I cannot thank you enough for being so supportive while I go through this grieving process. My heart breaks hearing you touch base on your story and many others who haven’t yet gotten to share their stories.
Haven't watched your video yet and don't know your state but make sure you know your rights. In some states, if you have kids in your care for a year, or X time, you have some rights. Going to adoption, I'd personally get a lawyer and fight it. Some states have foster parents rights and some have very little. After 2 years of legislation being introduced in Maryland and it being withdrawn, we still don't have the right at attend court. We can go (if we receive required notification), we can give a statement but then usually are asked to leave. We have no way of knowing what is being said, if it's true, if we could provide corrective information.
I think it’s ironic when I was put into an abusive foster home when I was a young teen, and I told my social worker, so did my foster siblings, but nothing was done. But somehow children are being removed from loving homes, make it make sense.
I was in foster care from the age of 3 months on up to roughly 16 years old. They kept sending me back to my abuser ( my bio mom ). I was in at least 15 different foster homes. It was very traumatic on me. I also had a brother murdered in foster care in 1967. Everytime they sent me to my abuser, a few months later I was removed. Then about a year later back to the abuser. I am still in contact with one of my foster moms. I'm now 57 years old.
I am so so sorry they continuously sent you back. This is one of my biggest fears going into fostering. I’m so sorry about your brother as well. Some things are so very wrong with the system
This is why we are giving up our license. Our agency brought an allegation against us that we were "mentally, emotionally, and physically unfit to care for children" because we called the agency director unprofessional. Instead of having a meeting about it, like we requested in writing multiple times, they disrupted our interstate adoption process, dragged us through a six-month long investigation, tried to convince my therapist to change her professional opinion, and ultimately gave us a letter stating, "Turns out, you weren't in violation of any rules and you can proceed with your adoption." Our adoption which had already been brutally smashed to pieces by their retaliatory investigation. 💔 It's all about power dynamics and 0% about the best interest of children in the system.
That’s awful. I’ve been watching you on and off for more than a year or two. You can see how loving and selfless you and your husband are. I’m so sorry. That’s awful and God bless you.
This is why I see countless videos of the good foster parents quitting, not the bad kids.....the bad social workers chasing them away. Good foster parents are tired of fighting the system.
Ex foster youth here. I was nearly 16 and living in a group home. I was removed in the middle of the night with no notice or ability to pack my things. I had been there for nearly 18 months. I was due to move into a foster placement 2 days later. I'd been working towards getting into a foster home and out of group homes for 4 years. I wasn't able to say goodbye to anyone. I had a bearded dragon with complex health needs and he wasn't brought to me for months. My room wasn't locked and most of my things were stolen, including the only things I ever received from my dad. I was moved to the other side of the country, drugged to keep my compliant, and I never got another foster placement. I never received an explanation.
This video made me cry…I absolutely loath the foster care system. From 4 months until I was 11 (when mom finally signed off rights) many homes, a few states and they kept trying to reunite with my biological mother. I knew I didn’t want to be with my mom. She always left me with strangers for weeks and I’ve seen things no one should ever see as a child. They moved me from homes a felt safe in to put me in another home closer to where my mom lived. I’ve gone to summer camp and the state shows up to say I would be on a plane that night to Florida. My foster parents already had our stuff packed and in the car. They caused me so much trauma that I haven’t gotten help with still to this day. There’s so much more to my story… I’m glad to hear your story in the foster parent side. For years I wanted to know why no one wanted me, finally connected with someone and they said that wasn’t the case. The state wanted to reunite me with my mom. Broken System in many states. Vermont, New York, Connecticut and Florida are the states I was fostered in. I was adopted for a paycheck, when I turned 18 I was left with no one. I have depression and anxiety really bad (I don’t take medication) I doubt people’s love for me, I question every interaction I have with people, maybe I said the wrong thing or they probably don’t like me.
Thank you for touching on how the states are doing this not only to good foster parents but good birth parents as well!! I keep running across more and more instances of families being traumatized by the system! 💔
I need to go watch her video because it sounds so similar to my foster experience. When I was 22 I fostered two disabled teens. Just over one year of fostering we went in for a meeting and they were sent back to their parents. The goal was always reunification and I fully supported the parents but they weren't ready and everyone knew it. The parents shared their desire for reunification but explained they didn't even have beds for the children yet and asked for more time. The sw said "either you take them today or you don't get them back at all." No one knew it was coming. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone I wouldn't be picking them up. I couldn't say good bye to them. Without going into detail, things were back to exactly how they were within a week of the kids moving back in. And I fell into the deepest depression of my life. I've been working the last 15 years to get out of that depression and I'm not out yet. Also, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's devastating.
My friend was a foster care parent for many years. A lie caused the agency to remove all the children from her home. I remembered how hard I wept over one of the children who was like a daughter to my friend. The allegations were deemed unfounded and that one girl was returned. That happened when she was 12; and she remained in my friend's home well after she aged out. She's now in her 30s, a mother of 4, two of whom are my godchildren. Foster care can work out if the system will work towards it. When it goes wrong, it's devastating for everyone and a source of lasting trauma for the children.
I've been following Kat for the past year, and am so horrified by what happened to her and those kids. Thoughts and prayers to everyone in similar situations.
So sick and tired of these states causing more trauma to children! I fostered for 8 years in the states, and I was lied to, over and over. Moved to Alberta, Canada and it’s been 8 years of fostering here. I’m blown away by how the system is run here. I have a support worker, the bio family has a worker, and the kids have a worker. Everything is decided as a team. Is it perfect? No, but it’s a better system than the US. Traumatizing these kids that they are training us how to parent is ridiculous. It’s so frustrating and maddening. Kat has her act together more than an entire state CPS does.
That’s such good news to me since I watch all US fostering videos and live in Canada - we are getting licensed and I was getting panicky. Thanks for commenting
My husband and I went through a very traumatic removal of a child we were planning on adopting. It was horrific and to be honest , I don’t recommend being a foster parent to people the way I used to. We will never foster again to protect our children in the home. They were hurt the most by what happened. The system is so so broken.
STONGER HARDER TOUGHER.. dedicated foster parents go above everyday to love as soon as the kids walk in the door and then everything grows from there. It's a tough system but the world need mum's and dads to love all the kids. I'm sorry this happens in our world.
The foster care system is very broken. My nieces were is kinship care with my family when I was a teen. Because of lies their mother told they were suddenly taken from us a split up into different homes. I still remember thier panicked cries when we had to put them in the social workers car. It was heartbreaking. This was about 20 years ago and still fresh to me. They were never put back together and were raised separately in foster care.
Same thing happened to me, after 3 years of having my niece placed with me, they took her in 2 days, because "I wasn't fit to take care of her" whatever that means. Agree to much power in the hands of people who don't understand trauma.
Same happened to me!! Had my niece for 3 years and they picked her up from school. But I’m still an open home and have had over 10!kids since they took her and gave her up for adoption. I currently have her baby brother who I’m working on adopting.
I was adopted by abusive kinship. Im working towards becoming a foster and adoptive mother now. The mourning over these children is such a sacred thing. To witness their pain and just validate it, to just, TRULY care about these children is so POWERFUL. They will carry that with them ALWAYS. Tell these children, they will be adults someday, they can make a beautiful life for themselves someday. That its confusing and hard to be s human being but that its beautiful too. Tell them to hold on to hopefulness! Its a lifejacket when you're floating in the river of sadness. As long as someone still really cares about these kids, the world is still a good place! Caring for them might be one of the hardest things you ever do, but remember this, being uncared for might be all they ever know.
24 years in, your points are so true, we have the same issues here in Australia too. The system is completely dysfunctional it’s so hard to find actually pinpoint the exact issue, it appears to me that it’s a culture within the dysfunction. It’s so difficult. We are still active Carers but once it’s safe we will be writing a book on what we think the solutions are, I hope I have the energy then….
A lot of this reminds me of being subject to my parents' custody battle from age 13 to 17. My sister and I talked with the guardian ad litem, counselors, evaluators, whoever--about our preferences and feelings. Both of us wanted our dad to have primary custody. A lot of different arrangements were made through those years as far as who was living where, who had which of us on what days, who was going to own the house...and like in the foster system, we were given no warning as to when things were going to change. Or we were told something was going to change, and then it didn't. Ultimately full custody was given to my mom. Both my sister and I felt like no one listened to a word we said no matter how much we tried to voice our opinions.
I want you to know that I am a teacher in Washington state. I follow you, think about you, and pray for you all the time. I am thankful for our amazing foster parents and am so sorry for this intense grief. ❤
This is what happened with my sister and our 3 nieces. Alledged false accusations, she spoke out against the unfairness of the system because she was kin she got no money, she was promised provisions for the girls like therapist and medical cards which they dragged their feet to even evaluate them, different caseworker monthly or weekly so no consistency, threats against my sister. Court appearance to clear her name. It was disgusting. My heart was breaking for the girls who were flourishing under her care. My sister was relentlessly fighting to help these girls ages 4, 7 and 9 when she got them at the beginning of the pandemic. At first the police department promised to help with food and gas card, clothing, those were empty promises. Churches were very generous. Go Fund Me's were set up. They all helped for a while, she thanked God for anything for the children.The savior in these children's case was my sister and the children's principal who she had constant communication with her regarding the girls progress. She went to court dates along side my sister. She made things available to the children regardless of the schools budget.These children were addicted at birth, never went one day to school, had night terrors, incontinence, hid stock piles of food, had no conception of time or days. The had never been in a store, they got there food from gas station only. Thier parents bought expensive meats with their food card and sold the meat to buy drugs. So much more. Anyway, I probably sound crazy but this is what taking a relative's kiddo or kiddos looks like in Indiana. It's almost a fight for your life as well as a fight for those precious children. I think the smarter you are and the more you stand up for the good treatment of the child, the more the case workers despise you. Not all, I know they're tired and overworked, she had some good ones but then they were transferred off the girls cases. 😒 I just happy that you are such a good advocate for the children. Thank you so much.
