Talking to Loved Ones About Sexual Assault | {THE AND}
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- Опубликовано: 24 янв 2020
- {THE AND} is an Emmy award winning experience that creates space for deep listening and understanding. We wanted to utilize our space to explore conversations around sexual assault, through the relationships of those affected by it. We hope these conversations catalyze further conversation and empathy around this important topic.
National Sexual Assault Hotline (free, confidential, 24/7): +1(800)-656-HOPE
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: www.nsvrc.org
We'd like to thank all of our participants for participating openly & vulnerably in our project. If you’re interested in checking out the full conversations, use the links below:
Talking to Loved Ones About Sexual Assault Playlist
• {THE AND} | Talking to...
Best Friends Bravely Face Sexual Assault | {THE AND} Avery & Kennedy
• Best Friends Bravely F...
It’s Okay to Talk About Being Sexually Abused | {THE AND} Michael & Latisha
• It’s Okay To Talk Abou...
How Sexual Assault Has Affected Our Relationship | {THE AND} Gabriela & Kate
• How Sexual Assault Has...
How to Support Through Trauma | {THE AND} Levina & Caleb
• How to Support Through...
Our Right to Feel Intimate Pleasure Was Stripped From Us | {THE AND} Janet & Em
• Our Right To Feel Inti...
I Didn’t Know That Happened to You | {THE AND} Taryn & Juliana
• I Didn’t Know That Hap...
For the conversations not listed, join our newsletter to ensure you don't miss their release: www.theskindeep.com/shop
Created by The Skin Deep | www.theskindeep.com
Creators of {THE AND} | www.theand.us
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Tumblr | / wearetheand
Executive Director | Topaz Adizes
Director | Nick D'Agostino
Producer | Mériem Dehbi-Talbot
Editor | Nick D'Agostino
Talking to Loved Ones About Sexual Assault | {THE AND}
#theskindeep #metoo #healing 
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“I wonder who I could’ve been if that didn’t happen to me?” That hit me hard.
Such a defeatist mindset
@@GlazedInfants meaning what? It’s what the person feels tf
@@GlazedInfantsloser 😒
I feel the same
@GlazedInfants Not necessarily, I've thought this alot. It's something that changes you and in case shaped me as a person from a child and left me with a lot of issues I've dealt and continue to deal with. Not saying I can't be productive and happy person because I am. But there's no doubt in my mind I'd be a diffrent person had I not gone through that.
"Abuse is never ok, but its okay to talk about it" wonderfully said
With someone not your family. Esp. abusive, narcissistic mFas.
"we don't get to choose our wounds in life" that was strong af
As a survivor of sexual assault...the worst part of it is feeling you have to explain your trauma...as “you wasn’t raped & only groped” it still changes you & feel guilty & ashamed...it took me a very long time to realise this & it wasn’t my fault...I still cry from time to time about it...it’s very hard to ‘move on’ when you had no support from the beginning...
I agree we downplay our trauma far too much, or are forced to by ignorant others. For so long I've denied the fact I was even sexually assaulted, saying being groped and rubbed in my pubic area didn't count, or that it could have been a mistake. After that I blamed myself, I was in a room with others, and even though it was dark I could have just said anything, made a noise, try to escape. I was eleven, so the idea I could have been sexually assaulted was crazy.
I totally understand. Being groped on the street as a teenager and only coming to sense that it was sexual assault years later really does make you downplay the situation because it wasn't rape, and for that reason it is useless to say something about it. But either way it is still an assault and it was still a valid traumatic experience alot of us had to go through and our story needs to be heard with no judgement
💜💜💜💜💜💜
@@aperson7210 the worst part that's when it happens from your dad !!!!!
im not sure if i ever was sexully assulted i said it im ok every time he akes me but i was hevaly under alcahole and i also felt as if if i didnt let this guy use me i woudnt be alowed to hang out with my frends anymore becuse i knew that the only reson i was invitet was to be used by him. i was haff aslipe and i didnt relly know that he was doing to me only after i cleard my mind did i realize that he moved my body up and down his own. idk but the tught of me laying threr lifles wille being dragged up and down his body is duscusting to me he acted like i was a toy. a simuler thing happened in the bathroom he held my body up and prusided to move back and furth hes aria aganst mine. i dont think he assulted me but i assulted myself by not saing "no"
People do not need to experience sexual assault to learn. I really need people to understand that. Using the narrative that “you are who you are because of XYZ” justifies abusers’ actions. People do not need to experience trauma in order to “learn.”
It took some scrolling but I am glad I found your comment. I feel the same way. It was the worst part of the video. Also, survivor and victim are the same.
Saying that you’ve grown from it does not justify any abusers actions and they’re not trying to say it does. They’re saying that they’ve gone through it and because everything that happens to you affects you, so has this.
