AITA for threatening to uninvite my mom from my wedding if she can’t be civil with my dad & stepmom?
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
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Original Post:
AITA for threatening to uninvite my mom from my wedding if she can’t be civil with my dad and stepmom?
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Poor OP has been dealing with all of this for 1/2 of her life. Find that pit bull cousin who’s motto is “I wish a bitch would” and assign them to your mom. Best of luck and congratulations
Love this ❤😂
I was that person at my friend Shannon’s wedding. One person showed up that neither use nor her new husband wanted to be there. I actually had fun throwing the bitch out.
Pit Bull Cousin? So we have a name? 😂 That's me.
@headoverheels88 I may need to hire you in a couple years 😂
Keep that boundary! Definitely NTA. You’re worthy of a happy wedding day. She’s choosing to make her life about be a victim. You’re choosing to celebrate life. 🙌🏼
As someone who also has a mom and stepmother that don't get along (never to the point of this story though), I made it very clear for my wedding, graduations, holidays that I fully expect everyone to be nice or I have no issues removing the problem child or removing myself. Assert dominance as the alpha female hahaha.
@emilybrinegar7011 👏👏👏
By the time of my brother's wedding around 30 y.o. all parents and step-parents all came and were GREAT.
But DAMN were there a LOT of years in between of one parent or the other ALWAYS ruining -- RUINING -- EVERY occassion. Even if they showed up and were civil, the amount of BS we had to hear from every side was not only wrong but simply ridiculous for any caring, reasonable people.
I'm 55 yo and still angry about how much we had to deal with their BS, especially much younger. Of course BOTH of them got angry every time I recommended therapy. 😂 They were really a match made for a horrible divorce. 😂
I feel sorry for people just drawing the lines at wedding time. But, head's up!, if you are younger and your divorced parents are trying to ruin your graduation etc, already ruined your bat- or bar-mizah or confirmation... Get ready to LAY DOWN THE LAW! And don't feel bad about it. Therapy for you! And whether you go to therapy or not, Eff them!!! Live YOUR life, especially if they want to stay childish, unreasonable, and UNCARING for YOU!
Mum is Ascon 1 !! She hates the one that got away and his wife more than she loves OP. So sorry OP. She’s put you in an impossible position.
Definitely NTA. OP needs to keep those boundaries. Her mom sounds like a massive narcissist. So does the stepmom to a degree. If they can’t learn to at least be civil then they will be escorted out. As for the family who are hacking the mom up, don’t invite them. This is YOUR wedding, not THEIRS. Your wedding day is supposed to be one where the love of two people is being celebrated. Don’t let these Neanderthals ruin it.
NTA. A wedding is ABOUT THE BRIDE AND GROOM for a few hours on ONE day. If you can't adult for that small amount of time, please, don't go to the wedding.
OP if I were in your shoes, I'd ask mom a very simple pointed question "Which is stronger, your love for me or your hate for them?"
If she says her love for you is stronger, then demand she acts like it and puts away the hate for the wedding. If she says the hate is stronger, then she really doesn't deserve a place at your wedding.
Ya know, part of the mother's bitterness might be that the father and step mom are still together. That's hard proof that they were a better fit than her and the dad. From what OP said, the step mom and dad, even if it made them inefficient parental figures, are even on the same emotional wavelength.
My brother used their engagement party as a test drive to see if our parents could get along. He told them that if they can’t, they are not invited to the wedding. My mom and stepdad were fine, and talked with my dad’s parents, sister, etc. but I could tell that my dad had a hard time being civil. He ended up walking away at the wedding while we were taking pictures and I had to call him to get his butt back so we could get pictures with him too. I was so mad and tried to keep that whole situation away from my brother and SIL.
That sounds like a lovely time. :)
@@dustythunder lol yeah
At least its nice your dad knows when to walk away when he couldn't take it
When I lived in Texas I had a large group of friends. For the most part we all got along, but sometimes there would be issues. My house was the go to spot. We all would meet there to hang out, drink, bbq ect. When there was conflict, everyone knew my rules. You are coming to hang out with me, act like an adult and either avoid the other person or just be civil. If you couldn't do either I will 1. Ask you to leave, 2. If you don't leave I will remove you, 3. if I can't physically remove you, the cops will. Never had an issue at any of my gatherings.
my mom was super bitter about her divorce, yet she would never have caused problems at my sister's wedding because her love for my sister was greater than her dislike for my dad. NTA
No OP is not the AH. She needs to find someone to 'mind' her mom at the wedding. I guess that is an actual thing. Good luck OP, I hope you have an amazing wedding.
Ascon 1. A piece of paper is not going to stop this woman from trying to think she's right about everything I can understand why OPs dad left.
I would definitely sit her down with your fiance, I would record this I would tell her exactly the rules of the wedding.
1. It's very simple no drama, no baloney will not be tolerated. And if she acts up again, Security will remove her and if she starts complaining she will be disinvited immediately, no contact will be automatically given! And I would hire security and give them a picture of your mother and tell him that this woman is not allowed past. no matter what she says.
