If you continue in a dysfunctional relationship it will deplete you physically, mentally, financially and spiritually ..I am still trying to heal cause I stayed too long....
I've come to realize it's both actions and words. If someone starts acting loving towards you and it's out of their character to be loving, and they don't use their words to tell you why they have suddenly changed their behavior, it's going to feel like manipulation. Maybe if trust is rebuilt over time the words won't need to accompany the actions every time; i.e., eventually just receiving the flowers might be loving enough, but at first they will need to also explain why they gave the flowers. I personally hate receiving store-bought flowers 😂
I have to disagree with you there. Love does conquer all. But it's self-love and enough love for the other person to know when to walk away. Self love and self respect makes a world of difference, especially when you're making an active effort to love yourself and others as much as our creator does. Love is not enough to keep people together- it takes unconditional love and compassion in action. It's abusive and destructive to stay with someone when you know that one or both of you aren't growing in healthy love together. True love means you know when it's time to walk away and allow each other to find the right person to be with- that's how love conquers all.
Dang this hit me hard 😢 I just left a relationship where I was crazy in love with him, but his mood swings and controlling behavior were sucking the joy out of me. It hurts so much to leave someone you still love. On day 6 now. Lord give me strength.
@@followmylead100814 years here 🙇🏽♀️…. And it’s been 2 years and we still are invested and involved but not actually together… let me be y’all example of what not to do to heal… cut it off completely or you can be sucked back in, stuck & holding on to nothing. All the while turning down dates or being approached because you feel like your still in a relationship, which can lead you to be Held back. Yeah I get what I’m saying is a oxymoron but again, I’ll be an example of what NOT to do in trying to heal a broken heart or past,
This is the thing for me too… a beautiful person I have so much love for why can’t we still know each other 😢like how can you just forget abt a person that became your everything
When you KNOW you are NOT being loved. When you feel USED. When the relationship stops you from achieving your goals. When you can't sleep peacefully dating that person. When you ask YOURSELF this question..how did I get myself into this situation or WHAT am I doing? When you feel trapped guilty or scared to leave them. Run! Lie and say you are broke or sick and see if they flee. When they flee...praise God you've been set free!🖤
@@joniajohn4716 One time I told a toxic mofo that I lost my GOOD job and said I could only pay my rent and car payment for one more month because my (already dead) grandfather needed surgery and I had to give him ALL of my savings so I was gonna sell my bad ezz red sports car to get a cash clonker and go get a job as a waitress to earn quick cash until I find a new job and he was GONE GONE! I was so relieved 😌
AMEN!!! After 18 years of marriage, I had to end it. I am a people pleaser but your completely right, I gave and gave!! And I lost myself. NEVER AGAIN!!!!!
Exactly what I said when I left! I told him. I love you. I might always love you, but I love myself more and because of that I have to do what's best for me. And I walked away never to look back this time!!
Learned the hard way that love is not enough. Loved my ex-husband dearly, but we did not have staying power. Not enough in common. We had different values, upbringing, cultures, lifestyles... etc down to toothpaste and soap.
No truer words have ever been spoken. I had to learn that 💯 and walk away from a 10 year ➕️ relationship. I was drained and it wasn't functional, no longer pouring into each other.
You can want someone to be healthy, get therapy, be happy in a relationship with someone else...it was time to go, regardless of loving that person for damn sure! I was told "you are giving up"/"you are giving up on me". I was giving more and had been depleted. I was tired, I was done...it wasn't healthy for ME. Ya'll be safe out there.
when they don't care if you are alive or dead, it is time to go. As a result of their behavior, you start to feel numb, rresentful or if you no longet are effected by anything they do good or bad, it is time to go.
The 2 men I left I loved them. It was the love I lost for myself that made me walk away. My love for me is the most important and when I meet someone that doesn’t love me like I do then I leave.
Thank you for telling the world the TRUTH ‼️ That's how I love someone and people think I'm CRAZY 🙏🏼 Its easy for me to detach emotionally by nature. Yes, I'm truly an AQUARIAN ♒ and PROUD to be one ☺️
Amen Amen 🙏🏾 that's true love when you can let someone go when you're not growing with them, and still want the best life for them. Love don't Love nobody, Love thyself ❤️
Love is not enough simply because you can love anyone if you spend time with them and build a bond with them. But you cannot have a functional and healthy relationship with everyone.
And it’s why I walked away. I was so so depleted and needed to be whole again. Now, God has filled my heart with His love and learned that being abused in any form isn’t okay. Just because it’s all I knew. God said,”you deserve love too. Why not you?”
