Hey, Where's Ossy Flawol Been?
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- Опубликовано: 20 апр 2024
- Hey folks. I've been absent for 7 months, here's a quick explanation as to why. Next proper video is almost ready for release and will be public soon.
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Join My Discord! - / discord
Follow My Twitter! - / ossyflawol
Support My Patreon! - / ossyflawol
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Hey everyone, the name's Ossy Flawol! 
Игры
If this is somehow too long to watch, quick explanation:
- mental health is a fuck
- portal rtx video caused it
- next video is coming in like a day
ty love yall
mental health is important
Gyatt
You’re one of my favorite RUclipsrs that got me into portal. I hope you get better
@@ToastedHeadcrab i am going to say the fuck word
As GladOS said: "Oh thank God you're alright"
On another note, mental health is absolutely not something to take lightly, so take all the time you need
I want GLaDOS to say that to me.
@@sushifox3931 what
@@N1NTY_N1NE🤨📷
portal rtx has caused every problem ive ever had
It's good that you took a break for your mental health, instead of forcing yourself to make videos. I know how that stuff feels like from my experience with OCD and anxiety :p
Either way, glad that you're back and that you're ok! :)
I can feel the exaustion from your voice already, you definitely need some breaks. Don't be too hard on yourself, for me I can wait as long as I want and felt surprises when seeing a quality upload from a long period of absence.
Couldn't have said it better, this is also my opinion!
Yo. It’s okay Ossy. Your mental health is more important. And you can take a break whenever.
Hating the overwhelming nature of work and being a workaholic at the same time, it's a balancing act that's easy to tip over, hope ya get through it well and don't let anything discourage ya.
Glad to see you back! Hyped to see the next Ossy Flawol banger whenever that comes out, all of your Portal stuff is unironically peak and it got me back into Portal (and the White Eyes video was really interesting, would be curious to see if you plan to do more stuff outside of Portal)
Its better to take a break than have a mental breakdown later.
We're all glad your back Ossy!
Hey Ossy, Clearly you love Portal - we do too! Do you think you're pushing yourself to do complicated videos? I ask because, whilst those type of long deeply-researched videos are EXCELLENT and loved by us all, don't forget, we would be fascinated at random 5 minute rants about some random-ass stuff from Portal! You and your audience share the same obsession with this game!
Burnout sucks and I think you seem like the perfectionist type - I can't imagine trying to perfect a long-ass video, sounds like hell.
We love what you make, please don't feel pressure to be perfect - do what you gotta do, take breaks, pause projects, cancel stuff, it's all good, because you're looking out for your own wellbeing!
So here’s the funny thing - Pretty much nearly every major video of mine actually tends to result from me attempting to make a small-scale video. It’s a cycle that repeats pretty consistently, wherein I feel the need to explain every little bit of a topic as to act as a ‘definitive’ source of it as I don’t think anyone else truly knows how to go as far deep into a topic as I do, and slowly that video balloons outward until it reaches a much larger scope covering a wide range of topics.
This in particular most notably occured with my video on Portal: The Flash Version, it actually started as a video that was solely gonna talk about how weird the maps for Portal: Still Alive were and the ways they edit The Flash Version Mappack’s maps, but it went from “haha look at this silly oddity” to “i need to document ALL of this” to a full on hour long documentary with me getting in touch with the developers of TFV and Still Alive.
My most recent example actually was me beginning to write a video on how the designs of the Portals evolved, it started with me needing to fact check supposedly ‘well known’ information that immediately mutated into earth shattering revelations and also me now procrastinating on learning compiling custom codebases for the Source Engine *solely* just for that video’s topic.
Please take care of yourself!
well good to know you're alright
So you weren't put in a potato and fed to birds? Glad to hear!
My sister in christ please take care about yourself and BE yourself :)
I know the pain, mental health is a bitch 😢
I've never been good at helping people with mental health, but I have one thing to say for you. It's far better, far far better to take breaks then to need to quit forever -- or worse. Take any breaks you need, and we, your community, will still be just as happy to see new videos as we were before.
Ruts, however long or short, aren't forever. I'm happy to see you back Ossy, but don't feel pressured to not take a break whenever you need to. College can sap a lot out of me too, but it's well worth it in the end.
