Hi Hannah, I'm making this comment from a place of love. You reminded me of my Mom. I wanted to suggest this: let go believing that the Universe is telling you anything. The Universe does not interfere with the actions of us mere mortals. Everything in life is the result of action/reaction and random luck of the draw. If you studied probability and statistics in school, this applies to life too. Once you stop looking for "signs" from the universe, you will find it easier to take matters into your own hands. You are not the victim of the whims of the Universe, you have full power to steer your own life. You are in control.
I'm going to be blunt and tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear since you seem to need some blunt honesty which others may not be willing to say to you directly. As many other commentors said, you're looking for companionship. The problem is that you give up on yourself before you even let any meaningful connections develop. You have trauma from the past that still isn't resolved yet and you're not willing to let others into your life, hence the erratic decisions. Once something isn't going the way you like it, you try to get away from it instead of actually addressing your issues. Life is about relationships, not the money you make, not the job you do, not the hobbies you have, etc. You also have the duty to provide Halo the best life possible. Let's be frank, the kind of life you're providing for Halo is something that the most would never wish to do for their pets or family. Think about it from another person's perspective, why would someone want to be with someone who is effectively homeless, thus seemingly makes poor decisions, refuses to commit unless everything goes just the way they expect it to, has little interest in physical intimacy, etc.? If you want to set yourself up for success, you need to set yourself up for success and prepare for it, and not expect something to magically fall into your place. You clearly have the means to be able to have a decent life. I'm guessing you probably have at least a few hundred thousand saved up at this point. Invest in yourself (getting a place to live) and improve your mental health (therapist, forming connections with others), and then you'll finally find what you're looking for. At the end of your life, you'll reminisce on who you spent your life with.
You make some good points but I disagree with the dog stuff. It’s very challenging to find housing with dogs in California. She’s mentioned before that part of the reason she’s living out of her car is because she can’t find it. So it’s either give your dog to the(probably kill) shelter and live in an apartment, or live in your car and keep your dog out of there.
@@LazygirlLA892 That's not the case in her situation. She makes hundreds of thousands. She is just refusing to choose an apartment that allows pets, which is around ~$4k/month (I live in the area so I know how much these places cost). She can afford it but is choosing a subpar life for her and her dog. I'm in the tech industry and know how much these tech companies pay (ranging on the low end of ~$150k for a fresh grad all the way up to ~2-3 million/year at a director/VP level).
*Life is about relationships.* Let's clarify: It's about finding yourself first. "Know Thyself" is a saying in ancient history (Ion of Chios 480-421 BC). In other words, look at what you believe in, what values you have, what you have learned that you can offer and grow with others, etc. One learns about themselves through jobs and hobbies, so let's not dismiss their importance. And when it comes to therapy, if I were to choose a single word in practice that would help it is "forgiveness". Forgive yourself, forgive others, etc. When life throws you a curveball, one must learn to accept life on life's terms. Can't do that without forgiveness.
What I’ll say is ultimately what you’re looking for cannot be found outside of you. Once you find that, it doesn’t matter where you live or go. Home is where you are.
Let me ask you a question Hannah, what brings you joy? Something simple, like cooking a meal, watering the flowers, taking a hot shower, meeting a friend over some fresh pastry and coffee, going for a walk by the water, etc. Stop wasting your life away by overthinking, start living. You are making excuses for yourself every single time you make a decision including living in your car, can't find an apartment allowing dogs, all of those excuses are just BS. I don't know how to help you, but step 1 is signing a lease of an apartment in the Bay Area where you live and work, don't make any excuses just DO IT. Step 2, find a therapist, every person needs one but you definitely need one. Step 3, everything will slowly fall into place, maybe not altogether, but it will eventually. Remember, if it's not good, it's not the end. Good luck.
One thing I learned, no matter where we go, we won’t find what we’re yearning for. In the end, we always have to be “at home” with ourselves first so we don’t keep running away. Well, sometimes.
Sorry to see you go Hannah, I live in the Bay Area and was homeless here living in my car for 3.5 years. I just started my channel on addiction and sobriety now that I'm sober and have a place to live. It's extremely hard living here in your car, shoutout to you for doing it. Not many people get to experience what its like and for me (and I'm sure for you too) it was a very growing experience. It made me realize I can survive on my own no matter what, which gives me a certain amount of confidence I didn't have before. You are courageous for doing what you did and are now among the small minority that knows that experience. It really makes you appreciate the little things when you are back in a home like having a shower, a bathroom, and a safe place to sleep. All the best with what you do next! We'll be watching!
What exactly are you looking for ?? You can’t keep going back and forth aimlessly. You need some sole searching and you need to find yourself first before anything else happens. Hope you’re able to find yourself soon 😢😢😊😊
You should have stayed in San Francisco. You had friends and people who invited you to church to be part of a bigger community. Why are you running? What are you running from? You not only need to think about yourself but also your dog. The both of you need stability and consistency. If you're overwhelmed by purchasing large items, don't. Start small like a studio or 1 bedroom apartment. But you need to stop running away.
+1 It takes a while to build relationships. When I moved to the Bay Area I knew no one and slowly met people over time by engaging with my hobbies. It was a little easier because I did have a spouse with me who shares a lot of my interests, but over time going to beer events, becoming a regular at our gym, and starting to curl on a weekly basis built up my group of friends. Now I have a huge (and very diverse) set of people I call friends.
It seems you been wanting to live an adventure but at the same time searching for love without wanting to fall in love. You are avoiding to commit with someone and even a place because of your urge for an adventure. Just live your adventure while getting to meet new people and let love happen when it does. Have fun with it, enjoy your freedom.
I think "that something" you are looking for is not outside, in any place or in a person. You seem to be looking for a simple human connection that you can trust (again), but at the same time may be unwilling to let someone (anyone) get close enough in order to protect yourself. I also feel that the conversation you had with someone over lunch was not over-sharing, maybe it was your inner feelings coming out maybe reminding yourself, maybe drawing lines. I may be completely wrong. It does take a lot of courage to do what you are doing. If you happen to come back to the Bay Area, which I think you will be doing at some point, send me a message, I'd love to meet you in person. Take care!
