It seems you are already understanding the importance of active voice and using action verbs, rather than more passive descriptions. I think it's good to have exercises like this in order to practice adding details into your story that expand the world and setting, but there is a danger to these types of constraints. When limiting yourself to this type of description, it's easy to add unneeded filler information, as I believe you're now aware of. Sometimes, people get fixated on simply trying to add complexity to a specific part of their story and inundate their story with extraneous facts that don't add to the setting or move the plot forward. You used a lot of active, powerful language within this story, though, and I have to agree that the ending made an impact. Finally, for Mr. Dwire, I'm sure you already know, but getting emotional from others is empathy and a very good thing to have. From a writer's perspective, if you can feel the emotions from simply reading the person's emotions, that will help you better empathize and understand the characters you write on an emotional level, even if you don't relate to them on a situational level. Keep it up, guys. I think you are progressing well. It's a long journey to become a good writer. I am far from that finish line myself, but the important part of the journey is to continue putting one foot in front of the other. I hope we see each other at the finish line.
[ND] This writing exercise was supposed to be 1-2 pages, and I struggled to get it to that length. Like you said, I didn't want to fall into adding unnecessary filler, and figuring out what detail to add and how to add it was a challenge! But was helpful in forcing me to understand what was going on in the scene. Thank you for your encouragement, and I hope to see you at the finish line as well!
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It seems you are already understanding the importance of active voice and using action verbs, rather than more passive descriptions. I think it's good to have exercises like this in order to practice adding details into your story that expand the world and setting, but there is a danger to these types of constraints. When limiting yourself to this type of description, it's easy to add unneeded filler information, as I believe you're now aware of. Sometimes, people get fixated on simply trying to add complexity to a specific part of their story and inundate their story with extraneous facts that don't add to the setting or move the plot forward. You used a lot of active, powerful language within this story, though, and I have to agree that the ending made an impact. Finally, for Mr. Dwire, I'm sure you already know, but getting emotional from others is empathy and a very good thing to have. From a writer's perspective, if you can feel the emotions from simply reading the person's emotions, that will help you better empathize and understand the characters you write on an emotional level, even if you don't relate to them on a situational level. Keep it up, guys. I think you are progressing well. It's a long journey to become a good writer. I am far from that finish line myself, but the important part of the journey is to continue putting one foot in front of the other. I hope we see each other at the finish line.
[ND] This writing exercise was supposed to be 1-2 pages, and I struggled to get it to that length. Like you said, I didn't want to fall into adding unnecessary filler, and figuring out what detail to add and how to add it was a challenge! But was helpful in forcing me to understand what was going on in the scene. Thank you for your encouragement, and I hope to see you at the finish line as well!