This type of video is refreshing, because most resources will say "how to deal with a manipulative person" as if the burden is entirely on the victims.
I understanding communicating honestly might have dramatic consequences if u have a lot of secrets in a family. You can’t just go from zero to 100. But when u can, let the truth out and just have those conversations. Because the burden does fall 100 percent on the victim, self guilt is GOOD for u when you’ve abused someone, processing that is great but EMPATHY is when u figure out how to make things right
@@Luke-zv6bb saying things like "self guilt is a GOOD thing" is kind of not seeing things from an objective/realistic/ethical perspective. that is like a simple form of revenge that the victim gets to solace for ever. its not productive other than for the ego. guilt can be one of the hardest things to overcome. compulsively dwelling in and living in guilt is not helpful, healing nor productive, for anyone, especially not the victim, recognize what purpose guilt serves, but do not see it as a "good thing" that should be processed every day. guilt should help you to communicate, be honest, admit wrongdoing, etc, or in other words it should lead to repay whatever debt you have created through your actions. simply punishing someone with "guilt" without any clear end or goal in mind, for the rest of their life for instance, solves nothing and is more likely than not to create an even worse reaction, problem and monster out of a person than actual forgiveness and healing would. it would be like understanding jail as a GOOD thing. jail is never a "good" thing. if you get giddy about punishing others, locking them up, in other words seeing them suffer; sorry to tell you, but you got problems too... just my 2 cents
I'm thankful that someone told me that people pleasing and constantly apologizing was manipulation. I thought it was nice and had a really hard time breaking those habits. I still struggle, but I see now that I am trying to manipulate situations to make them safe for me.
It’s incredible how self-awareness can lead to real change in our relationships. Recognizing manipulative behaviors-whether in ourselves or others-can be the first step to healthier interactions.
I’ve realized these things about myself and I want to stop it because it hurts me and everyone around me thanks for the video hope you have a good day ❤
I manipulated my drunk parents into parenting me as well as I could get them to, they were incredibly resistant. Probably doing it to everything since.
I think this is great, Kati. Could there be more videos on turning the mirror upon ourselves? Sometimes we don’t realize we’re the one doing the things. Thank you for this.
I'm very glad to have found your channel in recent months, I wonder what my life would be like now had I had more of these very helpful, not accusatory or blame /shame ridden discussions around the topics you cover earlier in my life. Growing and healing things now as an adult I wish I had learned sooner. Very grateful still to have this now, thank you for everything you are doing in the world to help others in this way, myself included!!
If ur engaging with people, and ur seeing dramatic changes in viewer bases or the mental health (4ensic) of ur channel, it was already there, ur viewer base seems to reach people in need. And I trust u to be able to make choices that keep those viewers in mind. You are brilliant at knowing who to reach out to and how to help. Take care Katie, u totally got it. Don’t let somebody showing u their wound go to YOUR head ❤
Fabulous video! I started it fully ready to reflect and tweak where I might need it. It felt good to see my progress in therapy has already helped me identify and avoid these pitfalls. The ones I haven't ever struggled with made me see where I lost relationships with people because their forms of manipulation just didn't work on me, and that it wasn't my fault. ❤
It's awesome to be going through all these big practical somewhat scientific and results focused learning sessions and trying to be a better person - when I'm surrounded by people who just didn't, and won't.
I struggle working out the difference between setting a boundary by saying no to doing something I don't want to do compared to manipulating someone to do it the way I want them to. Like if I want to do something one way and someone else wants to do it another, me saying no to their way effectively forces them to do it my way if they want to do it at all
I am guilty to be a people pleaser and some of the things you mentioned the ather day me and my daughter was walking and she hurt her foot and I told her there is no time to worry about your foot you can worry about it later when we are home later I was feeling bad about the way I react because I don't want her to learn it is wrong to show your feelings or pain like I did now I'm working hard to show more empathy when It is necessary❤
I haven’t watched your channel in a few months. You seem to be feeling a lot better. That is wonderful to see. I can so relate to people pleasing and burnout. Since I’ve stopped doing it, I’m so much better. Keep on thriving and creating your insightful content. It is very helpful.
