Focus on personal growth during no contact and you’ll feel like you’re taking your life back! Do the knowledge workbooks or creative healing course 30 minutes a day and they will put you in the best position to show your ex you’ve changed and heal your attachment issues!
This was a good one. The first time I learned about child roles in dysfunctional family systems, it was like a slap. Growing up as a fixer, seer and rescuer I was forced to grow up sooner than most. Not surprisingly I ended up in the same situation as the guy mentioned in the video, chasing an avoidant with plenty of narcissistic traits.
This video hit home for me and my attachment to my BPD gf. I had no idea that I was attached as described in the video and have experienced so much emotional pain that I lost my sense of self and self worth and self esteem. I was castrated by her (emasculated to the highest degree). Thank you Coaches for providing me a vision of why I have allowed myself to be destroyed so long by someone I love. I do see how I was trying to fix my childhood pain through the relationship with my bpd gf. I also just wanted to protect my gf from the enemy so she'd never suffer again as she did as a child.
Just like Margaret said before, "how many times we have to watch this same movie to heal ourselves. " I was in a loop. Same movie with the different woman. 9 times! Before the 9th time, I said to myself, "this is the last time I watch this movie. ". I had fun with her and moving on with my life. I became too conscious and aware of my pattern and situation. From next time, i will be with a girl who chose to be with me.
I recognise secure behaviour even though I’m anxious . I want to be with somebody who acts secure , I’ll have no problems being secure back I got stuck with an avoidant . I couldn’t leave , I was aware I needed to and even wanted to
Hi Coach Craig, I really enjoy your videos and sound advice. Could you possibly do a video about breakups due to "love language" expectations and when too much is draining on a partner? My ex told me his love language is affirmation and validation. While I tried and believed I was giving that, it just wasn't enough. I completely depleted my energy, time, finances, mentally and physically to the point I was just a shell of the person he fell in love with. Then he suddenly left me to move to another state for a job, around all new people, where I believe he felt he can get all this inflated admiration and attention. It isn't the first time he's done something like this. Once he believes he can get more from others, I'm not enough. The devaluation begins and it's like knowing the train wreck is not far off. Love him dearly, and understand his need, however I'm just one person and it's impossible to live up to the expectations he put on me. While I understand that people have specific needs in love, I don't think it means your partner is expected to solely shoulder the enormous weight to always deliver what you lack in yourself. It would be nice to hear some clarity about this subject. As a footnote, we had been together over 2 years ,engaged, and prior to his leaving he had been stating how much he enjoyed us being together and talking about our future. It's been over a month of no contact, and I don't attempt any contact. Because I don't want any further hurt, I've blocked him on phone, social media, and text, but he's sent me a few emails lately asking if I need anything. I don't reply. My thought is I'm just not what he needs. I'm physically and mentally incapable of providing that much attention and admiration. He has deep abandonment issues, and then he keeps abandoning me. It's saddening, heartbreaking and so confusing. My true heart has volumes to give, but I've had to shut down, turn that off, just to keep my sanity.
Every breakup is different and every relationship is different. Spoken like a GOAT 🙏 Coaches can I ask after 6 months NC why I'm starting to regress and am missing her more than ever? Even though I've done loads of work on me and my happiness.
I want to be more attracted to the woman I’m dating. She’s secure and I’m anxious. I’m with her because I want her to help me become more secure but I’m not that attracted to her. I think the main reason is she’s not that good looking, especially when I compare her to my avoidant ex who left me and hurt me. I was still more attracted to her and she was better looking. How can I make myself to be more attracted to a not so good looking secure person? I don’t want to be so shallow but I don’t know how to change my thoughts.
Personally I'd want to know. Because I'd believe once an attractive and secure person came along, likely I'd be replaced. This is coming from someone over 40 and time has value. I'd rather not be thinking there's a future when there is none. And I'd be okay with being a friend for the time in between if needed. If you do go that route, be prepared because not everyone feels the same.
