Join us in the comments for a supportive space where everyone can share experiences and insights to help reduce the shame and gain insight. If you’re ready to start or deepen your healing journey, I'd be honored to journey with you. Learn more about how we might do that with this link (self-paced courses & meditations, online group healing, 1:1) courageousjourneys.com/courses Get your FREE Letting Go meditation (Guided Meditation) courageousjourneys.com/f/letting-go-meditation If you're on social, let's connect Facebook facebook.com/courageousjourneys TikTok www.tiktok.com/@survivorwhispererruclips.net/user/sgaming/emoji/7ff574f2/emoji_u2764.png
My worst shame comes from having a sexual response from my uncle's abuse. Yet, I have no response with consensual sex when I was married. It creates a lot of shame within myself. I hate that about me. I hate even admitting it.
There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. What you've shared is incredibly common... all of it. While it's not easy, there is so much healing that can happen around this. If you haven't seen it, I did a video several years ago talking specifically about our body's natural response. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️
8:14 yesss!!! You can heal completely with simple emdr therapy and learning self respect!! Your past will no longer have a stronghold on you. Talking about the shame is no solution and those conversations can make it worse, reliving the trauma over and over. You have to relabel it and replace it with positive experiences. You are in control. Your body is your temple. Turn to God is also very important with all of your worries. 🙏❤
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I'm glad you've found something that has helped in your healing. I just want to mention this for anyone who may have a different experience... what works for one person, may not work for someone else.
Im afraid of men but i dont wanna be anymore, i wanna be at peace with myself, i know im healing by acknowledging it, but some nights i would just cry and thinking of deleting myself. Thank you so much for your content
Acknowledging is definitely an important part of healing and you deserve everything that healing can bring to your life, including fear of men no longer being a default. I hope you are able to get the support you deserve for your healing. ❤️
I need help😭😭😭😭😭. I've lost myself in the valley of sexual abuse, anytime i want to do or take a tangible step in life the memories and regret of what Happened in the past comes fresh in my mind. I end up in tears, broken. It gets so worst that i feel worthless, I just feel like the worst person on earth😭 My mental health is suffering 😭😭😭 i dont know what to do
I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult place. ❤️ Please don't give up. If you aren't working with a therapist, that would be the first thing I'd suggest. If you're in the US you can do a search with your zip code for rape crisis center. They offer services for people with a history of abuse as well (you don't have to have recently been assaulted). This is also available in many other countries as well. You deserve to have support. You deserve to heal. You are not worthless. We have a pretty amazing community of survivors, you are not alone. ❤️
Thank you so much for this video. I am struggling with the sexual abuse I experienced in my childhood and teenage years now at the age of 52. 😢 I am angry and ashamed. This video calmed me a little. I resonate with all the things you’ve mentioned. Thanks 🙏
I'm glad the video resonated with you and sorry at the same time. You deserve to heal and release the shame you've carried that has never been yours. If you're interested, I will be starting a monthly virtual gathering with Q&A in September for women survivors of childhood trauma. I'll be sharing more information very soon. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️
Thank you for sharing. ❤️ There is absolutely no shame in experiencing abuse. If I'm understanding correctly (that you've abused others?), being able to release shame around this is so incredibly important. While it is important to accept responsibility and understand why/how it happened, releasing this shame is part of your healing. Thank you for watching.
Thank you for being willing to have this conversation.🙏 When you were speaking about not having to do things you don’t want to do, and that a partner wouldn’t want to do those things if they knew you didn’t like it, that was a genuine surprise to me. Somewhere along this journey I came to believe that a healthy adult relationship meant you had to do what the other person wants as that was give and take and compromise. I thought healthy meant both doing whatever the other person wants, even if you don’t like it, but that you would be ok about that because you had healed. It hadn’t occurred to me that saying no is an option….within the realm of average sexual activity. I did know you should be able to say no to less mainstream stuff. I wonder where these ideas come from?
Thank you for sharing your experience. I've no doubt there are others who have believed similarly. Within a healthy sexual relationship you never HAVE to do anything. However, there are times you may choose to do things you don't necessarily love to do if you know your partner really enjoys it. What's important with this is feeling safe enough (within yourself and your partner) to acknowledge if there is something you don't want to do because there's something about it that doesn't feel good to you (either physically or emotionally). It's also important that your partner is also willing to do the same. 😊❤️
Thank you so much for this content I have been struggling in the biggest way because I realize I've been living a life where I ignored what happened to me as a child when I was molested by my cousin and pretty much every boy from 4th to 6th grade who thought it was okay to squeeze my boobs every time they saw me and I've ignored it and just gone through life and just now I'm dealing with it so thank you for your guidance I appreciate it and I know I need a therapist
I'm so glad you found the video helpful. You're certainly not alone in ignoring it. It is an incredibly beneficial way of coping with it. At least for a period of time. I'm glad you're ready to start the healing journey so you can experience the freedom you deserve. ❤️ Thank you for sharing. If you're interested, I will be starting a monthly virtual gathering with Q&A for women survivors of childhood trauma in September. I'll be sharing more info soon.
