elle palmer I really appreciate you talking about this as I am looking into taking testosterone and I want to know that if I take it and am happy at a certain level of masculinity can I stop and keep the changes. I am ftm btw. I also really appreciate you in general because you talking about your experience important is good to destigmatize detransitioners and also it is important to show that because someone is a detransitioner doesn’t mean they are transphobic. I also have a question if your clit enlarges on t because I have read about that and if that is a permanent change? I have been told over and over again that everyone is different, but I still am trying to gather as much information so I can ask more specific questions to the endocrinologist I’m going to see. Thank you so much and sorry this is so long
My only critique is that you don't actually respond to DM's. You have a growing fanbase and to keep their interest you have to talk to a few of them once in awhile. I'm not saying this because I'm thirsty for attention, but I have friends who are in the professional music industry and they all take the time to respond to fans, even I have to. I understand being busy with school and a life but social media is a cruel beast and you have to be willing to go the extra mile to gain new followers, because.. Someone might get a chance to talk to you, and say "Hey, this person is really cool and down to Earth. You should follow them." And some will even share you to their entire friends list. I have promoted many people before. I don't mean any of this negatively. Just some constructive criticism.
I highly recommend this book called "Steps to Christ" this book really help me overcome depression and anxiety, God Bless Elle here's the link m.egwwritings.org/en/book/2017/toc
it may have gotten higher, but it just gets to the point of sounding like a feminine male. Unless you take vocal coaching or undergo vocal feminization surgery, your voice will never sound female again
@@supererikman5331 mine sounds female again and so does this person's: www.reddit.com/r/detrans/comments/ffmnoi/my_voice_a_few_months_off_t_vs_a_few_years_off_t/
@Face in the Crowd high enough that everyone calls me ma'am on the phone. Higher than this person's and I think they now sound totally female now: www.reddit.com/r/detrans/comments/ffmnoi/my_voice_a_few_months_off_t_vs_a_few_years_off_t/
@@supererikman5331 and here's a vocaroo link in case the Reddit thread doesn't work for you guys the first part of the recording is their voice a few months off of T and the second part is their voice a few years off of T voca.ro/cjJi9Cd3Qyh
Don't forget, you're not through growing and developing for another five years or so. Plenty of time for your body to undo, or at least minimize, some of the changes. If you'd waited until you were past 30, it'd be a different matter, but at 20, you ain't quite finished yet anyway.
Most people actually stop developing physically in their teens. Mentally we stop growing until 25 but not physically. People can even be done developing 2 years after puberty and most people have already finished developing even before they are 18. There is hope things might get better but only the more further away she is from testosterone and because more estrogen can kick back into her system again but the effects of testosterone are dominant and some of it may never undo. Sadly that's the reality and why people guiding them down this path need to take it more seriously. Though I do think things can get better.
you can just talk straight through with so few cuts and mistakes, you’re a natural speaker. Really good at holding attention!! You could speak publicly about your experience and help people.
fuckyoumorgy good for you??? you implying i’m not cis or??? cuz i definitely have one like that, and i’m definitely cis gender. sooooooooo. maybe, just maybe, it’s normal biological difference
@@WatchMyTears why are you so triggered by that? Normally in women the adams apple is less visible. That's a statistical fact. Statistical facts are not 100%, but you as a female having a visible adams apple does not make it less of a fact
girl, i think 6 months is very little time actually!! i'm no expert and could be wrong, but i think your body will change a whole lot more throughout time
As someone with PCOS who's PCOS developed after puberty happened, it's crazy how many things going on with my body/that have gone on, are similar to taking testosterone (because I naturally have higher testosterone). I know you probably didn't expect this kind of comment but hi! This is so relatable in ways I could have never imagined.
I literally was going to comment this same comment! Was diagnosed with pcos 3 years ago in my early twenties. When I got back my blood tests to see higher testosterone it all made so much sense what has happening to me. I went through a year of laser hair removal for my facial hair and it helped. I’ve always had a lower voice, but being an alto and singing a lot made me think it was because of that. It’s nice to know other people out there are going through the same things :)
I got pcos too,my body hair are darker and thicker, I got facial hair (not all over but many dark hair),acne(that's got a little better last months luckily),alopecia(my hair gets thinner all over) I don't got female fat distribution(more on the shoulders,stomach and face/neck),a little deeper voice (but sounds not masculine,just deep)and I also haven't my period since years when I'm not actually on the pill, I'm a born cis female and I can relate to this very much 😅😬
I have PCOS, also. It took a long time to receive a correct diagnosis. It's hereditary, btw. In my case, hirsuteness was my main side effect. And acne. Using a topical antibiotic helped the acne on my face (not triple antibiotic because you don't want to be resistant to triple). Laser hair removal is expensive and lasts about 10 years.
I think your voice has a rather soothing tone. Reminds me of my best friend's from childhood. She is a CIS female but she was born with a underdeveloped lung on one side. They treated her with steroids to help expand her lung which in turn gave her a deeper voice.
There was a cis girl I went to high school with who’s voice sounds the same. She never went on T or had to use steroids, her voice just naturally sounded that way after puberty.
i'm a trans woman so i'm a woman who went through male puberty, too. the stuff that's permanently changed for you is the same stuff that i deal with. i feel a lot of sympathy for you. not only that, but after living as a woman for 10yrs, i can totally understand why young women would flirt with the idea of becoming a man. our society is so unfair to women. it's blown my mind that i can now understand that wish, even though i hated every minute of being a man. but i'm a woman, i don't have a choice (well, suicide was the other choice). and i'm learning to love that about myself. i'm so glad that you found what you really want from life and your gender.
Thank you Kira for saying that. Women are treated differently, and it's sad that so many men don't see that or realize it. I know that most men (unless they transitioned) don't understand that reality, but it's there and does happen. I could name a list of the differences and how women are treated unfairly, but I won't. I am glad though that there are trans people that understand that, and can explain it to unenlightened men. lol
I really appreciate how respectful you are to both of your transitionings. Like a lot of videos I’ve watched around detransitioning had been so hateful to their former selves. I really appreciated that you accepted that it was a thing You did and are basically like here is how my body is reacting now.
well... so different ? different about what ?? we are so similar that elle got all of the man features being born a woman. if we were so different she could had never achieve that. plus some women naturally develop what testosteron gave elle, naturally and they have to deal with the feeling that they failed as women. so...
It's a shame the school system didn't teach you basic biology. I'm glad you are getting educated on these matters. I hope you can find sites to also open your mind to facts about history and more. The first thing to learn is that you are being lied to about EVERYTHING.
I’m a trans man I’m on testosterone and obviously not in your shoes I’m happy with it but I just wanted to say your such a strong person for staying yourself
I suspect your in the honeymoon faze. There truly is only two genders and one that is a birth defect and still in the end the hormones will lead the gender. So it IS wrong to make an intersex choose before they have developed there hormones if staying intersex is not life threatening. Yes it is true, it used to be parents or Dr.'s who decided the intersexionfant's life fate. However the ideaoligy of today, it's fresh off the Corperate drawing board! is a fashion trend, a political insanity for the purpose of population control, you can't have children most likley and you don't want a child formed with all those chemicals in you anyway. Child sex grooming for "Maps". Human slavery for the Maga wealthy that some how have tyippled their wealth on us the lasts 4 years! Particular the Big Pharma. Trans are lifers! Forever lining corperates pockets, like cancer! A huge money maker and pedophilia, is rising to be the biggest income earner on the planet, it's crazy! Sick demons in every race, religion, colour and Country... Because you can sell crack once, a 5 year old you can sell it 5-6 times a day! There 2% Oligark War mongering retard self promoted unelected elitist's. Theyb have really f'ed the world up now, and badly. So you will own nothing be not who you are, do what you don't want to and they will pretend you are happy!
Thank you sooo much for being kind to this young lady. It's common for detransitioners to experience alot of hate from the trans community. So I GENUINELY thank you for being kind & supportive to her. It's really nice to see you not judging her for her realization that she made a mistake & wants to go back to living as a woman. Your a great person and you've shown true love & acceptance. 👍🏽👏🏽
By the way, I love watching your channel...and I'm old! LOL, for real. I'm 66 and I'm female. Always been female. Never wanted to be male. I'm married. Have 2 kids (1 of each gender) and 2 granddaughters. And I love watching your channel. Ya just never know right? lol. Patience and time. You'll end up being who you're supposed to be. Hang in there!
I am ftm and I dont plan on detransitioning I am just watching this to know what I would keep if I quit t but I wish you all the luck of the world you are strong girl!
@@jemilanurudeen5258 probably because they realize no one can actually transition into the opposite sex as it's biologically IMPOSSIBLE and that it doesn't change how they feel internally, instead they just feel like a freak.