Thank you for saying this.
fr, my abuse didnt make me stronger.
@@chrissy3875 you did it yourself, become stronger. but if abuse wasn't in your story, you would definitely be a different person that who you are. All of what happens to us, shape us. That is a fact. But of course, no one should be abuse ever but the reality is: pretty much everyone has been abuse sadly.
When she said that you lose your innocence I couldn’t relate more. Growing up I felt so disgusting, I felt so nasty, I thought my body was trash. I thought that I was just so trashy for what happened to me. I was so young, in the moment that it was happening I wanted to die. I used to tell myself that I liked it and that’s why I didn’t cry, that’s why I just laid there, I told myself that so much that I believed me. He messed up my thinking and me so bad but I got through it, I found myself again and I’m learning to love my body.
Thank you Morgan, for opening up and sharing your story.
The Skin Deep thank you for giving me the opportunity to share it. It’s hard and it makes me nervous talking about it but I know I need to.
I was fourteen when I was raped by a seventeen year old boy me and him was friends and one night I went with him to his house and he raped me four times and I learned that he doesn't define who I am as a woman and that I am amazing
@@shelbiyounger8563 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜You got this
I felt it when she said "I wonder who I could've been if that didn't happen to me". I usually think about the same thing.
im in the army, 4 months after another service member raped me i reported it, and told my sister. i watched her face curl into a frown as she asked me accusatorially if it was late and if i was drunk, if i invited him over, if im positive i didnt insinuate anything with body language that would provoke him, why i didnt fight back. she asked me what i was wearing. i told her i was wearing the purple sweater she picked out for me when i was back home. i didnt respond to all of the other questions because it occurred to me that none of them mattered. i didnt provoke him, and i was disgusted with her for even suggesting it. she told me she had to go without even reacting to anything id just told her. nevertheless, i haven’t talked to her since that phone call.
it gets better, people will support you, and sometimes others wont. but you’ll know who cares in the end.
you matter, and you are not alone ❤️
I'm truly sorry your sister wasn't there for you. It's hard to wrap my mind around being that kind of person that would react the way she did. 💔
Wow that's not cool at all. Do you have help to take them to court?
You are not alone! >:D
Uchiha Hikaku there are 2 types of reports for assault in the army. restricted, where you can talk to a few designated people. the chaplain, behavioral health, etc but nobody else. you cant even talk to your family or friends about it.. and you dont get the option of proceeding in a criminal case. then theres unrestricted where you can talk to any body about the assault, and an investigation strikes.
i just wanted to heal, he had already ruined my life so i didn’t want to ruin another. for me, it wasnt about justice, it was about getting that help. plus he was already getting kicked out on drug charges, so i filed a restricted report. he eventually got dishonorable discharge from the army, but not for what he did to me. now its in karmas hands.
Catherine Iannucci I believe smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 6 years husband cheating through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching it. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Australia and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in UK and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned. He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking. Contact this Genius-Tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via Whats-app +1 (724) 330-3252 and you can also text/call him +1 (601) 287-5528. Thank me, later...
Hearing his fiance say and I want to protect your body at all costs.
That was deep.
Yes to have someone to fight for you but
Because intimacy after is extremely hard after and it shows he understands ♥️
Honestly I was so happy when he said that coz not only is he an amazing human and fiance but also it gives me hope that hey not all people are garbage.
"That's just what guys do"
That's the most accurate sentence to represent high school girls' reactions when you tell them the boy in the class they think is cute forced you in the back of his car.
“There’s a huge block with pleasure in general... and even with enjoying life”
“When something like that happens to you, you lose part of yourself...I wonder who I could’ve been if that didn’t happen”
“It took time to realize it was that word...because you never think it can happen to you”
Sigh. To everyone who can relate, I’m sorry. I hope you heal
Sometimes men expose themselves to me at night, or in the parks. They've grabbed my private areas in public transport. Even tho I always rise my voice and protect myself, it still is a traumatic experience for me, especially when such events occur in childhood. When I told my ex - boyfriend about this, he laughed it off and said, that such things don't qualify for psychological violence. I was so vunreble and his words really hurt....So thank you for this video, I love your channel !
So sorry to hear how dismissive your ex was! You always deserve better than that. Take care.
The fact that people and the fact that your ex said that is absurd. I hope you have some support and feel better no matter what obstacle you face. Just know I and others believe in your story and pain.
It makes it so much worse when people invalidate your experiences ... I literally thought I was being a drama queen and I wrote a detailed post on reddit or something and people were so kind and supportive
Im terribly sorry for what happened 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Carry pepper spray with you. Also it’s not your fault.
