at age 25 i was living in my mom's basement, no job, no degree, depression, extremely bad skin from my disease that i didn't go to the doctor for even though I knew I should, bad hair, back pain from not doing any sports, drinking alcohol excessively, no motivation to get a job and many other things. Now im 29, I love my job, live in a nice flat, im regularly doing sports for 2 years now, have very good friends, a degree, my skin is cared for, i learned how to cut my own hair , depression gone and life in general is just amazing. Never underestimate time and luck
@@nigelcardoso3883 do you do any sport / jogging / gym? It helps a lot, but you gotta do it more and more intense everyday you do it, to feel lime you evolve and focus, track that sensation, it will give you a sense of better future. Then, move on to track positive things, observe people and environment around, ask you some questions about your future and answer to them with your mouth, not in mind. That's the start, keep track and get motivated, improve self esteem, the rest will come naturally with much less pain, yet might not be always confortable.
@@SeganHealthHacker based on the comment , I suppose that when they pay for a live session with him they Can chose a option to have it public or no before taking it
Usually comments like this are from an insecure person. Almost guaranteed the original post was not written by a person who felt like a super hero going into their 30’s... such a person wouldn’t be watching and eager to self describe themselves as a super hero on a RUclips Video..
Same age, but I graduated at 21. Worked retail for 2 years after because of my own self doubt. Have been out of work for another 2 due to personal problems. But in the past 2 years I taught myself web development. Today I applied for some jobs. I'm shitting bricks for any callbacks/interviews because I have Social Anxiety... but I have already put it off for too long. And I know if I want to be a good software developer I have to overcome it at some point. The best time is now. To face rejection and keep going.
There needs to be "nerd" psychologists in IRL, the nerd world is so different in terms of what stresses us out and what motivates us. Damn near every interview Dr. K has had, man, woman, professional streamer or random viewer has been relevant to me in a way I couldn't express to my therapist without her being confused or frustrated.
Im feeling the want to go through psychology in College for this exact same reason. Im 25, broke, no formal job experience, tried going to 3 different unis with no sucess. But i really want to help and make a difference, these dr k videos are really striking a chord with me, so much that im considering this idea. We provably have 0 gamer psychologists here in brazil, this needs to change
@@StarmenRock I'm in the same boat, but granted I'm in the US. 25, been kinda poor most of my life, never even got the chance to go to college because my dad lost his job halfway through my last year before college. I had the option to go to college but lose out on my friends and nerd life that's a huge part of me and have to live with shitty people, or do what I did and go into the workforce. Only ever had shitty jobs but I was always interested in learning, especially psychology. Dr. K reminded me how interesting and helpful this work can be and I wanna help people so badly. I just don't know if I can afford to learn and I'm terrified on taking on a lifetime of debt to just try something. I feel like I'm in a tough spot but I know we can both find our paths when the time comes. Best of luck to you.
@@StarmenRock The "no gamer psychologist in Brazil" sounds like a niche you could tap into. My humble advice would be, if you go for it, make sure you have a concrete career path you want to follow after you get your degree, and most importantly, make sure you have the "why" part clearly defined in your mind. Many people get into psychology because subconsciously they are primarily motivated by figuring out their own issues, which imo is not a very good idea.
@@Why.Just_why i see, ill be careful. Its just wishful thiking tbh, im terrible at studying and really hate going to College due to extreme social anxiety and panic attacks happening constantly for no reason. Never even thought about career path since im not used to making plans about my life (suicide has always been an option for about 18 years now). Im going through treatment right now and my country is riddled with corona, so ill try thinking about it more carefully once i feel like i can get out of my house without feeling like i gotta bring a knife with me every single time
I am going to be 41 when I finaly become a psychological therapist. Now I'm 33. I had to go back to school first for three years to finish what we call Abitur here in Germany. Now I just started University.
Ja man, es ist nie zuspät! Ich bewerbe mich, mit 30, gerade auch auf Ausbildungsplätze. Mein Leben lang nur 10€-Jobs gehabt, hoffentlich darf ich mich irgendwo persönlich vorstellen. Werde es mir ewig vorhalten es nicht versucht zu haben.
@@Adama.1 Years pass by, no matter if you do anything or not. Thats why its always worth doing something no matter where you are in life right now. Take care!
Almost afraid to watch this one because the title alone tells me it's gonna hit close to home for me. I chose to study the wrong subject at university (in fact I would say university in general did not suit me), and was completely in denial of that fact for far too long because I was afraid of failure. I got to the final year of my degree and had to drop out due to depression and anxiety, took 2 years out working a dead-end job I hated then forced myself to try and go back to university to complete the degree because I only had one more year to do so and I hated the idea of percieving myself as having failed even though deep down I knew it wasn't for me. Inevitably I ended up dropping out again, at around the same point in the year for the same reasons, right at the start of Covid lockdown. I've spent much of the last year feeling suicidal. I'm 25 and I feel as though the last 7 years of my life may as well have never happened, I'm so far behind where I want to be in life and have no idea how to even begin picking up the pieces and moving on
I am 24 I never skipped a year and i got a degree last year, yet I am still working a dead-end job which pays minimal wage and doesn't fulfill me. I have lost all my self confidence and anxiety is killing me. I can't put myself out there anymore. I felt like all the doors have been sealed around me and I can't do anything. Two months ago I have decided on making a game which I knew was going to be a hard and long process but damn does it feel like I am just falling even further behind as the days go by. I have also been suicidal for the past 7months and going to bed is the worst part of my day. It doesn't matter whether I have worked 6hours at my dead-end job and followed it up with 10-12 hours of work on my project I still feel like I am just falling behind or that I am not doing enough or even if I am it doesn't equate to anything because of my own incompetence. I can't tell you that things will get better I definitely don't see a future ahead of me, but I owe it to not only myself but the people around me to try. So if nothing else you should too.
Same here. I'm 26 and feel like I have wasted so much time. I'm planning on going back to college after dropping out several years ago due to mental health problems.
Your message is literally me, except I'm at the stage where I dropped out of uni final year. I feel your pain. Thank you for posting, this makes me feel im not alone.
You are not alone. The world sucks. Being 24 and burnt out from trying to be successful is tiring and exhausting from failing so many times and stumbling. Success does not equate happiness. Happiness is intangible, its abstract and vague. What is important is to remain mentally stable and work on what is crucial for you as an individual. You must learn to ignore your culture's judgement examining you and focus on your personal development. Success lacks a purpose because it could be for many superficial reasons, success is to please the world, not you. Passions and creativity, smiles and friendships, quality time spent is what pleases you. Success is just the obstacle you must work with to get to those things.
It's good if you stumbled a lot because that means you got more inner work, self development and the fact you feel like you fail a lot stems from you having a clear vision and outlook on what life is about
I feel you man, I'm 24 as well and I have the classic gifted kid burnout, I tried so many things and liked none, and at this point starting from the beginning at 24 when my peers already finish university or have a successful career already feels really discouraging.
@@giacomonicoletti2232 got the same at 21, didn't achieve anything in terms of career in the last 3 years, but the problem is probably also that we're looking too much at our past and future and not enjoying the moment enough
@@giacomonicoletti2232 that dosent mean your peers are happy ! it dosent mean they may never even have touched a glimpse of it . so stop comparing yourself to them as doctor k said , you do you and happiness is there , you just forgot how it looks like .Happiness isn’t in the car you drive , or position, happiness is being happy with yourself in every situation “good or bad” (i quoted tha couse good or bad is also a concept of the mind , there is no good or bad , there just IS) ! situations/opportunities will come and go , but if u are focused on the end goal “making it” you will miss them , instead focus on smth , anything and start from there . trust me happiness will come from dedication, from doing smth , anything sticking to it ,acknowledging it and being with that moment fully . you can be completely happy with washing dishes, u can bliss out from it , ofc that won’t get u a premium car but who says u cant walk to where u need to , who says u can’t use a bike ? idk i rambled a bit , but this is what i get from dr.k . ... also another thing i got from dr.k is that in life you cannot control the outcome of a situation,but you can control the effort you put into it !
Young People always think time is short and they are through most of their lives. Y'all wanna burn too fast. I'm 32 and just now starting to realize the career I might want in Baking.
I totally agree, I'm not 30 yet but my SO and I are getting close. I know too many people who are approaching 40 still living the life I never did in my 20's. We decided our new goal is to make our 30's the new 20's and stop gaf what anyone has to say about it
See this community and persons like JT really make me happy :) Its existing so much nice persons in this world, sometimes i cant believe it, It just make me feel warm inside. I also wish him all the best
I feel like there's been alot of popular/famous (however you want to coin them) streamers on lately in recent months and generally alot their issues aren't relatable to most average people. Not to downplay any of their problems but issues/content/people that has better compatibility for the average person.
@@LNR157 I agree with you. I feel like streamers have to deal with less uncertainity. They do have their problems but they can let their problems breathe. I just want more content like this. JT is not in phase 1 of starting out. He is in phase 2 or phase 3. Dr.K's guidances in this one was able to give me insight in my own struggle moving foward.
Voice " we're never going to catch up" You "We don't need to catch up. We just need to move forward." Voice "It's never going to be enough." You "You're probably right...it may never be enough. So what should we do about it?" Voice 'surprised pikachu face' "....."
What helps me personally is not worrying if it’s enough; it’s like comparing yourself to a expectation. I tell myself to just work on it a little bit everyday.
there's no such a thing like 'it's never gonna be enough' if you literally set goals, like finishing the semester or some projects, you have something accomplished. then u get to the next lvl and u keep envolving
Hi JT, If you see this, I want to let you know that I watched this video 2 years ago, in the same situation as you. This vid was really inspiring. This was after failing an entire semester due to video game addiction, losing financial aid, taking a gap semester and transferring to a community college. I was crippled by the shame of falling behind and lying to my family about my school performance. I was barely passing my classes in community college, falling into the same old habits, still crippled by shame, low self esteem, fear of the future. And I was still in college after all my friends graduated. But somewhere along the way I started watching Dr. K, adopting better habits. Then this video came out and your experience was incredibly relatable. I started studying hard, working a part time job, exercising and meditating. As of today I have graduated college with a 3.9 GPA (the GPA reset after switching schools!) and working full time remote as a software engineer. I hope that 2 years later you're in a better spot. You were very courageous to come on and do this interview, I would never have been able to do it!
This is very encouraging. I can relate to the school performance part, and lying to family members. Although I'm approaching my second year of community college and I still haven't made progress. I've been letting go and slacking a lot and similarly, it led me to shame of falling behind. Your story is very encouraging and I am glad I'm reading the comments here. Thank you
That’s so awesome (as in I’m filled with awe) to hear. The hardest thing to do as a person, I think, is to pick yourself up when you’ve hit what feels like rock bottom and somehow find the courage and strength to still push toward a seemingly unachievable goal, with zero guarantees of success and almost everything telling you that you have a good chance of failure. Yet here you are, totally on your way! I imagine you’ll hit potholes and find yourself looping around side quests and stumbling down dead ends along the journey but you’ve given yourself undeniable proof that you are capable of and have successfully done that hardest step (the first step). Well done! I hope you’re able to be proud of your own achievement, somehow. 🪴
I relate so fucking hard to this. I'm 25 and I let so many things I haven't done by this point as well my mental health issues worsen my self-worth. Looking forward to watching this one
The funniest and ironic thing is that, Dr K is telling us ''falling behind'' is a mental construct and comparing is not a healthy thing to do. but it helps me seeing you feeling behind being 25 and i'm 23. so that eases me cause you'd be further off. but im still comparing.
With all respect, I am 27 starting my first year at university. I spent the last ten years working thinking it was to late for me to study and I was not smart enough, all mental health related. Sometimes you just need to listen to the person telling you to shut up and go do them now over playing over in your head you should have done them by now.
@@jakejames4504 Same I saw a wholesome post on reddit with a 30+ y.o. dad getting into college right at the same time his kid went to first year primary school. It's never too late, good luck my dude!
I feel like a lot of the anxiety and pressure he's expressing is relevant to anyone in East Asia, whether China, South Korea, Japan, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, etc. They have all been conditioned from a young to apply these social pressures to become financially successful and when they have yet to achieve such goals at a young age (20s), they feel like they've failed.
And it’s gotten harder globally for everyone in their 20s-30s to not feel left behind when their parents were able to get what we’re fighting for at that age a bit easier. People could buy homes much younger, had kids and could get a good paying job without a degree. Many of us (I just turned 29) feel we’re starting later in life, when really we were never on the same playing field as our parents. Yes, we have more opportunities with the internet and more accessibility to knowledge, but that comes with a huge financial cost and debt. And as you get older everyone expects you to get a house, have a family, etc before it would be biologically too late for me. I think that’s why I feel the pressure too because I’m fighting against my body’s thin window and societal pressures, but I barely have savings built up, I’m still repaying student loans and have been renting for years. I moved out when I was 20 to get away from my toxic family and lived paycheck to paycheck with for years with my then boyfriend while we were in college in a tiny studio apartment. We scraped by and the savings we did have went to things like car repairs or getting a new laptop for school after mine broke. It was hard and still is hard to save. The cost of things like rent and food are rising everywhere even more so, so it’s just gunna get harder for all of us. I graduated school on time too and went to college and had internships and found work in my field, but even when you feel you did enough, it’s honestly not enough. You need to have multiple streams of income to survive nowadays. It’s why hustle culture and burn out are so relevant lately. It’s really sad. People shouldn’t need multiple jobs and a bunch of passive income to survive.
Damn doc, you've done it again. You've posted something that I needed right now. I'm 23 and all my friends have gotten stable jobs, or married, or at least know what to do. I'm a very anxious person so i feel like im struggling due to societal pressures and the fact that I've let my anxiety rule me. I really need some positive reinforcement to tell me to keep going.
Just a year behind you (22) but you got this! Like Dr. K said, falling behind is essential to figuring out what to do with your life and I'm starting to see it manifesting for me.
When I was 23 most people I knew hadn't even finished their university education, and were definitely not married or planning to. I suppose it depends on what culture/country you live in and whether you work a blue collar job or went into advanced education (Master degrees in STEM and the like).
