Parents Told Me They Gave Up a Boy For Adoption 25Yrs+ Ago But Recently a Woman Contacts Me & Tells
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- Опубликовано: 25 янв 2025
- Parents always told me and my siblings that they had a first born son and gave him up for adoption. However many years later a woman contacts me and tells me my parents never gave up a boy for adoption.
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OP changing the circumstances of support without involving his lawyer and the court is absolutely moronic!!!
Even if he’s in the right, he went at it the wrong way. Now his ex is blackmailing him for more money
@@lorilancaster5917or he could be better dad and have 50/50 but that would give him responsibility of his kinds on his own more than few days and he cannot have that.
Yeah he should have involved a lawyer and courts (family and child support)
Usually child support does not cover the whole price of having kids. Kids also grow so fast, that I can see how shoes can be getting small right after buying them.
But I also understand his worry if he thinks they are neglected. If these a repeat offences (not just ramen from time to time, but rather ramen all the time) then I would side with him. Also, IF the wife went to Disneyland with just her bf, then he may have a case. But he needs to document the evidence and involve a lawyer. Afterwards change the custody agreement so he can provide them all their needs.
@@EclipseSeth he didn't specify if the ex went on that trip with just the new bf, lol I wonder why??
And he went straight to causing drama instead of contacting a lawyer.... I wonder why??
If your children are neglected, the sensible thing is to document everything.... From the looks of it, op doesn't even have 50/50 custody, just visitation....... I wonder why?? Lol
He really thought that withholding the child support money would help the situation, did he buy the kids those shoes with the money he didn't give to their mother?? He didn't say... I wonder why 😂😂😂😂
#4: *NO!!!* We are not missing our daughter's high school graduation for our son's umpteenth relapse.
What are you going to do for our son that the professionals can't? *NOT A GODDAMN THING!!*
Our daughter will only take so much before she cuts you out of her life forever.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Why on Earth would parents lie about the gender of a child given up for adoption???
So they couldn't track down the kid probably.
The lying is stupid, but so is the kids' reaction to the lies.
Its such a simple, ridiculous thing to be upset about.
@@alexandriawilliams-brooker9475 I'm glad it all got revealed. I was dreading that one of the sons was gonna hook up with their sister. Too many accidental incest stories on Reddit.
Because the gender was the reason to give her up. ...
@ronjaw4755 that's my feeling, too, especially considering their over the top actions with the younger sister. Just seems like overcompensating to me
Flip flops: that guy seriously needs to go back to court
So sick of people putting addicts and their bs ahead of their other kids. Clearly this dude is never going to get it together. Don’t destroy one kid when the other insists on destroying themselves with their choices.
Well said.
He may EVENTUALLY get it together. It took one of my cousins 27 years to get clean. Either way that cannot keep putting their life on hold waiting especially at the expense of their other children.
It’s the Reddit gender bias op is a man so automatically hes an ahole ops ex is female so she could murder puppies and be considered innocent
💯
Hate that OP saw this almost too late while his wife doesn’t see it at all. Hopefully son gets his act together because I see the daughter going no contact with her and low contact with him.
Guys not to be a total sexist downer... but we all know the reason they gave up child number 1 and lied was because she was a first born girl, right? Like they refuse to say the reason. They hid the gender. They spoiled kiddo number three and said she was the special little princess because she was a girl?
Come on. They wanted a first born son for legacy/ blood reasons. And then over compensated when they their third child turned put to be a girl. Either because they knew they could spoil this one or because they had some growth in the last few years and realized they were horrible, sexist monsters.
Heck 3rd kid is freaking out now, probably because she realizes there was nothing ever inherently special about her. And if she was in the first child's place, she is 100% sure she would have been the one given up for adoption.
At least that's the reason I would have come up with/ suspect since the parents refuse to tell the kids the real reason.
Sounds plausible.
I thought this, too. The OP didn't specify WHERE exactly they were from if I listened correctly, and based on that it's totally plausible they're in a country where firstborn sons are THAT important that they couldn't live with having a girl as the first born. Not even that, the oldest seems pretty close in age to OP, enough so that it doesn't make any sense (in my opinion) that the parents would just give up the child instead of either keeping it and starting their family then, or get help from family. And if they were going to tell the kids eventually about the oldest, the only reason I could think of as to why they wouldn't know (and didn't lie) would be if it were a closed adoption and the baby was taken RIGHT at birth and they weren't given the gender or the incorrect gender possibly due to a closed adoption. But even then -- why didn't the parents just ADMIT all of this so the kids wouldn't be as confused when telling them about their oldest sibling?
I can't even blame the youngest child for her reaction because of this either. If I found this out in the youngest child's place, I would ALSO freak out and likely behave what would be considered inappropriately. The oldest sister is in a 💩 situation too, as the damage and confusion caused by the parents obviously caused a rift in the possible relationship between siblings that could have otherwise neutral at best.
Story 1: Seeing as they won't admit the reason, it has to be something shameful...Like "we wanted out first child to be a boy", it is literally the only reason I can think of that made any sense as to why lie about the gender.
As for "feeling an instant connection", you shouldn't a sibling bond can take years of work to build. I think at this point you should all do some family therapy... And your sister definitely needs her own personal psychologist, it literally isn't your long lost sisters fault that she exists. Her not being the only girl, doesn't make her less special, it just means she has a sister.
I do blame the Older Sister some for basically constantly mocking the younger one behind her back. The girl was lied to her whole life and is now likely reeling from the conclusion that she was probably a surrogate for what her parents never experienced with their oldest. I get wanting to be part of blood family and all that, but don’t talk shit to someone who’s probably fucked up from all this.
Makes it hard for anyone to go looking for the long-lost sibling if they have the incorrect gender.
Story 3: It is just basic respect to allow your partner to sleep after 12hrs of work.
How is her having headphones going to stop the clicking of the keyboard?
And she should be figuring alternatives including relocating her gaming area instead of Reddit. If she continued after her first “what do you expect me to do about it”, she should’ve been shown the door
Yeah I think his partner shouldn't game on days when he works or needs to get off the game when OP goes to bed if she won't move her set up.
I recommend getting headphones for the gamer and earplugs and a Bluetooth earphone sleep mask for OP. My husband is a night owl and when he talks on the phone to his night owl family in another room it is still annoying. Ear plugs in, sleep mask on with relaxing music turned up loud enough to cover what the earplugs can't silence. It'll block out pretty much anything.
@Draggonny no way I'm sleeping with ear plugs in or listening to anything whilst sleeping to block out the noise. That is not conducive to a good sleep for a vast majority of people.
I want to hear things if there happens to be a dangerous situation I need to wake up for. I would NEVER trust hearing an intruder enter the house or a fire alarm if I have something preventing me from hearing and then relying on someone who already doesn't have enough respect for you to let you sleep because they want to play games to then wake me if an emergency happens. Unlikely, why would anyone trust someone to keep them safe when they can't even trust them to let them have some sleep.