Years of therapy sessions, medication, and cognitive behavioral therapy has helped me move forward from my assault. It gets easier, but it's always "there." I cry randomly about it and sometimes I get triggered by the dumbest things. I am crying right now, but I know that I have come a long way since it happened.
Are You Okay Now?
I Can't Move On...
I think what type of person I'd be if I wasn't sexually assaulted 4 times or abused, everyday. I wouldn't be haunted by nightmares, or be reminded of what happened to me everyday by being in a bathroom. I mean, you're not only violated, but you have a piece of you stolen that you'll never get back, too. And it pisses me off... people who sexually assault other people trap them in a lifelong prison, while they get to live their life as if nothing happened. And it also pisses me off that, when you report them, YOU are the one who gets blamed, have your character questioned, asked why you didn't stop them, and have to justify your actions as if you're the one in the wrong.
I am a survivor of sexual assault. I can relate to some of the things most of them had experience. Thank you guys for sharing.
My husband and I always talk about his sexual abuse. It helps him heal. It happened when he was 12-14 and at 15. The only thing he got from that is PTSD and Anxiety.
You guys won an Emmy that’s so cool congratulations. {THE AND} is such a beautiful project. 🥳
I don't like the word " survivor " nor " victim ", i'm neither and both at the same time. It's hard watching this when it's still something i keep secret.. not sure i'll ever be strong enough to talk about this irl.
Regardless of your decision we send you love and we appreciate you sharing
I was always so ashamed about my experience, not only because this happened but because it had an impact on me, although I kept saying to myself it was nothing and other people did experience „real rape“. When I was about 3 to 5 years old, my uncle touched me in my private areas while playing and tickling me. I didn’t know other body contacts from males, e.g. my father, during childhood. I learned that interactions with men are always and only sexual, that’s the only thing they want from me, that it feels false and uncomfortable and that I am helpless and it’s normal that I let it do with myself. Later on my first experiences with boys in my youth were basically that they wanted to be intimate with me immediately on the first date and my was fear was confirmed: men really did only want to benefit sexually from me. Also, and I feel so bad about it, I really didn’t want to be intimate with these boys, but I felt like I was paralyzed and couldn’t say anything, having in mind that it’s somehow „normal“ (according to my experience during childhood). Thank god they didn’t force me to have sex with them, it was „only“ about foreplay. But now I’m here, 24 year old virgin and I’m so scared of men and them getting intimate with me (primary physically, but also emotionally/mentally).
Joe Ann The fact that you took the time to type this comment is unbelievable 😳 I appreciate your choice of these quotes since they have such a true message and I recognize importance in them for my personal situation! Thank you sooo much!!! And I wish you the best!!!
Thank you so much for sharing
@Joe Ann really beautiful message/quotes.
Genuinely, appreciate ur effort to write!!
If u don't mind me asking how do u if u get in a relationship tell the guy that u don't like any and all physical contact? I don't know how to say it.
*God
I started reliving one of my assaults in the middle of this video. I was hearing my rapist voice in my head and remembering how terrified I was. I just wanted to say to everyone else that had this happen to them, you are very brave.
What is his name?
@@UltraGS_Cimbom1905 hey dont ask that??
@@niconicorom Could be me?
@@UltraGS_Cimbom1905what the hell
"I wonder who I could have been if that didn't happen to me " i always think the same thing.
I want somebody to tell me they'd take what happened to me away. My ex boyfriend was my first relationship (first sexual partner) and everything. He had like 20 partners before me, 5 years of sexual experience before me, and he took advantage of my naivety, innocence, and lack of experience all the time. I've realized that the whole relationship he always violated me. He would do sexual things I told him I didn't like/want, and I didn't know what was going on with my feelings or that I even needed to stand up to him bc I didn't know how sex really worked. And he always told me this is how it was, everyone did those things, etc and I looked to him for guidance bc I thought he was trustworthy like he said he was. But he wasn't. He never had emotional/caring sex, and he couldn't take care of me in any way bc he can't even take care of himself. He compromised my virginity, violated me, he r*ped me once, and honestly like all of our relationship looking back the sex was just like.... assault. I was being violated and taken advantage of and it makes me so sad. I feel really embarrassed and ashamed sometimes. Of things that happened or that I did for him, bc he pressured me to or wanted me to and I was scared of disappointing him, of not being enough, of not measuring up to all the women before me he/his friends told me stories about early on. That's another thing - he told me so many sexually inappropriate/insensitive stories, and idk that he meant to, but it still was a way to manipulate me to go outside my comfort zone, to do things basically non-consensually etc, for HIM. It caused a trauma and anxiety in me. He psychologically forced me to do what I didn't want to. And that's rape. My therapist told me there's different types of rape - not all are violent assaults. Many rapes/sexual violations are trickier, sneakier and under the surface of "huh... this doesn't feel right I think, but who am I to know?" bc of gaslighting and manipulation. He never just did sexual