Forgive me for the audio in this live chat. :( ---------------------- * For a replay of my "mind control" live chat, click here: ruclips.net/user/liveSqEyBgJEQZY *To see the Power & Control Wheel, click here: www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/
The manipulators don't always apologize to get back into your graces, my abuser waits a while and acts and talks like nothing adverse happened and even gives a me a card or small gift card . It feels like gaslighting.
If they wait long enough,you'll come back.My brother is still playing this game after 5 years of n/c.My mom sends gifts that are designed to remind me of the good times we used to have,like a picture she took on our last hike together and then blows it up and frames it real nice.CRAZY
I wish my family would apologize, they never do. Somehow they got me to do the apologizing and last time it happened I saw what had been happening for years. I put my foot down & decided not to play into that narrative. It’s a real tough healing road to be on & I appreciate this video because it’s helping me grasp the reality of the situation, which is so traumatic and mind bending for me.
I’ve gone minimal contact with my mom and family for nearly 3 years. Setting boundaries for myself and sticking to them has saved my life. I no longer care about the false narratives that they’ve made about me. I have no hate or resentment toward them, it’s all out of love my myself.
Same I separated from mine about a month ago, I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be hard at this point? I don’t really feel much for them, but I have understood their dynamic for years now. I’m wondering if I’ll become sad soon..i have my wife and her family is wonderful so I’m living with them and they’ve welcomed me with open arms. Very lucky there
I cut off ties with 2 sisters in recent years after discovering some information about them, I haven't turned back since. I'm well off today, happy, and in peace and wouldn't trade that for nothing. Moral of the story, know when to cut ties with some folks and carry on with your life. The future is much brighter the more you eliminate contact with certain people.
I went back a little over 2 years ago with 2 degrees. I felt like I had relapsed. I'm not even attending a funeral based on the climate. I definitely don't want them at my funeral. You are describing what I've experienced. I needed to hear this. Thank you Tamara for another wonderful experience ❤
@AdamantlyAdams, thank you! I'm so glad this was helpful to you. That lets me know these conversations are needed and the spirit and energy behind them. LOVE that all of you communicate so well on here too.
Yeah, I didn't go to my father's funeral because of my malignant narcissistic mother. He was the only one who kept her at bay. Now that he's dead, she's just blatant about her desire to continue to financially abuse me, now that my father's no longer alive. She cares NOTHING for me or my kids. Decades of literally stealing from me. I can no longer tolerate her actions when they are hurting my own kids. No contact is survival. She's managed to recruit several of my dad's friends (whom she wasn't even friends with!) to attempt to hoover me. I cut them off too. Her financial abuse was so carefully hidden, no one even suspects how pathologically cruel she is. She will NEVER take from me again. Matthew 19:29-30
Well at least they are not going to leave you in the morgue as an unwanted body like I've been threatened with. If that gives any consolation. How is that love or respect?
Like demons don't like angels, toxic dark empaths don't like to see you floating on water with such peace of mind. I love floating on water, and I will never invite those who are toxic to enjoy that peaceful thought. This includes some of my family members. All you can do is pray for them and hope they too can let go of that demon that torments their soul, but if they can't, at least you don't have to participate in it. It is very cathartic.
They love to make you question your own sanity!!!!protect your mindset at all times whenever you are around them. They never allow you to step back and reevaluate your thoughts or prospective memories!
I knew something was wrong with my parents when I was young too. That's probably why I never went back after I graduated from high school. I left and never went back except to visit, and even then, only for a short while. I made friends and worked in many places, and the longer I am away from my family of origin, the easier it is to see how ABNORMAL and cruel they all are. ABNORMAL. I am blessed that my husband's family is not scary like my own family. My mother-in-law was the sweetest woman.... she is my role-model for parenting now. Not my malignant narcissistic mother. No contact has been survival. My kids wll not be exposed to that kind of evil.