I appreciate how you approach these topics without demeaning being trans. A lot of people who go through what you have seem to use their experience as a way to talk shit about being trans
Elle Palmer for Teen Trans Counselor, You're a great speaker with a unique perspective on the subject matter, Stay at it COUNSELOR. Lets have a show of likes on this, Thank you Miss Palmer
I've just started detransitioning (almost a year now) and Im having a really hard time handling it. I got top surgery, and so much has changed. My voice, my hairline, my body, and I realized far too late
T elongates and thickens the vocal folds, increasing the wavelength, and hence lowering the frequency of the sound produced. Wavelength and frequency are inversely proportionate ;)
I had a really rough female puberty and I have always struggled with being feminine. I have always been a girl/woman, but for years I kept myself purposefully lean and grew my muscles (and even lost my breasts to the process). I competed in strength sports and bodybuilding and enjoyed being “bro”. But I was also a wife, a mom and clearly female. I am really drawn to your story because while it doesn’t parallel mine, I have been going through a similar change in mindset and a physical transition as my body has been filling back out. I love your updates. You are a natural speaker for sure. Please keep posting!
I’m detransitioning socially currently I’m a teenager so thankfully I’ve realised now before taking hormones or considering surgery but it’s never been so hard to accept myself now I’m ftmtf (I guess) and in the middle of growing my hair out - I still look like a boy and all the people around me seem to just want me to stay trans (they seem really disinterested or bored when I talk about myself detransitioning) But im trying to fight through it!! And let time do its thing
hello, i am a teenager de transitioning back to female also and wanted to offer support - i know this process is mentally and emotionally taxing to say the least. it’s very admirable that you are in touch with who you are, and i’m sorry that people in your life aren’t being supportive - them wanting you to stay trans is odd! but stay strong and be patient! which you’re already doing :)
Elle I love how chill your videos are. I have trouble watching MtF women because they try way too hard to act and look feminine tbh. I'm MtF pre-HRT and I've decided I'm just gonna leave my gender expression alone and let people perceive me as female when it happens naturally. All I want is to be myself. Your videos helped me to know that's what I want to do because you can just be yourself as well. It's a real weight off my back.
Yesss this is so great! I'm a cis girl but I just feel like the way trans MtF people act is just too exaggerated? Most girls I know don't act like that.
i mean you are actually putting that weight you are talking about on MTF... why do you feel is okay to tell someone how to behave?? you see how you make no sense ?
@@213243D you are blessed enough to be the gender you were born as, you know nothing of the struggles of being trans, if it helps someones dysphoria to act a way that makes themselves feel better then leave them to it. You are perceived as a woman however you act but pre hrt trans women dont always have that luxury so leave them to it
@@213243D Its also important to remember that pre transition MTFs come into a womans role from a masculine perspective. Being raised in a patriarchal society is what gives them their idea of womanhood, so its problematic but also completely understandable that they'd act overly feminine. Of course the way that many early transition MTFs act is problematic but if a cis woman were raised in a male role, she'd act the same way when she finally got the chance to be feminine. Also most trans women grow out of that immature state of mind in a few years
There is a sad lack of research on detransition. There are some anecdotal accounts of some change in the voice after cessation of testosterone in females (as in, the pitch of the voice may increase to some extent). This is something I've heard from women I've known who detransitioned, as well as from a voice expert who taught my graduate voice therapy class (I'm a speech pathology student). It's hard to extrapolate a lot from anecdotes, especially since pediatric transition and adult transition may lead to different outcomes, but I just wanted to add in that it's possible you may see some minor changes, unrelated to any voice therapy. Not to say that changes should be expected-there may not be any-but this is a relatively unexplored area of the female experience. Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience. And I think it's wonderful that you went into the science here of what the larynx is (and you explained it well!).
Elle, I don’t know why I am so drawn to your videos. I guess because I am an ally and have so many friends that are lgbtq+. You make my day, I look forward to your videos & twitter posts ❤️❤️
Same. I love watching her videos and learning. I think her voice is so nice to listen to, too. Very calming. And I love how open she is about her experience
Your voice is actually so soothing. It’s unfortunate it’s the voice you no longer really want. Hopefully your vocal training goes well and you’ll see some amazing results through the years
You have a beautiful voice and you are cute as a button. I really enjoy your videos and I’ve learned so much. My granddaughter is about to turn 15. I would be there for her no matter what her needs are. Thank you for helping us understand your journey.
That's wild and accurate; my feet got so wide when I was pregnant with my son that I went up a size and 2 years later back to normal. Crazy, but his testosterone in-utero affected my body so much, I had terrible "bacne." Thanks for making these vids on the real real
So I'm on low testosterone. Im married with 4 kids. Its helped me with my depression. I dont cry everyday. Now I cry like once a month. I don't feel so emotional. But I have been worried about long term problems... im sure you were on a much much higher dose. I just found your video very interesting, thank you.
I think you have a pretty androgynous voice. Just sounds like an young adult. You shouldn't be bothered about it. It's nice and comforting listening to you.
It would be very interesting to hear you sing after singing lessons, that type of voice control. Who knows you might sound wonderful with the tone you have now. Sign yourself up :-) and bring it on.
6:00 technically speaking females produce endogenous testosterone, which is essential for body function in women. The difference lies in concentration of testosterone and thus how dramatic of a change occurs; a post pubertal female voice frequency will thus drop to about 2 notes below what it was in prepubescent stage, while a male voice f drops much more edit; typo
@@hayesleo6043 the biggest part of that is voluntary or subconscious voice alteration to fit our perceived "maturity" and situation. Another part of that is smoking, and the third part is continued maturation yes. Oh snd forgot, in older people the diaphragm spasms and leads to vocal tremors and weakness
It's really interesting, I remembered a lot my embriology classes at university. And it's true what she says, hormones and female caracteristics are develoved only because there is an absense (or small concentation) of thestosterone...
I'm a female and I remember feeling similar disgust with the changes of puberty especially growing up in a very conservative household. Over the years, I've grown more comfortable with "growing up" and becoming a woman.
I'm so glad that i found your channel. I've been dealing with gender issues my entire life, it's not that we had the same story but to find someone that lived both parts and that is brave enough to take such a big decision as many times as it takes is really relieving to me. It's really encouraging to me to know that its possible to live a normal life being as i feel like. I don't really know how to define myself at the time, but with your inspiration it will make it easier to me to find it out. I really wish u the best, you are amazing!
I am fascinated by this. Thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable so we can learn. I knew the voice change was permanent because in body building a lot of women took wrong kind of steroids and their voices changed forever, but I didn’t understand how it relates to Adam’s apple.
I was on T for 11 months and stopped very recently, watching your videos and seeing how beautiful you look gives me a lot of hope. I was so terrified I would always be this hairy but you made me feel better, so thank you!
FWIW, I'm a guy and your adam's apple looks perfectly normal to me. It's not even, "I wouldn't have noticed unless you mentioned it." It just looks normal, full stop.
If I was to live in the same house, with Elle I would'nt be able to keep my hands off of her, Just on her sound alown A beautiful voice, makes you want to listen
Thank you so much for posting this video. I'm detrans and been off hormones 1 month technically. I've naturally got dark hair so I've been so insecure about how long it's going to take for things to change back/if they will. I have hair on my chest/stomach/back which I've been terrified won't go away, so hearing from your experience makes me feel so much more hopeful. I've noticed my fat becoming different and got my period again but those are the biggest changes I've noticed so far. But I can relate to the foot width thing xD I'm undergoing laser hair removal at home but for the time being I've got like a full black beard that I need to shave at least once a day and cover with make up. You've given me so much hope through posting this thank you so much! I want to say though, as much as your voice will never go back to how it was before, estrogen can have small effects on vocal pitch after exposure to testosterone and voice training can help you to speak in a higher register (I know this as a musician with non-transition-related vocal training, I'm able to manipulate my voice to the point where I don't sound like I ever took hormones, maybe a bit like a smoker though, and I took testosterone for 4.5 years in total from the age of 18 so there is hope)
Hey I love watching your videos. You're so honest and real, it's like really nice to just listen to you and see how you express yourself so naturally. I know you might feel a lot of regret because of taking testosterone. You might feel like you ruined yourself, but that's not true. You still are a beautiful person and you did that to survive. You needed it. And even though now you might feel that it was self destructing, it actually helped you a lot. Some day you'll know that maybe it saved you. Don't feel like you just did those things to yourself because you hated who you were, it actually is a way of loving yourself to fight for your own life. In that moment maybe you saw it as a way of growth. Now that you're more mature, you've found out that in your case, self love actually is accepting who you really are. And you are a girl. A beautiful girl. You're feminine and it's so natural, that makes you even more beautiful. Your eyes are so honest, I'm really happy that you're finding yourself. You'll see that life is beautiful once you love who you are. Because that's when you can love others. Bad days always come. But remember that bad days are just bad days and not your life. If you could go to therapy, that can help. It guides you and it might help you heal faster. I admire you for fighting for yourself. Hey and don't worry about the sexual apetite. Everyone is different. Lot's of girls including myself aren't always wanting to fuck with anyone. We're pretty sensitive and feelings are the thing that really turns you on. Of course the body is important, but even if someone's really hot, that doesn't mean that what's natural is to feel really sexual towards that person. Don't worry about that now, give yourself time and things will figure out. You're beautiful Elle, on the inside and it reflects on the outside
I'm pre t ftm and been going to gym for 2 years and hearing you say t gives you faster progress made me so happy because I feel like I'm making absolutely zero progress especially compared to my cis/ trans on T male friends damn
Watching this as a non-binary person who has a desire to use testosterone to see the truths about what stays and what doesn’t. I’ve been in therapy and seeing a dr for trans issues but I want to be 100% prepared and sure and start low dose so I can stop if I realize it’s not for me. I’ve been working for years and recovering from mental illness, ed, and addiction. I wanted to get through all that before I even considered any transition because transitioning isn’t going to make those go away and I wanted to make sure my transness wasn’t due to internalized issues. I appreciate your videos. You are wonderful and sweet. Btw, there’s an at home laser called tria. My girlfriend has it.
