you're not perfect as you are...and that's okay | reacting to 38-yr old woman rejected by matchmaker
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- Опубликовано: 13 дек 2023
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In this episode, Elle discusses the concept of self-worth and how it ties into our relationships, specifically addressing a viral video of a woman rejected by a matchmaker. She critiques the harmful alpha-beta narrative in dating, encouraging listeners to wipe it from their vocabulary. Elle emphasizes that rejection often serves as redirection towards what is truly meant for us. She shares her perspective on the 'perfect as you are' narrative, asserting that it's okay not to be perfect and advocating for self-improvement to get what we want in life. Elle concludes by advising listeners to trust in their future selves and live in their desired realities.
![mens obsession with humbling women [“i had to humble her”]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/jk8kAr3WAeg/mqdefault.jpg)
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Anytime anyone brings up "alpha/ beta" stuff, I'm like "oh you're into the omegaverse?" 💀
😭😭😭
NAHH FR it’s funny asf
I love it. Treat it how they treat woo.
LOLLL OMEGAVERSE 😂😂😂
I love how in 2000, when us geriatric millennials and baby GenX fangirls were knee-deep in Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan fanfiction, you were still shamed for reading and writing mpreg…slightly less so in fantasy fandoms. But ten years later the early Supernatural fandom had happened and created the omegaverse: still the same ladies, now in their late 20s and 30s and utterly shameless. We had this unhealthy obsession with werewolves and Jared Padalecki‘s dogs. And now, 25 years after Episode I, not only does one no longer need to create reasons for mpreg in reality-based fandoms („So there was this pandemic…“) but the whole internet knows what the omegaverse is. We walked so you could run…or flee; depends on how you look at it. 🤣
Elle, I’m loving all of your content but would you be able to make some more financial literacy videos?? Need to be able to fight off the finance bros first and foremost
🥹📝📝
Yes please! 🥹
It would be nice if there were more women in the financial space, but if you're looking for good content without the finance bro flavor I'd suggest The Financial Diet (female host), The Money Guys (two male hosts) or I Will Teach You To Be Rich (male host interviewing guest couples). As much as I love Caleb Hammer's channel he's really more for entertainment and less for education, Financial Diet and I Will Teach You To Be Rich both heavily emphasize the psychological aspect of money while The Money Guys are both CPAs and give very easy to understand breakdowns of different financial tools and strategies and they also break things down by age bracket so its easy to gauge where you are currently while offering something to aim at in the future. Hope this helps!
Yesss!!!
The Financial Diet is also a good RUclips resource for financial literacy jsyk :)
I just came out of a nightmare scenario where I was rejected by every single job I applied for for a YEAR AND A HALF, it did break me down. However, recently I was hired on the spot by a job that I basically would have designed for myself right down to the starting time of my shift and the trajectory of where they want me to grow. Rejection is terrible but it happens for a reason.
Congratulations girlie!!!! 🎉🎈🍾💐🎉
I’m so happy for you! Congratulations on getting the job
🎉 congrats friend!
I LOVE hearing about situations like this! Congrats!
Many many congratulations 🎉!!
My perspective is the matchmaker is successful enough to turn down clients she doesn’t want to work with. And she didn’t like this woman’s personality so she decided to not take her on as a client.
@cat888I doubt this rejected lady was accurately relaying what the matchmaker told her. She was likely embellishing the story to make the matchmaker sound "wrong" so that she could sound more "right" and enjoy the sympathy and attention of being righteous. And stop overusing the word "abusive." It doesn't apply here and it invalidates the experience of people who actually are abused. Smh.
💯
You are correct, Elle. Rejection equals redirection.
Honestly, this woman should be grateful that the matchmaker turned her down and told her that she (MM) wouldn’t find her any matches because she (woman) doesn’t have what the MM’s clients are looking for. There are a number of matchmaking agencies who would just take her money while the woman gets no dates. If that MM can’t help her, she should find another one that has the clientele that would be interested in her as well as men that fit her criteria.
As for the dating market being for the young, that is SO not true. Sure, men love dating younger women, but if you’re a 50-year-old woman, you’re a younger woman in the eyes of a 60-year-old man, and they want to be with you because they get to be with a younger woman yet you’re at a respectable age where you can carry conversations and not get him the side eye at his country club and gala events because you’re not young enough to be his daughter or granddaughter. Ask me how I know 😉.
So... how did you know? 😇
I love that (rejection is redirection) 👌
Yessss 🩷
Also younger men likes older women. Why? Who knows. There are some who is looking for a replacement mommy sure, but others are hella responsible and the go-getter, makes you feel like the younger one in the relationship 😂
@@user-tx6lz7pm3y I've met many younger men that marries older women tho. 30-ish men with 40-ish the most common. 20-ish men mostly want sugar mummy.
She needs a new therapist, why no one is talking about the fact that she said she has been going to therapy for 10+ years and still cant take rejection well, have low self-esteem and has no desire to better herself or journal. That therapist is clearly not doing her/his work.
Yes, it feels like she is using 10+ years of therapy to disguise the fact that she doesn't know herself
The thing is you can't force people to change unless they want to change.
