Dating with CPTSD: This is What Happens When You PUSH for Love
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
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Trauma from childhood can leave you with the belief that the great effort that helped you survived is the same approach that will work in romance -- but to others this agenda feels pushy and can push them away. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who is popular with women but is hooked on the one who said "No."
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love this video! I feel a bit validated from your comments here because i've been historically slow, and when the physical is fast I feel highly uncomfortable. I don't like kissing on a first date most of the time because I want to get to know them first without the confusion of the physical. On media it portrays things often as its only normal if you sleep with them on first meeting, which made me feel uncomfortable and dettered.
Well said!
-Cara@TeamFairy
"Limerence strikes when your life sucks and you're sad and lonely." Gold
Thanks for listening :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
What if you're always sad & lonely though?
Women that came out of abusive relationships get triggered by being pushed to do something they don't want to do. Giving them a ton of space and letting them initiate things is the best approach ❤
I found this letter really upsetting. To me, it has less to do with CPTSD and more to do with a dating culture that pushes everyone to move really fast when that's not right for everyone. The letter writer said that he understood that kissing was too much for his date at first, but he kept pushing it. He didn't listen when she said she wanted to take things slow. This is probably why she said it wasn't going to work. A lot of the time, when you demand an answer right away, the answer is "No."
Also, he practically admitted to saying nasty things to her when he emailed her. I was shocked when he said he thought he'd been too soft with her because nothing about what he described sounded soft. I shudder to think about what he said. He really shouldn't contact her again unless it's to apologize.
This...all the way this. He broke her boundaries big time and this is probably why she was crying in the car after that last date. She likely felt violated and rightly so.
I agree completely!! Frankly, speaking from experience of a crazy ex who insisted on harassing me with "apologies", the letter writer has zero right to even do THAT. She said she's not interested, that's the end of it. There is nothing to discuss further. The fact that he can't get over it is something he needs to figure out on his own. Pleading his case with the poor girl, no matter how he tries to frame it, will blow up in his face and rightly so, because at this point how can she interpret further communication from him as anything BUT yet ANOTHER deliberate violation of the boundaries she CLEARLY set?
ALL of this!
His comments that he normally has success with women, that’s why he can’t take it when she pulls back and not feeling it, and lashed out. He should really take some time off dating and work on his trauma.
i agree with this, too. movies and television program us to think that relationships must always lead with the physical. as someone who takes a practical approach to relating with men, i've always been viewed as a bit of an oddity when i want to let things unfold organically.
and like this poster said, the authentic response to being rushed is 'no'. that goes for any life situation -- rushing always hides things that patience and time will reveal.
He doesn't even know who she IS, he's just projecting a lot of stuff onto her.
Exactly, textbook CPTSD, so glad he wrote in for help.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Playing with hair is a sign of discomfort more then flirting.
It could be. I've read body language books that indicate it can also be a sign of attraction. It depends on context. I think body language is complex and needs to be looked at holistically rather than separating out individual behaviors. It can be hard to read sometimes even for people who don't have CPTSD....
Yup. It is also a common form of stimming in neurodivergent fem falk.
Honestly, some people think that a smile or being nice is flirting.
@@ponetium And sometimes it is :)
@@suzy1750 still not a good idea to assume that a kiss is welcome on a first date.
Yeah, playing with my hair is a nervous tic for me, not flirtation.
I recently read somewhere (paraphrasing): “Confidence in dating isn’t about forcing someone to like you, but about being prepared for the other person to potentially not like you, and being ok with that.” It’s easier said than done, though, when you’re raised in neglect, abuse, and parental rejection where every rejection dredges up those feelings.
It’s also possible that she was crying in her car because she hated rejecting someone that she could see was a really good and kind guy, but she just wasn’t feeling it. I’ve been there where as much as I want to feel romantic feelings for someone I just didn’t. And when you’re a broken person, that hurts too.
Great advice, Anna. You really are very perceptive and know how to talk to people who are living in their trauma. ❤
Wonderful! Exactly.
Thanks for sharing, glad you're here!
-Calista@TeamFairy
I was thinking that maybe she was crying because she was not ready and dating was overwhelming.
(I don’t want to be rude to the message writer in any way and the tone might’ve brought up some bad feelings, but) I kinda felt like he was pressuring her. She said she was hesitant to date and wanted to go slow, but he was still touching her and trying to kiss her. Just remembering that happening to me is freaking me out a bit 😅
@@mintyhippo8125 I totally agree!
@@mintyhippo8125 That could be true, you make a good point. Nobody likes to be pressured into any intimacy, and it can be very traumatizing to be kissed when you don’t want to.
The idea "playing with hair" "let me hold her back" for "ques" and ignoring words. Its how so many of us autistic women get labled as "teases". Listen to womens words please. And do not push. Actively communicate.
I felt that right from my heart. Took me so long learning how to handle that
Kissing is very personal to me. It has a very intimate quality to it and I have to feel very comfortable and attracted to someone's personality before I'd enjoy kissing someone. Any man who wants to kiss me before I've established a genuine connection to them usually ends up in the discard pile pretty quick.
Same.
Same with me!
If I cry in the car after a second date, it clearly wasnt a good date. Sorry dude but you should leave her alone and not put any more pressure on her.
Thanks for watching.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I know this comment is 1 year old, but, while what you said might be correct, you could express it much more respectfully. It's tiring to see how traumatized women who have trouble dating often get all the compassion (that they deserve), while traumatized men thatchave trouble dating always get all the hate and "creepy" vibes.
@@Spectrometermen are just physically more dangerous than women...and a lot of women have bad experiences with men. Aggression may not always be suitable but it's understandable...
Mam, i just cried after my second date. Does it mean its going to be downhill? 🥺🥺🥺🥺 should i leave the person beforehand???
@@inruinru that's not the point of their comment though.
It's not right to assume a man is any more or less emotionally vulnerable based on their gender alone.
It may be true in the abstract, what you said and I don't deny that however what OP was saying is that it's unfair label the two people in this scenario based on the letter alone and on their gender.
Anna, I love your term "eroticizing rejection." How brilliant. No offense to anxiously attached people, but I notice quite a few them will rationalize evidence that someone is simply not interested, and distort it into the person being fearful avoidant or just avoidant, like the letter writer concluded about this girl. But she was honest and said she wasn't ready to date. I feel like this term "eroticizing rejection" sums that up so well
Right... or diagnose them as "a narcissist", when quite simply they just aren't that into them.