And I’ve talked about what changes I want and why. I think it’s important for people to really understand what they want, why, and what testosterone actually does. Not enough people do that Nd are encouraged to I think because of the shame around exploring gender and expression. I think it’s okay to experiment with what you like and how you want to express yourself. But it’s good to hold off on hormones until you really understand yourself and all of this stuff.
@@AurforeRhodontis You say that, but there are people who want prepubescent children to able to do so, "So they can start before they develop the sex characteristics of their birth sex and it's "too late"." Stuff like that. For an example, look up "James Younger", which has spurred legislation in Texas and Florida so far.
@@SpecialBlanket Yes, puberty blockers are hormone blockers to prevent development, then hormones to push it in another direction. Blocking puberty itself is already a dangerous prospect. It can lead to developmental issues. Ranging from diabetes to heart problems. There hasn't been much study on this subject considering anyone who even bothers to try is labeled a bigot.
Thank you for explaining things so well. You have the wonderful ability to explain things without a lot of extra chit-chat, and yet not sound like the boring “just the facts” approach, either. I think all people should hear this information. People who think they might be trans but aren’t sure, people who are minors who think they are sure, people who want to transition or de-transition, friends, relatives of the people I just described, ALL people need this information. Many people think gender is merely a social construct, but it’s biological. I am not anti-trans, but I do believe people should look very carefully for the root causes of their feelings of dysphoria/transgender issues, BEFORE they start taking hormones, for the very things you discuss in this video. Because these ARE permanent changes that might freak people out once they start happening, I think people should be informed on the truth about what to expect, and what might happen if they change their mind. You could be a lecturer or counselor for people who are considering the transition or detransition process. These videos are wonderful, Elle!
I've really been enjoying your video. I'm not trans, but I love learning about issues that people face, especially in the LGBTQIA+++ community and find your videos so informative and I love how you are open to discussing these issues. I e watched lots of videos of people transitioning, but not many of de transitioning. Your voice is so soothing and calming too
Im MTF and wish I had hip and female voice. Still happy as being a women. I have lived as being female over 25 years. The thought of ever going back to being a guy, to detransition, scares me. I could never go back to being a guy. There are things I miss from when I was a guy, but still could never do it.
I have no plans of becoming a man nor ever have. Don’t really know why I’m here, but I stayed because I saw a young lady talk from her heart. I could tell your trying to put your experiences to good use, god bless you for talking about what is difficult. Your awesome :)
One of my best friends has PCOS too, she's an amazing and awesome person, so I hurt for the problems she's gone through because of it. Sending you much love ♥️
I admire your honesty and insight, Elle. You are incredibly thoughtful--and because of those qualities, I think you have an incredible life ahead of you :) Kudos to you for sharing your story.
GIRL! So glad thick eyebrows are in. I naturally was born with dark and thick eyebrows. Most girls pencil them in to create a thick look, I have to maintain the BEAST.
I'm a CIS female with PCOS and I have a really low voice; I have a special "drive thru" and "phone" voice that I have to use if I don't want people to call me, "Sir". I have to constantly shave my face, too. I'm very insecure about my husky, masculine voice. It's kind of weird because I feel like listening to your story has helped me feel better about my weird insecurity about feeling like I'm a feminine woman whose body is confused about trying to be physiologically masculine. Not at all trying to say it the same, but it helps. Thank you for telling your story. You're lovely :)
I’m a 27 year old woman and have finally started to gain weight for the first time in my life. I thought I was getting clumsier, hitting my hips on things. Didn’t dawn on me until just now, watching this, that they’ve gotten wider and my spatial awareness hasn’t adjusted to that yet.
I LOVE how real and honest you are. You’re a very cool person and I hope you find all the happiness you deserve!! Love your voice and I agree I could listed to you talk for hours!
For the most part... we dont jump for joy when our period starts.. The ONLY TIME ive ever experience JOY over a period was: * my 1st period EVER (mom took me to dinner just mom & daughter) and my mom explained that i am a young woman now and that i can get pregnant if i screw around without protection. I was 12. * when i thought i was pregnant but my period came.. PURE JOY! .. except 2 yrs later i still got pregnant (teen pregnancy at 15ys, but my sweet baby boy past away shortly after). I think its safe to say.. periods feel VERY VERY INCONVENIENT. But back on the real topic: You are so YOUNG sweetie, you have your whole life agead of you.. this experienced has shaped you into a beautiful and bright young woman.
Watching this as MtF trans, I can sympathize with you on dealing with the effects of testosterone. I didn't start estradiol until the age of 27, so I'm a bit lucky that I had low T to begin with. Though I wish I started a lot sooner when I actually came out nine years prior. One major constant, body hair is a bane on my existence and I feel for every woman who has to deal with ridding themselves of it.
Elle, you are amazing, I really like you. I like your personality, very special and very honnest. I am Learning a lot of you, you are explaining so many things I never was aware about and nobody did explain like you do, it is a first for all of us I think, thank you. Your sweater is so special and beautiful. I wish that you may be happy in everything that you are undertaking, our body is changing naturally until 25y, even our teeth have to find their way. Send you a lot of love an strenght :)
I want to thank you for your videos and transparency. To see people have so much pain in their lives and search for something that will give them happiness, going to such extremes, only to wake up and realize its all for not. Its so heartbreaking. Thank you for all your openness. I hope that you can help those that want to go back to how they were made.
I'm curious about a couple of things 1. have you considered vocal feminization surgery? 2. would it be possible to go on birth control/estrogen? that might help regarding body hair/weight distribution 3. are we distant relatives? lol
I agree with the other comments - I love your voice. I’ve met many, many women who have naturally deeper voices. It makes you, you. I think it adds to your beauty. ❤️
Did you have to go through a grieving process when you decided to detransition? Like grieving the permanent changes, the person you believed you were, and the attachment to the belief that you are trans, etc.?
I wonder how much solidarity there might be between FtMtF detransitioners and women with PCOS considering y'all are going through a lot of the same experiences (*oh the things testosterone can do*)
What was meant by this is that some of the physiological changes experienced are kind of overlapping (hair loss, unwanted body/facial hair, masculine fat distribution, ect.) and as someone who experiences some of these symptoms, I've found it kind of interesting when Elle described the changes she went through and how women with PCOS may be dealing with some similar experiences (and raises an interesting question of how other women who have physical characteristics that diverge from the norm perceive womanhood. I think seeing Elle's journey to self acceptance is really hopeful and helpful for those of us who struggle to feel "normal" in our bodies too)
Girl i really admire how you just state the facts and own it Im sure your de transition must be hard emotionally Accepting the reality is a huge step Thanks for sharing, it's honestly really intresting Oh and you're cute btw
Im 38. I’ve been on testosterone for five years now. Let me first say I totally respect your decision to detransition. It’s not for everyone, and sometimes people just need to experience it to realize it. I don’t consider myself FTM or completely male. I don’t use male pronouns and I never changed my name. For me, it is getting to have certain male characteristics that make me more confident with myself-facial hair, voice drop, body fat change. It’s made me feel better in my own skin. My point is you have to do what makes you comfortable and happy. Whether it be reversing hormones and to stop taking them, or to continue on the journey. I never felt comfortable having a chest of any kind as far back as I can remember. It just didn’t feel like if belonged, but as I said I do not consider myself male and I identify as gender fluid. I do plan on getting top surgery, and have for a while. People forget that everyone’s feelings and sexuality can be different. Sexuality is a huge gray area that I feel like a lot of people don’t understand and I’ve come to terms with that. But do what makes you happy. It took me years to find myself 💜
Hi. If you dont mind me asking, what is your experience with being genderfluid? How did you know and what is your dysphoria like? Currently I identify as a trans male but can see myself identifying as genderfluid in the future.