Thanks for pointing out the signs of manipulation. However, we are born manipulative, it's a natural trait. Learning the effects of manipulation as we grow only enables one to try to manipulate the intended manipulaton 😮.... I tried to think of times that I (intentionally) don't conduct any of the "manipulative" behaviors, yet I still am sometimes accused of manipulation via reverse psychology. Fortunately, i have a tight circle of friends that tell it as it is... I'm not quick to argue either , because it's common for one's intention to be misperceived . The question is, will one be given the opportunity to clarify and learn from another viewpoint. I thank people that call me out, because if they didn't, then theyd be assuming. Bottom line is avoid overanalyzing... you're not gonna please everyone (even with good intentions). If your intentions are good, and there's no need for clarification from wrong perception...then one has done their best. 😊
Already complaining about something, someone or an own sickness or ‘problem’ in the world is already a form of manipulation looking for sympathy. We often just complain about things seeking to connect with others or feel understood, only to get an empty instant reward that doesn’t help anyone in the long run. Negativity and drama are addictive and everyone knows that is a way of manipulation. It’s used in advertising, news and the entertainment business all the time.
Sometimes self-reflection is a way to get people to the right mode of behavior without jabbing them with a sword. Getting there on their own is how therapists teach the client the ‘why’s’ of the behavior followed by “a lesson and reflection “ and doesn’t push them away as “bad manipulator, go to your room and think about what you’ve done “
I think that's very common.. and it often happens because our internal talk is mostly negative. So it's hard for it not to overflow out of our heads and into our lives :( If you start paying attention to that you can fight to not be as negative towards yourself.. little by little. xoxo
omg it's me I'm doing that 😢 someone important told me they're getting frustrated (bc I wasn't answering a particular question, which was communicated in a good way) and I just agreed that I was frustrating and went completely silent on them 😮
May you always recognize the beauty that fills you, both inside and out, as clearly as others do. Your presence brings light and joy to those around you. ❣️
See none of these manipulations work if you embrace conflict and i don't mean in a angry way but in a logical peaceful way see most people can't take not being able to win an argument if you're dealing with someone who is always argumentive or passive aggressive or trying to break your stance they'll soon find out its not gonna happen and they'll either leave or accept help to change see endurance is the name of the game
How do you know if your love-bombing or saying sorry too much from obsessing over a new person in a relationship too much isn't just a response to your own trauma-based pain of feeling alone rather than manipulation or are they both the same thing (manipulation)? I recently realized I was getting the opposite effect I wanted in a new relationship by acting needy/begging for time together so I decided to step back and offer space of several weeks to focus on myself more by going through the DBT book, staying sober (newly sober which is what's causing these issues of lashing out), working on mindfulness, etc... I've realized some of my behavior is manipulative but I didn't intend it to be, it was just coming from me being in an insecure place. I'm also aware that it's inadvisable and difficult to navigate a new relationship in early sobriety, especially with other traumas, but I'm here already, so. I know it's easy to say to yourself "oh just do the self work and stop caring and be yourself and things will work out as they should" but it isn't easy for me because I've got a lot of negative triggers internalized that cause me to say things when I'm feeling emotionally dysregulated... So by taking this several week long break (only a couple days in now) how can I best reengage contact without slipping back into neediness but also not to remain friend-zoned? In other words, how do I avoid triggers or slipping into manipulative or insecure behavior and trust my authentic self at all times more? I want to ensure I don't reengage too early when I'm not ready. I'm guessing just identifying my own triggers within me, so that I'm ready more when/if they happen again? I take things way too seriously sometimes, as you can tell. This is a problem.
@@magnetohex703Thanks I think you are right I feel like asking them another question though have they ever seen the film "Shutter Island" rotfl I bet most therapists have.
@katimorton. Hello I'm sorry to post and ask this question here but I have been checking back often to keep note of your livestream today is it 5pm ? I know it's posted on your community tab but I get anxious and confused on time ❤😊
I kinda feel like some of these are socially taught and expected. I WANT to be open and honest but I'd it's not wrapped in a bow first, then I'm being rude.
hi kati how are you doing i don't have mother father brother sister any cloth family i have kids but i fell like big thing missing in my life i wish i can abel have people arund me give me support love and care and also that i can give them love care support is thair any way that i can find ?
