I work in a toxic environment and I don't want to succumb to other negative people around me, but rise above and lead by example. I found your video to be a breath of fresh air and I don't feel like I'm going crazy anymore. Thank you!!
I also feel the same way. As a new person in my work, I kept it all quiet when negative comments were made. Until I exploded. And then everything came out. And I feel so guilty of it. I am praying not to let things bother me!
@jemmaworch don't beat yourself up. Honestly, you know better now, maybe on how to handle that type of situation moving forward. Sounds like there were many variables at play, so I wouldn't worry about it!
I am a nurse, so I already start day feeling stressed, not enough time to care for so many patients. Doctors come and complain, specialist nurses can be intimidating. And then you work with a nurse in charge, who cannot help herself to belittle me in front of patients. She sits on computer and only comes to dish out some negativity. Because she can. So I try to be a better person, but then everything comes out. A learning curve. I might not bite my tongue anymore, I will try to respond in a professional manner highlighting wrong approach to teaching. But ha... It never worked out before.
So this is why I like your videos- it's not just finding the problem,it's like" ok, you don't like this, look at it different and make it work for you"
I love that you said to stop and think "what are my choices?". Most advice just says that you have to choose to not let things bother you but they don't explain what that next step is.
I have been working on navigating that lately. As hard as it is, the only way for me is to work on accepting/understanding family for who they are, and if the negativity is too much... I notice how I am affected, I breathe, and rather than react, I take care of myself/ not give away my power... so I may suddenly feel hungry or thirsty and I leave the situation to calm myself before it build-up :) It's a work in progress!
just got accepted in a new job, i was so happy and i couldn't wait to start, and i started last week and oh my god its definitely not what i expected, for the past few days i got so emotional and i couldn't cope. thank you so much for this. this was much needed 💕
I'm 58 , I can tell you that as you get older, its gets more difficult to adapt and change to situations. It's easier to adapt if you take small bites rather than large radical moves..
I'm so scared of this, my older sis and I were talking about it earlier.... how everything just seems to get harder with age instead of easier. What lies we have all been fed
WHAT THE HECK?? I have no idea how your video popped up in with the gardening videos I watch, but i have NEVER needed to watch a video more than this!! within 2 hours today, my son told us he and his wife were moving 1000mi away and my manager told me I had to go into a completely different dept from what I'm used to. I've been pouting and pissed off all day. Thank you for this!
My husband died suddenly 3 months ago leaving me with two small kids. I am extremely resilient I am discovering BUT one thing that is bothering me right now is how other people cannot meet my needs the way my husband did, especially in terms of social interaction and talking. My husband and I talked all the time together and when he died that was cut off cold turkey. When I am around others and it’s finally my time to socialize they are on their phones or distracted with their own crap and then I end up leaving feeling worse, like they don’t understand how much I need them to pay attention to me. I am really missing that attention I got from my husband and my need for connection. My kids just want to talk about Minecraft 24/7 so that’s not cutting it!
I am so sorry for your loss. I wonder if you have any elders in your life. I've found my older friends to be more attentive during conversations. But having lost loved ones who also were people I could talk to about everything (and laugh with), I understand that it's hard to find. Those people are out there, though.
I am so very sorry for your profound loss people feel uncomfortable around somebody who has suffered such a great loss they're afraid they'll say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing start off by telling them that you need a friend or someone to listen they cannot read your mind and let them know that they cannot really say anything wrong and you need someone to treat you like they did before your husband's passing go to coffee with a friend sit across the table and hold their hands look into their eyes and tell them what you need it helps to hold their attention and their hands are preoccupied so they can't use their phone I would definitely suggest grief counseling and a support group for those who have lost loved ones your local hospital will probably have information look it up online I wish you only the best
Definitely find a support group. I learned I wanted connection too and I learned that everyone doesn’t handle their grief the same. I took it hard. I was crushed and I was surrounded by people that wanted to move on or not talk about it or be too busy to connect. By being in a grief support group I realized I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t the only one struggling. Everyone deals with grief differently but I think it’s helpful to be with others who share your pain in an open and nonjudgmental way if your feeling alone and misunderstood.
Sometimes life forces you to make a change because staying in your current situation becomes more stressful than the change. It’s having the wisdom to make the right changes that count, the right changes for you, that is. Seek wise counsel, but ultimately you have to make those decisions.
Omg !! This helped me out sooo much !! My fiancé was murdered and I’ve been going to the gym, watching comedy, going to church but nothing was helping 100%. But the way you explained this and broke it down so well just woooow…. I understand now. Thank you so much !!! ❤️❤️💕🙌🏽🤯💯
It’s REALLY different without my brother here since he passed away a year ago. It’s quite boring and like there’s a huge hole or something missing in so many ways. My mom and I were used to hanging out with him everyday. I hear a lot of feedback from family and friends about how to grieve and move on that I never asked for. I’ve lost friends in the process. That’s different. I have to learn to be ok being alone because I get to triggered by others and run. Learning mental adaptability with grief and loss is challenging.
Be kind to yourself........ it’s your path, your experience in learning❤️......... not someone else’s timeline........... they just Love you & want you to embrace your BEAUTIFUL LIFE ( the Now, the present MOMENT, minute..... etc) ....... praying you work through the pain❤️...... .... you never get over such a loss , you just learn to accept it & live with it....... time does heal all wounds..........stay strong
I don't think there's anything that anybody could possibly say to make something like that better, losing a loved one is impossibly hard :( I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that it gets better in time and that you can eventually start to love spending time with others again
Alot of people (myself) like routine so when they are thrown out of routine it scares the hell out of them I appreciate the nuance in this video alot 100% correct We all have a choice to decide how to feel/react to situations Great video
@@juliakristinamah Thank you for engaging with your audience whether you agree or disagree! Shows you have great character! Keep up the wonderful context! Take care!
@@chrishorbatt3504 This advice -like so many other things- is good for neurotypicals. If you aren't neurotypical and need meds- such as OCD or ADHD, this is more helpful after those things have been addressed -my experience.
I have always been happy with the way I handled stress, confrontations, and jealousy but since last 9 years taking care of 96 yo mother, I am failing. Not with her but my cousin who is in charge of her decisions and so arrogant. Thanks for this talk.
That need to have a reaction to every thought diminishes. My thoughts are still busy but they dont need an ear, like they once did. Im a single parent so i was lonely to begin with but luckily not so much anymore.