He's 20??? In 20 I was still in the army having no way to even think about starting my life. Its unfair because clearly JT is a really smart and hard working guy with a lot of potential, ruined by a society that pressures him to start everything early
The way multiple developed societies make 18-to-25-year-olds feel like they've already completely failed at life by not being ahead is toxic and deeply disturbing. I know too many 20-somethings who are in total and complete despair because they genuinely and truly believe that they've permanently and irreparably squandered their lives because they didn't hit every imagined milestone "on time."
@@dinosaysrawr exactly, and in the other side I know a lot of succesful people who starter their lives only in their early 30's or people who changed their career path completely in their 40's and 50's
Yo JT and community, lemme start by saying that this was the most relatable interview to me period and my first comment on a video in years. For context, I'm also a fellow Singaporean. My life path was, Pri, Sec 4 (N lvls), ITE (2 years), NS (2 years), Gap year (1 year), arts school - diploma (3 years), currently waiting for my 2 years uni to start. Today I am 25 years old and the worst point in my life was last year. I was telling myself I wasn't good enough - even tho I put in 16 hours everyday to hone my craft. I kept comparing myself to my peers who were the same age as me; married, had a stable job, graduated - I kept saying F I'm so far behind (side note: to add to the stress, some of my peers straight up told me OHHH YOU'RE STILL A STUDENT, YOU DON'T GET IT, OHH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO GROW UP/BE AN ADULT, OHH YOU'RE ALL SAFE STILL LIKE STRAIGHT UP TELLING ME yeah I'm slow, so it just baked in my head that yeah I am slow) and I'm not good enough. What is enough? Who am I? What is life? What is the point of life? I nearly ended.. that was the turning point in my life for me. I stood up and told myself, no I'm going to be better and from that day on. I focused on self love and living for myself. One biggest releases I got going through my journey was making a documentary for my final year project about quarter life crisis. It's called Now That I'm 25, where I bought together a few of my friends, all 25 years old and interviewed them about their life, the struggles of growing up and society (Sg context). The funniest thing was when I said I felt "left behind" since they all have jobs, degrees and stuff I believed to "make it" in life, they were quite lost. They spend their years chiong sua then graduate masters all then lost. (For international readers, pardon my singlish, I said they rushed their studies, graduated and they realized they were not happy) They felt like they had missed out actually living their life rather than enjoying the process of growing up. I felt so relieved knowing that, actually I'm doing just fine, going the right pace and imma just enjoy my life. I have dreams of being a content creator so I spend my days rotating between freelance jobs, planning content for the future, derping around on twitch and studying my craft. I've started working out more often and taking daily hikes to the beach hehe. In conclusion, live your life. Forget about what society tells you. I cannot express in words how alive I feel when I wake up everyday saying LETSSSS GOOOOOOO. So for anyone reading this, I believe in you. Have a wonderful life! Dr K for this wonderful interview! :D
I'm gonna say that I'm also a fellow Singaporean. I went through the JC route and am waiting for university at the moment but I still found this entire interview extremely relatable. I still struggle with not comparing myself to others. During NS, many of my friends had side businesses, large amounts of savings and money invested and I felt really far behind. They also came from "better backgrounds" than I did, while I came from a neighborhood JC. After I ORD'ed many of them got internships while I was rejected from every single one I applied to. My girlfriend was also already in uni (because I had NS) and was earning good amounts of money from her internships and doing fairly well in school. I found it difficult to relate to a lot of what she talked about and sometimes it made me feel really far behind. I think it just goes to show that no matter where you are in life, you're still gonna find someone to compare yourself to. I had real anxiety after that and it felt like I wasn't going to make it. The battle is internal not external. Some of my friends say stuff like "Dude, you never intern after you ORD ah?" While others are envious I took the "quick path" and say things like "dude you have it so good." I guess my point is that there isn't any reason to compare oneself to others and thinking "I'll be okay once I reach (x) point." because tbh nobody ever feels like they're okay and everyone is constantly struggling. The real victory is understanding that and learning to enjoy the journey wherever you may be.
Hey JT, fellow Singaporean here. If you're reading this, I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only person who wants to fight this fight for other Singaporeans. Yeah, it sucks that change comes slow here and there are so many forces at play that discourage it. But it can and will come true as long as we work towards it. You will get there 💪
I was in the same place. I was broken, waiting to get fixed. But Dr. K. is right, you can't wait for the feelings to do. You have to DO and the feelings will follow. For me that was asking out a girl I had had a crush on. I was just hoping that something would just happen upon me, but I had to just go and do it. Eventually the fear of being alone pushed me out, that and my trust in God. I was upset that I had missed a great opportunity when my depression hit and I had to leave college five and a half years ago (I'm 25 now). I spent a long time being in the mud, FEELING to depressed to actually change my situation. But in reality, while that door had been closed to me, I found the love of my life, my soulmate. That would not have happened if i had not dropped out of college. Similarly, she would not have found me if certain bad things hadn't happened to her. So, in short, do not despair if you start to fall behind; only this year have I gotten my driver's license, and a job, and a wife. Just remember to not give up, and look for new opportunities that are caused by your past failures!
Ayooo that’s so awesome. I’m glad your story has a much better ending and that you didn’t give up. Sometimes certain doors have to close so we have better opportunities in the future.
feeling behind and feeling like anything I do isn't enough is a constant feeling for me recently too... My mantra has been "I'm exactly where I need to be right now" and I also like to remind myself or Rupi Kaur's poem "I will never have this version of me again. Let me slow down and be with her." It's been helping me refocus to the present and feeling enough, so I hope this can help someone too 💜
Man JT is such a champ. All the self consciousness, the pertinent questions, the Yoga, the meditations, the beads. If Dr. K is as impressed by someone who looks up to him, this is great news if he continues to work at it. 👍
JT is the man. I 100% agree when Dr K said he wasn't worried about JT; with the way he's going, there's no way but up. JT also has something that a lot of people in his field won't have and that's personal experience and a good understanding of their own internal environment, giving him a huge leg up compared to others. Dr K didn't pick up on this but I know how a high level of self awareness can help out in a career; he can actually relate to his clients. It's sometimes nice to have someone who will listen without apparent judgement, but it simply doesn't compare to talking with someone that went through the same shit you did and came out okay in the end. He can help navigate certain mental obstacles because he went through it himself and knows the route and terrain well. Having an experienced guide vs one that has studied maps and theory are very different.
I'm only 22, and I could definitely start to feel this. Specially now that I'm starting to apply for jobs, and scholarships for graduate schools. And when I look at my resume, and see almost nothing written on it, it just makes me feel sad that the world works this way, and that institutions judge us based on a sheet of paper. Like the things that I have accomplished internally, the internal struggles that I have conquered, and the emotional growth I have gone through are the achievements that I am most proud of, but unfortunately are not the achievements that you could put in a resume.
Haha, applying for jobs rn (graduated as well, and looking towards grad schools a bit later), and I really relate to the resume thing. Or just everything really, lol. Gl on a the application process! I'm sure you'll snag a job soon enough
This is why making connections is so important because that's the main opportunity you get to show off that side of you. Maybe your resume can't show that growth, but have dinner with someone or start talking at a cocktail party...well, you may be able to impress someone. I ended up not taking it but I had a really good shot of getting an internship back in college just because I got along really well with a current employee during a workshop, their company was visiting my school for recruitment and they gave me a business card and encouraged me to send them an email after they saw me chilling with one of their own (even though I ended up doing almost nothing relating to the workshop 🤣). It sucks but you typically don't really get to show that side of you until AFTER they decide they want to do an interview with you. I get why they do it...they want the best of both worlds where someone is good on paper and in-person, and it's a lot easier to judge someone based on their merits and then their person vs their growth and then their merits, but sometimes they miss out on really great people because they don't have the same resume as others.
This reminds me of a video dissecting the differences between Goku and Vegeta, and why Vegeta is always second best. In short, the reason is because Vegeta is always comparing himself to Goku, and trying to prove he is "the Prince of ALL SAIYAINS!" and all that. So he constantly falls short trying to meet the standard, because he ISN'T Goku. Goku on the other hand only ever competes with himself, measuring himself only by what he can do better than yesterday. Then he tests his mettle against the strongest to push his limits, often surpassing them. We all need to be more like Goku. (Edit: Not that anything is wrong with being Vegeta. He turns out ok lol)
There's something really perverse about "proving" that you should not compare yourself to others BY BASING YOUR PROOF ON A COMPARISON ("Goku is better than Vegeta")
JT, by doing this workshop NOW, you are helping people. You’ve helped me. P.s. I have a masters degree and I’m older than your parents. My brother in law just received his masters degree. He’s 66. He has helped thousands of people along the way and is still helping every day.
I know someone who started medical school after the age of 60. Our individual paths are just that, aren’t they, unique and not wrong. They just are. Good job on achieving what you have so far! Wishing you good health and contentment.
Everyone is afraid of failure but what I'm more afraid of is failing and not progressing. Failure is inevitable but whether you choose to learn and grow from the experience or stay the same is what really matters.
I failed a course in college and it messed me up. Got up next semester and redid it, and got B+. I then felt empowered and finished out of school with a 3.85 GPA. I started College when I was 35, so this young man is being pressured by cultural norms.
God, that example of falling behind in dating hit me hard. That is 100% me. I'm 28, and have no idea about anything relationahip-wise. I had one when I was 22, and it lasted about a month. I'm bummed that I missed out on it as a teenager.
@@varanisshouyou4379 I have since found a group of good friends, and I'm honestly a lot happier. Still haven't had any luck with romantic relationships, but it bothers me less now I have close friends.
this guy feeling behind in life and here i am at 31 putting my life together and at 4th semester of industrial enginnering, try being the oldest student of the whole campus by far.
This one hit close to home. I'm 22 going on 23 and just transferring to university from a community college. I wasted a few years figuring out what I wanted to study. I feel like I'm actually chasing my goal now, but my confidence disappears when I think about how most of my former classmates from high school graduated from uni already especially when I was one of the "smart kids". Comparison blows
I feel you! I was the "smart kid" and then ended up failing for the first time in my last semester of uni. It set me back a year and I ended up graduating 2 years after most of my classmates. As cliché as this may be, the one thing that remains true is the saying "it is what it is". Basically for you it'd be "You are behind in life compared to your classmates, and that's just it.". I think the first thing you could do is look at that fact and be okay with it. Meet yourself where you're at.
@@mellowmud3314 it does not even matter in the end, when you're 48 and your friends are 48, you aren't really going to be pissed about yourself being behind in 2 years of education in your early 20s. By that point you have bigger issues and responsibilities. It's something that only gets easier to deal with as time goes on.
@Dagda Once you do the task, the comparison thing will solve itself over time. You're not going to beat yourself up over good but slightly delayed actions in late teens or early 20s in your 30s+, you have bigger fish to fry and responsibilities by that point.
I'm 34 and decided to go back to school this year for an engineering degree. Doesn't bother me that much, but I realize that in Asia this would be tougher - the culture doesn't easily allow being bossed around by your juniors, and I probably couldn't even get hired anywhere in Singapore due to the competition. You should still go for it, because it's not like there is any easy alternative. You're only going to get older, most people already are.
Hey JT! A final year student from NUS here! Really happy watching your stream and encapsulating the stressors of living in a ‘meritocracy’ and it’s effects on us. Even now, despite not falling behind, the feeling of it never goes away. Thank you for this.
3:57 - falling behind is a core part of who Dr. K is 12:51 - reasons behind your big goal 21:03(21:32) - when it comes to feeling fallen behind and desperate, the reality of the situation doesn’t matter 23:19 - when we have fallen behind, we think something in the outside world will make it better 25:14 - this person is different than in paper 27:35(27:59) - know your capability at the moment(if you’re not good enough, that’s where you need to start) ^Topics/problems^ 29:56 - ego rise from negative emotions; the more you compare yourself, the worse this is going to be 32:51 - part of the PROBLEM is some of your goals is very artificial 34:31 - what you need to realize 34:50 - you have no idea what the world is gonna send you 35:57 - trying to build a life based on a, then b, then c to wind up in d (some place) is the wrong way to think about it 36:36 - you miss how to study and your friend doesn’t. Don’t compare 36:53 - you don’t have to be big 39:05 - conditioned mind 46:41 - if you really want to make an impact in the world; forget about what you want to accomplish and focus on who you are and where you are 47:56 - $ what are you? $ 51:19 - pretending to be someone you are not isn’t gonna work 52:03 - is another human being worth more than another human being 53:00 - you can still win 55:05 - high self-awareness is not easily translatable to external success 1:08:15 - where does the desire to improve comes from 1:10:36 - why focus in the present; if you think about your end goal, every progress will never be enough 1:15:10 - DOTA player example 1:17:13 - acceptance and commitment to keep moving forward
Honestly super surprised and excited to see other Singaporean fans on Dr K's channel! Never related to a video harder than this, and I wish everyone who's facing the same issue all the best in their journey ahead 💪💪🇸🇬
as someone from singapore who’s currently experiencing burnout, this was interesting timing. Singapore really is a system that rewards your academic results, and there’s a pressure to succeed especially when academic accolade is so heavily sought after. god, it’s scary sometimes. if you get good results, you get a good life, and vice versa idk. this year my grades really plunged and I’m still struggling to crawl out of that hole; ive never really fallen behind before so it’s a learning experience I guess. but I’m realising that maybe my mindset isn’t helping or I’m being too harsh on myself. comparison’s the thief of joy and certainly isn’t helping my motivation here. having prodigies as parents/friends feels like it adds another round to a race I need to win for success. this talk really hit close to home, and I’d be very down for having a singaporean dr k around that probably doesn’t make sense but thanks JT n Dr K ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ
Question: do you guys have College entrance exams? Civil service exams? Any exams after GCSE? And in this guy's situation, how would he start a company commercially? I just don't understand the system.
@@that_dam_baka we do A levels/ Polytechnic Diploma to get into University. To start a company there are some start up incubators out there or government grants for local business but majority probably need to self fund. And more importantly u would to build connections with others.
