It truly does take a village to raise a child. Which we do not have now. And there is so much pressure on parents or single parent. And it’s causing so many problems, due to that lack of support!
Yes!!!! I realized this with my second child. And realized how absolutely important it is for a child to have a supportive community. We need to be available to parents, not alienate them and make them feel like they aren’t good enough for wanting help. Be available to parents and help!!! Love and protect children, even if they are not your own. In this horrible world, children need protection more now than ever from us ALL!
When I moved to the use for work the first thing that surprised me or I could say scared me very much is seeing infants going to the early childhood center and staying till evening. There is a Montessori center a block away from home and at 6 pm I saw parents picking up their babies … this is the most horrific thing I saw in my life. I am a teacher and SL therapist and I am from Lima Peru. When I was a teacher there 18 years ago in my twenties I used to work 8 till 2:30 pm and my students were leaving school at 12:30 pm ( kindergarteners), since children go home to have lunch there and spend time with any family member available for them who usually is mom or grandma. And the children start attending early childhood centers at age 3 only till 12 pm. Really my country is much more developed that the US in terms of parenting and early childhood policies, and because of my experience in the US and in Peru I can really tell that the mental issues here are immense compared to the ones in my country and culture. Poor children.
I'm from Argentina and I can say the same. I have relatives in France, there, children must stay in school almost the whole day and in holiday time, many parents go on vacations without kids, they put them in some sorts of summer schools where children even are able to stay at night too. They've just handed their children to the state completely. Now I understand why europeans don't want to leave south america when they come to visit. People are more connected and there still a sense of family, not just seen your parents twice a year for a family dinner and some senseless talking about politics.
I feel so encouraged by this book, Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children for a Godly Life. It’s not just about raising kids- it’s about doing it God’s way. The scripture references are spot-on and really drive the points home. Highly recommend it to every parent
This is amazing and we have a lot to learn as society is destroying the values of a family home and the nurturing nature of the next generation to come.
Short and informative Kind of transformative way of "intervention" with the listening parents. Some parents do need to change and realoze what parenting really is about. Never to fulfill your own dreams and hopes and goals, forcing it onto their kids. They are to be taught to believe in their own paths and make sure that they know they are capable of making the right decisions. Understanding the importance of active presences and not hiding behind a screen. Addiction and not living in an optimal world - raises many questions and it we all have to make this change for us and the kids of the future!!
I started sending my kid to kindergarten at age 5. before that, I was basically with her at all time, during extracurriculars, gymnastics, ballet, ice skating etc. She seems happy to have her independence but her behavior is so much worse. we used to have some wonderful moments and I, of course, am nostalgic. sometimes I question the wisdom in putting her in a classroom 7 hours a day. If I could have found a half day kindergarten, I would have jumped on it in a second.
@julienelson31 a lot of great things have to happen. All thru youth our bodies're building the immune system with each adult & child they meet. Keep them in a bubble and they will be sick for the rest of their adulthood, with everything that comes towards them. They also need to learn how to interact with people and deal with negative personalities. So if you're home school, I'll make sure you get them out, socializing in a diverse group, not just the same homogenous group, or only at home. Another thing we can't protect our children from feeling pain are getting hurt. And when we do, we prevent them from learning and coming up with conclusions and problem solving, and that stunts them in their adulthood... This was learned painfully by my children & is coming from someone who raised and home taught them.
Support, validation and self healing are the takeaways here. What it misses: Parents grow up in one world and expect their children to experience the same world as them. The world is not the same as you were a child. We are creatures of adaptation. We are perpetually wanting animals. It’s understandable to cling to “what has worked”.
In german Addiction means „sucht“ which literally means he/she seeks. What someone seeks when they are addicted to whatever is soothing which they have been deprived of at some point in childhood
It's very difficult to achieve a great upbringing for my children when I am suffering trauma and mental health disorders. I feel like I've pushed them all all away.