Thanks to homegirl i just added "rigidity" part of my vocabulary. This video made me go back to the drawing board and reevaluate my life..as an INTJ she hit the bullseye...Much love to the homegirl and I hope I can be welcome to the Shift Society...Much love and peace...
This has been my 2021 so far. I've conflated anxiety with urgency and adaptability with complacency. I've made it mean something about my discipline and character when I don't fight for the outcome I've convinced myself justifies my time investments. It's resulted in a thousand spinning plates I resent holding up because I'm too stubborn to put them down.
Thank you, friend. I'm glad to be here. I'm a motion picture content entrepreneur based in Lagos Nigeria. I've known how to struggle with emotions ,Julia, and have just last night begun to see the actual ways to concentrate my energies and directing it towards a goal. And it feels rewarding and refreshing. I'd love, love to learn
Its hard when youve made all the right decisions to put yourself in a good position mentally, and in life given the current circumstances, and then things still aren't falling into place. Its like what more could I do?
It helped me to stop moving towards a deadline. Found peaceful/enjoyable/being happy in the moment activities, that stopped the 'what next' anxiety. Good luck 😊
Try this quick exercise. Right now look around the room. Really do a quick scan, stop reading and look at the room you're in. Without looking for reference, how many things did you see that had the color blue in them? Don't relook . not yet..... DO you know? un sure? Okay now look again, and look for those things that are blue... How many did you see? Probably more than the first time. When you look for the positive things you will see the positive things. So when you say things are still not falling into place, ask yourself: What did I learn today (Learning is always good) ? How much better am I today? How much tougher and resilient am I today? Being here today is evidence that yesterday couldn't bring you down. You are here. another day. Continue to push, fall, get up learn, and see your successes. And maybe those things you haven't gotten yet, you're not ready for. In order to be faithful over many, you must be faithful over few. Go get em Zachery!!
I definitely understand where you're coming from but I also know that people have it worse than I do I meditate and pray for peace I learned to be grateful for every little thing I am where the universe wants me to be I have something that I'm supposed to learn from this I just have to figure out what it is if I stay stuck in the I did all the right things I sacrificed my happiness when I was young to have more when I was older but yet I have less then happiness will elude me as well just look for the lesson work on inner peace there is nothing more priceless
It took me a while to realize the problem was only a “problem” because of my wants and expectations. And I’m responsible for them being met, not other people. It was hard to learn and I still am
Summary of my take away from this video: Mental adaptability is not about being positive all the time or pretending to be okay, it's about learning to be ok regardless of what's happening. Whenever there is a change, i can choose to be miserable about it or adapt to it instead of being rigid and saying this is going to be awful, I'm going to be miserable. How to adapt?? 1-Notice your feelings, pay attention to your feelings. 2-Process those feelings 3-Then I'm gonna decide what to think about them. Mental adaptability is also about figuring out how to be okay ( try different things to see what suits you) I also resonated deeply with the example you presented (quality time with a friend) and the way you viewed this situation inpired me. Thank you Julia! ❤️ Glad to be here
After noticing my feelings- ie disappointment and deciding what to think about them( ie next time I'll state my preferences clearly/change mode of transportation/change to more appropriate clothing or equipment/ bring an emergency snack/water in my bag etc etc) you may decide, if it happensfrequently, or always with a certain person, that you may prefer not to participate/meet/travel/ invest time etc etc. You can choose not to adapt and lay down a boundary.ie with a friend that''s always late-or adapt- decide to set aside extra spare time,or preparing something to do while you wait. There''s a limit to adaptation in every situation.
This video was very timely for me. I have just recognized that I am a resister. I always believed that when hard things really upset me, it was because I had poor coping skills or that I was just being negative. When you were making all the comments about “I don’t like this! I want this to be over!” - you were talking to me, my brain and my heart. I don’t accept the circumstance and by accept, I mean acknowledge it’s happening - I resist it, try to push it away, cry it away or whatever. Wow! Lightbulb moment for me today, Julia! Thank you!!!!!!
Thank you for this! Exactly where I’m at right now. The visit to a friend’s example actually happened to me! So spot on! I appreciate the practical step by step approach to manage: 1) notice/ be aware of feelings - how am I feeling? 2) process the feelings- how do I want/choose to think about it? 3) decide to take action- what can I choose to do about or within this situation? THANK YOU 🙏
I try to be happy, but it's hard when I lost my job of nearly 9 years and I've had to adjust and been in and out of work and none stuck. Since then I've had some temp. work, others so awful, that I left and I get pushed from pillar to post. Now I'm in my 50's, it's a lot harder to find a job and feel like I'm on the scrap heap.
This is huge for me. For most of my life I have been postponing being generally happy..in life even though I consider myself an optimist. It's always when I get through the next hard thing, then I can relax and go with the flow and enjoy life.
I was just talking to a friend the other day about the same topic. We both have had some things going on that is wearing us both down. I told her a lot of our issues are not us but others. We just need to keep getting through one day at a time in a positive way. She totally agreed with me. We are both working to adapt better to negative people in our lives.
Realize that of your self you CANNOT change. Drop your anger and start living from within where you will find perfect peace. Only then can nothing on earth get to you, nothing at all. No stress, no fear, no doubt, no concerns, no hatred, no resentment, etc.
I'm 61 , to stop letting things get to me is very hard and been like this since 3 yo. Julia helps me to better understand my barriers which for me stems from how I was raised. I do need a good job, but I got a long way to go to get there.
I can’t tell you how much I needed to see this. My husband’s family has been going through some health issues with my F-I-L and I was feeling resentful that our summer vacation is going to be going to see them before his surgery. I’m going to watch this everyday until I leave so I can be more helpful and less detrimental to my husband’s sadness. Thank you! ❣️❣️❣️❣️
I get a lot from your videos. I am a retired Veteran of 35+ years in the Canadian Military. It’s been a struggle but I am becoming connected and gettin better all the time. I decided that in order to survive and enjoy life, I had to drop the rigidity, become open minded, and listen. After 35 year in, my guess is that you know what I’m talking about. I just subscribed and this is my second video. I look forward to all your videos. Thanks, you definitely know what you talkin about!