I so appreciate you Tamara, you have helped me so much to continue to be strong, I'm a year no contact after my brother threatened to kill my husband, and everyone wanted me to realize "he wouldn't have done anything" and I decided that the line has to be somewhere in the sand, what am I personally willing to put up with, that was my line. Im 53 and now discovering myself I had to realize I was the Scapegoat...............that's a hard thing to accept when you love yourself
Thank you!!🙏🤗 That's such a sad and "difficult to measure" dynamic because that should not have been said, no matter how angry he was. A threat is a threat and for some people, that's enough! I truly hope you continue to "see" clearly as you grow and move forward. I learned years ago that the eyes of a man are so much more important for more than just to see. Having proper sight and "vision" is a blessing. A wisdom beyond measure.
Yeah. That is a non-negotiable. No one threatens me or my family (husband and kids). My malignant narcissistic mother has been financially manipulating EVERYONE in my family for decades. It has been a point of survival to cut her off. She has no empathy for ANYONE. It's disturbing to realize that 52 years into my life, but when I look back at my life, the signs of her psychopathy were clear even in my childhood. Stories of her childhood from my uncles and aunts also demonstrate the willingness to steal from anyone, even family. It's a lifelong disorder she has. And I will not expose my children to that kind of evil.
Wooow some family members actually appologize?! 😮😮 If I ever received even a lousy appology I would be happy to be honest. In my family, nobody ever appologize. In fact, everything was always my fault. They would just gaslight me and get angry at me and said IF they ever did something it was because I deserved it. Never heard any appology.
i cut contact with my mom after years of abuse after 2 years she took suicide and her one best friend told me that my mother needed me. i think almost everyone in my family blamed me for her suicide. messed me up good. i ended up not going to her funeral just because my anxiety for meeting my family was to high. what helped me was realising that i'm NOT supposed to take care of my mother she was supposed to take care of me
That is the truth. She was supposed to take care of you. Not try to force you to be in charge of keeping her alive. You were not her mother. *HUGS* Now that I have kids, I realize, one can NEVER stop being a parent, even when the child is an adult. My mother didn't have a mother. But that is not something that I could ever fix. It was HER mother's fault. Now, I am doing my best to not repeat history, and be present for my own kids in the way my mother NEVER was. I hope you have good friends in your life now. My good friendships sustain me in a way that my toxic family never ever did.
You will never get an apology out of a covert narcissist. Apology from a covert narcissist is simply them letting you know that they were successful in their manipulation.
You're the only therapist I see on here that goes in dept and know what you're talking about. The information is very helpful and encouraging. Thank you and God bless you 🙏❤
I really appreciate this discussion about this topic. For years I've tried to work with my extremely toxic family members, and by doing so, I've endured years of anxiety and depression. Fast forward to about a month ago, I went no contact with one of the last of the toxic bunch, and since then, I've experienced nothing but pure peace. It truly felt like a weight was lifted off of my chest. My family members were aging me and they were literally making me sick. Going no contact with them was very hard, because they are immediate family members; but prioritizing my health and sanity was more important.
Selective information is new to me! But I understand how they use you for information but it’s not fully reciprocal towards you! I had this experience through narcissistic supply!
Im in a quagmire with my mom and sis, long story but its the biggest energy sink in my life right now. Just trying to help at the beginning ended up with me being more responsible than I had imagined. Thx for the vids and sharing your priceless info!
Wow! Had to hit pause so I could comment. Your example of the premature disclosure hit home with me, as my mom has used that tactic on me, which they delivered through another family member, knowing it would get back to me. What also hurt was that it was about a deceased family member that I loved very much and had a great relationship with. They wanted to hurt me TWICE when they could've just taken that secret to the grave. After a few more blows and arguments, I am now in no contact with everyone, and I am still a little sad but thriving!
I have a relative the is a Pastor. He turned my entire family against me with a smear campaign. And because they all believed him, I had to cut them all off. 💔. That just shows me that they never loved me. 💔. I pray that one day I will be vindicated and they will know the truth. 🙏
Hi, Dr. Tamara. I binged watched all my missed videos on my shift tonight, including this one. What a load of extremely insightful/useful info for all of us, seriously👍👋 That commenter who said something to the effect of "the knowledge gets me past the trauma" was spot on!! Also, I realize how every live might not relate to my current season of living yet each live ALWAYS relates to someone who has affected my personality in some way. Interesting, right?? Additionally, my regards to the You Tube technical issues😖 (yes, I still watched both Family Projection playbacks anyway😁). I hope things get better for your account and not worse.