College, mental health, and a passionate person are definitely a difficult mix. I've loved all your videos, and I'm excited for the one coming in a day or two. I'm glad whenever you upload, but focusing on your health and life comes first. Congratulations on returning and overcoming the big barrier of uploading once again
It's really hard to pick up momentum once you've been stopped dead in your tracks. Glad to see you back again, and I'm excited to see what you have lined up. Take care!
The part about feeling like your computer can fail on you at any moment is a horrifying feeling, especially when you don't know the reason behind it. I've had issues with my GPU consistently disconnecting itself because of too much GPU-sag, and it took me literally years before I figured out that that's what the issue was. Glad to hear you got it fixed.
i was introduced to your channel from the portal maps in half life source. An entire video of you fooling around with portal in half life source
I only just started watching your videos the other day, so this is a nice treat! Hope your mental health gets better
you dont need to stress yourself making videos, i already have rewatched them for like the millionth time and it doesnt get boring
Hey, thanks for posting this status update to let us all know! You did the right thing, taking a step back and focusing on your mental health. Doggedly pushing through wouldn’t have fixed anything, so it was a very good idea to stop, recover and refresh before trying again.
I’ve had something similar, actually - in terms of doing something I love and have done for years, I pushed myself to finish a project. But after that project, I couldn’t bring myself to start any others. Turns out, I was afraid of these next projects being as overwhelming.
What did I do? Start small. Pick something you know you can do in the field - maybe make a 15 second video instead of a several-minute video, even if no one ever sees it publicly. Easing back into your field proves to your brain that you can handle the task at hand, that it’s not necessarily as overwhelming. I did this twice, and I’m back doing what I love!
You’ll be back doing these videos too. Even during periods of setbacks and problems, you can still find a way to recover. Thanks for the video and update, and welcome back! 🙂👍
understandable. i 100% get it. I've been trying to work on some personal projects myself. sometimes i just cant do anything because I'm tired. life sucks sometimes. happy to see you are back! 👍
As a person who is considered highly sensititve, and is autistic, has adhd, ocd, generalized anxiety, cptsd, slight dissociative problems, clinical depression, and apparently bpd, as well as burnout, of course,
Hang in there Ossy. I'm rooting for ya. I believe in you
What was in that phonebook of a diagnosis i just read? I have a better question! Who wants kind comments?
Your mental health is important and college can already be super stressful by itself. Please take care and thank you for the update
take as long as you need. we will always be here to support you
Take things easy, dude. You shouldn't suffer for your content. But also, welcome back.
I've found it's too easy to think that we can always create, especially if we feel like we need to, but burnout is real. It will strike when you're least expecting it. Especially when our hobbies overlap with our academics or our work. Or when we consume ourselves with a monumental task.
I think rest and breaks are incredibly important for mental health and motivation, yet they're critically undervalued. So I'm infinitely grateful you've taken this break. I also encourage you to take it easy in the future--don't set yourself unrealistic goals, take your time. I think it's all part of being kind to yourself.
If you want to make videos more frequently, I'd say focus on making shorter, less polished videos in between bigger ones. Don't force yourself to make each video better than the last, and don't feel bad if they're not perfect, either. We'll love it regardless :]
Take care of yourself, Ossilia!
I have read some study that many autistic people can actually self diagnose it, like of course you won't get papers for it or anything but if you do your research and have concrete suspicions then you most likely have autism. I, for one, do not go for a diagnosis because there is nowhere near my place, and it apparently cost some money and takes 2 or 3 days so not only I would have to pay for it, I would also have to rent a hotel room or something, but if there are studies saying it can be self diagnosed then I'll gladly take it.
I also am very sensitive, and my motivation is usually all over the place, so I know how it is lol I try to learn a lot of stuff, but I give up rather quickly then feel very unsatisfied then do something else, and then I come back, give up again and so on. I must say I admire the dedication you put into your videos and I wish I could reach it someday too, maybe not for making videos specifically but my interests
Good to have you back! I was recently watching one of your previous videos, the one where you talk about left-over areas in source games and you mentioned there were far too many of them in HL2 for that particular video. I hope that one day you can make a video dedicated to just that, left-over areas in HL2. Looking forward to your future content!
Yay funny portal man is back, yippee
I have no clue how I ended up here, but it's great that you're doing better
Glad you're back, I was wondering where you had been. It sucks to hear that you burnt out and started to struggle hard with mental health.
as far as your computer breaking goes that sucks and having it play so hard on your anxiety sounds tough. Given you rely on your computer for work as well as play that must have been stressful, however a shift in how you think about your computer could help you. Sure I do work with my computers but as a techie these things are like big toys to me more then anything. I play with them, I experiment with them, and they WILL break.
