@ldmize64 I totally understand the shame for allowing it for so long - same here. But thankfully we finally saw “the reality!” Blessings @ldmize64 as you step out in finding the amazing person God created you to be!
Me too! After 13yrs! I’ve been out almost two months now and I am finally just now starting to think I might be able to heal from this nightmare.🙏🙏🙏💯you got this too girl! We deserve better! We gotta stick together ALL OF US BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE OF NARC ABUSE! I surly don’t feel beautiful but I am fighting through the bs and remembering I’m a child of God and that means I am worthy of love and even love for myself ( not vanity but honest love). ❤❤❤
In the 1970's mental health professionals touted Communication as the relationship cure all. Every time you communicate with a narcissist you give them the keys to your soul, then you start believing you are the problem. That is why your mind is in a self questioning loop. The narcissist has you using all of your bandwidth fixing issues that do not belong to you.
@@debimcneil and so very true!! Every word you say becomes ammo for them. It behooves TF outta me how they twist things and truly believe their delusions!! I mean, it seriously blows my damn mind!!
9:33 “…I’m here to tell you you are not a bad person for setting boundaries and disengaging and creating distance from someone who harmed you and will continue to harm you. You made a choice to take care of yourself. The narcissistic person is making a choice too: to abuse people, including you. They have the freedom to make another choice. They just aren’t. Their bad choice, though, cannot remain your prison.”
Yes I agree having good friends, my family , my Manager and other coworkers helped me to regain my freedom from my Toxic ex. People who know me knew I wasn't myself, they knew something was wrong, with their support helped me so much to regain my life back. I am Thankful for their support! I didn't even know anything about Narcissism until I watched a video from Dr. Ramani. I have continued to watch her videos and others and this has helped me to grow stronger and wiser.
I’ve been in a funk since we booted the narc out of our lives. I don’t feel bad that we lost a “friend”, but rather that it took so long to recognize him for what he is. It will take time but recovery will happen.
@christinel6616 I wrote my 'friend' yesterday to end the friendship. I feel like a fool that I kept the friendship going on for 22y. We had also those good moments. But most of the time I felt so tired, so drained, so destroyed and unseen. I'm at the start for a long road of recovery and learning to live with myself. To let go of expectations from her that I'll never get. It's hard. I'm confused and feeling numb and empty. But I have to believe that I'll get there.
@@marbledlabyrinth1614 That was such a powerful act of self-care! Congratulations!!!! The negative feelings get easier. < : - ) I ended a 20+ year relationship with my covert narc ex-friend last year, and after a period of sorting through tricky feelings and beliefs about myself, it's mostly been a RELIEF not to be on call anymore to her incessant neediness! Like when a fly that's been buzzing you flies away. I feel like I have space to just breathe and BE! I think for me the numbness was partly an appropriate detachment from all the unreciprocated caring I'd gotten used to giving her. It's not healthy to keep caring for those who mistreat us! I know not everyone experiences this, but I was shocked by the surge of confidence and POSSIBILITY I felt after the initial confused feelings died down. Whether you experience that specifically or not, the benefits may come sooner than you think. It's a lot easier to feel better when you're not constantly being dragged down! Good wishes to you, and kudos for your bravery! ❤
Not my account...Dr. Ramini for myself and for many you are HEAVEN SENT...went no contact with npd older sister and this video helps sooo much..getting better with each day away..I urge sufferers to go no contact and HEAL!! Tried grey rock..but because they are like breathing poison ya gotta just get away! Baby steps..try a week..feel yourself get better..then stick to your guns, because life is too short to have a parasite steal your health and JOY
Staying with a narcissist is a form of self-disrespect and undervaluing your own worth. It’s also the result of being self-love deficient. If you loved yourself, you wouldn’t want anything to do with them. Your self-love is your greatest defence against narcissism.
Oh yeah, if we just loved ourselves our now damaged brain would just right itself and we would leave. Ya know, we initiate a relationship with them because we are trying to get the love we were denied our entire lives. Sharing our wounds and vulnerabilities to someone and they seem to have your back and you finally trust that someone wont destroy you is the act of self love that gets us caught in the narcissists whirlpool. Gratefully, you gave us the key to the puzzle that we could never figure out on our own "love yourself". Thanks fam
I was classic narc bait. I spent my entire life seeking to be competent, accepted and loved. Everything in my life set me up - cold mother, critical father, employment in industry with substantiated anti-woman culture, single and self supporting, my angry demeanor and depression. Always on high end survival mode. What a cycle of disaster, Now that I’m retired I reflect on where “I went wrong”… throughout my life. No blaming anyone or anything - I should have handled better. Yes - I couldn’t trust my judgement for a very long time - even before the narc. The narc threw me a few scraps of gas lighting attention and I lost my mind. The longer you stay the more you are entangled.
Dr Ramani, you’re videos have literally saved me from an abusive relationship that was wearing me down until I felt literally suicidal . Being able to understand gives one power !
It does. Information is power. Knowledge is the power. Power to make changes I'm happy that you survived, it's a slap to that person's face... Now, please learn how to revive yourself I survived too and I wish you succeed with all my heart Good luck
It takes a lot of support and encouragement (and $$) to leave a detrimental, abusive, and a narcissistic relationship. Eight + years ago, after 33 years, I was able to leave and begin a journey of getting to know myself, my wants and needs, and start a new life alone. Every day is a blessing - I'm feeling extremely thankful & don't take my new life for granted. I'm a good, compassionate person. With therapy, good friends, and a supportive sister, I found ways to like and love myself. ❤️ It takes work and courage, but it's possible.
And for those who absolutely don’t have this option for complicated reasons thank goodness for people like Dr Ramani and Dr Les Carter to offer some support and guidance and know that we aren’t crazy. It’s crazy-making behaviour to deal with.
1-1-23 I picked up has phone,I questioned all the deleted txt messages. What he did not know was I had figured out how to restore all his social media sites. Busted! Here no more,I made a vow he would never enter here again. Fear ? Yes I had fear but my my value as person was more important. The divorce was signed in 6 mo. New supply? Could never matter my dignity & self respect became my biggest focus. I also started trauma based therapy 3 mo before my discard. I wish him the best , recovery,relapse,recovery rinse repeat. At 64 yo he needs steroids now to perform with all the boys at the gym, in more ways than one.😉
I didn't have much money, though I did have an okay paying job, so there was some security there. Had a pretty good counselor, though no real friends to help, and my family was nearly 2000 miles away. But I put it into the hands of God and He got me out of that bad marriage.
Thanks for sharing. Now I can recall that one embarrasing scene in which he started yelling at me in a department store while saying, "Why can't you do anything right" - Only because he chose that moment to disagree with me on what color to paint the kitchen cupboards and the kitchen walls. Now it only leaves me wondering whom else he knew was watching who may have resented anyone female who has ever working to accomplish anything while in a non-traditional gender role. After I helped build a house in my frist marriage which ended in a dramatic scene which some people could call an attempted murder on me. An attempted murder which my first husband tried to blame on me while calling me crazy. It took me many years after that to prove him wrong only because I was not working outside the home we had been both building and living in at the time after the shingles and siding was installed on our house. The shingles which I remember helping to install while I was climbing on that roof too. Long after that the odd person around was calling myself crazy only for thinking that I can as a woman do that kind of work. For example during my second divorce when a female social worker a lot shorter than me at a career center once who was a stranger to me. Well at least I didn't listen to her while then giving cabinet making a try anyway until the dust didn't agree with my lungs very well. Now no one can call me lazy anymore after dropping out of college at age 20 for personal reasons after marrying the first ime at age 18. So what if I did not ever have a 6 figure income of my own and so what if I do not have a degree. That doesn't make me lazy like my first husband wants everyone to believe about both me and others too.
@@beesinthegardensOMG. I do the same thing now. I sit in the parking lot of a coffee shop because it has clean bathrooms. I sit in my car and take care of my business calls and internet stuff, emails, read, pray, have my quiet time just do I’m not called lazy for not doing anything in my day off when all i do is drive 57 Miles to and from work and my job Is all driving on a computer inputting truck nubes the drive home at 4am and clean then shower, sleep self do it all over again. Cooking cleaning washing and hell no am i going to sit at the table with him to be his maidservant. So i get up, pick up, lightly clean, run out before anybody wakes up to call mom mom mom mum mommy, run to do my errands enjoying God messages, grab my drink and go sit for hours. Sad, but it’s the peace i need just for a few more years and dream of how to plan my escape. Terrible, cause we have confrontation. But i gotta spreay myself out till my day cones without saying a word out before i spill my excitement of plans. God help us. Enjoy your peace shy which way you can. And never tell anybody your peaceful place.
Oh my, I went through this leaving a 33 year marriage to a guy with Asperger's. I knew my only escape was to leave. When the door opened I moved 2100 miles away to where I knew no one & him mom bad mouthed me for leaving her good son. Leaving was so freeing I never looked back & started life over at 54. I kinda laugh now because he lost the home & I now own a beautiful little farm & have never been happier. Found out years later that he was sure I would come back to him 2 years after leaving. Wonder who fed him full of that thinking. He has financially hurt me & still dealing with a lawyer to clean up a mess he made.....but my life is at peace & that is what counts. There were many narcissistic behaviors in his ASD personality & by the end I was just swinging & hitting everything he said & he definitely got worse with age. Striking out on one's own after never living alone in 54 years of life, a little scary but determination & having had enough overshadowed any scarryness & doing a happy dance in my new kitchen when I first filled it with only foods that I liked was wonderful
Good that you left. To me your ex sounds more narcissistic than aspberger. As I know people with aspberger they have difficulties to respond to emotions but they are not so prone to betray, financially or with a partner. They are very ethical. For a while I thought my partner was aspberger but it turned out he was a covert narc. He hid it well. He has also ruined me financially but he says that it is him who have paid everything. I left him one week ago.
I had a crazy dream last night where I lived with my narc ex-husband. I tried to leave and all of a sudden my whole street was swarmed with narcissists trying to get at me. I turned to run back in the house, and there was Dr Ramani cheering me on lol. We were able to fight off the demons. We sat down and had coffee, Dr Ramani told me I was doing great. I woke up suddenly and one of her videos was playing❤
I love it when dreams have clear meaning like this one… pretty sure I married “Tucan Sam” in my dream last night 😂😂 … no more midnight cereal for me 😅❤
That is both sad, but very cool! I hope you gain more peace and healing as time goes by. I hope you start to have happy dreams and the ex doesn’t haunt your thoughts. You deserve a good life. Hugs! 🌺
That is awesome!!! 😂 She definitely leads this pack of Warriors that we are into battle, arming us with power and fighting right beside us!! Love this!!
