Start the new year with purpose! Experience personalized courses on avoidants, live webinars & Q&As, and more for FREE for 7 days! attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/dream-life?Ux_OR5RYcOA&el=youtube Start Here: ruclips.net/video/Qa11KTYzDdw/видео.html
How is their personality not constantly toxic & inflicting Confusion = stress. What’s the purpose of encourage people to stay in these relationships or give them ways to hang on to /keep the stress going. Why push for us do so much effort/ stress to figure out and maintain the relationship?? Their behaviors are not cute or funny, interesting, endearing ect.. it’s feels insulting to laugh their covert behavior off. No one is going to say “yes I’m selfish and malicious”
Nobody is forcing you to engage in a relationship with an avodiant. These videos are for people to be able to somewhat understand them and decide what they want to do with that information. Some of us do want to try to keep our avodiants in our lives in some way. Don't understand why you feel the need to be so damn negative. You decided to watch this video.. Dump the person if you don't want to try to make it work, it's pretty simple.
@@Hypnohealersarah 💯! *most* insecure attachment styles are doing just that only with different methods, it's sad avoidants often get singled out for blame instead of compassion & trying to understand them
@@Hypnohealersarah Avoidants hide behind the “not malicious” phrase/ not on purpose/ not intentional/ didn’t mean to/didn’t know 🤷♂️ It’s avoiding accountability for their actions as long as someone excepts the excuse. They’re still looking out for number 1 at all cost. It’s very selfish and very covert.
First, let me say that I've LOVED learning about attachment theory as it has taught me to understand people's behavior. However, I've learned that when it comes to dating and relationships that if it isn't a hard "yes," it's a soft "no." If you're confused about texts or someone isn't following up with a "I'm on my way," they're flaking on you. It's interesting because I've experienced this with many women in the past who flaked on dates using very similar excuses (the most common is that they "forgot"). The best way to handle such a situation is to simply let them be the ones to reach out and set up a date. My most common response to women who would flake on me is, "no problem, just give me a call when your schedule clears up." Then I go about my business waiting for them to reach out.
They are all about themselves, how they feel in the moment is their truths, so they just bounce from one mood to the other, rarely looking at themselves objectively.
Soooo true about how they feel in the moment is their truths so they switch quite rapidly and abruptly causing extreme confusion and pain to the recipient
I couldn't help but giggle when I saw this video! My ex was the picture text responder! Each time I had to decode what it was supposed to mean, pertainingto the subject at hand. Funny at 1st and cute when all is positive, annoying for certain when all you DO want is for clarity about smthg so you know A, B, C or D! I wasn't 100% he was a DA until I watched your video! I will continue to giggle now but no longer decode! 😂😉
I did that with my ex DA. If I wanted to know when he would be home, I would text him like this. A) within the hour B) 1-2 hours C) don't wait up D) where do I live again? He would usually respond quickly with A when I did it like this 😊
interesting, i do that as an FA & it has understandably frustrated my now DA partner but i appreciate they've put in the effort to try communicating with me when that was all i could muster edited to add by "that" mean send images that are difficult to decode, lol, he even said once "feel free send me an ambiguous gif in the meantime" 🥰
I used to AVOID "rocking the boat" all together by staying single and having a very small circle around me when I was younger. Im very close to my family. But I didn't do friendships outside of that. Not at school. Not at work. This whole idea of "rocking the boat" made me AVOID people in general, not just romantically but even in friendships. I only have 2 friends and I'm 35 yrs old. I've only been in ONE relationship, and I'm 35 yrs old. It's kinda embarrassing to admit this 🙈. But this idea of "rocking the boat" with people in general is why I just avoided people all together. Short answers to questions. Now explanations. No explanations because "walking your dog" leads to MORE questions I didn't wanna answer. If it wasn't "yes" or "no" questions, I just wouldn't answer at all, I'd leave people on "read." I'm not like that now. I've been in therapy for 5 yrs. I've come a long way. Lol. But hearing her explain this makes me feel naked 🙈. Yikes 😬.
proud of you and thank you for being open, honest and vulnerable with us. it helps so much hearing from avoidants/ex avoidants how they are, why and how to meet their needs
I think you are giving these people way too much credit… them saying, oh, “I’m really interested, just wasn’t feeling 100%” sorry but that’s excuses to keep you invested in a bullshit non-relationship.
