The Upside of Being Awkward
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- Опубликовано: 21 мар 2018
- The science of awkwardness. Hi.
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Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness, by Melissa Dahl amzn.to/2FRoLYT
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We can all be pretty awkward. Right? Here we cover the psychology of awkwardness. But it's not all bad news. It’s a good thing that we’re aware of ourselves and care about how others perceive us. Feeling awkward can push us to sharpen our social skills. 👌
BrainCraft was created by Vanessa Hill (@nessyhill) and is brought to you by PBS Digital Studios. Talking psychology, neuroscience & why we act the way we do.
This episode was written by Bahar Gholipour, filmed by Dominique Taylor, edited, hosted and produced by Vanessa Hill.
REFERENCES 📚
Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness, by Melissa Dahl amzn.to/2FRoLYT
Emergence of self-awareness and co-awareness in babies:
Rochat, P., Broesch, T., & Jayne, K. (2012). Social awareness and early self-recognition. Consciousness and cognition, 21(3), 1491-1497. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2...
Gilovich, T., Medvec, V. H., & Savitsky, K. (2000). The spotlight effect in social judgment: An egocentric bias in estimates of the salience of one's own actions and appearance. Journal of personality and social psychology, 78(2), 211. pdfs.semanticscholar.org/3d2a...
Gilovich, T., Medvec, V. H., & Savitsky, K. (2000). The spotlight effect in social judgment: An egocentric bias in estimates of the salience of one's own actions and appearance. Journal of personality and social psychology, 78(2), 211. pdfs.semanticscholar.org/3d2a...
Brooks, A. W. (2014). Get excited: Reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(3), 1144. ttps://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/item.aspx?num=45869
Awkward: The science of why we're socially awkward and why that's awesome by Ty Tashiro amzn.to/2G6fZJW
Getting us to turn up our volume and then getting louder, and causing people to cast awkward stares my way, is really clever
thats, the blimmin, joke, bud.
or is that on purpose 🤔
I didn't have to do that :/ Well that's awkward
I don't think its intentional but ye i had to do that too
There's a lot here that's CRINGEWORTHY...
... but especially the audio mix. I'm really sorry if this is bothering you - I recently have moved into a new office space (which was exciting!) but it's really loud and not well suited for filming. My boom microphone (that I've used for the voice over) sounded *horrible* in the on-camera parts as it was super echoey, so I fell back on the lapel mic. In hindsight, mixing them together was a bad move. It sounded okay in my headphones but I should have tested with speakers too.
I will figure out how to fix this for my next upload - thanks for your patience 😬
the intro is even louder, but it's signature by now.
good luck sorting it out :)
So it was not on purpose... I am genuinely surprised :-D And thanks for video ♥
Awkward!
It's a feature. I thought it was done on purpose.
02:50 - "how many people noticed you?" - It's a trick question because the room is full of multiple clones of 4 or more people.
The real question is why do I not walk around dressed as an astronaut all the time? That sounds super dope.
Gus, don't be that traffic light that takes a really long time to turn green. It's only awkward if you let it be awkward.
When I see someone is feeling awkward, as you said. It makes me feel empathy because it connects us through mutual human ridiculousness. This video is going to help me with my shyness.
That light bulb lighting up in background is really a nice touch 👌🏻 ( at 3:38 )
Sound balance at some parts are AWKWARD
Regardless, it takes away from the lesson I feel
You make an adorable astronaut, you could totally do that at a costume party
Also good science?
Or daily as well~
aaakwarrrrd
I have social anxiety and I'm pretty awkward. I've had people , walk away in the middle of a conversation. oopps. lol
People just look at me strange haha. Social anxiety is kind of crippling...
owned
bruh that's rough man. Hope things have gotten better for you. If it helps, pretty much the same goes for me, it's just that the people i'm around are not so rude as to just walk away, but their expressions are pretty obvious
I suffer from anxiety, and one time, having to fly from Chile to Brazil, I was super nervous and affraid about getting up in the air.
