This is Why You're Living Life on Autopilot
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- Опубликовано: 29 май 2024
- In this video, we'll explore the surprising revelation that living life on autopilot can often be a response to trauma. Moreover, we'll delve into practical strategies to process this response and chart a path towards a more conscious and fulfilling life.
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Living on autopilot, where one navigates daily routines without conscious awareness, can often be a coping mechanism rooted in past trauma. Our conversation aims to unravel this connection, shedding light on how traumatic experiences can inadvertently lead to a detached, automated way of living.
▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:07 - The struggles of crafting a life with direction
01:35 - Being on autopilot is a trauma response
02:42 - What causes the paralysis of initiation?
03:12 - How coercive control translates to children
05:00 - The devastating effects of emotional suppression
05:50 - What is hemispheric lateralization?
07:42 - Finding synchronicity within our brain
09:11- How psychotherapy can help
10:05 - Stop retreating from your emotions
12:15 - Sometimes we feel like a NPC
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DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provide medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved one are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
#healthygamergg #lifeadvice #lifeonautopilot
This describes my experience after college; after living most of my life with the structure of school, I felt like I was on my own after graduating and couldn’t figure out how to create my
own structure without external sources
Same
This.
Same with me... sometimes I want someone else to live my life for me.
College made it kinda worse for me, because of the independence you get at college and the lack of consequences if you don't go to class or you dont study for the test, until it's too late and you're struggling to cope with the workload.
this is me
Dr.K never misses with the timing
A psych is never early nor late, you're just mentaly ill.
@@zesky6654Or maybe the topics are just overall relatable? (can be intentional or accidental). I also think Dr. K’s timing is so spot on. The timing of the video being posted can be planned as well. Most of the time, I just watch to learn … not really for me but mainly to just understand more about mental health.
So true.....
@PartyMarty lol thats exactly it. When you struggle with everything, theyre all relatable always 😅.
But it is errie how Ill legit be thinking of something and that exact video comes out
@@chieffanLJ27I hear ya. But it can also be relatable because of ppl you know show signs or symptoms from some of these videos and you want to learn more. not really having anything to do with your personal issues.
this always makes me kind of sad because I feel like my parents were super awesome and did everything they could to help me and assure that I was cared about, but I picked up this attitude around the time of high school anyway. I think the involvement of academics and the fear of “If I don’t get this grade I can’t get into this school so I cant get a job and I’ll die broke” etc. etc. is what caused it, but i don’t know. Maybe it’s genetics too
Parents can really solve any problem if you explain it clearly to them
Trauma can be passed down epigenetically
maybe. Found out recently that my mom’s side of the family has a history of depression so idk
People spend a lot of time in school, and many years and aspects of our lives are dominated by school system, for good or bad. It makes sense to me that it could cause the kind of trauma he was talking about.
@@cbazxy2697 So, some of my trauma responses might stem from my grandmother being psychologically abusive to my father when he was growing up? That is wild. A relative who died without ever knowing I exist or being within 100 miles of me, through my father, caused me trauma. ... and here I was searching through MY childhood for possible causes.
(To be clear, I'm thinking through the repercussions of your statement, not doubting it.)
This explains why after being in therapy for a few months and forced to talk about my feelings, has made me randomly have emotions without knowing why. I used to be a very unemotional kid... Now I know I was just suppressing my emotions all this time.
Glad things are getting better for you
This is exactly what I experienced.
Adhd is supposed to increase emotion (and it probably did when I was a child). But from being repeatedly told to suppress my emotional states, I got really good at masking/suppressing emotion. Even to a point, that as an adult, I didn't even recognize I had emotions.
I went to therapy for 20 times. I remember it vividly, on the 19th session I "felt" something. Like inside me, in the chest, in the throat. I broke down crying. And after that day I have been more in touch with my emotions.
Now I actually tend to get emotional when watching a sad scene in a movie, when previously there was no emotion present. Its weird.
Might I ask what kind of therapist you went to? I've been to 3 different therapists. One was coaching, the other cognitive behavioural and one hipnotherapist, but I feel like I identify with this lack of emotion and stillness in my life
@@xUrGoingDownx I use an individual counselor that specializes in PTSD, Depression, EDs, and Self Esteem. I lost my mom at 22 and went through grief counseling for two years before switching to a new therapist and a psychiatrist, as I was still finding myself quite numb to many situations, in and out of bad eating habits, falling off my structure in life, living without motivation.
I've unpacked a lot of traumas that I had suppressed long before losing her, things that even though she was my best friend and my open book, I couldn't even tell her how I truly felt. Look for a counselor who specializes in anxiety and stress disorders. Between medication and weekly therapy exercises, after about 8 months I feel like a new human. I still have so much work to do, but to feel emotions again and almost embrace them is quite grounding.
This ties in so well with the concept of "people pleasing". It's a fully reactionary behavior. I feel like I now better understand why I only feel like I know what I'm "supposed to be doing" when it's in the context of people-pleasing behavior.
Whenever I end some professional, platonic, or romantic relationship with the aim of "taking my life back" and pursuing my own dreams, I notice that instead, I just end up doing nothing. It's like I'm on permanent standby.
Just writing this short comment has brought me to tears. I feel like I'm mourning the loss of decades. Watching your life go by while you're too afraid or too stuck to live is devastating.
can relate hardstyle man
Feel this at my core
I feel you, brother
this comment brought tears to my eyes
Holy shit! this is fkn me yo! i feel like i can only do things when its with other people!!
It’s also important to note that it’s not just your parents that can lead to this trauma. It can be school teachers, bad friends, authorities, and community.
Maybe your parents created a good environment for you, but then you want outside and that changed. Kids in poverty are prone to this.
As someone who grew up in poverty, I feel this. Poverty is a very reactive phenomenon, when you're living hand-to-mouth you're always at the beck and call of other people, and there's so much waiting around, doing nothing and waiting for something to come along. George Orwell describes it very, very well in "The Road to Wigan Pier", his 1936 study of northern English poverty during the Great Depression.
I was raised by a depressed mother. Instead of learning to supress my negative emotions, I learned to supress my positive ones. My positive emotions were not reciprocated much if at all, and I learned that positive emotions were inappropriate and started feeling ashamed of them. As a teenager I started hiding my passions and interests from her out of a sense of shame and she made little effort to connect with me. The thing is that she's pretty much the opposite of abusive or coercive, she's very warm and caring - if anything, she's too much so and has trouble imposing discipline. I think having depressed parent/s is a topic that doesn't get nearly enough attention. You form many subtle beliefs about yourself, the world, and others that fuck up your life even though on the outside you're pretty well functioning and have parents that care about you.
I relate to this
Similar situation here except my mom wasn't as kind and would sabotage or criticize my passions and interests. She would get pissy if I seemed too happy.
First off, I hope you get and feel better. You sound like a great person due to having the empathy to change your accommodate your mother, though sadly at the cost of yourself. I hope you can try prioritize yourself a bit more in the next bit, little by little!
