Yes. And all I've gotten is a bunch wasted years that I now spend time regretting. It feels like I'm behind glass at airport or bus station watching all these people move about and LIVE while I'm forever "on ice" as I wait for that "right" life to start.
It makes me so sad to think that you hated yourself because you're so loveable!!! Having said that, I feel like most people do low-key hate themselves--at least sometimes--so I think we can all benefit from you talking about this. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share
I think its more about- Letting Go, rather than control. Learning self acceptance and how to relax n let go..... Buddhist meditations on youtube have taught me about letting go.
God I needed this today The all or nothing mentality is the bane of my existence. I was going to do it today, blaming myself for not looking for job for hours. I was going to skip today and do it tomorrow instead. I can do it for an hour. Maybe less than that. It's okay, I'm not a terrible person for it
No OCD for me but anxiety, perfectionism, control issues, self-hatred…. A lifetime of battling that. I’ve learned and grown but have more to do. Thanks for being so vulnerable and real.
. I was The SAME. But I went to the gym 2 a day The last year.. And hurt my spine so now I CAN hardly powerwalk.. Definitly NOT go to the gym. But The SELFHATE is ALWAYS with me😢. Im a fosterkid. So its NOT weird.. Growing up thinking that IF Your parents leave u.. . How can ANYONE Love me? 😢😢😢 Well.. OCD is a thing. And Im better now, not Well 😅❤❤❤❤
My therapist cried one time during a session while telling me to stop “should-ing” myself. I struggle every day with OCD and anxiety and I’m finally seeing a psychiatrist in a month. Finally accepting the help I need because I’m so tired of not liking myself. (Hate is a powerful word and I don’t hate myself.. just strongly dislike sometimes).
sending ya love - on the same path, finally deciding to try medication for my completely unmanageable depression/anxiety later this month and am very scared, but more than that, i'm exhausted from fighting like this every day. we can do it! xo
I have OCD and now epilepsy, it’s been very difficult living in a triggering environment as well so reading and this stuff helps! (Specialized therapy is $$$$)
@@zof31091It depends. I know some need their therapist to stay strong for them. My therapist feels like my friend, and I wouldn’t mind her crying with me if it’s that bad.
I see myself in this video, and it's making me bittersweet. I just got diagnosed with ADHD this year at the age of 26, and I can't tell how much self-hatred turned out to be that I never truly understood myself. Once I started going to therapy for ADHD and learning how it affected my life. A lot of self-hatred turned into self-love, but there's still work to do. I'm enjoying the journey, though.
Thank you for calling it an OCD storm. I’ve been calling mine OCD spirals and it has given me more shame than anything else. A spiral may never end, a storm will. Thank you
Oh wow...I loved that too and couldn't figure out why it was so comforting to hear it described as a storm. Imagining a spiral makes me feel totally out of control and it's endless. Thank you 💜
I feel that us girls do it that, "I should have done something better", SOOOO OFTEN... It is cruel, and it hurts. Thank you for been so open about It. ❤
GIRL! I can't believe how much more I admire you for this. I have the same things since I can't remember, sometimes it's stronger, sometimes the harder I try to work on it the harder it gets, sometimes it manifests itself one way, sometimes differently. I have had dermatolomania for over 5 years now. and the only thing that has been constant through this journey is BEING COMPASSIONATE and KIND to yourself
All or nothing. I am so happy you shared this. I am so prone to extremes. Mine manifested as orthorexia and I eventually drove myself nuts with the obsessing. I know so many people will find this valuable. Sending you all the love!! ❤❤❤
I can completely relate to that. Allowing refined sugar back into my diet has been so difficult for so many different and complicated reasons. Thanks girl, sending so much love back at you! 🙌🏼❤️
Alex, thank you for posting these mental health segments. If you are looking for “just one person” to reach….. listening to you talk about these things is like hearing my brain talk. Thank you. Also, I was actively avoiding clicking on this video because I knew it would be directly talking to me. Lol, thank you auto play and busy hands for doing what I didn’t want to.
My husband actually shed tears when i disclosed to him just a glimpse of my own self talk. It breaks his heart to hear the way i talk to myself and think of myself. Its normal to me and i hide it decently well from others so they would have no idea. I think I have a lot of issues with anger as well but i think it stems from the pain and hurt i inflict on myself. This video was so timely and helpful and relatable. Thank you for sharing because its given all of us a chance to check in with ourselves and have some time for introspection.
same. my self talk is a loop. it is full of failure that isn’t actually failure. it’s black and white. it’s coping in advance for the worst possible situation that could occur. my finance tries to build me up, but it’s hard for me to believe it.
@mus1quenonst0p let's make changes together then! We don't have to live with this pain and self hatred. I think I'm going to give therapy a shot next year. I'm a doctoral student and I'm doing well but I still feel like a failure. I can't go through this program with the self hatred I have. Definitely need to make changes for the better. I hope we can see ourselves one day the way the people who love us see us ❤️
Please do that. I also started a while ago and it does make a difference. Sometimes it hurts to realize how bad I treated myself but as you said we have the choice to improve :)
I know this will sound twisted but when someone I respect and see as beautiful, successful, intelligent, and just plain amazing talks about hating themselves it helps me. I don't ever want you or anyone to feel that way, but it makes me realize how anyone can experience this no matter how blessed they seem. When we're caught up in self-loathing it feels like everyone has figured it all out, or like the reason we hate ourselves is because we're not deserving of better. I appreciate everyone who uses their platform and voice to remind us all, hey, awesome people experience this too. Thank you for the advice, it was extremely relatable. I have OCD and do the EXACT SAME thing. My brother kept telling me to make lists and he just couldn't understand that's dangerous for me. I ended up with long lists that overwhelmed me and I would find myself staring at it, thinking how I made many of these goals months ago and now it was just a long list of failures. Feeling I needed to do things "right" was the reason I couldn't conquer that list. Or an all-or-nothing mentality - if I do my laundry, I need to put it away. When I put it away, I will need to do the closet organization I put off. If I do that, I need to do the other closets. But I can't possibly manage all of that. I would somehow find a wall and hit it long before I even reached it. Accepting defeat becomes a comfortable habit, and when you realize it happened, you hate yourself even more 😢 you label yourself- "lazy" "failure" "loser". We're so unforgiving of ourselves for being flawed and human. I'm rambling, but thank you again, I feel like your advice might help me because we seem to have similar obstacles. You deserve self-love and I hope eventually you appreciate yourself as much as all of us strangers on the Internet do 💜
This has to be my favorite video you’ve ever made. Thank you for showing up without nails, hair up in clips, cat blanket in the background and with no lighting. You thought that you had to have it “all” to make the video or else you’d record “nothing” but it was by challenging this all or nothing way of thinking that you’ve created your most powerful, moving and vulnerable video yet. Thank you.🙂🙂 P.S. thank you for teaching us that self care can be pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and yet at the same time, you don’t need to follow the all or nothing mentality of perfectionism and extremism that is pushed by our society.