Therapy doesn't work equally on all conditions. Some are harder to treat than others. People with cluster B personality disorders (narcissists, histrionics, borderliners) for example tend to not respond well to therapy, because they often lack the ability to introspect or reflect. Even if they try.
Maybe that's why the matchmaker asked if she's journaling. That's an introspective exercise.
Well we don't know if she's been with the same therapist for all ten Years, or even one single one long term, nor do we know her progress meaning how she was when she went into her therapy journey. People are the leaders of their own lives and healing
For real. I went over the course of a few years, albeit intermittently, and I still got a lot of useful tools out of it.
"now get the baaaag bestie" is my favorite line. I repeat that at the most random times 😂 I love it
Mine is "bestie, wake up!". 😄
Heheh yeah, mine is "don't get mad get paid"
I’m older (fifties). What does “get that bag while securing your own bag” mean?
@@Gypsywandering400It basically means, on the one hand, work towards your goals and if you want a partner, aim to be with one who is compatible with your financial goals. However, at the same time, make sure you are staying on top of your financial and life situation in general and able to maintain a stable lifestyle on your own.
So: Reach for your financial and partner goals but don't lose sight of maintaining the good things you have going in your life.
@@renn-taylor thank you, makes sense.
Soooo i went to the original TikTok and in the comments she said "she wouldnt lessen who she is by journaling". I then replied to her asking how journaling, an introspective exercise is lessening her..... How does that make sense?
Because she's attached to the identity of being "type A", the idea of needing to do things she doesn't naturally already do makes her feel like she has to"change" who she is in order to be loved. Her sense of self-worth needs work because she basically rejects any suggestions about tools that will help her become more self-aware and, therefore, attract the best partner for her.
It sounds like she has a very avoidant personality. Avoidants neglect their emotions / feelings by refusing to acknowledge them. Because of this fear of their own emotions (probably due to childhood), they neglect the emotions of those around them as well. Without introspection she will never find a partner that can satisfy her.
Tell her that those type A checklists and calendars are a form of journaling and watch her head explode 😂
"to equate journaling with self-awareness seems like a bit of a leap"?????? It's literally all about reflection? How is journalling NOT about self awareness? The more you reflect the more you see your own behavioural patterns, your triggers, your repressed trauma, your insecurity, your strengths, your achievements, your failings, the people you gravitate towards, the people you attract, how you're progressing toward goals.
@amydrawsbeautyjournaling is one form of introspection and introspection creates self awareness and self awareness creates change. It's a all about accountability, self love which can make us vulnerable enough to soften which is very attractive. Her refusal to go within leaves her in state of going without the very experiences she desires to have. The woman in the video seems hard and argumentative. People that refuse to go within are exhausting to be with.
For real, being driven as a woman, attracts men who can't do it for themselves and are looking for a mommy figure more than a partner.
The match maker never said she wasn't worthy...infact, it sounds like the match maker essentially said they have a personality clash, and her personality would probably clash with the men the matchmaker works with, becuase she works with men looking for softer women....she would be unhappy with any of the men the lady matched her with and they would be unhappy with her...becuase the matchmaker and her clientele are a vastly different culture than what she wants to be and have. She got offended about being rejected by a group that is looking for soft "woo" women, who she doesn't want to be.....its actually a smidge incel ish of her. 🤷♀️
The match maker made the Professional choice to not take her money for goods she doesnt have and waste everyones time and money...girl just needs a different matchmaker with different clientele looking for her culture and mindset.
femcel behavior!!!!
👏🏻💕
This. There are unscrupulous matchmaking agencies who know darn well that they don’t have clients that would match with her, yet they would blow smoke up her backside and take her money while she gets no dates. That matchmaker had enough integrity to tell her that she wouldn’t be able to match her with clients because the clients aren’t looking for a woman like her. That doesn’t mean that she’s worthless or she needs to change. It means that she needs to go to another matchmaker that has what she’s looking for and has clients that are looking for her.
The matchmaker told her to change for men 🤦♀️ or are you intentionally ignoring that part for your narrative?
@@amandasunshine2it's a choice. She isn't a fit as she is..she can conform and work with her, or find someone else. It works.
Someone can tell me to lose weight for THEIR services. I can lose it or not, bit she sounds like she has her professional boundaries.
Matchmakers still exist? Where?!
Also the person that coined the alpha man word literally said that the research he did (on wolfs) the alpha didn't exist, he made a mistake
asked myself the same question 😅
isnt the ''alpha wolfs''
the parents of the pack/
like a pack of wolfes is like a family and the ''alpha/leader'' is basicaly mom and dad who parent /lead/teach their kids etc and family
so the fact men degenerated the harmless term so hard to be MANLY TESTOSTERONE WAR AGRESSION MANLY SMELL HAIRY -fied
like so many good /normal terms get ruined by men
or inventions
coursettes
men got salty that women worked /owned factories and the industry
so they made the beauty standards extreme and made ''a ban for womens health''
just so women would loose their jobs /factories
i wish i had a coursette instead a bra my back would feel better xddd
another is women in video games
back in the day women were actual women and there were a few as characters etc
now its mostly sxualised till oblivion
or ''its woke to have a woman'' or ''women who act like men ''
like l4d2 women were great and i love rochelle
homm5 a game realesed in 2006 had half its cast women + units were female [plus one of the first transgender characters raksha rani]
it didnt have the best writing and unfinished rushed ending cuz ubisoft doodoo
but yea
look at good female characters in games /media now
its raaareeeee
how to train your dragon also
2010 the female dragons looked like dragons meanwhile the hidden world made the female dragon pink and ''feminine and glittery'' the concept art for the light furry was better tbh
also look at the dragon from raya it looks more like a my little pony horse
thats just some examples
The theory of alphas exists just not how he described it because he observed wolves in captive.