One thing I want Dr. K to talk about in this is also the impact of mirror neurons when growing up in high stress environments. Basically, if one person is feeling some sort of way (ex. stress or angry or depressed), your brain subtly mirrors it thus heightening your stress, anger, or whatever. After doing it long enough like throughout childhood, if might become a habit.
Applying this to you, maybe the lack of positive emotions being reciprocated by your mom, trained you to ignore them as well. Once again, sorry you went through that and hope you are on a better path. Much love!
This was the comment I did not know I was looking for. Because I can never relate to dr. K talking about abusive parents who make you feel bad for being angry. I actually felt nothing for quite a couple of years because my parents were so depressed. I stopped hanging out with friends, learned that your emotional state at home is depleted and life is just empty. Thank you for the comment
I'm in a very similar boat. I wish you the best in finding your way, I'm right there with ya!! 💛
There's usually a disclaimer that comes with these videos saying that it's not a substitute for help, but as a person who can't afford professional help and who has tried the free stuff, I just wanna say that watching these videos is more effective. I can go through, re watch and draw personal conclusions at my own pace. These videos are helping me learn more about myself.
I figured it’s for legal reasons otherwise I don’t know why videos like this have to say it if it is from a professional. It’s not the same thing as professional help, but it’s helpful giving advice to wide audience instead of just one person.
Protect Dr. K at all costs.
As a low motivation procrastinator, you don’t need enough motivation to pursue your dream, you need enough motivation to put yourself in a situation that forces you to move forward.
actions drives motivation and not motivation drives actions.
Does that actually work? I forced myself to move out and coped for a while before it all collapsed. Can't get myself to learn the skills I need at home because I hate my family and they are intrusive and that ole lack of motivation in the comfort zone especially in those with domineering nosy critical parents that's like an extra super-ego hovering over you at every step. So I guess I'll just have to repeat it by working am easier job this time so I can learn as I go. I fucking hate people.
@@beterraba_wojak I think it's more of a virtuous circle, but I agree
@@beterraba_wojak Motivation can come both before or after action, but you can't control motivation much, so it makes more sense to take action, instead of just waiting to be motivated.
I also think that the person meant that they are more motivated in an environment where there is some pressure and support, like on a good school, in a good job or on a course.
@@avertingapathy3052 I mean it’s not bad for me. I find that if I put myself in situations where my life will get actively worse if I fail (I.e miss a big deadline in college or do shitty at work and get fired) it forces me to be good. I have to find external deadlines that align with what I want
I feel like the way American schools are set up contributes to this. Even if you're not in this environment at home (most of us were), starting in school we're told what to do, when to do it, and punished if we don't blindly follow the rules without question. Until high school, there's little warning or planning for what is coming next (but in high school we have new issues in regard to this). The teacher has a plan that isn't shared or is only vaguely shared so there's no point in thinking about the future (or if you're an anxious kid, you'll just worry about the unknown future). If you don't or can't adjust to these changes without issues, once again you're in trouble. Imo, we become very reactive due to this.
Schools were set up to train soldiers. And have never really changed.
its the same here in india
I totally agree the moment he was describing the no control over your life I instantly thought of school. The comparisons between schools and prisons are all true so it makes sense that both kids and prisoners of war would have this response. The American education system is so dehumanizing but it's like a silent rule that everyone accepts, it's terrible.
As a gifted kid I was incredibly frustrated with the snail’s pace that my classes went at, this caused me to feel as if I didn’t have any control over my life and simply not care about education anymore; I could quite clearly see how I could get a deeper education for far less time and it killed me inside that that was denied to me. It felt like my time wasn’t my own to decide what to do with
There was definitely a switch like this in my mind between middle school and high school. In middle school I was always creative (and praised for it) but always lacking academically, getting in trouble and getting yelled at. In highschool I stopped doing anything outside of doing schoolwork and playing videogames. I had no interest in trying new things or going new places, stopped expressing my creativity and just waited for schoolwork to do. If I didn't have schoolwork I'd play videogames. I didn't have any future plans but my parents made me go to college. I graduated, still didnt have any plans for life so I didn't get job for 3 years. I have a good job now but I still have no plans for life. I've been making good money but haven't done anything with it, I've been trying to plan things but its really hard and I end up getting overwhelmed. I recognize so many of the behaviors Dr K described in this video and I think I need to go back to therapy lol
I'm finally waking up to this conceptually at 35 years old. Thanks, Dr. K. I used food as an emotional crutch and distraction. I had to learn these emotional intelligence skills before I finally could lose nearly 200-lbs. I hate when people give blanket weight-loss advice "eat less, move more"... for me, it was, "seek therapy, then eat less and move more." I didn't realize with the weight-loss journey it would include another journey that would be even more difficult.
That advice is sound for a majority of people, though.
Thoughts precede actions. Trying to skip to actions directly is not very productive.
proud of you for going through that journey though. congratulations and keep it up.
@@1commonplace519I have no idea how food works but for weed thinking about if the action I am taking leads to me becoming who I want to be. In my case my excessive consumption didn't do this (keep in mind I am still on the journey of improvement so my advice is worth little) if your consumption of food comes from anxiety search coping strategies for anxiety. If it comes from something else get to that root cause. If you have doubts or want help I will try to help you but change comes from within. If anxiety is your issue I can share tips.
I totally can relate. Growing up, there was no love, protection or care in my family, and food was a replacement for comfort I didn't have. At some point in my life I become obese and realized, that I use food to deal with negative emotions. Currently have healthy weight and learn to regulate my feelings.
Dr. K: *Uploads a new video*
My Autopilot: *watches video*
As someone who had a traumatising childhood and facing paralysis in finding a new job. This is worth more then gold to me.
My father was basically an abusive drill sergeant and I still feel paralyzed at 36. I'd do anything to get over this so I could support a family instead of being useless.
learn about trauma work and/or meditation. Heal and let yourself flourish. It's totally possible. Wishing you good luck.
@@apparently_sonam I'm 29 and feel the same. But I am making changes in my life. quitting fap, connecting with old friends, and owning my situation. Much love.
You are not useless!!! You are just in the state where you have yet to overcome your trauma. You have to remember that bc that type of forward thinking is literally what we call motivation and will. Like Dr. K said, you have to consider yourself an active player, it can be hard but trust me once it starts it's hard to stop. I'm sure you already feel this in ways too. I can't be sure how this effects you other than the parallelization but try and recall how it has been in the past, maybe when you have low periods or how much your behaviour or personality have changed. Look at the ways you have already grown and just know you will continue to grow, it might even help you be able to learn to do it more actively!!
establish hardline behaviors you expect from yourself and others you wont accept; then hold others to this standard.
surround yourself with like minded winners, delete any losers or complainers from your life; do not tolerate negativity.
"its my way or the highway" can be done in a healthy way but you must lead by example.
do not expect anyone you currently know to support your transformation or to rise with you.
seek people who are already on the path upward to better things.