I think you genuinely want someone to love from the bottom of your heart. You will find. Enjoy your life until you find someone to love. Accept that vacancy as a chance to be better person😊
Hi Hannah, something helpful to keep in mind about making friends is that on average, it takes about 11 meaningful hangouts (about 3 hours each) for a friendship to be established. It’s tough to do that when you are bouncing around between LA and SF. You really need to be rooted to a place and spend significant time there to establish lasting friendships. I think that’s part of why you feel empty after coming back to LA. I think people can sense when someone won’t stick around and they won’t make the effort with those types of people. What’s the point if they are going to leave in 2 months? When I was looking to make new friends, I met some ppl who told me they split their time between LA and Palm Springs, or LA and OC, and I tended to avoid people like that. It’s just tough to see them because they are out of town every other weekend. That makes scheduling anything with them difficult. So try to stay put and not run away even if you feel the urge to.
You seem to not want to commit. I am the same way, but I’m trying to change. Life’s adventure isn’t just about what comes to you, you have to build the adventure yourself. Have a little fun, do something outside of your comfort zone or usual approach. Approach more people and attend events when you feel empty. The world is very big, so I get why sometimes it feels nice to be fully independent and locked outside of it, but when you are ready, you should explore it more.
Indeed feels like Mountain View office is more worthy to stay around and deepen relationship w/ coworkers. LA is more compressed city so resources r limited and community is divided. Getting into relationship really first depends on timing and locations. Maybe by going to same coffee shop u can often meet up w/ ppl such as workers or frequent customers w/ casual times to chat. Would take a while for u to get comfortable w/ new friends and accompany in activities.
It’s amazing how you are motivating yourself to search for whatever you’re looking for. Definitely not an easy thing to do. There’s a saying about when you hit your 30s, most will feel lost and also a wave of sadness comes and goes. This is where we reevaluate ourselves of where we stand. I think once you find your goal, you may know what you want? From your previous video, one of your friend mentioned therapy which may be beneficial for you. If your company offers any types of mental support, should take advantage of it. Doesn’t hurt to have a life coach to identify what you truly want going forward for you and halo. Wish you the best in your decision. Love your content and very relatable. Would like to see more uploads or perhaps longer videos. Really like your vibe and love Halo.
I'm sorry for you for this comment section. Some of these people are being super judgmental. Look, the Bay Area is a tough place to make friends. People don't really go there to build communities; they go there to make a lot of money. It's kinda sad how people use the area, but it is what it is. But it does mean you're probably going to always feel lonely while you're there because everyone is into their own lives and outside of being cordial, are not really interested in spending time with or on others to curate any truly meaningful relationships. I could stop and say this is a Bay Area-thing, but honestly, it appears to be becoming an across the board humanity-thing.
Hannah, Sunnyvale neighbor here. There’s a lot of communities available for you to be a part of you just have to look and not wait for the universe to hand it to you. There’s a lot of fitness communities, Tesla owner groups, churches and even collaboration nights in a 20 mile radius from where you are. If you do come back to the Bay, please search a little harder and put yourself out there.
What you are searching for is already inside of you. The most vital relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself, because no matter what happens, you will always be your own constant companion.
Reset to "0" initial state at Vancouver and go to Seattle where you can find a 1-bedroom apartment near Lake Union about $2500 with 1-year lease including parking and your dog. The top software companies are all there. Safety comes first!
Hey Hannah just want to say I am glad I found your channel. It has really helped me put into perspective how difficult it can be to live alone, now that I am about to do the same. I will definitely be keeping your experience in mind to guide me in any upcoming challenges. You have shown great resilience getting through tough times, and I wish you the best. Stay strong ✊️💜
Hello Hannah, I just stumbled upon your channel and I think you are very brave to open up your fears and struggles, which I think many people are going through. Your dog is a lovely companion I truly hope you find the peace and happiness within yourself and fill in that empty void. For the longest time, i tried to fill out a void as well with materialistic and secular matters and trying to fit in the crowd, but ultimately I found peace within myself. I will keep you in my prayers as well. I hope you will find a sense of belonging where your soul desires and heal. If you are happy with yourself, i believe you will find good people to connect with eventually. It took me a while too. I think generally it is hard to connect with people, especially if one is an introvert and in the Bay Area, but I think the same can be said for any new place you are in. I think it is great you are in the process of questioning and exploring.
35 here and I have 0 friends. I tried and tried for so many years and realised that I shouldn't have to try so HARD. So I stopped. I feel much more fullfilled now knowing I can be my own friend.
The Universe isn't telling you or anyone anything... I seen so many spiritual people destroy their life and make terrible decisions based on hunches or imaginations of the Universe telling them to do something...
Your existing in basically two spaces... your car and at work. The location of the city is not even really relevant. I've been doing the same thing renting a room in a condo and working in the East Bay for the past 9 years. Its part of my final push before retirement and a financial move. Good luck in your search. And dont let CA keep you captive for to long.
Be it moving back to the bay or LA or anywhere else, you might not get the answer you want. Currently you are in a lost stage… you just have to be patience and one day you will able to find what you want and move on.
Hi Hannah, I've been following some of your adventures through life and I just wanted to say I really appreciate your making these vblogs. I have been to many of the scenes you shoot so I feel a sense of connection when seeing them again. Keep taking care of yourself and sharing your wonderful journey. Maybe are paths may even cross beyond the Internet. Thank you
People may not form friendships because you appear rootless. Spend some money on an actual home base, worry less about being super frugal, you don't appear to be living the van life / car life, you just lookhomeless.
When I don't know what the emptiness is.. I stop at a church and sit inside for awhile in the silence...it is very helpful. Try it. Let us know what you experienced! Also show us more videos of being in a park walking or playing with your dog.
Yes, our soul desires a relationship with the creator, the divine but we as humans get sidetracked and manipulated all the time. Seek God first and things will come together.
Hey Hanna...new beginnings always have that sense of emptiness. What matters is your grit to take the risk. What is added benefit for you is your able to speak out your mind and then decide. Indecision is the thing that keeps one mediocre. More success to you.
I believe you had experienced one of a life time raining season of the Bay Area. Before that it rarely rained to the point we were in a drought. But imo SoCal is more fun than NorCal.