I want to thank you Whitney and Kat for sharing and speaking up about your feelings. I was in foster care from 6 weeks of age to I was adopted 2 days before my 16th birthday. I had two violent removals and was given no real reason for them and due to this situations I have had long-term issues with life because of this. I am now 52 and I have just asked for help with getting out of a DV relationship of which was my 2nd in 30 years. I wish I could have a voice for the foster child and by what these people are doing and show them how they ruined my life!! You are both awesome people and I will continue to watch and I am rooting for you to peel back the curtain and see what is really behind it. (Had to make a reference from the Wizard of Oz) I am from Kansas.
As a former Reunification Social Worker I have witnessed DCF (CPS’ versionin Connecticut) remove kids from healthy homes with no explanation. I have witnessed children be in pre-adoptive foster home and then suddenly DCF removes the kids and send them to their bio family or another foster family. After looking into why, usually DCF screwed up somewhere and realizes the foster family is no longer appropriate
This is honestly my worst fear as a foster parent. I am in this for the kids, and having to see them be retraumatized would be beyond devastating. I am even hesitant to ever complain about a social worker because I don’t want them to go on a power trip.
There are some really horrendous cases throughout the system in our whole country. It’s heartbreaking. Continued prayers for angels like you that care for these precious children when their parents are not allowed to. These case workers need to stand up and say “no, I will not remove these children from this home” WE ALL NEED TO TAKE A STAND. We are in the midst of great awakening and all corrupted systems are being revealed for what they are.
This has happened to me. I had a sibling group and the eldest had some mental and behavioral problems to a point where it was no longer safe for them to be in the home. The youngest we've had from birth and now a couple of months from 1. The agreement and from multiple therapists' findings was the oldest should be in a home as the only child or youngest. So, the plan was for her to go to another home while going through intense therapy and the youngest was to stay to be adopted. I had less than 24 hour heads up that both would be removed. How? I was all the youngest knew. My bios didn't get to say bye. I was broken. This wasn't right.
Thank you Whitney for this video! You are spot on correct in this video. Very very important information to get out. All of it not just bits and pieces.
I just started the video, but oh my god those poor kids. That poor mom. The system needs to do better because that's absolutely inexcusable. So little notice, and from the description didn't they expect to be adopted by their new foster mom? Wow. That must have been so traumatic for everyone involved, on top of all the kids probably already went through. I feel so bad for all of them and I can only hope and pray those kids can heal and end up in a home they feel safe and loved in.
A girl in the year below at school was in foster care. My best friend at the time’s sister was good friends her. When school was released this little girl who was in year eight so could only have been 12/13, was stood at reception sobbing and SURROUNDED by bags. A suitcase, bin bags, shopping bags etc. A full school was walking past and watching as she’s stood there alone with the receptionist ignoring her. Never saw this girl again and through my friend’s sister we found out that this girl’s Foster mum had been taken to hospital and no one could take the little girl. The family EMPTIED this kid’s room when she was at school and dropped it off at reception for her, she was taken out of class to say she wasn’t going home. School finished at 3, she waited until 7 until her social worker turned up before being moved out of county to a new placement. 12 YEARS OLD. Through the grapevine we eventually learnt she had 3 kids by the age of about 19 and sadly, through drug and alcohol addiction, she eventually lost her own children. The trauma these kids go through ENDLESSLY not only absolutely destroys them and cripples them but it also continues the cycle for the next generation. These babies deserve to be prioritised and cherished 🥺
Foster care is grief . ..and we have no rights. I am so sorry the counties were not able to work with either of you. They look at the legal violation on paper and do not take the time and resources to investigate . I'm currently dealing with a grief of missing one of our children. The county is usually overloaded and so issues get pushed through. If we leave foster parenting it would be because the frustration with the system and lack of equal team work.
So insane how some foster families have their foster kiddos taken away over relatively minor mistakes/things that could be corrected with a proper meeting, meanwhile some kids literally have to sleep on the floor of their social worker's office or be sent to JUVIE (where they are treated just like the convicted criminals, despite not committing any crimes) because there's not enough beds for them... Make it make sense.
When I was in high school (1982-86) a friend was in the system after calling herself to report horrific abuse. Once she was finally removed she was initially in a temporary placement until a more permanent one could be found. After only 2 weeks she was moved to the county youth detention center, and not segregated from the adolescents who were convicted criminals. Think about the message that sent her: beg for help to be given relief from a horrible situation, only to be incarcerated! Luckily, her case worker changed and the new one found a new, SAFE place in a family for her in just a few days. Ironically, the foster parent and I were coworkers 5+ years later.
Unfortunately, it never stopped for the children in our care. The “system” continued to do the absolute worst for them. Our last placement was hastily moved to a “relative” in order to clear a Caseworker’s load so he could move to another department. The person ended up not being an actual relative and had the most deplorable living conditions I had ever seen (animal feces and all). When we exited we told them our reason was because we refused to enable the further abuse of children. I still get sick to my stomach when someone says: “children are so resilient”.
@@allister.trudel a lot of foster parents and caseworkers get “moral burnout”. It’s unusual when a case doesn’t result in the kids being treated horribly.
It’s heartbreaking 😞 And here in Belgium and the Netherlands it happens too. I’m as passionate about children as you guys and I feel your pain. Lots of love ❤️
I'm am interested in your comment- I am moving to Belgium soon and I have always planned to foster kids when I'm ready- I may end up moving to the Netherlands but I had just assumed the system is quite good there- what is your experience with it?
@@alexwood3459 Hi, I’m sorry. I only saw your comment now. Fostering system in Belgium is quite good, but the caseload is heavy for the caseworkers as in every country. There are no private agencies. In the Nederlands its only privatised. And I hear lots of complaints about it; children taken away when it wasn’t necessary, lack of support,… In some agencies, if you ask around on the fostering pages (e.g. on facebook) then you will know quite quickly which agencies are good and which aren’t. But the good ones I think are better than in Belgium because they have more resources as they are privatised and not only depending on subsidies and taxes. I hope I answered your question a little and that you understand it 🙈
We fostered 40 years ago. There were and are some mental workers in the system. Many of the Social workers go into the work because they were victims of the same system. One of our workers was a former foster child, she related her experiences in foster care to her work with the foster kids. She was anti-foster parents and for us a total and complete nightmare.
Abuse of power is just insane. We were going adopt my oldest in 2 weeks and the social worker called to do a visit. I did not call the social worker back with-in 12 hours, so she showed up at my child’s school. TWO. WEEKS. BEFORE. THE. ADOPTION. The social worker called after the school visit and wanted to do another “goodbye visit” and I left a vm saying -“You got your good bye visit when you stopped at the school.” Completely ridiculous. Abuse of power.
Thank you for speaking out! Yes, these things are happening !!!Thissystem is incredibly flawed and unfortunately the children pay the biggest price!! The unchecked power is a huge issue.
We were foster/adopt parents for my sons biological half brother who was in the 7th grade. We had adopted our son though foster care from another county years before that. My son was 6 at the time his biological brother came to live with us. We took my sons brother to his court date and they decided to remove him from our home immediately. He had ran into another child from his previous foster home who was close to his age. He decided he wanted to go back and live there because they didn’t have chores and the court allowed it. We lived about 5 hours away and we cried all the way home. My son has not had any contact with his brother ever since. My son is 14 now. I couldn’t believe the court allowed this and broke all contact with him. We were in the process of adopting him and they moved him back into a home where he wasn’t going to be adopted. My heart still breaks over all of this.
that's so weird, surely they should prioritize a family that's willing to adopt, especially if it's gonna reunite him with his blood relative sibling... I don,t get it...
I know a woman who ended up with custody of her 2 grandchildren after their mother got into drugs and CPS got involved. After several years of her having those 2, her other 2 grandchildren from her other child ended up in the system. She was granted temp custody of those 2 also and at her first court date they removed them and put them in foster care saying she "unfit to care for them". She fought for 2yrs for those kids, but ended up losing those 2 to adoption because the foster parents wanted them. She had been caring for all these girls since they were newborns and at this point the youngest was 4. It was so traumatic for everyone involved. We live in a small town and she's not even allowed to initiate a conversation with those 2 girls if she sees them out, but the oldest will still scream Nana and come running up to her, and the adoptive parents let her hug them and tell them she loves them but that's it, she's not even allowed to tell the youngest who she is. They pull them away from her pretty quickly. I've been with her during one of these encounters and it's just heartbreaking and infuriating. How can they do that?! She still and forever will have custody of the other 2, but how can they deem that she is perfectly fit and capable of caring for 2(1 being special needs with some minor health issues) but is "unfit" to care for the other 2 that had no difficulties or health issues?! It makes no sense. The system needs to be dismantled and completely rebuilt from the bottom up.
Happened to me with 95% of my placements. Never got to say goodbye or have a warning. I’ve been fostering almost 7 years. I have my nephew and supposed to adopt. I’m scared everyday that cps will come get my baby for no reason. I’m also going back and forth if I want to take in another placement.
seriously, it not only traumatize the kida but traumatize the families that want to take them in until they just can't take the mental health toll anymore...