Therapy?
Holy shit I always blame myself for sitting in a corner and be reactive towards my environment and I do feel like a NPC in life that has no personality and right now it makes sense to me because I have been through traumatic experiences in my life with the way my parents have treated me as a kid.Thank you Dr.k you are an angel!
It's good that you realized. Now keep moving forward until all your enemies are des-.... oops wrong anime sorry
I wish you the best. You can do it.
@@yudoball love the unexpected aot referenz.
Scary that this affects up to 50% of people
makes a lot of sense the more i think about it though. the way a lot of people lives are set up, there are a lot of opportunities for this kind of adaptation to develop. Parents, teachers, bosses, Boyfriends/girlfriends, bullies... there are so many situations where we might need to put up with abusive behaviour in order to keep going
Imagine what the world would look like if that number is reduced down to 10%
I think it's more than that...
everyone goes to school and you cant even go to the toilet without permission. it isnt surprising at all
@@johnElden8760 yeah, after watching this video I absolutely agree, it really does seem like the schooling system is causing this. You couldn’t talk, eat, or even use the bathroom without permission, with the latter arbitrarily denied sometimes too. It’s no wonder young adults struggle to adjust, it’s like leaving prison after a 12 year sentence.
As someone with a disability who grew up in an Asian household, this is extremely relatable. I had very little say about what I could do growing up, and the only things that were expected of me were getting good grades. Especially because of my disability, my parents pressured me even more to outdo all my peers. Because of this, I never had to think about what I wanted to do, as the only thing that mattered was meeting expectations and outdoing the competition.
Even now, I am extremely good at dealing with problems when they present themselves, meeting deadlines, or executing tasks when they are assigned to me. However, I have absolutely no idea about what I want to do for myself. But on top of the reasons discussed in the video, I think there are also many more reasons for my lack of initiative.
The fear of consequence is my main motivator for most of my actions. Why do I study hard? I fear disappointing my parents. Why do I meet deadlines? I fear getting yelled at by my boss. However, there is no consequence if I don't initiate anything, and there is certainly no consequence for not initiating anything. There's also the fear of failure baked into this as well. Growing up, "you can't afford to lose" has been drummed constantly into my head, and the easiest way to not lose is to not even play the game to begin with. Why should I initiate anything and give myself even more opportunities to fail?
On top of that, I don't know what the "right" answer is, and I keep second-guessing myself. This problem has gotten so bad recently that I can't even enjoy my own free time anymore. I have no idea what to do. Do I watch a movie or do I play a game? Do I read a book or do I practice guitar? Whatever I do, I have a lingering feeling at the back of my head that I'm doing the wrong thing and that my time would have been better spent doing something else. Because of this, I can never fully commit to what I'm doing, and I just don't get any satisfaction from my hobbies or passions.
In summary, I can't initiate anything because my choices never mattered, I never grew up making decisions for myself, I don't know what I want to do in life, fear is my only motivator, I'm afraid of failure, and I keep second-guessing myself at every step. While I absolutely hated school and structure, it's a whole lot easier outsourcing each and every decision to other people. If anything goes wrong, I know that I have someone else to blame...
Thank you for writing this... I relate to you a lot. I see that your awareness is growing, and I see that it's frustrating. But, you have formulated these thoughts very well; this is evidence that you are moving forward in the "right" way!
gosh, as an Asian myself, I completely see myself in this comment
Yo I am sorry to hear that. It's genuinely sad and you deserve to find answers to those questions. Theres stil hope for us
I have not come across another person describing how I feel, this well.
Thank you and hope your journey to contentment and self acceptance will be a smooth one.
@@rwar531 what a truly, truly terrible comment
You have no idea how much this resonates with me. I was never physsically abused, but I was VERY conditioned and emotionally manipulated (for example, if I was invited to a party but I had gotten sick latelly, even though I was already completely well, she said that if I go and get sick again she would not take care of me, and at the same time she looked very pissed. The first party that I was invited to in college she said that if id go she would not be able to sleep and go to work the next day, guess how many parties I got personally invited after? ZERO). This led me to only look at myself and conduct my life througout my mothers perspective. I was repressed everytime I tried to discover myself in many diferent ways. Its been so hard to gain control of my life after this. She has no idea the damage shes done, and the years and friends I lost. Im still 23 years old, I have time to live most of my years in control, and you and other people are helping me imenselly. I will never let anyone control me again, I have a giant anger and aversion against possessive and controlling people. I lost many oportunities to make friends and live the things I wanted to live, I lost the freshman years of college, I gained a lot of weight, cant sociallize very well and im damaged in ways that will stay with me for the rest of my life. But I do feel hope to live whats is still left the best way. Some of the worst things in life are hard to notice.
Wow... that sounds so difficult... my heart goes out to you now. I'm also 23, and also realizing things similar to what you are realizing now. Maybe it doesn't feel good to have strong anger against certain types of people, but it's a really cool thing that you get to feel that now, and you're certainly justified in feeling that, because I definitely agree that possessive and controlling people are the worst! "Some of the worst things in life are hard to notice."... very well said. it's true! But after all I think the most amazing thing here is that somehow you are still able to have feelings of optimism. I have a lot of hope and optimism for you as well!
@@nicholaszc9 thank you for your words. I realize that my text may seems to look like I was totally excluded, I did lost many opportunities, but had some friends and gone to many parties after that, and had some girls throughout my life. I do have hope that in time with heal I will be able to appreciate life and live great experiences.
I am so happy for you that you are only 23 and you have awareness and ressources like dr k!
i am 35, i had been ruminating about my childhood for 10-15 yrs... then one night i let myself feel all the pain and cried, that woke up my husband and i finally spoke about everything.
as a child i was my parents fault. in my 20s i was my parents trauma. now i finally am myself.
wish you all the best!
tip to all us americans: learn a new language, leave your country for 3 consecutive years and stay in one setting for at least one year. prepare yourself for the second culture shock.
@@helixsapiensis5078 I'm also very happy that you are moving forward! I wish we all the best! Intend to move to at least another state in my country.
❤we will make it through bro
I think I did a lot of living life on autopilot in my late teens and early 20's. It wasn't until I started meditating and figured out what I really wanted that I was able to really move forward. When I stopped listening to my parents and my high school "You have to go to a 4 year college to get a degree in whatever or you'll be a failure" when I realized that I'm never going to love what I do as much as I love my outside of work life then I changed what I did. I found some things I was good at instead of what I liked then exploited that. So now I look forward to way more things in life. Last week it was a nice walk in the park with my daughter in a place she's never been and watching her marvel at the large trees, the creeks ext. This week it's the Tears of the Kingdom release where I'm taking a couple days off, will eat junk and stay up way to late and be completely irresponsible. So this week I made sure to mow my lawn, vacuum and wash the floors, do all the dishes and everything else I need to do as an "Adult".
that sounds like so much fun mate, you're definitely doing something right. I should take notes haha
that sounds awesome! Meditation and the consciousness that comes with it works wonders. It's my go-to when I realize I've been living life on autopilot for a while
Hell yeah! I’m playing it too! I hope you enjoyed your days off dude
Growing up I wasn't allowed to express emotions, particularly sad or angry, but I would be in trouble if I were too overt in my happiness, too. I really needed to hear this externally, I healed for awhile and was retraumatized a few years ago and all the stuff I needed to work on before has come back up. Now, nothing feels good to me, I don't think I want anything except for wanting to feel less terrible all the time, and I deserve to lead a life better than just setting out to feel less awful! We all do.