I'm going to rewatch this. Thanks for the clarity
Eroticizing rejection is when someone is in love with someone who said no BECAUSE they said no? Man :-(. Talk about weird people.
@@dordonake It happens. My best friend in college told me that she was only attracted to men who didn’t like her back. And she even not so subtly put me down for only being attracted to guys who liked me back, as if I was the one who had the problem by not chasing men who weren’t into me. She claimed she liked a challenge, and had zero self awareness that it was her low self esteem that made her dislike any man who liked her.
But sometimes, the person is avoidant
From being a woman.... after listening to his letter~ I personally sensed Jason went too fast; only my opinion. Plus the gal stated she'd like to take things SLOW. I've learned thru dating plus observing other couples...that whichever person is going at a slower speed~the other must maintain near that speed in order to see a truly lasting relationship. 99% of the time~ rushing gets us nowhere in thee end.
Yup, match the slowest person!
My ex, with whom I was deeply trauma bonded, told me on the third date that I was “perfect” and there wasn’t anything he didn’t like about me. I was SO flattered because I had cripplingly low self-esteem due to my childhood with an alcoholic and emotionally abusive father. There was nowhere to go but down after that, and boy, did I ever fall off the pedestal. I do wonder if the writer has fallen for her beauty and that’s what is keeping him enmeshed and causing his disinterest in other women who aren’t as physically attractive. My best friend when I was younger was drop-dead gorgeous, and men had a hard time letting go when she didn’t reciprocate their feelings.
oh boy can I relate to that love bombing too......of course once I was invested he became critical and abusive;-(
Whenever someone compliments me too much it scares me. I know nobody is perfect and I damn sure am far from it. My ex once told me I was "petite" and it scared me because I'm not. I'm 5'5, which is technically average height, and hypothyroid and obesity runs in my family. Because he thought I was petite which seemed to really please him, I had a deep fear that he wouldn't want me anymore if I gained weight.
Flash forward to the present time: I HAVE gained weight and my most recent ex (not the same guy) has just dumped me. He cited my weight gain as one of the reasons! 😥 (And my cptsd certainly didn't help, either! 😞)
Yeah, I had one guy tell me he thought I was amazing and “finally made him want to date again for the first time after so long!” … and then he wanted me to say it back to him and got really disappointed when I didn’t. … after one date. Red flag lol
Plus, after I said I wasn’t feeling as intensely about him, he quickly moved onto another person to which he said the exact same thing. So… yeah. Projection.
@@FreshGrey-pm4vw I didn’t learn about “love bombing” until I started watching videos about narcissists. It’s SO seductive, and it’s easy to get quickly hooked. I’m sorry that you had to deal with abuse in your relationship, but it seems to be a frequent outcome after an intense honeymoon period. I hope you’re doing well now. ❤️
@@themaggattack I have the same reaction when someone compliments me, and when your self-worth is tied up in how you look or how thin you are - like it is for many women - it really makes you a vulnerable target. I’m so sorry that your ex treated you that way, and I understand how it feels. My former boyfriend ended our relationship after 20 years, and it was the most devastating thing that ever happened to me. But two years on, I’m doing okay. I hope the same for you. ❤
Online dating is crazy awful. A perfect stranger you meet with may or may not be anything they say they are. Don't waste your time or money on dating sites. Lots of broken people looking for short cuts to relationships. There are no short cuts.
very agreed
Agreed
Ditto🤩
I totally agree. Even if it takes years to meet your person in actual life, it’s better than talking to a persona.
Im sorry, I have to disagree. I’m met my now partner on a dating site and we have been together for 2 yrs now. I will say though, I had to get myself to a healthy place before I signed up for online dating. The main thing for me was to work on myself and be healthy so that i can attract a healthy partner as well and detect red flags sooner than I used to. This channel helps me in maintaining my health ❤️❤️
“Feral” is exactly how I’d describe myself in the dating world 😅
Haha! Thanks for watching
-Calista@TeamFairy
😂 I so felt this!
Just a thought, but I wonder if the shy, quiet types are easy to project the qualities we are looking for onto. Maybe because she didn't say that much or reveal too much about who she is, it was easier for your imagination to fill in the blanks with all you were looking for in a woman?
💯
Yes! I think that's spot on
That's so accurate! It's also way easier to be limerent with a shy person. The less room a person "takes up", the more room to project onto.
We fill in the blanks in the absence of information and it is easy for those blanks to be filled with what we want rather than what is on offer.
I am just at the beginning but this man should know when a woman’s lived through abuse or just really any woman that agenda should not be pushing yourself onto them! I lived through abuse and it feels very invasive to have a virtual stranger trying to be physical with you immediately. The kiss could’ve waited till several dates and trust was built!
We are likely talking about two people with CPTSD navigating dating, there is a lot of room for mis-steps.
-Cara@TeamFairy
If I was her I would be scared of him. He sounds really pushy and he ignores her boundaries. She freezed when kissing and said she wanted to take it slow and he kissed her again without consent. Twirling hair is something I do all the time, it doesn’t mean I’m attracted or want to be kissed. She didn’t give any green light for physical contact.
Me too. He sounded way too intense to me and would make me freeze up if he touched my back,etc. I would feel really uncomfortable and that would be the end of any attraction I may have had initially. Feeling safe is really important.
I agree. I truly believe this guy has a big heart YET is confused in what is truly appropriate. Hugs to both.
I felt the same way about it. It sounds like he turned a bit nasty to her when she rejected his advances and that's probably what upset her so much that she was crying in the car. It's really scary when a guy does that and also can set off feelings of guilt because women are generally socialized to manage men's feelings. She might have actually liked him before that, and had some hope about continuing the relationship, but I suspect the moment he did that, she realized he was not someone she could trust.
Yeah this guy acted in an intense and scary way. I hope he learns how to communicate, ask for consent, and help a woman feel safe by respecting her boundaries
Appreciate your point of view :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I appreciate Jasons letter- full of vulnerability and it took guts to write it I think. All the best Jason - you deserve a kind loving person.
But he is a pushy creep.
Great video! I feel like men are given terrible advice, especially via toxic masculinity “gurus”. Rushing into the first kiss, “she touched her hair so that means she wants to sleep with me” - garbage. It must be difficult.
Thanks for sharing!
-Calista@TeamFairy
That's because a lot of this kind of advice is just about maximizing the guy's chance of getting laid. It's true that if you play the numbers game and approach enough women, any technique, however ridiculous or sleazy, will work on someone eventually. It's terrible advice for men who are interested in dating a particular woman that they genuinely like.