I really feel you when you say what I am searching for. If that idea is the only thing you are thinking of then you will face problems because first there is no ultimate answer to that and second in time you will start ignoring other things in life and you may start losing the interest to do anything. I hope we could spend some time from time to time to focus on ourselves but even if we don’t we can put it into our lives and we can turn it into a meaning of our lives. You may know and aware of all these I just wanted to suggest that you should choose the place the option which you think that is the best for that time and then you should focus to make that option works out for you. In time of course you can change you idea but first you should have a decision. I think the worst decision is better than not having one. I lost 3 years when I was trying to decide what to do about my major but finally I took action and I am glad that I did. It was late but still it could be so much later as well. So I hope you will feel peaceful, I believe that is what you are looking for and struggle is always the previous step on the way to peace. I hope the best for you and for all who struggles and trying to live a meaningful life!
You look happier now. Your friends don’t have to be from work! LA is crowded but not as cut throat as Mt View. Get yourself a Jackery and a small rice pot! You can charge your jackery while at work..and make your own food..cheaper and healthier! Halo is happy wherever you are. .Have them overnight your laptop to you! Hang in there….things happen for a reason..follow your gut!
You like to make things over complicated don't you? Feels to me like you're looking for is something simple but in your vlogs you seem to distract yourself with so much noise. Feels like you're ran away from something further back in your past and you think you got over it but maybe not. You won't find peace until you face it or come to terms with it. Ex-BF?. family issues? After you settle it in yourself any place will feel like home. Maybe you need some professional therapy to dig it out. You come across like some unpredictable scatter brain girl. Lots of people tend to avoid your type because even if they tried to get you know you soon you'll be gone. Well...Good luck
I lived most of my life moving from one place to another because I felt disconnected and thought the solution was down the road somewhere. I have been living in my current location for over 10 years now, that is the longest I have ever lived in the same location. Our lives are very different in many ways but similar in the one aspect I first mentioned. The big difference is that I am 67 years old and retired. The only reason I have friends is that I belong to a AA group that I go to several times a week for over 20 years now. I really don't know anyone outside of my sober life except the customers I used to perform my woodworking skills for. I was married for 5 years in 1987 to 1992 in California, both Los Angeles and Ferndale in northern California. I moved back to Fort Worth, Texas after the marriage dissolved. Living in America has gotten so expensive that I had to rent a room from one of my sober friends who inherited his parents home when they died. I hope you find a place with friends who really care for you and who you care for, that is the most precious thing in life, what else is there? Maybe you need a hobby that you can share in with others outside the internet? I spend way too much time there.
I love your videos. I followed you on Twitter and Instagram too. You’re absolutely beautiful and hope so much blessings for you. You have a very humble soul.
When I think about your situation now, it was like me a few years ago. I agree with some of the comments here, stating that you cannot look for something outside of yourself to fill a void, but from within. Start by reading and hobbies, i.e. spiritual books, cooking, sports, knitting or gardening. If you want to include people, add classes or meet-ups. Stay off dating apps, which have become a type of toxic addiction. I found that the best relationships are not planned but accidental and organic: when you’re not looking to date. And they don’t have to be hard work, but compliment your life. Also my personal opinion: don’t marry unless you plan to raise children together. Just my two cents. All the best!
I always wonder if the universe is guiding me. I'd say moving is not going to fix lonely. Join some social things. I'm sure dog parks have events...other than poop scoop Friday. Do the camp sites have a fire or something fun where you could meet people? In Maine we have these types of camp ground fun.
HI Hannah, I watched couple of your videos. I feel bad that you’re so lonely. I think it’s not hard to make friends. You can make friends anywhere even in the supermarket. and yes maybe some good guys out there can build a family with you. you’re beautiful, work hard and loving person. good luck! I live in Temecula, if you come down here let me know. I can show you around.
Just finished watching all your videos and my conclusion is you are going down hill mentally. Since its now August, maybe you're in a better place?? But if not, Please get an apartment and stay there for at least a couple of years and get into a good church. Be a part of your church community and build relationships. I do hope this is a true story of your experience rather than trying to get famous. 🤞
You seem alot happier when you were back in Vancouver - Based on your older video snips. I'm from Vancouver too by the way. Perhaps it is time to ask yourself if you will be happier going back. Being alone for too long is not good for you in the long run. Then you will need to decide if you wish to continue chasing your tech dream. It is fine if you do, but please put in more effort to make friends.
Your courage is so admirable, I really cheer you on. The only thing that worries me is Halo - where does she stay when you are in the office? You don't lock her in the car alone for 8-10hours cos that would be too hot. Do you bring her into your work?
I’m a little confused as a software engineer in ca shouldn’t she be getting paid over 100k per year, even in cali that may not be rich but shouldn’t that get u a decent place to stay?? Or is she doing this for journey reasons? Not trying to be disrespectful just curious
Girl please dont feel upset.. life is much harder and you have the best things.. you have Halo, a lovely job and a good pay. Invest money for your future, but that doesnt mean live life with difficulty. You can definetely afford a house. Afterall you have a good job. You have a tesla.. living on low income can cost you your mental health. There are people living in half or may be quarter your pay.. so you can also definetely do it..
Hey Hannah! If you are ever up in Northern CA you are more than welcome to be my friend! It can definitely be tough out here, especially for your industry. I have found I meet the most people when I don't go out searching for them. Maybe join a weekly workout class, art class or book club as - you could meet many likeminded people by doing something you enjoy doing as well who are probably going for 50% the interest and to also make new friends. .
Hi, I just found your channel. I enjoy listening to your thought process. It is very logical and systematic. I feel your efforts to be social in a warped anti social world. Tbh, it really is not easy to be normal in a strange abnormal world. I wish you all the best and will continue to follow your content. = )
Hi, have you visit Lake Tahoe? , Truckee, Yosemite National Park, Napa, Calistoga etc? All this beautiful locations are near the. At area about 2-4hour drive . I have live in both southern and Northern California, I personally prefer the Bay Area, we are near beaches, water falls( Burney falls ) lakes ,snow etc. I hope you Give the Bay Area a chance, I know is really expensive , but there are some areas you may be able to afford you could afford. Blessings and good luck with everything. Your dog is super cute ❤💐
Have you considered Orange County, especially South OC? It's way better than LA in my opinion. Even though house prices in OC are expensive (a bit less expensive than LA), OC is way safer than LA. I used to work in Playa Vista for 6 years and absolutely hate the area. I'm sure there are companies that hire software engineers, especially in Irvine.
I feel like you are a very emotional person. This is not to say it is a bad thing. I do not believe anything is inherently bad. You just need to find what is good for you. That is why you have this urge to take action immediately. That is why you move between the Bay and LA spontaneously. That is why you live in a car. It affects all aspects of your life.
