reminded me of the Beatitudes with what you said about carrying sadness.
I think it’s the wound itself that makes us feel that who & how we are is a way station on the way to Fabulous Ville. Our lives aren’t real if they’re not Insta aspirational. However, honestly facing our sadness is real, as you said. And beautiful. (not to put too positive a spin on sadness, but the deepest beauty & joy are there, that’s life!)
This is radical stuff & it all feels true & I’ll take my time absorbing.
Empathy to you on your pre-grief process with your beloved furry friend. My cat is my #1 too. Someone said to me the other day: *Some people think animals are inferior to humans. But animals can enter & fit into our emotional worlds, and humans can’t do that.*
I could not get near the topic of trauma until I heard your voice: the warmth, intelligence, lightheartedness. I felt like it was finally safe to explore.
Thank you for all you are & offer, Alan. I heard Thich Nhat Hanh say, in a talk, that when he wrote, he wrote with his whole life. You clearly do your work with your whole life.
For anyone reading this note: I highly recommend joining the IYR community, if you haven’t already. I joined a year & a half ago. I’m not fully healed yet 😸I’m healing. I think of IYR as healing headquarters.
Huge KUDOS & 👏👏👏, Alan 👀🦄🥳💗💌
Thank you for this lovely comment. I appreciate the kind words. I think about how there's probably nothing more honest than sadness. And of course with good boundaries. Glad this video was helpful.
What is IYR?
Dude your stuff is powerful and has influenced me in a deep and meaningful way!! Keep being you and sharing your truth. I think you are a totally authentic person that has so much give and I relate to you in such a deep way that has shown me who I can be more me!!
I appreciate the kind feedback, thank you. Glad this content is helpful and inspiring.
If you like this content then you may also be interested being part of the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more by taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
The last few moments of your video brought tears to my eyes Alan. I am a huge fan of your work and have been a member of your wonderful community which I would recommend to anyone seriously looking at healing their unintegrated attachment trauma in a way that I don't think any other online therapists even get close to.
Thank you for the kind words and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad you are part of the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships.
To learn more about the Community, click the following link: www.alanrobarge.com/community
To me you are a special content creator. I have always appreciated your authenticity and honesty and obvious work you put into your videos. And your generosity to put out like that. You have helped at least me and i always am so happy when you upload because your content is different and i thank you for every single video.
Thank you for the kindness. I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you find the content helpful. Thank you for valuing my work.
Alan, I can't thank you enough for some very important insight you have given me through your videos. Your authenticity is a breath of fresh of air...no one has arrived! Life is a teacher until the day we die, and those who stop growing (and self-reflecting) will wind up living in a fish bowl. My freedom from past pain was realized when I considered what it was that I needed from certain individuals and why them (validation, approval, etc.). Once I realized that I no longer "needed" them, they no longer had power over me (my emotions/self-worth) and I was released. The truth will always set you free, sadly for many, the lie is more beautiful than the truth. No one will ever determine my value and my worth...it is God given!!!!!!!!!
I can't remember who I heard this from (it could have been you, Alan), "When you intricately understand how antagonistic your parents were to your healthy sense of self, you become more motivated to engage in the self-help process of RECTIFYING THEIR DAMAGE. The more you identify THEIR DAMAGE, the more you know what to fix."
You are unique; you helped me this January grieve my last relationship: your words made me strong; I saw you and I repeated watching your videos when I need moments to be understood. Thank you, Alan.
I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for the feedback that this content is helpful for you. Thanks for valuing my efforts. I'm reminded of how many of us go through challenging times when relationships end. It can be helpful learning about grieving with others.
I'm wondering if you heard about the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. Grieving our losses is a recurring topic in our conversations. I invite you to join us:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan, your videos and content have been nourishment for my soul today. I laughed and cried with you, and I hungrily consumed all 7 videos of this series in one sitting.
