awful weddings that would make me a BRIDEZILLA - REACTION
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- Опубликовано: 27 июл 2023
- awful weddings that would make me a BRIDEZILLA - REACTION
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Hey, lovely viewers! It's Charlotte Dobre, and today, we're diving into the wild world of weddings - the good, the bad, and the downright bridezilla-worthy! 💍👰
In this hilarious video, we're going to explore those cringe-worthy moments that can turn even the calmest bride-to-be into a full-blown bridezilla! From awkward seating arrangements that place your feuding relatives next to each other to a catering mishap that turns the buffet into a food fight - oh yes, it's gonna get messy! 🍔🍕👀
But hold on tight, because we're just getting started! Picture this: you've spent months hunting for the perfect wedding dress, and just when you think you've found "the one," you spot your future mother-in-law trying it on for size! 😱👗 Cue the dramatic music and the epic showdown!
And let's not forget about those oh-so-helpful wedding planners who seem to have everything under control - until they show up with a wedding cake that looks like a lopsided, leaning tower of frosting! 🎂😵 Trust me, folks, it's a disaster waiting to happen, and you won't be able to resist laughing at the chaos.
But wait, there's more! We've got bridesmaids turning into fashion divas, demanding dress changes and insisting they should be the center of attention. 🤷♀️💄 And don't even get me started on those "friendly" guests who think they know better than the couple about how the wedding should be organized. Eye roll much? 😒
Get ready for some wedding fails that will leave you in stitches, and brace yourself for the ultimate test of patience as we navigate through the drama, the meltdowns, and the unexpected twists that can turn any wedding into a reality TV show! 📺😅
So, my dear viewers, grab your popcorn and your wedding planner survival kit, because you're in for a rollercoaster of emotions! And to all you soon-to-be brides out there, remember - breathe, keep your sense of humor intact, and don't let anything rain on your big day parade! 🌈💖
If you've got some wild wedding stories of your own or if you've witnessed some epic bridezilla moments, don't forget to share them in the comments below! And, of course, like, subscribe, and hit that notification bell, so you don't miss out on any of our crazy adventures. Until next time, stay fabulous and keep laughing! Charlotte out! ✨😂
#wedding #weddings #bridezilla #weddingfail #bride #groom #entitledbride #entitledbridezilla #groomzilla #weddingfails #charlottedobre #reaction #react #reactionchannel
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AITA - Where I decide if you're the AH or not ;) - bit.ly/3Wds7w6
Petty Revenge ! - bit.ly/3PwAUHl
Entitled People Stories - bit.ly/3FtDB83
Crazy Wedding Stories ! - bit.ly/3j1Xonu
Caught A Cheater ? - bit.ly/3FTyFuI
In-Laws From HELL ! - bit.ly/3YqjReg
Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I make a joke or two. I love poking fun at social media, weddings, entitled people, tiktok and OF COURSE petty people. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
Edited By Kelly Paoli
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Развлечения
I mean I have heard of a surprise wedding when the bride and groom planned it together and the guests were the ones surprised. Not one where the bride is surprised.
That is the only correct definition of a surprise wedding. 😅
Image the audacity😂
You don't have to be a control freak to be upset by it! What was that guy thinking?
@JoseNoveleiroPoliglota welp it has now 🤣
On the 'planned it together" you actually mean "bride makes all decision and yell at groom to only say yes and pay for everything", right?
Imagine if that was the other way around, the bride surprised her boyfriend (when they weren’t engaged) yet with a full on wedding!!!! 😂😂😂
She would be labeled a “psycho”, “level 1000 clinger”, on and on.
E-FUXKING-XACTLY!!!
Actually, many years ago, a woman did something similar. The couple had the license, but the man kept getting cold feet until the woman sprung the surprise wedding on him. Everyone from both sides of the family knew and approved.
The groom was hesitant but then agreed.
No one maligned the bride.
There’s an influencer here in Brazil who’s made fun because she did that to her last two husbands. Surprised them with weddings, the second one they were not even dating for a full month.
@@saltwatertaffy7020but that’s just sad. How is their married life, genuinely curious
Holy fuck, I didn’t even think of that - oh yeah, he’d have bolted and all of his friends would be telling him he’d dodged a bullet for the rest of his life.
There's no such thing as a "surprise wedding."
It's a HOSTAGE SITUATION. Be glad you escaped from that psycho.
@Rev_Oir
Best Comment ^^^ 👏✨
He never even ASKED her to marry him. That should have been the initial choice for her to make. I could see, maybe, a surprise wedding after that...kinda, sorta. It would be depend on the bride's personality. Maybe a destination wedding, where she is getting romance in the mix? She didn't get to choose a dress nor got a chance to even try one on. Then to find out he used all their money...Aww heck NO!
thank you! i see a huge inferno RED FLAG, this is toxic! and so is the family and friends who are on his side, so abusive!
The Gaston singalong was the best thing you’ve ever done love love love
Imagine being called a bridezilla by your mom for not wanting to have guests at your wedding that wished you were dead☠️🥸
Right?!? How is she in that much denial about her own family??
And they certainly don't deserve a toast
💯 agree
Right?!? If they treated me like that then didn’t even come to me to apologize……Never. Ever.
@@magiegainey5036, exactly!!!! Let Mom rebuild HER relationship with these heathens and leave the bride out of her mothers desperate attempt at reconciliation! Mom is the AH all around…..the AUDACITY!!!
There's more to the first story!
She updated later that she was starting to feel like she wasted a perfectly good wedding - the reason for her changed feelings was because he spent all their money on the wedding and has been saying that they'll have to wait for another one due to that (manipulation, in my books, as well as punishing her for saying no) and people have been harping on her about how she 'wasted her chance'. I feel like the poor girl has no-one in her corner and is being gaslit into thinking she's in the wrong for standing up for her decision. It really sucks.
Oh! I read that update! It is horrible. And yea so much gaslighting!
Oh that’s awful! Poor girl.
Holy shit, she needs to run. That's like the UN of red flags.
Definitely not in the wrong, sounds rather manipulative.
Yeah, he's clearly super controlling. She needs to end the relationship. Why is no one in her corner?
It’s funny how the mom in the last story wants OP to “let go of childhood issues” but seems to be ok with her other kids openly and firmly not wanting anything to do with their step sister because they still hate her for *checks notes* having the audacity to exist in the first place. If the mom wants a relationship with her estranged kids, fine. But she doesn’t get to bring them up at the wedding of her daughter that they wished LITERAL death upon.
She's their HALF SISTER. Their father died and the mother remarried the OPs father.
I have one half sister who never really accepted my dad's partner after her mother and it is wild how her parents, up to this day - she is in her mid-thirties now -, have no courage to tell their kid that she needs to take it down a notch and cannot control her parents' relationship like that. She must have been around 6 years old, when her parents separated (because her mom cheated! I don't understand how, as an adult, you still won't accept your parents separation and blame your father's new spouse for that). I don't get parents, who cannot set boundaries for their children out of probably some misunderstood sense of love and guilt. It doesn't help them and it doesn't make them better adults when they grow up. She also at one point said something along the lines of, that under different circumstances I would not have been born. It wasn't too long ago, I was having a nice chat with her mother and I think she got jealous. It actually was hurtful, but kinda expected, so I let it go. Come to think of it, maybe I am just as bad as her parents for not calling her out on that. #rubberduckinginyoutubecommentsection
And if they have anyone to be angry at for her existing... it's mommy. They're adult, they should realize she had no say in being born by now and unless she literally takes her life to appease them, she can't do anything about it.
For the story about the BM who wore the purple dress, someone responded saying, "I understand wanting to pay tribute to her mother..." NO. You pay tribute to your mother at YOUR wedding, not at someone else's wedding, or someone else's event for anything. This friend is having serious problems with her grief. She should be given some wiggle room...in some things (needing an extra day off from work now and then, friends checking in on her more frequently, etc.). But if she had a uniform for her job that did not involve purple, would they allow her to wear purple because she is grieving? NO. This is the same thing.