I struggle with homeschooling my autistic daughter (with PDA and learning disabilities) being rigid, resisting to learn. She needs to learn so she can get by in life (she’s 10 but at a 6 year old level with reading, writing and maths) but she fights me daily and we both end up in tears. I want to learn to be less annoyed when she won’t do any schoolwork
You need to watch Mark Rober’s video on his son with autism. It’s really great it’s got 10million views already and he just posted it two days ago. It really helped shift my perspective as an autism parent
Improving my mental adaptability is helping with my work in supporting marginalized people. I struggled alone against systems of oppression in my country for years, and now I am part of a larger community, including some working within governing systems to build supports for those of us who have been marginalized
Around the 7:00 mark: I think the trouble is where the "thought" becomes a greater issue is when it manifests more chronically as sickness in the body. Weightloss, nausea, panic attacks, insomnia, ulcers, migraines etc. What about the passage of "thought" into the body when it manifests in these things?
Wow! The universe brought me to you. This exactly what I needed to hear today. I have been on a healing journey dealing with chronic pain and it has been hard to not resist it because it hurts so bad. I am making positive changes in my life and learning to let things go easier and love my life despite my circumstances.
My husband and I bought a peice of land and a little house in far south Texas near the beach. It's something I've wanted all of my life. Now that we have it, and I'm so very happy there, I keep thinking I'm going to get the bad news... I think I'll find out I am dying from some horrible disease, or my husband will get sick. It's like, ok, I've gotten something I've always wanted and I'm so happy, BUT , now something bad is going to happen to take it all away. So thank you Julia, great video. I'll probably need to watch it a few times. It made me feel better.
I am wife and caregiver of a disabled veteran with PTSD and TBI. It's extremely tough and handling the bad days are extreme. It's hard to handle someone that perceives things that are not based in reality.
Mary Jane look up Operation Angel Wings.... designed especially for PTSD concerning Veterans and family members...as it is all whom are affected.♥️🇺🇸💕👍. Thank you for your service 🇺🇸👍
I searched for this specific topic - have been working on this for a long time - sitting with distress and tolerating it .. thank you so much for your video - super helpful! There is no guideline for being an adult !
This is a subsect of the topic of letting things get to you. By the title I expected it to also be about people getting under your skin in a negative way because you're sensitive to their opinions, taunts etc. But then maybe that's just where MY brain goes because it's MY issue. :)
I successfully had changed the way I was thinking back when I was 18 and I fell back into rigidity when things started getting hard. I'm tired of feeling awful and I want to get back on track. This is helpful, thank you.
I think I've had a breakthrough moment after thinking about this video a bit: I have to choose to make friends with the reality that I can do nothing about any of the challenges I face. ♥️
Amazing video! Thanks so much. You made me realize that people (like me and those who need this kinda content) often get lost in their own heads and then forget the basics - which you are clearly packing out for us here piece by piece. You're amazing. Thanks so much!
Thank you, julia kristina. You are my sunshine. Very encouraging. Brilliant atitude. I find that in every adversity there is an opportunity/beneficial aspect to it. When something is lost, something greater is found. When something is missing, something greater emerges. Dynamic mental flexibility, not mental ridgidity.
Thank you so much for this video ! This is something that I have struggled with for so long. I’ve been trying to fight myself to be ok with what I’m not ok with instead of accepting that it’s ok to not be ok but then to move on and not sit in my self made misery . Life is full of things we love and I don’t know about other people but I find it easier to forget those things when faced with uncomfortable change or situations. Hopefully this made sense . Again thank you for this video and the countless others I have watched over the last couple of weeks !
Hello Julia, I have been listening to your guidance and support for sometime. I wanted to thank you for sharing your insight and guidance. It really does help. Thank you.
This is helping me a lot. Thanj youuu very much Ma'am. I know that I'm the problem but I don't why am I feeling and acting this way. And now, I finally had the answer. I sincerely thank this video. Now, I'm going to practice how to adapt with uncomfortable situations.
Hey Julia, I found this video by accident and I would like to first thank you so much for this - it's exactly what I needed! I've moved back to my apartment after renting out for 6 years. Before renting out I had a couple of incidents where my neighbours both upstairs and downstairs made noises while I slept that drove me very mad. Now even though both neighbours are gone, I am still having this constant fear of history repeating and I am responding uncontrollably to all sounds (99% minor from everyday living, such as pulling a chair or dropping something) when it's quiet at night. My heart would pound so much that I would be unable to breathe naturally and that has persisted for 2 months. I am so worried now that it has turned into some sort of heart problems but I am afraid to seek medical help. I've been here for 2 months now and it's been largely quiet, but my mind just couldn't stop thinking about this. I've adopted many techniques found online and things are slowly improving. Your advice is one of the most appropriate for my situation and I will try do it, hopefully it would help me cope and rise to be strong again! (I call my case "apartment noise fear syndrome" - I really hate apartments and don't know why some luxury ones in NYC could costs several million dollars when you have to live with neighbours nuisance! Unfortunately I live in Hong Kong and am not rich enough to afford a detached house, and even if I return to Vancouver in the future, I could also only afford an apartment, so this thing will be with me for a lifetime, which makes me even more upset)
The key to stop struggling with uncomfortable situations, circumstances is to recall us that we are going to die one day and therefore all this crap we can endure doesn't really matter. We take things too much seriously although one day we won't be here anymore. That's why fuck It. The more It's uncomfortable the more we must fuck It. Living each day as if It were the last that's the key because anyway you've got no certainty to be alive tomorrow. The more you resist the more life will bombard you with more problems. Fuck it and life will leave you alone
I’m not generally rigid but a year ago my own brother ghosted me. We were really close, or so I thought, but there was no argument or words said, just a sudden blocking me out everywhere. The hardest thing is I have no closure or not one single clue as to what happened. Usually I can move past things, but not this 😞
Hello this is Jason, I definitely struggle with this on a daily routine in my head. It's a struggle to overpower my mental thoughts. And tell myself that it's okay. Thank you for the help
That’s my cousin and I love her and I don’t trust this, and I’m not going along with this game with her about you. I will be fine. Please don’t feel obligated to be by my side. Thank you for everything that you have tought me ❤️
This is exactly my problem. I don't like change, I don't like uncertainty. I got a new job and the people are all not good. I've adapted to each situation that's come but sooner or later I hit a road block. I have a current co worker who is just jerk and when I have to interact with him I want to take him on to relieve the stress he puts on me. Instead I just get worked up and I hate it. I feel like no amount of therapy can get me to adapt. I wanna give up, I wanna throw in the towel
Thank you. Ir has happened to me. You meet a friend with people who don't know you,can speak hard to you,even make fun of you. But,accept them,laugh,and smile. It works. Flexibility works. Someone told me to find my online community. This is itcommunity
Im really struggling with the man i was supposed to marry. His family members are clingy and his 40 year old daughter harasses us when we spend time together. I have delt with this for 9 years now. She reports all her complaints to her brother about us who then calls and bully’s both of us. The person i was 9 years ago i am not now and decided to finally say I’ve had enough of swallowing this crap. Bf refuses to say anything to them and only to me. I told him i was leaving .. i just cant do it anymore..i flipped my sh#* finally and now they know. Bf doesn’t want me to leave but the rigidity within the family is really a lot to deal with. Passive aggressive, one-sided, sugar coated everything is just hard to swallow at times. Im truthful and straight forward and that does not fit their dynamic. Hear nothing, see nothing and say nothing approach is really heavy.