Amara Santiago-Ignasiak I would never mind you asking, and welcome questions always! As far as being gender fluid, I began taking testosterone 5 years ago and at first DID change my name and it didn’t feel right. My doctor respectfully referred to me as He, and it made me realize that I just wasn’t comfortable with it and it didn’t feel natural. I also got a top surgery letter and referred to as him..it felt like it was a letter written for a stranger. That’s what I’ve gone on most the last few years, whatever feels natural. Like my friends all referring to me as they did before. I would say gender fluid because I do love having facial hair, some chest hair and the voice drop. I also shave a lot when I see family because they are not accepting and do not know I’m on hormones. But I don’t ever feel comfortable dressing as a female. The last time I did was as a bridesmaid in my friends wedding about 8 years ago - makeup and a dress lol never felt more uncomfortable, so that was it for me. In my mind, I’ve gone with how I’ve felt most comfortable, and being on hormones is a huge learning experience as to what makes you comfortable. What I mean is- a lot of people go on T and immediately go in with the ‘I’m now a dude’ mindset which I did. And which nothing prepares you for, even a therapist. I do get misgendered a lot and called buddy and sir and I just go with it lol. Being gender fluid, there really isn’t anything that makes me feminine anymore, but I still don’t identify as a male like I mentioned, so gender fluid is the term I use to explain to most people. Androgynous I guess. As far as dysphoria, my chest has been awful for me. Since I was 20 and had my first gf I never felt comfortable taking my shirt off ever. Still to this day I don’t, which is why top surgery is def something I’m 100% about. As far as bottom surgery, it is not a priority for me. I surprisingly don’t get dysphoric about it. I also don’t think its worth getting now if I ever did. It is expensive obv (if not covered by ins) and I think they have a bit to go in making it look decent and every year they perfect it a bit more. Phalloplasty pics I see are mostly awful and it’s disfiguring having to take skin from your leg or arm, and I have seen a lot of people on IG having complications for years from it. So my chest is really only the one thing I am dysphoric about. Sorry if I rambled a bit. It also took me a long time to realize there’s no rules to sexuality or that you have to pick one sexuality or the other. I grew up when being lgbt wasn’t really accepted especial in high school. You were just the weird kid, so I never came out until college. Reach out with any questions though
I am a cis female and my throat looks just like yours, so it's not out of the realm of what is normal. My voice is naturally lower in pitch too. What is "normal" is actually a very broad spectrum. I have enjoyed your video and wish you well. You're young and you have lots of time to figure things out.
You are a very intelligent, level-headed young lady (now). You have a marvelous way of explaining things. Just very down to earth, matter of fact. Thank you for telling all this in a very non-sensational way, not whining or complaining.
I cannot say just how amazing it is to see you be so frank and open about your journey. You truly are an inspiration. Please keep on being you and thanks for sharing.
Elle! LOL you are so cute lol. Welcome back to girlhood! I can't speak for other women, but I think that the way you think/feel about sex is simply female thinking. The hormones do cause different sex drive. Some women are more sexual than others but seriously I think if they had their hormones checked, they'd find that they actually have at least some testosterone production. I dunno shrug lol. You're a sweet, beautiful woman. Welcome back!
We all have testosterone, it is produced in small amount at the suprarenal glands and the fat. It's far lower in the women because men produce more in their testicles. And the female hormones can produce a higher sexual drive, that why during ovulation and the days before and during the menstruation a lot of women are more sexual driven.
Hi Elle. I was born with a mild intersex condition, not diagnosed in 1953. Grew up male--ish, made the best of it, didn't question it too much. By time I reached 50yrs old my testosterone was so low I could barely function in many ways. Doctors put me on T shots and I really embraced it thinking I would finally be a complete person. 10 yrs later I got prostate cancer and the same doctors took it all away. I found better Doctors and they learned more about me and put me on Estradiol. WOW! I have made the best of low T, high T, and no T. Being on E and now Progesterone is massively life altering. I don't have to "make the best of it", It has made me the best of me. I have not watched all your videos yet, but I will. I really relate to your real life knowledge on gender identity and hormones. I have my own versions of the experiences you teach share and enlighten us with. If I could speak and educate as well as you, I would do a youtube channel , not to make $, just to help others understand the whole, complex subject. ---WILLOW---
I hope you give yourself credit for bravery and honesty. That's the hardest thing in life to learn. You have it. Be proud of how much you've grown through this and the kindness in your heart to share and help others.
You explained the larynx stuff very well :). Also, I’m studying speech-language pathology, which includes voice therapy, so I’m flattered that you’re calling me a scientist and making me feel really smart heheh 😊
Thank you for telling your story. You've gone through quite a bit. I just wanted to mention that some FTMs do continue to get their periods. Also many FTMs clitoris' actually do go through a growth of anywhere from 1" up to 4" long as well as becoming wider. The size all depends on genetics and how long a person is on Testosterone.
This is really interesting! I'm an afab non-binary person and I took testosterone for about 8 months when i was 22-23. I've been off hormones for about two years, and it's affirming to hear that you also experienced reduced body hair. I had always thought things like leg hair would be permanent changes, but I know I have way less hair now. I'd say my armpit hair is my only hair that still looks how it did when i was on t. Anyway, thanks for the video. Good luck with school!!!
I wish I lived close enough to meet you! I feel like we would be really good friends you have such a great personality and I love how smart you are! I love your videos about yourself and your journey!
It’s wild how different some people’s experiences are. I started testosterone back in 2012, was on it until 2019. Took about three months for my periods to stop but on the occasion when I couldn’t afford my shots they would start up in 3 weeks exactly. And it would take another 3 months to get them to stop again. I always had a low voice and didn’t noticed much of a drop but did notice I have more of a texture to it than I used to. I can still go into my higher register and sound pretty female passing. I never got any thick body hair however my hair started to fall out and took about 2 years off of testosterone for it to even begin growing back. My facial hair was decent on just my chin but no where else. I have dark hair and have to shave every morning. However even when I had my beard and grew it out decently long people wouldn’t always notice it; it looked more like a shadow. I was always thin and didn’t notice much fat redistribution but I did notice more definition in m arms when on my shots. Stories like this are important to share; everyone’s body chemistry and genetic makeup is different so how they change with any hormone shot (and after) can be very different.
This video was super interesting! Thank you for sharing your experience. It's so wild how hormones basically act as keys and unlock certain features of the human body.
follow my twitter or my instagram to see more of me :) twitter.com/ellepalmer1 and instagram.com/ellepalmer1
elle palmer I really appreciate you talking about this as I am looking into taking testosterone and I want to know that if I take it and am happy at a certain level of masculinity can I stop and keep the changes. I am ftm btw. I also really appreciate you in general because you talking about your experience important is good to destigmatize detransitioners and also it is important to show that because someone is a detransitioner doesn’t mean they are transphobic. I also have a question if your clit enlarges on t because I have read about that and if that is a permanent change? I have been told over and over again that everyone is different, but I still am trying to gather as much information so I can ask more specific questions to the endocrinologist I’m going to see. Thank you so much and sorry this is so long
Fun fact: Pregnancy can change the size and shape of your feet too! After 3 kids, my feet look NOTHING like they use to!
My only critique is that you don't actually respond to DM's. You have a growing fanbase and to keep their interest you have to talk to a few of them once in awhile.
I'm not saying this because I'm thirsty for attention, but I have friends who are in the professional music industry and they all take the time to respond to fans, even I have to.
I understand being busy with school and a life but social media is a cruel beast and you have to be willing to go the extra mile to gain new followers, because..
Someone might get a chance to talk to you, and say "Hey, this person is really cool and down to Earth. You should follow them."
And some will even share you to their entire friends list. I have promoted many people before. I don't mean any of this negatively. Just some constructive criticism.
elle palmer your beautiful no matter what your voice sounds like, you should know that.
I highly recommend this book called "Steps to Christ" this book really help me overcome depression and anxiety, God Bless Elle here's the link m.egwwritings.org/en/book/2017/toc
I was on T for 2 years and have been off for 2 years and my voice has definitely gotten noticeably higher. People now call me ma'am on the phone.
I'm a cis female and get called sir on the phone all the time lol
it may have gotten higher, but it just gets to the point of sounding like a feminine male. Unless you take vocal coaching or undergo vocal feminization surgery, your voice will never sound female again
@@supererikman5331 mine sounds female again and so does this person's: www.reddit.com/r/detrans/comments/ffmnoi/my_voice_a_few_months_off_t_vs_a_few_years_off_t/
@Face in the Crowd high enough that everyone calls me ma'am on the phone. Higher than this person's and I think they now sound totally female now: www.reddit.com/r/detrans/comments/ffmnoi/my_voice_a_few_months_off_t_vs_a_few_years_off_t/
@@supererikman5331 and here's a vocaroo link in case the Reddit thread doesn't work for you guys the first part of the recording is their voice a few months off of T and the second part is their voice a few years off of T voca.ro/cjJi9Cd3Qyh
"I haven't felt sexual attraction to anyone in like two months... like besides one of my professors"
im dead
As a girl whos on a bunch of anxiety meds i can say, same 😂
Oh God this makes me so uncomfortable but I relate
Lol I'm a female on an anti-depressant and still have a libido larger than a yacht. Send help.
@@eminemele1531 ugh lucky (not the depress part), mines non existent
@@Annedesirable I guess the grass is always greener on the other side
Don't forget, you're not through growing and developing for another five years or so. Plenty of time for your body to undo, or at least minimize, some of the changes. If you'd waited until you were past 30, it'd be a different matter, but at 20, you ain't quite finished yet anyway.
nah you're finished in your 20s, only the brains still develop up to around 25 years old
not really how that works
@@masonridgewell8063 Buzzkil...