If someone woke me up with a device I would throw it across the room
Story 3: How is there a question here? She's being inconsiderate and depriving OP of sleep. NTA, not one bit. And to the one commebter - not everyone can sleep with a mask and headphones.
'get a eye mask and headphones' how about the wife just goes to bed and games on his off weeks?
I would like to know too. It's not normal to stay up until 2 to 4am in the morning playing games unless it's your job. Still she needs to play in another room.
Good on you for not neglecting your daughter for her graduation. Your wife is nasty and clearly hates her daughter. Poor Jess, neglected at every turn. Your son wanted the attention at the cost of your daughter. Your daughter will go no contact sooner or later. It's just a matter of when and how many of you she drops.
Whenever Jess has a significant event they should tell the son a different date… and then watch him breakdown on the suggested date everytime.
She mostly goes low or no contact with the mom. The wife seems to favor her son more and he may be the golden boy in her eyes.
@@rogueshark23 Speaking as someone who was the one who was supposed to just do okay without help while brother screwup got all the attention, yea, definitely.
@mattwho81 I, too, thought the repeated instances more than coincidental.
Poor Jess, I guarantee that this was her final test for her parents and her mother failed categorically. She will be off to college and then make up excuses at first of why she can't come home for holidays and breaks until she finally stops calling all together and makes a family of her own with her new friends. I understand it is very hard to have a child suffering from addictions and it can be a constant battle to make sure they stay alive and get the help they need. However, as a parent of multiple kids you cannot forget your other children because of one's issues. If you choose to always put one child first and neglect all others then you have zero right to complain, cry, whine, or get angry when your forgotten child(ren) leave and cut all contact with you. Sometimes it is easier to leave and pretend you lost your family then it is to stay and be reminded daily that you aren't as important, needed, wanted, or loved as your sibling(s). The brother definitely has become accustomed to the attention and support he gets when he has relapses because suddenly he is mom and dad's only important child. I'd wager good money that he times his relapses on or near his sister's important events to steal her shine and make sure he's #1. An accomplished addict knows just how much is enough to get the job done but not kill you. OP may have bought himself a little more time with his daughter depending on how present he stays in her life from this point forward but his wife just blew her last chance.
S1 Judgement: NTA
Reason: They lied.
-- So, they give up a daughter for adoption, lie about it, and built up their youngest daughter as their "special princess".
They didn't lie. She was a he when they gave him up for adoption. People don't go " baby, that was just born. What sex do you want to be?". They go by DNA and if the has a Pennies or not.
Are they religious? Is there some cultural expectation of boys being more important? Sounds like they wanted some boys and only “settled” for a girl once their dynasty was secured.
@@mattwho81 same thought. They wanted to have a son for a firstborn, but also didn't want the scrutiny of people knowing what they did so they lied about her gender. The almost aggressive acceptance is probably just to cover their tracks.
@@Tetsuya-no.2 and the daughter was special because she was their future caretaker
On the Graduation Story, it's a VERY good thing that OP showed up for Jess's graduation, otherwise it is ONCE AGAIN hammering home the message that self destruction is the best way to get parental attention. Trust me she will have plenty of opportunities for drug use or other forms of potentially life damaging choices now that she'll be out of the house at college, so it's time to start rewarding GOOD behavior with attention.
the last story - i feel bad for the brother as he is in a lose-lose situation as one commenter in the video said. if he persists he's an AH who isn't listening to his kids and if he backs off he's choosing his new kids and family over his older kids. All i can say is that those kids better keep the same energy when/if their mum remarries or has more kids.
I mean he can back off but not from his kids, he can still spend time with all his kids equally without trying to force them to be a happy family with his new wife and kids. Nothing wrong with taking his older kids out and having time with just them when they are with him during his custody time. Yeah it'll be difficult at times and should he have to do that, no, but it's the only way I see him being able to make everyone happy in some way. 🤷🏻♀️
Last guy doesn't under stand the question his children are asking. How can I miss you if you won't go away? He just needs to tell his children their wish is granted, he finally heard them and he will do as they ask and leave them alone, but if they ever change their minds all they have to do is reach out to him. Then the door is open and they can enter or leave as they so choose. Then he can go on and live his life with his other family. Stop chasing them. He can send them cards on birthdays and holidays so they can never say he abandoned them, but other than that leave them alone.
It was never about leaving them alone, people are ignoring what it was about.
The kids likely didn't want to cut dad off, they have been forced to because he insists on shoving his new family down their throats.
If he'd just been a dad and had a relationship with them independent of his new family, they likely wouldn't have pulled back and would be happy to see him. They however were forced to cut him off because he made it all about his new family rather than respecting his old family as a seperate entity. He basically gave them a piss poor ultimatum, you will be older siblings to my new children and accept my new wife as your mother, or else. They seem to have chosen or else, and that was "I will sulk, and nag you to still do exactly what I want".
Worth noting and I suspect this might be key, the OP never lists the ages of the brother and his new wife. I suspect she is much younger than him (his oldest is 19, so he should be in the late 30's), I'm betting new wife might be early 20's (2 kids so quickly and easily is often, not always, a sign of a younger woman).
Until Jake's recovery becomes paramount to him, OP, his wife and Jess will be the ones in rehab. Jake will keep doing what he does. OP, NTA and good on you for prioritizing Jess for once.
Story 1: This seems like such a bizarre lie to tell. How were the parents not expecting this to blow up in their faces at some point? In the golden age of 23 and Me and social media, anyone can pretty much find you if they care to make the effort. The parents handled this terribly and pretty much guarenteed that their oldest kid wouldn't intergrate well if she did re-appear. Kind of makes me wonder if there were multiple kids given up and the rest are boys...
Yeah it's so weird that they were honest about having another kid but lied about the gender. There's something very suspicious about this.
OP and his wife are being played over and over again. It sounds like Jake is not actually interested in overcoming his addiction so all the money and time being thrown his way is a complete waste. Frankly, their continued coddling of their son is likely to lead to his death. He has no incentive to quit when his mommy and daddy clean up his messes every time.
story 2 so guy thinks ex is misusing child support, but of course reddit jumps on him!!! the thing he did wrong was not reporting it to the court and asking for an investigation , he was an idiot for going rogue
He can't kidnap his children or withhold chid support because of something he THINKS is happening
@@veezopolis can you not read, the end of the sentence was me saying he was idiot for doing that 🙄
@@vaseline69 he is wrong for every part of it
@@veezopolis he is wrong for suspecting that his support is being misused, please explain how he is wrong that he worries that his children may be neglected, or are you off the turn a blind eye school of thought
@vaseline69 he has no proof! Of any of this. He hears his kids has had Ramen and got cheap flip flops. That's not a sign of neglect. He has no proof that it was even his money used for the FAMILY VACATION. He decided to teach his ex a lesson instead of talking to her or a lawyer and kidnapped his damn kids.
