On the last one, it happens. My son was bullied horribly by one kid and it culminated with the bully purposely tripping my son so he face planted into a desk in 6th grade and knocked out his tooth, scraped his face, and gave him a concussion. Teachers had seen it. The kid admitted it. But because he was from a certain family in town, the superintendent swept it under the rug.
This happened to me too I was being physically bullied and I made eye contact with multiple teachers and I was cornered so I turned around and punched her in the face but I was suspended and was not allowed to go to my 8th grade graduation and she did so yeah it happens and it is the worst feeling in the world I was hospitalized because of 2 different concussions and I now have permanent brain damage and possible CTE and develped AMPS due to stress so if physically hurts to breathe or exist
@@Aceofspades950 I'm so sorry you went through that. Things like that absolutely do slip through and it's infuriating. I hope these things happen less and I hope you're healing from your experience as much as possible!
Agreed. I was the bullied kid. Put up with it for years. Finally when I was 15 so 10 years of bullying, my mom said f it, if you need to fight back. So I did, and I got punished for defending myself. The system doesn't care who is involved, the circumstances behind that act, or what was going on. Violance no matter how justified is punished.
Anyone who tells you that the way to deal with bullies is to ignore them or turn the other cheek has no clue what they're talking about. The only way to get a bully to truly leave you alone is to convince them that continuing to torment you is more trouble than it's worth.
Story 3: The parents only intended to have 2 kids but they ended up with 8?!? That not an accident because contraception didn’t work one time, that’s completely irresponsible when they are not able to take care of their children adequately. Nobody who really intends to only have 2 children ends up with 8 children. OP is clearly so stressed about the situation and about the well-being of his younger siblings, not to mention it impacting his future if he cannot even focus on his education because of having to take care of his younger siblings.
Hopefully the 16 year can run out of the house ASAP. I know he cares for his family and has concerns. Yet, don't stay in that family. He shouldn't be a parent at that age and needs to be and act his age.
Well there are a lot of different births sometimes you can have unexpected twins or quintuplets or Sextuplets, or Septuplets , or Octuplets or Nonuplets, or decuplets, or etc just a few examples once it gets to a certain amount you can’t tell I’m not a parent or Doctor but from stories on RUclips and both of my sisters being in the medical field I know this my big sister is a Nurse learning to be a nurse practitioner.
@@autisticgirlawareness7420 there are no multiple births in OPs family. And while twins are fairly common (around 1 in 250 births), natural triplets are already rare at one in 10,00 births. Quadruplets are one in 15 million. There is a bigger chance of someone having conjoined twins than of them having quadruplets. So yes it happens, but the likelihood is negligible when talking about normal parenting situations.
Story 2: As someone who wet the bed until middle school, was a victim of SA, and was “disciplined” me for wetting the bed by the wife and stepson of the person who SA’ed me… THANK YOU!!! Thank you for hitting her!!! Thank you for standing up for your child!!! YOU ARE THE GOOD APPLE AND NO ONE ON THIS PLANET CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!!!! She thought it was okay to hit your child for no valid reason (hit your child period!) and she got the consequences of her actions!!! She fooled around and found out!!!! Thank you!!!
As someone who got bullied for most of my school days. I'm 100% for fighting back. It's the only thing that works to stop the bullying. Bullies do not care about words, feelings or temporary punishment. You have to physically show them that you are not a target. And even if you get punished for fighting back, that's still lightyears better than the mental and/or physical trauma you would otherwise get.
It didn't work for me. One fight just became another. I got suspended for a week the bullies did too then it was back to square one. I was still the weird kid. The teachers still told me to shut up when I told them what was going on. The bullies parents agreed with them I was annoying. Sometimes nothing works.
Story 4: my nephew was suspended and banned from playing on the grass at lunch due to bullying. In front of teachers and students my nephew who was being bullied by older kids, nephew 8yo and other kids 10yo, and at lunch the older kids started pushing my nephew. They were taken to the principal and my nephew was suspended and banned from the grass at lunch - reason from the principal “it’s easier to suspend and ban 1 boy as he doesn’t have many friends than to suspend and ban the older boys as there were 4 or 5. We know he didn’t do anything wrong but it’s easier this way.” No doubt it happens more than people think.
That's not right! Seriously that principal ought to be ashame of themselves for letting the Bully get away with it scott free while the victim of the bullying gets punished for absolutely no reason.
For number 4 . This happens too damn often . I was the kid getting suspended when I was the victim of bullying in the 90s and early 00’s and I’m mother of a kid who got bullied and the teachers refused to do their jobs .
I was also bullied in plain sight of the teachers all the time. IMHO, the human tendency to let uncomfy things / violence slide and not make too much ruckus about it impedes on teachers' judgement... And I think people need to realize that Just because somebody is a kid, doesn't mean they can't *really* be an ABUSER. Seriously, bullies Test and know exactly what they can get away With and how to lie to people to make people enable the bully actively. They also use the educators as Tools in their Game. Bullies, in contrast to mere altercations, Put brain Power into that sh!t. I think people Just don't realize that. Teachers, you might have a Chance at still changing that Kids trajectory. Do it. You don't want them to become an adult abuser with more Power And capacity on their hands. (And yeah, some Kids outgrow those behaviours by themselves, But we shouldnt rely on that...) unfortunately it also might Take more than Just punishments.
Third apple--get emancipated. You're already the adult. "Accidents happen".... They happen a lot less when you're careful. I'm 36 and have never wanted kids, and abortions are against my PERSONAL morals, what anyone else does is their own business but it's not for me. So I've spent my life being exceptionally careful and no accidents have" happened" (knock on wood)
2. Good Apple for standing up for your kid. Bad Apple for slapping Grandma. Maybe that balances out to an overall Crab Apple. I'm against slapping Grandma and I'm against punishing kids for what they cannot yet control or avoid.
Some people won’t learn until they have had it dished back to them. I think they are the good apple. Grandma had no right to do that. An eye for an eye can make the whole world blind… but some people gain the gift of sight when they are handed the consequences of their actions. She fooled around and found out. Perhaps she should have treated others how she wanted to be treated. Crying to the whole family says a lot about her character. I don’t care if she’s from a different generation. This isn’t that time period, and it’s time for her to grow up. Maybe everyone is better off if she doesn’t have access to her grandchild. Edit: I should add that not every grandma deserves to be slapped… but I know many who genuinely do.
well the kid is doing something he can't control and grandma can control keeping her hands to herself so i think the grandma slap is warranted since she wanted to hit her grandchild
Story 2 I just realized, through my anger with this story, that my toxic trait would be putting my hands on any adult that put their hands on my child. Hitting is wrong, and I'd 100% be a bad apple, and I can live with that. He hit an adult; she hit a child. One apple is more rotten than the other. Story 3 The teenager is more responsible than the two parents.
I completely see your point on story 2 and I think it is very self-aware to know you could also react the same way. I wouldn’t say that the grandma is more wrong because she hit a child, because I think hitting anyone is wrong regardless of ages, but she hit a 4 years old for something that is not unusual for a 4 year old to do and also not something he did on purpose. The grandma / mother actually did something wrong. Not saying it’s okay to hit her, but OP’s anger was justified whereas the grandma’s anger to her grandson was not.
I would 100% do the same thing if somebody hit my child, and I wouldn't feel bad about it. Hitting is wrong, but forget about the age difference and think about the differnce in size. There's a much bigger difference between an adult and a child compared to a grown man vs a grown woman
@@elleslaton3768 Are we really not considering age difference here?! While I agree, it was indeed VERY wrong for the guy to slap his own mother (especially considering how opposed he is about spanking), this 4 year old doesn't even developmentally fully understand what he's done wrong, let alone fully realize wetting the bed is unacceptable. And spanking a child is so traumatic! We have studies that show how children can grow up to develop PTSD, C-PTSD, and other mental disorders, from repeated corporal punishment in childhood. Although I have to admit, despite me not having any children, I've helped raise MANY nieces and nephews, and truthfully, I don't think I would have reacted any differently if someone laid so much as a finger on them that left any sort of mark, regardless of familial ties. These are children, for heaven's sake! They're too young to understand that some things adults do to them aren't normal or right, and they lack experience and foresight to make proper judgments about their circumstances. That's where responsible and mature adults should come in and defend these helpless little ones, which is why I feel slapping one's own mother wasn't the wisest choice, my guy. But I can see where he was coming from, as one who often stood up for my nieces and nephews against their own mothers and fathers at times.
I appreciate the people who stand up for children. I was SA when I was this age, older, and younger… and I wet the bed till I was 12. I was “disciplined” as the grandmother/family said for wetting the bed by the wife and stepson of the person who was SAing me
@@Claireannette77 I am so sorry that happened to you. I was around 7-8 when I finally stopped wetting the bed. I grew up with grown men constantly eying me from the age of 13, catcalling, cars slowing down until they realized I was with someone, had 3 confirmed stalkers in high school (1 of them was around my age, the rest were complete strangers; not sure how old they were), and had a horrific experience inside a church chapel, of all places. "Nothing happened" because a few of my guy friends saw that something wasn't quite right, and were able to stop whatever was about to happen. But he still discreetly held me down, tried to take my shirt off, and kiss me; it was terrifying, and I was "a deer in the headlights" scared. All while I was still a teenager. I didn't or couldn't stand up for myself at that age, but I do now, and I never hesitate to do the same for other children who have no voice. I may not know exactly what you've experienced, but I've had enough of a taste to know that, regardless of what people may say, children are completely innocent and the most vulnerable group of individuals, with no real voice to fully defend themselves. Which is why the responsibility falls on us "good guy" adults to keep them safe and protected, regardless of the cost or circumstances.
As the victim of bullying, I waited until the year before graduating high school to finally defend myself one day. After that I almost never got bullied, it worked! I regret not defending myself early in life to stop the bullying from causing such long term traumatic damage. If I'm ever fortunate enough to have a child of my own I *will* be teaching them to hit back when being physically assaulted, and I *will* be defending them when they, despite being the victim, are punished. It's *_not_* fair to punish the victim, "zero tolerance" does more damage than it corrects.
Right I think everyone agrees with saying that defending yourself is right. I think what people are suspicious of is the fact that there are all these adults who aren’t doing anything and the kid is saying this happened. There’s also cameras. Maybe look at them
my kids school had a policy of whoever was involved in a fight got an automatic detention/suspention. didn't matter if someone punched one kid, both got disciplined. My kid was coming home with bruises and handprints from her bully and she didn't want to report it because she didn't want to be punished. the school did nothing when i brought this up. One day she came home with a detention because she decided to finally hit back and a teacher saw it. She asked if I was mad, i told her "we need to teach you how to hit harder. if you're going to be punished for it, make it count."
I have just read about another girl that committed suicide in people magazine because she was being bullied. The mother also dealt with the school staff but nothing was done and the girl couldn't handle it anymore and this is only one of a handful that I have seen never mind the ones where the child ends up getting seriously hurt by the bully even though it was brought to the school staffs attention so no I don't think teachers want to get involved and don't probably want to deal with the bullies family so I agree with teaching him to protect himself or herself if someone touches you because my brother complained about being bullied and the teacher told him to tough in up so I will go with good apple for 4.
My brother's feet were stomped on so many times by bullies over the course of a few years. It's been almost a decade and to this day he still has no feeling in his feet. I remember learning something as a child (I think it was called "my body, my rules" or safe/unsafe touch, I can't recall the exact phrase), where I was taught how to say "no" to an adult if ANYTHING felt wrong or unsafe to me. I was even taught if they didn't listen to kick, scream, bite, scratch, do anything I could to get away and yell for help. We need to do the same with bullies because the adults aren't doing their jobs by protecting the children, so they need to learn to help themselves and each other. If it means innocent children get in trouble with the school system instead of unaliving themselves, so be it. I would rather have a child with a "tainted" grade than one who is no longer living due to bullying. Children who were raised right will know the difference between selfish acts of violence vs self-defense, and any sane adult will as well.
My little one was billed her entire 2nd grade school year and no one told me until the last month of school and I was trying to figure out the whole where the shift in her behavior was coming from and the teachers would tell me that she was instigating the fights between the other students when that wasn't how she used to act. Then when they let it slip that her entire class was bullying her, I tried escalating it to the top of ccsd school district, we got no help, no one got fired for the neglect of my child and lies they told me. I'm still dealing with this and her new anger problems to this day. It's been 3 years since her personality switch and it's been extremely hard for everyone in my family.
When you read the last story it almost felt like you were reading something that happened to me in elementary school. When I was in elementary school there was this older kid on the bus that would pick on me and my younger brother. One day it got rough where he pushed my younger brother so I tried to stand between them and make some space but accidentally grabbed the kid's backpack strap and broke off a plastic buckle. I apologized but my brother and I got sent to the principal and we got suspended. In the same school I got bullied constantly by a group of girls and when I tried to stop it by talking to them I was marked as the bully and again suspended. Teachers and admin told me I was the problem and that I hurt others. No one would listen to my side of the story. This type of bullying would continue through college. So in my experience even if adults are around to see it them might not actually see it. They could be focused on other kids or be in a situation like recess where they really aren't watching. I know nowadays there is more being done since my mom now works in a school and they have bullying lessons but it's still not enough. I'm not in school anymore so I don't know if it's a thing but I really think bullying should be discussed in schools and the serious consequences of bullying and what it does to kids. It might not stop it but at least kids can know more about it and maybe help their peers if they see it happening. For story 3 I really felt for that kid. I can't imagine what they are going through. I feel like they should look into getting emancipated and maybe contacting CPS because it seems like there might be some neglect present with taking care of the kids and money.
Story 2: Punishing kids who wet the bed can cause anxiety which actually makes the problem worse. I don't agree with spanking as punishment at any time.
Story 4: I was bullied in elementary and jr high. I remember getting beaten up on the playground and for a punishment they made me and the kids who beat me up stay after school and pick up grab apples. In jr high I was being bullied and harassed and when I stood up for myself I got ISS and the bully got nothing. Schools will 100% cover for bullies over the victim most of the time because it’s easier to gaslight one kid/their parents than it is to hold bullies and their parents accountable. Do you know how many times I was told that it was my fault I was getting bullied as a kid? Too many.
