thank you for bringing this up. I didn't know that, and I though woman who orgasm when are abused or so had some kind of problem, like stockholm syndrome or smth. But I'm glad I was wrong. As a male I find hard understanding woman's pain and suffering, but I'm happy to know I'm learning bit by bit
During the 3 years I was abused. I was too scared, too ashamed, felt too powerless and at times too physically painful to be even remotely excited much less orgasm. Most of the time I was just trying to survive the moment. This has continued to plague me my entire life. I've lost several relationships through the years including two marriages because of this. I'm now in my mid 50's don't date since my last marriage 8 years ago, not many woman are interested in a man whose been traumatized. I'm sorry to say I do feel enough despair that on occasion I have thoughts of ending it all. Some people have been able to let go. I've tried, but just haven't been able to yet. Is there anything you can tell me, I hurt so badly inside?
I don't know where you are on your healing journey now, but I hope you have been able to unlearn your early lesson of powerlessness and realize you can be your own protector now. That you no longer have to give way to the demands of others' who want to use you. Sexual pleasure that is healthy (shame, guilt, pain and fear-free) requires trust. Not only in your partner...but also in yourself. Take back your power. You were deceived but truthfully your body belongs only to you, and it's your decision alone to share it. That itself will go a long way in allowing pleasure to return, because you won't be expending all your energy in frantic hypervigilance. And you won't have to reinforce the lie that sexual gratification must be tied to trauma memories. (signed: a fellow survivor)
I am so happy that I discovered your channel this past week. I am in the process of dredging up a lot of painful things in my past with my therapist. Each video that you have posted truly speaks to my heart. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse as well as college and adult abuse. Now at 29, I feel so completely overwhelmed that I'm really suffering through inter-personal relationships, dating and sexual intimacy. I suffer from the pain of my childhood and adolescent sexual incidents, for sure. However, 3 years ago I was not only emotionally taken a advantage of, but sexually assaulted one night at the very end of our relationship. This situation , though 3 years ago, (whom I have not spoke to either) has completely crushed my spirit, my soul, my confidence. The small shred of trust I had from the abuse earlier in my life has been completely destroyed. Intimate partner abuse (as I have researched it) has been the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Help!
+Karin Baca I'm so sorry I haven't responded sooner, Karin. I'm just seeing this comment. I'm also sorry you've had to endure so much pain and betrayel. Each abusive experience compounds the impact from previous experiences. When you have a history of abuse, then are abused within your relationship and/or sexually assaulted, it serves as even more "proof" of all the false beliefs you've been carrying around. I'm happy you've been able to connect to the videos and you are getting help. Is there a particular question I may be able to answer? We have a great community on Facebook you are welcome to join.
……I hope you don’t give up on Love ❤️. I hope there is someone out there for you. Now that I am older, I wouldn’t even consider touching, holding hands, kissing etc, until I was married to a woman. There are a few guys like that. I heard of Christian shows that discuss this dating method. Just always meet in a public area, or around other people in the house-never alone with that person, until your confident enough that they are trustworthy. You’ll never be 100% sure. Thank you for sharing your story. You are worthy!!
There have been several comments I've tried to reply to and it doesn't end up showing up. Just today I responded to Jessi, Brandon, and lalacameron. I also responded to Mirtha and that reply, for some reason has worked. Hopefully it's some sort of lag with their system and will show up soon. Thank you so much for taking the time to watch these videos.
Granted in my first experience I was nine years old didn’t exactly feel the pleasure but I still felt like it was my fault and I was just after words that I realized it was so wrong on every level
Please remember what brings people pain and misery is the past..... you must learn from it but don't become/live your life as a victim but live your life as Victorious
Hi Ali. Thank you for watching & commenting. I hope you were able to find comfort, support, and /or connection. You are not alone. Join us on Facebook & the blog for more regular inspiration & support.