things for me and my pleasure. I'd ask to try/do certain kinky things, or just loving things, I wanted but he always put me off. He never really listened or paid attention or cared. But he's literally gotten everything he EVER wanted from me - and what I didn't give (manipulated or not), he ended up taking. It makes me feel really stupid and gross sometimes. I try not to think that way, bc I know this stuff wasn't my fault, but a reflection of his poor character. But I really am like damn... I just wanted to share a loving experience with somebody. I wanted to give somebody love and appreciation, and be loved and appreciated in return. I was supposed to have that, he gave me glimmers of it sometimes. But ultimately I only ever consented to having sex with him and stuff at all bc I thought it was in this container of a loving, empathetic relationship. But it wasn't, bc he wasn't. He was also sexually unfaithful, too, and lied to me about it all from the very beginning and took advantage of me. It makes me disappointed. I broke up with him in November after finding out he cheated on me (and lied about it for a month+, + had sex with me when he knew I wouldn't have if I'd of known) and I'm feeling better now. Sometimes it's still really hard though, and I have to fight the urges daily to not hurt myself bc the memories of his cheating (I found out he did in the very beginning, and then again in the end) make me want to destroy me. I'm trying to figure out in therapy where that desire to punish/harm myself as consequence for what HES done against me comes from though. But yeah. I'm healing and getting better. And I look forward to the day that I am loved by a healthy, whole man. Who can truly share his joy and self love with me, and who treats me with care, consideration, and respect. And that he'll want to fulfill and experiment with MY desires, even if they're not really his things himself. And I pray for him, bc I really look forward to the day I can talk to him about this, in his arms, and know I'm safe. And that the sexual trauma/abuse is really over. Because it'll truly be over then. I feel a little silly/stupid for some reason for thinking that, but I think it's healthy to have a higher standard, and to know what I want. It's good to look forward to healthier love. Thank you for letting me ramble, Skin Deep, and prompting this self-discovery thought session through your video haha. If anybody ever actually reads this holy moly, thank you for getting this far. I feel better just having written this all out on a platform meant for healing from this type of thing with others
Tee I'm sorry that happened to you
Hey Tee--we read the whole thing. We're glad you found this to be a space to speak out about your experience, thank you for sharing. If you ever need a different space, too, here's some info:
National Sexual Assault Hotline (free, confidential, 24/7): +1(800)-656-HOPE
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: www.nsvrc.org
Hello, I am so proud of you for getting the courage you needed to be able to explain everything in detail. I am so sorry this happened to you, and I really hope you are okay and safe in this pandemic. I hope you find a partner who truly deserves you.
I hope everything’s fine for you right now! Wish you all the best
Let me tell you Queen, he was probably in prostitution this guy and make sure you get STI check promptly!
This hit home... 5 years of abuse and I had no one to talk to..
Your should not keep it inside , i can be your listener if you want to
I hope everything is better💜
We’re all ears if you want to talk
I dont know how to, my childhood was f*** up as it is, then when i entered a relationship, i even dont know how it prolonged for 3 years and it was like my brain was shut again. But when memories comes back to me my skin crawls and i feel stupid and weak. Despite not showing, idk how to talk about it, sometimes i do and sometimes i dont. I hate when these memories can affect my mood for days. Tho i hope we all heal someday somehow.
i opened up to mom about it today
i've been holding onto it for the past 5 years
and when i thought i was ready and i "wouldn't cry"
i introduced the subject to her then all of a sudden
my vision started getting blurry ,
i feel semi-relieved , i'm also very glad i actually finally did
proud of you 💓 its the hardest thing.
You’re very brave. 🤍 mine happened a few days ago and I want to tell someone but I’m scared.
@@jodinhope3646 how are u doing now?
Bless all of you who have been abused and let down by family, society, cops, etc. Know that there are people out there who believe you, who will care about your story. You are all strong, brilliant, amazing survivors, I hope you know that. 💪🏻❤️
When I was a teenager I got groped by a random guy that passed by me as i was walking down the street. I didn't do or say anything then and somehow ended up forgeting about it until now. For the first time in years I decided to come foward to a close friend and my mother. Even though this will not take the pain away I know I took a big step and I'm willing to work towards moving pass this and I refuse to let somethin horrible take my joy away.
"Abuse is never okay, but it's okay to talk about it" ❤
when that one girl said that it feels like you’ve had a part of your childhood innocence stripped away from you I resonated with that. I didn’t consent to losing my virginity and it happened so quick but the guilt that comes in the afterthoughts when you’re too young still and unprepared. You know when your ready and when someone takes advantage of your naivety it makes you crumble. I still have journals that I keep hidden of my afterthoughts and my inner conflicts of trying to make myself think that I wanted it, and how he betrayed me later on. And all the times before and after that, it became normal until I started carrying around pepper spray and cut myself off my talking to people that seem to have ulterior motives.
