Warhammer 40K Smash or Pass DEFINITIVE EDITION
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- Опубликовано: 28 июн 2024
- To Smash or not to Smash? That is the question. On this week’s episode, find out how low the bar is for Brad and Eric. When you are feeling lonely in your room at night, thinking that nobody will love you they way you are, remember to re-watch this episode and see for yourself that even Nurgle followers have a chance to get laid if they are good enough with their tongues.
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 - Intro
00:47 - Next Episode: Balance Dataslate!
03:00 - Be'lakor, the Dark Master
04:29 - Daemonifuge Ephrael Stern & Kyganil
05:17 - Celestine, the Living Saint
06:52 - Roboute Guilliman
08:34 - Abaddon the Despoiler
09:50 - Vashtorr the Arkifane
11:09 - Ûthar the Destined
11:32 - Canis Rex’s Pilot
12:53 - Shalaxi Hellbane
13:48 - Lord Solar Leontus
14:21 - Lord Castellan Ursula Creed
15:00 - Iron Father Feirros
15:30 - Mortarion, Daemon Primarch of Nurgle
16:05 - Rotigus
16:53 - Sloppity Bilepiper
17:37 - Patriarch
18:27 - Lelith Hesperax
19:19 - Drazhar
20:14 - Commander Shadowsong
20:58 - Commander Farsight
21:23 - Logan Grimnar
21:53 - Tech-Priest Manipulus
22:20 - Belisarius Cawl
23:22 - Magnus the Red
24:15 - Ahriman
25:02 - Kairos Fateweaver
25:18 - The Changeling
26:26 - Kayvaan Shrike
26:56 - Jain Zar
27:47 - Yvraine
28:17 - The Yncarne
28:53 - Grand Master Voldus
29:35 - Asmodai
30:22 - Lion El'Jonson
30:52 - Valerian and Aleya
32:06 - Captain-General Trajann Valoris
32:35 - Commander Dante
33:07 - Mephiston
33:47 - Angron, Daemon Primarch of Khorne
34:34 - Skarbrand
34:59 - Deathleaper
35:22 - Inquisitor Greyfax
35:40 - Eisenhorn
36:08 - Ghazghkull Thraka
36:36 - Mozrog Skragbad
36:52 - High Marshal Helbrecht
37:13 - Szarekh, The Silent King
38:00 - Trazyn the Infinite and Orikan the Diviner
39:26 - RUclips Pleasantries?
Show Links:
Website: poorhammer.libsyn.com/
Patreon: / solelysingleton
Brad’s Twitter: / drruler
Eric’s Twitter: / onekuosora
Licensed Music Used By This Program:
“Night Out” by LiQWYD, CC BY
“Thursday & Snow (Reprise)” by Blank & Kytt, CC BY
“First Class” by Peyruis, CC BY
“Funky Souls” by Amaria, CC BY
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Игры
Sometimes i remember the fact brad is a married man with an important job somewhere and that makes this episode 10x funnier
And Eric is a nuclear engineer…
@@alexandrudorries3307you know that checks out. My best friend is an Aerospace Engineer and he's kinda ditzy like Eric too lmao.
To make this better, my wife test listened to the episode this weekend.
Makari, "gonna get a finger up the but" ... Made me spit my coffee out 😂
@@alexandrudorries3307 Education seemingly does not help with a good taste in partners
Guiliman definitely believes in aftercare, even for vanilla sex.
Guilliman has really good foreplay, great but not amazing sex, and is the peak of aftercare. You will feel loved and protected, even if it's a one night stand.
Honestly, hell yeah
Guilliman would give you alloted times for cuddling and not a minute more.
He’s the kind of guy who asks for consent before every stroke, like to the point he gets annoying
Robby "missionary" Guiliman, yawn.
Commander Farsight may be a regular Tau dude, but he’s a regular Tau dude with a fancy red sports vehicle, and that’s gotta count for something right?
More like a Mid-Life Crisis Suit am I right?