Hmmm, people pleasing is not a form of manipulation, at least not in a coercive manner. People pleasing comes from trauma throughout one's life, sometimes from people who developed fawning as a way of coping. People pleasers are the ones at risk of being manipulated, from the comments it seems some people have a poor understanding of the subject. The rest of the video is good but this one area is somewhat distorted.
Both can be true. "I can't be okay until you're okay" is the prime directive, and it is satisfied either through your will or theirs. If one's efforts do not please, the person gets even more desperate.
@@TaobethCo-dependency resonates with me when reading the first part of your reply, not to say your comment has no substance, of course it does. However, mental health is a complex subject with symptoms and behaviours overlapping somewhat. I still lean more to people pleasing being vulnerable rather than manipulative, but then again aren't all mental health conditions vulnerable in their own way. 😊
This type of video is refreshing, because most resources will say "how to deal with a manipulative person" as if the burden is entirely on the victims.
lol
I agree. They say if you want better partners / friends, be a better partner / friend and this type of content helps
I understanding communicating honestly might have dramatic consequences if u have a lot of secrets in a family. You can’t just go from zero to 100. But when u can, let the truth out and just have those conversations. Because the burden does fall 100 percent on the victim, self guilt is GOOD for u when you’ve abused someone, processing that is great but EMPATHY is when u figure out how to make things right
@@Luke-zv6bb saying things like "self guilt is a GOOD thing" is kind of not seeing things from an objective/realistic/ethical perspective. that is like a simple form of revenge that the victim gets to solace for ever. its not productive other than for the ego. guilt can be one of the hardest things to overcome. compulsively dwelling in and living in guilt is not helpful, healing nor productive, for anyone, especially not the victim, recognize what purpose guilt serves, but do not see it as a "good thing" that should be processed every day. guilt should help you to communicate, be honest, admit wrongdoing, etc, or in other words it should lead to repay whatever debt you have created through your actions. simply punishing someone with "guilt" without any clear end or goal in mind, for the rest of their life for instance, solves nothing and is more likely than not to create an even worse reaction, problem and monster out of a person than actual forgiveness and healing would. it would be like understanding jail as a GOOD thing. jail is never a "good" thing. if you get giddy about punishing others, locking them up, in other words seeing them suffer; sorry to tell you, but you got problems too... just my 2 cents
I'm thankful that someone told me that people pleasing and constantly apologizing was manipulation. I thought it was nice and had a really hard time breaking those habits. I still struggle, but I see now that I am trying to manipulate situations to make them safe for me.
Wild how much of our behavior is aimed at keeping us safe and how it can actually be maladaptive in the long run, I feel you. Thank you for sharing :)
i relate to this realization
It’s incredible how self-awareness can lead to real change in our relationships. Recognizing manipulative behaviors-whether in ourselves or others-can be the first step to healthier interactions.
I’ve realized these things about myself and I want to stop it because it hurts me and everyone around me thanks for the video hope you have a good day ❤
I'm proud of you for taking accountability. That's the perfect starting place. You got this!
I manipulated my drunk parents into parenting me as well as I could get them to, they were incredibly resistant. Probably doing it to everything since.
Here's to Having Healthier Resources 💞
I think this is great, Kati. Could there be more videos on turning the mirror upon ourselves? Sometimes we don’t realize we’re the one doing the things. Thank you for this.
I'm very glad to have found your channel in recent months, I wonder what my life would be like now had I had more of these very helpful, not accusatory or blame /shame ridden discussions around the topics you cover earlier in my life. Growing and healing things now as an adult I wish I had learned sooner. Very grateful still to have this now, thank you for everything you are doing in the world to help others in this way, myself included!!
I feel the same!
@@brittanywilcox7377 I agree it’s easier to take when we get the ‘aha’ moment and allows us to not feel defensive and defiant towards the presenter 😊
If ur engaging with people, and ur seeing dramatic changes in viewer bases or the mental health (4ensic) of ur channel, it was already there, ur viewer base seems to reach people in need. And I trust u to be able to make choices that keep those viewers in mind. You are brilliant at knowing who to reach out to and how to help. Take care Katie, u totally got it. Don’t let somebody showing u their wound go to YOUR head ❤
Fabulous video! I started it fully ready to reflect and tweak where I might need it. It felt good to see my progress in therapy has already helped me identify and avoid these pitfalls. The ones I haven't ever struggled with made me see where I lost relationships with people because their forms of manipulation just didn't work on me, and that it wasn't my fault. ❤
It's awesome to be going through all these big practical somewhat scientific and results focused learning sessions and trying to be a better person - when I'm surrounded by people who just didn't, and won't.