Since I was a kid I aspired an art career, 2 years ago I finally made it into animation department. My first year went well, had a lot of motivation and passion but when the second year started I fell into a dark place. I'm a slow learner and I always compared myself to my classmates who learned so fast and had an amazing outcome. When we did our group project movie I felt like a burden because my knowledge and skills were so limited. I was mentally so dead that I wouldn't draw for weeks and sometimes months and I usually do art almost every day. instead I found comfort in dancing and after a week at a dance camp all the teachers have thought me such important things and I came back recharged with determination and the passion that I thought I'd lost. I still decided to take a one year study break to focus on personal healing and working on skill foundations and most importantly work on my confidence about myself and what I'm capable of creating
I absolutely felt for JT trying to explain is existential terror while not completely understanding it but recognizing it. I think I was also in high school the first time I felt it. I told a friend it felt like I was running out of time. Like something was chasing me and I couldnt see what it was or why it was chasing me. All I knew was that it was chasing me and I dont know when its gonna get me, whatever it is. Its funny cause i struggle with a lot of what JT does at 30 still because I kept running. Its absolutely dreadful feeling constant anxiety for no reason. I always valued time a lot all my life. Its always been one of the most precious things to me. Eventually i stopped making progress in life i felt that made me feel i was losing time, which i think is where this thought began to form. Took me 10 years to realize I still have plenty of time left to do what I wanna do
"I am Enough", sounds like a good replacement for your meditation. The idea grounds you in the present tense and allows you to accept your lot, come what may.
Hey JT. Fellow Singaporean here, all the best in your pursuits but also remember to just walk your path and live life by your own standards because only you make the rules. Singapore is a very stressful place to live in.
Wow. JT might be one of my most favourite of all the Dr. K sessions on this channel. I love that when Dr. K tells him to “you just need to be yourself” JT gives a straight response and expresses his confusion with the idea of “being yourself”. JT really has a good head on his shoulders and his goal of becoming the next Dr. K is something I’d support in being realized.
I remember the fear of falling behind being a factor in every facet of life since primary school, now I'm 25. Always an opportunity cost of starting ANYTHING IN LIFE because you enter a hierarchy, you gain a point of reference and you can immediately start comparing yourself with others. And with slacking off, missing assignments, it all comes full circle, it creeps up on you, you are not good enough. If you approach it with perfectionism it gets hectic, because what do you really know about how things are or what's the best way approach things. I don't know what to make of it really. All you can do is observe it.
it doesnt matter even if youre "ahead" of others. Im 24 rn, finished my masters in quantitative economics, got a good position in a Bank, my funds in crypto went up to a value of around half a million (tho now like -75 due to the recent developement ). BUT: even if you are "ahead" you do not stop to compare yourself with others who are just more succesfull in terms of numbers, relationships and so on. I can not stop this, its a never ending scycle of improving, but then realizing that its not enough because someone is still "ahead". Everything depends on our mindset and how you experience the things happening to you. We are trapped in this cycle, but eventually we gonna escape.
I have a friend who's 24 and feels way behind in life (I gave him the link to this video obviously). I didn't really know what to tell him to help him, but "be more patient and don't compare yourself to others", like... I'm nearly 43 and changed careers three times in my life, even got back to studying when I was 30. I would go study again if given the opportunity... just to say, you can never know what life will throw at you, especially when you're this young.
@@Guys_Love_Each_Other the magic of internet I guess. We're still friends by the way. I have friends of all ages tbh, because we met through games. I wouldn't meet them irl though, since we live on opposing parts of the world most of the time. Is age gap so important though, in friendship? (I'm not so naive to be oblivious to how people think when they see such an age gap though lol, I have a 13 yo daughter and I'm a single mum, so I know what worries people on the internet too. So when I say friend, I really mean "only" friend ;) )
Its kinda funny. Like I went to therapy a lot. My mom did her PhD in early child developmental psychology and I was constantly around psychologists and therapists, and you begin to notice an ebb and flow in conversations with other people and their psychologist/therapist. So many people revert to a child like state during therapy. I noticed that about myself, other people, people on this program. There is a unsureness that creeps in, like the best way I can describe it is remember when you were like a young kiddo, like 6/7, and you had a discussion with your parents about a complex topic? There was this power flow, from you to your parents, you felt awkward, vulnerable, unsure of your answers, I notice that with people on here.
Dear viewer JT I come from the Netherlands and I literally use as many words as you do to explain myself; have the same feeling that I have to help my generation with this same thing... I'm so amazed by your being! Keep up the battle to wanna help people!!!! i I'm sharing this vibe so much. Love this session thanks to the bought of you !!!!!
Hey, isn't the Netherlands a country where the emotional intelligence and mental health in general is more promoted in schools? I though there was a more ''open mind'' ambience there, greetings from Spain ^^
Yeah we like to say it is. But the adult sitting generation has never worked on mental growth because they had to build career. At schools we mainly started first with helping with mental (study) disorders but we still use the same protocols so the science behind it is outdated... Greetings back! How would you say Spain is in mental health knowledge and acknowledgement in general?
JT and everyone else who see themselves in JT (me included!) - this brings to my mind my favourite Dr Seuss book “Oh the Places You’ll Go”. I haven’t thought about that book in years, but the courage JT has shown, as well as how lost he seemed to have been feeling, reminded me of that book which was written for people like him.🔸 Aside from the book’s encouragement of persistence and resilience to reach your destination, I think what I got from Dr K here is that where you end up is exactly where you were supposed to be all along. You are you and you cannot fail at being you. You’ll always fail at trying to be someone else, like a fish trying to be a bird. The fish may be able to get strong enough to jump out of the water and be airborne for a while, but it will never be able to soar across the skies and over the land. Any attempts it makes to fly will always fall short of the bird that was born an albatross. While the fish is busy focusing on how it keeps failing to be the albatross, it will risk missing how it’s a fricken marlin! So be your best marlin instead of the least convincing albatross. 🔸If you’re not familiar with the book, I HIGHLY encourage you to at least find a YT video of a reading of it. There is something so magical about that book and the art.
this comment section is comforting for me. I too, 23 y/o law student, but my peers are all 20 y/o. I'm falling behind bcs I changed my course due to lose passion on my prev course. Personally I don't think the age gap is too much, but for them it is. My batchmates are all very smart, hardworking, and their resumes filled with many volunteering programs and competition. They challenge themselves everyday and seems very well put together. I somehow, still stuck in this place. And this lead me to feel so insecure being here with them. I know that we have to focus on ourselves and improve ourselves, but it's hard when other people are all very successful on the outside, while you're only successful in overcoming your own self doubt and fear. My progress is so little, I'm reminding myself to be proud of it bcs I'm moving forward. But everyone I saw them and their successful student life, I feel bad for myself again. this cycle continues on and on. I stumbled upon this video and 10 minutes into it I feel so seen. Thank you Dr K and JT. wishing you all in this comments section all the best in life. We may not be the same as others, but we too deserve the life that we want.
I'm 28 and have felt "fallen behind" and directionless almost my whole life. When I was 27 I figured out what I wanted to do in life, what to aim for: being a game designer and building a business around it. The funny thing is that I always knew deep down this is what I wanted, but since society is anti-creativity and everyone around me told me what to do all the time I got stuck in life. I went around in circles, trying many things out. But I was never happy and even got depression from it all. I felt so behind in life when I watched my peers and those younger than me having their lifes figured out, but not me. This was such a time waster... Today though I don't care about what society or others think and say what I need to do, I'm in the driver's seat of my life now and not anyone else. Have never been happier lmao.
@@antxv713 Hey, thanks for asking! =) It's going slow but steady. This is a project that will take a lot of time. But I know it is absolutely worth it!
Let's encourage each other.. I am 29, been spending my whole life tryin to figure out same thing. Being creative is not easy or fun because society tells you that your "dream" is just a hobby. I am now trying to pursue my creative dream as well. Hope we'll both make it. I think it's ironic how society basically looks down on creative professions (not taking it seriously), but at the same time everyone watches series, Netflix, play games o listen to music every single day. People often don't respect creative individuals or creative dreams but at the same time they consume it like addicts..
The anti-creativity stuff is so real. I want to further my concept artist career and work on more games but whenever I talk about it to people I'm either met with nervous nodding or a gentle suggestion to pursue something like graphic design instead. It's a bit rough, but it's so fulfilling to finish a piece for a commission or contribute to an indie game. :) I hope your game designing has been going well, keep pushing on fellow creative person!
Falling behind is one of my biggest insecurities at the moment. A lot of my friends from high school are finishing university this year, and I am just starting uni this upcoming semester. I am happy with my choice and I think I grew a lot in the last 3 years, more than most of my friends, but there is still this voice in the back of my head, that tries to make me feel guilty. I am working on comparing myself less (because this was always a big problem for me) and try to always remind myself, that there is not the ultimate way to success or happiness and that everyone has to go their own unique way. Thank you Dr. K. Your videos are helping my a lot.
This doctor is literally saving my life! I am so grateful to be able to consume this content!! So many great videos and im learning so much and understanding myself, others, and the world better. God i am so happy this dude exist!! Thank you so much Dr.K
1:22:20 my therapist works with Parts theory, which is the idea that within you there are different Parts that have their own jobs, wants, needs, and fears within your system, and this is something we do a lot. I have a Part that makes me feel like I'm constantly behind, pushes me to do better, doesn't let me relax and makes sure I am constantly aware of the things that I need to do. It means that I'm quite anxious all the time, have low self worth, and have that sense of constant impending doom. And we work through it by listening to what the Part is afraid of why it does what it does. And that part of me is a big reason why I'm a really diligent person and so sometimes I thank it for keeping me on track and helping me be a successful student. And it really does help. It allows you to really listen to yourself and process those fears and coping mechanisms that cause us stress.
This was high level stuff. Really enjoyed the conversation. This kid is already doing fantastic. He asked some mind blowing questions, and Dr K provided some mind blowing answers. It was also fascinating to watch how Dr K navigated this... at first overwhelming him a bit, then reeling him back in and making sure his soul wasn't crushed by the weight reality being conveyed. And now JT has his entire life ahead of him to reflect and integrate and reintegrate across time the info Dr K shared. Really amazing to watch.
I’m 28 and I’m a first year electrical apprentice. You’re never too late to do anything you want to do. I took over a 50% pay cut to start this career and I haven’t been as happy as I am now in years
Im about to do the same thing. Ill be 28 this year, in my industry for 10 years and still progressing and getting better/making more money but now Im burnt out. I want to focus more on my personal life. I dont even care about a pay cut at this point, I just want to do the stuff I wanna do! Im excited for the future
YOU CAN DO IT JT! Your statements are a reflection of how I’m feeling too! I can only imagine how stressful for you. But as someone who came from the poly/Uni route. I’m still in limbo. There are more of us here! Take heart and Lets actively have hope and active steps to our goals for the best. ☺️
Let me share. I just didn't fell behind; I fell behind hard. Jobless at 23, no love life at that age, and I felt like the most useless shit. I'm 33, now, still no love life. But I have a job and slowly reaching my goals. (My dream is to travel my country.) You don't get from A to B without feeling like a piece of shit, but you start building towards B one day at a time. You are succeeding, but it's so miniscule towards your goal that you feel nothing is happening. But you're getting there.
I was waiting for this VOD to be uploaded to RUclips since I missed the stream. I'm in a similar situation. I fell behind in school, failed out of some college classes due to uncertainty about life and feeling that I didn't have a goal or aspirations like my peers. I judged myself harshly that "I didn't know where i would be in 5 years" or that I didn't think I was capable of a career. That was about 7 years ago and I'm still attempting to make my life progress and acting toward a goal. I'm now a single class from graduating undergrad in the US with computer engineering, I have an idea of the types of work I would love to get invested in. But I still feel behind my brother, my friends who have held jobs for 5 or so years more than me, etc. The best thing is noticing the setting expectations and putting a doomsday clock on development. "Do this by X date to catch up with others" doesn't account for one's life experience and differences make it such that these expectations aren't fair or reasonable
I want to say thank you Dr.K for guiding me on this journey of mine. Growing up, I was not independent and was tempted by procrastination and laziness, and to be honest I still do. However, everyday I try to become a better person and do one productive thing everyday. It's certainly not easy but I am proud to realise my faults at a young age. Each day is rough for me to get up, surrounded by distractions of social media and comparing. My grades have also been affected by this, but I won't let that constraint hold me any further. I am who I want to be, even if some doors are closed, I will persist.
ngl, as superficial as it might sound, the whole message of going at a different pace than others, I'm really grateful to have been exposed to it a couple years back in the lyrics to Stray Kids' My Pace. Some quotes (from translations): "I wanna be like him, I’m jealous, yes I’m jealous, yes I’m I wish I was half of half of him" "I don’t wanna admit it But I keep looking next to me Just cuz someone’s ahead doesn’t mean they’re first, baby Look at the big picture and take your time No need to rush, my pace Don’t compare It’s alright to go slowly Go on your own path, my lane Put down your impatience Just keep looking forward You ready, let’s go" "I still don’t know where my destination is I don’t know I don’t know how I’ll be at the finish line I want to know But first, let me go on my way I’ll deal with the worries at the next crossroads Until then, stop looking next to you Don’t forget, my speed, my lane, my pace" it's not quite as in depth and most of it is in a language I can't understand without translation, but gosh has listening to it (on repeat just from it being a bop) been helpful to get the message into my head ...
Bro same that song really got me to stop panicking about having everything figured out immediately. I have time, I don’t have to go as fast as everyone else.
I’m only 11 minutes into the video and I feel like he wasn’t falling behind in life, he is finding and found what he was to do. Singaporean here too, switching course mid way during his studies is not easy and one of the brave choices to make here. Many ended up studying something they don’t want to do in the future, wasting even more years. So if anything, he’s starting a new path, a path he wants for himself .So kudos to him!!!
if you think you're falling behind, then I must have fallen off a cliff lol. I've never even applied to a college or university before. i am constantly afraid for my future and I posses no tangible skills to produce or offer to companies. and when I tell people how I've just started to work instead of going to school, people have told me "yea some people are just happy working minimum wage jobs" which feels heavily degrading to me, because I am paid well above minimum wage but they assume I'm at the bottom of the barrel. so really I also feel like I've fallen behind and it's a heavy empty feeling that causes such a huge struggle in life. I know for a fact that it stops me from being a better me and doing better because I am my own roadblock. here's hoping myself, as well as anyone else feeling this can overcome this and become successful in our own rights!!
If it makes you feel better, I've failed out of college 3 times (even a certificate course), I've quit or been fired from more jobs than I can remember, I'm 30 unemployed and live in my parents' basement.