I come from a family business dynasty my father runs, and he is definitely narcissistic. When I was in my early 20's deciding if I would join the business, in a meeting with my father he said to me "what makes me a really good business man is being calculated and not emotional..... unlike you who cannot control their emotions" That right there made my decision easy, go my own way. 20+ years later they are all still the same and I have changed. Moved on.
Good for you! Thank goodness you were Abe to made the decision at a young age! It takes a world of strength and courage to not let the life long abuse and messages we received as kids and young adults. I’ve stepped away many times but then got lured back in. Over and over. Finally the last 10 years I’ve been able to stick to my values! Thank you for sharing
Dr.Ramani, You gave me back my life. I have a malignant narcissistic mother. I left the house as a 19 years old, didn’t have a contact for years, blamed myself for being a horrible person. Lived in guilt, but felt like she lived in my mind the whole time, directing all of my life choices. I have listened to you for 6 month now. And I cry every time I listen. I can walk now, with my head up, my shoulders back and my husband and kids have my attention and love, instead of me thinking every single moment how terrible I am. Thank you for all you have done.
There is a film that included a line that changed my life. In the film, a young man was kidnapped and forced to go through a ton of horrible events due to the manipulation and coercion of a narcissist. When the cops finally caught up with them, the narcissist looked at the young man and said, "Oh no, I'm going to have to go to jail, and I don't feel good, and yadda yadda yadda (insert all the attention-seeking crap here)" and the young man looked at him, paused a moment as the abuser waited for his sympathy, and the young man simply said,.... "I don't care." THAT was a LIFE-CHANGING moment for me, as I saw that I, TOO, could NOT CARE about someone who had absolutely ZERO care for ME! Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for reminding me of this. I hope it can help someone else. Dr. Ramani has helped so many!
YES to this! : - ) We owe no loyalty to those who abuse us. It heals me a little bit every time I remember the ONE time I stood up to my covert narc ex-friend's exploitation of my good nature by saying "That sounds like a you problem." It soothes my soul! ; - D
Great points! My ex sobbed loudly on my shoulder right outside the court room after the divorce. I felt so bad. Then for the next 2 years he tried to "win" the kids back by putting me down and by financial manipulation, he didn't pay child support, showed up at my work trying to take my check (I worked part time), stole my trash to get information about me, kept driving by my house at all hours, spread harmful rumors about me to all our friends which alienated me from church and our friends, kept calling my counselor to say bad things which made therapy a nightmare. These are just a few examples.
😢 I'm so sorry you and your kids lived as his source for so long. No one would believe what you have been through but another abused source. Be strong hugs and ❤️
Sounds famiiliar. Except for him stealing my trash. Since I had been working in our family business to help maintain it when I left him I coulld no longer share the income from it. I felt tremendous guilt when people were getting hurt and killed in that business after his accountant convinced me to give up my share in that business which was at the time only a new start up. So much chaos was happening at the time while sometimes my own lawyer was repeating lies to me too. Now I am left wondering if I could have made better decisions concerning that too. Except for the decision to leave him and stay away from his 'romantic' grasp. I gave birth to 2 childen during that marriage who are adults now. I want to focus on being mom to them.
Before I understood the situation clearly, this person convinced me that they were someone they were not -- shared beliefs and values, etc. Based on that belief, I assumed that the problem MUST be me, because it COULDN'T be them. Once I understood that everything they said was a LIE, everything suddenly made perfect sense, there were no longer any inexplicable contradictions. The person I THOUGHT I knew never existed. It was all theatre -- a persona in the truest sense.
The guilt for me was the hardest part when I left the relationship & went No Contact. I felt horrible in feeling I hurt someone I did love & deeply care about, it pulled at me. Since I've been out of this toxic connection that has eased over time, & yes that was painful to me, but not enough to make me want to have it back.
That's what I'm struggling with right now the guilt. I feel so guilty for when I one day cut off my narc family and question if I should. But then they hurt me again and remind me why I should cut contact. I know that I will never be able to be truly me or live my life until I cut contact.
@@kimberlychristine9284 It is an emotionally painful decision, but I finally reached that pivotal point of realizing this individual who I gave far to many changes was “never going to change”❕❕❕ I was paying the ultimate price emotionally & physically so it came down to “saving myself”. Since he is “what he is” his life will go on to the next person doing what he does. I did reach that radical acceptance Dr. Ramani speaks about & getting closer to the level of “indifference”👌👌👌👌👌Be strong & of good courage, and you'll get there dear one. ❤️
I was married to an abusive husband and my workplace was toxic with a scary abusive boss. I myself no longer existed. My function in life was to be an object of their abuse. I finally decided I needed to find even a tiny part of me, and looked backwards to my childhood and rediscovered a source of joy. From that reclaimed part of myself I was able to build a sense of existence and became strong enough to leave my husband.
I just wanted other folks to realize that it IS possible to climb out of a very deep hole. For me, finding an old joy gave me a little piece of solid ground to stand on while I was floundering in the swamp of abuse. Gradually I was able to find my way out, but I needed some kind of joy as fuel to help me cope, to be a safe haven. It is possible to escape abuse, and you are worth the effort. God bless.
After all my life, traumas, mistakes and pain. I'm sorry, I looks like the bad person but you know what? For the first time I'm in control of my life. For the first time in all my life I don't need anything from anyone, I don't have dependency of anything. I have my limits boundaries and I learn how to feel enough myself to respect me. I'm sorry I looks like the bad one but I'm not in the life of others hurting them or making mistakes in other people life. In my life now I'm learning how to live a different me, a different way of happy without the acceptance of others. Thank you for all your sharing videos and important knowledge for all of us.
Dr. Romani, do you have a camera in my house? Every podcast of yours absolutely hits the nail on the head! They have propensity to identify the negative in every situation. Negative, ungrateful, complaining, dictatorial - they're probably intensely unhappy people with a low EQ.
I really needed this today. I've wondered if I've expected too much from them, more than they were capable of. They often told me they were doing their best. I've had lots of moments of wondering if I'm just too much or if I set my expectations of others too high? But this video has me thinking more about what I was actually expecting. I wanted them to be honest, to respect my feelings, to follow through on the things they said, to not do the things I'd told them hurt me. None of those things sound like they should be too much for anyone who cares about someone.
Hearing the same " I tried my best" you just imagining" I didn't hurt you" you re hurting yourself I did nothing , you are crying for no reason, you're too sensitive, you have serious issues.. you need doctor. that's your truth not mine.. I m not abusing , you're imagining , you're living in traumas , Also.. He gv Silent treatment, Gaslighting ( and when asked on ths "I'm just being quiet, I did nothing) Now I no longer have energy or strength to explain or ask for an explanation to him and I m scared to talk out or ask anything I feel to anyone else including strangers All I cld feel is FEARS 😨
Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani!!! This Video Is So Very Very True About The Workplace!!! That Is Exactly How It Is , So Very Very Wrong!!!! Making A Worklplace A Slave Work Situation, Which Narcissistic Manangement Does Not Care At All About!!! I am So Glad That I Am Out Of That Work Situation, I Am Never Going Back To Work For That Company Ever Again!!! I Saw And Exprrienced The Real Awful Narsissitic Truth About Them!!! Never Going Back, Never Looking Back, I Want A More Positive, Smarter, Brighter Future Than That!!! So Very Very Glad I Am Out Of There For Good!!! Thank You Dr. Ramani For Your Very Excellent And Informative Videos That You Do On This Topic!!! I Appreciate You So Very Much!!!🎉❣️
Oh my goodness… every word of this has resonated in the depths of my soul. I’m just now getting to the point where I have to end my long term relationship because I can no longer go on with thinking that if I just do this or that or change this or give them this then things will be better. It won’t. Plain and simple. I read back through some of my limited journal entries and see that life today is not any better than it was before even after buying the big house and giving them the car and doing the things they want me to do. It’s all a LIE! Thank you for spelling it out so clearly and helping all of us see the truth and help us make that choice to become who we are meant to be.
It is a real empowerment the day a narcissist tries to manipulate you into a no win situation or tries to punish you and they can't get a rise out of you any more because you really don't care, and you don't feel guilty for not caring. I remember that day it first happened and how much happier my life became after that. Now I avoid narcissists as much as possible and interestingly, narcissists now avoid me . I was the truth teller as a child, and became the scapegoat as an older child. When I regained my truth teller role as an adult ( now with a modicum of politeness and diplomacy nor do I throw pearls before swine,) I found a much more rewarding life. Signed, the flying wise old goat.
I need to take the opportunity to thank you for your hard work that you’ve obviously put in your highly intelligent woman and I’m sure that there is millions of people that appreciate your work that’s done as I can’t tell you in my life the amount of counselors, psychologist and life, coaches, and even Relationship coaches, who tend to turn around the tables and they put the blame on shame game on the empathic person in order to fill the pockets with money and that’s what it was all about you on the other hand is sharing your knowledge on RUclips, which a lot of people are not paying for believe that you’re a very special person in the world we live in with all of the mental health issues massive support to the children of future. Thank you.
My original narcissist in my life is my mom (covert). I had to go no contact about 6 years ago. Because I am so immensely familiar with this type of personality, I believe that I’ve married one too. I’m recently separated from him and it’s like the clouds are separating and it’s becoming more clear! I didn’t realize it so much until my college age daughter came home for the summer and really opened my eyes. I feel so foolish to have been married to this person for 20+ years and my my kid has to educate me on this. I just want to be happy and have a good life. What’s your situation?
I believe the narcissist in my life is my dad. He hates stopping while driving and so mostly pauses instead making me feel incredibly nervous. I have lived with my parents for most of my life, except for 2 years in my 20’s. I realized I made a mistake coming back to them now and in fact they have only got worse. This was during the pandemic when everything was closing around me and I had very few options.😢 My mom says she wants me to be independent, yet it is hard to believe her as it seems like she would rather I live with them for another 10 years ruining the chance to achieve my dreams. Right now I am just focusing on one goal, get out within this next year before my next birthday. It is harder said than done as my parents don’t tell me their true intentions except that they want me to be dependent on them. I would really like to be able to get to a place where I can actually achieve my goals, and later on dreams. I hate having to constantly needing to push them aside. My dreams and goals should matter as well.
You absolutely get it. Sadly it takes living with a narcissist is the way to truly understand. Thank you for being vulnerable and helping people like me
I felt like the bad person for such a long time for even considering cutting off my relationship with my narc, telling myself that I'd be abandoning the person who needed me most, and they would have nobody left. But over time, it dawned on me *why* everybody in his life was leaving him one by one. Chronic gaslighting, spewing vile slanderous things about family members, and unapologetically exploiting people's good nature for his own end. Everybody had left for the exact same reason I did: He pushed them all to their breaking point until they just couldn't take it anymore
Dear DoctorRamani you must know your videos are very to the point. I watched some of them and I can 100% say they are very to the point. I can't imagine how they could be more to the point. Thank you very much. ❤
People get stuck in these relationships because of trauma bond in which they might wait for decades for few good moments to last longer, which will never happen.
