"While you're waiting for time to heal, what do you do with your fucking hands" That was the best way to put it and resonated so deeply for me.. Healing is so muddy, almost feels like you'll never get out. Love your souls for each other, thank you both for being so open and real. Love you guys! Happy belated birthday, Kristen. 💙
Kirsten, forgive me for a little psychoanalysis, but I do it out of love and feeling similarly. I think birthdays unearth a feeling where you evaluate where your life is at, and you think you should have things figured out because age = wisdom. Especially at the age you’re at. Girl, you’re still in your twenties. You don’t have to have shit figure out or your life planned out. Waves of loneliness will happen, especially as an after effect of a big social event. I’m five years older, and while I often feel as though I still don’t know shit, I can unequivocally promise you that you will look back at yourself at this age and say, ‘girl stop tormenting yourself for no reason. It’s funny you thought you could figure everything out then.’ You’re fighting the normal stasis of your twenties which is not knowing or understanding anything, but thinking you do. I promise you - the sooner you can accept that you don’t have to figure it out, the sooner you will set yourself free. I know it’s easier said than done. Your feelings are valid. Just trying to give some advice as someone who’s gone through it. Promise you’ll agree with me when you’re here. Wisdom is not knowing everything, it is knowing you know nothing. Just made that up. Not bad 😉 (update: I guess Socrates said it first 😏 whatever) it’ll all be okay. It takes time. And sometimes time is a stubborn, little bitch.
This is one of the most relatable episodes you guys have done up to date. Thank you for opening up, I fall into this dark hole every three months and don't know what to do with myself and my feelings. I lost my mum 3.5 years ago and people keep telling me that "okay, it has been long enough - you can't pull that card anymore".. but I feel I will always be grieving and always trying to stay afloat while this loss will forever try and sink me. So please know you are not alone and there is a community that is here, celebrating your birthday with you - and we hope you feel that 100% of people here are here through you, because of you. Stay the best.
'while ur waiting for time to heal what do u do with ur hands' is exactly what i've been asking myself for months now... hard 2 see someone else going through it but selfishly comforting to know i'm not alone.. thank u for sharing ur truth kristen
I felt just like you for yearssss until a few months ago I gave meds a try and they truly changed my life…yes good habits, self care, meditation, exercise and all of it works but once you hit a wall a that no longer keeps you constantly calm and happy medication works wonders. They’re just an aid to our brain. Wishing you peace and happiness ✨you deserve it
The part at 48:30 really made my tear up too 😭😭 you guys are the bestest friends/sisters ever and in that moment you can just see the love and appreciation from both of you in different ways, i love it 🥺🥺🫶🏼 Happy (late) Birthday K ❤❤❤
These slumps are sooo hard to get out of sometimes and Alex is right, we all have been there and felt these things. Just remind yourself that it’s temporary, you’re not going to feel this way forever even if it feels that way right now. Go through it, feel all the feelings and keep expressing them when you need to. You’re helping anyone else who’s in it with you right now. Keep pushin girlie. We love you 💛
Happy belated Kristen. Ugh my heart hurts for you. I’m crying with you… my dad is in the hospital and I was just telling my boyfriend that I just want a break… from the universe. I’m so tired of being hurt and scared and I just want everything to be better. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. I love you girlies and the pod has gotten me through sooo much. You guys are real life angels and I am so glad you guys have each other. ❤❤
Kristen!! Never stop speaking your truth!! The way you explain things is SO often how I feel. I lost my husband 2.5 years ago to an overdose… time has helped but the feeling of healing will never be over with is CONSUMING! Gosh your words are EXACTLY how I feel.
Omfg Kristen I’ve been feeling the exact same way about loneliness and not seeing people UGH😩 this is the first time in my life that all my close friends and acquaintances are in relationships so I feel like everyone’s been in their partnerships and I haven’t been getting replies when I reach out :/ and as much as I’m decently comfortable w doing things alone it’s just getting OLD man…I’m tired of having to go to every show alone.. to lunch.. to dinner.. to the park.. to all the things I wanna go do. And I completely relate to feeling like you’ve just been getting beaten down for too long and can’t catch a break. I went thru a shitty breakup 3 yrs ago that I’m still getting over because it so deeply traumatized me. And every rejection and every late or no reply from anyone whether platonic or romantic is just twisting the knife in the wound more. I really hope things start looking up for us queen ❤️
Dude i lived in new york for several years and it gave me some of the best and some of the worst moments of my life. It truly drags you through the depths of hell and then holds your hand on the way up. Its such an amazing city to live in to pull you out of every comfort zone you have. Stay for 3 years, get over the 3 year hump and you'll find your vibe. I also highly recommend Brooklyn. Brooklyn has an air about it that feels more like home. There are so many spots there I feel like you'd really connect with. You guys mentioned moving there, I think that's where you'd find this sense of connection with the city and the people in it. All love to you both, hugs to Kristen!!
46:25 Kristen, I’ve never commented on videos ever. But what you said here about the shit going on in the world, and you feeling small in the larger scope of things just resonated with me so much. I suffer with the exact same thing. And I heard this speech about comparitive suffering from Brene Brown in 2020 when the world was going to shit and it changed my life Emotions do not go away because we send them a message that these feelings are inappropriate and do not score high enough on the suffering board. Please delete all feelings related to this. You’re not in pain enough. When we deny the emotions we are feeling, they double down, burrow, fester, and metastasize. They invite shame over for the party. This loop is extremely dangerous. WHY? When you practice empathy with yourself, there’s more empathy to give. Empathy is not finite. Love is the last thing we need to ration right now. The surest way to ensure you have a reserve of compassion and empathy is to attend to your own feelings. Empathy is the antidote to shame. Hope this helps?
I LOVE your guys friendship! This is what friendship is all about. Not taking anything personal that the other is saying and legit wanting to help eachother and better eachother. Please be proud of yourselves because these conversations are not easy to have and to have eachother and the maturity level you both are on. Amazing
Remember this is your reality and the worse YOU have experienced. Don’t compare it to anyone else’s. Also remember you are doing the best that you can. In moments when you lose compassion for yourself ask yourself am I doing the best that I can? The answer will be yes because you are working OT underpaid on healing. Be gentle with yourself, it’s what’s keeping you alive to experience the good things in life.
This episode tore my heart out in the best way. I look up to both of you and your wisdom more than anything, Alex preaching on the human experience with these feelings really solidified that yearning we all experience to find our place and niche. Kristen you are so not alone. It is so hard to heal wounds that reach deep, and waiting for that ‘break’ you describe from the universe to move on and be yourself is excruciating. You will find something incredible to do with your hands in the meantime and might not even realize it. -Thank you for your vulnerability and strength in speaking about this topic. ❤
Alex helped Kristen get grounded 🖤 I saw the little discomfort in Kristen but in a good way(potential breakthrough) these two are amazing! Love y’all so much good comes from this podcast even just to procrastinate and snack on chips for a reason lol
Oh Kristen.. I usually listen to the pod and somehow today I decided to turn it on video version and boy im so glad I did. I cried w you and I resonate so much of how you’re feeling and I just want to let you know you’re not alone! Love you guys ✨
Fellow Aries I feel this way on my birthday every year . I have a memory of when I was turning ten, sitting in my cardboard box fort crying that I would never be single digits again, lolZ. I never comment on RUclips videos but wanted to throw a suggestion out there . I moved to Hawaii and same as you was struggling putting down roots Ended up getting a server job one day a week -met so many cool people, -made a good lil amount of cash - felt hella more rooted. I ended up staying in Hawaii five years . Then this year on my 30th birthday cried and reflected ALOT I ended up coming to the realization that no matter how many friends I have in Hawaii the people I cherish the most (my siblings and long term friends) were who I wanted to be spending my time with and moved back to my home state 3 days later THREE DAYS I’m still happy I lived in Hawaii those 5 years I grew and learned so much and am truly able to appreciate how special it is to be around for the birthdays and events of the people I care most about in this world and them for mine , I realized where i am is not what matters but who I’m with . Anyways, try getting a part time job in New York ? I do t think y’all touched on that but I’m sure the fact you work online plays a lot into how you are feeling
I feel for you Kristen- I remember feeling this way many, many times. I was so empty inside, I felt like the whole world couldn’t contain my sadness and how misunderstood I felt. And then, I had an encounter with Jesus and became a believer in God. I will be praying for you this week that you will find this same healing in Him, the only one who can truly heal and make you whole❤️🩹
I once heard healing from trauma described like this and it helped me a lot on my healing journey. The trauma is like an island that we're standing on. In order to heal we need to start swimming to the shore of our healed/healing. That shore may not even be in our eyesight, yet in order to heal we have to get off. While we're swimming, we are going to come across islands that are meant to be places to rest along our long swim back to shore, but they look exactly like the island of trauma, which is confusing and it feels like we're not healing at all. We're usually in the space where we're learning and figuring out the tools to use in order to heal. We don't yet have the knowledge of what we're learning in order for hindsight to show us how far we've come in healing just yet. It really all comes down to letting time do it's job, but I understand how frustrating and unsatisfying that conclusion can feel. For myself, however, knowing that I was on an island to rest and learn when I felt like I was not healing at all, helped me stop ruminating and overthinking as much as I usually used to. I didn't know I was going to be getting my own personal mini therapy session with some great advice watching this podcast episode, but I did, and it was so welcomed and appreciated.