OMG, Julia, I just found this one, and it is sooo awesome. Very timely for something I was struggling with today. I watched it twice, and some bits more than that. Took notes! I have work to do. Thank you!!
Hi dear I just discovered you thank you for your speech it is exactly what I need to hear and your voice near me it makes a lot of sense it heals me iqm now in paris I went to turkey last year to have a septoplasty rhinoplasty combine to end a 25 year old complex I got a loan was excited about it but it wasn’t what I expected es ally now I have a breathing problem on my right nostril and the tip isn’t the outcome I wanted too I am obssessing about i have almost what I aimes for but I don’t want to regret I now need to adapt it could have been worst like I could have ended up with a pig onze and I did not it is my boar when I was 16 and I had two implants in turkey and iam not happy with the result but it is better to have teeth in your mouth I got to be grateful and adapt instead I g being too perfectionist I took some risks now. Want to stay natural and find it I needed to to do all these and now my adult child avoids me and she went abroad for two month for her job and iam alone lonely I thibk sometimes I might have a narcissistic daughter but then iam like she is young she has her life her boyfriend her master her work but as a single mom it breaks my heart that I can’t be closer to my daughter born in New York by the day anyway I needed to tell you this hearing your video helps me because I totally identify with this adaptability thing I need to be grateful in my misery count my blessings let positive things even if my life sucks at 57 Mom you’re almost 60 my daughter launched at me and I felt I was in a senior home no honey iam 57 today in the now don’t put forward she wants me to change but these young people today don’t know the meaning of respect she meant well iqm sure and throws mom I love you if iam hard harsh on you it’s because I love you she has her life and I have to have a life of my own now because iam alone and have no friends near me in Paris iam scared that is why iam hear on the net listening to what makes sense thank you darling woman 👩
You don’t always have control over what happens to you, but you 100% have a say in how you move forward 💯
So true! We always have choices in our circumstances.
When the world goes to hell all you can do is burn
@@juliakristinamah i disagree. Especially for children. We only have control over our thoughts and perspectives.
So true, Nicole, You control your though so learn to be happy.
💯👍😀
Emotional resilience I can’t stress how important it is, took me a while to develop but once I got there, it was so worth it! ☺️
isn't it a whole different human experience when we learn to be mentally adaptable?
@@juliakristinamah It really is transformational in life, and gives time to worry about genuinely important things/issues we’re dealing with!
How did you achieve it?
@@juliakristinamah yes i think so
I'm learning omg
I work in a toxic environment and I don't want to succumb to other negative people around me, but rise above and lead by example. I found your video to be a breath of fresh air and I don't feel like I'm going crazy anymore. Thank you!!
This was very helpful to me as well. Thank you !!
I also feel the same way. As a new person in my work, I kept it all quiet when negative comments were made. Until I exploded. And then everything came out. And I feel so guilty of it. I am praying not to let things bother me!
@jemmaworch don't beat yourself up. Honestly, you know better now, maybe on how to handle that type of situation moving forward. Sounds like there were many variables at play, so I wouldn't worry about it!
I am a nurse, so I already start day feeling stressed, not enough time to care for so many patients.
Doctors come and complain, specialist nurses can be intimidating. And then you work with a nurse in charge, who cannot help herself to belittle me in front of patients. She sits on computer and only comes to dish out some negativity. Because she can. So I try to be a better person, but then everything comes out. A learning curve. I might not bite my tongue anymore, I will try to respond in a professional manner highlighting wrong approach to teaching. But ha... It never worked out before.
I'm reminded of one of the four agreements. "Take nothing personally."
so true - and such a great book
Love that book!
What book is that? Thx
@@DD-pz3kf i think it's 'the four agreements' by don miguel ruiz!
So this is why I like your videos- it's not just finding the problem,it's like" ok, you don't like this, look at it different and make it work for you"
Chris, that means a lot coming from you.
Whatever you resist persists
that is often very true!
how to do a somersault? Let the flow be? don't try to stop the flow? swim with the flow? Take good care Abdulziz.
I guess this can be similar to the mantra: “Embrace the darkness, for without it-we’d never see the stars”. 🌟
I love that you said to stop and think "what are my choices?". Most advice just says that you have to choose to not let things bother you but they don't explain what that next step is.
I struggle with negative family members , which makes it hard sometimes to be around them, because their family.
I feel you. Home can be really hard.
I completely agree. Family can be the most challenging. Sometimes you can’t live with them but it’s hard to live without them.
I have been working on navigating that lately. As hard as it is, the only way for me is to work on accepting/understanding family for who they are, and if the negativity is too much... I notice how I am affected, I breathe, and rather than react, I take care of myself/ not give away my power... so I may suddenly feel hungry or thirsty and I leave the situation to calm myself before it build-up :) It's a work in progress!
Next their ass. If you live with them, move!! And start limiting your time with them
You can still be on good terms with them and not mix and mingle with them: they really get to u even if u try hard not to let it get to u.
just got accepted in a new job, i was so happy and i couldn't wait to start, and i started last week and oh my god its definitely not what i expected, for the past few days i got so emotional and i couldn't cope. thank you so much for this. this was much needed 💕
Feeling the same.
Wishing everything works out for you ! All the very best !
