I’ve attracted unemotionally available men for so long that I don’t know how not to do it. The red flags are there but, as you said, I still go into the relationship. It’s a tug of war. I want so much to have a healthy relationship but I’m afraid of it. It’s like an addiction. I was sent to boarding school at age five and I honestly believe that this affected me tremendously. I lost trust in my parents. I felt wronged. Other things occurred in my life which made things worse. Being avoidant is really a maladaptive way of dealing with our traumas. Breaking away from this behavior is very difficult but possible.
I’m family avoidant. My anxiety level goes up whenever I’m around them. I’ve been doing a lot of self-care and self-love because it’s hard to feel or see that in the family. I also don’t get into romantic relationships because I’ve learned that love isn’t found there either. It’s really found within you.
I love this entire interview. I am a psychiatrist and I love how you blew away this Narc and exposed her disgusting manipulative sickness and how she treats people and hurts them. I love how you did it so carefully and I love how the disgust in your tone towards her comes out for her shameful narc cluster B traits. These people go around and hurt so many people, treat them like objects, fool them, objectify them and are so in love with themselves. This is the love avoidant, some of the worst (and sickest) people on the planet. I love you force to try to identify feelings something she cannot get in touch with and how she cannot identify what love is and how she will always struggle with identify and sharing her feelings
Individuals who have gone through abandonment and abuse in childhood, subconsciously go for emotionally unavailable friends and lovers. Growing up feeling unworthy and deprived of the unconditional deserved love of family leads to an eternal emotional starvation and unhealthy relationships. That’s how most of us end up being entrapped by narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths. There’s misconception of romantic relationships and healthy boundaries. Breaking that spell/cycle might happen, but it will take decades of therapy, self awareness and discipline. A life changing event or trauma might speed up the process of beginning to know what really went wrong from the start.
I don’t want anything to do with emotionally available men. I’m leaving my Covert Narcissist husband. You can see that point. I don’t need anyone. I feel safe with myself. I don’t take my childhood personally. I didn’t have any control over it. I was a child. In, addition, first I could not control my childhood. Second it’s in the past. Third, I don’t take it personally; I was not the person with maladaptive behavior. Finally, and Most importantly, the thoughts of my childhood are a creation of thoughts that build a story that in the present there’s nothing I can do about it. Therefore it will cause needless pain. There is one point I did not address if pain is caused by my childhood, in the present moment I can work on how to heal by being aware of my feelings, which are merely an existence in my mind. I can learn about it by focusing on it; then accepting that it will pass. Feelings just are. Acceptance is the key to moving forward. I do not have anymore control over my feelings than the next ocean wave, or the sun that rises in the morning it’s life. It’s not the obstacle that gets in the way; I get in my way by fighting it. I need to take a new path. Reset my GPS.
Such an interesting session😊 "no one is busy" that phrase is something I thought of A LOT, there are just priorities and when people say "im busy" I know they prioritized something or someone else
Dear Kenny, you freed her from lifetime of trauma cycles in just an hour. And most of us who watched this . Never seen such a loving therapy. Most therapies I have seen has a sense of fear and guilt in the deep ground. This fear makes someone dependent and fall in attachment with their therapist, But I really feel safe with you ❤ that’s what love does to someone. Frees. 🎉
Thank you for this counseling session. And more importantly for your vulnerability and openness...shows your courage to get to know yourself better and heal yourself. Blessed to hear this conversation 🙏
I once had a guy like this. Well, he was my lecturer in college. He seemed to be pursuing me romantically and I accepted his pursuit. A few weeks into us getting to know each other, he tells me he's due to be married to his longtime GF, that he must marry her but at the same time, asked, if I'd be open to " commit a mistake " with him ( affair ). I said no. He seemed calm, like he accepted it. Turns out, few weeks after that, he started getting pushy. Sexually. So basically, he'd lied about the calm exterior. He wasn't happy I rejected his offer to go down the wrong route. I distanced myself from him after that. He still tries to keep in touch with me till today but I don't respond.
Oh my god.....the first line Kenny said sent chills down my spine. My avoidant ex was big about self care....and excessive travelling....i always thought there was something that didnt feel quite right about needing a special self care day or just extra things to make her feel good. Fuck.