Yes I totally get it. I also had therapy and the most useful advice was looking how I treat everyone around me with kindness but punishing myself. I learnt that I hold myself to impossible standards, standards that I would never judge anyone else by. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this. It’s so refreshing. If it helps there are so many people that are the same. Xxx
I also have struggled with OCD and relate a lot to you. I have recovered for the most part thankfully but at one point I was completely debilitated by it. My steps that changed my life was first acknowledge the thoughts arose, then feel it in my body (the anxiety and unease) then finally doing the opposite of what the thoughts were saying and exposure. On top of it if the thoughts kept coming I would sit up straight with shoulders back and think or say outloud " come at me thoughts you're not going to control my life" and mean it. And with self love I heard someone say "why do you love and take care of your dog?" Because it's your dog. Same goes for you! You should take care of it simply because it's yours. Self love is an act and feelings start to follow once you listen and show respect to it 💕 you're a beautiful soul and I am glad you're doing better and healing
'Masking' is a thing we do to protect ourselves when we're feeling vulnerable. I was diagnosed ADHD a couple years ago at 46. I've struggled all my life with various issues but thought it was just me, that I'm stupid, rubbish, just a crap personality, lazy, unfocused, don't try hard enough and I've always laughed it off in front of others whilst detesting myself on the quiet 🤷🏼♀️ Still do! Watching your video has helped me realise I'm not asking for the support I need from a course I'm doing for fear of what they'll think of me! In order to get the best for myself I NEED extra help and I'm denying myself that by building back. I did a counselling diploma a few years ago so I have knowledge but don't always put it into practice! I'm better at observing, phenomenologically, that these deep-seated, long-held core beliefs that sit in the background waiting to unleash on me, aren't actual fact. However, as you say, it's really hard to let them go. They become your reasons for not attempting certain things for fear of the repercussions you'll give yourself, let alone anytime else! Own worst enemy, really doesn't cover it 😂. I'm really glad you spoke on this topic. It is a constant work in progress and being able to express ourselves as OURSELVES rather than from behind the mask, takes much introspection work, practice in awareness and recognition without judgement and bravery. That's why self-compassion is essential. Thank you!
But it can be so hard to relax the mask a bit can't it? It's incredibly stressful. This is such a relatable comment and I definitely need to do this (I'm ADHD too).
Fantastic video. Youth Worker here in the UK. I work with young people struggling with all the pressures you have described. Had and have my battles with self-judgment too. Funnily enough I gently pulled someone up earlier as they were judging other girls with what they described as "clown makeup". I pointed out that none of us know what we're doing when we try something new. We suck at it for a while and even when we nail a skill, we have days we don't do well. Same goes for retraining unhelpful thought patterns. Thank you for the realness. Seeing balanced content is so enjoyable and heartwarming. Love to everyone on here ❤
I'm being 100% honest when I say, this was the best video I have seen all year. I started watching you because I thought you and your makeup were beautiful. I related to you in various ways, but this video really struck me. It's so easy to feel alone in our struggles when we see perfectly curated feeds online. Even though we're aware of the smoke and mirrors, we can still get caught up in it all and I truly appreciate this glimpse into reality, because everyone's lives are imperfect and not always just aesthetic and amazing. I struggle with the same things you do and this video really hit me. I am so reassured to know I'm not alone in my struggles...To know that I'm not the only one talking to myself this way has truly opened my eyes. I'm realizing that I've been putting this intense pressure on myself to be everything to everyone. What I didn't realize is that I've been punishing myself constantly and consistently for years. I have been limiting myself to being happy when the circumstances are "just right". I don't think I've ever looked at my self talk this way before. I relate so much to what you said about filling out your journal in a particular way. I got really into self help type journals this past year and finally gave up on them because I didn't feel that I was interesting enough to "properly" fill them out. I now realize that I shy away from a lot of things because I don't feel the circumstances are "just right" or that I'm doing them justice. So I just don't do them at all. I cut myself down before I have a chance to try and I need to change that. I'm also working on feeling like I'm enough without buying the latest and greatest thing that's sure to make me a better person somehow. I also just lost my dad and finding your video gave me so much clarity and also some much needed hope. I finally feel like I might be ready to talk to someone. The night I discovered your video, I was being particularly mean and critical of myself. I was spiraling because I had several events to go to and I was already attacking myself for not having planned the perfect outfits, makeups, perfumes to wear in advance...It was ridiculous but there I was, unable to sleep and thinking I was a failure. Your video caught me at the exact right time and after watching it, I was able to get out the door today with so much less grief. I reminded myself that I have drawers full of clothes I picked out and that everything within them and in my closet was not just good enough, but actually beautiful. I actually felt put together and confident today and I really needed that. I still criticized myself here and there (after the loss of my dad, I feel like I've aged 10 years in 2 months), but I'm seeing the possibility for improvement... Anyway TLDR; thank you for making this video. Thank you for being real, vulnerable and willing to talk about what so many of us can't. Your video really helped me and I think you should know that. I thought it would help you along to know. Wishing you the very best. I hope that you continue to make these strides against negative self talk. I know it will lead you to even more success.
Sorry about the loss of your dad. 🫂 The grief you're carrying is so heavy, yet you still managed to explain these complex thoughts so well. Your whole comment just hit me in the feels and was very relatable, so thank you 💕
I have never related so strongly to the way you talked about your OCD. My son has OCD, my mom has OCD, but now I'm realizing that I also have OCD. Thank you.
As someone who struggles with self hate, I really appreciate u posting this. You're right that in the absence of this video I fill in the gaps. I think everyone's just doing so much better than me, but we're all struggling.
And this is exactly why you’re so cool! It’s not very common to be so honest and vulnerable and real on the internet and you creating a safe space not only for you to share but for us too is everything to me! You’re like virtual big sister ily ❤️
What a fantastic video. As the wife of someone who suffers from this exact affliction, you are spot on. His therapy teaches him the exact same things you're talking about. And it truly works. Personally, as someone who has some OCD tendencies, I can't stress how important ERP is. Acknowledgement and sitting in the uncomfortableness is KEY. Keep on keepin' on girl, you're doing great!
We really are kindred spirits. I've been in therapy for three (!!) years now and while there's been some progress, the deep rooted negativity and self hate is still there and I wish I knew how to get rid of it. I have issues with perfectionism, anxiety, and light depression. It's nice to get tips and reminders from someone who understands. Good luck on your OCD journey!
I just started CBT therapy last week! So happy you uploaded this ; thank you so much for sharing ❤ I am having a pretty hard time at the moment because I'm trying to tackle a generalized anxiety disorder, whilst finishing my first job AND looking for my next job. My self confidence is at an all time low and I cry everyday because I need to put myself out there everyday but I feel unworthy and incapable. That shit creeps up on you over the years until you don't recognize your own self and the self-loathing thoughts have become second nature.
Your older subscribers are struggling and needed to hear this. Your younger subscribers may not even know how to name their struggle yet and needed to hear this. You are articulate and genuine and have made a courageous decision to be generous with your pain, growth, and successes. I'm just beginning to understand the simplicity and need to name feelings as they arise and let them "melt away.' What you said about mindfulness happening in precisely the environment you find yourself in and not the "just right" environment - so good. Lastly, my jaw dropped when you described self-care as pursuing the difficult mental health solutions, not just pampering yourself and tuning out. Thank you for this content - great work.
I love this! So remember during my addiction how I felt or realized I hated myself. I believe this comes from home life or from being bullied at school. From my psychology point of view, the effects of school, socially, and parenting have the same effect on someone. Anyway your an amazing human being that’s helped Many. PS I turned to God & I can’t explain in words how he changed my life.
This is making me cry. I am also going through a tough time right now. This video IS perfection. Sharing your humanity with us so that we can accept our own humanity is much more important than anything I watch on this channel! Compassion and humility are perfection.
All or nothing - literally me right now, lying in bed in the middle of the day, doing nothing instead of doing any little thing. And what you said made the wheels in my head turn. So I would say you achieved what you set out to do with this video. Thank you and proud of your growth.
What a very generous video to make. Thank you for sharing you thoughts and understanding of ways to manage the internal machinations. Mental health care is difficult to access for many of us and having a kind, compassionate video peer-to-peer is a very lovely thing ❤❤❤❤
I am so amazed at this video and at your ability to break down your experience. You’re really amazing and beautiful in the most numerous ways. I’m so grateful you made this video, because while it’s something so many people relate to, not everyone has the introspection, dedication and articulation to be able to put this together. And it’s really valuable and amazing to see. Love you Alex ❤
everyone reading: give yourself a hug. like literally, cross your arms around yourself and hold. usually when i sit like this for a few minutes the tears start flowing. you are loved 💖
I've been watching your videos casually for a few years now. This was amazing, and very human. I loved how you brought up the concept of "all or nothing" thinking. I just started DBT and this is essentially THE overarching theme :) It's been helping a lot. Thank you for reminding me that there is hope
Thank you for clarifying mindfulness meditation and self-care. Too many influencers or "teachers" have watered down a/o misrepresented these and are doing a lot of harm. You described both so well, and I hope it will help many people!