We're so sorry to hear about your painful history, thank you for sharing it with us. As we encourage communication as a way of connecting (and healing), we'd like to point you towards rainn.org, who can provide you with resources that you may find helpful. Thanks for your strength, and for sharing your story. We wish you all the best, and send our love and support your way.
Emma I'm sorry that happened to you
Thank you guys so much for giving us a platform to be comfortable having such a difficult conversation. This topic is one that is not discussed enough and you all have created a safe space for survivors to be vulnerable and speak their truth; I hope that people see this video and know it is ok to talk about. You all are brave, bold, and inspirations. Much love to you all.
-The Kades
Thank you Brian and Calvin for choosing our space to talk about it, we love you guys!!!
@@TheSkinDeep We love you guys! Thanks for creating a platform that encourages people to have these conversations honestly and with empathy.
grateful for these stories to be unravelling. i contracted an sti from sexual abuse,i was molested when i went in the dressing room of a clothing store in high school when the owner was the only one inside, i understand the pain that can come and the shame that can cast over your life and connections. if you relate you are not alone. i see you and feel you.
Can feel every negative emotion every survivor in the vid felt
..
I got sexually violated, raped ( forced a blo***j*b) at the age of 9 at the hands of someone I called a friend
I still can remember every single detail of that dark days, it was consistent for several days under a death threat , my father didn't even care to know the reason behind his own son's unstable reactions, unfocused mind , and sudden change on acceptance for any kind of touches
I kept it for me for a 10 years
And here am I now at the age of 19
and a dear friend of mine , she discovered it by her own
I didn't speak a single word
All she did was telling me the exact same things have been said in the vedio...and a first hug after 10 years
..it was the first time not feeling uneasy about it , a little bit shocked
But was a big relief
These days i get triggered easily from this topic because of this 10 years silence I guess.
When I was younger I was molested by a man and at the end he had what he wanted from me just for his own sick pleasure..
this is a very complicated situation because you feel dirty and empty to the point that you can’t let anyone touch you not even a hug nor even shake hands.. not even someone putting their hands on your shoulder, you just can’t allow any kind of contact.
Also, you have to deal with all the pain inside you and the memories, it’s like my mind got shattered in fragments.
I wish no one could relate to these survivors experiences.
Infinite love and light to all the survivors out there. 🖤🖤
Thank you
It’s hard to talk about being a victim of sexual assault when it was done by a much loved and respected part of your family. I remember telling my mother over text a few months ago about it and the next day she calls asking me who was on my phone texting her, instead of asking me about what exactly happened she commented on how well my grammar had gotten. Long story short she doesn’t believe me which hurts.
We're so sorry to hear this...you're not alone in this and we really appreciate you sharing your story in the comments, vulnerability means BRAVERY!!!
Best channel on youtube. Spreading awareness
There's another one just like them called jubilee 🖤
All i want is to talk and talk and cry to certain people but I feel like I can't. This video is beautiful
I often wonder who I would have been had it not happened, but now I no longer ponder what could have been as much. After years of therapy and support I am happy I survived and that the horrible people haven’t destroyed my spirit or willingness to live a full, meaningful and happy life. That itself is the winning the final war against those monsters.
I survived.. barely. It was like a complete ego death.. I mean even my healthy ego died.. and I almost died with it. It has taken 6 years to step through my shadow (Karl Jung reference.) Although I will never be the same.. I am deeper.. calmer.. more accepting and compassionate towards others than I ever would have been. Yes.. I am more alert, on the ready and sensitive to flashbacks of trauma.. but now I understand others better. I feel pain rock my core when I see someone hurt lashing out and acting wild.. that's where I was. Seeing people break doesn't scare me anymore.. it draws me in to help. I understand it better for what I experienced. All my love to my fellow survivors/victors.
Raped before metoo.
Everyone insulted me and made me feel ashamed.
I cried before I went to the police and my mom told me I was just a crybaby.
I went ahead. I moved, I joined the best university in my country.
I met a man, I liked him a lot. Men I had dated before didn't care about me, but he was different.
Then he told me he wouldn't be my boyfriend. Because he didn't love me. He didn't love me because I was too distant for his liking in sex (I have sex without panic attacks or anything. I'm just more "distant")
He didn't love me because of what had happened to me.
No one ever took the time to help me.
Life is so hard.
I am so sorry. You did not deserve that. You will find someone who will treat you 10x better then that. But you will also find someone who will be the best for you: that person is you. Sorry to be cheesy; but you will get there in the end. I am very proud of you
Very moving. Very brave and compassionate people!