Last story: NTA. It's a simple solution, and honestly I think brother should try it for a while. Whenever he reaches out to his kids, he should keep the subject matter to himself and them and involve no one else. Whenever the youngest is there for mandatory custody time, same thing: don't involve anyone else in y'alls dealings or time spent together. See if that works. I bet it will. Divorce is hard, painful, and it's pain that takes a long time to work through and get addressed. If the kids ever open up about him remarrying, brother can most certainly ask the big question, "Did you seriously expect me to be single for the rest of my life?"
Exactly, just have a relationship with them, do not try to force them to have a relationship with new wife & kids. They've set a boundary, just respect it, you never know, they might change their mind, might not, but without a relationship with them at all, he'll never know.
Computer story; it is absolutely not that hard to move the computer set up. She’s just being lazy. If two people are living in a space and the one person can’t sleep with a computer or gaming system being in the room that system needs to move.
If anyone I cared about what suffering from lack of sleep due to my using the computer, I would move it immediately. That woman is selfish.
@@user-wr3vt8uq4s Yeah, if I were OP, I'd move it to the living room myself. She can deal with it. If she doesn't like it, then oh well.
I bet Jake did that on purpose because he wants attention. There were a surprising amount of narcissistic A-holes that were homeless addicts back when I was a homeless junkie and they knowingly used their parents while saying seriously horrible things about them.
I feel bad for Jess, my heart breaks for her and I hope this was the moment that her dad, the Op, stopped coddling Jake and prioritized Jess.
Help is needed for addicts, it really is, but the individual has to *want* to break free. And he'll probably need to hit rock bottom for that to happen, which won't be possible if his mommy & daddy keep bailing him out at the expense of his sister.
Story 2: "She has promised not to press any charges but is asking for extra money." She's literally blackmailing him for more money, and Reddit still thinks he's the AH here? She's blowing the child support money on herself/her boyfriend and the kids are going without basic necessities, but Reddit's response is just "Well then buy them the thinks that your child support is supposed to pay for"? I genuinely hate the misandrists over there, a man can literally never do anything right in there eyes
You're right. She needs to report OP for his kidnapping stunt and let the court know he's been withholding his court ordered child support.
Then he can lose custody, probably go to jail, and never see his kids again, because HE was the idiot who can be proven to have broken the law.
They think he is an idiot because he is breaking the law. If he felt that his children are being neglected, go back to court. You can't keep the children and you can't stop child support. The children had a roof over their head, they eat, they are not walking naked etc.
You can't break the law because you think the kids are not getting benefits from child support.
Thank you for the daily uploads XO, some days really suck and it’s really lovely to have your voice to look forward to . I’ll be a loyal XO subscriber for as long as you chose to bless us with your voice
S3: that’s why my fiancé‘s PC is in the living room - we have very different sleep schedules and I’d go crazy if he gamed in the same room I try to sleep in!
Story 2: ESH dude just committed all sorts of contempt of court . He is absolutely justified in doing something to protect his kids, but that "somethung" is not violating the divorce decree and withholding kid/support. He should have ALREADY fiked a motion in court. What's gonna happen now? Is he's gonna get a court? And get slapped because he used self help and the law abhors self help.
And before you try to jump on me because I'm not supportive. I am 100% with him, but just because you're right doesn't you can't do things wrong too which he did. He is creating conflict for the kids and not going about it correctly by just withholding. He is doing the right thing the wrong way. He absolutely had other choices.
Funny he thinks she's not using child support right and Reddit gets pissed at him. Then the first words out of her mouth is " give me more money!" Wow just wow Reddit people owe him an apology.
Original: "I've missed hockey games and choir performances because I had to go tend to Jake, as has my wife."
Your Version: "My wife and I have missed hockey games and choir performances because we had to tend to Jake."
Good rephrase! Avoids a potential momentary confusion near the end, and kinda pithies up the whole thing and gives it a stronger ending that better leads into the following sentence.
Story 2: OP should go to court and get full custody. I don't understand why all these people are piling on to the father. She bought the child Dollar Store shoes that lasted only a few hours! What!?
Yes he should but he'll play hell doing that now. He's already violated the law twice. Court should've been his first resort not his last. He played this by making dumb emotional decisions & he's probably done himself & his kids more harm than good.
Should've sent them back to gather evidence that they can handover to his lawyer then with proof go to court. He may have screwed himself unfortunately.
The fact that he doesn't already have 50/50 makes his story kind of suspicious. 50/50 outside the case of extremely young -- like, still being breastfed young -- has been the bog standard arrangement for decades. You have to either request something different or screw up bad for a judge to not set it automatically.
@@thedorkone1516 actually you are wrong while 50/50 LEGAL custody is generally the default for most states, if the father is the primary breadwinner is uncommon for him to get 50/50 physical
Because men are always wrong per Reddit
@@thedorkone1516no it hasn't
Story 2 - The ages made me wince. OP is 30 and his ex is 35, their oldest is 8, so he had his first kid at 22 when she was 27; adjust for pregnancy, he was maybe 21 and she was 26, and they probably got together when he was 20 or younger... Yikes, just yikes. Just as when a guy her age does it to a girl his age, his ex is pretty scummy for going after a guy just out of high school. Trying to change child support and custody without going to court first is not good. If he truly believes the child support is being misspent, he needs to take his concerns to the court.
You can use " just out of high school". Or you can use "3 years into college/ college graduate". He's 4 years into adulthood and the age difference is 5 year. You really trying the "barely of age boy v predatory female" trope?
Ummmm a 22 year old is nor barely out of high school. A 5 year gap between people on their 20s is totally normal. At what point do we treat adults like adults?
I find it disgusting you're trying to infantilizing grown a adults years into adulthood and well into uni as "barely out of high school." This is the same BS that caused me not to be taken seriously as a female millennial at 25, 26, 27, 28 and all the way up to 30 and went shocked pikachu when I made an adult decision in my adult life, packed up one day and moved to a totally different hemisphere. Stop infantilizing grown a adults because you are part of the problem.
@@justinenicole3926 Methinks they're spending too much time on the TikToks.
You really tried your hardest here huh
Story 2: YTA for such a boneheaded decision. This is when you get the law involved and demand the wife produces receipts. Depending on the state the judge can take the kids' statements. OP should not be violating the current court-ordered rules of custody, it's not wise. I get he wants to stop the neglect asap, but honestly the best way to do that would be to involve the courts again and change the custody.