'Slow witted' is how I felt and still feel that way when I was in regular contact with the narcs in my life before I actually realized they were narcs.
❤❤Yes it’s tough at first and for years I caved to the feelings of down on me! Two people and so far I’ve made it past those self- blame for their actions! Thanks Dr R for all these supportive videos! This is about boundaries for both of these! Tonight I answered a call from N adult son but knew it was limited because he was on his way to work! When you listen to them chatter on about themselves and how quickly they breeze on past anyone else it’s quite amusing! 😂😂😂
I am crying, listening to this. For over 25 years, I have put up with this type of behavior from my sister as she married someone well off and feels as my adult child put it " I have no power, because I have no money." Meaning that my sister can say and do embellish and humiliate and gaslight and out right lie because I lost a lot when i got divorced and it's been a struggle. My adult child and sister have now bonded and do this together, and I can't even have a conversation with him without him relaying everything to her. I have run everything in my head, like replaying every scene from a movie what did I do, what did I say? Did I say something wrong. I kept trying to please and please more, nothing was ever good enough or right. I was only met with, you did this wrong ect. ect while all my sacrifices for them and my grand kids and nieces have never been recognized. I could go one and on, this brought me to the brink of having to be hospitalized for major depression, and I was met with "your faking?" This was said in front of a teenage step grand child along with " We will destroy every friendship you have had over your lying???." And they did try ! I was in shock This is my adult son ! Needless to say my true friends were already aware of the history. This countinued back and forth , and his wife got involved. I was on the verge of being hospitalized again, and thanks to some therapy and you, Dr. RAMANI and you videos I came to realize I had to cut contact, and it just kills me inside every day as I have not seen my grand kids in a year and a half. I am not a perfect person but I think back on all my good intentions and things as a mother, sister aunt and grandmother I did over the years and help I gave with both mother and farther dying, i feel like , was I in a parallel reality as they deny these things I did and me being called me a Narcissist??😳 And I realized I do not deserve being treated this way, and something is wrong with family, people that treat someone this way. I had put everyone before myself and I had to cut totally contact a few months ago. This is heartbreaking💔, every holday I get so depressed depressed and try to cope. There is so much more abuse, some even physical or on the verge, but I have written so much. Your videos help clarify ...I need to love myself, which is difficult right now, and your videos have allowed me to, wake up ! I lrealized as long as my sister and son bond against me for?? As much as I can gather childhood jealousies? When I ask my son why he treats me this way his answer, "its just who you are?" This will never end.I can not walk on egg shells anymore. I can never Thank You Enough, for you videos Dr. Ramani, they help so many of us who feel like " am i going crazy? Did I do that?" Love & Blessings❤
Narcissists don't see other people as human. They see them as objects to use. You are NOT an object! Don't accept their view of you, don't accept their rules. Concentrate on the people who do love you, instead of trying to please those who only want to abuse you. May God bless you and free you from this abuse.
And, if no one said this to you today, you are a beautiful and wonderful person. 🌸You are stronger than you know. You will find people who truly love you for you.
I am getting out of a 27 year marriage from a narcissistic man. It is so scary but you are helping me understand myself better. You are so appreciated. Thank you so very much.
So very powerful. Out of all the eposodes I have watched with you THIS was the most moving. An Intensely powerful, emotional delivery inspiring compassion towards ourselves as we learn to be architectures of a new world. Exposing the TRUTH of what has happened, what is happening deep inside victims of narcissists and the revelation of the dark abyss to which narcissists draw their prey.
My son’s dad made my life a living hell for 16 yrs after I left him when my son was just under 2. Through the courts we had to share custody. The abuse finally stopped on the last hour before my son’s 18th birthday. He knew he had no legal hold on me after that. He was a monster.
Exactly the same. Left when my children were nearly 2. Stopped when my sons got an injunction order on him when they were 17 years old. It is like a prison sentence
@@blackthornhealing I feel your pain. It IS a prison sentence. I remember saying to friends “only x more years”. They’d say yes but you’ll still see him at graduations, weddings etc. I said I can avoid him then. No legal hold anymore. My only “crime” was leaving his narcissistic a$$. Oh, also, my son chose to live with me as soon as he was 18 - 22. He was a victim too. Thankfully my now 26 yr son and I are close.
My ex still manipulates my adult kids. He teamed up with my abusive father. I recently found out my narc father has been doing this for years behind my back. He also tried to get my husband to divorce me. He went to my doctor's offices and my employer. After he was thrown out of my employer's HR office, he proceeded to try to pick up one of my co-workers on the way out the door. Freaking evil beyond belief!
Writing the bad things. I have journals from the 1990s on what was going on in an abusive (ex) marriage and I was going to get rid of them because it is so so hard to read those things but in truth they are the things that help me not feel like I am a bad person as much as my continued environment still reinforces that I am a problematic person. They are small gestures I didn’t know I was giving myself. I am in some ways a problematic person, but not when it comes to this aspect of having survived a narcissistic violent domestic abuser.
I developed a sense of humour where I constantly put myself down. People thought I was funny because in my anecdotes and stories I came across as stupid or forgetful. Now, I can see that I was getting in first before my n-ex who told stories about me being stupid or forgetful to put himself in a good light. I was doing myself down to please him. Since the relationship ended, I'm having to rediscover my real sense of humour.
Dr. Ramani, you are amazing! I thank you so much for offering these free videos! I divorced my narcissistic husband 11 years ago and I’m finally healed and free. My 27 year-old daughter is now living with my husband and myself and she is finally ready to rid this abusive relationship from her life (she’s already tried to get him to see what he’s done and is doing, but of course, to no avail). Because she has no medical insurance at the moment, you have been tantamount in helping me help her - understanding ALL the issues she now has and how they relate to her relationship with her narcissistic father. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, you are a God send to us…. A thankful mother and daughter in Colorado ❤
Your videos are so meaningful and helpful to me. I have gone no contact with my aging narcissistic step mother and struggle with grief of having lost my two step brothers because of it. You put words on what happened to me being raised by her, how I've felt over the years and now, and give me hope in developing my sense of self with confidence. You mentioned doubting your affect on people which inspired me to make my first comment of gratitude to the work you've chosen to do.
Yes, I struggled with this too. I felt nothing I did would help people. I think it comes from the narcissist belittling us and making us feel wrong. Your comment inspired me. 🙏
Wow. Hearing you say you have screwed up some major life decisions because of self-doubt and indecision gives me hope to overcome as you so beautifully and successfully have. I have definitely screwed up some major life decisions, too!
You've saved my life. My mind is my source of life. You are so friggin real. You call a spade a spade. Narc isn't the only one in the relationship. Takes two hands to clap. They just use their hand to cover your eyes, ears, mouth. And throat. Removing their hands from our head is where DR. R is the PRO. ( Calvary). She teaches us to grow some balls!
Whew! I never even considered how much MORE COMPOUNDED the religious and cultural community could make our own escape even harder! Thank you for this viewpoint and perspective’
Yes...I think that every day. So bad - that I regularly contemplate if ending me... would only transfer narcissistic rage to someone else. Senseless and insane - to stay a punching bag in a relationship as a protective shield to others.
Do not end you! Find a little spot of joy to cling to. For me it was going back to writing. Through that I met some wonderful folks and built up the confidence to back away from the abyss. Ending yourself doesn't solve anything, and would deprive the world of a good person. We need all the good people we can get!
I’ve been watching these videos for years, and as each new one comes out. - it seems to be just in time. This is my home, my safe space. Dr Ramani - you are life saving ❤ the impact you have on so many lives is immeasurable. To all of you who now have soul Injury from NPD abuse, I send you love and profound understanding. Stay safe loves.
Even doing all of that will not please them. It'll only make them dehumanise you more, use and abuse you to show their power or dominance especially when they have an audience. They think they want a doormat but when you allow yourself be that, they realise that you're no longer presentable for them so they're ashamed of you and devalue you even more. Save yourself peeps. You can't win. But let your daily decisions be one's that serve your wellbeing.
this is so real,I was broken to a point of literally agreeing to everything that was happening in our marriage, funny enough he told me that he needed someone who can challenge him
Thank you so much for this video! I am deeply stuck in that trauma bonding, keeping distance to her now for two weeks and I feel so terribly bad and guilty (even if she beated me and I'd never ever hit back)... your words help me soooo much. I finally get back that warm nice feeling from a really empathic person, that I missed so much for almost 3 years... I feel so terribly weak and everyone would judge me out there for that, as I'm a man, and a man has to be strong. I know I'm strong and I'm not weak but the manipulation is that strong, no one ever, who did not experience such a relationship, could imagine how deep that goes and would think I'm dumb or something... Normally I say what I want and what I need. Outside the relationship I feel quite strong and fine, but inside I feel like a little child, having to ask for every little thing, knowing it will be refused and if insisting on it, it will lead to a horrible drama with gaslighting. I can't stand that anymore... Thank you so much for your kind words! As I'm feeling that weak now, it helps me so much to hear that overcoming this situation would empower me, make me stronger and stop me to live in a dream world... thank you so much! I started crying in the first 10 minutes already, because I'm feeling your words are true and will help me A LOT. That warm feeling helps me a lot to see the truth. You have exactly the right words and a big heart that helps me! No one, not experiencing a narcissist in a relationship, could ever imagine what horrible people are out there. Keep on your great work, Dr. Ramani! You help a lot to make this world better and REALLY help people... I now watched a lot of videos about narcissism, but yours help me the most, because of the empathy and understanding, that warm feeling... Again: thank you so much! Your words are really touching my soul! ❤ Greetings from Germany 💐
@@Kerrigan44 Already have one, because she said I'm crazy and need a therapy. She was quite shocked to realize that this helped me to get out of this toxic relationship. What an irony. Also shows that narcissists live in their own reality and really believe it's true. She thought I just needed some kind of repair because I started to tell her what I needed and what I wanted. She thought after that "repair" I will kinda continue to work properly. These thoughts are really sick. I'm glad to have him. Now I really need him to help me healing of that relationship.
This is the most valuable talk I’ve ever seen. Self doubt is so extremely damaging and a mountain to overcome once you’ve been beat down. Overcoming is so empowering and the accountability so rewarding. Awareness on this subject makes your whole world much easier to navigate. Thank you so much for your videos. You’re so spot on ♥️
Dr. Ramani, I want you to know that your videos have helped me heal so much!! I'm discovering myself again! My ex husband forced me to remove my two tattoos before we were married, and after 10 years, I went and got a new one! Every time I look at it, it's a reminder that no one will ever control me like that again! 😊🙏
Yes! This makes sense and the pain that rushes throughout my body and soul from allowing myself to continue to be abused is so devastating. My narc criticized my food, how I cook, and even told me my dog was fat!