Watching you talk about your views of casual sex makes me think you might be interested in looking further into asexuality (lack of sexual attraction to people) and related categories like demisexuality (finding someone sexually attractive only after a strong romantic relationships has been established), graysexuality (only experiencing sexual attraction rarely), etc. You can also think about these terms in relations to personal boundaries and connections, as a way to tell others what you are hoping for, and to view them as fluid terms that is where you are most comfortable at a moment in time. I think these terms might help you further develop your thoughts and your relationships and provide a language framework that can help you find community. As another Ace, I want to say that you can have complicated relationships with people and with ideas and yourself; you don't have to follow expectations of relationships, but nurture a space where things can then bloom.
Hannah, you seem like a sweet, intelligent young lady, but you are also exhausting to watch. All of the self doubt, looking for "signs," flip-flopping back and forth. You remind me of my niece. No matter how supportive and encouraging I would try to be with her, she seemed to enjoy languishing in a pity party. Life doesn't have to be this hard.
If you come back to the bay there is a lot of great places to take halo and meet people. Fort Funston is SF, its a really great off-leash dog park with tons of people. Seal park in san mateo, so many people and everyone always seem friendly. Little yosemite in sunol, less people but so nice if you make it to the small waterfalls if you like hiking. I struggled a ton to make connections throughout my life but always found the best connections doing the things i was most passionate about (my hobbies).
I was invested in the content until you brought up the ancient Taoist texts that describe organs as elements... I really don’t think you should date with this type of mentality; it’s not fair to the other person. I hope you get a lot of therapy and heal because there seems to be a lot of unresolved past trauma. Best regards.
You better take good care of your dog or I’m going to report u. Halo been abandoned so many times in this video and its living condition is not the best. If u want to drag yourself down fine but don’t put it against a defenseless being to go down with u too.
Be more decisive, spend some time in LA to settle down for abit since you decided to come back to LA. stop self-sabotaging yourself and running away. Find some hobbies which can enable you to meet new people. Group activities perhaps? Don't expect people to come up to you. Reach out to people. You will be able to make new friends this way. The feeling of emptiness will start to go away once you have new friends
Your lifestyle is simplified, but your thinking is not. I feel like you are overthinking many things. You are very intelligent but you also need to be wise. Best wishes to you ❤️
I can only speak for myself, but as a person who experiences chronic illness and disability, I will not move to a state that is on a trend of constricting access to healthcare and civil rights, when I can stay in California and see those rights expanding. I am rooting for MediCal for all. It would be life changing for me to have access to healthcare decoupled from my ability to work a professional job full time. Of course the ability to pay for healthcare may not be an issue for Hannah working at a tech firm. But increased gatekeeping in the healthcare sector and the crumbling of rights for folks who need accommodations likely would be.
Lol having sex is part of the beauty of life and something that I think men find very important. It can be amazing for both parties. Not sure any guy would be ok with dating someone and not be physically intimate with their partners after an appropriate amount of time. What's the point at that point, like you would just be a friend to him and he would move on very quickly. Not sure what your looking for but I wish you the best of luck in finding it.
A gentle reminder that asexual and grey sexual and aromantic people do exist and do form dating and marriage relationships with other people according to each partner's needs... just like anybody else. 💜🖤🤍🖤💚
As someone romantically interested in men and woman but only sexually attracted to men it seems amazing. Sex is such an integral part of modern dating that unless by some miracle you find someone else ACE you're going to be alone forever.
I hope you find happiness in LA. Crazy that a software engineer has trouble finding housing in silicon valley. Maybe you can find a cheaper state to live in. Maybe join a church.
I hope you are feeling better! I worry about your safety being alone and a female. I am in Santa Cruz County. If you ever need help, you can reach out to me.
You’re absolutely on it with the Taoism books and the energy exchange that happens with sex. Kinda refreshing to hear someone talk about it. I relate to the past life stuff of being owning someone something
Hey I’m also gonna be living in my car by the end of this month. Only problem is my dog… do you leave your dog somewhere while you work because I’m prob gonna give my dog away which I don’t want to but I’m trying to figure it out
Hi Hannah, I think what you are searching for is the spiritual path. Find for an Enlightened Supreme Master then you will feel happy happy inside. Experience it for yourself. 💕💕. Wishing you the best life in LA or where ever you come.
May I suggest you join a husky meet-up in your area? Just to get out, mingle with others and chill. And you know what ice-breakers dogs are!!! Plus I'm sure Halo would ❤it! Watched a couple of your vids and I feel for you. You have so much going for you + Halo a bonus. Would love to know how things go. The best - in Mtn View, CA.
Hi Hannah, I'm making this comment from a place of love. You reminded me of my Mom. I wanted to suggest this: let go believing that the Universe is telling you anything. The Universe does not interfere with the actions of us mere mortals. Everything in life is the result of action/reaction and random luck of the draw. If you studied probability and statistics in school, this applies to life too. Once you stop looking for "signs" from the universe, you will find it easier to take matters into your own hands. You are not the victim of the whims of the Universe, you have full power to steer your own life. You are in control.
Couldn't agree more! I commented something similar on another of her videos!
I'm going to be blunt and tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear since you seem to need some blunt honesty which others may not be willing to say to you directly.
As many other commentors said, you're looking for companionship. The problem is that you give up on yourself before you even let any meaningful connections develop. You have trauma from the past that still isn't resolved yet and you're not willing to let others into your life, hence the erratic decisions. Once something isn't going the way you like it, you try to get away from it instead of actually addressing your issues.
Life is about relationships, not the money you make, not the job you do, not the hobbies you have, etc. You also have the duty to provide Halo the best life possible. Let's be frank, the kind of life you're providing for Halo is something that the most would never wish to do for their pets or family. Think about it from another person's perspective, why would someone want to be with someone who is effectively homeless, thus seemingly makes poor decisions, refuses to commit unless everything goes just the way they expect it to, has little interest in physical intimacy, etc.? If you want to set yourself up for success, you need to set yourself up for success and prepare for it, and not expect something to magically fall into your place.
You clearly have the means to be able to have a decent life. I'm guessing you probably have at least a few hundred thousand saved up at this point. Invest in yourself (getting a place to live) and improve your mental health (therapist, forming connections with others), and then you'll finally find what you're looking for. At the end of your life, you'll reminisce on who you spent your life with.