It would be nice to have a follow up video explaining how a DA should answer those text messages. Say I have car issues, I don't know if it'll be fixed by the weekend, I can't make plans without transport, it's stressing me out, random text messages about plans to meet up .... like, I don't want to say no, but a yes feels like it may turn into a no .... argh!
could you reply with what you wrote here? i'm an FA & we tend to really *crave* context for things or else our stories can get activated which are rarely good 😬 if i received your comment i'd be very appreciative & reassured which would make it easy to give you the space you likely wanted to deal with a frustrating situation 💜
i remember this one time i felt like no matter what i did, people just didn’t notice me. i tried everything-confidence boosters, social tips, you name it-but nothing seemed to work. then i found this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it completely shifted how i saw myself. it’s not just about being noticed; it’s about understanding the energy you project. honestly, this book made all the difference for me. if you’ve ever felt invisible, you need to read it.
D.A's just don't want to make a full commitment. That's why they are leaving vague txts. Things have to be on their time. If you go with their flow, it can leave an insecure attachment style more insecure. This is not a healthy way to be. I'm a D.A.
First one is just flakey people in general.. secure people do that too. Nothing to do with avoidant attachment at all and your support was just mentioning the standard "they want connection but they fear it" which is the default 101 definition of FA really.
i used to think being magnetic was just about looks or confidence, but i couldn’t have been more wrong. i read this book called Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it totally changed my perspective. it breaks down the energy and mindset behind true attraction in a way that just makes sense. once i started applying what it taught, i noticed people reacting to me differently almost instantly. it’s seriously worth a read.
How do you decode “well I really need sleep, but I also really want to see you.” Where they just hang in limbo mode downright refusing to make an actual decision. When I assume one side like “ok so you need sleep so we’re not seeing each other tonight” it’s met with “no no I really want to see you!!” But if I go at it like “okay so your feelings are outweighing your needs on this one and you need to sleep more than you need to see me ” then it’s “ no cuz I really need sleep AND I also NEED to see you. “ And they’re not looking for a compromise. I acknowledge that I understand they want/need both and I won’t be upset either way but WHICH ONE DO U CHOOSE?!?! They’re literally just saying they want BOTH things! Well you can’t HAVE your life both ways all the time. PICK ONE! It’s like they expect ALL of their needs to be met ALL the time. And if they’re not going to get both things they want , then they just refuse to decide, period, and make someone else do it. I don’t understand it. If this is TRULY the case and I’m not missing something then they are actually THEEE MOST needy out of EVERYONE even though they say they have NO needs and don’t expect anything from anyone. THEY are the neediest. If we have to make all the difficult decisions FOR THEM bc they are unwilling to put in the mental effort to make a decision between THEIR 2 (emotional vs physical, etc) needs, then that’s a problem. Is that what’s really happening or am I missing something ??
could be a low-key freeze response 🤷 "decision fatigue" is also a real thing & neurodivergent folks tend to be particularly susceptible to it - "the mental effort" required to make decisions isn't always the same for everyone
there was a time when i kept wondering why some people seemed to naturally draw others in while i was just…there. no matter what i tried, i couldn’t figure out how they did it. then someone mentioned the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and i decided to check it out. the way it explains how your aura affects everything around you? it blew me away. it’s like having a secret code to unlock your magnetic energy. this book is a game-changer.
As a healing Avoidant, I think it's quite comical that hoards of people spend so much time and energy trying to decipher us and the things we do! 😂 I can't speak for all avoidants but I do think when avoidants like you and want to spend time with you, they are SUPER CLEAR about it. If you have to chase us, we're not interested, when if we give mixed messages. Sometimes, we get dragged into relationships or situationships by overly eager people who don't respect our boundaries. When that happens, no one is happy. 😊❤
The super clear part would be so helpful for some of us. I do think that those who can be super eager are actually trying to find affirmation from an avoidant, just to get a read on things. I guess that would be "decoding". haha. I found myself doing that, but logic also tells me that loving someone harder doesn't achieve anything, but really what we could be looking for is that "thumbs up" signal that everything is good instead of constantly wondering if it is or not because Avoidants hide their cards so well. I could be wrong about it all, but I do know that misunderstandings definitely lead to confusion and hurt and that's something no one wants to feel.