THAT'S AWESOME, you deserve that and so much more!!! It's so sad to hear that you were conditioned in a certain way that made you lose your natural enthusiasm and joyful attitude toward certain things. If I were there I would have loved to see your overt happiness. /cry
@@nicholaszc9 thank you, that is very kind! All we can do is our best in the present and I'm trying to grow. May you be well! c:
angry was always a nono emotion because my mom was suppressing so much anger, but it would come out if I wasn't 100% suppressing any anger I felt properly even as a small child
"HEY HEY!! WHY ARE YOU ANGRY!??? 😠[insert guilt trip rant here]
she took sadness personally too, like I was calling her a bad mom or smth
when I was older, happiness would be turned against me a lot
like I get a hobby, now it has to be my "thing" and I have to compete or whatever, or I have to write a book report on my new favorite book since I love it. Having so much fun outside with my sister? "Sigh. If I was a good mom I'd be making you pull every weed out there"
I used to think I was so very cool and logical. I was actually a total prick about it in high school, lol. I was "that guy" except a girl (who isn't like the other girls btw). Then bad stuff happened. A new development is that I have rage issues and throw things. Thankfully not at people :(
I rarely feel logical now
often I don't want anything but to feel better, I feel a weird dread a lot and don't feel safe-- but in an abstract kinda way
This is so real man, don't even enjoy my hobbies anymore, just want to pain and constant feeling like shit to stop
The loneliness did this to me. I was just living and and had *nobody* to talk to, literally nobody, so I felt nothing and it wasn't worth it feeling anything anyway.
But this year somebody came into my life and I started feeling things again, its like I "woke up" (idk how to explain it). It has been easier now.
Did you enjoy your hobbies or solo activities and did them become not enjoyable anymore along with your feelings altogether
@@spectrum910 I mean, I also became addicted to video games so I kinda stopped doing other things
Yeah that makes sense. And is very true!! Being alone it is much harder to want to live and to enjoy living. When we find someone/meet someone else who we connect with it’s like we both give each other life. It’s easier for us to want to desire to live out our passions when we’re around others who also have passions. And so we can talk about these things together. I very much relate to your comment so I had to reply. I have recently gotten back in touch with a friend of mine and our relationship has reminded me of life and why life should be worthy living.
@@addiemorgiewicz4973 your comment is really cool
@@addiemorgiewicz4973 This comment is so beautiful. You just flooded me with so many great memories I have with others. Thank you.
The pandemic was a game changer with me. Suddenly I had no one telling me to do anything. I slowly found motivation and self determination again.
congrats, my dad moved in with me during pandemic, now I have no motivation lol.
I was fucked up before the pandemic but when it started I got so much worse. Nice to hear that it wasn't bad for everyone lol
@John Johnson OH it was bad! Because I crashed hard, gained a ton of weight and wasted my life for about a year.
It was not until after that first year of isolation and just sheer degeneration that I found motivation.
I've started to wonder why I am the way I am, why I can't find the energy to propel myself into taking positive actions that can help improve my living standards. I realised recently how physical abuse has robbed me of my ability to find the energy of life. Thank you for the advice, I will start monitoring when and why I indulge in emotional coping mechanisms and where the triggers are coming from to help me sconsciously feel emotions again.
That's a good idea; I'll do the same. It would be cool to hear a follow-up from you on this because I think you will discover a lot!
@@nicholaszc9 I'll update this comment with a reply, in a month or two to see what happens, no promises though haha, I'm not sure if I'll remember
@@IHaveNoNameNoHomeHow has it been going for you brother?
how goes it
@@commenteroftruth9790@nicholaszc9 It's going good! I forgot I wrote this comment it's just a long time ago haha.
Right now I'm more aware of when I'm just derping around and not doing what I need to do thanks to meditation, I've started to dive into why I don't truly believe in my own success, how abuse has shaped my sense of self and my beliefs.
I'm taking steps to change my behaviours and habits through the small pockets of willpower I get during the day.
There's still much to be done but I can say I'm in a better place now mentally and emotionally and still on the path to growing! it's weird looking at content I used to watch and not resonating with the negativity anymore, I can attribute that shift in mindset to taking the action I needed to and sticking with it.
so if anyone is reading this and struggling, I would say... come to terms with where you are at now, accept what has happened in the past, learn and experience the present moment, write down what YOU want in the near future (give yourself a timescale) and learn to embrace the pain of growth and learn to deal with rejection!
Afterall "man cannot remake himself without suffering for he is both the marble and the sculptor".
I live with my parents most of my life and, as you said, I am coerced by them. Whenever I did something that got me in trouble, I was yelled at. This sort of trauma carried me over to adulthood. Fortunately I am in completely different environments that are not as coercive. Hopefully I can learn to better myself and provide the motivation to do things on my own (baby steps of course)
I think I have severe case for this kind of trauma. Even now I'm still afraid that someone might come and sabotage my projects, so I tend to stop working completely if I'm not in optimal environment.
My son had a very traumatic experience with a girlfriend who sabotaged not only the relationship but his life as well and this was certainly his problem. He has only just realized she can no longer sabotage him, 10 years later. It was a long slog for those 10 years.
@@kingfisher9553better later than ever. Damn. Years. Both of you are so strong
I've gone through traumatic event upon traumatic event for the past 2 years. They weren't anything too horrible, but I have a long history of mental illness, and the constant chronic trauma has made me into a very anxious and unsucessfull person. This video has helped me so much to connect some of my frustrations to events, and helped me put them into words. I listened to this video as I was drafting a letter to my therapist. THank you so much for these♥
that's freakin aweesome!! sounds like you took a really powerful step forward!
When people ask what my number one advice is as a therapist I always tell them it's to get off autopilot. Take time to sit down and think about what you're doing and why and where you want to be and do things with /intention/
I’ve been reading “The Body Keeps the Score.” Parts of it resonate so much that I’ve found myself scrambling for a pencil to underline passages and jot notes in the margin. I received a PTSD diagnosis as a teenager (domestic violence with a side of controlling parent), but basically stopped therapy once I hit college and started living life on autopilot. Van der Kolk’s research has been a godsend for understanding how much of the way I think and act is still a result of PTSD.
It's really nice to hear Dr. K talk about dissociation. I have a dissociative condition and while I've never seen any specific advice from Dr. K about dissociation, I find the rest of his content helps with everything else. I'd still love to see a video specifically about dissociative disorders, the lack of research done, how we should treat it and management strategies, etc.