I see you and hear you. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Thank you for showing up and not showing up and showing up exactly the way you do.
Your perspective helped me piece together the struggles I have had with relationships, my family, and social media. It also helped me process my frustration and grief with trying to create (and being unsuccessful with) my own business and brand and online platform so far.
I also lost my dog, she passed away in Dec 2019, and I am still grieving her. She was my muse and my healing catalyst. And as I listen to your experience, I wonder if she was also my primary attachment 💔
My heart aches, and also feels full. Hugs to you 💖
Wow! I appreciate your self reflection, honesty, and self awareness above all else. How long this stuff takes or how many times, I have no idea. Personally, the inner child dialogue hasn't really worked for me.. but silently sitting with my painful raw emotions has helped. As far as I have seen in this world, no healer is "healed"... all are a work in progress. I have come across the unhealed healer in ACIM. The healer who thinks they can do it all on their own is taking on too much personal burden .. the real healer is the higher power. I have to call on that one within me..
Thank you for the kind words and thank you for the meaningful comment. So important to sit with our emotions. We can never talk enough about this.
Hello Alan, I just descovered you videos. I’ve learned so much from you and I feel you. I paused the video at 26:23 to tell you: You are special. Some people just don’t have the eyes (the ability) to see that. I say this to you and to me at the same time. I stopped to take for granted my qualities and abilities and to appreciate myself for what I bring to the table in a relationship. Now, I am practicing letting go people that are not good for me and that don’t invest in me.
I was listening to you while preparing food. I had tears in my eyes few times: I think it was 50/50 split between cutting onions and feelings woken up by your openness and this radical care about yourself. I will remember this image of holding a doll (it would be bear in my case) and saying "we are not special but we will go through this together". Heart braking and warming at the same time!... Thank you and I'm looking forward to learn more from your videos (I discovered your channel just recently - lot of interesting things to watch!)
Good video. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that today. You validated so much for me.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. This must've been enormously triggering. It's amazing that you can be this vulnerable to help so many people. I am a counselor in family constellation systems, and I'm constantly doing my own work. I have learned and benefitted so much from your videos which helps to inform my own healing process and also informs the work I do with my clients. I have referred them directly to your videos if they are applicable to their journey so I want you to know that. I've also discussed your work and referred your work to other therapists who've found it helpful in their work. I value your work so much. Thank you for what you're doing in the world and who you are. We'd be happy to see you if you ever wanted to visit our part of the world!
Wow !!!!
Pure expansive vulnerability… just beautiful, thank you 🙏🏽
Oh man, you’re such a beautiful person! I’ve been binging on your videos for a couple of weeks now. I know these comments can not make up for the abandonment and disappointment you’ve experienced but what a gift you’ve given to all of us sharing your journey and being so honest, giving us language to our traumas and the whys etc. You’ve been a very generous wounded healer ❤️ I pray God continues to bring healing your way and prospers your business with the right people and investments your way!
I have/had attachment trauma to my mother too. I'm in my mid-sixties now. Her personality is such that she is not able to, or was ever able to, give me emotional support as she never had that in her childhood. It has caused me tremendous grief and your videos have very much helped me with this. Thank you for your honesty, I really appreciate it. I'm so glad you have your beautiful dog. I don't think it is possible to reduce the grief you'll feel when she dies. It's the price of huge love for her. You are very much valued by so many of us who are comforted and helped by your videos ... it enables us to have hope and move forward.
Wow. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable in your delivery.
Getting ripped off is a real kick in the teeth! Grrrrrr.
I'm so sorry to hear about your doggo companion nearing the end of life. That is sad. I hasn't really considered that we need a person of attachment, or creature, and it has given me food for thought. I have a lovely cat who chose us a year or so ago , and who brings much softness and joy to our home. He is a healing presence. I think he is who I am attached to!
Thank you, and much love.
I'd like to see someone try and rip- off this video!! Ha!