Loved him and still do! He was unable to make decisions, thus I felt like the only adult in the room and so many other things. He is a phenomenal person but needed to be forced to grow. At the time leaving him was the only way to make him self reliant. He was hurt at the time but sees it all clearly now.
Yes in my opinion, this gentleman is right. Knowing someone like this is a woman’s true dream. I believe when this man has found his soul mate the relationship will last forever. Thank you for relating this information to all humans.
I loved your response, and I agree whole heartily, that's why I don't understand how people can say they love someone to death one day and soon as it over, it becomes hate.
This is easier said than done. We have some very hurt folks trying to have intimate relationships. If they were emotionally secure, they would already know when to end the relationship.
I saw it and told my husband, late husband now, that he brings out the worst in me. He responded by smiling the biggest grin I had seen on his face in a long time. I knew right then I had to go and never go back. We lived separated for five years and he refused to divorce me. He suddenly died of a heart attack in his sleep.
Definitely been there. I have a few more to add. *Just because you are married, is also not a reason to stay. If after the I DO's this person is treating you like this. They are definitely not honoring their vows. *One person can't make a relationship work, no matter how hard you try, esp if they are not trying just as hard. *Marriage is not a reason to put up with BS that your spouse puts you through. *Definitely don't stay in something not fulfilling just because children are invovled. It can end up creating the same toxic cycle in their future relationships. *Don't be afraid of a breakup or divorce. You were by yourself and took care of yourself before that person came along. You'll survive.
Its not easy to let go. You will let go when your mind and heart on the same page. When you made up your mind and your heart is align with that. There's so much we can take but When you have had enough, you will let go
I just walked away for the last time I still love him. All you said is spot on. I love him so much, but it's depleting me and I loose my peace of mind I so needed to hear this. My first message on new year. I cant remain in my feminine energy as he makes me so depleated and I have to shout and go into my masculine energy just to say my reality isn't his. So grateful to find this 🙏
This will be novel’ish As someone who is currently in the midst of such a situation. I often find myself researching and trying to learn about a mindset and certain emotions a special girl might posses that I am not used to. Even though I came across this as a search to find answers. I see certain comments and I feel like I can actually share a little to maybe help. First of all…… Don’t give up. Second……. Don’t listen to respond, listen to reinforce your understanding and your stance. After my 10 year marriage ended, I was in a very dark place too. I was afraid of sharing my heart because it wasn’t whole. It was shattered. Suddenly I was a single dad. Something I had never asked for. Tough place to be. But I met someone very special about 9 months ago and after hearing just pieces of her story I began to realize that my heartbreak couldn’t compare to the tragic and painful past she was sharing with me. As I stood there listening to her, I knew completely and without question. If I wanted to pursue this woman (and I was certainly feeling that way) I would have to face things that I had no idea how to face. There was so much pain, so much doubt, so much fear, loss, devalued self worth, guilt, etc….. But here’s the thing. Although I saw all of that on the surface. What I saw inside was what grabbed my heart. She was strong. Stronger than she knew, stronger than I had ever seen. I am a man of faith. I try to focus on God and seek his plan. So I cried out and asked for direction. The answer was tenderness not romance. Compassion not lust. Respect not impatience. No way, would I ever crack this shell by thinking for myself. I had to think with her emotions. Learn triggers. See the pain and take some of it upon myself to truly understand. Sure I could do and say many things to teach her how special she is. Remind her of her beauty, her worth, value, and rarity. All of those things are great but without respect for her boundaries and what she needs to process. All would be wasted. Not long after we met. Circumstances changed and the friendship was forced into a long distance connection. To maintain the “vibe” I became attached to talking daily. But she needed help and a time came that I could no longer provide that. When she began therapy to overcome the trauma she had endured. She slowly started pulling away. I saw it coming and knew what was happening. But I still tried my best because I was desperate to see my continued impact. Then she got new advice. The Therapist advised her to distance herself from any emotional pull from others. I was clearly in that category and I completely understood it. So recently (the better part of two months) we haven’t had much communication. Her mother reached out to me and explained what was happening very softly and respectfully asked for space. Not just from me. From all outside connections. She had to take time to focus on herself and fall in love with herself again. So as confusing and hard as it’s been. That is what I am doing. She didn’t pull away out of anger towards any pressure I created. She just needed to focus and allow the therapy to take its place in her healing. I tell you all of that so I can give the advice that I intended. The idea of running away from her is mind boggling to me. That’s terrible advice and it should be ignored. Ask yourself how many people have already done that to her. I can give you the answer. If she has pain in her past, trust issues, or fear of a relationship. The answer is EVERYONE. Everyone has run from her at some point. That’s why shes here. If she knows your