Whitney, thank you for sharing, albeit difficult, to say the least. October is Domestic Violence awareness month. You are part of the system of support for those in need. A cog in a big wheel. I have experienced DV abuse in the 1990s. There are many facets of DV and recovery is challenging for all involved. There's a show on Netflix "Maid" that follows the journey of a young mother who gets wrenched through the system. It's tough for me to watch as it restimulates many experiences I had. BUT it's important to 'shed the light' on the darkness. It's worth a watch! Have a fabulous time in Barbados?! Marianne from Washington state
She should request a CASA for the children. CASA volunteers report directly to the judge. It won’t help Kat now, but it is a way for her to add some oversight from the court for the kids moving forward.
😂😂😂😂 The G.A.L. for our granddaughter does NOT advocate for her at all! She doesn't reccomend us for placement,......she has never met us, or even seen us interact with our granddaughter. We pass all their requirements, and yet our granddaughter is still being kept from us.😢
We were told in training under no circumstances were we ever to put the kids on social media. Share their story their faces ever. Is that not the rule everywhere? The system is a nightmare that I will say. Not in best interest of anyone.
It is different state by state and county by county. I definitely would like to see a nationwide foster youth bill of rights that explicitly states this.
I was in the system myself when I was 16 I was taken out of my home. I feel like I wasn't listened to and they moved me from a hospital stay to a girls home and back into the same abusive home which never changed. I felt let down and hurt. I moved out when I was 18 even though I was still in high school. I don't think they listen like they should but yes we need a better system.
Friends of ours (we are foster parents too) took placement of 3 kids (initial detainment) and they were told the case was a clear path to adoption. It was our friends first placement and we told them time and time again to love these kids but do not get the mindset of adoption when they literally just came into care. The foster dad mentioned casually to the oldest who was 7 about him eventually adopting the 3 kids and the 7 year old told their mom who involved senators and congressman (blew it way out of the water) when no one should have told them from the get going it was a clear path to adoption. The kids were removed unexpectedly and thrown into our house (we were told we were taking placement.. not given a choice) so they could maintain relationships with the foster parents, the schools they went to, the friends and family (extended foster grandparents) they had but the foster parents couldn’t see them, speak to us about them, we couldn’t speak to them about the kids either. The foster dad was a teacher at the school the kids went to and “someone” pressured the principal and superintendent to fire him so he wouldn’t have contact with the kids at work/school. It turned into a huge mess and we were super over whelmed as we now had 6 kids and 2 adults in a 2 bed apt. The kids were so confused and traumatized. They reunified about 8 months later and the plan was always reunification. The case manager was a nightmare and the only reason we made it though is the licensing worker had our back. Our friends ended up closing their license (another 1 and done 😭). They were fantastic foster parents who believed what they were told and were so “green”/ naive.
And yes. One of the reasons we were told we would be taking them was to maintain contact with the foster parents…. Who couldn’t see them, talk to them, talk to us about them, etc… it made zero sense.
You willfully participated in a circus and that is on you and your husband. I wonder if some of these foster "parents" become addicted to drama, like a drug addict becomes addicted to being high. What you ALLOWED hurt everybody concerned.
@@carecc7191 as I said we were told we were taking the kids and not given a choice despite it breaking several rules (kids of opposite gender in same room when one was over 6, not enough “floor” space for 6 kids in the 1 room, etc). So I wouldn’t say we “willingly participated”. It threw everything we had on its tail as we had to buy a new bigger vehicle, now has even more appointments and visits to handle, etc.
I’m sorry for the children. The children will always come first and foremost. What does the grief and loss do to them, in their context of a history of trauma? Adoption seems the best goal because it brings long term stability and safety from traumatic upheaval. RUclips’s Katie Addington has wonderful circumstances and situation with a great long term outcome for the children.
We were foster parents over 30 years ago and I had a baby for months and we said we would adopt her and 1 day I get a phone call saying they were going to move her to a adopted family and I said I thought we were going to adopt her and they said it was a better fit so I told them if you take her you can take the other one and we would not be foster parents any more they said I’ll call you back she’s still here 27 years later
This is why it is SO hard to advocate for yourself and the kids. So many tell me I need to stand up for myself regarding things with the case workers and I won’t do it. No one understands but I can’t even risk it, I just say “having the kids is worth the sacrifice of my pride” 😓 the whole system needs to be changed
The system is definitely broken when the leading factors are poverty and skin color. My friend has been trying to get her niece and nephew for over a year, because they were 2 hours over the state line and mom left them with a neighbor to babysit (neighbor called CPS instead of the family). The neighbor is fighting to keep the kids and it’s easier for the state. They had to go to court multiple times, because the state was viewing them both equally as kinship. They had to get a lawyer and Reno their house. All because of their location when things went sideways. If they would have been at their Aunt’s house (like normal) they would have had to fight for custody. It’s really hard as a mom to think about if you take your kid over to the neighbors to babysit and they could try to keep your kid instead of placing them with your sister. Luckily the kids have been able to come back and forth and will be transitioned over Christmas break.
This should not be happening and no one should have to go through this or talk about it. With that said and while acknowledging that this unfortunately does happen, thank you so much for talking about this and for talking about it in such an educational way and a way that seems like it can bring about positive change. It's so important for people to be speaking out on this when they are able to
Here in omaha Ne the private company that is cps cannot remove anymore kids right now because every group home is so over max capacity there is no room . Kids are being removed unnecessarily and then communication is cut off from the kid the parents and parents and the system. Parents are not given the opportunity to get their kids back! So their rights are being terminated. these kids are crammed into these group homes and left there. We have a real problem here and kids are being kidnapped legally we need help and the kids that are really being abused that really do need to be removed from abusive situations need help too
The more I hear you tell your story the more I feel it mirrors the feelings and grief of bio families. Whether something was done wrong or a perceived problem was what was the reason for the removal the loss and emptiness is there. Unfortunately rules and systems that are meant to protect often come in to play with the wrong people. Foster parents are needed but so are policy advocates and policy change is hard and endlessly frustrating so most don't choose that path.
I always watch Centex Child Protection Court 2. It always has the parents, foster parents , case workers, etc. The one thing I’ve notice down here is they don’t move the kids from their foster homes. You should really try to watch this , Tuesday - Thursday
Ugh I’m so sorry this is happening - especially for those kids who were looking forward to adoption. That’s not right. I was a ward of the state of Michigan for 10 years. I only had one foster family that I would have liked to be adopted into but I was only 7 at the time and we left because a family member wanted to adopt us so we went towards that instead. Which funnily enough wasn’t in our best interest and didn’t go through and we ended up back in the system.
This reminds me of a statement of the directors of my organization made in court "I am paid to be a manager, not someone who has feelings" or something like that. The judge was incredulous that the director said that. But it rings so true to those at the higher ranks in government organizations. They really just 'don't care' it's all about covering their own ass in case something/anything can go wrong or even be perceived to go wrong and somehow be blamed on them. So they make decisions that just don't consider the circumstances involved, just simply the easiest way to get that situation (or potential situation) as far away from their desk as possible. I don't know what the solution is though if there is no appeal system in place, perhaps if there is some kind of foster parent advocacy group in your state you can lobby the state representatives to put an appeal system in place, or that if there is no imminent danger to the children present it must go through the court system for removal? It would be a lot of work, and has no guarantee of working 100% of the time, but it would at least if implemented it would be a check on that power.
Our foster child stayed with respite for a few days and we were told that we overshared with the respite family. I didn’t realize that was a thing, they’re foster parents with the same agency! What the heckkk. Then one time our foster child’s mother claimed she was me and “contacted the court” to spread lies (so the upcoming court hearing would be delayed) and I was accused of stepping over the line! Thankfully they believed me but it was traumatic because they didn’t even ask, just accused right off the bat. These agencies are ruthless.
u know its crazy how that different states or counties work our happy hoppe shared their foster journey alot even having the kids on videos with their faces covred of course the whole time they had them
Florida passed a law on 10/1 that if a child has been in your care more than 9 months you now have a right to appeal the removal and have the judge decide which is amazing.
So imagine what bio parents go through when their children are removed in these types of ways When I had my case I tried hard to advocate for prevention and not removal
As tempting as it is to be excited to show kids on social media, whether it’s to raise awareness for fostering or adoption, it’s just absolutely not acceptable to show any foster child or pre-adoptive child on RUclips. Period.
And showing them without identifying details is not cause for removing children from a home. It's a bit of a gray area in terms of privacy - not obviously right or wrong, really a matter of opinion. They took precautions to keep it anonymous, their agency thought it was okay, but the county disagreed (and who knows if they even watched any of the videos in question!) If the county decided it wasn't acceptable, the response should have been to require removal of all images and videos. Stepping into that gray area is not actively dangerous for the children, and kids should not be removed unless they are in danger.
These agencies see these kids like numbers on a paper, one little discrepancy and they're out, but kids and families are not algorithms there needs to be some way for these agencies to work with foster carers, kids and families to do what's best in the individual cases not just rinse and repeat.
This is a big issues It's an agency that has too much power. In our situation we have yet to have a case plan. None of the court time lines have been flowed. We get excuses for why things aren't happening or told our child doesn't want to see when child has been begging to come home. It's been almost 2 years .the lies in the paperwork. One of the foster parents posted a go fund me with horrible untrue statements about our family with pictures of our child saying they never had a childhood . So much trauma since being in foster care that the child was sent to a mental health group home. .placing child in homes with sex offenders and felony child abusers. Last 2 years has been a living hell. Hard to explain to child sibling that are still in the home why they can see him. Why promissies to get to see sibling were broken too many times to count.