Last story: No one’s the idiot, unless the ex is fostering these feelings in the kids. (Then she’s the only idiot.) Kids get to have boundaries, too. Dad did his best to blend and kids refused. He needs to honor their decision while setting his own boundaries. Now that the originals are adults or nearly, he can do things with them one on one or as a group without new wife or family, but they’ll have to accept it will be less often because of their decision not to involve themselves in his new life. They can’t be forced to accept his new life, but neither can they force dad not to have a new life. That means they won’t see each other often, but that’s due to their own making. Life doesn’t stop at divorce and their unreasonable demand that it should isn’t something dad has to cater to. But then dad needs to accept that as their boundaries and stop trying to force what isn’t there. Family counseling didn’t work, but dad should try individual counseling for himself. OP has a right to their own feelings about it as well and made some valid points, but if dad didn’t want to hear them or take them under advisement, that’s his choice.
THIS! No kid say i don't believe in blended family only treu blood bla bla. That is whisperd in their ears by someone. I guess mum and it is called parent alienation.
I would remind OP's bro (the dad) that since they don't want you around, don't forget that when they "reach out" because they need money for school or a wedding. Probably pulling one of those moves outlined in another story where the stepdaughter wanted SD to pay for the wedding but not be invited. But OP's bro should talk to a therapist and not just keep blindly insisting on a bond that's, frankly, not there anymore.
This should have been something being worked out before he was out getting into new relationships.
It should have been part of the therapy the kids had when the divorce started.
Story 2 update got me thinking he was right. She won't press charges but asks for more money.
Lots of reasons for asking for money. Including still having to pay for after school childcare that she still responsible for paying. Or having to get solicitor to deal with OPs actions
The update makes me think he wasn't paying all that much for 2 kids and she felt insulted so now she's gonna go to court and get more. He never amswered how much he was paying for 2 kids.
@@justinenicole3926nah, if she cared about the children, she would’ve gone to court. The fact that the children have to eat ramen and wear cheap flip flops often seems to imply that they aren’t being taken care of. The amount of CS is irrelevant since it’s apparently enough to fund vacations.
Last story: He is entitled to move on. The kids are entitled to not want a relationship with the new family. You don't have to force a relationship. The kids don't seem to have said he can't have a new relationship. Rather, they just don't want to play a happy, blended family. He just needs to accept and respect his kids' feelings, keep pushing it, and it will only damage his relationship with them, maybe irreparably.
And he can kiss his involuntary babysitters goodbye. I feel like he and or new wifey wanted this as well as to feed into their delusions
@@lorilancaster5917I suspect the new wife is under 30. Plus, we don't know how she treats the kids. I know women can have kids in their 40s or 50s, but I think a lot is being left out.
I'm 12 years older than my half brother. Mom spoiled him and treated me like crap. My brother's older half sisters are 16 and 18 years older. They aren't in his life at all and he doesn't care. He even admitted the only reason he talks to his dad because he wants his dad's family in his life.
@@lorilancaster5917And they can kiss birthdays, Christmases, and collage funds goodbye. If you don't want to be part of a family, you don't get the benifits of being part of the family.
I understand the girl being upset about how there's actually two daughters and being lied to about it all, and now thinking she wasn't special like she thought. But in reality, she was special, she didnt get given up for adoption like the sister before her? She should feel sad for her older sister not pissed at her and refusing to meet her. I dont understand that reaction. She should be angry at her parents for discarding the first girl and lying to her her whole life. Id be asking how i was any different from the first child. She probably sees this other sister as a threat to her, but that's all her parents' fault. I'd be questioning their reason for it all. Are they sexist and only cared for a male first born or male children and then were okay to have a girl after?
As for the brothers, it seems there was an accerted way of life of them being protevtice brothers to the precious young daughter. Now that theres an older sister to them all, it feels awkward and weird. They dont know how to interact or feel. Jeez the parents have fucked them all up big time.
It's not "you as parents change how you deal with *your* issues," it's "you as parents change how you deal with *his* issues" -- referring to the son. OP and his wife need to stop dropping everything to rush off and baby their son every time he has an issue; that's actually giving him a reward incentive for having relapses. It might be different if this were back at the start, but when it's been going on for years this consistently, then yeah, the parents have to change their response. Sometimes tough love truly is necessary.
I think the father is starting to see the light of the manipulation the son is doing and he's not going to fall for it anymore .
Story 1 - NTA. Op is speaking the truth and the parents are in complete denial about everything. It honestly sounds like they only hyped up op's sister out of guilt for ditching their previous daughter. It was weird of her to expect instant family connection when she is a total stranger to her other siblings. It's not her fault but that's reality. You're not a family because you share DNA. Op's parents lied. For years. They're selfish if they think that doesn't deserve consequences.
Story 2 - This story was off to a bad start before the reveal. Op's ex-wife is a crap mother. Child support money is for the benefit of the children, NOT so the mother can splurge on luxuries for herself or her new boy toy. I think op should have sued and fought for full custody. His ex wife is neglecting her children.
Story 3 - I'm going to bet that she'll get really passive aggressive if op tries to move her gaming system. Otherwise I think noise cancelling headphones would be the next best solution. If nothing is resolved op should just sleep somewhere else. She'll get the hint eventually.
Story 4 - :/ what I'm hearing is they abandoned Jess time after time after time to dote on the drug addicted screw up. I feel so sorry for Jess. She's never going to be a priority if op's wife is dictating where their priorities should be. Op's wife made it clear which child is her favorite.
Story 5 - "blended families aren't real families" that's sad but you can't force it if that's how someone feels. Op's brother was wrong to try and force it and he's willing to die on this hill. He's going to he shocked when his children don't want to speak to him anymore. This is a lose lose.
I think OP should get a custody modification. Asking why she spends the money on vacations while the children eat cheap food is valid. Did the kids go on this trip, or was it a getaway for Mother dearest? I would argue that withholding the kids is a civil matter, but lets be honest, the cops only care if the men withhold the children. Do not pay extra money, get a lawyer.
People really need to think like a judge every now and again. Defying a court order and making unfounded demands look really bad. All the judge will see is a bitter man spouting unfounded nonsense complaining about paying child support.
Story 4:ESH (except your daughter)....Jake is doing this intentionally...Any time the attention is going to be on your daughter he has had deliberate "relapses", and you and your wife enabled it. It is nice you finally put your foot down, but it has taken way to long.
Just wait a few years and if Jake doesn't get treated for his real issue (or additional issue if he is truly an addict), this is going to happen on the day your daughter gets engaged, gets married, gives birth, brakes her leg, etc.
The daughter likely won't be in contact with OP, his wife, or his son by the time she finishes college much less in time to get married or have children.
I'm all for being upset if the parents lied and never told you about your adopted sibling. But the sister freaking out cause she's not a special little girl anymore, is such an eye roll
For 'normal' peoples, probably. But it sound like the parents raised their sister to have the "I am their special only little girl" as her whole identity and something she took absolute pride on so her shock is probaby way bigger than we, who didn´t grew up like that, could fanthom.
It probably equal with, let´s say, a royal family who grew up and was raised as the king´s daughter and had her status influencing her every move and personality, only to be told later that she´s just a baby found on the palace´s doorstep.