🤗Thank you!! I hate when my camera, battery, lighting, etc. goes bad the same day I'm going live. lol Then RUclips starts up! It's like a trap. lol But we made it! Thank you for watching. And I agree with that commenter too. Makes sense
Yeah you described my situation pretty damn well. Except my family doesn’t apologize, ever. I get verbally abused and told I should just take it and deal with it since dad had a tbi and I’m being weak or something to that effect. My sis is abusive and always threatens with cops and plays the victim. They both do gaslighting. And then she claims she’s only trying to help me; by being mean & irate, controlling and all that when I disagree or won’t accept her opinion as right when it’s wrong. They don’t like that I think for myself. I agree with them when they’re right. They’re more black and white and with me I’m more nuanced and see the grey area, and the both sides and don’t make snap decisions and have a facade like them. I wish you could have a reality show and you Dr Tamara Hill could narrate, host or have some interaction and involvement in a show about toxic families. And you don’t even have to fix us and make us come together (because you and I both know some people you just can’t reach and aren’t worth the trouble and their cycle of abuse, manipulation and chaos will Continue forever.) just break it down and listen to us if you can.
It's very confusing what happens before "no contact". I have 2 siblings who have become an alliance and both are heavily into "spirituality". Why would I question their intentions?! It's a very weird and what appears to be, dishonest smoke screen....trouble is they lash out and then recede back into there role of moral spiritual superiority. That's why I had to go no contact.....absolutely no accountability and humility.
Yes, I agree. Sometimes it is confusing. I love your choice of words here when you say "dishonest smoke screen...." That's typically the dynamic in families where powerful emotions are redirected into something more appropriate such as religion or spirituality, work, etc. It's easier that way! Displacement is a defense mechanism that exists in many unhealthy families. I don't blame you for going no-contact.
That's good to know! Glad this is helpful. I thought you were in a different timezone. I really try to schedule these at times when most of you can join in.
I am learning new terminology for the mindset and behavior within the family dynamics! Thanks for sharing! It beginning to become input inside my brain! I think I have grasp Onto a basic understanding of its root causes!
My covert sister would watch me like a hawk, criticising everything I said and did . When I snapped back, she would say , see ! See the way you are. She brought me to my knees 😢. I have no contact now
None of my DNA Relatives ever asked for forgiveness. They're never wrong according to them. I feel better not having any DNA Relatives around me other than my offsprings!!!
One more thing let's have the same attitude towards the system so we can have better health care better education and a more saying justice system and maybe that wouldn't affect our families
The "silent epidemic" reveals much about US culture. I wonder how capitalist alienation blends in to this mis. I am a new listener and have learned lots from you already. Many THANKS! :-)
I finally escaped an abusive husband, no contact no support I didn't want anything but freedom. MY mom continued to talk with him and spent weekends at his house. Why?! He abused your only child and only grandkids to the point they had to Escape. Why would she be around him yrs later. She is dead to me.
The worst thing you can do is allow one person in the family to keep you away from your family stand up for yourself and don't let your family treat you like crap be an example
When you stand up for yourself, you learn who in your family has your back, and who was perfectly happy to see you fall. It is like the story of Job. He suffered a lot, but in the end, he found out who his real friends were, and he lived his life free of them from then on, and became richer than before. Life gets better with every day I'm away from my crooked family of origin.
Sometimes that can be true @therealpillventage628 and helpful. Other times, it isn't easy to stand up for yourself when the entire family is coming against you. Some of my clients just fold under the pressure.
The phrase that blood is thicker than water.I believe has been misinterpreted. The proverbs goes something like this. . The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Meaning your alliances with others for a common cause is greater than with family.
