Gabor & Daniel Maté: Relationship Traps for Parents & Adult Children

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  • Опубликовано: 23 дек 2024

Комментарии • 68

  • @pascal72ify
    @pascal72ify 2 месяца назад +12

    MASSIVE respect for the courage and transparency of this father and son. Anyone picking on their appearance or relationship dynamic should instead listen closely to their acknowledgments and wise insights. Gabor and Daniel generously share the deepest complexities of Love to help us heal and come to terms with our past and present.

  • @WNC1901
    @WNC1901 Месяц назад +9

    Hate to see ppl criticizing Daniel or the relative lack of warmth & friendlies of the conversation. They’re talking about tough stuff, and doing so for an audience while striving to be incredibly sincere. I don’t think I would believe them if they were hugging it out and acting happy to recall and talk about the hardest parts of their relationship. It would be great to see these guys after a few more years of working on their relationship; this video is part of the promotion for the book they’re writing “Hello Again”. But that doesn’t detract from the character, composure, or credibility of either. Gabor has a very zen composure and speaking style. Next to him, anyone could easily appear overexcited or hostile.

    • @ravernastahl8963
      @ravernastahl8963 15 дней назад

      So what do they need to work on between themselves? I see no comfort between Daniel and Gabor. Gabor speaks from the heart. Daniel is all intellect. I wouldn’t want him to be my therapist. He’s all dry intellect. He seems to be constantly competing with his father. So what do you think? What’s wrong with this picture? I see major unresolved issues between father and son.

    • @WNC1901
      @WNC1901 13 дней назад

      @@ravernastahl8963 I'm genuinely unsure of the purpose and intent of your comment. You've made no constructive response to what I actually said and just spat your opinion at me. You ask me questions I can only assume are rhetorical because between what you've practically answered yourself, and the vast unknowns of the personal history between father & son, there is nothing I could possibly add. What do I think? My honest opinion is that a lot of folks in this comment section need to reassess their knee-jerk instinct to judge and make assumptions about other people's character and relationships. It truly does not benefit anyone.

  • @glendabell8630
    @glendabell8630 28 дней назад +1

    Soo true about parent guilt. Soo grateful for father & son explaining about their relationship. Having awareness is the key about myself when talking to my adult sons. I'm 71 & my sons are 41 yrs old & 36 yrs old. We text, we talk on the phone & we hang out. We share our feelings without judgment. We do speak when triggered, fragmented to say how we felt about certain issues of the past. Healing takes time with love, respect, honesty, being in the moment. Thank you father & son for this beautiful relationship you are sharing

  • @tanja7richter
    @tanja7richter Месяц назад +3

    I love to read everyones experience of Daniels & Gabors conversation since that in itself is very revealing....it reflects all our own internal narratives....Grateful 💓

  • @paigeedwards4257
    @paigeedwards4257 2 месяца назад +4

    This is what I have been looking for. This podcast give me hope that my relationship with my daughter might be able to heal.

    • @HillSara
      @HillSara Месяц назад +1

      Fingers crossed everything will heal quickly 💕

  • @heathermcclean7408
    @heathermcclean7408 7 месяцев назад +11

    Thank you for sharing this. I share these types of conversations with my brothers who each have a lot of anger and sadness towards our parents (and for good reason) -- I worked through most of my trauma years ago... they didn't. Now that they have their own children and are riding the waves of marriage, work, life, etc. and are seeking healing without asking for healing. Conversations like these can be shared and received in non-intrusive, non-presumptuous, and explorative grounds. Again, thank you for posting such content.

  • @elgrannido156
    @elgrannido156 7 месяцев назад +10

    This is gold for anyone. Thank you both so much and thank you Commune.

  • @mirandaandrea8215
    @mirandaandrea8215 3 месяца назад +10

    Daniel seems really angry, resentful and aggrieved! Tough conversation!

    • @ek6321
      @ek6321 2 месяца назад +2

      Part of it seems a reaction to a narcissistic father.

    • @Xianne027
      @Xianne027 Месяц назад +2

      ​@@ek6321
      Sorry, but I disagree. I see only open honestly in Gabor, but Daniel shows a need to compete.

    • @Xianne027
      @Xianne027 Месяц назад +1

      Yes, I noticed that too. Aggrieved child.

    • @mirandaandrea8215
      @mirandaandrea8215 Месяц назад

      Strongly disagree! Gabor Mate is not a narcissist ​@@ek6321

    • @searmstrong465
      @searmstrong465 22 дня назад

      @@ek6321it seems he's adopted some angryness over time to his past rounding. Eventually that will likely resolve as his words and intellect seem ahead of where his healing has taken him in his heart and nervous system. I think they have traveled a great distance and am grateful for their sharing their process.