Her parents made it her whole identity though, it's hard to blame her for having a bad emotional reaction to finding out that was built on a lie.
Especially since there's a full biological sister that parents simply dumped on somebody (she could be in a foster care with parents visiting and then taking her when circumstances are better) who has no blame for anything. You know, the sister that OP calls 'my parent's daughter's. But what's the problem? That the youngest child isn't oh so special as they all thought. Unbelievable.
Why did they lie though? I can understand why it would mess her up. Especially if they lavished so much extra attention on her. She'd seriously be wondering if it for her or the fact that they gave up the other little girl.
I understand her. The parents and brothers shaped her identity. I have compassion for her.
move the computer out of the bedroom.
Op indicated that that isn't an option, which makes me think they've got a couple of roommates.
@@thedorkone1516 Then they should move out. As a gamer I say having a PC or console in a room where another person sleeps is stupid and can't work. I never ever tried something that stupid.
@@uwetheiss970You paying for first, last, deposits, and moving costs? No?
Then your advice is, at best, poorly thought out. Do you think people cram into too small apartments because they WANT to? The housing market, even in lower cost of living areas, is INSANE.
@@thedorkone1516 Then don't game if your partner wants to sleep.
The options here are:
- get rid of the gaming device in the bedroom
- get rid of the gaming at sleep time
- get rid of the partner
My first choice would be removing the gaming device from the bedroom. I didn't know that you know this OP personally.
@@uwetheiss970 Or OP can put on an eye mask and ear plugs. Like an adult.
I'm not sure what you're trying to get at with the last bit. As an insult, if fails. I'm sorry you missed the part where OP said in the video that moving the gaming set up isn't an option, and couldn't wrap your head around why that might be. And I feel a little sorry for OP that so many people fail to understand "Moving the set up is not an option".
Playing games all night SO is selfish af.
Story #1 Everybody (including the sister that was adopted and the lying parents) needs several rounds of therapy.
S2: OP's an idiot. He should've taken her to court if he thought she was misusing child support money. Now all he's done is screw himself over. Which is a shame because I think he might be right. Between her income and his support she can afford a Disney trip but the kids tell mom their hungry and she gives them Ramen? Buys dollar store shoes? Those were priorities before vacation. On top of the fact her ex kidnapped the kids but she's not pressing charges as long as he pays more money? None of that sounds right.
What is significant child support for 2 kids? Just curious because recently I think what a man is paying for 14 kids seems crazy. (Not enough) Op what you should have done is contact the courts and give this information to them. You can’t just kidnap your kids if there is a custody agreement . Just be more observant when they are with you.
Story 2: Was it justified? Yes. Was it smart? Absolutely not. Take her to court and go the legal route that won't get you arrested.
Men always get screwed over in divorce and custody battles. Giving them ramen to her kids whilst she treats herself IS neglect.
WAS is justified, though? Op doesn't strike me as either particularly bright or all that reliable a narrator.
@@thedorkone1516what gives you that idea?
@@vincentlucario5450 The whole "stopped paying child support and ignored the court ordered custody arrangement" thing. It strikes me as the behavior of someone who 1: doesn't think things through and 2: is prone to massive over-reactions. Anyone with semi-decent reasoning skills would have twigged to the fact that all his ex has to do is call the cops, and his chances of ever seeing his children again disappear like a fart in the night. But he still did it.
Hell, he didn't even go with the most logical follow through if you're going to kidnap your children for their own safety: running for the nearest boarder and vanishing. There was, as far as I can tell, no plan for how to actually deal with the problem. These are not the actions of a particularly intelligent man.
@@thedorkone1516 making rash decisions doesn’t really indicate intelligence levels when you take into account prioritizing childrens’ safety. I say op should pay the mom for a few months and see how she react, if she’s happy and doesn’t ask about the kids, then op has a better chance for full custody.
Op works 12 hour shifts for 7 days and the woman cant stop gaming for two days--especially since she has 12 hours for each of those two days to game? The sex better be good, the food better be amazing, or the house better be spotless cause it doesnt sound like the woman is good for anything else. She definitely aint bringing in the money cause otherwise theyd have another room to put her in.
Ducking leave Jake to the hell he put himself in. Op says himself he cant count the number of times they ruined their lives and disappointed Jess to help Jake. The boy doesnt even care about his own life, ducking leave him.
I get it, addictions are hard to quit. But you got a problem if you think Op's daughter deserves to suffer for the actions of Op's son.
Nobody can ducking help Jake until he helps himself, and he doesnt want help.
With the gaming set up do they have a TV ? Use a wireless keyboard and mouse and she can stream it to another room and play yes it might be a little bit more laggy but it should be something she can deal with.
Computer story: A silent touch keyboard & shorter finger nails may help. Ear plugs may help. Sleepers blind fold may help. Vibrating alarm clock may help. Needless to say, the inconsiderate game player should foot the bill. Cheers.
S2 NTA) If the children are complaining about the inadequate care she’s misusing the child support. If the roles were reversed these commenters would be jumping on the woman side, I’m sure he couldn’t care less about the wife dating, but not caring for the kids is a big deal.
The key word here is 'If'. By OP's own accidental admission, he tends to make hasty, poorly thought out decisions. I wouldn't be terribly surprised to learn he also exagerates to make his decisions look less bone headed.
@@thedorkone1516given that the mom asked for money instead of going to court, I say a drastic measure needed to be taken for the children’s safety
@@vincentlucario5450 You're right.
She needs to go to court and have this kidnapping nitwit's custody removed and child support payments upped instead of trying to settle it out of court.
@@thedorkone1516 yup, I’m sure the courts would like to know how the kids are treated when they’re with the mom
S1 , Op as soon as a child is adopted by their new parents , they are no longer legally bound to the biological parents as the courts have removed their parental rights of the child . Op you technically have one sister legally as the eldest daughter was adopted by another family and she could want to know her biological parents for any reason and letting her get to know you doesn't change the fact that technically speaking she's not legally your sister by the courts . Most adopted children want to know where they came from and why were they put up for adoption , plus their is the medical history of the biological parents that they could want to know about so they know what to expect later on in life .NTA
Story 5: You can't force relationships and the endless attempts at forcing one is most likely why it will never work.
The father's willingess to continually harm all 5 of his children knowingly in his pursiut of the perfect family, I think shows he prioritizes his wants above anyone else, the kids be damned if they can't get on the same page as him he'll make their lives hell till they do.
story 2 what wrong with reddit?? If the children are really complaining about the treatment she gives them then he is in the right to drag her butt to court, Honestly reddit can have such a double standard its annoying. I hope he only listens to the first guy and none of these white knights
26 minutes in
Umm, you're right, but he didn't "drag her butt to court." He just decided to commit contempt of court and parental interference.
Also, this dude is an unreliable narrator so we can't be sure what he says is exactly true. I watch a lot of family court and I see dads and moms just like this on a daily basis.