2. She will not be allowed to consume alcohol at your wedding, because that is fuel for her to be an idiot. If she wants to toast your wedding she will have to use fruit punch, grape juice or water booze will not touch her lips because it will not be like your bar mitzvah....
3. Any of the family members that calling her right you will be disinvited from the wedding too. And I would post this on all Facebook pages and any group pages that you share with your family.
Yeah if you have to be a little bit of a bridezilla to control these people.. do it
I could never tolerate BS. I don't care if it's from family or strangers, especially on such an important day
I know a few people like the mom. Asking someone your mom respects to talk to her about all this may be the best idea. She sees you as a little kid, so she will not do as you ask no matter how you demand her to, but if she speaks to someone who she sees as her equal or as someone who is her superior she may make changes. OP, I would highly suggest asking your mom to go to therapy, or if you think that would be too much to ask you can suggest that you go to therapy together so you can talk about this calmly in a neutral location (say anything to get her into the counseling doors). She needs to air out her hurts to finally heal, and getting counseling would be the healthiest way to get it done.
OP already knows what will happen if she doesn’t stick to the boundary. NTA moms an adult and she can act like it for one day.
NTA at all. It's her wedding, her mom already ruined her Bat Mitzvah and I don't blame her for not wanting a repeat. If she truly loves her daughter and wants her to be happy then she needs to be civil. The Stepmom showed class by offering to stay home, but she should be there. OP set a boundary and I say good for her. If mom comes and starts stuff she should have her removed. Weddings are stressful enough without having to worry about her mother making it about her.
Dusty, I love that on most of these you literally say what I'm thinking!
💯 agree!
Hi, just stumbled on your channel and I love it so much.. This story reminds me of what Judge Judy tells divorced parents on her show that fight over nonsense and treat their kids like a tug of war rope.. "You need to love your kids more than you hate each other."..
Note that at a Jewish wedding both the mother and father give away the bride. The groom's mother and father escort him into the hall from the opposite side of it. They meet somewhere in the hall like under an arch (the huppah)
Great answering machine message idea Dusty!
I’m so glad my parents got over their crap. Definitely makes things easier.
Noooo not the cake!! 😂
Got divorced a decade plus and she is still this bitter? Jesus… in the famous words of Elsa “let it go!” 🎶
Many moms are covert narcs and are very jealous of their daughters. She’ll never be able to handle you having a relationship with your father. Mine still talks shit 24/7 about my dad, he died 7 years ago and she remarried 15 years ago. It’s pathetic and I’m now no contact with her 🤷🏽♀️
A good mom doesn't put their kid in the middle and tear down the other parent. They don't cause so much drama at an event that it takes away from their kid.
I really don't get this commonality among people at all. Weddings are so expensive, I know two people getting married and they're paying $40,000+ for one day. I've looked into this and this is the average amount paid in the US on a wedding is ~$30,000. If yall are out here paying this much money for a wedding, why in the world would you invite somebody that would only start sh*t at your wedding? Seriously, why even pay for them (meal, etc...) to be there? That's so stupid to me. I get family is family, but I'm not forking up my last for you to come to the start of my special union with someone just to f*ck it up.
Listen, my husband left me + our 2 sons + 1 dog for an extremely wealthy coworker, who he cheated on me w/for a year before. I had to short sale the house, a teen drove into my car which totaled it (3 pymts left), _and the dog died._
We had to move into a 2 bdrm dump while “Dad” moved to her 3 level mansion + occasionally picked up the kids in his Mercedes.
… and with ALL that.. when we had a family event, *I sucked it up,* locked the bare-knuckled brawler I wanted to be in the closet, and pretended to be a serene lady of grace.
Which is the best revenge. Pass that onto ur mother. Beat them with class, Mom.
5:22 starting to sting now just made me chuckle😂
😂⚡😂
Right. So what happened obviously is that original poster. Dad cheated on original poster mom with the woman who is now the Stepmom. That's pretty obvious.
Is there a family group chat? If so, put it out there. Say anyone who initiates drama at the wedding will be removed - if you don't intend to be civil to everyone, you are not welcome. And further if you attend and cause disruption it may well ruin your relationship with me. Don't have to name names. If mama wants to identify herself as the problem, fine.
This has been going on for so long then it sounds to me that mom needs to get over it and move on. Its about OP not mom.
MOM IS ASCON #1
Definitely ASCON 1
Divorce is ugly but today is her daughter’s day. Grow up.
OP's Mom is the A-hole.... a 1 for not being able to grin and bear it for your child's day...
I get it, I do.... but you have to be a grown up for the sake of your kid (OP in this case)
... personal story
My dad... said it took all he had in him not to say something when my sister asked for him and our step dad to walk her down the isle... My Dad, for good reason, isn't a fan of my step-dad... but he did as my sister wanted for her day... and after he told me about his feelings of it...
He didn't tell her how bad it hurt him, because it was for her day. He wanted to make her happy for her wedding day...
THATS where the priorities for OP's Mom should be too. Make it the best day you can for your child...
OP, NtA ♥
I'm new to this channel... Is the Moira Rose voice/impression a theme?
🧡
Mum is Ascon 1