The alphas of a wolf pack are actually a couple, so the alpha male is the father and the alpha female is the mother. The 'betas' are the cubs.
The 'sigmas' are wolves that left the pack to start their own family/pack.
All the bs about an animal that's strictly monogamous and family oriented
It was also found that age was the deciding factor in leadership, they didn't fight each other for dominance it was a matter of age. If the eldest was injured or killed, the next eldest would step up and so on. Also, as noted when wolves traveled the slowest would be out front to set the pace so that the weakest wouldn't be left behind; they set the pace. While the most fit would be last in case one of the other members fell behind or there was an attack that would likely come from behind. Wolves, like humans, work better together with the community in mind not just themselves. These alfalfa men took a "natural structure" and the expression "survival of the fittest" (without the context of the actual work which states that humans have an advantage because of our ability to better adapt to our environments, and not the amount of muscle mass you possess), they took those phrases, added young men 18-25 who are already primed to feel insecure and left behind by the world, and warped their impressionable minds to believe that they were "owed something" from society, especially from girls and women.
Wolves are community minded; alfalfas are self-centered.
I know some countries like China, and Japan
I knew someone once who said the guy my sister was getting to know was a simp all because this guy was buying a lot for her and spoiling her.
Now, my sister is under the assumption that he is planning to propose around Christmas and she's over the moon. He's not a simp, he's a man.
The person in the video strikes me as someone who is still in an intense survivor mode mindset where she has to exude masculine energy to survive her environment. So when the matchmaker suggests she should soften and open her heart to a relationship, she tensed up become defensive because that would mean losing the mindset that she thinks she needs to survive.
I think she knows she wants love where someone pours into her (which is why she goes to the matchmaker in the first place and mistaken "alpha" male as someone who is highly accomplished and therefore "implies" to have a lot to offer), but she is not ready to be open and receive love yet. I feel this a lot because I was also in Survivor mode before, and now I have to learn to build a surrounding where I am not constantly in fight mode.
It makes me appreciate your video on why men cannot be your friends. Keeping appropriate distance from toxic men has helped me get out of intense survivor mode.
How can one get out of that mode and what you recomend?
This is a brilliant comment. You’ve hit the nail on the head I think.
Absolutely ! You hit the nail on the head
@@cat888 It's good that you find the energy that is best suited for you. It goes without saying that everyone is responsible for themselves what figuring out what works best for them on their own. My comment was about what I observed from the woman in the video and my personal experience. It is not about you. I am not interested in forcing anyone to be anything. I am interested in what works for me, as my comment was about me reflecting on my life and the environment I was in.
here's the way i explain to the 'anti woo-woo' girlies why journaling is important: it's basically running a daily mental health diagnostic and identifying weak points in the flimsy fabric of mental stability. when you reflect on your manifestations and have your goals explicitly written in front of you, it's a lot easier to know where the problems to getting there are. and therefore, it's much easier to craft a solution than trying to solve a problem blind. at the end of the day, even people who go to therapy only go once a week for about an hour, and that's not nearly enough time to truly work through what's going on upstairs. daily reflection is necessary and i'm surprised her own therapist hasn't recommended some from of daily written check-ins with oneself
@amydrawsbeauty imo, everyone can benefit from writing daily! but in terms of what specific structure to use, it probably depends on the individual. when i first started, i was skeptical and didn't even think i had to physically write anything, so what i did was just use my notes app on my phone and make a bullet list of three things i wanted to accomplish by the end of the day, three things i wanted to accomplish by the end of the week and three things that i wanted to accomplish by the end of the year. i got a lot of gratification from checking off the box of the daily or weekly tasks, but i recognized that i still wasn't really making any headway on long-term goals.
by this time i got a physical journal and pretty gel pens (sounds stupid but having an aesthetic set-up really motivated me to actually write) and stopped setting yearly goals all-together and instead started focusing on three things i could change as well. tbvh i don't have a designated structure anymore on what i write but i focus more on /mindfully writing. the key is consistency until you find what works best for you. good luck on your journaling journey
See this here actually seems useful, rather than talking about my feelings and at which time I took a dump that day. Would you happen to know if there's any templates or questions/prompts online that correlate with your points? It can just feel overwhelming trying to do something that doesn't have a clear instruction😌 It's something I really want to try though as the benefits are there!!