Best wishes from Britain xx
Thank you for the empathy and kind words. Gratitude to our fur-families. I appreciate the comment.
Love you, Alan! You helped me so much in a time in my life when I was trying to work through feelings of betrayal and the reality of creating a new life. I appreciate you always! Cynthia
Hi Alan. Wow, the amount of courage it took for you to dig so deep into yourself, to face what has been brought into your conscious world and to be so frank to us seemingly anonymous and faceless audience is phenomenal. Coming up against data-mining must be extremely frustrating and a hard reality to accept but please know the genuine content that you have created because of your unique personal experience and understanding has been of incredible significance to me, and that’s irreplaceable.
Ohhh, first of all, thank you so much, again, for sharing this with us, Alan.
I was listening every part of this video with so much attention.
And I'm so, SO glad that I found your channel, but, I've said this before, and I'm gonna say it again, I really, really, really feel what you are saying... I really do... Every single word.
Your way of feeling and thinking resonates with me deeply! It's so liberating! In 2020 I learned and became aware that is completely fine to be sad, thanks to you... for the first time I was telling myself "But, Ilina, it's completely fine for you to be sad. Be sad, without resistance. Dive into your sadness and stay there...till you have some new feeling... than *feel* that feeling too. Be with it."
I have had experience with a therapists, and they helped me, when I was younger, somehow in someway...but... In general I'm (was) always very disappointed. I don't know what's going on with this *new (c)age* positivity! It's so toxic and it's spreading all over the world, even among psychologist and psychiatrist!
Today I started to talk with a therapist (psychologist) for the first time after a long pause, and when I opened about my sadness, he was acting very sceptical and strange, and cut down the conversation with the new age ambitious *bullshit* talk.
I felt so alone.
Again, the same.
Over and over again.
And at the end of the day, I'm going back to your videos and I feel seen.
I do believe that sharing and talking is the cure. Facing the pain and sharing with the people who can really feel you is wonderful and healing...
And yes...
Now I know that sadness is a part of my honesty and rawness, and it's so precious to be vulnerable...
Vulnerable and stable at the same time :) 🙏
The ending of this video is beyond beautiful... I will listen this many times.
P.s. Excuses for my grammar mistakes. Not my native language, but you gonna understand me, I know.
Ти благодарам неизмерно, Алан. 🙏
Thank you endlessly, Alan. 🙏
you are so special. you are so comforting when I was deep in pain recently and none of the other you tube channels that I listen to, too, hit the nail on the head like you do Alan! you were the most comforting and I was able to fall asleep that night.
Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate the comment. Thank you for valuing my effort to create this content. Glad it brings you benefit.
Also if you haven't already heard about it, since the videos are helpful, you may also like getting in on the conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Like so many of us, we are meant to finally let go of the feelings and beliefs of our family of origin. We have our OWN wisdom, gifts and message that we have to bring out. Sending you and your dog love. I have been preparing too for several years with my girl. I know it will be hard and it is just that.
Thank you so much for your raw honesty and expressing things as they are without shame. This is a huge service to me and to so many of us struggling with this hidden issue - an attachment wound, feeling lost, unseen, unrecognised.
Your dog a primary attachment. My horse was mine, and now gone. I am adjusting, finding new people, learning to love abd accept others however they appear, a stronger spiritual attachment, learning to parent myself better. There is so much help available if I stay open and accepting of myself. It is so interesting this "symptom" of doing things alone. I would love to help. Maybe even just by sending this message of support.
I'm sorry for your loss. I imagine it's painful. Thank you for the meaningful and kind comment.
