"Discrete spatula" killed me, and I'm at work. Turns out when you're laughing so hard it hurts, but also trying not to show that laughter it looks an awful lot like you're crying. Not just regular crying either, the kind of ugly-cry that happens when your beloved family dog dies or when you stub your pinky toe really hard. My co-workers asked what was wrong, but I could only eke out "...peel the octopus from the side of the aquarium."
This is why i really love having to wear masks. I listen to stuff while i grocery shop and i keep the laughter in but i have to bite my mouth closed to not smile
god I remember one time during an announcement I started laughing and just couldn't stop and spent the whole 20-ish minutes with my head in my hands trying to stop laughing
It's all true - middle age comes like a thief in the night. I used to be young and hip. I was in a band. Then the other day I only just stopped myself from telling a young girl to sit up straight.
It's all in the attitude. I was just about to push off down a mogul run, with trees, and a younger fellow said I should think about it, being older you know. I said that's exactly why I don't have to think about it. You hit a tree, you lose fifty or sixty years, you haven't had kids, the whole deal. I hit a tree I lose what - twenty years at the most? Every year I get older is another year I can do more of whatever I want. You poor young schmucks have to vote for Trudeau to be cool even though he can't actually speak English...or French...and he has an immense adams apple...but your girlfriend likes him too much which makes you feel......
I died at the end... Peel the octopus off the side of the aquarium tank... I wish I did not have a mouthful of cheap Pinot when he said that... My cat also wishes this.
I have a younger cousin, she has been on several cruises, I so wish that I could have her hear this. And all this time I thought that I was nuts for thinking that cruises sound so boring. BTW, I am so fascinated by the way Dylan Moran's brain works. He manages to take extremely disparate ideas and wrap them up in one big package. Maybe it isn't always neat looking, but it sure is funny as heck.
Thanks, Mr. Moran (and Universal Comedy) for making me laugh out loud this evening and on any other occasion. It's always a pleasure and I really appreciate it.
You're welcome. Now what do you want?! Make me a cake and post it to me, surely that's equivalent to the kind words you've sprawled here across the interwebs.
I always scoffed at cruises until I was forced onto a 10 day cruise. Got the all you can eat/drink package. Now I totally get why people like going on cruises.
They are horrible for the environment, and erode communities. People should avoid cruises for the moral consequences alone. Did you see Banksy's painting of a cruise ship anchored offshore of Venice?
Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey and Sarah Millican are my favourite comedians at the moment. They all have their own unique style and they brighten my day. :-)
I used to be with it. Then they changed what "it" was. Not what I'm with isn't "it" and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you...
It is all horribly, horribly true. I work with a 32 year old. She calls my music “elevator music”. Yes it is sometimes Dianna Krahl but sometimes it’s bloody New Order!
as someone who has liked architecture my whole life this is pretty funny XD the thing that hit me about getting older was how into decor and kitchen ware I got XD and organizational bins XD I got a skillet for christmas and was so fucking happy about it XD
How old do you have to be to enjoy a combination hotel, casino and buffet that overflows with alcohol and goes to tropical places where you can buy anything for a few American dollars or Euros? I'm young, and that sounds fun
It's funny because it true, I used to laugh at my dad's bald head call him "slap head" now I'm bald, it's just a waiting game all he had to do was wait. Plus side I've shaved my for 15 years so saved well over £1000 on getting my hair cut👍
If Dylan Moran was a Schnitzel fryer, he would make Schnitzels that would oh so subtle please your taste buds, fill your brain with pleasure and satisfaction ....and look like a squashed infant.
"he can't kill you if you are not properly alive"
Absolute genius.
I need to print and make a poster 🤣🤣🤣
@@joesdi Remember to use muted colours only.
Oh, yeah! 😂😂😂
I realize I am pretty off topic but do anyone know of a good place to stream new tv shows online ?
@Mathias Stephen Thanks, I signed up and it seems like they got a lot of movies there :D Appreciate it!