feelings. She knows your desires. Let it be and don’t go away completely until you are asked to do so. People ask me everyday how long I will wait for this girl. That question has two answers. As long as it takes. or Or until I am told that I shouldn't. Try to remember these things. RESPECT (no elaboration needed) Don’t give up when she expects you to. Remember its probably her past that makes her feel like you will. You are not the cause of her wounds. If you love her, love her without apologizing for it. If space is needed. Only you can provide it. Shes not going to beg for it. She will ask once, maybe twice. Failing to understand its importance will morph your fears into reality. She will never ask you to wait. But you will do it if you think shes worth it. She feels guilty that you’re putting your life on hold for her. Ignore that. She feels guilty about things you will never understand. Guilt is probably her most painful emotion to overcome. You are not a band aid, so don’t act like one. Hookups are band aids. Affairs are band aids. True friends are not. Encouragement is still valuable while giving space. Send periodic messages that she doesn’t need to respond to. Do not burden her with the guilt of “ignoring” you. Remind her that you’re proud. Do what you can to leave love out of it. Just tell her she is strong and you are thinking about her. praying for her etc. Remind her that you are always there “IF” she needs you not “WHEN”. Don’t come across as assuming. (space these messages out. Don’t think daily right now, think weekly) Remember that she is probably less in love with herself than you are with her. She has to get there in order to give you or anyone the best version of her. She cannot give the broken version away. The fear of sabotage is too much. If you are good, she fears ruining you. She wants to be heard but she will never beg for your ear. You just always have to be listening. Take the time to work on yourself. If you have fear and doubt about her. Take the time away to rid yourself of those emotions. Uproot your own darkness that is causing them. She likely wasn’t looking for you when you arrived. You showed up out of nowhere. There are probably feelings that confuse her from the very first conversations you had. No matter how much time has passed since. Those confusing emotions still run through her mind. That’s ok. That’s likely good or she would have cut you off completely before letting you into her circle to begin with. Remember that the confusion you feel right now does not compare to hers. The time that goes by will suck. You will miss her. But there is nothing else you can do. Tell yourself everyday that you deserve her. Tell yourself that she deserves your patience. Focus on what makes you special to begin with. She is worth it. Or you wouldn’t be here asking this question. That’s most important thing I can say. When you tell a girl that she is worth it or she’s worth the wait. I promise you shes heard that song before. So far no one has made that true to her. No one has actually finished the song, recorded it, and gave it to her to keep. Be the guy that that completes her playlist. She has a wall that you will never completely tear down. You will remove a few bricks from time to time. But if you really like whats on the other side of that wall. You will try again and again to climb over it. When that person decides to love you she will love you so completely and faithfully that you will be glad you waited. She will not give her love away casually. Stay focused. Keep climbing. The man on top of the mountain didn’t just fall and land there. (Not my quote) God Bless You
Sorry this isn't my situation I saw it while doing research myself because I'm in a similar situation and decided to share to maybe help someone whos in the same circumstances But I would say that this kind of situation is like a double edge swords where you get hurt weather you win or lose
I think the thing that makes us stay longer than we need to is the fact that we feel like we're betraying that person so we try n hold on longer hoping thing change for the better but in the process you lose a bit of yourself
Excellent advice. Too many abused women stay because they “love their man”, but that is not love. That is control on the man’s part. And people need to understand and want to be in a healthy relationship.
Very sound advice. I still loved my ex when I ended the relationship. And we renegotiated a solid friendship that we both still value 14 years later. I introduced him to his current wife. We make really good friends, but we were not good for each other as a couple.
I'm a male; I do not like my older but I love but I do not need him no more because I found my peace within myself. He's a narcissistic person so it's over between us so I have to focus on my life with a peace and no problems. I am so happy for my life for myself. 💯🤣🙏
I told my husband 5 or 6 years before his death.. “I love you however I don’t like you.” And I wanted to move forward with our children without him…He started arguing and blaming me for everything..Most of the assets were in his name.. I didn’t ask him for much one was to have one of the SUVS.. He looked at me and said “No you will walk or catch the bus!”
Thank you for breaking it down for folks. Even if you love them, do you love you more? We have to understand if that person is not adding and multiplying in areas of your life, them they are subtracting and dividing, like you said "time to GO!!!!"
I needed to hear this.... i broke up with someone almost a year ago and came back to see if we could work it out. I loved them, but it wasnt functional in regards to moving into a marriage. A girlfriend will never be required to give or do as much as a wife and she never reached that point in 3 years and i will admit wife is a huge responsibility and duty
Faaaaacts! I was holding on for dear life to this man. I would wait til I was fed up to leave and then I would think about it later and go back because I still loved him. I still love him but I love me more and I could grow in that relationship.