This has happened to me before. I’m here for you friend 🌸
I'm 58 , I can tell you that as you get older, its gets more difficult to adapt and change to situations. It's easier to adapt if you take small bites rather than large radical moves..
I'm so scared of this, my older sis and I were talking about it earlier.... how everything just seems to get harder with age instead of easier. What lies we have all been fed
😊😊😊
@@JessicahBMilien oh is Def getting worse.... I miss the 90's SO much....
WHAT THE HECK?? I have no idea how your video popped up in with the gardening videos I watch, but i have NEVER needed to watch a video more than this!! within 2 hours today, my son told us he and his wife were moving 1000mi away and my manager told me I had to go into a completely different dept from what I'm used to. I've been pouting and pissed off all day. Thank you for this!
That was intervention by your creator.2 incidences co incided,but it was no coincidence,You are a child of Yah,he loves you,
My husband died suddenly 3 months ago leaving me with two small kids. I am extremely resilient I am discovering BUT one thing that is bothering me right now is how other people cannot meet my needs the way my husband did, especially in terms of social interaction and talking. My husband and I talked all the time together and when he died that was cut off cold turkey. When I am around others and it’s finally my time to socialize they are on their phones or distracted with their own crap and then I end up leaving feeling worse, like they don’t understand how much I need them to pay attention to me. I am really missing that attention I got from my husband and my need for connection. My kids just want to talk about Minecraft 24/7 so that’s not cutting it!
I can identify with your desire for conversation. Adapt. Reach out to others. You are not alone.
I am so sorry for your loss. I wonder if you have any elders in your life. I've found my older friends to be more attentive during conversations. But having lost loved ones who also were people I could talk to about everything (and laugh with), I understand that it's hard to find. Those people are out there, though.
I am so very sorry for your profound loss people feel uncomfortable around somebody who has suffered such a great loss they're afraid they'll say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing start off by telling them that you need a friend or someone to listen they cannot read your mind and let them know that they cannot really say anything wrong and you need someone to treat you like they did before your husband's passing go to coffee with a friend sit across the table and hold their hands look into their eyes and tell them what you need it helps to hold their attention and their hands are preoccupied so they can't use their phone I would definitely suggest grief counseling and a support group for those who have lost loved ones your local hospital will probably have information look it up online I wish you only the best
Definitely find a support group. I learned I wanted connection too and I learned that everyone doesn’t handle their grief the same. I took it hard. I was crushed and I was surrounded by people that wanted to move on or not talk about it or be too busy to connect.
By being in a grief support group I realized I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t the only one struggling. Everyone deals with grief differently but I think it’s helpful to be with others who share your pain in an open and nonjudgmental way if your feeling alone and misunderstood.
Healing the soul of a woman by Joyce Meyer would be a great book life is hard God bless you!!!
Sometimes life forces you to make a change because staying in your current situation becomes more stressful than the change. It’s having the wisdom to make the right changes that count, the right changes for you, that is. Seek wise counsel, but ultimately you have to make those decisions.
Omg !! This helped me out sooo much !!
My fiancé was murdered and I’ve been going to the gym, watching comedy, going to church but nothing was helping 100%. But the way you explained this and broke it down so well just woooow…. I understand now.
Thank you so much !!! ❤️❤️💕🙌🏽🤯💯
oooo. just wanted to say that i like hearing "people" more than "men and women." a small thing but i wanted to show my appreciation.
It’s REALLY different without my brother here since he passed away a year ago. It’s quite boring and like there’s a huge hole or something missing in so many ways. My mom and I were used to hanging out with him everyday. I hear a lot of feedback from family and friends about how to grieve and move on that I never asked for. I’ve lost friends in the process. That’s different. I have to learn to be ok being alone because I get to triggered by others and run. Learning mental adaptability with grief and loss is challenging.
Be kind to yourself........ it’s your path, your experience in learning❤️......... not someone else’s timeline........... they just Love you & want you to embrace your BEAUTIFUL LIFE ( the Now, the present MOMENT, minute..... etc) ....... praying you work through the pain❤️...... .... you never get over such a loss , you just learn to accept it & live with it....... time does heal all wounds..........stay strong
I don't think there's anything that anybody could possibly say to make something like that better, losing a loved one is impossibly hard :( I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that it gets better in time and that you can eventually start to love spending time with others again
Alot of people (myself) like routine so when they are thrown out of routine it scares the hell out of them
I appreciate the nuance in this video alot
100% correct
We all have a choice to decide how to feel/react to situations
Great video
Thanks for your thoughtful comment - glad you're here.
@@juliakristinamah
Thank you for engaging with your audience whether you agree or disagree!
Shows you have great character!
Keep up the wonderful context!
Take care!
I too need routine and my spouse is always pushing change and travel it causes me great panic attacks and anxiety. Tough relationship.
Thank you for putting the disclaimer that if we are in an unsafe situation this doesn’t apply! Not everyone does that.
Change is scary not just because of unknowns, but sometimes experience has taught that change is usually bad.
Agree! And so untrue! ♥️
@@NenaLavonne I hope it's untrue for You! I have decades of experiences of change making things harder for me.
@@chrishorbatt3504 This advice -like so many other things- is good for neurotypicals. If you aren't neurotypical and need meds- such as OCD or ADHD, this is more helpful after those things have been addressed -my experience.
@@sl5311 dont know if im neoroytypical?!
I have always been happy with the way I handled stress, confrontations, and jealousy but since last 9 years taking care of 96 yo mother, I am failing. Not with her but my cousin who is in charge of her decisions and so arrogant. Thanks for this talk.
That must be really challenging. I believe you’re doing your best rather than failing because it’s difficult to always get it perfect. Best wishes.
That need to have a reaction to every thought diminishes. My thoughts are still busy but they dont need an ear, like they once did. Im a single parent so i was lonely to begin with but luckily not so much anymore.
Thanks to homegirl i just added "rigidity" part of my vocabulary. This video made me go back to the drawing board and reevaluate my life..as an INTJ she hit the bullseye...Much love to the homegirl and I hope I can be welcome to the Shift Society...Much love and peace...
Virtual hi five. Fellow INTJ here
This has been my 2021 so far. I've conflated anxiety with urgency and adaptability with complacency. I've made it mean something about my discipline and character when I don't fight for the outcome I've convinced myself justifies my time investments. It's resulted in a thousand spinning plates I resent holding up because I'm too stubborn to put them down.