@@salihthedon it's a long and convoluted story, but suffice it to say that ppl who experienced severe trauma should not have children for obvious reasons
But I am watching this interview with my child. Does this count as something negative? 😅 genuine question. I only watch interviews/podcast/documentaries on youtube with him
Because our parents were not treated for their diagnoses and gave it to Grand kids and still tell US partens to do better all day Long 😮💨 its hard Living with ill parents who Think they are not ill
I find this very difficult advice to hear. Having a baby and a 3 year old, being able to combine work and your relationship I see no other way then to sometime let a kid cry for a while before sleeping. I just don’t see any other way.
I tried heart coherence to take care of my nervous system, and it's really helpful. My family loves it! I think you can try our method and let me know how it works for you.
Can't you at least hug and comfort the child? They will stop crying a lot more quickly if you show them that you at least acknowledge their sadness, frustration or disappointment. You don't have to agree with it. But at least hold them, touch them and look into their eyes and HEAR WHAT THEY ARE TRYING TO EXPRESS!
I had problems with my daughter having a really hard time falling asleep, she was always breastfed to sleep (and cries if she woke up when she was transferred to the crib), during the night we installed a hammock over our bed to swing her to sleep, if she slept with us she sometimes cried and the boob was no solution. At 18months with said " enough", and we started to let her cry to sleep, we would come back a minute later to caress, hug, kiss her and told her to close her eyes and go to sleep, if she kept crying we'd come back 5 minutesnlater, then 10 and cycles of 15 minutes. Thankfully it didn't last long before she learnt to fall asleep by herself and now she no longer cries, or rarely. I wish we had done this sooner since she has such good sleep now, which is good for her and us parents. Mate talks about validating the child, not threatening to withdraw our relationship from the child. You can let the children cry out a little and still show that thr loving parents are right around the corner. On that note, my partner and I would sometimes have a conversation in front of her bedroom, and that helped her fall faster to sleep. I'm sure you're doing great, parenting is hard, but you're listening to Mate, caring about your children, there is no rulebook for life, only guidelines.
@ponch0partout in this case, stress levels are very high. Heart coherence is very useful to reduce the stress levels. We proposed a new method for that. Let's chat.
Mine are 4 and 2 and I’m a dad, so not sure if this helps moms. I just held them and we went to bed together. Never had an issue with them crying. They would wake up, we would snuggle and fall right back asleep. The downside, it’s been years, they sleep in their beds, but I sleep on the floor until they fall asleep. I usually get up a couple hours and head to my bed. Honestly, I don’t mind it. Personally I could not stand my kids crying in their room alone. Hopefully I don’t have to sleep on the floor forever.
I love Gabor but I disagree with it. We are not the elephant in the Zoo. We have evolved and this is it. Imagine 1900 raising a kid without antibiotic and your kid can die by simply having common infection which we ignore now. Before the things we considered to have negative impact on raising kids now were invented, parents already have different pressure. Having kids just changes you from being selfish to selfless. It stresses every parent simple as that.
You completely missed the point. Please listen to the video again. I agree with Gabor. Our society has indeed DEvolved to the point that we are no longer in touch with what it means to be human. Like an elephant in a zoo, fed and maintained in an artificial environment with no possibility to develop natural impulses or instincts. Think about it a bit deeper...
It truly does take a village to raise a child. Which we do not have now. And there is so much pressure on parents or single parent. And it’s causing so many problems, due to that lack of support!
Yes!!!! I realized this with my second child. And realized how absolutely important it is for a child to have a supportive community. We need to be available to parents, not alienate them and make them feel like they aren’t good enough for wanting help. Be available to parents and help!!! Love and protect children, even if they are not your own. In this horrible world, children need protection more now than ever from us ALL!
When I moved to the use for work the first thing that surprised me or I could say scared me very much is seeing infants going to the early childhood center and staying till evening. There is a Montessori center a block away from home and at 6 pm I saw parents picking up their babies … this is the most horrific thing I saw in my life. I am a teacher and SL therapist and I am from Lima Peru. When I was a teacher there 18 years ago in my twenties I used to work 8 till 2:30 pm and my students were leaving school at 12:30 pm ( kindergarteners), since children go home to have lunch there and spend time with any family member available for them who usually is mom or grandma. And the children start attending early childhood centers at age 3 only till 12 pm. Really my country is much more developed that the US in terms of parenting and early childhood policies, and because of my experience in the US and in Peru I can really tell that the mental issues here are immense compared to the ones in my country and culture. Poor children.