@@nicstory3110 I was bullied all the time for being an awkward bookworm, and one day I smacked my bully to get him to stop touching me and he punched me in the face several times. I still got suspended.
On story 2 there may not be a medical issues it maybe hes a heavy sleeper or just not have a fully developed sensor to tell them to go to the bathroom he's 4 years old
At that age, even nightmares or new changes to the environment can cause bed wetting. Rebecca is right; it's really common for 4 year Olds, and the best thing is to support your child until they grow out of it. Shaming actually does the exact opposite.
When I was in school, only one teacher out of an entire school ever defended me, I was constantly bullied and always punished by the other teachers whenever I stood up for myself, it's more likely to have all teachers against you than have all help you.
My child saw a bully putting fruit on another child's head. She notified an adult in the cafeteria. The adult just asked him to stop. My daughter and this other student are in first grade. When the adult walked away, the bully told my daughter if she told a teacher again he would come to her home at night and end her life with a knife. This was a big trigger for my daughter because her grandmother and aunt were just killed by a drunk driver. So death is a very real topic. The bully got to go to school the very next day. My husband went and filed a police report to best protect our daughter. The school also released her without a parent there with her bully that threatened her life. My husband was in the office trying to pick her up, but he forgot the tag to prove that he was a the father for pickup. Teacher told him to go the office and still just let her walk out. Thankfully, the bully didn't chase her down. A friend also saw my daughter and called my husband.
Story 2 I need to know if there was a mark left from the spanking because if there were, there are additional steps OP needs to take. As for the slap. It's depends on the family culture. If that is something that was normalized in his family growing up... Mom crossed a line that is worse most reasons people slap. With what we know I would say crabapple. I'd suggest apologizing for the physical part of your reaction then explaining the grandson will not be sleeping over at Grandma's for a very long time. You can circle back when bed wetting is no longer as issue. You will not put your son in that position again. Also when you are ready to let Grandma see your son again the visit will end if he is uncomfortable. She's lost a lot of trust and if the boy is afraid of her that's her problem that she created
Story 4: My daughter went through bullying in school to the point my 7 yr old was wanting and trying to unalive herself. We talked to everyone possible to stop it, and NOTHING happened. Teachers watched it happen and did nothing and were even involved in it. And I know they were involved because to protect my daughter, I had a shadow (therapist) follow her to make sure she stopped getting hurt. The school did nothing and blamed her for things they knew she didn't do. Just to protect the bully's because they were related to faculty. When a 7 yr old thinks the only way out is death, there's a problem, and the schools don't care to fix it.
Honestly, I might go crab apple on the second story. The little kid is having medical issues, and the parents are clearly stressed about it. I think that when the mom heard about him being spanked, she freaked out. My parents have gotten overly emotional and wound up at times, and that does sometimes cause people to easily flip out. Although she wasn't in the right for slapping her, I can see why she could have done it. Also, on the bedwetting thing, I do not think that the boy should have been punished. My brother's nine and still night training, it happens sometimes. Bless his little heart
My son is 9 and has NEVER slept dry, not one night. Despite attempting meds, waking him, etc. There are several people in our family, mostly male, who had the same issue and just sort of outgrew it in their teens. We accept it as a medical issue and consider night diapers to be the same as glasses for a near sighted child or a hearing aid for a hard of hearing child. No sense yelling at or punishing a kid for a medical condition. Just layer sheets and use protection.
@@skylerjameson5682I had an alarm that clipped to my underwear that went off in the middle of the night if I started peeing. It went off once and I never wet the bed again. I was such a heavy sleeper and this went into about 6th grade.
@@skylerjameson5682if your son is a light sleeper or at least wakes up to sounds they do have an alarm type thing that goes off if it gets wet. Even if it doesnt catch it in time at least it will let him know he needs to change PJs so he doesnt get a rash from the acid.
@@christophercathcart881 he is not a light sleeper. He takes multiple strong medications at night for other medical issues and sleeps atleast 12 hours a night like a toddler. We don't worry about rashes starting because he wears diapers with barrier cream applied each night. He's medically complicated with developmental issues.
Story 2: I agree with Rebecca that OP is very wrong for hitting his mom, but I hate the attitude that spanking is discipline and is therefore okay. The family is bombarding OP with messages saying he was disrespectful to his mom, but it doesn’t seem like anyone has the same response to the mom spanking OP’s child. Hitting is hitting and there is no calling one discipline and the other disrespectful. I think OP should apologise to his mom for hitting her, and the mom should apologise to her grandson. They are both wrong.
"OP is very wrong for hitting his mom" Though I agree to an extent, you hit my child first and then proceeded to justify it. I most likely would have done the same if it was an in the moment thing, I wouldn't normally do it. Also, I have parent issues so maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't care if it was my mother. A grown adult hit my child when I told them to NOT do that, and then proceeded to justify it, if the adult was anyone else, I don't think anyone would have a problem with the slap.
@@whatismylifeanymore no, if it were any other adult I would still have the same issue with it. OP should not use physical violence on anymore as a principle. If it were a random stranger the OP and child didn’t need to interact again, I’d say apologising might be less important, whereas here there are family dynamics involved that make it more complex (unless OP wants to stop contact with his mom, which of course is his right). But that doesn’t have anything to do with one person having more right to spank a child or be slapped, it’s more of a long terms repercussions consideration.
In my experience, the school discipline system makes it hard to deal with bullies. I think it's because they're so anti bullying, like bullying will be severely punished, that they want beyond concrete proof or for the issue to be especially serious. For me, there had to be multiple witnesses or severe harm for them to deal with my bullies except when the bullying became about seggsual topics, like saying I had been pregnant and unalived the baby, things like that. Most of the time they would tell me that it really wasn't that serious, no one saw it happen/theres no proof it happenes here or that it was that person wvo did it, both of us should be in class learning instead of in the office because I tattled... they really tried to get me to leave it alone. That being said, this was specifically one vice principal and one councilor, when other staff got involved more got done so I wonder if they had some "reason" to dissuade me from telling them about all this?
Story 4 is the reason kids take their own life!!!! Stand up to your bullies!!! I wish the worst of Karma on the adults who stand by and let children be bullied!!!!
The fact that every single week she must spend 5 minute to 2:15 tell late teens or adults that NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME OPINION , is quite frankly, sad
I was also bullied in school. Middle school it was physical and I have this vivid memory of fighting back one day when a group of bullies were kicking me on the ground so I bit the leg of one. They cried and in the end I was scolded for fighting back. Another time someone was kicking me in the back when I was on a swing because ai didn't want to leave for the boy wanted it. When a teacher eventually came I was praised for not hitting back or fighting back. So I stopped fighting back. For years. Because if I fought back I got the blame and if I just took it I was praised. These days? I wish I had screamed and shouted and fought back tooth and nail every time and can't believe every adult there encouraged abuse like that. If you are being assaulted, if you arw afraid for your safety - kid or adult - You fight back. Defend yourself, don't start it, but don't let yourself be assaulted. Stay safe out there everyone. ❤❤
From my personal experience with the last story I actually can believe the story wholeheartedly as teachers tend to not do anything until the child who was getting bullied reacts
I've been to public schools where stuff like this have happened, like my brother was getting bullied, but he got in trouble when he fought back, while i don't know all the details, that doesn't mean it didn't happen, it just happened a while ago and I didn't asked too much about it, but i heard my parents talking about it. So yes, things like this could happen where the victim can get in trouble for just defending themself
Story 2: if anyone hits my kids (or dog and cats) they are not making it out of my house. Why is she allowed to assault her grandchildren as “discipline” but they can’t discipline the mom to not literally ASSAULT her grandchild. I’m going crab apple because violence is never okay but the grandma had it coming, don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. Also a while ago you gave someone good apple for punching his brother after he injured his iguana so why can’t this person get good apple or at least crab apple from you for doing the same thing in response to their mother hurting their child.
Because she's human and has a different perspective on this particular story vs the iguana story? Let's give her a little grace for being an imperfect human being like the rest of us, shall we?
When I was bullied as a child, and they got away with all the abuse, but the once or twice I actually retaliated, it seemed all the adults managed to see that, this is more common than you think.
i had a high school friend who got expelled for protecting another persons belongings. she literally lightly smacked his hands away from the bag he was going through. the bag was some else’s and he was just going through it. the kid was a known bully, always in the office. the next day my high school friend was expelled for a week just because she lightly smacked his hands away. the kid got nothing he walked away and bragged about it.
1st story: I think the sister-in-law is definitely weird for picking that name and not expecting OP and her husband to pick it too, knowing it is an important name to OP’s husband. But why did OP’s brother not tell her it is a bad idea? They are both naming the child, I assume, so I think they are both dodgy apples. Having said that I have a lot of cousins with the same name, cousins with the same name as uncles / aunts, children names after parents or grandparents etc so I don’t think it is a big deal to have the same name. But it’s a family tradition and they are also typical names from where we are from, so I feel like it is a little different from the story here where the name is not common and also not at all from the culture of OP’s family or her sister-in-law’s family. They really could have picked another name out of the thousands of names that exists, instead of trying to hijack a name that is significant to OP’s husband.
My grand daughter was bullied for 4 years. The school did nothing because her bully was a staff members child. I told her to make it 3 hits: them hitting her, her hitting them back and them hitting the ground. She finally did it. She got suspended, we celebrated by going out to eat. Guess what? They never bullied her again.
Story #4 Feelings can run high when the subject of bullying comes up. I understand where you are coming from by not having enough details to go good apple. My child was upset one day about an interaction on her school bus. She thought she had been bullied. Trying to be supportive I contacted the school to have it looked into. The "bully" was talking bad about her, but there wasn't any direct interaction happening. I found out that other children had told my daughter what was said and she thought this was bullying. Talked to my daughter to explain the differences in someone talking about her and bullying her. It might not have been nice what was being said about her, but it wasn't bullying. The kid never directly interacted with her.
I am so sorry but I will have to politely but firmly disagree. 🙂 Anything those other kids are doing to make her feel bad is bullying, no matter the form. I've had a girl record me and put me on Snapchat, mocking me and making me a target for others. What that girl was saying could've started a rumor, which, is definitely a form of bullying. Similar to my situation. Now, me and the girl DID make up (Thankfully, turns out she's my cousin) but when that was going on all they did was remove her from my class 🙄
Im 42 years old now. but I HIGHLY disagree with you saying you cant believe ALL the adults in the kids life missed the bullying. I was bullied for my entire 12 years of school! in my last 2 years of high school was the WORST! my ONLY friend had moved away that summer, I was in a brand new school, and I had no one I could open up to as by that point in my life I was SO SHY I couldn't even walk up to the front of the room to blow my nose or sharpen a pencil. YEARS of bullying does that to a person! So I ate lunch by myself every day just me and my book at the table. naturally this causes bullies. there was a group of boys who'd come over DAILY and try to steal my lunch. I grew tired of it so one day I mustered up a LOT of courage for me and walked up to the dean who was doing lunch room duty. I told him they kept harassing me. All they got told was a finger wag and a "no no Johnny that's not nice." To say after that the bullying just got WORSE is an understatement! it eventually bled into my art class. There was a boy at my table who kept aiming spit balls at me. again I could only tolerate so much before breaking and told the teacher who once again did the thats not nice thing. and since he faced the teachers desk she NEVER caught him spitting his balls of paper at me. The one time I APPERETLY flicked a tiny bit of paper mache at him I of course got caught, drug out to the hall and CHEWED OUT by the teacher! At some point I FINNALY LOST IT as my mom had ALSO been trying to tell all these adults this was happening as well! ID been allowed to move out of the art class to a different teachers drawing class! she was SO SWEET to me and passed me despite not having been there most of the year with her! but again that didnt stop the bullies at lunch time! They naturally continued! and at one point I LOST IT. I happened to have grabbed a HUGE peach as part of my lunch that day not realizing it was under ripe. so after the bell rang and one of the boys (the main antagonist I believe) was walking away I LAUNCHED that unripe peach and him him SQUARE IN THE BACK! of COURSE he twlls a teacher after trying to violently and PHYSICALLY remove me from my chair. I of course find myself in the deans office being told I was going to be suspended and junk! cause I should have TOLD some one! but I DID! MANY TIMES! my mom was PISSED! she came down and CHEWED THEM ALL OUT! I did not get suspended and they found a group of girls for me to sit with at lunch. the boys DID try to continue the bullying but those girls were SO SWEET to me and ran them right off! but at that point in my life I was WAY to shy to even say hi to them much less thanks or try to become their friends! I doubt they remember me but Im grateful to them any time I remember all of this. but no I DONT believe the child is exaggerating! maybe thats gullible on my part but Ive LIVED the EXACT story soo many times in my life! Btu as ALWAYS the adults dont WANT to see it so the kids doing the bullying get away with it! I feel for the kid! And yes the shyness and insecurities I have from growing up bullied still exsist even as I grow older. I still have trouble making friends or being in rooms full of people! I prefer to hide at home with my books and video games. I have made a couple online friends now at least! but its still a struggle!
Story #4 is what can happen and does happen all the time. How many times have news stories covered a case of a student getting physical and it turns out they were being bullied relentlessly. It happens all the time. My child was being bullied at school. We pulled them out for a week, had meetings with the school, and talked through exactly what was happening, My kid did not want to return to school. We assured them that we had spoken with the principal and all their teachers and they would be watched out for. On the first day back, one of the teachers pulled my kid up to the front of the class and announced that there had been bullying issues and that the class was not going to have these issues anymore. Later that day someone tried to push my kid down the stairs. Their twin was with them and caught them before they fell. We pulled both of them out of school immediately. Teachers are human and most humans are idiots. Teachers are not exceptions.