I’m so happy they posted videos about this topic. This is such a common issue. I know for me looking at these helps me let out the pain and relate more to others.
this is so impactful i’m so thankful for the people who made it. thank you! don’t care to share why but am so affected and appreciative of this.
One of the BEST uploads. As a survivor myself, the open honesty must be heard ❤
THANK YOU for posting this video. I just told the guy I'm in love with about my past rape. I have never seen other people holding these kinds of conversations, I felt really comforted seeing other people in the same position as us.
Your voice is important - thank you skin deep for giving these people a platform to share their stories and be vulnerable
thank you 🙌🏽
EMMY ? WOOOWWW .. WELL DESERVED !
Seeing the pain in each of their eyes breaks me, I can feel each of their pain knowing that I can relate to it.💔
I can relate to something similar to this and honestly this video makes me feel less alone. thank you ❤️
Strong people 💪😢
It’s not your fault. I hope and pray that you find the inner strength to love yourself again, because you deserve it 💜
Much love and bravery ❤
My whole life I've suffered and suffered from abuse at the hands of my parents, the very people who were supposed to protect me but didn't. My life had been one big confusion of wondering if I'm ever feel like I am worthy of normal love, worthy of God's love. For the first time ever I believe that God really loves me but I'm struggling to forgive myself for things that happened after my sexual abuse and absolutely want to share my story to help others. What really hurt the most was that my mom remarried the one who hurt me three times. Making me feel like everything I went through was just not real, or that she didn't hear my hurt and put me back into that situation over and over again. I would like to say that she wouldn't do it again but honestly I don't know if that's true. She still hasn't divorced him again and lays all that on me helping her do it instead of fighting for me and divorcing him on her own. She doesn't have the strength to fight it herself because I fear a part of her still loves him And would take him back again if she had the chance
Hi Vandela, thank you for sharing your story, your openness is very brave. If you would like any resources for someone to talk to anonymously, please let us know. We would be happy to share info of supportive websites and phone services.
@@TheSkinDeep wish I knew somewhere I could share my story like these people have. I am starting counseling today so I have high hopes.
Jesus is King and He's coming back 🙏🏾❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this. Really.
“Some people have it even worse” is not a line that I like to hear as a survivor as it feels like it invalidates your experience. You can’t compare apples to oranges.
4:22 made me start crying. "you lose part of your innocence", that struck something in me
Love you all ❤
holy shit the number of times i had to contemplate wtf they just said and contemplate is insane
I wonder who I could have been if that didn’t happen to me. Cuts deep.
This is amazing.
what an amazing video
I can't finish it maybe I'll have the courage to in the future 😔
Never talked about this with my family but I was almost sexually abused when I was 7/8 but thank God I was saved but as a result of that I grew up as a quiet girl. I'm now 19 and everything just got to me and it's affecting me both socially and personally. I also grew up in a surrounding where I always heard "others have it worst,etc" and i feel like it my experience and how it affected me isn't valued. I wish I could have someone who'd just allow me to talk to them about it and just listen and hug me without me feeling judged or criticized.
I’m 29 and in my life nobody has asked me if I’m ok. They have fought me because I’m angry, shouted at me because I’m not about being perfect anymore and just ignored me because I became so withdrawn. When I met my bf at 16 and he asked I lied for 2 years until I broke down because I realised he’s not joking he genuinely cares about me and I was dying because I was an alcoholic and not eating. Having someone ask if your ok and actually want to let you talk it out and be heard is one of the most helpful things because then I started being able to feel more open and alive, someone finally believe me and cared. Iam still traumatised today and I am still hurting every day but to have just 1 person is a great feeling but a lot of days I think there’s just so many people who are worst off but here iam this way not dealing. It’s hard.
it never goes away. i feel like im always stuck in the place where i was scared and powerless.
I'm sorry that happened to you
Hi Sophie, thank you for being so open with our community. If you ever need to talk, here are some resources:
National Sexual Assault Hotline (free, confidential, 24/7): +1(800)-656-HOPE
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: www.nsvrc.org
I know how it feels when your sexually molested, it just this constant confusing thought and feelings between you want to have someone you love, but on another hand, you hate yourself because you sexually molested before, especially when the perpetrator are girl, it's so stupid....
Those flashbacks and nightmares sucks, let alone to talk about it, i feel like i always want to cry if i remember that, just stupid...
I saved this video as soon as I got the notification for it, but it took me some time to watch it..
I don't know if "funny enough" is the right thing to say.. More like, coincidentally (yeah, that's better), I'm slowly coming down from a panic attack? Or perhaps, a PTSD spell?Nevertheless, I'm glad I finally watched it. It was wonderful, emotional, and somewhat therapeutic...