Most people actually stop developing physically in their teens. Mentally we stop growing until 25 but not physically. People can even be done developing 2 years after puberty and most people have already finished developing even before they are 18.
There is hope things might get better but only the more further away she is from testosterone and because more estrogen can kick back into her system again but the effects of testosterone are dominant and some of it may never undo. Sadly that's the reality and why people guiding them down this path need to take it more seriously. Though I do think things can get better.
@@BloodAndGutsTV This is why we can't have nice things...
you can just talk straight through with so few cuts and mistakes, you’re a natural speaker. Really good at holding attention!! You could speak publicly about your experience and help people.
I totally agree!
I thought the same thing!
That’s what she is doing now.
honestly your ‘adam’s apple’ is EXACTLY the same as mine nd i’m a cis female who’s never been on T, it’s not noticeable at all.
The same.
I am a cis woman and I don’t have one like that
@@daisies667 each body is different!
fuckyoumorgy good for you??? you implying i’m not cis or??? cuz i definitely have one like that, and i’m definitely cis gender. sooooooooo. maybe, just maybe, it’s normal biological difference
@@WatchMyTears why are you so triggered by that? Normally in women the adams apple is less visible. That's a statistical fact. Statistical facts are not 100%, but you as a female having a visible adams apple does not make it less of a fact
girl, i think 6 months is very little time actually!! i'm no expert and could be wrong, but i think your body will change a whole lot more throughout time
As someone with PCOS who's PCOS developed after puberty happened, it's crazy how many things going on with my body/that have gone on, are similar to taking testosterone (because I naturally have higher testosterone). I know you probably didn't expect this kind of comment but hi! This is so relatable in ways I could have never imagined.
milky same. so many similarities
I literally was going to comment this same comment! Was diagnosed with pcos 3 years ago in my early twenties. When I got back my blood tests to see higher testosterone it all made so much sense what has happening to me. I went through a year of laser hair removal for my facial hair and it helped. I’ve always had a lower voice, but being an alto and singing a lot made me think it was because of that. It’s nice to know other people out there are going through the same things :)
I got pcos too,my body hair are darker and thicker, I got facial hair (not all over but many dark hair),acne(that's got a little better last months luckily),alopecia(my hair gets thinner all over) I don't got female fat distribution(more on the shoulders,stomach and face/neck),a little deeper voice (but sounds not masculine,just deep)and I also haven't my period since years when I'm not actually on the pill, I'm a born cis female and I can relate to this very much 😅😬
I highly suspect I have PCOS and as soon as I can I'm gonna get my sex hormones checked :/
I have PCOS, also. It took a long time to receive a correct diagnosis. It's hereditary, btw. In my case, hirsuteness was my main side effect. And acne. Using a topical antibiotic helped the acne on my face (not triple antibiotic because you don't want to be resistant to triple). Laser hair removal is expensive and lasts about 10 years.
I think your voice has a rather soothing tone. Reminds me of my best friend's from childhood. She is a CIS female but she was born with a underdeveloped lung on one side. They treated her with steroids to help expand her lung which in turn gave her a deeper voice.
There was a cis girl I went to high school with who’s voice sounds the same. She never went on T or had to use steroids, her voice just naturally sounded that way after puberty.
@Moon Rise basically a normal person
Oh heck... This may mean my asthma medication is the reason my voice is fairly deep 😂
i'm a trans woman so i'm a woman who went through male puberty, too. the stuff that's permanently changed for you is the same stuff that i deal with. i feel a lot of sympathy for you. not only that, but after living as a woman for 10yrs, i can totally understand why young women would flirt with the idea of becoming a man. our society is so unfair to women. it's blown my mind that i can now understand that wish, even though i hated every minute of being a man. but i'm a woman, i don't have a choice (well, suicide was the other choice). and i'm learning to love that about myself. i'm so glad that you found what you really want from life and your gender.
Don't let it beat you down
Thank you Kira for saying that. Women are treated differently, and it's sad that so many men don't see that or realize it. I know that most men (unless they transitioned) don't understand that reality, but it's there and does happen. I could name a list of the differences and how women are treated unfairly, but I won't. I am glad though that there are trans people that understand that, and can explain it to unenlightened men. lol
I don’t agree. I would never understand why a woman would want to be a man. Being a woman is great.
@@googleuser2874. How are women treated unfairly?
I really appreciate how respectful you are to both of your transitionings. Like a lot of videos I’ve watched around detransitioning had been so hateful to their former selves. I really appreciated that you accepted that it was a thing You did and are basically like here is how my body is reacting now.
I never realized how different men were to women, your channel is really educating me in that respect
Two genders exist. And differences are striking, both physical and mental.
well... so different ? different about what ?? we are so similar that elle got all of the man features being born a woman. if we were so different she could had never achieve that. plus some women naturally develop what testosteron gave elle, naturally and they have to deal with the feeling that they failed as women. so...
jane marin serna I didn’t know she was born with a penis.
It's a shame the school system didn't teach you basic biology. I'm glad you are getting educated on these matters. I hope you can find sites to also open your mind to facts about history and more. The first thing to learn is that you are being lied to about EVERYTHING.
@@jamesgutting7128 Bro are you fucking dumb or just trolling
I’m a trans man I’m on testosterone and obviously not in your shoes I’m happy with it but I just wanted to say your such a strong person for staying yourself
I suspect your in the honeymoon faze. There truly is only two genders and one that is a birth defect and still in the end the hormones will lead the gender. So it IS wrong to make an intersex choose before they have developed there hormones if staying intersex is not life threatening. Yes it is true, it used to be parents or Dr.'s who decided the intersexionfant's life fate. However the ideaoligy of today, it's fresh off the Corperate drawing board! is a fashion trend, a political insanity for the purpose of population control, you can't have children most likley and you don't want a child formed with all those chemicals in you anyway. Child sex grooming for "Maps". Human slavery for the Maga wealthy that some how have tyippled their wealth on us the lasts 4 years! Particular the Big Pharma. Trans are lifers! Forever lining corperates pockets, like cancer! A huge money maker and pedophilia, is rising to be the biggest income earner on the planet, it's crazy! Sick demons in every race, religion, colour and Country... Because you can sell crack once, a 5 year old you can sell it 5-6 times a day! There 2% Oligark War mongering retard self promoted unelected elitist's. Theyb have really f'ed the world up now, and badly. So you will own nothing be not who you are, do what you don't want to and they will pretend you are happy!
Thank you sooo much for being kind to this young lady. It's common for detransitioners to experience alot of hate from the trans community. So I GENUINELY thank you for being kind & supportive to her. It's really nice to see you not judging her for her realization that she made a mistake & wants to go back to living as a woman.
Your a great person and you've shown true love & acceptance. 👍🏽👏🏽
By the way, I love watching your channel...and I'm old! LOL, for real. I'm 66 and I'm female. Always been female. Never wanted to be male. I'm married. Have 2 kids (1 of each gender) and 2 granddaughters. And I love watching your channel. Ya just never know right? lol. Patience and time. You'll end up being who you're supposed to be. Hang in there!
What a kind comment ☺️
Patriotic Dandelions wtf
She will always be a woman .
Dick implant is and will never be possible. Lmao 🤣
I am ftm and I dont plan on detransitioning I am just watching this to know what I would keep if I quit t but I wish you all the luck of the world you are strong girl!
Why do people de-transition? 💔
@@jemilanurudeen5258 probably because they realize no one can actually transition into the opposite sex as it's biologically IMPOSSIBLE and that it doesn't change how they feel internally, instead they just feel like a freak.
I appreciate how you approach these topics without demeaning being trans. A lot of people who go through what you have seem to use their experience as a way to talk shit about being trans
Elle Palmer for Teen Trans Counselor, You're a great speaker with a unique perspective on the subject matter, Stay at it COUNSELOR. Lets have a show of likes on this, Thank you Miss Palmer
I've just started detransitioning (almost a year now) and Im having a really hard time handling it. I got top surgery, and so much has changed. My voice, my hairline, my body, and I realized far too late
Also my body hair just won't go away
This is hell lol
@TURD DUCKS we are in this together 🤝🤟 young or experienced.
@TURD DUCKS im glad people are waking up. Too much trans propaganda nowadays
@@Mysterica90proplayer that is not what this is about. Get out of here with that shit
T elongates and thickens the vocal folds, increasing the wavelength, and hence lowering the frequency of the sound produced.
Wavelength and frequency are inversely proportionate
;)
I had a really rough female puberty and I have always struggled with being feminine. I have always been a girl/woman, but for years I kept myself purposefully lean and grew my muscles (and even lost my breasts to the process). I competed in strength sports and bodybuilding and enjoyed being “bro”. But I was also a wife, a mom and clearly female. I am really drawn to your story because while it doesn’t parallel mine, I have been going through a similar change in mindset and a physical transition as my body has been filling back out. I love your updates. You are a natural speaker for sure. Please keep posting!