I also wish he’d do a video specifically about dissociation. I don’t know if I have a dissociative disorder but I often dissociate and I’m not fully sure why. If he’s saying here that emotional suppression can cause it, that would explain a lot I guess. It’d still be nice to have a video specifically addressing the symptoms of dissociation because for me it’s a lot more than just not being proactive in life.
I think he might have talked about it a little bit when discussing bpd
15:18 This. So much this. The abuse, conditioning, makes us unable to engage in life unless we're responding to someone else or something else external to us. And usually that thing is connected to some sense of threat. Stuck in an autopilot life on survival mode.
Would really love if you could do a follow up to this, with advice on how we can get out of autopilot/survival mode.
Love what you do Dr K. ❤
nice timing
mans hits the mark every time
Frfr it's too specific for my life rn 💀
My parents were incredibly controlling, for example my mom forced me to wear clothes I didn't want to wear, because she liked some colors more compared to colors I liked and other ridiculous stuff. I was also being punished for getting angry at something/somebody or my parents always laughed at me for crying over something. However it never suppressed my emotions, they only got stronger and only pushed me over the edge to become rebellious and cultivated a hatred towards my parents. I wonder if this behaviour is substantially less common, or it's roughly the same as kids learning to suppress their emotions.
I believe that either you and your emotions are suppressed by the behavior of your parents or the emotions are even stronger because of their behavior, because you feel wrongly treated and you already have a certain stability through other factors such as friends in your environment who appreciate these very emotions of yours and you know it differently.
In which direction it finally goes depends on the personality type and from which age this also happens and whether you have a place of retreat where you can show emotions.
@@Jankopach i think the first paragraph is utter BS. I had very bad "friends" when I was a child and often were lonely. People don't work as simply as you described them.
To put it shortly, I think it's the same because no one is listening.
To put it long way: I had similar experience growing up, yep, I also fought with my parents and showed them my emotions, so I thought I hadn't repress anything. But as an adult I'm pretty much turn out that way as described in this video. I still had to suppress my emotions in front of other people (classmates, teachers, acquaintances, coworkers, strangers etc) because they wouldn't understand me, or didn't care, and I didn't want to be judged harshly or hurt. No one could just sit for a moment and listen, even if I would scream - as if I was already dead or just that unimportant.
Just for example, once I had a very bad argument with mom when we were shopping for clothes, because she tried to force her taste on me again. Things like that had been happening for years at that point (she didn't understand boundaries), so that one time I couldn't keep my feelings hidden, I began to cry right there. The shop keeper approached me and told me to leave the shop, because as she said "she didn't want the negativity vibes in her shop". Lol, I bet if someone were stabbed there, she would tell them to crawl away, because how dare they to spread their blood and negativity vibes there))). That was like a double whammy for me though - I was pressured by my parent to the point of tears (I was already adult, it wasn't some kiddy tantrum, just quiet streams of tears I was already ashamed of as it was) and the only person who had witnessed what had happened didn't give a flying f*k about it, she just wanted to erase me out of her "positive" picture of the world. When situations like that come to mind, it's easier to see that suppression of emotion still happened. Also, even if somehow a person managed to not to suppress anything, parents who use coercive control are usually parents who have about 0 parenting skills, so they still wouldn't teach their kid how to deal with emotions healthy. So, for example, if your only way to deal with emotions is to rebel, how do you deal with them when you are alone and there is no one except yourself to rebel against? Do you sabotage yourself as some default rebellion reaction to just having any emotions? Or do you know how to sit with your emotions and process them?
@@yummy8074 People work exactly like that. If it wasn't your friends, it could've been something like media, like a TV show with a relatable character who are framed as being in the right.
This applies to me a lot more than I expected going in. I've spent the past several months directionless after leaving a 5+ year relationship where I was extremely controlled for 3 of it. My entire time in college and first couple years in the workforce were completely dictated by someone else, and I had little ability to influence the direction (especially slim chances to do so without personal risk). This video has made me somber as I can look back and see how I slowly gave up my "fight" and disengaged from planning and my emotions more and more.
Some of the "solution" concepts you covered are things I've already been working on integrating into my life, funny enough. This has been wonderfully helpful and reassuring that I may be on the correct path. Thank you.
I just want you to know that your videos have been helping me a lot lately. I've realized that I do tend to resort to escapism very often and don't let myself feel things in the moment. Now when I feel nervous, ashamed, or guilty, I like to just acknowledge it for a bit. Usually I'll tell myself that it's okay that I feel that way and I don't need to find a way to mentally check out. Also, I tend to hold onto grievances I have with people until they give me an opportunity to let them know how I feel, so I'm being more proactive with expressing myself.
So TRUE
This was soooo helpful! This has been my whole life. It’s sad I’m 36 and just now healing. But I guess that’s ok. I’m getting there! ❤
Late is better than never. Keep going. I believe you can do it
@@yudoball thank you! You’re too sweet! I really appreciate it!!
You got this ❤️
The lack of control is what got me. I ultimately ended up where I am because of other peoples' choices and now I don't have the resources to leave on my own. I need their help to survive financially, basically, and acting too much may make them leave or make the situation even worse.
Well, makes me feel like a piece of shit and like I can't control anything about my own life.
This is hard rn
In the same boat brother, I feel like a burden.
I grew up with my father and many of my family members who were addicted to alcohol and drugs. Breaking up fights has become commonplace for me, and I feel that being so used to living in the emergency room throughout my childhood and adolescence left me in that condition. Today it is very difficult for me to know what I want to do or even what I like to do. This video simply answered a question that I've had in my mind for years. A big hug from Brazil.
That last point especially hit. You spend a large amount of time on autopilot making excuses, then when someone or something intervenes in your life suddenly you wanna lash out and get busy with what you wanna do.
I had to pause and just absorb the part on “environments of coercive control.” I had this instant gut reaction. I grew up with strict religious expectations, and my independent thoughts and feelings were irrelevant at best, punished at worst.
Holy crap, this video explains so much about some of the things I struggle with. I never would have connected the two quite like this. I've noticed I have trouble with making decisions in a more obvious sense and I attributed that to never having choices or control as a child but I never realized the deeper implications 😢
I actually started crying midway through this video because of how much this resonated with how I've been living my life, this separation between action and emotion is even something I've done consciously before in order to deal with high stress situations, but I've never been aware of how damaging it could be outside of those.
So how did you recover
Dr.K always with the great timing
So the Hemisperic Lateralization is basically a self-induced Lobotomy cased by trauma ?
It’s not that deep bro
Yup, I thought the same.
@@NorthernSpartan The parts of the brain you don't use become inactive (really simple) this recreates the cause and effect of lobotomy even though there is no needle.
@@dhplaz1475 can you re-activate parts of the brain through conscious effort though?
@@mit1850 conscious and repeated effort, yes. It's like an atrophied muscle. Gotta be careful and work towards it at your own pace
I'm so grateful for you and your channel. Thank you!
