Thank you so much for being real! Thank you for modeling that sometimes there will be uncomfortable moments in paren/adult child relationships but that doing the work, showing up in the best way we know how to show up in the moment, with all the stuff, is worth it and demonstrates pure love and commitment! As a 61 yr old mom of 3 adult children, I can’t wait to read your new book!!! Thank you!!💜
Thank you for sharing this. I share these types of conversations with my brothers who each have a lot of anger and sadness towards our parents (and for good reason) -- I worked through most of my trauma years ago... they didn't. Now that they have their own children and are riding the waves of marriage, work, life, etc. and are seeking healing without asking for healing. Conversations like these can be shared and received in non-intrusive, non-presumptuous, and explorative grounds. Again, thank you for posting such content.
Our 37 year old daughter is angry with me. My husband is a workaholic and relics in his popularity with her. I become angry and distant with him. He doesn’t understand and doesn’t know how to handle my sadness on the issue
@JaniceClark-bb4mi Hi Janice, That sounds as just such a painful situation to be stuck in. I am so sorry for your pain and despair. I read you feel worried and hurt with your daughters anger. Apart from that, you feel a lack of emotional support, or even understanding for how you feel, by your husband, who doesn't seem to feel any responsibility in relation to how you and your daughter are together. Work can be a thankful and by society much rewarded escape from all sorts of feelings we don't know how to deal with. That is sad for the three of you. Do you have any close and non judgemental friend you could talk to about your feelings? Just to express yourself, without being judged or massaged into any direction. I sometimes ask a friend to do that for me. I make it specific: hey could you please hear me out on something that is really aching me right now? You don't need to solve anything, or fix anything, just lend me your ears and compassion for how I feel right now, could you do that? Then if you can express your feelings, you feel closer to yourself. You feel more true and more sound within, you end up understanding your own feelings a lot better. If you can truly reach out to yourself in this way and really feel through every thing that hurts you, you may find an opening in this. That can be an insight on other times you've felt this way before, a long time ago. And as you remember more specifics about these other, much earlier times that made you feel the very same way, the feelings that can now safely be felt, because of the safe, holding presence of your listening buddy, they can start to come off of this current situation with your daughter, and be brought back home to where they originated and belong. Now, after having taken good care of your own hurt, confused and trapped feelings, and after having set your own feelings free and truly felt and understood them, there is this whole new fresh, strong mum now, that has the emotional space again to really look into the background of the anger of your daughter. And in that healed state, you will find a beneficial path for her to feel that it is actually safe now to share her frustrations and pain (there is always unbenowst pain under long term anger) with you and you may even find yourself curious and available to help her feel through that pain with you and to take the risk of trusting her mother again and restoring the attachment bond between you. Sending you love (from a mum with a notorious angry son at times, who knows and recognises how painful the anger of adult children can be). And sending you confidence and courage to find solutions in new approaches, both to yourself and to her! You're a great mum. You do and did your very best, and you are the only mum she'll have and the very best she could have. Be kind, patient and understanding towards yourself, dear. I promise you you won't be sorry. ❤❤
I love Maté. He feels calm, introspective, constantly grounding himself before speaking. However, there seems to be a bit of hostility coming from Daniel, but I appreciate the talk,.. 👍
Yes and no. This is a trigger topic for both of them. Same sex relationships are complicated. They are both in the same business so even more pressure. They are very very similar. Both black sheep. They don’t look at each other as they speak , because they were talking to the workshop so this makes it look worse. I like them very much. I’m 61yo from traumatised Croatian parents ….I’ve done the same to my 32 yo daughter. They have made me very aware that this will be a daily awareness going forward and there is no quick fix and my daughter will need focus on her healing as well. I can not do it for her.
I respectfully disagree. I see what you mean, but I have heard Gabor praising Daniel and being proud of him. Could it be that what feels uncomfortable is more about your own relationships?
I felt the same, @greentree5448, when I saw some talks with both of them. But then I watched the full workshop they did together and how they deal with these situations, how they can do a clearing after a little argument and express their mutual respect and love. It´s inspiring.
I love Maté. He feels calm, introspective, constantly grounding himself before speaking. Whereas Daniel, feels very hostile and intellectually competitive. He thinks, where Maté is also feeling. I might be wrong, but that is how it comes across for me at least.
This is gold for anyone. Thank you both so much and thank you Commune.
Love Gabor.
Thank you so much for being real! Thank you for modeling that sometimes there will be uncomfortable moments in paren/adult child relationships but that doing the work, showing up in the best way we know how to show up in the moment, with all the stuff, is worth it and demonstrates pure love and commitment! As a 61 yr old mom of 3 adult children, I can’t wait to read your new book!!! Thank you!!💜
Thank you for sharing this. I share these types of conversations with my brothers who each have a lot of anger and sadness towards our parents (and for good reason) -- I worked through most of my trauma years ago... they didn't. Now that they have their own children and are riding the waves of marriage, work, life, etc. and are seeking healing without asking for healing. Conversations like these can be shared and received in non-intrusive, non-presumptuous, and explorative grounds. Again, thank you for posting such content.