If only caring for the children was the most difficult part of being a foster parent. I'm sorry the system is set up this way. It discourages parents from fostering and above all, adds more trauma to the children.
We are foster parents, or at least were. We live in Texas and have had a horrible experience with "The System". We had a 15yr old girl placed in our home, that in all honesty I didn't really feel a connection at all too, but my husband did, and the case workers all seemed to kind of just pat me on the head and tell me I'd grow attached. But I was very honest about this up front. That was #1. #2, we want to adopt, and were told this girl wanted to be adopted (when in fact, we later found out that her goal was reunification with family and she did not want to be adopted at all), and #3, after being in our house for only 3 months, this girl was such a master manipulator, and she did a fine job of coming between me and my husband. We had been foster parents years ago when our kids were little, but this was our first time back into it since becoming empty nesters. We have never had experience with kids who are this good at lying and manipulating. I tried on numerous occasions to make my case worker hear me about my concerns, but always seemed like our concerns fell on deaf ears. As we learned more and more about this girl, she had family all over the place. So we just couldn't understand why she was in the foster system and not with relatives (yup, you would think that would have been a huge red flag, but no). My husband and her continued to have this great relationship, and mine and her personality just did not click. I really did try to build a relationship with her in the short time we had her, but I knew that I did not want to adopt her, that she did not want to be adopted, and that she had all this family she should be with as opposed to being in a broken system. So one of the CPS workers advised us that we needed to sign a placement discharge in order to start the process of getting her back with family. So we did the discharge, and that is when things went bad! Our agency got mad at us, her main CPS worker got mad at us, the girl got mad at us and demanded to stay. She did not want to leave us, but we could not get a second placement with her in our home because she demanded that she was the only child and the case workers agreed with her. At one point, my biological daughter who is 21 requested to come back home. This was very stressful to me and my husband, and my daughter and I were not seeing eye to eye as I continued to educate her about many restrictions and rules that she would now be facing since we had a foster child. So due to the stress in the house, my husband asked our caseworker if he could take our foster daughter on a mini vacation to get her out of the house while my daughter and I got her settled back in and figured out her attitude... So our case worker thought that was a great idea. And off my husband and foster daughter went to the beach for a night. And when they returned, things were more calm. In the meantime, the 30 day placement discharge was coming to a close and the girl's aunt and uncle had agreed to take her. So the night before she left our house, the girl made herself sick and we had to bring her to the hospital. I actually believe she thought that by doing so that she would be able to extend her stay with us. But the next morning, she CPS showed up and off she went. Not more than an hour later, did I get a call from my caseworker saying that the girl said I yelled at her before she left. I was dumfounded as this WAS NOT true at all. My caseworker explained that kids often do this to retaliate when they leave a good placement. So the agent made me take a few more trainings. A few days after the girl left, CPS contacted us about another child who is considered more therapuetic. Over the next week or so we got more information on her,.and my husband and I both good about her, we both were on board and wanted to move forward, we wanted to adopted her. So our agency did whatever agencies do, set up a staffing meeting with CPS, and we were all set too move forward. Then Bam, 5 weeks after the previous girl was out of our home, we were informed there was an investigation started on us with such awful allegations. Again we were told this is normal and kids do this. So now we had to be investigated, and all that was cleared up in under 30 days. Charges ruled out and show we had no role. So we were all set to go and continue with this new child. And BAM! Our agency now tells us they are on a placement hold and heightened monitoring by the state and they close us! We were like why? Let us at least do the staffing meeting for the other child first and then we can change agencies. They told us no! Then BAM, the director of our agency quit, the intake coordinator quit, our caseworker ghosted, and then our agency in our town closed down!!! So we called the corporate office, and they were horrible and mean and ended up blacklisting is with other agencies, because trust me THEY ALL collaborate with each other! The corporate office was not happy we had been ruled out on our allegations and said they felt that was wrong! So now we have met with our local state representative, we have contacted an attorney, and we are fighting to get our license back! There is so much more, but I went on way to long as it is. But foster parents are treated so poorly and just totally disrespected. All we wanted to do was adopt a teenage daughter to extend our family, and we got stuck in this mess of a broken system! It is heartbreaking and so sad. And only ends up hurting the kids more!!!!
So agree. My son has severe disability and cps was called when I asked for help because I didn't know how to help him. He is in foster care and I asked to be part of the team but I was just cut out of my son life. I haven't got any visits with my son.I am supposed to get visits. Nobody tells me anything. I'm going to court Monday and they will have me sign my rights over which I guess doesn't matter because there is no communication right now. Why isn't help giving to the bio parent, this can't be ok but there is nothing I can do. The foster mom will be in court with my son and last time my son was so happy to see me and I said that I wanted him back but they don't tell me how to do that and still no visits. So this will be so hard to see him on Monday.
There is always a call for more foster carers, never enough foster families… yet this is one of the reasons people won’t foster, because of dealing with the authorities and the overarching forms of abuse in power. There’s a reason they have a high turn over of families, it’s not a lack of loving families who want to foster.
I agree that the foster care system does need to be reformed. I was involved with CPS in New Hampshire a bit over ten years ago now. I know that my daughter’s now adopted parents had a similar experience where they were actually had happen where they had two girls in their custody and they were actually promised by the state that they could adopt these two girls and the state literally turned around and gave them to another couple . When her foster mom told me that I was like damn that’s messed up. After they adopted my daughter they closed their foster care license because it really shouldn’t have taken them a bit over three and a half years to adopt her. I was involved for a bit over the first eighteen months actively in the case until i voluntarily surrendered my parental rights to her on April 24 2013 and she was officially adopted on April 29 2015 a bit over two years after I surrendered my rights to her. They ended up fighting with her father the rest of the time . And, I was still helping CPS out in directly because I was still at that time learning stuff about her father. He also wasn’t being honest with her case worker.
I sure wish that CPS wasn't so unfair. We tried to get our granddaughter BEFORE she was put in foster care. We were denied and now we're trying to foster/adopt route to hopefully be a "match" for my own flesh and blood. (It should have never went this far.) Everything that we learned in our classes supported contact with the child's primary family, yet her own mother, and myself, are being denied. We have a strong bond with our granddaughter, but it's not even being considered. The G.A.L. and the caseworker said that they'll never reccomend placement with us. The G.A.L. has NEVER even met us! I feel like we're jumping through all their fiery hoops, only to be met with a cement wall.😢
Unfortunately, this isn’t new. My cousin and her husband fostered several children 20 years ago and they were suddenly removed from their care with no notice after several months.
Wonderful, incredible video. 🙏🙏💖. Thank you and Kat for your honesty and transparency. May you both have many blessing in your healing journey. Remember, in this country, we have an absolute right to speak our truths about government abuse because of our constitution and our 1st Amendment rights of freedom of speech. Never forget this. ❗❗
How can they do this to the children specially? Shouldn't the children have a say too, they where probably wishing to get adopted. That is so heartbreaking, for all of you. Makes me so angry specially what kind of trauma this could cause to the children when I see your sadness and heartbreak.
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I cannot thank you enough for being so supportive while I go through this grieving process. My heart breaks hearing you touch base on your story and many others who haven’t yet gotten to share their stories.
You definitely have a village behind you to support 💛
Send you love and hugs it seems they are punishing the good foster carers and letting the bad keep going
I am so sorry they did this to you and the kids
Haven't watched your video yet and don't know your state but make sure you know your rights. In some states, if you have kids in your care for a year, or X time, you have some rights. Going to adoption, I'd personally get a lawyer and fight it. Some states have foster parents rights and some have very little. After 2 years of legislation being introduced in Maryland and it being withdrawn, we still don't have the right at attend court. We can go (if we receive required notification), we can give a statement but then usually are asked to leave. We have no way of knowing what is being said, if it's true, if we could provide corrective information.
Was this video removed?
I think it’s ironic when I was put into an abusive foster home when I was a young teen, and I told my social worker, so did my foster siblings, but nothing was done. But somehow children are being removed from loving homes, make it make sense.
I hear this a lot too… hear it from current kids in care directly. Unbelievable.
This is so heartbreakingly common. I don’t understand the world sometimes. 💕
This happened to me too. The abusive homes I was forced to stay, the good places that gave me love and hope I was ripped away.
This is so prevalent. It's heartbreaking.
I was in foster care from the age of 3 months on up to roughly 16 years old. They kept sending me back to my abuser ( my bio mom ). I was in at least 15 different foster homes. It was very traumatic on me. I also had a brother murdered in foster care in 1967. Everytime they sent me to my abuser, a few months later I was removed. Then about a year later back to the abuser. I am still in contact with one of my foster moms. I'm now 57 years old.
I am so so sorry they continuously sent you back. This is one of my biggest fears going into fostering. I’m so sorry about your brother as well. Some things are so very wrong with the system
This is why we are giving up our license. Our agency brought an allegation against us that we were "mentally, emotionally, and physically unfit to care for children" because we called the agency director unprofessional. Instead of having a meeting about it, like we requested in writing multiple times, they disrupted our interstate adoption process, dragged us through a six-month long investigation, tried to convince my therapist to change her professional opinion, and ultimately gave us a letter stating, "Turns out, you weren't in violation of any rules and you can proceed with your adoption." Our adoption which had already been brutally smashed to pieces by their retaliatory investigation. 💔
It's all about power dynamics and 0% about the best interest of children in the system.