Yeah i've had this for a while been workjng with a therapist on it. I was told decision-making is a skill that you can train by following through with things you decide to do. You can practice with small things like picking a meal then getting that meal and eventually you can make larger decisions.
This is one of the most informational and helpful videos I ever saw. I have some childhood traumas and never could figure out, why I am on autopilot without being able to get out of it. But now I understand and it makes perfectly sense. Since I started to feel and express my emotions, it became very slowly better. Same is true for my husband. We "force" each other to talk about our feelings on a daily basis and it makes us less autopiloted.
Watching these kinds of videos only makes me realize that my childhood and teen years were even worse than I thought. Hell, even now that I graduated from university, it still seems like I carry all the issues that started piling up from pre-school days.
There's so much I have to find a way to "fix" about this life of mine, if I ever want to experience what being/feeling happy is like...
I'm so glad that more and more videos are being uploaded about things I've experienced in life. by now I have figured most of the things that wasn't "normal" within me on my own. but thanks to these videos I understand it more. while watching this video I immediately thought about my school life. It's so bad, no wonder all my classmates felt like going to school (unwillingly) is like a prison. most of my Hemispheric lateralization come from school. no freedom at all, homework everyday, power point presentation, reading in front of class, needing to ask for permission to go to toilet and all that stuff. I think it's okay that it's like that. But feeling and or being forced to do it is a different thing. I always thought that school should be optional and not forced, yeah I guess it could lead to being less knowledgeable but we have the internet for that now.
I've felt like I was on autopilot for years. I have a very distinct memory of failing a test and expressing to my mom I was afraid to tell my dad because of his potential reaction. She told him, and I got yelled at for being afraid. I also wonder though if my health problems can contribute to this as well? From a young age I've gone through life threatening ordeals and it certainly gets you in "just worry about getting through today" mindset.
Dr. K, I have watched many of your videos but this one is the most accurately describing my life. This year I have been meditating more and started to feel emotions more vividly and can describe my emotions more clearly. I still somewhat struggle to just be the same observer of emotions instead of the emotion itself, but the frequency in which I’m more aware is higher than last year for sure.
I feel like this video was made for me. It is like putting my problems in a well articulated fashion. Thank you for the content. Since I left home I have been trying to start talking about my feeling but it's been a slow process. I have had a lot of growth since and am glad that someone is able to reach a large amount of people to help them if they are in similar situations and how to fix it.
That make sense, when i was a kid my mom controller everything in my life from what I eat, what i wear to choosing my friends, she had everything decided for me and when i moved out to study in university in a diffrent town, i couldn't do anything by myself, I would call my mom and ask her what to wear and she would hung up on me, telling me i'm now an adult and i must make my own decisions now, which is true but it's so hard to make the simplest decision when whole my life i never really did it before. My parents also fought a lot and they made me an excuse to fight more, if i'm sad they fought, if I want something again they yell, even when i'm happy they are mad so i literally suppressed all my emotions and now i'm incapable of expressing myself. I remember once my friend told me she never heard me laugh genuinely, like I always smile a little and maybe giggle a bit but i never really laughed from my heart and it's realy hard connecting with people when i don't understand the fundamentals. I wish I can switch off this autopilot mode and just be normal
This blew my mind a little. I have always disassociated my emotions from myself, even though I didn't think of it in those terms. From my perspective I didn't let things get to me. But I've always chalked this and my inability to initiate anything up to "quirky" and bad personality traits.
But I've 100% grown up understanding that shutting the fuck up and minding my own business is the best strategy. It has helped me *tremendously* growing up. But once I grew up, moved out and it was time to work...
Wow, that really hits where it should. I’ve never experience a trauma and I lived in a great family; but as far as I can remember I was always extremely harsh on myself and overexaggerating what people would say to me or the environment about me. Then existential crisis as I was a teen and this is when without realising I just kept on suppressing emotions. I thought it was normal that I don’t experience so many emotions. I went to university to have a sense of what values are and discover the world, I need guidance so to speak. I am 27 and I am constantly on survival mode and I see the difference between people my age and me. I started seeing a psychiatrist and I struggle to formulate what I want, I just start to come out from this denial stage. I am so scared about my professional life and I feel I am slowly disconnected from life itself. I hope my brains can somehow gain some reconnection, just to be able to be autonomous enough in my life
This struck like a chord. I definitely feel like my words and emotions are completely separate. Sometimes it’s like it’s impossible to put to words whatever it is I’m feeling. Love your work Dr. K!
I hope Dr. K can maybe bring up the the topic of mirror neurons in their role of a trauma response when growing up in high stress environments. Basically, if one person (your parents, SO, etc.) is feeling some sort of way (stress, angry, etc.), your brain subtly mirrors it thus heightening your stress, anger, or whatever. After doing it long enough like throughout childhood, if might become a habit. I'm not a trained psychologist so idk if I'm getting the mechanism down right but its fascinating (in a sad way) how much your environment can affect you.
Kinda why I was always a firm believer if nurture over nature. I don't personally think people are inherently bad, but through some unfortunate life experiences, they end up that way. And of course, that sort of negative environment could get passed on through generations. But there is also a positive outlook in a sense, in that one generation can rise up and turn it around by invoking healthy practices. Whoever is reading this, I hope thats you and wishing you all the best!
Dr. K has once again raised an important issue. I've noticed myself that talking about my emotions out loud somehow helps me work through them. Instead of keeping a journal, like many people do, I record audio messages on my dictaphone while I'm out walking. On my worst days, when I can't seem to notice anything except my negative emotions, I record audio where I talk about everything that's bothering me and what happened. On my better days, I listen back to this and make connections. Many things are impossible to notice without an outside perspective. Besides, I can see how my speech tempo changes, notice changes in my voice, or identify some physical symptoms that may also correlate with negative emotions (lack of sleep, illness, etc.). I hope someone finds my method useful.
I absolutely needed this right now! The stumble is FATE thank you 🙏
Environments of coercive control (having your opinions not valued, having your feelings repressed and their expressions punished) hurts us and prevents us from learning not to suppress thoughts or emotions, taking our own decisions and planning for the future. We learn that feeling negatives emotions leads to bad outcomes. Suppressing feelings, a maladaption, leads to living life in autopilot.
Language and feeling brain hemispheres get separated. Psychotherapy brings these two parts of the brain together, and so does meditation. "If you think about heroic main characters what are they motivated by? It's usually some kind of feelings".
So what is to do is to learn to feel emotions without suppressing them.
"ok this isn't dangerous and it won't cause us pain" "realize when you feel the urge to procrastinate, something has probably triggered the retreat"
Autopilot mode keeps me from actually worrying sometimes weirdly enough. The subconscious brain controls like 95% of your days activities honestly if not more. I leaned that your mind body and spirit needs to want a positive change in order for it to happen.
When I have a question.. Dr. K Uploads. Tis beautiful
Thank you for the important work you and everybody involved in this channel do❤
Each video is building off the pervious upload and I'm here for it. Viewing the same issues from multiple angles is helping the information solidify.