Good point!! Deuteronomy 33:9 And I also believe that if we are join in heart, mind, and soul, we are also thicker than blood in that way as well. My grandmother believed in this so much when it came to her family church.
sometimes u don't even get an apology, it's just always n will forever be my fault... cool, I will go and be at fault all on my own, and we will see who is really the wrong 1 ❤
I am the only alcoholic in my family and i suffer from depression and anxiety. Two and a half years ago, I survived my own suicide. I am in recovery and realizing for the first time how toxic my family is. I am cutting off my father and sister. Being alone isn’t a whole lot new to me, so why not?
But is it okay to ghost someone, or going no contact still means that you can explain yourself and say that you are in a no contact mode? I would always try to explain, or maybe I just have issues with attachment
That's a good question! I literally hate "ghosting" others. I think it is the worst thing someone could do out of a need to escape or reduce the chances of having to be accountable to the other person. However, sometimes not saying anything is the best way because, as you know, most people don't like rejection and they may lash out, try to hurt you, or make leaving them behind very very difficult. You really have to determine what is and is not a good idea with the person you are trying to separate from.
What about my auntie. Im thinking I will have a conversation with my auntie about my girlie that lives with my sister who is with a narc - my sister does NOT love herself and she has herself become a narc. I need my girl to move to my auntie if she can have her. And try to get child service on my side that I can have her one week and my auntie 1 week until I have paid down the rest of my dept (not much left) and get a new apartment before the winter comes. Cause my auntie she has 2 adopted kids and I do believe things has happened in that family also cause one of those adopted kids ofy auntie is studying now to work in childservice so I guess she have found out alot if truths about her adoptions! Childservice people are traumatized people who traumatize other people! Its insane……..
I have gone no contact because. My mother was the worse. And her children. After years of slander and lies. She died the other day. And i donot want to go to the funeral. It would only be more hate and iam 73 years old and the disrespect is aweful. I have decided not to attend i forgive them all but only wish peace . I know it will never change my son still talks to them he is grown. also .what should i do😢😢😢 i 5:51
That's such a good question. That's when I encourage my clients, and those of you who are watching, to find internal peace, work on yourself, and keep moving forward in healthy ways. The apology may never ever come, but you have to be okay! The focus then turns from them to YOU. The fact that you are working on you and changing, growing, transforming, etc. is healing in and of itself as your life goes on. That's the wisdom I share with my clients who have been waiting on apologies for years.
Forgive me for the audio in this live chat. :(
----------------------
* For a replay of my "mind control" live chat, click here: ruclips.net/user/liveSqEyBgJEQZY
*To see the Power & Control Wheel, click here: www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/
The manipulators don't always apologize to get back into your graces, my abuser waits a while and acts and talks like nothing adverse happened and even gives a me a card or small gift card . It feels like gaslighting.
Very good point. That's the process I discussed at the beginning -- the cycle of abuse. I'm sorry you have had to experience this.
If they wait long enough,you'll come back.My brother is still playing this game after 5 years of n/c.My mom sends gifts that are designed to remind me of the good times we used to have,like a picture she took on our last hike together and then blows it up and frames it real nice.CRAZY
Apology is to get you to open up and let your guard down so they can get back in and finish what they are doing.
My mom sends me random pics of her dogs.
I wish my family would apologize, they never do. Somehow they got me to do the apologizing and last time it happened I saw what had been happening for years. I put my foot down & decided not to play into that narrative. It’s a real tough healing road to be on & I appreciate this video because it’s helping me grasp the reality of the situation, which is so traumatic and mind bending for me.
It is so helpful to hear a therapist talk absolutely clearly about this.
🤗
I’ve gone minimal contact with my mom and family for nearly 3 years. Setting boundaries for myself and sticking to them has saved my life. I no longer care about the false narratives that they’ve made about me. I have no hate or resentment toward them, it’s all out of love my myself.
Same I separated from mine about a month ago, I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be hard at this point? I don’t really feel much for them, but I have understood their dynamic for years now. I’m wondering if I’ll become sad soon..i have my wife and her family is wonderful so I’m living with them and they’ve welcomed me with open arms. Very lucky there
I cut off ties with 2 sisters in recent years after discovering some information about them, I haven't turned back since. I'm well off today, happy, and in peace and wouldn't trade that for nothing. Moral of the story, know when to cut ties with some folks and carry on with your life. The future is much brighter the more you eliminate contact with certain people.