Thank you so much Alan. (It was at the beginning of September. )
I just came to know your content for about a year now, which is not very long. I relate to almost all the feelings and emotions you talk about here. Even though it might sound dramatic, I have to tell you that coming across your channel saved my life. I was in a bottomless black hole with no hope or purpose, and your honesty and way of explaining feelings in a raw way was what got me out. I looked for everything and anything online, videos, blogs, podcasts, something that could help and even those "more successful" people didn't help me at all. Your voice, unique way of knowing things and honesty is what makes you so special. And the fact that, like you said, you don't sugar coat things actually is healing. I am glad you want to keep on making content because it is a gift you just can't keep to yourself :) I am not a business person either, but will definitely look for ways to help you keep this light on. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
I appreciate the kind feedback and encouragement. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts. Glad it offers benefit for you.
The content on this channel evolves out of the conversations we have in the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. I welcome you joining us:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
You saved me. I Thankyou for your bravery xxx
I truly enjoy listening to your voice Alan. Everything you say resonates with me. I haven't felt this kind of jealousy also. I think now we are realising our own mortality, we feel like we need to quickly show the world all of the beauty within. Jealousy floors me me. I almost feel like I'm about to pass out. I've behaved in ways socially, I would never have behaved before. I go blind. The jealousy for me, always comes down to wanting to be seen and held up higher than the rest. Ego maybe. I believe we are born with the natural need to stand out from the rest, but we have to remember, there is a place for everyone. Your voice resonates with me.. YOU are my people.. Some people are addicted to bright and shiny, I am addicted to authenticity. You are authentic xx
Thank you for the kind words. And thank you for valuing my effort. I hear you, it can be a challenging emotion. Many of us can relate. Glad the videos speak to you.
Since you like the videos, you may also want to get in on the conversations on this topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us: www.alanrobarge.om/community
I’ve listened again and all your contributions are simply the best by far - as a retired academic I do have some experience in assessing communication skills and your insights and fluency are more than outstanding. Please continue to help us caught in the same grieving by letting us know of any research or inspirations you come across in future. I realise you couldn’t go on producing yr wonderful videos forever but you might do one or two if you feel moved . I hope you find the practical help you ask for but I’m sure that yr skill in therapy will provide you with a good livelihood. I would like to think that you will find Mr Right but I fear that the trauma wounds and fears run too deep for people like us, so we must accept that we are destined to loneliness. And appreciate its small benefits …
Thank you so much for sharing! I watched them all!!
Yes, having a sincere relationship with my parents is pretty hard. I think they do the best they can, and I have learned the hard way to accept that. Also, now that I am an adult, I am my mother and father, my nurturer and my advisor, my encourager and my teacher. I appreciate what they were able to do well, and understand what they were not willing to do that I wanted.
I made man mistakes as well as a parent and I have attempted to learn to accept that I am not perfect. I like the term perfectly imperfect, twisting the want with the unwanted, helping me to accept what I have lost and gained. Your videos have helped me so much, as well as other therapists on RUclips teaching about trauma healing. We need to continue the work of healing every day for the rest of our lives. It is not over at epiphany.
Thank you for the connection , love and wisdom you have given us over the years Allan. I hope that some day your mother is open to understanding you and seeing you for who you are allowing you to heal. Sending hugs and much love ❤❤
I appreciate the kind comment. Thank you for valuing my effort.
Alan, you're brilliant
I love your work
And I know it's hard for you
I get it
Much love
Thanks for the kind words and for valuing my work.
Alan, Thank you so much for your vulnerability, compassion, insight and kindness. I have been looking into attachment theory for the past 2 years to try and better understand myself and others. I just recently stumbled onto your channel and have been entranced. I have been struggling for the past 11 months quite significantly, going through a dark night of the soul, if you will. I was able to feel seen by your content in a way I don't think I have ever been seen by anyone and we don't even know each other lol. I feel like I've had major break throughs in a matter of days watching your videos, as opposed to the accumulation of content I've consumed over the past 2 years. Just wanted to thank you for helping me feel human in this world by finally feeling connected. I see you.💗
I really appreciate the comment. Thank you for the kind words and thank you for the reflections. Glad to hear this content is beneficial for you. We can never talk enough about relationships.