He also have a very long life for a T'au on a probably mid life body thanks to his sword. So he will be very experienced with a very good physical strength and endurance 😏
Also it's surely possible to customize a little his battlesuit and giving him a "special" weapon 😂
@@gregorysteffensen3279 Well played! 😂
@@gregorysteffensen3279holy shit dude that’s amazing
@@gregorysteffensen3279 Brother I am DYING
On Saint Celestine her two gemini sidekicks are named. They are Genevieve and Eleanor. So per your rules they can join in.
FACTS!
And they are actual sisters.
TWINS THEY WERE
I feel like we need to start adding tags# twins # foursome # dom mommy #
From smash to SMASH
The reaction to Eric's "Dominate Me" is the single most violent reaction I have ever heard from Brad, holy shit
Dude audibly retreated away from the sound Jesus
I read this early and just went... Drukhari. Yup.
It's in his brain and it _will not_ get out.
The semi moan honestly got me lol
Guys. I was joking. I didn't expect you to actually do this.
Blame the dataslate for being a week late.
Oh god i shouldve expected someone with a euphoria pfp was behind this episode.
I was going to like this reply but that would break the 69 likes@@thepoorhammerpodcast
My comment no longer makes sense :((
@@cpom5075 I was about to comment this too xd
@@jackoleen1236this comment always appears for funny meme numbers (69, 420, and once upon a time, 1337).
but it always fails because not everyone is in on it and you only need one oblivious fellow to ruin the count.
As a woman, I want to thank the Emperor.
I don't know what he was trying to cook when he made the primarchs, but they all (more or less) ended up being absolute DADDYS.
As a gay man, I too am here for it.
As a bisexual twink, I cannot possibly agree more
As a straight man - GOALS
It only makes sense when you have a legions worth of son's.
except Mortarion, absolutely cannot get it no matter what
18:27 "So Lelith Hesperiax..."
"Yes"
"...You die."
"Yes"
"But smash?"
"Yes please"
God that was great ^^
What followed was even better man !
I have never been more dissapointed/entertained by a Warhammer content in my 12 years in this hobby. You can be proud/ashamed Brad/Eric.
Sounding like a skaven over here
I wanted to be disappointed but Celestine and the shoulder pads had me giggling like a child and it hardly stopped from there
Also, for the funny bit : both Jain Zar and Drazhar are spirits inhabiting the Armor and possessing the body of whoever wears the Armor (still has to be an Elf). If you time it right, Jain Zar can be a man and Drazhar can be a woman when you date either.
@@farseeraradrel4808 Aren't Howling Banshees female only though? Or is that just the armor being stylized as such.
Is your name Alpharius by any chance?
Underlooked aspect for guiliman: he's a 12 foot tall super strong demigod who is under incredible pressure 24/7 and very rarely gets to speak his mind. If he gets a chance for some release, that man would *do things* to you, and I'm 100% here for it
He for sure has a praise kink.
Guilliman is the type to give the best 2 minutes of your life before going back to manage his finances and pay taxes.
With his size it better be the best 2 minutes of my life
Fr the type of guy to walk into the room and say "I have been up for two days. We have 10 minutes."
And then absolutely blow your mind before quietly leaving for his next meeting
Pretty sure he would be managing his finances and paying his taxes during the act. He'd probably do yours too just to heighten the experience.
@@xemnufromthemagicplanet1678 this is now cannon
I know that its supposed to be a very divisive topick but seriously!? Belakor THE DARK MASTER is a pass? Have you seen his chains!?
"But he's just gona use you!" - YES, thats the point!
69th like.
You have the correct opinion
You forgot about OLD ONE EYE
I can't believe we forgot such an easy joke...
Even if Abaddon is gonna put everything into it he still got no arms and its gonna take 13 tries before anything really happens
But on the 13th try he’ll completely rock your world
Correction: Abbadon will take you on 12 dates, to really make you fall in love with him slowly. Then on date 13, he gives you the best night of your life. You will never forget it.
So what you're saying is he'll edge you
35:37 "she's already got a candle with her" HELLO ERIC? WHAT WOULD THE CANDLE BE USED FOR???
Wax play, obviously. Although make sure you use proper wax for wax-play! Regular candles will burn you (in a not fun way)
It's for snacks
Mood lighting I guess?