I went back a little over 2 years ago with 2 degrees. I felt like I had relapsed. I'm not even attending a funeral based on the climate. I definitely don't want them at my funeral. You are describing what I've experienced. I needed to hear this. Thank you Tamara for another wonderful experience ❤
My same thought. I agree.
@AdamantlyAdams, thank you! I'm so glad this was helpful to you. That lets me know these conversations are needed and the spirit and energy behind them. LOVE that all of you communicate so well on here too.
Yeah, I didn't go to my father's funeral because of my malignant narcissistic mother. He was the only one who kept her at bay. Now that he's dead, she's just blatant about her desire to continue to financially abuse me, now that my father's no longer alive. She cares NOTHING for me or my kids. Decades of literally stealing from me. I can no longer tolerate her actions when they are hurting my own kids. No contact is survival. She's managed to recruit several of my dad's friends (whom she wasn't even friends with!) to attempt to hoover me. I cut them off too. Her financial abuse was so carefully hidden, no one even suspects how pathologically cruel she is. She will NEVER take from me again. Matthew 19:29-30
Well at least they are not going to leave you in the morgue as an unwanted body like I've been threatened with. If that gives any consolation. How is that love or respect?
Like demons don't like angels, toxic dark empaths don't like to see you floating on water with such peace of mind. I love floating on water, and I will never invite those who are toxic to enjoy that peaceful thought. This includes some of my family members. All you can do is pray for them and hope they too can let go of that demon that torments their soul, but if they can't, at least you don't have to participate in it. It is very cathartic.
They love to make you question your own sanity!!!!protect your mindset at all times whenever you are around them. They never allow you to step back and reevaluate your thoughts or prospective memories!
Right💪
I got away years ago from my
In laws. My children were small then! I recognized something was no right in that family.
ME TOO , YOUR NOT ALONE! GOOD FOR YOU , STAY STRONG BECAUSE YOU HAVE CHILDREN TO PROTECT! WE ARE IN THE SAME BOAT 💯🙏❤️‼️
I knew something was wrong with my parents when I was young too. That's probably why I never went back after I graduated from high school. I left and never went back except to visit, and even then, only for a short while. I made friends and worked in many places, and the longer I am away from my family of origin, the easier it is to see how ABNORMAL and cruel they all are. ABNORMAL. I am blessed that my husband's family is not scary like my own family. My mother-in-law was the sweetest woman.... she is my role-model for parenting now. Not my malignant narcissistic mother. No contact has been survival. My kids wll not be exposed to that kind of evil.
"Covert manipulators...just be finished by walking away.
💯
I so appreciate you Tamara, you have helped me so much to continue to be strong, I'm a year no contact after my brother threatened to kill my husband, and everyone wanted me to realize "he wouldn't have done anything" and I decided that the line has to be somewhere in the sand, what am I personally willing to put up with, that was my line. Im 53 and now discovering myself I had to realize I was the Scapegoat...............that's a hard thing to accept when you love yourself
Thank you!!🙏🤗
That's such a sad and "difficult to measure" dynamic because that should not have been said, no matter how angry he was. A threat is a threat and for some people, that's enough!
I truly hope you continue to "see" clearly as you grow and move forward. I learned years ago that the eyes of a man are so much more important for more than just to see. Having proper sight and "vision" is a blessing. A wisdom beyond measure.
Yeah. That is a non-negotiable. No one threatens me or my family (husband and kids). My malignant narcissistic mother has been financially manipulating EVERYONE in my family for decades. It has been a point of survival to cut her off. She has no empathy for ANYONE. It's disturbing to realize that 52 years into my life, but when I look back at my life, the signs of her psychopathy were clear even in my childhood. Stories of her childhood from my uncles and aunts also demonstrate the willingness to steal from anyone, even family. It's a lifelong disorder she has. And I will not expose my children to that kind of evil.