When the pandemic was first starting my parents criticized what I ate and the weird times I ate at. It really wasn’t their business except that I lived with them. Trust me, 3 years later sometimes it still feels like a medium security prison. They make it hard to get out and I think they secretly like that.
I find your videos are like B12 shots. I live this nightmare every day (even though I’ve been NC for awhile). There are moments of strength but it’s a rollercoaster ride (self-doubt, second-guessing, no closure), and then I hear you speak and the truth rises like a phoenix out of the ashes……and I feel the medicine coming in and do what it does, affirms the trauma and sets me free for awhile but it’s a job, deciding every day whether or not to fight the matrix or surrender. I’m tired but I can’t go back but the shadows of it call me when I’m weak, I listen, but I take baby steps away. So, thank you, for staying the course and leading the way out of this pit.
I recently attended a wedding that was a real learning experience for me. My ex narc & 2nd wife were there, who I strongly suspect now as narc too. I had prepared before & walked away or turned away from them when they tried to get a reaction from me. I am so surprised that I did so well- Great actually, I just did what you said to do. I did not feel emotional or anything. I just saw them for what they are. I feel great about me!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
THANK YOU!!!THANK YOU! for being honest about your own experience. I can't tell you how absolutely validating this video was. I've been following you for years, but THIS.. This was everything for me!!!! It made me feel less "less than"!!!!
Exactly! I constantly capitulated in order to keep the peace. I had to sell my soul and tolerate narcissistic abuse for many years. Fortunately, the narc pounded the final nail into her own coffin by leaving a trail of very incriminating and damaging texts. It was checkmate for me. She knew she was toast. Hence, it was my golden opportunity to ghost which resulted into quick estrangement much to my relief. I feel very empowered, protected and safe ever since I eliminated the narc from my life.
Thank you for sharing Dr. Ramani. You shared your heart and i cried with understanding. You make such a positive difference in my life. I cant thank you enough.
I was married for 17,5 yrs and lived exactly the way you described in this video. Myself and my 2 beautiful kids survived in that trauma and it hurt each and every one of us. Damaged them and myself. I lived with self doubt seems throughout my life. I am constantly looking for ways to help all of us heal. They are now young adults and I am 55 yrs old. I see the damage he’s done and it breaks my heart and causes me more pain every time I see evidence of his abuse in each one of us. And feel the guilt for not having been strong enuf to recognize it and get us out sooner.
I love you so much Dr. Ramani for bringing to light this information. You have no idea how helpful this is. Hoping to get out of this soon before I go crazy!
You're the best, thank you so much Dr. Ramani for speaking out the truth that we battled to see and understand for so long. Really wonderful and powerful ❤️
Dr. Ramani is on fire. So on point. I needed to hear this. It is everything Ive been doing & need to address. More videos requested on future faking please.
I have felt like I was the bad person in the past but I’m feeling pretty good lately. ❤ It’s been awhile since I have been around a narcissist. 🎉 Yes, I get sick anytime I know one of them are coming over. I call it the “dread sickness”.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Last week, I was treated very disrespectfully by a co-volunteer who first set me up in a difficult situation with another volunteer and then talked to me like I was a naughty child in front of a half dozen people. A long-time people pleaser, I spent several days rehearsing how I might handle this before I watched your video on how important it is to address the issue instead of pretending it didn't happen and it occurred to me that my urge to volunteer so many places has to do with my fear of being alone and abandoned and I could simply quit volunteering. I texted the volunteer coordinator briefly describing the situation, resigning from the volunteer position and offering to discuss it if she wished. I feel 80% good and only 20% guilty and that's a big improvement. Trained by a narcissistic mother and older sister, I have allowed people to abuse me in ways I cringe with shame when I think about them. (I'm working on that.) I'm planning on taking my camera out on Wednesday instead of going to a place where I have been dismissed and embarrassed. I'm very grateful for your wisdom and complassion and your help in changing my life.
Yes, indeed, I lost practice of making my own decision, as the result of living in my husband’s house…. This truth hurts, but also gives me hope of being able to return to my old self. Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤ I did make several attempts to stand up to myself, but the narcissist’s reaction was was costly to me. Back to grey rocking until I will get stronger.
Thank you for your videos. My narcissist told me that you were a con and I believed him for years. After much support and eye opening information from outsiders who care I began to watch your videos and I have gained much more control over my life. Thank you ❤
You are WONDERFUL!! You are AMAZING !! I wish you knew how many people you have helped with your videos!!!! Unfortunately for you, you had to go through the narcissists abuse in order to help thousands of people escape the narcissist, and I'm sure lives have literally been saved!! You truly understand what people are going through because you lived it and survived!! That's why we go through horrible things in our lives so we can go from being a victim to having victory!! Everything we go through makes us stronger and in turn, we are able to help others who are going through the same things that we have gone through. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR VIDEOS!! God bless you and give you strength and peace 💖
Your helpful and informative videos are life changing and will continue be for countless people for years to come, your knowledge and passion that you consistently keep passing on to so many people is such a constant resource and reassurance, thank you very much.
With my narcissistic mother I always felt like I was the bad one. Particularly, when in my 40s I started to challenge her. I struggled with guilt, but by my late 40s I had started grey rocking her, and in my 50s I stopped visiting her altogether. I felt dreadful that I did not visit her on her deathbed. However, after she died all the nightmares I had about fighting with her, which had plagued my adult life, stopped and a great sense of peace fell over me. My ex-husband was a narcissist, but I never felt guilty with him because his lies and violence were so blatant. I left that relationship when my child was two, although we co-parented up until my child was 15 and chose to stop seeing him. I really have avoided intimate relationships ever since. Recently, after 12 years of not dating, a narcissist parachuted into my life. He had more red flags than the Chinese Communist Party but I was swayed by his charm. He seduced me then promptly discarded me. I felt emotionally bruised even though all my friends were totally pleased that I was out of the relationship. I am now watching all of Dr Ramani videos as a refresher course.
Doc,PLEEEEEASE understand that what you share with us,enlighten us,and empower us is LITERALLY saving lives!!! We thank you immensely !! Thank youuu for sharing your gifts with us🙏🏾✨️💕 🧘🏿♂️🙏🏾✨️✨️ 🙏🏾
And use a sponge to wash dishes, not a dish rag, which I wanted to use a dish rag, don't use that much hot water in the shower even though I have long hair, cook what he wants, not I want. The list goes on n on.
Thank Dr. Ramani ❤ for acknowledging that we are more alike than different 😢it really provides me with hope in the little decisions first… working on “the list” 😊
I have recorded myself saying the mean things he used to say to me and I listen to these recordings each time I blame myself or see him at work. I even listen to these demeaning words of his before I enter the work place and encounter him. That helps me feel disgust and anger at his presence no matter how handsome he is😢😢😢
Doc, I was raised in a very dysfunctional Punjabi family. That’s exactly what they told me! I am blind, and I’ve been blind since I was a baby. That was actually one of the “reasons“ that the woman who gave me birth used, to try and justify to me why she was violent and sexually abusive to me. Karma! Exactly. I’m also intersex, so it just made her and other people in my family that much more convinced that I was some kind of curse. I related to this in a very big way. I needed to hear it from you specifically, given our shared ancestral culture. I’m also realizing that I’m ready to hear you talk about things like this right now. I have no contact with them, and it’s a good thing.
I will not be in his reality, if you heard this horrible video I have of him yelling at me, you would be stunned. At the end Dr., he said, “I needed to get angry I feel better.” That lovely video is going out to family members in my Christmas cards. ❤
I future faked myself 34 years praying things would change. They only got worse. So thankful I got away!
@ldmize64 I totally understand the shame for allowing it for so long - same here. But thankfully we finally saw “the reality!” Blessings @ldmize64 as you step out in finding the amazing person God created you to be!
Me too! After 13yrs! I’ve been out almost two months now and I am finally just now starting to think I might be able to heal from this nightmare.🙏🙏🙏💯you got this too girl! We deserve better! We gotta stick together ALL OF US BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE OF NARC ABUSE! I surly don’t feel beautiful but I am fighting through the bs and remembering I’m a child of God and that means I am worthy of love and even love for myself ( not vanity but honest love). ❤❤❤
You getting away is the change you needed.
Are you still in that abusive relationship?
In the 1970's mental health professionals touted Communication as the relationship cure all.
Every time you communicate with a narcissist you give them the keys to your soul, then you start believing you are the problem.
That is why your mind is in a self questioning loop. The narcissist has you using all of your bandwidth fixing issues that do not belong to you.
The keys to your soul...that's good!
This comment is extremely underrated! Thank you.
@@debimcneil and so very true!! Every word you say becomes ammo for them. It behooves TF outta me how they twist things and truly believe their delusions!! I mean, it seriously blows my damn mind!!
9:33 “…I’m here to tell you you are not a bad person for setting boundaries and disengaging and creating distance from someone who harmed you and will continue to harm you. You made a choice to take care of yourself. The narcissistic person is making a choice too: to abuse people, including you. They have the freedom to make another choice. They just aren’t. Their bad choice, though, cannot remain your prison.”
Yes I agree having good friends, my family , my Manager and other coworkers helped me to regain my freedom from my Toxic ex. People who know me knew I wasn't myself, they knew something was wrong, with their support helped me so much to regain my life back. I am Thankful for their support! I didn't even know anything about Narcissism until I watched a video from Dr. Ramani. I have continued to watch her videos and others and this has helped me to grow stronger and wiser.
I’ve been in a funk since we booted the narc out of our lives. I don’t feel bad that we lost a “friend”, but rather that it took so long to recognize him for what he is.
It will take time but recovery will happen.
@christinel6616 I wrote my 'friend' yesterday to end the friendship.
I feel like a fool that I kept the friendship going on for 22y. We had also those good moments.
But most of the time I felt so tired, so drained, so destroyed and unseen.
I'm at the start for a long road of recovery and learning to live with myself. To let go of expectations from her that I'll never get.
It's hard.
I'm confused and feeling numb and empty.
But I have to believe that I'll get there.
@@marbledlabyrinth1614 That was such a powerful act of self-care! Congratulations!!!! The negative feelings get easier. < : - )
I ended a 20+ year relationship with my covert narc ex-friend last year, and after a period of sorting through tricky feelings and beliefs about myself, it's mostly been a RELIEF not to be on call anymore to her incessant neediness! Like when a fly that's been buzzing you flies away. I feel like I have space to just breathe and BE!