When my kiddos come to me about being bullied, i ask more questions. If it was just words being said, i tell them to let the teacher know. Because i believe in giving teachers a chance to take action. They are supervising over 20-40 kids, they cant see or hear everything. But if its physical, i tell my kiddos that they got to give 3 warnings before they take a swing. That way they cant be blamed for starting a fight without a reason. And thankfully, no one has called me about any of my kids being in a fight. 🤞🏼🤞🏼
Didn't Beyonce trade mark or copy right her daughter's name so no one else can have it?? Some people are so crazy when it comes to names. Good Apple!! Also the name has more ties to your family than to her so she needs to reevaluate her choices. Story two: Crab apple. I don't think hitting his mom was the correct move but I can see defending your baby. I also know if someone was at your house and kicked your cat because they either scratched that person or damaged their personal belongings, I can see your immediate reaction being to hit them and kick them out of your house. Story three: Oh God baby Good Apple. I am in literal tears writing this because this is how I felt growing up. I am the eldest of six. I had to raise my siblings, not because my mom worked but because she didn't want to do it. To quote her "you were born to take care of me and my kids." That was just a taste of life as the eldest of a lazy mother that treats you like crap. Get out as soon as you can! Parents need to realize their having children isn't someone else's burden or problem, including their oldest child. Story four: Hmm I am between good and crab apple. I wanna play devils advocate for a moment. Could it be possible that "bully" is from an affluent and wealthy family? Could everybody be keeping it hush hush because it would mean the big funds wont be coming in anymore. I have seen this happen before so I know it can. Since I don't know OP or the situation personally, I can only speculate like everyone else.
As a middle school teacher, I always tell kids that retaliation is never the answer. It’s almost always the second kid who gets caught and it’s not worth it.
Well, that's the problem. Self-defense is a defense in life. Personally, this tells me more about weaponized incompetence on the part of people supposed to handle these things than anything about how to deal with it properly.
Story 3: OP sounds very mature. I am being very conscious that he’s probably painting himself in the most positive light because that’s human nature but even taking that view OP is doing way more than is reasonable to expect of a teenager. I don’t think OP is a bad apple. His concerns are valid and so are his feelings. I’m going good apple.
2. Overall, I agree with the Bad Apple verdict. Physical violence is not acceptable in most cases, and this falls in that area. HOWEVER, if I was the OP, I would say to Mom/Dad that spanking my child was also 'very disrespectful' and that I will apologize after Mom does the same to my child. (And then I would proceed to not have Mom around for nighttime until the bedwetting is resolved for the safety of my child.)
Story 4: Wouldn't shock me to see all the adults are making the wrong decision.. hell look at Canton PD and Massachusetts State Police in both the Karen Read and Sandra Birchmore cases. There are a SIGNIFICANT amount of adults who made some very very very bad decisions. And their bosses made very very very bad decisions. And their bosses bosses made very very very bad decisions. So multiple layers of the CoC getting it wrong would not be unheard of.
It would have been so impactful if OP in the second story had made his mother apologize to his child for spanking him. That would've shown the child that he was respected as a person, and she still loves him.
Story 4: the phrase “you’re saying that the principal didn’t care” 24:27 maybe to you sounds unrealistic. But when I went to my principal when I was being physically bullied in high school, with teachers watching on and doing nothing, he literally looked at me and said “he’s a star athlete and you’re nothing, don’t ruin his future with lies.” That was it, he never (for 5 years!) faced repercussions and I had to learn how to hide from him as I was physically so much smaller than him that I literally couldn’t defend myself without risk that he might punch me and do permanent damage 😢
Bullying story: In my teaching experience in elementary for the past 26 years, 9 out of 10 bullies are parent “made.” Examples: 2nd grader, “my stepdad says if things aren’t fair, I’m allowed to fight (makes gun gestures). 5th grader, “my mom says if I feel bad, I have the right to make others feel bad.” Now, of course I checked the validity of those statements from multiple sources . They were pretty much parent encouraged preemptive bullying and NOT self defense. Yes, I understand that there is real bullying happening. In fact my OWN DAUGHTER WAS BULLIED in the school where I taught. I worked with admin and teachers. I also told our daughter to slam her hands on her desk and yell, “stop it. That’s not ok. I need help.” When the bully was quietly tormenting her. I get both sides. But 9 out of 10 bullying cases these last few years are parents teaching their children to fight against any uncomfortable feeling or perceived disrespect
Hi mrs rogers, I've been watching your videos for a long time and i want to put this forward on the offchance you might see it. At the start of every video you begin with this talk about being respectful in discussion and how having different opnions is ok, which i like. However almost every video you are very dismissive of others' opinions when you do the whole "I can hear the keyboard warriors typing already" and then use silly voices to mock their statements before they have even been said. I don't see how these two statements don't clash in your eyes. You're welcome to make your content as you wish, but if the message you want to put out is one of discussion and respectful discourse, I think mocking people and the opinions they may hold is the wrong way to go about it and I honestly find it pretty grating. For what it's worth I don't believe I'm being defensive as I usually agree with your takes, but thought I'd mention it as food for thought.
I've been scared to express a similar sentiment for fear of her coming into the comments and being defensive about it. I feel like there have been times when she should take her own advice when responding to comments, but maybe that's just me
I personally hadn’t thought of it this way but I can see what you mean. I just want to say how well written and thought through this comment is. This is the very definition of healthy communication in my opinion. You could’ve approached this aggressively but instead you called out what you see as a problem but in a way that allows her the grace of perhaps she hadn’t thought about this and the way it comes across but also firmly states your thoughts and feelings. Kudos!
Apple #4: My brother was one of those kids that EVERYONE picked on; all the teachers, the leaders, the principles, the bullies, EVERYONE. It might be rare, but unfortunately, it happens. We had to keep switching schools because of how bad the teachers, staff, and faculty were, and he was a big kid with a big heart. ONE time he finally stood up to a bully because he couldn't pay attention to the teacher while the bully was blowing on the back of his head. My brother was extremely ADHD and he had asked the bully MULTIPLE times over a period of days to stop because he struggled with this particular teacher's lectures as it was. He even went to the teacher and the teacher told him to "suck it up." Well, the ONE time he finally had enough, turned around and gave the kid a good punch in the face (not even a shiner on the eye or a bloody nose), the teacher sent him to the principle's office and was told to go without lunch as punishment. This was just ONE incident in middle school! We finally just decided to school him at home because none of his teachers would leave him alone (he would get in trouble for getting involved, and he would get in trouble for NOT getting involved; it was INFURIATING!), and he couldn't keep up with his grades as a result. What happened to my brother, you might ask? Despite horrible depression that made him quite s*icidal at one point, trust issues, and troubles at home, he managed to pass the GED with flying colors, now has a very successful job in I.T. (with good money and benefits), and is on track to earn his Bachelor's in computer science and technology within the next year. It was a very LONG, often times arduous process, but he survived and now thrives with his kind, charming, beautiful wife at his side. He also takes no nonsense from ANYONE, and just about everyone in his job highly respects him for all the right reasons (there will always be those who don't like him). He has made me a very proud older sibling for overcoming his hardships! He still has his struggles (life is never easy), but he pulls through them every time. 😊
Story 4: I appreciate that OP is trusting their kid and their version of events. I feel like this is the whole story as OP knows it but I don’t think it’s the whole story. I don’t know how to rate this one. I know bullying isn’t well managed sometimes but I find it difficult to believe all the adults in this story got it wrong.
I feel bad for the kid in the first story because the only reason he's named that is because his mom's not a good person. I'm specifically talking about the other mom not OP.
Last story sounds a lot like the Aubreigh Wyatt case. She had some girls at her school that bullied her for 4 yrs straight and she committed suicide last year. The parents and school are still standing by the bullies.
Story 2 is good apple. I was abused as a child. Abusers rarely get what they give. This will teach her that physical pain is not the correct way to guide. A four year old does not deserve to feel physical pain for something he cannot control. We all had that peeing in the bathroom dream before lol
I'm not going discredit you and your reasoning in story 4, it's valid from your standpoint. I was bullied in elementary and middle school. And it was by other students, teachers...and some school board members. While the latter is indirect from my mom trying to get me a case worker to help me through school. The students would call me a freak or weirdo cuz I was bald as a kid, I had alopecia at a really young age. I was diagnosed as autistic the summer before my second grade, and later had a fourth grade that antagonized me (and other students) for not being perfect little kids. Middle school had some physical bullying (only tripping) and a lot of verbal bullying. I try to stand up for myself either yelling at the bullies or using it in homework assignments...and I'm told off for being rambunctious and not keeping things under wraps. Don't know if it was only because I was targeted, but apparently bullying was happening around school and the teachers did this morning assembly announcement of how the bullying needs to stop (spoiler alert, it didn't). I'm not saying my experience is what's happening in the last story, nor am I saying something similar could be happening. If my dad gave me that advice because I kept getting bullied, and I got suspended for fighting back, BOTH my parents would be passed off with the school. I'm saying good apple because of this experience and hypothetical scenario (One big note, these events were decades ago)
Also, didn't the story say that the 10-year-old grabbed the seven-year-old shirt and slapped him? That's more than just oh he was bullied. He was bullied. That's actual physical proof right? And if that's true, seven-year-old was defending himself right? I don't know more clarification would be great.
I know I'm late to this but here's what have to say about story 4: 1) Bullies can definitely get away with bullying unnoticed. I've heard so many stories of kids getting bullied, and then getting in trouble without even doing anything. Usually this is because the bully is a good liar and well liked, and the bullied kid is shy and has trouble articulating. 2) My fist point is especially true when the bullied kid is 7 and the bully is 3 to 4 years older. I remember being around 10 years old and having a reading/mentoring time with kids around 7. Most of them barely came up to my chest. It wouldn't take much for this older kid to terrorize the younger one. The fact that they're even together suggests that, unless they also have a mentoring program going on, the bullying is happening in a crowded area, like the cafeteria or the bus. Of course the teachers wouldn't notice until a kid started screaming. 3) You keep saying the teachers and other adults would all have to be lying for the 7-year-old to be telling the truth. Given my two points above, they actually just have to believe the older kid. The only thing they no for certain is the younger kid hit the older kid. Plenty of people who were bullied as kids will tell you how the school didn't do anything about the bullying except punish kids who stand up for themselves. Just because you didn't see that happen at your school, it doesn't mean it won't happen anywhere else
That last story does not have enough information I agree with Ms Rogers on that one. My suggestion though is to go get the video footage and actually see cuz I'm sure they have cameras around the school. We'll see what actually happened because if there's a good explanation for why the bully isn't getting in trouble then the video footage should be evidence enough.
While growing up, I had an aunt on one side of my family with the same name as my mom (just a different spelling) and an aunt on the other side of the family with a variation of the name (my mom's full name is typically a nickname of this name). Now, the aunt with the same name as my mom works with someone who also has their name, and it always makes me wanna giggle when she talks about work because it almost sounds like she's talking in third person about herself.
tbh i get what you're saying that we cannot assume that someone for sure has a certain disability based on these posts, but i think many people don't understand that we cannot assume that someone does NOT have a disability. many disabilities can go undiagnosed. plus, someone should not need to prove that they do have a disability in order for their "symptoms" to not be demonized. as a neurodivergent person i think it is harmful to demonize neurodivergent behavior but make an "exception" for when we KNOW that someone is neurodivergent. someone might not be diagnosed, might not be comfortable telling you, or whatever else.
Story 2: good apple to me. I used to be a really heavy sleeper and wouldn’t wake up at night and would usually wet my bed every night. This went up to like 6th grade. I had no medical issues or anything, I just slept heavily. Hitting a 4 year old is unacceptable. They don’t understand what is right and wrong yet and hitting them doesn’t help them learn. If the grandmother hit a child who hardly even knows how to write their name, why is the she upset for being hit in return? She obviously thinks hitting someone is an okay way to show you’re upset and she crossed the very clearly set boundary that the parents placed, and did it in such an extreme way. She should get a taste of her own medicine. If it was a pre-meditated slap, I might think differently, but it was heat of the moment and I don’t see OP as bad for the action. Story 4: I definitely see where you’re coming from, but here’s my bullying story. It never got physical, but it was relentless verbal and emotional bullying. I was in 5th grade and this girl started as a friend and then tried gaslighting me into thinking she was just playing around instead of being mean. It escalated into her saying things like “you’re always going to be a victim. I’m building you a spine. You should off yourself because no one will ever want you. You’ll never be important. Etc.” I told my teacher, who didn’t believe me, the guidance counselor literally asked if I had a problem with the bullies skin color, accusing me of lying about the bullying because I’m racist, and the principal said they’d call my parents and they never did. My parents told me to just tell an adult at school. I was the only one facing this bully. The only time it ever really got physical is when she pushed me down after finding out I told a substitute teacher. I literally hid in the bushes at recess and ate in the bathrooms at lunch because of this person. No one believed me and took her side.
Story 2: this just goes to show how in most cases if you spank your kids because this is how you manage your anger, your kids will become adults who will manage anger in the same violent way. I think he needs to apologize sure, but only if the grandmother will also apologize to her nephew.
Story 1- Good apple. In Greek tradition, you name your kids after your parents, so there are multiple cousins worth the same name… we have two Georgias in my family, my sister and my cousin, who we call Big Georgia and Little Georgia. SIL needs to get over it.
Story 3: Absolutely Not The Bad Apple! These parents are insanely irresponsible & reckless! This poor 16 yr not only has to act like a parent, worry about their basic needs, but also the burden put on them has actively impacted their future by not allowing them to focus on their education or future skills. Parents like this frustrate me to no end! YOUR CHILD SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO BE A THIRD PARENT BECAUSE OF YOUR POOR DECISIONS!
Story 3: I am 1 of 15 BIOLOGICAL kids. I am #13 in the line. My parents only tried for 3. I find it to be lazy that during the story the girl said that her parents ARE NOT GOOD WITH SPENDING MONEY!! My parents are so responsible with money that the last time we went on a luxury dinner or something. Was for my sisters birthday 1 (or two) years ago. And our grandparents paid for it! I don't remember the last time we went on a "treat". I even remember that sometimes we wouldn't even buy basic groceries because we couldn't afford it. My parents tragically had 5 miscarriages. My siblings are gone forever. My parents are pushed to THE LIMIT. My mom and dad are super heros! OG in the story is totally the good apple!! GOOD APPLE GOOD APPLE!!