I've been on the receiving end of this in a very similar situation.
There is a chance she was actually interested. In my case I was interested, but he was REALLY FRICKEN INVESTED from the jump. But his refusal to pick up on my cues to slow down and eventually blatantly telling him I wasn't at his level of interest yet only got him more invested. His behavior felt selfish so I cut it off. He continued to text random things over time and I eventually got frustrated and blocked him. But the sad thing is, his intense energy around dating me aside, he had so many qualities that I admired and would really have liked to try connect, but it just doesn't feel safe so I left it alone.
It might be the same for this Ginny. It would explain why she was crying when she let him down. If it is, just listen to her when she is telling you her needs. She probably doesn't want physical contact immediately. Maybe she just wanted some time to know him better and feel more secure.
Also I don't get all this kissing and fking when you first meet someone. Like who is this person that's trying to touch me with their mouth?
I wonder if he asked if she wanted to be kissed. There was initial interest, neither communicated about what they wanted (Asking Is it ok to kiss or touch or telling) in the moment, and she experienced freezing and perhaps fawning before trying to back away from dating him. This is mentioned not to shame or blame either person
I've noticed and read that just because someone does not stop you from doing something does not mean that they want you do continue. I think seeking consent (asking), if this is not being done, beforehand is a great way to see if the other person wants to proceed.
I had a horrible experience where a woman told me she was trying to tell me to stop with her eyes.
Enthusiastic and ongoing consent. It's now best practice to ask for a yes (in some form), rather than act and wait for a no to stop, for the very reason that so many people, especially women, have trouble saying no.
He probably didn’t ask her at all. He sounds like my ex who only went off of “signals” he assumed meant consent which is a very unfortunate thing to do that can make women feel violated or question what happened.
"I messed up though by showing too much emotion..."
This. This is childhood trauma. Feeling shame for having a human reaction. It's not like you chased her down the street. You were just, disappointed.
*sigh*
Also, taking responsibility for everything, assuming you are singlehandedly responsible for all of the emotions and all of the actions and reactions of both parties. Some things have nothing to do with you. She could have been on her period. She could have just heard that someone had died. She could have lost something. She may have just been diagnosed with a disease. Her friend may have said something awful to her. It could have been anything...
I once didn't go on a third date with someone because I noticed he noticed that I was limping and I was too ashamed (this was years ago before I knew what shame was) to explain to him that it was because of a nerve disorder. I took the limp as a personal failing, and used it as a reason to reject him, because I couldn't accept it in myself.
It could have been anything.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
I would say to probably just leave her alone 😅 a lot of the comments say to talk to her again, but I think you talked to her a few times already and she said no. If she wants to date you again, she’ll reach out. If you reach out again, it will probably feel like you’re forcing it.
One of the best things I have heard from a counselor is to believe people when they tell you things. If someone is telling you they aren’t into you, believe them. (A hard lesson I had to learn a few times, too)
Thanks so much for chiming in :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, you are so gentle but firm. You are so understanding and helpful to both men and women. You are an amazing guide.
Thank you so much! Glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
My ex had trauma from birth. I have trauma from childhood but have overcame it somewhat. We went way too fast, telling me that she loved me 2 weeks in. While having intercourse she pushed me away 3 different times making me feel unwanted and worthless. Her excuse was that it was her not me. This was mind blowing for me, I’m 34 this has never happened to me. My ego got crushed, which brought out my insecurities, feeling like I was never enough from childhood. Really brought out things that I had thought I had overcame. We just broke up it just didn’t work out. I’m still healing, I hope she gets better. I learned a lot from this video. 🙌🏼
I sorry about your loss and it hear about how certain interactions made you feel.
@Gerwalk thank you
@@DarkPony22 I had a near traumatic sexual experience with an ex. Her untreated trauma or wounds (not sexual trauma from what I know) lead to uncommunicative and an abrupt end to a first sexual intercourse experience where I was confused about what was going on and she did not communicate what was going on at the time despite seeming to have a number of emotions. Her religion made it difficult for her to talk about sex if she was not married to the person. Anyway, my therapist suggested I read Allies in Healing by Laura Davies, not because my ex was a sexual assault survivor but because she recognized my ex's behavior from people who were sexual assault survivors. Point being, reading that book might help you understand the experience. It helped me understand what I think happened.
@@bensweiss That makes a lot of sense. Her previous relationship she was abused and hit constantly. I believe that along with her birth trauma, she almost died. there was as just not enough communication, and way too much misunderstandings. We could of probably worked thru this. But I was not all there towards the end of the relationship. I realized I still need work myself, there is a reason why I attract women with trauma. I’m still not where I should be. I’m ok with that. I will check that book out thank you.
@Veronica Haney This makes a lot of sense. My ex was the one that wanted to have intercourse so soon. I wanted to wait and take my time because I haven’t been in a relationship for almost 5 years and I really wanted for this to work out. I was married for 8 years and divorced in 2017. I decided to take another chance with this girl this year because she was intelligent, had a good career, goal oriented, and health conscious. She inspired me to better myself, I was overweight when we started going out, and very unhealthy. Maybe we were just meant to meet to help each other out. I wish her the best, I truly do care for her.
(Just from my experience, since I am not affiliated with this question personally)
The woman might not have been pulling away because she was in an abusive relationship previously and didn’t know how to say no. That is a big problem that I would have is I would say, “I don’t want to kiss you yet.” And then they would try to kiss me, and I would kiss them back because I felt weird. (Super codependent) I viewed it as, “they want to kiss me and I would disappoint them if I didn’t.”
That mindset got me into a lot of really bad situations.
But, sometimes I would do the flip side and think, “they probably want to kiss me!” So even though they didn’t even have say they wanted to, and I didn’t want to, I would volunteer it… and then feel really scummy.
It seems like she just wasn't ready. He isn't taking her feelings into account and trying to find blame somewhere, even in himself, so that he can reconcile the fact that it didn't work out. She said point blank she didn't want to move forward, so respect her and try (I know it's not easy) not to take it personally 🙁. The reason he can't get her off his mind is because he was rejected basically...that hurt makes us want it more.