It's the realization that no amount of work would result in the life I wanted to live.
wow. I had not realized that about myself. This makes too much sense.
Same
Wow this is really hitting home. Very eye-opening, thank you dr. K.
Why did no one teach me this when I was a kid? Kids are forced to memorize a ton of useless crap but the bit of knowledge that could literally save years of pain is omitted? I'm glad youtube recommended me this video. Absolutely needed to see it.
Animals do know better than humans in many aspects
The timing of these videos makes me feel like dr. K is spying on me and wants me to get my life together
The worst thing is this behaviour is encouraged by my parents, who often (especially after I’ve cried) remind me of the “necessity of growing a shell to protect yourself from your feelings.” Just this week I had 2 oral presentations, 2 exams and an assignment to submit and failed to find the motivation to prepare for any of them before the very last minute.
Thank you so much for clearly explaining and putting this topic into words. Slowly getting a feel for what needs to happen by making notes and giving my brain time to think this through.
It helps a ton in letting the emotions play out and figuring out how to better the situation. Upon reflecting I found this is definitely the case for me and I've been suppressing it for decades so i feel there is a lot that needs to come out before hopefully autopilot will be tackled. I feel like with the solutions I finally have some handles to go and tackle it.
I am so happy I found this channel. It helps me so much even though I am in therapy already for 2 years I can find so many things in these videos that relate to me and help me understand better why I still feel stuck in life. Thank you!
I went through a stage of my life where this "autopilot" was a big problem. I studied Electric Engineering. My class had 44 people and I was one of the 3 students that got until the end of the course without being reproved in any subject. I was really focused on studying what the teachers told me to study (physics,calculus, digital signal processing, electromagnetism...) but I couldnt find motivation to do extracurricular activities.. When I got to the end of my course (2020, the start of the pandemic) I had to search for internship and I couldnt find anything. The interviewed always asked "What extracurricular activity you did ? What project have you developed ?" and I always got nervous and changed the subject. I spend 2 years depressed and searching for internship until I gave up on this course. In 2022 I found another passion, which is web programming (java) and in 2023 I started another course focused on this field and now I feel I have more control over my life, I have clear goals and I know I am working towards those goals.
Yo same. My thesis is "just about done" since 3 years ago. I could easily finish it and graduate in like a couple weeks, but I just... don't.
Wow.... I had a feeling I knew what you were going to say, based on my own personal research, but wow .. yes. This was my childhood. Its a shame my parents cannot understand this. Of course I love them, but they are not good for me... And this just further backs up this sentiment. Also, they cannot see anything but their own perspective, and are unwilling to budge. It was in my best interest to walk away.
I honestly don't know what to do to go forward, and no I do not have money to be able to afford your counseling. I wish I could. Actually, in my heart I know what I want... But I'm not willing to negotiate that with anyone but whom it would directly effect. There's no point, and since it's out of my control... I'm just trying to make the best of my situation. Honest to God the truth. I could sit and talk endlessly about my feelings, thoughts... But without someone who genuinely wants to listen, or can do anything about it (as it's beyond my ability to overcome given my circumstances, not without putting me at greater risk, and without needed support....)
You described almost my entire childhood. I've felt so stuck for so long wondering why I couldn't get out of the autopilot and why I was affecting my relationships. Now it makes sense! Thank you so much for your videos- I've never felt so understood and heard before.
i love this video. honestly what i needed to see right now.
for me, when im trying to think through and focus on a problem that i would like to resolve in my life such as what direction im going to go in in the future, moments from my past i havent dealt with, who i am as an human being, how to help the people i care about etc etc, i usually find myself losing the original train of thought and rather than resolving anything, i end up thinking not about the problem itself but all the reasons for it in the first place. what caused it, how i tie into it, how i couldve done more or better, and how its my fault. always my fault.
eventually i lose all logic in that and just start reliving some of the darkest moments of my life in some futile attempt to find solace in an answer hidden somewhere in there... most of the time this ends up with me building too much emotional distress for me to handle, and i break down. its like my brain is trying to force every possible reason that im a POS into my thought process, where its basically the only conclusion it can reach for every given scenario, and i cannot escape it. i like to think of it almost like a cosmic number (like, 4? if you know what i mean?), but instead its a "cosmic thought" where no matter what i start thinking about it always comes back around to those same thoughts and feelings. makes it impossible to even TRY and think clearly... let alone plan a future and get anything done
and so ultimately i cave, and i retreat back to the good ol coping habits ive mastered over my adolescent years like distracting myself all day and night with anything i can get my hands on like videogames, music, the internet, drugs, porn, fucking ANYTHING (but TikTok 😁) to keep me out of my own head. which, after im done constantly diverting my attention to avoid the BS rumination shit and then finally being able to pass tf out... i wake up in a jolt of anxiety and instant panic as im yet again ripped out from that peaceful blissful dark black void of nothingness where nothing can hurt me and nothing is real... and right back into my dummy thick gorilla skull where the first thing to entire my half-asleep mind is how pathetic it is that i cant even get out of bed in the morning(evening) without basically being brought to the edge of tears from all the self hatred, guilt, loneliness, regret, dissappointment and shame thats been eating away at my soul every single day since around 2015. it leaves me emotionally stunted for the day and leads me right back into those coping methods that've allow me to live my life on like 95% autopilot when all along i couldve been thriving.
and here comes the issue, as you can probably see, i take that situation as a problem - one that i would really, really like to go away. so for a brief moment, after ive calmed down and am almost able to think somewhat clearly, i will sometimes suddenly get this wave, this urge of motivation to try and make a change and get my shit together, and i'll ask myself something like "okay..... whats actually the problem here? what can i do? how can fix this one small aspect of my life that is essential to helping me live better and happier and to finding a reason to live that allows me to finally climb out of this hellish rutt ive dug and start to fulfill the life id love to build?"...
and yuup, ya guessed it! i fail to answer anything, miserably. just like every other time...
fuck, its almost paradoxical in a way. like, part of the goddam problem is my own damn inability to think through my problems, which is a problem in and of itself, that i therefore i cant answer because its also a problem... fuck i love literally being insane. makes me seem super interesting!
so, now what do i do? whats the genius solution, you ask? you guessed it! better go watch some RUclips aaaaand owo? whats this? HealthyGamerGG new upload? ..."AUTOPILOT"?!? i *have* watch this! nothing like some Doctor K to make the terrible feelings go away!!! YIPPEEEEEEEE
okay... hopefully that lightened the mood up just a teency wittle bit after that depressing and personal rant!
what i was gonna get to, now that you've made it this far and you somewhat understand my ordeal, is a few related questions id like to ask...
i know they may be confusing but here goes:
1) How can i sit with these emotions like you say without just crumbling under the pressure?? i try to, but they're just so overwhelming and uncomfortable that my brains just screaming at me to stop and escape them... rather, how can i get used to these emotions and focus on accepting them without avoiding them like the plague or getting to such a negative state that end up falling back in to old unhealthy habits?