Schools these days defend bullies. We hear about it a lot. Maybe you're biased because this is a training thing that has been going on for a while? I know back in my day, the teachers let a lot slide, but today, the pendulum has swung too far the other way.
@@Rebecca.Rogersgood for you. Other people have. Stop talking down to people. Denying other people’s lived experiences are not going to beat the privileged allegations
A 13 year old girl in my area unalived herself recently due to bullying. She went to teachers. She went to her parents. The bullies doubled down until...yeah...the bullies are still harassing the family through SM and the bullies families are trying to sue the deceased girls parents for defamation for speaking out.
Story 4: I'm not trying to insert narratives, but there's a possibility that the bully is a teacher's or admin's or superintendent's kid or something like that. I would definitely investigate that side of things. If that's the case, I could see where the favoritism and lack of punishment come from. Something like that happened at my middle school, and it ended up with the principal's son being hospitalized because he picked on the wrong kid. However, if this is not the case, I would definitely have a sit-down with the counselor and see where this is coming from. And ask to see the security footage. Every school has cameras. If it's really going down the way your son is saying, then it's time to switch schools or pull the kid out of school for his safety. If not, it's time to talk to a professional.
So for the bully i don't know if its culutral and i know im 33 but i sat through several seminars/ assemblies where we were told that hitting back was worse than the person who first hit because you " allowed " yourself to be pulled down to their level when you had preciously proven you can try harder. The purpose was to eliminate fighting.
I do like how the kid doesn’t automatically hit the bully. He tried to walk away. I don’t like how the father encourages his son to do physical harm but I love how the kid obviously didn’t want to hit the kid.
1 - good apple 2 - good apple. Either the mom hit OP when they were young and OP didn't want that to also happen to the son, OR the mom just hit her grandson without any prior history - which is even scarier. A slap is warranted - and more effective than trying to talk it out. It also helps the child to see their parent stand up for them. I don't have children, but if I did and my parent spanked them because of an accident, I would *immediately* go no contact. No warning, no talking about it - immediately cut off. 3 - good apple. OP should move out as soon as they can. I get caring about your siblings, but they are not your responsibility. 4 - good apple. OP did nothing wrong. The son said he was bullied, so you advocate for him. Even if it later turns out that they were not in fact bullied, advocating for them is never the wrong choice. But sure, take the side of the teachers and the school - like so many times before when it concerns bullying. To me, it sounds like no teachers were present, and the adults that were took the side of the (possible) bully over the new kid that they did not know - ignoring that the bully pulled the son by his shirt. The principal believed the adults, and the principal's bosses trusted the principal. All the adults lying? Or the teachers not doing anything about the bullying? Yeah, I can believe that. It happened to me. I was bullied for years, and the teacher did nothing about it (which was later confirmed by the bully's parents). The bully in this story being in 5th grade reminded me of my situation, because my bully was one class ahead of me, and when I heard he was not allowed to graduate and was held back for a year - he was ruthless, but not very smart - I cried for a long time, because it meant another year of bullying. Bullies are also very good at concealing their actions from adults who do not want to pay attention. They'll push you and call you names, and when you try to walk away, they'll block your way or pull you back. Then, when it is clear no help is coming from an adult and you can't walk away, you do the only thing you can to defend yourself and try to hit the bully - not even to necessarily hurt them, just to have them leave you alone. But sure, that attempt to hit them is the only thing the adults (finally) notice.
Story 2: I know I should go bad apple but I’m going to go Crab Apple. Here’s why; the grandmother (remember it’s his mother) is 100% in the wrong for not only crossing a boundary set at the parent but then also putting her hands on him. This makes me assume that growing up, this type of discipline was also used on OP. This unfortunately has created the reaction of violence as a norm because it was taught to him. So not only do I understand his anger as a parent but I believe the mother is the one who bought this type of behavior up in him. OP seems to really love his son & is trying to be a good dad. I hope he cuts ties with his mother & seeks a therapist to help him move past what he was exposed to so this type of reaction happens again.
I have seen a few teachers not take bullying seriously. I've always been a big guy. In school it was more muscle. And there was one kid constantly saying he wanted to fight me. He was going to jump me. I didnt retaliate. I just told a teacher and she told me "he special he probably doesnt understand the meaning". (Why he wasnt in a special ed class then i don't know) The last time i told the teacher i said to her i will retaliate if he says it one more time. She didnt take me seriously to that since i was never in a fight before. Next day he says it in front of the teacher so i smashed his face into the table. Then the teacher i never got close to said i hit her. All the students (minus the guy who i hurt) said they heard him threaten me and i never touched the teacher. I got expelled. So yes, there are teachers that will not take anything seriously until it actually happens.
As soon as a kid has to worry about money, alarm bells should have been going in the parent's head that something isn't working out. It shouldn't even have come to the situation that the kid has to work to help out.
Story 3- OP should look into getting emancipated. Remaining a dependent of his parents is not in his best interest. Whether the court agrees would depend on the state (or country if not in the US), but it's worth finding out.
Story #1: Never tell people your baby names if you are anywhere near a fertile female. Just don't. The number of idiots running around stealing baby names is way too many. Why in the world would a Hispanic family member name their kid an Irish name other than being an attention seeker. She intentionally tried to steal a family name from the father. Just don't tell them your names ever. Good Apple Story #2: That's what happens when you spank your kids. That's coming from one who was spanked but makes sure to suppress that urge to lash out. Don't spank your kids because that's teaching lashing out when someone hurts you. Clear ESH/Bad Batch Story #3: The fact that the woman didn't get her tubes tied after baby number 3 or 4 or 5 is really telling because even some Catholic hospitals will do that at that point. And the parents trying to gaslight OP about their reaction is just pathetic. Maybe it came from being ashamed they screwed up again or what, but it's still wrong. That poor kid is already writing college off because of their poor parenting. Good Apple Story #4: As someone who grew up in a rural county, this reads as the rich family's kid getting away with everything, and I'll tell you why. OP's kid got suspended for a MONTH at 7. That is wildly inappropriate for a single punch so the person that got punched has to be from one of those families. I remember getting blamed for a girl breaking her finger in dodgeball saying I threw the ball, which I didn't even throw a ball that entire PE class because I stunk at dodgeball. Most everyone there knew who threw the ball, the state senate majority leader's son. Nothing ever came from it, and he was even my friend. But people still tried to blame the poor kid. So I'm going to go with that mainly because the other option would be racism but OP didn't mention that so I don't think that would go unmentioned. Crab Apple
My Mom's sister-in-law did the same thing. She used the first and middle name my parents had chosen. Fortunately, my mom had 2 daughters and no son. She always said she would have still used the name if she had a buy!
I think everything in the final story is in the words " He tried to walk away". But that's under the condition that he told the truth which may not be true. I now as an adult still hold the conviction that I was painfully bullied all through Catholic school and teachers did favor other students. I was just never that kid.
I think the last story is a good apple. It’s weird to me that many of the the teachers and administrators were clearly aware of the bullying, it was documented in the incident report that the bully made the threatening gesture by grabbing his shirt first, and they still only punished the victim and not the bully. That to me sounds very suspicious. I grew up in a small town where if you didn’t have the right last name you wouldn’t have a great time and it was reflected in the school environment. It sounds to me like this is probably the case. We had a similar case happen where someone fought back against a bully who just so happened to have the same last name as the family who had a very successful real estate company in town and the bully was treated like the victim and the actual victim was enrolled in an alternative school program and deemed as violent. I never agreed with their handling of the situation, especially when many students who witnessed the incident said that the bully instigated the fight, and they still left him off the hook. Not saying this is what happened in the last story, it’s just unfortunately plausible. Also, a month long suspension for punching somebody in the face when documented that the “victim” put their hands on them first sounds very excessive to me.
Story #3 - Dysfunctional parents. How the heck do you intend to only have 2 kids and end up having 8? Either they don't use contraception or they're just ignorant and don't care. The fact that they even referred to this eighth child as "an accident" so openly is alarming. Yes, the parents are free to have as many kids as they want, but they need to be considerate of their other children, and it sounds like they are not making a full effort to raise them. Basically, if the parents are going to treat their eldest kids as almost co-parents, then they need to consult them about a decision as huge as having another child, and those co-parents deserve as equal say.
last story: i was bullied ppl commented kids commented on everything abt me same with a past friend they didn’t care some defended me but no one listened
#3.. is a story thats SO SO sad and happened to me as well. So ANY parents out reading this THERE IS NEVER, EVER A REASON your child have to ever feel like a parent BECAUSE YOUR bad choices.. The trauma is 😢 horrible and why bring in kids i to this world to make them feel horrible. If OP is HAVING to work to help the houss hold HE has a RIGHT to have a say. PLEASE do not do this to your kids. For me it was my self esteem and i got taken advantage and stepped on because I TRULY believe I deserved to be treated that why, because I was condition by someone that said "I love you" set me up for failure in life. And most of all my a parent that is suppose to have my best interest.. Please don't hurt your kids this way. You had a kid and chose to keep it, you're the parent/s NOT your children.
Story 4: I was bullied in junior high (mean girls style). My oldest son had adhd and was bullied. Both kids got suspended despite my son not even lifting a hand because it happened at lunch time in a common area. He got beat up and did not defend himself because we had been told by the school that he wouldn’t get punished if he didn’t hit back. After this I told him that he had my blessing to defend himself
Story number three, the parents really need a lesson in proper protection it seems like they're mating like bunnies and that's really unhealthy for many reasons both financially and emotionally, the Dad needs to get a vasectomy or they need to go on like birth control and actually use protection because clearly they're either not using protection or they just don't care if you only wanted two kids then you go and get vasectomy after and especially since they said the seventh would be the last vasectomy so it's going to be the last or you know use other forms of protection clearly these parents love each other very much, but it's not healthy for their kids and as the oldest of two I know I probably don't have any legs to stand on for this, but my mum's mum and my mum's dad both came from big families of seven and six and I've heard so many stories, this was back obviously many years ago but in the older days it was very common to have big families and have the children work on the farm or things like that, but in today's world especially with money going up for things like groceries and rent and all that stuff, it's better to have smaller families these days and I know some of it things you can't control but this feels like one of those stories you see on television where their living in poverty because the parents can't stop and have like all different fathers obviously that isn't the case here but it's similar to wear like there's too many kids there living below their means sometimes this works like in the olden days it worked better because things didn't cost as much or if like the father has a good paying job these days then you can afford to have bigger families but clearly they don't, this kind of reminds me a little bit of the Weasley from Harry Potter but obviously that's fictional, but they will look down for not having enough money and for Arthur having a bad job that didn't really support them and they had so many kids, in their situation they kept going until they had a girl which still not okay I guess but again it is fictional, I know comparing real life people to fictional characters is wrong, so I'll just stick with my grandparents, but the point is your hair stories about this on the news with kids who have to be taken out of the custody of their parents for their own well-being or like going out on their own or having to apply for special government things to afford school and this poor kid getting bad grades like the parents aren't even supportive of the kids that they have and if you're going to have a lot of kids you still have to be a parent and you still have to take care of them and never put the burden on again I can't speak to this because I'm the oldest of two but all I wanna say is that these parents really need to get a reality check because they're out like bunnies well they're eldest is running the house and he's not even graduated high school yet they're throwing away his future just so that they can continue making kids that they can't even afford to take care of, it really feels like if they keep going like this then they're gonna have one of those calls from the government or fromfamily services to have their kids taken away from them and that would be truly sad so I think they really need to wake up. This is just my opinion I don't have a lot of experience with this.
2. I don’t care who the adult is but hitting another person’s kid is assault. I am against the fact that OP hit his mother. I’d call the cops and press charges instead.
Does anyone for Story 3 think that with the oldest and second oldest that it is a double standard because their parents told them that by the time that they were a teenager they had to work and help around the house but the 2nd youngest who I believe is also a teenager (but I could be wrong) why can't she help pay for stuff?
Story 2: I understand your view point about physical violence not being except-able in this particular situation but at the same time I somewhat sympathize with the guy which I’m not trying to justify in anyway but I can see as a mom of a 3 year old how that could cause things to become really heated like that and it’s just a fact of being protective not saying that’s how that situation should’ve been handled but I can see how he was brought to that decision
i’m very proud of the lady in story 1, still naming her kid the name she chose instead of changing it. love that
On the last one, it happens. My son was bullied horribly by one kid and it culminated with the bully purposely tripping my son so he face planted into a desk in 6th grade and knocked out his tooth, scraped his face, and gave him a concussion. Teachers had seen it. The kid admitted it. But because he was from a certain family in town, the superintendent swept it under the rug.
I can assure you that pisses the teachers off just as much, I would be so furious as a teacher in that situation
This happened to me too I was being physically bullied and I made eye contact with multiple teachers and I was cornered so I turned around and punched her in the face but I was suspended and was not allowed to go to my 8th grade graduation and she did so yeah it happens and it is the worst feeling in the world I was hospitalized because of 2 different concussions and I now have permanent brain damage and possible CTE and develped AMPS due to stress so if physically hurts to breathe or exist
@@Aceofspades950 I'm so sorry you went through that. Things like that absolutely do slip through and it's infuriating. I hope these things happen less and I hope you're healing from your experience as much as possible!
@@emmapalya1682 Thank you so much it has been hard to heal but this really means a lot you have know idea how much I needed this
Agreed. I was the bullied kid. Put up with it for years. Finally when I was 15 so 10 years of bullying, my mom said f it, if you need to fight back. So I did, and I got punished for defending myself. The system doesn't care who is involved, the circumstances behind that act, or what was going on. Violance no matter how justified is punished.
Anyone who tells you that the way to deal with bullies is to ignore them or turn the other cheek has no clue what they're talking about. The only way to get a bully to truly leave you alone is to convince them that continuing to torment you is more trouble than it's worth.