Now if you'll excuse me, I gonna indulge in some good old emotion focused coping. 💚
Thank you so much for your comment Cupcake ❤️
People do things and think they get away with it! They don't!
I will never tell my parents about the abuse I suffered as I child. It would destroy them. I tried speaking to a counsellor as an adult but I honestly feel for myself, not speaking about it is the best option.
I’m in the same boat
Thank you
My parents didn’t know how to help me either. So I just kept quiet and didn’t tell anyone until a few years ago.
Why do I feel like I am overreacting, when I know my friends husband is wrong for slapping me on my butt and stroking, poking and pinching my waist whenever he gets his chance. I KNOW this isn't right, but why do i feel like i am overreacting when I know HE is in the wrong. This feeling makes me so mad!
I had almost completely forgot about what happened to me until I found out he was coming to stay with us for a few days. I was on edge the whole time and I feel so numb now and I don’t know what to do.
Hearing everybody say, who is assaulted like me that they didn’t tell anybody I felt that. Because of the home that I grew up in, I didn’t tell anybody for 3 years. Not telling anybody hurt me so much, but I was just way too scared of what people would tell me if I told them if I told them that my best friend, somebody I loved and trusted betrayed me. I don’t know if they would tell me because everybody around me was that friend and I was so scared that they would hurt me. I was only 13 and I’m only 16 when I write this.
This is a little late but on thursday my dad told me to hug him, so I did, my back was facing him. He then proceeded to squeeze my chest and say "Your nipples are kinda close to being a girl's" I pushed him away. Today, on sunday, after my brother's graduation as we were getting ready for bed I remembered it and told my mom. She was furious. Mom gave me a big hug, unnatural for her to do, she's usually strict but for once she was sweet. "My poor little angel." I dunno why but I started crying. The comfort from that one hug kinda like broke the wall that held all my tears in. Dad soon walked into the room and was confused. Mom threw her heel at him and started screaming. "How dare you touch my son!" She told him everything I had told her. I could see the pain and anger in her eyes, she looked like she was gonna cry soon. Dad eventually got tired of my apparent 'bullshit' and left the room to go sleep on the couch. Mom then put me in her bed and walked out, I heard her yell a little before she came back in with my favorite childhood snack, mango & strawberry fruit bowl. Then we watched a movie. During the movie she squeezed my arm. "I'm so sorry he touched you, I'll make sure he never does it again. I love you"
I love you too, mom
She kicked him out and reported him right?
@@carlosdossantossouza6141 well she kicked him out for the night but the report is being worked on
@@kittknowsnada for the night? What do you mean? She has to kick him out forever. He touched you, how can she let him come back?
@@kittknowsnada is she still with him? As if they are still a couple?
@@carlosdossantossouza6141 no
I've never told anyone. With the kind of mother I have, it would be a lot easier for her to blame everything on me.
Im so sorry. Ive told my friends but never told my family. I feel they wouldn't look at me the same way id i told them.
I understand you my fellow
My mom also blames me for everything
Even blames on my other 2 sisters
Hopefully I'll become a survivor one day.
I want that to happen.
Cuz I still am a victim.
I was sexually abused when I was 4 and 5 years old by a doctor and by a family friend of my mothers I blocked out what happened to me for years until I was 14 years old I struggled with what happened to me even now at 32 years old It has forever changed me a piece of me did die I have PTSD and depression and anxiety
Idk that I'll ever be able to talk about it because I felt 3rd degree questioning when I was honest to family after hiding it for 5 years. Maybe they wanted me to bury it so they could. My dad still doesn't know.
Beautiful❤️❤️❤️
We don't get to choose our wounds...
Knowing that this is unacceptable and I understand where they’re coming from. I wouldn’t want that to happen to me and I couldn’t imagine how I would respond to this heinous act that was taken upon me forced upon me for that matter.
And. To be honest two of the closest people within my life bed I know as had this act happening to them one of my soldiers within the military during an after party and recently from one of my closest friends back in high school!! However I needed someone’s advice knowing how I could respond to what they’ve told me, based on my recent outburst my dearest friend felt as if I blamed her when clearly she took in my words out of context, is this completely normal???
Amen I'm a survivor
Raped by my ex bf. But he didn't even care. He didn't even want to take the responsibility . And still he insults me. Plus now he is going to marry his another ex after ruining my life .
I can’t accept love because I’ve been sexually assaulted many times throughout my life & I’m 19
My mom brother was an alcoholic now he son was an drugs and alcoholic he now in a half way houses .
This was hard to watch. I never told anyone about what happened to me. I never told anyone I was raped when by my yaya when I was 8 years old. It's hard to tell anyone because I fear that they would see it as a weakness. I fear that they would blame me. I fear that telling it to my parents, that they will be disappointed that their boy was raped by the person they trusted the most.
