Dr. Gabor Mate on Attachment and Conscious Parenting
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- Опубликовано: 20 сен 2024
- Gabor Mate, MD, author of Hold On to Your Kids, is interviewed by Lisa Reagan for Pathways to Family Wellness at his Kids, Culture and Chaos talk in Charlottesville, Virginia, in the spring of 2011. The event was hosted by Belvedere Integrated Healing Arts.
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Video produced by Lisa Reagan, at www.familiesfor....
I used Dr.Mates methods for raising my son. EVERYONE criticized me and said my son is too attached to me. now my son is a teen and thriving, very independent and successful. All the people who criticized me have teens who hate them and are vaping and having mental health issues. It’s natural for your small children to be super attached to you, allow them to be.
Make total sense. Only we a strong sense of security we can later on roam around the world independently and with gratitude to the people who raised us.
A main book or video you recommend to raise a child?
@@chayanoko5501 his book it’s called “hold onto your kids.”
What book did you follow?
Excellent video. When you think about it, society's "norm" of allowing the baby or child to cry out their distress is no different than the silent treatment, which is a form of psychological abuse. I recently came across this video as a new mom. I greatly appreciate the content!
Good on you . 🎉 you are and will be great parent Because you are seeking knowledge
I can't agree with him enough.. I grew up lacking a father, not because he was a "bad father", quite the contrary, he was everything our society expects from a father. He worked 10 to 12 hours a day.. On weekends he was too tired and irritated to do anything (I don't blame him). Sure I had a lot of toys when I was a kid but that will never make up for my emotional loss.
You are not the only one. :)
💗💗💗 probably all of us...
It helps out things into perspective when you see others experience the same thing. I was scared of my dad as a kid because he came home so irritated from work.
Me too my dad has worked 72 hours a week my whole life. I've always had what I wanted and still do to this day but I'm seeing how it has affected me. He also doesn't know how to love so be has always bought my love and it makes you realize that you really do need that emotional attachment
What loss??
He showed you how
watching these videos makes me realize I did a damn good job with my child :) Have been always with her all day,shes 22 months now. She is a very happy little girl, no tantrums or very seldom and short lived. And ahead for her age.
Always your head up on your own ass. Well done
instablaster
Congratulations. I've been with my son everyday and he's 6. Everyone always tells me how well behaved he is and that you rarely see this. He is well ahead of children his age as well. Keep it up. Our children our so worth it. 😊😊
How did you put your toddlers to sleep? I feel bad for putting them in bed and have them crying hysterically. I have put them to bed with be coddling them but it takes so much time!
@01000110 ! no tantrums🤗shes almost 3.5 now and very lovely
When I had my daughter I realized what the problem was. It’s this big house I’m living in. It’s too much stuff we have. It’s lot to manage. All I wanted to do is hold her and be with her and someone to bring me food haha. I managed. She is 5 and still sleep next to me. I never put her down and let her scream. She is a lovely, we’ll adjusted little girl. So different from many of her friends. ❤️
I really think that the elephant in the room is money, and scarcity of it for so many parents who struggle to eak out a living. I've been a single mother for 10 years now, but I do feel so thankful that I was able to stay home with my children for 8 years while married. I think that being able to spend that time with my children helped them to
Become resilient teens. This is so important to me as o am now working more than I can handle just to pay the bills. At least my children had a good start, although I still worry about them frequently.
Fantastic. Why are most of the western nations ignoring this? This video is up since 2011 and only 40k + views? That is disturbing.
I would like to thank Abby Martin and Breaking the Set for introducing me to Dr. Mate.
What I have noticed is that there are self aware people, who are open to this wisdom, and then there are those who have a great deal of self awareness work to do before they even realise that this information is important. It breaks my heart.
A nobel prize for dr. Mate. He is really changing the nation for good. Thanks a million.
The way he describes peer culture, kids separate from adults and they way they influence each other, it sounds eerily like Lord of the Flies.
This guy is so bright man. I cannot believe I just found out about him. He definitely has his finger on the pulse of this cancerous society
UP
I wish we we could go back to the society we had 10 years ago! Sad.
@@fredericp64 America was at it's best around the 50's. I wasn't alive back then but that's what everyone says. I wouldn't mind going back to the 80's and 90's though
@@HigherPlanes yeah the 90's! I miss Schwarzenegger and the ninja Turtles. Society was cool too ;)
@@fredericp64 yup man...also pretty good decade for music.
External gestation for 9 months after birth. Wow. Amazing. I wish every baby was lucky enough to have this start. Wear the babies. Breastfeed the babies. Cosleep with the babies.
I agree with everything except co-sleeping just seems too dangerous in my opinion, and there are multiple studies that say the same.