That's our government for you. It's all by design. They don't want families able to live off one pay check.
I'm from Argentina and I can say the same. I have relatives in France, there, children must stay in school almost the whole day and in holiday time, many parents go on vacations without kids, they put them in some sorts of summer schools where children even are able to stay at night too. They've just handed their children to the state completely. Now I understand why europeans don't want to leave south america when they come to visit. People are more connected and there still a sense of family, not just seen your parents twice a year for a family dinner and some senseless talking about politics.
Only 1K likes.. This shows what mankind is missing: A great deal of Wisdom. Great interview, thank you so much 🙏🏻
Dr. Maté is so incredibly insightful.
Thats why in my country more and more people are returning to the village... Our family as well
In Czechia there is a 3 year maternity leave..... No other country cares more about emotional needs of children systemically.....
I feel so encouraged by this book, Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children for a Godly Life. It’s not just about raising kids- it’s about doing it God’s way. The scripture references are spot-on and really drive the points home. Highly recommend it to every parent
😊.. thank you😢.. ❤❤
This is amazing and we have a lot to learn as society is destroying the values of a family home and the nurturing nature of the next generation to come.
Thank you for sharing this interview...it"s gold...
Fantastic interview. Huge thank you to you both! ❤
Short and informative Kind of transformative way of "intervention" with the listening parents. Some parents do need to change and realoze what parenting really is about. Never to fulfill your own dreams and hopes and goals, forcing it onto their kids. They are to be taught to believe in their own paths and make sure that they know they are capable of making the right decisions.
Understanding the importance of active presences and not hiding behind a screen.
Addiction and not living in an optimal world - raises many questions and it we all have to make this change for us and the kids of the future!!
Very wise and useful information. Thanks for the helpful insight.
Wow, Doc you're great - we need this like in ages ago. So grateful 🙏
I started sending my kid to kindergarten at age 5. before that, I was basically with her at all time, during extracurriculars, gymnastics, ballet, ice skating etc. She seems happy to have her independence but her behavior is so much worse. we used to have some wonderful moments and I, of course, am nostalgic. sometimes I question the wisdom in putting her in a classroom 7 hours a day. If I could have found a half day kindergarten, I would have jumped on it in a second.
Homeschool.
Word to word
@@julienelson31homeschooling is not for everyone
@julienelson31 a lot of great things have to happen.
All thru youth our bodies're building the immune system with each adult & child they meet.
Keep them in a bubble and they will be sick for the rest of their adulthood, with everything that comes towards them.
They also need to learn how to interact with people and deal with negative personalities.
So if you're home school, I'll make sure you get them out, socializing in a diverse group, not just the same homogenous group, or only at home.
Another thing we can't protect our children from feeling pain are getting hurt. And when we do, we prevent them from learning and coming up with conclusions and problem solving, and that stunts them in their adulthood...
This was learned painfully by my children & is coming from someone who raised and home taught them.
@@julienelson31In many countries is forbidden and the state controls and checks that you put them in some schools, public or private.
Thank you for sharing. I am going to apply this to raise my 5 years old. The healing at the end (intervention) is similar to Ho-oponopono.
thank you sir
We are evolving still. ❤
Support, validation and self healing are the takeaways here.
What it misses: Parents grow up in one world and expect their children to experience the same world as them. The world is not the same as you were a child.
We are creatures of adaptation.
We are perpetually wanting animals.
It’s understandable to cling to “what has worked”.
Unfortunately at elementary schools the devices like cell phones are expected in order to do lets say mathematics instead of memorizing it.
Expected is not required
In german Addiction means „sucht“ which literally means he/she seeks. What someone seeks when they are addicted to whatever is soothing which they have been deprived of at some point in childhood
thx dr. mate
Excellent.
It's very difficult to achieve a great upbringing for my children when I am suffering trauma and mental health disorders. I feel like I've pushed them all all away.
Man! I’m so sorry, it’s hard being a parent! Sending you love and prayers ❤
My spouse and I refuse to return to the office because we get to be around our child all day.