Lovely video. Dysfunction can go on and on and your video is helping the buck to stop and to facilitate healing. God bless anyone who has suffered sexual abuse. Wish God could un-invent it. xx
How do heal from a parent's response to who tells you it happens in every family. I feel so hurt by that. It took courage for me to tell her i was seeking healing for the abuse in my life but I feel like she downplayed my pain.
Healing this kind of betrayal can often take even longer than healing the abuse itself. Hopefully the support your getting already in your healing will help with this as well. You will have to allow yourself to grieve the loss of a protective and supportive parent. I'm sorry your parent responded this way. Unfortunately, you're not alone in that. This is one of the things most of my clients have to heal, as did I.
Thank you for commenting. I can certainly understand why it may seem this is the case, but I actually don't think it's true. I will agree it may take quite a bit of time and effort in healing to get there. But I do believe, with the right support and patience, it can happen.
I'm so sorry you've been holding this for so long. It's never too late to heal and release the shame that has never been yours. I hope you give yourself the space to experience the healing you deserve. ❤️ #notourshame
One person told me several times "you can't rape the willing " implying because of a response it must have been consensual, urggg makes me so mad he pushed that idea into me so many times that I actually struggle to this day doubting what happened was actually rape
It's a stimulation of nerves, and is-as Peggy said-perfectly normal. If someone tickles you in an area where you are ticklish, whether you wish to be tickled or not, it still tickles, does it not? It's the same sort of thing. Your body responded, and it did so healthfully, as it was designed to. If your mind said no, separate from whatever physical response you had, then you were absolutely *not* willing, regardless of what your abuser said.
Nahhhh the biggest argument against this is how science and soooooooo many women say that they can’t have orgasms unless they are mentally connected. You can’t say that and then say oh if you’re raped and have an orgasm it wasn’t your fault. Nahhhhhhhh that means you were mentally connect then. Stop with the BS
thank you alot for this topic...you find few persons that can relate to this even when told and sometimes it makes me feel as if they think i am craving for attention...thank you
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW Yes, I feel like there’s a lot of guilt for having unwanted body response, and it’s hard to clarify for people that it’s not their fault but an unwanted arousal
Thanks for making this video :) but what happens when your body wants a sexual relationship with the first guy that you trust but you know you emotionally can't deal with sex. Then what? I am going to read a book my counsellor recommended but could you do a video on that? Thanks for this video!
Hi MiissCiia! Thanks for your comment and question. I'm happy to try to provide more information. Could you tell me a little more about the emotional piece? Are you saying it would be too triggering? Is it more about feelings? Or something else? I just want to be sure I'm addressing your concern. You can email me directly instead of responding here if you prefer.
Healing begins the moment you acknowledge the abuse and that it has impacted your life. It continues to happen for years as you learn to let go of shame, believe in your worthiness, risk connection, and learn to trust yourself. If by "this" you mean sexual stimulation, you could bring it up by telling her/him about the video and what your thoughts about it are.
Hi Ivey. Thanks so much for your question and taking the time to watch. I'm assuming you're referring to letting go of shame & guilt? There is a simple answer, but it's a complicated process. Ultimately, it's about being able to recognize you are not bad because you experienced physical sensation and/or pleasure. This happens as you continue to heal the abuse as a whole. I wish there was something I could suggest that you could do right now that would make it go away. Unfortunately, healing is a process that happens over time. Working on truly accepting that it is normal, it has nothing to do with desire for the abuse, and it happens to many people is a good start.
Hi Karina. I'm happy to discuss the topics you suggested. Could you please let me know a little more about what you're interested in so I can be sure to address your questions/interests? When you say grow, do you mean just move on, or use it to "grow"? Or something else entirely ;)? There's no right or wrong question, I just want to be sure I address it. Thanks so much for participating!
thankyou so much! And yes as in how can you take what sexual abuse has done to you and turn it into something good? Or is that even possible? Is there anything good that comes out of this? I guess I just want to know if there is any good out of what has happened so i can have a more positive out look on it rather then just a painful memory
Karina Ibarra Great question! This is something that comes up quite often with my clients. Wanting to find the "good" is a natural response to trying to heal. If we can finding something "good" it allows us to find a "reason" or "value", and like you said, feel more positive about it. It's a great thing to do a video on and I will add it to my topic list.