I want you to know that I have been in my healing journey for 30 years. I just again this morning spoke to my husband about what was on my mind. And I came to realize more fully the area I need to look at. Sex and Shame. I at times become so tired of the process. I truly believe God lead me to this video as I sat and plugged in the search the topic of sex itself and abuse. This video was the first one that popped up. I am a trauma coach and wear many more hats. I have been discussing these issues for a long time. I just want to take a moment to Thankyou for speaking about this area because it is true. No one talks about it. I also did realize earlier this morning that it’s time to look at the toxic shame around all this because I myself am tired of carrying this part. I believe my journey has taken me this far to be more aware of the next focus to work on. I cannot continue to be stuck. Again Thankyou. If anyone has any questions on my journeying experience please feel free to ask. I will continue to help others to realize they DO NOT HAVE TO REMAIN A PRODUCT OF THEIR PAST. Thankyou Peggy. May God continue to heal and bless you. ❤
I'm so glad your search brought you here. Working through the shame is certainly not easy but, being able to release the shame that was never yours is such an incredibly freeing experience. I'm glad you're going to give yourself the space to experience it. ❤️ Thank you for sharing.
My girlfriend was abused by her relative when she was 7. I accidentally watched p*** when I was 8 and was abused by my neighbour.(15 yo boy) till now I can't have a healthy relationship with anyone and I'm 35 now. Every time I see a woman or man approach me I'm anxious of their intention with me and my mind will have sexual thoughts. I believe my girlfriend is having the same too but she's not admitting it. This lead me to suspect her but now I understand why she might do certain things because of what she went through. IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT THIS?
I'm 16, I have had multiple sexual abuses, abusers and I feel it coming all the time. Although it happened few years ago I get to see my abuser. I feel impure, unholy, dirty, embarassed, gross and self hatred. I feel as if I am a whore. I have partly become a sexual addict idk how to cope with it, it's getting out of hand and I can't move out now
I am so sorry you've experienced this and don't have the ability to get out. You are not impure, unholy, or dirty. ❤️ Depending on where you are located, you might be able to get support through a local rape crisis center (many states in the US, not sure about internationally) allow people who are 16 to get counseling without a parent's consent (for a few sessions at least). Please know you're not alone and please don't give up on being able to get the healing you deserve.
You can, I was in the same situation as you, you should start giving more time to thinks that makes you feel valuable, it’s by following your gut, you should place your needs above all… it’ll help with self worth, and then try to check your believe system about man, woman, the body, love, etc… after those two you’ll have a list of things you appreciate in yourself and a clear sheet about how things are supposed to be.. this sheet and self worth will rebuild your boundaries and I’ll put you on the pedestal, and give you back your crown that was stolen by abusers… just keep in mind that you can CHANNNGE IT ALLLLLL ❤ you deserve the best,
Thank you so much for this. I can relate to all you said as regards my life. I hope it is not too late for me to heal from the sexual abuse I experienced as a child from the age of 7 to 13 years old in the mid 1970s to about 1980. I am now 57 years old. I have avoided thinking too much or addressing it out of a sense of shame and guilt. But I can now see how it has adversely affected me my whole life and messed up my romantic, sexual and social relationships. I don't want to live like this any more, but to live a fuller life. I have mentioned what happened to me to a few family members but not in detail and I never revealed the full extent of what happened due to fear, guilt, shame and not wanting to cause a family rift. The abuser who was a relative also physically abused another extended family member and I witnessed this myself, but he didn't abuse them sexually as far as I am aware of. The sexual abuse mostly occurred when the abuser babysat me when my parents went out and he babysat until they came home. But he also abused me in front of other family members in the same room when he visited our home or we visited his home. He would sit next to me on the settee in the living room of his or my home with other people present in the room, and then place a thick blanket over his and my lap saying the room was cold. Then he would grasp my wrists very tightly so it hurt underneath the blanket with one of his hands so I couldn't struggle, and using his other hand he would fondle or roughly grasp my private parts under then blanket. I had to just sit there and take it quietly until he finished, and nobody in the room could see or know what was happening. I hated it and knew it was somehow wrong but I had to take it. if I ever said something to him later about it that I didn't want him to do that any more, he would tell me to shut up and that we were only playing and to stop complaining. He would also tickle me all over and say we were just playing, but he would roughly grasp or touch my private parts while he tickled me. If I told him not to do that anymore, he said we were just playing and how could it be bad if tickling made me laugh. He did these things to me over a period of 6 years. He stopped abusing me when I was about 13 years old when I told him I would tell somebody what he was doing to me of he didn't stop doing it. He replied that nobody would believe me and everybody would call me a little liar if I told anyone about it and I would get into serious trouble. I persisted in saying I would tell and he said that i was to blame for what happened between us in any case, that I teased and flirted with him all the time, and not to pretend I didn't know what I was doing, and to stop pretending that I was innocent of anything that had happened between us. However the abuse stopped after that and he also moved away from the area and I didn't see him much of him any more. When I ever saw him again he completely ignored me and never even spoke to me. It was difficult writing this down but I really want to heal from this even after all this time and to lead a fuller life.