The only compromise I can think of as a bride 36 years ago: Anna can wear the dress of her choice AFTER the formal photos are taken.
Yeah, the wedding wasn't about Anna, it was about the bride and groom. She insisted on centering herself in someone else's day. She has full on main character syndrome.
Yeah why didn’t Anna just wear a ring or necklace with a purple stone. Or a some other piece of jewelry. Sounds like the bride would have been perfectly fine with that accent. Or blue purple color changing “mermaid” nail polish. There’s options to add a touch why did it have to be a purple dress.
That one is mentally unstable.
A counterpoint to that is, sometimes it's fine to give someone their way even if they're not in the "right" in your books. If bride went with it, the friend would have felt cherished and valued. It would have kept the relationship strong. It would have been kind. The kind thing isn't always the fair thing, but it is gentle, it builds people up, it tells them they're valued. Friend wasn't trying to break up a relationship, gaslight or shame someone, steal money... yes she wanted to be selfish, but generosity of spirit is letting your loved ones be selfish sometimes. An aesthetic isn't the hill to die on.
Suprise wedding= entrapment
Rogue brides maid= uninvite them
Entitled mom= uninvite mom
People need to remember it's the couples day.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
💯 agree
100% yesss this
But it's my wedding................ (sarcasm)
And remember it’s healthy to set boundaries! And doing so does not make you an ahole.
I know a girl who had a surprise wedding. Her boyfriend proposed and she was soo stressed by the idea of planning that she couldn't figure a date and told him she would merry him but couldn't carry the burden of the planning, so he planned everything and surprised her with a note on their bed the morning of the wedding along with the bride dress chosen for her by her sister. She loved it, and I think is the only way this kind of surprise can work. If the bride is not asking to be surprised, don't surprise her
Yea that a little bit different story one they were not even engaged yet which is crazy Lol
That kind of a surprise wedding is sweet.
Yeah, I feel like there are only two times a surprise wedding was okay that and if you are renewing your vowels
I don't understand why it's a crazy idea, but you'd think someone would've "slipped" the information along?! It's insane to know her friends & family didn't help her!!!
I can imagine being a go between to help make sure my sister/friend gets her ideal wedding, while allowing the jackass to feel like Casanova.
I think it could have been fine in this case if as soon as she said she didn't like it. He would have said it was fine and just turned it into an engagement party. If thought she would like it but when she didn't accepted it okay. But to be upset at her over it is beyond ridiculous.
I think another horrible part of the "surprise wedding" that I don't see getting mentioned is if you get blindsided by the wedding, you miss out on all the events and special close time with family and friends leading up to the wedding, like telling your parents and closest friends you're getting married, choosing bridesmaids, an engagement party, dress shopping with your mother and friends, bachelorette party, bridal shower, even just getting ready together on the day of. I personally eloped during covid because I was ok not having those things but I made that choice. I can't imagine having that choice made for you and feeling like someone fast forwarded your life to your wedding day and skipped over all those other memories you wanted to make with friends and family.
My only issue is you can easily do a surprise proposal. Did he just skip the engagement part??
@@bunnyrabi he did skip the engagement part. They said that his reasoning was anyone can have a surprise engagement, but a surprise wedding?
Personally, I’m not a fan of the situation that she was put in
@oreonighthawk
From my personal experience, anyone who doesn’t respect that your life is a process and you enjoy looking forward to things, etc, that person is emotionally damaged.
Expectations are the mother of joy.
Someone commented a summary of an update, he used his and ops joint savings to pay for the "wedding" which is being used to guilt op further for "wasting all that money"
The mom in that last story is clearly just so happy that her other kids are talking to her again, that she wants to do anything to keep them talking to her and is willing to walk all over the bride to ensure she stays in their good graces.
A guy that "surprises" you with a wedding is the same guy that hides your birth control for that "surprise" baby.
That is disturbing to think of but true, unfortunately.
I was thinking something along those lines too!!!
Thank you, I was gonna say... 😳 Mark seems a tad controlling and possibly scary 👀
My mother did that to my father in 1976. They agreed to wait until they were financially ready for another baby and then she just quit taking her bc without telling him. She’s shady like that.
Yeah, seems like a red flag. Even if the girlfriend likes surprises, this is a step too far.
I can't believe that NO ONE in the first bride's life had any reservations about the surprise wedding since they weren't even engaged?! Not even her parents?!
The way she tells it, it seems their families and her friends were far more upset about her not going through with it than the boyfriend was. I wouldn't be surprised if they had planted the idea into his head and manipulated him into it
...... she did say SOME of her family members lol
Exactly ! Surely even her friends would pull him aside and say ‘this is a bad idea’!! How did no one tell her? Awful !
Exactly
I was wondering that too. Like absolutely no one in their circle thought that this may be a bad idea!? I'd break up with the entire family, friends and acquaintances that let that happen lol.
The story about the mourning bridesmaids as someone who also lost a parent recently I understand the grief she is going through also as someone who going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding soon the color I wear is not up to me it is up to the bride. If I went up to her and ask if I could where my dad’s favorite color to honor him even though they had never met she more likely then not would have told me no, I would 100% respect her wishes and not wear a dress in that color. That bridesmaid need counseling and therapy to get through the grieving process.
I really wish the bride thought of her friend with more compassion, and not as solely an obstacle to her aesthetic. It's an aesthetic. Some colors in your field of vision. But bride bombed a friendship and added more hurt to someone already hurting. The friend hopefully was able to get into grief counseling, and even if she was already in it there's no guarantee she'd be healing on the same timeline as the wedding, but you're right that grief fcks up your ability to function. If your friend shows up in purple (it's not black like it's your funeral, it's not a white ballgown like she's the bride, and heck, even the maid of honor had purple in her dress, it can coordinate a little) and goes to stand up at the front, just let her. Take the L sometimes just to be gentle to people, even when they don't deserve it, even when it's not strictly fair. Winning isn't everything.
Also bride calling her "uptight" while grieving felt... cruel. Uptight feels like a word that's solely used in a judgmental context. Going through sadness, depression, despondency, loss, isn't a choice made specifically to be annoying to those around you.
Absolutely. The grief has become her identity. Losing my mom has been the hardest thing I've gone through, but I would never have behaved like this.
In the first scenario, picture the surprise wedding in reverse. Would a man want to be surprised by his girlfriend with an unexpected wedding? Hell, NO! Entrapment springs to mind.
Like why do we even entertain the discussion when it's the woman being cornered?
For the purple dress situation: I would have demoted her from bridesmaid to guest. Not just bc of her strong desire to wear the wrong color, but bc she's clearly horribly grieving and doesn't need the added weight of that role on her shoulders.
I agree asking her if she would rather be a guest and wear whatever she wanted might have caused drama too but could have stopped a scene. However, the blocking and passive aggressiveness of showing dresses after the conversation makes me think it’s less about grieving her mom but making sure people know she is grieving and can give her sympathy and attention, on day that isn’t about her. I think level of jealousy was at play here made worse by her loss.
That could possibly have saved a friendship. It's crazy to think you have the right to wear what you want in a bridal party though.
Agreed. Just make her a guest
@jstarr2k4 what friendship though? She's not much of a friend showing up in a color different from the chosen theme
I agree. Since this wasn't one of those insane "everybody has to wear what I want" tantrum weddings, she could have let anna wear what she wanted as a guest.