Absolutely unbelievable 💔
Wow I'm so sorry this happened to you
That’s awful. I’ve been watching you on and off for more than a year or two. You can see how loving and selfless you and your husband are. I’m so sorry. That’s awful and God bless you.
This is why I see countless videos of the good foster parents quitting, not the bad kids.....the bad social workers chasing them away. Good foster parents are tired of fighting the system.
But we aren’t going anywhere 😉
Ex foster youth here. I was nearly 16 and living in a group home. I was removed in the middle of the night with no notice or ability to pack my things. I had been there for nearly 18 months. I was due to move into a foster placement 2 days later. I'd been working towards getting into a foster home and out of group homes for 4 years. I wasn't able to say goodbye to anyone. I had a bearded dragon with complex health needs and he wasn't brought to me for months. My room wasn't locked and most of my things were stolen, including the only things I ever received from my dad.
I was moved to the other side of the country, drugged to keep my compliant, and I never got another foster placement. I never received an explanation.
That’s horrific 💔
WTH
They have too much power. Theres no checks and balances
This video made me cry…I absolutely loath the foster care system. From 4 months until I was 11 (when mom finally signed off rights) many homes, a few states and they kept trying to reunite with my biological mother. I knew I didn’t want to be with my mom. She always left me with strangers for weeks and I’ve seen things no one should ever see as a child. They moved me from homes a felt safe in to put me in another home closer to where my mom lived. I’ve gone to summer camp and the state shows up to say I would be on a plane that night to Florida. My foster parents already had our stuff packed and in the car. They caused me so much trauma that I haven’t gotten help with still to this day. There’s so much more to my story… I’m glad to hear your story in the foster parent side. For years I wanted to know why no one wanted me, finally connected with someone and they said that wasn’t the case. The state wanted to reunite me with my mom. Broken System in many states. Vermont, New York, Connecticut and Florida are the states I was fostered in. I was adopted for a paycheck, when I turned 18 I was left with no one. I have depression and anxiety really bad (I don’t take medication) I doubt people’s love for me, I question every interaction I have with people, maybe I said the wrong thing or they probably don’t like me.
I’m so sorry about those things in your past. The system should prioritize KIDS not parents!! ❤❤
Thank you for touching on how the states are doing this not only to good foster parents but good birth parents as well!! I keep running across more and more instances of families being traumatized by the system! 💔
I need to go watch her video because it sounds so similar to my foster experience. When I was 22 I fostered two disabled teens. Just over one year of fostering we went in for a meeting and they were sent back to their parents. The goal was always reunification and I fully supported the parents but they weren't ready and everyone knew it. The parents shared their desire for reunification but explained they didn't even have beds for the children yet and asked for more time. The sw said "either you take them today or you don't get them back at all." No one knew it was coming. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone I wouldn't be picking them up. I couldn't say good bye to them. Without going into detail, things were back to exactly how they were within a week of the kids moving back in. And I fell into the deepest depression of my life. I've been working the last 15 years to get out of that depression and I'm not out yet. Also, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's devastating.
I’m so sorry. That’s my biggest fear going into fostering
@@NovasRUclipsName some sw are fantastic and some aren't. If you get a good sw, it can be a beautiful experience.
Thank you for sharing your story, Whitney, and for elevating Kat’s situation.
Please let the village know what we can do to support and advocate. ❤️
💕🙏🏼
My friend was a foster care parent for many years. A lie caused the agency to remove all the children from her home. I remembered how hard I wept over one of the children who was like a daughter to my friend. The allegations were deemed unfounded and that one girl was returned. That happened when she was 12; and she remained in my friend's home well after she aged out. She's now in her 30s, a mother of 4, two of whom are my godchildren. Foster care can work out if the system will work towards it. When it goes wrong, it's devastating for everyone and a source of lasting trauma for the children.
This is so true! We need to work together for these children.
I've been following Kat for the past year, and am so horrified by what happened to her and those kids. Thoughts and prayers to everyone in similar situations.
So sick and tired of these states causing more trauma to children! I fostered for 8 years in the states, and I was lied to, over and over. Moved to Alberta, Canada and it’s been 8 years of fostering here. I’m blown away by how the system is run here. I have a support worker, the bio family has a worker, and the kids have a worker. Everything is decided as a team. Is it perfect? No, but it’s a better system than the US. Traumatizing these kids that they are training us how to parent is ridiculous. It’s so frustrating and maddening. Kat has her act together more than an entire state CPS does.
That’s such good news to me since I watch all US fostering videos and live in Canada - we are getting licensed and I was getting panicky. Thanks for commenting
My husband and I went through a very traumatic removal of a child we were planning on adopting. It was horrific and to be honest , I don’t recommend being a foster parent to people the way I used to. We will never foster again to protect our children in the home. They were hurt the most by what happened. The system is so so broken.
STONGER HARDER TOUGHER.. dedicated foster parents go above everyday to love as soon as the kids walk in the door and then everything grows from there. It's a tough system but the world need mum's and dads to love all the kids. I'm sorry this happens in our world.
Kat if you’re reading this please know my thoughts and prayers are with you I’m sorry you and the kids are experiencing that.
💕 You’re sweet comment makes a world of difference Sarah! Thank you.
The foster care system is very broken. My nieces were is kinship care with my family when I was a teen. Because of lies their mother told they were suddenly taken from us a split up into different homes. I still remember thier panicked cries when we had to put them in the social workers car. It was heartbreaking. This was about 20 years ago and still fresh to me. They were never put back together and were raised separately in foster care.
💔
Horrifying
Same thing happened to me, after 3 years of having my niece placed with me, they took her in 2 days, because "I wasn't fit to take care of her" whatever that means. Agree to much power in the hands of people who don't understand trauma.
Same happened to me!! Had my niece for 3 years and they picked her up from school. But I’m still an open home and have had over 10!kids since they took her and gave her up for adoption. I currently have her baby brother who I’m working on adopting.
I was adopted by abusive kinship. Im working towards becoming a foster and adoptive mother now. The mourning over these children is such a sacred thing. To witness their pain and just validate it, to just, TRULY care about these children is so POWERFUL. They will carry that with them ALWAYS. Tell these children, they will be adults someday, they can make a beautiful life for themselves someday. That its confusing and hard to be s human being but that its beautiful too. Tell them to hold on to hopefulness! Its a lifejacket when you're floating in the river of sadness. As long as someone still really cares about these kids, the world is still a good place! Caring for them might be one of the hardest things you ever do, but remember this, being uncared for might be all they ever know.
You are amazing. Thank You for your love and support. Foster care is so very important.🌸💗
24 years in, your points are so true, we have the same issues here in Australia too. The system is completely dysfunctional it’s so hard to find actually pinpoint the exact issue, it appears to me that it’s a culture within the dysfunction. It’s so difficult. We are still active Carers but once it’s safe we will be writing a book on what we think the solutions are, I hope I have the energy then….
Wow what a loss for the foster care system and the kids. You guys are absolutely wonderful, I’m disgusted with what the system did to you.
A lot of this reminds me of being subject to my parents' custody battle from age 13 to 17. My sister and I talked with the guardian ad litem, counselors, evaluators, whoever--about our preferences and feelings. Both of us wanted our dad to have primary custody. A lot of different arrangements were made through those years as far as who was living where, who had which of us on what days, who was going to own the house...and like in the foster system, we were given no warning as to when things were going to change. Or we were told something was going to change, and then it didn't. Ultimately full custody was given to my mom. Both my sister and I felt like no one listened to a word we said no matter how much we tried to voice our opinions.
That is absolutely terrible to hear. I don’t understand how that could happen 💔
Terrible
I want you to know that I am a teacher in Washington state. I follow you, think about you, and pray for you all the time. I am thankful for our amazing foster parents and am so sorry for this intense grief. ❤
This is what happened with my sister and our 3 nieces. Alledged false accusations, she spoke out against the unfairness of the system because she was kin she got no money, she was promised provisions for the girls like therapist and medical cards which they dragged their feet to even evaluate them, different caseworker monthly or weekly so no consistency, threats against my sister. Court appearance to clear her name. It was disgusting. My heart was breaking for the girls who were flourishing under her care. My sister was relentlessly fighting to help these girls ages 4, 7 and 9 when she got them at the beginning of the pandemic. At first the police department promised to help with food and gas card, clothing, those were empty promises. Churches were very generous. Go Fund Me's were set up. They all helped for a while, she thanked God for anything for the children.The savior in these children's case was my sister and the children's principal who she had constant communication with her regarding the girls progress. She went to court dates along side my sister. She made things available to the children regardless of the schools budget.These children were addicted at birth, never went one day to school, had night terrors, incontinence, hid stock piles of food, had no conception of time or days. The had never been in a store, they got there food from gas station only. Thier parents bought expensive meats with their food card and sold the meat to buy drugs. So much more. Anyway, I probably sound crazy but this is what taking a relative's kiddo or kiddos looks like in Indiana. It's almost a fight for your life as well as a fight for those precious children. I think the smarter you are and the more you stand up for the good treatment of the child, the more the case workers despise you. Not all, I know they're tired and overworked, she had some good ones but then they were transferred off the girls cases. 😒 I just happy that you are such a good advocate for the children. Thank you so much.
I want to thank you Whitney and Kat for sharing and speaking up about your feelings. I was in foster care from 6 weeks of age to I was adopted 2 days before my 16th birthday. I had two violent removals and was given no real reason for them and due to this situations I have had long-term issues with life because of this. I am now 52 and I have just asked for help with getting out of a DV relationship of which was my 2nd in 30 years. I wish I could have a voice for the foster child and by what these people are doing and show them how they ruined my life!! You are both awesome people and I will continue to watch and I am rooting for you to peel back the curtain and see what is really behind it. (Had to make a reference from the Wizard of Oz) I am from Kansas.