Thank you, friend. I'm glad to be here. I'm a motion picture content entrepreneur based in Lagos Nigeria. I've known how to struggle with emotions ,Julia, and have just last night begun to see the actual ways to concentrate my energies and directing it towards a goal. And it feels rewarding and refreshing. I'd love, love to learn
Its hard when youve made all the right decisions to put yourself in a good position mentally, and in life given the current circumstances, and then things still aren't falling into place. Its like what more could I do?
I agree
It helped me to stop moving towards a deadline. Found peaceful/enjoyable/being happy in the moment activities, that stopped the 'what next' anxiety. Good luck 😊
Try this quick exercise. Right now look around the room. Really do a quick scan, stop reading and look at the room you're in. Without looking for reference, how many things did you see that had the color blue in them? Don't relook . not yet..... DO you know? un sure? Okay now look again, and look for those things that are blue... How many did you see? Probably more than the first time. When you look for the positive things you will see the positive things. So when you say things are still not falling into place, ask yourself: What did I learn today (Learning is always good) ? How much better am I today? How much tougher and resilient am I today? Being here today is evidence that yesterday couldn't bring you down. You are here. another day. Continue to push, fall, get up learn, and see your successes. And maybe those things you haven't gotten yet, you're not ready for. In order to be faithful over many, you must be faithful over few. Go get em Zachery!!
@@raizethebar loved this!!!!
I definitely understand where you're coming from but I also know that people have it worse than I do I meditate and pray for peace I learned to be grateful for every little thing I am where the universe wants me to be I have something that I'm supposed to learn from this I just have to figure out what it is if I stay stuck in the I did all the right things I sacrificed my happiness when I was young to have more when I was older but yet I have less then happiness will elude me as well just look for the lesson work on inner peace there is nothing more priceless
It took me a while to realize the problem was only a “problem” because of my wants and expectations. And I’m responsible for them being met, not other people. It was hard to learn and I still am
Summary of my take away from this video:
Mental adaptability is not about being positive all the time or pretending to be okay, it's about learning to be ok regardless of what's happening.
Whenever there is a change, i can choose to be miserable about it or adapt to it instead of being rigid and saying this is going to be awful, I'm going to be miserable.
How to adapt??
1-Notice your feelings, pay attention to your feelings.
2-Process those feelings
3-Then I'm gonna decide what to think about them.
Mental adaptability is also about figuring out how to be okay ( try different things to see what suits you)
I also resonated deeply with the example you presented (quality time with a friend) and the way you viewed this situation inpired me.
Thank you Julia! ❤️ Glad to be here
This is wonderful - thanks for sharing your notes here Zahraa.
After noticing my feelings- ie disappointment and deciding what to think about them( ie next time I'll state my preferences clearly/change mode of transportation/change to more appropriate clothing or equipment/ bring an emergency snack/water in my bag etc etc) you may decide, if it happensfrequently, or always with a certain person, that you may prefer not to participate/meet/travel/ invest time etc etc. You can choose not to adapt and lay down a boundary.ie with a friend that''s always late-or adapt- decide to set aside extra spare time,or preparing something to do while you wait. There''s a limit to adaptation in every situation.
This video was very timely for me. I have just recognized that I am a resister. I always believed that when hard things really upset me, it was because I had poor coping skills
or that I was just being negative. When you were making all the comments about “I don’t like this! I want this to be over!” - you were talking to me, my brain and my heart. I don’t accept the circumstance and by accept, I mean acknowledge it’s happening - I resist it, try to push it away, cry it away or whatever. Wow! Lightbulb moment for me today, Julia! Thank you!!!!!!
I'm so glad this connected on a deep level Jennifer. 'A-ha' moments are the best!
"Do I trust that I'm going to figure out a way to be OK? " No, I do not. My living situation is not safe for me and I have no where to go.
Thank you Julia for this cause I’m struggling with accepting change in my life. God bless you. I hope you have a blessed day.
change can be hard Jeremy - especially when it's change that we don't want. Be gentle with yourself - you will get to the other side of this.
Being an intense person, resistance was a natural part of my being. It’s great to know that there is another path.
Self awareness of triggers is golden. Our triggers are limiting beliefs or a value we wanted to experience in that moment and didn’t!
Thank you for this! Exactly where I’m at right now. The visit to a friend’s example actually happened to me! So spot on! I appreciate the practical step by step approach to manage: 1) notice/ be aware of feelings - how am I feeling? 2) process the feelings- how do I want/choose to think about it? 3) decide to take action- what can I choose to do about or within this situation? THANK YOU 🙏
I try to be happy, but it's hard when I lost my job of nearly 9 years and I've had to adjust and been in and out of work and none stuck. Since then I've had some temp. work, others so awful, that I left and I get pushed from pillar to post. Now I'm in my 50's, it's a lot harder to find a job and feel like I'm on the scrap heap.
This is huge for me. For most of my life I have been postponing being generally happy..in life even though I consider myself an optimist. It's always when I get through the next hard thing, then I can relax and go with the flow and enjoy life.
Same.
I was just talking to a friend the other day about the same topic. We both have had some things going on that is wearing us both down. I told her a lot of our issues are not us but others. We just need to keep getting through one day at a time in a positive way. She totally agreed with me. We are both working to adapt better to negative people in our lives.
Realize that of your self you CANNOT change.
Drop your anger and start living from within where you will find perfect peace.
Only then can nothing on earth get to you, nothing at all.
No stress, no fear, no doubt, no concerns, no hatred, no resentment, etc.
I'm 61 , to stop letting things get to me is very hard and been like this since 3 yo. Julia helps me to better understand my barriers which for me stems from how I was raised. I do need a good job, but I got a long way to go to get there.
Learning how to mentally adapt to life changes is vital for having a meaningful life. Pushing against life is power draining. Thank you so much.
My gf can get a little depressed with change so I showed her this channel lol It does help thankfully
This channel is a Godsend. Ran into by "accident" I suppose. Couldn't be happier. Feeling blessed now. Thank you!
I can’t tell you how much I needed to see this. My husband’s family has been going through some health issues with my F-I-L and I was feeling resentful that our summer vacation is going to be going to see them before his surgery. I’m going to watch this everyday until I leave so I can be more helpful and less detrimental to my husband’s sadness. Thank you! ❣️❣️❣️❣️
Thanks for the grounded, and accessible information about the importance of adaptability. I’m looking forward to learning more from your videos.