If you aren't already aware, I want to share about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If this content is helpful then you may also want to get in on the conversations in the Community. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I watch for just a few minutes and already tears flowing. You have this power Alan!
Alan I’m a hugger and I’m sending you a virtual hug. You are the best teacher I known.Such a big heart and so open to being vulnerable .So happy that I’m part of your community IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Best investment ever for my self healing . May you find the healing you seek, may you find guidance for the next level . May you write the next chapter of your book. This felt to me as the introduction for a great book worthy of being read by the world.Will hold space for your grieving .
Thank you for the kind and encouraging comment.
Dear Alan, I can hear you creatively and wisely unraveling yourself, and others as you speak!!! Bless you. P.x
@@rolandkettle7946 hi Rolland, delighted to be a face book pal with you. Patricia.
Krishnamurti said that comparison is violence.
Stay courageous. Keep up the compassion. Hoi paloi unite!
Thanks for encouragement
I just think you are so incredibly special Alan. I love what Susan Cook Greuter proposed in her ego development theory..."A characteristic of maturity is discovering that not knowing is the highest form of knowing. Embracing of the fundamental uncertainty about knowing shows a greater and greater capacity to see through our human yearning for meaning and wholeness...can often experience great existential tension as there is now really no ground to stand on, no single reality to observe from multiple perspectives. Instead, there are multiple realities created by humans in different cultures and languages. All theories are seen for what they are: ego’s attempts to create order, certainty, and predictability. While there can be tremendous suffering associated with seeing through the games our minds play, the pain can be appreciated and indeed embraced as a portal to deeper connection and fuller being.
Continued blessings to you Alan 🙏🏾🌺
You helped me understand attachment trauma 5 years ago and I’d have not even known about it. So, thank you so much for all your deep inner work. It’s so valuable as are you dear one 🙏🏾🌺
Thank you for the kindness and thanks for valuing my work. Glad to hear this content has been helpful for you. So important to keep talking about attachment trauma. Help me spread the word.
You’re so welcome!
I definitely will always and do share your videos when I hear someone who’s open to it.
🌺🌺🌺💕💕💕
Amazing mission, Alan. So beautiful. May we all be set free. May you receive. 💕
Thank you for all you are. Your clarity, honesty, warmth are the best healing gift. Much love, Gretel
Thank for this honesty. I’m GLAD you have a doll. To add to my former comment, I feel your feelings and I can only imagine you feeling grief and anger over this. Your unique voice is still unique! I can see how this would be so triggering. Being complicated is good because this process IS COMPLEX AND LAYERED. I can understand what happened causing jealousy. I can understand your child 👦 feeling a deeper level of I don’t matter. This might be a ridiculous question, but I wondered if you often cry from the place of the child and cry his devastated tears over and over ? To me, true catharsis by which I mean something very specific, is the most healing thing, and done precisely often THE ONLY THING that causes that frozen energy to melt and go into the flow state. In that state I Believe the energy which could not be felt by the child is being felt now, and in that packet of energy, as it unfreezes and moves and flows is the knowing, the information, the insight, and the self, returning to you, that couldn’t happen then. And for me, nothing is more profound and healing. It is like the whole landscape lights up and you feel WHY things happened this way. And the validation of that child’s profound grief, or grief mixed with intense rage. Either way the feelings hold the key. The description of what a Primal is by Arthur Janov, ( and I certainly don’t relate to that as a therapy by itself !) is very accurate, and for me very helpful. I found it 30 years ago and Is I gave me great insight into the difference between feeling that causes temporary relief versus feeling that causes profound and permanent resolution of that particular piece. Thanks again for your incredible honesty.