Both are so common. Compartmentalization can be hard because it can serve a "healthy" purpose at times in our lives. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️
Hi Peggy,i think it's a good video with you bringing this information which could help many people realize something they never thought of in this way,love Denny
Please help me heal😣 I need your help to help me discover if my story is really sexual abuse. I've been trying to ignore it at times but it shows up in my head constantly. I finally have the courage to tell you my story
If you'd like to speak more in depth, I'd be happy to schedule an exploration/consultation session. You can send me an email @ healing @ courageousjourneys.com. Often, the more you try to "ignore" something, the more it pushes back.
No, it doesn't. It means your body is responding in the way it's meant to. Like the experience of pins and needles after your foot has fallen asleep. Or, cutting yourself and the nerves sending a signal to your brain which then causes pain.
Get your FREE Letting Go meditation (Guided Meditation)
courageousjourneys.com/f/letting-go-meditation
thank you for bringing this up. I didn't know that, and I though woman who orgasm when are abused or so had some kind of problem, like stockholm syndrome or smth. But I'm glad I was wrong. As a male I find hard understanding woman's pain and suffering, but I'm happy to know I'm learning bit by bit
I'm glad the video helps you understand and so glad you're interested in learning more. You're in the right place. :)
During the 3 years I was abused. I was too scared, too ashamed, felt too powerless and at times too physically painful to be even remotely excited much less orgasm. Most of the time I was just trying to survive the moment. This has continued to plague me my entire life. I've lost several relationships through the years including two marriages because of this. I'm now in my mid 50's don't date since my last marriage 8 years ago, not many woman are interested in a man whose been traumatized. I'm sorry to say I do feel enough despair that on occasion I have thoughts of ending it all. Some people have been able to let go. I've tried, but just haven't been able to yet. Is there anything you can tell me, I hurt so badly inside?
I don't know where you are on your healing journey now, but I hope you have been able to unlearn your early lesson of powerlessness and realize you can be your own protector now. That you no longer have to give way to the demands of others' who want to use you. Sexual pleasure that is healthy (shame, guilt, pain and fear-free) requires trust. Not only in your partner...but also in yourself. Take back your power. You were deceived but truthfully your body belongs only to you, and it's your decision alone to share it. That itself will go a long way in allowing pleasure to return, because you won't be expending all your energy in frantic hypervigilance. And you won't have to reinforce the lie that sexual gratification must be tied to trauma memories. (signed: a fellow survivor)
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Please know that I am praying for you and hope you find happiness and peace from your demons
I just turned 50, & I quit dating too. We are old. This is perfectly normal. Relationships are too much work. It's easier to drink and play cards.
I hope you didn’t give up.. You are worthy.
I am so happy that I discovered your channel this past week. I am in the process of dredging up a lot of painful things in my past with my therapist. Each video that you have posted truly speaks to my heart. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse as well as college and adult abuse. Now at 29, I feel so completely overwhelmed that I'm really suffering through inter-personal relationships, dating and sexual intimacy. I suffer from the pain of my childhood and adolescent sexual incidents, for sure. However, 3 years ago I was not only emotionally taken a advantage of, but sexually assaulted one night at the very end of our relationship. This situation , though 3 years ago, (whom I have not spoke to either) has completely crushed my spirit, my soul, my confidence. The small shred of trust I had from the abuse earlier in my life has been completely destroyed. Intimate partner abuse (as I have researched it) has been the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Help!
*sexually assaulted from an ex-boyfriend right before we broke up.
+Karin Baca I'm so sorry I haven't responded sooner, Karin. I'm just seeing this comment. I'm also sorry you've had to endure so much pain and betrayel. Each abusive experience compounds the impact from previous experiences. When you have a history of abuse, then are abused within your relationship and/or sexually assaulted, it serves as even more "proof" of all the false beliefs you've been carrying around. I'm happy you've been able to connect to the videos and you are getting help.