But if you earn more money than minimum wage, how do those people insult you? o.o Genuine question! I personally think if you manage to get and keep a job with decent pay (aka above minimum wage) you can consider yourself lucky! A lot of people wish they could do that :)
Bro is so young and think he’s already late. I’m on track to get my computer science bachelors degree when I’m 32 - 33 years old and I’m so grateful about the direction I’m headed in. You guys shouldn’t worry about doing it early just get it done and live an enjoyable life 😎
Such a thoughtful discussion. I loved this line from Dr. K (I'm paraphrasing): As our society makes strides towards aligning merit with value we have in some part conflated one with the other and forgot the seemingly subtle but important distinction between the two
it makes me so happy that mental health is becoming a topic thats talked about more. for me atleast i feel like the tabboo on it is much lighter already and it definitely makes it feel like youre not in it alone. ive seen so many people inspired by it and i feel like that aswell. i can only imagine how things will be in x amount of years but it makes me think we eventually will be able to help eachother on mental health so incredibly much, especially online. it just makes me happy to see the internet being used to help eachother :)
This one hits so close. I entered university in a career I didn't really like at 18, currently trying to sort out my degree process because rona fucked us over, but after that I really don't know what to do. I basically studied all of my career in autopilot because it was never something I really wanted in life, so I just studied for the sake of grades. Bear in mind, it's a STEM degree, but in reality I always wanted to do music. Now I'm 24, a year ago I started pursuing my passion for music because of the lockdown, and seeing so many young talented musicians in a server I'm in makes me feel so weird, I can't help but feel that "I could've been like them, but I wasted 5 years of my life in a career I didn't like instead, and now I'm 5 years behind".
So much respect for JT for his goal and for doing this interview publicly; I would never be able to put myself out there like this. Wish him luck in his journey.
I’m from Singapore :) This is a great interview! I hope JT continues to work on his path to achieve his goals. Hope he comes back and let us know how he’s doing!
I relate a lot with this guy. I’m the same age and very self aware of my poor mental health so I’m fighting with my inner thoughts. I’m also behind in college trying to get my associates but secretly I wanna do art. I’m always comparing myself to my friends and siblings because I believe I’m running out of time. I wanna escape my toxic home but I have to face the reality.
@@apmireStill alive surprisingly, I've changed a lot though. I've decided to fight for myself and really try to move out for a better future. Currently I've dropped out of college (planning to go back when I'm more secure and situated) and working full time at a fast food place. On the side I'm studying to become a content marketer building my portfolio and getting certifications. I'm going to try freelancing maybe in the next couple of months. I've had alot of low moments through out the year even up till now with my physical health being at the forefront but it's getting easier to bounce back with a lot of self care. I would recommend exercising, mediation, Journaling, and affirmations. I'm really just fighting everyday. The best thing to really understand about falling behind and not comparing yourself to people Is that we all have differences experiences and privileges. When I look at people from my highschool I realize alot of them having loving homes and parents who helped them financially but for me I didn't have that so I'm literally starting at zero and that's ok. I'm me and they are them.
I felt the same way as JT. If I compare myself to my general peers I know that I’m like 2 years behind. Back then that would’ve f*cked with my mind and I would’ve trouble sleeping and then my anxiety attack kicks in blablabla. It’s exhausting! Now I can sit with the fact that I’m “late” and be okay with it. I know that I’m working on achieving my goals and I am on my right path. And somehow people (my colleagues and supervisor) notices that and respects that. Sure there are a few jerks here and there but ehh their opinions don’t matter anymore. This stream episode definitely hits home, and I hope that it helps you JT! We wish you all da best
This hits me real fucking hard. I'm a 25 year old recovering porn addict college graduate working at a dead end job not in my field that I for sure don't see working at for the next 10-20 years. I also just recently found out that I could have some form of undiagnosed or at least symptoms of ADD or ADHD. I realize for me that my situation is different since I'm a recovering addict as supposed to others, I almost question if my addiction is one of the main reasons I haven't gotten where I wanted or if I just use that as an excuse for y I haven't. I am currently seeing a therapist regarding my addiction and my hope is that as I continue in my recovery, my motivation to achieve my ultimate goals will increase
Wow man porn really does suck when you do it for the sake of doing it. I wish you the best in your recovery! I'll say one thing that you probably may have heard. Don't be too hard on yourself. You can live a perfectly good life even if you happen to never achieve those goals. Peace and love!
@@mellowmud3314 Thanks! yeah my therapist does mention that I do need to congratulate myself more often and stop being so hard on myself. Since i found out about my potential ADD or ADHD and have been taking meds, recovery has been a lot easier, but yeah. while i have been getting better at trying not to be too hard on myself in general, it still is very much a work in progress
I'm 36 and I have completely fallen behind. Not comparing to social media, just friends and work colleagues. I know a lot of people in their late twenties/early thirties that are married, have kids and own a house, while i'm living like a 25 year old renting an apartment with my girlfriend with barely any savings. I didn't finish my degree until I was thirty. It wasn't because I lack intelligence. I used to be an engineer in my early to mid twenties. I gave that up cause anxiety and depression just got to me. Couldn't establish any romantic relationships and started to study again because I didn't want to go back to my field. I would say I didn't get myself together until early 30's. Now I feel like everyone is at least 10 years ahead of me, and I can't catch up because everyone else is going about the same pace.
I’m 39 still falling behind, I suffer from bpd, I was an ex addict (clean 2 years) turned into a gamer, now I have no desire for friends, to get married or have kids, I worked for 20 years as a storeman, casual employment for 20 years nothing stable. Have no desire for a career. At this point I feel like I’m just sitting here waiting to die at 80. Not suicidal or nothing just don’t see the point of it all not one of those above things that I don’t have, bothers me in the slightest.
Finding out how we think and the implications and facing them and sit with it or just learning about ourselves more is actually very relieving. Its kinda like we have been carrying this heavy sack of whatever we have build up inside of us unconsciously and we have to sit down and bring them out again and evaluate, do we really need to carry them? Can this be solve and thrown away without carrying for the rest of our lives? How has it affect our current lifes because of it? There are so much things inside and relations within them with our current selves and im really appreciative for this channel to provide this platform to unwrapp things for us. Thank you Dr. K. Lets be a better version of ourselves.
Just want to say how much I appreciate these viewer interviews and especially JT. I don’t know if he realises this but this interview in and of itself will help so many people. I mean… it’s helped me - I was able to see myself in JT, and I also share the constant feeling of being behind and the fear/shame that is attached to this. It’s opened my eyes to what’s important, needing to meet myself where I am at currently and persevering despite the self made road blocks that our brains generate. Thank you JT, I’m very hopeful that you’re going to help many more people to come. I believe in you :))
I'd really love to see a similar topic explored with Dr. K: What is a healthy amount of regret? How do you find the middle ground between hating yourself for mistakes in a way that propels your forward in a better way, vs. the type of regret that bogs you down with self deprecation? It seems really relevant to conversations like these, where many people are racing against lost time or beating themselves up for spending their time badly in the past.
When I get this overwhelming feeling of fallen behind. My mantras are "Have Patience" Or "Patience Patience Patience" like I repeat it three times. It's reminds me to take actions and not just worry about results.
1:20:10 'what matters is what You need to do' in order to achieve it; own style, interest, pace, priorities, etc 1:08:08 a change in perspective 1:23:03 being in control (balance, utilization) so it can help instead of hinder, encourage instead of discourage, serve well instead of disservice 1:16:58 compassion & acceptance 1:24:08 empathy + objectivity 1:05:50 journey, instead of destination (the perspective of perpetually pushing the wall back, 1, 10, 20, 100, 200 push ups) 42:05 that's a fantastic analogy. being ourselves from our own current positions. 1:03:27 ah shit I realized I've avoided doing things that could help, that I wasn't good at or was not enough in, to avoid the emotions that were developed from ego, the construct of being behind and not wanting to face it (coping mechanism). hope I can be more objective about things instead of subjective about things, especially when it is hindering my ability to do it 51:501:10:39 be you, focus on the present progressing in our journey in our own way given our unique position, predisposition, characteristics, interests, pace, and stuff. someone may be objectively better or worse in their position, though that doesn't necessarily change the objective fact that we are in own own unique positions in life 1:11:33 1:31:16 noticing it in the present and past
Suggestion: I think when Dr.K goes to the overlay of the ipad screen, his webcam, and chat, the chat could be made smaller and create enough space for another webcam box to fit in the person Dr.K is talking to. I think it would be nice to see the other person and their reactions/body language/visual understanding of the things that Dr.K is demonstrating on the ipad.
Slow and steady wins the race. Kudos to you on working so hard on yourself. Self-help will not help until you start realizing you are doing it because you want to, and not because you are trying to catch-up to what society expects you to achieve. Another few more years, and you will realize the friends who once had it all, start to crumble to keep up with the pace they had set themselves for, with a disregard for their health. In time to come, you will find yourself you exactly at where you need to be at every phase of life. As long as you continue to persevere and look up, one day you will marvel at how much you have come.
I used to feel like I'm falling behind. I'm over it now and currently doing well. I see that JT asked really good questions that I didn't get to reflect on myself, but they are spot on. This interview is really helpful, and I'll use the points here to also give better advice to my homies. Thanks yall!
I've only watched the intro of this video and its already hitting close to home for me. I'm 20, but I dropped out of school in grade 10 and spent the last 5ish years being a total recluse, only playing video games with a very unhealthy diet etc etc. Got extremely overweight, such bad posture that I got scoliosis, no life or work skills and no confidence. But since about march of 2021 I've been going out and trying to fix all those problems, because my eventual goal is to try and find a relationship. Every day ideas go through my head of "I'm not ready, I'm still fat, no girl will be interested in me" and so on. For now I've just gotta keep working on myself and I'll hopefully be there in the next couple years... So If any of you guys are going through a similar problem, just keep working on yourself, ya know? don't wait for a fix to come, because it won't, you gotta go get it.
I graduated high school in 2009 and started college on Fall of that same year. In 2019, I had a breakdown upon realizing I would be failing my semester once again, and finally sought counseling services from our university mental health building. I finally graduated with a bachelors degree in the spring of this year. Last month, I turned 30 years old. I'll be starting my first "real job" out of college next month, making a higher salary than many of my peers currently do, peers that stayed on track, graduated college, and even went back to school to advance their resume credentials. This is not to dunk of any of them or imply that I'm somehow superior to them, mind you. I just think it illustrates the point Dr. K is trying to convey across to this young man. It's never too late to learn to accept yourself, and when you finally do, you may be surprised how quickly everything else could fall into place after.
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"I'm 38, and I want to be a professional DOTA player, but I wasted the last 15 years becoming a doctor" is S Tier "Dr. K Out of Context" material
I agree😷
that was hilarious lol
I liked this comment simply for the use of the term "S tier"
"what a waste" :D
Can u tell me where exactly he said that like thru a timestamp, I just really wanna know lol
at age 25 i was living in my mom's basement, no job, no degree, depression, extremely bad skin from my disease that i didn't go to the doctor for even though I knew I should, bad hair, back pain from not doing any sports, drinking alcohol excessively, no motivation to get a job and many other things. Now im 29, I love my job, live in a nice flat, im regularly doing sports for 2 years now, have very good friends, a degree, my skin is cared for, i learned how to cut my own hair , depression gone and life in general is just amazing. Never underestimate time and luck
Thank you for your comment. I needed this. I’m feeling lost at the moment
What did you do?..im in a similar situation
How did you meet your friends? Did you know them already?
@@nigelcardoso3883 do you do any sport / jogging / gym? It helps a lot, but you gotta do it more and more intense everyday you do it, to feel lime you evolve and focus, track that sensation, it will give you a sense of better future.
Then, move on to track positive things, observe people and environment around, ask you some questions about your future and answer to them with your mouth, not in mind.
That's the start, keep track and get motivated, improve self esteem, the rest will come naturally with much less pain, yet might not be always confortable.
Time and luck... And...... What else?
Cuz that's a lot of changes... in a relatively short amount of time, no?
❤️
these people letting us see their sessions are freaking heroes
Agreed ❤
Ahhh.... so that's how it happens? I thought it was a public convo, not a session. I'm under the impression that Dr K's not always paid for these?
@@SeganHealthHacker based on the comment , I suppose that when they pay for a live session with him they Can chose a option to have it public or no before taking it
100% ❤
@@SeganHealthHacker 6 months late, but I think it was a viewer Interview that was on stream
Falling behind was *essential* for my growth in my 20’s. So grateful I didn’t have everything figured out at 22. I’m going into my 30’s a superhero
This gives me hope lol
We luv ya bandstand
I'm 22 and lost lol
Can you elaborate? I'm 20 and still haven't figured things out as well, maybe you can give us some guidance on how you went through your 20's...
Usually comments like this are from an insecure person. Almost guaranteed the original post was not written by a person who felt like a super hero going into their 30’s... such a person wouldn’t be watching and eager to self describe themselves as a super hero on a RUclips Video..
As a 25-year-old in his third year of undergraduate college, this interview really hits home for me and has a special place in my heart.
You are not alone
Same age, but I graduated at 21. Worked retail for 2 years after because of my own self doubt.
Have been out of work for another 2 due to personal problems. But in the past 2 years I taught myself web development.
Today I applied for some jobs. I'm shitting bricks for any callbacks/interviews because I have Social Anxiety... but I have already put it off for too long. And I know if I want to be a good software developer I have to overcome it at some point. The best time is now. To face rejection and keep going.
If ur a Singaporean male who has to go through National Service, being in your 3rd year of undergrad at 25 is standard. Don’t worry abt it man!
@@Ctrl_Alt_Elite you are doing good buddy!
@@Ctrl_Alt_Elite good luck! i got that fear too, it's a brave step to make
There needs to be "nerd" psychologists in IRL, the nerd world is so different in terms of what stresses us out and what motivates us. Damn near every interview Dr. K has had, man, woman, professional streamer or random viewer has been relevant to me in a way I couldn't express to my therapist without her being confused or frustrated.