OMG... here I thought I would watch this video "about my ex," and surprise, it was about me! LOL... I see so much of myself in her. There have been so many aha moments. Thank you for your videos. How you present information helps me understand myself, how I engage others, and how I have presented in relationships. Your videos help me with more than simply understanding toxic/narcissistic people. I'm two years out of a 24-year marriage with a diagnosed narc. Then into what seemed a good relationship that ended this January. Now I know how toxic it was. More than that, in exploring myself and continuing my healing journey, I see how I played a role in the toxicity of my last relationship. The on-and-off cycle that was depleting me and continuing the hurt built over my life. Thank you
A love avoidant is self sabotaging, self avoidant and self damaging. Best thing is to be left alone to live an empty life. They will do that either with you or without you
I am trying to understand why I repeatedly attract love avoidant friends. I get crushed over and over again after I give my entire self to them and they don’t hardly give me the time of day. They just don’t. It is some of the worst pain I have experienced! Desperate to stop this cycle!! I would rather go without close friends than go through that one more time. This was helpful in considering how to change this lifelong pattern of mine.
Watch his videos about codependency, there's a Playlist for it. You are definitely codependent and your trying to take care of that child that didn't get the time of day.
Thanks for sharing this! It seems that she's definitely a fearful-avoidant..... My cycles looked different, of course, and yet so similar. I noticed the cycles after the 6th time I got with the same extremely avoidant person. I was leaning more anxious preoccupied at first, but shifted into fearful avoidance due to the painful cycles of self abandoning/people pleasing and ending up facing painful realities of self blame/reproach/grief. Finally, I have reconciled my inner parts, and chosen to respect my boundaries/values/needs, listen to my feelings, respond with self forgiveness and compassion when I see my mistakes and failures, to validate myself emotionally, and let go of guilt. I learned to grow more to embrace God's vision and plans for me, and see the beauty and protection of His will for me and others. Just need to work on fulfilling my spiritual more, creating healthy connections, and explore career growth.....
That could have been me sitting in that chair. She acts and behaved just like I did in my last so called relationship. It was crazy making. Thank you so much for sharing this!
I have experienced all things she said I am also a people pleasing tendency as we what and I'm at that point where I don't want anyone or anything and thank you so much for this confession and council I didn't realize that I need do so much work on myself and change my mind set it's not easy but I'm learning thank you
Thank you so much for this video. I love the format! I relate a lot with her as I see myself in a similar dynamic and hearing it from someone else's point of view is really helpful. However, I am still confused about one thing. If I choose a secure partner then am I not avoiding the inner work and the healing an avoidant could provide? Also if my partner is willing to work on it with his therapist is it worth leaving or having compassion and understanding is allowed in this case?
(My findings) "I find it unusual that humans view things and animals as a human, but humans don't view humans as human"-2018 Alex Adams (Mr Kenny and guest) Viewing humans as things.-guest For education propose only*
I would love to talk to Kenny about the exact same issue...it shows up slightly differently with me but I think the root causes are very similar. I'm in the UK though 😞
I appreciate you taking the first steps in your healing journey. However, I offer a wide range of services for all financial backgrounds so you do not have to wait to start your healing journey. Here is the link to my website that contains a list of my resources- kennyweiss.net/ I highly recommend you check them out!
I’ve attracted unemotionally available men for so long that I don’t know how not to do it. The red flags are there but, as you said, I still go into the relationship. It’s a tug of war. I want so much to have a healthy relationship but I’m afraid of it. It’s like an addiction. I was sent to boarding school at age five and I honestly believe that this affected me tremendously. I lost trust in my parents. I felt wronged. Other things occurred in my life which made things worse. Being avoidant is really a maladaptive way of dealing with our traumas. Breaking away from this behavior is very difficult but possible.
This was GOoD.
I would love to see a love avoidant male as well.
Ty again
I’m family avoidant. My anxiety level goes up whenever I’m around them. I’ve been doing a lot of self-care and self-love because it’s hard to feel or see that in the family. I also don’t get into romantic relationships because I’ve learned that love isn’t found there either. It’s really found within you.
