When my dad was in the worst of his dementia before he passed, sometimes I’d make it about me instead of him. “Dad I have to go to the doctor, will you go with me? I’m scared 🥺” and he went right into parent mode. By the time we got there he had already forgotten where we were going and I could just gently direct him to follow doctors instructions, while getting him to make conversation with the staff- a social butterfly through and through 😂
It depends on the person and the situation. Most people with dementia are at a point where the lying is preferable than the emotional distress they go through otherwise
I have a very stubborn wife with autism. I don’t lie to her when she gets fussy like this, I just tell her she has to or XYZ. Then if I can’t reason with her, I let it go for awhile. Approach later when she has had time to calm down! I will remind her of things she has said when she was in a more clear state, like, “but you said it might help you to talk to a therapist?” And she will fuss some more but usually think on it. Make it seem like it’s their idea. Give a reason, but tell them it’s up to them, but you already talked about why 🤷🏻♀️ I dunno, it’s sort of situational. The lie can sometimes spare both people the back and forth and since stress is bad for most medical and mental health issues, it seems like your own moral compass is getting in the way of you doing your best care. Lying is bad, but sometimes the truth, for truth’s sake, is just to comfort the person talking. Food for thought
A person I spoke to from a dementia organization explained it as using manipulation but in a way that helps the person with dementia. It would be wrong to manipulate a person that has their full mental faculties. But in this case you may sometimes need to frame things in a way that minimizes stress and helps the person with dementia get the care that is needed. That may require creating a slightly different situation in their mind to help them feel better about what they need to do.
Also, I have heard it explained in a way that you are working within their perception of reality, not actual reality. If actual reality causes too much stress on a person with dementia you may do more for them by creating a reality adapted to whatever state their mind is comfortable with. You try to figure out what their reality is and accommodate as best you can to help them feel respected while still getting necessary tasks accomplished.
Being a wife of a husband w EOAD, It’s pointless to do an MRI!! Maybe see a geripsych MD for medication management at best. 12 years of this awful disease. Death can’t come quick enough.
Even the life of someone with dementia is precious. They're humans made in God's Image and likeness just like the rest of us. You seem really burnt out. Are you able to access any respite care?
When my dad was in the worst of his dementia before he passed, sometimes I’d make it about me instead of him. “Dad I have to go to the doctor, will you go with me? I’m scared 🥺” and he went right into parent mode. By the time we got there he had already forgotten where we were going and I could just gently direct him to follow doctors instructions, while getting him to make conversation with the staff- a social butterfly through and through 😂
If it were only that simple. She wouldn't go to a neurologist if she got a million dollars for it.
THANK YOU!!!
Great idea!
Is there a way to do this without blatantly lying?
It depends on the person and the situation. Most people with dementia are at a point where the lying is preferable than the emotional distress they go through otherwise
I have a very stubborn wife with autism. I don’t lie to her when she gets fussy like this, I just tell her she has to or XYZ. Then if I can’t reason with her, I let it go for awhile. Approach later when she has had time to calm down! I will remind her of things she has said when she was in a more clear state, like, “but you said it might help you to talk to a therapist?” And she will fuss some more but usually think on it. Make it seem like it’s their idea. Give a reason, but tell them it’s up to them, but you already talked about why 🤷🏻♀️ I dunno, it’s sort of situational. The lie can sometimes spare both people the back and forth and since stress is bad for most medical and mental health issues, it seems like your own moral compass is getting in the way of you doing your best care. Lying is bad, but sometimes the truth, for truth’s sake, is just to comfort the person talking. Food for thought
@@jennytimelord9689 yeah I get that
A person I spoke to from a dementia organization explained it as using manipulation but in a way that helps the person with dementia. It would be wrong to manipulate a person that has their full mental faculties. But in this case you may sometimes need to frame things in a way that minimizes stress and helps the person with dementia get the care that is needed. That may require creating a slightly different situation in their mind to help them feel better about what they need to do.
Also, I have heard it explained in a way that you are working within their perception of reality, not actual reality. If actual reality causes too much stress on a person with dementia you may do more for them by creating a reality adapted to whatever state their mind is comfortable with. You try to figure out what their reality is and accommodate as best you can to help them feel respected while still getting necessary tasks accomplished.
Being a wife of a husband w EOAD, It’s pointless to do an MRI!! Maybe see a geripsych MD for medication management at best. 12 years of this awful disease. Death can’t come quick enough.
Even the life of someone with dementia is precious. They're humans made in God's Image and likeness just like the rest of us.
You seem really burnt out. Are you able to access any respite care?
@@wendydominoHer feelings are valid. She's a spouse, not a professional. She didn't sign up for this.
Please do consider looking into respite care. Burnout is a very real thing that can happen to anyone, but there are ways to find assistance.