I know space wolves are the eternal punching bags, but if any space Marines chapter knows how to party its these guys. Lukas the trickster was a serious omission considering he canonically fucks.
I hate myself for engaging with this.
Ulrik/Bjorn... so many SW omitted.
Please tell me where Lukas is stated to fuck, me and a coworker got really deep into a conversation of "Do Space Marines fuck?" and we settled on: "They don't, but they could, but they don't."
I need the details. I need to read the paragraph in which Lukas fucks
for the lion
i dont think you get a choice on the watchers
they are the watchers
they will watch
no locking the door option, they have bullshit warptravel that somehow doesnt use the warp for plotarmor reasons and other bullshit
they will watch
I would absolutely LOVE to see Shy's reaction to this amazing degeneracy
Lore? Cost-friendly guides? No. This is the content I'm here for.
Good news for Brad: Jain Zar's hair is just a part of her armor!
Bad news for Brad: and so is the rest of her!
Phoenix Lords... It's just a super haunted suit.
@@Amberpawn Wait is this a joke?
@@Kaiserboo1871 nope- phoenix lords are relly just a possessed suit of armour that an exarch puts on, overwriting them
...I mean, I'm down.
Yvraine: Lelith, but you aren't guaranteed to die horribly as a result. Also she has an absolutely obscene amount of cake. Second only to Mommy Celestine.
Nah, Sir Hecktur would do the deed INSIDE Canis Rex
he lets the ancestor spirits watch
Ah the good ol IBO
@@DunkopfI hate how hard this made me laugh.
(But also, there's a weird compatibility b/w 40k and IBO specifically? At the end of S1 I was shouting 'did you make the antagonist a Khornate Dreadnought?!' at the screen, deeply disappointed that nobody else in my friend group was at that particular Venn diagram intersection.)
@@vdate VALID LOL
Sad to hear the Vorthos/Mel episode didn't do well. I for one enjoy digging into a lot of that design/psychology kinda stuff.
It doesn't really matter if it did well, it's just an opportunity to yell at our RUclips audience, and it's not like it bombed. It was just on the low end of expectations.
Totally agree.
Loved that episode as well
Trazyn and Orikan are that couple who it's really fun to go on a double date with as long as you realize ahead of time that theres a 50/50 shot that they'll have to leave early because one of them stormed off in a tiff.
you forgot Illuminor Szeras, Imotekh The Stormlord, and the C'tan shards. and probably a whole lot more too, we need an episode two.
Lots of Chaos ones too
Horticulous Slimux, Epidemius, Syll'Esque, The Masque, Karanak, Lucius, Typhus, Kharn, Harken, Fabius Bile, Cypher...
and the lictor instead of the neurolictor was such a cop out
@@sonarchy5158I just need them to do it with every single character
@@Nebulaeous1 Scratch that
Smash or Pass, every single 40k box
Not mini, box ; you don't get to pick your favorite daemonette, all ten of them are in
Just wait two years. Episode 200 baby!
HE IS NOT LISTENING TO GREEN DAY
HE'S LISTENING TO THREE DAYS GRACE
Eric and Brad creeping each other out in a Smash or Pass episode while laughing like school children? I'll take 5, please.
"They don't call it a blow hole for nothing" prompted me to just quietly stare at my hands sitting idle on my keyboard for a good thirty seconds.
Kairos Fateweaver: One head only sees the pass, the other only sees the smash
"A lot of people on this list would eat you..."
Typically that's a good thing during SMASH...
18:47 This is what 100 episodes of Poorhammer has been building upon. I don't think anyone most of all Brad was ready for it.
Lion El'Johnson is just Charles Danse so thats an immediate and eternal smash
When brad said “ ok hear me out “ on abbadon, i lost it…😂😂 funniest episode by a mile, thanks guys ! 🙏
I need more Poorhammer content. I’m just starting to get into Warhammer and this is the most entertaining and educational content I’ve found. Gonna buy some Tzaangors to celebrate the 100th episode 🎉
Why did you have to call it "educationnal" under the Smash or Pass meme-video ?!! xD
The Poorhammer Podcast: The Sex-Ed class the world needs.