I was the victim of a surprise wedding when I was 19. My bf (23) and I had only been together for 9 months at this point. I was told it was a "family dinner" and told to dress nice. I wore a black and white polkadot tea length dress. My bf left early and told me I would ride with his sister there. As we were pulling up, she started playing "Let's Get Married" by Jagged Edge. I love that song, and didn't think anything of it until I got out of the car and was bombarded by his other sister and his mom. His mom tried to put a garter on my thigh and his sister handed me a bouquet and walked me around the back of the house, where his family and part of my family sat waiting for the ceremony to start. The minister was in jeans and a cowboys t-shirt, music was being played out of the trunk of a car parked near the guests, and I was just in shock. I didn't know what do to or say and I was so passive at the time and my bf was manipulative and abusive, so I didn't know what to do, and just went through with it. So I married this man, while my family sat there watching. Highlights of the night were a horse trying to eat the cake because the reception was in the barn, my sister getting fall-over drunk on everclear, the music for the first dance wouldn't play, and the two songs for the ceremony. They chose to have me "walk down the aisle" to "Love You Like a Love Song" by Selena Gomez and we walked out to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye.
We divorced a year later after the abuse and manipulation continued and escalated. I'm so glad I got out.
Sometimes I forget that this happened and it feels like a fever dream. Every now and then one of my younger or more vocal family members will fill the silence in a room with "Do you remember when you got married?".
Oh gawd, I'm so sorry this happened to you and glad to hear you got out of that situation.
I’m so sorry this happened to you! Seems a bit controlling on your ex’s part to not even consult you first and blindsiding you into it. I’m so glad you are out of that relationship!
Literally this is how I was envisioning the girls future in the first post. Anyone who wants to force u into something is a big warning sign. Glad u got out OK.
That’s awful I’m so sorry that happened to you. 19 you’re still so young. I’m glad you got out and are hopefully doing well!
Oh my lord. That’s horrible, but also, you’re such a badass for taking your life back. Rick on sis, you did that!
Ps. Yes, I did laugh, this is a crazy story when you don’t know about the abuse part. Who would think that’s a good idea? And why did no one warn you on your side of the family? Hope you got some therapy or something to process. They all owe you
My late mother had this happen to her. The guy invited her over his family's house and they had a whole wedding set up in the back. She said she ran fast to her car and sped off
Side note... LOVE the Gaston singing lol
I remember hearing one story on the news about a surprise wedding that the groom put together. He did propose first privately, and when she said yes, asked if she wanted to get married that day. She was confused but escorted by her friends to get ready. He had spent the past year asking one off questions about what she wanted in a wedding and secretly writing down everything. So it was everything she wanted (people included).
He even somehow had her entire bedroom suite moved to a room at the venue so that she was the most comfortable getting ready.
I feel like that had more class than the first story.
that would have been my DREAM come true😂
Yes! That lady was my old personal trainer.. a wonderful couple❤
@@_Latoya_Wilson_ It's amazing everyone kept the secret so long! Your trainer's husband was the ideal wedding planner -- asked what the bride wanted, and arranged everything. Although she might have been disappointed she didn't get the whole dress-shopping thang.
at least he put more effort and consideration!! still- it's always going to depend on the person because to some, the entire process: piking the date, the colors, etc, it's an important part.
yeah, he did his research and technically got everything she would actively choose but sm ppl want the ACTION of choosing too
in that sense, the bride did have a say in the wedding, she just didn't know she was doing it haha, unlike the one from the video, that had NO say at all
MORE TO PURPLE DRESS STORY: in the comments OP says that she paid for her friends therapy, sent her flowers, letters and cards, held her while she cried, and had dropped a lot to do so. Also said that the friend had been staying at OP's house and sleeping in OP's bed while OP's fiance slept on the couch
Wtf....then this speaks more of the purple woman's behavior than of the bride. There's only so much accommodation u can make b4 it crosses some lines
She needs more intense therapy. Or someone needs to tell her to suck it up. I only say that because I know I can drag on the stress and anxiety and sometimes I need to be told that enough is enough and it’s time to move on.
That is just ridiculous at this point
Absolutely not! Purple's ass should be on the couch if she really needs to be in the house with them. There's gonna be a breaking point and it's going to suck for all three of them.
She could have just told her that she could no longer be a bridesmaid and to sit with the rest of the guess. But hindsight is what it is. Also that update. She needs to drop this woman, she now needs to stand up on her own two feet without leaning so heavily on one person till she beats them down to create a proxie of a mother figure in op.
So wild. That story was insane to me. You can grieve for your mom without making someone else’s special event about your and your family. You can not wear purple for that one day and not make it about your own situation, but instead support your friend at HER wedding. The comments from her about OP being selfish is such projection.
Props to Charlotte for singing the edited Gaston song so beautifully 😂 chef's kiss!
Red flags all around for that first guy. Run! Run so far away girl. Move somewhere far. And the fact HER family is like "this is fine." I'm losing faith in the world after that one🤣🤣🤣
With the story about the bridesmaid’s mother who passed, if purple means so much to her, and she wants to keep her mother with her always, why not wear a purple ring or a purple bracelet. It would have been a small inconspicuous way to still wear the color but honor the bride’s choices. The bridesmaid literally wanted to make the day all about her and her situation, and in many ways she succeeded.
Or even comprised with a pastel purple dress. That idea wasn’t even mentioned. In the end it’s the brides day. But if I knew my friend was having such a hard time I’d try to see if we could meet in the middle.
She turned someone else's celebration into her occasion to grieve about something unrelated. That's inappropriate and there are plenty of other events she could wear a purple dress at, or like you said, compromise by wearing a purple bracelet, necklace or earrings.
Exactly!
Something subtle that "honored" her mom, without breaking from the wedding's color palette might have been something OP would have been willing to compromise on.
@@PinkieJoJo quite frankly I'm surprised OP didn't simply disinvite Anna given how erratic her behavior was and how it looked like it was escalating.
I mean it's a pastel theme wedding...she could have easily asked for a pastel purple with darker color designs on it...I feel like it was less about her grieving and more about making people aware that she was grieving...it seems she wanted to advertise her personal tragedy for attention...that is so uncool...
I love how when other people disrespect you…they are “going through a rough time” and they should get what they want. Yet when you are “going through a rough time”, people tell you to “stop making it about you” and that you can’t expect the world to change for you. 🤦🏾♀️
and if you say that to other people "going through a rough time" you are an ahole.
THIS
Whenever someone says that I remember the line "The world doesn't stop because you have problems". I understand her grieving, but that doesn't give her the right to act so entitled on someone else's wedding. Specially when the bride never chastised her for her grieving choices, she just politely asked if for ONE DAY she could wear a different color. Instead she acted like a victim, for the color of a dress. She didn't even asked to be a normal guest to wear whatever color she wanted. I think she might be a little self centered.
@@fmor2779Yeah I know grief can manifest in weird way but I can't help but feel like maybe this was intentional. Losing a loved one can bring a lot of attention your way and I think she might have been trying to capitalise on everyone being at the wedding
Yes! This!
The purple dress story reminds me a lot of stories of wedding party/family members who make surprise proposals or pregnancy announcements at weddings. And they're all inappropriate.
That surprise wedding is a deal breaker for me. I would also hate a public engagement surprise
There was a little more to the surprise wedding story. He actually spent thousands of their joint money on this wedding, so now she has to either give up on all of her actual wedding dreams or put the wedding off for several years to save back all the money that is gone. Not only did he plan a wedding without her say, but he spent a large sum of joint money without her say.
Wow.
Nightmare.
This is why joint bank accounts before marriage are generally a bad idea. That's a huge betrayal. 🤬
Oh, that's a whole different issue. Yeah, even if she can overlook the wedding thing, that money is plenty enough reason to break up with the guy
Nope. I’d be out!
I bet even Anna’s mother in Heaven, was like “good lord, don’t wear the purple dress”
she should have rolled out of the clouds like mufasa going «daughter... dont do it just please ..honor me in some other way.»
What has her mothers death got to do with a friend’s wedding?
@@lauraf4202Her grief clouded her thinking. She needed therapy not to go to a wedding. Healing comes first. I wouldn’t have the energy to go anywhere if someone had recently passed away. I feel bad for her.