You make some good points but I disagree with the dog stuff. It’s very challenging to find housing with dogs in California. She’s mentioned before that part of the reason she’s living out of her car is because she can’t find it. So it’s either give your dog to the(probably kill) shelter and live in an apartment, or live in your car and keep your dog out of there.
@@LazygirlLA892 That's not the case in her situation. She makes hundreds of thousands. She is just refusing to choose an apartment that allows pets, which is around ~$4k/month (I live in the area so I know how much these places cost). She can afford it but is choosing a subpar life for her and her dog. I'm in the tech industry and know how much these tech companies pay (ranging on the low end of ~$150k for a fresh grad all the way up to ~2-3 million/year at a director/VP level).
*Life is about relationships.* Let's clarify: It's about finding yourself first. "Know Thyself" is a saying in ancient history (Ion of Chios 480-421 BC). In other words, look at what you believe in, what values you have, what you have learned that you can offer and grow with others, etc.
One learns about themselves through jobs and hobbies, so let's not dismiss their importance. And when it comes to therapy, if I were to choose a single word in practice that would help it is "forgiveness". Forgive yourself, forgive others, etc. When life throws you a curveball, one must learn to accept life on life's terms. Can't do that without forgiveness.
Damn we got a therapist here in the comments. 🙄
Agree
What I’ll say is ultimately what you’re looking for cannot be found outside of you. Once you find that, it doesn’t matter where you live or go. Home is where you are.
being alone everyday is not good
Let me ask you a question Hannah, what brings you joy? Something simple, like cooking a meal, watering the flowers, taking a hot shower, meeting a friend over some fresh pastry and coffee, going for a walk by the water, etc. Stop wasting your life away by overthinking, start living. You are making excuses for yourself every single time you make a decision including living in your car, can't find an apartment allowing dogs, all of those excuses are just BS. I don't know how to help you, but step 1 is signing a lease of an apartment in the Bay Area where you live and work, don't make any excuses just DO IT. Step 2, find a therapist, every person needs one but you definitely need one. Step 3, everything will slowly fall into place, maybe not altogether, but it will eventually. Remember, if it's not good, it's not the end. Good luck.
One thing I learned, no matter where we go, we won’t find what we’re yearning for. In the end, we always have to be “at home” with ourselves first so we don’t keep running away. Well, sometimes.
Sorry to see you go Hannah, I live in the Bay Area and was homeless here living in my car for 3.5 years. I just started my channel on addiction and sobriety now that I'm sober and have a place to live. It's extremely hard living here in your car, shoutout to you for doing it. Not many people get to experience what its like and for me (and I'm sure for you too) it was a very growing experience. It made me realize I can survive on my own no matter what, which gives me a certain amount of confidence I didn't have before. You are courageous for doing what you did and are now among the small minority that knows that experience. It really makes you appreciate the little things when you are back in a home like having a shower, a bathroom, and a safe place to sleep. All the best with what you do next! We'll be watching!
yellow fever
The bay is trash. So glad she came back to LA.
You are a wonderful person for opening up to others and sharing your thoughts and feelings with each of us. Be careful and know you’re not alone. ❤
What exactly are you looking for ?? You can’t keep going back and forth aimlessly. You need some sole searching and you need to find yourself first before anything else happens.
Hope you’re able to find yourself soon 😢😢😊😊
You should have stayed in San Francisco. You had friends and people who invited you to church to be part of a bigger community. Why are you running? What are you running from? You not only need to think about yourself but also your dog. The both of you need stability and consistency. If you're overwhelmed by purchasing large items, don't. Start small like a studio or 1 bedroom apartment. But you need to stop running away.
I don’t think you’re committing the time necessary to build relationships. Give a place two years. You are young. You have time.
+1 It takes a while to build relationships. When I moved to the Bay Area I knew no one and slowly met people over time by engaging with my hobbies. It was a little easier because I did have a spouse with me who shares a lot of my interests, but over time going to beer events, becoming a regular at our gym, and starting to curl on a weekly basis built up my group of friends. Now I have a huge (and very diverse) set of people I call friends.
It seems you been wanting to live an adventure but at the same time searching for love without wanting to fall in love. You are avoiding to commit with someone and even a place because of your urge for an adventure. Just live your adventure while getting to meet new people and let love happen when it does. Have fun with it, enjoy your freedom.
I think "that something" you are looking for is not outside, in any place or in a person. You seem to be looking for a simple human connection that you can trust (again), but at the same time may be unwilling to let someone (anyone) get close enough in order to protect yourself. I also feel that the conversation you had with someone over lunch was not over-sharing, maybe it was your inner feelings coming out maybe reminding yourself, maybe drawing lines. I may be completely wrong. It does take a lot of courage to do what you are doing. If you happen to come back to the Bay Area, which I think you will be doing at some point, send me a message, I'd love to meet you in person. Take care!
I think you genuinely want someone to love from the bottom of your heart. You will find. Enjoy your life until you find someone to love. Accept that vacancy as a chance to be better person😊
Hi Hannah, something helpful to keep in mind about making friends is that on average, it takes about 11 meaningful hangouts (about 3 hours each) for a friendship to be established. It’s tough to do that when you are bouncing around between LA and SF. You really need to be rooted to a place and spend significant time there to establish lasting friendships. I think that’s part of why you feel empty after coming back to LA.
I think people can sense when someone won’t stick around and they won’t make the effort with those types of people. What’s the point if they are going to leave in 2 months? When I was looking to make new friends, I met some ppl who told me they split their time between LA and Palm Springs, or LA and OC, and I tended to avoid people like that. It’s just tough to see them because they are out of town every other weekend. That makes scheduling anything with them difficult. So try to stay put and not run away even if you feel the urge to.
You seem to not want to commit. I am the same way, but I’m trying to change. Life’s adventure isn’t just about what comes to you, you have to build the adventure yourself. Have a little fun, do something outside of your comfort zone or usual approach. Approach more people and attend events when you feel empty. The world is very big, so I get why sometimes it feels nice to be fully independent and locked outside of it, but when you are ready, you should explore it more.
Indeed feels like Mountain View office is more worthy to stay around and deepen relationship w/ coworkers. LA is more compressed city so resources r limited and community is divided. Getting into relationship really first depends on timing and locations. Maybe by going to same coffee shop u can often meet up w/ ppl such as workers or frequent customers w/ casual times to chat. Would take a while for u to get comfortable w/ new friends and accompany in activities.