Is there a particular question I may be able to answer? We have a great community on Facebook you are welcome to join.
……I hope you don’t give up on Love ❤️. I hope there is someone out there for you. Now that I am older, I wouldn’t even consider touching, holding hands, kissing etc, until I was married to a woman. There are a few guys like that. I heard of Christian shows that discuss this dating method. Just always meet in a public area, or around other people in the house-never alone with that person, until your confident enough that they are trustworthy. You’ll never be 100% sure. Thank you for sharing your story. You are worthy!!
There have been several comments I've tried to reply to and it doesn't end up showing up. Just today I responded to Jessi, Brandon, and lalacameron. I also responded to Mirtha and that reply, for some reason has worked. Hopefully it's some sort of lag with their system and will show up soon. Thank you so much for taking the time to watch these videos.
Granted in my first experience I was nine years old didn’t exactly feel the pleasure but I still felt like it was my fault and I was just after words that I realized it was so wrong on every level
Please remember what brings people pain and misery is the past..... you must learn from it but don't become/live your life as a victim but live your life as Victorious
Thanks for watching and commenting.
Hi Ali. Thank you for watching & commenting. I hope you were able to find comfort, support, and /or connection. You are not alone. Join us on Facebook & the blog for more regular inspiration & support.
Lovely video. Dysfunction can go on and on and your video is helping the buck to stop and to facilitate healing. God bless anyone who has suffered sexual abuse. Wish God could un-invent it. xx
Thank you, Gil. I appreciate you taking the time to watch and comment.
I have been touched by it and I truly believe that i am not alone. More awareness. More awareness.
Gil Balfas I am honored you were able to connect with what I have shared.
How do heal from a parent's response to who tells you it happens in every family. I feel so hurt by that. It took courage for me to tell her i was seeking healing for the abuse in my life but I feel like she downplayed my pain.
Healing this kind of betrayal can often take even longer than healing the abuse itself. Hopefully the support your getting already in your healing will help with this as well. You will have to allow yourself to grieve the loss of a protective and supportive parent. I'm sorry your parent responded this way. Unfortunately, you're not alone in that. This is one of the things most of my clients have to heal, as did I.
Nice but some are just too damaged to ever have an orasm without seeing the abusers face
Thank you for commenting. I can certainly understand why it may seem this is the case, but I actually don't think it's true. I will agree it may take quite a bit of time and effort in healing to get there. But I do believe, with the right support and patience, it can happen.
I keep having people shame me because they think I should just “get over it”.
…You are so pretty . It helps to hear it from a beautiful woman who occasionally smiles and brightens up such a dark subject. May God Bless You
Thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts.
I have massively struggled with this for over 45 years.its real depressing ..
I'm so sorry you've been holding this for so long. It's never too late to heal and release the shame that has never been yours. I hope you give yourself the space to experience the healing you deserve. ❤️ #notourshame
One person told me several times "you can't rape the willing " implying because of a response it must have been consensual, urggg makes me so mad he pushed that idea into me so many times that I actually struggle to this day doubting what happened was actually rape
It's a stimulation of nerves, and is-as Peggy said-perfectly normal. If someone tickles you in an area where you are ticklish, whether you wish to be tickled or not, it still tickles, does it not? It's the same sort of thing. Your body responded, and it did so healthfully, as it was designed to. If your mind said no, separate from whatever physical response you had, then you were absolutely *not* willing, regardless of what your abuser said.
Madeleine I never thought of it like this. Good point thank you
Madeleine, if I could the like button on your comment would be broken because of all the likes I will give your comment...💜💕🦋
Nahhhh the biggest argument against this is how science and soooooooo many women say that they can’t have orgasms unless they are mentally connected. You can’t say that and then say oh if you’re raped and have an orgasm it wasn’t your fault.