): yea
I know we are supposed to try to focus on compassion for the letter-writer, but, man, what a triggering letter. If I ever become single again and have to go back out into the world of dating, this is exactly the kind of scary behavior I fear--a man thinking I'm falling for him because I'm twiddling my hair, a man deciding I'm his dream girl in only three dates, a man trying to kiss me without asking me or without me leaning in for it, feeling my resistance and stiffness and nonetheless trying to kiss me again the next time (that lack of sensitivity alone would make not want to go out with someone again), then becoming angry when I reject him and talking to me sarcastically and guilt-trippingly (awful--this is why women fear saying no to men), then deciding he was too 'soft' and sending more messages (so scary--what's the opposite of soft? Hard and forceful?), then becoming obsessive and thinking about me every day. I've been on the receiving end of that behavior, and it's damaging. This kind of attitude (making a girl his dream girl, trying to push touch without getting consent, getting angry at her and saying sarcastic things, and then not being able to let her go) is on the lower end of a spectrum that, if it continues and worsens, becomes control, stalking, and abuse. I hope she is okay :( No one should end up crying in their car after a date
He seems clear that he had some mis-steps. So glad he reached out.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I didn't watch the entirety of the rest of the video, but I bet Anna had some great pointers for him! I'm glad he asked for help/advice too
I'm 54 and find it hard to speak up where boundaries are concerned 🤦♀️.
It can be difficult! Glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
“ Let them reject you fully “… Perfect!
“Lay those grubby cards on the table” she has such a way with words ❤
Haha, yes she does.
-Calista@TeamFairy
I’m so ashamed that at my old age I only recently saw by the grace of God that this was all I ever did. Learned it from mom & her trying to engage my dad in simple conversation, never speaking up for herself or us when her family members treated us like crap, waiting to see what the other person needed or wanted & then trying to become that “ thing “ for them - but of course always failing - which is part of the pattern- so we could feel like crap about ourselves. I learned to do this when I was a toddler, my God. And I was always angry that no one gave me what I wanted ( like she was ) but I didn’t even know what that was! So sad. I hope I can be part of healthy relationships in my 1/2 half of life.
Thanks for sharing! Glad you're here now :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
I twirl my hair all the time. It has nothing to do with being attracted to someone.
I’m glad i wasn’t the only person that thought the was not a sign… if anything… I could be seen as a nervous tick
I think we can't know for sure if she liked you in a romantic way or not. I think the moves you made with kissing was way to fast for her, since she wanted to take it slow. She had a trauma with a controlling ex. Then I guess the last thing she wants is to feel forced into feeling something, that makes her feel trapped or controlled again. At least that was what I felt after I got rid of a controlling man. I just could not stand anything that felt even a bit "sticky" or in that direction. So to be "forced" into feeling something in just a few dates, and be kissing, was probably to fast for her. I think she first needs to feel really sure that she met a kind and loving person, who would not be mean or controlling towards her. I think she needs to slowly get to know that person to find out if it might be someone that she could trust. First after that I think she can let herself developing some feelings. Because of that I feel you can't be sure if she liked you or not. Maybe it was just way to fast for her to both feel comfortable, to feel trust and also develop strong emotions. That may have been the reason she pulled away. Maybe she liked you, but got overwhealmed and felt like she could not respond enough because of that. I think it sounds normal, especially with the situation with her ex in mind. She said it was a trauma so she needs to feel safe. She does not want to fall into the same trap again. So if you ever reach out to her again, and she actually wants to meet you again, I think it is really important not to force anything. She might need many months to trust someone again. And maybe twenty dates to kiss someone. Maybe she also needs a lot of alone time to process her feelings and thoughts inbetween dates, to be sure she does not see any signals that scares her. If she likes you and trust you she might will allow herself into a start feeling things. It may not be romantic, who knows. But if you decide to text her and she is not interested in meeting you again, just let her go. Maybe she did not feel the right vibe she wanted. That can be the case. I can't tell.
I think your assessment is spot on. A person who has been traumatized by past abuse will be highly alert to anything that looks even remotely like control and will potentially run from that. I agree that the best approach is kindness, patience and lots of demonstration of being a safe person.
Stina and Rhonda, I agree and was glad to read your comments. I have experienced it this way too. She may well have been attracted but just felt too pressured or rushed - ahead of where her feelings hd naturally gotten to at that point.
@WildAwakening @@rhondahartzler4074 True! And even if you meet a great partner after that, you can react in a negative way in normal situations. After I got that controlling man out of my life I met a very nice man that now is my husband. In the beginning I got very stiff and got a high level of stress in some situations. For example if I saw a red car; then I couldn't concentrate, felt threatened and just wanted to get away. Because it could be that man and I felt he might do something terrible if he found out that I met someone. He actually did follow me, and creepy things like that. So I didn't know what he was capable of, and that was stressful. I also remember that my husband in the beginning asked me twice if we should meet on Friday. We already had decided to meet, when he said again he wanted to meet me that Friday. Then I got like bad vibes from the old situations, even though this new man was just nice and not controlling at all and I really liked him. My response to my husband about that Friday was quite cold. Those red flags were like loud fire alarms for me, even when the situations this time actually were not controlling at all, just nice.
Approaching the "nice guy" (TM) from a different perspective. Refreshing.
I too was in that man's place. I felt soo much for that girl, i basically ended up texting her a lot of thing in dms which i regret too which she never replied but anxiety grew worse n one day i just laid out all my feelings n got scolded. Since then finding Anna's channel had helped me in finding what was wrong n i am becoming a better person. She is a really wonderful girl, i should have never done those things but life happens n now we're growing. Thanks Anna. Lots of love to u.
Thanks for sharing, glad you're here!
-Calista@TeamFairy
From my point of view Jeannie reacted in a healthy way by pulling back cause he was putting too much pressure on her when forcing to kiss her on the third date. The best base for a future healthy relationship is to get to know each other on a friendship level cause after three dates you still don‘t know anything about the person. I would have reacted the same way as Jeannie.
When you "decide" someone is your perfect person, they haven't agreed to that and you need not project that all over someone.... Ive learned this the hard way.
This hairstyle looks fantastic on you!
So much of my dysfunctional childhood spilled over into my adult relationships. Looking back, my search for romantic, long-term connections with women was actually a search for the childhood I never had. I hadn't addressed the trauma and because of that, the pain of rejection was horrendous. I became the rejected, abused child all over again. Lost, alone and desperate. I'm a lot older now. But I never recovered from my childhood. I do have a much deeper understanding of myself and I'm at peace. But I am alone in the world...not lonely, just a survivor. I'm not sure I could ever have had the loving relationships I once craved. But now it's too late to find out. I am not unhappy.