It is absolutely not too late for you to heal. You deserve to feel the freedom that comes from healing. ❤️ I hope you give yourself the opportunity and space to find the support you deserve and need to help you along this journey. Thank you for sharing.
I must admit, at 25.10...my mind drifted into thoughts. Then , your words brought me back into the room . And, then a lovely soothing voice and smile . Wow!
Thank you for this topic. A very difficult subject but so important. Lots to think and process so much information to build up the courage to maybe ask for help on this subject. Maybe. But shame and fear. One thing is to think it and keep it inside in confusion by yourself not knowing if it’s normal to feel this way. And an other to hear it, out loud, not feel alone on this very difficult topic, and your voice, smile and tone of undertaking sure makes it seem a little safer to think of possibly verbalizing. Thank you.
I so love that this has helped you think that maybe it is okay to talk about. That is such an important step. There is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed of. ❤️ Thank you for watching, sharing, and your kind words.
Firstly, thank you for your video and for speaking about sex and sexuality. I think it is something that most find challenging to speak of, and I'll include therapists in this. This has been one of the most difficult aspects of my own healing journey. I felt so much shame for being abused, which grew worse when having sex as I was triggered into memories of abuse. Then I would dissociate and feel numb, sometimes feeling abused all over again (although it wasn't abuse as I consented) which created more shame. This led me to feel abnormal, which created more shame. I certainly feel more comfortable in my sexuality and more embodied. I'm know that remembering what was said to me when being sexually abused can still be triggering for me. I believe that I continue to work on and to heal shame. I feel that sexual abuse had me so fear sexual intimacy that I eventually made a choice not to be in a romantic relationship. I've learned that this, too, has created shame for me. I'm a work in progress, and so is my sexual healing. I do know I've healed so much, and I do know that I can continue to heal further around this issue. I didn't specifically address my issues with sex in the early stage of my healing but did notice that with other healing that feeling aroused and sexual and embodied did happen as a result. I didn't expect to share so much, but I feel good that I can share openly...❤
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I've no doubt it will be helpful for others to know they're not alone. What you said about as you've worked on healing, you've noticed a difference in your ability to feel embodied around feeling aroused and sexual, is such a great example of how general healing impacts all areas. I'm so glad you're able to experience that. Thank you again for sharing. ❤️
Oh goodness!! I just came from watching you for the first time and this……. This… yikes. K.. I’m ready to jump in.. we need to address elephants in the room!! God bless you for having the courage to come on here and deliver this message. ❤
Thank you for watching and commenting. I'm so glad you're ready to jump in and recognize the importance of talking about things so many don't want to. ❤️
I can relate to all your talking about which helps me realize where all my humility🥵,and shame came from mostly from childhood upbringing,and growing up,and a lot happened when being at the wrong places at the wrong times with no escape from any of it having to endure,and developed into depression,anxieties, ocd’s,shyness,social anxieties,addictive behaviors,cptsd’s not knowing where to turn having to get help to getting it to getting it to a minimum or being healthy😊😘❤️🙏Namaste
i thank you for your kind words,and being understanding of me for all i had to endure,and to be accepting of when all was happening to me,and to help me be able to be acceptable of the humility,and shame🥵 that i couldn’t do anything about any of it,but i still have it difficult to overcome sorry 😐 ❤️ thank you for relating to getting professional help which might help get threw the humility,and shame that comes with the necessary treatments,thank you😘
Hi. Thank you for the video♥ I what im thinking of is kind of my frustration of the castle of loneliness I have created. I do not I do not feel safe to feeling intimacy I avoid avoid it, at all costs. It overwhelms me. I tried everything tried tried tried, but it´s not getting better, or so it feels.
I'm sorry you're feeling that depth of loneliness. Please don't give up. Trying again at a different place in life or with different support can often make a significant difference. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️
Hi, Miss Oliveira. I was sexually molested when I was in 6th grade by a classmate. I have never told anyone until recently when I suddenly felt immensely dirty when a boy hugged me from behind. I'm so ashamed and traumatized I can't even see my boyfriend partly undressed and we've had so many arguments about it. Also I can't tolerate sounds or smells related to sex. My boyfriend is getting disappointed that I freeze every time he brings up sex, but I can't do anything about it...