@@Mewse1203 emergency custody. look it up
@@Mewse1203 Lets be honest, most posters should be taken with a grain of salt. All the comments can do is go off the evidence presented.
@@Mewse1203 What would be the point of lying to internet strangers about the treatment of this kids, and for an unreliable source, he didnt seem too diss his wife or play her up as an evil person, but you right about him doing the wrong thing with the children
What is up with these comments from accounts with weirdly suggestive profile pics that make comments irrelevant to the video?
bot's
IDK but it’s annoying as all get out, I’ve just reported the three I see to YT to hopefully get them removed. I’m so tired of it 😫
@@kathleenburns7065 ya they keep popping back up and its so annoying
Porn bots.
Get a lawyer get full custody.
"My gaming setup would take an hour to move"
How!? Unless you need to run some new ethernet cables, how would ANY setup take more than 30 minutes? Mouse, keyboard, mouse pad, monitor, tower, desk, headphones, some gaming controllers, and a few decorations on the desk!
Taking everything into account, moving my gaming setup would take more than an hour to move, take everything off, move the tables, re-set them, get them level in the new location, re-arrange the top to take into account light and reflections in the new location, yeh I would be talking about at least two hours to move mine, depending on if it need new ethernet/telephone extensions and if I already had them spare or not, it may even take three or four, and that is if the new cables I needed could be bought locally, if they can't then you could be talking about days to move it. But in this situation, you damn well move it or stop gaming during the time the partner is sleeping, or arrange on one of their days off to move it and pre-prepare a week or so before to make sure you have all the stuff you need to move it.
Story 2: Good for you. Let her take you to court and explain how she's been abusing and neglecting your children. No shes not entitled to take them to Disney when they DON'T HAVE FUVVING SHOES. But, cue the Reddit anti-man pileon.
Even worse, it sounds like she's not even taking them to Disney, she's going with her boyfriend, probably while the kids are with OP there...the OP only mentions the trips with the boyfriend
@@AzraelThanatos where exactly did you get this from?
@@veezopolis The fact that the kids were never mentioned as going with them.
Meh, this guy sounds like a typical unreliable narrator.. Also, what you're advocating for him to do is exactly the wrong thing. Withholding the kids and child support is only going to get him in trouble. He's committing contemot of court and could face fines, jail time and whatever else, because even if he has a legitimate beef, this is not the right way to do. This is what the law calls, self-help and the law ABHORS self-help.
@@veezopolis Kids don't get mentioned about actually going on the trips, so it seems like the mother and boyfriend are going on trips without the kids and not caring for the kids
Gaming Geek: The bedroom is so called because you're supposed to sleep in it. They need to take one of OP days off and move everything techno into the living room or elsewhere in the home. The gamer SO needs to be more considerate to OP's needs because the gaming isn't paying the bills!
..............
so anyway I have two friends in a relationship living in a one room apartment and they have a decided upon time for when the computer needs to be off so that the other can sleep. It's really that simple.
Father getting screwed over again
Poor mommy 🤮
They spoiled their little princess
If you can't move the gaming setup, try white noise. You'd be surprised what a loud fan, or a RUclips of one, can do. It can be loud enough to block out minor noises like gaming (as long as the gamer isn't shouting or slamming things), but quiet enough to hear an alarm. There are even ones that have alarms at the end, so you just have to adjust where in the video you start based on wake up time.
Child Custody & Child Support: This story is very common. Father pays child support AND he needs to pay for the children’s clothes beyond what he is already paying. This is the mother’s responsibility from what she is already getting paid.
Buying clothes for your kids is both parents responsibilities, child support is to make the childs life as normal as possible while the couple separates. Paying child support doesn't exempt you from buying your kids food and clothes.
And his ex should take it to court because kidnapping will result in him losing whatever custody or visitation he has and maybe even land him in jail!
Dude literally tried to hold his kids hostage for money, that is not what good fathers do. But it is what addicts do!
Child support is literally for the needs of the child so yes food and clothes fall under that.
@@wendylee9255 Yes, we all know that, the problem is when it is NOT BEING USED FOR THE CHILDREN by the mother. I know numerous situations where this BS has happened.
@@stevec3526 Absolutely so do I. I was responding to the comment above me that said the child support money OP pays does not exempt him from needing to buy food and clothes for the kids.
@@streamerssaymyname Why does the father have to pay once again for what he has already paid for? Explain why?
They lied because they did not want you to find her eventually at the time. If you started looking, you would be looking for the wrong gender making it harder.
Story 3: NTA, though if moving the system is more trouble than it's worth, then it is what it is. OP only hears the mouse keys and the keyboards. So that means there are already headphones involved. Next biggest issue would be the lights from the monitors and even the tower if there are any RGB elements (and in this day and age you bet there are). Panels would solve this problem. Pack of three from Amazon that are opaque canvas, real easy to set up, and you can make one big foldable wall out of them.
Story 3: ESH, Easy solution, move the Computer out of the bedroom. If she needs to game while you need sleep this is literally the only acceptable solution.
I was wondering if she works if she is up all night gaming
@@vaseline69 LOL, my guess would be no but I get yelled at when I make logical assumptions like that.
Op said in the original post that that wasn't an option. Dollars to donuts, they've got a roommate who sleeps in the living room.
Story 1 : Everyone sucks except the abandoned sister. The parents essentially set up their kids to have this protective worship of their sister, leading to the sister throwing a tantrum at not being the only girl and the boys to ignore their abandoned sister. Tbh I feel like one of the boys getting married would probably set off the sister like this, but that's my personal opinion
Omg that second story pissed me absolutely off. How is Reddit jumping down the guy's throat for questioning whether or not his ex-wife is misusing his child support fund? In most states, custody of the children swings heavily in the mother's favor. So even if she wasn't the best parent for them to be with, he may not have gotten custody because of that. In a lot of cases. Even if there's joint custody, there's still child support that needs to be paid. If the kids shoes are too small and she buys them cheap flip-flops, that is absolutely a problem. If the kids do not have the clothing items that they need and yet she's going to Disney world. That is absolutely a problem. I can't believe some of these people. They must not have kids or they're just trolling cuz that's ridiculous.
Because Reddit is full of man-haters!