💔
🙏🏼💕
More people need to start listening to the kids x
Louder for the people in the back 🙌🏼
I agree!
Exactly! 💕🥺
How can they not??? The judges and caseworkers and laws are ridiculous
Thank you for the advice you have a strong voice and a loving heart for children in a safe home.
As a former Reunification Social Worker I have witnessed DCF (CPS’ versionin Connecticut) remove kids from healthy homes with no explanation. I have witnessed children be in pre-adoptive foster home and then suddenly DCF removes the kids and send them to their bio family or another foster family. After looking into why, usually DCF screwed up somewhere and realizes the foster family is no longer appropriate
This is honestly my worst fear as a foster parent. I am in this for the kids, and having to see them be retraumatized would be beyond devastating. I am even hesitant to ever complain about a social worker because I don’t want them to go on a power trip.
That fear makes you perfect for it. Please don’t give up. Message me on Instagram if you would like and we can chat.
Gosh my heart hurts for those kids 💔 I can’t imagine being taken away from my home TWICE without notice. How traumatic
Ty for always trying to be open and honest about things
There are some really horrendous cases throughout the system in our whole country. It’s heartbreaking. Continued prayers for angels like you that care for these precious children when their parents are not allowed to. These case workers need to stand up and say “no, I will not remove these children from this
home” WE ALL NEED TO TAKE A STAND. We are in the midst of great awakening and all corrupted systems are being revealed for what they are.
This has happened to me. I had a sibling group and the eldest had some mental and behavioral problems to a point where it was no longer safe for them to be in the home. The youngest we've had from birth and now a couple of months from 1. The agreement and from multiple therapists' findings was the oldest should be in a home as the only child or youngest. So, the plan was for her to go to another home while going through intense therapy and the youngest was to stay to be adopted. I had less than 24 hour heads up that both would be removed. How? I was all the youngest knew. My bios didn't get to say bye. I was broken. This wasn't right.
Thank you Whitney for this video! You are spot on correct in this video. Very very important information to get out. All of it not just bits and pieces.
I just started the video, but oh my god those poor kids. That poor mom. The system needs to do better because that's absolutely inexcusable. So little notice, and from the description didn't they expect to be adopted by their new foster mom? Wow. That must have been so traumatic for everyone involved, on top of all the kids probably already went through. I feel so bad for all of them and I can only hope and pray those kids can heal and end up in a home they feel safe and loved in.
A girl in the year below at school was in foster care. My best friend at the time’s sister was good friends her. When school was released this little girl who was in year eight so could only have been 12/13, was stood at reception sobbing and SURROUNDED by bags. A suitcase, bin bags, shopping bags etc. A full school was walking past and watching as she’s stood there alone with the receptionist ignoring her.
Never saw this girl again and through my friend’s sister we found out that this girl’s Foster mum had been taken to hospital and no one could take the little girl. The family EMPTIED this kid’s room when she was at school and dropped it off at reception for her, she was taken out of class to say she wasn’t going home. School finished at 3, she waited until 7 until her social worker turned up before being moved out of county to a new placement. 12 YEARS OLD.
Through the grapevine we eventually learnt she had 3 kids by the age of about 19 and sadly, through drug and alcohol addiction, she eventually lost her own children.
The trauma these kids go through ENDLESSLY not only absolutely destroys them and cripples them but it also continues the cycle for the next generation. These babies deserve to be prioritised and cherished 🥺
Foster care is grief . ..and we have no rights. I am so sorry the counties were not able to work with either of you. They look at the legal violation on paper and do not take the time and resources to investigate . I'm currently dealing with a grief of missing one of our children. The county is usually overloaded and so issues get pushed through. If we leave foster parenting it would be because the frustration with the system and lack of equal team work.
I’m in California and in the same boat for different reasons. I wish I had someone to share my story with. Thank you for sharing yours.
So insane how some foster families have their foster kiddos taken away over relatively minor mistakes/things that could be corrected with a proper meeting, meanwhile some kids literally have to sleep on the floor of their social worker's office or be sent to JUVIE (where they are treated just like the convicted criminals, despite not committing any crimes) because there's not enough beds for them... Make it make sense.
When I was in high school (1982-86) a friend was in the system after calling herself to report horrific abuse. Once she was finally removed she was initially in a temporary placement until a more permanent one could be found. After only 2 weeks she was moved to the county youth detention center, and not segregated from the adolescents who were convicted criminals. Think about the message that sent her: beg for help to be given relief from a horrible situation, only to be incarcerated! Luckily, her case worker changed and the new one found a new, SAFE place in a family for her in just a few days. Ironically, the foster parent and I were coworkers 5+ years later.
Despicable, can't imagine the trauma
Wish things were better for these kids and for the foster parents helping!
"Speak your mind even if your voice shakes" -- Maggie Kuhn
This is powerful for me. Thank you.
I love this
Unfortunately, it never stopped for the children in our care. The “system” continued to do the absolute worst for them. Our last placement was hastily moved to a “relative” in order to clear a Caseworker’s load so he could move to another department. The person ended up not being an actual relative and had the most deplorable living conditions I had ever seen (animal feces and all). When we exited we told them our reason was because we refused to enable the further abuse of children.
I still get sick to my stomach when someone says: “children are so resilient”.
"children are so resilient" sounds like a mantra they tell themselves when they know they fail these kids...
@@allister.trudel a lot of foster parents and caseworkers get “moral burnout”. It’s unusual when a case doesn’t result in the kids being treated horribly.
It’s heartbreaking 😞 And here in Belgium and the Netherlands it happens too. I’m as passionate about children as you guys and I feel your pain. Lots of love ❤️
I'm am interested in your comment- I am moving to Belgium soon and I have always planned to foster kids when I'm ready- I may end up moving to the Netherlands but I had just assumed the system is quite good there- what is your experience with it?
@@alexwood3459 Hi, I’m sorry. I only saw your comment now. Fostering system in Belgium is quite good, but the caseload is heavy for the caseworkers as in every country. There are no private agencies.
In the Nederlands its only privatised. And I hear lots of complaints about it; children taken away when it wasn’t necessary, lack of support,… In some agencies, if you ask around on the fostering pages (e.g. on facebook) then you will know quite quickly which agencies are good and which aren’t. But the good ones I think are better than in Belgium because they have more resources as they are privatised and not only depending on subsidies and taxes.
I hope I answered your question a little and that you understand it 🙈
@@SaarLoveable thank you for your detailed response!
We fostered 40 years ago. There were and are some mental workers in the system. Many of the Social workers go into the work because they were victims of the same system. One of our workers was a former foster child, she related her experiences in foster care to her work with the foster kids. She was anti-foster parents and for us a total and complete nightmare.
She should be in therapy, not passing on the abuse...
Sending all the hugs to you and John and Kat and the children.
The system needs to do better. The babies deserve it. The parents deserve it.
Abuse of power is just insane. We were going adopt my oldest in 2 weeks and the social worker called to do a visit. I did not call the social worker back with-in 12 hours, so she showed up at my child’s school. TWO. WEEKS. BEFORE. THE. ADOPTION. The social worker called after the school visit and wanted to do another “goodbye visit” and I left a vm saying -“You got your good bye visit when you stopped at the school.” Completely ridiculous. Abuse of power.
Thank you for speaking out!
Yes, these things are happening !!!Thissystem is incredibly flawed and unfortunately the children pay the biggest price!!
The unchecked power is a huge issue.
This is powerful, thank you for this Whitney.
We were foster/adopt parents for my sons biological half brother who was in the 7th grade. We had adopted our son though foster care from another county years before that. My son was 6 at the time his biological brother came to live with us. We took my sons brother to his court date and they decided to remove him from our home immediately. He had ran into another child from his previous foster home who was close to his age. He decided he wanted to go back and live there because they didn’t have chores and the court allowed it. We lived about 5 hours away and we cried all the way home. My son has not had any contact with his brother ever since. My son is 14 now. I couldn’t believe the court allowed this and broke all contact with him. We were in the process of adopting him and they moved him back into a home where he wasn’t going to be adopted. My heart still breaks over all of this.
that's so weird, surely they should prioritize a family that's willing to adopt, especially if it's gonna reunite him with his blood relative sibling... I don,t get it...
I know a woman who ended up with custody of her 2 grandchildren after their mother got into drugs and CPS got involved. After several years of her having those 2, her other 2 grandchildren from her other child ended up in the system. She was granted temp custody of those 2 also and at her first court date they removed them and put them in foster care saying she "unfit to care for them". She fought for 2yrs for those kids, but ended up losing those 2 to adoption because the foster parents wanted them. She had been caring for all these girls since they were newborns and at this point the youngest was 4. It was so traumatic for everyone involved. We live in a small town and she's not even allowed to initiate a conversation with those 2 girls if she sees them out, but the oldest will still scream Nana and come running up to her, and the adoptive parents let her hug them and tell them she loves them but that's it, she's not even allowed to tell the youngest who she is. They pull them away from her pretty quickly. I've been with her during one of these encounters and it's just heartbreaking and infuriating.
How can they do that?! She still and forever will have custody of the other 2, but how can they deem that she is perfectly fit and capable of caring for 2(1 being special needs with some minor health issues) but is "unfit" to care for the other 2 that had no difficulties or health issues?! It makes no sense. The system needs to be dismantled and completely rebuilt from the bottom up.