  • @naturalydecadent
    @naturalydecadent 2 месяца назад +3

    these are deep insides, thanku

  • @monabommarito7126
    @monabommarito7126 7 месяцев назад +16

    Love Gabor.

  • @pattyhoge1725
    @pattyhoge1725 7 месяцев назад +13

    I just love the Matés! And also Aaron!

    • @robynhope219
      @robynhope219 6 месяцев назад

      Why do u love them? I'm disappointed in Dan for allowing himself to be exploited..should stay out of this.

    • @ZHM7
      @ZHM7 Месяц назад

      Right / where is Aaron or Hannah? It’d interesting that Daniel is the only child involved here… I wonder why?

  • @SusanGarvey-m2c
    @SusanGarvey-m2c Месяц назад +4

    Thank you Mate family from a low contact mom. Also, Free Palestine

  • @isabellekeyzer
    @isabellekeyzer 2 месяца назад +10

    I think it would be very liberating for Daniel to become a dad himself

  • @lisaneill5563
    @lisaneill5563 3 месяца назад +1

    Thank you so much for being real! Thank you for modeling that sometimes there will be uncomfortable moments in paren/adult child relationships but that doing the work, showing up in the best way we know how to show up in the moment, with all the stuff, is worth it and demonstrates pure love and commitment! As a 61 yr old mom of 3 adult children, I can’t wait to read your new book!!! Thank you!!💜

  • @Justusson
    @Justusson 4 месяца назад +4

    I love Maté. He feels calm, introspective, constantly grounding himself before speaking. However, there seems to be a bit of hostility coming from Daniel, but I appreciate the talk,.. 👍

    • @Xianne027
      @Xianne027 Месяц назад

      Yes, though he tries to keep a peaceful composure, the hostility is clear to see.

  • @sheilahennessy7440
    @sheilahennessy7440 6 месяцев назад +2

    Love the courage of both spirits; Daniel, courage to you on developing your Observer

  • @joannegarofalo3556
    @joannegarofalo3556 5 месяцев назад +5

    Thank you for sharing your family life. You are both 👍 great😂

  • @MadonnaGrogan
    @MadonnaGrogan 7 месяцев назад +6

    Agree with bad feelings, just feel them, n they pass

  • @lydiafischer9419
    @lydiafischer9419 6 месяцев назад +3

    Love that❤❤❤ we need a book about that topic!!!

  • @ZHM7
    @ZHM7 Месяц назад +1

    I also think that while Daniel has the best of intentions and also lived experience, with his Dad, Gabor is a highly experienced physician, so I think it must be hard for the latter to accept his son discussing these difficult things with ‘expertise’ when Daniel doesn’t, really.

    • @butterflyeffect9424
      @butterflyeffect9424 14 дней назад

      Yes but Daniel has perfect expertise in being the son so no one is better for this role than him

  • @ChrisOgunlowo
    @ChrisOgunlowo 4 месяца назад +1

    Enjoyed this.

  • @pikepyetje409
    @pikepyetje409 Месяц назад +1

    If we constantly blame ourselves for our child's emotional state, and also express that to them, we have given them the building blocks to become the Aggrieved Adult Child Prototype.It seems logical to me that the Guilty Parent Prototype creates the Aggrieved Adult Child Prototype.

  • @margaretcrouch2608
    @margaretcrouch2608 4 месяца назад

    Can you have traits of more than one prototype? Can the prototype be different for different children?

    • @WNC1901
      @WNC1901 Месяц назад

      Yes. The Maté’s express this quickly as they begin the presentation.

  • @JaniceClark-bb4mi
    @JaniceClark-bb4mi 6 месяцев назад +2

    Our 37 year old daughter is angry with me. My husband is a workaholic and relics in his popularity with her. I become angry and distant with him. He doesn’t understand and doesn’t know how to handle my sadness on the issue

    • @limitisillusion7
      @limitisillusion7 6 месяцев назад +1

      Don't wait around for you husband to understand you. Instead, stop being distant with him and expecting him to figure you out.

    • @ljkoh20052000able
      @ljkoh20052000able 6 месяцев назад

      This is answerable by the session on Working Theory. In this case , husband not understanding etc. is a working theory.