Now that’s real. There’s no one I left because I didn’t love them. It’s just that the relationship had become toxic. We went to therapy, but they weren’t willing to work to make it better, or we were simply at an impasse. Irreconcilable differences.
I'm just coming out of a relationship with someone I've been in a relationship with for 4 years and as much as it hurts, I'm happy for him and hope he finds happiness with someone else because it has to be healthy, functional and peaceful for me to stay in. You don't have to hate your ex, you can be friends and still be fulfilled and happy. It's called growth.
If you continue in a dysfunctional relationship it will deplete you physically, mentally, financially and spiritually ..I am still trying to heal cause I stayed too long....
Yep! Been there, done that!
Yep me too. Stayed way too long.
Say that again!
Going through it now. Man made me lose everything. Me thinking I was the problem.
May I ask you how did your relationship finally come to an end?
Is it healthy, functional, and does it pour into you? If no, Time To Go! Truthful encouragement.
Run
💯💯💯💯💯
❤❤❤❤so true
And still leave
Preach it!!!
👏👏👏Love is not a word, love is an action. It must be shown or it's worthless.
I've come to realize it's both actions and words. If someone starts acting loving towards you and it's out of their character to be loving, and they don't use their words to tell you why they have suddenly changed their behavior, it's going to feel like manipulation. Maybe if trust is rebuilt over time the words won't need to accompany the actions every time; i.e., eventually just receiving the flowers might be loving enough, but at first they will need to also explain why they gave the flowers. I personally hate receiving store-bought flowers 😂
Right so if you not in my life to express my love to then it's a lie to say you love people that you don't spend energy with
Put this on a billboard for the collective to see! Love does not conquer all! Love doesn't cure a toxic spirit.
Really? I think otherwise ❤
Hello beautiful
I have to disagree with you there. Love does conquer all. But it's self-love and enough love for the other person to know when to walk away. Self love and self respect makes a world of difference, especially when you're making an active effort to love yourself and others as much as our creator does. Love is not enough to keep people together- it takes unconditional love and compassion in action. It's abusive and destructive to stay with someone when you know that one or both of you aren't growing in healthy love together. True love means you know when it's time to walk away and allow each other to find the right person to be with- that's how love conquers all.
It's time to go when she/he doesn't respect you & your feelings, the relationship is unhealthy, you're unhappy more than you are happy.
Dang this hit me hard 😢 I just left a relationship where I was crazy in love with him, but his mood swings and controlling behavior were sucking the joy out of me. It hurts so much to leave someone you still love. On day 6 now. Lord give me strength.
Going through the same thing,Day 6,,,,keep trusting and believing God he will see us through this!!!!
Day1 for me and it hurts real bad to see 13 years brought me to this point. My heart is still beating fast 🤦🏾♂️
You will be fine - been there - every time you think of going back- remember how he made you feel !
@@followmylead100814 years here 🙇🏽♀️…. And it’s been 2 years and we still are invested and involved but not actually together… let me be y’all example of what not to do to heal… cut it off completely or you can be sucked back in, stuck & holding on to nothing. All the while turning down dates or being approached because you feel like your still in a relationship, which can lead you to be Held back. Yeah I get what I’m saying is a oxymoron but again, I’ll be an example of what NOT to do in trying to heal a broken heart or past,
Day 9 for me and was with him 13 years on and off because of love and it didn’t get me no where but heart broken 💔 now I’m trying to find myself
A wise man once told me just because you love somebody doesn’t mean they’re the best thing for you….. Thanks Dad!!!
Yassssss. Thats exactly whatbmy daddy said to me also. Daddy Girl. 🦋🤗✨️
Tina said it Best, "what's love got to do with it "😂😂😂
When u continue to reach out to a person about certain situations that bother or need to be worked on and nothing changes. It’s time to move on.
Hellooo.. Story of my life at the moment
If it's not progressing... its dying 😢 because nothing stays the same
Sometimes it's just enough to maintain
@INCORRUPTIBLE WORD
Maintaining more like just settling
Yep… stagnant… no growth.. no progression..