Man I relate to how you’re feeling Kristen! I started crying when you said you thought after last year you would start feeling better. Last year was soooo fucking hard and i thought this year I would be more healed and better. There’s moments where I see myself getting better but then it doesn’t stay that way and when I’m alone the reality of how I’m feeling is still the same and I thought I’d be doing better than this by now… but we’re gonna get through this girl it might take a while but we will ❤️
KRISTEN firstly happy belated birthday!! Secondly, thank you for being so brave and vulnerable during this episode. As someone who also struggles with anxiety and worsened hangsiety after drinking, this was extremely relatable and seeing someone else process things in real-time helped me put things into perspective. I can promise you that you are not alone in feeling this way. And I’m so proud of you for letting yourself sit in these feelings and process them. Your strength and openness through the process helps so many others and I hope that helps bring you solace when you’re going through it. Love and appreciate you so much.❤ Parasocial relationships are so funny but I really feel so seen and heard by you. Wishing you all the best
This is the most validating conversation. I’ve been in a new city for 2 years with no roots and am feeling the same way. Keep your head up, you’re not alone!
I fully resonate with what you’re feeling Kristen, it happens every year around my birthday, and sometimes randomly throughout the year. Sending you love, thank you for being vulnerable. (I started crying immediately with you guys 😂)
Hi Kristen I relate a lot to what your talking about missing connection and missing almost the dependability and routine of closer friends. I would really recommend maybe joining a club or a sport with some more social aspects to it. I started doing indoor climbing (bouldering specifically) about 2 years ago and the community is amazing. I would really recommend you try it out. It's a really nice way to add some structure into your life that your in charge of, like you get to chose when to go rather than it being like a same time every week kinda thing. The people are also super nice and usually very welcoming to beginners. I've made a few really close friends through climbing as well as just nice people that I get to hangout with at the gym. The sport itself isn't for everyone but I feel like you would enjoy the problem solving and movement aspects of it.
I’ve been feeling just like you Kristen. And it’s so beautiful to see that friendships do reaffirm all the good things that life has to bring. I love you guys take care
Kristen you're not alone. I resonated with everything you were saying and cried with you. 😢 Currently living in europe alone, going through a bad breakup, lost my job, and don't really have anyone here. Our late 20s are developmental years and things can be shitty at times. But they'll get better soon girl .. stay strong ❤
29 here and could not relate more!! My bestie and were just talking about how grateful we are that we are out of that phase 👌🏼 some drinks out at dinner/bowling/drinks at home game nights are where it’s at
it really hit me when you said "it's a privilege to age"...I was so nervous about turning 30 last year because I feel like I'm not at the point in my life that I should be in but 30 ended up being the hardest year of my life health wise! now I can't wait to be 31 in august because I can say I survived and my meds are working and I'm healthy again so who cares about the number!
Kristen - I wanted to share this as I feel there’s some things that may help you. I moved to a new country (Canada) a little over a year ago to be with my partner. And over the time I was here, I really struggled that everyone I knew was through him. That I hadn’t made my own organic friendships and community. What i will say, Kristen, is to go to the places you want to find similar people. Even if it’s a shot in the dark… for me, I found one of my great friends now at a Farmers market. But I would go to book clubs, or art classes, etc. and always put into the quantum field that I wanted true community. Feel all of the struggles and pain.. and alchemize it into a powerful intention to bring in new life into your life. It feels so challenging at times… I truly get it. I use to cry so much because while i was so grateful for so much, the desire for community was even greater. But it gets better. 💕 Sending love. Xo
Sending love Kristen❤️ I totally get how you feel. You saying you thought things would get better is almost exactly what I said to my therapist last week. I have “processed” my trauma (according to my therapist lol) and I assumed I’d get better by now. But new symptoms show up and I don’t know how to deal with them. But we live and we learn. And then we live some more and learn some more. You’ve got this & we’ll make our homes one day.
As a Pisces, this ep hit home soooo hard. I moved away for college a few years ago and completely experienced the same thing so you’re completely valid. Us Pisces just feel everything so so deeply, it’s one of our biggest super powers (as corny as that may sound) Just know you are so loved by so many people ❤
hi kristen, I'm ralph luis a fan from the philippines, you replied last year from my comment at one of your podcast videos, i just want to tell you, that you and alex, saved my life from living 3hrs far away from my family (alone), from 2yrs. you two both made me feel like i have a bestfriend that truly gets me from my weirdness, and what you describe about you feelings right now about being so exposed from busy people and also being alone while crying makes me cry because that what exactly what i've feel from last year and you and alex are one of those people who saved me from my depression and break up by opening a topic about going through it and just sitting through it. I'm dating a new guy now for a month and a half, and he truly treats me well beyond what i've prayed for, and i just want to say thank to the both of you from the bottom of my heart by influencing me to be in the right path that many people considered boring. thank you for keeping us in our toes by being authentic from yourselves. love you both. :')🙏🙇💖
This is exactly how I felt when I turned 29 (because I was in the same situation and cheated on right before), just the feeling of floating. I'm about to turn 31 this year, and I will say, it gets easier and you really start to lean into who you are and the where you're supposed to be really fast as soon as you hit 30! Not to say i'm there 100%, but i'm quickly leaning into it and my roots are growing. Hang in there, Kristen! Everyone is on their own timelines. Much love!
Kristen - I have PCOS so I have a lot of hormonal issues that affects my weight, skin, hair, ovaries, everything. And I have ADHD and the meds give me bathroom issues and dehydrate the fuck out of me. And I’ve had GI issues where I had heartburn for a year straight. So I alwayssss empathize with you because you are always struggling health wise and I’m like same girl 😭😭😭 if it’s not one thing it’s another man and it feels like I’m never just going to be “healthy” no matter how much I workout, try to sleep right (also have insomnia due to my PCOS and adderall), eat right. It’s EXHAUSTING when it seems like everyone around you just have bodies that function right and mine just doesn’t.
Started crying with you! I feel you Kristen. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way right now. I’ve had my peak into happy days and then it all comes tumbling down for long periods of times. It’s hard. Gotta keep hanging on to eventually see those happy days again 🤍🫂 you may not know where you belong but you’re helping hundreds of us feel like WE belong because we’re not alone in feeling this. You’re not alone either! Sending lots of happy vibes and peaceful days your way! Don’t forget you’re amazing 🫂
I’m crying with you maybe bc I’m feeling sorta the same? Like I know I don’t know everything that’s going on and very understandable. I can’t imagine sharing anything with anyone I don’t know but thank you for being vulnerable with strangers you haven’t met. It’s like you go through so much shit and there’s always something! Like it never fails but that’s why the good moments mean so much. It’s always easier said than done but you have Alex and Link and the ones that listen to the pod/vlogs are rooting for you. Love you 🥲
Thank you so much for your vulnerability, Kristen! I can definitely relate to you in a lot of ways. I moved out of my city 5 years ago and I’m still getting used to being in a completely different environment. My parents live almost 3 hours away and I’m extremely close to them, so it’s very hard not to see them on a daily basis. I’m also a mom and wife so they keep me on my toes. But there are definitely days where I feel super alone and sad and vulnerable and I don’t know how to shake that off. I have a lot of friends because of my husband and I don’t really have anyone close to me that is from my past, so it’s very hard to reach out to people when I’m desperately needing someone to talk to. It’s either my mom or my sister or my sister-in-law‘s. But it gets better. We’re only human and we can only hold so much emotions at once, so it’s always nice to have a good cry at least once a week for whatever reason.