Nahhhhhhhh that means you were mentally connect then. Stop with the BS
can you post a video about how to grow from sexual abuse and how to let it go please. Im in need of this information
thank you alot for this topic...you find few persons that can relate to this even when told and sometimes it makes me feel as if they think i am craving for attention...thank you
Arguably the most beautiful woman and smile I have seen in weeks😅
Great video, thank you. Could you speak more about how to validate the stimulating feelings in childhood (even if not as intense)?
Thank you. Are you referring to sexually related feelings?
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW Yes, I feel like there’s a lot of guilt for having unwanted body response, and it’s hard to clarify for people that it’s not their fault but an unwanted arousal
Thanks for making this video :) but what happens when your body wants a sexual relationship with the first guy that you trust but you know you emotionally can't deal with sex. Then what? I am going to read a book my counsellor recommended but could you do a video on that? Thanks for this video!
Hi MiissCiia! Thanks for your comment and question. I'm happy to try to provide more information. Could you tell me a little more about the emotional piece? Are you saying it would be too triggering? Is it more about feelings? Or something else? I just want to be sure I'm addressing your concern. You can email me directly instead of responding here if you prefer.
Thank you !
How much time ?
Which are ways I can bring this up in session with my T?
Healing begins the moment you acknowledge the abuse and that it has impacted your life. It continues to happen for years as you learn to let go of shame, believe in your worthiness, risk connection, and learn to trust yourself.
If by "this" you mean sexual stimulation, you could bring it up by telling her/him about the video and what your thoughts about it are.
Hello so which are ways to let it go?
Thank u
Hi Ivey. Thanks so much for your question and taking the time to watch. I'm assuming you're referring to letting go of shame & guilt? There is a simple answer, but it's a complicated process. Ultimately, it's about being able to recognize you are not bad because you experienced physical sensation and/or pleasure. This happens as you continue to heal the abuse as a whole. I wish there was something I could suggest that you could do right now that would make it go away. Unfortunately, healing is a process that happens over time.
Working on truly accepting that it is normal, it has nothing to do with desire for the abuse, and it happens to many people is a good start.
Hi Karina. I'm happy to discuss the topics you suggested. Could you please let me know a little more about what you're interested in so I can be sure to address your questions/interests? When you say grow, do you mean just move on, or use it to "grow"? Or something else entirely ;)? There's no right or wrong question, I just want to be sure I address it.
Thanks so much for participating!
thankyou so much! And yes as in how can you take what sexual abuse has done to you and turn it into something good? Or is that even possible? Is there anything good that comes out of this? I guess I just want to know if there is any good out of what has happened so i can have a more positive out look on it rather then just a painful memory
Karina Ibarra
Great question! This is something that comes up quite often with my clients. Wanting to find the "good" is a natural response to trying to heal. If we can finding something "good" it allows us to find a "reason" or "value", and like you said, feel more positive about it.
It's a great thing to do a video on and I will add it to my topic list.
is there a certain age that is too young for this to happen? im 25 but I was 9 at the time
I compartmentalize and trauma bond as a comping mechanism.
Both are so common. Compartmentalization can be hard because it can serve a "healthy" purpose at times in our lives. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️
Dealing with same emotions
Hi Peggy,i think it's a good video with you bringing this information which could help many people realize something they never thought of in this way,love Denny
Thank you Peggy
You're very welcome. ❤️
Thank you !
Yes I am
Please help me heal😣 I need your help to help me discover if my story is really sexual abuse. I've been trying to ignore it at times but it shows up in my head constantly. I finally have the courage to tell you my story
If you'd like to speak more in depth, I'd be happy to schedule an exploration/consultation session. You can send me an email @ healing @ courageousjourneys.com. Often, the more you try to "ignore" something, the more it pushes back.
Hi I messaged you on your healing journeys email.
I need this
Ggkjh hbn. Bhjkk
It does mean that your body "liked it" though
No, it doesn't. It means your body is responding in the way it's meant to. Like the experience of pins and needles after your foot has fallen asleep. Or, cutting yourself and the nerves sending a signal to your brain which then causes pain.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSWbut why do women fantasize about rape