"Discrete spatula" killed me, and I'm at work. Turns out when you're laughing so hard it hurts, but also trying not to show that laughter it looks an awful lot like you're crying. Not just regular crying either, the kind of ugly-cry that happens when your beloved family dog dies or when you stub your pinky toe really hard. My co-workers asked what was wrong, but I could only eke out "...peel the octopus from the side of the aquarium."
🤣🤣🤣🤣 🐙🐙🐙
I just reach down and fix that and rarely care who is looking, I'm not famous though!
This is why i really love having to wear masks. I listen to stuff while i grocery shop and i keep the laughter in but i have to bite my mouth closed to not smile
god I remember one time during an announcement I started laughing and just couldn't stop and spent the whole 20-ish minutes with my head in my hands trying to stop laughing
oh god I laughed that hard at work once, manager asked me if I was fine but I was just laughing too hard from a joke my coworker told me XD
It's all true - middle age comes like a thief in the night. I used to be young and hip. I was in a band. Then the other day I only just stopped myself from telling a young girl to sit up straight.
Oh dear
Have you told any young men to cut their hair yet?
hee
It's all in the attitude. I was just about to push off down a mogul run, with trees, and a younger fellow said I should think about it, being older you know. I said that's exactly why I don't have to think about it. You hit a tree, you lose fifty or sixty years, you haven't had kids, the whole deal. I hit a tree I lose what - twenty years at the most? Every year I get older is another year I can do more of whatever I want. You poor young schmucks have to vote for Trudeau to be cool even though he can't actually speak English...or French...and he has an immense adams apple...but your girlfriend likes him too much which makes you feel......
I started nodding off in front of my computer and asking my neighbour to turn his music down :).
I’m 50 and this guy is a prophet for us generation Xers!
3:28 - 'He can't kill you if you're not properly alive, can he?'
🤣
I died at the end... Peel the octopus off the side of the aquarium tank... I wish I did not have a mouthful of cheap Pinot when he said that... My cat also wishes this.
Did you wish it was expensive Pinot?
Advise you to either switch to white wine or get a black cat. It makes clean-up so much easier.
@@uniquities1581 noted... lol
A worthy way to go from this world
You died at the end?
Probably one of the best comedians in the world!
Definitely.
"Peal the octopus from the side of the aquarium"!!!!
Oh god, it hurts when I laugh!!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
There is a solution for that, it`s called talcum powder
I spat out a mouthful of wine at that one😂😂😂
....this outrageosly witty, befrendable unfriendly cynic irishman has been my spirit animal all along.
Well said 🤣
Same here. That means we are family.
Have you seen his older stand up specials? Still good and I highly recommend a bbc series he did with Bill Bailey called Black Books
haa love that
The fact that you’ve said the words “SPIRIT ANIMAL” proves that he is not your spirit animal
Dylan Moran's stand-up has lead me to believe that I have become prematurely middle-aged at sixteen.
Funny. But seriously, in about 25 or 30 years, you'll genuinely experience what he's on about. .. And it's weird and awful.
Heads up the thought doesn't get better by 27 it just feels more real
5:22 - "registering his own responses..." it's a throwaway line but i've never heard that phrase before. it is apt and beautiful.
its a line from existential kitty (I think)
My love for him has no end...he is so precious🤣❤️
Love this man, fantastic comedic timing and delivery
I have a younger cousin, she has been on several cruises, I so wish that I could have her hear this. And all this time I thought that I was nuts for thinking that cruises sound so boring.
BTW, I am so fascinated by the way Dylan Moran's brain works. He manages to take extremely disparate ideas and wrap them up in one big package. Maybe it isn't always neat looking, but it sure is funny as heck.
Thanks, Mr. Moran (and Universal Comedy) for making me laugh out loud this evening and on any other occasion. It's always a pleasure and I really appreciate it.
You're welcome. Now what do you want?! Make me a cake and post it to me, surely that's equivalent to the kind words you've sprawled here across the interwebs.