In the 6 years I've been watching this incredible, life-changing channel....I don't think I've ever heard Craig so mash-up 😅 (UK slang for 'not in a good way' 😊) Get well soon Craig ❤
Very true. I was tied to my borderline ex and wanted to fix all the issues that came up. I would postulate that my mum demonstrated borderline attributes such as splitting and rage which my inner child was trying to fix and pacify. Stay safe and stay strong folks. Know thyself.
Very true that this is how my mum makes me feel, never address my needs and always moaning for everything. The man that I like just complain abt his life all the time even his life is so much better than alot of ppl and he broke me finally by just casually dropped to me he is going to be polygamous and then straightly went for another chick when I was hurting and trying to fix. I am just so used to fix things and being unaddressed for my needs. And I am still trying to get his attention even when he has other women. What's wrong with me? I hate this
Is this almost a man saying he doesn’t want me to be with him because he doesn’t want me to care for him when he gets old. Because he says he will be a burden. I told him just say you don’t want to be with me. He says that is the reason and that he loves me. I told him he needs to learn to love himself. Any advice or response. Because I was going to live with him at the end of the year. That isn’t happening
We both hurt eachother i wanted to work things out with her yet ahe didn't because of her son's & i would ladh out after getting drunk! Which i regret & are remorseful. We both kept seeing eachother after we split & were intimate. Which confused me. Now she's been seeing someone else! Its like i was just there until she found someone It hurts I forgive her I'd have her back
It’s up to them if they can find it in their heart to forgive you. Though many understandably don’t just wait around for scumbags to all of the sudden have a conscience
8:23 end the cycle of abuse by having standards and boundaries unapologetically and confidently. You should be turned off by a person who cant and wont meet your basic needs in a relationship. Theyre unqualified or incompatible with you. Youre free now to find better.
![Megan Thee Stallion - Roc Steady (feat. Flo Milli) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/HozPPyqW0dY/mqdefault.jpg)
Focus on personal growth during no contact and you’ll feel like you’re taking your life back! Do the knowledge workbooks or creative healing course 30 minutes a day and they will put you in the best position to show your ex you’ve changed and heal your attachment issues!
This was a good one. The first time I learned about child roles in dysfunctional family systems, it was like a slap. Growing up as a fixer, seer and rescuer I was forced to grow up sooner than most.
Not surprisingly I ended up in the same situation as the guy mentioned in the video, chasing an avoidant with plenty of narcissistic traits.
This video hit home for me and my attachment to my BPD gf. I had no idea that I was attached as described in the video and have experienced so much emotional pain that I lost my sense of self and self worth and self esteem. I was castrated by her (emasculated to the highest degree). Thank you Coaches for providing me a vision of why I have allowed myself to be destroyed so long by someone I love. I do see how I was trying to fix my childhood pain through the relationship with my bpd gf. I also just wanted to protect my gf from the enemy so she'd never suffer again as she did as a child.
In my opinion this is by far your #1 most valuable video❤
Just like Margaret said before, "how many times we have to watch this same movie to heal ourselves. "
I was in a loop. Same movie with the different woman. 9 times! Before the 9th time, I said to myself, "this is the last time I watch this movie. ". I had fun with her and moving on with my life. I became too conscious and aware of my pattern and situation. From next time, i will be with a girl who chose to be with me.
Deep stuff. Thank you guys!
I needed this
I recognise secure behaviour even though I’m anxious . I want to be with somebody who acts secure , I’ll have no problems being secure back
I got stuck with an avoidant . I couldn’t leave , I was aware I needed to and even wanted to
Hi Coach Craig, I really enjoy your videos and sound advice. Could you possibly do a video about breakups due to "love language" expectations and when too much is draining on a partner? My ex told me his love language is affirmation and validation. While I tried and believed I was giving that, it just wasn't enough. I completely depleted my energy, time, finances, mentally and physically to the point I was just a shell of the person he fell in love with. Then he suddenly left me to move to another state for a job, around all new people, where I believe he felt he can get all this inflated admiration and attention. It isn't the first time he's done something like this. Once he believes he can get more from others, I'm not enough. The devaluation begins and it's like knowing the train wreck is not far off. Love him dearly, and understand his need, however I'm just one person and it's impossible to live up to the expectations he put on me. While I understand that people have specific needs in love, I don't think it means your partner is expected to solely shoulder the enormous weight to always deliver what you lack in yourself. It would be nice to hear some clarity about this subject. As a footnote, we had been together over 2 years ,engaged, and prior to his leaving he had been stating how much he enjoyed us being together and talking about our future. It's been over a month of no contact, and I don't attempt any contact. Because I don't want any further hurt, I've blocked him on phone, social media, and text, but he's sent me a few emails lately asking if I need anything. I don't reply. My thought is I'm just not what he needs. I'm physically and mentally incapable of providing that much attention and admiration. He has deep abandonment issues, and then he keeps abandoning me. It's saddening, heartbreaking and so confusing. My true heart has volumes to give, but I've had to shut down, turn that off, just to keep my sanity.