Agreed.
Story 3: The parents only intended to have 2 kids but they ended up with 8?!? That not an accident because contraception didn’t work one time, that’s completely irresponsible when they are not able to take care of their children adequately. Nobody who really intends to only have 2 children ends up with 8 children.
OP is clearly so stressed about the situation and about the well-being of his younger siblings, not to mention it impacting his future if he cannot even focus on his education because of having to take care of his younger siblings.
Once or twice is an accident, BUT SIX TIMES??? Come on, give me a break
Hopefully the 16 year can run out of the house ASAP. I know he cares for his family and has concerns. Yet, don't stay in that family. He shouldn't be a parent at that age and needs to be and act his age.
Well there are a lot of different births sometimes you can have unexpected twins or quintuplets or Sextuplets, or Septuplets , or Octuplets or Nonuplets, or decuplets, or etc just a few examples once it gets to a certain amount you can’t tell I’m not a parent or Doctor but from stories on RUclips and both of my sisters being in the medical field I know this my big sister is a Nurse learning to be a nurse practitioner.
@@autisticgirlawareness7420 there are no multiple births in OPs family. And while twins are fairly common (around 1 in 250 births), natural triplets are already rare at one in 10,00 births. Quadruplets are one in 15 million. There is a bigger chance of someone having conjoined twins than of them having quadruplets. So yes it happens, but the likelihood is negligible when talking about normal parenting situations.
fr and there is so many diffeent options available if i have 1 accident then i would definitly double/triple up on contraception
Story 2: As someone who wet the bed until middle school, was a victim of SA, and was “disciplined” me for wetting the bed by the wife and stepson of the person who SA’ed me… THANK YOU!!! Thank you for hitting her!!! Thank you for standing up for your child!!! YOU ARE THE GOOD APPLE AND NO ONE ON THIS PLANET CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!!!! She thought it was okay to hit your child for no valid reason (hit your child period!) and she got the consequences of her actions!!! She fooled around and found out!!!! Thank you!!!
EXACTLY like i said on the short if the mom didn't wanna get hit she shouldn't have hit her grandchild
As someone who got bullied for most of my school days. I'm 100% for fighting back. It's the only thing that works to stop the bullying. Bullies do not care about words, feelings or temporary punishment. You have to physically show them that you are not a target. And even if you get punished for fighting back, that's still lightyears better than the mental and/or physical trauma you would otherwise get.
It didn't work for me. One fight just became another. I got suspended for a week the bullies did too then it was back to square one. I was still the weird kid. The teachers still told me to shut up when I told them what was going on. The bullies parents agreed with them I was annoying.
Sometimes nothing works.
Story 4: my nephew was suspended and banned from playing on the grass at lunch due to bullying. In front of teachers and students my nephew who was being bullied by older kids, nephew 8yo and other kids 10yo, and at lunch the older kids started pushing my nephew. They were taken to the principal and my nephew was suspended and banned from the grass at lunch - reason from the principal “it’s easier to suspend and ban 1 boy as he doesn’t have many friends than to suspend and ban the older boys as there were 4 or 5. We know he didn’t do anything wrong but it’s easier this way.”
No doubt it happens more than people think.
Lawsuit smelling nice
This is my face right now mouth dropped to the floor.
This is my face right now mouth dropped to the floor.
That's not right! Seriously that principal ought to be ashame of themselves for letting the Bully get away with it scott free while the victim of the bullying gets punished for absolutely no reason.
For number 4 . This happens too damn often . I was the kid getting suspended when I was the victim of bullying in the 90s and early 00’s and I’m mother of a kid who got bullied and the teachers refused to do their jobs .
I was also bullied in plain sight of the teachers all the time. IMHO, the human tendency to let uncomfy things / violence slide and not make too much ruckus about it impedes on teachers' judgement...
And I think people need to realize that Just because somebody is a kid, doesn't mean they can't *really* be an ABUSER. Seriously, bullies Test and know exactly what they can get away With and how to lie to people to make people enable the bully actively. They also use the educators as Tools in their Game. Bullies, in contrast to mere altercations, Put brain Power into that sh!t. I think people Just don't realize that.
Teachers, you might have a Chance at still changing that Kids trajectory. Do it. You don't want them to become an adult abuser with more Power And capacity on their hands. (And yeah, some Kids outgrow those behaviours by themselves, But we shouldnt rely on that...) unfortunately it also might Take more than Just punishments.
Third apple--get emancipated. You're already the adult. "Accidents happen".... They happen a lot less when you're careful. I'm 36 and have never wanted kids, and abortions are against my PERSONAL morals, what anyone else does is their own business but it's not for me. So I've spent my life being exceptionally careful and no accidents have" happened" (knock on wood)
I came here to say the same.
2. Good Apple for standing up for your kid. Bad Apple for slapping Grandma. Maybe that balances out to an overall Crab Apple. I'm against slapping Grandma and I'm against punishing kids for what they cannot yet control or avoid.
Some people won’t learn until they have had it dished back to them. I think they are the good apple. Grandma had no right to do that. An eye for an eye can make the whole world blind… but some people gain the gift of sight when they are handed the consequences of their actions. She fooled around and found out. Perhaps she should have treated others how she wanted to be treated. Crying to the whole family says a lot about her character. I don’t care if she’s from a different generation. This isn’t that time period, and it’s time for her to grow up. Maybe everyone is better off if she doesn’t have access to her grandchild. Edit: I should add that not every grandma deserves to be slapped… but I know many who genuinely do.
well the kid is doing something he can't control and grandma can control keeping her hands to herself so i think the grandma slap is warranted since she wanted to hit her grandchild
@@Bella-wz9xw 👏👏👏
Story 2 I just realized, through my anger with this story, that my toxic trait would be putting my hands on any adult that put their hands on my child. Hitting is wrong, and I'd 100% be a bad apple, and I can live with that. He hit an adult; she hit a child. One apple is more rotten than the other.
Story 3 The teenager is more responsible than the two parents.
I completely see your point on story 2 and I think it is very self-aware to know you could also react the same way. I wouldn’t say that the grandma is more wrong because she hit a child, because I think hitting anyone is wrong regardless of ages, but she hit a 4 years old for something that is not unusual for a 4 year old to do and also not something he did on purpose. The grandma / mother actually did something wrong. Not saying it’s okay to hit her, but OP’s anger was justified whereas the grandma’s anger to her grandson was not.
I would 100% do the same thing if somebody hit my child, and I wouldn't feel bad about it. Hitting is wrong, but forget about the age difference and think about the differnce in size. There's a much bigger difference between an adult and a child compared to a grown man vs a grown woman
@@elleslaton3768 Are we really not considering age difference here?! While I agree, it was indeed VERY wrong for the guy to slap his own mother (especially considering how opposed he is about spanking), this 4 year old doesn't even developmentally fully understand what he's done wrong, let alone fully realize wetting the bed is unacceptable. And spanking a child is so traumatic! We have studies that show how children can grow up to develop PTSD, C-PTSD, and other mental disorders, from repeated corporal punishment in childhood.
Although I have to admit, despite me not having any children, I've helped raise MANY nieces and nephews, and truthfully, I don't think I would have reacted any differently if someone laid so much as a finger on them that left any sort of mark, regardless of familial ties. These are children, for heaven's sake! They're too young to understand that some things adults do to them aren't normal or right, and they lack experience and foresight to make proper judgments about their circumstances. That's where responsible and mature adults should come in and defend these helpless little ones, which is why I feel slapping one's own mother wasn't the wisest choice, my guy. But I can see where he was coming from, as one who often stood up for my nieces and nephews against their own mothers and fathers at times.
I appreciate the people who stand up for children. I was SA when I was this age, older, and younger… and I wet the bed till I was 12. I was “disciplined” as the grandmother/family said for wetting the bed by the wife and stepson of the person who was SAing me
@@Claireannette77 I am so sorry that happened to you. I was around 7-8 when I finally stopped wetting the bed. I grew up with grown men constantly eying me from the age of 13, catcalling, cars slowing down until they realized I was with someone, had 3 confirmed stalkers in high school (1 of them was around my age, the rest were complete strangers; not sure how old they were), and had a horrific experience inside a church chapel, of all places. "Nothing happened" because a few of my guy friends saw that something wasn't quite right, and were able to stop whatever was about to happen. But he still discreetly held me down, tried to take my shirt off, and kiss me; it was terrifying, and I was "a deer in the headlights" scared. All while I was still a teenager.
I didn't or couldn't stand up for myself at that age, but I do now, and I never hesitate to do the same for other children who have no voice. I may not know exactly what you've experienced, but I've had enough of a taste to know that, regardless of what people may say, children are completely innocent and the most vulnerable group of individuals, with no real voice to fully defend themselves. Which is why the responsibility falls on us "good guy" adults to keep them safe and protected, regardless of the cost or circumstances.
As the victim of bullying, I waited until the year before graduating high school to finally defend myself one day. After that I almost never got bullied, it worked! I regret not defending myself early in life to stop the bullying from causing such long term traumatic damage. If I'm ever fortunate enough to have a child of my own I *will* be teaching them to hit back when being physically assaulted, and I *will* be defending them when they, despite being the victim, are punished. It's *_not_* fair to punish the victim, "zero tolerance" does more damage than it corrects.
Right I think everyone agrees with saying that defending yourself is right. I think what people are suspicious of is the fact that there are all these adults who aren’t doing anything and the kid is saying this happened. There’s also cameras. Maybe look at them
my kids school had a policy of whoever was involved in a fight got an automatic detention/suspention. didn't matter if someone punched one kid, both got disciplined. My kid was coming home with bruises and handprints from her bully and she didn't want to report it because she didn't want to be punished. the school did nothing when i brought this up. One day she came home with a detention because she decided to finally hit back and a teacher saw it. She asked if I was mad, i told her "we need to teach you how to hit harder. if you're going to be punished for it, make it count."
I have just read about another girl that committed suicide in people magazine because she was being bullied. The mother also dealt with the school staff but nothing was done and the girl couldn't handle it anymore and this is only one of a handful that I have seen never mind the ones where the child ends up getting seriously hurt by the bully even though it was brought to the school staffs attention so no I don't think teachers want to get involved and don't probably want to deal with the bullies family so I agree with teaching him to protect himself or herself if someone touches you because my brother complained about being bullied and the teacher told him to tough in up so I will go with good apple for 4.
My brother's feet were stomped on so many times by bullies over the course of a few years. It's been almost a decade and to this day he still has no feeling in his feet.
I remember learning something as a child (I think it was called "my body, my rules" or safe/unsafe touch, I can't recall the exact phrase), where I was taught how to say "no" to an adult if ANYTHING felt wrong or unsafe to me. I was even taught if they didn't listen to kick, scream, bite, scratch, do anything I could to get away and yell for help. We need to do the same with bullies because the adults aren't doing their jobs by protecting the children, so they need to learn to help themselves and each other. If it means innocent children get in trouble with the school system instead of unaliving themselves, so be it. I would rather have a child with a "tainted" grade than one who is no longer living due to bullying. Children who were raised right will know the difference between selfish acts of violence vs self-defense, and any sane adult will as well.
My little one was billed her entire 2nd grade school year and no one told me until the last month of school and I was trying to figure out the whole where the shift in her behavior was coming from and the teachers would tell me that she was instigating the fights between the other students when that wasn't how she used to act. Then when they let it slip that her entire class was bullying her, I tried escalating it to the top of ccsd school district, we got no help, no one got fired for the neglect of my child and lies they told me. I'm still dealing with this and her new anger problems to this day. It's been 3 years since her personality switch and it's been extremely hard for everyone in my family.
Gather proof. Lawsuit. Or bring that sht to the press!
Story 1- good apple story 2- crab apple story 3- good apple story 4- good apple
When you read the last story it almost felt like you were reading something that happened to me in elementary school. When I was in elementary school there was this older kid on the bus that would pick on me and my younger brother. One day it got rough where he pushed my younger brother so I tried to stand between them and make some space but accidentally grabbed the kid's backpack strap and broke off a plastic buckle. I apologized but my brother and I got sent to the principal and we got suspended. In the same school I got bullied constantly by a group of girls and when I tried to stop it by talking to them I was marked as the bully and again suspended. Teachers and admin told me I was the problem and that I hurt others. No one would listen to my side of the story. This type of bullying would continue through college. So in my experience even if adults are around to see it them might not actually see it. They could be focused on other kids or be in a situation like recess where they really aren't watching. I know nowadays there is more being done since my mom now works in a school and they have bullying lessons but it's still not enough. I'm not in school anymore so I don't know if it's a thing but I really think bullying should be discussed in schools and the serious consequences of bullying and what it does to kids. It might not stop it but at least kids can know more about it and maybe help their peers if they see it happening.
For story 3 I really felt for that kid. I can't imagine what they are going through. I feel like they should look into getting emancipated and maybe contacting CPS because it seems like there might be some neglect present with taking care of the kids and money.
Story 2: Punishing kids who wet the bed can cause anxiety which actually makes the problem worse. I don't agree with spanking as punishment at any time.
Story 4: I was bullied in elementary and jr high. I remember getting beaten up on the playground and for a punishment they made me and the kids who beat me up stay after school and pick up grab apples. In jr high I was being bullied and harassed and when I stood up for myself I got ISS and the bully got nothing. Schools will 100% cover for bullies over the victim most of the time because it’s easier to gaslight one kid/their parents than it is to hold bullies and their parents accountable. Do you know how many times I was told that it was my fault I was getting bullied as a kid? Too many.
@@nicstory3110 I was bullied all the time for being an awkward bookworm, and one day I smacked my bully to get him to stop touching me and he punched me in the face several times. I still got suspended.
On story 2 there may not be a medical issues it maybe hes a heavy sleeper or just not have a fully developed sensor to tell them to go to the bathroom he's 4 years old
At that age, even nightmares or new changes to the environment can cause bed wetting. Rebecca is right; it's really common for 4 year Olds, and the best thing is to support your child until they grow out of it. Shaming actually does the exact opposite.