Best TED talk I have ever seen.
I’m always bewildered by people who like going on cruises.
The lazy but 'adventurous ' types ...
You are now.... ^^
I must say I was really interested in the Slipknot cruise but then Rona...
I always scoffed at cruises until I was forced onto a 10 day cruise. Got the all you can eat/drink package. Now I totally get why people like going on cruises.
They are horrible for the environment, and erode communities. People should avoid cruises for the moral consequences alone. Did you see Banksy's painting of a cruise ship anchored offshore of Venice?
This guy is just so unique, love his comedy!
I'm 40 and that line about architecture fucking hurts.
Dylan is the best. Ive seen him live six times... always legendary!😊
I love his expressions! To peel the octopus from the tank...
Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey and Sarah Millican are my favourite comedians at the moment. They all have their own unique style and they brighten my day. :-)
"Lemon coconut apocalypse ripple" glorious description.
I shall never again be able to look at an octopus and not chuckle.
I walk into aquariums and scream "BOLLOCK"
I'm one month away from 46, this is so accurate.
When the world gets me down I listen to comedy to remind me how absurd life is and it picks me up.
His Korean mom impression is spot-on!
Peeling the octopus from the tank...nearly laughed out a lung!
This is Shakespearean level comedy. I can imagine it might be hard to live with Dylan.
I'd give it a whirl! What a great ride it would be!
@@clitoriadiseases4826 ⬅️😆 bwah haha, cool! Yeah, so would I!
It would be pretty easy I'd just chain smoke, while complaining about the liquor store closing hours and other issues of great importance
I used to be with it. Then they changed what "it" was. Not what I'm with isn't "it" and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you...
True!
He's an international treasure. Come back to Vancouver BC once its safe to do so. We miss you!
He is so absolutely living inside me, with a wise belligerent Asian lady - genius does not cover it
I don't miss my 20s as much as I miss the world of my 20s
Oh that's so true. Bit sad though
Nailed it
As somebody who just turned 30 this resonates...
@Arabella // Fiber. Lots of fiber. And 8 large glasses of water a day (orally).
@Arabella // find a hobby (something you genuinely enjoy doing for its own sake) that keeps you fit
I absolutely love him
Dittto
@@rachcelmorley9711 i hope he comes to new york again one day
he always reminds me of the narrative from The Discworld!/Terry Pratchett and Death! what a crack!!
LOVE Dylan! And he only gets better with age and weight and dog burying!
I watch this so death won't notice me. No, brilliant, love it :)
I love his sitcom "Black Books". Hilarious.
This man is from my town and he encapsulated the humor perfectly 😂
And from my secondary school town
@@saolálainn up navan
It is all horribly, horribly true. I work with a 32 year old. She calls my music “elevator music”. Yes it is sometimes Dianna Krahl but sometimes it’s bloody New Order!
Dylan Moran and Lee Mack are two of the most natural comedians ever.
as someone who has liked architecture my whole life this is pretty funny XD the thing that hit me about getting older was how into decor and kitchen ware I got XD and organizational bins XD I got a skillet for christmas and was so fucking happy about it XD
he's such a man child i love him.
I'll never be old enough for a cruise
i'm afraid the point of the whole bit is that you will
How old do you have to be to enjoy a combination hotel, casino and buffet that overflows with alcohol and goes to tropical places where you can buy anything for a few American dollars or Euros? I'm young, and that sounds fun
@@bhope13 Trapped with 3,000 strangers on a giant floating petri dish
@@clemdane we're already trapped with 7 billion strangers on a plague-covered rock floating through space. What's the difference?
All aboard the Rona Express!
The octopus joke made me laugh so hard!
soo good and true haha thank you Dylan funny but also enlightening
I feel like Nick Miller from New Girl is basically an infinitely watered down version of this God
The Old age truck - You never see it coming.
Middle age is a near death experience.