Thank you for doing this! It gave me hope that I can deal with my anxiety better and now I see a way to be kinder to myself. So whenever you feel down and that you're not doing enough, read these comments. You're more than enough and, on top of that, you're helping others. Lots!
Bro did I NEED THIS. I've been without my antidepressants for a week (get my scripts filled tommorow thank GAWD). I had a total meltdown last night about my skin, my nails, my weight (I'm like 145??), my career...everything. I have chronic nightmares so I'm not even safe in my sleep 🙃 gonna sit back, draw and listen to this pep talk 🎉❤
omg i am unsafe in my sleep too! nightmares and night terrors. i never feel safe. it’s so hard. just know someone (many someones, i’m sure) is out there relating and wishing you well.
I relate to so much that she’s talking about. Man have I been struggling recently with beating myself up. Its gotten to the point where even my friends are telling this… girl… this aint normal. Lol… one day at a time!
OCD and wellness journals are a bad combo for most of us suffering from it. I love how you refer it to strikes against is and “just right.”Thanks for this video.❤
While I think it's great that a lot of celebrities are talking about their own mental health journeys, I still find them unrelatable. You, however, are completely relatable to me and I, an introvert of this world, am appreciative of you sharing your journey! I will say though that this past year has been filled with some of the biggest struggles personally. The things I've had to deal with have been so much bigger than the things that I would stress about in the past that now I have gotten to a place where I am finally able to give myself grace for the things that would have driven me insane a year ago.
Girl the change from some of your self talk in former videos to this video is wonderful! I’m so proud of you and happy for you because oh my goodness it feels so good to hear you talk nice to yourself ❤
I've been practicing mindfulness for years. I feel mentally healthy in a way that has had a profound effect on my life in all things. It's so good. I'm so happy people are talking about it, so thank you for bringing it to this platform! My reason for diving in is long and complicated, but finding that it was a great fit for how my mind naturally works was such a relief when I needed it. I'm at it for 10 years and I will keep at it forever. It's that good.
I've learned through intense emotional work that my behaviors, compulsions, and critical way of thinking were developed as a child. They helped me to maintain an attachment to my parents and helped to protect me from the unbearable rejection/abandonment trauma and neglect. My upbringing was incredibly dysfunctional. Through this work, I've been able to accept all parts of myself and have such a better understanding and so much more compassion for myself. I understand myself on a deeper level, and I feel like I finally get to face the world from an authentic place. I feel like I've finally woken up, and I'm so grateful for the self-awareness and self-reflection. My journey is far from perfect and it's messy, but I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.❤
Wow I have hated myself for all the time I can remember. Thank you so much for posting this video. It's certainly food for thought. You are wonderful for being so open ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Brooo....Lord...Having been an overachiever all my life and tying my self worth to my job, this past couple of months I completely let go... quit my job( nothing lined up), bed rotting daily, traveling, hanging with family and friends, sleeping in BUT not letting myself feel guilty for not being productive. It's been scary but also very VERY healing to just be present, be uncomfortable and comfortable, not dwell on the past or worry about the future. Your comment on accountability is where I'm at now. I have to draw a line somewhere but I'm starting from a place of self-initiation, not internal nor societal pressures. Thanks Alex for being you. You being a beacon of authenticity in this world full of vapidness is inspiring. ❤
Clicked on this video soooo fast. ❤ Totally agree Alex, I relate to a lot of this. I try to hold the mantra "All or something" vs all or nothing and it's helped me.
Thank you for sharing such a great and informative video. In my own experience, I've come to enjoy people who have hurts, scars, a past or have had to "go deep" within themselves and are now aware of their frailty and strength. It makes for a real life experience. A lifelong experience. Keep up the good work~!! PS - I've found this little hack - let's say I have a bunch of dishes to do (by hand). I say, "I can do it now....or... I can do it later." And that way it's my choice and I've empowered my "self" to either do it now or to postpone it until later. That way I can sit in a totally dirty kitchen and watch a movie and not let it interfere, because I know I'm going to "do it later." Hope this helps you or your readers as well. Best...
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your experience 😭 this was so relatable and actually really helpful 😭 I always appreciate when people share cuz it reminds me I’m not alone 😭❤
I can’t remember a time where I even liked myself lol. It’s like a punch to the chest with a mental block every time I’m cycling through my ocd tendencies. The mental torture I put myself through is so so so damn exhausting.
Alexandra, thank you for this video. I see myself so much in this process you are going through. I've been through a very similar one the last few years. As you say self esteem its a muscle and a daily compromise. Lately I've been arriving to a very comfortable place within myself and I'm very happy to do that with you ❤
Attachment styles are very interesting and enlightening. I am so glad you posted this! I am 56 and still trying to let myself be ok when things get out of my “control.” Medication on the short term were extremely helpful to me. Now, I find microdosing is quite helpful. Again, thank you for this!!!
You are enough! Not only are you a beautiful, talented young lady but you have helped thousands of people with your tutorials. Being of service to others is a great self esteem booster. Hold it in your heart that you've helped others. Inosotil is a great supplement for OCD. Thank you for your videos.
thank you so much. many points in this video that i can relate to. the struggle is so different for everybody but i realized that the big common denominator is the struggling itself. we all struggle, no matter what the facade looks like.
Thank you, Alex. It does help to share; for me, I'm starting to deal with my CPTSD, grief and loss, and possibly ADHD (waiting for testing). Everyone else looks so calm, til you realize we're all dealing with something - it helps to know that. So, thank you again! Hugs.
thank you sooo so much for being so open. your exercise anxiety is so relatable to me. I would actually tell myself I wouldn’t need to shower if I didn’t work out that day; withholding myself from a clean body just because I didn’t “work for it”. slowly trying to get myself back and show self love. thank god for therapy and lexapro. those “crash” days are so scary- especially the dissociating thing- would have loved for you to go further into it but I totally respect your privacy.
Long time follower and fellow ocd diagnosis here! Thank you for your vulnerability. I’m proud of you for sharing, but I also saw you holding some boundaries around your exposures. Such a good practice. Sending you a lot of love.
Thanks for sharing Alex, it’s such a huge sign of the work and healing you’re doing and have done. I’m 31 and I am currently the most happy and mentally stable I have ever been in my entire life. Sitting in the discomfort and just letting it be what it is. Nothing else. And then moving on 😌 Also, being a mother of 3 and now raising a teenager 😅 wheewwwww, this new chapter has also lead me to take more new looks at myself. Giving my son the grace and love I desperately needed at such a transformative age.
I was diagnosed with OCD at 21. I had no idea for years what was wrong with me. I am 50 now and still have therapy every 2 weeks. All or nothing is so TRUE. This was an excellent video! ❤
That OCD journal sounds so interesting! I'm going to look into it for my husband. I think he absolutely struggles with similar things to what you shared here. 😢 As someone who often advocates for mental health, I appreciate you being so open about this topic, Alex!
This was amazing. You are so badass for letting us in. You have been helping me since you started talking about OCD because my 16 year old son is working on the same issue. When you say acknowledge and let go, that's huge. He has a very hard time doing that and he is very hard on himself. Wow, everything you said I relate to because of my son. Thank you so much for posting
So so many layers! Damn straight! I can relate, and the difficult work goes on & on! Toxic relationships are so debilitating to this journey for mental/physical health! I too, have a shoulder injury! So annoying! Great video!
Alex I've followed you for years and have always loved your content and personality. This is such a comforting and timely video bc my OCD has flared super badly in the winter now. The company I worked for went out of business last month and I have so much time on my hands, I've gone from "super productive" to stagnant and it just caused my OCD to go out of control and constantly punish myself and I'm stuck in a negative feedback loop. This was really helpful. Thank you so much.