Thank you for sharing your experience and struggle. I'm sorry you're struggling so much with this. If you're not currently working with a therapist, I'd strongly encourage you to consider it. You deserve to heal and feel safe. Therapy with a qualified person can help you get there. If you're in the US, you can do a search for rape crisis with your zip code. There are rape crisis centers in other countries as well in which you can likely find in a very similar way. Best to you on your journey. ❤️
Very informative, I keep putting myself in dangerous situations because I’m too trusting with men. I assume they aren’t a predator and if they turn out to be one then I feel I deserved it for being dumb and that makes me strongly dislike myself so I try to be smarter the next time but it’s a pattern so maybe subconsciously I want it to happen again even though it’s scary and painful. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
There is nothing wrong with you. Truly. You are wounded and, as you said, believe you deserve to be treated badly. You're definitely not alone in that. I used to put myself in soooo many really bad situations. Sometimes I got "lucky" and nothing too bad happened other than being filled with shame. Other times, some pretty bad things happened. It's not about being smarter. There are so many incredibly brilliant women who find themselves in similar situations. It's about healing. It's about being able to trust that you are worthy and the shame you feel about any of this is not something to be ashamed of. ❤️ I hope you give yourself the opportunity to heal with the support you deserve. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️
I guess I still have lots of shame around sex as I can't imagine anyone wanting sex with me. Another big source of shame for me is the demonisation of male sexuality in the wider society the "all men want is sex" is hurtful every time I hear it. Not being able to talk about it makes it harder as well, I have one friend I can talk about it with but I don't see her very often.
Thank you so much for watching and sharing your experience. ❤️ I agree, the stereotypes and expectations based on gender are big contributors to the shame we carry.
I always feel like a little kid talking about a taboo subject about sex. I get super giggly and embarrassed when talking about it! Is that normal? lol! It is sooo uncomfortable!
It is very normal. 😊 There was certainly a time when I would not have been able to talk about it. Shame often plays a role in the discomfort. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
My girlfriend was abused by her relative when she was 7. I accidentally watched p*** when I was 8 and was abused by my neighbour.(15 yo boy) till now I can't have a healthy relationship with anyone and I'm 35 now. Every time I see a woman or man approach me I'm anxious of their intention with me and my mind will have sexual thoughts. I believe my girlfriend is having the same too but she's not admitting it. This lead me to suspect her but now I understand why she might do certain things because of what she went through. IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT THIS?
I do think there are some things you can do. One of the most important is having the support of a qualified therapist, someone who has expertise in childhood sexual trauma. Also, understanding the shame and its impact on you is important to the healing process. Thank you for watching and sharing.
Thank you for speaking up about this, it’s really important. I was wondering how one might go about managing physical medical examinations after experiencing past childhood trauma? I have developed a bladder problem and need tests and an examination but I can’t face my ptsd being triggered. I don’t want to ree traumatise myself by forcing myself through gyno exams etc, but at the Same time I need to get help for my bladder continence issue . My body physically tenses up and then shuts down when I’m triggered. Im having so much anxiety over this, not knowing what to do, I feel embarrassed and ashamed and don’t want to waste the drs time by not being able to have the tests. Any advice would be amazing, thank you 🙏.
First, you are definitely not alone and there is absolutely nothing for you to be embarrassed or ashamed of. ❤️ I've actually done a video talking a bit more about this (probably more than 1 😉). I'll see if I can find a link and share it.
There's a lot of shame i have. A big one is being non sexual all together. It just makes me angry that i can't be touched by Anyone. Could you do more videos about sex after the abuse please.?
You're definitely not alone in this. ❤️ There is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed of. Is there anything in particular you'd like me to address around this issue? Thank you for watching and sharing.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW I actually know another woman whose voice became different after trauma so this is not uncommon. I think when recovered, especially the voice can set clear boundaries, so giving speech more attention can help. 🤗
I'm not sure if there is a particular part you're asking about as it relates to a husband instead? While I can't remember everything I said in this video, I would say that it likely applies to abuse/assault from a husband as well. There is so much overlap between domestic violence/assault and childhood trauma. Thank you for watching and asking. ❤️ If you'd like to share what part in particular you're referring to, I'll do my best to respond.
I was sexualy abused by my husband for years, yes we're still married. I don't know how to heal and move forward, how to feel comfortable with myself again.
Join us in the comments for a supportive space where everyone can share experiences and insights to help reduce the shame and gain insight.
If you’re ready to start or deepen your healing journey, I'd be honored to journey with you. Learn more about how we might do that with this link (self-paced courses & meditations, online group healing, 1:1) courageousjourneys.com/courses
Get your FREE Letting Go meditation (Guided Meditation)
courageousjourneys.com/f/letting-go-meditation
If you're on social, let's connect
Facebook facebook.com/courageousjourneys
TikTok www.tiktok.com/@survivorwhispererruclips.net/user/sgaming/emoji/7ff574f2/emoji_u2764.png
My worst shame comes from having a sexual response from my uncle's abuse. Yet, I have no response with consensual sex when I was married. It creates a lot of shame within myself. I hate that about me. I hate even admitting it.