🥺
It's never too late Jack! 💝
I think your awareness of how your childhood affected your adult relationships is a beautiful first step. And I agree with the other person it is never too late! When we’ve lived through childhood trauma we just need to learn to do a lot of self validating, taking things slow, And not putting huge expectations on other people especially strangers! You could dip your feet in ever so slowly. You don’t have to worry about trusting others so much when you start to trust yourself. And that comes with that self compassion! All day long I give myself what I didn’t have in childhood. I worked really hard on that internal voice and every time I feel it turn into anything other than compassionate I generally guide it back there ❤
@@TranscendingTrauma
Thank you for your reply. I am not doubting the validity or sincerity of what you are saying. I agree, in principle, with what you have posted. I suppose the first thing to say is that time is still very much on your side. To say "it is never too late" is not always true. To acknowledge that, is comforting to me..I am no longer wrestling with it; no longer in conflict with myself. I have learned to accept things as they are, not how I once wished them to be. And now I have no interest at all in being in a relationship. I've been living alone for many years...I don't want it any other way; that's the unemotional part...
For decades as a young man I suffered great emotional pain because inside I was still a very troubled teenager. I had no idea I was loveable or even likeable (and paradoxically, because of that, I probably wasn't). I felt damaged beyond repair. I had been taught that I was unlovable. It became ingrained in me. But what sealed my fate was that I sought solace in alcohol. My social anxiety was intolerable. My out-of-control alcoholism lasted 35 years. I cleaned myself up a few years ago. I've reached the calmest period of my life. Not being able to handle intimacy at this stage in my life is no big deal. We can all look back with regret (I used to do that a lot), but those feelings have gone. I am ok now x
After 3 dates? I make a guy wait wayyyy longer than that. I am able to communicate when something makes me uncomfortable. It's taken a long time to realize I can tell the person I'm not comfortable kissing and I don't get feelings until I've prayed and considered the likes and dislikes over time. My actual advice would be to send her flowers and wish her a bright future and if you still like her and want to date tell them you would consider her boundaries seriously. Take it super slow if you continue.
He shouldn't send flowers to a girl who rejected him and communicated she is not interested. That's encouraging him to not take "no" for answer and disrespect her boundaries.
I didn't hear that part. My apologies I misunderstood
I totally agree! AND Definitely Jason apologizing for noticing he saw her crying after date. This would show gentleman, empathic side.
Brenda I couldn't agree wth you more about the kiss part!
Agreed! CPTSD makes it so hard to wait for many but avoids SO much pain in the long run!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Just went through something similar. So true about all the things we with CPTSD do. 🤦♀️
Glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
So sorry you went through this. It may honestly be that she’s still traumatized from her past relationship. I’ve been in this situation and because I had just got out of a relationship it made me really avoidant. I would try not to internalize it.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
-Calista@TeamFairy
I don't think one needs to be traumatized in childhood to be completely put off by behavior like that guy's.
Maybe I'm off, but he DID do several things wrong. A woman that knows her worth doesn't want to kiss a man on the first day (or probably the first dozen). Give her time to KNOW you. He rushed that so fast which is a red flag. She said GO SLOW and he kissed her AGAIN. He took the simplest of signs as green lights for complety inappropriate behavior and made this poor woman cry. I know you basically said all this with a lot more grace, but men have to hear no. (OK, to my daily practice cause this one triggered me)
I totally agree. He definitely went over her boundaries, and didn't think about her feelings. He sounds like he was into her sort if because her vulnerability.
I am with you, this letter is triggering to me as well. I am no native speaker and her to hear it twice. She told him she had an abusive ex and he still felt entitled to rush things, not value her need to take it slow, even asking himself if he didn't press enough. And then guild trips her sarcastically when she withdraws. This is all red flags to me.
@@ponetium Yes! That’s exactly what I ended up thinking about the situation too. Like he wanted to keep preying on the vulnerable... Yuck :(
And we're also talking about someone who identifies with CPTSD, watches the Channel and is asking for help.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks for your kind reminder :)
I'm not sure why if he has lots of people interested he's going after this dream girl who appears to not be ready to date. I mean, I have a weird crush, too, but you can't actually push a real person who says no to your face. IMHO, reality and fantasy need to separate here.
Hi Anna and Jason,
Thank you 🙏 so much for this letter and video.
I didn’t want a relationship with my father. Rather than accept this and meet me where I am at, he tries to force me to have a relationship with him.
He successfully enlisted my mother and 4 siblings (flying monkeys 🙈) to help him. They would have events to force my interaction with him - not telling me their agenda or he would be there. It is went as far as agendas to keep me stuck in California when I felt alone and unsafe here.
My eldest brother used terminology like “ I know what is best for you” to my mom, me and his girlfriend.
Of course, this confused me in the dating world and feeling my way through the dating.
Media contributes to this dysfunctional dating.
oh boy can I relate with you
@@flufftronable 🙏🥰💗😻🌻. I am so sorry and thank you!
Glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
This dude's not a bad dude. He just doesn't understand 'trauma' and 'slow' mean weeks or months, not days or dates. I really think she might have been into him, and then he moved too fast and triggered her and she panicked and ended it. Physical intimacy might have been wanted, but wanted when she was ready. This is why communication is so important. People tell your prospective partner how the pace needs to be at the get go. Negotiate perhaps. Talk about boundaries and such before you jump into triggering someone or seeking your pleasure.
And I've been told - and I verified it - that I twirl my hair when in some sort of romantic reciprocal state. It feels like shyness and attraction mixed. So that information is accurate in one small context which supports the stereotype. But I also fuss or absently toy with by hair all the damn time, unconsciously. And people, nervous, in a date might just need something to so with their hands.
I don't think this guy had bad intentions, or necessarily bad information, I think he was just unaware of how to take care with someone that fragile. I also disagree with those in the comments section talking about him violating consent. Yes, maybe the kiss was too abrupt, sprung on her. It was certainly too fast. But you don't know the situation. Did she pull away, freeze, or did she kiss back? That information isn't provided. Don't demonize someone without information to support bad actions. I agree with his hindsight assessment, kissing should be done in private. Not public. I - as a very anxious and shy person - loathe PDA.
All in all, not enough information to see if he was in the wrong - as in way too into someone not into him - or if he was just too triggering at the wrong steps. I think I lean towards the latter. Good person, sadly the wrong time for Ginny to be receptive. I feel really bad for him.
This triggered me as a victim of SA. I've had this happen to me as the women. Poor girl
The snail anecdote really made me smile. That was a great analogy.