Grateful to be introduced to the supermarket spirit guide, I need her help.
His Nicki Miraj impersonation was on point
Best comedian ever
Absolutely brilliant love it ..
Brilliant as always. Thanks.
As always spot on.
I’m 50 - Nicki Minaj is no more alienating than Madonna was.
The trick is always to have been irritated by everything - and you’ll be fine !
Seen him 3 yrs consecutively…. Super sharp TVs whole time
Comedy at it's best.. very funny
... at its* best (it's = it is)
... at its* best (it's = it is)
"you have peaked as a human being"...God I peaked along time ago
My one huge ab KILLED ME! 🤣
Me too! 😂
How. Does. He. Know. 🤫🤣
I'm pushing towards 40, fairly shapeless, can talk car insurance, love architecture and got into tech death metal at 34.
This guy is like an Irish version of Sean Lock. Absolutely off the wall 😂
It's funny because it true, I used to laugh at my dad's bald head call him "slap head" now I'm bald, it's just a waiting game all he had to do was wait. Plus side I've shaved my for 15 years so saved well over £1000 on getting my hair cut👍
Nothing wrong with a bald head😉
But you've likely spent £1000 on extra face wash.
The only time my tear ducks get a workout is with this comedic ghoul, he is priceless
Qwack qwack
Admire this guy ...clever
If Dylan Moran was a Schnitzel fryer, he would make Schnitzels that would oh so subtle please your taste buds, fill your brain with pleasure and satisfaction ....and look like a squashed infant.
he is a genious. him, Bill Bailey, and Sebastian Maniscalco are the only people who make me laugh, and hit the,nail on the head
4:49, and your metaphor comes to life and I met her for sure! I think she used to be my landlady...
They prepare us for adulthood but not for old age.
7:12 my one huge abb lol
I don't mind getting older. I just really hate that I'll stop getting older eventually.
On the other hand, if you never stopped getting older, I imagine once you push 200 the wrinkles on the prune become _really_ weird.
"Getting older is not so bad when you consider the alternative"
That's a quote but I can't remember who said it. Another perk of getting older.
Boobilly boo is great for scalping the dog too.....
I feel vaguely called out.
See the secret to freeing the octopus is to make him cold ;) ;)
40's have been great so far
3 words:
Netflix: Black books.
You're welcome 😁
how do people not know about this already?
Totally agree. Excellent series and there is no favourite episode, they are all gems in their own right 😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@trembling3674 😂😂😂😂😂😂 love it.
The first episode made me cry with laughter
Can't say if I have a favourite one.
I just bathe in the absurd humour each of the episodes carries 😁
Jam jam jam...
I think his inner voice is Miss Swann.
Duh-dunudadah-baba-ba-dada-dada-deeee.
One day, somebody will figure out how to peel the octopus from the aquarium tank...🤣🤣🤣😵
I just love you. It is what it is.
Bloody hilarious
Been on the bus a few years now.
There *is* an invention that prevents the octopus from sticking, but few men have the balls to wear it
It
Is
A
*Kilt!*
Well fear not, today theres more skirts with balls under them then ever before
@@blinddeadmcjones5255 🥳🥳Freedom for the balls!
I love the truth in philosophy here
So true Dylan so true!
Love this!
I have never identified more with anything than I do with this video :(
Is this the first time Nicki Minaj and poetry have been mentioned in the same sentence?
He’s still got it.
Omg that’s there black books guy!!
Brilliant 😅😅
The Discreet Spatula
sounds like I'm middle aged already and I am only 21 :'(
Brave man.
I love this man😂💖😂💖
Moranesque. Discuss. He will hate what ever you say. You know that right? Just going to feed the octopus, back in a mo. .......
If ever a set was proof of the concept.
Is it the guy off Sean of the dead
Yes.
Dan Atkins fast reply lad
@@chzshiregreen7084 Likewise.
Macca’s Movies 😂
You misspelled "Black Books", mate. ;)