I love this entire interview. I am a psychiatrist and I love how you blew away this Narc and exposed her disgusting manipulative sickness and how she treats people and hurts them. I love how you did it so carefully and I love how the disgust in your tone towards her comes out for her shameful narc cluster B traits. These people go around and hurt so many people, treat them like objects, fool them, objectify them and are so in love with themselves. This is the love avoidant, some of the worst (and sickest) people on the planet. I love you force to try to identify feelings something she cannot get in touch with and how she cannot identify what love is and how she will always struggle with identify and sharing her feelings
Individuals who have gone through abandonment and abuse in childhood, subconsciously go for emotionally unavailable friends and lovers.
Growing up feeling unworthy and deprived of the unconditional deserved love of family leads to an eternal emotional starvation and unhealthy relationships.
That’s how most of us end up being entrapped by narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths. There’s misconception of romantic relationships and healthy boundaries.
Breaking that spell/cycle might happen, but it will take decades of therapy, self awareness and discipline. A life changing event or trauma might speed up the process of beginning to know what really went wrong from the start.
I don’t want anything to do with emotionally available men. I’m leaving my Covert Narcissist husband. You can see that point.
I don’t need anyone. I feel safe with myself.
I don’t take my childhood personally. I didn’t have any control over it. I was a child. In, addition, first I could not control my childhood. Second it’s in the past. Third, I don’t take it personally; I was not the person with maladaptive behavior. Finally, and Most importantly, the thoughts of my childhood are a creation of thoughts that build a story that in the present there’s nothing I can do about it. Therefore it will cause needless pain.
There is one point I did not address if pain is caused by my childhood, in the present moment I can work on how to heal by being aware of my feelings, which are merely an existence in my mind. I can learn about it by focusing on it; then accepting that it will pass. Feelings just are. Acceptance is the key to moving forward. I do not have anymore control over my feelings than the next ocean wave, or the sun that rises in the morning it’s life.
It’s not the obstacle that gets in the way; I get in my way by fighting it. I need to take a new path. Reset my GPS.
Such an interesting session😊 "no one is busy" that phrase is something I thought of A LOT, there are just priorities and when people say "im busy" I know they prioritized something or someone else
After getting out of a 7 year relationship with a love avoidant, this video answers so many questions I never knew I had. 🙌🏻
Dear Kenny, you freed her from lifetime of trauma cycles in just an hour. And most of us who watched this . Never seen such a loving therapy. Most therapies I have seen has a sense of fear and guilt in the deep ground. This fear makes someone dependent and fall in attachment with their therapist, But I really feel safe with you ❤ that’s what love does to someone. Frees. 🎉
What I'm hearing here is is that the hookup culture is an absolute failure.
Thank you for this counseling session. And more importantly for your vulnerability and openness...shows your courage to get to know yourself better and heal yourself.
Blessed to hear this conversation 🙏
You are so welcome
Eye-opening for sure, I had to take few breaks during this video to process it, hits home as well. Thanks for your work 🤗
You are so welcome
This has been such a clarifying moment for me.
I have to Watch it a few more times. Thank You.
You are so welcome
I once had a guy like this.
Well, he was my lecturer in college.
He seemed to be pursuing me romantically and I accepted his pursuit.
A few weeks into us getting to know each other, he tells me he's due to be married to his longtime GF, that he must marry her but at the same time, asked, if I'd be open to " commit a mistake " with him ( affair ).
I said no.
He seemed calm, like he accepted it.
Turns out, few weeks after that, he started getting pushy. Sexually.
So basically, he'd lied about the calm exterior. He wasn't happy I rejected his offer to go down the wrong route.
I distanced myself from him after that.
He still tries to keep in touch with me till today but I don't respond.
Please do more of these
Oh my god.....the first line Kenny said sent chills down my spine. My avoidant ex was big about self care....and excessive travelling....i always thought there was something that didnt feel quite right about needing a special self care day or just extra things to make her feel good. Fuck.