I can not imagine kissing after 23yrs with ex narcissist, he told me I smelled, I m o.c.d, I can not get myself to not believe it, so 5yrs later no touching me,no kissing, no sex and hugs only from adult children and grandchildren.
Why let the narc rob you of anything else? I'm sure you caught them in lies before, why is this true? Or did tgey, in true narc fashion use intimacy to wound? Be kind and loving to yourself.
Don’t push a person who says she is not ready for dating.
I think a huge mistake we do is that we don't focus on ourselves at all. When you are on a date or meet someone new the most important thing to do is to pay attention to how we feel in our body, what we are thinking, how we feel next to the person. We don't even asses the person really, we just create an illusion about who the person is in our heads and then just focus 100% on them and how they feel and act and if they like us. We abandon ourselves completely. I have been heartbroken so many times in bad quasi-relationships it almost seems hopeless at this point (I am heartbroken again). I feel like an idiot.
Great insight, thanks for sharing. We understand the feeling, but it is not hopeless, you can heal and we're rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for explaining the laughter. It's from a place of not taking things so seriously, while looking at a serious topic, as a way to cope, and sort of give it less power. My opinion anyway. peace.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
-Calista@TeamFairy
I do empathize. I have definitely been the person spiraling because I don’t know how to explain kissing and physical touch on first date create panic. I have been dumped for this exact thing. Then feeling like you have to explain is way to vulnerable when you just meet. Like I don’t want to open the closet door on the first date either! Moving like a snail is not celebrated in dating world.
You're not alone. Glad you're here!
-Calista@TeamFairy
Jason honey... NEVER touch a woman without asking for her consent. End of discussion.
Hi Jason, sometimes we overthink a situation. She didn't reciprocate your feelings. Its disappointing but that's it. This happens to everyone. I am sure she has liked people who didn't reciprocate her feelings. Plus, we have all been through relationships that didn't work out after many years. So this was just the third date, who is to say this was your forever relationship. Its okay. You sound like a decent guy. Just go a bit slow nrxt time even if you really really like a person. I tend to pull away if I get too much attention all of a sudden. We are porcupines with big hearts. All the best Jason. Ofcourse, all the meaningful feedback that Anna has given you is useful too.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts
-Calista@TeamFairy
Your comment reminded me of the "hedgehog's dilemma"
Oh fairy i don't think Jason should be going anywhere near this girl. "Sarcastically guilt-tripped" a very vulnerable girl? Nooo. Please leave her alone.
@@redleeks6253 yes. Poor girl. Anna got this one so wrong, it baffles me.
Yeah, while I agreed with most of the advice, I agree that that is off. The girl is obviously very upset und hurt by him but feels unable to clearly explain what's going on. I have been that girl and when I later get a situation where I feel empowered to speak my true feelings, I heap emotional abuse on them and that's how I felt the whole time. I feel like what he actually liked about this girl is that she's "the cool girl" who has no boundaries and pretends to be okay with everything, and will never send a harsh word in his direction.
My boyfriend has gone through something very similar as you before we got together. They slept together one time and after that she told him she did not feel that there was connection and that things did not feel right. I told him back then that none of this was his fault, that he could not really prevent this kind of scenario from happening and that this kind of behaviour tells more about the woman than him personally. The way I saw it back then it was that she had some kind of block and emotionally unavailability on her side and that there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do to change her mind. She needs to face her issues alone. My boyfriend did seem at first insecure himself and would not let me in at first and even rejected me romantically at first. His pattern was chasing very distant and cold women and being scared of people who were warm and direct and refused to play games. Maybe your pattern is investing and investing but not expecting anything in return but just chasing and running after some women, who cannot give you what you want and treat you badly. I think it might have to do something with your family of origin but I think it is more of a self-esteem issue
You and your bf will find the book 'Attached' incredibly illuminating!
Are we talking about the book from Dr. Amir Lavigne? I hope I ordered the right book only
@@melitapavlinic7302 That's the one! It completely transformed the way I approach relationships (for the better).
Sounds like she was interested at first. He did a good job noticing that she wasn't ready for a kiss. I think her saying that she wanted to take things slow noticeably confused and bothered him, which scared her. When she rejected him in the moment talking about friendship vibes, instead of just keeping his emotional center, being honest, and saying that he isn't interested in friendship, and just telling her to get in touch when she is interested in romance, he got emotionally perturbed and that just scares a woman and turns her off even further. Learning to be ok when people don't meet our expectations is something to work toward. Her crying in the car is likely because of something that SHE thought that she did to ruin it, if I had to guess. She had already admitted to being and feeling very awkward, so she was probably blaming herself for things going wrong.
Texting and asking her what happened was a bad way to go, because it's like he is looking for some type of validation from her, which is even more of a turn off when a man does that, which makes her feel even more like she made the right choice. I think her saying that she isn't ready for a relationship is genuine and true about how she feels, but doubled as an easy way to turn him down.
If he messages her again, I think it should only be that complete honesty that you mentioned, which would be to let her know that he'd like to see her again, and to get in touch when she feels ready for date. Keep it simple.
Appreciate you chiming in!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Spoken like a true Corey Wayne fan lol. Good advice 👍
@@Daniel-bs8wv Pretty cool that you recognized that lol, and thanks. Corey basically teaches us to develop different and healthy and self-respecting habits, which help to change the bad habits and fears and coping mechanisms we picked up as we grew up. So in a different way that leads to the same result, he really teaches us to get through and heal cptsd too.
Anna if you ever read this comment: would you PLEASE do more courting from the perspective of men videos? All literature made by men AND women repeatedly tell men to be confident and take the lead with women, but those of us with childhood trauma become extremely anxious if we have to do all the work in the beginning.
One thing I can say as a woman that what I appreciate is then telling me for example ‘I want to kiss you’, ‘I want to hold your hand etc’ just putting out there what it is that you would like, and then they can decide what to do with that information. When I’ve been open and receptive, I say me too, when I am not ready or not feeling the right connection, I say that I’m not comfort with that (or not comfortable yet). They know of your interest and desire for something, without creating a potentially awkward situation by just going for it and then having them not reciprocate or get rigid etc.