I think for me the numbness was partly an appropriate detachment from all the unreciprocated caring I'd gotten used to giving her. It's not healthy to keep caring for those who mistreat us!
I know not everyone experiences this, but I
was shocked by the surge of confidence and POSSIBILITY I felt after the initial confused feelings died down. Whether you experience that specifically or not, the benefits may come sooner than you think. It's a lot easier to feel better when you're not constantly being dragged down!
Good wishes to you, and kudos for your bravery! ❤
Not my account...Dr. Ramini for myself and for many you are HEAVEN SENT...went no contact with npd older sister and this video helps sooo much..getting better with each day away..I urge sufferers to go no contact and HEAL!! Tried grey rock..but because they are like breathing poison ya gotta just get away! Baby steps..try a week..feel yourself get better..then stick to your guns, because life is too short to have a parasite steal your health and JOY
Staying with a narcissist is a form of self-disrespect and undervaluing your own worth. It’s also the result of being self-love deficient. If you loved yourself, you wouldn’t want anything to do with them. Your self-love is your greatest defence against narcissism.
I feel that this comment shames and blames the survivor. Also, it negates the narcs abusive manipulative behaviour.
Oh yeah, if we just loved ourselves our now damaged brain would just right itself and we would leave. Ya know, we initiate a relationship with them because we are trying to get the love we were denied our entire lives. Sharing our wounds and vulnerabilities to someone and they seem to have your back and you finally trust that someone wont destroy you is the act of self love that gets us caught in the narcissists whirlpool. Gratefully, you gave us the key to the puzzle that we could never figure out on our own "love yourself". Thanks fam
Your comment sounds just like narcs I have dealt with. I hope no one goes to your channel.
Exactly!
I was classic narc bait. I spent my entire life seeking to be competent, accepted and loved. Everything in my life set me up - cold mother, critical father, employment in industry with substantiated anti-woman culture, single and self supporting, my angry demeanor and depression. Always on high end survival mode. What a cycle of disaster, Now that I’m retired I reflect on where “I went wrong”… throughout my life. No blaming anyone or anything - I should have handled better. Yes - I couldn’t trust my judgement for a very long time - even before the narc. The narc threw me a few scraps of gas lighting attention and I lost my mind. The longer you stay the more you are entangled.
Dr Ramani, you’re videos have literally saved me from an abusive relationship that was wearing me down until I felt literally suicidal . Being able to understand gives one power !
It does. Information is power. Knowledge is the power. Power to make changes
I'm happy that you survived, it's a slap to that person's face...
Now, please learn how to revive yourself
I survived too and I wish you succeed with all my heart
Good luck
❤❤❤❤
Congratulations on overcoming the narc.
I felt sick to my stomach, pull away from them. It's so twisted..😢😢 . 3 years together. I went no contact! It's the worst thing I ever went through...
And once we understand, then we can do something with it. Change behavior. Learn. Grow. She’s beautiful. A friend to us all.
It takes a lot of support and encouragement (and $$) to leave a detrimental, abusive, and a narcissistic relationship. Eight + years ago, after 33 years, I was able to leave and begin a journey of getting to know myself, my wants and needs, and start a new life alone. Every day is a blessing - I'm feeling extremely thankful & don't take my new life for granted. I'm a good, compassionate person. With therapy, good friends, and a supportive sister, I found ways to like and love myself. ❤️ It takes work and courage, but it's possible.
Thank you for taking the time to give others encouragement through your experiences. 🥲❤️
Think you for the Hope 💛
And for those who absolutely don’t have this option for complicated reasons thank goodness for people like Dr Ramani and Dr Les Carter to offer some support and guidance and know that we aren’t crazy. It’s crazy-making behaviour to deal with.
1-1-23 I picked up has phone,I questioned all the deleted txt messages. What he did not know was I had figured out how to restore all his social media
sites. Busted! Here no more,I made a vow he would never enter here again. Fear ? Yes I had fear but my my value as person was more important.
The divorce was signed in 6 mo. New supply? Could never matter my dignity & self respect became my biggest focus.
I also started trauma based therapy 3 mo before my discard. I wish him the best , recovery,relapse,recovery rinse repeat.
At 64 yo he needs steroids now to perform with all the boys at the gym, in more ways than one.😉
I didn't have much money, though I did have an okay paying job, so there was some security there.
Had a pretty good counselor, though no real friends to help, and my family was nearly 2000 miles away.
But I put it into the hands of God and He got me out of that bad marriage.
Yes for 34 years, it was all about everything I was doing wrong!! 😢
Thanks for sharing. Now I can recall that one embarrasing scene in which he started yelling at me in a department store while saying, "Why can't you do anything right" - Only because he chose that moment to disagree with me on what color to paint the kitchen cupboards and the kitchen walls. Now it only leaves me wondering whom else he knew was watching who may have resented anyone female who has ever working to accomplish anything while in a non-traditional gender role. After I helped build a house in my frist marriage which ended in a dramatic scene which some people could call an attempted murder on me. An attempted murder which my first husband tried to blame on me while calling me crazy. It took me many years after that to prove him wrong only because I was not working outside the home we had been both building and living in at the time after the shingles and siding was installed on our house. The shingles which I remember helping to install while I was climbing on that roof too. Long after that the odd person around was calling myself crazy only for thinking that I can as a woman do that kind of work. For example during my second divorce when a female social worker a lot shorter than me at a career center once who was a stranger to me. Well at least I didn't listen to her while then giving cabinet making a try anyway until the dust didn't agree with my lungs very well. Now no one can call me lazy anymore after dropping out of college at age 20 for personal reasons after marrying the first ime at age 18. So what if I did not ever have a 6 figure income of my own and so what if I do not have a degree. That doesn't make me lazy like my first husband wants everyone to believe about both me and others too.
@@beesinthegardenshope you can escape it for yourself
Hey sweetheart, I’m in a 34 year marriage to a narc. Talk about run down, oh God !!!!!
@@beesinthegardensIt’s always about getting away 😞
@@beesinthegardensOMG. I do the same thing now. I sit in the parking lot of a coffee shop because it has clean bathrooms. I sit in my car and take care of my business calls and internet stuff, emails, read, pray, have my quiet time just do I’m not called lazy for not doing anything in my day off when all i do is drive 57 Miles to and from work and my job Is all driving on a computer inputting truck nubes the drive home at 4am and clean then shower, sleep self do it all over again. Cooking cleaning washing and hell no am i going to sit at the table with him to be his maidservant. So i get up, pick up, lightly clean, run out before anybody wakes up to call mom mom mom mum mommy, run to do my errands enjoying God messages, grab my drink and go sit for hours. Sad, but it’s the peace i need just for a few more years and dream of how to plan my escape. Terrible, cause we have confrontation. But i gotta spreay myself out till my day cones without saying a word out before i spill my excitement of plans. God help us. Enjoy your peace shy which way you can. And never tell anybody your peaceful place.
Great quote: „their bad choice to abuse you, can not be your prison“ ❤❤❤
This is sooo eye opening! They exploit our insecurities instead of encouraging us.
Very well said! That is exactly it in a nutshell.
Oh my, I went through this leaving a 33 year marriage to a guy with Asperger's. I knew my only escape was to leave. When the door opened I moved 2100 miles away to where I knew no one & him mom bad mouthed me for leaving her good son. Leaving was so freeing I never looked back & started life over at 54. I kinda laugh now because he lost the home & I now own a beautiful little farm & have never been happier. Found out years later that he was sure I would come back to him 2 years after leaving. Wonder who fed him full of that thinking. He has financially hurt me & still dealing with a lawyer to clean up a mess he made.....but my life is at peace & that is what counts. There were many narcissistic behaviors in his ASD personality & by the end I was just swinging & hitting everything he said & he definitely got worse with age. Striking out on one's own after never living alone in 54 years of life, a little scary but determination & having had enough overshadowed any scarryness & doing a happy dance in my new kitchen when I first filled it with only foods that I liked was wonderful
Well done! ❤
Glad to read your story, as i am 56. Thank you!
Good that you left. To me your ex sounds more narcissistic than aspberger. As I know people with aspberger they have difficulties to respond to emotions but they are not so prone to betray, financially or with a partner. They are very ethical. For a while I thought my partner was aspberger but it turned out he was a covert narc. He hid it well. He has also ruined me financially but he says that it is him who have paid everything. I left him one week ago.
You got this, happy for you
Thank you for sharing.
I had a crazy dream last night where I lived with my narc ex-husband. I tried to leave and all of a sudden my whole street was swarmed with narcissists trying to get at me. I turned to run back in the house, and there was Dr Ramani cheering me on lol. We were able to fight off the demons. We sat down and had coffee, Dr Ramani told me I was doing great. I woke up suddenly and one of her videos was playing❤
I love it when dreams have clear meaning like this one… pretty sure I married “Tucan Sam” in my dream last night 😂😂 … no more midnight cereal for me 😅❤
That is both sad, but very cool! I hope you gain more peace and healing as time goes by. I hope you start to have happy dreams and the ex doesn’t haunt your thoughts. You deserve a good life. Hugs! 🌺
VM-123 : interesting how a video playing while you're asleep shapes your dream ! I've had that ! L.o.l.🇬🇧🦉😊🥀🐒🏞️😊🇬🇧
That is awesome!!! 😂 She definitely leads this pack of Warriors that we are into battle, arming us with power and fighting right beside us!! Love this!!
I come from a family business dynasty my father runs, and he is definitely narcissistic. When I was in my early 20's deciding if I would join the business, in a meeting with my father he said to me "what makes me a really good business man is being calculated and not emotional..... unlike you who cannot control their emotions" That right there made my decision easy, go my own way. 20+ years later they are all still the same and I have changed. Moved on.
Good for you! Thank goodness you were Abe to made the decision at a young age!
It takes a world of strength and courage to not let the life long abuse and messages we received as kids and young adults.
I’ve stepped away many times but then got lured back in. Over and over. Finally the last 10 years I’ve been able to stick to my values!
Thank you for sharing
Dr.Ramani,
You gave me back my life.
I have a malignant narcissistic mother. I left the house as a 19 years old, didn’t have a contact for years, blamed myself for being a horrible person. Lived in guilt, but felt like she lived in my mind the whole time, directing all of my life choices. I have listened to you for 6 month now. And I cry every time I listen. I can walk now, with my head up, my shoulders back and my husband and kids have my attention and love, instead of me thinking every single moment how terrible I am.
Thank you for all you have done.