No seriously like, if i ever found out my child maliciously ruined one of the biggest events in someone's life under the excuse of my death im coming back for a day to slap the shit out of them not even sorry
@@elliondecoteau5985My thought exactly, child haven't I taught you to have some manners !!!
I went to a "Surprise Wedding" about 12 years ago. The bride and groom planned it. The only people who knew about it was their immediate families as they were in the wedding party. (Parents, siblings, and a couple close cousins.) We, the guests, thought we were going to a fancy co-ed wedding shower. Half way through the party the bride & groom snuck off to change. Then an announcement was made and a little speach about how they planned this last minute since the people they cared about the most would be there and they didn't want to wait any longer to be married. Her sister is a professional photographer so no one was sus when she was taking pictures before the event switched. After the announcement was made and we were all happily surprised, the wedding march began playing and her bridesmaids started down the beautiful staircase, followed by the flower girl and ring bearer, then the bride and her dad. The preacher was a friend and was there and legally married them. The wedding shower hors d'oeuvres was switched out to wedding food (more elaborate.) It was a lovely afternoon and evening and so much fun! 12 years later they are still happily married and more in love than the day they married.
public proposal without previous discussions is bad enough, because INTENSE pressure of saying yes, and put on the spot. but this guy took it to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL
The difference between Gaston and the groom in story 1 is at least Gaston attempted to ask the bride's consent first.
True dat!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's weird to think of Gaston being the good guy in any situation
That’s gonna be a yikes from me!!
@@valatrix711
If someone appears to be worse than a literal villain, there's more than a cause for concern
"I hate surprises, I hate them, I prefer to know every single damn thing" I agree with Charlotte.
Same, I would be annoyed by a surprise birthday party, can't even imagine a surprise weeding.
Same.
Like nah, you can do a surprise engagement (like talk about it first, make sure you’re both cool with the idea, but the time is a surprise). But you don’t surprise someone with a whole wedding. Like what? I would die. 😅
But non-bride said she LOVES surprises. She talks a lot about wanting to marry this guy. She has given everyone the impression she would hate planning a wedding. She gave a lot of “signals”, even if she didn’t mean to. Apparently even her mother and rest of her family went along with the surprise (and probably helped plan it). No indication anyone told the non-groom this wasn’t a good idea. Clearly it wasn’t a good idea and YNTA, but neither is he.
They may have discussed marriage but it doesn't sound like they were even engaged. You know, the thing where they both give consent to move forward.
This is scary amounts of controlling here.
the gaston song a long was the greatest thing i've ever been apart of. thank you charlotte
15:00 her mother's behavior doesn't surprise me, since she let them be monsters with their own sister her whole life!
What really gets me about the surprise wedding was that he SPENT ALL OF THEIR SAVINGS. She updated later that they talked and were continuing the relationship like nothing happened. They agreed that neither of them did anything wrong. I can't understand forgiving my partner for such a breech of trust and gaslighting and I really hope this was an out of the norm situation because I'm really concerned for the life she'll have surrounded by such selfish people.
I would be so pissed if that money was supposed to be shared, and he just up and spent it all on some thing without talking to me. I get that it was some thing for her, but idgaf who it’s for. Part of that money is mine, and I need to say in what happens to it if a large chunk is about to go missing.
It makes me so fucking angry
"They agreed that neither of them did anything wrong."
You mean, he convinced her to say that he didn't do anything wrong, and he "graciously" agreed to say that she hadn't REALLY done anything so TERRIBLY AWFUL
He never actually apologized! He couldn't admit that he made a mistake! But he's Oh, So SWEET, in saying that she doesn't need to apologize to HIM, because "We'll just agree that neither of us did anything wrong, put the whole thing behind us, and start saving up for our future wedding. Because of course, we WILL get married. And we WILL maintain a joint account, and you WILL trust me from now on, because we wouldn't want anyone to DO ANYTHING WRONG in the future, now would we? There's a good girl."
That is INSANITY! I get a backyard surprise engagement. BUT YOUR WHOLE SAVINGS?!?! Girl, you need to escape! That person will kill you financially.
I think he had no idea he was doing something wrong. I bet he actually thought it was a great surprise 😊😂
@@AuntLoopy123Jesus, I feel creeped out just reading it, but that was spot on.
For the woman who wanted to honor her dead mother at the wedding, she could’ve easily had a purple accessory that would compliment the dress color she was SUPPOSED to wear. A nice purple hair clip, necklace or ring.. like it really isn’t hard to honor someone AND be respectful to the brides wishes.
This. If I were the bride, I would probably gift her a purple accessory myself. Also, why can’t she have something purple under the dress, like a handkerchief or pin? Or maybe Anna’s bouquet could’ve included a purple flower.
OP is NTA, but I feel a compromise could have been reached here.
I was thinking this! A dark purple necklace/bracelet/earrings/other suitable piece of jewelery could look lovely with the dress options on offer if you choose the right shades, and if that wasn't enough for her then stepping down as bridesmaid to wear purple was an option too, as was mentioned. I understand she's grieving (I lost my mother young, it's so incredibly painful and I'm not dismissing that at all), but she can't construct her whole life around that grief forever. It's not healthy, and it seems like several months has passed since the loss but she's still stuck in the heights of grief that should be gradually easing. It also sounds like people around her are enabling her to stay stuck there, and those people are now telling the bride off for not also enabling it, when she was actually quite reasonable about the behaviour directed at her up until the wedding (and even then the reaction is understandable considering how many times she'd said no). The bride isn't an AH, but I'm worried about the friend and I hope she can start to recover and get to where she can honour her mother without centring the loss in everything she does.
Exactly
That's what I was thinking!
Omg yes I was going to say this. Wear something purple like accessories! And the dresses do have purple in them as well but she wanted full purple
The thing about the story with the purple dress…her mom may have loved purple but I bet her mom would have been MORTIFIED at that behavior
I wouldn’t even want a public proposal for the pressure, much less a wedding surprise “oh, here it is…let’s go.”
Purple dress: Anna wanted to wear the purple dress so that people would ask her about it and turn the wedding into a memorial for her mother, as well as be the center of attention. It wasn't about grief, it was about attention seeking.
100%
Had not thought about that being a reason for wearing purple. I think you are right that way it turns the wedding away from the bride and into something just for her and her mother
Bullshit.. She loves her mother..
@@desertdaisymarie6951she can love her mother in her purple undergarments whilst wearing the bridal party dress. She's the [grieving] AH.
What I said also!
When Anna gets married (if she wasn't already) she can wear the biggest, purple dress with all the purple accessories her heart desires to honour her mum if she wanted to. Not to someone else's wedding
I agree, everyone grieves differently. Hopefully she gets better.
Yeah exactly what I was thinking
In old-time etiquette (up thru the early 1900s) “deep purple” is the color “genteel” people traditionally graduated to after wearing “black” a certain length of time after the death of a loved one. This being 2023 in my opinion these two friends could’ve met in the middle. Anna could’ve either; A) worn the pastel dress for the ceremony & pics then changed into her mother’s purple dress for the reception OR B) she could’ve bowed out of being the maid of honor and worn the purple dress all day. This isn’t the late Victorian era where everyone would be mortified to see someone in a pastel dress other than “widows weeds” at a wedding. There should’ve been some degree of compromise or if “purple Anna” was still grieving so hard she could’ve just stayed home (it wasn’t her mom’s memorial service!) I personally think Anna needs some therapy and/or maybe she’s been skipping her prescribed meds/hitting the bottle. Of course there is the last option; C) someone could’ve tripped Anna making her *>WHOOPSIE
she could have worn purple jewelry with the dress color the bride wanted her to wear. doesnt have to be clothes
Just have her not be in the wedding. Focus on welcome her and her choice what to do. She was not in the mindset ready to comply w bridesmaid instructions.