Im feeling the want to go through psychology in College for this exact same reason. Im 25, broke, no formal job experience, tried going to 3 different unis with no sucess. But i really want to help and make a difference, these dr k videos are really striking a chord with me, so much that im considering this idea. We provably have 0 gamer psychologists here in brazil, this needs to change
@@StarmenRock I'm in the same boat, but granted I'm in the US. 25, been kinda poor most of my life, never even got the chance to go to college because my dad lost his job halfway through my last year before college. I had the option to go to college but lose out on my friends and nerd life that's a huge part of me and have to live with shitty people, or do what I did and go into the workforce. Only ever had shitty jobs but I was always interested in learning, especially psychology. Dr. K reminded me how interesting and helpful this work can be and I wanna help people so badly. I just don't know if I can afford to learn and I'm terrified on taking on a lifetime of debt to just try something.
I feel like I'm in a tough spot but I know we can both find our paths when the time comes. Best of luck to you.
@@Crashh965 same man, good luck! Just the feeling of wanting to help and do better will push us too. Its that Dharma sense tingling for sure!
@@StarmenRock The "no gamer psychologist in Brazil" sounds like a niche you could tap into. My humble advice would be, if you go for it, make sure you have a concrete career path you want to follow after you get your degree, and most importantly, make sure you have the "why" part clearly defined in your mind. Many people get into psychology because subconsciously they are primarily motivated by figuring out their own issues, which imo is not a very good idea.
@@Why.Just_why i see, ill be careful. Its just wishful thiking tbh, im terrible at studying and really hate going to College due to extreme social anxiety and panic attacks happening constantly for no reason. Never even thought about career path since im not used to making plans about my life (suicide has always been an option for about 18 years now). Im going through treatment right now and my country is riddled with corona, so ill try thinking about it more carefully once i feel like i can get out of my house without feeling like i gotta bring a knife with me every single time
I am going to be 41 when I finaly become a psychological therapist. Now I'm 33. I had to go back to school first for three years to finish what we call Abitur here in Germany. Now I just started University.
@HDias Dankeschön! :)
Dude that's awesome. I'm 27 and thought I was too late to do anything. You following your dream at 33 opens my eyes
Ja man, es ist nie zuspät! Ich bewerbe mich, mit 30, gerade auch auf Ausbildungsplätze. Mein Leben lang nur 10€-Jobs gehabt, hoffentlich darf ich mich irgendwo persönlich vorstellen. Werde es mir ewig vorhalten es nicht versucht zu haben.
@@Adama.1 Iguess its never to late, you should follow you dream at any age. i haunts you anyways, so confront it now!
@@Adama.1 Years pass by, no matter if you do anything or not. Thats why its always worth doing something no matter where you are in life right now. Take care!
Almost afraid to watch this one because the title alone tells me it's gonna hit close to home for me. I chose to study the wrong subject at university (in fact I would say university in general did not suit me), and was completely in denial of that fact for far too long because I was afraid of failure. I got to the final year of my degree and had to drop out due to depression and anxiety, took 2 years out working a dead-end job I hated then forced myself to try and go back to university to complete the degree because I only had one more year to do so and I hated the idea of percieving myself as having failed even though deep down I knew it wasn't for me. Inevitably I ended up dropping out again, at around the same point in the year for the same reasons, right at the start of Covid lockdown. I've spent much of the last year feeling suicidal. I'm 25 and I feel as though the last 7 years of my life may as well have never happened, I'm so far behind where I want to be in life and have no idea how to even begin picking up the pieces and moving on
almost literally me
I am 24 I never skipped a year and i got a degree last year, yet I am still working a dead-end job which pays minimal wage and doesn't fulfill me. I have lost all my self confidence and anxiety is killing me. I can't put myself out there anymore. I felt like all the doors have been sealed around me and I can't do anything. Two months ago I have decided on making a game which I knew was going to be a hard and long process but damn does it feel like I am just falling even further behind as the days go by. I have also been suicidal for the past 7months and going to bed is the worst part of my day. It doesn't matter whether I have worked 6hours at my dead-end job and followed it up with 10-12 hours of work on my project I still feel like I am just falling behind or that I am not doing enough or even if I am it doesn't equate to anything because of my own incompetence. I can't tell you that things will get better I definitely don't see a future ahead of me, but I owe it to not only myself but the people around me to try. So if nothing else you should too.
This resonates hard, damn
Same here. I'm 26 and feel like I have wasted so much time. I'm planning on going back to college after dropping out several years ago due to mental health problems.
Your message is literally me, except I'm at the stage where I dropped out of uni final year. I feel your pain. Thank you for posting, this makes me feel im not alone.
You are not alone. The world sucks. Being 24 and burnt out from trying to be successful is tiring and exhausting from failing so many times and stumbling. Success does not equate happiness. Happiness is intangible, its abstract and vague. What is important is to remain mentally stable and work on what is crucial for you as an individual. You must learn to ignore your culture's judgement examining you and focus on your personal development. Success lacks a purpose because it could be for many superficial reasons, success is to please the world, not you. Passions and creativity, smiles and friendships, quality time spent is what pleases you. Success is just the obstacle you must work with to get to those things.
It's good if you stumbled a lot because that means you got more inner work, self development and the fact you feel like you fail a lot stems from you having a clear vision and outlook on what life is about
I feel you man, I'm 24 as well and I have the classic gifted kid burnout, I tried so many things and liked none, and at this point starting from the beginning at 24 when my peers already finish university or have a successful career already feels really discouraging.
@@giacomonicoletti2232 got the same at 21, didn't achieve anything in terms of career in the last 3 years, but the problem is probably also that we're looking too much at our past and future and not enjoying the moment enough
I think Sam Harris said it best. "The trick is that you can never become happy. You can only be happy." (slightly paraphrased)
@@giacomonicoletti2232 that dosent mean your peers are happy ! it dosent mean they may never even have touched a glimpse of it . so stop comparing yourself to them as doctor k said , you do you and happiness is there , you just forgot how it looks like .Happiness isn’t in the car you drive , or position, happiness is being happy with yourself in every situation “good or bad” (i quoted tha couse good or bad is also a concept of the mind , there is no good or bad , there just IS) ! situations/opportunities will come and go , but if u are focused on the end goal “making it” you will miss them , instead focus on smth , anything and start from there . trust me happiness will come from dedication, from doing smth , anything sticking to it ,acknowledging it and being with that moment fully . you can be completely happy with washing dishes, u can bliss out from it , ofc that won’t get u a premium car but who says u cant walk to where u need to , who says u can’t use a bike ? idk i rambled a bit , but this is what i get from dr.k . ... also another thing i got from dr.k is that in life you cannot control the outcome of a situation,but you can control the effort you put into it !
Young People always think time is short and they are through most of their lives. Y'all wanna burn too fast. I'm 32 and just now starting to realize the career I might want in Baking.
word.
I totally agree, I'm not 30 yet but my SO and I are getting close. I know too many people who are approaching 40 still living the life I never did in my 20's. We decided our new goal is to make our 30's the new 20's and stop gaf what anyone has to say about it
hope you get what you want ma man
38 y/o and thinking about switching from science career to art career... baby steps first, small goals first before commiting!
good luck to all of y'all ! hope you do great
JT's laugh and smile is super infectious. Clearly a clever chap, wish him well in his endeavour!
Right? Such a good person he seems to be. I hope he learns to live more in the present instead of overthinking about the future.
See this community and persons like JT really make me happy :) Its existing so much nice persons in this world, sometimes i cant believe it, It just make me feel warm inside. I also wish him all the best
Sure he is a Clever fella
Omg I agree!!! I came to the comments to say just this. Very charming laugh. JT, keep smiling!
We need more interviews like this. JT has clearly put in the hard work by himself. Need more people who are in mid-progression of the game.
I feel like there's been alot of popular/famous (however you want to coin them) streamers on lately in recent months and generally alot their issues aren't relatable to most average people. Not to downplay any of their problems but issues/content/people that has better compatibility for the average person.
@@LNR157 I agree with you. I feel like streamers have to deal with less uncertainity. They do have their problems but they can let their problems breathe. I just want more content like this. JT is not in phase 1 of starting out. He is in phase 2 or phase 3. Dr.K's guidances in this one was able to give me insight in my own struggle moving foward.
Voice " we're never going to catch up"
You "We don't need to catch up. We just need to move forward."
Voice "It's never going to be enough."
You "You're probably right...it may never be enough. So what should we do about it?"
Voice 'surprised pikachu face' "....."
lol i am 24 and this is soo relatable
What helps me personally is not worrying if it’s enough; it’s like comparing yourself to a expectation. I tell myself to just work on it a little bit everyday.
there's no such a thing like 'it's never gonna be enough' if you literally set goals, like finishing the semester or some projects, you have something accomplished. then u get to the next lvl and u keep envolving
Literally dude 😭
@@lucidboom8994 that's not how it works, when you see your friend do better than you despite being on same situation, the feeling is real
Hi JT, If you see this, I want to let you know that I watched this video 2 years ago, in the same situation as you. This vid was really inspiring. This was after failing an entire semester due to video game addiction, losing financial aid, taking a gap semester and transferring to a community college. I was crippled by the shame of falling behind and lying to my family about my school performance. I was barely passing my classes in community college, falling into the same old habits, still crippled by shame, low self esteem, fear of the future. And I was still in college after all my friends graduated. But somewhere along the way I started watching Dr. K, adopting better habits. Then this video came out and your experience was incredibly relatable. I started studying hard, working a part time job, exercising and meditating. As of today I have graduated college with a 3.9 GPA (the GPA reset after switching schools!) and working full time remote as a software engineer. I hope that 2 years later you're in a better spot. You were very courageous to come on and do this interview, I would never have been able to do it!
This is very encouraging. I can relate to the school performance part, and lying to family members. Although I'm approaching my second year of community college and I still haven't made progress. I've been letting go and slacking a lot and similarly, it led me to shame of falling behind. Your story is very encouraging and I am glad I'm reading the comments here. Thank you
@cherrylaurr Hey, that's awesome! I know what it feels like to dig yourself out of that hole. It's not easy, but I know you're capable of it!
That’s so awesome (as in I’m filled with awe) to hear. The hardest thing to do as a person, I think, is to pick yourself up when you’ve hit what feels like rock bottom and somehow find the courage and strength to still push toward a seemingly unachievable goal, with zero guarantees of success and almost everything telling you that you have a good chance of failure. Yet here you are, totally on your way! I imagine you’ll hit potholes and find yourself looping around side quests and stumbling down dead ends along the journey but you’ve given yourself undeniable proof that you are capable of and have successfully done that hardest step (the first step). Well done! I hope you’re able to be proud of your own achievement, somehow. 🪴
Wow this is fcking beautiful
I relate so fucking hard to this. I'm 25 and I let so many things I haven't done by this point as well my mental health issues worsen my self-worth. Looking forward to watching this one
Gosh yes.
The funniest and ironic thing is that, Dr K is telling us ''falling behind'' is a mental construct and comparing is not a healthy thing to do. but it helps me seeing you feeling behind being 25 and i'm 23. so that eases me cause you'd be further off. but im still comparing.
With all respect, I am 27 starting my first year at university. I spent the last ten years working thinking it was to late for me to study and I was not smart enough, all mental health related. Sometimes you just need to listen to the person telling you to shut up and go do them now over playing over in your head you should have done them by now.
@@jakejames4504 Same I saw a wholesome post on reddit with a 30+ y.o. dad getting into college right at the same time his kid went to first year primary school. It's never too late, good luck my dude!
@@Scrungge thank you very much, almost finished my first year only two more to go and ill have my degree :)
I feel like a lot of the anxiety and pressure he's expressing is relevant to anyone in East Asia, whether China, South Korea, Japan, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, etc.
They have all been conditioned from a young to apply these social pressures to become financially successful and when they have yet to achieve such goals at a young age (20s), they feel like they've failed.
true, that's why i love this interview so much i relate so much with jt
And it’s gotten harder globally for everyone in their 20s-30s to not feel left behind when their parents were able to get what we’re fighting for at that age a bit easier. People could buy homes much younger, had kids and could get a good paying job without a degree.
Many of us (I just turned 29) feel we’re starting later in life, when really we were never on the same playing field as our parents. Yes, we have more opportunities with the internet and more accessibility to knowledge, but that comes with a huge financial cost and debt. And as you get older everyone expects you to get a house, have a family, etc before it would be biologically too late for me. I think that’s why I feel the pressure too because I’m fighting against my body’s thin window and societal pressures, but I barely have savings built up, I’m still repaying student loans and have been renting for years. I moved out when I was 20 to get away from my toxic family and lived paycheck to paycheck with for years with my then boyfriend while we were in college in a tiny studio apartment. We scraped by and the savings we did have went to things like car repairs or getting a new laptop for school after mine broke. It was hard and still is hard to save.
The cost of things like rent and food are rising everywhere even more so, so it’s just gunna get harder for all of us.
I graduated school on time too and went to college and had internships and found work in my field, but even when you feel you did enough, it’s honestly not enough.
You need to have multiple streams of income to survive nowadays. It’s why hustle culture and burn out are so relevant lately. It’s really sad. People shouldn’t need multiple jobs and a bunch of passive income to survive.
Yea, my parents (both Korean) literally gave me two choices when I was young:
1. Become an engineer or
2. Gets kicked out from from or the family.
He is in/identifies as SE Asian but yeah. It applies to most places imo.
India is the worst
Damn doc, you've done it again. You've posted something that I needed right now. I'm 23 and all my friends have gotten stable jobs, or married, or at least know what to do. I'm a very anxious person so i feel like im struggling due to societal pressures and the fact that I've let my anxiety rule me. I really need some positive reinforcement to tell me to keep going.
Trust me. Most of the people you think that know what they are doing are most likely as clueless as you. Wish you the best of luck!
23 as well and right there with you. Let’s focus on ourselves instead of comparing and gradually move forward ✊
I’m 27. All of my best friends from high school are not married yet. Both men and women.
That includes myself as well! Just go at your own pace!
Just a year behind you (22) but you got this! Like Dr. K said, falling behind is essential to figuring out what to do with your life and I'm starting to see it manifesting for me.
When I was 23 most people I knew hadn't even finished their university education, and were definitely not married or planning to. I suppose it depends on what culture/country you live in and whether you work a blue collar job or went into advanced education (Master degrees in STEM and the like).
He's 20??? In 20 I was still in the army having no way to even think about starting my life.