im only 18 minutes in, but need to comment, i grew up in a big college city and now moved to a less social town and less people my age. i am a very social person but as a mid 20s gal, im with my boyfriend, but i didnt want my life to just be him. like you guys, i have friends who visit and its such a high, and with a high comes the come down. that come down forced myself to make more friends by joining weekly activites, i started going to a ballet class weekly and have never danced in my life. i ended up meeting 2 woman around my age and BECAUSE i see them every week, its give us a chance to be like "omg what are your weekend plans? maybe we should go do x, y or z." there was a big thing on tiktok about having a 3rd place. (work, home and one more spot) like in the show FRIENDS with was the coffee shop. you need a third place. mine is that dance studio. and dont say you dont have time, everyone has at least a couple hours to spare weekly.. ✨✨lots of love from a pisces/aries cusp, and happy belated K
Happy belated birthday kristen!! On another note, I heavily relate to you. Like my brain does such a good job at analyzing everything that I think and that I experience that it becomes overwhelming. Then to top it off, going on social media or the news and seeing the horrors of the world makes me spiral or feel selfish for having such "small" problems of my own. It becomes very easy to feel completely alone. I know I am just some random person, but you are not alone at all in what you are experiencing, i am at least one other person lol Thank you for always being so open and vulnerable to us, you and Alex have helped so many of us through so many situations. I wish nothing but the best to you lovely ladies. All in good time
happy belated birthday Kristen!! i understand the struggle of not being able to let go of the ‘why’, but i agree with Alex, sometimes you just got to release it. i highly recommend reading ‘the daily stoic’ by Ryan Holiday, the whole stoic philosophy is surrounded around the power of letting go of things. love you, happy april 💕💕
ugh kristen, i have never related to something THIS much. I turn 29 4/23 and its going to be the loneliest one so far. Friends have moved away and my 2 ride or dies are still around, but schedules and personal interests sort of make it challenging to plan something we'll all enjoy.Making new friends is so challenging as adults. I've made attempts and there potential for really good friendships but all are in their early/superficial phase that i don't really expect them to show up for me just yet lol. we can only keep growing, making attempts and keep showing up. The past few years i've grown accustomed to doing things on my own because either wise i'd miss out. I can't afford that anymore, growing older that's just not something i'm willing to sacrifice out of fear of being alone.
i just turned 27 and feel this so deeply, feeling surrounded by people but still feeling so lonely. I'm in a relationship and i still feel lonely.. I'm someone who is very introspective and hyper self aware and i feel the negative affects deeply. I'm talking with my therapist about being present and in the moment and to try to not think to deeply on these things and appreciate what you have currently. even when you mentioned your birthday and being surrounded by 'friends' who are just friends of friends, same happened with me and it feels very isolating. all to say, i think these things pass with time! thank you for speaking my truth along with yours, all love from Philly!!
Kristen! Happy belated birthday!! I understand so deeply the way you want to repress your pain because other's have it harder. I always try to remind myself even if someone next to you has a broken leg, if you stub your toe it HURTS. You're allowed to feel you're own pain no matter how big or small it may feel. I hope you're able to find more compassion with yourself. 💗
Ahhh. Another day, another year around the sun, happy belated birthday to Kristen 💞 it’s your Saturn return era! So so sooo much growth will happen and we’re so happy you have a support system (family and friends) + us 🫶 I’m gonna be so honest, I had to pause this and come back to it many times because it was hitting a hard spot for me and my own anxieties (that I ignore a lot) but it was such a good episode, like them alll~ I love you girls ! You’re like the older sisters I always wanted (,:
idea: if you ever need a break, take a 90 minute train out to Long Island on a nice day and get away from that big ole' city (all love for nyc but as a native New Yorker I always feel being in proximity to so many peoples' energies at all times takes its' toll) but yes the summers coming up and Long Island has lots of nature spots to enjoy, clear the ole noggin and reconnect to your inner child :)
Girl. YES. I have endo and PMDD and a host of hormone issues. Breaking up with alcohol is the BEST thing I ever did for my body. Weed and Shrooms can stay! They don’t cause that flood of stress hormones and are way more gentle on your body. Even one beer or one glass of wine is too much now. For me the worst of it started at 30. Now…..I haven’t had alcohol in like two years and I do not miss it at all. Even one glass of wine or one beer now causes such harm. Good job tuning in to what it is that your bodies need 🫶🫶🫶
The podcast with Liza as the first guest you all talked about self love. I was in the midst of severe depression. Liza mentioned a philosopher and talked about what it meant and how it helped save his own life. I took it very differently from how she put it, I want to clarify I don’t disagree with it either, but I took it as I am living as me, myself, and I. I still don’t know what that really means and knew I just needed something the grasp on to. I was just waiting for something like that and it helped. It wasn’t self love I was really lacking. It was the knowledge of myself that I felt I should know about. Point is- there will always be a new interest that sparks something for you. It just takes time. With that time just try new things. You know yourself better than anyone ever will. You’re the one who knows exactly what teeth hurt when you eat something cold wrong. You’re the one who knows how your headaches genuinely feel. You are growing. It takes time for the flower to see the sun. The flower must spend time under the soil and sometimes mud to then see the light. Then, for time for a small stem to grow more. Then more time for the flower to bud and more to bloom. The time passing is time that will pass anyways. Sometimes the sun we are trying to find has shifted places, and that’s okay. You’ll find it. In the meantime- there’s always love in the birds chirping, sleepovers with friends, the humor in a giggle, and waking up parched with a water bottle of crisp cold water rightttt next your bed.
Not me listening to this on my post work walk almost crying with you. Sending you big big love Kristen! How lucky you are to have Alex as your bestie 😭❤️ can relate big time re: spiralling around your birthday and thank you for even speaking about this because I thought it was just me who felt like this.
Kristen, I've been reading a lot of David R Hawkins - underrated btw - and his work has helped e with emotional/spiritual plateaus. Love you and I hope this phase passes with as much ease and grace as possible xx
*Kristen book yourself in some cooking classes asap* - Also, don't laugh, but there's these things called *"sharing circles"* that are so incredible for healing & connection (look them up, find one nearby, & don't overthink it, just go), also again don't laugh... But there's something so magic about *'cuddle puddles'* when you're craving that depth of feeling with others, that sort of spiritual 'knowing', where you just feel seen without having to say anything... Likewise, *'eyegazing'* events almost always make me cry, with complete strangers... I feel you so much on this episode you have no idea... I hope you see this comment, these things although slightly unconventional boy they're amazingly helpful for these exact feelings! ❤ There is so much I want to say.... This episode was so special (Kristen you are such a beautiful soul, your vulnerability is such a gift, I'll probably come back & write a bigger msg when its not bedtime) - Thank you..... Truly ❤ Sending so much love from Australia xxxxx
Be nice to yourself Kristen your feelings are valid now more than ever, were all experiencing major energy shifts from this eclipse happening soon! All this energy is not all coming from you. Stay kind too urself . I love you
Hot take: Kristen would you ever consider getting a 9-5 type job? I wonder if being newly single, in a different state, away from your “norm”, PLUS having a career that is solely on your shoulders where the loneliness possibly stem from? Like maybe if you were apart of a new group of people, in a setting that’s new + having a task and goal and idk experience? help? I know the social media influencer job is real and demanding and all about you, always… that has to be suffocating at times. Idk, I feel like you could do it. And it would be beneficial and give you new purpose and outlook. I think also that how Alex isn’t as lonely (aside from her man) she has something else that’s hers besides just the internet and what she shares with us.. please don’t take this in a mean way… I just really feel like a friend who wants you happy and wants to help.
Also, I know your audience means so much to you. As a long time fan, I feel it. But don’t ever put yourself on the back burner for us. Do what you need to do for you… you owe us no apologies or reasonings! I hope you find the clarity you deserve girl. Your vulnerability is so inspiring.
Hey Kristen, it honestly sounds like you are going through your retrograde! Despite what it is know you aren’t alone and we all love you so much 💛 I am with you on the no friends. My best friend lives in Michigan and she is my Alex. It sucks so bad. I live in Maryland and have very much become a hermit. I have leaned into that though and romanticized it! While I was healing I would pick up random crafts and things I could do creatively and it helped ALOT. I would be patient in your healing. This could be your body needing a break emotionally and to hermit up in your space with Alex. I love you. I was crying with you and I just very much understand this feeling. I live in Maryland and have been here for 6 years. I have two friends and they have both been found through my Husband. So I went through this too last year and I have made it to the other side! Stay strong my Love 💛
Happy belated birthday Kristen!! Also... I absolutely relate to your points of not liking to massively drink anymore but growing up around my parents who socially drink and still do all the time and feeling weird like "why can't I be like them, why do I have to be different". I quit drinking for almost 7 years, everyone around me made fun (parents included) I've recently started socially drinking and I still don't like it, can't keep up either and still get made fun of. I can't win! Why can't we feel the way we feel without being judged?