Dani I’ve coslept with my son for 2 plus years. Wasn’t something I planned but just happened due to breastfeeding and me following his lead with what his needs were It can absolutely be unsafe but it can also be safe if taken with every single precaution (I barely slept the first year making sure he was safe all night 😫)
I think these days it's better with an owlet or something like that, but I wouldn't want to advise wrong. I try not too, but I often fall asleep with my baby and his little sock
One can learn to co-sleep safely. We love waking up peacefully with our 13 months old. Before he wakes up he feels that we are there and there is no stress. What a gift to have in life. I love my son and every second I get to spend close to him.
Seen lots of his talks and vids...he's brilliant!!!!
He really is!
Non stressed emotionally present parent!
I appreciate Dr. Mate. As a single working mom this is my main priority to spend quality time with my child from this stance. I will give my child an emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically well parent!
This is sooo true. I went to a boarding school from age 8 and was effectively brought up by my peers. Thankfully from 13 years old my best friend was the daughter of two teachers so I spent a lot of time with them, feeling supported by loving adults.
I am so grateful that our children seem to be turning into lovely people. I can assure you, we didn't pay to have the best of the best of everything for them and certainly my spouse and I are far from perfect, but what we were able to provide for them is the geographic close proximity to both sets of their grandparents, and our siblings and their families as well. Do they drive us crazy sometimes.....yes. However, our children were fortunate enough to feel.a sense of love and security that expanded far beyond just the front door of our house because of it. A child may not care if they upset their parents, but when they have to think about also upsetting their grandparents, Godparents, aunts, uncles and favorite cousins.....sometimes they think twice.
I attachment parent :) breastfeeding, bed sharing, baby wearing stay at home mum :) this guy speaks sense !!
tasha sayer and if the mother can’t produce milk and is forced to work to carry the home? Let’s not make the other mothers feel alienated
@@shayduval7866 my co-parent was so stress inducing round the clock, I couldn't produce milk 😔 I felt like such a failure. I tried all the supplements, diet and teas, and skin to skin all the time, breastfeeding consultants. Nothing worked. It still hurts my feelings and I gave up months ago. Thanks for saying what you said. I get why the other way is the "ideal" just not possible for everyone.
Amanda Hyler my in-laws stresses me out during my pregnancy and after so much so that my boobs clogged up and couldn’t produce. Whenever someone asked if I breastfed the judgment and backlash was horrible. Way to lift each other up ladies
Bed sharing is scientifically proven to put children at high risk for suffocation. Please do not bed share
@@karmichaelblue it's done across the globe and those countries have lower sids
GET THIS GUY ON A TEDD TALK!
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Noo! Get this guy to speak in front of the nation as an important alert!!
@@suzanahas4740 YES YES YES YES Suzana
I'm happy and grateful to be born in this times..,where you can get advises from brilliant people like Gabor Mate..!!!!
I'm forever grateful🙏🏽
7:50 in russia we have cartoon "smeshariki" (2004-now), it has 9 characters: 2 kids, 2 early teens, 3 adults, 2 elders. This show is soooo deep and genius, it raises mature themes while being infant-friendly and very entertaining - and I think it's party because creators weren't afraid to make half of characters adult.
My favorite episode (season 13 episode 7), which are all about 5 minutes btw, is about old man (crow Kar-Karich) and teen boy (sheep Barash) go travelling to find The Meaning of Life (this is kids cartoon, I'm not joking). It's about an old person guiding a young person through period when teens are realizing who they want to be.
I don't know any other show like this.
I'm so thankful to watch it as a kid.
This is totally crazy that a 11 years old video is relevant from the beginning to the end... Amazing
Ive been thinking alot...on how to be better for my boys, understand them better, guide them and raise them into loving, respectful and responsible gentlemen and his videos pop up. I never said it out loud..just really meditated on it. Watching him has helped me change alot for the better.
"What is necessary is consciousness of attachment" This puts an end to "developmental disaster" We need to root ourselves in love. Thank you Gabor Mate ❤
So I'm guessing the people who disliked the video are the immature people who he was talking about. Makes total sense. He is an absolute genius! ❤️👌🌹
You’re missing the point if you’re still judging the immature and mentally unwell
We need more of this thinking to heal ourselves and our world.
Healing ourselves and nurturing any child needing love, guidance, security or protection is the ONLY way we can heal our world. Easier said then done and we may be a little too late. Where there is a will, there is away. I have faith.
I am speechless but I don't want to go without saying how deeply affecting this is. To know someone is practicing in society with this kind of calm instinctive intelligence, perspicacity, compassion. Gabor (will now want to find a lot more of what he does etc) penetrates to roots of human dysfunction so simply purely - unassailable wisdom that's heart wrenching because so very hard to use, do anything with.
Lovley Gabor. Always brings me home and makes me feel less insane.
"... what's necessary is consciousness of attachment." Another great teaching from Dr. Maté.
voice of a prophet. God bless you. we keep doing what we are supposed to do and the light will spread like wildfire.