Thank you Alex, So many people feel like they are alone in these things. While social media can be informative, educational, fun etc.etc. it's NOT real. I think about young people trying to grow up in this environment and comparing their life to what they see on social media. It"s frightening.. When I was growing up there weren't any cell phones or internet. Whatever is going on in your life, you are just great in my books...even better for thinking about how to make things better ! This video is much appreciated.
yes yes on self care not always looking like the iconic ('pop') version of itself. sometimes "relaxing" makes you feel infinitely worse. just because it's someone else's way of loving themself, doesn't mean it has to be mine. sometimes gentleness looks like having compassion with yourself as you're doing an imperfect job of fulfilling your responsibilities to yourself - rather than throwing up your hands and "taking the day off" which to some of us just feels like giving up. take it easy > stop expecting anything of yourself. i like to frame it as mothering myself. like ok, you can't just not feed your kids because you're tired, but you CAN feed them a freezer meal, and accepting that without judging yourself is a big part of sustainability. I feel like u can still get that excited feeling when it's not ALL or NOTHING, but ALL or EASY. Easy is a great choice and mitigates guilt.
More videos like this please! I’m right there with you. Never knew that my anxiety/panic disorder was rooted in OCD until recently. Love this type of content. Proud of you!
A lot of what you said in this video really hit home, I think I’m going to have to watch it a couple times and digest what is hitting with me. Thank you for choosing to share this with us
i needed this so badly. people tell me to “stop beating myself off” and “you’re so hard on yourself” and i LITERALLY don’t understand what that means. if i am doing something imperfect, then it is not right, and it devolves into self hatred and low self esteem.
This brought me to tears, thank you!!! I needed this. And while, yes, others have shared similar type videos, this is the best one I have seen by far. And that is because it came with complete raw honesty from the beautiful soul you are. You are such a light in this world of darkness, and I truly appreciate you for being willing to share it with all of us.
So true - self care is trusting yourself through positive discomfort and showing your trust through consistent action forward. It's something that requires maintenance. It is not reaching a "perfect" point and then stopping because this type of mindset breeds disappointment (especially since we're built to evolve!). Just taking one step and/or jumping back on the saddle after some time makes a difference. Thanks for sharing!
Yesssssss! This is what we all should do! Thank you so much for sharing this. You always inspire me to create. You are so very talented at numerous things. You are beautiful and amazing and I know soon I will be making tutorials and it will be because of u.❤❤❤
Hi Alex. This video was SUPER important to make. I love that you're so transparent with your subscribers. I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life. In more recent years, I was diagnosed with CPTSD, ADD, and an unspecified mood disorder. It has been superbly hard to find a good medication regimen. It has also been quite hard to find a good therapist. What I need to work on most is my anger issues and body image issues. I wonder if the latter being so closely associated with eating disorders which in turn are so closely associated with OCD, would be helpful to find a therapist who specializes in OCD. Right now, I see one who specializes in anxiety, ADD, and trauma. She has been helpful so far. I just want to get to the point where you're at right now. It has been so difficult. I have heard great things about "neutral" rather than being GOOD or being PERFECT. I struggle with "black and white," "right and wrong," etc. severely as well as being a perfectionist. I wonder if neutral would ever be obtainable for me too.
26:11 I really appreciate you talking about all of this stuff. You are the person who made me realize I too have "just right" OCD. And its helped me a lot. I'm looking into ERP now.
I related so much to both your and Caroline’s videos! Her phrasing fear as opportunity to grow unlocked something in my brain but this one feels like a conversation with a younger (and current) version of myself.
One of the things that helped me was when I realized I wanted to end positive feedback with “but” or something negative; my therapist suggested just ending the sentence there.
This is so powerful and important. As someone with bipolar disorder and who is neurodivergent-unclassified it’s so radical to hear someone talk about the journey between mental unwellness to mental stability. so often we hear “you can’t hate yourself into changing” and these quick phrases that are supposed to mean something deeper, but what we really need is to understand the steps and how they will benefit us in the long run. being mindful, aware, present are all key to calming our nervous systems which are so used to being tuned into an unproductive frequency. anyway. thank you.
This has been a very enlightening video for me! I was pleasantly reminded of a few things I had forgotten about in therapy. Also, EMDR therapy was life changing for me and my husband! We went to the same therapist but separately. For anyone watching, if there is a professional in your area, please make an appointment to start this therapy, if you can. It is unlike any other! You won't regret it! You are an awesome soul, sweet lady!!! Thank you! Bless you, mamacita!!!!
also i LOVE caroline winkler and that video was just incredible - so glad to have found two amazingly down to earth, genuine people on youtube creating things i love to watch
You are the best and such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing. What you said rings true on so many levels in what we allow people to see and how we see ourselves. Eventually it catches up with most of us. ❤
Thank you! It's so easy to be unkind to ourselves isnt it, and not realize we're back in the past or guessing and fearing what might happen, just bringing it into the present and in doing so, erasing the present. Sometimes i cant even drive in my car as i pass places that remind me of my many many mistakes, and then realize ive been in a dream and see that ive gone miles without rralizing it. Windy way to say thank you, but thank you. You hit the nail on the head.
Listen 4 yrs ago I found you and you inspired me to start social media...here I am today Dec 4 2024 MY BDAY and I'm still trying just to start!! I needed this! Ty so much!
This video really helped, as I have so many negative thoughts. This idea of just - when the thought pops up - acknowledge the thought, and that's it. thank you
I just watched this after watching your under eye concealer tutorial from 6 years ago. I’m crying! You’ve grown so much and gained SO much confidence; it’s beautiful. Thank you paving the way ❤
So incredibly refreshing to hear an influencer speak so openly and honestly about...life, feelings! I recognize myself in so much of what you say, and it's both comforting and a good wake up call and reminder what self-care and self-love is. Thank you for giving such specific and easily understandable advise on this topic. I dont think you know just how much this video helps! Much much love from Sweden :) ❤
HOOOOO boy is THIS timely. really going through hell with my self esteem, food and body issues, etc. thank you for speaking so openly! xo
You're not alone! ❤️
@@AlexandraAnele 💖
girl same! I beat myself up for every single thing I say and do, never been so socially anxious before and this video genuinely helped
Same sending you so much love from the NETHERLANDS ❤🫂🙏🏽✨️
Same!!
SAVING THE THINGS, OMG. I have saved up things my whole life for the "right" time, for my future perfect life that will never be.
YES
Yes. And all I've gotten is a bunch wasted years that I now spend time regretting. It feels like I'm behind glass at airport or bus station watching all these people move about and LIVE while I'm forever "on ice" as I wait for that "right" life to start.
I do this too and didn’t know it was bc I might have OCD 🤔 😅
@@cindy-tronhell yeah. that's so damn relatable 😭
we all do this fuck 😂
“How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable” is really good for dealing with intrusive/shitty thinking. It helped me deal with PTSD.
It makes me so sad to think that you hated yourself because you're so loveable!!! Having said that, I feel like most people do low-key hate themselves--at least sometimes--so I think we can all benefit from you talking about this. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share
Thank you Rachel, your comments are always so kind 🥹🙏🏼❤️
“That’s what real control looks like- is simply being comfortable in your present moment no matter how uncomfortable it is.”❤️🔥💖💜
I think its more about- Letting Go, rather than control. Learning self acceptance and how to relax n let go..... Buddhist meditations on youtube have taught me about letting go.
If you ever feel bad about yourself, remember that people used to pay for popcorn ceilings. You're doing okay.
The ceiling in my room growing up was a popcorn ceiling...that must be the root of the problem 😂
😂😂😂
I grew up in a house with popcorned AND glittered ceilings.... we called it our stars 😂
@@vanessaa7602Glittered ceilings?? Heelll nah
God I needed this today
The all or nothing mentality is the bane of my existence. I was going to do it today, blaming myself for not looking for job for hours. I was going to skip today and do it tomorrow instead. I can do it for an hour. Maybe less than that. It's okay, I'm not a terrible person for it
You're not hurting anyone for needing a break...
black and white, all or nothing, catastophizing…so many of the thought distortions are so damaging.