Its unfair because clearly JT is a really smart and hard working guy with a lot of potential, ruined by a society that pressures him to start everything early
In the army was a start to your life bro
@@jthedon420 indeed! But also 20 is so young and before a lot of us had any idea where we'd be at 30
Real Jt@@jthedon420
The way multiple developed societies make 18-to-25-year-olds feel like they've already completely failed at life by not being ahead is toxic and deeply disturbing. I know too many 20-somethings who are in total and complete despair because they genuinely and truly believe that they've permanently and irreparably squandered their lives because they didn't hit every imagined milestone "on time."
@@dinosaysrawr exactly, and in the other side I know a lot of succesful people who starter their lives only in their early 30's or people who changed their career path completely in their 40's and 50's
Yo JT and community, lemme start by saying that this was the most relatable interview to me period and my first comment on a video in years.
For context, I'm also a fellow Singaporean. My life path was, Pri, Sec 4 (N lvls), ITE (2 years), NS (2 years), Gap year (1 year), arts school - diploma (3 years), currently waiting for my 2 years uni to start. Today I am 25 years old and the worst point in my life was last year. I was telling myself I wasn't good enough - even tho I put in 16 hours everyday to hone my craft. I kept comparing myself to my peers who were the same age as me; married, had a stable job, graduated - I kept saying F I'm so far behind (side note: to add to the stress, some of my peers straight up told me OHHH YOU'RE STILL A STUDENT, YOU DON'T GET IT, OHH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO GROW UP/BE AN ADULT, OHH YOU'RE ALL SAFE STILL LIKE STRAIGHT UP TELLING ME yeah I'm slow, so it just baked in my head that yeah I am slow) and I'm not good enough. What is enough? Who am I? What is life? What is the point of life? I nearly ended.. that was the turning point in my life for me.
I stood up and told myself, no I'm going to be better and from that day on. I focused on self love and living for myself. One biggest releases I got going through my journey was making a documentary for my final year project about quarter life crisis. It's called Now That I'm 25, where I bought together a few of my friends, all 25 years old and interviewed them about their life, the struggles of growing up and society (Sg context). The funniest thing was when I said I felt "left behind" since they all have jobs, degrees and stuff I believed to "make it" in life, they were quite lost. They spend their years chiong sua then graduate masters all then lost. (For international readers, pardon my singlish, I said they rushed their studies, graduated and they realized they were not happy) They felt like they had missed out actually living their life rather than enjoying the process of growing up. I felt so relieved knowing that, actually I'm doing just fine, going the right pace and imma just enjoy my life.
I have dreams of being a content creator so I spend my days rotating between freelance jobs, planning content for the future, derping around on twitch and studying my craft. I've started working out more often and taking daily hikes to the beach hehe.
In conclusion, live your life. Forget about what society tells you. I cannot express in words how alive I feel when I wake up everyday saying LETSSSS GOOOOOOO. So for anyone reading this, I believe in you. Have a wonderful life! Dr K for this wonderful interview! :D
i knew a lot of fellow singaporeans will relate to this session
I love this so much! I graduated with 28 and found out that I'm not really doing what I want to do with my life.
Thanks for sharing your story :D
I'm gonna say that I'm also a fellow Singaporean. I went through the JC route and am waiting for university at the moment but I still found this entire interview extremely relatable. I still struggle with not comparing myself to others. During NS, many of my friends had side businesses, large amounts of savings and money invested and I felt really far behind. They also came from "better backgrounds" than I did, while I came from a neighborhood JC. After I ORD'ed many of them got internships while I was rejected from every single one I applied to. My girlfriend was also already in uni (because I had NS) and was earning good amounts of money from her internships and doing fairly well in school. I found it difficult to relate to a lot of what she talked about and sometimes it made me feel really far behind. I think it just goes to show that no matter where you are in life, you're still gonna find someone to compare yourself to. I had real anxiety after that and it felt like I wasn't going to make it. The battle is internal not external.
Some of my friends say stuff like "Dude, you never intern after you ORD ah?" While others are envious I took the "quick path" and say things like "dude you have it so good." I guess my point is that there isn't any reason to compare oneself to others and thinking "I'll be okay once I reach (x) point." because tbh nobody ever feels like they're okay and everyone is constantly struggling. The real victory is understanding that and learning to enjoy the journey wherever you may be.
same man, i went sec 4 (n lvls), sec 5 (o lvls), ITE (2 years), and now im just waiting for ns. I feel like im going the same path as you
Hey JT, fellow Singaporean here. If you're reading this, I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only person who wants to fight this fight for other Singaporeans. Yeah, it sucks that change comes slow here and there are so many forces at play that discourage it. But it can and will come true as long as we work towards it. You will get there 💪
I was in the same place. I was broken, waiting to get fixed. But Dr. K. is right, you can't wait for the feelings to do. You have to DO and the feelings will follow. For me that was asking out a girl I had had a crush on. I was just hoping that something would just happen upon me, but I had to just go and do it. Eventually the fear of being alone pushed me out, that and my trust in God.
I was upset that I had missed a great opportunity when my depression hit and I had to leave college five and a half years ago (I'm 25 now). I spent a long time being in the mud, FEELING to depressed to actually change my situation. But in reality, while that door had been closed to me, I found the love of my life, my soulmate. That would not have happened if i had not dropped out of college. Similarly, she would not have found me if certain bad things hadn't happened to her.
So, in short, do not despair if you start to fall behind; only this year have I gotten my driver's license, and a job, and a wife. Just remember to not give up, and look for new opportunities that are caused by your past failures!
Thanks man, ill try. We're the same age, i hope its not too late for me.
Thanks brother for sharing it...its very helpful for me to know some real life experiences
Thank you so much for sharing. Kinda same boat here.
What a fucking year. Good for you!
Ayooo that’s so awesome. I’m glad your story has a much better ending and that you didn’t give up. Sometimes certain doors have to close so we have better opportunities in the future.
feeling behind and feeling like anything I do isn't enough is a constant feeling for me recently too... My mantra has been "I'm exactly where I need to be right now" and I also like to remind myself or Rupi Kaur's poem "I will never have this version of me again. Let me slow down and be with her."
It's been helping me refocus to the present and feeling enough, so I hope this can help someone too 💜
I liked that quote from rupi kaur!
Wow..thanks 💟
Thank you for a quote, very beautiful
pain
;;
"My pain is far greater than yours."
life sucks
dard
In my...
I share the same feeling about the "falling behind" thing. It's the thing that sorta keeps me going but at the same time it feels like a plague.
Man JT is such a champ.
All the self consciousness, the pertinent questions, the Yoga, the meditations, the beads.
If Dr. K is as impressed by someone who looks up to him, this is great news if he continues to work at it.
👍
JT is the man. I 100% agree when Dr K said he wasn't worried about JT; with the way he's going, there's no way but up. JT also has something that a lot of people in his field won't have and that's personal experience and a good understanding of their own internal environment, giving him a huge leg up compared to others. Dr K didn't pick up on this but I know how a high level of self awareness can help out in a career; he can actually relate to his clients. It's sometimes nice to have someone who will listen without apparent judgement, but it simply doesn't compare to talking with someone that went through the same shit you did and came out okay in the end. He can help navigate certain mental obstacles because he went through it himself and knows the route and terrain well. Having an experienced guide vs one that has studied maps and theory are very different.
I'm only 22, and I could definitely start to feel this. Specially now that I'm starting to apply for jobs, and scholarships for graduate schools. And when I look at my resume, and see almost nothing written on it, it just makes me feel sad that the world works this way, and that institutions judge us based on a sheet of paper.
Like the things that I have accomplished internally, the internal struggles that I have conquered, and the emotional growth I have gone through are the achievements that I am most proud of, but unfortunately are not the achievements that you could put in a resume.
Haha, applying for jobs rn (graduated as well, and looking towards grad schools a bit later), and I really relate to the resume thing. Or just everything really, lol.
Gl on a the application process! I'm sure you'll snag a job soon enough
This is why making connections is so important because that's the main opportunity you get to show off that side of you. Maybe your resume can't show that growth, but have dinner with someone or start talking at a cocktail party...well, you may be able to impress someone. I ended up not taking it but I had a really good shot of getting an internship back in college just because I got along really well with a current employee during a workshop, their company was visiting my school for recruitment and they gave me a business card and encouraged me to send them an email after they saw me chilling with one of their own (even though I ended up doing almost nothing relating to the workshop 🤣).
It sucks but you typically don't really get to show that side of you until AFTER they decide they want to do an interview with you. I get why they do it...they want the best of both worlds where someone is good on paper and in-person, and it's a lot easier to judge someone based on their merits and then their person vs their growth and then their merits, but sometimes they miss out on really great people because they don't have the same resume as others.
Put my thoughts exactly into words.
@@nikkibrillantes415 dam didn’t know life came with subtitles
@@JotaroKujo-fr7uo huh
This reminds me of a video dissecting the differences between Goku and Vegeta, and why Vegeta is always second best.
In short, the reason is because Vegeta is always comparing himself to Goku, and trying to prove he is "the Prince of ALL SAIYAINS!" and all that. So he constantly falls short trying to meet the standard, because he ISN'T Goku. Goku on the other hand only ever competes with himself, measuring himself only by what he can do better than yesterday. Then he tests his mettle against the strongest to push his limits, often surpassing them.
We all need to be more like Goku.
(Edit: Not that anything is wrong with being Vegeta. He turns out ok lol)
nice catch
This is so freaking ... This is gold, thank you
I wonder if this was Toriyama's intention. Either way great analogy! 👍
There's something really perverse about "proving" that you should not compare yourself to others BY BASING YOUR PROOF ON A COMPARISON ("Goku is better than Vegeta")
@@paul-andrehenegar551 you're being pedantic
JT, by doing this workshop NOW, you are helping people. You’ve helped me. P.s. I have a masters degree and I’m older than your parents. My brother in law just received his masters degree. He’s 66. He has helped thousands of people along the way and is still helping every day.
I know someone who started medical school after the age of 60. Our individual paths are just that, aren’t they, unique and not wrong. They just are.
Good job on achieving what you have so far! Wishing you good health and contentment.
I love watching JT catching himself mid-sentence and laughing because he realizes what Dr. K is trying to do or say. Very endearing.
Everyone is afraid of failure but what I'm more afraid of is failing and not progressing. Failure is inevitable but whether you choose to learn and grow from the experience or stay the same is what really matters.
💯
Well said
So true.
I failed a course in college and it messed me up. Got up next semester and redid it, and got B+. I then felt empowered and finished out of school with a 3.85 GPA. I started College when I was 35, so this young man is being pressured by cultural norms.
God, that example of falling behind in dating hit me hard. That is 100% me. I'm 28, and have no idea about anything relationahip-wise. I had one when I was 22, and it lasted about a month. I'm bummed that I missed out on it as a teenager.
You didn't miss out on anything. Trust me. You did your thing. Others did their thing. Don't worry about it.
@@varanisshouyou4379 I have since found a group of good friends, and I'm honestly a lot happier. Still haven't had any luck with romantic relationships, but it bothers me less now I have close friends.
this guy feeling behind in life and here i am at 31 putting my life together and at 4th semester of industrial enginnering, try being the oldest student of the whole campus by far.
This one hit close to home. I'm 22 going on 23 and just transferring to university from a community college. I wasted a few years figuring out what I wanted to study. I feel like I'm actually chasing my goal now, but my confidence disappears when I think about how most of my former classmates from high school graduated from uni already especially when I was one of the "smart kids".
Comparison blows
I feel you! I was the "smart kid" and then ended up failing for the first time in my last semester of uni. It set me back a year and I ended up graduating 2 years after most of my classmates. As cliché as this may be, the one thing that remains true is the saying "it is what it is". Basically for you it'd be "You are behind in life compared to your classmates, and that's just it.". I think the first thing you could do is look at that fact and be okay with it. Meet yourself where you're at.
@@mellowmud3314 it does not even matter in the end, when you're 48 and your friends are 48, you aren't really going to be pissed about yourself being behind in 2 years of education in your early 20s. By that point you have bigger issues and responsibilities. It's something that only gets easier to deal with as time goes on.
@Dagda Once you do the task, the comparison thing will solve itself over time. You're not going to beat yourself up over good but slightly delayed actions in late teens or early 20s in your 30s+, you have bigger fish to fry and responsibilities by that point.
hard working kids is 100% better than being a smart kid
I'm 34 and decided to go back to school this year for an engineering degree.
Doesn't bother me that much, but I realize that in Asia this would be tougher - the culture doesn't easily allow being bossed around by your juniors, and I probably couldn't even get hired anywhere in Singapore due to the competition.
You should still go for it, because it's not like there is any easy alternative. You're only going to get older, most people already are.
This is literally exactly what an interview with me on the show would have looked like. I needed this exactly at this moment.
False
@@rajman2900 ?
Hey JT! A final year student from NUS here! Really happy watching your stream and encapsulating the stressors of living in a ‘meritocracy’ and it’s effects on us. Even now, despite not falling behind, the feeling of it never goes away. Thank you for this.
3:57 - falling behind is a core part of who Dr. K is
12:51 - reasons behind your big goal
21:03(21:32) - when it comes to feeling fallen behind and desperate, the reality of the situation doesn’t matter
23:19 - when we have fallen behind, we think something in the outside world will make it better
25:14 - this person is different than in paper
27:35(27:59) - know your capability at the moment(if you’re not good enough, that’s where you need to start)
^Topics/problems^
29:56 - ego rise from negative emotions; the more you compare yourself, the worse this is going to be
32:51 - part of the PROBLEM is some of your goals is very artificial
34:31 - what you need to realize
34:50 - you have no idea what the world is gonna send you
35:57 - trying to build a life based on a, then b, then c to wind up in d (some place) is the wrong way to think about it
36:36 - you miss how to study and your friend doesn’t. Don’t compare
36:53 - you don’t have to be big
39:05 - conditioned mind
46:41 - if you really want to make an impact in the world; forget about what you want to accomplish and focus on who you are and where you are
47:56 - $ what are you? $
51:19 - pretending to be someone you are not isn’t gonna work
52:03 - is another human being worth more than another human being
53:00 - you can still win
55:05 - high self-awareness is not easily translatable to external success
1:08:15 - where does the desire to improve comes from
1:10:36 - why focus in the present; if you think about your end goal, every progress will never be enough
1:15:10 - DOTA player example
1:17:13 - acceptance and commitment to keep moving forward
Thanks ❤
Honestly super surprised and excited to see other Singaporean fans on Dr K's channel! Never related to a video harder than this, and I wish everyone who's facing the same issue all the best in their journey ahead 💪💪🇸🇬
as someone from singapore who’s currently experiencing burnout, this was interesting timing. Singapore really is a system that rewards your academic results, and there’s a pressure to succeed especially when academic accolade is so heavily sought after. god, it’s scary sometimes. if you get good results, you get a good life, and vice versa idk. this year my grades really plunged and I’m still struggling to crawl out of that hole; ive never really fallen behind before so it’s a learning experience I guess.
but I’m realising that maybe my mindset isn’t helping or I’m being too harsh on myself. comparison’s the thief of joy and certainly isn’t helping my motivation here. having prodigies as parents/friends feels like it adds another round to a race I need to win for success. this talk really hit close to home, and I’d be very down for having a singaporean dr k around
that probably doesn’t make sense but thanks JT n Dr K ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ
Question: do you guys have College entrance exams? Civil service exams? Any exams after GCSE? And in this guy's situation, how would he start a company commercially?