2) How bad is consistent sleep deprivation on a developing adolescents brain, and how treatable is the damage later on? im 22 and ever since i was 13 and got my first Playstation ive been pretty much depending on it as an escape from reality to the point where on average id get around 2 - 6 hours of sleep every night before waking up at 6-7 for my schooling years playing videogames all night trying to delay the next day from coming. and then the following post-school years til now having a completely inconsistent and baseless sleep schedule ranging anywhere from no sleep (like today) and sleeping like 15+ hours to the point where my parents need to come check on me to make sure im not dead. im seriously considering asking for a brain scan and other tests to maybe form a diagnoses cos with all that ontop of my lifestyle and history of alcohol and drug abuse (also a few minor head injuries as well) and honestly just how my brain feels with fog headaches losing focus and everything, i reckon its safe to say my memory is fucked and im worried its going to be permanantly fucked and i just do not want to live the rest of my life with this brain ya know? . so, is it worth a shot? or not worth the money? cos idk but somethings wrong and i just wanna chalk it up to something
3rdly) (and lastly) How do i come out to my friends and family openly and state what ive been thinking and feeling and explain to them that i need someone to talk to and trust and listen to me? How do i do this without having them feel alienated or making things awkward between us and ultimately ruining the relationship? ive realised recently that ive never spoken about the full extent of this shit with anyone cos idk ive just never felt like i could trust anyone before. so how can i trust that my worst nightmare wont come true and i end up losing my friends all over again? i am *not* ready to go through that pain again lol
well anyway, i know this'll probly get lost as it took me a good few hours to write but thanks for taking the time to read my comment if u did. maybe leave any advice you guys have if you know something i could benefit from? i cannot stress how much i would appreciate that. its kind of all ive got rn haha
anyways, i also wanted to say a quick love you to Doctor K! the work you've done with HealthyGamer is astonishing and truly admirable and i just wanted to give thanks to everything you do and have done for this community. its bloody unreal how much and how many it helps, honestly. great moves, keep it up, proud of you!
p.s. my dream is i hope to one day pursue a similarly noble cause and do something that makes a real difference in peoples lives like you do :)
I LUV YOU ALL AND WISH YOU FULFILLMENT IN YOUR LIVES! CYA 💚
p.s. LUV = L.ive the U.niverse's V.ision 💚💚💚
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It’s almost like when I feel on autopilot, I’m not present, and I’m in my head in all types of ways sometimes negatively, intrusive thoughts or sometimes just crippling anxiety that doesn’t allow me to be positive and enjoy my environment. Please if someone can give insight. I feel like I need to be above the things that cause this response. And not be bothered, thus causing a trauma response.
I used to be an adventurer like you... then I took some emotional trauma to the corpus callosum
Daaaamn! Mind blown. This explains a lot. I'm so grateful for finding your channel.
Thanks Dr. K
superb topic and explanation. thank you
Omg you have just described my life in Cuba this explains so much thank you I feel like I can finally start working on this I didn't even have a word for before now
Currently starting psychotherapy because I've lived my entire adult life so far being dysfunctional and lonely and not really being able to complete an education, because I'm struggling with Gaming Disorder. Initially it was just a coping mechanism for me growing up, but now it's a fullblown behavioral addiction that keeps me totally unmotivated and unable to plan and execute for the future. I just hope therapy can help me achieve some sort of change so I can hopefully be a man who's accomplished and proud of himself someday
Main thing is only y can help urself, So don’t like have the idea of depending on therapy, just make use of it completely to help urself.
I had a gaming addiction, i just stopped, replaced it with physical activities, deleted my games,etc
Once you leave it u understand it was really nothing just a mind trap
Thankyou so much for this, it hit me so deeply to my core and I never realised just how much suppressing my emotions could lead to such detriment for my future. Like you said, it is so difficult to articulate these feelings but I just can't thankyou enough for how much I resonated with this video 💗
I always appreciate your viewpoints centered around mindfulness and then backed by actual expertise! It resonates a lot with (though obviously could never replace) my DBT experiences
My parents were very supportive of anything I choose to do, I quit piano when I was 6, and they were prefectly fine with it. Despite this, I am very much living life on autopilot. I always policed myself and lived very reactively, but I can't think where I learned that behaviour. I had a great childhood
To be honest, I dont mind living on Autopilot. I dont know If i had any big Trauma, but at some Point I developted the mindset that emotions harm my drive and my abbility to make desicions. So I developt the habbit to just dont act emotional at any cost, but I also think that iam on a good way to attchive my longtime goals (what I want to be in 10years or so) despite living on autopilot and feeling close to nothing.
Dr.K you are THE BEST. Its life changing information right there.
This explains why ive been feeling so drawn in to journalling when I was dealing with stress and a lot of shitty stuff.
I would tell myself that I didn't have time to journal ( the avoidant part of me would) but I journalled a little everyday and paradoxically found myself actually thinking about doing the work I was stressed about but procrastinating on.
Now K actually crave journalling its so wierd , but I'm really grateful for this video ❤❤.
Healthygamergg making the world
a better place , one video at a time !
Saw this video while living life on autopilot, fml
i havent watched the video but im commenting for the algorithm
Ty so much Dr K, I've been talking with my therapist for ages about feeeling in this stuck state, and state where I struggle to name my emotions so this put a lot of that in context
I’m new to this channel land so glad I’m here. Years off feeling like this and in one night I finally get some answers. Thank you.
I'm starting to think that this man is somehow observing me with secret cameras
I'm interested in how this interacts with ADHD sense that also seems to be a fairly large factor in my lack of motivation
Not only does this perfectly describe the situation I was in, it also describes the two steps that helped me the most over the last three years working with a therapist in learning to overcome this. Thank you!
This is exactly a problem I tried to fix on my own, journaling and obsercvation started changing me but i feel so broken sometimes I cant catch myself about it and i feel like npc once again
I've always been like this, I don't want to change anything. Self-destruction is more fun and invigorating than some meaningless purpose and goals. What about actually living instead of just thinking about the future all the time? I haven't met a single goal-oriented person that was happy when asked about their current situation, they're always worried and never feel alive to me
Emotions only lead to delusion and logic leads to death, if forced to choose, I'd rather take the latter to be honest
Thank you
Thank you for thanking
Thank you for this, Dr. K. Growing up as a child with a serious physical disability, I had (and have) an incredibly supportive family (sometimes overly supportive, in my opinion!), but there were always things I just didn't have the option to do, or experiences I couldn't avoid. I was always happy to do the things I could, and developed a stoic personality to deal with things I had to do, but I feel like it left me with a deeply engrained MO of 'doing what I can' instead of ever reflecting on what I really want to do.
how do i start acknowledging my emotions and not retreating from them when i cant recognize them?
Fr i don’t know what emotions I have I don’t have any idea what my emotions are nor if I have any.