But when I was walking to board the plane, I realized that the kind of nervousness I was feeling was really simillar to the kind of anticipation you get when you’re going to a concert, or to a big party.
When I realized that, the “color” of my nervousness inmediatelly changed to a good one, and the fear almost disappeard.
I didn’t know that “technique” had a name. :)
I didn't know about the anxiety reappraisal. Thanks for bringing this to my attention!
Nothing awkward about watching a BrainCraft video on a crowded metro train with loud volume on your phone's speakers cause you didn't bring your headphones. 😎
2:20 the astronaut outfit looks cool
It is ok to be a nerd. I'm not a freak. I'm just unique. Thanks for the interesting lesson.
Never be afraid of being you. For the world already has its share of those who aren't.
Great tips at the end. Once I became 1) aware of and 2) comfortable with the irreconcilable gap, my sense of social anxiety greatly diminished. You can never truly know what others think of you, nor you of them. What an amazing relief it was to accept that. Accepting the gap means accepting awkwardness, which nicely enough, will be less of a problem.
I actually kinda want the "astronaut" outfit. :)
The progression of the topic in this video reminds me of my own journey with awkwardness. From being consumed in a spiral of anxious introspection in social situations in my youth to jumping straight to hearty belly laughs about how delightfully ridiculous we humans can be. Now an awkward interaction can make my day and pull me out of a grumpy funk :D
Used to be pretty awkward, but I learned to solve things with a joke or a smile. It's easy to handle things with a bit of flair since others are willing to go along more easily when they feel an awkward situation coming up. Leanred this the hard way, but now it's hardwired into my system and it makes me feel happy about who I am.
Really love your vids
Appreciate the clarification!
I teach math and physics in college. One of my biggest problems with my students ocurrs in exams. I have told some of them that rethinking the anxiety of the exam with the excitement of the opportunity to show themselves how much they have learned. I belive is the same thing that you said in your video. Love it.
thx for all the vids!
All human beings are awkward sometimes, even the super cool, socially adept perfect people. We all need to remember this and be a little kinder to ourselves and others.
awesome topic, can't wait to share this with my daughter.
This explains a lot about people at SciFi/Fantasy conventions. Generally it is filled with like minded people so letting your "freak" out isn't so traumatic because you're with "family."
I see you already know about the not-so-perfect audio. I too thought it could've been intention. Gave quite an interesting effect though that I don't know if it's ever occured for me. It sounded as if the audio came from below me rather than the speakers. Quite an interesting video! I'll probably have to rewatch this once every month because I relate a lot to thinking too much of how others percieve me. Thanks!
As someone with a lot of social and general anxiety, I like the suggestion of reinterpreting anxiety as excitement. I'm going to give that a try!
Love your content
Omg finally! I want more!
Very glad I stuck with this despite the phasing issues from the mics, because the info was useful! I had never heard of anxiety reappraisal, but now I feel like I have to try it.
Really useful information, despite the audio issues.
The audio was "awkward" (hehehe) but still a wonderful and very educational video and it would really help people who find themselves in awkward situations. Thank you! Oh that jacket is absolutely FANTASTIC! And yay new office!!
This was actually pa pretty sweet video. Thanks
This made me anxious and fearful and self-conscious.. and doubting there's much of an upside..
This was very informative.
So eagerly was waiting for u.. so beautiful creativity in video.. i love u my girl
Please never stop making content, it's very stimulating :) I Would wanna die if you stop making content
What is the opposite when I feel I am the last person to draw attention of others? I feel like "air", invisible, usless somteimes.
Great video, I love it.