Yes, but when you come on strongly early on, the other person creates expectations and BECOMES eager by conditioning. So, its not really fair to say this and also, avoidant can say they want to be with you and say they love you in an argument and when called out, but not say they want out of the relationship. So, youre WRONG, its NOT that simple
Them saying one thing but doing another is the part that causes the confusion and pain. They say they definitely want to see you with no forcing, in fact quite the opposite in my situation and they’ll schedule a date in their diary, only for it to not come into fruition. This happened numerous of times.
Pls more about this!!!! I am getting so many indirect messages about ad. He looks very interesting and cute and shy. At the same time there is some : he doesn’t answear directly and post on social media some kind of answear that is officially not directed to me but actually is ???!!! So I think « oh he won’t show up if better go rn » and I just get soooooo confused. So I just stay calm and do my own hobbies. And want clarification but he don’t answear. Well the communication is such a mess !!!! (I admit I am part of time. I used to be learned secure when single but meeting him I go back ap). So I just take time to work on my self. Which feels good. But left the conversation without saying anything as he doesn’t answear ?? Feels weird lol I’m 🤔😵💫😵💫
Start the new year with purpose! Experience personalized courses on avoidants, live webinars & Q&As, and more for FREE for 7 days!
attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/dream-life?Ux_OR5RYcOA&el=youtube
Start Here: ruclips.net/video/Qa11KTYzDdw/видео.html
How is their personality not constantly toxic & inflicting Confusion = stress. What’s the purpose of encourage people to stay in these relationships or give them ways to hang on to /keep the stress going. Why push for us do so much effort/ stress to figure out and maintain the relationship?? Their behaviors are not cute or funny, interesting, endearing ect.. it’s feels insulting to laugh their covert behavior off. No one is going to say “yes I’m selfish and malicious”
Nobody is forcing you to engage in a relationship with an avodiant. These videos are for people to be able to somewhat understand them and decide what they want to do with that information. Some of us do want to try to keep our avodiants in our lives in some way. Don't understand why you feel the need to be so damn negative. You decided to watch this video.. Dump the person if you don't want to try to make it work, it's pretty simple.
@@doyoufeardeath666 💯!
Avoidants aren’t malicious. They are dysregulated. They’re not trying to hurt anyone intentionally. They are protecting their fears.
@@Hypnohealersarah 💯! *most* insecure attachment styles are doing just that only with different methods, it's sad avoidants often get singled out for blame instead of compassion & trying to understand them
@@Hypnohealersarah Avoidants hide behind the “not malicious” phrase/ not on purpose/ not intentional/ didn’t mean to/didn’t know 🤷♂️
It’s avoiding accountability for their actions as long as someone excepts the excuse.
They’re still looking out for number 1 at all cost. It’s very selfish and very covert.
First, let me say that I've LOVED learning about attachment theory as it has taught me to understand people's behavior. However, I've learned that when it comes to dating and relationships that if it isn't a hard "yes," it's a soft "no." If you're confused about texts or someone isn't following up with a "I'm on my way," they're flaking on you. It's interesting because I've experienced this with many women in the past who flaked on dates using very similar excuses (the most common is that they "forgot"). The best way to handle such a situation is to simply let them be the ones to reach out and set up a date. My most common response to women who would flake on me is, "no problem, just give me a call when your schedule clears up." Then I go about my business waiting for them to reach out.
Can we get the same video for a FA?
FA = DA. They follow the same patterns when they are not gaslighting you
FA? How many types of avoidants is there
@@hugobosswood9002 two of them. The dismissive avoidant and the fearful avoidant.
@@hugobosswood9002 Well, FA and DA - and many shades of grey inbetween😊
@hugobosswood9002 2
They are all about themselves, how they feel in the moment is their truths, so they just bounce from one mood to the other, rarely looking at themselves objectively.