@@nninabrown thanks! as for how i got my start, someone else asked the same exact question in this thread so if you look at my above response i talk abt it there in detail :)
Only by this one video i understand why this woman is single at age of 38 years old. She is so delusional, she is a leader, but wants a man that is even more of a leader than her, aka she will be fighting with him and he will need 24/7 to be seen as a "alpha male" because she does not want him to be a "beta or whatever", she is very combatitive and wants a man to be traditionally masculine, while refusing to be traditionally feminine herself. She took everything the match maker say and gave the worst version of everything she was saying and even wanted her to lose her job, got upset when a professional gave a advice to get the type of man she wants and to see of she became aware of her red flags and she had that reaction? Any man that dates her will have to fight for their lives every single day.
I hope nobedy will date her if they have to be perfect in front of her eyes, that seems abusive as hell
Yes so combative in her general demeanor. And she said she’s done 10 years of therapy but she’s so judgemental about different exercises for self growth? Like, “I will NEVER do that” about vision boarding? Vision boarding is just a fun little exercise & she’s triggered by it?
Yeah it won't work at all
Yep, she sounds exhausting to be around. She's in the age range of someone I would be interested in but I wouldn't even think about it.
@@SkullZie She shouldn't lower her standards, everybody has a right to whatever standards they believe they deserve from their partner. Maybe there is the right type of guy for her.
Rejection is protection and redirection! 💯
That lady has no introspection at all. She wasn't told she wasn't worthy of love. She just wanted to stamp that for the feminist brigade. As much as she claims to be highly strung and type A she doesn't display any personable characteristics.
I tell my friends I don't like listening to people who make me feel like they're trying to sell me something and that's how she made me feel. Like she was trying to convince me to buy her as a partner.
Spot on. I shouldn’t have to be convinced that you are likable, you should just be likable.
Exactly I hate bringing women down, but every time I hear "I'm over qualified" or anything like it I want to say to them that's the problem..because women are all great even the toxic ones have certain attractive qualities, your strength and leadership are not exclusive every woman express it in it's unique way so stop talking about qualities and start act based on it ,that will give you originality and genuineness
The thing that stood out to me was when she said she was a type A personality and a leader and she wanted a man who was also a leader so she didn't have to plan everything. Made me cringe a bit cause I have met men and women who say this and when they end up with a partner who is also a leader it just leads to a lot of arguments cause either one of them always wants to be in charge and can't compromise or both of them have the same problem.
Hate to judge people based on so little info but she struck me as being a nightmare to be around. When she said she didn't want "betas" or her definition of betas cause she would chew them up and spit them out signaled to me she had no regard for others if she didn't consider them to be worthy or her.
Exactly
@@VideoCesar07 This !!
5:58 also that way of thinking doesn’t really work in nature. Overly aggressive males are usually pushed out of the group and aren’t view as good partners because they’re dangerous. 😅 So it doesn’t really work for humans or a lot of animals.
17:32 i learned about this in my neuroscience class! people with low self-esteem are more sensitive to social prediction error, and will raise or lower their current perceived self-esteem based on recent outcomes!
As an older woman who is a total fan of your content- This particular lady is kind of “off”!
Young ladies, understand that men AND women need to actually be personable and self-aware, especially as we age.
She documented all her plastic surgery on Tiktok + talked about dating issues.
@amydrawsbeautyunderstands your strengths and weaknesses in a relationship. Your communication skills, how you handle your emotions etc. It's also understanding the type of man you are looking for and what your likes and dislikes in men are.
For one I think she has a lot of internalized misogyny. The way she was using the incel lingo like alpha and better to describe men. Two I don't think she was willing to let go of control and be vulnerable and allow the matchmaker help out. I do think the matchmaker was wrong in her own way trying to get her to compromise her values when she paid her to find the man she wanted
@@ayomidedareabel5525yes! I’m gonna piggy back off your comment an add ( as a fellow older woman) know What you REALLY want and value in a man. Being true to yourself all the time..don’t fake any personality traits for friends\ a man.. love yourself more than you want to be loved! ❤❤
Yeah, I got an "off" feeling from her, too. And I'm not slagging on her for being successful/assertive/etc. I get that she was upset in the video, but something about her energy felt very uncomfortable and off-putting, beyond just her being upset. Also, how we present ourselves says something about who we are, and I found her physical appearance after she finished her makeup very odd, for lack of a better word. Specifically the lipstick color and hairstyle--just off-putting, and to me it indicates lack of self-awareness or something.
Agreed. When she said there was a type of man she would “chew up and spit out”…Why would a matchmaker want to introduce her to clients when she might be mean to them? That wouldn’t be good for their business.
She calls herself high energy when it's probably anxiety. She calls herself a leader when she's probably controlling. She gives narcissistic vibes too much. Normal people don't put their private lives on the internet.
I'm a "woo" girly. I always have been with periods of dormancy. It connects me to the divine and the universe. I don't trust women who cut themselves off from that type of stuff just becuase men told you it's stupid. Guess what? You just centered a man's opinion. "Woo" stuff is my feminine rebellion. I do tarot, am very into astrology, collect crystals, set intentions on a full moon, and have female symbols all over my apartment. I feel lighter when I do these things. That journey has connected me to my feminine aura to the point where it turned my own type A personality into a healthy mix of type AB. If you're religious, I kow some women who do "woo" stuff and still feel connected to God. The girlies who get it, get it and the girlies who don't...well.