You cannot imagine how many times I've watched this video, thank you so much Julia
I get a lot from your videos. I am a retired Veteran of 35+ years in the Canadian Military. It’s been a struggle but I am becoming connected and gettin better all the time. I decided that in order to survive and enjoy life, I had to drop the rigidity, become open minded, and listen. After 35 year in, my guess is that you know what I’m talking about.
I just subscribed and this is my second video. I look forward to all your videos. Thanks, you definitely know what you talkin about!
I struggle with homeschooling my autistic daughter (with PDA and learning disabilities) being rigid, resisting to learn. She needs to learn so she can get by in life (she’s 10 but at a 6 year old level with reading, writing and maths) but she fights me daily and we both end up in tears. I want to learn to be less annoyed when she won’t do any schoolwork
You need to watch Mark Rober’s video on his son with autism. It’s really great it’s got 10million views already and he just posted it two days ago. It really helped shift my perspective as an autism parent
Improving my mental adaptability is helping with my work in supporting marginalized people. I struggled alone against systems of oppression in my country for years, and now I am part of a larger community, including some working within governing systems to build supports for those of us who have been marginalized
Around the 7:00 mark: I think the trouble is where the "thought" becomes a greater issue is when it manifests more chronically as sickness in the body. Weightloss, nausea, panic attacks, insomnia, ulcers, migraines etc. What about the passage of "thought" into the body when it manifests in these things?
Wow! The universe brought me to you. This exactly what I needed to hear today. I have been on a healing journey dealing with chronic pain and it has been hard to not resist it because it hurts so bad. I am making positive changes in my life and learning to let things go easier and love my life despite my circumstances.
My husband and I bought a peice of land and a little house in far south Texas near the beach. It's something I've wanted all of my life. Now that we have it, and I'm so very happy there, I keep thinking I'm going to get the bad news... I think I'll find out I am dying from some horrible disease, or my husband will get sick. It's like, ok, I've gotten something I've always wanted and I'm so happy, BUT , now something bad is going to happen to take it all away.
So thank you Julia, great video. I'll probably need to watch it a few times. It made me feel better.
Yikes! I have this fear also. We just purchased our dream home...too good to be true! What unthinkable storm is coming 😭😟🥴
@@brandyjones1940 we are going to be just fine!
I am wife and caregiver of a disabled veteran with PTSD and TBI. It's extremely tough and handling the bad days are extreme. It's hard to handle someone that perceives things that are not based in reality.
Mary Jane look up Operation Angel Wings.... designed especially for PTSD concerning Veterans and family members...as it is all whom are affected.♥️🇺🇸💕👍. Thank you for your service 🇺🇸👍
I am willing to take the step to changes and slowly adjust to new ideas
“This life.. is all that I have!” 💛
This makes so much sense! This will Change my life. Thank you!!
Really glad it shifted some things for you Emily.
@@juliakristinamah Thank you! It did. I actually have conquered some big fears since.
Hello thank you Julia for being my online therapist this is bringing much needed healing to me I’m new to this Channel
I searched for this specific topic - have been working on this for a long time - sitting with distress and tolerating it .. thank you so much for your video - super helpful! There is no guideline for being an adult !
Your videos have really been life changing for me. I want to thank you for your way of teaching. I've learned to like myself more.
Yesss!! I'm SO happy for you Jackie.
This is a subsect of the topic of letting things get to you. By the title I expected it to also be about people getting under your skin in a negative way because you're sensitive to their opinions, taunts etc. But then maybe that's just where MY brain goes because it's MY issue. :)
Becoming a better person takes a lifetime. Learning self control - like using a muscle creates strength.
I successfully had changed the way I was thinking back when I was 18 and I fell back into rigidity when things started getting hard. I'm tired of feeling awful and I want to get back on track. This is helpful, thank you.
I think I've had a breakthrough moment after thinking about this video a bit: I have to choose to make friends with the reality that I can do nothing about any of the challenges I face. ♥️
Figuring out to be okay, learning how to be okay,
GOOD for you Jai.
im so happy to have found your channel! I'm a first-year MFT grad student and I'm here to learn both personally and professionally☺️
Amazing video! Thanks so much. You made me realize that people (like me and those who need this kinda content) often get lost in their own heads and then forget the basics - which you are clearly packing out for us here piece by piece. You're amazing. Thanks so much!
Thank you, julia kristina. You are my sunshine. Very encouraging.
Brilliant atitude.
I find that in every adversity there is an opportunity/beneficial aspect to it.
When something is lost, something greater is found.
When something is missing, something greater emerges.
Dynamic mental flexibility, not mental ridgidity.
Can’t thank you enough ..I watched this on the right time..
Omg, talk about divine timing! Thank you. I so needed this right now. Will listen many times to get it into my head!
Thank you so much for this video ! This is something that I have struggled with for so long. I’ve been trying to fight myself to be ok with what I’m not ok with instead of accepting that it’s ok to not be ok but then to move on and not sit in my self made misery . Life is full of things we love and I don’t know about other people but I find it easier to forget those things when faced with uncomfortable change or situations. Hopefully this made sense . Again thank you for this video and the countless others I have watched over the last couple of weeks !
Hello Julia, I have been listening to your guidance and support for sometime. I wanted to thank you for sharing your insight and guidance. It really does help. Thank you.
This is helping me a lot. Thanj youuu very much Ma'am. I know that I'm the problem but I don't why am I feeling and acting this way. And now, I finally had the answer. I sincerely thank this video. Now, I'm going to practice how to adapt with uncomfortable situations.
It's all about Mental Control. Easier said than done, but your tips is quite as effective as it is very helpful. Thank you for this, Julia.
Hi Julia, Linda from South Africa - 49 years old. I have shared your video. Thank you for your guidance. Love and Light
Your talks always resonate with me. Thanks Kristina.
Glad you're here Terry.
I used the pandemic season to sit with myself and journal and take inventory of my emotions and everything attached to them.
This is exactly what I needed to hear and learn this morning. Thank you Julia
Really glad to hear that Daniel. Thanks for watching.