There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. What you've shared is incredibly common... all of it. While it's not easy, there is so much healing that can happen around this. If you haven't seen it, I did a video several years ago talking specifically about our body's natural response. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️
8:14 yesss!!! You can heal completely with simple emdr therapy and learning self respect!! Your past will no longer have a stronghold on you. Talking about the shame is no solution and those conversations can make it worse, reliving the trauma over and over. You have to relabel it and replace it with positive experiences. You are in control. Your body is your temple. Turn to God is also very important with all of your worries. 🙏❤
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I'm glad you've found something that has helped in your healing.
I just want to mention this for anyone who may have a different experience... what works for one person, may not work for someone else.
Im afraid of men but i dont wanna be anymore, i wanna be at peace with myself, i know im healing by acknowledging it, but some nights i would just cry and thinking of deleting myself. Thank you so much for your content
Acknowledging is definitely an important part of healing and you deserve everything that healing can bring to your life, including fear of men no longer being a default. I hope you are able to get the support you deserve for your healing. ❤️
I need help😭😭😭😭😭.
I've lost myself in the valley of sexual abuse, anytime i want to do or take a tangible step in life the memories and regret of what Happened in the past comes fresh in my mind. I end up in tears, broken. It gets so worst that i feel worthless, I just feel like the worst person on earth😭
My mental health is suffering 😭😭😭 i dont know what to do
I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult place. ❤️ Please don't give up. If you aren't working with a therapist, that would be the first thing I'd suggest. If you're in the US you can do a search with your zip code for rape crisis center. They offer services for people with a history of abuse as well (you don't have to have recently been assaulted). This is also available in many other countries as well. You deserve to have support. You deserve to heal. You are not worthless. We have a pretty amazing community of survivors, you are not alone. ❤️
Alright ma, thank you
Thank you so much for this video. I am struggling with the sexual abuse I experienced in my childhood and teenage years now at the age of 52. 😢 I am angry and ashamed. This video calmed me a little. I resonate with all the things you’ve mentioned. Thanks 🙏
I'm glad the video resonated with you and sorry at the same time. You deserve to heal and release the shame you've carried that has never been yours. If you're interested, I will be starting a monthly virtual gathering with Q&A in September for women survivors of childhood trauma. I'll be sharing more information very soon. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️
I feel shame for not only experiencing abuse but abuse others afterwards. 😢
Thank you for sharing. ❤️ There is absolutely no shame in experiencing abuse. If I'm understanding correctly (that you've abused others?), being able to release shame around this is so incredibly important. While it is important to accept responsibility and understand why/how it happened, releasing this shame is part of your healing. Thank you for watching.
Thank you for being willing to have this conversation.🙏 When you were speaking about not having to do things you don’t want to do, and that a partner wouldn’t want to do those things if they knew you didn’t like it, that was a genuine surprise to me. Somewhere along this journey I came to believe that a healthy adult relationship meant you had to do what the other person wants as that was give and take and compromise. I thought healthy meant both doing whatever the other person wants, even if you don’t like it, but that you would be ok about that because you had healed. It hadn’t occurred to me that saying no is an option….within the realm of average sexual activity. I did know you should be able to say no to less mainstream stuff. I wonder where these ideas come from?
Thank you for sharing your experience. I've no doubt there are others who have believed similarly. Within a healthy sexual relationship you never HAVE to do anything. However, there are times you may choose to do things you don't necessarily love to do if you know your partner really enjoys it. What's important with this is feeling safe enough (within yourself and your partner) to acknowledge if there is something you don't want to do because there's something about it that doesn't feel good to you (either physically or emotionally). It's also important that your partner is also willing to do the same. 😊❤️
Thank you so much for this content I have been struggling in the biggest way because I realize I've been living a life where I ignored what happened to me as a child when I was molested by my cousin and pretty much every boy from 4th to 6th grade who thought it was okay to squeeze my boobs every time they saw me and I've ignored it and just gone through life and just now I'm dealing with it so thank you for your guidance I appreciate it and I know I need a therapist
I'm so glad you found the video helpful. You're certainly not alone in ignoring it. It is an incredibly beneficial way of coping with it. At least for a period of time. I'm glad you're ready to start the healing journey so you can experience the freedom you deserve. ❤️ Thank you for sharing. If you're interested, I will be starting a monthly virtual gathering with Q&A for women survivors of childhood trauma in September. I'll be sharing more info soon.
I just found you and this was my first but NOT last videos. Your voice is so soothing and the material was so encouraging! Thank you!!
I'm so glad you've stumbled across my video and found it helpful. 😊 Welcome to Courageous Journeys!
I want you to know that I have been in my healing journey for 30 years. I just again this morning spoke to my husband about what was on my mind. And I came to realize more fully the area I need to look at. Sex and Shame. I at times become so tired of the process. I truly believe God lead me to this video as I sat and plugged in the search the topic of sex itself and abuse. This video was the first one that popped up.