I just came across your channel because I was looking for answers to my trauma. You make so much sense to me and I appreciate your honesty and courage. I made up my mind and will seek help too! Great work Alan
Alan, you are a beautiful human being. Your light shines so brightly. I have already introduced other people to your channel, and they benefited from it as well. I know it’s not easy to be as open as you have. What you said is so relatable. I hope it will yield positive results for you. All you can do is put out the signal and hope the right people respond. That in itself seems healing regardless of the outcome. Thank you. So much love for you.
I appreciate the kind feedback. Thanks for spreading the word and for valuing my work. Glad the content offers benefit.
This is very deep work. It doesn't sound weird. Attachment trauma is certainly the gift that keeps on giving. This format is helpful because it's so real. You make us feel seen with our similar struggles.
I agree with you about social media. I think I know who you're talking about. It's all about her marketing team. I always go back to your videos because they're so informative. You are seen and heard. Thank you for being so vulnerable. I think you're special. I know you'll find that team to take your work and get it "seen".
I love the idea of buying a doll and working through the trauma of my childhood and adulthood ❤
Thank you. Glad this content speaks to you.
I know we also mentioned this in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more about the Community: www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thank you Alan. This has been a tremendously helpful series of talks for me. It is good to know that I am not the only gay man out there who has tried and tried to establish a relationship with his mother; that the trauma in the family is too much to allow that to happen; and that I am now able to let that go, and to let her go too, as she approaches the last part of her life, with a love and understanding that isn't dependent on me getting my unmet needs fulfilled.
I'm so glad i found this series of videos. In addition to my own work, it gave me a lot of clarity about how to help my girlfriend when her elderly dog goes. Thank you.
Glad my work brings benefit. Thanks for the comment.
You aren’t alone in this I’m constantly trying to prove that I have a unique voice and that I’m significant
It's a hard place to be, right? Thanks for relating.
I think that you are part of the collective pattern of zeitgeist that is "ahead of the curve." Thanks for your honesty and thoughtful content. I speak as a mental health professional and a performance artist with an ambivalent attitude toward RUclips...and also as a person with attachment wounds. I think you rock.
I'd love to have an actual conversation with you.
...also, the best friend I ever had was a pit bull named Banjo. She held me up for 14 years. The grief around losing her helped me grow tremendously. Love to you and yours.
Alan Robarge you are such an incredible human being! Your videos are the most vulnerable and beautiful I have ever seen. You are so sweet, funny, honest, sincere, vulnerable, and I love your personality. Your videos are my favorite videos of any videos I have ever seen on social media. Please don’t stop sharing your amazing gift of empathy, compassion and vulnerability. You exude, love and care, understanding and sincerity. Thank you so much for sharing these gifts with me and helping me learn how to even start healing the attachment trauma. I appreciate you so much and I am so grateful for you!!!
I really appreciate the kind and supportive words. Thank you for valuing my work. Glad to hear it offers you benefit.
Since you like the videos, I want to share about, and you may have already heard about it... you may also be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Many of the topics come up in Community conversations. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/commmunity
No matter what anyone does, you're honestly just the best. You changed my life. You're so special and gifted and whenever there's an opportunity to help you achieve your destiny, I will be there.
I appreciate the kind and encouraging words. Thank you for valuing my work. Glad it is helpful for you.
If you like the videos and you would like to become a sustaining supporter then you may be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. The conversations are deep, rich and insightful. You may like chiming in. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
this video hit my soul
you were the only person i watched who talked about attachment wounds. i told my therapist about you. i hope that you find more ways to share. i'm glad that you are taking care of yourself.
Wow Alan in the last 4 years of my life I have listened too 2 people who have literally saved me and my sanity. You and Doctor Ramani she is my other Angel .
She like you has lived it,
It’s the gift of giving
You will receive in other ways with out expecting.
As Tara brach would say you have to learn to let go.
Peace and love my brother ❤
Keep giving you are saving so many people
Your courage is just humbling and inspiring. I hope one day to have even a fraction of your strength
I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my work.