I just love the Matés! And also Aaron!
Why do u love them? I'm disappointed in Dan for allowing himself to be exploited..should stay out of this.
Agree with bad feelings, just feel them, n they pass
Love the courage of both spirits; Daniel, courage to you on developing your Observer
Love that❤❤❤ we need a book about that topic!!!
Daniel seems really angry, resentful and aggrieved! Tough conversation!
Thank you for sharing your family life. You are both 👍 great😂
Enjoyed this.
Im the worried parent but its covert my adult children have no idea!
Our 37 year old daughter is angry with me. My husband is a workaholic and relics in his popularity with her. I become angry and distant with him. He doesn’t understand and doesn’t know how to handle my sadness on the issue
Don't wait around for you husband to understand you. Instead, stop being distant with him and expecting him to figure you out.
This is answerable by the session on Working Theory. In this case , husband not understanding etc. is a working theory.
@JaniceClark-bb4mi
Hi Janice,
That sounds as just such a painful situation to be stuck in. I am so sorry for your pain and despair. I read you feel worried and hurt with your daughters anger. Apart from that, you feel a lack of emotional support, or even understanding for how you feel, by your husband, who doesn't seem to feel any responsibility in relation to how you and your daughter are together. Work can be a thankful and by society much rewarded escape from all sorts of feelings we don't know how to deal with.
That is sad for the three of you.
Do you have any close and non judgemental friend you could talk to about your feelings? Just to express yourself, without being judged or massaged into any direction. I sometimes ask a friend to do that for me. I make it specific: hey could you please hear me out on something that is really aching me right now? You don't need to solve anything, or fix anything, just lend me your ears and compassion for how I feel right now, could you do that?
Then if you can express your feelings, you feel closer to yourself. You feel more true and more sound within, you end up understanding your own feelings a lot better.
If you can truly reach out to yourself in this way and really feel through every thing that hurts you, you may find an opening in this. That can be an insight on other times you've felt this way before, a long time ago. And as you remember more specifics about these other, much earlier times that made you feel the very same way, the feelings that can now safely be felt, because of the safe, holding presence of your listening buddy, they can start to come off of this current situation with your daughter, and be brought back home to where they originated and belong.
Now, after having taken good care of your own hurt, confused and trapped feelings, and after having set your own feelings free and truly felt and understood them, there is this whole new fresh, strong mum now, that has the emotional space again to really look into the background of the anger of your daughter.
And in that healed state, you will find a beneficial path for her to feel that it is actually safe now to share her frustrations and pain (there is always unbenowst pain under long term anger) with you and you may even find yourself curious and available to help her feel through that pain with you and to take the risk of trusting her mother again and restoring the attachment bond between you.
Sending you love (from a mum with a notorious angry son at times, who knows and recognises how painful the anger of adult children can be).
And sending you confidence and courage to find solutions in new approaches, both to yourself and to her!
You're a great mum. You do and did your very best, and you are the only mum she'll have and the very best she could have.
Be kind, patient and understanding towards yourself, dear. I promise you you won't be sorry.
❤❤
Can you have traits of more than one prototype? Can the prototype be different for different children?
Black sheep 💪❤
Thsts way too many traps 😂❤🎉
Plus, if the trap is in pieces, then theres no risk of u getting trapped in it again lol! 👍😅
I love Maté. He feels calm, introspective, constantly grounding himself before speaking. However, there seems to be a bit of hostility coming from Daniel, but I appreciate the talk,.. 👍
There is so much hostility between these two. Kudos to them for trying but watching them is soooooo uncomfortable. There is zero warmth between them.
Yes and no. This is a trigger topic for both of them. Same sex relationships are complicated. They are both in the same business so even more pressure. They are very very similar. Both black sheep. They don’t look at each other as they speak , because they were talking to the workshop so this makes it look worse. I like them very much. I’m 61yo from traumatised Croatian parents ….I’ve done the same to my 32 yo daughter. They have made me very aware that this will be a daily awareness going forward and there is no quick fix and my daughter will need focus on her healing as well. I can not do it for her.
@@Kiwiwanderer Big Kudos to you both! Wow!
I respectfully disagree. I see what you mean, but I have heard Gabor praising Daniel and being proud of him. Could it be that what feels uncomfortable is more about your own relationships?
I felt the same, @greentree5448, when I saw some talks with both of them. But then I watched the full workshop they did together and how they deal with these situations, how they can do a clearing after a little argument and express their mutual respect and love. It´s inspiring.
I love Maté. He feels calm, introspective, constantly grounding himself before speaking. Whereas Daniel, feels very hostile and intellectually competitive. He thinks, where Maté is also feeling.
I might be wrong, but that is how it comes across for me at least.