I am a trauma coach and wear many more hats. I have been discussing these issues for a long time.
I just want to take a moment to Thankyou for speaking about this area because it is true. No one talks about it. I also did realize earlier this morning that it’s time to look at the toxic shame around all this because I myself am tired of carrying this part. I believe my journey has taken me this far to be more aware of the next focus to work on. I cannot continue to be stuck.
Again Thankyou.
If anyone has any questions on my journeying experience please feel free to ask. I will continue to help others to realize they DO NOT HAVE TO REMAIN A PRODUCT OF THEIR PAST.
Thankyou Peggy. May God continue to heal and bless you. ❤
I'm so glad your search brought you here. Working through the shame is certainly not easy but, being able to release the shame that was never yours is such an incredibly freeing experience. I'm glad you're going to give yourself the space to experience it. ❤️ Thank you for sharing.
My girlfriend was abused by her relative when she was 7. I accidentally watched p*** when I was 8 and was abused by my neighbour.(15 yo boy) till now I can't have a healthy relationship with anyone and I'm 35 now. Every time I see a woman or man approach me I'm anxious of their intention with me and my mind will have sexual thoughts. I believe my girlfriend is having the same too but she's not admitting it. This lead me to suspect her but now I understand why she might do certain things because of what she went through. IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT THIS?
Ms peggy please advise on this.. thank you @PeggyOliveiraMSW
I'm 16, I have had multiple sexual abuses, abusers and I feel it coming all the time. Although it happened few years ago I get to see my abuser. I feel impure, unholy, dirty, embarassed, gross and self hatred. I feel as if I am a whore. I have partly become a sexual addict idk how to cope with it, it's getting out of hand and I can't move out now
I am so sorry you've experienced this and don't have the ability to get out. You are not impure, unholy, or dirty. ❤️ Depending on where you are located, you might be able to get support through a local rape crisis center (many states in the US, not sure about internationally) allow people who are 16 to get counseling without a parent's consent (for a few sessions at least). Please know you're not alone and please don't give up on being able to get the healing you deserve.
You can, I was in the same situation as you, you should start giving more time to thinks that makes you feel valuable, it’s by following your gut, you should place your needs above all… it’ll help with self worth, and then try to check your believe system about man, woman, the body, love, etc… after those two you’ll have a list of things you appreciate in yourself and a clear sheet about how things are supposed to be.. this sheet and self worth will rebuild your boundaries and I’ll put you on the pedestal, and give you back your crown that was stolen by abusers… just keep in mind that you can CHANNNGE IT ALLLLLL ❤ you deserve the best,
Thank you so much for this. I can relate to all you said as regards my life. I hope it is not too late for me to heal from the sexual abuse I experienced as a child from the age of 7 to 13 years old in the mid 1970s to about 1980. I am now 57 years old. I have avoided thinking too much or addressing it out of a sense of shame and guilt. But I can now see how it has adversely affected me my whole life and messed up my romantic, sexual and social relationships. I don't want to live like this any more, but to live a fuller life. I have mentioned what happened to me to a few family members but not in detail and I never revealed the full extent of what happened due to fear, guilt, shame and not wanting to cause a family rift. The abuser who was a relative also physically abused another extended family member and I witnessed this myself, but he didn't abuse them sexually as far as I am aware of. The sexual abuse mostly occurred when the abuser babysat me when my parents went out and he babysat until they came home. But he also abused me in front of other family members in the same room when he visited our home or we visited his home. He would sit next to me on the settee in the living room of his or my home with other people present in the room, and then place a thick blanket over his and my lap saying the room was cold. Then he would grasp my wrists very tightly so it hurt underneath the blanket with one of his hands so I couldn't struggle, and using his other hand he would fondle or roughly grasp my private parts under then blanket. I had to just sit there and take it quietly until he finished, and nobody in the room could see or know what was happening. I hated it and knew it was somehow wrong but I had to take it. if I ever said something to him later about it that I didn't want him to do that any more, he would tell me to shut up and that we were only playing and to stop complaining. He would also tickle me all over and say we were just playing, but he would roughly grasp or touch my private parts while he tickled me. If I told him not to do that anymore, he said we were just playing and how could it be bad if tickling made me laugh. He did these things to me over a period of 6 years. He stopped abusing me when I was about 13 years old when I told him I would tell somebody what he was doing to me of he didn't stop doing it. He replied that nobody would believe me and everybody would call me a little liar if I told anyone about it and I would get into serious trouble. I persisted in saying I would tell and he said that i was to blame for what happened between us in any case, that I teased and flirted with him all the time, and not to pretend I didn't know what I was doing, and to stop pretending that I was innocent of anything that had happened between us. However the abuse stopped after that and he also moved away from the area and I didn't see him much of him any more. When I ever saw him again he completely ignored me and never even spoke to me. It was difficult writing this down but I really want to heal from this even after all this time and to lead a fuller life.