Everyone seeking own personal gain of pleasure to give that up to care for the children. Thank you Doc .
I absolutely love this man!
Such wisdom and insight.
Dr. Mate is the only doctor who has connected ALL of these issues. Mental, physical, addiction, trauma, children, cycles. It is so incredible that our medical industry is teaching what they do and lacking soooo much. A complete failure by all. I was failed by schools, my family, medical professionals, a dozen of rehab facilities.
Love dr. Mate
Wow just wow..
How profound is the message and yet delivered so simply...
We, as a parent have a lot of work to do and help raise the standards of our own culture for the next generation of parents 🌞🌞
He is absolutely brilliant.
I thoroughly enjoy his thinking! I watch his videos because I want to be certain I am doing my absolute best. He gives incredibly helpful information on my most difficult task: parenting.
Love That I got A Hold Of The Book , HOLD ON TO YOUR KIDS While My Kids Are Still Little, Thanks Dr. Gabor Mate I Congrats You From This Work And Your Partners.
Dr Gabor u r an amazing, compassionate man some day I believe ur grandchild will inherit ur beautiful personality, because u always speak with true compassionate words, that touch everyone that listens to ur beautiful voice I would like to meet u someday
Both conscious and protective of attachment❤. This man is amazing.
THIS GUY REALLY EXPLAINS THE PROPER WAY TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN
EVERYONE WITH KIDS SHOULD REALLY TAKE THE TIME TO WATCH THIS PASS IT ON
My son and daughter in law are going to have a baby in December. I had him watch this video and he got alot out of it. My neice watched the video too. Amazing stuff.
Going take a lot more then 1 video...trust me!!
This man is a genius. So straight to the point!
This is a very important video that people need to see.
thank you gabor for sharing all your immense knowledge, i wish your books would have existed during my child rearing!!!
Basically saying it needs to go back to the old way in a lot of cases . Loneliness and isolation for kids and adults is a new disease and this is why . If you can atall do without the luxuries and be at home with your kids cause when your just about ready to stop your kids are ready to go and you will never get that precious time back❤️
Back in the old days when our grandparents just hid all their issues and problems. They never talked about them or would ever address them
I am a mother and if you can I think you should be at home as much as possible to rate your kids . I did without a lot to be there for them . I don’t have a problem with both working if it’s for necessity but I know a lot that are working for luxuries and they never had enough child and parent have relationship
I have been doing so many of the things he recommends for years intuitively. So glad I was on the right track.
Who can give this guy a thumbs down? Either really shit parents or you don't have kids, this guy is way ahead of the times they don't even teach these methods in medical school if these methods of parenting were applied universally I think the world would be a much better place...
Agreed
Thank you so much, Dr Mate, for highlighting the importance of breastfeeding and attachment!
Brilliant common sense. Bless you for all the work you have done for the all the traumatised addicts of North America
I cannot stop listening to DR. Gabor. He is a genius. Being a mom and psychology student I can;t agree more. He is breaking down what psychology of attachment says as well as many research done on attacment in most beautiful way which anyone can understand. I can relate to each an d every words and advice he gave both as a mother and as a psychology student. Read his book HOLD ON TO YOUR KIDS by Gordon Mate. It will blow your mind. That book is not only for pregnant or toddler but to teen parents as well.
My family included an on site grandmother for me while my parent was working . Today it seems that many children are separated from grandparents. In my life experience,i felt attachment to grandparents, since my parent was making a living and could not be available all the time. It was good for me to have a grandparent in my early years. I am sad that our culture has contributed to tearing children away from "the village" of extended family life.
I wish I found this man years ago before I fell pregnant with my first. Just didn’t know what I know now when I was younger
Dr. You are really different and understand things
"It takes a whole village to raise a child" ..
A child who is not
raised by his village,
will burn it down
to feel its warmth...
Longtime fan of Dr. Mate. Left out of this very cogent explanation of attachment is a delineation of the deliberate societal pressures (engineered, not accidental) that create generations of dysfunction, fractured families and attenuated lives. The way we are separated from our children is tragic.
Wow, he is absolutely spot on. Brilliant man!
Thank you so much for posting this video.
Friggin BRILLIANT!!!!
So much wisdom here
Brilliant ideas on parenting, great help!
Great informative video. Thanks for sharing!
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Thank you for this.
He is brilliant
Beautifully said! Couldn't agree more.
I would love to know what Gabor Mate thinks of AA's Hitler-Clancy Islund.