I’m detransitioning socially currently
I’m a teenager so thankfully I’ve realised now before taking hormones or considering surgery but it’s never been so hard to accept myself now
I’m ftmtf (I guess) and in the middle of growing my hair out - I still look like a boy and all the people around me seem to just want me to stay trans (they seem really disinterested or bored when I talk about myself detransitioning)
But im trying to fight through it!! And let time do its thing
hello, i am a teenager de transitioning back to female also and wanted to offer support - i know this process is mentally and emotionally taxing to say the least. it’s very admirable that you are in touch with who you are, and i’m sorry that people in your life aren’t being supportive - them wanting you to stay trans is odd! but stay strong and be patient! which you’re already doing :)
Elle I love how chill your videos are. I have trouble watching MtF women because they try way too hard to act and look feminine tbh. I'm MtF pre-HRT and I've decided I'm just gonna leave my gender expression alone and let people perceive me as female when it happens naturally. All I want is to be myself. Your videos helped me to know that's what I want to do because you can just be yourself as well. It's a real weight off my back.
Yesss this is so great! I'm a cis girl but I just feel like the way trans MtF people act is just too exaggerated? Most girls I know don't act like that.
i mean you are actually putting that weight you are talking about on MTF... why do you feel is okay to tell someone how to behave?? you see how you make no sense ?
@@213243D you are blessed enough to be the gender you were born as, you know nothing of the struggles of being trans, if it helps someones dysphoria to act a way that makes themselves feel better then leave them to it. You are perceived as a woman however you act but pre hrt trans women dont always have that luxury so leave them to it
@@213243D Its also important to remember that pre transition MTFs come into a womans role from a masculine perspective. Being raised in a patriarchal society is what gives them their idea of womanhood, so its problematic but also completely understandable that they'd act overly feminine. Of course the way that many early transition MTFs act is problematic but if a cis woman were raised in a male role, she'd act the same way when she finally got the chance to be feminine. Also most trans women grow out of that immature state of mind in a few years
All the best on your journey ❤️ But she was female to male and then she detransitioned to female. So her voice will most likely stay deeper
I hit my shoulders and hips on things often. I forget that I'm not a walking spine.
Thank you för keeping it up
These videos feel so intimate, like we get to read your diary, getting a small glimpse of your life.
You're amazing
There is a sad lack of research on detransition. There are some anecdotal accounts of some change in the voice after cessation of testosterone in females (as in, the pitch of the voice may increase to some extent). This is something I've heard from women I've known who detransitioned, as well as from a voice expert who taught my graduate voice therapy class (I'm a speech pathology student). It's hard to extrapolate a lot from anecdotes, especially since pediatric transition and adult transition may lead to different outcomes, but I just wanted to add in that it's possible you may see some minor changes, unrelated to any voice therapy. Not to say that changes should be expected-there may not be any-but this is a relatively unexplored area of the female experience. Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience. And I think it's wonderful that you went into the science here of what the larynx is (and you explained it well!).
Elle, I don’t know why I am so drawn to your videos. I guess because I am an ally and have so many friends that are lgbtq+. You make my day, I look forward to your videos & twitter posts ❤️❤️
SAME HERE
Same. I love watching her videos and learning. I think her voice is so nice to listen to, too. Very calming. And I love how open she is about her experience
Yes !!! She has enlightened me so much. I swear if I knew her in real life we’d be friends 😂
Exactly the same for me as well. Great to see so many allies here!
Your voice is actually so soothing. It’s unfortunate it’s the voice you no longer really want. Hopefully your vocal training goes well and you’ll see some amazing results through the years
You have a beautiful voice and you are cute as a button. I really enjoy your videos and I’ve learned so much. My granddaughter is about to turn 15. I would be there for her no matter what her needs are. Thank you for helping us understand your journey.
That's wild and accurate; my feet got so wide when I was pregnant with my son that I went up a size and 2 years later back to normal. Crazy, but his testosterone in-utero affected my body so much, I had terrible "bacne." Thanks for making these vids on the real real
So I'm on low testosterone. Im married with 4 kids. Its helped me with my depression. I dont cry everyday. Now I cry like once a month. I don't feel so emotional. But I have been worried about long term problems... im sure you were on a much much higher dose. I just found your video very interesting, thank you.
Very old comment, but maybe you'll get a notification. Are you still on it?
I think you have a pretty androgynous voice. Just sounds like an young adult. You shouldn't be bothered about it. It's nice and comforting listening to you.
It would be very interesting to hear you sing after singing lessons, that type of voice control. Who knows you might sound wonderful with the tone you have now. Sign yourself up :-) and bring it on.
6:00 technically speaking females produce endogenous testosterone, which is essential for body function in women.
The difference lies in concentration of testosterone and thus how dramatic of a change occurs;
a post pubertal female voice frequency will thus drop to about 2 notes below what it was in prepubescent stage, while a male voice f drops much more
edit; typo
It's the fox!
it must keep dropping as women age because teen girls voices are recognizably different from middle aged / older women
@@hayesleo6043 the biggest part of that is voluntary or subconscious voice alteration to fit our perceived "maturity" and situation.
Another part of that is smoking,
and the third part is continued maturation yes.
Oh snd forgot, in older people the diaphragm spasms and leads to vocal tremors and weakness
It's really interesting, I remembered a lot my embriology classes at university. And it's true what she says, hormones and female caracteristics are develoved only because there is an absense (or small concentation) of thestosterone...
I'm a female and I remember feeling similar disgust with the changes of puberty especially growing up in a very conservative household. Over the years, I've grown more comfortable with "growing up" and becoming a woman.
I'm so glad that i found your channel. I've been dealing with gender issues my entire life, it's not that we had the same story but to find someone that lived both parts and that is brave enough to take such a big decision as many times as it takes is really relieving to me. It's really encouraging to me to know that its possible to live a normal life being as i feel like. I don't really know how to define myself at the time, but with your inspiration it will make it easier to me to find it out. I really wish u the best, you are amazing!
Thank you for being strong enough for openly talking about this on youtube
I am fascinated by this. Thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable so we can learn. I knew the voice change was permanent because in body building a lot of women took wrong kind of steroids and their voices changed forever, but I didn’t understand how it relates to Adam’s apple.
Girl, you're gonna help so many confused kids. Mad respect for sharing your experiences!
I was on T for 11 months and stopped very recently, watching your videos and seeing how beautiful you look gives me a lot of hope. I was so terrified I would always be this hairy but you made me feel better, so thank you!
FWIW, I'm a guy and your adam's apple looks perfectly normal to me. It's not even, "I wouldn't have noticed unless you mentioned it." It just looks normal, full stop.
You have a very soothing voice. Seriously. It’s calming. Thank you for being here.
If I was to live in the same house, with Elle I would'nt be able to keep my hands off of her, Just on her sound alown A beautiful voice, makes you want to listen
Thank you so much for posting this video. I'm detrans and been off hormones 1 month technically. I've naturally got dark hair so I've been so insecure about how long it's going to take for things to change back/if they will. I have hair on my chest/stomach/back which I've been terrified won't go away, so hearing from your experience makes me feel so much more hopeful. I've noticed my fat becoming different and got my period again but those are the biggest changes I've noticed so far. But I can relate to the foot width thing xD I'm undergoing laser hair removal at home but for the time being I've got like a full black beard that I need to shave at least once a day and cover with make up. You've given me so much hope through posting this thank you so much! I want to say though, as much as your voice will never go back to how it was before, estrogen can have small effects on vocal pitch after exposure to testosterone and voice training can help you to speak in a higher register (I know this as a musician with non-transition-related vocal training, I'm able to manipulate my voice to the point where I don't sound like I ever took hormones, maybe a bit like a smoker though, and I took testosterone for 4.5 years in total from the age of 18 so there is hope)
Hey I love watching your videos. You're so honest and real, it's like really nice to just listen to you and see how you express yourself so naturally. I know you might feel a lot of regret because of taking testosterone. You might feel like you ruined yourself, but that's not true. You still are a beautiful person and you did that to survive. You needed it. And even though now you might feel that it was self destructing, it actually helped you a lot. Some day you'll know that maybe it saved you. Don't feel like you just did those things to yourself because you hated who you were, it actually is a way of loving yourself to fight for your own life. In that moment maybe you saw it as a way of growth. Now that you're more mature, you've found out that in your case, self love actually is accepting who you really are. And you are a girl. A beautiful girl. You're feminine and it's so natural, that makes you even more beautiful. Your eyes are so honest, I'm really happy that you're finding yourself. You'll see that life is beautiful once you love who you are. Because that's when you can love others. Bad days always come. But remember that bad days are just bad days and not your life. If you could go to therapy, that can help. It guides you and it might help you heal faster. I admire you for fighting for yourself. Hey and don't worry about the sexual apetite. Everyone is different. Lot's of girls including myself aren't always wanting to fuck with anyone. We're pretty sensitive and feelings are the thing that really turns you on. Of course the body is important, but even if someone's really hot, that doesn't mean that what's natural is to feel really sexual towards that person. Don't worry about that now, give yourself time and things will figure out. You're beautiful Elle, on the inside and it reflects on the outside
I'm pre t ftm and been going to gym for 2 years and hearing you say t gives you faster progress made me so happy because I feel like I'm making absolutely zero progress especially compared to my cis/ trans on T male friends damn
How's it going now?