It is absolutely not too late for you to heal. You deserve to feel the freedom that comes from healing. ❤️ I hope you give yourself the opportunity and space to find the support you deserve and need to help you along this journey. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing🫂🙏🪷
I must admit, at 25.10...my mind drifted into thoughts. Then , your words brought me back into the room . And, then a lovely soothing voice and smile . Wow!
Ahhh, I love that. I'm so glad. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Thank you for this topic. A very difficult subject but so important. Lots to think and process so much information to build up the courage to maybe ask for help on this subject. Maybe. But shame and fear. One thing is to think it and keep it inside in confusion by yourself not knowing if it’s normal to feel this way. And an other to hear it, out loud, not feel alone on this very difficult topic, and your voice, smile and tone of undertaking sure makes it seem a little safer to think of possibly verbalizing. Thank you.
I so love that this has helped you think that maybe it is okay to talk about. That is such an important step. There is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed of. ❤️ Thank you for watching, sharing, and your kind words.
I am really really so grateful for your channel.
Oh, thank you. ❤️ I am grateful to have you in our community. 😊
Firstly, thank you for your video and for speaking about sex and sexuality. I think it is something that most find challenging to speak of, and I'll include therapists in this.
This has been one of the most difficult aspects of my own healing journey. I felt so much shame for being abused, which grew worse when having sex as I was triggered into memories of abuse. Then I would dissociate and feel numb, sometimes feeling abused all over again (although it wasn't abuse as I consented) which created more shame. This led me to feel abnormal, which created more shame. I certainly feel more comfortable in my sexuality and more embodied. I'm know that remembering what was said to me when being sexually abused can still be triggering for me. I believe that I continue to work on and to heal shame. I feel that sexual abuse had me so fear sexual intimacy that I eventually made a choice not to be in a romantic relationship. I've learned that this, too, has created shame for me. I'm a work in progress, and so is my sexual healing. I do know I've healed so much, and I do know that I can continue to heal further around this issue. I didn't specifically address my issues with sex in the early stage of my healing but did notice that with other healing that feeling aroused and sexual and embodied did happen as a result. I didn't expect to share so much, but I feel good that I can share openly...❤
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I've no doubt it will be helpful for others to know they're not alone. What you said about as you've worked on healing, you've noticed a difference in your ability to feel embodied around feeling aroused and sexual, is such a great example of how general healing impacts all areas. I'm so glad you're able to experience that. Thank you again for sharing. ❤️
Oh goodness!! I just came from watching you for the first time and this…….
This… yikes. K.. I’m ready to jump in.. we need to address elephants in the room!!
God bless you for having the courage to come on here and deliver this message. ❤
Thank you for watching and commenting. I'm so glad you're ready to jump in and recognize the importance of talking about things so many don't want to. ❤️
Mi 2hony
I just found you and I love you
I'm so glad you've found us. I hope you find the videos helpful. 😊
I can relate to all your talking about which helps me realize where all my humility🥵,and shame came from mostly from childhood upbringing,and growing up,and a lot happened when being at the wrong places at the wrong times with no escape from any of it having to endure,and developed into depression,anxieties, ocd’s,shyness,social anxieties,addictive behaviors,cptsd’s not knowing where to turn having to get help to getting it to getting it to a minimum or being healthy😊😘❤️🙏Namaste
Keep reminding yourself... there is no shame in being a survivor nor the struggle it creates. ❤️
i thank you for your kind words,and being understanding of me for all i had to endure,and to be accepting of when all was happening to me,and to help me be able to be acceptable of the humility,and shame🥵 that i couldn’t do anything about any of it,but i still have it difficult to overcome sorry 😐 ❤️ thank you for relating to getting professional help which might help get threw the humility,and shame that comes with the necessary treatments,thank you😘
Hi. Thank you for the video♥ I what im thinking of is kind of my frustration of the castle of loneliness I have created. I do not I do not feel safe to feeling intimacy I avoid avoid it, at all costs. It overwhelms me. I tried everything tried tried tried, but it´s not getting better, or so it feels.
I'm sorry you're feeling that depth of loneliness. Please don't give up. Trying again at a different place in life or with different support can often make a significant difference. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW ❤
Hi, Miss Oliveira. I was sexually molested when I was in 6th grade by a classmate. I have never told anyone until recently when I suddenly felt immensely dirty when a boy hugged me from behind. I'm so ashamed and traumatized I can't even see my boyfriend partly undressed and we've had so many arguments about it. Also I can't tolerate sounds or smells related to sex. My boyfriend is getting disappointed that I freeze every time he brings up sex, but I can't do anything about it...