I struggle working out the difference between setting a boundary by saying no to doing something I don't want to do compared to manipulating someone to do it the way I want them to.
Like if I want to do something one way and someone else wants to do it another, me saying no to their way effectively forces them to do it my way if they want to do it at all
compromise is needed is what it sounds like.. not sure
I am guilty to be a people pleaser and some of the things you mentioned
the ather day me and my daughter was walking and she hurt her foot and I told her there is no time to worry about your foot you can worry about it later when we are home later I was feeling bad about the way I react because I don't want her to learn it is wrong to show your feelings or pain like I did now I'm working hard to show more empathy when It is necessary❤
Thank you, really insightful. Being self aware is such a positive state
I haven’t watched your channel in a few months. You seem to be feeling a lot better. That is wonderful to see.
I can so relate to people pleasing and burnout.
Since I’ve stopped doing it, I’m so much better.
Keep on thriving and creating your insightful content. It is very helpful.
Thanks for pointing out the signs of manipulation. However, we are born manipulative, it's a natural trait. Learning the effects of manipulation as we grow only enables one to try to manipulate the intended manipulaton 😮....
I tried to think of times that I (intentionally) don't conduct any of the "manipulative" behaviors, yet I still am sometimes accused of manipulation via reverse psychology. Fortunately, i have a tight circle of friends that tell it as it is... I'm not quick to argue either , because it's common for one's intention to be misperceived . The question is, will one be given the opportunity to clarify and learn from another viewpoint. I thank people that call me out, because if they didn't, then theyd be assuming.
Bottom line is avoid overanalyzing... you're not gonna please everyone (even with good intentions). If your intentions are good, and there's no need for clarification from wrong perception...then one has done their best. 😊
Already complaining about something, someone or an own sickness or ‘problem’ in the world is already a form of manipulation looking for sympathy. We often just complain about things seeking to connect with others or feel understood, only to get an empty instant reward that doesn’t help anyone in the long run. Negativity and drama are addictive and everyone knows that is a way of manipulation. It’s used in advertising, news and the entertainment business all the time.
thank you!! love how this is being addressed ❤
Sometimes self-reflection is a way to get people to the right mode of behavior without jabbing them with a sword.
Getting there on their own is how therapists teach the client the ‘why’s’ of the behavior followed by “a lesson and reflection “ and doesn’t push them away as “bad manipulator, go to your room and think about what you’ve done “
I'm happy I clicked on this
For some reason i quite often will say something that was negative towards myself when i didnt even need to make that comment.
I think that's very common.. and it often happens because our internal talk is mostly negative. So it's hard for it not to overflow out of our heads and into our lives :( If you start paying attention to that you can fight to not be as negative towards yourself.. little by little. xoxo
@@KatimortonHi Kati
Thanks for your time, for spreading knowledge and awareness .
Thanks for your support . You are like a Family
@@Katimorton🍀👸🎂🧱😍
@@Katimorton🍀🎂👸🧱😍
Relationship is a good word but fundamentally it requires 2 people at least journey adjacent.
omg it's me I'm doing that 😢
someone important told me they're getting frustrated (bc I wasn't answering a particular question, which was communicated in a good way) and I just agreed that I was frustrating and went completely silent on them 😮
May you always recognize the beauty that fills you, both inside and out, as clearly as others do. Your presence brings light and joy to those around you. ❣️
I have been a people pleaser my entire life and have a lot of anxiety. I have been exploring CODA
See none of these manipulations work if you embrace conflict and i don't mean in a angry way but in a logical peaceful way see most people can't take not being able to win an argument if you're dealing with someone who is always argumentive or passive aggressive or trying to break your stance they'll soon find out its not gonna happen and they'll either leave or accept help to change see endurance is the name of the game
How do you know if your love-bombing or saying sorry too much from obsessing over a new person in a relationship too much isn't just a response to your own trauma-based pain of feeling alone rather than manipulation or are they both the same thing (manipulation)? I recently realized I was getting the opposite effect I wanted in a new relationship by acting needy/begging for time together so I decided to step back and offer space of several weeks to focus on myself more by going through the DBT book, staying sober (newly sober which is what's causing these issues of lashing out), working on mindfulness, etc... I've realized some of my behavior is manipulative but I didn't intend it to be, it was just coming from me being in an insecure place. I'm also aware that it's inadvisable and difficult to navigate a new relationship in early sobriety, especially with other traumas, but I'm here already, so.