I genuinely loved Charlotte singing that Gaston song
Me too!
There’s just something creepy and controlling about a surprise for a couple that aren’t even engaged and even then it would still be somewhat creepy.
It’s not just about being able to choose your own china patterns and color schemes.
It’s almost as if the entire tone of their marriage is being established. That she is just a bit player in her own life and he will be making all of the decisions and she’s just supposed to meekly and quietly go along with everything. It’s not a wedding of equals. It’s a wedding of my way or the highway.😮
The Anna story really annoyed me. My mom passed away a few years ago and, like Anna, I was completely devastated. Grief makes you do weird things, but it's not an excuse to be a jerk (especially to people in your support network). Anna had several MONTHS to realize her initial instincts were wrong. She chose to be selfish. I would bet that Anna was a self centered person before the loss of her mother. You can be an a-hole and also have unfortunate life circumstances. You should never weaponize your grief.
💯 I lost my mom at a young age. Grief is very individual, but it is not a free pass to insist everyone cater to your pain.
Agree. Anna sounds like she’s not in the emotional headspace to perform as a bridesmaid. I wouldn’t have kicked her out of the wedding, she could remain as a guest. (I’m assuming that would’ve caused her to leave and be bitter either way.) I understand to a certain extent what she’s going through, but she couldn’t even wear a non-purple dress for a single event? That’s someone who needs therapy, which I hope she’s getting.
Anna was def self centered. This is insane to me too. She disregarded what was told to her and came in the color of her choice. I would bet she does whatever she wants and just uses her mom's death and the grief to continue to be selfish and self centered. Then she told the bride she was making a scene. It's the Bride's wedding. Lol. Anna is insane.
The bride wanted a "beach feel" to the wedding. Coral is in the ocean and it comes in purple shades so Anna was still staying in the "Beach Wedding Theme".
Thinking about it, she could have agreed to wear the themed dress for the ceremony and photos, and then the purple for the reception.
When my husband and I first set the date for our wedding, my mother's first reaction was to tell me she'd already gotten confirmations from a bunch of people she'd invited without me, including two sisters who openly despised me (one had actually sent me a death threat in a Christmas card, I kid you not) and godparents I hadn't met or known I had until that moment. The husband and I had discussed and planned for a small wedding with less than 30 people present, and had our own guest list, but she'd invited like 20 people without my permission or knowledge.
When I told her that none of these people were invited, she had a tantrum, saying that it would be rude of her to call and UNINVITE them so I had to let them come. She'd already had previous tantrums about me wanting the ceremony at the uni theater where we'd met rather than a church, about my chosen minister being an OLD friend who was Pagan rather than a Christian minister I hadn't seen in 7 years, and my chosen dress being grey rather than white.
So my husband and I told her to call those people and tell them that NO ONE was invited. We had the friend come over to our apartment with witnesses and paperwork, then we went out for pizza. Told all of the other guests that we'd been forced to cancel the ceremony because my mother (yes, I named her) was going bonkers.
What the actual hell??? Was your mom having a breakdown or something? That’s nut bars
I love how you turn your amazing wedding in another amazing wedding (yes, if I get martied some day, I'd like this kind of wedding) just to avoid your mom tantrum.
@tealablu3759 No, it's mostly just that she's an abusive freak. When she heard we were discussing marriage, she actually tried to take my then-boyfriend out to brunch so she could convince him that I wasn't mentally capable of having a real relationship and he needed to back off. The funny part was that while she was telling him not to tell me about the meeting, he was live-texting me everything she was saying under the table. "Wow, I thought your stories about her were embellished, HOLY CRAP..."
@@tealablu3759 Oh, and when the parents had financial trouble and had to stay with us, she spent the whole time telling me that my marriage to an agnostic was divinely doomed to fail, while having the same "secret" conversations with my husband telling him that I'd be better off without him.
@@tealablu3759 We actually stopped talking to my parents in 2016, lol. She would NOT stop sabotaging everything we loved.
As someone who has an amazing relationship with my older maternal sister, it pained me how OP was treated by her half-siblings
This is a boundary violation of mammoth proportions. Like Gaston!
I’m amazed that during the whole planning and putting this surprise wedding” together that not one person involved told him this may be a bad idea…? 😅
Right???!!!
right? I would never allow someone to do this to my familyi members or close friends. I'd run right out and snitch.
They should have told him to do an engagement party and then get a wedding planner so that's not stressful for the wife
She didn't notice?!?
Oh no, you know they did. The people who thought that way probably stopped helping cause they felt it was creepy
For the purple dress story, both the bride and groom asked the Anna girl not to wear the purple as they wanted to stick to the wedding theme. So not only did Anna disrespect the bride, but the groom as well.
That's an attention seeking person who wanted to one up the bride !
@@edwardfletcher7790 in the story OP also mentioned they offered to let anna wear a purple accessory like a bag bracelet etc. but she declined and i think OP also offered to let them step down as bridesmaid but anna didnt want to so in my opinion she definatly was trying to make some drama out of nothing
@@harlequinade5136 EXACTLY 👍
@@harlequinade5136some people have to make a huge drama out of their personal suffering.
@@harlequinade5136Op should have fired her as a bridesmaid the moment she was showing her purple dresses
The stories were really tense, but the "purplest purple that have ever purpled" got me 😂
I remember, maybe a decade (?) or so ago, there was a viral hit of a man who did a surprise wedding for his girlfriend. BUT, here's what he did differently. He met her outside, and proposed. She said yes, THEN he told her IF SHE WANTED, then they could get married right then and there because he'd arranged a lot. Great plan by the guy, she could have easily said yes to the proposal and no to the wedding, and just turned it into and easy-peasy announcement of their engagement. He also arranged to have her entire wardrobe (furniture and all) brought to the venue by (her) friends so she could get ready with all her stuff. Because in his words "I'm not sure I'll get everything she needs or wants, so I'll just bring it all". The fact that this consideration is in NO WAY present in the first story makes me really really worried for the poster. She's right, she does deserve a say in her own wedding, and I mentioned that story to illustrate how it can be done even with a surprise, and how she didn't get that consideration. Hope enough people told her to run and ditch everybody that she actually did it.
The purple dress would've been better for her OWN wedding not this brides special day🤷
Like wear coordinated purple jewelry that would compliment the blue dress. What the heck. Add purple accessories.
or bring 2 dresses. One for the ceremony and photos and one for the party@@klm_shadow
People lose family members every day. There’s 365 days to grieve and show honor to her mom and wear purple on 364 of them. She could go 1 day without wearing purple. She just wanted the attention, so she could talk about her loss.
@@foreverlosteevee3138 She could have done it like the maid of honor and have purple in the dress
Yea, like, there were so many chances for compromise if the bride was willing to do that. Blue and purple would look good together. She could have a purple ribbon in her hair, as a sash, wear purple jewelry. Hell, it’s even possible to have thrown a few pretty purple flowers into some kind of arrangement or something to display as a subtle gesture of support and reminding people of those who we have lost. (Might be overkill for this scenario, but just another thought). But instead, the bridesmaid decided to make the wedding about her. Sis, first of all get some help, cause this is concerning behavior and not cool even if you are grieving (like you can’t mourn to this extreme forever, it’s not healthy). And also don’t forget that YOU were the one who wanted to make this into a scene, not the bride. You went against her wishes, and trampled all over basically every single request she made of you. Can’t stand people blaming you when they’re the ones who trampled on your boundaries first. Like, nah, you were rude first, I’m not the a-hole for being upset about your rudeness.
As someone with social anxiety who absolutely hates attention, a surprise wedding is nightmare fuel to me.
Omg exactly, i feel the same.
The difference is the op loves surprises. He read too much into her words of wanting to avoid a stressful wedding.