It’s amazing how you are motivating yourself to search for whatever you’re looking for. Definitely not an easy thing to do. There’s a saying about when you hit your 30s, most will feel lost and also a wave of sadness comes and goes. This is where we reevaluate ourselves of where we stand. I think once you find your goal, you may know what you want? From your previous video, one of your friend mentioned therapy which may be beneficial for you. If your company offers any types of mental support, should take advantage of it. Doesn’t hurt to have a life coach to identify what you truly want going forward for you and halo. Wish you the best in your decision. Love your content and very relatable. Would like to see more uploads or perhaps longer videos. Really like your vibe and love Halo.
I'm sorry for you for this comment section. Some of these people are being super judgmental. Look, the Bay Area is a tough place to make friends. People don't really go there to build communities; they go there to make a lot of money. It's kinda sad how people use the area, but it is what it is. But it does mean you're probably going to always feel lonely while you're there because everyone is into their own lives and outside of being cordial, are not really interested in spending time with or on others to curate any truly meaningful relationships. I could stop and say this is a Bay Area-thing, but honestly, it appears to be becoming an across the board humanity-thing.
Hannah, Sunnyvale neighbor here. There’s a lot of communities available for you to be a part of you just have to look and not wait for the universe to hand it to you. There’s a lot of fitness communities, Tesla owner groups, churches and even collaboration nights in a 20 mile radius from where you are. If you do come back to the Bay, please search a little harder and put yourself out there.
What you are searching for is already inside of you. The most vital relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself, because no matter what happens, you will always be your own constant companion.
Lived a life time and still trying to figure things out, sometimes in life there are no answers, just only more questions. ☺
Reset to "0" initial state at Vancouver and go to Seattle where you can find a 1-bedroom apartment near Lake Union about $2500 with 1-year lease including parking and your dog. The top software companies are all there. Safety comes first!
Hey Hannah just want to say I am glad I found your channel. It has really helped me put into perspective how difficult it can be to live alone, now that I am about to do the same. I will definitely be keeping your experience in mind to guide me in any upcoming challenges.
You have shown great resilience getting through tough times, and I wish you the best. Stay strong ✊️💜
Thanks and good luck
@@HannahWurld❤Thank you!
Hello Hannah, I just stumbled upon your channel and I think you are very brave to open up your fears and struggles, which I think many people are going through. Your dog is a lovely companion I truly hope you find the peace and happiness within yourself and fill in that empty void. For the longest time, i tried to fill out a void as well with materialistic and secular matters and trying to fit in the crowd, but ultimately I found peace within myself. I will keep you in my prayers as well. I hope you will find a sense of belonging where your soul desires and heal. If you are happy with yourself, i believe you will find good people to connect with eventually. It took me a while too. I think generally it is hard to connect with people, especially if one is an introvert and in the Bay Area, but I think the same can be said for any new place you are in. I think it is great you are in the process of questioning and exploring.
Hannah, wherever you go, there you are. You have a beautiful dog ❤
35 here and I have 0 friends. I tried and tried for so many years and realised that I shouldn't have to try so HARD. So I stopped. I feel much more fullfilled now knowing I can be my own friend.
As a former loner, you need to start joining clubs. Sports club, book club, movie club, bicycle club, etc.
The Universe isn't telling you or anyone anything... I seen so many spiritual people destroy their life and make terrible decisions based on hunches or imaginations of the Universe telling them to do something...
Your existing in basically two spaces... your car and at work. The location of the city is not even really relevant. I've been doing the same thing renting a room in a condo and working in the East Bay for the past 9 years. Its part of my final push before retirement and a financial move. Good luck in your search. And dont let CA keep you captive for to long.
Question about car living! Why can’t you park your car overnight and sleep in the company’s parking garage?
Be it moving back to the bay or LA or anywhere else, you might not get the answer you want. Currently you are in a lost stage… you just have to be patience and one day you will able to find what you want and move on.
Hi Hannah, I've been following some of your adventures through life and I just wanted to say I really appreciate your making these vblogs. I have been to many of the scenes you shoot so I feel a sense of connection when seeing them again. Keep taking care of yourself and sharing your wonderful journey. Maybe are paths may even cross beyond the Internet. Thank you
People may not form friendships because you appear rootless. Spend some money on an actual home base, worry less about being super frugal, you don't appear to be living the van life / car life, you just lookhomeless.
Except for her numerous amount of clothes. Where does she keep them all? Not in the car.
When I don't know what the emptiness is.. I stop at a church and sit inside for awhile in the silence...it is very helpful. Try it. Let us know what you experienced! Also show us more videos of being in a park walking or playing with your dog.
Yes, our soul desires a relationship with the creator, the divine but we as humans get sidetracked and manipulated all the time. Seek God first and things will come together.
Hey Hanna...new beginnings always have that sense of emptiness. What matters is your grit to take the risk. What is added benefit for you is your able to speak out your mind and then decide. Indecision is the thing that keeps one mediocre. More success to you.
I will pray that God guides you and gives you so much peace.
I believe you had experienced one of a life time raining season of the Bay Area. Before that it rarely rained to the point we were in a drought. But imo SoCal is more fun than NorCal.
The dog kept smiling 😃
What you are looking for is within you. Learn to love yourself.
Hallmark is calling from 1990. Cheese factor 1000.
@@aaap3875thanks I love cheese. 🧀
I really feel you when you say what I am searching for. If that idea is the only thing you are thinking of then you will face problems because first there is no ultimate answer to that and second in time you will start ignoring other things in life and you may start losing the interest to do anything. I hope we could spend some time from time to time to focus on ourselves but even if we don’t we can put it into our lives and we can turn it into a meaning of our lives. You may know and aware of all these I just wanted to suggest that you should choose the place the option which you think that is the best for that time and then you should focus to make that option works out for you. In time of course you can change you idea but first you should have a decision. I think the worst decision is better than not having one. I lost 3 years when I was trying to decide what to do about my major but finally I took action and I am glad that I did. It was late but still it could be so much later as well. So I hope you will feel peaceful, I believe that is what you are looking for and struggle is always the previous step on the way to peace. I hope the best for you and for all who struggles and trying to live a meaningful life!