When I was in school, only one teacher out of an entire school ever defended me, I was constantly bullied and always punished by the other teachers whenever I stood up for myself, it's more likely to have all teachers against you than have all help you.
My child saw a bully putting fruit on another child's head. She notified an adult in the cafeteria. The adult just asked him to stop. My daughter and this other student are in first grade. When the adult walked away, the bully told my daughter if she told a teacher again he would come to her home at night and end her life with a knife. This was a big trigger for my daughter because her grandmother and aunt were just killed by a drunk driver. So death is a very real topic. The bully got to go to school the very next day. My husband went and filed a police report to best protect our daughter. The school also released her without a parent there with her bully that threatened her life. My husband was in the office trying to pick her up, but he forgot the tag to prove that he was a the father for pickup. Teacher told him to go the office and still just let her walk out. Thankfully, the bully didn't chase her down. A friend also saw my daughter and called my husband.
Story 2 I need to know if there was a mark left from the spanking because if there were, there are additional steps OP needs to take.
As for the slap. It's depends on the family culture. If that is something that was normalized in his family growing up... Mom crossed a line that is worse most reasons people slap.
With what we know I would say crabapple. I'd suggest apologizing for the physical part of your reaction then explaining the grandson will not be sleeping over at Grandma's for a very long time. You can circle back when bed wetting is no longer as issue. You will not put your son in that position again. Also when you are ready to let Grandma see your son again the visit will end if he is uncomfortable.
She's lost a lot of trust and if the boy is afraid of her that's her problem that she created
Story 4: My daughter went through bullying in school to the point my 7 yr old was wanting and trying to unalive herself. We talked to everyone possible to stop it, and NOTHING happened. Teachers watched it happen and did nothing and were even involved in it. And I know they were involved because to protect my daughter, I had a shadow (therapist) follow her to make sure she stopped getting hurt. The school did nothing and blamed her for things they knew she didn't do. Just to protect the bully's because they were related to faculty. When a 7 yr old thinks the only way out is death, there's a problem, and the schools don't care to fix it.
Honestly, I might go crab apple on the second story. The little kid is having medical issues, and the parents are clearly stressed about it. I think that when the mom heard about him being spanked, she freaked out. My parents have gotten overly emotional and wound up at times, and that does sometimes cause people to easily flip out. Although she wasn't in the right for slapping her, I can see why she could have done it.
Also, on the bedwetting thing, I do not think that the boy should have been punished. My brother's nine and still night training, it happens sometimes. Bless his little heart
My mom and I frequently argue over her punishing my child for her medical conditions but hers are mental not physical
My son is 9 and has NEVER slept dry, not one night. Despite attempting meds, waking him, etc. There are several people in our family, mostly male, who had the same issue and just sort of outgrew it in their teens. We accept it as a medical issue and consider night diapers to be the same as glasses for a near sighted child or a hearing aid for a hard of hearing child. No sense yelling at or punishing a kid for a medical condition. Just layer sheets and use protection.
@@skylerjameson5682I had an alarm that clipped to my underwear that went off in the middle of the night if I started peeing. It went off once and I never wet the bed again. I was such a heavy sleeper and this went into about 6th grade.
@@skylerjameson5682if your son is a light sleeper or at least wakes up to sounds they do have an alarm type thing that goes off if it gets wet. Even if it doesnt catch it in time at least it will let him know he needs to change PJs so he doesnt get a rash from the acid.
@@christophercathcart881 he is not a light sleeper. He takes multiple strong medications at night for other medical issues and sleeps atleast 12 hours a night like a toddler. We don't worry about rashes starting because he wears diapers with barrier cream applied each night. He's medically complicated with developmental issues.
Story 2: I agree with Rebecca that OP is very wrong for hitting his mom, but I hate the attitude that spanking is discipline and is therefore okay. The family is bombarding OP with messages saying he was disrespectful to his mom, but it doesn’t seem like anyone has the same response to the mom spanking OP’s child. Hitting is hitting and there is no calling one discipline and the other disrespectful. I think OP should apologise to his mom for hitting her, and the mom should apologise to her grandson. They are both wrong.
This!
I think OP was in the wrong, but I’m also not mad
@@kendalkolasinski8055 Same tbh. He was wrong but I also don’t feel sorry for the grandma /mom.
"OP is very wrong for hitting his mom" Though I agree to an extent, you hit my child first and then proceeded to justify it. I most likely would have done the same if it was an in the moment thing, I wouldn't normally do it. Also, I have parent issues so maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't care if it was my mother. A grown adult hit my child when I told them to NOT do that, and then proceeded to justify it, if the adult was anyone else, I don't think anyone would have a problem with the slap.
@@whatismylifeanymore no, if it were any other adult I would still have the same issue with it. OP should not use physical violence on anymore as a principle. If it were a random stranger the OP and child didn’t need to interact again, I’d say apologising might be less important, whereas here there are family dynamics involved that make it more complex (unless OP wants to stop contact with his mom, which of course is his right). But that doesn’t have anything to do with one person having more right to spank a child or be slapped, it’s more of a long terms repercussions consideration.
In my experience, the school discipline system makes it hard to deal with bullies. I think it's because they're so anti bullying, like bullying will be severely punished, that they want beyond concrete proof or for the issue to be especially serious. For me, there had to be multiple witnesses or severe harm for them to deal with my bullies except when the bullying became about seggsual topics, like saying I had been pregnant and unalived the baby, things like that. Most of the time they would tell me that it really wasn't that serious, no one saw it happen/theres no proof it happenes here or that it was that person wvo did it, both of us should be in class learning instead of in the office because I tattled... they really tried to get me to leave it alone. That being said, this was specifically one vice principal and one councilor, when other staff got involved more got done so I wonder if they had some "reason" to dissuade me from telling them about all this?
Story 4 is the reason kids take their own life!!!! Stand up to your bullies!!! I wish the worst of Karma on the adults who stand by and let children be bullied!!!!
The fact that every single week she must spend 5 minute to 2:15 tell late teens or adults that NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME OPINION , is quite frankly, sad
I agree, but when I don't I get absolutely dragged for just experiencing something differently than someone else LOL
@@Rebecca.Rogers yes absolutly, and it's so sad that people can't be civil on their own
I was also bullied in school. Middle school it was physical and I have this vivid memory of fighting back one day when a group of bullies were kicking me on the ground so I bit the leg of one. They cried and in the end I was scolded for fighting back.
Another time someone was kicking me in the back when I was on a swing because ai didn't want to leave for the boy wanted it. When a teacher eventually came I was praised for not hitting back or fighting back. So I stopped fighting back. For years. Because if I fought back I got the blame and if I just took it I was praised. These days? I wish I had screamed and shouted and fought back tooth and nail every time and can't believe every adult there encouraged abuse like that. If you are being assaulted, if you arw afraid for your safety - kid or adult - You fight back. Defend yourself, don't start it, but don't let yourself be assaulted. Stay safe out there everyone. ❤❤
That third story is reminding me of parentification even if it's not the textbook definition of it.
From my personal experience with the last story I actually can believe the story wholeheartedly as teachers tend to not do anything until the child who was getting bullied reacts
I've been to public schools where stuff like this have happened, like my brother was getting bullied, but he got in trouble when he fought back, while i don't know all the details, that doesn't mean it didn't happen, it just happened a while ago and I didn't asked too much about it, but i heard my parents talking about it. So yes, things like this could happen where the victim can get in trouble for just defending themself
Story 2: could grandma be a cause? Stress might be a contributing factor.
Story 2: if anyone hits my kids (or dog and cats) they are not making it out of my house. Why is she allowed to assault her grandchildren as “discipline” but they can’t discipline the mom to not literally ASSAULT her grandchild. I’m going crab apple because violence is never okay but the grandma had it coming, don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
Also a while ago you gave someone good apple for punching his brother after he injured his iguana so why can’t this person get good apple or at least crab apple from you for doing the same thing in response to their mother hurting their child.
Because she's human and has a different perspective on this particular story vs the iguana story? Let's give her a little grace for being an imperfect human being like the rest of us, shall we?
When I was bullied as a child, and they got away with all the abuse, but the once or twice I actually retaliated, it seemed all the adults managed to see that, this is more common than you think.
Story 4: crab, really Rebecca? 100%good apple. If you are being strangled on the street, would you fight back? *OBVIOUSLY*
i had a high school friend who got expelled for protecting another persons belongings. she literally lightly smacked his hands away from the bag he was going through. the bag was some else’s and he was just going through it. the kid was a known bully, always in the office. the next day my high school friend was expelled for a week just because she lightly smacked his hands away. the kid got nothing he walked away and bragged about it.
It happens .... Sometimes the bullies are just favored or people dont want to deal with it ....
1st story: I think the sister-in-law is definitely weird for picking that name and not expecting OP and her husband to pick it too, knowing it is an important name to OP’s husband. But why did OP’s brother not tell her it is a bad idea? They are both naming the child, I assume, so I think they are both dodgy apples.
Having said that I have a lot of cousins with the same name, cousins with the same name as uncles / aunts, children names after parents or grandparents etc so I don’t think it is a big deal to have the same name. But it’s a family tradition and they are also typical names from where we are from, so I feel like it is a little different from the story here where the name is not common and also not at all from the culture of OP’s family or her sister-in-law’s family. They really could have picked another name out of the thousands of names that exists, instead of trying to hijack a name that is significant to OP’s husband.
My grand daughter was bullied for 4 years. The school did nothing because her bully was a staff members child. I told her to make it 3 hits: them hitting her, her hitting them back and them hitting the ground. She finally did it. She got suspended, we celebrated by going out to eat. Guess what? They never bullied her again.
I went through school in the 80's and 90's, I wish teachers cared about bullying back then.
Story #4 Feelings can run high when the subject of bullying comes up. I understand where you are coming from by not having enough details to go good apple.
My child was upset one day about an interaction on her school bus. She thought she had been bullied. Trying to be supportive I contacted the school to have it looked into.
The "bully" was talking bad about her, but there wasn't any direct interaction happening. I found out that other children had told my daughter what was said and she thought this was bullying.
Talked to my daughter to explain the differences in someone talking about her and bullying her. It might not have been nice what was being said about her, but it wasn't bullying. The kid never directly interacted with her.
I am so sorry but I will have to politely but firmly disagree. 🙂 Anything those other kids are doing to make her feel bad is bullying, no matter the form. I've had a girl record me and put me on Snapchat, mocking me and making me a target for others. What that girl was saying could've started a rumor, which, is definitely a form of bullying. Similar to my situation. Now, me and the girl DID make up (Thankfully, turns out she's my cousin) but when that was going on all they did was remove her from my class 🙄
Im 42 years old now. but I HIGHLY disagree with you saying you cant believe ALL the adults in the kids life missed the bullying. I was bullied for my entire 12 years of school! in my last 2 years of high school was the WORST! my ONLY friend had moved away that summer, I was in a brand new school, and I had no one I could open up to as by that point in my life I was SO SHY I couldn't even walk up to the front of the room to blow my nose or sharpen a pencil. YEARS of bullying does that to a person!
So I ate lunch by myself every day just me and my book at the table. naturally this causes bullies. there was a group of boys who'd come over DAILY and try to steal my lunch. I grew tired of it so one day I mustered up a LOT of courage for me and walked up to the dean who was doing lunch room duty. I told him they kept harassing me. All they got told was a finger wag and a "no no Johnny that's not nice." To say after that the bullying just got WORSE is an understatement! it eventually bled into my art class. There was a boy at my table who kept aiming spit balls at me. again I could only tolerate so much before breaking and told the teacher who once again did the thats not nice thing. and since he faced the teachers desk she NEVER caught him spitting his balls of paper at me. The one time I APPERETLY flicked a tiny bit of paper mache at him I of course got caught, drug out to the hall and CHEWED OUT by the teacher!
At some point I FINNALY LOST IT as my mom had ALSO been trying to tell all these adults this was happening as well! ID been allowed to move out of the art class to a different teachers drawing class! she was SO SWEET to me and passed me despite not having been there most of the year with her! but again that didnt stop the bullies at lunch time! They naturally continued! and at one point I LOST IT. I happened to have grabbed a HUGE peach as part of my lunch that day not realizing it was under ripe. so after the bell rang and one of the boys (the main antagonist I believe) was walking away I LAUNCHED that unripe peach and him him SQUARE IN THE BACK! of COURSE he twlls a teacher after trying to violently and PHYSICALLY remove me from my chair. I of course find myself in the deans office being told I was going to be suspended and junk! cause I should have TOLD some one! but I DID! MANY TIMES! my mom was PISSED! she came down and CHEWED THEM ALL OUT!
I did not get suspended and they found a group of girls for me to sit with at lunch. the boys DID try to continue the bullying but those girls were SO SWEET to me and ran them right off! but at that point in my life I was WAY to shy to even say hi to them much less thanks or try to become their friends! I doubt they remember me but Im grateful to them any time I remember all of this. but no I DONT believe the child is exaggerating! maybe thats gullible on my part but Ive LIVED the EXACT story soo many times in my life! Btu as ALWAYS the adults dont WANT to see it so the kids doing the bullying get away with it! I feel for the kid! And yes the shyness and insecurities I have from growing up bullied still exsist even as I grow older. I still have trouble making friends or being in rooms full of people! I prefer to hide at home with my books and video games. I have made a couple online friends now at least! but its still a struggle!
Story #4 is what can happen and does happen all the time. How many times have news stories covered a case of a student getting physical and it turns out they were being bullied relentlessly. It happens all the time. My child was being bullied at school. We pulled them out for a week, had meetings with the school, and talked through exactly what was happening, My kid did not want to return to school. We assured them that we had spoken with the principal and all their teachers and they would be watched out for. On the first day back, one of the teachers pulled my kid up to the front of the class and announced that there had been bullying issues and that the class was not going to have these issues anymore. Later that day someone tried to push my kid down the stairs. Their twin was with them and caught them before they fell. We pulled both of them out of school immediately. Teachers are human and most humans are idiots. Teachers are not exceptions.