As someone with social anxiety who absolutely hates attention, a surprise wedding... would be flipping PERFECT for me! No time to dread it or concern myself with the details. As long as I was looking great, I would love to get it over with and be married to the man I love. Anyone else?
Same here, even public proposal sounds horrifying. Thankfully (lol) my boyfriend also has social anxiety and our opinions on this stuff are identical haha
This
Regarding scenarios 2 and 3, these people should recognize that someone else's wedding is not meant to be used as a personal therapy session.
Surprise proposal? YES. Surprise wedding by the groom? HELL NOOOOOO!
The surprise wedding is giving majorly manipulative "now she can't say no" energy! 😬
A wedding is NOT something you surprise someone with. *ABSOLUTELY NOOOOOOOT!*
ETA: If he was popping the question, that's another thing.
I agree but he specifically said he didn't want to do a surprise engagement because "engagements were always surprises" 🙄 and he spent TENS of THOUSANDS of dollars on this "wedding"! Now they can't actually have a real wedding until they save up again! That's the worst part about this is that he spent so much money without her input. I would be furious if I was her. Not to mention now no one's going to be excited for her real wedding because of that sshow
Lol I read pooping the question!
If anyone was going to do a surprise wedding under any circumstances, the proposal needs to at least have happened first. Get her to even agree to marrying you before trying to woo her into it. Just be glad she left without getting married or else she'd be looking to get it annulled the next day, explaining how she felt surrounded and unsafe to a judge. I can only imagine a restraining order after that, this dude sounds like a psycho stalker.
I agree, a wedding is above all things a legally binding contract. Even if they've talked about it, that doesn't mean she wants to get married that day
@@kinasakuraba i think i see where he is coming from: said she wants to marry him + love suprises+wedding planning is stressful+family and friends agreed. i think he just though up a stupid idea and fall into an echo chamber, so hopefully he is not a psyco, just confused
Estranged older steps who hated your very existence:
Crazy momma wants you to meet them for the first time in decades AT YOUR WEDDING! Basically strangers, with a history of animosity and hate towards you, drinking your booze, eating your meal, dancing to your music...Unknown to the other guests except your mother...
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG! 🙄
No calls from them directly to you asking to meet. No meeting to chat and size each other up, just HERE THEY ARE, TAH DAH!
Hell NO.
Momma's got some guilt or being guilted, but you're not responsible for her past relationships. She kept you away from them and alive, which was/is her job.
It’s the Gaston comments for me🤣🤣🤣🤣
That last story breaks my heart because all that pain could have been avoided if the mother acknowledged the grief her kids were feeling and got them into counseling or something. It’s not normal to wish death on your half-sibling numerous times. They were still children. They needed care and attention while their entire life was changing.
yes, something was off there, too. Maybe the mom rushed into her second marriage and the kids felt abandoned/betrayed. However, it's not the youngest siblings fault of course... even if she can't understand their point of view.
@@moonhunter9993 oh def of course. It’s a failure of the mother (and possibly the father, though I can’t know for sure).
One hundred percent. I also find it disturbing that the mother is so very willing to put her youngest daughter into such an uncomfortable position at just the mere possibility that she could have a relationship with her other children again. I completely understand that she'd be chomping at the bit to have them back, but it comes across that it's at the very real possibility of losing her OTHER daughter this time around. Mom really needs to pause and think.
What gets me is why the hell they’d even want to go. It reeks of a vengeance plan.
The mom is gaslighting her daughter about her still having feelings about her siblings' childhood abuses. Perhaps she doesn't want to admit she let her other children get away with it, because "they are just acting out because grief". But to be fair she was probably also dealing with unattended trauma, and that shit travels... it's hard to blame her for deflecting, or maybe she really never truly knew the extent of the cruelty her other children perpetrated... teens can be really mean. And sneaky. Especially hurt ones who blame their mother for their pain... It's just all really unfortunate... all I can say is OP is clearly NTA. Regardless of how "over it" her siblings are, they have no right to impose their timeline on her major life event in total disregard for her feelings.
I once had a friend who’s mother wanted her to have a daddy daughter dance with her stepfather. Her father had passed away and a few months later her mom married the man she had been having an affair with!! She put her foot down and made it clear that he is not her father in anyway. Her mother was lucky she even got an invite to the wedding. Her mom decided to make a toast out of the blue saying how she and the brides father were so proud of her and how he wished he could be there. To say the bride was pissed is an understatement. So she got up and made it clear to all the guests who the man actually was. Her mom was mad and left and still won’t talk to her after five years. But let’s be honest that’s probably a good thing.
😮 wow! The audacity of the mother! 😐
Definitely.
this story about the surprise wedding reminded me of a poor couple who didn't want a ceremony, both families were insistent and actually tricked them into a trap where they tried to force them to have a ceremony under the disguise of a family get together. The couple had to claw their way out to escape, the poor wife had to fight the mil the mil's sister and her 2 daughters who literally tried to strip her and force her into a wedding dress. it didn't end well for both the husband and wife's parents and to this day they've gone no contact, moved to another city in a new state literally had to start a whole new life to escape the nightmare.
To quote McSteamy: "Surprise parties are hostile. It's dark. People jump out and scream at you."
At no point did anyone in either family or their friends not pipe in how crazy of an idea a surprise wedding is without the bride's knowledge? That's the part that blows my mind, so many people just let it happen and helped.
I wonder if there's another side to the story. Maybe she kept telling everyone that she absolutely dreaded the thought of planning out a wedding.
I'm just wondering how the marriage license was even obtained without both parties involved.
@@catandrobbyflores I figured it was ceremony then official afterwards with documents
@@dotar9586 Absolutely does not matter at all lol You ask her if she wants to leave the planning to someone else. Holy shit lol There is no other side to the story
Well people live together as if married, without engagement. So why does the wedding have to have an engagement? Play house is fine but making it official without an "engagement" is bad? ÒK
I straight up told my ex if he proposed in public I would say no, because I don't like when people use public pressure to make someone accept. If someone planned a wedding, we would be going to a wake.
Same. I hate being the center of attention and told him under no circumstances that he would find himself suddenly single if he ever had the audacity.
We all think we choose our partners well, but sometimes we're wrong. I'd not tell my partner how I feel about this (I despise public proposals), just in case he'd actually do it. If he'd end up doing it, I'd just know for sure that I made the wrong choice.
Two for the price of one!
@@bluenorth3965how is he supposed to know it? Is he supernatural?
@@Tttt28882 I don't want to be with someone who wouldn't instinctively know that doing something like that in public is slimy and borderline coercive.
6:58 I will be re-thinking all those friends and family as well... Like what is wrong with all of them?
“Surprises” feel more like “ambushes” - agree 100% with Charlotte in that I too hate surprises.
As far as weddings go - the entire ‘celebration’ is for the birds imho. I’ve been married 42 years & hubby asked me to marry him & wanted to do it sooner than later so I told him to make the arrangements & I didn’t need frills. He found a female J.P. & we were married in her garden with NO ONE else there; it was deliciously intimate/romantic. We are both ‘loners’ so it worked for us.
She pulled her "surprise groom" aside and talked to him quietly. That's practically sainthood right there. My first thought was to feed him the "surprise bouquet" right in the middle of the "surprise aisle". My second was to let the whole procedure go on, answer with "Do you ...?" with "NO" and walk away. Not just NTAH - she did great.
For that last story, it really seems more like the mom is trying to get the half-siblings to come to the wedding moreso than OP’s half-siblings wanting to go or reconcile themselves.