You look happier now. Your friends don’t have to be from work! LA is crowded but not as cut throat as Mt View. Get yourself a Jackery and a small rice pot! You can charge your jackery while at work..and make your own food..cheaper and healthier! Halo is happy wherever you are. .Have them overnight your laptop to you! Hang in there….things happen for a reason..follow your gut!
You like to make things over complicated don't you? Feels to me like you're looking for is something simple but in your vlogs you seem to distract yourself with so much noise. Feels like you're ran away from something further back in your past and you think you got over it but maybe not. You won't find peace until you face it or come to terms with it. Ex-BF?. family issues? After you settle it in yourself any place will feel like home. Maybe you need some professional therapy to dig it out. You come across like some unpredictable scatter brain girl. Lots of people tend to avoid your type because even if they tried to get you know you soon you'll be gone. Well...Good luck
Hopefully, you'll find the answer, be happy no matter the path you walk... take care!
I lived most of my life moving from one place to another because I felt disconnected and thought the solution was down the road somewhere. I have been living in my current location for over 10 years now, that is the longest I have ever lived in the same location. Our lives are very different in many ways but similar in the one aspect I first mentioned. The big difference is that I am 67 years old and retired. The only reason I have friends is that I belong to a AA group that I go to several times a week for over 20 years now. I really don't know anyone outside of my sober life except the customers I used to perform my woodworking skills for. I was married for 5 years in 1987 to 1992 in California, both Los Angeles and Ferndale in northern California. I moved back to Fort Worth, Texas after the marriage dissolved. Living in America has gotten so expensive that I had to rent a room from one of my sober friends who inherited his parents home when they died.
I hope you find a place with friends who really care for you and who you care for, that is the most precious thing in life, what else is there? Maybe you need a hobby that you can share in with others outside the internet? I spend way too much time there.
This lifestyle looks nonsensical to me. A software engineer living in these miserable conditions.
X scams are common in LA. Replace X with housing, car, whatever. LA is not the glamorous place you might think it is.
I love your videos. I followed you on Twitter and Instagram too. You’re absolutely beautiful and hope so much blessings for you. You have a very humble soul.
When I think about your situation now, it was like me a few years ago. I agree with some of the comments here, stating that you cannot look for something outside of yourself to fill a void, but from within. Start by reading and hobbies, i.e. spiritual books, cooking, sports, knitting or gardening. If you want to include people, add classes or meet-ups. Stay off dating apps, which have become a type of toxic addiction. I found that the best relationships are not planned but accidental and organic: when you’re not looking to date. And they don’t have to be hard work, but compliment your life. Also my personal opinion: don’t marry unless you plan to raise children together. Just my two cents. All the best!
I always wonder if the universe is guiding me. I'd say moving is not going to fix lonely. Join some social things. I'm sure dog parks have events...other than poop scoop Friday. Do the camp sites have a fire or something fun where you could meet people? In Maine we have these types of camp ground fun.
With this attitude and mindset, it’s gonna be hard for you to have a relationship with someone
I hope you find happiness wherever you land.
HI Hannah, I watched couple of your videos. I feel bad that you’re so lonely. I think it’s not hard to make friends. You can make friends anywhere even in the supermarket. and yes maybe some good guys out there can build a family with you. you’re beautiful, work hard and loving person.
good luck! I live in Temecula, if you come down here let me know. I can show you around.
Hannah, I am in LA. Feel free to contact me if you wanna hang out. You are not alone. No pressure, you will make friends after some time.
Just finished watching all your videos and my conclusion is you are going down hill mentally. Since its now August, maybe you're in a better place?? But if not, Please get an apartment and stay there for at least a couple of years and get into a good church. Be a part of your church community and build relationships. I do hope this is a true story of your experience rather than trying to get famous. 🤞
because we have the best weather in The Bay!
You seem alot happier when you were back in Vancouver - Based on your older video snips. I'm from Vancouver too by the way. Perhaps it is time to ask yourself if you will be happier going back. Being alone for too long is not good for you in the long run. Then you will need to decide if you wish to continue chasing your tech dream. It is fine if you do, but please put in more effort to make friends.
Your courage is so admirable, I really cheer you on. The only thing that worries me is Halo - where does she stay when you are in the office? You don't lock her in the car alone for 8-10hours cos that would be too hot. Do you bring her into your work?
I’m a little confused as a software engineer in ca shouldn’t she be getting paid over 100k per year, even in cali that may not be rich but shouldn’t that get u a decent place to stay?? Or is she doing this for journey reasons? Not trying to be disrespectful just curious
watch her previous videos. living out of her car is an active choice that she made.
it’s too bad our huskies couldn’t meet. good luck and keep searching for your inner happiness. You’ll find it one day
When your at work? Where do you put your dog for the day? What sort of work do you do? Engineering is it.
Girl please dont feel upset.. life is much harder and you have the best things.. you have Halo, a lovely job and a good pay. Invest money for your future, but that doesnt mean live life with difficulty. You can definetely afford a house. Afterall you have a good job. You have a tesla.. living on low income can cost you your mental health. There are people living in half or may be quarter your pay.. so you can also definetely do it..
welcome back :-) i also left the bay area with my wife (also from van) and working remote. Send a DM if you're looking for a friend
Hey Hannah! If you are ever up in Northern CA you are more than welcome to be my friend! It can definitely be tough out here, especially for your industry. I have found I meet the most people when I don't go out searching for them. Maybe join a weekly workout class, art class or book club as - you could meet many likeminded people by doing something you enjoy doing as well who are probably going for 50% the interest and to also make new friends. .
I recently moved from the Bay Area to socal. Give OC a chance, much better than any place in the Bay! Lots of good food and definitely less crime.
Hi, I just found your channel. I enjoy listening to your thought process. It is very logical and systematic. I feel your efforts to be social in a warped anti social world. Tbh, it really is not easy to be normal in a strange abnormal world. I wish you all the best and will continue to follow your content. = )
Hi, have you visit Lake Tahoe? , Truckee, Yosemite National Park, Napa, Calistoga etc? All this beautiful locations are near the. At area about 2-4hour drive .
I have live in both southern and Northern California, I personally prefer the Bay Area, we are near beaches, water falls( Burney falls ) lakes ,snow etc.
I hope you Give the Bay Area a chance, I know is really expensive , but there are some areas you may be able to afford you could afford.
Blessings and good luck with everything. Your dog is super cute ❤💐
she deserves a loving husband.