The two Vanessas was quite well done. More, more! And I Love the idea of anxiety reappraisal, must give a go the next time I do something stupid.. Which'll probably be some time tomorrow.
thank you for that video. I feel better already:)
There’s hope for me yet! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
These videos are the best, I gotta watch out though as you can play these Jedi mind tricks on us.🤣
I had to officiate my bestfriends wedding last week and I started like a pro but as soon as people reacted positively to what i was saying i started to freak out, i know their positive reaction should have enforced my confidence but instead it raise my own expectations about my delivery, good thing is what i wrote was so emotional and awesome that people persived my anxiety with me beign to happy and emotional towards my best friend getting married. At the end everyone loved my performance, i made everyone cry ,laugh and feel like they belonged there. So the anxiety reappraisal was involuntary ,a projection of the feelings caused by my words on the crowd onto me.
OMG! So unbelievably adorable with the astronaut outfit :)
This is what I'm saying is that the state of awkwardness emerges from all participants in a group. There is no such thing as a single person being awkward. You are being awkward because the rest of the group perceive you as so
Great video, very helpful. Thankyou! Also I didn't have any of the audio issues other people are mentioning.
Mutual human rediculousness is the greatest thing. I proclaim it my new life motto. No clue why, but it fills me with hope.
"I's OK to be a nerd"... aw! It made me feel kind of good. But then I realized, I'm not really a nerd, I'm just socially awkward. ...just awkward, really.
oh man, my worst "hand greet" fumble happened with a childhood love of mine in my tweens! his handshake triggered my "thumbs up" and the image of me glitching hand signals - a hand shake? thumbs up? hand gun? peace sign? I went through them all in a split second. I wasn't able to say a word - that was almost a decade ago and it still haunts me XD
Anxiety Reappraisal, what great couping mechanism I'll have to give that a shot next time!
Wonderful video :-)
I might be a nerd, but so are you! So that doesn't make me feel awkward, it makes me feel connected.
The audio work in this video is awkward.
About the sound levels, maybe levelator (check for correct spelling) will work for getting the soundlevels even?
I am blessed with great hearing, but the volume differences did make think about tech that could help. I've heard quite a few RUclips's with voiceovers in their videos use that program.
"It is OK to be nerd" OK? seriously???
It is perfect!!!!
Nice Celestron reflector telescope Keep looking up!
I think this video will mean a lot to many internet dwellers
Let's find one perfect, correct and *lovely person.*
Nope, we are all awkward in different locations.
The acting was great! :P =D
I had just finished cleaning my ear when the first mic switch happened.
You can probably imagine how much I freaked out.
I love BrainCraft
Not having noticed anything wrong with the audio has me feeling self conscious.
Being awkward is not a killer...being ugly is....
for me the best way to avoid awkwardness was learn how to laugh at myself, like the quote says, "humor is the best medicine" if i laugh of the situation people will relax :)
3:20 - All-the-Bloody-time.
I find sometimes people have diffrent persons based on who they are with. Like by yourself, with a spouse, with other family, with friends, with strangers. Some do it on purpose, others may not even realize they do it. For example you may act or say certain things with a spouse that you probably wouldn't say or act with strangers.
In my case I am super shy and quiet. But I am friendly. Overtime if a friendship forms I become less quiet. If things really go well you get to see my comedic side of me that doesn't often get seen outside of my parents or my wife.
I have that same star chart poster!
I had this awkward "Watch later" marker right in the middle of my screen through the entire video - AWKWARD...
The audio may be intentional, but I can barely even hear the quiet parts on my phone's highest volume setting :(
My 30 years in public speaking advice on awkwardness:
When you feel awkward, it makes those around you feel awkward. So Stop Thinking About Yourself you selfish jerk! Consider those poor bastards! They don't give a damn about YOUR awkwardness, they care about THEIR feelings and are reliving that time THEY felt awkward. Yes, you've caused THEM mental anguish, but now you have a golden opportunity. In a joking way, relieve THEIR awkwardness and be remembered pleasantly as someone interesting who they "get" and who "gets them". Call attention to it immediately in a jolly manner: "Maybe this can be our secret handshake!" or "My Bing Crosby t-shirt is in the wash!", or in a poking fun manner: "Hey, didn't you guys get the memo about astronaut suits?", or in a direct manner: "Darn me, I'm sorry, I can't remember your name". There is power in vulnerability!