Watching this as a non-binary person who has a desire to use testosterone to see the truths about what stays and what doesn’t. I’ve been in therapy and seeing a dr for trans issues but I want to be 100% prepared and sure and start low dose so I can stop if I realize it’s not for me. I’ve been working for years and recovering from mental illness, ed, and addiction. I wanted to get through all that before I even considered any transition because transitioning isn’t going to make those go away and I wanted to make sure my transness wasn’t due to internalized issues.
I appreciate your videos. You are wonderful and sweet. Btw, there’s an at home laser called tria. My girlfriend has it.
And I’ve talked about what changes I want and why. I think it’s important for people to really understand what they want, why, and what testosterone actually does. Not enough people do that Nd are encouraged to I think because of the shame around exploring gender and expression. I think it’s okay to experiment with what you like and how you want to express yourself. But it’s good to hold off on hormones until you really understand yourself and all of this stuff.
I appreciate the info...I'm very vocal about children transitioning and I should have the facts before I run my mouth.
Children aren't put on hormones, usually it's at 16+ depending on the country you have to wait until 18+ or even 20.
Arthur - Aurfore - Emrys 16 year olds can be considered children
@@AurforeRhodontis You say that, but there are people who want prepubescent children to able to do so, "So they can start before they develop the sex characteristics of their birth sex and it's "too late"." Stuff like that. For an example, look up "James Younger", which has spurred legislation in Texas and Florida so far.
@@Maniacman2030 you're thinking of puberty blockers
@@SpecialBlanket Yes, puberty blockers are hormone blockers to prevent development, then hormones to push it in another direction.
Blocking puberty itself is already a dangerous prospect. It can lead to developmental issues. Ranging from diabetes to heart problems. There hasn't been much study on this subject considering anyone who even bothers to try is labeled a bigot.
Thank you for explaining things so well. You have the wonderful ability to explain things without a lot of extra chit-chat, and yet not sound like the boring “just the facts” approach, either. I think all people should hear this information. People who think they might be trans but aren’t sure, people who are minors who think they are sure, people who want to transition or de-transition, friends, relatives of the people I just described, ALL people need this information.
Many people think gender is merely a social construct, but it’s biological. I am not anti-trans, but I do believe people should look very carefully for the root causes of their feelings of dysphoria/transgender issues, BEFORE they start taking hormones, for the very things you discuss in this video. Because these ARE permanent changes that might freak people out once they start happening, I think people should be informed on the truth about what to expect, and what might happen if they change their mind. You could be a lecturer or counselor for people who are considering the transition or detransition process. These videos are wonderful, Elle!
Elles' a Great speaker, concise, knowledgable, Counselor material to be sure
Please keep making videos!! They are extremely informative, the trans community needs this information.
I've really been enjoying your video. I'm not trans, but I love learning about issues that people face, especially in the LGBTQIA+++ community and find your videos so informative and I love how you are open to discussing these issues. I e watched lots of videos of people transitioning, but not many of de transitioning. Your voice is so soothing and calming too
That hair is gorgeous
Agreed. Elle has lovely hair, my favorite shade of blonde.
ThinWhiteAxe Do you think it's her natural hair color? Wow, people color their hair to get that! She has been blessed with good genes!
Aliya true
Im MTF and wish I had hip and female voice.
Still happy as being a women. I have lived as being female over 25 years.
The thought of ever going back to being a guy, to detransition, scares me. I could never go back to being a guy.
There are things I miss from when I was a guy, but still could never do it.
sending love sis love how informative your videos are! they are super interesting!
I have no plans of becoming a man nor ever have. Don’t really know why I’m here, but I stayed because I saw a young lady talk from her heart. I could tell your trying to put your experiences to good use, god bless you for talking about what is difficult. Your awesome :)
Girl with PCOS here. I feel you 💗
Did you get it from stopping testosterone?
Noo... Whole my life I was struggling to lower my testosterone levels.
One of my best friends has PCOS too, she's an amazing and awesome person, so I hurt for the problems she's gone through because of it. Sending you much love ♥️
This is beautiful, you are beautiful, without sounding condescending I'm so proud of you, I've watched most of your videos. Be blessed.
I admire your honesty and insight, Elle. You are incredibly thoughtful--and because of those qualities, I think you have an incredible life ahead of you :) Kudos to you for sharing your story.
I had a testosterone producting tumor so I can relate with your story.
It's crazy how much of a change can happen before and after!
Love your strength. Thank you for posting because I know your e saving and changing lives👏🏼🙌🏾🤟🏼✌🏽🤘🏿
You are so sweet.
I am so glad you have such a strong personality to share your story. It’s educational, helpful, and encouraging.
Keep it up.
Quite a few women naturally have deep voices, especially as they approach middle age so I wouldn't worry about it.
GIRL! So glad thick eyebrows are in. I naturally was born with dark and thick eyebrows. Most girls pencil them in to create a thick look, I have to maintain the BEAST.
Anyone else really like her smile/teeth/ the way she talks? Very pretty :)
I'm a CIS female with PCOS and I have a really low voice; I have a special "drive thru" and "phone" voice that I have to use if I don't want people to call me, "Sir". I have to constantly shave my face, too. I'm very insecure about my husky, masculine voice. It's kind of weird because I feel like listening to your story has helped me feel better about my weird insecurity about feeling like I'm a feminine woman whose body is confused about trying to be physiologically masculine. Not at all trying to say it the same, but it helps. Thank you for telling your story. You're lovely :)
I’m a 27 year old woman and have finally started to gain weight for the first time in my life. I thought I was getting clumsier, hitting my hips on things. Didn’t dawn on me until just now, watching this, that they’ve gotten wider and my spatial awareness hasn’t adjusted to that yet.
Same.. I started gaining weight around 27/28 and my hips got wider. I loved it though cause I was always so skinny
I LOVE how real and honest you are. You’re a very cool person and I hope you find all the happiness you deserve!! Love your voice and I agree I could listed to you talk for hours!
For the most part... we dont jump for joy when our period starts..
The ONLY TIME ive ever experience JOY over a period was:
* my 1st period EVER (mom took me to dinner just mom & daughter) and my mom explained that i am a young woman now and that i can get pregnant if i screw around without protection. I was 12.
* when i thought i was pregnant but my period came.. PURE JOY!
.. except 2 yrs later i still got pregnant (teen pregnancy at 15ys, but my sweet baby boy past away shortly after).
I think its safe to say.. periods feel VERY VERY INCONVENIENT.
But back on the real topic:
You are so YOUNG sweetie, you have your whole life agead of you.. this experienced has shaped you into a beautiful and bright young woman.
Watching this as MtF trans, I can sympathize with you on dealing with the effects of testosterone.
I didn't start estradiol until the age of 27, so I'm a bit lucky that I had low T to begin with. Though I wish I started a lot sooner when I actually came out nine years prior.
One major constant, body hair is a bane on my existence and I feel for every woman who has to deal with ridding themselves of it.
Elle, you are amazing, I really like you. I like your personality, very special and very honnest. I am Learning a lot of you, you are explaining so many things I never was aware about and nobody did explain like you do, it is a first for all of us I think, thank you. Your sweater is so special and beautiful. I wish that you may be happy in everything that you are undertaking, our body is changing naturally until 25y, even our teeth have to find their way. Send you a lot of love an strenght :)
I want to thank you for your videos and transparency. To see people have so much pain in their lives and search for something that will give them happiness, going to such extremes, only to wake up and realize its all for not. Its so heartbreaking. Thank you for all your openness. I hope that you can help those that want to go back to how they were made.
God bless you for your honesty Elle 💚 this is going to help so many !
You are such a strong person, I love your positivity. Thank you for speaking up, definitely your experience will help others
I'm curious about a couple of things
1. have you considered vocal feminization surgery?
2. would it be possible to go on birth control/estrogen? that might help regarding body hair/weight distribution
3. are we distant relatives? lol
I agree with the other comments - I love your voice. I’ve met many, many women who have naturally deeper voices. It makes you, you. I think it adds to your beauty. ❤️
Did you have to go through a grieving process when you decided to detransition? Like grieving the permanent changes, the person you believed you were, and the attachment to the belief that you are trans, etc.?
i'm cis and i love these videos. specifically elle's, she is so down to earth ugh i lover her sm
I wonder how much solidarity there might be between FtMtF detransitioners and women with PCOS considering y'all are going through a lot of the same experiences (*oh the things testosterone can do*)
As a person with PCOS, next to none.
Waits what’s the correlation between pcos and being trans?