I know it's easy to say to yourself "oh just do the self work and stop caring and be yourself and things will work out as they should" but it isn't easy for me because I've got a lot of negative triggers internalized that cause me to say things when I'm feeling emotionally dysregulated...
So by taking this several week long break (only a couple days in now) how can I best reengage contact without slipping back into neediness but also not to remain friend-zoned? In other words, how do I avoid triggers or slipping into manipulative or insecure behavior and trust my authentic self at all times more? I want to ensure I don't reengage too early when I'm not ready. I'm guessing just identifying my own triggers within me, so that I'm ready more when/if they happen again? I take things way too seriously sometimes, as you can tell. This is a problem.
Thank you so much
hi Katy!! could u do a video on bipolar vs pmdd ?
Hi really great video but are you looking for a video editor?
Will a therapist use rollplay on you subtly to cause you to findout the answers to your questions other than them answering it ?
@@magnetohex703Thanks I think you are right I feel like asking them another question though have they ever seen the film "Shutter Island" rotfl I bet most therapists have.
How can you tell if you would be good or bad in relationships if you’ve never been in one?
Katie is awesome! Love yaa
❤🤗
What's it called when the other person doesn't care about what's real and reframes the situation to fit their feelings?
Gaslighting. You and themselves to avoid taking accountability
@katimorton. Hello I'm sorry to post and ask this question here but I have been checking back often to keep note of your livestream today is it 5pm ? I know it's posted on your community tab but I get anxious and confused on time ❤😊
Does it still count as manipulation if you're trying to make something happen (or not happen) for an unselfish reason?
techno yes
What's the difference between people pleasing and being religious, I honestly thought being religious is people pleasing
Kati, could you make a video about emotional vampires?
Energy vampires
I kinda feel like some of these are socially taught and expected. I WANT to be open and honest but I'd it's not wrapped in a bow first, then I'm being rude.
Oh, this is hard to hear...
Can you make a video about assisted suicide in Switzerland. I want to go there but I want a professional opinion.
🍀👸🃏
🎭🍀7
hye what camera gear yuse
Stan... Pumped up kicks... 💀🔫🤡
Nate AZ Highschool 💀🔫🤡
Are you licsended to be a therapist for someone who lives out of state? I'm in Ohio. Just curious 😊
The most beautiful Dr psychiatrist ever😊
hi kati how are you doing
i don't have mother father brother sister any cloth family i have kids but i fell like big thing missing in my life i wish i can abel have people arund me give me support love and care and also that i can give them love care support is thair any way that i can find ?
Hmmm, people pleasing is not a form of manipulation, at least not in a coercive manner. People pleasing comes from trauma throughout one's life, sometimes from people who developed fawning as a way of coping. People pleasers are the ones at risk of being manipulated, from the comments it seems some people have a poor understanding of the subject. The rest of the video is good but this one area is somewhat distorted.
Both can be true.
"I can't be okay until you're okay" is the prime directive, and it is satisfied either through your will or theirs. If one's efforts do not please, the person gets even more desperate.
@@TaobethCo-dependency resonates with me when reading the first part of your reply, not to say your comment has no substance, of course it does. However, mental health is a complex subject with symptoms and behaviours overlapping somewhat. I still lean more to people pleasing being vulnerable rather than manipulative, but then again aren't all mental health conditions vulnerable in their own way. 😊
...yes, but I'm not the overly sensitive clown with a gun 🤡🔫,
I learned to be a manipulative Bully from fighting games. Set Ups 24/7
Nate AZ Highschool 💀🔫🤡🌈