When my kiddos come to me about being bullied, i ask more questions. If it was just words being said, i tell them to let the teacher know. Because i believe in giving teachers a chance to take action. They are supervising over 20-40 kids, they cant see or hear everything.
But if its physical, i tell my kiddos that they got to give 3 warnings before they take a swing. That way they cant be blamed for starting a fight without a reason.
And thankfully, no one has called me about any of my kids being in a fight. 🤞🏼🤞🏼
Didn't Beyonce trade mark or copy right her daughter's name so no one else can have it?? Some people are so crazy when it comes to names. Good Apple!! Also the name has more ties to your family than to her so she needs to reevaluate her choices.
Story two: Crab apple. I don't think hitting his mom was the correct move but I can see defending your baby. I also know if someone was at your house and kicked your cat because they either scratched that person or damaged their personal belongings, I can see your immediate reaction being to hit them and kick them out of your house.
Story three: Oh God baby Good Apple. I am in literal tears writing this because this is how I felt growing up. I am the eldest of six. I had to raise my siblings, not because my mom worked but because she didn't want to do it. To quote her "you were born to take care of me and my kids." That was just a taste of life as the eldest of a lazy mother that treats you like crap. Get out as soon as you can! Parents need to realize their having children isn't someone else's burden or problem, including their oldest child.
Story four: Hmm I am between good and crab apple. I wanna play devils advocate for a moment. Could it be possible that "bully" is from an affluent and wealthy family? Could everybody be keeping it hush hush because it would mean the big funds wont be coming in anymore. I have seen this happen before so I know it can. Since I don't know OP or the situation personally, I can only speculate like everyone else.
Beyoncé trademarked it but only for business purposes. So no one can open a business using that name. Naming your child Blue Ivy? Fair game.
As a middle school teacher, I always tell kids that retaliation is never the answer. It’s almost always the second kid who gets caught and it’s not worth it.
Well, that's the problem. Self-defense is a defense in life. Personally, this tells me more about weaponized incompetence on the part of people supposed to handle these things than anything about how to deal with it properly.
Story 3: OP sounds very mature. I am being very conscious that he’s probably painting himself in the most positive light because that’s human nature but even taking that view OP is doing way more than is reasonable to expect of a teenager.
I don’t think OP is a bad apple. His concerns are valid and so are his feelings. I’m going good apple.
2. Overall, I agree with the Bad Apple verdict. Physical violence is not acceptable in most cases, and this falls in that area. HOWEVER, if I was the OP, I would say to Mom/Dad that spanking my child was also 'very disrespectful' and that I will apologize after Mom does the same to my child. (And then I would proceed to not have Mom around for nighttime until the bedwetting is resolved for the safety of my child.)
Story 4: Wouldn't shock me to see all the adults are making the wrong decision.. hell look at Canton PD and Massachusetts State Police in both the Karen Read and Sandra Birchmore cases. There are a SIGNIFICANT amount of adults who made some very very very bad decisions. And their bosses made very very very bad decisions. And their bosses bosses made very very very bad decisions. So multiple layers of the CoC getting it wrong would not be unheard of.
It would have been so impactful if OP in the second story had made his mother apologize to his child for spanking him. That would've shown the child that he was respected as a person, and she still loves him.
Story 4: the phrase “you’re saying that the principal didn’t care” 24:27 maybe to you sounds unrealistic. But when I went to my principal when I was being physically bullied in high school, with teachers watching on and doing nothing, he literally looked at me and said “he’s a star athlete and you’re nothing, don’t ruin his future with lies.”
That was it, he never (for 5 years!) faced repercussions and I had to learn how to hide from him as I was physically so much smaller than him that I literally couldn’t defend myself without risk that he might punch me and do permanent damage 😢
Bullying story: In my teaching experience in elementary for the past 26 years, 9 out of 10 bullies are parent “made.” Examples: 2nd grader, “my stepdad says if things aren’t fair, I’m allowed to fight (makes gun gestures). 5th grader, “my mom says if I feel bad, I have the right to make others feel bad.” Now, of course I checked the validity of those statements from multiple sources . They were pretty much parent encouraged preemptive bullying and NOT self defense. Yes, I understand that there is real bullying happening. In fact my OWN DAUGHTER WAS BULLIED in the school where I taught. I worked with admin and teachers. I also told our daughter to slam her hands on her desk and yell, “stop it. That’s not ok. I need help.” When the bully was quietly tormenting her. I get both sides. But 9 out of 10 bullying cases these last few years are parents teaching their children to fight against any uncomfortable feeling or perceived disrespect
Hi mrs rogers, I've been watching your videos for a long time and i want to put this forward on the offchance you might see it. At the start of every video you begin with this talk about being respectful in discussion and how having different opnions is ok, which i like. However almost every video you are very dismissive of others' opinions when you do the whole "I can hear the keyboard warriors typing already" and then use silly voices to mock their statements before they have even been said. I don't see how these two statements don't clash in your eyes. You're welcome to make your content as you wish, but if the message you want to put out is one of discussion and respectful discourse, I think mocking people and the opinions they may hold is the wrong way to go about it and I honestly find it pretty grating. For what it's worth I don't believe I'm being defensive as I usually agree with your takes, but thought I'd mention it as food for thought.
I've had this feeling too.
I've been scared to express a similar sentiment for fear of her coming into the comments and being defensive about it. I feel like there have been times when she should take her own advice when responding to comments, but maybe that's just me
I think all she's saying is before you comment listen to my whole explanation
I definitely agree with this.
I personally hadn’t thought of it this way but I can see what you mean. I just want to say how well written and thought through this comment is. This is the very definition of healthy communication in my opinion. You could’ve approached this aggressively but instead you called out what you see as a problem but in a way that allows her the grace of perhaps she hadn’t thought about this and the way it comes across but also firmly states your thoughts and feelings. Kudos!
Apple #4: My brother was one of those kids that EVERYONE picked on; all the teachers, the leaders, the principles, the bullies, EVERYONE. It might be rare, but unfortunately, it happens. We had to keep switching schools because of how bad the teachers, staff, and faculty were, and he was a big kid with a big heart. ONE time he finally stood up to a bully because he couldn't pay attention to the teacher while the bully was blowing on the back of his head. My brother was extremely ADHD and he had asked the bully MULTIPLE times over a period of days to stop because he struggled with this particular teacher's lectures as it was. He even went to the teacher and the teacher told him to "suck it up." Well, the ONE time he finally had enough, turned around and gave the kid a good punch in the face (not even a shiner on the eye or a bloody nose), the teacher sent him to the principle's office and was told to go without lunch as punishment. This was just ONE incident in middle school! We finally just decided to school him at home because none of his teachers would leave him alone (he would get in trouble for getting involved, and he would get in trouble for NOT getting involved; it was INFURIATING!), and he couldn't keep up with his grades as a result.
What happened to my brother, you might ask? Despite horrible depression that made him quite s*icidal at one point, trust issues, and troubles at home, he managed to pass the GED with flying colors, now has a very successful job in I.T. (with good money and benefits), and is on track to earn his Bachelor's in computer science and technology within the next year. It was a very LONG, often times arduous process, but he survived and now thrives with his kind, charming, beautiful wife at his side. He also takes no nonsense from ANYONE, and just about everyone in his job highly respects him for all the right reasons (there will always be those who don't like him).
He has made me a very proud older sibling for overcoming his hardships! He still has his struggles (life is never easy), but he pulls through them every time. 😊
Story 4: I appreciate that OP is trusting their kid and their version of events. I feel like this is the whole story as OP knows it but I don’t think it’s the whole story. I don’t know how to rate this one. I know bullying isn’t well managed sometimes but I find it difficult to believe all the adults in this story got it wrong.
I feel bad for the kid in the first story because the only reason he's named that is because his mom's not a good person.
I'm specifically talking about the other mom not OP.
Last story sounds a lot like the Aubreigh Wyatt case. She had some girls at her school that bullied her for 4 yrs straight and she committed suicide last year. The parents and school are still standing by the bullies.
Story 2 is good apple. I was abused as a child. Abusers rarely get what they give. This will teach her that physical pain is not the correct way to guide. A four year old does not deserve to feel physical pain for something he cannot control. We all had that peeing in the bathroom dream before lol
OMG ITS THE CURSE!!! Two good one crab and one bad!!!!
I'm not going discredit you and your reasoning in story 4, it's valid from your standpoint. I was bullied in elementary and middle school. And it was by other students, teachers...and some school board members. While the latter is indirect from my mom trying to get me a case worker to help me through school. The students would call me a freak or weirdo cuz I was bald as a kid, I had alopecia at a really young age. I was diagnosed as autistic the summer before my second grade, and later had a fourth grade that antagonized me (and other students) for not being perfect little kids. Middle school had some physical bullying (only tripping) and a lot of verbal bullying. I try to stand up for myself either yelling at the bullies or using it in homework assignments...and I'm told off for being rambunctious and not keeping things under wraps. Don't know if it was only because I was targeted, but apparently bullying was happening around school and the teachers did this morning assembly announcement of how the bullying needs to stop (spoiler alert, it didn't).
I'm not saying my experience is what's happening in the last story, nor am I saying something similar could be happening. If my dad gave me that advice because I kept getting bullied, and I got suspended for fighting back, BOTH my parents would be passed off with the school. I'm saying good apple because of this experience and hypothetical scenario
(One big note, these events were decades ago)
Also, didn't the story say that the 10-year-old grabbed the seven-year-old shirt and slapped him? That's more than just oh he was bullied. He was bullied. That's actual physical proof right? And if that's true, seven-year-old was defending himself right? I don't know more clarification would be great.
I know I'm late to this but here's what have to say about story 4:
1) Bullies can definitely get away with bullying unnoticed. I've heard so many stories of kids getting bullied, and then getting in trouble without even doing anything. Usually this is because the bully is a good liar and well liked, and the bullied kid is shy and has trouble articulating.
2) My fist point is especially true when the bullied kid is 7 and the bully is 3 to 4 years older. I remember being around 10 years old and having a reading/mentoring time with kids around 7. Most of them barely came up to my chest. It wouldn't take much for this older kid to terrorize the younger one. The fact that they're even together suggests that, unless they also have a mentoring program going on, the bullying is happening in a crowded area, like the cafeteria or the bus. Of course the teachers wouldn't notice until a kid started screaming.
3) You keep saying the teachers and other adults would all have to be lying for the 7-year-old to be telling the truth. Given my two points above, they actually just have to believe the older kid. The only thing they no for certain is the younger kid hit the older kid.
Plenty of people who were bullied as kids will tell you how the school didn't do anything about the bullying except punish kids who stand up for themselves. Just because you didn't see that happen at your school, it doesn't mean it won't happen anywhere else
That last story does not have enough information I agree with Ms Rogers on that one. My suggestion though is to go get the video footage and actually see cuz I'm sure they have cameras around the school. We'll see what actually happened because if there's a good explanation for why the bully isn't getting in trouble then the video footage should be evidence enough.
While growing up, I had an aunt on one side of my family with the same name as my mom (just a different spelling) and an aunt on the other side of the family with a variation of the name (my mom's full name is typically a nickname of this name).
Now, the aunt with the same name as my mom works with someone who also has their name, and it always makes me wanna giggle when she talks about work because it almost sounds like she's talking in third person about herself.
21:07 this story makes me mad. #stopvictimblaming
My cousin and I are both named Angie. We made it just fine. I think the SIL is a jerk.
tbh i get what you're saying that we cannot assume that someone for sure has a certain disability based on these posts, but i think many people don't understand that we cannot assume that someone does NOT have a disability. many disabilities can go undiagnosed. plus, someone should not need to prove that they do have a disability in order for their "symptoms" to not be demonized. as a neurodivergent person i think it is harmful to demonize neurodivergent behavior but make an "exception" for when we KNOW that someone is neurodivergent. someone might not be diagnosed, might not be comfortable telling you, or whatever else.
Story #1 - The sister-in-law is just a weirdo.
FINALLY ❤❤❤ take your time Rebecca, even if you need to skip weeks, we fully support you. But also YAY I’ve been checking every day 😂
Story 2: good apple to me. I used to be a really heavy sleeper and wouldn’t wake up at night and would usually wet my bed every night. This went up to like 6th grade. I had no medical issues or anything, I just slept heavily. Hitting a 4 year old is unacceptable. They don’t understand what is right and wrong yet and hitting them doesn’t help them learn. If the grandmother hit a child who hardly even knows how to write their name, why is the she upset for being hit in return? She obviously thinks hitting someone is an okay way to show you’re upset and she crossed the very clearly set boundary that the parents placed, and did it in such an extreme way. She should get a taste of her own medicine. If it was a pre-meditated slap, I might think differently, but it was heat of the moment and I don’t see OP as bad for the action.
Story 4: I definitely see where you’re coming from, but here’s my bullying story. It never got physical, but it was relentless verbal and emotional bullying. I was in 5th grade and this girl started as a friend and then tried gaslighting me into thinking she was just playing around instead of being mean. It escalated into her saying things like “you’re always going to be a victim. I’m building you a spine. You should off yourself because no one will ever want you. You’ll never be important. Etc.” I told my teacher, who didn’t believe me, the guidance counselor literally asked if I had a problem with the bullies skin color, accusing me of lying about the bullying because I’m racist, and the principal said they’d call my parents and they never did. My parents told me to just tell an adult at school. I was the only one facing this bully. The only time it ever really got physical is when she pushed me down after finding out I told a substitute teacher. I literally hid in the bushes at recess and ate in the bathrooms at lunch because of this person. No one believed me and took her side.
Story 2: this just goes to show how in most cases if you spank your kids because this is how you manage your anger, your kids will become adults who will manage anger in the same violent way. I think he needs to apologize sure, but only if the grandmother will also apologize to her nephew.
Two wrongs don't make it right. With that said, one is a grown person beating a child. The other is a grown-up disciplining grown-up.