Very proud of you!! It's no easy task! 🤗
There is a film that included a line that changed my life. In the film, a young man was kidnapped and forced to go through a ton of horrible events due to the manipulation and coercion of a narcissist. When the cops finally caught up with them, the narcissist looked at the young man and said, "Oh no, I'm going to have to go to jail, and I don't feel good, and yadda yadda yadda (insert all the attention-seeking crap here)" and the young man looked at him, paused a moment as the abuser waited for his sympathy, and the young man simply said,.... "I don't care." THAT was a LIFE-CHANGING moment for me, as I saw that I, TOO, could NOT CARE about someone who had absolutely ZERO care for ME! Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for reminding me of this. I hope it can help someone else. Dr. Ramani has helped so many!
YES to this! : - ) We owe no loyalty to those who abuse us. It heals me a little bit every time I remember the ONE time I stood up to my covert narc ex-friend's exploitation of my good nature by saying "That sounds like a you problem." It soothes my soul! ; - D
@@bellaluce7088 OMG Your experience warms my soul!!!!!!!!!
What’s the movie called?
@@cindyrhodes ; - D
@@Coco_xoxo I can NOT remember!!!! I just remember that line!!!
When you say their bad choice should not be your prison it was wonderful; wish I'd heard it so long ago.
Me too! ❤
Great points! My ex sobbed loudly on my shoulder right outside the court room after the divorce. I felt so bad. Then for the next 2 years he tried to "win" the kids back by putting me down and by financial manipulation, he didn't pay child support, showed up at my work trying to take my check (I worked part time), stole my trash to get information about me, kept driving by my house at all hours, spread harmful rumors about me to all our friends which alienated me from church and our friends, kept calling my counselor to say bad things which made therapy a nightmare. These are just a few examples.
😢 I'm so sorry you and your kids lived as his source for so long. No one would believe what you have been through but another abused source. Be strong hugs and ❤️
Sounds famiiliar. Except for him stealing my trash. Since I had been working in our family business to help maintain it when I left him I coulld no longer share the income from it. I felt tremendous guilt when people were getting hurt and killed in that business after his accountant convinced me to give up my share in that business which was at the time only a new start up. So much chaos was happening at the time while sometimes my own lawyer was repeating lies to me too. Now I am left wondering if I could have made better decisions concerning that too. Except for the decision to leave him and stay away from his 'romantic' grasp. I gave birth to 2 childen during that marriage who are adults now. I want to focus on being mom to them.
Sounds familiar😢
Sounds so familiar
Before I understood the situation clearly, this person convinced me that they were someone they were not -- shared beliefs and values, etc. Based on that belief, I assumed that the problem MUST be me, because it COULDN'T be them.
Once I understood that everything they said was a LIE, everything suddenly made perfect sense, there were no longer any inexplicable contradictions.
The person I THOUGHT I knew never existed. It was all theatre -- a persona in the truest sense.
Those good days were actually no good. They were thinly held together by my self sacrifice. God help those injured by this abuse. ❤
The guilt for me was the hardest part when I left the relationship & went No Contact. I felt horrible in feeling I hurt someone I did love & deeply care about, it pulled at me. Since I've been out of this toxic connection that has eased over time, & yes that was painful to me, but not enough to make me want to have it back.
We can see more reality when, and the longer, we are away from the stress inducing tricky abuse.
My counselor said a wise thing:
"You didn't break your husband, you can't fix him."
That helped so much with the survivor guilt I was feeling.
That's what I'm struggling with right now the guilt. I feel so guilty for when I one day cut off my narc family and question if I should. But then they hurt me again and remind me why I should cut contact. I know that I will never be able to be truly me or live my life until I cut contact.
@@kimberlychristine9284 It is an emotionally painful decision, but I finally reached that pivotal point of realizing this individual who I gave far to many changes was “never going to change”❕❕❕ I was paying the ultimate price emotionally & physically so it came down to “saving myself”. Since he is “what he is” his life will go on to the next person doing what he does. I did reach that radical acceptance Dr. Ramani speaks about & getting closer to the level of “indifference”👌👌👌👌👌Be strong & of good courage, and you'll get there dear one. ❤️
I was married to an abusive husband and my workplace was toxic with a scary abusive boss.
I myself no longer existed. My function in life was to be an object of their abuse.
I finally decided I needed to find even a tiny part of me, and looked backwards to my childhood and rediscovered a source of joy.
From that reclaimed part of myself I was able to build a sense of existence and became strong enough to leave my husband.
Wow. That's really big.
I just wanted other folks to realize that it IS possible to climb out of a very deep hole.
For me, finding an old joy gave me a little piece of solid ground to stand on while I was floundering in the swamp of abuse.
Gradually I was able to find my way out, but I needed some kind of joy as fuel to help me cope, to be a safe haven.
It is possible to escape abuse, and you are worth the effort.
God bless.
After all my life, traumas, mistakes and pain. I'm sorry, I looks like the bad person but you know what? For the first time I'm in control of my life. For the first time in all my life I don't need anything from anyone, I don't have dependency of anything. I have my limits boundaries and I learn how to feel enough myself to respect me. I'm sorry I looks like the bad one but I'm not in the life of others hurting them or making mistakes in other people life. In my life now I'm learning how to live a different me, a different way of happy without the acceptance of others. Thank you for all your sharing videos and important knowledge for all of us.
Dr. Romani, do you have a camera in my house?
Every podcast of yours absolutely hits the nail on the head! They have propensity to identify the negative in every situation. Negative, ungrateful, complaining, dictatorial - they're probably intensely unhappy people with a low EQ.
I really needed this today. I've wondered if I've expected too much from them, more than they were capable of. They often told me they were doing their best. I've had lots of moments of wondering if I'm just too much or if I set my expectations of others too high? But this video has me thinking more about what I was actually expecting. I wanted them to be honest, to respect my feelings, to follow through on the things they said, to not do the things I'd told them hurt me. None of those things sound like they should be too much for anyone who cares about someone.
Yes.
While no one is perfect, what you described are pretty reasonable expectations for a relationship.
Hearing the same " I tried my best"
you just imagining"
I didn't hurt you" you re hurting yourself
I did nothing , you are crying for no reason, you're too sensitive,
you have serious issues.. you need doctor.
that's your truth not mine..
I m not abusing , you're imagining ,
you're living in traumas ,
Also..
He gv Silent treatment,
Gaslighting ( and when asked on ths "I'm just being quiet, I did nothing)
Now I no longer have energy or strength to explain or ask for an explanation to him and I m scared to talk out or ask anything I feel to anyone else including strangers
All I cld feel is FEARS 😨
Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani!!! This Video Is So Very Very True About The Workplace!!! That Is Exactly How It Is , So Very Very Wrong!!!! Making A Worklplace A Slave Work Situation, Which Narcissistic Manangement Does Not Care At All About!!! I am So Glad That I Am Out Of That Work Situation, I Am Never Going Back To Work For That Company Ever Again!!! I Saw And Exprrienced The Real Awful Narsissitic Truth About Them!!! Never Going Back, Never Looking Back, I Want A More Positive, Smarter, Brighter Future Than That!!! So Very Very Glad I Am Out Of There For Good!!! Thank You Dr. Ramani For Your Very Excellent And Informative Videos That You Do On This Topic!!! I Appreciate You So Very Much!!!🎉❣️
Oh my goodness… every word of this has resonated in the depths of my soul. I’m just now getting to the point where I have to end my long term relationship because I can no longer go on with thinking that if I just do this or that or change this or give them this then things will be better. It won’t. Plain and simple. I read back through some of my limited journal entries and see that life today is not any better than it was before even after buying the big house and giving them the car and doing the things they want me to do. It’s all a LIE! Thank you for spelling it out so clearly and helping all of us see the truth and help us make that choice to become who we are meant to be.
It is a real empowerment the day a narcissist tries to manipulate you into a no win situation or tries to punish you and they can't get a rise out of you any more because you really don't care, and you don't feel guilty for not caring. I remember that day it first happened and how much happier my life became after that. Now I avoid narcissists as much as possible and interestingly, narcissists now avoid me . I was the truth teller as a child, and became the scapegoat as an older child. When I regained my truth teller role as an adult ( now with a modicum of politeness and diplomacy nor do I throw pearls before swine,) I found a much more rewarding life.
Signed, the flying wise old goat.
I need to take the opportunity to thank you for your hard work that you’ve obviously put in your highly intelligent woman and I’m sure that there is millions of people that appreciate your work that’s done as I can’t tell you in my life the amount of counselors, psychologist and life, coaches, and even Relationship coaches, who tend to turn around the tables and they put the blame on shame game on the empathic person in order to fill the pockets with money and that’s what it was all about you on the other hand is sharing your knowledge on RUclips, which a lot of people are not paying for believe that you’re a very special person in the world we live in with all of the mental health issues massive support to the children of future. Thank you.
Dr Ramani is absolutely correct about "the narcissistic voice", narcs are the most damaging thing ever
This is exactly what I’m going through right now and it is so difficult. Thank you 😔
I'm going through the same thing I truly understand you
My original narcissist in my life is my mom (covert). I had to go no contact about 6 years ago. Because I am so immensely familiar with this type of personality, I believe that I’ve married one too. I’m recently separated from him and it’s like the clouds are separating and it’s becoming more clear! I didn’t realize it so much until my college age daughter came home for the summer and really opened my eyes. I feel so foolish to have been married to this person for 20+ years and my my kid has to educate me on this. I just want to be happy and have a good life.
What’s your situation?
I believe the narcissist in my life is my dad. He hates stopping while driving and so mostly pauses instead making me feel incredibly nervous. I have lived with my parents for most of my life, except for 2 years in my 20’s. I realized I made a mistake coming back to them now and in fact they have only got worse. This was during the pandemic when everything was closing around me and I had very few options.😢
My mom says she wants me to be independent, yet it is hard to believe her as it seems like she would rather I live with them for another 10 years ruining the chance to achieve my dreams. Right now I am just focusing on one goal, get out within this next year before my next birthday. It is harder said than done as my parents don’t tell me their true intentions except that they want me to be dependent on them. I would really like to be able to get to a place where I can actually achieve my goals, and later on dreams. I hate having to constantly needing to push them aside. My dreams and goals should matter as well.
At 14:00 you described my existence exactly. I was a prisoner in my OWN HOME. It snuck in slowly and insidiously. Crazy, I know.
You absolutely get it. Sadly it takes living with a narcissist is the way to truly understand. Thank you for being vulnerable and helping people like me
Thank you so much for being so open and vulnerable about the self doubt.
Dr., you have helped remind me of why going back will do nothing but continue to hurt me and our kids
Those emotions tripped me up so many times from doing what is best for myself and kept the cycle in motion.
I felt like the bad person for such a long time for even considering cutting off my relationship with my narc, telling myself that I'd be abandoning the person who needed me most, and they would have nobody left.