I also do my work and study into the divine feminine. The root of all creation. And that is a VERY attractive energy to be in.
I GET YOUU I GET YOU 😭💕
yeesss esp since periods of celibacy and singleness is soo healing
I agree 💯
I am super woo ❤😊
This is very true. Successful men are typically not on Instagram or RUclips very much. They are too busy and also tend to not get it.
Hi Elle, I only found your channel today and have been binge watching you all day, I feel like I giant flood light has been shone on everything, I’ve spent 13 years with a “man” who never bought gifts (even on special occasions) never took me out and had me brainwashed with all those Andrew Tate style channels to make me think I was undeserving of anything and make me as small as possible, just for him to cheat and leave anyway.
You’vee been 100% spot on with everything you’ve said and with each of your videos I can feel my confidence and self worth growing.
Thank you bestie for waking me up ❤
Sorry to hear you have been through a terrible relationship 😢 but so happy for you now that you’re finally “waking up”! We have all been there!
I wish the best for you❤. Don't give up. Keep learning.
Worthiness=/=outcome
Action and receptiveness=outcome
These men have no idea that every 50 yo has been 25 once. We all know how the dating market is for younger women
She needs to get another matchmaking service.
This. She should be happy that the MM didn’t blow smoke up her backside and take her money, knowing full well that her clients wouldn’t match with her. Go to another one that has the clients that would be interested in her AND match what she wants.
Naming being self aware and intelligent and having soul as being woo is just another way to put down high operating people. I’m so tired of this war on words
I don't think that anyone who would fall to new age and pseudopagan nonsense could be called intelligent or self-aware, certainly not cultured. No serious seeker takes seriously such nonsense, nor the watered down, highly commodified, westernized and bastardized versions of well-established, great traditions such as the Buddhist and Hindu traditions. If someone were to be a proper neopagan (as disagreable as such revivals are on a practical perspective) they would also be looking elsewhere.
@@Luca-si5fy Sure, Luca cuz you know how deep someone else's practice is.
As someone who buys journals believing I’ll write in them - and then don’t because it’s tedious and my hand gets tired - I resonate with the idea that journaling makes me feel more feminine but also that I’m failing because it’s too much and I don’t do it. Lol
have you tried voice to text notes in your notes app on your phone? almost as good as therapy i swear
I promise you, getting your thoughts on paper WILL change your life. I used to be the same- then tried it. Trust me sis, give it a try 😘
@@G0ddess_Katewhy is it called feminine? It's most manly thing I heard you should have organaize decipline to journal
@@G0ddess_Kate sometimes people don't want to do it! Period! I relief my stress and find myself by painting and drawing. Maybe she don't like it! As simple as that!
I journal in a totally freeflowing way, it's like a delicious indulgence, ike gossiping to your best girlie...this way it's fun and therapeutic and easy. No goal mindset.
There's more to this story of why she's a 38 year old white American woman who's unmarried but wants to be... the matchmaker most likely picked up on that and didn't want the headache. Therapy is extremely helpful...
OP stated she's been in therapy for 10yrs. Now... I don't know how she was when she started, but it's not currently doing her any good.
She's looking for a type of man that doesn't want her type of woman. She needs to recalibrate. Either she needs to get out of her masculine energy or she needs to start looking for a different type of man.
The point that really stood out for me (personally, because there were a lot of good points made in the video depending on where the listener is at) was the one about outcomes vs worthiness. It's such a good way to look at it and i will be repeating that to myself over and over and working on my feelings of worth.
Yes, this.
One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received: "It's not a failure if you learn from it." I also like the concept of rejection as redirection, much more holistic. Thank you Bestie!💞💞
I love how factual and unbiased all your content is, while also validating and calling out people’s individual experiences. Keep slaying Queen 👑
I think you need to find a match for your energy, your talent, your intelligence. That’s what creates happiness.., not “aLpHa/BeTa”.
Simple men created those categories because it’s all their simple minds could handle. We can do better, ladies
As a side note: I’m currently 51, married my second husband at 41 and he’s 5 years young than I (that’s right), and we’re both forces of nature that complement each other 🎉
Don’t settle
Edit: I didn’t feel the woman took the matchmakers words as truth about herself, she was simply pointing out that there’s not just one kind of woman that’s “dateable” and she’s correct.
The matchmaker should have simply said: “I like working with a certain type of woman because I want easy money, I don’t actually want to do anything hard.” Since that’s what she wants. Instead of finding a high energy, high functioning man with a plan, she told this very capable woman to *change herself* to fit a man. A man she wouldn’t even like. Lolololololololojjoohvkocsryjz NOPE
Anytime anyone brings up "alpha/ beta" whatever, I'm like "oh so they're into the omegaverse?" Don't look that up if you value your innocence 💀
Or the matchmaker only has a certain database of men who are looking for women that match their energy. Which seems to be women who are softer, or who likes journaling or meditating. There's no telling what words were used since it's still from the perspective of the one making the video, so maybe take what was in the video with a grain of salt? Besides, at least the matchmaker did not try to sell her a dream while knowing that her male clientele might not match with her.