It’s 10 times worse when the abuser/s Are not only your parents but also your Pastors. I had to change my name and my religion
Good point. My grandfather on my mother's side was a pastor. He justified himself with the bible.
Wooow some family members actually appologize?! 😮😮
If I ever received even a lousy appology I would be happy to be honest.
In my family, nobody ever appologize. In fact, everything was always my fault. They would just gaslight me and get angry at me and said IF they ever did something it was because I deserved it.
Never heard any appology.
So sorry
You don't deserve that
I really love this channel. You just keep hitting home runs. 🎉 I love your humility and intelligence. God bless you.
Thank you so much🤗 That's humbling to hear. I'm glad these chats have a purpose!
i cut contact with my mom after years of abuse after 2 years she took suicide and her one best friend told me that my mother needed me. i think almost everyone in my family blamed me for her suicide. messed me up good. i ended up not going to her funeral just because my anxiety for meeting my family was to high. what helped me was realising that i'm NOT supposed to take care of my mother she was supposed to take care of me
That is the truth. She was supposed to take care of you. Not try to force you to be in charge of keeping her alive. You were not her mother. *HUGS* Now that I have kids, I realize, one can NEVER stop being a parent, even when the child is an adult. My mother didn't have a mother. But that is not something that I could ever fix. It was HER mother's fault. Now, I am doing my best to not repeat history, and be present for my own kids in the way my mother NEVER was. I hope you have good friends in your life now. My good friendships sustain me in a way that my toxic family never ever did.
Peace of Mind=
Priceless♡
+Pay it Forward
No question👍So sad that some people's version of it is unsettled and unhealed dispositions.
You will never get an apology out of a covert narcissist.
Apology from a covert narcissist is simply them letting you know that they were successful in their manipulation.
You're the only therapist I see on here that goes in dept and know what you're talking about. The information is very helpful and encouraging. Thank you and God bless you 🙏❤
I appreciate that! So glad to hear that. Thank you! 😊 Really glad this is helpful and illuminating for you guys on here.
Thank you for this talk, listened to it while cleaning my place. This silent epidemic is real, glad I am not alone 🙌🏾
In Dr. Tam's place, we never are...thank goodness.
😊🎉yes I listened while cleaning.
I really appreciate this discussion about this topic. For years I've tried to work with my extremely toxic family members, and by doing so, I've endured years of anxiety and depression. Fast forward to about a month ago, I went no contact with one of the last of the toxic bunch, and since then, I've experienced nothing but pure peace. It truly felt like a weight was lifted off of my chest.
My family members were aging me and they were literally making me sick. Going no contact with them was very hard, because they are immediate family members; but prioritizing my health and sanity was more important.
Selective information is new to me! But I understand how they use you for information but it’s not fully reciprocal towards you! I had this experience through narcissistic supply!
Im in a quagmire with my mom and sis, long story but its the biggest energy sink in my life right now. Just trying to help at the beginning ended up with me being more responsible than I had imagined. Thx for the vids and sharing your priceless info!
You're welcome and thank you!
I love your expression here "energy sink." That's what it is sometimes and figuring out how to protect yourself is key.
This topic isn’t spoken about enough. Thank you for explaining.
Agree!! You're welcome.And.
Wow! Had to hit pause so I could comment. Your example of the premature disclosure hit home with me, as my mom has used that tactic on me, which they delivered through another family member, knowing it would get back to me. What also hurt was that it was about a deceased family member that I loved very much and had a great relationship with. They wanted to hurt me TWICE when they could've just taken that secret to the grave. After a few more blows and arguments, I am now in no contact with everyone, and I am still a little sad but thriving!
I have a relative the is a Pastor. He turned my entire family against me with a smear campaign. And because they all believed him, I had to cut them all off. 💔. That just shows me that they never loved me. 💔. I pray that one day I will be vindicated and they will know the truth. 🙏
That's not a man of God AT ALLLLLL.