But over time, it dawned on me *why* everybody in his life was leaving him one by one. Chronic gaslighting, spewing vile slanderous things about family members, and unapologetically exploiting people's good nature for his own end.
Everybody had left for the exact same reason I did: He pushed them all to their breaking point until they just couldn't take it anymore
Dear DoctorRamani you must know your videos are very to the point. I watched some of them and I can 100% say they are very to the point. I can't imagine how they could be more to the point. Thank you very much. ❤
People get stuck in these relationships because of trauma bond in which they might wait for decades for few good moments to last longer, which will never happen.
So true!
'Slow witted' is how I felt and still feel that way when I was in regular contact with the narcs in my life before I actually realized they were narcs.
❤❤Yes it’s tough at first and for years I caved to the feelings of down on me! Two people and so far I’ve made it past those self- blame for their actions! Thanks Dr R for all these supportive videos! This is about boundaries for both of these! Tonight I answered a call from N adult son but knew it was limited because he was on his way to work! When you listen to them chatter on about themselves and how quickly they breeze on past anyone else it’s quite amusing! 😂😂😂
I am crying, listening to this.
For over 25 years, I have put up with this type of behavior from my sister as she married someone well off and feels as my adult child put it " I have no power, because I have no money." Meaning that my sister can say and do embellish and humiliate and gaslight and out right lie because I lost a lot when i got divorced and it's been a struggle.
My adult child and sister have now bonded and do this together, and I can't even have a conversation with him without him relaying everything to her.
I have run everything in my head, like replaying every scene from a movie what did I do, what did I say?
Did I say something wrong.
I kept trying to please and please more, nothing was ever good enough or right.
I was only met with, you did this wrong ect. ect while all my sacrifices for them and my grand kids and nieces have never been recognized.
I could go one and on, this brought me to the brink of having to be hospitalized for major depression, and I was met with "your faking?" This was said in front of a teenage step grand child along with " We will destroy every friendship you have had over your lying???."
And they did try !
I was in shock
This is my adult son !
Needless to say my true friends were already aware of the history.
This countinued back and forth , and his wife got involved. I was on the verge of being hospitalized again, and thanks to some therapy and you, Dr. RAMANI and you videos I came to realize I had to cut contact, and it just kills me inside every day as I have not seen my grand kids in a year and a half.
I am not a perfect person but I think back on all my good intentions and things as a mother, sister aunt and grandmother I did over the years and help I gave with both mother and farther dying, i feel like , was I in a parallel reality as they deny these things I did and me being called me a Narcissist??😳
And I realized I do not deserve being treated this way, and something is wrong with family, people that treat someone this way.
I had put everyone before myself and I had to cut totally contact a few months ago. This is heartbreaking💔, every holday I get so depressed depressed and try to cope.
There is so much more abuse, some even physical or on the verge, but I have written so much.
Your videos help clarify ...I need to love myself, which is difficult right now, and your videos have allowed me to, wake up !
I lrealized as long as my sister and son bond against me for?? As much as I can gather childhood jealousies?
When I ask my son why he treats me this way his answer, "its just who you are?"
This will never end.I can not walk on egg shells anymore.
I can never Thank You Enough, for you videos Dr. Ramani, they help so many of us who feel like " am i going crazy? Did I do that?"
Love & Blessings❤
Narcissists don't see other people as human. They see them as objects to use.
You are NOT an object!
Don't accept their view of you, don't accept their rules.
Concentrate on the people who do love you, instead of trying to please those who only want to abuse you.
May God bless you and free you from this abuse.
Something similar happened to me with son and aunt...it's heartbreaking ..break free...live your best life...make new friends. God bless
And, if no one said this to you today, you are a beautiful and wonderful person. 🌸You are stronger than you know. You will find people who truly love you for you.
I am getting out of a 27 year marriage from a narcissistic man. It is so scary but you are helping me understand myself better. You are so appreciated. Thank you so very much.
So very powerful. Out of all the eposodes I have watched with you THIS was the most moving. An Intensely powerful, emotional delivery inspiring compassion towards ourselves as we learn to be architectures of a new world. Exposing the TRUTH of what has happened, what is happening deep inside victims of narcissists and the revelation of the dark abyss to which narcissists draw their prey.
So true; even when she died I was, and still do sometimes, tell myself off saying how stupid I am. I'm getting a lot better though thanks to you.
You are wiser and stronger than you know.
Glad you can start to heal now. I’m in a similar situation.
Never doubt yourself, Dr Ramani. Your podcasts are really helping me to understand what I experienced
My son’s dad made my life a living hell for 16 yrs after I left him when my son was just under 2. Through the courts we had to share custody. The abuse finally stopped on the last hour before my son’s 18th birthday. He knew he had no legal hold on me after that. He was a monster.
Exactly the same. Left when my children were nearly 2. Stopped when my sons got an injunction order on him when they were 17 years old. It is like a prison sentence
@@blackthornhealing I feel your pain. It IS a prison sentence. I remember saying to friends “only x more years”. They’d say yes but you’ll still see him at graduations, weddings etc. I said I can avoid him then. No legal hold anymore. My only “crime” was leaving his narcissistic a$$. Oh, also, my son chose to live with me as soon as he was 18 - 22. He was a victim too. Thankfully my now 26 yr son and I are close.
My ex still manipulates my adult kids. He teamed up with my abusive father. I recently found out my narc father has been doing this for years behind my back. He also tried to get my husband to divorce me. He went to my doctor's offices and my employer. After he was thrown out of my employer's HR office, he proceeded to try to pick up one of my co-workers on the way out the door. Freaking evil beyond belief!
Writing the bad things. I have journals from the 1990s on what was going on in an abusive (ex) marriage and I was going to get rid of them because it is so so hard to read those things but in truth they are the things that help me not feel like I am a bad person as much as my continued environment still reinforces that I am a problematic person. They are small gestures I didn’t know I was giving myself. I am in some ways a problematic person, but not when it comes to this aspect of having survived a narcissistic violent domestic abuser.
I developed a sense of humour where I constantly put myself down. People thought I was funny because in my anecdotes and stories I came across as stupid or forgetful. Now, I can see that I was getting in first before my n-ex who told stories about me being stupid or forgetful to put himself in a good light. I was doing myself down to please him. Since the relationship ended, I'm having to rediscover my real sense of humour.
Yep. In my family the only one allowed to be considered smart was my dad. "Dummy, stupid, moron" were what we kids answered to.
Dr. Ramani, you are amazing! I thank you so much for offering these free videos! I divorced my narcissistic husband 11 years ago and I’m finally healed and free. My 27 year-old daughter is now living with my husband and myself and she is finally ready to rid this abusive relationship from her life (she’s already tried to get him to see what he’s done and is doing, but of course, to no avail). Because she has no medical insurance at the moment, you have been tantamount in helping me help her - understanding ALL the issues she now has and how they relate to her relationship with her narcissistic father. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, you are a God send to us…. A thankful mother and daughter in Colorado ❤
Honestly I so overinvested myself it s hard to tell sometimes. I've fully drawn back. Feeling better. Thank you Dr Ramani.
Read in an advice column once:
Never make someone a priority in your life, who only makes you an option in theirs.
Your videos are so meaningful and helpful to me. I have gone no contact with my aging narcissistic step mother and struggle with grief of having lost my two step brothers because of it. You put words on what happened to me being raised by her, how I've felt over the years and now, and give me hope in developing my sense of self with confidence. You mentioned doubting your affect on people which inspired me to make my first comment of gratitude to the work you've chosen to do.
Yes, I struggled with this too. I felt nothing I did would help people. I think it comes from the narcissist belittling us and making us feel wrong. Your comment inspired me. 🙏
Wow. Hearing you say you have screwed up some major life decisions because of self-doubt and indecision gives me hope to overcome as you so beautifully and successfully have. I have definitely screwed up some major life decisions, too!
You've saved my life. My mind is my source of life. You are so friggin real. You call a spade a spade. Narc isn't the only one in the relationship. Takes two hands to clap. They just use their hand to cover your eyes, ears, mouth. And throat. Removing their hands from our head is where DR. R is the PRO. ( Calvary). She teaches us to grow some balls!
My ex is Indian . Suppose to just take the " criticism" . Screaming and name calling,and I was supposed to " Ignore" him. Go take a walk!
I'm supposed to be the one that's making him hit me, Verbally ABUSE. Haha
I journal everyday. Dr. R. You are soooo Smart and" get it ".
I admire your talent. You are real
Whew! I never even considered how much MORE COMPOUNDED the religious and cultural community could make our own escape even harder! Thank you for this viewpoint and perspective’
Yes...I think that every day. So bad - that I regularly contemplate if ending me... would only transfer narcissistic rage to someone else. Senseless and insane - to stay a punching bag in a relationship as a protective shield to others.
I have wondered the same, who are they focusing in on now😢
Do not end you!
Find a little spot of joy to cling to.
For me it was going back to writing.
Through that I met some wonderful folks and built up the confidence to back away from the abyss.
Ending yourself doesn't solve anything, and would deprive the world of a good person.
We need all the good people we can get!
I never thought of it as "survivor's guilt" before, but that makes total sense. Thanks for that!
Wow!You hit all the key points Thank You❤️
I’ve been watching these videos for years, and as each new one comes out. - it seems to be just in time. This is my home, my safe space. Dr Ramani - you are life saving ❤ the impact you have on so many lives is immeasurable.
To all of you who now have soul Injury from NPD abuse, I send you love and profound understanding. Stay safe loves.
Even doing all of that will not please them. It'll only make them dehumanise you more, use and abuse you to show their power or dominance especially when they have an audience. They think they want a doormat but when you allow yourself be that, they realise that you're no longer presentable for them so they're ashamed of you and devalue you even more. Save yourself peeps. You can't win. But let your daily decisions be one's that serve your wellbeing.
this is so real,I was broken to a point of literally agreeing to everything that was happening in our marriage, funny enough he told me that he needed someone who can challenge him
Thank you so much for showing me how far I have come in my recovery from abuse. I appreciate you.
Thank you for your insight and putting words to what I could not articulate.