Story 1- Good apple. In Greek tradition, you name your kids after your parents, so there are multiple cousins worth the same name… we have two Georgias in my family, my sister and my cousin, who we call Big Georgia and Little Georgia. SIL needs to get over it.
Story 3: Absolutely Not The Bad Apple! These parents are insanely irresponsible & reckless! This poor 16 yr not only has to act like a parent, worry about their basic needs, but also the burden put on them has actively impacted their future by not allowing them to focus on their education or future skills. Parents like this frustrate me to no end! YOUR CHILD SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO BE A THIRD PARENT BECAUSE OF YOUR POOR DECISIONS!
Story 3: I am 1 of 15 BIOLOGICAL kids. I am #13 in the line. My parents only tried for 3. I find it to be lazy that during the story the girl said that her parents ARE NOT GOOD WITH SPENDING MONEY!! My parents are so responsible with money that the last time we went on a luxury dinner or something. Was for my sisters birthday 1 (or two) years ago. And our grandparents paid for it! I don't remember the last time we went on a "treat". I even remember that sometimes we wouldn't even buy basic groceries because we couldn't afford it. My parents tragically had 5 miscarriages. My siblings are gone forever. My parents are pushed to THE LIMIT. My mom and dad are super heros! OG in the story is totally the good apple!! GOOD APPLE GOOD APPLE!!
Schools these days defend bullies. We hear about it a lot. Maybe you're biased because this is a training thing that has been going on for a while? I know back in my day, the teachers let a lot slide, but today, the pendulum has swung too far the other way.
I have worked in numerous schools and just personally never witnessed that
@@Rebecca.Rogersgood for you. Other people have. Stop talking down to people. Denying other people’s lived experiences are not going to beat the privileged allegations
@@istilldontcare2She said she haven’t experience it, so leave her alone about it. Why are you attacking her?
A 13 year old girl in my area unalived herself recently due to bullying. She went to teachers. She went to her parents. The bullies doubled down until...yeah...the bullies are still harassing the family through SM and the bullies families are trying to sue the deceased girls parents for defamation for speaking out.
@@LifeWith_Maurice they've probably experienced being bullied and the bullies being protected. That's my guess.
Story 4: I'm not trying to insert narratives, but there's a possibility that the bully is a teacher's or admin's or superintendent's kid or something like that. I would definitely investigate that side of things. If that's the case, I could see where the favoritism and lack of punishment come from. Something like that happened at my middle school, and it ended up with the principal's son being hospitalized because he picked on the wrong kid.
However, if this is not the case, I would definitely have a sit-down with the counselor and see where this is coming from. And ask to see the security footage. Every school has cameras. If it's really going down the way your son is saying, then it's time to switch schools or pull the kid out of school for his safety. If not, it's time to talk to a professional.
So for the bully i don't know if its culutral and i know im 33 but i sat through several seminars/ assemblies where we were told that hitting back was worse than the person who first hit because you " allowed " yourself to be pulled down to their level when you had preciously proven you can try harder. The purpose was to eliminate fighting.
Oh god, the "just ignore them" argument. That may work once or twice - it never did for me, but your experiences may be different - but for YEARS? No.
I do like how the kid doesn’t automatically hit the bully. He tried to walk away. I don’t like how the father encourages his son to do physical harm but I love how the kid obviously didn’t want to hit the kid.
1 - good apple
2 - good apple. Either the mom hit OP when they were young and OP didn't want that to also happen to the son, OR the mom just hit her grandson without any prior history - which is even scarier. A slap is warranted - and more effective than trying to talk it out. It also helps the child to see their parent stand up for them. I don't have children, but if I did and my parent spanked them because of an accident, I would *immediately* go no contact. No warning, no talking about it - immediately cut off.
3 - good apple. OP should move out as soon as they can. I get caring about your siblings, but they are not your responsibility.
4 - good apple. OP did nothing wrong. The son said he was bullied, so you advocate for him. Even if it later turns out that they were not in fact bullied, advocating for them is never the wrong choice.
But sure, take the side of the teachers and the school - like so many times before when it concerns bullying. To me, it sounds like no teachers were present, and the adults that were took the side of the (possible) bully over the new kid that they did not know - ignoring that the bully pulled the son by his shirt. The principal believed the adults, and the principal's bosses trusted the principal.
All the adults lying? Or the teachers not doing anything about the bullying? Yeah, I can believe that. It happened to me. I was bullied for years, and the teacher did nothing about it (which was later confirmed by the bully's parents). The bully in this story being in 5th grade reminded me of my situation, because my bully was one class ahead of me, and when I heard he was not allowed to graduate and was held back for a year - he was ruthless, but not very smart - I cried for a long time, because it meant another year of bullying.
Bullies are also very good at concealing their actions from adults who do not want to pay attention. They'll push you and call you names, and when you try to walk away, they'll block your way or pull you back. Then, when it is clear no help is coming from an adult and you can't walk away, you do the only thing you can to defend yourself and try to hit the bully - not even to necessarily hurt them, just to have them leave you alone. But sure, that attempt to hit them is the only thing the adults (finally) notice.
Milo - Please tell me you mean Milo Thatch?
Vixey - Copper's girlfriend?
*I'm a total Disneyphile
Story 2: I know I should go bad apple but I’m going to go Crab Apple. Here’s why; the grandmother (remember it’s his mother) is 100% in the wrong for not only crossing a boundary set at the parent but then also putting her hands on him. This makes me assume that growing up, this type of discipline was also used on OP. This unfortunately has created the reaction of violence as a norm because it was taught to him. So not only do I understand his anger as a parent but I believe the mother is the one who bought this type of behavior up in him. OP seems to really love his son & is trying to be a good dad. I hope he cuts ties with his mother & seeks a therapist to help him move past what he was exposed to so this type of reaction happens again.
I have seen a few teachers not take bullying seriously. I've always been a big guy. In school it was more muscle. And there was one kid constantly saying he wanted to fight me. He was going to jump me. I didnt retaliate. I just told a teacher and she told me "he special he probably doesnt understand the meaning". (Why he wasnt in a special ed class then i don't know) The last time i told the teacher i said to her i will retaliate if he says it one more time. She didnt take me seriously to that since i was never in a fight before. Next day he says it in front of the teacher so i smashed his face into the table. Then the teacher i never got close to said i hit her. All the students (minus the guy who i hurt) said they heard him threaten me and i never touched the teacher. I got expelled. So yes, there are teachers that will not take anything seriously until it actually happens.
As soon as a kid has to worry about money, alarm bells should have been going in the parent's head that something isn't working out. It shouldn't even have come to the situation that the kid has to work to help out.
Story 3- OP should look into getting emancipated. Remaining a dependent of his parents is not in his best interest. Whether the court agrees would depend on the state (or country if not in the US), but it's worth finding out.
Story #1: Never tell people your baby names if you are anywhere near a fertile female. Just don't. The number of idiots running around stealing baby names is way too many. Why in the world would a Hispanic family member name their kid an Irish name other than being an attention seeker. She intentionally tried to steal a family name from the father. Just don't tell them your names ever. Good Apple
Story #2: That's what happens when you spank your kids. That's coming from one who was spanked but makes sure to suppress that urge to lash out. Don't spank your kids because that's teaching lashing out when someone hurts you. Clear ESH/Bad Batch
Story #3: The fact that the woman didn't get her tubes tied after baby number 3 or 4 or 5 is really telling because even some Catholic hospitals will do that at that point. And the parents trying to gaslight OP about their reaction is just pathetic. Maybe it came from being ashamed they screwed up again or what, but it's still wrong. That poor kid is already writing college off because of their poor parenting. Good Apple
Story #4: As someone who grew up in a rural county, this reads as the rich family's kid getting away with everything, and I'll tell you why. OP's kid got suspended for a MONTH at 7. That is wildly inappropriate for a single punch so the person that got punched has to be from one of those families. I remember getting blamed for a girl breaking her finger in dodgeball saying I threw the ball, which I didn't even throw a ball that entire PE class because I stunk at dodgeball. Most everyone there knew who threw the ball, the state senate majority leader's son. Nothing ever came from it, and he was even my friend. But people still tried to blame the poor kid. So I'm going to go with that mainly because the other option would be racism but OP didn't mention that so I don't think that would go unmentioned. Crab Apple
My Mom's sister-in-law did the same thing. She used the first and middle name my parents had chosen. Fortunately, my mom had 2 daughters and no son. She always said she would have still used the name if she had a buy!
I think everything in the final story is in the words " He tried to walk away". But that's under the condition that he told the truth which may not be true. I now as an adult still hold the conviction that I was painfully bullied all through Catholic school and teachers did favor other students. I was just never that kid.
I think the last story is a good apple. It’s weird to me that many of the the teachers and administrators were clearly aware of the bullying, it was documented in the incident report that the bully made the threatening gesture by grabbing his shirt first, and they still only punished the victim and not the bully. That to me sounds very suspicious.
I grew up in a small town where if you didn’t have the right last name you wouldn’t have a great time and it was reflected in the school environment. It sounds to me like this is probably the case. We had a similar case happen where someone fought back against a bully who just so happened to have the same last name as the family who had a very successful real estate company in town and the bully was treated like the victim and the actual victim was enrolled in an alternative school program and deemed as violent. I never agreed with their handling of the situation, especially when many students who witnessed the incident said that the bully instigated the fight, and they still left him off the hook. Not saying this is what happened in the last story, it’s just unfortunately plausible.
Also, a month long suspension for punching somebody in the face when documented that the “victim” put their hands on them first sounds very excessive to me.
Story #3 - Dysfunctional parents. How the heck do you intend to only have 2 kids and end up having 8? Either they don't use contraception or they're just ignorant and don't care. The fact that they even referred to this eighth child as "an accident" so openly is alarming. Yes, the parents are free to have as many kids as they want, but they need to be considerate of their other children, and it sounds like they are not making a full effort to raise them. Basically, if the parents are going to treat their eldest kids as almost co-parents, then they need to consult them about a decision as huge as having another child, and those co-parents deserve as equal say.
last story: i was bullied ppl commented kids commented on everything abt me same with a past friend they didn’t care some defended me but no one listened
#3.. is a story thats SO SO sad and happened to me as well. So ANY parents out reading this THERE IS NEVER, EVER A REASON your child have to ever feel like a parent BECAUSE YOUR bad choices.. The trauma is 😢 horrible and why bring in kids i to this world to make them feel horrible. If OP is HAVING to work to help the houss hold HE has a RIGHT to have a say.
PLEASE do not do this to your kids. For me it was my self esteem and i got taken advantage and stepped on because I TRULY believe I deserved to be treated that why, because I was condition by someone that said "I love you" set me up for failure in life. And most of all my a parent that is suppose to have my best interest..
Please don't hurt your kids this way.
You had a kid and chose to keep it, you're the parent/s NOT your children.
Story 4: I was bullied in junior high (mean girls style). My oldest son had adhd and was bullied.
Both kids got suspended despite my son not even lifting a hand because it happened at lunch time in a common area. He got beat up and did not defend himself because we had been told by the school that he wouldn’t get punished if he didn’t hit back. After this I told him that he had my blessing to defend himself
Story number three, the parents really need a lesson in proper protection it seems like they're mating like bunnies and that's really unhealthy for many reasons both financially and emotionally, the Dad needs to get a vasectomy or they need to go on like birth control and actually use protection because clearly they're either not using protection or they just don't care if you only wanted two kids then you go and get vasectomy after and especially since they said the seventh would be the last vasectomy so it's going to be the last or you know use other forms of protection clearly these parents love each other very much, but it's not healthy for their kids and as the oldest of two I know I probably don't have any legs to stand on for this, but my mum's mum and my mum's dad both came from big families of seven and six and I've heard so many stories, this was back obviously many years ago but in the older days it was very common to have big families and have the children work on the farm or things like that, but in today's world especially with money going up for things like groceries and rent and all that stuff, it's better to have smaller families these days and I know some of it things you can't control but this feels like one of those stories you see on television where their living in poverty because the parents can't stop and have like all different fathers obviously that isn't the case here but it's similar to wear like there's too many kids there living below their means sometimes this works like in the olden days it worked better because things didn't cost as much or if like the father has a good paying job these days then you can afford to have bigger families but clearly they don't, this kind of reminds me a little bit of the Weasley from Harry Potter but obviously that's fictional, but they will look down for not having enough money and for Arthur having a bad job that didn't really support them and they had so many kids, in their situation they kept going until they had a girl which still not okay I guess but again it is fictional, I know comparing real life people to fictional characters is wrong, so I'll just stick with my grandparents, but the point is your hair stories about this on the news with kids who have to be taken out of the custody of their parents for their own well-being or like going out on their own or having to apply for special government things to afford school and this poor kid getting bad grades like the parents aren't even supportive of the kids that they have and if you're going to have a lot of kids you still have to be a parent and you still have to take care of them and never put the burden on again I can't speak to this because I'm the oldest of two but all I wanna say is that these parents really need to get a reality check because they're out like bunnies well they're eldest is running the house and he's not even graduated high school yet they're throwing away his future just so that they can continue making kids that they can't even afford to take care of, it really feels like if they keep going like this then they're gonna have one of those calls from the government or fromfamily services to have their kids taken away from them and that would be truly sad so I think they really need to wake up. This is just my opinion I don't have a lot of experience with this.
2. I don’t care who the adult is but hitting another person’s kid is assault. I am against the fact that OP hit his mother. I’d call the cops and press charges instead.
Man defended his kid from a child abuser. Good apple.
Does anyone for Story 3 think that with the oldest and second oldest that it is a double standard because their parents told them that by the time that they were a teenager they had to work and help around the house but the 2nd youngest who I believe is also a teenager (but I could be wrong) why can't she help pay for stuff?
Story 2: I understand your view point about physical violence not being except-able in this particular situation but at the same time I somewhat sympathize with the guy which I’m not trying to justify in anyway but I can see as a mom of a 3 year old how that could cause things to become really heated like that and it’s just a fact of being protective not saying that’s how that situation should’ve been handled but I can see how he was brought to that decision
That is a CHUNKY KITTY AHHH adorable