6:12 Im a lot smaller of a content creator, but I can relate with that. I have been diagnosed with ADHD-PI and Autism myself and constantly pickup and drop and try re-pickingup projects.
The medicine helps me stay focused on getting tasks like it done.
it's alright, you don't owe us nothing
You probably won't read this (I really hope you do) but I relate a whole bunch to you. I'm also from NSW, I have more time spent on portal 2 than you do lol. We could probably have a full discussion on random obscure portal knowledge and I'd be able to know everything. I even used to call myself the portal lore master before you did. (Cybershell reference xd) But of course like anything I stopped being interested in it & completely stopped playing. Watching your channel basically feels like everything I missed out on after growing uninterested in the franchise. It kind of serves as a reminder of how far I could've gone with modding, coding, technical stuff portal-wise that I never got into, but in a good way. I value the videos a lot because with the vast majority of the stuff included in them I can say: "Hey! I know that!" or even cut you off before you say some portal knowledge lol. Part of me now really wants to actually create a video that shows off the MOST useless information there is. A giant video that would serve as a love letter completely inspired by you! (probably won't have motivation for it, but hey, I might suddenly revive interest sometime :) *Excited for more!*
Apparently wasn't subscribed... Now I am! Great videos! =)
We’re glad your back. Don’t stress yourself though
well i'm glad you're back on youtube, don't care how long your breaks are, you could make like 1 video every 4 months and i'd be completely fine with that tbh.
6:12
I was just about to say that this sounds like it could be ADHD or something like it, and then you say the same thing lmfao.
*hugs*
Its good to have You back!
Hey, long time viewer here, and I'm super glad to see you're back! Your videos are some of the best Portal content around, watching them fullfills that craving for nostalgia, discovery of secrets & behind the scenes material just right, and no one else quite does it like you, really!
Still, as a fellow (smaller) content creator, let me tell you: taking a break to focus on your mental health was the right choice, no matter how long or short that took. It's crystal clear just how much care and passion you put into this channel, hell, it's also obvious how genuinely difficult it was for you to make this video, but no amount of views, subscribers or engagement can replace your own well being. So, seriously, no worries - we understand!
Take care of yourself, and keep on being awesome! ^^
The new video is definitley gonna be about the Multi Core Era of Portal 2
gives giant hug take care you wonderfull derg
Its great to know you're back! Mental health is important. You shouldn't try to force yourself to work on projects, Breaks are important! Take all the time you need, you're videos are worth it!
awesome comeback. I hope you get much mental health 😎 lov your vids!!
Welcome back, Im glad to see you. I wish that things were better but-, now that we get to see you it is a bit. I hope to see you again soon.
Thanks for telling us
1. Welcome back! ;) I can't believe it's been 7 months x.x
2. You don't owe us shit. I gladly take whatever it is you make.
3. One of your poses has a transparent bit and it drives me crazy ;o;
nice to have you safe and back! personally, I don't care if you need to take a break- mental health is something we all really need to take care of from time to time, plus everyone deserves some downtime, even from passion projects. dont feel that you need to justify taking a break, or owe people an explanation- when you need to take some time off you need to take some time off.
Ayy, I've been rewatching your videos nowadays.
My mental health is a fuck as well.
I did a 30 minute presentation a week ago and it drained all my creative energy.
I am diagnosed with ADHD and undiagnosed autism. I don't work on getting diagnosed with the 'tism because my ADHD diagnosis took 8 months of dealing with healthcare professionals that don't want to listen.
Take care man.
gosh, you didn't have to be so relatable
3 YEARS?? WTF IS THIS GAME? A BIBEL?
A rather familiar set of experiences. Take care of yourself, we trust you to get back to how you want to be.
I know how it like my man, take your time
If you've never considered it, consider bipolar disorder.
Well, if you could, you could make a video on how portal RTX works.
Unless that disaster is took much for you.
I honest just got it to test GPUs, nothing else (is more of a Tech demo that a remake).
Else, 3 years of content.
Crazy...
Just do not burn yourself out.
Health break good. Especially if your life is busy.
missed you glad to make sure your ok
mental health is important because that's inside of the brain :3
remember to love yourself
I hope you feel better soon
Is that the Portal: Revolution sweater?