When I lived in the city, I had such high hopes to feel like myself and feel comfortable in that space. But after a while, you’re 100% correct when you said you’ve never felt lonelier. I don’t know or think you’re craving friendship just like you said… I think you’re craving routine and interactions with people for example, Driving every day in LA, getting that sense of going somewhere without going somewhere because you have the freedom to drive, the interactions with something other than dirty streets, bars, seeing people in suits, and often people in New York keep to themselves on a daily basis. The only time that you’ll have an interaction with someone in the city, is when you’re out and when you’re drinking, so all of your feelings are very valid and it’s not telling you you don’t belong in New York City, but the feelings that your feeling, I have felt them too, while living in the city. I live on the shore in New Jersey… Yes, the Jersey shore lol. Which in retrospect I never thought that I would want to be here forever, but the atmosphere and the freedom of being able to drive anywhere, go to the beach, be with nature, and also be able to drive to the city is everything. That was really deep lol… I think you should spend a week or two at the Jersey shore this summer , to kind of yearn for what you’re missing in the bay area and LA
Asbury Park, New Jersey and Lavallette, New Jersey will definitely give you that feeling that you’re missing. Rent that car, and come to the Jersey shore 😂 🫶🏻
I can relate so much to the part of not feeling like you have any roots. I moved to the US from Europe a year and 4 months ago and I still feel so new to this place, and like I don’t have any roots. It sort of feels like being born again, but more in a way of feeling like a baby and everything is so new, not in a ”reborn spiritual” way haha. I unfortunately don’t really have any advice because I’m in a similar situation to Kristen of not knowing how to feel grounded. If anything, I just hope this helps you feel less alone in that feeling ❤️
I was curious about what "The White House SF toy department" sticker meant in the back of the book you got. The White House was actually the name of the first department store opened in San Fransisco and was open from 1854 to 1965. The store was actually taken over by Raphael Weill for some time and Weill was a member of the Bohemian Grove! The book you got was originally published in 1907 which would've been the same time Weill was in charge of the store so it makes perfect sense that he would have sold it there. So cool!
... Yes we have family, friends, places, culture, ets that are a part of our roots. But we are capable of building roots within ourselves. A metaphor to look at it this way, 'the seed breaks in order to grow and build roots'. It starts with us and from there, we expand. Kristen, its the process of change, its hard because we are like that seed that breaks. And thats beautiful.
that’s exactly what i’ve been feeling like for the past year and a half. i don’t have anyone consistent to hang out with other than my boyfriend. i feel like my friends and i are kind of drifting off and i have no idea what to do about it. it’s really sad because we used to hang out almost everyday but for the past year and a half we’ve slowly started to hang out less and less. and now we hang out once every 4 months. this is hitting so close to home right now
Hey gals, just want to add my perpective of what Kristen and Alex were saying... We have to understand that we aren't meant to know everything and thats the beauty of it. Not knowing the purpose is exactly what gives meaning to the moments in our life. There can't be a multple choice answer to the purpose behind events, people, ourselves, etc. Plus there is way more than just purpose, like feelings, emotions, and the simple process of things that we can enjoy. Its about looking at, and living through the journey. The why behind it is mearly a validation. Why would we need to validate our lives or people? Everything and everyone is worthy of joining in on our journey of life just because. Its simple, often times we just complicate it.
ME TOO!!! I’m 29 too and I literally JUST swore off raging with alcohol after St. Patrick’s Day and I didn’t even get drunk. My husband and I were 2 bars in with our friends and we both just looked at each other and were like “We’re too old for this sh*t” So we went home at 9:30 and we haven’t drank since. I don’t mind social drinking but I’m OVER the craziness of it all. Glad to know I’m not alone lol.
I’m at the beginning where you’re talking about drinking habits & I feel that. I’m on new meds and it freaks me out to take them when I’m drunk so I skip it & then I feel horrible the next day. But I LOVE getting drunk and dancing at a club. I also quit weed 4 ish months ago bc it stopped agreeing with me & made my mental health worse. So alcohol has become the only substance ill use but now that’s getting in the way of my recovery tooooooow UGH
Happy belated birthday Kristen❤ it makes me so sad that someone who uplifts so many people feels so lonely. You might’ve given an update on this, but are you still looking into acupuncture school? I’m also a spiritual gal, and the whole time you were talking about your feelings, i thought about how beneficial school could be for you. I’ve felt similar feelings a couple of years ago. Going through something shitty and then feeling like I had no one except my bf. After a while, I switched jobs. Found my soul ties with my new coworkers. All this to say, maybe a community/purpose like that would help with the funk? I know it’s a huge decision and I’m not sure if you came to a decision on it, but I just have a sense that perhaps the universe is trying to push you down that path. Lots of love ❤
happy birthday kristennn!!!!!!!!🎉 i know you posed this question to Patreon but I’ll just still comment this to the void if you maybe see it. but how ive always found new roots/community in a new home was finding a consistent place that i needed to show up to. for me thats always manifested itself in either like work or school. i know you talked about going to school for a few different things and you were kinda looking at the logistics into what that would be. (i might of missed the update on that so sorry if i did.)if you went back to school especially if its something you are passionate about and in person i truly it would be good for your soul. the other thing is work. idk if this is option you have ever looked into but you have clearly so many talents and interests that i think you can easily find a part time job maybe for a brand, an aromatherapy store, a vintage shop. even if its its one of those ill work for nothing but i get to be busy in a new kind of way. or you get to be creative and it’s completely separate from your business. but getting to contribute to something outside of you and you have that obligation to be there will be so rewarding. and it’s not as big of a commitment as signing up for school. Influencing is a freaking cool job and it also seems like it can be so isolating. if you feel isolated in NY I completely get that, it’s such a community driven place so when you haven’t found your community yet it feels like you are always on the outside of the some joke. but I believe in you and truly think there’s a reason you had your strong feeling to move here. maybe it’s the place that’s supposed to give you this new perspective of your life and what you value. not just career wise but to your core. maybe it’s suppose to push you to completely out of your comfort zone and make you look at options you never would have considered at home. we all rooting for you!!!
I also was in such denial about going on medication for mental health issues and then finally gave in when I had a bad mental breakdown and what a crazy difference it makes, even being on only 5 mg
With the whole suppressing thoughts and whys and all that - it’s not a choice to focus on those things, if we could stop we would, unfortunately it’s clinical anxiety - it’s the most exhausting and frustrating thing, and if you don’t deal with it you don’t understand it unfortunately. Can be frustrating to be told to force yourself and just stop, cos we WANT that SO badly omg. That’s all we want. To have a healthy brain that does shut up for ONCE 😂
With the milk drink… I’m a bartender and it’s called milk washing! You don’t actually drink the milk in the cocktail. It purifies it and makes it shelf stable!! You should do it!
Awe you started to cry and I wanted to cry :( girl for the past two years I got SA I got physically beat I also had his baby my son is 2 He cheated on me and got her pregnant my bd was on top of me strangling me and told me he fantasized about killing me because he cheated on me but everything was always my fault it’s been about 6 months I packed up and left I haven’t been in contact I’m going to tell you right now I can understand feeling lonely and empty feelings And I wish I could hug you and be your friend because you’ve literally got me through sooo much and my favorite episode is the self love one with Liza idk you’re not alone girl I love you so much keep your head up
You guys should have Ally Lewber on! She’s an astrologer and can dive deep into your birth charts. Also, I need weekly updates on where Kristen is at with VPR!
I moved to upstate New York in April 2022, right before you all moved to NYC. I feel the exact same way as you do, Kristen, about not feeling settled or like you have a place. I wonder all the time, Is it even possible to root in a place you didn't grow from?
"While you're waiting for time to heal, what do you do with your fucking hands" That was the best way to put it and resonated so deeply for me.. Healing is so muddy, almost feels like you'll never get out. Love your souls for each other, thank you both for being so open and real. Love you guys! Happy belated birthday, Kristen. 💙
Kirsten, forgive me for a little psychoanalysis, but I do it out of love and feeling similarly. I think birthdays unearth a feeling where you evaluate where your life is at, and you think you should have things figured out because age = wisdom. Especially at the age you’re at. Girl, you’re still in your twenties. You don’t have to have shit figure out or your life planned out. Waves of loneliness will happen, especially as an after effect of a big social event. I’m five years older, and while I often feel as though I still don’t know shit, I can unequivocally promise you that you will look back at yourself at this age and say, ‘girl stop tormenting yourself for no reason. It’s funny you thought you could figure everything out then.’ You’re fighting the normal stasis of your twenties which is not knowing or understanding anything, but thinking you do. I promise you - the sooner you can accept that you don’t have to figure it out, the sooner you will set yourself free. I know it’s easier said than done. Your feelings are valid. Just trying to give some advice as someone who’s gone through it. Promise you’ll agree with me when you’re here. Wisdom is not knowing everything, it is knowing you know nothing. Just made that up. Not bad 😉 (update: I guess Socrates said it first 😏 whatever) it’ll all be okay. It takes time. And sometimes time is a stubborn, little bitch.