Thank you for sharing your experience and struggle. I'm sorry you're struggling so much with this. If you're not currently working with a therapist, I'd strongly encourage you to consider it. You deserve to heal and feel safe. Therapy with a qualified person can help you get there. If you're in the US, you can do a search for rape crisis with your zip code. There are rape crisis centers in other countries as well in which you can likely find in a very similar way. Best to you on your journey. ❤️
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW Thank you so much. I don't live in the US, but I will try to make inquiries where to get such a specialist in Chile, where I live.
Very informative, I keep putting myself in dangerous situations because I’m too trusting with men. I assume they aren’t a predator and if they turn out to be one then I feel I deserved it for being dumb and that makes me strongly dislike myself so I try to be smarter the next time but it’s a pattern so maybe subconsciously I want it to happen again even though it’s scary and painful. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
There is nothing wrong with you. Truly. You are wounded and, as you said, believe you deserve to be treated badly. You're definitely not alone in that. I used to put myself in soooo many really bad situations. Sometimes I got "lucky" and nothing too bad happened other than being filled with shame. Other times, some pretty bad things happened.
It's not about being smarter. There are so many incredibly brilliant women who find themselves in similar situations. It's about healing. It's about being able to trust that you are worthy and the shame you feel about any of this is not something to be ashamed of. ❤️
I hope you give yourself the opportunity to heal with the support you deserve. Thank you for watching and sharing. ❤️
Yes it is right now I don't know why
I guess I still have lots of shame around sex as I can't imagine anyone wanting sex with me. Another big source of shame for me is the demonisation of male sexuality in the wider society the "all men want is sex" is hurtful every time I hear it. Not being able to talk about it makes it harder as well, I have one friend I can talk about it with but I don't see her very often.
Thank you so much for watching and sharing your experience. ❤️ I agree, the stereotypes and expectations based on gender are big contributors to the shame we carry.
I always feel like a little kid talking about a taboo subject about sex. I get super giggly and embarrassed when talking about it! Is that normal? lol! It is sooo uncomfortable!
It is very normal. 😊 There was certainly a time when I would not have been able to talk about it. Shame often plays a role in the discomfort. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Thank you!
You're very welcome. ❤️
Thanks again for sharing
You're very welcome. I hope it's helpful.
My girlfriend was abused by her relative when she was 7. I accidentally watched p*** when I was 8 and was abused by my neighbour.(15 yo boy) till now I can't have a healthy relationship with anyone and I'm 35 now. Every time I see a woman or man approach me I'm anxious of their intention with me and my mind will have sexual thoughts. I believe my girlfriend is having the same too but she's not admitting it. This lead me to suspect her but now I understand why she might do certain things because of what she went through. IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT THIS?
I do think there are some things you can do. One of the most important is having the support of a qualified therapist, someone who has expertise in childhood sexual trauma. Also, understanding the shame and its impact on you is important to the healing process. Thank you for watching and sharing.
Thank you for speaking up about this, it’s really important. I was wondering how one might go about managing physical medical examinations after experiencing past childhood trauma?
I have developed a bladder problem and need tests and an examination but I can’t face my ptsd being triggered. I don’t want to ree traumatise myself by forcing myself through gyno exams etc, but at the Same time I need to get help for my bladder continence issue . My body physically tenses up and then shuts down when I’m triggered. Im having so much anxiety over this, not knowing what to do, I feel embarrassed and ashamed and don’t want to waste the drs time by not being able to have the tests. Any advice would be amazing, thank you 🙏.
First, you are definitely not alone and there is absolutely nothing for you to be embarrassed or ashamed of. ❤️ I've actually done a video talking a bit more about this (probably more than 1 😉). I'll see if I can find a link and share it.
Thank you so much xoxo
You're very welcome. Thank you for watching. ❤️
There's a lot of shame i have.
A big one is being non sexual all together. It just makes me angry that i can't be touched by Anyone.
Could you do more videos about sex after the abuse please.?
You're definitely not alone in this. ❤️ There is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed of. Is there anything in particular you'd like me to address around this issue? Thank you for watching and sharing.
I can hardly distinguish what you are saying, don't be afraid to speak up with a more confident voice. 🙏
So sorry you weren't able to understand me very well. This is my natural voice. 😉😊
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW I actually know another woman whose voice became different after trauma so this is not uncommon. I think when recovered, especially the voice can set clear boundaries, so giving speech more attention can help. 🤗
My voice is not related to trauma and I have no problem setting boundaries. I appreciate your concern but I'm quite happy with my voice as it is.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW ok, no worries!! 🤗
What if the abuse came from your husband?
I'm not sure if there is a particular part you're asking about as it relates to a husband instead? While I can't remember everything I said in this video, I would say that it likely applies to abuse/assault from a husband as well. There is so much overlap between domestic violence/assault and childhood trauma. Thank you for watching and asking. ❤️ If you'd like to share what part in particular you're referring to, I'll do my best to respond.
I was sexualy abused by my husband for years, yes we're still married. I don't know how to heal and move forward, how to feel comfortable with myself again.
❤❤❤