Hope you're doing well now buddy
It’s been so long since we wanted another Portal Video…
As someone who used to run a similar sized youtube channel (not this one, but in my mother tongue and let's play content, so not alot of script writing but,) I feel I need to comment - I usually don't as I'm more of a lurker...
Focus on yourself first - You say that you're an emotional person and might have ADHD&/Autism - and this MIGHT be the case but even then the healthcare systems usually aren't great at catching those, however - When I hear you talk about this I recognise myself from when I was 17-21 or so. I don't know you, I haven't met you, you're just an internet person (and so am I) but I can hear my former self before transitioning, before getting help, before I realised got diagnosed with recursive depressive disorder (don't know the actual english term). Once I got the diagnosis then the actual work starts.
Just like you said - just getting a note on a paper that says "You got this thing" doesn't change anything - but it's the **actual** first step to getting help. It sounds alot to me like you're procrastinating getting help, which is awful for yourself and for your mind. I can hear in your voice that, like you said, you're still struggling. I also know that healthcare in the US (which I is where I think you are based) is extremely expensive and so I understand why it's not your first priority. I'm just speaking from my own experience that once I got my diagnoses it didn't help instantly, of course it doesn't. Life (unfortunately) is a journey where you have ups-and-downs, but it's about how you handle those downs.
I've seen from your streams that you've also dealt with some gender questioning stuff and I would also suggest getting help for that too. A lot of my own issues still stem from that, or I attribute it to that even though it's not - it's such an easy target for me as I can just blame that, always. However - it's not even CLOSE to how it used to be. I'm 5+ years on HRT and once I started it was like clouds left my head. I could think clearly in a way I felt like I never had before. I don't know your situation but I'm just giving you my experience. I thought it wouldn't fix anything since I wasn't born a girl. That's not the case. I struggled so much cause noone gives you permission to transition but yourself. And that permission in yourself is very, VERY hard to get - or atleast it was for me. The thing that finally tipped me over the edge was the fact that a) I don't wanna die as a man on my deathbed b) I don't wanna grow older as a man (as in gain more beard growth, muscle growth, fat displacement, and so on) c) I realised I was lesbian and that's very very different from gender. Gender/sexual orientation are their own things - but I thought I couldn't be a girl cause I didn't like men. Sorry, getting off track. I understand that might not be any of this but I felt like giving my two cents.
I've been in your position where I took a big break from youtube and focused on myself. I eventually made a single video coming out & then posted like two videos more and never made outward facing content again. The relief of not putting pressure on myself (and the deadnaming in the comment section) was a huge help for my mental. I'm not saying quit - but figuring yourself out will make you get the motivation back, I'm sure of that. I tend to long for the time I had a following where I could post stuff I wanted. You still have that chance.
I know this has been a bible of a comment, just TLDR: get help, and motivation will come. Anxiety comes from a place of unknowing and pressure that you gotta create for me. It comes from a place of "I should be able to handle this, I did that before??", but that feeling also comes from a different place where you were in your life. We evolve as people and things are never the same as it once was. Yesterday was a bad day for me, but I made sure to make this day count a little more.
I might be wayy out of line with my assumptions, and if I am, I'm sorry - didn't mean to project that much 😮💨 Take care.
Hey! Just responding to this comment so you feel acknowledged and that you know it doesn’t go to waste - and for the record, I live in Australia, not the US :)
1. Gender
I’m genderfluid! I’ve been identifying as Genderfluid for over a year now, with the primary thing being that I present as masculine for my public-facing, “”professional”” content while I present as feminine for my actual personal self. I do this to create a divide between the brand of Ossy Flawol and the actual person (me!) of Ossilia Flawol (I accept he/him, she/her and they/them all as valid pronouns to refer to me as) as I want to seperate my personal and “”work”” lives. The question of transitioning to me is something more I feel is an inevitability that is blocked by my living situation, as without divulging too far into details - I have an incredibly religious family who would likely not be happy about learning I don’t identify as a man, it’s not safe for me to be out and seeking help in that way, it’s also likely why I’ve never been diagnosed with anything beyond my anxiety, and I’m not in a circumstance where I can just sneak out and get those diagnosises done in private. I’m banking on being able to eventually get enough of an income to move out and get my own place where I can begin persuing these goals.