❤
Thanks❤ needed that.
beautifully said
This is one of the most relatable episodes you guys have done up to date. Thank you for opening up, I fall into this dark hole every three months and don't know what to do with myself and my feelings. I lost my mum 3.5 years ago and people keep telling me that "okay, it has been long enough - you can't pull that card anymore".. but I feel I will always be grieving and always trying to stay afloat while this loss will forever try and sink me. So please know you are not alone and there is a community that is here, celebrating your birthday with you - and we hope you feel that 100% of people here are here through you, because of you. Stay the best.
Oh my god. Fuck those type of people.
'while ur waiting for time to heal what do u do with ur hands' is exactly what i've been asking myself for months now... hard 2 see someone else going through it but selfishly comforting to know i'm not alone.. thank u for sharing ur truth kristen
I felt just like you for yearssss until a few months ago I gave meds a try and they truly changed my life…yes good habits, self care, meditation, exercise and all of it works but once you hit a wall a that no longer keeps you constantly calm and happy medication works wonders. They’re just an aid to our brain. Wishing you peace and happiness ✨you deserve it
The part at 48:30 really made my tear up too 😭😭 you guys are the bestest friends/sisters ever and in that moment you can just see the love and appreciation from both of you in different ways, i love it 🥺🥺🫶🏼 Happy (late) Birthday K ❤❤❤
These slumps are sooo hard to get out of sometimes and Alex is right, we all have been there and felt these things. Just remind yourself that it’s temporary, you’re not going to feel this way forever even if it feels that way right now. Go through it, feel all the feelings and keep expressing them when you need to. You’re helping anyone else who’s in it with you right now. Keep pushin girlie. We love you 💛
Thank you so much for being so vulnerable Kristen 🩵 so relatable
Happy belated Kristen. Ugh my heart hurts for you. I’m crying with you… my dad is in the hospital and I was just telling my boyfriend that I just want a break… from the universe. I’m so tired of being hurt and scared and I just want everything to be better. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. I love you girlies and the pod has gotten me through sooo much. You guys are real life angels and I am so glad you guys have each other. ❤❤
Kristen!! Never stop speaking your truth!! The way you explain things is SO often how I feel. I lost my husband 2.5 years ago to an overdose… time has helped but the feeling of healing will never be over with is CONSUMING! Gosh your words are EXACTLY how I feel.
Omfg Kristen I’ve been feeling the exact same way about loneliness and not seeing people UGH😩 this is the first time in my life that all my close friends and acquaintances are in relationships so I feel like everyone’s been in their partnerships and I haven’t been getting replies when I reach out :/ and as much as I’m decently comfortable w doing things alone it’s just getting OLD man…I’m tired of having to go to every show alone.. to lunch.. to dinner.. to the park.. to all the things I wanna go do. And I completely relate to feeling like you’ve just been getting beaten down for too long and can’t catch a break. I went thru a shitty breakup 3 yrs ago that I’m still getting over because it so deeply traumatized me. And every rejection and every late or no reply from anyone whether platonic or romantic is just twisting the knife in the wound more. I really hope things start looking up for us queen ❤️
Dude i lived in new york for several years and it gave me some of the best and some of the worst moments of my life. It truly drags you through the depths of hell and then holds your hand on the way up. Its such an amazing city to live in to pull you out of every comfort zone you have. Stay for 3 years, get over the 3 year hump and you'll find your vibe. I also highly recommend Brooklyn. Brooklyn has an air about it that feels more like home. There are so many spots there I feel like you'd really connect with. You guys mentioned moving there, I think that's where you'd find this sense of connection with the city and the people in it. All love to you both, hugs to Kristen!!
46:25 Kristen, I’ve never commented on videos ever. But what you said here about the shit going on in the world, and you feeling small in the larger scope of things just resonated with me so much. I suffer with the exact same thing. And I heard this speech about comparitive suffering from Brene Brown in 2020 when the world was going to shit and it changed my life
Emotions do not go away because we send them a message that these feelings are inappropriate and do not score high enough on the suffering board. Please delete all feelings related to this. You’re not in pain enough.
When we deny the emotions we are feeling, they double down, burrow, fester, and metastasize. They invite shame over for the party.
This loop is extremely dangerous.
WHY?
When you practice empathy with yourself, there’s more empathy to give. Empathy is not finite. Love is the last thing we need to ration right now. The surest way to ensure you have a reserve of compassion and empathy is to attend to your own feelings. Empathy is the antidote to shame.
Hope this helps?
I LOVE your guys friendship! This is what friendship is all about. Not taking anything personal that the other is saying and legit wanting to help eachother and better eachother. Please be proud of yourselves because these conversations are not easy to have and to have eachother and the maturity level you both are on. Amazing
Remember this is your reality and the worse YOU have experienced. Don’t compare it to anyone else’s. Also remember you are doing the best that you can. In moments when you lose compassion for yourself ask yourself am I doing the best that I can? The answer will be yes because you are working OT underpaid on healing. Be gentle with yourself, it’s what’s keeping you alive to experience the good things in life.
This episode tore my heart out in the best way. I look up to both of you and your wisdom more than anything, Alex preaching on the human experience with these feelings really solidified that yearning we all experience to find our place and niche. Kristen you are so not alone. It is so hard to heal wounds that reach deep, and waiting for that ‘break’ you describe from the universe to move on and be yourself is excruciating. You will find something incredible to do with your hands in the meantime and might not even realize it. -Thank you for your vulnerability and strength in speaking about this topic. ❤
Alex helped Kristen get grounded 🖤 I saw the little discomfort in Kristen but in a good way(potential breakthrough) these two are amazing!
Love y’all so much good comes from this podcast even just to procrastinate and snack on chips for a reason lol
Oh Kristen.. I usually listen to the pod and somehow today I decided to turn it on video version and boy im so glad I did. I cried w you and I resonate so much of how you’re feeling and I just want to let you know you’re not alone! Love you guys ✨
Fellow Aries
I feel this way on my birthday every year .
I have a memory of when I was turning ten, sitting in my cardboard box fort crying that I would never be single digits again, lolZ.
I never comment on RUclips videos but wanted to throw a suggestion out there .
I moved to Hawaii and same as you was struggling putting down roots
Ended up getting a server job one day a week
-met so many cool people,
-made a good lil amount of cash
- felt hella more rooted.
I ended up staying in Hawaii five years .
Then this year on my 30th birthday cried and reflected ALOT I ended up coming to the realization that no matter how many friends I have in Hawaii the people I cherish the most (my siblings and long term friends) were who I wanted to be spending my time with and moved back to my home state 3 days later THREE DAYS
I’m still happy I lived in Hawaii those 5 years I grew and learned so much and am truly able to appreciate how special it is to be around for the birthdays and events of the people I care most about in this world and them for mine , I realized where i am is not what matters but who I’m with .
Anyways, try getting a part time job in New York ? I do t think y’all touched on that but I’m sure the fact you work online plays a lot into how you are feeling
I feel for you Kristen- I remember feeling this way many, many times. I was so empty inside, I felt like the whole world couldn’t contain my sadness and how misunderstood I felt. And then, I had an encounter with Jesus and became a believer in God. I will be praying for you this week that you will find this same healing in Him, the only one who can truly heal and make you whole❤️🩹
I once heard healing from trauma described like this and it helped me a lot on my healing journey. The trauma is like an island that we're standing on. In order to heal we need to start swimming to the shore of our healed/healing. That shore may not even be in our eyesight, yet in order to heal we have to get off. While we're swimming, we are going to come across islands that are meant to be places to rest along our long swim back to shore, but they look exactly like the island of trauma, which is confusing and it feels like we're not healing at all. We're usually in the space where we're learning and figuring out the tools to use in order to heal. We don't yet have the knowledge of what we're learning in order for hindsight to show us how far we've come in healing just yet. It really all comes down to letting time do it's job, but I understand how frustrating and unsatisfying that conclusion can feel. For myself, however, knowing that I was on an island to rest and learn when I felt like I was not healing at all, helped me stop ruminating and overthinking as much as I usually used to.
I didn't know I was going to be getting my own personal mini therapy session with some great advice watching this podcast episode, but I did, and it was so welcomed and appreciated.