What was meant by this is that some of the physiological changes experienced are kind of overlapping (hair loss, unwanted body/facial hair, masculine fat distribution, ect.) and as someone who experiences some of these symptoms, I've found it kind of interesting when Elle described the changes she went through and how women with PCOS may be dealing with some similar experiences (and raises an interesting question of how other women who have physical characteristics that diverge from the norm perceive womanhood. I think seeing Elle's journey to self acceptance is really hopeful and helpful for those of us who struggle to feel "normal" in our bodies too)
Girl i really admire how you just state the facts and own it
Im sure your de transition must be hard emotionally
Accepting the reality is a huge step
Thanks for sharing, it's honestly really intresting
Oh and you're cute btw
Im 38. I’ve been on testosterone for five years now. Let me first say I totally respect your decision to detransition. It’s not for everyone, and sometimes people just need to experience it to realize it. I don’t consider myself FTM or completely male. I don’t use male pronouns and I never changed my name. For me, it is getting to have certain male characteristics that make me more confident with myself-facial hair, voice drop, body fat change. It’s made me feel better in my own skin. My point is you have to do what makes you comfortable and happy. Whether it be reversing hormones and to stop taking them, or to continue on the journey. I never felt comfortable having a chest of any kind as far back as I can remember. It just didn’t feel like if belonged, but as I said I do not consider myself male and I identify as gender fluid. I do plan on getting top surgery, and have for a while. People forget that everyone’s feelings and sexuality can be different. Sexuality is a huge gray area that I feel like a lot of people don’t understand and I’ve come to terms with that. But do what makes you happy. It took me years to find myself 💜
Hi. If you dont mind me asking, what is your experience with being genderfluid? How did you know and what is your dysphoria like? Currently I identify as a trans male but can see myself identifying as genderfluid in the future.
Amara Santiago-Ignasiak I would never mind you asking, and welcome questions always! As far as being gender fluid, I began taking testosterone 5 years ago and at first DID change my name and it didn’t feel right. My doctor respectfully referred to me as He, and it made me realize that I just wasn’t comfortable with it and it didn’t feel natural. I also got a top surgery letter and referred to as him..it felt like it was a letter written for a stranger. That’s what I’ve gone on most the last few years, whatever feels natural. Like my friends all referring to me as they did before. I would say gender fluid because I do love having facial hair, some chest hair and the voice drop. I also shave a lot when I see family because they are not accepting and do not know I’m on hormones. But I don’t ever feel comfortable dressing as a female. The last time I did was as a bridesmaid in my friends wedding about 8 years ago - makeup and a dress lol never felt more uncomfortable, so that was it for me. In my mind, I’ve gone with how I’ve felt most comfortable, and being on hormones is a huge learning experience as to what makes you comfortable. What I mean is- a lot of people go on T and immediately go in with the ‘I’m now a dude’ mindset which I did. And which nothing prepares you for, even a therapist. I do get misgendered a lot and called buddy and sir and I just go with it lol. Being gender fluid, there really isn’t anything that makes me feminine anymore, but I still don’t identify as a male like I mentioned, so gender fluid is the term I use to explain to most people. Androgynous I guess. As far as dysphoria, my chest has been awful for me. Since I was 20 and had my first gf I never felt comfortable taking my shirt off ever. Still to this day I don’t, which is why top surgery is def something I’m 100% about. As far as bottom surgery, it is not a priority for me. I surprisingly don’t get dysphoric about it. I also don’t think its worth getting now if I ever did. It is expensive obv (if not covered by ins) and I think they have a bit to go in making it look decent and every year they perfect it a bit more. Phalloplasty pics I see are mostly awful and it’s disfiguring having to take skin from your leg or arm, and I have seen a lot of people on IG having complications for years from it. So my chest is really only the one thing I am dysphoric about. Sorry if I rambled a bit. It also took me a long time to realize there’s no rules to sexuality or that you have to pick one sexuality or the other. I grew up when being lgbt wasn’t really accepted especial in high school. You were just the weird kid, so I never came out until college. Reach out with any questions though
Has your clitoris grown exponentially in size and if so does it make sex better or make you want sex more than before?
@ Because I'm obviously curious about it. What a stupid question stop annoying me please.
@@kimkartrashianstopmakingst9060 Thank you so much. That helps a lot and was pretty inspirational to be honest :)
I am a cis female and my throat looks just like yours, so it's not out of the realm of what is normal. My voice is naturally lower in pitch too. What is "normal" is actually a very broad spectrum. I have enjoyed your video and wish you well. You're young and you have lots of time to figure things out.
You're the type of person I instantly want to be friends with....And that's hard for me to say about most people (trust issues bby)
Good on you for explaining the changes you experienced. It would be good to hear from a male to female to explain their experiences too.
As someone with PCOS that started a couple years after puberty, I also feel like I went through male puberty
You are a very intelligent, level-headed young lady (now). You have a marvelous way of explaining things. Just very down to earth, matter of fact. Thank you for telling all this in a very non-sensational way, not whining or complaining.
I cannot say just how amazing it is to see you be so frank and open about your journey. You truly are an inspiration. Please keep on being you and thanks for sharing.
Elle! LOL you are so cute lol. Welcome back to girlhood! I can't speak for other women, but I think that the way you think/feel about sex is simply female thinking. The hormones do cause different sex drive. Some women are more sexual than others but seriously I think if they had their hormones checked, they'd find that they actually have at least some testosterone production. I dunno shrug lol. You're a sweet, beautiful woman. Welcome back!
We all have testosterone, it is produced in small amount at the suprarenal glands and the fat. It's far lower in the women because men produce more in their testicles. And the female hormones can produce a higher sexual drive, that why during ovulation and the days before and during the menstruation a lot of women are more sexual driven.
idk, my case was completely different. after hyperandrogenism treatment some sex drive final appeared.
Hi Elle. I was born with a mild intersex condition, not diagnosed in 1953. Grew up male--ish, made the best of it, didn't question it too much. By time I reached 50yrs old my testosterone was so low I could barely function in many ways. Doctors put me on T shots and I really embraced it thinking I would finally be a complete person. 10 yrs later I got prostate cancer and the same doctors took it all away. I found better Doctors and they learned more about me and put me on Estradiol. WOW! I have made the best of low T, high T, and no T. Being on E and now Progesterone is massively life altering. I don't have to "make the best of it", It has made me the best of me.
I have not watched all your videos yet, but I will. I really relate to your real life knowledge on gender identity and hormones. I have my own versions of the experiences you teach share and enlighten us with. If I could speak and educate as well as you, I would do a youtube channel , not to make $, just to help others understand the whole, complex subject.
---WILLOW---
I'm learning so much from your channel 💖 also you have such pretty eyes
I hope you give yourself credit for bravery and honesty. That's the hardest thing in life to learn. You have it. Be proud of how much you've grown through this and the kindness in your heart to share and help others.
Your features are softening so quickly! You are so relaxing to listen to. :)
You explained the larynx stuff very well :). Also, I’m studying speech-language pathology, which includes voice therapy, so I’m flattered that you’re calling me a scientist and making me feel really smart heheh 😊
I love watching your videos you teach me so much
Thank you for telling your story. You've gone through quite a bit. I just wanted to mention that some FTMs do continue to get their periods. Also many FTMs clitoris' actually do go through a growth of anywhere from 1" up to 4" long as well as becoming wider. The size all depends on genetics and how long a person is on Testosterone.
So surprised you got your period back so soon when I went of the pill (I'm cis) it took 6 months to come back
This is really interesting! I'm an afab non-binary person and I took testosterone for about 8 months when i was 22-23. I've been off hormones for about two years, and it's affirming to hear that you also experienced reduced body hair. I had always thought things like leg hair would be permanent changes, but I know I have way less hair now. I'd say my armpit hair is my only hair that still looks how it did when i was on t. Anyway, thanks for the video. Good luck with school!!!
I wish I lived close enough to meet you! I feel like we would be really good friends you have such a great personality and I love how smart you are! I love your videos about yourself and your journey!
It’s wild how different some people’s experiences are. I started testosterone back in 2012, was on it until 2019. Took about three months for my periods to stop but on the occasion when I couldn’t afford my shots they would start up in 3 weeks exactly. And it would take another 3 months to get them to stop again. I always had a low voice and didn’t noticed much of a drop but did notice I have more of a texture to it than I used to. I can still go into my higher register and sound pretty female passing. I never got any thick body hair however my hair started to fall out and took about 2 years off of testosterone for it to even begin growing back.
My facial hair was decent on just my chin but no where else. I have dark hair and have to shave every morning. However even when I had my beard and grew it out decently long people wouldn’t always notice it; it looked more like a shadow. I was always thin and didn’t notice much fat redistribution but I did notice more definition in m arms when on my shots.
Stories like this are important to share; everyone’s body chemistry and genetic makeup is different so how they change with any hormone shot (and after) can be very different.
You went through more than one puberty... respect lol
Love your honesty about what had happened to you ♡ so amazing what a human body can do.
You can get a voice feminization surgery. Like MTF do, to have higher pitched sounding voice.
@@ShihTzuVideosTV she should try it, anyway... taking into account the way her voice sounds...
This video was super interesting! Thank you for sharing your experience. It's so wild how hormones basically act as keys and unlock certain features of the human body.