And how delusional of OP’s mom to know that her children have said they hated OP while she was growing up and thinking she can just have a big happy family at a wedding. Disinvite the mom, 100%
I got the same impression. Since the older sibs' dad died when they were so young I think there was a lot of trauma and grief for them and mom. But also since they eventually went no contact with mom I'm thinking that there was more to what happened than just "mom moved on too soon" that we (and maybe OP) don't even know about. I get the feeling that mom feels very guilty about how things were handled and is trying to include them as a misguided way to assuage her guilt. I think mom and older sibs probably need a whole buncha family therapy. If OP eventually WANTS to participate in family therapy with them, that's her choice. But OPs wedding is NOT a substitute for family therapy, it's NOT the time to force a reconciliation and it does not exist purely to try and help mom feel like a "good" mom.
@@oreonighthawk You've said everything that I was thinking, and way more eloquently than I would have.
Anna is not entitled to wear whatever she wants in someone else’s wedding. She can wear purple every day of her life if she wants to honor her mother, but at your friends wedding is not the place to honor your mother. She can wear purple on HER wedding day to honor HER mother. Losing a parent sucks, but it happens to all of us, doesn’t give you an excuse to disregard everyone else.
3:13 Yes, everything BUT the surprise. Like she mentioned, I’d have to mentally prepare myself.
the wedding day itself is just like 10%, while the preparation/planning is the 90%. She missed more than half of her wedding lol
Literally cheering at the Gaston song. Lol great job as always Charlotte. This is why we come to hang with our besties on the daily.
The Gaston song was so good! I love Reddit 😂
Omg i love it. And beauty and the beast is my favorite movie of all time. 😂♥️ Charlotte is amazing.
@@dinasilva9263 right? Belle has always been my fav princess.
@@erikarussell1142 mine too. Because i look a little like her and i relate a lot with her personality. And for me is my favorite love story. I have everything about the movie, the DVDs, dolls, merchandising, clothes, books...my friends always give me something about that movie. I even have makeup lol.
Weddings are so overrated. Watched my friend spend $20,000 on a wedding dress, I don't know how many more thousands on the venue, catering, etc. Their marriage didn't last a year. Meanwhile I had a cheap wedding, my family couldn't be there, not one single person. The whole thing was in a different language and I barely had any idea what was going on the whole time. But I married my best friend that day and 14 years later we're happier than ever. Ultimately this is about a life long union, not one flashy day where everything revolves around you.
10:46 I feel like the solution to the purple dress problem would be for Anna to wear the blue she was asked to for the ceremony and the photos and could wear her purple after…
Or as Charlotte suggested, dropout of the wedding party and wear purple as a guest…
But Anna is the AH for repeatedly trying to wear purple despite being told no.
If it was Ana's wedding she can wear a purple dress to honor HER mom. OP's wedding day is her day and she should be able to have it the way that she wanted it. After she told her not to and she did it anyway, Ana immediately became the AH
Yeah it was definitely a way to pull drama and attention to herself more than honoring her mom at an event that wasn’t for her , which makes me think it was less about the dress than people feeling sympathy for her so she could tell everyone it’s for my mom, thank you.
She was definitely trying to pull focus. Ana could have been subtle about it. A pair of purple earrings or a purple ring. Ana’s family is not helping her by furthering the drift with her friend.
We lost our Mom to cancer, it was awful. My sister got married last year, and there was a seat for our Mom at the head of the table with her siblings and in-laws. Her picture was set there by my brother-in-law for the walk-in march; her siblings did not know and it was an emotional and beautiful moment for us all that Mom would be there in her own way at the head of the table. Mom's favourite colour was purple as well and she had purple everything. It seems there is something much more going on for this young lady than the colour and the dress. It comes across like it was HER wedding somehow. Hon, as someone who lost their Mom, my Mom would even tell you this, and so would my sisters: WHEN it is your big day, purple it all up, until then, NO! This behaviour is not ok.
Your wedding sounds amazing and beautifully done I'm so sorry for your loss ❤
I am so sorry for your loss... but something was way off with this girl. I really think she needs serious help (counseling or more) as she's losing her grip on reality a bit...
💯 agree. At my wedding I had a friend walk my mom's picture down the aisle in memory of her. I wore the jewelry she gave me for my wedding day. As much as I feel for Anna, it's NOT HER WEDDING DAY. It's OPs. Also my condolences to you and your family. I understand your pain.
@@moonhunter9993 Yes for sure! You said it best. Her family is enabling this behaviour too which may be a part of why she did this, along with what is occurring mentally and emotionally after the death.
It's one thing at your wedding to honor your dead mother (particularly if it recent event) and it can be done many ways (seat like you done, wedding dress, maybe a docoration with her prefered color or something, a speach....). But when it's not yours, you need to turn it down!! She could have put some purple jewelry or a purple ruban in her hair. And even so, with the description, I feel like there were something off in this relation. I like my mom; i'll be griefing when she die; am I gonna start to like what she like cause she is dead and start doing puzzle and scrapbooks suddenly? And I cross my finger I'll never loose complete sight of reality. I mean, when you get a NO, still do it and cry like a victim cause you get repremended, I feel you are in another world.
If ever there was *one* thing that you *do not* surprise people into, that's a wedding.
2:41 THEY WERE NOT EVEN ENGAGED! Like if the engagement ring should not be a surprise, the wedding absolutely should not
Several years ago my daughter and her boyfriend invited both families and some friends over for a housewarming. After everyone was there 2 of her friends unfurled a banner that said "surprise you're at a wedding ". This is the only kind of surprise wedding that should ever be allowed.
I don't know how I feel about this. I'm not getting wedding dressed up for a housewarming party. I'd be a little miffed that I'm going to be in all the wedding photos in jeans and a nice shirt. I don't know. How did you react? Was it a good time?
@@ellencox8415 It was a great time. No one was expected to be dressed up. Everyone helped them celebrate. My daughter wore a simple white gown and my son in law wore a suit. Their sheltie was the ring bearer.
Edit to add: my sister always takes pictures and was a good amateur photographer. There were no "formal " wedding pictures.
That’s not what I plan for my wedding day, but it sounds cute!
I personally am just not good with surprises. I like to know what’s going on, and I wanna make sure that people are prepared.
That's cool as long as both the bride AND groom are both in on it, haha
If both were on board, then that's fine. It's not up to the guests what a wedding should be, after all, so this is a good type of surprise wedding.
The purple dress: It is very weird to insist on wearing a certain color to another person’s wedding who has a clear color scheme when you are a bridesmaid. It sounds like Anna was in a place where her mother’s death was overwhelming her every day, and if that was the case, maybe she needed to sit out the wedding for her own mental health rather than making a scene at someone else’s wedding.
The purple dress one is somewhat off I am not sure if OP mentioned if her friend Anna would wear purple everyday. Like if Anna still mourns for her mother does she not mourn for her everyday through wearing purple coloured clothes? I am confused 😐
On the other hand actually how good of a friend was Anna if you kicked her out of the wedding because of a dress color?
@@BlueDart1971But it's not just about the color of her dress, it's about the complete lack of respect towards the bride and grooms wishes, and then on top of that the sneakiness of just showing up in it knowing they're not okay with it. If it was so important to wear that color she should have stepped down as a bridesmaid and just come as a guest. Sorry, but if one of my wedding party had done something like that to me at my wedding I'd be super upset. Those pictures are forever, and it would be a constant reminder that a friend couldn't respect me and my wishes on my day. that I'M paying for.
@@BlueDart1971 She was told to change and started making a scene. Also, it's so disrespectful to wear something that you were specifically told not to wear on your best friend's wedding, it's her special day, respect her wishes if they are reasonable.
@@Ra42484 I understand that and don’t disagree but it still goes to show that the friendship is superficial if a dress is more important. In no way shape or form am I saying that the purple dress was okay. Just pointing out facts.
Surprise wedding is RED FLAG to the Max. Weirdly I too thought of Gaston!!
I was sitting in the Denver airport one time as passengers arrived from a flight. A dazed young woman and smiling guy came up the jetway and were met by an excited group of people. It turns out he had proposed on the plane, she'd said yes, and the excited people were his family because SURPRISE! They were all flying to Hawaii for the wedding! His family had planned everything, including her dress, the venue, the music, the bridesmaids' dresses (and bridesmaids), and the food. No word on whether they'd also planned the honeymoon activities. Unreal.