Man I relate to how you’re feeling Kristen! I started crying when you said you thought after last year you would start feeling better. Last year was soooo fucking hard and i thought this year I would be more healed and better. There’s moments where I see myself getting better but then it doesn’t stay that way and when I’m alone the reality of how I’m feeling is still the same and I thought I’d be doing better than this by now…
but we’re gonna get through this girl it might take a while but we will ❤️
KRISTEN firstly happy belated birthday!! Secondly, thank you for being so brave and vulnerable during this episode. As someone who also struggles with anxiety and worsened hangsiety after drinking, this was extremely relatable and seeing someone else process things in real-time helped me put things into perspective. I can promise you that you are not alone in feeling this way. And I’m so proud of you for letting yourself sit in these feelings and process them. Your strength and openness through the process helps so many others and I hope that helps bring you solace when you’re going through it. Love and appreciate you so much.❤ Parasocial relationships are so funny but I really feel so seen and heard by you. Wishing you all the best
This is the most validating conversation. I’ve been in a new city for 2 years with no roots and am feeling the same way. Keep your head up, you’re not alone!
I fully resonate with what you’re feeling Kristen, it happens every year around my birthday, and sometimes randomly throughout the year. Sending you love, thank you for being vulnerable.
(I started crying immediately with you guys 😂)
Hi Kristen I relate a lot to what your talking about missing connection and missing almost the dependability and routine of closer friends. I would really recommend maybe joining a club or a sport with some more social aspects to it. I started doing indoor climbing (bouldering specifically) about 2 years ago and the community is amazing. I would really recommend you try it out. It's a really nice way to add some structure into your life that your in charge of, like you get to chose when to go rather than it being like a same time every week kinda thing. The people are also super nice and usually very welcoming to beginners. I've made a few really close friends through climbing as well as just nice people that I get to hangout with at the gym. The sport itself isn't for everyone but I feel like you would enjoy the problem solving and movement aspects of it.
thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for this episode. i cannot stress enough how much i relate. ❤️
I’ve been feeling just like you Kristen. And it’s so beautiful to see that friendships do reaffirm all the good things that life has to bring. I love you guys take care
Kristen you're not alone. I resonated with everything you were saying and cried with you. 😢
Currently living in europe alone, going through a bad breakup, lost my job, and don't really have anyone here.
Our late 20s are developmental years and things can be shitty at
times.
But they'll get better soon girl .. stay strong ❤
Happy belated Kristen. Keep going ladies we love yo faces. ❤
I loved this episode. I’m in a place where I’m searching and tired of the mundane and pretty lonely. You’re not alone Kristen! Keep it up 💪🏻
29 here and could not relate more!! My bestie and were just talking about how grateful we are that we are out of that phase 👌🏼 some drinks out at dinner/bowling/drinks at home game nights are where it’s at
it really hit me when you said "it's a privilege to age"...I was so nervous about turning 30 last year because I feel like I'm not at the point in my life that I should be in but 30 ended up being the hardest year of my life health wise! now I can't wait to be 31 in august because I can say I survived and my meds are working and I'm healthy again so who cares about the number!
Kristen - I wanted to share this as I feel there’s some things that may help you. I moved to a new country (Canada) a little over a year ago to be with my partner. And over the time I was here, I really struggled that everyone I knew was through him. That I hadn’t made my own organic friendships and community.
What i will say, Kristen, is to go to the places you want to find similar people. Even if it’s a shot in the dark… for me, I found one of my great friends now at a Farmers market. But I would go to book clubs, or art classes, etc. and always put into the quantum field that I wanted true community.
Feel all of the struggles and pain.. and alchemize it into a powerful intention to bring in new life into your life.
It feels so challenging at times… I truly get it. I use to cry so much because while i was so grateful for so much, the desire for community was even greater. But it gets better. 💕
Sending love. Xo
Sending love Kristen❤️ I totally get how you feel. You saying you thought things would get better is almost exactly what I said to my therapist last week. I have “processed” my trauma (according to my therapist lol) and I assumed I’d get better by now. But new symptoms show up and I don’t know how to deal with them. But we live and we learn. And then we live some more and learn some more. You’ve got this & we’ll make our homes one day.
As a Pisces, this ep hit home soooo hard. I moved away for college a few years ago and completely experienced the same thing so you’re completely valid. Us Pisces just feel everything so so deeply, it’s one of our biggest super powers (as corny as that may sound) Just know you are so loved by so many people ❤
hi kristen, I'm ralph luis a fan from the philippines, you replied last year from my comment at one of your podcast videos, i just want to tell you, that you and alex, saved my life from living 3hrs far away from my family (alone), from 2yrs. you two both made me feel like i have a bestfriend that truly gets me from my weirdness, and what you describe about you feelings right now about being so exposed from busy people and also being alone while crying makes me cry because that what exactly what i've feel from last year and you and alex are one of those people who saved me from my depression and break up by opening a topic about going through it and just sitting through it.
I'm dating a new guy now for a month and a half, and he truly treats me well beyond what i've prayed for, and i just want to say thank to the both of you from the bottom of my heart by influencing me to be in the right path that many people considered boring.
thank you for keeping us in our toes by being authentic from yourselves. love you both. :')🙏🙇💖
This is exactly how I felt when I turned 29 (because I was in the same situation and cheated on right before), just the feeling of floating. I'm about to turn 31 this year, and I will say, it gets easier and you really start to lean into who you are and the where you're supposed to be really fast as soon as you hit 30! Not to say i'm there 100%, but i'm quickly leaning into it and my roots are growing. Hang in there, Kristen! Everyone is on their own timelines. Much love!
Kristen, feel it ❤
You’re floating and that’s ok you’ll be swimming again soon baby I promise. Keep going
Your friendship is so so beautiful 🥺❤️
Kristen - I have PCOS so I have a lot of hormonal issues that affects my weight, skin, hair, ovaries, everything. And I have ADHD and the meds give me bathroom issues and dehydrate the fuck out of me. And I’ve had GI issues where I had heartburn for a year straight. So I alwayssss empathize with you because you are always struggling health wise and I’m like same girl 😭😭😭 if it’s not one thing it’s another man and it feels like I’m never just going to be “healthy” no matter how much I workout, try to sleep right (also have insomnia due to my PCOS and adderall), eat right. It’s EXHAUSTING when it seems like everyone around you just have bodies that function right and mine just doesn’t.
Started crying with you! I feel you Kristen. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way right now. I’ve had my peak into happy days and then it all comes tumbling down for long periods of times. It’s hard. Gotta keep hanging on to eventually see those happy days again 🤍🫂 you may not know where you belong but you’re helping hundreds of us feel like WE belong because we’re not alone in feeling this. You’re not alone either! Sending lots of happy vibes and peaceful days your way! Don’t forget you’re amazing 🫂
Happy Birthday Kristen! I'm so proud of the woman you continue growing into and you have such a good heart❤
I’m crying with you maybe bc I’m feeling sorta the same? Like I know I don’t know everything that’s going on and very understandable. I can’t imagine sharing anything with anyone I don’t know but thank you for being vulnerable with strangers you haven’t met. It’s like you go through so much shit and there’s always something! Like it never fails but that’s why the good moments mean so much. It’s always easier said than done but you have Alex and Link and the ones that listen to the pod/vlogs are rooting for you. Love you 🥲
My heart goes out to you. I feel this pain/sadness. I love you. Thank you for being vulnerable.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability, Kristen! I can definitely relate to you in a lot of ways. I moved out of my city 5 years ago and I’m still getting used to being in a completely different environment. My parents live almost 3 hours away and I’m extremely close to them, so it’s very hard not to see them on a daily basis. I’m also a mom and wife so they keep me on my toes. But there are definitely days where I feel super alone and sad and vulnerable and I don’t know how to shake that off. I have a lot of friends because of my husband and I don’t really have anyone close to me that is from my past, so it’s very hard to reach out to people when I’m desperately needing someone to talk to. It’s either my mom or my sister or my sister-in-law‘s. But it gets better. We’re only human and we can only hold so much emotions at once, so it’s always nice to have a good cry at least once a week for whatever reason.
im only 18 minutes in, but need to comment, i grew up in a big college city and now moved to a less social town and less people my age. i am a very social person but as a mid 20s gal, im with my boyfriend, but i didnt want my life to just be him. like you guys, i have friends who visit and its such a high, and with a high comes the come down. that come down forced myself to make more friends by joining weekly activites, i started going to a ballet class weekly and have never danced in my life. i ended up meeting 2 woman around my age and BECAUSE i see them every week, its give us a chance to be like "omg what are your weekend plans? maybe we should go do x, y or z." there was a big thing on tiktok about having a 3rd place. (work, home and one more spot) like in the show FRIENDS with was the coffee shop. you need a third place. mine is that dance studio. and dont say you dont have time, everyone has at least a couple hours to spare weekly.. ✨✨lots of love from a pisces/aries cusp, and happy belated K
Belated Happy birthday Kristen and advanced happy birthday Alex!