Wisdom.
Parenting has always been hard... i wouldnt do it again..thank god its optional.
Could you tell your story please? Why wouldnt you do it again. I am a father myself of a daughter and like to learn the opinions of other people.
@@salihthedon it's a long and convoluted story, but suffice it to say that ppl who experienced severe trauma should not have children for obvious reasons
Absolutely ❤@@robynhope219
Gabor should go for worlf leadership! C'mon dude you can make it!!! It is time to lvl up humanity😊
But I am watching this interview with my child. Does this count as something negative? 😅 genuine question. I only watch interviews/podcast/documentaries on youtube with him
Wow.🎉
Is something wrong with Gabor Maté's eyes ?
Because our parents were not treated for their diagnoses and gave it to Grand kids and still tell US partens to do better all day Long 😮💨 its hard Living with ill parents who Think they are not ill
15:21
Third gen of smokers. That's why I am so addicted.
it's hard, but worth it
He talks culture and évolution you talk technologie and antibiotics... i think you dont get what he said
We are again not adressing the root cause!
I find this very difficult advice to hear. Having a baby and a 3 year old, being able to combine work and your relationship I see no other way then to sometime let a kid cry for a while before sleeping. I just don’t see any other way.
I tried heart coherence to take care of my nervous system, and it's really helpful. My family loves it! I think you can try our method and let me know how it works for you.
Can't you at least hug and comfort the child? They will stop crying a lot more quickly if you show them that you at least acknowledge their sadness, frustration or disappointment. You don't have to agree with it. But at least hold them, touch them and look into their eyes and HEAR WHAT THEY ARE TRYING TO EXPRESS!
I had problems with my daughter having a really hard time falling asleep, she was always breastfed to sleep (and cries if she woke up when she was transferred to the crib), during the night we installed a hammock over our bed to swing her to sleep, if she slept with us she sometimes cried and the boob was no solution. At 18months with said " enough", and we started to let her cry to sleep, we would come back a minute later to caress, hug, kiss her and told her to close her eyes and go to sleep, if she kept crying we'd come back 5 minutesnlater, then 10 and cycles of 15 minutes. Thankfully it didn't last long before she learnt to fall asleep by herself and now she no longer cries, or rarely. I wish we had done this sooner since she has such good sleep now, which is good for her and us parents. Mate talks about validating the child, not threatening to withdraw our relationship from the child. You can let the children cry out a little and still show that thr loving parents are right around the corner. On that note, my partner and I would sometimes have a conversation in front of her bedroom, and that helped her fall faster to sleep. I'm sure you're doing great, parenting is hard, but you're listening to Mate, caring about your children, there is no rulebook for life, only guidelines.
@ponch0partout in this case, stress levels are very high. Heart coherence is very useful to reduce the stress levels. We proposed a new method for that. Let's chat.
Mine are 4 and 2 and I’m a dad, so not sure if this helps moms.
I just held them and we went to bed together. Never had an issue with them crying. They would wake up, we would snuggle and fall right back asleep.
The downside, it’s been years, they sleep in their beds, but I sleep on the floor until they fall asleep. I usually get up a couple hours and head to my bed.
Honestly, I don’t mind it. Personally I could not stand my kids crying in their room alone. Hopefully I don’t have to sleep on the floor forever.
I love Gabor but I disagree with it. We are not the elephant in the Zoo. We have evolved and this is it. Imagine 1900 raising a kid without antibiotic and your kid can die by simply having common infection which we ignore now. Before the things we considered to have negative impact on raising kids now were invented, parents already have different pressure. Having kids just changes you from being selfish to selfless. It stresses every parent simple as that.
You missed the point entirely.
Have you even watched the video? We are not just the elephant in the zoo. We are the racoon in the trash bin.
You completely missed the point. Please listen to the video again.
I agree with Gabor. Our society has indeed DEvolved to the point that we are no longer in touch with what it means to be human.
Like an elephant in a zoo, fed and maintained in an artificial environment with no possibility to develop natural impulses or instincts.
Think about it a bit deeper...
@@salihthedonYou are so right!