Finally got a chance to listen to this latest series in entirety today. I believe I resonate so much with your videos and approach more than others creating similar content BECAUSE you are more layered and complex, even if there is value in being simple and linear. That quality is precisely what distinguishes you from others from my perspective. The nuance of your descriptions and analogies, the infinite depth and complexity of the feelings involved, it makes sense that it be mirrored with equal analysis. You navigate this jungle very consciously, sensitively, and with an air of humility and humour which is something YOU bring to it with exactly who you are. People who haven't been able to articulate exactly what these experiences are, can do so with more clarity because of your ability to see, reveal, and communicate. You say you're getting back into poetry, but I would argue that your work always has been. Every video you've made. I can't express how life altering your content has been for me personally and those around me as I share your videos directly with others, or indirectly as I apply myself more consciously (or choose to not apply myself!) in my own relationships.
You sharing your struggles with your work and having that come full circle with attachment wounds is incredible and something I would love to hear more about as you explore more. How attachment trauma both fuels and zaps ambition, and the interaction of attachment trauma and work in general. Even a 2 minute tangent you went on about the workplace dynamic being a setting that lends itself to trauma activation felt like a profound concept to me. I'm looking forward to your grief documentation process ... which feels like a grim and inappropriate thing to say that I'm looking forward to, but I hope you know what I mean.
Ah alan - every single word. What an undeniable blessing you are in an existence of endless self denial (in its various forms) Your wisdom and truth speak to a much higher place and that unwavering element could never be plagiarised. Thankyou for knowing.
I appreciate the kind comment.
I really appreciate what you do Alan and and I wanna thank you for all the wisdom and knowledge you've shared. I also wanna mention how insightful and inspiring you are and using personal examples in your videos has really helped me, thanks so much and take care ❤️.
I appreciate the kindness. Glad to hear my work brings you benefit. Thank you for seeing my effort. It has taken me years of study and healing process.
Also, if you haven't already heard about it, you may like taking part in the deep and insightful conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. It means a lot to us, your followers. It really IS unique what you do and very helpful.
I really appreaciate you and your message Alan 💖
Thank you for the kind words.
So grateful for you. You have helped me immensely
I appreciate the kind words. Glad my work is of benefit for you. Thank you for the feedback.
Oh wow Alan! I have finally got round to listening to your latest series. As a long-term member of the Improve Your Relationship community, your work has been imperative to my healing. I would not be where I am without you. Your work is extremely important, the way you have set everything up, your worksheets, videos, community, the way you make it so accessible to people. You have a truly unique and generous soul and I will forever be grateful to you for that. You are seen and heard by your tribe!
It sucks that someone is coming in and pilfering your work and passing it off as their own. I think unfortunately, there are those who are really good at business, but not necessarily at the content, the authenticity. We can see your authenticity and that means a lot. Also unfortunately I think there are a lot of sharks out there who will take advantage.
On a practical note, I was wondering about Lee Harris as someone who might be able to offer some guidance for your platform. He doesn't work with attachment wounds, but is a healer. He lives in the US, but is from the UK. Check him out and see what you think. He might be someone you could connect with, not as a partner in business but for insights?. I really hope you find someone to align with for your work. I totally get why it would be good to be working with someone. Your pet work also sounds very needed too. Much love and a big hug to you. (Clare U) x
Thank you so much for posting
You're welcome.
Alan you are genuinely generous in giving sound advice. I feel and see your message. Thank you.
I am sorry to hear about your best friend and anticipation of loss.
You have valuable videos at the end of each video ask you viewers to pay what they want or according to the value they received.
Tell your audience the truth that this video is not free to please pay what ever you think is fair. (Give payment address)
Some will pay less and some much more. See if that can help.
Consider the culture and values of our civilization. The culture is narcissistic even in families. Intimate relationships are almost impossible because of financial insecurity.
It’s complicated and most people are in the same boat. It’s not easy to be human with emotions.
You have valuable knowledge.
I appreciate the kind words.