Happened to me with 95% of my placements. Never got to say goodbye or have a warning. I’ve been fostering almost 7 years. I have my nephew and supposed to adopt. I’m scared everyday that cps will come get my baby for no reason. I’m also going back and forth if I want to take in another placement.
seriously, it not only traumatize the kida but traumatize the families that want to take them in until they just can't take the mental health toll anymore...
Whitney, thank you for sharing, albeit difficult, to say the least.
October is Domestic Violence awareness month. You are part of the system of support for those in need. A cog in a big wheel.
I have experienced DV abuse in the 1990s. There are many facets of DV and recovery is challenging for all involved.
There's a show on Netflix "Maid" that follows the journey of a young mother who gets wrenched through the system. It's tough for me to watch as it restimulates many experiences I had. BUT it's important to 'shed the light' on the darkness. It's worth a watch!
Have a fabulous time in Barbados?! Marianne from Washington state
LOVED Maid!
She should request a CASA for the children. CASA volunteers report directly to the judge. It won’t help Kat now, but it is a way for her to add some oversight from the court for the kids moving forward.
That’s a good idea. I do know in our area there is a shortage of CASAs because they are volunteers.
😂😂😂😂
The G.A.L. for our granddaughter does NOT advocate for her at all! She doesn't reccomend us for placement,......she has never met us, or even seen us interact with our granddaughter. We pass all their requirements, and yet our granddaughter is still being kept from us.😢
It's so heartbreaking for all involved. Sending love
We were told in training under no circumstances were we ever to put the kids on social media. Share their story their faces ever. Is that not the rule everywhere?
The system is a nightmare that I will say. Not in best interest of anyone.
It is different state by state and county by county. I definitely would like to see a nationwide foster youth bill of rights that explicitly states this.
I was in the system myself when I was 16 I was taken out of my home. I feel like I wasn't listened to and they moved me from a hospital stay to a girls home and back into the same abusive home which never changed. I felt let down and hurt. I moved out when I was 18 even though I was still in high school. I don't think they listen like they should but yes we need a better system.
Friends of ours (we are foster parents too) took placement of 3 kids (initial detainment) and they were told the case was a clear path to adoption. It was our friends first placement and we told them time and time again to love these kids but do not get the mindset of adoption when they literally just came into care. The foster dad mentioned casually to the oldest who was 7 about him eventually adopting the 3 kids and the 7 year old told their mom who involved senators and congressman (blew it way out of the water) when no one should have told them from the get going it was a clear path to adoption. The kids were removed unexpectedly and thrown into our house (we were told we were taking placement.. not given a choice) so they could maintain relationships with the foster parents, the schools they went to, the friends and family (extended foster grandparents) they had but the foster parents couldn’t see them, speak to us about them, we couldn’t speak to them about the kids either. The foster dad was a teacher at the school the kids went to and “someone” pressured the principal and superintendent to fire him so he wouldn’t have contact with the kids at work/school. It turned into a huge mess and we were super over whelmed as we now had 6 kids and 2 adults in a 2 bed apt. The kids were so confused and traumatized. They reunified about 8 months later and the plan was always reunification. The case manager was a nightmare and the only reason we made it though is the licensing worker had our back. Our friends ended up closing their license (another 1 and done 😭). They were fantastic foster parents who believed what they were told and were so “green”/ naive.
And yes. One of the reasons we were told we would be taking them was to maintain contact with the foster parents…. Who couldn’t see them, talk to them, talk to us about them, etc… it made zero sense.
Wow. Who makes these decisions? Why is there no balance of power?
You willfully participated in a circus and that is on you and your husband. I wonder if some of these foster "parents" become addicted to drama, like a drug addict becomes addicted to being high. What you ALLOWED hurt everybody concerned.
@@carecc7191 as I said we were told we were taking the kids and not given a choice despite it breaking several rules (kids of opposite gender in same room when one was over 6, not enough “floor” space for 6 kids in the 1 room, etc). So I wouldn’t say we “willingly participated”. It threw everything we had on its tail as we had to buy a new bigger vehicle, now has even more appointments and visits to handle, etc.
@@erinaa9486 the agency we are licensed with.
This happened to us a couple weeks ago for advocating for safety for the kids. We are heartbroken and are not sure if we can continue to Foster.
I’m sorry for the children. The children will always come first and foremost. What does the grief and loss do to them, in their context of a history of trauma? Adoption seems the best goal because it brings long term stability and safety from traumatic upheaval. RUclips’s Katie Addington has wonderful circumstances and situation with a great long term outcome for the children.
We were foster parents over 30 years ago and I had a baby for months and we said we would adopt her and 1 day I get a phone call saying they were going to move her to a adopted family and I said I thought we were going to adopt her and they said it was a better fit so I told them if you take her you can take the other one and we would not be foster parents any more they said I’ll call you back she’s still here 27 years later
This is why it is SO hard to advocate for yourself and the kids. So many tell me I need to stand up for myself regarding things with the case workers and I won’t do it. No one understands but I can’t even risk it, I just say “having the kids is worth the sacrifice of my pride” 😓 the whole system needs to be changed
I don’t blame you 💛
I took a caseworker and supervisor to court. I found out that the judge will always side with the state.
The state just loves the little bit of power they have, and the kids get caught in the middle, just like the broken homes they come from ♥️
This almost happened to us thank god bio parents advocated for our foster child to stay with us
The system is definitely broken when the leading factors are poverty and skin color.
My friend has been trying to get her niece and nephew for over a year, because they were 2 hours over the state line and mom left them with a neighbor to babysit (neighbor called CPS instead of the family). The neighbor is fighting to keep the kids and it’s easier for the state. They had to go to court multiple times, because the state was viewing them both equally as kinship. They had to get a lawyer and Reno their house. All because of their location when things went sideways. If they would have been at their Aunt’s house (like normal) they would have had to fight for custody. It’s really hard as a mom to think about if you take your kid over to the neighbors to babysit and they could try to keep your kid instead of placing them with your sister. Luckily the kids have been able to come back and forth and will be transitioned over Christmas break.
So strange and backwards
System is so broke. I’m so sorry for you both 🤗🥰
"we are not perfect people" 💖
This should not be happening and no one should have to go through this or talk about it. With that said and while acknowledging that this unfortunately does happen, thank you so much for talking about this and for talking about it in such an educational way and a way that seems like it can bring about positive change. It's so important for people to be speaking out on this when they are able to
Someday those kids will find you. I was a foster kid and I was also removed from a foster home. When I grew up I found my foster family again.
I hope they do 💛
Here in omaha Ne the private company that is cps cannot remove anymore kids right now because every group home is so over max capacity there is no room . Kids are being removed unnecessarily and then communication is cut off from the kid the parents and parents and the system. Parents are not given the opportunity to get their kids back! So their rights are being terminated. these kids are crammed into these group homes and left there. We have a real problem here and kids are being kidnapped legally we need help and the kids that are really being abused that really do need to be removed from abusive situations need help too
That’s terrible to hear
This is so sad, I’m so sorry to hear this.
The more I hear you tell your story the more I feel it mirrors the feelings and grief of bio families. Whether something was done wrong or a perceived problem was what was the reason for the removal the loss and emptiness is there. Unfortunately rules and systems that are meant to protect often come in to play with the wrong people. Foster parents are needed but so are policy advocates and policy change is hard and endlessly frustrating so most don't choose that path.
Totally agree.
I always watch Centex Child Protection Court 2. It always has the parents, foster parents , case workers, etc. The one thing I’ve notice down here is they don’t move the kids from their foster homes. You should really try to watch this , Tuesday - Thursday
I’ll have to take a look.
@@BeTheVillageCommunity it usually starts at 9am central standard time.
Ugh I’m so sorry this is happening - especially for those kids who were looking forward to adoption. That’s not right. I was a ward of the state of Michigan for 10 years. I only had one foster family that I would have liked to be adopted into but I was only 7 at the time and we left because a family member wanted to adopt us so we went towards that instead. Which funnily enough wasn’t in our best interest and didn’t go through and we ended up back in the system.
This reminds me of a statement of the directors of my organization made in court "I am paid to be a manager, not someone who has feelings" or something like that. The judge was incredulous that the director said that. But it rings so true to those at the higher ranks in government organizations. They really just 'don't care' it's all about covering their own ass in case something/anything can go wrong or even be perceived to go wrong and somehow be blamed on them. So they make decisions that just don't consider the circumstances involved, just simply the easiest way to get that situation (or potential situation) as far away from their desk as possible.
I don't know what the solution is though if there is no appeal system in place, perhaps if there is some kind of foster parent advocacy group in your state you can lobby the state representatives to put an appeal system in place, or that if there is no imminent danger to the children present it must go through the court system for removal? It would be a lot of work, and has no guarantee of working 100% of the time, but it would at least if implemented it would be a check on that power.
that's a greta idea!
Our foster child stayed with respite for a few days and we were told that we overshared with the respite family. I didn’t realize that was a thing, they’re foster parents with the same agency! What the heckkk.
Then one time our foster child’s mother claimed she was me and “contacted the court” to spread lies (so the upcoming court hearing would be delayed) and I was accused of stepping over the line! Thankfully they believed me but it was traumatic because they didn’t even ask, just accused right off the bat.
These agencies are ruthless.
u know its crazy how that different states or counties work our happy hoppe shared their foster journey alot even having the kids on videos with their faces covred of course the whole time they had them
Almost happened to us. Almost same situation. Thankfully we were able to work through it but it got crazy.