Guilleman wouldn't just read "She Comes first", he'd write the damn thing
Oh my goodness, we're literally making a Smash or Pass style video too in like a week or so! Great minds think alike!
Looking forward to that.
Awww…
But having all the marines in a row lets me just skip their YT chapter entirely 😂
the knight pilot name is sir hekter
As an Eldar player, Jain Zar is a screamer.
I read the title of this episode, and I still clicked in. This is how commited I am to these men.
'Oi oi Celestine, get thy holy baps out for the lads!' - Unnamed Kriegsman
Well safe to say we learnt a lot about Eric this episode 😂😂😭
I'm dying of laughter dammit Eric's delivery on "dominate me" ahahahahahahahahahah
"big lady problems" THIS GUY GETS IT
Fun note: the named Gene Stealer character from the 40k commander deck is, IIRC, the first named GS character in 40k lore.
which is so baffling to me because they have a whole damn book about GSC, why not use them?
@@burnin8able Because any GSC character would either have to fail constantly and never win (boring for a character) or be in-canon dead (bad for a character)
@@singularkakapo tell me you haven't read Ascension Day (the book I was referring to) without telling me you haven't read Ascension Day
@@burnin8able even before that, Ghyrson Starn was the original named Kelermorph for Killteam.
@@theswampus670 even more reason for GSC to have named epic heroes, but they just don't
The Silent King wears the skin of a god he killed as a cape. Smash!
12:25 "Do you want actual Canis Rex?"
*Me, certified Simp for most transformers* "SURE"
"i couldnt even find his name" brad its on his DATASHEET
In my defense, I play 40K, I can't read.
@@thepoorhammerpodcast so true bestie
I'm just saying Eric should be allowed to cook.
That "Please. Dominate me." Was so incredibly genuine, i lost it xD
I have never felt as much respect for Eric as I do now knowing his ideal woman is also one that could and would kill him
EDIT: Him watching Mori just doubled it
Of all to be referenced in this episode the Ussop Perona fight was not one i was expecting
Hear me out. Celestine and Greyfax might have to be a pass, because I don't think anyone survives either of them getting jealous.
Add Greyfax to the fivesome.
I don’t want to ruin what they have
Saw a Tumblr post a while ago which was something like "all your favourite characters in a slumber party", so as something of a spin-off of that for a future easy episode, you could do "all your favourite characters from each faction in a slumber party" and discuss who's picking fights with who first, who's here for the food, who's just playing video games etc.
I like how you left just enough epic heroes (Swarmlord, Typhus, Adrax Agatone, every other token character from all the space Marines, etc.) that you could do a part 2 if you wanted.
Yesssss we need this
Hell, I'd give Aleya a shot. Smash. I'll die horribly on that hill, I'm kinda here for it
Somehow did not expect but totally am not suprised Eric likes Mori Calliope haha
Smash: Eric Pass: Brad.
Sorry Brad, you are married.. Eric is a grey knight.. he may kill me if i dont
Shrike’s headphones would be playing My Chemical Romance rather than Green Day
A shame the last ep did poorly. I loved it.
it was inevitable...
Listening to this at work with headphones on, when Brad said "now hear me out" for Abbadon I said "what the fuck" out loud. Having to come up with a quick excuse for why I said that had me sweating bullets. So..... Thanks for that experience.
"So Iron Father Feirros."
"The dude with a bunch of claws attached to him?"
"Daddy."
I wasn't expecting to learn that Eric is a fellow Deadbeat. Excellent episode.
Can we get Eric writing a short story about himself and Belakor in the style of Chuck Tingle?
canis rex pilot is Sir Hekhtur it's literally on the dataslate
So you made the 100th episode the single most cursed thing you've ever done. Thanks, guys.
Trazyn will literally put you in the jar
I didn’t think I’d hear one of you describe a 40K character as having “0 Rizz” but here we are
That is definitely the most rizless character ever.
In fairness, Helbrecht already has someone to polish his sword, I think he'll be fine.
Eric has said some wild stuff before but I have never heard him break Brad as horribly as that “dominate me” did
How can poorhammer do a podcast so brave yet controversial
"Canis rex can wear me like a hood ornament"
Regarding some of the characters;
- Celestine: I mean... A woman in armor... She could keep the armor on and I'd still be very much down!