So glad to read all this😊
No OCD for me but anxiety, perfectionism, control issues, self-hatred…. A lifetime of battling that. I’ve learned and grown but have more to do. Thanks for being so vulnerable and real.
OCD tendencies/traits, perhaps personality disorder rather than clinical OCD diagnosis. i need to freshen up on my DSM-V
. I was The SAME. But I went to the gym 2 a day The last year.. And hurt my spine so now I CAN hardly powerwalk.. Definitly NOT go to the gym. But The SELFHATE is ALWAYS with me😢. Im a fosterkid. So its NOT weird.. Growing up thinking that IF Your parents leave u.. .
How can ANYONE Love me? 😢😢😢 Well.. OCD is a thing. And Im better now, not Well 😅❤❤❤❤
My therapist cried one time during a session while telling me to stop “should-ing” myself.
I struggle every day with OCD and anxiety and I’m finally seeing a psychiatrist in a month. Finally accepting the help I need because I’m so tired of not liking myself. (Hate is a powerful word and I don’t hate myself.. just strongly dislike sometimes).
sending ya love - on the same path, finally deciding to try medication for my completely unmanageable depression/anxiety later this month and am very scared, but more than that, i'm exhausted from fighting like this every day. we can do it! xo
Fellow ocd haver too, going on medication was a great decision for me. be proud of yourself for taking care of your brain!
crying is kind of a red flag for a therapist tbh
I have OCD and now epilepsy, it’s been very difficult living in a triggering environment as well so reading and this stuff helps! (Specialized therapy is $$$$)
@@zof31091It depends. I know some need their therapist to stay strong for them. My therapist feels like my friend, and I wouldn’t mind her crying with me if it’s that bad.
“Just right.”
I now understand myself so much better.
Wasn’t diagnosed until 25, because of misinfo❤
I see myself in this video, and it's making me bittersweet. I just got diagnosed with ADHD this year at the age of 26, and I can't tell how much self-hatred turned out to be that I never truly understood myself. Once I started going to therapy for ADHD and learning how it affected my life. A lot of self-hatred turned into self-love, but there's still work to do. I'm enjoying the journey, though.
Thank you for calling it an OCD storm. I’ve been calling mine OCD spirals and it has given me more shame than anything else. A spiral may never end, a storm will. Thank you
Oh wow...I loved that too and couldn't figure out why it was so comforting to hear it described as a storm. Imagining a spiral makes me feel totally out of control and it's endless. Thank you 💜
I feel that us girls do it that, "I should have done something better", SOOOO OFTEN... It is cruel, and it hurts. Thank you for been so open about It. ❤
cognitive load. cognitive distortions. ughh it’s so hard!
GIRL! I can't believe how much more I admire you for this. I have the same things since I can't remember, sometimes it's stronger, sometimes the harder I try to work on it the harder it gets, sometimes it manifests itself one way, sometimes differently. I have had dermatolomania for over 5 years now. and the only thing that has been constant through this journey is BEING COMPASSIONATE and KIND to yourself
All or nothing. I am so happy you shared this. I am so prone to extremes. Mine manifested as orthorexia and I eventually drove myself nuts with the obsessing. I know so many people will find this valuable. Sending you all the love!! ❤❤❤
I can completely relate to that. Allowing refined sugar back into my diet has been so difficult for so many different and complicated reasons. Thanks girl, sending so much love back at you! 🙌🏼❤️
Alex, thank you for posting these mental health segments. If you are looking for “just one person” to reach….. listening to you talk about these things is like hearing my brain talk. Thank you.
Also, I was actively avoiding clicking on this video because I knew it would be directly talking to me. Lol, thank you auto play and busy hands for doing what I didn’t want to.
My husband actually shed tears when i disclosed to him just a glimpse of my own self talk. It breaks his heart to hear the way i talk to myself and think of myself. Its normal to me and i hide it decently well from others so they would have no idea.
I think I have a lot of issues with anger as well but i think it stems from the pain and hurt i inflict on myself. This video was so timely and helpful and relatable. Thank you for sharing because its given all of us a chance to check in with ourselves and have some time for introspection.
same. my self talk is a loop. it is full of failure that isn’t actually failure. it’s black and white. it’s coping in advance for the worst possible situation that could occur. my finance tries to build me up, but it’s hard for me to believe it.
@mus1quenonst0p let's make changes together then! We don't have to live with this pain and self hatred. I think I'm going to give therapy a shot next year. I'm a doctoral student and I'm doing well but I still feel like a failure. I can't go through this program with the self hatred I have. Definitely need to make changes for the better. I hope we can see ourselves one day the way the people who love us see us ❤️
Sounds like me 😢
Please do that. I also started a while ago and it does make a difference. Sometimes it hurts to realize how bad I treated myself but as you said we have the choice to improve :)
I know this will sound twisted but when someone I respect and see as beautiful, successful, intelligent, and just plain amazing talks about hating themselves it helps me. I don't ever want you or anyone to feel that way, but it makes me realize how anyone can experience this no matter how blessed they seem. When we're caught up in self-loathing it feels like everyone has figured it all out, or like the reason we hate ourselves is because we're not deserving of better.
I appreciate everyone who uses their platform and voice to remind us all, hey, awesome people experience this too.
Thank you for the advice, it was extremely relatable. I have OCD and do the EXACT SAME thing. My brother kept telling me to make lists and he just couldn't understand that's dangerous for me. I ended up with long lists that overwhelmed me and I would find myself staring at it, thinking how I made many of these goals months ago and now it was just a long list of failures.
Feeling I needed to do things "right" was the reason I couldn't conquer that list. Or an all-or-nothing mentality - if I do my laundry, I need to put it away. When I put it away, I will need to do the closet organization I put off. If I do that, I need to do the other closets. But I can't possibly manage all of that. I would somehow find a wall and hit it long before I even reached it.
Accepting defeat becomes a comfortable habit, and when you realize it happened, you hate yourself even more 😢 you label yourself- "lazy" "failure" "loser". We're so unforgiving of ourselves for being flawed and human.
I'm rambling, but thank you again, I feel like your advice might help me because we seem to have similar obstacles.
You deserve self-love and I hope eventually you appreciate yourself as much as all of us strangers on the Internet do 💜
Thank you so much for sharing this, I completely understand and relate to what you're saying, I hope this advice does help! 🙏🏼❤️
This has to be my favorite video you’ve ever made. Thank you for showing up without nails, hair up in clips, cat blanket in the background and with no lighting. You thought that you had to have it “all” to make the video or else you’d record “nothing” but it was by challenging this all or nothing way of thinking that you’ve created your most powerful, moving and vulnerable video yet. Thank you.🙂🙂
P.S. thank you for teaching us that self care can be pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and yet at the same time, you don’t need to follow the all or nothing mentality of perfectionism and extremism that is pushed by our society.
La mejor message ❤
I love how raw and authentic you are here! THIS is real beauty. You are SO beautiful in this video here. Being a real person. Love the video!!!
i've been saying for a few years, i often feel like i'm chocking on self loathing. i also feel i have a compulsive need to "get things right"
Yes I totally get it. I also had therapy and the most useful advice was looking how I treat everyone around me with kindness but punishing myself. I learnt that I hold myself to impossible standards, standards that I would never judge anyone else by. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this. It’s so refreshing. If it helps there are so many people that are the same. Xxx
So true.. Or going above and beyond for everybody else and leaving no energy to take care of yourself..