The problem is we still want them in our lives and there is no pill to stop that feeling. It’s hard to want someone else when you already want someone
This is the thing for me too… a beautiful person I have so much love for why can’t we still know each other 😢like how can you just forget abt a person that became your everything
Facts this is so true! Reciprocation and communication is a must to keep the relationship thriving.😍❤️💯
Most people don’t want to accept and realize that “Just Love” does not sustain a relationship. It takes more than love! 😮
Mic drop
@mystibleu9851 It's difficult for many people to accept that it's not genuine love either in regard to both parties. 😢
Right! And I’ll never understand that
Preach
When you KNOW you are NOT being loved. When you feel USED. When the relationship stops you from achieving your goals. When you can't sleep peacefully dating that person. When you ask YOURSELF this question..how did I get myself into this situation or WHAT am I doing? When you feel trapped guilty or scared to leave them. Run! Lie and say you are broke or sick and see if they flee. When they flee...praise God you've been set free!🖤
I concur with you
@@joniajohn4716 One time I told a toxic mofo that I lost my GOOD job and said I could only pay my rent and car payment for one more month because my (already dead) grandfather needed surgery and I had to give him ALL of my savings so I was gonna sell my bad ezz red sports car to get a cash clonker and go get a job as a waitress to earn quick cash until I find a new job and he was GONE GONE! I was so relieved 😌
@@MM-fc2giwhewwwwwww
I BELIEVE THIS IS WAS JUST GETTING WORSER AND WORSER THREW OUT TIME!! i felt like i was in jail 😢
It's called Tough Love ppl .... You can love at a distance with enabling them .... ❤
AMEN!!! After 18 years of marriage, I had to end it. I am a people pleaser but your completely right, I gave and gave!! And I lost myself. NEVER AGAIN!!!!!
Its very difficult to leave someone you love but you know the relationship is dysfunctional and unhealthy..
Been there😢
mannnnnnn it’s so dreadfullyhard
Help me. I'm currently there right now
My current situation 💔
That is the main reason to leave it does not feel right PERIOD
Exactly what I said when I left! I told him. I love you. I might always love you, but I love myself more and because of that I have to do what's best for me. And I walked away never to look back this time!!
YAAAAAAAAAAS!! I did the EXACT SAME.
I even noticed myself, breathing differently. God is sooooooo, good. ✨️🤗🤗
Is the best feeling ever. Magic happens when you finally pick yourself. Magic happened!
Amen Ace. Love isn’t the end all, be all and ppl forget that. If it’s not healthy and bringing you peace, it’s not worth the cost
Yes. A healthy relationship needs two people who care about each other to pour into each other.
Learned the hard way that love is not enough. Loved my ex-husband dearly, but we did not have staying power. Not enough in common. We had different values, upbringing, cultures, lifestyles... etc down to toothpaste and soap.
This is me at the moment. Also different education and very different incomes.
Wow I think I need to leave.. but I am scared.
Loving the wrong person doesn't have to be a life sentence
No truer words have ever been spoken. I had to learn that 💯 and walk away from a 10 year ➕️ relationship. I was drained and it wasn't functional, no longer pouring into each other.
You can want someone to be healthy, get therapy, be happy in a relationship with someone else...it was time to go, regardless of loving that person for damn sure! I was told "you are giving up"/"you are giving up on me". I was giving more and had been depleted. I was tired, I was done...it wasn't healthy for ME. Ya'll be safe out there.
when they don't care if you are alive or dead, it is time to go.
As a result of their behavior, you start to feel numb, rresentful or if you no longet are effected by anything they do good or bad, it is time to go.
You can love someone and not like anything about them.
Amen ❤❤❤
Indeed !!!
That's a word!!! Truth💯
💯 Oh now that's Truth!!
That's a WORD do you hear me!!!! 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿
Absolutely right. When love or being loving is no longer being served remove yourself from the table.
#truth 🎉 Thank you. Timing is impeccable. I’ll be putting this in my new journey folder. 3 days post break up.
Amen. What's love got to do with it. TINA SAID IT BEST. Love them at a distance 💕
That’s right the goal is healthy love (reciprocal) 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Hi dear how are you doing
100% true. Nothing else need be said!!!!
Amen 🙏 truth hurts but we're all here for the same reason 💔
For real though 💯, my dad used to tell me, sometimes loving means leaving 🤔
Absolutely
The 2 men I left I loved them. It was the love I lost for myself that made me walk away. My love for me is the most important and when I meet someone that doesn’t love me like I do then I leave.
This 😢
@@MeeMeeG it’s hard but losing myself is my biggest fear. It gets better honey xx
The sweetest words I ever heard from a man.
I agree with all he said and to add... when you begin to question your relationship or that person, it is time.
Thank you for telling the world the TRUTH ‼️ That's how I love someone and people think I'm CRAZY 🙏🏼 Its easy for me to detach emotionally by nature. Yes, I'm truly an AQUARIAN ♒ and PROUD to be one ☺️
I hope he keeps this up. This is what our community needs!