    • @onlijnatfreeler
      @onlijnatfreeler 5 месяцев назад

      @JaniceClark-bb4mi
      Hi Janice,
      That sounds as just such a painful situation to be stuck in. I am so sorry for your pain and despair. I read you feel worried and hurt with your daughters anger. Apart from that, you feel a lack of emotional support, or even understanding for how you feel, by your husband, who doesn't seem to feel any responsibility in relation to how you and your daughter are together. Work can be a thankful and by society much rewarded escape from all sorts of feelings we don't know how to deal with.
      That is sad for the three of you.
      Do you have any close and non judgemental friend you could talk to about your feelings? Just to express yourself, without being judged or massaged into any direction. I sometimes ask a friend to do that for me. I make it specific: hey could you please hear me out on something that is really aching me right now? You don't need to solve anything, or fix anything, just lend me your ears and compassion for how I feel right now, could you do that?
      Then if you can express your feelings, you feel closer to yourself. You feel more true and more sound within, you end up understanding your own feelings a lot better.
      If you can truly reach out to yourself in this way and really feel through every thing that hurts you, you may find an opening in this. That can be an insight on other times you've felt this way before, a long time ago. And as you remember more specifics about these other, much earlier times that made you feel the very same way, the feelings that can now safely be felt, because of the safe, holding presence of your listening buddy, they can start to come off of this current situation with your daughter, and be brought back home to where they originated and belong.
      Now, after having taken good care of your own hurt, confused and trapped feelings, and after having set your own feelings free and truly felt and understood them, there is this whole new fresh, strong mum now, that has the emotional space again to really look into the background of the anger of your daughter.
      And in that healed state, you will find a beneficial path for her to feel that it is actually safe now to share her frustrations and pain (there is always unbenowst pain under long term anger) with you and you may even find yourself curious and available to help her feel through that pain with you and to take the risk of trusting her mother again and restoring the attachment bond between you.
      Sending you love (from a mum with a notorious angry son at times, who knows and recognises how painful the anger of adult children can be).
      And sending you confidence and courage to find solutions in new approaches, both to yourself and to her!
      You're a great mum. You do and did your very best, and you are the only mum she'll have and the very best she could have.
      Be kind, patient and understanding towards yourself, dear. I promise you you won't be sorry.
      ❤❤

  • @ZHM7
    @ZHM7 Месяц назад

    I love Gabor, and have for years. I also think Daniel is incredible for being so open to do this. But I did find it sad that Gabor seemed to be looking at his watch while his son was talking. I think they’re occupying the same space which is going to create issues. Maybe that’s what they need to address, I don’t know?

  • @mirandaandrea8215
    @mirandaandrea8215 3 месяца назад

    Im the worried parent but its covert my adult children have no idea!

  • @barbaragood7844
    @barbaragood7844 2 месяца назад +1

    Daniel should become a parent 😉

  • @deedee9312
    @deedee9312 4 месяца назад

    Thsts way too many traps 😂❤🎉

  • @elzbietarosiak8414
    @elzbietarosiak8414 4 месяца назад

    Black sheep 💪❤

  • @mistypfitzer111
    @mistypfitzer111 3 месяца назад

    Plus, if the trap is in pieces, then theres no risk of u getting trapped in it again lol! 👍😅

  • @SeanRhoadesChristopher
    @SeanRhoadesChristopher Месяц назад

    Yes, but please include the God who brought you out of Egypt, our true parents.

  • @greentree5448
    @greentree5448 6 месяцев назад +14

    There is so much hostility between these two. Kudos to them for trying but watching them is soooooo uncomfortable. There is zero warmth between them.

    • @Kiwiwanderer
      @Kiwiwanderer 5 месяцев назад +16

      Yes and no. This is a trigger topic for both of them. Same sex relationships are complicated. They are both in the same business so even more pressure. They are very very similar. Both black sheep. They don’t look at each other as they speak , because they were talking to the workshop so this makes it look worse. I like them very much. I’m 61yo from traumatised Croatian parents ….I’ve done the same to my 32 yo daughter. They have made me very aware that this will be a daily awareness going forward and there is no quick fix and my daughter will need focus on her healing as well. I can not do it for her.

    • @Jerseystructureunderboss
      @Jerseystructureunderboss 5 месяцев назад +2

      @@Kiwiwanderer Big Kudos to you both! Wow!

    • @pfeel
      @pfeel 5 месяцев назад +17

      I respectfully disagree. I see what you mean, but I have heard Gabor praising Daniel and being proud of him. Could it be that what feels uncomfortable is more about your own relationships?

    • @a-bis-zett
      @a-bis-zett 4 месяца назад +9

      I felt the same, @greentree5448, when I saw some talks with both of them. But then I watched the full workshop they did together and how they deal with these situations, how they can do a clearing after a little argument and express their mutual respect and love. It´s inspiring.

    • @Justusson
      @Justusson 4 месяца назад +7

      I love Maté. He feels calm, introspective, constantly grounding himself before speaking. Whereas Daniel, feels very hostile and intellectually competitive. He thinks, where Maté is also feeling.
      I might be wrong, but that is how it comes across for me at least.