@@amandasunshine2exactly 😂 I was sooo confused when the incelsphere version started going mainstream 🫣
@@readinggeorgeeliot1489I used to use that matchmaker service in my 20s and I still didn't find any matches so that proves to you that the type of women these men are looking for do not actually exsist pretty much nobody meets an incels criteria unless your some 19 year old girl that looks like an animea doll and constantly lies about being a virgin.
I find it funny that men just automatically assume younger women are going to be more pure then a woman of my age too I knew a girl when I was in high school that already had 9 ex bfs at 15. I would be scared to find a match on there website too because usually when they find you a match that match will wind up SA you..those men don't care if your there match or not some of them would sleep with a 400lb woman then I'm sure they would sleep with a cougar too.
How do you know if you’re settling?
Oh no, she wants an alpha. She’ll probably get hurt again by a narcissistic man. I understand what she craves for though. I hope she finds what she’s looking for and not some poser who will hurt her more.
Her exact issues with becoming more soft and feminine is the reason she needed a match maker in the first place.
I never understand people who want help but then presented with help and the opportunity to change think they can have a new life, without the very change they need to make in order to become their goal.
The human brain y’all… smh
She wants to step back and let a man lead sometimes but doesn't want to be soft? Soft doesn't mean weak. Gentle doesn't mean weak. The matchmaker was correct.
Problem is... That matchmaker knows the types of men she has on "her portfolio" and most high earning men don't want this type of woman, they want a younger princess. That's why she was "oriented" to change.
I love how you can deliver constructive feedback with compassion. Truly one of the most profound things you said was how outcomes aren’t a signifier of worth. So true.
I once heard "rejection is divine protection" and it really helps me focus on what I'm gaining in those moments.
Whatever this lady is doing obviously isn’t working, but she gets mad when told what to fix. Like why go to the matchmaker at all if she knows everything?
If this woman doesn't meditate
Then how is she going to better understand her inner child
Heal it and then become a better version of herself.
She probably doesn't even believe in having an inner child.
Traditional forms of meditation such as those found in various Hindu and Buddhist traditions (or even traditions such as Orthodox Christianity and Sufi Islam if we stretch the term) have nothing to do with New Age nonsense such as "the inner child".
@@Luca-si5fy Your incorrect opinion yet again flouncing around the comments.
edit: meaning you have a very limited understanding of transcendental meditation.
To summarize.
You don't change for a bellow effort man.
You change to get the life and men(if you want one) that you want. You don't change just to be picked. You pick. And you for sure don't tie other people's opinions about you to your worth.
This just cured my anxiety. I love you bestie
You can always improve, you will never be perfect even at your "most improved self moment", cause improvement is endless.
True maybe on a macro scale but, everything, whether physical, biological, or mechanical, breaks down eventually due to the natural process of entropy. Improvement is not endless for an individual.
@@Yggdrasill8 yes because no one lives forever. However most people do not put much effort and awareness in self improvement, they don't use time effectively or even maximum of the time. Use every minute before you regret it's lost.
Came up in my feed about 3wks ago..... lol and im clicking everytime 😂. This young lady is so informative, matter-of-fact and spicy!!! She seems too young to spout the wisdom she does and i enjoy it. i just went through something yesterday and this msg was needed
I don't if it's me "wooing" but times where I'm alone, i think a lot about everything, especially myself and how i act, why i am the way i am, and then i talk to people i trust and i take wjat they think and compare and contrast our personalities and come to certain conclusions. Like how to improve myself and things that work for me and everything else
Have you tried "pick a card" tarot? What you do is you look at the cards drawn and the one you feel most drawn to is the reading you listen to. Try 13 Moon Tarot (Andie is really good!)
I'm the same. I sit in silence and just rummage my thoughts for hours especially when I'm having strong feelings about something, and I've just come to the realization that that's what meditating is. Not traditional but meditating is just still introspection and focus.
This one of your best videos💕, that woman in the video feels like meeting a glimpse of my old self, I'm so glad I feel different it means at least I've changed even I'm not therr yet , I'm not shaming her I only feel sorry for the limited space she puts herself in actually I'm afraid about her, the denial can stress her to be a victim for some man who fake being alpha and end up being toxic...you are right it's exhausting to be a woman 🤦🏻♀️
I felt that so much, how rejection can really be a blessing. When I applied for college some of the schools I applied for would have left me in complete student debt. Instead I ended up in a great college which hasn't left me with an impossible amount of student debt to pay off after graduating.
I swear this channel and this woman are the best discovery I've made this year. Thank you, Elle. You are the best ❤
If you're up for some music discovery check out C.GEANE & her song Wild Flower or her song Fox Teeth :) She's basically unknown & writes/produces everything by herself & she is always experimenting!