Master that, then practice being sometimes deliberately, mildly awkward, and use that to connect with those around you. Be brave and you'll develop a powerful skill! This is a genuine upside of being awkward.
I think that we must be forgiving of the audio problems. Three people were involved in this project and Vanessa had to do a lot of research. I believe different microphones were used, and it really only shows up in one part. She is having to do this on a shoestring budget and it hasn't happened before.
What book are you reading in this video? Thanks.
Awkward Nessy best Nessy!
A good way to deal with awkwardness is to make the other person feel awkward. It opens up a world of possibilities. Like empathizing with the other person over your shared feelings of awkwardness. Or, acting like the other person is weird for being awkward. Or, just walk away. that way you have a good reason to never talk to the other person EVER again. My personal strategy for dealing with awkwardness is to just avoid people in general. unfortunately, people end up approaching you and you'll have to tell them "Hey, you, shut up and get off my lawn!" Thank you for your support.
It must've been really awkward filming some of the clips in the video.lol
What brand of telescope was that
(2:22) Those cute awkward astronaut faces though... ^_^
Actually you are really adorable in this astronaut outfit! If I saw you, I would ask you where did you but it lol
I am feeling loose motions
I kept trying to figure out if the audio mix was on purpose or not. Haha. I feel like this is the perfect video forthings to be awkward. Baha
I've stopped giving a shit about want people think about me. It really reduced my stress.
Interesting topic, outstanding animation, you were very good in the skits and all, miss Hill, but as other people have pointed out sound design is off.
PS: love your NASA outfit, btw.
Awww... Can intranasal injections of oxytocin and vasopressin really effect how people behave in a prisoner's dilemma scenario? I was reading a couple of papers from the last 5 years that suggested this was the case. I wasn't looking for the prisoner's dilemma but just papers relating to "vasopressin" "oxytocin" and the "vmPFC" and just stumbled upon some papers that explored what I was searching for through the prisoner's dilemma. So maybe the dilemma relates more to the hypothetical than the practical? The questions it raises for me was, is the effect duplicated in people who have different levels of oxytocin and vasopressin - perhaps higher or lower than normal? Or, whether a person's levels can be effected by life experience. I got the impression that oxytocin made people calmer whereas vasopressin made people more anxious. Thanks.
Still waiting for the Cliffhanger resolution to the other video
Sweet jacket!
I never got beyond the mirror-recognition. Sometimes not even that.
I used to like awkward hand shaks with friends so i would intentionally do what they did not and i later foud out they no like that
I never forget a face, but I'm horrible with names, so I find myself seeing people I recognize, but I can never remember if we've actually met. Although, if I had an astronaut suit like that, I'd never feel awkward walking into a room. where can I get one?
I HAVE A QUESTION THOUGH. I’m not awkward in the first bump way, and I’m great at texting and being friends in general! How ever! I’m sometimes awkward af with boys! And not just boys I like or anything, sometimes even kids! Is this a silly thing that I shouldn’t worry about too much or a mind block or something?
cool eye shade color
Totally okay to be a nerd :). Love the suit lol.
Is any of this applicable to someone with Asperger's? Because as awkward as I am socially, your descriptions of, (I guess?), neuro-typical social anxiety and the "other self", don't really match my personal experience.
Pretty sure a NASA jacket is hype beast street wear that lots of people would love to have
Who edited this?
I think this is intentional, the volume issue
This video inspired me to dress up like an astronaut for no good reason.
Maybe try a lapel mic?
Did you get volume balance issue taken care of? Or is it part of the polite-awkward vibe?
Do other species, like dogs, feel awkwardness? It often seems like my dog has no shame, but wolves are social animals too, so wouldn't there be advantages to awkwardness for them too?
0:14 Vanessa sliding into my DMs.