I just don't understand the system.
@@that_dam_baka we do A levels/ Polytechnic Diploma to get into University. To start a company there are some start up incubators out there or government grants for local business but majority probably need to self fund. And more importantly u would to build connections with others.
Since I was a kid I aspired an art career, 2 years ago I finally made it into animation department. My first year went well, had a lot of motivation and passion but when the second year started I fell into a dark place. I'm a slow learner and I always compared myself to my classmates who learned so fast and had an amazing outcome. When we did our group project movie I felt like a burden because my knowledge and skills were so limited. I was mentally so dead that I wouldn't draw for weeks and sometimes months and I usually do art almost every day. instead I found comfort in dancing and after a week at a dance camp all the teachers have thought me such important things and I came back recharged with determination and the passion that I thought I'd lost. I still decided to take a one year study break to focus on personal healing and working on skill foundations and most importantly work on my confidence about myself and what I'm capable of creating
I absolutely felt for JT trying to explain is existential terror while not completely understanding it but recognizing it. I think I was also in high school the first time I felt it. I told a friend it felt like I was running out of time. Like something was chasing me and I couldnt see what it was or why it was chasing me. All I knew was that it was chasing me and I dont know when its gonna get me, whatever it is. Its funny cause i struggle with a lot of what JT does at 30 still because I kept running. Its absolutely dreadful feeling constant anxiety for no reason. I always valued time a lot all my life. Its always been one of the most precious things to me. Eventually i stopped making progress in life i felt that made me feel i was losing time, which i think is where this thought began to form. Took me 10 years to realize I still have plenty of time left to do what I wanna do
"I am Enough", sounds like a good replacement for your meditation. The idea grounds you in the present tense and allows you to accept your lot, come what may.
Hey JT. Fellow Singaporean here, all the best in your pursuits but also remember to just walk your path and live life by your own standards because only you make the rules. Singapore is a very stressful place to live in.
Wow. JT might be one of my most favourite of all the Dr. K sessions on this channel. I love that when Dr. K tells him to “you just need to be yourself” JT gives a straight response and expresses his confusion with the idea of “being yourself”. JT really has a good head on his shoulders and his goal of becoming the next Dr. K is something I’d support in being realized.
I remember the fear of falling behind being a factor in every facet of life since primary school, now I'm 25. Always an opportunity cost of starting ANYTHING IN LIFE because you enter a hierarchy, you gain a point of reference and you can immediately start comparing yourself with others. And with slacking off, missing assignments, it all comes full circle, it creeps up on you, you are not good enough. If you approach it with perfectionism it gets hectic, because what do you really know about how things are or what's the best way approach things. I don't know what to make of it really. All you can do is observe it.
it doesnt matter even if youre "ahead" of others. Im 24 rn, finished my masters in quantitative economics, got a good position in a Bank, my funds in crypto went up to a value of around half a million (tho now like -75 due to the recent developement ).
BUT: even if you are "ahead" you do not stop to compare yourself with others who are just more succesfull in terms of numbers, relationships and so on. I can not stop this, its a never ending scycle of improving, but then realizing that its not enough because someone is still "ahead".
Everything depends on our mindset and how you experience the things happening to you. We are trapped in this cycle, but eventually we gonna escape.
I have a friend who's 24 and feels way behind in life (I gave him the link to this video obviously). I didn't really know what to tell him to help him, but "be more patient and don't compare yourself to others", like... I'm nearly 43 and changed careers three times in my life, even got back to studying when I was 30. I would go study again if given the opportunity... just to say, you can never know what life will throw at you, especially when you're this young.
he is 24 and you are 43, how is your friend age gap is so huge?
@@Guys_Love_Each_Other the magic of internet I guess. We're still friends by the way. I have friends of all ages tbh, because we met through games. I wouldn't meet them irl though, since we live on opposing parts of the world most of the time. Is age gap so important though, in friendship? (I'm not so naive to be oblivious to how people think when they see such an age gap though lol, I have a 13 yo daughter and I'm a single mum, so I know what worries people on the internet too. So when I say friend, I really mean "only" friend ;) )
Its kinda funny. Like I went to therapy a lot. My mom did her PhD in early child developmental psychology and I was constantly around psychologists and therapists, and you begin to notice an ebb and flow in conversations with other people and their psychologist/therapist. So many people revert to a child like state during therapy. I noticed that about myself, other people, people on this program. There is a unsureness that creeps in, like the best way I can describe it is remember when you were like a young kiddo, like 6/7, and you had a discussion with your parents about a complex topic? There was this power flow, from you to your parents, you felt awkward, vulnerable, unsure of your answers, I notice that with people on here.
Dear viewer JT I come from the Netherlands and I literally use as many words as you do to explain myself; have the same feeling that I have to help my generation with this same thing... I'm so amazed by your being! Keep up the battle to wanna help people!!!! i I'm sharing this vibe so much. Love this session thanks to the bought of you !!!!!
Hey, isn't the Netherlands a country where the emotional intelligence and mental health in general is more promoted in schools? I though there was a more ''open mind'' ambience there, greetings from Spain ^^
Yeah we like to say it is. But the adult sitting generation has never worked on mental growth because they had to build career. At schools we mainly started first with helping with mental (study) disorders but we still use the same protocols so the science behind it is outdated...
Greetings back! How would you say Spain is in mental health knowledge and acknowledgement in general?
super herkenbaar wat ie zegt
JT and everyone else who see themselves in JT (me included!) - this brings to my mind my favourite Dr Seuss book “Oh the Places You’ll Go”. I haven’t thought about that book in years, but the courage JT has shown, as well as how lost he seemed to have been feeling, reminded me of that book which was written for people like him.🔸
Aside from the book’s encouragement of persistence and resilience to reach your destination, I think what I got from Dr K here is that where you end up is exactly where you were supposed to be all along. You are you and you cannot fail at being you. You’ll always fail at trying to be someone else, like a fish trying to be a bird. The fish may be able to get strong enough to jump out of the water and be airborne for a while, but it will never be able to soar across the skies and over the land. Any attempts it makes to fly will always fall short of the bird that was born an albatross. While the fish is busy focusing on how it keeps failing to be the albatross, it will risk missing how it’s a fricken marlin! So be your best marlin instead of the least convincing albatross.
🔸If you’re not familiar with the book, I HIGHLY encourage you to at least find a YT video of a reading of it. There is something so magical about that book and the art.
Falling behind is also a core part of who I am. Thank you for being so inspirational Dr. K!
this comment section is comforting for me. I too, 23 y/o law student, but my peers are all 20 y/o. I'm falling behind bcs I changed my course due to lose passion on my prev course. Personally I don't think the age gap is too much, but for them it is. My batchmates are all very smart, hardworking, and their resumes filled with many volunteering programs and competition. They challenge themselves everyday and seems very well put together. I somehow, still stuck in this place. And this lead me to feel so insecure being here with them. I know that we have to focus on ourselves and improve ourselves, but it's hard when other people are all very successful on the outside, while you're only successful in overcoming your own self doubt and fear. My progress is so little, I'm reminding myself to be proud of it bcs I'm moving forward. But everyone I saw them and their successful student life, I feel bad for myself again. this cycle continues on and on. I stumbled upon this video and 10 minutes into it I feel so seen. Thank you Dr K and JT. wishing you all in this comments section all the best in life. We may not be the same as others, but we too deserve the life that we want.
I’m 25, i would say I have fallen behind and a little lost atm. But I have a bowl of nachos and this video for now
You're doing just fine
With the nachos alone you've far surpassed me in life dawg
I'm 28 and have felt "fallen behind" and directionless almost my whole life. When I was 27 I figured out what I wanted to do in life, what to aim for: being a game designer and building a business around it. The funny thing is that I always knew deep down this is what I wanted, but since society is anti-creativity and everyone around me told me what to do all the time I got stuck in life. I went around in circles, trying many things out. But I was never happy and even got depression from it all. I felt so behind in life when I watched my peers and those younger than me having their lifes figured out, but not me. This was such a time waster...
Today though I don't care about what society or others think and say what I need to do, I'm in the driver's seat of my life now and not anyone else. Have never been happier lmao.
How’s the game designer thing going?
@@antxv713 Hey, thanks for asking! =) It's going slow but steady. This is a project that will take a lot of time. But I know it is absolutely worth it!
Let's encourage each other.. I am 29, been spending my whole life tryin to figure out same thing. Being creative is not easy or fun because society tells you that your "dream" is just a hobby. I am now trying to pursue my creative dream as well. Hope we'll both make it.
I think it's ironic how society basically looks down on creative professions (not taking it seriously), but at the same time everyone watches series, Netflix, play games o listen to music every single day. People often don't respect creative individuals or creative dreams but at the same time they consume it like addicts..
@@Thadnill Ikr!
The anti-creativity stuff is so real. I want to further my concept artist career and work on more games but whenever I talk about it to people I'm either met with nervous nodding or a gentle suggestion to pursue something like graphic design instead. It's a bit rough, but it's so fulfilling to finish a piece for a commission or contribute to an indie game. :)
I hope your game designing has been going well, keep pushing on fellow creative person!
Falling behind is one of my biggest insecurities at the moment. A lot of my friends from high school are finishing university this year, and I am just starting uni this upcoming semester. I am happy with my choice and I think I grew a lot in the last 3 years, more than most of my friends, but there is still this voice in the back of my head, that tries to make me feel guilty. I am working on comparing myself less (because this was always a big problem for me) and try to always remind myself, that there is not the ultimate way to success or happiness and that everyone has to go their own unique way. Thank you Dr. K. Your videos are helping my a lot.
This doctor is literally saving my life! I am so grateful to be able to consume this content!! So many great videos and im learning so much and understanding myself, others, and the world better. God i am so happy this dude exist!! Thank you so much Dr.K
You will not regret watching this all the way through. JT asked the questions that so many of us would ask. Thank you JT, and thank you Dr K.
1:22:20 my therapist works with Parts theory, which is the idea that within you there are different Parts that have their own jobs, wants, needs, and fears within your system, and this is something we do a lot. I have a Part that makes me feel like I'm constantly behind, pushes me to do better, doesn't let me relax and makes sure I am constantly aware of the things that I need to do. It means that I'm quite anxious all the time, have low self worth, and have that sense of constant impending doom. And we work through it by listening to what the Part is afraid of why it does what it does. And that part of me is a big reason why I'm a really diligent person and so sometimes I thank it for keeping me on track and helping me be a successful student. And it really does help. It allows you to really listen to yourself and process those fears and coping mechanisms that cause us stress.
“How long have you felt like you can’t afford to fail?”
So good
This was high level stuff. Really enjoyed the conversation. This kid is already doing fantastic. He asked some mind blowing questions, and Dr K provided some mind blowing answers. It was also fascinating to watch how Dr K navigated this... at first overwhelming him a bit, then reeling him back in and making sure his soul wasn't crushed by the weight reality being conveyed. And now JT has his entire life ahead of him to reflect and integrate and reintegrate across time the info Dr K shared. Really amazing to watch.
I’m 28 and I’m a first year electrical apprentice. You’re never too late to do anything you want to do. I took over a 50% pay cut to start this career and I haven’t been as happy as I am now in years
Im about to do the same thing. Ill be 28 this year, in my industry for 10 years and still progressing and getting better/making more money but now Im burnt out. I want to focus more on my personal life. I dont even care about a pay cut at this point, I just want to do the stuff I wanna do! Im excited for the future
YOU CAN DO IT JT! Your statements are a reflection of how I’m feeling too! I can only imagine how stressful for you. But as someone who came from the poly/Uni route. I’m still in limbo. There are more of us here!
Take heart and Lets actively have hope and active steps to our goals for the best. ☺️
Let me share. I just didn't fell behind; I fell behind hard. Jobless at 23, no love life at that age, and I felt like the most useless shit.
I'm 33, now, still no love life. But I have a job and slowly reaching my goals. (My dream is to travel my country.)
You don't get from A to B without feeling like a piece of shit, but you start building towards B one day at a time. You are succeeding, but it's so miniscule towards your goal that you feel nothing is happening. But you're getting there.
hey that helped a bit, thanks
That’s a cool dream ;) good luck!
Which country?
@@honest_bishop5905 Philippines.
I was waiting for this VOD to be uploaded to RUclips since I missed the stream.
I'm in a similar situation. I fell behind in school, failed out of some college classes due to uncertainty about life and feeling that I didn't have a goal or aspirations like my peers. I judged myself harshly that "I didn't know where i would be in 5 years" or that I didn't think I was capable of a career. That was about 7 years ago and I'm still attempting to make my life progress and acting toward a goal. I'm now a single class from graduating undergrad in the US with computer engineering, I have an idea of the types of work I would love to get invested in. But I still feel behind my brother, my friends who have held jobs for 5 or so years more than me, etc.
The best thing is noticing the setting expectations and putting a doomsday clock on development. "Do this by X date to catch up with others" doesn't account for one's life experience and differences make it such that these expectations aren't fair or reasonable
I want to say thank you Dr.K for guiding me on this journey of mine. Growing up, I was not independent and was tempted by procrastination and laziness, and to be honest I still do. However, everyday I try to become a better person and do one productive thing everyday. It's certainly not easy but I am proud to realise my faults at a young age. Each day is rough for me to get up, surrounded by distractions of social media and comparing. My grades have also been affected by this, but I won't let that constraint hold me any further. I am who I want to be, even if some doors are closed, I will persist.