I also have struggled with OCD and relate a lot to you. I have recovered for the most part thankfully but at one point I was completely debilitated by it. My steps that changed my life was first acknowledge the thoughts arose, then feel it in my body (the anxiety and unease) then finally doing the opposite of what the thoughts were saying and exposure. On top of it if the thoughts kept coming I would sit up straight with shoulders back and think or say outloud " come at me thoughts you're not going to control my life" and mean it. And with self love I heard someone say "why do you love and take care of your dog?" Because it's your dog. Same goes for you! You should take care of it simply because it's yours. Self love is an act and feelings start to follow once you listen and show respect to it 💕 you're a beautiful soul and I am glad you're doing better and healing
This is such a beautiful breakdown of what OCD treatment looks like for people who might not understand, thank you for sharing! ❤️
'Masking' is a thing we do to protect ourselves when we're feeling vulnerable. I was diagnosed ADHD a couple years ago at 46. I've struggled all my life with various issues but thought it was just me, that I'm stupid, rubbish, just a crap personality, lazy, unfocused, don't try hard enough and I've always laughed it off in front of others whilst detesting myself on the quiet 🤷🏼♀️ Still do! Watching your video has helped me realise I'm not asking for the support I need from a course I'm doing for fear of what they'll think of me! In order to get the best for myself I NEED extra help and I'm denying myself that by building back.
I did a counselling diploma a few years ago so I have knowledge but don't always put it into practice! I'm better at observing, phenomenologically, that these deep-seated, long-held core beliefs that sit in the background waiting to unleash on me, aren't actual fact. However, as you say, it's really hard to let them go. They become your reasons for not attempting certain things for fear of the repercussions you'll give yourself, let alone anytime else! Own worst enemy, really doesn't cover it 😂.
I'm really glad you spoke on this topic. It is a constant work in progress and being able to express ourselves as OURSELVES rather than from behind the mask, takes much introspection work, practice in awareness and recognition without judgement and bravery. That's why self-compassion is essential. Thank you!
But it can be so hard to relax the mask a bit can't it? It's incredibly stressful. This is such a relatable comment and I definitely need to do this (I'm ADHD too).
Fantastic video. Youth Worker here in the UK. I work with young people struggling with all the pressures you have described. Had and have my battles with self-judgment too. Funnily enough I gently pulled someone up earlier as they were judging other girls with what they described as "clown makeup". I pointed out that none of us know what we're doing when we try something new. We suck at it for a while and even when we nail a skill, we have days we don't do well. Same goes for retraining unhelpful thought patterns. Thank you for the realness. Seeing balanced content is so enjoyable and heartwarming. Love to everyone on here ❤
I'm being 100% honest when I say, this was the best video I have seen all year. I started watching you because I thought you and your makeup were beautiful. I related to you in various ways, but this video really struck me. It's so easy to feel alone in our struggles when we see perfectly curated feeds online. Even though we're aware of the smoke and mirrors, we can still get caught up in it all and I truly appreciate this glimpse into reality, because everyone's lives are imperfect and not always just aesthetic and amazing. I struggle with the same things you do and this video really hit me. I am so reassured to know I'm not alone in my struggles...To know that I'm not the only one talking to myself this way has truly opened my eyes. I'm realizing that I've been putting this intense pressure on myself to be everything to everyone. What I didn't realize is that I've been punishing myself constantly and consistently for years. I have been limiting myself to being happy when the circumstances are "just right". I don't think I've ever looked at my self talk this way before. I relate so much to what you said about filling out your journal in a particular way. I got really into self help type journals this past year and finally gave up on them because I didn't feel that I was interesting enough to "properly" fill them out. I now realize that I shy away from a lot of things because I don't feel the circumstances are "just right" or that I'm doing them justice. So I just don't do them at all. I cut myself down before I have a chance to try and I need to change that. I'm also working on feeling like I'm enough without buying the latest and greatest thing that's sure to make me a better person somehow.
I also just lost my dad and finding your video gave me so much clarity and also some much needed hope. I finally feel like I might be ready to talk to someone. The night I discovered your video, I was being particularly mean and critical of myself. I was spiraling because I had several events to go to and I was already attacking myself for not having planned the perfect outfits, makeups, perfumes to wear in advance...It was ridiculous but there I was, unable to sleep and thinking I was a failure. Your video caught me at the exact right time and after watching it, I was able to get out the door today with so much less grief. I reminded myself that I have drawers full of clothes I picked out and that everything within them and in my closet was not just good enough, but actually beautiful. I actually felt put together and confident today and I really needed that. I still criticized myself here and there (after the loss of my dad, I feel like I've aged 10 years in 2 months), but I'm seeing the possibility for improvement...
Anyway TLDR; thank you for making this video. Thank you for being real, vulnerable and willing to talk about what so many of us can't. Your video really helped me and I think you should know that. I thought it would help you along to know. Wishing you the very best. I hope that you continue to make these strides against negative self talk. I know it will lead you to even more success.
Sorry about the loss of your dad. 🫂 The grief you're carrying is so heavy, yet you still managed to explain these complex thoughts so well. Your whole comment just hit me in the feels and was very relatable, so thank you 💕
@@JS-dv9ji Thank you for acknowledging me and for being so kind. It brought me to tears. Sending love your way.
I have never related so strongly to the way you talked about your OCD. My son has OCD, my mom has OCD, but now I'm realizing that I also have OCD. Thank you.
As someone who struggles with self hate, I really appreciate u posting this. You're right that in the absence of this video I fill in the gaps. I think everyone's just doing so much better than me, but we're all struggling.
And this is exactly why you’re so cool! It’s not very common to be so honest and vulnerable and real on the internet and you creating a safe space not only for you to share but for us too is everything to me! You’re like virtual big sister ily ❤️
What a fantastic video. As the wife of someone who suffers from this exact affliction, you are spot on. His therapy teaches him the exact same things you're talking about. And it truly works. Personally, as someone who has some OCD tendencies, I can't stress how important ERP is. Acknowledgement and sitting in the uncomfortableness is KEY. Keep on keepin' on girl, you're doing great!
I love seeing the real side of YTs, because you’re right- it does normalise that others have oily hair and not perfect lives. Love this, more please!
We really are kindred spirits. I've been in therapy for three (!!) years now and while there's been some progress, the deep rooted negativity and self hate is still there and I wish I knew how to get rid of it. I have issues with perfectionism, anxiety, and light depression. It's nice to get tips and reminders from someone who understands. Good luck on your OCD journey!
i would love some tips from you…
I just started CBT therapy last week! So happy you uploaded this ; thank you so much for sharing ❤ I am having a pretty hard time at the moment because I'm trying to tackle a generalized anxiety disorder, whilst finishing my first job AND looking for my next job. My self confidence is at an all time low and I cry everyday because I need to put myself out there everyday but I feel unworthy and incapable. That shit creeps up on you over the years until you don't recognize your own self and the self-loathing thoughts have become second nature.
Your older subscribers are struggling and needed to hear this. Your younger subscribers may not even know how to name their struggle yet and needed to hear this. You are articulate and genuine and have made a courageous decision to be generous with your pain, growth, and successes. I'm just beginning to understand the simplicity and need to name feelings as they arise and let them "melt away.' What you said about mindfulness happening in precisely the environment you find yourself in and not the "just right" environment - so good. Lastly, my jaw dropped when you described self-care as pursuing the difficult mental health solutions, not just pampering yourself and tuning out. Thank you for this content - great work.
I love this! So remember during my addiction how I felt or realized I hated myself. I believe this comes from home life or from being bullied at school. From my psychology point of view, the effects of school, socially, and parenting have the same effect on someone.
Anyway your an amazing human being that’s helped Many.
PS I turned to God & I can’t explain in words how he changed my life.
This is making me cry. I am also going through a tough time right now. This video IS perfection. Sharing your humanity with us so that we can accept our own humanity is much more important than anything I watch on this channel! Compassion and humility are perfection.
All or nothing - literally me right now, lying in bed in the middle of the day, doing nothing instead of doing any little thing. And what you said made the wheels in my head turn. So I would say you achieved what you set out to do with this video. Thank you and proud of your growth.