Love the series!
i think the many reasons why youre alone is you dont do any passions or hobbies on your spare time go to the dog park or go to a boxing class
LETS GO NEW EPISODE!!!
Ура...новое видео...❤️❤️❤️
Have you considered Orange County, especially South OC? It's way better than LA in my opinion. Even though house prices in OC are expensive (a bit less expensive than LA), OC is way safer than LA. I used to work in Playa Vista for 6 years and absolutely hate the area. I'm sure there are companies that hire software engineers, especially in Irvine.
glad you're back, Hannah! we're all here rooting for you!
I feel like you are a very emotional person. This is not to say it is a bad thing. I do not believe anything is inherently bad. You just need to find what is good for you. That is why you have this urge to take action immediately. That is why you move between the Bay and LA spontaneously. That is why you live in a car. It affects all aspects of your life.
Watching you talk about your views of casual sex makes me think you might be interested in looking further into asexuality (lack of sexual attraction to people) and related categories like demisexuality (finding someone sexually attractive only after a strong romantic relationships has been established), graysexuality (only experiencing sexual attraction rarely), etc. You can also think about these terms in relations to personal boundaries and connections, as a way to tell others what you are hoping for, and to view them as fluid terms that is where you are most comfortable at a moment in time. I think these terms might help you further develop your thoughts and your relationships and provide a language framework that can help you find community.
As another Ace, I want to say that you can have complicated relationships with people and with ideas and yourself; you don't have to follow expectations of relationships, but nurture a space where things can then bloom.
Hannah, you seem like a sweet, intelligent young lady, but you are also exhausting to watch. All of the self doubt, looking for "signs," flip-flopping back and forth. You remind me of my niece. No matter how supportive and encouraging I would try to be with her, she seemed to enjoy languishing in a pity party. Life doesn't have to be this hard.
If you come back to the bay there is a lot of great places to take halo and meet people. Fort Funston is SF, its a really great off-leash dog park with tons of people. Seal park in san mateo, so many people and everyone always seem friendly. Little yosemite in sunol, less people but so nice if you make it to the small waterfalls if you like hiking.
I struggled a ton to make connections throughout my life but always found the best connections doing the things i was most passionate about (my hobbies).
I was invested in the content until you brought up the ancient Taoist texts that describe organs as elements...
I really don’t think you should date with this type of mentality; it’s not fair to the other person.
I hope you get a lot of therapy and heal because there seems to be a lot of unresolved past trauma.
Best regards.
You better take good care of your dog or I’m going to report u. Halo been abandoned so many times in this video and its living condition is not the best. If u want to drag yourself down fine but don’t put it against a defenseless being to go down with u too.
Be more decisive, spend some time in LA to settle down for abit since you decided to come back to LA. stop self-sabotaging yourself and running away. Find some hobbies which can enable you to meet new people. Group activities perhaps? Don't expect people to come up to you. Reach out to people. You will be able to make new friends this way. The feeling of emptiness will start to go away once you have new friends
i was homeless and stayed in the shelter in skid row man it was a worse hole compared to san fran. and I went back to las vegas
Your lifestyle is simplified, but your thinking is not. I feel like you are overthinking many things. You are very intelligent but you also need to be wise. Best wishes to you ❤️
This Auntie needs a hug.
You are so sweet !! I hope your friends are very good and support you fully. I always have a tendency to have close friends !!! Take Care Hannah !!
LA is not any better i personally didn't like it i lived in silicon valley but if it works for you God bless
I love your honesty
The dog is so happy ❤❤❤
Please move to austin texas. Life here is wonderful. I was move from bay area also.
Austin is nice great river / lake, cool bars and friendly people, but really hot summers. Most people can't handle that.
I can only speak for myself, but as a person who experiences chronic illness and disability, I will not move to a state that is on a trend of constricting access to healthcare and civil rights, when I can stay in California and see those rights expanding.
I am rooting for MediCal for all. It would be life changing for me to have access to healthcare decoupled from my ability to work a professional job full time.
Of course the ability to pay for healthcare may not be an issue for Hannah working at a tech firm. But increased gatekeeping in the healthcare sector and the crumbling of rights for folks who need accommodations likely would be.
@@danakchampion What laws in Texas are "constricting access to healthcare and civil rights" ??
where does Halo stay when you are at work?
Lol having sex is part of the beauty of life and something that I think men find very important. It can be amazing for both parties. Not sure any guy would be ok with dating someone and not be physically intimate with their partners after an appropriate amount of time. What's the point at that point, like you would just be a friend to him and he would move on very quickly. Not sure what your looking for but I wish you the best of luck in finding it.
A gentle reminder that asexual and grey sexual and aromantic people do exist and do form dating and marriage relationships with other people according to each partner's needs... just like anybody else. 💜🖤🤍🖤💚
As someone romantically interested in men and woman but only sexually attracted to men it seems amazing. Sex is such an integral part of modern dating that unless by some miracle you find someone else ACE you're going to be alone forever.
Wish you nothing but the best!
I hope you find happiness in LA. Crazy that a software engineer has trouble finding housing in silicon valley. Maybe you can find a cheaper state to live in. Maybe join a church.
Feel like you deserve everything you got. Good or bad. You're asking for all this. No sympathy.
I hope you are feeling better! I worry about your safety being alone and a female. I am in Santa Cruz County. If you ever need help, you can reach out to me.
you fit right in as another homeless in LA.
Wow that dog is beautiful
You’re absolutely on it with the Taoism books and the energy exchange that happens with sex. Kinda refreshing to hear someone talk about it. I relate to the past life stuff of being owning someone something
Glad to hear someone understands what I’m talking about
Hey I’m also gonna be living in my car by the end of this month. Only problem is my dog… do you leave your dog somewhere while you work because I’m prob gonna give my dog away which I don’t want to but I’m trying to figure it out
Her dog is a service dog which means most places cannot deny a service dog.
Hi Hannah, I think what you are searching for is the spiritual path. Find for an Enlightened Supreme Master then you will feel happy happy inside. Experience it for yourself. 💕💕. Wishing you the best life in LA or where ever you come.
May I suggest you join a husky meet-up in your area? Just to get out, mingle with others and chill. And you know what ice-breakers dogs are!!! Plus I'm sure Halo would ❤it!
Watched a couple of your vids and I feel for you. You have so much going for you + Halo a bonus. Would love to know how things go. The best - in Mtn View, CA.
The grass is always greener on the other side.