Going to be 30 next year & I’m just starting the race. Talk about falling behind. Thank you Dr K for this, I needed to hear this so so much.
ngl, as superficial as it might sound, the whole message of going at a different pace than others, I'm really grateful to have been exposed to it a couple years back in the lyrics to Stray Kids' My Pace. Some quotes (from translations):
"I wanna be like him, I’m jealous, yes I’m jealous, yes I’m
I wish I was half of half of him"
"I don’t wanna admit it
But I keep looking next to me
Just cuz someone’s ahead doesn’t mean they’re first, baby
Look at the big picture and take your time
No need to rush, my pace
Don’t compare
It’s alright to go slowly
Go on your own path, my lane
Put down your impatience
Just keep looking forward
You ready, let’s go"
"I still don’t know where my destination is
I don’t know
I don’t know how I’ll be at the finish line
I want to know
But first, let me go on my way
I’ll deal with the worries at the next crossroads
Until then, stop looking next to you
Don’t forget, my speed, my lane, my pace"
it's not quite as in depth and most of it is in a language I can't understand without translation, but gosh has listening to it (on repeat just from it being a bop) been helpful to get the message into my head ...
Bro same that song really got me to stop panicking about having everything figured out immediately. I have time, I don’t have to go as fast as everyone else.
I’m only 11 minutes into the video and I feel like he wasn’t falling behind in life, he is finding and found what he was to do. Singaporean here too, switching course mid way during his studies is not easy and one of the brave choices to make here. Many ended up studying something they don’t want to do in the future, wasting even more years. So if anything, he’s starting a new path, a path he wants for himself .So kudos to him!!!
This comment section feels like home. Most of my days I struggle with my anxiety. Somehow this place doesn't feel lonely so thank you
boy have fear of falling behind at age 20. I am 38 and just started to feel the same way last year or so
if you think you're falling behind, then I must have fallen off a cliff lol. I've never even applied to a college or university before. i am constantly afraid for my future and I posses no tangible skills to produce or offer to companies. and when I tell people how I've just started to work instead of going to school, people have told me "yea some people are just happy working minimum wage jobs" which feels heavily degrading to me, because I am paid well above minimum wage but they assume I'm at the bottom of the barrel. so really I also feel like I've fallen behind and it's a heavy empty feeling that causes such a huge struggle in life. I know for a fact that it stops me from being a better me and doing better because I am my own roadblock.
here's hoping myself, as well as anyone else feeling this can overcome this and become successful in our own rights!!
Can you elaborate on that, how do you get a better paying job without college or unviversity?
If it makes you feel better, I've failed out of college 3 times (even a certificate course), I've quit or been fired from more jobs than I can remember, I'm 30 unemployed and live in my parents' basement.
But if you earn more money than minimum wage, how do those people insult you? o.o Genuine question!
I personally think if you manage to get and keep a job with decent pay (aka above minimum wage) you can consider yourself lucky! A lot of people wish they could do that :)
if u earn so much than compared to me you are doing good
Bro is so young and think he’s already late. I’m on track to get my computer science bachelors degree when I’m 32 - 33 years old and I’m so grateful about the direction I’m headed in. You guys shouldn’t worry about doing it early just get it done and live an enjoyable life 😎
Such a thoughtful discussion. I loved this line from Dr. K (I'm paraphrasing):
As our society makes strides towards aligning merit with value we have in some part conflated one with the other and forgot the seemingly subtle but important distinction between the two
it makes me so happy that mental health is becoming a topic thats talked about more. for me atleast i feel like the tabboo on it is much lighter already and it definitely makes it feel like youre not in it alone. ive seen so many people inspired by it and i feel like that aswell. i can only imagine how things will be in x amount of years but it makes me think we eventually will be able to help eachother on mental health so incredibly much, especially online. it just makes me happy to see the internet being used to help eachother :)
This one hits so close. I entered university in a career I didn't really like at 18, currently trying to sort out my degree process because rona fucked us over, but after that I really don't know what to do. I basically studied all of my career in autopilot because it was never something I really wanted in life, so I just studied for the sake of grades. Bear in mind, it's a STEM degree, but in reality I always wanted to do music. Now I'm 24, a year ago I started pursuing my passion for music because of the lockdown, and seeing so many young talented musicians in a server I'm in makes me feel so weird, I can't help but feel that "I could've been like them, but I wasted 5 years of my life in a career I didn't like instead, and now I'm 5 years behind".
So much respect for JT for his goal and for doing this interview publicly; I would never be able to put myself out there like this. Wish him luck in his journey.
"People will catch breaks, as long as they keep looking for them" damn that felt T.T
I’m from Singapore :) This is a great interview! I hope JT continues to work on his path to achieve his goals. Hope he comes back and let us know how he’s doing!
I relate a lot with this guy. I’m the same age and very self aware of my poor mental health so I’m fighting with my inner thoughts. I’m also behind in college trying to get my associates but secretly I wanna do art. I’m always comparing myself to my friends and siblings because I believe I’m running out of time. I wanna escape my toxic home but I have to face the reality.
where are you now?
@@apmireStill alive surprisingly, I've changed a lot though. I've decided to fight for myself and really try to move out for a better future. Currently I've dropped out of college (planning to go back when I'm more secure and situated) and working full time at a fast food place. On the side I'm studying to become a content marketer building my portfolio and getting certifications. I'm going to try freelancing maybe in the next couple of months. I've had alot of low moments through out the year even up till now with my physical health being at the forefront but it's getting easier to bounce back with a lot of self care. I would recommend exercising, mediation, Journaling, and affirmations. I'm really just fighting everyday. The best thing to really understand about falling behind and not comparing yourself to people Is that we all have differences experiences and privileges. When I look at people from my highschool I realize alot of them having loving homes and parents who helped them financially but for me I didn't have that so I'm literally starting at zero and that's ok. I'm me and they are them.
"I am that which I am". So simple, so perfect. I'm definitely gonna apply So-Hum to my meditation.
I felt the same way as JT. If I compare myself to my general peers I know that I’m like 2 years behind. Back then that would’ve f*cked with my mind and I would’ve trouble sleeping and then my anxiety attack kicks in blablabla. It’s exhausting!
Now I can sit with the fact that I’m “late” and be okay with it. I know that I’m working on achieving my goals and I am on my right path. And somehow people (my colleagues and supervisor) notices that and respects that. Sure there are a few jerks here and there but ehh their opinions don’t matter anymore.
This stream episode definitely hits home, and I hope that it helps you JT! We wish you all da best
Singaporean here Psych Grad aiming for somewhere similar to where you're going, JT if you see this and need some advice, HMU
This hits me real fucking hard. I'm a 25 year old recovering porn addict college graduate working at a dead end job not in my field that I for sure don't see working at for the next 10-20 years. I also just recently found out that I could have some form of undiagnosed or at least symptoms of ADD or ADHD. I realize for me that my situation is different since I'm a recovering addict as supposed to others, I almost question if my addiction is one of the main reasons I haven't gotten where I wanted or if I just use that as an excuse for y I haven't. I am currently seeing a therapist regarding my addiction and my hope is that as I continue in my recovery, my motivation to achieve my ultimate goals will increase
Wow man porn really does suck when you do it for the sake of doing it. I wish you the best in your recovery! I'll say one thing that you probably may have heard. Don't be too hard on yourself. You can live a perfectly good life even if you happen to never achieve those goals. Peace and love!
@@mellowmud3314 Thanks! yeah my therapist does mention that I do need to congratulate myself more often and stop being so hard on myself. Since i found out about my potential ADD or ADHD and have been taking meds, recovery has been a lot easier, but yeah. while i have been getting better at trying not to be too hard on myself in general, it still is very much a work in progress
15:20 Was pure gold when he realizes "You just have to accept it" LOL 🤯
I'm 36 and I have completely fallen behind. Not comparing to social media, just friends and work colleagues. I know a lot of people in their late twenties/early thirties that are married, have kids and own a house, while i'm living like a 25 year old renting an apartment with my girlfriend with barely any savings. I didn't finish my degree until I was thirty. It wasn't because I lack intelligence. I used to be an engineer in my early to mid twenties. I gave that up cause anxiety and depression just got to me. Couldn't establish any romantic relationships and started to study again because I didn't want to go back to my field. I would say I didn't get myself together until early 30's. Now I feel like everyone is at least 10 years ahead of me, and I can't catch up because everyone else is going about the same pace.
I’m 39 still falling behind, I suffer from bpd, I was an ex addict (clean 2 years) turned into a gamer, now I have no desire for friends, to get married or have kids, I worked for 20 years as a storeman, casual employment for 20 years nothing stable. Have no desire for a career. At this point I feel like I’m just sitting here waiting to die at 80. Not suicidal or nothing just don’t see the point of it all not one of those above things that I don’t have, bothers me in the slightest.
Finding out how we think and the implications and facing them and sit with it or just learning about ourselves more is actually very relieving. Its kinda like we have been carrying this heavy sack of whatever we have build up inside of us unconsciously and we have to sit down and bring them out again and evaluate, do we really need to carry them? Can this be solve and thrown away without carrying for the rest of our lives? How has it affect our current lifes because of it? There are so much things inside and relations within them with our current selves and im really appreciative for this channel to provide this platform to unwrapp things for us. Thank you Dr. K. Lets be a better version of ourselves.
Just want to say how much I appreciate these viewer interviews and especially JT. I don’t know if he realises this but this interview in and of itself will help so many people. I mean… it’s helped me - I was able to see myself in JT, and I also share the constant feeling of being behind and the fear/shame that is attached to this. It’s opened my eyes to what’s important, needing to meet myself where I am at currently and persevering despite the self made road blocks that our brains generate. Thank you JT, I’m very hopeful that you’re going to help many more people to come. I believe in you :))
I'd really love to see a similar topic explored with Dr. K: What is a healthy amount of regret? How do you find the middle ground between hating yourself for mistakes in a way that propels your forward in a better way, vs. the type of regret that bogs you down with self deprecation? It seems really relevant to conversations like these, where many people are racing against lost time or beating themselves up for spending their time badly in the past.
When I get this overwhelming feeling of fallen behind. My mantras are "Have Patience" Or "Patience Patience Patience" like I repeat it three times. It's reminds me to take actions and not just worry about results.
Study 4 hours in the morning that’s incredible I really really have to focus hard in order to do that a lot of people envy your work ethic JT
Bro Dr. K. literally talking to one of his pupils whose dream is to reach his hero's level this episode is fuckin' lit
Went for an hour long run today, best decision I've made all week. Suddenly found motivation to grind out a 2h assignment before going to bed
1:20:10 'what matters is what You need to do'
in order to achieve it; own style, interest, pace, priorities, etc
1:08:08 a change in perspective
1:23:03 being in control (balance, utilization)
so it can help instead of hinder, encourage instead of discourage, serve well instead of disservice
1:16:58 compassion & acceptance
1:24:08 empathy + objectivity
1:05:50 journey, instead of destination
(the perspective of perpetually pushing the wall back, 1, 10, 20, 100, 200 push ups)
42:05 that's a fantastic analogy. being ourselves from our own current positions.
1:03:27 ah shit I realized I've avoided doing things that could help, that I wasn't good at or was not enough in, to avoid the emotions that were developed from ego, the construct of being behind and not wanting to face it (coping mechanism). hope I can be more objective about things instead of subjective about things, especially when it is hindering my ability to do it
51:50 1:10:39 be you, focus on the present
progressing in our journey in our own way given our unique position, predisposition, characteristics, interests, pace, and stuff. someone may be objectively better or worse in their position, though that doesn't necessarily change the objective fact that we are in own own unique positions in life 1:11:33
1:31:16 noticing it in the present and past
Suggestion: I think when Dr.K goes to the overlay of the ipad screen, his webcam, and chat, the chat could be made smaller and create enough space for another webcam box to fit in the person Dr.K is talking to. I think it would be nice to see the other person and their reactions/body language/visual understanding of the things that Dr.K is demonstrating on the ipad.
Yes 👏 this comment should be pinned
i like that idea too. i personally dont like seeing chat in these interviews because i get easily distracted
Slow and steady wins the race. Kudos to you on working so hard on yourself. Self-help will not help until you start realizing you are doing it because you want to, and not because you are trying to catch-up to what society expects you to achieve. Another few more years, and you will realize the friends who once had it all, start to crumble to keep up with the pace they had set themselves for, with a disregard for their health. In time to come, you will find yourself you exactly at where you need to be at every phase of life. As long as you continue to persevere and look up, one day you will marvel at how much you have come.
I used to feel like I'm falling behind. I'm over it now and currently doing well. I see that JT asked really good questions that I didn't get to reflect on myself, but they are spot on. This interview is really helpful, and I'll use the points here to also give better advice to my homies. Thanks yall!
May I ask how you were able to get over feeling left behind?
I've only watched the intro of this video and its already hitting close to home for me. I'm 20, but I dropped out of school in grade 10 and spent the last 5ish years being a total recluse, only playing video games with a very unhealthy diet etc etc. Got extremely overweight, such bad posture that I got scoliosis, no life or work skills and no confidence. But since about march of 2021 I've been going out and trying to fix all those problems, because my eventual goal is to try and find a relationship. Every day ideas go through my head of "I'm not ready, I'm still fat, no girl will be interested in me" and so on. For now I've just gotta keep working on myself and I'll hopefully be there in the next couple years... So If any of you guys are going through a similar problem, just keep working on yourself, ya know? don't wait for a fix to come, because it won't, you gotta go get it.
This is my favorite channel on all of RUclips. I hope you reach at least 1billion subs lol because those people that subbed needs it
I graduated high school in 2009 and started college on Fall of that same year. In 2019, I had a breakdown upon realizing I would be failing my semester once again, and finally sought counseling services from our university mental health building. I finally graduated with a bachelors degree in the spring of this year. Last month, I turned 30 years old. I'll be starting my first "real job" out of college next month, making a higher salary than many of my peers currently do, peers that stayed on track, graduated college, and even went back to school to advance their resume credentials.
This is not to dunk of any of them or imply that I'm somehow superior to them, mind you. I just think it illustrates the point Dr. K is trying to convey across to this young man. It's never too late to learn to accept yourself, and when you finally do, you may be surprised how quickly everything else could fall into place after.