Happy belated birthday kristen!!
On another note, I heavily relate to you. Like my brain does such a good job at analyzing everything that I think and that I experience that it becomes overwhelming. Then to top it off, going on social media or the news and seeing the horrors of the world makes me spiral or feel selfish for having such "small" problems of my own. It becomes very easy to feel completely alone. I know I am just some random person, but you are not alone at all in what you are experiencing, i am at least one other person lol
Thank you for always being so open and vulnerable to us, you and Alex have helped so many of us through so many situations. I wish nothing but the best to you lovely ladies.
All in good time
happy belated birthday Kristen!!
i understand the struggle of not being able to let go of the ‘why’, but i agree with Alex, sometimes you just got to release it.
i highly recommend reading ‘the daily stoic’ by Ryan Holiday, the whole stoic philosophy is surrounded around the power of letting go of things.
love you, happy april 💕💕
ugh kristen, i have never related to something THIS much. I turn 29 4/23 and its going to be the loneliest one so far. Friends have moved away and my 2 ride or dies are still around, but schedules and personal interests sort of make it challenging to plan something we'll all enjoy.Making new friends is so challenging as adults. I've made attempts and there potential for really good friendships but all are in their early/superficial phase that i don't really expect them to show up for me just yet lol. we can only keep growing, making attempts and keep showing up. The past few years i've grown accustomed to doing things on my own because either wise i'd miss out. I can't afford that anymore, growing older that's just not something i'm willing to sacrifice out of fear of being alone.
i just turned 27 and feel this so deeply, feeling surrounded by people but still feeling so lonely. I'm in a relationship and i still feel lonely.. I'm someone who is very introspective and hyper self aware and i feel the negative affects deeply. I'm talking with my therapist about being present and in the moment and to try to not think to deeply on these things and appreciate what you have currently. even when you mentioned your birthday and being surrounded by 'friends' who are just friends of friends, same happened with me and it feels very isolating. all to say, i think these things pass with time! thank you for speaking my truth along with yours, all love from Philly!!
Kristen! Happy belated birthday!! I understand so deeply the way you want to repress your pain because other's have it harder. I always try to remind myself even if someone next to you has a broken leg, if you stub your toe it HURTS. You're allowed to feel you're own pain no matter how big or small it may feel. I hope you're able to find more compassion with yourself. 💗
The way I reached for my water bottle when Kristen said to drink water 💅🏼 Love you girls and happy 29 Kristeeeen !
Sending all the hugs to Kristen 😭🫶❤️
Alex explained that perfectly 23:23. It’s just a funk you’re in and only temporary 🧚🏼♀️✨
Kristen, I love you so much, you’re not alone
Saturn return has started 🪐 happy belated bday! Sending so much love your way
Ahhh. Another day, another year around the sun, happy belated birthday to Kristen 💞 it’s your Saturn return era! So so sooo much growth will happen and we’re so happy you have a support system (family and friends) + us 🫶
I’m gonna be so honest, I had to pause this and come back to it many times because it was hitting a hard spot for me and my own anxieties (that I ignore a lot) but it was such a good episode, like them alll~
I love you girls ! You’re like the older sisters I always wanted (,:
idea: if you ever need a break, take a 90 minute train out to Long Island on a nice day and get away from that big ole' city (all love for nyc but as a native New Yorker I always feel being in proximity to so many peoples' energies at all times takes its' toll) but yes the summers coming up and Long Island has lots of nature spots to enjoy, clear the ole noggin and reconnect to your inner child :)
aww and when Kristen said "I'm rootless"... and what a lucky place to be :) you can plant those roots anywhere!
Girl. YES. I have endo and PMDD and a host of hormone issues. Breaking up with alcohol is the BEST thing I ever did for my body. Weed and Shrooms can stay! They don’t cause that flood of stress hormones and are way more gentle on your body. Even one beer or one glass of wine is too much now. For me the worst of it started at 30. Now…..I haven’t had alcohol in like two years and I do not miss it at all. Even one glass of wine or one beer now causes such harm. Good job tuning in to what it is that your bodies need 🫶🫶🫶
Happy belated birthday Kristen!
The podcast with Liza as the first guest you all talked about self love. I was in the midst of severe depression. Liza mentioned a philosopher and talked about what it meant and how it helped save his own life. I took it very differently from how she put it, I want to clarify I don’t disagree with it either, but I took it as I am living as me, myself, and I. I still don’t know what that really means and knew I just needed something the grasp on to. I was just waiting for something like that and it helped. It wasn’t self love I was really lacking. It was the knowledge of myself that I felt I should know about. Point is- there will always be a new interest that sparks something for you. It just takes time. With that time just try new things. You know yourself better than anyone ever will. You’re the one who knows exactly what teeth hurt when you eat something cold wrong. You’re the one who knows how your headaches genuinely feel. You are growing. It takes time for the flower to see the sun. The flower must spend time under the soil and sometimes mud to then see the light. Then, for time for a small stem to grow more. Then more time for the flower to bud and more to bloom. The time passing is time that will pass anyways. Sometimes the sun we are trying to find has shifted places, and that’s okay. You’ll find it. In the meantime- there’s always love in the birds chirping, sleepovers with friends, the humor in a giggle, and waking up parched with a water bottle of crisp cold water rightttt next your bed.
Not me listening to this on my post work walk almost crying with you. Sending you big big love Kristen! How lucky you are to have Alex as your bestie 😭❤️ can relate big time re: spiralling around your birthday and thank you for even speaking about this because I thought it was just me who felt like this.
Happy Belated Birthday Kristen!! We have the same birthday. March 28th!!!
Kristen, I've been reading a lot of David R Hawkins - underrated btw - and his work has helped e with emotional/spiritual plateaus. Love you and I hope this phase passes with as much ease and grace as possible xx
*Kristen book yourself in some cooking classes asap* - Also, don't laugh, but there's these things called *"sharing circles"* that are so incredible for healing & connection (look them up, find one nearby, & don't overthink it, just go), also again don't laugh... But there's something so magic about *'cuddle puddles'* when you're craving that depth of feeling with others, that sort of spiritual 'knowing', where you just feel seen without having to say anything... Likewise, *'eyegazing'* events almost always make me cry, with complete strangers...
I feel you so much on this episode you have no idea... I hope you see this comment, these things although slightly unconventional boy they're amazingly helpful for these exact feelings! ❤
There is so much I want to say.... This episode was so special (Kristen you are such a beautiful soul, your vulnerability is such a gift, I'll probably come back & write a bigger msg when its not bedtime) - Thank you..... Truly ❤ Sending so much love from Australia xxxxx
Be nice to yourself Kristen your feelings are valid now more than ever, were all experiencing major energy shifts from this eclipse happening soon! All this energy is not all coming from you. Stay kind too urself . I love you
Hot take: Kristen would you ever consider getting a 9-5 type job? I wonder if being newly single, in a different state, away from your “norm”, PLUS having a career that is solely on your shoulders where the loneliness possibly stem from? Like maybe if you were apart of a new group of people, in a setting that’s new + having a task and goal and idk experience? help? I know the social media influencer job is real and demanding and all about you, always… that has to be suffocating at times. Idk, I feel like you could do it. And it would be beneficial and give you new purpose and outlook. I think also that how Alex isn’t as lonely (aside from her man) she has something else that’s hers besides just the internet and what she shares with us.. please don’t take this in a mean way… I just really feel like a friend who wants you happy and wants to help.
Also, I know your audience means so much to you. As a long time fan, I feel it. But don’t ever put yourself on the back burner for us. Do what you need to do for you… you owe us no apologies or reasonings! I hope you find the clarity you deserve girl. Your vulnerability is so inspiring.
Hey Kristen, it honestly sounds like you are going through your retrograde! Despite what it is know you aren’t alone and we all love you so much 💛 I am with you on the no friends. My best friend lives in Michigan and she is my Alex. It sucks so bad. I live in Maryland and have very much become a hermit. I have leaned into that though and romanticized it! While I was healing I would pick up random crafts and things I could do creatively and it helped ALOT. I would be patient in your healing. This could be your body needing a break emotionally and to hermit up in your space with Alex. I love you. I was crying with you and I just very much understand this feeling. I live in Maryland and have been here for 6 years. I have two friends and they have both been found through my Husband. So I went through this too last year and I have made it to the other side! Stay strong my Love 💛
Happy belated birthday Kristen!!