Soooo true about how they feel in the moment is their truths so they switch quite rapidly and abruptly causing extreme confusion and pain to the recipient
I couldn't help but giggle when I saw this video! My ex was the picture text responder! Each time I had to decode what it was supposed to mean, pertainingto the subject at hand. Funny at 1st and cute when all is positive, annoying for certain when all you DO want is for clarity about smthg so you know A, B, C or D! I wasn't 100% he was a DA until I watched your video! I will continue to giggle now but no longer decode! 😂😉
I did that with my ex DA. If I wanted to know when he would be home, I would text him like this.
A) within the hour
B) 1-2 hours
C) don't wait up
D) where do I live again?
He would usually respond quickly with A when I did it like this 😊
interesting, i do that as an FA & it has understandably frustrated my now DA partner but i appreciate they've put in the effort to try communicating with me when that was all i could muster
edited to add
by "that" mean send images that are difficult to decode, lol, he even said once "feel free send me an ambiguous gif in the meantime" 🥰
I used to AVOID "rocking the boat" all together by staying single and having a very small circle around me when I was younger. Im very close to my family. But I didn't do friendships outside of that. Not at school. Not at work. This whole idea of "rocking the boat" made me AVOID people in general, not just romantically but even in friendships. I only have 2 friends and I'm 35 yrs old. I've only been in ONE relationship, and I'm 35 yrs old. It's kinda embarrassing to admit this 🙈. But this idea of "rocking the boat" with people in general is why I just avoided people all together. Short answers to questions. Now explanations. No explanations because "walking your dog" leads to MORE questions I didn't wanna answer. If it wasn't "yes" or "no" questions, I just wouldn't answer at all, I'd leave people on "read." I'm not like that now. I've been in therapy for 5 yrs. I've come a long way. Lol. But hearing her explain this makes me feel naked 🙈. Yikes 😬.
Good for you for understanding and working on yourself!
proud of you and thank you for being open, honest and vulnerable with us. it helps so much hearing from avoidants/ex avoidants how they are, why and how to meet their needs
Thank you, Thais! ❤
I think you are giving these people way too much credit… them saying, oh, “I’m really interested, just wasn’t feeling 100%” sorry but that’s excuses to keep you invested in a bullshit non-relationship.
Why do they seem to be reluctant to message or reach out first?
It would be nice to have a follow up video explaining how a DA should answer those text messages. Say I have car issues, I don't know if it'll be fixed by the weekend, I can't make plans without transport, it's stressing me out, random text messages about plans to meet up .... like, I don't want to say no, but a yes feels like it may turn into a no .... argh!
could you reply with what you wrote here? i'm an FA & we tend to really *crave* context for things or else our stories can get activated which are rarely good 😬 if i received your comment i'd be very appreciative & reassured which would make it easy to give you the space you likely wanted to deal with a frustrating situation 💜
i remember this one time i felt like no matter what i did, people just didn’t notice me. i tried everything-confidence boosters, social tips, you name it-but nothing seemed to work. then i found this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it completely shifted how i saw myself. it’s not just about being noticed; it’s about understanding the energy you project. honestly, this book made all the difference for me. if you’ve ever felt invisible, you need to read it.
I think there are more avoidant personalities than any other
Texting with an avoidant: most times non existant as they read it and ignore alot.
This video doesn’t really have much to do with texting.
They should implement an option for this in Google Translate☺
D.A's just don't want to make a full commitment. That's why they are leaving vague txts. Things have to be on their time. If you go with their flow, it can leave an insecure attachment style more insecure. This is not a healthy way to be. I'm a D.A.
Mine texted “don’t worry about it” and then 👻
First one is just flakey people in general.. secure people do that too. Nothing to do with avoidant attachment at all and your support was just mentioning the standard "they want connection but they fear it" which is the default 101 definition of FA really.
i used to think being magnetic was just about looks or confidence, but i couldn’t have been more wrong. i read this book called Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it totally changed my perspective. it breaks down the energy and mindset behind true attraction in a way that just makes sense. once i started applying what it taught, i noticed people reacting to me differently almost instantly. it’s seriously worth a read.