What a very generous video to make. Thank you for sharing you thoughts and understanding of ways to manage the internal machinations. Mental health care is difficult to access for many of us and having a kind, compassionate video peer-to-peer is a very lovely thing ❤❤❤❤
Between your video and Caroline's, my main new years resolution is to work on being okay with discomfort
I am so amazed at this video and at your ability to break down your experience. You’re really amazing and beautiful in the most numerous ways. I’m so grateful you made this video, because while it’s something so many people relate to, not everyone has the introspection, dedication and articulation to be able to put this together. And it’s really valuable and amazing to see. Love you Alex ❤
everyone reading: give yourself a hug. like literally, cross your arms around yourself and hold. usually when i sit like this for a few minutes the tears start flowing. you are loved 💖
I've been watching your videos casually for a few years now. This was amazing, and very human. I loved how you brought up the concept of "all or nothing" thinking. I just started DBT and this is essentially THE overarching theme :) It's been helping a lot. Thank you for reminding me that there is hope
Thank you for clarifying mindfulness meditation and self-care. Too many influencers or "teachers" have watered down a/o misrepresented these and are doing a lot of harm. You described both so well, and I hope it will help many people!
Thank you for doing this! It gave me hope that I can deal with my anxiety better and now I see a way to be kinder to myself. So whenever you feel down and that you're not doing enough, read these comments. You're more than enough and, on top of that, you're helping others. Lots!
Bro did I NEED THIS. I've been without my antidepressants for a week (get my scripts filled tommorow thank GAWD). I had a total meltdown last night about my skin, my nails, my weight (I'm like 145??), my career...everything. I have chronic nightmares so I'm not even safe in my sleep 🙃 gonna sit back, draw and listen to this pep talk 🎉❤
omg i am unsafe in my sleep too! nightmares and night terrors. i never feel safe. it’s so hard. just know someone (many someones, i’m sure) is out there relating and wishing you well.
@mus1quenonst0p I hear it stems from several things, but I recently discovered I have sleep apnea too. I'm always having nightmares about my cats :(
I relate to so much that she’s talking about. Man have I been struggling recently with beating myself up. Its gotten to the point where even my friends are telling this… girl… this aint normal. Lol… one day at a time!
i don’t even know how to not beat myself up. that term is thrown at me a LOT and i have no idea what it means! just HOW?
OCD and wellness journals are a bad combo for most of us suffering from it. I love how you refer it to strikes against is and “just right.”Thanks for this video.❤
While I think it's great that a lot of celebrities are talking about their own mental health journeys, I still find them unrelatable.
You, however, are completely relatable to me and I, an introvert of this world, am appreciative of you sharing your journey!
I will say though that this past year has been filled with some of the biggest struggles personally. The things I've had to deal with have been so much bigger than the things that I would stress about in the past that now I have gotten to a place where I am finally able to give myself grace for the things that would have driven me insane a year ago.
Girl the change from some of your self talk in former videos to this video is wonderful! I’m so proud of you and happy for you because oh my goodness it feels so good to hear you talk nice to yourself ❤
I've been practicing mindfulness for years. I feel mentally healthy in a way that has had a profound effect on my life in all things. It's so good. I'm so happy people are talking about it, so thank you for bringing it to this platform! My reason for diving in is long and complicated, but finding that it was a great fit for how my mind naturally works was such a relief when I needed it. I'm at it for 10 years and I will keep at it forever. It's that good.
I've learned through intense emotional work that my behaviors, compulsions, and critical way of thinking were developed as a child. They helped me to maintain an attachment to my parents and helped to protect me from the unbearable rejection/abandonment trauma and neglect. My upbringing was incredibly dysfunctional.
Through this work, I've been able to accept all parts of myself and have such a better understanding and so much more compassion for myself. I understand myself on a deeper level, and I feel like I finally get to face the world from an authentic place. I feel like I've finally woken up, and I'm so grateful for the self-awareness and self-reflection. My journey is far from perfect and it's messy, but I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.❤
please never delete this video. i consistently come back to it whenever i feel bad about myself and it makes me feel seen and less alone
Wow I have hated myself for all the time I can remember. Thank you so much for posting this video. It's certainly food for thought. You are wonderful for being so open ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Brooo....Lord...Having been an overachiever all my life and tying my self worth to my job, this past couple of months I completely let go... quit my job( nothing lined up), bed rotting daily, traveling, hanging with family and friends, sleeping in BUT not letting myself feel guilty for not being productive. It's been scary but also very VERY healing to just be present, be uncomfortable and comfortable, not dwell on the past or worry about the future. Your comment on accountability is where I'm at now. I have to draw a line somewhere but I'm starting from a place of self-initiation, not internal nor societal pressures. Thanks Alex for being you. You being a beacon of authenticity in this world full of vapidness is inspiring. ❤
Clicked on this video soooo fast. ❤ Totally agree Alex, I relate to a lot of this. I try to hold the mantra "All or something" vs all or nothing and it's helped me.
Alex is so real for this. Thank you ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing such a great and informative video. In my own experience, I've come to enjoy people who have hurts, scars, a past or have had to "go deep" within themselves and are now aware of their frailty and strength. It makes for a real life experience. A lifelong experience. Keep up the good work~!! PS - I've found this little hack - let's say I have a bunch of dishes to do (by hand). I say, "I can do it now....or... I can do it later." And that way it's my choice and I've empowered my "self" to either do it now or to postpone it until later. That way I can sit in a totally dirty kitchen and watch a movie and not let it interfere, because I know I'm going to "do it later." Hope this helps you or your readers as well. Best...
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your experience 😭 this was so relatable and actually really helpful 😭 I always appreciate when people share cuz it reminds me I’m not alone 😭❤
❤️
I can’t remember a time where I even liked myself lol. It’s like a punch to the chest with a mental block every time I’m cycling through my ocd tendencies. The mental torture I put myself through is so so so damn exhausting.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this with us ❤️❤️❤️
i am so glad you allow yourself to be seen & heard.
sharing your thoughts & showing yourself to the world is a huge treasure for a lot of us!!
Alexandra, thank you for this video.
I see myself so much in this process you are going through. I've been through a very similar one the last few years.
As you say self esteem its a muscle and a daily compromise.
Lately I've been arriving to a very comfortable place within myself and I'm very happy to do that with you ❤
Awesome to hear this ,
I relate so much with all or nothing , and then when I do nothing, the punishment and then the hate … that’s my spiral.
Attachment styles are very interesting and enlightening.
I am so glad you posted this! I am 56 and still trying to let myself be ok when things get out of my “control.” Medication on the short term were extremely helpful to me. Now, I find microdosing is quite helpful.
Again, thank you for this!!!
You are enough! Not only are you a beautiful, talented young lady but you have helped thousands of people with your tutorials. Being of service to others is a great self esteem booster. Hold it in your heart that you've helped others. Inosotil is a great supplement for OCD. Thank you for your videos.
thank you so much. many points in this video that i can relate to. the struggle is so different for everybody but i realized that the big common denominator is the struggling itself. we all struggle, no matter what the facade looks like.
Thank you, Alex. It does help to share; for me, I'm starting to deal with my CPTSD, grief and loss, and possibly ADHD (waiting for testing). Everyone else looks so calm, til you realize we're all dealing with something - it helps to know that. So, thank you again! Hugs.
thank you sooo so much for being so open. your exercise anxiety is so relatable to me. I would actually tell myself I wouldn’t need to shower if I didn’t work out that day; withholding myself from a clean body just because I didn’t “work for it”. slowly trying to get myself back and show self love. thank god for therapy and lexapro. those “crash” days are so scary- especially the dissociating thing- would have loved for you to go further into it but I totally respect your privacy.
Long time follower and fellow ocd diagnosis here! Thank you for your vulnerability. I’m proud of you for sharing, but I also saw you holding some boundaries around your exposures. Such a good practice. Sending you a lot of love.
I related to this more than you will ever know. I strugggle with all of the same issues. Thank you so much for being real and for the helpful advice.