Hi, Dr. Tamara. I binged watched all my missed videos on my shift tonight, including this one. What a load of extremely insightful/useful info for all of us, seriously👍👋
That commenter who said something to the effect of "the knowledge gets me past the trauma" was spot on!! Also, I realize how every live might not relate to my current season of living yet each live ALWAYS relates to someone who has affected my personality in some way. Interesting, right??
Additionally, my regards to the You Tube technical issues😖 (yes, I still watched both Family Projection playbacks anyway😁). I hope things get better for your account and not worse.
🤗Thank you!! I hate when my camera, battery, lighting, etc. goes bad the same day I'm going live. lol Then RUclips starts up! It's like a trap. lol But we made it! Thank you for watching.
And I agree with that commenter too. Makes sense
Yeah you described my situation pretty damn well. Except my family doesn’t apologize, ever. I get verbally abused and told I should just take it and deal with it since dad had a tbi and I’m being weak or something to that effect. My sis is abusive and always threatens with cops and plays the victim. They both do gaslighting. And then she claims she’s only trying to help me; by being mean & irate, controlling and all that when I disagree or won’t accept her opinion as right when it’s wrong. They don’t like that I think for myself. I agree with them when they’re right. They’re more black and white and with me I’m more nuanced and see the grey area, and the both sides and don’t make snap decisions and have a facade like them. I wish you could have a reality show and you Dr Tamara Hill could narrate, host or have some interaction and involvement in a show about toxic families. And you don’t even have to fix us and make us come together (because you and I both know some people you just can’t reach and aren’t worth the trouble and their cycle of abuse, manipulation and chaos will
Continue forever.) just break it down and listen to us if you can.
It's very confusing what happens before "no contact". I have 2 siblings who have become an alliance and both are heavily into "spirituality". Why would I question their intentions?! It's a very weird and what appears to be, dishonest smoke screen....trouble is they lash out and then recede back into there role of moral spiritual superiority. That's why I had to go no contact.....absolutely no accountability and humility.
Yes, I agree. Sometimes it is confusing.
I love your choice of words here when you say "dishonest smoke screen...." That's typically the dynamic in families where powerful emotions are redirected into something more appropriate such as religion or spirituality, work, etc. It's easier that way! Displacement is a defense mechanism that exists in many unhealthy families. I don't blame you for going no-contact.
It's amazing that these Covert narcissists actually do everything by the book.
Agree!
Watching back. Thank you Tamara. Different time zone. Yesterday mind controlling issues very affirming. .
That's good to know! Glad this is helpful. I thought you were in a different timezone. I really try to schedule these at times when most of you can join in.
I am learning new terminology for the mindset and behavior within the family dynamics! Thanks for sharing! It beginning to become input inside my brain! I think I have grasp
Onto a basic understanding of its root causes!
You are so welcome!
My covert sister would watch me like a hawk, criticising everything I said and did . When I snapped back, she would say , see ! See the way you are. She brought me to my knees 😢. I have no contact now
None of my DNA Relatives ever asked for forgiveness. They're never wrong according to them. I feel better not having any DNA Relatives around me other than my offsprings!!!
I understand. When the family is unhealthy, it's better to be alone.
@@TherapistTamaraHillexactly! I feel so free without them around!!!
I believe it! I have some extended family like that too 😒
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@@TherapistTamaraHill💯💯💯
Water is thicker than blood.
🤭sometimes it is!
You'll eventually find it isnt@@tenleyhorne8766
One more thing let's have the same attitude towards the system so we can have better health care better education and a more saying justice system and maybe that wouldn't affect our families
You are so blessed at what you do God Bless
🤗🙏thank you!! I receive that, Amen.
God bless you too.
The "silent epidemic" reveals much about US culture. I wonder how capitalist alienation blends in to this mis. I am a new listener and have learned lots from you already. Many THANKS! :-)
Thank you! And you're welcome. So glad to hear that. Welcome to the channel!
Listening to this gives me no hope of ever speaking to my daughter again.
I finally escaped an abusive husband, no contact no support I didn't want anything but freedom. MY mom continued to talk with him and spent weekends at his house. Why?! He abused your only child and only grandkids to the point they had to Escape. Why would she be around him yrs later. She is dead to me.