OMG... here I thought I would watch this video "about my ex," and surprise, it was about me! LOL... I see so much of myself in her. There have been so many aha moments. Thank you for your videos. How you present information helps me understand myself, how I engage others, and how I have presented in relationships. Your videos help me with more than simply understanding toxic/narcissistic people. I'm two years out of a 24-year marriage with a diagnosed narc. Then into what seemed a good relationship that ended this January. Now I know how toxic it was. More than that, in exploring myself and continuing my healing journey, I see how I played a role in the toxicity of my last relationship. The on-and-off cycle that was depleting me and continuing the hurt built over my life. Thank you
A love avoidant is self sabotaging, self avoidant and self damaging. Best thing is to be left alone to live an empty life. They will do that either with you or without you
This is supremely enlightening. Thank you. Blown away.
Excellent session thank you both
I am trying to understand why I repeatedly attract love avoidant friends. I get crushed over and over again after I give my entire self to them and they don’t hardly give me the time of day. They just don’t. It is some of the worst pain I have experienced! Desperate to stop this cycle!! I would rather go without close friends than go through that one more time. This was helpful in considering how to change this lifelong pattern of mine.
Watch his videos about codependency, there's a Playlist for it. You are definitely codependent and your trying to take care of that child that didn't get the time of day.
Omg, this is me.
Thanks for sharing this!
It seems that she's definitely a fearful-avoidant.....
My cycles looked different, of course, and yet so similar. I noticed the cycles after the 6th time I got with the same extremely avoidant person. I was leaning more anxious preoccupied at first, but shifted into fearful avoidance due to the painful cycles of self abandoning/people pleasing and ending up facing painful realities of self blame/reproach/grief.
Finally, I have reconciled my inner parts, and chosen to respect my boundaries/values/needs, listen to my feelings, respond with self forgiveness and compassion when I see my mistakes and failures, to validate myself emotionally, and let go of guilt. I learned to grow more to embrace God's vision and plans for me, and see the beauty and protection of His will for me and others.
Just need to work on fulfilling my spiritual more, creating healthy connections, and explore career growth.....
Oh my love avoidant so truth revealing
Thank you
She has fearful avoidant for sure.
I am an FA and she sounds exactly like me. So yes I agree
Getting nice….ugh that’s my childhood programming when someone hurts/abuses me ……it’s not right & im slowly changing it 🌟
That could have been me sitting in that chair. She acts and behaved just like I did in my last so called relationship. It was crazy making. Thank you so much for sharing this!
I have experienced all things she said I am also a people pleasing tendency as we what and I'm at that point where I don't want anyone or anything and thank you so much for this confession and council I didn't realize that I need do so much work on myself and change my mind set it's not easy but I'm learning thank you
Thank you so much for this video. I love the format! I relate a lot with her as I see myself in a similar dynamic and hearing it from someone else's point of view is really helpful. However, I am still confused about one thing. If I choose a secure partner then am I not avoiding the inner work and the healing an avoidant could provide? Also if my partner is willing to work on it with his therapist is it worth leaving or having compassion and understanding is allowed in this case?
at this point the mere thought of a very "full" life sounds exhausting after so many years of this. guess patience with the process is so necessary 😌
(My findings)
"I find it unusual that humans view things and animals as a human, but humans don't view humans as human"-2018 Alex Adams
(Mr Kenny and guest)
Viewing humans as things.-guest
For education propose only*
I would love to talk to Kenny about the exact same issue...it shows up slightly differently with me but I think the root causes are very similar. I'm in the UK though 😞
That is ok. I work with clients from all across the world through Zoom. ;-)
Thank you ❤
Kenny one of my goals is to be your client, lol. I am just waiting to afford you!
I appreciate you taking the first steps in your healing journey. However, I offer a wide range of services for all financial backgrounds so you do not have to wait to start your healing journey. Here is the link to my website that contains a list of my resources- kennyweiss.net/ I highly recommend you check them out!
OMG.. leave that guy. He doesn't care about you at all. He seems like a Narcissist to me
Thank you
You're welcome
OMG... that's me... 100%
I flip flopped ;like hell b/c my mind was constantly adjusting to new streams of drama data.
This was (edit: so fucking) awesome
In the start.. she actually said anyone.. not like Kenny said.. anything.
That’s vast majority of modern relationships. If it takes so much of everyday every-minute effort to make it work, it’s not even worth it.
Sorry but this is messed up.
🤗🙏💞
Thank you ❤