2. Motivation
To be honest, it is just kind of a fickle thing I can’t really attribute much to. I didn’t really talk about it in this video, but passion is the main thing that gets these videos made. If I feel really strongly invested in a topic that I want to make a video on, then that video is going to inevitably happen. Creating something for me in general is always a question of “when” rather than “if” in most cases, I still have stuff from years ago I’m actively chipping away and working at, and it’s been a matter of just finding the right time to do that stuff. Like I described in the video - it’s like a battery of “creative energy”, I have a lot of stuff that draws from that pool in my work at college which leaves not much left for my videos, so I have to let that battery recharge so I can work on videos, but it also needs to recharge enough for me to actually be able to balance video creation with my college work.
3. Anxiety
I just am capable of worrying a lot about things! I honestly have no rational reason to, and the fact I’ve been able to acknowledge it has been something I’ve been making progress on after getting help for it back when I was more able to, nowadays though it’s a kind of lingering element I just have to cope with, always that inner monologue that maybe I’m not doing the best I can or that something is going to go terribly wrong, but in the end, it’s something I’m working towards resolving, it’s something that can still sort of be triggered to flare back up, and ultimately I’m learning to deal with that.
So all I’m saying is - don’t fret too much about me! I have a fairly strong grasp on stuff like my gender and anxiety, it’s just about me needing to push myself every now and then to get some important stuff done. Thank you for your insightful comment, I appreciate that you feel concerned, and I’m just saying I know it will all be ok in the end - just got some life roadblocks to deal with first that can only be resolved with money.
Alright! Thanks for taking the time to answer- I think I understand a bit more now! Good that you know who you are and need to do!! Just make sure to never be not true to yourself❤ I totally understand having a more masculine facing persona so I fully understand that! Sorry for getting so deep into it- hope you didn’t take it the wrong way😮💨 I’m sure like everyone else commenting that we just want to see you strive and be your best self💐 Take care once again ❤️
Hey take your time, we all go trough bad times :>
Big up lad
Holy. I thought you left youtube for a moment.
*hug*
I know the RUclips algorithm doesn’t agree, but I’m a big believer in quality over quantity.
why are you on the teal 34 website?
Take care of yourself ❤
Cool
Hope you're alright, and man no wonder Portal RTX didn't take lightly to your criticism so it fucked you over
The New Video's thumbnail has Aquarium Core in it... I wonder why?
Just gonna say: Take the time you need. I like your videos, but I wouldnt ever like you forcing yourself and destroying your mental health through this even further.
Take breaks when you need them, cancel videos when you need that, and overall just look after your health. That's the most important.
You are never alone, and I know no matter what your decisions could be, I know that there are enough people here supporting you. Me included. Take care
rtx is not the biggest flaw it is we not HAVE A 64 BITS PORTAL(not talking about mario 64 one it more like tf2 64 bits)
idk if you need to hear this, but you can just use your feminine voice for you main videos if you want to, i really dont think you would lose any meaningfull community for it. lots of trans people on the site
I think his voice is the least of his worries. He uses it in his streams and has alot of different stuff to deal with, as explained in the video
@@user-dm8ji3ev1x just wanted to let them know
I don't understand why you're bringing that up though, it's not even alluded to in the video.
@@Rubiktor012 i know its not in there, just wrote it in case it was needed :)
i saw thumbnail and think: U finally gonna talk about Ossalina? Video started and u started as Ossy... Nevermind...
Ossy’s not leaving, and thats mainly to resolve identity problems I had. I need that seperation between brand and person, so think of Ossy as the character of the channel, while Ossilia as the real me who runs that channel :)
@@OssyFlawol If u ever wanna comeout As Ossalina on this channel u can be 100% theres a lot people that wouldnt leave you! (Count me in!)
P.S. Im so happy u resolved your identity problems
One thing I can say for sure is, even if Portal RTX isn't great, it's still better than Half-Life: Source.
can you upload chicken nuggets, a 4 second video ples
its a shame this video didnt come out 2 days ago for the 13th anniversary of portal 2!
I don’t remember who you are but I support you
Oh wait I remember now
17th view :D
Ok
Stop
Now that the Portal RTX video got cancelled, people are going to make an unofficial Ossy review of the remaster using clips and bits from other videos and Streams Ossy has released. Kinda like how the community did with Nerrel when he refused to make a review of the Wind Waker HD remaster, so a bunch of people just compiled a lot of clips from him where he even mentioned Wind Waker HD so that the community could make an unofficial Nerrel review of the remaster.