How do you decode “well I really need sleep, but I also really want to see you.” Where they just hang in limbo mode downright refusing to make an actual decision.
When I assume one side like “ok so you need sleep so we’re not seeing each other tonight” it’s met with “no no I really want to see you!!” But if I go at it like “okay so your feelings are outweighing your needs on this one and you need to sleep more than you need to see me ” then it’s “ no cuz I really need sleep AND I also NEED to see you. “ And they’re not looking for a compromise. I acknowledge that I understand they want/need both and I won’t be upset either way but WHICH ONE DO U CHOOSE?!?! They’re literally just saying they want BOTH things!
Well you can’t HAVE your life both ways all the time. PICK ONE! It’s like they expect ALL of their needs to be met ALL the time. And if they’re not going to get both things they want , then they just refuse to decide, period, and make someone else do it. I don’t understand it.
If this is TRULY the case and I’m not missing something then they are actually THEEE MOST needy out of EVERYONE even though they say they have NO needs and don’t expect anything from anyone. THEY are the neediest. If we have to make all the difficult decisions FOR THEM bc they are unwilling to put in the mental effort to make a decision between THEIR 2 (emotional vs physical, etc) needs, then that’s a problem. Is that what’s really happening or am I missing something ??
could be a low-key freeze response 🤷 "decision fatigue" is also a real thing & neurodivergent folks tend to be particularly susceptible to it - "the mental effort" required to make decisions isn't always the same for everyone
there was a time when i kept wondering why some people seemed to naturally draw others in while i was just…there. no matter what i tried, i couldn’t figure out how they did it. then someone mentioned the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and i decided to check it out. the way it explains how your aura affects everything around you? it blew me away. it’s like having a secret code to unlock your magnetic energy. this book is a game-changer.
As a healing Avoidant, I think it's quite comical that hoards of people spend so much time and energy trying to decipher us and the things we do! 😂 I can't speak for all avoidants but I do think when avoidants like you and want to spend time with you, they are SUPER CLEAR about it. If you have to chase us, we're not interested, when if we give mixed messages. Sometimes, we get dragged into relationships or situationships by overly eager people who don't respect our boundaries. When that happens, no one is happy. 😊❤
The super clear part would be so helpful for some of us. I do think that those who can be super eager are actually trying to find affirmation from an avoidant, just to get a read on things. I guess that would be "decoding". haha. I found myself doing that, but logic also tells me that loving someone harder doesn't achieve anything, but really what we could be looking for is that "thumbs up" signal that everything is good instead of constantly wondering if it is or not because Avoidants hide their cards so well. I could be wrong about it all, but I do know that misunderstandings definitely lead to confusion and hurt and that's something no one wants to feel.
Yes, but when you come on strongly early on, the other person creates expectations and BECOMES eager by conditioning. So, its not really fair to say this and also, avoidant can say they want to be with you and say they love you in an argument and when called out, but not say they want out of the relationship. So, youre WRONG, its NOT that simple
Them saying one thing but doing another is the part that causes the confusion and pain. They say they definitely want to see you with no forcing, in fact quite the opposite in my situation and they’ll schedule a date in their diary, only for it to not come into fruition. This happened numerous of times.
how can you be “dragged” into a relationship/situation if you have boundaries ?!?!
So many things wrong with your comment. Avoidants aren’t super clear. They avoid everything especially being clear about intentions.
Pls more about this!!!! I am getting so many indirect messages about ad. He looks very interesting and cute and shy. At the same time there is some : he doesn’t answear directly and post on social media some kind of answear that is officially not directed to me but actually is ???!!! So I think « oh he won’t show up if better go rn » and I just get soooooo confused. So I just stay calm and do my own hobbies. And want clarification but he don’t answear. Well the communication is such a mess !!!! (I admit I am part of time. I used to be learned secure when single but meeting him I go back ap). So I just take time to work on my self. Which feels good. But left the conversation without saying anything as he doesn’t answear ?? Feels weird lol I’m 🤔😵💫😵💫