I’m sorry this has happened to you. It’s hard to watch but necessary
This video is kinda give me the guts to tell my firends what happened to me 😭😭😭😭😔.....
I think victims would find my redemption story reassuring from when I was sick
Verse one
My rage very intense even though my philosophy was complete nonsense Are used to embrace toxic masculinity, But Eventually I Came to terms With The fact That No one would side with me
Corus
but just like Cupid, I will spread my love everywhere to show that I redeem myself beyond compare, I may not be experience, but I promise you will find that I left that evil chapter really far behind
* Verse two
* The power I desperately proved that I was Pooly behavedl and am handicapped so I was defeated from the start but that doesn’t matter now that I had A change of heart
* Bridge
* I was very persistent even though I was inconsistent even though I hated romance I wanted to move to Paris France That makes no sense And when i found out how people are Conceived I’ve I especially reevaluated what I believed
* Corus
* So just like Cupid, I will spread my love everywhere The show that I redeemed myself beyond compare, I may not be experience, but I promise you will find that I left that evil chapter really far behind
Only being physically hurt would affect me because the redemption story would negate everything that was just psychological
I have a friend who's been through this I wanna help so bad
This video is brilliant, still so much taboo around this subject.
I’m only 14 and I left school due to being sexual assaulted almost everyday and I still don’t know how to tell me mom.
5:24 why on earth is this lady SMILING through this? Doubtful she is really a genuine support for this poor victim. Pray she has found more support.
Later on in the interview she even told the victim: some people have it worse. She’s a broken herself and not in any position to be a support system for this poor victim. May this victim gets more genuine support.
I'm am still living it now i don't like to be touch going to bed with my partner make me cry sometimes it just keeps going on in my mind I'm really hurting
Hey I really need advice. So my friend told me that her dad touches her inappropriately and makes it like he's joking and when she's wearing smth comfortable he looks at her in a way that creeps her cuz he doesn't look at her eyes at all, so we talked and she doesn't want to tell her mom cuz she might not believe her and even if she does that would ruin her familly since she has 3 younger siblings,8 so my advice is that she should tell her mom no matter what because she shouldn't live that anymore but she says she only got one year left and then she'll go to college in an other country so she will be patient in order to not ruin her familly and idk what to say to convince her and I don't even know if my advice is the right one so I really need help.
My mother's best friend kissed and touched me when I was 14 and once my cousin kissed me saying it was no big deal when I was like 11. And I wake up everyday thinking was this sexual harassnent or what cause I let it happen. I didn't stop either of them, I don't know what to think and I also sometimes don't think what happened with me was anything huge, compared to all the stories I hear everyday. I don't know what to make of all these thoughts in my head.
Hey Shailily, thank you so much for being brave and sharing your experience. We figured we would share this phone number and website with you below if you need or want to talk. It's free and confidential, and always there for you.
National Sexual Assault Hotline (free, confidential, 24/7): +1(800)-656-HOPE
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: www.nsvrc.org
I'm sorry that happened to you
@@bensmith8957 yeah well life sucks doesn't it?
Is love ❤
I got raped 8 years ago by the same person multiple times and that's how my beautiful daughter came to life. Talking about your abuse is very very difficult worst it's someone very very close to you as it happened to me. I tried taking revenge on him but I did not have the guts to pull the trigger. Yeah he was all there bloody and bruised. Gave him a good hard kicks.
Yeah you say why I did not report to the police? Like I said he's very close to me and telling the police would have destroyed my family. My family is first and above all, we all very tight. I told him to leave the family and come back some time after. I personally told him that I forgive him for what he did. I am not a person who holds hate towards a person. That time was 2 years, I called him and told him that we got a daughter and lets try to raise our daughter. He has changed alot in these six years many times we done self consolations and talked about this and that and how felt of each other. He been lately pushing to give himself in for what he did to me. He's willing to go to jail to face his crime. I said no I always stop him.
Anyway hes a great father we all forgot about that day now we are like before that day. The man has changed we live together even.
We don't have sex or anything it's strictly for my baby. She needs her daddy. My daughter goes to a top private school in my area thanks to him.
Hell yeah if he would not be my family hell yeah I tell the police. I am not a girl who shuts up about certain delicate things.
You are a completely fuck up human being. I'm sorry for your daughter.
13 years ago I went out drinking. I blacked out and passed out. I came too the next day and it was obvious.The abuser was someone who i had a brief relationship with years before thought he had the right. I was in a serious relationship with my now husband. When it came out or was forced out, i got treated like a whore. Like I asked for it. I blocked it for years until i started recovery. In the last month or so its all i can think about because I realised I was raped. Im going to talk about it, I just dont know when.
🙏🏼
I talked it with my pschyologist but now I am ok