This TikTok lady is hard to listen to 😭 no awareness
Yes
I just think that depending on your personality, you will have a harder time finding someone you are compatible with.I have a very introverted personality, and in my circle it was really hard to find someone who I could be with. While I get that she might be hurt, that's just how life is. Probably not the best opinion on this matter. I just think this woman's feelings got hurt and she misinterpreted some things.
I'm introverted w/some extrovert sprinkles. IF I was with someone, I'd want them to be more extroverted than me so I could tag along cuz otherwise, I'm not going anywhere lol I used to be that way with my cousins, too, but they've all moved away with their own families and some have grand babies now. :)
Most of the most iconic geniuses in history kept journals. More men would be better people if they did. It cultivates emotional, intellectual, and creative clarity. She should consider reading some phycology articles. And maybe research some of the historical figures she admires.
Elle, thank you so much for all the content that you make. What you share with us is so valuable. You help us women become stronger, wiser and blossom into the best versions of ourselves💖💖💖
I am here because Hailey Gamba mentioned you in one of her videos and after watching your video about men who claim to be feminist I couldn't help but subscribe. So happy to be a bestie ❤
Hi Elle, im pretty new here, but i just wanted to say thank you for the amazing content! Down to earth, rooted in reality, honest and realistic. Its refreshing ❤
I agree with the matchmaker. I am in the exact same demographic and situation, and this girl needs to seriously calm down.
ALWAYS STRIVING AND PROSPERING- get it together ASAP ladies(yes I borrowed this but I love it)
Your worth is inherently high and untouchable! Love ❤️
Bestie, I love you ❤ I’m so proud of you. Keep that sharp head on our shoulders and being the mentor to all women in a world where hate is trying to suppress us all.
This video made me realize that I can be both very feminine & very masculine at times… I am very much a mix. It is so difficult for me to balance these energies & keep things consistent, because I am so complex that it feels like restricting myself. It feels like dimming myself… But I know I can’t just expect people to be able to handle All of me. Or to understand me. I know I’m confusing. I guess this is why I struggle so much with connecting to others in general, not to mention trying to form romantic connections… I tend to stay away from dating because of it. It feels like there is just too much of me for even myself to handle…
There's nothing wrong with being fluid: being masculine some days and feminine some days. You don't owe anyone but yourself balance & even then if you're a fluid person then you're a fluid person. Self-acceptance and meditation with an eye for achieving balance may help you. Isis can help with this. For example: I was definitely in my masculine energy, but using full moon magic which is feminine. Doing it unabashedly and accepting that "this is me" has helped me come more into balance. NOW, I'm exploring my feminine side, but I do see where some of my masculine traits are beneficial so I'm working to incorporate a little of that in at a time until I'm satisfied with the result. Good luck on your journey!
my goodness... WHO ARE YOU??? how did the algorithm KNOW that my entire being was craving for these words??? i'm honestly going through trying times right now and my approach to it has been choosing everyday to be what i want to be. it's definitely not an easy path, but also far from the hardest! but, seriously... you're heaven sent. i'm definitely here to stay
girl your subscriber number! you deserve each and every one of them. such valuable information
loved this one, thanks!
I love your videos and your content. You are so sharp! I am so glad there is a person like you sharing precious insights on self love, relationships, prosperity, manifestation… thank you, Elle! ♥️😃🙏🏼✨🌹
Amen! Amen! 47 year old woman here. If I didn’t have a husband there are lots of men out there willing and ready to be with me.
Honestly, god bless you for existing. Your videos are changing my life.
I'm loving your content it's very good to speak to what has been happening in gender dynamics. Please keep the videos coming!
Interesting video with a lot of food for thought. You are absolutely right when you say that stepping out of that masculine, competitive life and then stepping back in feels awful. I speak from experience that it absolutely does. Great video, thank you!
i’m not sure if you share this perspective but i believe we are souls with a human body and our souls have experienced many life times, ancient lifetimes on this earth or lifetimes where we were something far different from a human being. you have the spirit of some sort of divine feminine, you were highly respected and you give off “men went to wars for me” energy. i feel like your soul recognises this and you realise you deserve far more than what you’re being shown in this lifetime and i love how you’re empowering other women to see themselves as the prize. because we are. the egg doesn’t swim to the sperm ladies x
It's def labor, but us spoiled girlies want to spoil- when we are properly spoiled 🥰
... Another person uses the phrase "woo." 🙄
As a person who meditates, has crystals, and is a psychic medium, I can tell you that it does help to self-reflect, which is a powerful tool in clearing the mind and resetting for the day. However, this doesn't mean she's softer or more feminine -which again somehow means she's more docile and not a strong person. On the contrary. In fact, it's the opposite, which most people don't get about the new age community. For one, we don't ever use the phrase "woo". I don't know where the hell that phrase came from, but NO ONE in that community I met has ever used the phrase to describe this type of lifestyle and I've been in the new age for more than 10 years.
In fact, women and men who are more self-reflective from meditation become more self-aware and aware of others. Because of this, we see BS faster and know how and when to do our best to avoid it. Once a person learns to live in full authenticity, they begin to see people who aren't living authentically, which becomes a problem in the dating world for most awakened people. An individual who awakens to self-love, self-worth, and honesty begins to expect the same from others, and when people don't measure up to those healthy standards in relationships of any kind, this makes it more difficult to tolerate the intolerable.