It truly scares me how toxic a lot of so called friends and families are. From the 'I wear what I want anyway' to the full disrespect and disregard of childhood memories with estranged half sisters and brothers whom not even contacted the bride in question. I am baffled y'all. Sending love to the potatoe community 🥔❤
Why do I have a feeling that the step siblings wants to create drama at her wedding and that's why they are suddenly in reconciliation mood. One sibling I get but all three of them contacting their mother and wanting to be present at the sister's wedding who they hate so much is suspicious.
That thought crossed my mind too.
Yeah. Something doesn't sound right about this. I can see trouble a-brewing here.
That's my thoughts too...they're playing the mom to get to the sister. Horrible game, Horrible people
Or the mom could be the one that wants a reconciliation and the half siblings are all in "fine, for you" mode.
Gaston: "Now I've just gotta go in there and propose to the girl"😂
In that last story, I don’t think the half siblings even WANT to come. I think the mom wants to force them to fulfill a “perfect family” fantasy.
How did anyone think a surprise wedding would be a good idea? If my future SIL tried this with my daughter, I'd put a stop to it!
Thank you!
I'm amazed that not ONE person in her family and friends warned her! I would not have kept silent if this happened to someone I love.
But her mother clearly did not.
Yeah I was thinking that like if my besties boyfriend came to me I would be like “yeah don’t do that”
I guess I'm weird, but i wouldn't mind the surprise wedding if we've already spoken about marriage. Probably because I'm that one woman who doesn't give a fudge about any of those bride things. Shoot, even shopping for the wedding dress sounds annoying af. So, this would save me the pain of planning and all the not so mini panic attacks I'd end getting if i were part of the process... I'll plan the honeymoon!!! 😜😋
Grief is an absolute monster. It eats you whole every day. What Anna needed was her support system (not the bride) to step in and help her see that she wasn't making good choices, not encourage her to wear the purple dress. Anna probably needed to step down altogether. Her friends and family really let her down by letting the grief drive.
It's like a drowning swimmer. You can hang in there until you can't
I've been through it and had to pull people out of the grief spiral.
I fail to see why the bride couldn't be part of Anna's support system... If they were that close of friends, surely she should be part of the support system. Is the only reason she shouldn't be is because she's getting married? So getting married absolves one of every other obligation? I was 28 when my dad suddenly died. I am now 36 and just now realizing how depressed I have been for the last 8 years. I think a bit more emotional intelligence would have served everyone well. Do the bride and groom know how EMPTY their pathetic "We understand what you're going through" sounded to this close friend? In the end, I am much more concerned with spending quality time with the people I care for than anything else. If I were getting married, and my best man showed up in jeans and t-shirt, I wouldn't confront him. I wouldn't even care. I would just be glad my best friend was there with me. Holding ideals at higher regard than the people you love seems very ill-advised to me.
I watched this video months ago and the surprise wedding has literally given me nightmares.
7:39 I was taking a sip of my drink when she did that and now my nose burns 🤣
-Planning a surprise wedding when you’re not actually engaged (ie you’ve asked her and she said yes to marrying you) sounds a lot like entrapment…
-Grief is awful but to try to turn your friend’s wedding into your Mother’s memorial is absolutely wrong
-it’s the couple’s day so it’s their choice who they invite and who they don’t, this always seems to stump people and I don’t understand why!
I attended a wedding a year ago, one week after my brother's funeral. He was 28 years old and violently murdered. My friend told me up front "This is my nieces wedding, this is a happy event, this is why we are here". I respected that and had a wonderful time. I'm still grieving my brother, life goes on.
So sorry for your loss. Wishing you healing and peace.
I think that was a really shirt think for her to say to you. Highly manipulative and most sociopathic.
Recently I lost my best friend to cancer. Soon after that I broke up a dogfight and received a bad injury to my hand, and then had to put down my dog. Less than a week later there was a family wedding. I did not want to go and my kids felt that I had been through a lot and should not be expected to go. But I knew the family would look back in a few years and say, she didn't go because her dog died? So I went to the ceremony, I went to the reception and ate the meal, and then I quietly left. Everyone knows I was there, and when the dancing started I doubted anyone noticed that I was gone. Did my duty.
So your friend basically ordered you to paste a happy face on and suck it up?? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Give a grieving person the option to a)not attend, b)option to step back and sit out certain parts/sit in the back, c)GRIEVE IN THEIR OWN WAY
@@cherylanne6549 And you didn't need any patronising arsehole to tell you how to behave as you're an intelligent adult.
9:33 one thing I've seen said about reddit AITA posts is we get to hear from the person who is trying to look good. They're going to phrase things a certain way, they're going to highlight certain things, they may leave things out, they may be hazy on specific details in some places. And we don't get to hear how the other person felt. It's so valid to be grieving and to just need your friend to hear your grief and to feel like your mother is included. She's trying to cling to her mother's memory any way she can, it's not up to us to tell people if they're grieving correctly, and the bottom line is bride choosing between having an aesthetic and cherishing her _friend_ . People are always more important. You can photoshop her dress in your personal photo album.
If I got a surprise wedding I would be heartbroken. The buildup before the wedding would have been stolen, the bachelorette party, not being able to pick out my own dress. I would’ve been heartbroken.
We had a micro wedding. I told the one friend I invited to wear whatever she wants. She asked what our moms were wearing and what the venue was like and still showed me photos of two lovely black outfits she already owned to approve. I told her that both are wonderful and would be great, whatever made her comfortable and feel good for the day was fine by me. She STILL brought both with her on the day we were getting dressed in case I maybe liked one better in person. That's obviously above and beyond, but this is how people usually treat a wedding. The purple dress story is just mind boggling and not ok. If you're so wrapped up in your own feelings that you can't set them aside for the day, that's fine, but step down from being a bridesmaid.
What a lovely story and kind and considerate person! I love it. I also love the relaxed approach you had to your wedding, that was not all about control, photos and themes, but about pleasant day and joyful atmosphere. ❤
We had a court house wedding, and my best friend who was there as my brides maid asked so many times what color I want her to wear, made sure I was fine with a black dress when I said "whatever you want, as long as your comfortable" and I already assumed she would wear black, because that's just her style. She, like your friend, went above and beyond so I would be happy with her dress. At the court house. With 6 other people as guests.
If you're invited to a wedding, follow the damn dress/color code. It's not that freaking difficult. The day is not about you, wear that outfit literally any other day but that one. It's like with children, you tell them to not do something and that's all they want to do.
I had a backyard wedding, my colors were red and black. I told my bridesmaids to wear the "little black dress" style was their choice we provided the red flower corsages. The guys were in black with red vest and bouttineer. I was very lax, my husband was more detailed then me. Lol. I have to say my small group of friends and family (20) went above and beyond to help make everything lovely.
For Anna's story, there could have easily been a compromise where she wears the dress OP wanted but taken purple accessories that both of them agreed upon beforehand. That way OP gets her themed wedding, and Anna still grieves for her mother. But the biggest point to be made here is the agreement, if OP says no then it's no, no ifs buts or what ifs.
The MOH was already going to be wearing purple accents with her dress. I think OP didn't want her wearing the same accents as the MOH, but I suppose they could have just had all the bridesmaids wear those accents instead....It would depend on if purple accents would have been enough to appease Anna. If she insisted on the dress rather than the accessories, then it would still be an issue.
I would love a surprise wedding because all the countless preceding steps would drive me bonkers.
Imagine being so self unaware that you confuse spontaneity with manipulation. Being spontaneous means secretly planning a romantic weekend away somewhere, or picking up her favorite dinner if you know she's working late, not showing up one day with an adopted baby or moving to another country out of the blue.