Amen Amen 🙏🏾 that's true love when you can let someone go when you're not growing with them, and still want the best life for them. Love don't Love nobody, Love thyself ❤️
FACTS. Do it OVER THERE! Thank you King.
God I love this man. He has helped me so much ❤❤❤❤❤
Love is not enough simply because you can love anyone if you spend time with them and build a bond with them. But you cannot have a functional and healthy relationship with everyone.
Thank you so much I needed to hear it this. I never looked at it this way but this is exactly true this is what I am going through.
And it’s why I walked away. I was so so depleted and needed to be whole again. Now, God has filled my heart with His love and learned that being abused in any form isn’t okay. Just because it’s all I knew. God said,”you deserve love too. Why not you?”
It’s always loyalty over love. I love people that I will never be with again.
I am not understanding what you are saying. Can you explain further, please?
REAL TALK and RAW TRUTH
I loved him BUT I loved myself more. I loved myself enough to let go fully and embrace the unknown. Best decision I’ve ever made.
Loved him and still do! He was unable to make decisions, thus I felt like the only adult in the room and so many other things. He is a phenomenal person but needed to be forced to grow. At the time leaving him was the only way to make him self reliant. He was hurt at the time but sees it all clearly now.
Is one thing to be blindsided but when a person trys to play you right in your face. Boy Bye
100❤
When I start singing Epiphany by Chrisette Michele to myself, it's time to go.
😂
Yes in my opinion, this gentleman is right. Knowing someone like this is a woman’s true dream. I believe when this man has found his soul mate the relationship will last forever. Thank you for relating this information to all humans.
So true Ace. Hard but you're 100% right!!!
Thank u Ace, I have listened to this over a hundred times
True facts about this😢🤦🏼♀️
Let go and Let GOD!👍👌💯
I loved your response, and I agree whole heartily, that's why I don't understand how people can say they love someone to death one day and soon as it over, it becomes hate.
Excellent advice for Someone experience neglect Or Abuse 🙏
When her voice broke at the end of her question, so did my heart. You could hear her pain. I hope she finds the healing and love that she deserves. ❤
I could hear the pain in her voice also, I pray she leaves that person
Hello beautiful
Right and it’s ok to say this just isn’t for me
💯
I love how articulate he is when expressing his opinions, it’s almost poetic ❤️
Right on!!! Ace always speaks facts!!❤❤❤
excellent, excellent, excellent!!!
When you have to ask a question like that then you know you should have been left, and that you're fed up way before now.
Yep he's absolutely right...what's love got to do with it if the relationship is depleting you? Love is supposed to feed and heal.the relationship ❤
So Truthfullness,True Truthfullness it Works,For The Truth is and ALL WAYS The Light of A Matter of The Heart.❤
This is easier said than done. We have some very hurt folks trying to have intimate relationships. If they were emotionally secure, they would already know when to end the relationship.
that part! you can go be happy w someone else just leave me alone
I saw it and told my husband, late husband now, that he brings out the worst in me. He responded by smiling the biggest grin I had seen on his face in a long time. I knew right then I had to go and never go back. We lived separated for five years and he refused to divorce me. He suddenly died of a heart attack in his sleep.
Definitely been there. I have a few more to add.
*Just because you are married, is also not a reason to stay. If after the I DO's this person is treating you like this. They are definitely not honoring their vows.
*One person can't make a relationship work, no matter how hard you try, esp if they are not trying just as hard. *Marriage is not a reason to put up with BS that your spouse puts you through. *Definitely don't stay in something not fulfilling just because children are invovled. It can end up creating the same toxic cycle in their future relationships.
*Don't be afraid of a breakup or divorce. You were by yourself and took care of yourself before that person came along. You'll survive.
Man I needed to hear this!
Count up the cost before having 5 kids and leaving.
First time I've heard him say something reasonable and applicable, not just simple, pandering drivel...👏🏿👏🏿
Its not easy to let go. You will let go when your mind and heart on the same page. When you made up your mind and your heart is align with that. There's so much we can take but When you have had enough, you will let go
Amen!
Word! I just realized that after 30 years of marriage.
Lord they would rip me to shreds. I was forced out. But thank God he kept me. Good words. Hard to take.
I just walked away for the last time
I still love him. All you said is spot on. I love him so much, but it's depleting me and I loose my peace of mind
I so needed to hear this. My first message on new year. I cant remain in my feminine energy as he makes me so depleated and I have to shout and go into my masculine energy just to say my reality isn't his. So grateful to find this 🙏
This will be novel’ish
As someone who is currently in the midst of such a situation. I often find myself researching and trying to learn about a mindset and certain emotions a special girl might posses that I am not used to. Even though I came across this as a search to find answers. I see certain comments and I feel like I can actually share a little to maybe help.