The way you can be vulnerable without coming off as narcissistic shows how much you've grown!! ❤
Thanks for sharing Alex, it’s such a huge sign of the work and healing you’re doing and have done. I’m 31 and I am currently the most happy and mentally stable I have ever been in my entire life. Sitting in the discomfort and just letting it be what it is. Nothing else. And then moving on 😌
Also, being a mother of 3 and now raising a teenager 😅 wheewwwww, this new chapter has also lead me to take more new looks at myself. Giving my son the grace and love I desperately needed at such a transformative age.
This just wanted the fuq out of my heart 😩❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@AlexandraAneleand let’s not underestimate what a supportive partner can do for us during these times of self healing!!
I was diagnosed with OCD at 21. I had no idea for years what was wrong with me. I am 50 now and still have therapy every 2 weeks. All or nothing is so TRUE. This was an excellent video! ❤
That OCD journal sounds so interesting! I'm going to look into it for my husband. I think he absolutely struggles with similar things to what you shared here. 😢
As someone who often advocates for mental health, I appreciate you being so open about this topic, Alex!
This was amazing. You are so badass for letting us in. You have been helping me since you started talking about OCD because my 16 year old son is working on the same issue. When you say acknowledge and let go, that's huge. He has a very hard time doing that and he is very hard on himself. Wow, everything you said I relate to because of my son. Thank you so much for posting
So so many layers! Damn straight! I can relate, and the difficult work goes on & on! Toxic relationships are so debilitating to this journey for mental/physical health! I too, have a shoulder injury! So annoying! Great video!
Alex I've followed you for years and have always loved your content and personality. This is such a comforting and timely video bc my OCD has flared super badly in the winter now. The company I worked for went out of business last month and I have so much time on my hands, I've gone from "super productive" to stagnant and it just caused my OCD to go out of control and constantly punish myself and I'm stuck in a negative feedback loop. This was really helpful. Thank you so much.
Thank you Alex, So many people feel like they are alone in these things. While social media can be informative, educational, fun etc.etc. it's NOT real. I think about young people trying to grow up in this environment and comparing their life to what they see on social media. It"s frightening.. When I was growing up there weren't any cell phones or internet. Whatever is going on in your life, you are just great in my books...even better for thinking about how to make things better ! This video is much appreciated.
yes yes on self care not always looking like the iconic ('pop') version of itself.
sometimes "relaxing" makes you feel infinitely worse. just because it's someone else's way of loving themself, doesn't mean it has to be mine.
sometimes gentleness looks like having compassion with yourself as you're doing an imperfect job of fulfilling your responsibilities to yourself - rather than throwing up your hands and "taking the day off" which to some of us just feels like giving up.
take it easy > stop expecting anything of yourself.
i like to frame it as mothering myself. like ok, you can't just not feed your kids because you're tired, but you CAN feed them a freezer meal, and accepting that without judging yourself is a big part of sustainability.
I feel like u can still get that excited feeling when it's not ALL or NOTHING, but ALL or EASY.
Easy is a great choice and mitigates guilt.
More videos like this please! I’m right there with you. Never knew that my anxiety/panic disorder was rooted in OCD until recently. Love this type of content. Proud of you!
I can't thank you enough for this conversation. Thank you. Through your words, I can think of my own experience and understand myself much better.
A lot of what you said in this video really hit home, I think I’m going to have to watch it a couple times and digest what is hitting with me. Thank you for choosing to share this with us
i needed this so badly. people tell me to “stop beating myself off” and “you’re so hard on yourself” and i LITERALLY don’t understand what that means. if i am doing something imperfect, then it is not right, and it devolves into self hatred and low self esteem.
This brought me to tears, thank you!!! I needed this. And while, yes, others have shared similar type videos, this is the best one I have seen by far. And that is because it came with complete raw honesty from the beautiful soul you are. You are such a light in this world of darkness, and I truly appreciate you for being willing to share it with all of us.
So true - self care is trusting yourself through positive discomfort and showing your trust through consistent action forward. It's something that requires maintenance. It is not reaching a "perfect" point and then stopping because this type of mindset breeds disappointment (especially since we're built to evolve!). Just taking one step and/or jumping back on the saddle after some time makes a difference. Thanks for sharing!
Yesssssss! This is what we all should do!
Thank you so much for sharing this. You always inspire me to create. You are so very talented at numerous things. You are beautiful and amazing and I know soon I will be making tutorials and it will be because of u.❤❤❤
Hi Alex. This video was SUPER important to make. I love that you're so transparent with your subscribers. I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life. In more recent years, I was diagnosed with CPTSD, ADD, and an unspecified mood disorder. It has been superbly hard to find a good medication regimen. It has also been quite hard to find a good therapist. What I need to work on most is my anger issues and body image issues. I wonder if the latter being so closely associated with eating disorders which in turn are so closely associated with OCD, would be helpful to find a therapist who specializes in OCD. Right now, I see one who specializes in anxiety, ADD, and trauma. She has been helpful so far. I just want to get to the point where you're at right now. It has been so difficult. I have heard great things about "neutral" rather than being GOOD or being PERFECT. I struggle with "black and white," "right and wrong," etc. severely as well as being a perfectionist. I wonder if neutral would ever be obtainable for me too.
26:11 I really appreciate you talking about all of this stuff. You are the person who made me realize I too have "just right" OCD. And its helped me a lot. I'm looking into ERP now.
I related so much to both your and Caroline’s videos! Her phrasing fear as opportunity to grow unlocked something in my brain but this one feels like a conversation with a younger (and current) version of myself.
One of the things that helped me was when I realized I wanted to end positive feedback with “but” or something negative; my therapist suggested just ending the sentence there.
This is so powerful and important. As someone with bipolar disorder and who is neurodivergent-unclassified it’s so radical to hear someone talk about the journey between mental unwellness to mental stability. so often we hear “you can’t hate yourself into changing” and these quick phrases that are supposed to mean something deeper, but what we really need is to understand the steps and how they will benefit us in the long run. being mindful, aware, present are all key to calming our nervous systems which are so used to being tuned into an unproductive frequency. anyway. thank you.
This has been a very enlightening video for me! I was pleasantly reminded of a few things I had forgotten about in therapy. Also, EMDR therapy was life changing for me and my husband! We went to the same therapist but separately. For anyone watching, if there is a professional in your area, please make an appointment to start this therapy, if you can. It is unlike any other! You won't regret it! You are an awesome soul, sweet lady!!! Thank you! Bless you, mamacita!!!!
also i LOVE caroline winkler and that video was just incredible - so glad to have found two amazingly down to earth, genuine people on youtube creating things i love to watch
This is so me!! Thank you for this video and for the smiles today!
You are the best and such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing. What you said rings true on so many levels in what we allow people to see and how we see ourselves. Eventually it catches up with most of us. ❤
Thank you! It's so easy to be unkind to ourselves isnt it, and not realize we're back in the past or guessing and fearing what might happen, just bringing it into the present and in doing so, erasing the present. Sometimes i cant even drive in my car as i pass places that remind me of my many many mistakes, and then realize ive been in a dream and see that ive gone miles without rralizing it. Windy way to say thank you, but thank you. You hit the nail on the head.
Never liked a video so fast. Really needed this! Thank you for staying real
Listen 4 yrs ago I found you and you inspired me to start social media...here I am today Dec 4 2024 MY BDAY and I'm still trying just to start!! I needed this!
Ty so much!
Happy birthday Melissa! Be gentle with yourself! 🙏🏼💕
@@AlexandraAnele thank you
This video really helped, as I have so many negative thoughts. This idea of just - when the thought pops up - acknowledge the thought, and that's it. thank you
I just watched this after watching your under eye concealer tutorial from 6 years ago. I’m crying! You’ve grown so much and gained SO much confidence; it’s beautiful. Thank you paving the way ❤
So incredibly refreshing to hear an influencer speak so openly and honestly about...life, feelings! I recognize myself in so much of what you say, and it's both comforting and a good wake up call and reminder what self-care and self-love is. Thank you for giving such specific and easily understandable advise on this topic. I dont think you know just how much this video helps! Much much love from Sweden :) ❤