If the mother really isn't investing the money into the children or even using that money to replace what she's already invested into the children (which is what child support is used for. She can use it. However, she wants as long as the children are properly taken care of in which case it seen more is a Reimbursement.) Then yes, I understand being upset about it. But you cannot just take the kids going against a custody agreement. Because she bought them dollar store flip flops one time. This is going to look terrible on ops end if they have to go to court
so if an audit was done and it was discovered she used money to pay for her bfs part of the trip would that change your view
Yes because it is complete speculation on his part. He KIDNAPPED THE CHILDREN@vaseline69
@@vaseline69 No cause like I said, as long as the kids are properly taken care of any money is seen as a reimbursement, it doesn't have to be spent on the kids directly. It's to pay back the custodial parent for money they've already invested into the children
@@Lillypop93 so you would have no issue with her using money that was supposed to support her children and using it on herself, interesting view there
@@vaseline69Just ignoring the fact that I've repeatedly said it's seen as a Reimbursement for money She's already spent. So if she took that money and used it for the vacation after she already spent money on the kids. Then no, it is not seen as misusing the support 😂😂 you clearly have a fundamental misunderstanding of child support and how it works
Last story: Yes, you should wait until your kids are ready for you to move on or for them to move out. Is it a big shock and surprise that you are expected to put yourself aside for your children? If you can't wait to date, just never have kids.
Oh let's be real, if they're spewing the "only full blood is family" mess now, then they'd be saying it once they're all adults. The kids are being unreasonable little turds.
@@crash92la98no they are not. Their feelings are 100% valid. Not everyone agrees with blended families, not everyone reacts well to blended families. The kids clearly want nothing to do with his new wife, and two new children. Instead of pushing the kids to accept his new family, he should have respected their feelings and boundaries, left them alone, and let them come to terms on their own time. The father trampled boundaries, wouldn’t leave the kids alone, and tried to force the kids to accept his new family. The father is 100% to blame, the kids did nothing wrong.
@@Ronin.Samurai Whatever you say. I get that they feel some type of way, but boohoo. Daddy's not with mommy anymore, so we'll just crap on any type of new family dynamic dad tries. They don't have to like it. Just stfu and cut contact at 18 if it bothers them so bad.
They can keep crawling back up their mom's crotch like they seem to have been doing anyways.
Ignore the neglect and step up on her part of the bills too- 🤦🏿♂️ Yea cause that makes sense- Know what he's not even paying child support at all 🥱
I am so so glad someone called the brother out on the last story. Those kids probably read Reddit exclusively and get the idea they don't have to like the new stepmother and their new half siblings. That's not how it works in RL. OP's brother is TRYING to make it right with his kids. He's not giving up. Exactly what Reddit says you should have done when your kids want nothing to do with you. Once again the hypocrisy on Reddit is dreadful. So a divorce and then getting together later in life with someone and the kids think they have a say in whether or not their dad is allowed to move on? Yeah right. At some point, the kids have to come to terms with it. They can have a good life with their father. No, they don't have to accept their stepmother but they should put some effort in. It doesn't mean they should isolate their father from them though.
Well spoken, I'm tired of the whole familial insularity mindset. There are good blended families, good stepparents too but redditors don't believe in them. Do people forget that sometimes DNA doesn't anything if biological relatives turn out to be duds?
@@Digitalfairy My youngest daughter's best friend ADORES her stepfather. I feel like people on Reddit just need to step away from the keyboard and observe what's going on in the real world. Get off Reddit, Facebook, Instagram, whatever other social media is out there and actually spend time in the real world. They'll see that things are not as black and white as they would like to think. And they need to know a house filled with people who hate each other because the first set of kids refuse to get along is not a way to live their life. They might actually find they like the new people in the house and find common ground, making their life that much more richer.
@@dementedqueen4392 Well said again.
Honestly, just sounds like the father is pushing too hard. Either a family will blend or it won't.
@@OmegaII But it sounds like OP's brother's kids didn't even try. They just said they would not accept him getting married again. That's not a healthy mindset. Kids DO have to come to terms with their parents moving on at some point. And if the brother gives up (OP's brother) and then the kids somewhere down the road say 'you never cared enough about us to even come after us,' then what kind of comfort will OP give him. Or the therapist. It has to be resolved.
I'm beginning to wonder if some of the most absurd responses are just people trying to get onto these videos.
Oh, poor sister - "she's not as special as they'd claimed". Guess what, no child is actually as special as their parents say - at least not to anyone besides the parents. Given the fact that the parents lied about the gender of their "adopted out" daughter, it makes me wonder if daughter had behavioral issues that prompted the lie. There doesn't seem to be any other reason for it. And sis is STILL having behavioral issues. It does sound like the "lost" daughter is well on her way towards destroying any hope of a relationship with her siblings because she's expecting too much, too quickly - though I suspect this is because she'd built up in her head the idea that she had a "ready-made" family out there, just waiting for her to join them, but the "kept" daughter is also behaving like a petulant child.
Lol Reddit: If you can't take care of a child, adopt them out.
Also Reddit: How dare you adopt out a child but then have children when you are able to take care of them!
Seriously, people's circumstances change. That happens. So if a young couple starting out have a baby they can't care for and they do the responsible (albeit very hard and sad) thing of adopting the child out, and then do better later in life - what? Are they supposed to NEVER have any children because they adopted one out? Are they supposed to upend another family's life by claiming their first child? Yeah, that doesn't go over very well. Reddit has their head so far up their asses.
Also more hypocrisy -
Reddit: You should know where the child support money is going. You have that responsibility to your children!
Also Reddit: There's nothing wrong with your wife using the child support money you give her to go on vacation with her BF as long as the kids are there. Oh and yeah. You need to spend even MORE money on the kids to make sure they are taken care of.
Un-fucking-real!
Isn’t Reddit’s problem was that in story 1, the parents lied about the gender of their kid?
@@vincentlucario5450 Yes, and THAT does make them the AHs, but it was one of the commenters that said something about how they kept having children after they adopted out the first one.
Story 1 NTA and I'd tell my parents I know you are excited about your new found daughter but of course I love my little sister more and take her side we grew up together.....even though your new found daughter is blood related SHE is a STRANGER to all of us and no we don't love her because we don't KNOW her. You can't expect us to treat her like we do the sister we grew up with.
S1, nta. The kids are mad that their parents lied about the gender of the 1st born, are evasive about why they lied, are inconsiderate of the youngest girl maybe feeling like a replacement for the first and insensitive toward how their children feel about a new comer being heavyhanded and a bit intrusive with trying to force a relationship with them.
I game, it's perfectly easy to move my gaming set up, and I have an ex office desk which weighs a ton. As long as someone helped me move it, I can do the rest, it's just faffing with cable's, etc, after that
1) Why tell the truth about having given up a child previously and then lie about the gender and make such a fuss over the younger daughter being the only girl was so wrong and damaging ... WTH?!. They really messed up. Shame on them, and they still take no accountability for how this has screwed their kids.
2) I think OP should be the one taking her to court if she really is misusing the child support money. He can't keep the kids away from her or withhold child support unless there is a court order. YTA.
3) This is not reasonable, this is not just inconsiderate it is out right cruel. Preventing and/or interrupting sleep is how people are tortured. Lack of sleep can also be dangerous, driving tired is just as bad a drunk driving. If earplugs and a sleep mask can't fix this, then do not make excuses for such selfish behavior, the gamer should go to some other part of the house to do anything that keeps OP from getting needed rest.