Thomas Gr
The main link to youtube needs to be this video's link
Thank Gabor
❤Gabor Mate MD PHD ❤
This makes so much sense, thank you
Fucking amazing your beyond amazing thank God u were born I'm 37 an on my 4th child he's all I raised, literally everything u talk about is my life an my heart everything I know an feel my son I couldn't understand how what who when or why ..I love him beyond but I been so alone an lost until I seen your video .I no longer give up btw I'm an unemployed single addict alcohol mother w a major screwed past that has cost me my life ..I was literally going to give up an I have ..buut I still have a soul...thank u so much
what does he say at 9.58? ''the attachment relationship needs to be ...?'' i cant understand his accent at the last word. p.s brilliant talk it makes so much sense to me, imagine what the world would be like if all of the so called leaders thought like this man.
Vouchsafed
create a nurturing environment
Brilliant man.
he is smart and looks great !
Truly profound.
This society, whether by ignorance or design, is not geared towards developing a healthy public. Politics and wealth are more important. Any intelligent and humane civilization would have made what Dr. Mate is sharing here standard mode of education and practice centuries ago.
love children
It feels so hopeless 😢 because my parenting a small child is long gone. How does one repair the damage
I think the fact you're watching this and feel that way is a great start.
Search on you tube...
It’s never too late.
Consciousness of attachment!
great dr gabor and use of medication is used i think because its too much trouble to try to relate sometimes
Women CAN do anything they put their minds to, BUT what we are BEST at, is raising young children. Fathers are equally important, especially in the later years. Divorce is DEVASTATING to children. Just my opinion.
Preach sister!
Or partible paternity more prevalent before agricultural revolution. One example: pan paniscus society based on reactive socially functional same sex bonding and group bonding depending on a specific environment, compared to pan troglodytes like proactive political games over status, or human society based competitive possessiveness over inheritance, private property, virginity and maximisation of birth rates according to antinatalism based on consent.
If you read The Boy Crisis by Warren Pharrell you will see that father involvement is actually MORE crucial in the “tender years” (first few years of life) than mother involvement. Pharrell includes a great deal of research to support these claims.
It's not womens purpose just to be a mom, many women don't want kids u sound dumb and enslaved
thank you :)
When we speak about birth practices and childhood, we need to include cosmetic childhood circumcision. Doctors Opposing Circumcision has a good website on this topic.
The Canadian Paediatric society recommends circumcision for health reasons. 12 years ago they didn’t support it, but after more research, they have reversed the recommendation, in favour of it.
Circumcision has no effect on child rearing outcomes
In the US it's not advised. If you have acess to baby wipes and clean water for bathing, no need to engage in such a practice. We're not living in 1200 BC
My dad grew up in the US as well as Germany for a little bit after the Holocaust. He’s understandably angry about things. Over the years I’ve tried to get him to go to therapy, I have noticed he only goes if the therapist is Jewish.
the fighting can get ugly with my parents given the stuff we argue about, but I love my family
He is brilliant!!
now i see why multi-generational homes are so much better
I've heard Paul Hawken say 'a Good Design Removes Stress from the System' by this criteria our economy fails miserably.
wow...just wow 🤯
You can't force breastfeeding. My daughter never took and it was no body's fault. My wife definitely tried hard to do it. In the end we had to go with formula out of necessity.
Dr Gabor teaches that just the mere presence of the parent, the tone of voice is enough , since infants don't understand language at that age they feel the energy.
💯💯💯
We are connecting with my daughter. I am not a monster. She is 25. Thanks for your insights.
A lot of this does make sense in rearing our children.
Very cool truth here. Nice to get a new aspect to get going on a newer way to handle stress as just an issue. See I think the village was not my idea..but at least attentive outlook.
The best on the field!!!
Could glyphosate consumption have this impact? This generation and mine have been consuming large amounts of this toxin and it is linked to impacting our dna...
@jodyterio i think he looks good for being in his 60s
"...because the culture is forever undermining [child-parent/adult] attachment"
I watch everything I can that Mr. Mate talks about. It has been hard for me to explain him to my friends. My Niece is having a baby in January and I cant get her to watch. It's very frustrating.
mikesaari4theup I know the feeling..here ii is the same...
Attach it to her social media.
However, it is mainly speaking about an attachment to the mother, where is the father in this discussion... How hesitant are father's to be more responsive and responsible to their own children, this is not just about women but men too...
Have you discovered Dr Harriet Fraad and Professor Richard Wolff?
Harriet has a new podcast called 'Capitalism Hits Home'
They examine this.
Check out Steven Biddolph
Men need to step tf up
I agree with this guy on a lot of things, but not on the birthing aspect. For some of us, self included, a natural birth would result in a dead child. I get to hold my beloved child today as I listen to this video because of a skilled team of doctors and nurses who performed a surgical birth before it was too late.
I am pretty sure that he does not mean stick to natural birth regardless of the outcome. There is a general shift by hospitals to push for caesarians as it is much more efficient time wise and they can control a lot of the risks. Makes perfect sense from a hospital point of view however it overall much better to have a natural birth for all the obvious reasons.