@@sasb3675 Hi. This is why I would prefer for Anna (a person experienced with childhood trauma) to give her advice on this. Because I have actually read several forums where this very topic was discussed and a few women said the same thing you did; the man should ask. And do you know what happened? Dozens of other women said they would lose attraction for men that would do that... Then those forums usually deteriorate into the typical women are attracted to confident men cliche's
I'm hoping that Anna can navigate how to walk the line from both sides. Because before finding Anna's channel I use to think it was just that I was afraid of rejection, even though I'm very confident in every other area of my life. But now I realize that because of my emotionally neglected childhood where I did everything to gain my parents love and affection but they never returned it. Now the act of courting when the woman doesn't reciprocation (I always have to call 1st, ask for the date, and initiate any physical touch) makes me think she doesn't care about me like my parents didn't.
To the letter writer:
I think she really liked you. But since she's been in at least one abusive relationship before, this could be an indicator that she had at least one very boundary breaking parent.
When she communicated to you that she needs to take things slow and you were ignorant of this really important point and instead gave into your own low impulse-control, this might have appeared selfish, egoistic and boundary-breaking, so therefore very triggering of old wounds of hers. This was likely while she cried in the car.
I might be projecting here but had a similar experience recently and am wondering if she simply felt unseen, unheard and used all over again, when a person she saw potential in (why else would she have gone on a date with you if she's shy?) suddenly disregards of her vary valid need to build a feeling of trust and safety first but instead just went for multiple attempts to kiss her. If she hasn't dated in a long while, giving a date a chance was a big deal to her and she really wouldn't want to feel used or sexually exploited just due to another person's low impulse control on the first few dates already.
Maybe not having had trying to take sexual advantage of her on your mind would be a thing that would need to be clarified if you shall decide to write that email to her one day.
Very best wishes! 🙏
Thank you for sharing your experience.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I wish she had defined what slow meant to her. In the dating world, some people sleep together on the first date so maybe to Jason slow meant just kissing.
In fairness, Jason didn't really seem to care what slow meant to her.
He could tell that she didn't like being kissed and still kissed her again, without asking. He knew what her boundaries were, and disregarded them.
Slow means no sexual ANYTHING.
I consider myself on the healing side of things, but damn! this one hits different... Ooff I needed to hear this...
Glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
Never beg anybody to love you. Move on. 🌟
I reached out to a friend I was crushing on and admitted my feelings. He didn't even return the text. That was a really bitter pill to swallow 😩I have my answer, but I still have a "not good enough" feeling afterwards.
Sending you encouragement!
-Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks so much!
You are never "not good enough". If someone feels you 2 don't fit together you just won't. 2 people don't feel the same and this just happens. All the time. Think about all the possibilities where romance would just not fit the Situation for you, even if the person was nice and kind. Surface Level niceness is something we have to make Our peace with.
@@ichsehnursoaus he was a family friend and I was ok with the fact that he didn't feel the same way, but not to say anything to the text felt pretty humiliating.
I hate texting important things. The silence leaves so much room for you to fill in the story. To see your friend's reaction/body language in person would have told you so much.
You are such a 'truth with compassion' therapist. I listen because as a clinical psychologist I'm in compassion fatigue and you are reminding me how to get back in touch with heart. thank you xxx
This video reminds me of the film "500 Days of Summer"
I’m experiencing this now, but the guy I started dating moves extremely fast too.. That’s a recipe for disaster for me. We’ve been hanging out for two weeks and he’s already saying he wants me to move in! Which I won’t.
The biggest problem is, like usual, I come in really passionate & starry eyed, then things settle and I realize the person isn’t very compatible with me, and then I end things. It’s a vicious and disappointing cycle that self sabotages my healing, because even though I see what’s going on, it feels like “nothing ever works out for me”.
I can’t tell if I’m the problem or if there simply are just incompatibilities though. I’m overly sensitive and get put off by attitudes/people saying things in a tone/people being too cavalier about things with me. If I experience it once I start to notice every little time and then I want nothing to do with the person.
Sigh… I just want to be healed already.
Your the kind of person that needs to put off sex for quite a while then. Like Anna says.
The guy talking about moving in already...that's a massive red flag!! You might consider running far far away from him.
She had been in an abusive relationship and wanted to take it slow and that didn’t seem to register at all. “I guilt-tripped her sarcastically.” “I touched her lower back and she didn’t say anything”. I’m hearing a lot of entitlement and not a lot of empathy or curiosity. Women are conditioned to tolerate having our bodily autonomy violated. Touching the lower back is quite intimate. Ask questions/permission. Use your words instead of making assumptions about what a woman’s body language means. And I agree that it sounds like some poor advice from alpha-male “dating coaches” who have no respect for women might be a contributing factor here. A lot of personal work and understanding that relationships are not transactional is needed before continuing in the dating arena.
I’ve gone on dates with men like this. Some men project and fantasize and create a whole alternative reality when words and body language is saying no or go slow. If we want to move into something more physical women will lean into something, will enthusiastically bring her body closer to you… will tell you they like you. Gosh… wow… some men push through her personal bubble without being asked to enter into it with consent. Yikes. Hair touching means nothing! This whole letter made me anxious hearing.
100% to this. Made me anxious too.
I keep strong boundaries, I'm stiff and cold too...I don't let men close very fast. But you're totally right - when we want it, we show it. My best first kiss, I was leaning closely, touched my knee to his, had my arm around the back of his chair...and he still asked if he could kiss me. Turned out to be an amazing bf
People with CPTSD, including men, definitely create alternative realities. All the letter writers are looking for help :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
She talked a tight rope well with this gentleman was very delicate but yet direct . She is in the right calling of her life.
Thumbnail game improving. Love to see it
Glad you think so!
-Calista@TeamFairy
Jason thank you so much for writing, this is so helpful to many of us and Anna’s take is truly enlightening!! Many thanks to both and wishing you all the very best!!🙏🏻🙏🏻
we appreciate the support. Jack@teamfairy
Gosh, I feel like this letter was about me. What a strange feeling.
Thank you for being such a great person. Your videos are so valuable to me.
Thank you! Appreciate you watching :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
"Do whatever you have to do to get free and move on"
Gold 💯
You're à magical person. Thank you for this. 💕🌸💕
Thank you for watching!
-Calista@TeamFairy
Hey Crappy Childhood Fairy: do you know how many guys who have studied or done pick-up (pick-up artist stuff) that who failed at it due to whatever reasons and become incel and MGTOW guys? A LOT. The importance of this video in addressing those issues cannot be overstated. Your concepts of CPTSD and structured dating is the antidote for a lot of guys who go through pick-up, which values getting laid quickly and frequently above all else -- those who just can't do it (the vast majority) and beat themselves up for it and end up hating women and that hatred fuels harmful addictions and violence. For those of us who come from the same place as Jason (the guy in this video), knowing that it wasn't about doing the "right thing" but rather about perceptions and CPTSD is so liberating to hear. I humbly ask that you do a video specifically on pick-up artist mentality and how it is harmful for someone with CPTSD. I am willing to send you videos/articles for research if you are at all interested in this. And thank you for this channel, which is a Godsend.