That being said, being a new age doesn't make you softer or more feminine; women who reengage within their divine feminine power and energy realize they've been living more masculine to survive in a manly world. The issue isn't whether or not a woman is more feminine to be accepted in a healthy relationship, but more so can a man accept the fact that being truly feminine means she's accepted both her softer and strong side. And this reveals the problem -most men are intimidated by soft and strong women. I can be soft and sweet but don't cross me through deception, lying betrayal, and manipulation.
Again it falls down to the fact everyone is judging this woman through only a mere few minutes but hasn't listened to a damn thing she's said. People are commenting on her makeup (which seriously wasn't that much compared to others I've seen), and how old she is. If she were in her 20's I doubt people would react to her in the same way. Women are constantly being berated based on their age, lifestyle, appearances, and other superficial expectations rather than asking what the men were like in their past that led her to where she is today. I get people judging me that same exact way but if you asked me, I'd reveal shocking facts about the way I was treated by abusive men that lead to me to where I am now, empowered and single by choice. Men who are single continue to feel empowered, but if a woman is single, there's always something wrong with her.
Until society and reactions like this can change the narrative of how women are supposed to behave in order to feel loved, this will forever become a problem. And keep in mind, men statistically die younger and sooner than women -and then we wonder why there are more single women in the world. I've grown up with 5 men in my life whom I loved who were dear friends and family to me, and they all died from fates beyond their control. If several of these men were still a live, I more than likely would've married at least one of them by now, but fate had a different plan. The point of this long rant is that women have constantly been judged since the dawn of time to be "good enough," and when you tell women they're never good enough, then you wonder why men think these women aren't good enough either, and that's the problem.
it's never been an in community term, it has always been a common way for outsiders to mock it. "woo woo," often. twice.
I've been "New Age" since I was 12 (I'm currently 42) & woo is short for la la woo woo - it's an old deriding term used by outsiders.
It’s always a good day when Elle puts out a videooo
I just adore this channel ❤
Thank you so much!
I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you.
My favorite show is on again! Thank you, Elle!
There’s a lot here but ultimately if this lady was putting the huge responsibility of validating her worth and value, onto a matchmaker she just met, then there’s a good chance she will put that responsibility onto a man she dates, and the matchmaker probably wanted to look out for the well vetted men she also represents. She wouldn’t want to put them with someone who will give the job of maintaining her self worth, to a man, which isn’t his job, and which will also result in a toxic dynamic or at least in an impossible situation for the man
She definitely has a big blind spot. Too much BDE exuding off.
I loved how you defined how and why alpha/beta is such a lie and the alpha is often in the dark triad. I think replacing the term alpha with “self-respecting” just fits better.
Check out Qveen Herby's song BDE - She definitely has it, but it still so feminine :)
Also check out C.GEANE's song Greetings & Salutations - She exudes BDE, but w/a surreal playfulness :)
Excellent as usual ❤👏
Thank you beautiful Elle
Elle, you hit the nail on the head again!👏🏿
this talk touched upon so many of the issues that came up for me recently - aging as a 34yo woman, past redirections, loving a good 'beta' man ... the list goes on 🙌🏻
Love how wise you are beyond your years)
Such a wise young woman. I love your energy. Keep being you ❤
Thank you!🎉 This is perfectly put and the best advice! ❤
thank youuuuuuu!!!!! love everything you said in the video
Elle, love your videos. You putting me on game along with Stephan Speaks after an 11 yr Narc situationship-a “Christian” with extreme addiction / gambling issues like a Jekyll/ Hyde type.. being with someone who can never be my true love.
Never change for a man.
It’s the truth, Be your own Dream girl and find the Man that Vibes w who you are !
Spot on.
yesss btw i love when u dont play the music in the background of ur vids, it's much easier to hear and focus
LOVE THIS❤
Your teachings have saved me from alot bs , i just love you. ❤️
I LOVE all your videos, I've been learning a lot and waking up as you say, but could you upload videos about friendships (avoiding toxic girlies or how to find your girlies) I would love to watch those videos ❤️
You're a gem. Thank you for this content.
the way i live for your videos
Oh girlie I wish I had your content like 10 years ago. I truly enjoy it now, but I *needed* it then.
love this!!!! ❤❤❤
Ive been watching all your videos, I’m getting so much from them. Thank you for being you. I’m learning ❤
Goddess Bless
I love being part of the spoiled girlie support group. She always reminds me things and helps me open my mind and helps me to grow as i become older
🌟 Just stumbled upon your channel, and I must say, I'm living for your laid-back vibe! Hoping to be as cool as you in front of the camera one day. Your explanations are my spirit animal. Keep it up & Happy Holidays! 🥂
Your points of view are so mature, I loved this video
Love your content as always…🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤
This is golden. Thank you 💕💕 Please do an episode of how to receive easily like you mentioned in the video
Yall it's the background piano intro for me😂
Nice signature
as usual 👏🏻🙌🏻thanks ♥️