2 kids. Over one year. Permanency plan for us to adopt as well.
Florida passed a law on 10/1 that if a child has been in your care more than 9 months you now have a right to appeal the removal and have the judge decide which is amazing.
Oh, my heart 💔
So imagine what bio parents go through when their children are removed in these types of ways
When I had my case I tried hard to advocate for prevention and not removal
The fact that there is a huge shortage of good homes makes this a tragedy
As tempting as it is to be excited to show kids on social media, whether it’s to raise awareness for fostering or adoption, it’s just absolutely not acceptable to show any foster child or pre-adoptive child on RUclips. Period.
And showing them without identifying details is not cause for removing children from a home. It's a bit of a gray area in terms of privacy - not obviously right or wrong, really a matter of opinion. They took precautions to keep it anonymous, their agency thought it was okay, but the county disagreed (and who knows if they even watched any of the videos in question!) If the county decided it wasn't acceptable, the response should have been to require removal of all images and videos. Stepping into that gray area is not actively dangerous for the children, and kids should not be removed unless they are in danger.
We know this now. But also, harmonica Veronica shows why both can be true.
These agencies see these kids like numbers on a paper, one little discrepancy and they're out, but kids and families are not algorithms there needs to be some way for these agencies to work with foster carers, kids and families to do what's best in the individual cases not just rinse and repeat.
I wish I could give you a big hug.
This is a big issues It's an agency that has too much power. In our situation we have yet to have a case plan. None of the court time lines have been flowed. We get excuses for why things aren't happening or told our child doesn't want to see when child has been begging to come home. It's been almost 2 years .the lies in the paperwork. One of the foster parents posted a go fund me with horrible untrue statements about our family with pictures of our child saying they never had a childhood . So much trauma since being in foster care that the child was sent to a mental health group home. .placing child in homes with sex offenders and felony child abusers. Last 2 years has been a living hell. Hard to explain to child sibling that are still in the home why they can see him. Why promissies to get to see sibling were broken too many times to count.
If only caring for the children was the most difficult part of being a foster parent. I'm sorry the system is set up this way. It discourages parents from fostering and above all, adds more trauma to the children.
We are foster parents, or at least were. We live in Texas and have had a horrible experience with "The System". We had a 15yr old girl placed in our home, that in all honesty I didn't really feel a connection at all too, but my husband did, and the case workers all seemed to kind of just pat me on the head and tell me I'd grow attached. But I was very honest about this up front. That was #1. #2, we want to adopt, and were told this girl wanted to be adopted (when in fact, we later found out that her goal was reunification with family and she did not want to be adopted at all), and #3, after being in our house for only 3 months, this girl was such a master manipulator, and she did a fine job of coming between me and my husband. We had been foster parents years ago when our kids were little, but this was our first time back into it since becoming empty nesters. We have never had experience with kids who are this good at lying and manipulating. I tried on numerous occasions to make my case worker hear me about my concerns, but always seemed like our concerns fell on deaf ears. As we learned more and more about this girl, she had family all over the place. So we just couldn't understand why she was in the foster system and not with relatives (yup, you would think that would have been a huge red flag, but no). My husband and her continued to have this great relationship, and mine and her personality just did not click. I really did try to build a relationship with her in the short time we had her, but I knew that I did not want to adopt her, that she did not want to be adopted, and that she had all this family she should be with as opposed to being in a broken system. So one of the CPS workers advised us that we needed to sign a placement discharge in order to start the process of getting her back with family. So we did the discharge, and that is when things went bad! Our agency got mad at us, her main CPS worker got mad at us, the girl got mad at us and demanded to stay. She did not want to leave us, but we could not get a second placement with her in our home because she demanded that she was the only child and the case workers agreed with her. At one point, my biological daughter who is 21 requested to come back home. This was very stressful to me and my husband, and my daughter and I were not seeing eye to eye as I continued to educate her about many restrictions and rules that she would now be facing since we had a foster child. So due to the stress in the house, my husband asked our caseworker if he could take our foster daughter on a mini vacation to get her out of the house while my daughter and I got her settled back in and figured out her attitude... So our case worker thought that was a great idea. And off my husband and foster daughter went to the beach for a night. And when they returned, things were more calm. In the meantime, the 30 day placement discharge was coming to a close and the girl's aunt and uncle had agreed to take her. So the night before she left our house, the girl made herself sick and we had to bring her to the hospital. I actually believe she thought that by doing so that she would be able to extend her stay with us. But the next morning, she CPS showed up and off she went. Not more than an hour later, did I get a call from my caseworker saying that the girl said I yelled at her before she left. I was dumfounded as this WAS NOT true at all. My caseworker explained that kids often do this to retaliate when they leave a good placement. So the agent made me take a few more trainings. A few days after the girl left, CPS contacted us about another child who is considered more therapuetic. Over the next week or so we got more information on her,.and my husband and I both good about her, we both were on board and wanted to move forward, we wanted to adopted her. So our agency did whatever agencies do, set up a staffing meeting with CPS, and we were all set too move forward. Then Bam, 5 weeks after the previous girl was out of our home, we were informed there was an investigation started on us with such awful allegations. Again we were told this is normal and kids do this.
So now we had to be investigated, and all that was cleared up in under 30 days. Charges ruled out and show we had no role. So we were all set to go and continue with this new child. And BAM! Our agency now tells us they are on a placement hold and heightened monitoring by the state and they close us! We were like why? Let us at least do the staffing meeting for the other child first and then we can change agencies. They told us no! Then BAM, the director of our agency quit, the intake coordinator quit, our caseworker ghosted, and then our agency in our town closed down!!! So we called the corporate office, and they were horrible and mean and ended up blacklisting is with other agencies, because trust me THEY ALL collaborate with each other! The corporate office was not happy we had been ruled out on our allegations and said they felt that was wrong! So now we have met with our local state representative, we have contacted an attorney, and we are fighting to get our license back! There is so much more, but I went on way to long as it is. But foster parents are treated so poorly and just totally disrespected. All we wanted to do was adopt a teenage daughter to extend our family, and we got stuck in this mess of a broken system! It is heartbreaking and so sad. And only ends up hurting the kids more!!!!
Thank you for sharing such a tough story
You are doing amazing advocacy thank you ❤️
So agree. My son has severe disability and cps was called when I asked for help because I didn't know how to help him. He is in foster care and I asked to be part of the team but I was just cut out of my son life. I haven't got any visits with my son.I am supposed to get visits. Nobody tells me anything. I'm going to court Monday and they will have me sign my rights over which I guess doesn't matter because there is no communication right now. Why isn't help giving to the bio parent, this can't be ok but there is nothing I can do. The foster mom will be in court with my son and last time my son was so happy to see me and I said that I wanted him back but they don't tell me how to do that and still no visits. So this will be so hard to see him on Monday.
You need an attorney. Signing rights over means you are no longer his parent. He will never be returned to you. Soneone else may adopt him.
@@MF-ty2zn1 the foster parent is adopting him. It's was asked in court for her to allow me to be part of my son's life. I hope that she will.
There is always a call for more foster carers, never enough foster families… yet this is one of the reasons people won’t foster, because of dealing with the authorities and the overarching forms of abuse in power. There’s a reason they have a high turn over of families, it’s not a lack of loving families who want to foster.
Ugh. I understand abuse of power. My friend went through abuse. Not same as removal but still abuse.
💔
Heartbreaking. They are not acting in the children’s best interest.
CPS is corrupt and doesn't care one tiny bit about "the best interest of the child." 😢
I agree that the foster care system does need to be reformed. I was involved with CPS in New Hampshire a bit over ten years ago now. I know that my daughter’s now adopted parents had a similar experience where they were actually had happen where they had two girls in their custody and they were actually promised by the state that they could adopt these two girls and the state literally turned around and gave them to another couple . When her foster mom told me that I was like damn that’s messed up. After they adopted my daughter they closed their foster care license because it really shouldn’t have taken them a bit over three and a half years to adopt her. I was involved for a bit over the first eighteen months actively in the case until i voluntarily surrendered my parental rights to her on April 24 2013 and she was officially adopted on April 29 2015 a bit over two years after I surrendered my rights to her. They ended up fighting with her father the rest of the time . And, I was still helping CPS out in directly because I was still at that time learning stuff about her father. He also wasn’t being honest with her case worker.
I sure wish that CPS wasn't so unfair. We tried to get our granddaughter BEFORE she was put in foster care. We were denied and now we're trying to foster/adopt route to hopefully be a "match" for my own flesh and blood. (It should have never went this far.)
Everything that we learned in our classes supported contact with the child's primary family, yet her own mother, and myself, are being denied. We have a strong bond with our granddaughter, but it's not even being considered. The G.A.L. and the caseworker said that they'll never reccomend placement with us. The G.A.L. has NEVER even met us! I feel like we're jumping through all their fiery hoops, only to be met with a cement wall.😢
Unfortunately, this isn’t new. My cousin and her husband fostered several children 20 years ago and they were suddenly removed from their care with no notice after several months.
Wonderful, incredible video. 🙏🙏💖. Thank you and Kat for your honesty and transparency. May you both have many blessing in your healing journey. Remember, in this country, we have an absolute right to speak our truths about government abuse because of our constitution and our 1st Amendment rights of freedom of speech. Never forget this. ❗❗
How can they do this to the children specially? Shouldn't the children have a say too, they where probably wishing to get adopted. That is so heartbreaking, for all of you. Makes me so angry specially what kind of trauma this could cause to the children when I see your sadness and heartbreak.