Interesting! Please send recommended links to hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com and I'll look into it!
When you said: i feel lightens of heart when i look back the way i use to suffer.
I really felt that :)
Glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
it is summer again, who is not happy to see the summer: it is me, I am lonely and constantly limerent, ever since early childhood, lonely and limerent go hand in hand...in the beginning I thought these dreams will come true but in fact they are fantasies to replace the hard rejecting and lonely truth! I am also happily limerent, and now the truth has hit home badly, just like every summer, I will have to take a break and holiday on my own...it feels heavy and lonely. I am burdened and I want to die, even talking does not help anymore. I have instead isolated my self with constantly a feeling of tiredness and exhaustion and not looking forward to see new places but must-do-list forces me to do it... I am tired, very tired although my life is great. I don't know why my life has stopped and why am I taking slow step towards everything in life, except for relations, even notoriously liars have relationship and they are happy. I once was told by an energy senser when her hand was over my ovaries, I see a ship with no water, and no sails. How will it go forward? how can all these men that showed an interest and were attracted just leave without even feel pain...I am in pain since the last one and I have chosen to remain limerent of him...I have now given up and my only truth is to accept this life and appreciate what I have got, I am so blessed, and I even help others when I can.. and this only is great!
I needed this years ago😅
Glad you're here now!
-Calista@TeamFairy
Another great video. It all felt like fresh air; listening to Jason's open and honest letter, then Anna commenting and advising with such empathy and clarity. I find it so useful and soothing to my broken heart.
I’m exactly like her. A guy could have a chance but if he doesn’t ask for permission to kiss me first especially when I already said I need things to go slow it’s too overwhelming and I completely shut down and it becomes an immediate and permanent no.
We cope as best we can until we're ready to get to the work of healing
-Cara@TeamFairy
it was too much too early. it sounded overwhelming listening to the dates. slow down
My “boyfriend” is a bit like that guy. Very needy, pushy, feral and I’ve pulled away now. He’s obsessed with me. I have cptsd as well so he sets me of even though I don’t believe he is abusive like my ex
Whoa. As always. Eye opening.
Thanks for listening!
-Calista@TeamFairy
YEAH NO, if he made her cry absolutely do not contact her again. What a nightmare for her.
I will never think of snails the same way 😊. Kinda cute and sneaky.
That has been me
Find someone who is as emotionally unavailable as your mother and try to make them love you.
It sucks!
I don't and won't date. It's a shame I won't have a relationship for the rest of my life (I'm mid-40s) but I have a 100% negative track record because of how I was taught as a child. I recognise my triggers but they still trigger me, so it's not worth it to put myself in that position.
Totally with you. Because of my inability to choose men who will treat me with respect, I had to stop completely. Too much pain. I was 40 when I stopped with men. I am now 79 and have been much happier and saner. Best wishes to you.
@@judiroth7855 Thank you, Judi :) Yes, I hope and believe I can have a peaceful life raising my daughter, and once she's flown the nest, I'll enjoy my hobbies and friends, travel again... :)
I'm a man who feels the same way but it's mostly that I just CAN'T date, and when I do try I get crushed eventually. I think it's due to cptsd, but maybe I'm just a loser. Either way my heart and my life is desolate. It'll never be ok
BTW, I'm now 63. I've tried
I so desperately needed to hear this. Thank you ❤️
omg, another precious video. I'M ALWAYS doin' that. PUSHING for love,
It feels really nice when it comes all by itself! I'm glad you're here.
Btw "eroticizing rejection" is atl 50% of pop music lyrics 😒
Yes!
I don't do online dating and I'm not interested in a relationship....nuff said!!
If Jason does write an email to this woman, it would be an opportunity to ask for constructive feedback, if he's prepared to hear it. Something along the lines of "was there anything that felt like a red flag or too much about my behavior?" might give him some insight for self reflection.
If there is a avoidance part on Jeanie's end of things, then any signs of being clingy or over attached too soon on Jason's part might shut down any real response. It might lead to platitudes and more of the "it's not you it's me" type responses.
If feedback is sought, it seems best to do it from a stand point of honesty and emotional neutrality, as far as that is possible. Equal respect and communication should be the goal, not to get back together or guilt trip anyone. Also a great time to apologize for anything he did that he can say "I did x, because y, but I see now that Z would have been more appropriate" or something along those lines.
Just a stranger on the internet with no training or certification, so take a grain of salt with anything said here. Some women would be flattered by a "exit interview" being offered, others creeped out, so it's a type of gamble really. Best wishes to Jason and Jeanie and all the listeners at finding healthy love for yourself and then with a partner when the time arrives.
You perfectly said all the things I was thinking about the e-mail.
It's like looking in a mirror listening to this
You're not alone! Thanks for listening :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
Most first dates don't lead to marriage. I can intellectually understand that but every failure feels like proof that I will never find happiness.
Sending you encouragement!
-Calista@TeamFairy
That's not failure! Not! A Failure!
It's about meeting New people, nice people, and seeing if the 2 fit together. Just appreciate the meetings and broadening your horizon, you can learn so much and have a lot of fun meanwhile.
thank you for this video. I'm en route to hang with a friend who I think we have some mutual attraction, and I have been feeling triggered the last day or so because she's cute and smart. Im not sure if I have CPTSD, but I definitely have childhood trauma for the record, but this has helped me be more realistic!
The same situation happened to me . He is 31 I am 24 yo. Exactly the same happened, except we had sex ,but too soon to unappropriate. And I have been akward. But never had someting like this and didn't know how to behave. Yet I felt pressured. I cryied because he made me feel happiness . He judged me at one point. I just wanted to end things.....Probably the girl just cried about that she doesn't feel enough and a burden because someone finally cares for her but she feels guilty that is not even what she wants ,someting between u two. Probably she just wants to end things but doesn't know how. And she feels bad about what she might loose. That someone finally cares . But is suffocating and is not what she wants to have with u.
Pressuring someone that already is insecure and knows she is akward ,will do no good. She will just run even more. We need our space our pace
Your videos are soooo valuable for me, thank you so much Anna, you are wonderful, really helping me get through a difficult time ❤ 🙏 I'm really grateful ❤