Thank you so much for this video! I am deeply stuck in that trauma bonding, keeping distance to her now for two weeks and I feel so terribly bad and guilty (even if she beated me and I'd never ever hit back)... your words help me soooo much. I finally get back that warm nice feeling from a really empathic person, that I missed so much for almost 3 years... I feel so terribly weak and everyone would judge me out there for that, as I'm a man, and a man has to be strong. I know I'm strong and I'm not weak but the manipulation is that strong, no one ever, who did not experience such a relationship, could imagine how deep that goes and would think I'm dumb or something... Normally I say what I want and what I need. Outside the relationship I feel quite strong and fine, but inside I feel like a little child, having to ask for every little thing, knowing it will be refused and if insisting on it, it will lead to a horrible drama with gaslighting. I can't stand that anymore... Thank you so much for your kind words! As I'm feeling that weak now, it helps me so much to hear that overcoming this situation would empower me, make me stronger and stop me to live in a dream world... thank you so much! I started crying in the first 10 minutes already, because I'm feeling your words are true and will help me A LOT. That warm feeling helps me a lot to see the truth. You have exactly the right words and a big heart that helps me! No one, not experiencing a narcissist in a relationship, could ever imagine what horrible people are out there. Keep on your great work, Dr. Ramani! You help a lot to make this world better and REALLY help people... I now watched a lot of videos about narcissism, but yours help me the most, because of the empathy and understanding, that warm feeling... Again: thank you so much! Your words are really touching my soul! ❤ Greetings from Germany 💐
It takes a strong person to finally face the truth.
You are stronger than you know and you will get stronger every day!
@@ValSMITH-it4lg Thank you for your encouragement 😃
@@Kerrigan44 Already have one, because she said I'm crazy and need a therapy. She was quite shocked to realize that this helped me to get out of this toxic relationship. What an irony. Also shows that narcissists live in their own reality and really believe it's true. She thought I just needed some kind of repair because I started to tell her what I needed and what I wanted. She thought after that "repair" I will kinda continue to work properly. These thoughts are really sick. I'm glad to have him. Now I really need him to help me healing of that relationship.
This is the most valuable talk I’ve ever seen. Self doubt is so extremely damaging and a mountain to overcome once you’ve been beat down. Overcoming is so empowering and the accountability so rewarding. Awareness on this subject makes your whole world much easier to navigate. Thank you so much for your videos. You’re so spot on ♥️
Dr. Ramani, I want you to know that your videos have helped me heal so much!! I'm discovering myself again! My ex husband forced me to remove my two tattoos before we were married, and after 10 years, I went and got a new one! Every time I look at it, it's a reminder that no one will ever control me like that again! 😊🙏
Yes! This makes sense and the pain that rushes throughout my body and soul from allowing myself to continue to be abused is so devastating.
My narc criticized my food, how I cook, and even told me my dog was fat!
When the pandemic was first starting my parents criticized what I ate and the weird times I ate at. It really wasn’t their business except that I lived with them. Trust me, 3 years later sometimes it still feels like a medium security prison. They make it hard to get out and I think they secretly like that.
I find your videos are like B12 shots. I live this nightmare every day (even though I’ve been NC for awhile). There are moments of strength but it’s a rollercoaster ride (self-doubt, second-guessing, no closure), and then I hear you speak and the truth rises like a phoenix out of the ashes……and I feel the medicine coming in and do what it does, affirms the trauma and sets me free for awhile but it’s a job, deciding every day whether or not to fight the matrix or surrender. I’m tired but I can’t go back but the shadows of it call me when I’m weak, I listen, but I take baby steps away. So, thank you, for staying the course and leading the way out of this pit.
I recently attended a wedding that was a real learning experience for me. My ex narc & 2nd wife were there, who I strongly suspect now as narc too. I had prepared before & walked away or turned away from them when they tried to get a reaction from me. I am so surprised that I did so well- Great actually, I just did what you said to do. I did not feel emotional or anything. I just saw them for what they are. I feel great about me!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
Thanks!... I finally left 2 weeks ago... Therapy and your videos help a lot
THANK YOU!!!THANK YOU! for being honest about your own experience. I can't tell you how absolutely validating this video was. I've been following you for years, but THIS..
This was everything for me!!!! It made me feel less "less than"!!!!
Exactly! I constantly capitulated in order to keep the peace. I had to sell my soul and tolerate narcissistic abuse for many years. Fortunately, the narc pounded the final nail into her own coffin by leaving a trail of very incriminating and damaging texts. It was checkmate for me. She knew she was toast. Hence, it was my golden opportunity to ghost which resulted into quick estrangement much to my relief. I feel very empowered, protected and safe ever since I eliminated the narc from my life.
Thank you for sharing Dr. Ramani. You shared your heart and i cried with understanding. You make such a positive difference in my life. I cant thank you enough.
You help so many people… there are way too many bad resources for NPD and I’m glad we have you. A resource we can trust.
I was married for 17,5 yrs and lived exactly the way you described in this video. Myself and my 2 beautiful kids survived in that trauma and it hurt each and every one of us. Damaged them and myself. I lived with self doubt seems throughout my life. I am constantly looking for ways to help all of us heal. They are now young adults and I am 55 yrs old. I see the damage he’s done and it breaks my heart and causes me more pain every time I see evidence of his abuse in each one of us. And feel the guilt for not having been strong enuf to recognize it and get us out sooner.
I love you so much Dr. Ramani for bringing to light this information. You have no idea how helpful this is. Hoping to get out of this soon before I go crazy!
You're the best, thank you so much Dr. Ramani for speaking out the truth that we battled to see and understand for so long. Really wonderful and powerful ❤️
What a great perspective, self gas lighting, and why I do it.
I'm right at this point right now, this video is just at the right time. Thank you for your support.
I love you soo much Dr. Ramani. You save lives.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for being so honest.
You helped me tremendously ❤
You are saving my life DR. RAMANI
Dr. Ramani is on fire. So on point. I needed to hear this. It is everything Ive been doing & need to address. More videos requested on future faking please.
I have felt like I was the bad person in the past but I’m feeling pretty good lately. ❤ It’s been awhile since I have been around a narcissist. 🎉 Yes, I get sick anytime I know one of them are coming over. I call it the “dread sickness”.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Last week, I was treated very disrespectfully by a co-volunteer who first set me up in a difficult situation with another volunteer and then talked to me like I was a naughty child in front of a half dozen people. A long-time people pleaser, I spent several days rehearsing how I might handle this before I watched your video on how important it is to address the issue instead of pretending it didn't happen and it occurred to me that my urge to volunteer so many places has to do with my fear of being alone and abandoned and I could simply quit volunteering. I texted the volunteer coordinator briefly describing the situation, resigning from the volunteer position and offering to discuss it if she wished. I feel 80% good and only 20% guilty and that's a big improvement. Trained by a narcissistic mother and older sister, I have allowed people to abuse me in ways I cringe with shame when I think about them. (I'm working on that.) I'm planning on taking my camera out on Wednesday instead of going to a place where I have been dismissed and embarrassed. I'm very grateful for your wisdom and complassion and your help in changing my life.
Proud of you!
Wow
This was very very very powerful…. What I’m feeling now …
You brought some clarity to the tug of war inside myself…😢
Yes, indeed, I lost practice of making my own decision, as the result of living in my husband’s house…. This truth hurts, but also gives me hope of being able to return to my old self. Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤ I did make several attempts to stand up to myself, but the narcissist’s reaction was was costly to me. Back to grey rocking until I will get stronger.
You are a strong person, and an inciteful one. You'll get there!
@@lorrainetownsend4898 🙏 ❤️
Thank you for your videos. My narcissist told me that you were a con and I believed him for years. After much support and eye opening information from outsiders who care I began to watch your videos and I have gained much more control over my life. Thank you ❤
You are WONDERFUL!! You are AMAZING !! I wish you knew how many people you have helped with your videos!!!!
Unfortunately for you, you had to go through the narcissists abuse in order to help thousands of people escape the narcissist, and I'm sure lives have literally been saved!! You truly understand what people are going through because you lived it and survived!! That's why we go through horrible things in our lives so we can go from being a victim to having victory!! Everything we go through makes us stronger and in turn, we are able to help others who are going through the same things that we have gone through. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR VIDEOS!! God bless you and give you strength and peace 💖
Your helpful and informative videos are life changing and will continue be for countless people for years to come, your knowledge and passion that you consistently keep passing on to so many people is such a constant resource and reassurance, thank you very much.
Your videos are always spot on. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
I Don't ask myself anymore!
Thanks Dr. R.!
With my narcissistic mother I always felt like I was the bad one. Particularly, when in my 40s I started to challenge her. I struggled with guilt, but by my late 40s I had started grey rocking her, and in my 50s I stopped visiting her altogether. I felt dreadful that I did not visit her on her deathbed. However, after she died all the nightmares I had about fighting with her, which had plagued my adult life, stopped and a great sense of peace fell over me. My ex-husband was a narcissist, but I never felt guilty with him because his lies and violence were so blatant. I left that relationship when my child was two, although we co-parented up until my child was 15 and chose to stop seeing him. I really have avoided intimate relationships ever since. Recently, after 12 years of not dating, a narcissist parachuted into my life. He had more red flags than the Chinese Communist Party but I was swayed by his charm. He seduced me then promptly discarded me. I felt emotionally bruised even though all my friends were totally pleased that I was out of the relationship. I am now watching all of Dr Ramani videos as a refresher course.
Doc,PLEEEEEASE understand that what you share with us,enlighten us,and empower us is LITERALLY saving lives!!! We thank you immensely !! Thank youuu for sharing your gifts with us🙏🏾✨️💕 🧘🏿♂️🙏🏾✨️✨️ 🙏🏾
Thank you thank you ...I really needed this validation .🙏❤
And use a sponge to wash dishes, not a dish rag, which I wanted to use a dish rag, don't use that much hot water in the shower even though I have long hair, cook what he wants, not I want. The list goes on n on.
😂
Thank Dr. Ramani ❤ for acknowledging that we are more alike than different 😢it really provides me with hope in the little decisions first… working on “the list” 😊
I have recorded myself saying the mean things he used to say to me and I listen to these recordings each time I blame myself or see him at work. I even listen to these demeaning words of his before I enter the work place and encounter him. That helps me feel disgust and anger at his presence no matter how handsome he is😢😢😢
Just hearing you describe my experience makes me feel better
Doc, I was raised in a very dysfunctional Punjabi family. That’s exactly what they told me! I am blind, and I’ve been blind since I was a baby. That was actually one of the “reasons“ that the woman who gave me birth used, to try and justify to me why she was violent and sexually abusive to me. Karma! Exactly. I’m also intersex, so it just made her and other people in my family that much more convinced that I was some kind of curse. I related to this in a very big way. I needed to hear it from you specifically, given our shared ancestral culture. I’m also realizing that I’m ready to hear you talk about things like this right now. I have no contact with them, and it’s a good thing.
Thank you for your transparency and your teaching. You put out saving principles but this one might be (for me) your most powerful!
Your videos make a huge difference. Plus they are life changing
I will not be in his reality, if you heard this horrible video I have of him yelling at me, you would be stunned. At the end Dr., he said, “I needed to get angry I feel better.”
That lovely video is going out to family members in my Christmas cards. ❤