- Guilliman: He's efficient, so you know he'll get you off! However, I don't think there'll ever be much else than the basics.
- Lord Solar Leontus: How dare you stand where he stood?!
- Cawl (really any AdMech character): Think of the toys they'd employ.
- Magnus the Red: True about the clingy. But think of the effort he'd go to, to try and be the very best like no one ever was. Plus, with his psyker abilities, he could blow your mind in ways you hadn't considered.
- Changeling: On the surface, smash. Then you remember that the changeling only causes mischief and uses their powers for pranks on a cosmic scale. Let's just say that if they are willing to smash, your life would most likely unravel shortly thereafter.
- Tyranids: I mean... Arguably, you are smashing a hive mind. Who can control how their 'subjects' evolve, and often go for the most efficient for the situation. Just saying it has potential.
- Inquisitor Greyfax: Take a look at my Celestine consideration, but now she has huge political power instead of huge fighting power. Smash
Finally answering the REAL questions on the podcast.
As someone who just got into 40k recently (been into fantasy for a few years now), I wasn’t expecting a Smash or Pass video to be where I find out the Dark Prince, Be’lakor, is in 40k 😭. Also when it comes to Tyranids… they adapt to the situation, if you make a situation where coincidentally they have to be a 12/10 Waifu. Who’s to stop me…?
“I’m going mountain climbing tonight” killed me
You forgot the triumph of Saint Katherine, the banner lady, and the mech suit epic hero for Sisters
"Prinny for life". Eric is a man, or dare I say "dood", of culture, I see. Hilarious episode, guys, this is the competitive 40k content I subscribe for.
Brad was so fast on the smash, but the reality is Celestine is going for Jen not him 😂😂
Wait, that's not just Bricky talking crap?
I've got a Greyfax around here somewhere. Maybe that's the duel I should be working on.
Y'all are sleeping on Vashtor. Sure, hes mortifying looking, but hes also the god of innovation.
This man has engineered new toys, positions, and configurations beyond mortal comprehension.
Plus he’s one of the few Chaos characters that won’t betray you
I think somewhere in the Phoenix Rising lore from 8th edition when Jain Zarr faced off against Drazhar (and somehow won) a female incubus picked up the armor and became Drazhar so ... Draz is technically female 😂
Helmetless Howling Banshee models have the same big hair as helmeted ones, so that's probably Jain Zar's actual hair.
Every day we stray further from the Emperor's light
The depressed sounding shift in Brad’s voice as he said “and… we’re gonna do a meme…”
Gonna be honest: Even if all the armor stayed on with Celestine, I can *still* see having a good time.
THIS is Slaanesh coded content FOR SURE
Holy shit! They added sex to Poorhammer!
Agreed on smashing Asmodai.
I’m getting paddled and he’ll whisper “repent” in my ear with an old English accent
The changeling/Mori is valid.
Yeah but considering how much he likes to mess with people he’d transform into something hideous just before you finish then leave
@@Kohl293 E.G. Myself
As a fan of the machine cult, there is nothing hotter than a big hulking machine. Canis is definitely a smash.
"She's even already got a candle with her. That could be fun."
*ERIC, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN.*
The fact that more than one person in the comments reacted like this is hysterical to me. Use your imaginations, folks!
5:35 Um Actually, the Geminae Superia are shards of Celestine called Faith and Duty and every incarnation of chosen Gemina become them. And since they are shards of Celestine anyway, I consider it a 3-for-1
Ursula Creed is basically just Miss Trunchbull so I hope you like sweatsuits and kettlebells somehow being involved. Huge smash
A keeper of secrets was offered a thousand spirit stones from Mortarion to go on a date, three minutes in the keeper of secrets broke off the date.
the lions little guys are the watchers in the dark. Even if they do not participate. . . they are named that for a reason
Last episode rocked
@17:00 "He didn't get the nickname sloppy piper for nothing" LMAOOOOO
only the most serious topics for this professional warhammer podcast
"We're just waiting for a dataslate anyway" is a vibe.