First of all…… Don’t give up.
Second……. Don’t listen to respond, listen to reinforce your understanding and your stance.
After my 10 year marriage ended, I was in a very dark place too. I was afraid of sharing my heart because it wasn’t whole. It was shattered. Suddenly I was a single dad. Something I had never asked for. Tough place to be.
But I met someone very special about 9 months ago and after hearing just pieces of her story I began to realize that my heartbreak couldn’t compare to the tragic and painful past she was sharing with me. As I stood there listening to her, I knew completely and without question. If I wanted to pursue this woman (and I was certainly feeling that way) I would have to face things that I had no idea how to face. There was so much pain, so much doubt, so much fear, loss, devalued self worth, guilt, etc….. But here’s the thing. Although I saw all of that on the surface. What I saw inside was what grabbed my heart. She was strong. Stronger than she knew, stronger than I had ever seen. I am a man of faith. I try to focus on God and seek his plan. So I cried out and asked for direction. The answer was tenderness not romance. Compassion not lust. Respect not impatience. No way, would I ever crack this shell by thinking for myself. I had to think with her emotions. Learn triggers. See the pain and take some of it upon myself to truly understand. Sure I could do and say many things to teach her how special she is. Remind her of her beauty, her worth, value, and rarity. All of those things are great but without respect for her boundaries and what she needs to process. All would be wasted. Not long after we met. Circumstances changed and the friendship was forced into a long distance connection. To maintain the “vibe” I became attached to talking daily. But she needed help and a time came that I could no longer provide that. When she began therapy to overcome the trauma she had endured. She slowly started pulling away. I saw it coming and knew what was happening. But I still tried my best because I was desperate to see my continued impact. Then she got new advice. The Therapist advised her to distance herself from any emotional pull from others. I was clearly in that category and I completely understood it.
So recently (the better part of two months) we haven’t had much communication. Her mother reached out to me and explained what was happening very softly and respectfully asked for space. Not just from me. From all outside connections. She had to take time to focus on herself and fall in love with herself again. So as confusing and hard as it’s been. That is what I am doing. She didn’t pull away out of anger towards any pressure I created. She just needed to focus and allow the therapy to take its place in her healing.
I tell you all of that so I can give the advice that I intended. The idea of running away from her is mind boggling to me. That’s terrible advice and it should be ignored. Ask yourself how many people have already done that to her. I can give you the answer. If she has pain in her past, trust issues, or fear of a relationship. The answer is EVERYONE. Everyone has run from her at some point. That’s why shes here. If she knows your feelings. She knows your desires. Let it be and don’t go away completely until you are asked to do so.
People ask me everyday how long I will wait for this girl. That question has two answers.
As long as it takes.
or
Or until I am told that I shouldn't.
Try to remember these things.
RESPECT (no elaboration needed)
Don’t give up when she expects you to. Remember its probably her past that makes her feel like you will.
You are not the cause of her wounds.
If you love her, love her without apologizing for it.
If space is needed. Only you can provide it. Shes not going to beg for it. She will ask once, maybe twice. Failing to understand its importance will morph your fears into reality.
She will never ask you to wait. But you will do it if you think shes worth it.
She feels guilty that you’re putting your life on hold for her. Ignore that. She feels guilty about things you will never understand. Guilt is probably her most painful emotion to overcome.
You are not a band aid, so don’t act like one. Hookups are band aids. Affairs are band aids. True friends are not.
Encouragement is still valuable while giving space. Send periodic messages that she doesn’t need to respond to. Do not burden her with the guilt of “ignoring” you. Remind her that you’re proud. Do what you can to leave love out of it. Just tell her she is strong and you are thinking about her. praying for her etc. Remind her that you are always there “IF” she needs you not “WHEN”. Don’t come across as assuming. (space these messages out. Don’t think daily right now, think weekly)
Remember that she is probably less in love with herself than you are with her. She has to get there in order to give you or anyone the best version of her. She cannot give the broken version away. The fear of sabotage is too much. If you are good, she fears ruining you.
She wants to be heard but she will never beg for your ear. You just always have to be listening.
Take the time to work on yourself. If you have fear and doubt about her. Take the time away to rid yourself of those emotions. Uproot your own darkness that is causing them.
She likely wasn’t looking for you when you arrived. You showed up out of nowhere. There are probably feelings that confuse her from the very first conversations you had. No matter how much time has passed since. Those confusing emotions still run through her mind. That’s ok. That’s likely good or she would have cut you off completely before letting you into her circle to begin with.