Right very tough this is very helpful
The worst thing you can do is allow one person in the family to keep you away from your family stand up for yourself and don't let your family treat you like crap be an example
When you stand up for yourself, you learn who in your family has your back, and who was perfectly happy to see you fall. It is like the story of Job. He suffered a lot, but in the end, he found out who his real friends were, and he lived his life free of them from then on, and became richer than before. Life gets better with every day I'm away from my crooked family of origin.
Sometimes that can be true @therealpillventage628 and helpful. Other times, it isn't easy to stand up for yourself when the entire family is coming against you. Some of my clients just fold under the pressure.
The phrase that blood is thicker than water.I believe has been misinterpreted.
The proverbs goes something like this. .
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
Meaning your alliances with others for a common cause is greater than with family.
Good point!! Deuteronomy 33:9
And I also believe that if we are join in heart, mind, and soul, we are also thicker than blood in that way as well. My grandmother believed in this so much when it came to her family church.
💯 Resonates
Great video
Thank you!!
sometimes u don't even get an apology, it's just always n will forever be my fault... cool, I will go and be at fault all on my own, and we will see who is really the wrong 1 ❤
I am the only alcoholic in my family and i suffer from depression and anxiety. Two and a half years ago, I survived my own suicide. I am in recovery and realizing for the first time how toxic my family is. I am cutting off my father and sister. Being alone isn’t a whole lot new to me, so why not?
Hello everyone first time here
Welcome to the channel! Glad to have you.
1:00:22
"Don't Wanna See It Happen To Someone That You Love♡"
😂
This is extremely difficult for me since I am NOT a covert narcissist. I may have abPD which you referred to in a negative way. That’s unfortunate
But is it okay to ghost someone, or going no contact still means that you can explain yourself and say that you are in a no contact mode?
I would always try to explain, or maybe I just have issues with attachment
That's a good question! I literally hate "ghosting" others. I think it is the worst thing someone could do out of a need to escape or reduce the chances of having to be accountable to the other person.
However, sometimes not saying anything is the best way because, as you know, most people don't like rejection and they may lash out, try to hurt you, or make leaving them behind very very difficult. You really have to determine what is and is not a good idea with the person you are trying to separate from.
I agree
Yes!!
My covert sister would even charge her voice around people in her higher group . Very strange. Is this common?
❤
What about my auntie. Im thinking I will have a conversation with my auntie about my girlie that lives with my sister who is with a narc - my sister does NOT love herself and she has herself become a narc. I need my girl to move to my auntie if she can have her. And try to get child service on my side that I can have her one week and my auntie 1 week until I have paid down the rest of my dept (not much left) and get a new apartment before the winter comes. Cause my auntie she has 2 adopted kids and I do believe things has happened in that family also cause one of those adopted kids ofy auntie is studying now to work in childservice so I guess she have found out alot if truths about her adoptions! Childservice people are traumatized people who traumatize other people! Its insane……..
Replay ❤ Lol I hear you 🌹
@ 22 min mark...yikes...sounds just like my sociopathic "father".
They're demons
I have gone no contact because. My mother was the worse. And her children. After years of slander and lies. She died the other day. And i donot want to go to the funeral. It would only be more hate and iam 73 years old and the disrespect is aweful. I have decided not to attend i forgive them all but only wish peace . I know it will never change my son still talks to them he is grown. also .what should i do😢😢😢 i 5:51
What if they never apologize?
That's such a good question.
That's when I encourage my clients, and those of you who are watching, to find internal peace, work on yourself, and keep moving forward in healthy ways. The apology may never ever come, but you have to be okay! The focus then turns from them to YOU. The fact that you are working on you and changing, growing, transforming, etc. is healing in and of itself as your life goes on. That's the wisdom I share with my clients who have been waiting on apologies for years.
@@TherapistTamaraHill are you taking in patients right now?
You are the most beautifull african american in USA. I love you very much. Please dont get me wrong. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤. You are so cult, so helpfull