4) There is more than one child in this household and the trouble maker should not be the only one getting attention. At the very least only one parent should miss life events for the daughter while tending to the son as OP finally did. NTA. Shame on OP's wife for having so little regard for the needs of her daughter and now being angry at OP when he did the right thing.
5) I think it's too bad his kids refuse to go to therapy to try and work on their relationships. He can't force the family together if the older kids refuse to care for anyone else's feeling and are willing to cut their dad off because he did not getting back with their mother or stay single. Has his X caused this attitude they have? It seems clear this was not an AP and there were many years for everyone to get used to the divorce before then finding someone new and yet the kids refuse to make any effort to accept this. OP was partly right it's not good for the younger ones to feel rejection by the older ones, but if the dad were to take OP's advice and stop trying to be in his older kids life, then they would villainize him for that. YTA.
S1. Oh, how sad for the sister to find out that she wasn't that special. The sister sounds like an entitled little brat.
Pretending they had no daughter was their coping mechanism. Not an excuse but that's why.
I understand it's a situational take, but "blended family isn't real family" is awful. I'm not saying it has to be roses and matching outfit photos, and it can def take time. I got on okay with my step mom, but it was tense until I was mid 20s. Wasn't super close to my step sibs, cause there was a big age gap. But my niece and nephew from my step brother are 100% my family and as precious to me as the ones related by blood. While the beginning was rough and I still have some issues from all the conflict as I grew up, I wouldn't trade it for where we are now.
But, again, I realize not every situation will be like that, and not every family will blend. It's just a little sad when kids get mad to find out a parent is only human.
I'm guessing that the parents lied so that the kids wouldn't be able to find the sister.
Story 5: You can't force anyone to accept a step-family. They're not AHes for being against it. The dad is an AH for only caring about what HE wants.
You can't force them to reject them 100% either, unless they're plannning to go child-free are they going to be anti-adoption too?
Since they don't see stepmother and halfsiblings as family, I hope that these kids don't ever fall in love with someone with kids or ever god forbid need anything like a organ or bone marrow transplant.
Story 3: In my opinion the dad should stop trying to force the "blended family" and instead spend one on one time with his older kids. The age difference & potential resentment will probably keep all the siblings as related acquaintances rather than being close, at least until the "new" family is older. We don't know what the okder kids' mother is saying, or if she's re-partnered, either, so not enough information to do more than NAH, take a different approach, Dad, since you can't control them, but you can control yourself & how you act.
Last story: I don’t really feel bad for the father, these parents always think kids will just go along with including random people in their family and act shocked when then don’t. The majority of the time families don’t blend. 70% of blended families end in divorce and it’s almost always because the kids are against it
Re: Girlfriend playing PC: NTA, but your GF is unless you live in a single room apartment. Why is the gaming PC set up in the bedroom? That is not where it should be when you have a larger space and share a home with someone else. PC needs to be in the living room or an office. I'm assuming you don't have an office, but living room should be doable. Guest bedroom also doable.
If you have a one-room situation then I don't know what to tell you, but your GF should be at least more considerate on days your sleeping schedule is out of whack due to travel. Because asking her to give up her hobby is unreasonable, but there's this thing called compromise, and you deserve sleep.
Long lost sibling: Curious, how successful was the estranged daughter? I have a feeling that this family isn't well off and the newly found daughter makes $400k a year or something. "Oh, let's celebrate the return of your sister to rescue mommy and daddy from poverty!"
#3: Silent keyboard and headphones or move the set-up.
Completely missed the bit where he said the set up can't be moved?
@thedorkone1516 you missed the part where I said 'or move the setup'.
The change of keyboard is depending on if the gamer purposefully has a mechanical keyboard which are, as far as i am aware based on the person who had one at work, designed to be loud
I doubt the younger sister feels doted on. I have a feeling the parents didn't want a first born as a female and had this intense fantasy where older brothers would protect their little sister. I know a few people like this. They want a certain dynamic for their family. They most likely hid the gender not just to keep the siblings from searching but also to make their youngest daughter feel more special. They probably never expected their first born to try and find them, its possible they later had a change of mind but it was far too late to change things.
Why do people seem to think that that the story of the mother using the child support on anything other than the children is such a stretch? It literally happens all the time. And for those saying the OP should have bought the shoes are missing the idea of child support. Eating Ramen sometimes (as per the comments) and eating it for dinner are too different things The gaslighting in the comments of that story is breathtaking, and the update is her asking for extra money is just a nail in the coffin.
We think it's a stretch because OP is an idiot who's admitted to violating court ordered child support and custody to try and force his ex to do things instead of asking the courts to audit her spending to make sure the child support was going where it's supposed to.
He kidnapped his kids. If his ex had called the cops instead of giving him a chance to give the children back first, he'd be in jail right now instead of complaining on Reddit about his Evil Ex going to Disney.
You dont get to kidnap your kids and withhold child support because of something you THINK your ex is doing
Op 2 is insane
Story 1: …so a grown woman is throwing a tantrum because she isn’t the only child anymore…and people find that normal…?
Ya…no NTA.
This is ridiculous
Maybe there's still a guy out there that got adopted
I understand what you did, but the drastic measures were not ok. If you want this, do it right, or it will backfire in court. Buy the kids their shoes, and then go to court.
NTA but WTF is wrong with these parents? Why did they lie? Why can’t they see that the daughter they kept is upset about being lied to? And why are they talking about sides? There are no sides here! This should be a family trying to navigate, a new dynamic. Once should be coming together to help each other. The parents are seriously seriously messed up.
The child support story. This guy is an idiot. You cannot withhold child support, and you cannot interfere with custody. If he wants to ensure that his children are being taken care of go get a lawyer and file for custody of your children on the ground that they’re being neglected. otherwiseYTA
I don’t know how to fix this. Here’s how you fix this. You find a woman who actually cares about you. NTA
That “ relapse” seems conveniently timed. I will bet that this shit ass Jake spent his entire adolescence, ensuring that his fuck ups interfered with his sisters milestones. And OP and his wife played into them. OP is not the asshole in this case, but I guarantee he has been for, most of his daughters life.
Story 2...NtA...Your ex is financing her romantic life with your boyfriend. GO TO COURT. GET CUSTODY of your kids....Don't listen to reddit, they don't are crazy......Look out for your kids
Buy them shoes but keep up with What you buy. If they dont have it when you get them again Ask them where they are..Get lawyer and Act if he is more important than her own kids.....
Last story: I hate when kids are given a pass to be AH’s just because they’re kids. Marriages end. That’s life. Them punishing the dad and younger siblings just because they refuse to accept that their family has changed is bs.
Last Story: in an age where everyone's feelings matter why would anyone reply that the kid's feelings "don't matter and that they are the idiots? Keep that same energy for EVERYONE then, but I am guessing that commenter with their one sided opinion won't