Remember that the confusion you feel right now does not compare to hers. The time that goes by will suck. You will miss her. But there is nothing else you can do. Tell yourself everyday that you deserve her. Tell yourself that she deserves your patience. Focus on what makes you special to begin with.
She is worth it. Or you wouldn’t be here asking this question.
That’s most important thing I can say. When you tell a girl that she is worth it or she’s worth the wait. I promise you shes heard that song before. So far no one has made that true to her. No one has actually finished the song, recorded it, and gave it to her to keep. Be the guy that that completes her playlist. She has a wall that you will never completely tear down. You will remove a few bricks from time to time. But if you really like whats on the other side of that wall. You will try again and again to climb over it. When that person decides to love you she will love you so completely and faithfully that you will be glad you waited. She will not give her love away casually.
Stay focused. Keep climbing.
The man on top of the mountain didn’t just fall and land there. (Not my quote)
God Bless You
Her mother called because she loves you too. I'm praying that God returns her to you after she heals. Blessings received and returned🕊️🙏💞
Sorry this isn't my situation I saw it while doing research myself because I'm in a similar situation and decided to share to maybe help someone whos in the same circumstances
But I would say that this kind of situation is like a double edge swords where you get hurt weather you win or lose
@@regisjohnathan That is the truth.
I think the thing that makes us stay longer than we need to is the fact that we feel like we're betraying that person so we try n hold on longer hoping thing change for the better but in the process you lose a bit of yourself
Everyone always running. Sit down, talk to each other and work for what you want out of a relationship
SWEEEEEAAAAARRRRRR 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 I am living this exact sentiment RIGHT NOW 🤞🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿... No liea detected. I love her... From over here 😂😂😂😂😂
That answer is hard. TRUE. But hard to do when other people are involved.. specifically with children.
Absolutely
LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH
Love is needed in relationships. The issue is that many people don't know what love is. It is an action word not just emotions.
Excellent advice. Too many abused women stay because they “love their man”, but that is not love. That is control on the man’s part. And people need to understand and want to be in a healthy relationship.
Very true
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💯
Very sound advice. I still loved my ex when I ended the relationship. And we renegotiated a solid friendship that we both still value 14 years later. I introduced him to his current wife. We make really good friends, but we were not good for each other as a couple.
I'm a male; I do not like my older but I love but I do not need him no more because I found my peace within myself. He's a narcissistic person so it's over between us so I have to focus on my life with a peace and no problems. I am so happy for my life for myself. 💯🤣🙏
I told my husband 5 or 6 years before his death.. “I love you however I don’t like you.” And I wanted to move forward with our children without him…He started arguing and blaming me for everything..Most of the assets were in his name.. I didn’t ask him for much one was to have one of the SUVS.. He looked at me and said “No you will walk or catch the bus!”
when he's sent you to the ER for your 1st black eye and broke arm, ....not 8 babies and 9 er visits later..love is never enough
Thats not love . ..not on his end anyway
Yes!
If it is not healthy or functional, then you know this rest!!!!!! Real Talk 💯!!!!!!
Amen. And it doesn't matter how many children you have with that person
Amen...let go..one time in this life..deal with the inner man..live..laugh..love🙏💪👍👏👏💯😊❤️
One of the best responses to this question
Thank you for breaking it down for folks. Even if you love them, do you love you more? We have to understand if that person is not adding and multiplying in areas of your life, them they are subtracting and dividing, like you said "time to GO!!!!"
I needed to hear this.... i broke up with someone almost a year ago and came back to see if we could work it out. I loved them, but it wasnt functional in regards to moving into a marriage. A girlfriend will never be required to give or do as much as a wife and she never reached that point in 3 years and i will admit wife is a huge responsibility and duty
Faaaaacts! I was holding on for dear life to this man. I would wait til I was fed up to leave and then I would think about it later and go back because I still loved him. I still love him but I love me more and I could grow in that relationship.
Now that’s real. There’s no one I left because I didn’t love them. It’s just that the relationship had become toxic. We went to therapy, but they weren’t willing to work to make it better, or we were simply at an impasse. Irreconcilable differences.
Trust Is Gone ... 😊 Let' Go and Let God''. ❤
I'm just coming out of a relationship with someone I've been in a relationship with for 4 years and as much as it hurts, I'm happy for him and hope he finds happiness with someone else because it has to be healthy, functional and peaceful for me to stay in. You don't have to hate your ex, you can be friends and still be fulfilled and happy. It's called growth.