At my transition academy, us students and staff all of the time have to be flexible if something doesn’t happen or goes wrong
Hey Julia, I found this video by accident and I would like to first thank you so much for this - it's exactly what I needed! I've moved back to my apartment after renting out for 6 years. Before renting out I had a couple of incidents where my neighbours both upstairs and downstairs made noises while I slept that drove me very mad. Now even though both neighbours are gone, I am still having this constant fear of history repeating and I am responding uncontrollably to all sounds (99% minor from everyday living, such as pulling a chair or dropping something) when it's quiet at night. My heart would pound so much that I would be unable to breathe naturally and that has persisted for 2 months. I am so worried now that it has turned into some sort of heart problems but I am afraid to seek medical help. I've been here for 2 months now and it's been largely quiet, but my mind just couldn't stop thinking about this. I've adopted many techniques found online and things are slowly improving. Your advice is one of the most appropriate for my situation and I will try do it, hopefully it would help me cope and rise to be strong again! (I call my case "apartment noise fear syndrome" - I really hate apartments and don't know why some luxury ones in NYC could costs several million dollars when you have to live with neighbours nuisance! Unfortunately I live in Hong Kong and am not rich enough to afford a detached house, and even if I return to Vancouver in the future, I could also only afford an apartment, so this thing will be with me for a lifetime, which makes me even more upset)
I'm so glad you are here..
The key to stop struggling with uncomfortable situations, circumstances is to recall us that we are going to die one day and therefore all this crap we can endure doesn't really matter. We take things too much seriously although one day we won't be here anymore. That's why fuck It. The more It's uncomfortable the more we must fuck It. Living each day as if It were the last that's the key because anyway you've got no certainty to be alive tomorrow. The more you resist the more life will bombard you with more problems. Fuck it and life will leave you alone
Thanks ☺️ julia ,
Recap : it's okay,think what are the possibilities ,I have a choice in the difficult situation to, love my life and live
You have been a best friend to me these past few weeks every week on Sundays and I look forward to digesting more of your content. Thank you! :)
Thanks for sharing your messages ! I'm from India and , at 71 , on the brink of some huge changes in my life ...
Hi Julia Kristina! Always a pleasure to see you and hear from you!😊
This resonates with me very well! Thank you for sharing.
I’m not generally rigid but a year ago my own brother ghosted me. We were really close, or so I thought, but there was no argument or words said, just a sudden blocking me out everywhere. The hardest thing is I have no closure or not one single clue as to what happened. Usually I can move past things, but not this 😞
Hello this is Jason, I definitely struggle with this on a daily routine in my head. It's a struggle to overpower my mental thoughts. And tell myself that it's okay. Thank you for the help
That’s my cousin and I love her and I don’t trust this, and I’m not going along with this game with her about you. I will be fine. Please don’t feel obligated to be by my side. Thank you for everything that you have tought me ❤️
This is exactly my problem. I don't like change, I don't like uncertainty. I got a new job and the people are all not good. I've adapted to each situation that's come but sooner or later I hit a road block. I have a current co worker who is just jerk and when I have to interact with him I want to take him on to relieve the stress he puts on me. Instead I just get worked up and I hate it. I feel like no amount of therapy can get me to adapt. I wanna give up, I wanna throw in the towel
Thank you Julia Kristina! I grew up with very high expectations and this has been hard for me to adapt. It’s been very helpful!
Hai, Julia thank you for the insightful thoughts..😊
Julia, you have the best diction I have ever heard.
Thank you. Ir has happened to me. You meet a friend with people who don't know you,can speak hard to you,even make fun of you. But,accept them,laugh,and smile. It works. Flexibility works. Someone told me to find my online community. This is itcommunity
WOW! I am WOW'd. This is my first view of your material and the delivery of content was perfect. Going to watch a bunch more.
So happy I found you. You have helped me so very much. God Bless you.
thank you thank you thank you!!!
Most relatable youtube video ever!
Im really struggling with the man i was supposed to marry.
His family members are clingy and his 40 year old daughter harasses us when we spend time together. I have delt with this for 9 years now. She reports all her complaints to her brother about us who then calls and bully’s both of us. The person i was 9 years ago i am not now and decided to finally say I’ve had enough of swallowing this crap. Bf refuses to say anything to them and only to me. I told him i was leaving .. i just cant do it anymore..i flipped my sh#* finally and now they know.
Bf doesn’t want me to leave but the rigidity within the family is really a lot to deal with. Passive aggressive, one-sided, sugar coated everything is just hard to swallow at times. Im truthful and straight forward and that does not fit their dynamic. Hear nothing, see nothing and say nothing approach is really heavy.
Thank you for the video! It feels good when someone offers help, like U do! No Serial Killer.
OMG, Julia, I just found this one, and it is sooo awesome. Very timely for something I was struggling with today. I watched it twice, and some bits more than that. Took notes! I have work to do. Thank you!!
Hi dear I just discovered you thank you for your speech it is exactly what I need to hear and your voice near me it makes a lot of sense it heals me iqm now in paris I went to turkey last year to have a septoplasty rhinoplasty combine to end a 25 year old complex I got a loan was excited about it but it wasn’t what I expected es ally now I have a breathing problem on my right nostril and the tip isn’t the outcome I wanted too I am obssessing about i have almost what I aimes for but I don’t want to regret I now need to adapt it could have been worst like I could have ended up with a pig onze and I did not it is my boar when I was 16 and I had two implants in turkey and iam not happy with the result but it is better to have teeth in your mouth I got to be grateful and adapt instead I g being too perfectionist I took some risks now. Want to stay natural and find it I needed to to do all these and now my adult child avoids me and she went abroad for two month for her job and iam alone lonely I thibk sometimes I might have a narcissistic daughter but then iam like she is young she has her life her boyfriend her master her work but as a single mom it breaks my heart that I can’t be closer to my daughter born in New York by the day anyway I needed to tell you this hearing your video helps me because I totally identify with this adaptability thing I need to be grateful in my misery count my blessings let positive things even if my life sucks at 57 Mom you’re almost 60 my daughter launched at me and I felt I was in a senior home no honey iam 57 today in the now don’t put forward she wants me to change but these young people today don’t know the meaning of respect she meant well iqm sure and throws mom I love you if iam hard harsh on you it’s because I love you she has her life and I have to have a life of my own now because iam alone and have no friends near me in Paris iam scared that is why iam hear on the net listening to what makes sense thank you darling woman 👩
Ok this is crazy. I am also Julia Christina. Just with a C and not a K. Thanks so much for this video!