Also... I absolutely relate to your points of not liking to massively drink anymore but growing up around my parents who socially drink and still do all the time and feeling weird like "why can't I be like them, why do I have to be different". I quit drinking for almost 7 years, everyone around me made fun (parents included) I've recently started socially drinking and I still don't like it, can't keep up either and still get made fun of. I can't win! Why can't we feel the way we feel without being judged?
When I lived in the city, I had such high hopes to feel like myself and feel comfortable in that space. But after a while, you’re 100% correct when you said you’ve never felt lonelier. I don’t know or think you’re craving friendship just like you said… I think you’re craving routine and interactions with people for example, Driving every day in LA, getting that sense of going somewhere without going somewhere because you have the freedom to drive, the interactions with something other than dirty streets, bars, seeing people in suits, and often people in New York keep to themselves on a daily basis. The only time that you’ll have an interaction with someone in the city, is when you’re out and when you’re drinking, so all of your feelings are very valid and it’s not telling you you don’t belong in New York City, but the feelings that your feeling, I have felt them too, while living in the city. I live on the shore in New Jersey… Yes, the Jersey shore lol. Which in retrospect I never thought that I would want to be here forever, but the atmosphere and the freedom of being able to drive anywhere, go to the beach, be with nature, and also be able to drive to the city is everything. That was really deep lol… I think you should spend a week or two at the Jersey shore this summer , to kind of yearn for what you’re missing in the bay area and LA
Asbury Park, New Jersey and Lavallette, New Jersey will definitely give you that feeling that you’re missing. Rent that car, and come to the Jersey shore 😂 🫶🏻
I can relate so much to the part of not feeling like you have any roots. I moved to the US from Europe a year and 4 months ago and I still feel so new to this place, and like I don’t have any roots. It sort of feels like being born again, but more in a way of feeling like a baby and everything is so new, not in a ”reborn spiritual” way haha. I unfortunately don’t really have any advice because I’m in a similar situation to Kristen of not knowing how to feel grounded. If anything, I just hope this helps you feel less alone in that feeling ❤️
I was curious about what "The White House SF toy department" sticker meant in the back of the book you got. The White House was actually the name of the first department store opened in San Fransisco and was open from 1854 to 1965. The store was actually taken over by Raphael Weill for some time and Weill was a member of the Bohemian Grove! The book you got was originally published in 1907 which would've been the same time Weill was in charge of the store so it makes perfect sense that he would have sold it there. So cool!
...
Yes we have family, friends, places, culture, ets that are a part of our roots. But we are capable of building roots within ourselves. A metaphor to look at it this way, 'the seed breaks in order to grow and build roots'. It starts with us and from there, we expand. Kristen, its the process of change, its hard because we are like that seed that breaks. And thats beautiful.
Happy belated birthday Kristen ❤❤
that’s exactly what i’ve been feeling like for the past year and a half. i don’t have anyone consistent to hang out with other than my boyfriend. i feel like my friends and i are kind of drifting off and i have no idea what to do about it. it’s really sad because we used to hang out almost everyday but for the past year and a half we’ve slowly started to hang out less and less. and now we hang out once every 4 months. this is hitting so close to home right now
Happy birthday Kristen!!
Oh Kristen 🥺♥️♥️♥️ all my love hun
Hey gals, just want to add my perpective of what Kristen and Alex were saying... We have to understand that we aren't meant to know everything and thats the beauty of it. Not knowing the purpose is exactly what gives meaning to the moments in our life. There can't be a multple choice answer to the purpose behind events, people, ourselves, etc. Plus there is way more than just purpose, like feelings, emotions, and the simple process of things that we can enjoy. Its about looking at, and living through the journey. The why behind it is mearly a validation. Why would we need to validate our lives or people? Everything and everyone is worthy of joining in on our journey of life just because. Its simple, often times we just complicate it.
ME TOO!!! I’m 29 too and I literally JUST swore off raging with alcohol after St. Patrick’s Day and I didn’t even get drunk. My husband and I were 2 bars in with our friends and we both just looked at each other and were like “We’re too old for this sh*t” So we went home at 9:30 and we haven’t drank since. I don’t mind social drinking but I’m OVER the craziness of it all. Glad to know I’m not alone lol.
I’m at the beginning where you’re talking about drinking habits & I feel that. I’m on new meds and it freaks me out to take them when I’m drunk so I skip it & then I feel horrible the next day. But I LOVE getting drunk and dancing at a club.
I also quit weed 4 ish months ago bc it stopped agreeing with me & made my mental health worse. So alcohol has become the only substance ill use but now that’s getting in the way of my recovery tooooooow UGH
Happy belated birthday Kristen❤ it makes me so sad that someone who uplifts so many people feels so lonely. You might’ve given an update on this, but are you still looking into acupuncture school? I’m also a spiritual gal, and the whole time you were talking about your feelings, i thought about how beneficial school could be for you. I’ve felt similar feelings a couple of years ago. Going through something shitty and then feeling like I had no one except my bf. After a while, I switched jobs. Found my soul ties with my new coworkers. All this to say, maybe a community/purpose like that would help with the funk? I know it’s a huge decision and I’m not sure if you came to a decision on it, but I just have a sense that perhaps the universe is trying to push you down that path. Lots of love ❤
Kristen I don’t think you understand how much I relate to what you’re feeling about loneliness. Me, going through a break up too.
happy birthday kristennn!!!!!!!!🎉
i know you posed this question to Patreon but I’ll just still comment this to the void if you maybe see it.
but how ive always found new roots/community in a new home was finding a consistent place that i needed to show up to. for me thats always manifested itself in either like work or school. i know you talked about going to school for a few different things and you were kinda looking at the logistics into what that would be. (i might of missed the update on that so sorry if i did.)if you went back to school especially if its something you are passionate about and in person i truly it would be good for your soul.
the other thing is work. idk if this is option you have ever looked into but you have clearly so many talents and interests that i think you can easily find a part time job maybe for a brand, an aromatherapy store, a vintage shop. even if its its one of those ill work for nothing but i get to be busy in a new kind of way. or you get to be creative and it’s completely separate from your business. but getting to contribute to something outside of you and you have that obligation to be there will be so rewarding. and it’s not as big of a commitment as signing up for school.
Influencing is a freaking cool job and it also seems like it can be so isolating. if you feel isolated in NY I completely get that, it’s such a community driven place so when you haven’t found your community yet it feels like you are always on the outside of the some joke. but I believe in you and truly think there’s a reason you had your strong feeling to move here. maybe it’s the place that’s supposed to give you this new perspective of your life and what you value. not just career wise but to your core. maybe it’s suppose to push you to completely out of your comfort zone and make you look at options you never would have considered at home. we all rooting for you!!!
Kristen is me before starting Lexapro. Changed my life 100%.
I also was in such denial about going on medication for mental health issues and then finally gave in when I had a bad mental breakdown and what a crazy difference it makes, even being on only 5 mg
With the whole suppressing thoughts and whys and all that - it’s not a choice to focus on those things, if we could stop we would, unfortunately it’s clinical anxiety - it’s the most exhausting and frustrating thing, and if you don’t deal with it you don’t understand it unfortunately. Can be frustrating to be told to force yourself and just stop, cos we WANT that SO badly omg. That’s all we want. To have a healthy brain that does shut up for ONCE 😂
I think the city is a lonely place. Community is key and without that you can definitely fester up these types of feelings.
Feel better! ❤
Happy belated birthday Kristen
happy bday kristen love you always
With the milk drink… I’m a bartender and it’s called milk washing! You don’t actually drink the milk in the cocktail. It purifies it and makes it shelf stable!! You should do it!
I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug!!! ❤❤❤
Awe you started to cry and I wanted to cry :( girl for the past two years I got SA I got physically beat I also had his baby my son is 2 He cheated on me and got her pregnant my bd was on top of me strangling me and told me he fantasized about killing me because he cheated on me but everything was always my fault it’s been about 6 months I packed up and left I haven’t been in contact I’m going to tell you right now I can understand feeling lonely and empty feelings And I wish I could hug you and be your friend because you’ve literally got me through sooo much and my favorite episode is the self love one with Liza idk you’re not alone girl I love you so much keep your head up
Happy 29th birthday to the most beautiful woman that I am aware of 💕‼️
You guys should have Ally Lewber on! She’s an astrologer and can dive deep into your birth charts. Also, I need weekly updates on where Kristen is at with VPR!
I relate so much to Kristen 😭
Happy late birthday Kristen
I moved to upstate New York in April 2022, right before you all moved to NYC. I feel the exact same way as you do, Kristen, about not feeling settled or like you have a place. I wonder all the time, Is it even possible to root in a place you didn't grow from?
Go to Sojo spa in Edgewater!
I Loveeeeee You Kristen❤