It would be great if this channel considered doing q&a livestreams
This is very helpful Thank you Coaches Victoria and Craig 😊
Every breakup is different and every relationship is different. Spoken like a GOAT 🙏
Coaches can I ask after 6 months NC why I'm starting to regress and am missing her more than ever?
Even though I've done loads of work on me and my happiness.
I want to be more attracted to the woman I’m dating. She’s secure and I’m anxious. I’m with her because I want her to help me become more secure but I’m not that attracted to her. I think the main reason is she’s not that good looking, especially when I compare her to my avoidant ex who left me and hurt me. I was still more attracted to her and she was better looking.
How can I make myself to be more attracted to a not so good looking secure person? I don’t want to be so shallow but I don’t know how to change my thoughts.
Personally I'd want to know. Because I'd believe once an attractive and secure person came along, likely I'd be replaced. This is coming from someone over 40 and time has value. I'd rather not be thinking there's a future when there is none. And I'd be okay with being a friend for the time in between if needed. If you do go that route, be prepared because not everyone feels the same.
In the 6 years I've been watching this incredible, life-changing channel....I don't think I've ever heard Craig so mash-up 😅 (UK slang for 'not in a good way' 😊) Get well soon Craig ❤
Victoria you are looking so pretty New makeup and style wow 🤩 L’utile à l’agréable we say in France .. thanks to you both … missing Margaret 😌🥰
The puppy analogy is one for the record!
Very true. I was tied to my borderline ex and wanted to fix all the issues that came up. I would postulate that my mum demonstrated borderline attributes such as splitting and rage which my inner child was trying to fix and pacify. Stay safe and stay strong folks. Know thyself.
Happily married because of you for 8 years.
Wow, thats really appreciable 🎉
That’s so wonderful ❤
Very true that this is how my mum makes me feel, never address my needs and always moaning for everything. The man that I like just complain abt his life all the time even his life is so much better than alot of ppl and he broke me finally by just casually dropped to me he is going to be polygamous and then straightly went for another chick when I was hurting and trying to fix.
I am just so used to fix things and being unaddressed for my needs. And I am still trying to get his attention even when he has other women. What's wrong with me? I hate this
Is this almost a man saying he doesn’t want me to be with him because he doesn’t want me to care for him when he gets old. Because he says he will be a burden. I told him just say you don’t want to be with me. He says that is the reason and that he loves me. I told him he needs to learn to love himself. Any advice or response. Because I was going to live with him at the end of the year. That isn’t happening
We both hurt eachother i wanted to work things out with her yet ahe didn't because of her son's & i would ladh out after getting drunk! Which i regret & are remorseful. We both kept seeing eachother after we split & were intimate. Which confused me.
Now she's been seeing someone else!
Its like i was just there until she found someone
It hurts
I forgive her I'd have her back
Trauma bond
What if I hurt them and want to be better does that mean they shouldn’t be with me
It’s up to them if they can find it in their heart to forgive you. Though many understandably don’t just wait around for scumbags to all of the sudden have a conscience
8:23 end the cycle of abuse by having standards and boundaries unapologetically and confidently. You should be turned off by a person who cant and wont meet your basic needs in a relationship. Theyre unqualified or incompatible with you. Youre free now to find better.
it's not unconscious it's subconscious
You must be right and Freud was wrong!